Wolf and Owl - Episode 29

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

We’re talking… He-Man and pizzas, the England vs Scotland match, mistaken identities, phone problems, Uber ratings, insomnia and too many fizzy drinks. Plus, some answers to more of your sweet sweet emails of course. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Conditions apply. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served

Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon Welcome to the Wolf and the Owl Podcast. Right, you went so deep in there, my earphones went all fuzzy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was incredible, bro. Yeah. You're like a sort of 80s cartoon hero. Who just found the sort of forbidden planet or something. Speaking of 80s cartoon hero, have you seen

that they've rebooted He-Man? No. There's a trailer. It's coming out on Netflix very soon. Mate, were you a He-Man fan? Massive He-Man fan. Right. You are going to lose your shit bro they've done a like a new it looks like a manga cartoon it's just mate the animation's sick orco's in it man arms is in it skeletal castle greyskull all that shit battle cat she ever she was she was

no she was his girl i don't know first of think She-Ra was his sister or his cousin. All right. I thought that was a girlfriend and boyfriend. Yeah. They've slightly adapted the hairstyle because that hairstyle even then was shit. But it looks amazing. Oh, yeah. But you know what?

I always respected him for that hairstyle. Why? I'm going to show you. I just thought, like, despite everything, he still kept on to that. You know, that hairstyle probably made him who he was. You know, he still kept on to that hairstyle. Probably made him who he was. He had those muscles. What made him what he was was the magical sword that gave him superhuman strength.

Sure, we can say it's surviving school with a bob, if you like. No, but if you think about it, logically, he was just a doofus. This is going to be a new thing for you. He's like a doofus with a bad... This is going to be a new thing for you. He's like a doofus with a bad haircut, right? And a pair of leggings.

Or jeggings. Right? Finds that sword and it changes him. Yeah, tights. Yeah. Right? You think about it. He wouldn't have even gone looking for that sword

if he didn't have a bad haircut. Well, I don't know what the origin story is for He-Man. Does he find the sword? Yeah, I mean, I think it was a bit based on Arthur. When Arthur found it in the lake. King Arthur, I mean, just in case. No, I know what you mean. I based on Arthur when Arthur found it in the lake King Arthur I mean just in case no I know what you mean I just think

King Arthur found it in a lake yeah so what's the sword in the stone then oh no he got it he found it in the stone and tell you about

Lady Guinevere in the lake as well yeah I know I don't basically I don't know I'm sort of I think he threw the sword in the lake

because it was too much he pulled the sword out of the stone and then threw it immediately threw it into a lake and everybody else that tried to get out the stone were just like you fucking joking we've been trying to get that out for weeks people have been turning up here anyone with a great sword through history is really you fucking you've got

to have a lot about you to have a hot sword i actually think probably he man i'm gonna see what this new haircut's all about but that might be the straw that breaks the horse's back for me. Okay. First of all, the saying is camel. Secondly, if the massive improvements they've made to He-Man are ruined for you because they've slightly changed his hairstyle, then that's on you, okay? Is it an adult cartoon now or is it like like for kids? Or is it for both?

I reckon, well, in the trailer, it says after 40 years. So I reckon it's aimed at like sad fucks like you and me, basically. Oh man. I'm just going to kick back.

I'm going to, you know, I'm going to get a Domino's double decadence for that. What is a double decadence? Just the best pizza. Hold on. Is this the one where there's like a cheese like

it's like a double layer of pizza and there's cheese in between bechamel cheese sauce like honestly let me tell you now there's three boys who live in your house

who would love it mate and probably Elisa you couldn't have it because it's not vegan but it is incredible it is well it's interesting you say that Tom

because week before Laugh we got there's a there's a guy I can't remember the name of the company Well, it's interesting you say that, Tom, because week before Laugh, we got, there's a guy, I can't remember the name of the company, they operate in Crawley, and it's basically a mobile pizza oven. And you order, they turn up and park up just outside your house, and then they make the pizzas in front of you. So they turn up, 10 minutes later, they just give you a load of boxes.

I mean, I don't know. I'm going to explain it in this much detail. But they're traditional, you know, traditional middle-class pizzas, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Posh pizzas. Posh pizzas, yeah. They haven't got a hot dog running through your crust.

Yeah, yeah, all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, delightful. Absolutely delightful. Now, as soon as I've said that, your face has gone all funny because you don't like pizzas unless they've got ice cream injected into the dough or whatever. No, listen.

I make pizzas at home and I've got a pizza oven. I'm not going to lie. So you've got a pizza oven. So when did you buy this pizza oven? I've had this pizza oven for probably since... Actually, no, before last lockdown. So I've had it about three years. That's, okay, right.

Now, I'm going to give you credit there. Can you tell I'm a bit hyper? I've really, I'm a bit hyper. Yeah, it's like you've had an espresso or something before you. Do you know what? I've just had a, but anyway, it doesn't matter. I haven't had any fun.

Diet Coke? Yeah, it is a Diet Coke. I think it's a Diet Coke that's done it to me. Anyway, three years ago, I think, is pre it being sort of cool. I think that shows a level of dedication because in the last year, loads of people I know have got them. Yeah, I love outdoor cooking. So let me tell you, and I mastered pizzas.

I got to a place where actually I was able to sort of knock together something pretty decent. That said, if I was walking down the street actually I was able to sort of knock together something pretty decent. That said, if I was walking down the street and I saw like original Stone Bates pizzas or a Double Decadence from Domino's, there would be no competition for me. Yeah, because you've got pizza oven at home. No, but the Double Decadence is

up there with the best foods ever invented. It's honestly incredible. What's so incredible about it? Just that extra layer of cheese. Honestly, I sit and I eat it and I marvel at's so incredible about it just that extra layer of cheese honestly i i i sit and i eat it and i marvel at who came up with it obviously i thought when stuffed crust came out i was like hell someone there is this better than stuffed crust yeah a million times i've seen so i've been on i've become slightly addicted to tick tock recently and there's a lot of dominoes tick tocks right and they showed how

to make that double decadence and it looks like a really thin layer of cheese like in between the thing whereas the stuffed crust is like a proper thick ring of it right yeah but i don't know that extra layer of cheese i thought it was a bechamel sauce i think the first time they came out there was more of a sort of saucy sort of right it was more of a cheesy there was a more of a moist sort of like a layer of moisture between the two i don't want to know how to make it by the way like you know those things where you just that's just fine man that's someone else's i reckon i reckon if you figured out how to make it there'd be like a documentary about you in about six months so they'd have to cut you out of your house just because if you were able to access something that you like that much so you know when you taste something really delicious i think i think to myself for my own safety i have to not know how

to do you not rinse it though did i rinse it that's that's what i'm really comfortable but you have to you have to try not to man because well do you know what actually if you do rinse it. That's what I'm really comfortable with. No, but you have to try not to, man, because... Well, do you know what? Actually, if you do rinse it, you then become a bit sick of it. And actually, in a way, you do anaesthetise yourself from that. Now, I know that double decadence is out.

I don't know how long for. I don't genuinely... If anyone is at Domino's, please, I beg you, I urge you to get in touch to say just what the timeframe is. But, yeah, for me, please, I beg you and urge you to get in touch to say just what the timeframe is. But yeah, for me, I'll probably have one every other week.

It's like when me and Jamie got... I don't think that's that excessive. I don't think that's that excessive. Me and Jamie got obsessed with Wingmans. Yeah, I know. You had it all over Instagram because you're trying to get some sort of fucking deal. Obsessed with it. Still obsessed with it

because I haven't had it now for like a month, month and a half. So I've just sort of now, I look forward to sort of like dipping my toe back into that, sort of, walking in the restaurant high-fiving and just yeah it's just exciting you know sometimes when something gives you an image as you said dipping my toe in in my head was just you in swimming trunks dipping your toe into like a bucket of barbecue sauce what sort of trunks you actually wearing speedos like proper trunks like not shorts yeah that's the most indignified look isn't it like speedos on a

man of our age yeah on a certain man of our age so tom we've got a little bit of an unusual situation here on the podcast because for the first time we've been together. I mean, I know we've been together, but we've now been together. Actually, this did happen with the doughnuts when we met up the other day. But I don't know how we tell

the wolf and alpaca about what happened. Because normally what happens is we convey what's happened by talking to each other. So now you and I both know what happened. We're going to be delivering it like radio posts or some shit. Yeah. Which is always eggy, isn't it?

Why don't I play someone who doesn't know what's happened? Okay. Who are you going to be? I will be Graham Sydenham, who's your new postman. Okay. I wouldn't talk to my, I wouldn't tell this story your new postman. I wouldn't tell this story to my postman. Okay, who would you tell the story to?

Could you be like one of the other dads from the kids' school? Okay, I am Walt Krausner, who is one of Theo's best friend's dads. One of Theo's best friend's dads? Okay, fine. Oh, hi, fine. Yeah.

Oh, hi, Ramesh. I'm Walt Krasner. I know who you are. Oh, really? Oh. Just so you know, it's quite irritating that you introduce yourself by your full name every time I see you. I mean, our kids have been best friends for three years now.

Yeah. You don't have to keep saying I'm Walt Krasner. Theo is turning into an absolute gentleman of a man. Yeah. He's got a bright future in front of him. Well, can I say the same about Amadeus? Yes. Yes, you can.

He really is showing some promise. I think he's really overcome the stigma of that blacking up incident at the school panto from two years ago. Well, yes, yes. Well, you give a kid a big name, he's got big shoes to fill. Yeah. That's my modern life. Absolutely, yeah.

Anyway, a little birdie told me that you've been busy this weekend. Yeah, well, I went to watch England-Scotland at Wembley. I went to the game. Oh, who did you go with? I went with a workmate, Tom Davis. Yes. He's Tom Davis. Yes. He's very funny. Yeah.

Just thinking about something he said. What is it he said that you're chuckling at there? Oh, I don't know. Something along the lines of something. Anyway, how was it? The game was dreadful, wasn't it? The game was dreadful. I had a really nice time with Tom. Along the lines of something. Anyway, how was it? The game was dreadful, wasn't it? The game was dreadful.

I had a really nice time with Tom. I'm sure if he was here, he'd say to everyone, he had an amazing time with you, and he respects you and loves you as a human being. Okay. That's a really weird thing to say, if you don't know what we're saying. Well, you don't know, Tom, if you've ever met him.

I'm going to say to you, basically, in London, we were in London. I was in London during the day. And there were loads of Scottish fans. This has been massively, you know, heavily reported. Me and Tom, we were in Soho. Tom was in an edit. I was doing a couple of meetings. And we both got a car over to Wembley.

And the car pulled up at a bar that was full of Scottish fans now ordinarily I would have got nervous about about that situation just based on how leery the Scottish fans have been but actually I've got to say we got out the car they were banging on the windows but like chanting our names and shouting and waving and just being absolutely sound and a couple of them came out asked for a photo and even though they were clearly hammered they were great and then yeah tom and i walked away to go and meet up with the people that sorted out the tickets thank you very much to adidas london for hooking us up with the tickets very grateful yes tom would also i'm sure if he was here say thanks to adidas london

who put on an amazing spread they did actually so thanks to uh Gil and Laura for hooking all that up anyway we met up with the people that we were going to be going into the game with and as I was chatting to Tom and a couple of other people bearing in mind I've just been introduced to these people I mean a couple of them we knew but most of them I met for the first time. A bloke is walking past and he stops and he goes, Romesh rang a Nathan. And I go, yeah. And he goes,

Oh my God. He calls his mates back. Oh my God. Romesh. This is Romesh. Romesh is here. Romesh is here. And then what follows,

I would say is one of the worst interactions I've ever had with a member of the public. Like, I think if Tom was here, he'd say it was one of the worst interactions that he'd ever witnessed a member of the public like i think if tom was here he'd say it was one of the worst interactions that he'd ever witnessed it was awful the guy basically started telling me i was shit started telling me i was not funny one of his mates asked to have a photo taken with me uh he started putting his finger up at me to try and block the photo as i was taking a photo with his mate bearing in mind, I'd even fucking made eye contact with this geezer.

He had walked past me, stopped, got excited, called his mates back, and then proceeded to basically roast me in front of all these people. And then I made the decision to walk away. Tom and I walk away, and he continued to shout abuse at me as I walked down the road. I mean, it was absolutely incredible. I had, bearing in mind, all the stories from the weekend were about scotland fans that guy was head and shoulders the worst person i saw at the football and

the worst person i've ever met in terms of the the short cameo he had in my life it was absolutely fucking dreadful and i just want to take this opportunity walt just because i actually do have my microphone on here because i am actually recording this for my podcast i would just like to say to that bloke if you happen to be listening by any chance to this podcast maybe seeing our i wonder if i was a bit off key i I just want to say to you, you were a fucking weapons grade bellend. And I want you to know, I think you're a prick. Tom thinks you're a prick.

And I imagine all the people that you're with thought you're a prick as well. Actually, Tom's here now. Oh, that's weird. No, Tom often does just drop into the school. Well, yeah, I'm just here to see how Charlie's getting on really I would I would like to reiterate

actually I would say number one I think the Scottish fans were genuinely I think everyone we encountered

from the Scottish fans I thought were absolutely mate they were quality quality like for me for the moment I got on the train in the morning,

I was sat with a load of Scottish fans. They were absolutely incredible. The great party atmosphere they brought down. And what I really found really upsetting was 90% of England, well, 95% of England fans that we met that day were amazing. They were lovely.

Most people were incredible and it was a real nice thing. When we were at the game people coming up to us who wanted photos or whatever they were so polite it was like apologizing but that one guy was just toxic like a toxic human being and like genuinely like i would say one of the most just a nasty like not nasty horrible piece of work and know, I think in just in every situation in life, I guarantee that there's just a string of people that felt very much like you felt or very much like felt like the group. He was,

he wasn't just, it wasn't, he wasn't just joking. He was very, uh, aggressive. I would say, I would say if,

if your listeners is like, you know, people listening to me telling the story, I don't feel I'm exaggerating. If he'd have started on me, it wouldn't have looked like a massive escalation from the way he was interrupting me. It looked like it could have turned into a fight.

It was mad. I thought the weirdest thing was just after that, the police stopped us. Oh, mate, that was great. I think they might have seen that, maybe, and thought we were hammered or something. Because this police van pulled up, and they basically just started chatting to us i think that what they were doing is just checking how calm people were like around the ground or whatever yeah yeah but

it was a very strange interaction also what i found really weird was me and you have been waiting for like about 15 minutes for a light to change as soon as a green man appeared police van pulls up that's okay you can say what you want about the wall for now but we will not jaywalk absolutely not actually where we say about

people asking for photos I haven't actually spoke to you about this there was there was a really nice really lovely bunch of blokes who were on the table

next to us at the football actually one of them was an ex-footballer himself played for England Seth Johnson shout out Seth Johnson

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That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. And there was one guy in particular who was genuinely absolutely lovely. He was such a nice guy. He was really chatty. And at the end of the evening, he turned around to me.

He said, oh, yeah, it's been great meeting you and Romesh. It really has. It's really great chatting. So he said, actually, I've got a funny story about you. And I said, oh, really? Oh, right. And he went, yeah, we were at the karaoke bar recently. And there was a woman leathered.

And she started singing your song and i that at that very moment i was like your song as in elton john your song oh my god and um and then he went yeah she was so smashed out of her head and she was like what's the song goes we're only human after all so don't put your brain on me right hold? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Please tell me this isn't what I think it is. No, this is what you think it is, right? So I stood there, and look, me and you, I'd had an amazing day of rubbish.

We'd had a real good drink. We'd had a lot of white wine. Mate, it was quality. It was so good. I'm standing with this guy who's been lovely to me. I've done about four or five photos and a video message for his daughter. I'm standing with him, and I went, sorry. And he went you know that you know and we're all like because we love that song we love all your stuff and i'm like he thinks i'm rag and bone man

he thinks he has got a video message for his daughter and pictures of him at the football with romesh ranganathan and Ragambo Man. Right? So I stood there and I didn't want to say anything. Like, genuinely, in that sort of scenario, and I think Romesh,

yeah, I'm very much a people... He was so lovely. I was like, I'm not going to... I've done the same thing. I've pretended to be Richard I. Wardo

to some bloke in the past. And also, shout out Ragambo Man. A lovely geezer. Yeah, we love him, mate. Very, very sweet. Yeah, Wardo to some bloke in the past and also shout out Ragabone Man a lovely geezer yeah we love him very very sweet yeah he's a top bloke an absolute G

very nice to be caught but I felt that really awkward and awkward not to turn around to him because also I'm thinking

this is going to be really really bad when you go home and you sit with all your family and go well yeah that's Romesh and then we met

Ragabone Man and everyone's going that's not Ragabone Man that's someone else completely right but I met Rag and Bone Man. And everyone's going, that's not Rag and Bone Man. That's someone else completely, right? But I didn't know really what to say. And then someone tweeted me and you on yesterday, on Saturday, tweeting me and you saying,

Romesh and Tom, thanks for being lovely. Also, apologies for Steve, who thought Tom was Rag and Bone Man. And if you look, I'll put them up. We will put, we always say, but the pictures, like this, this guy,

and he was so into, I felt so bad that I wasn't Rag and Bone Man because he clearly was a massive fan. Yeah. And also he was asking how I was talking to him. He was a brickie.

He was a bricklayer. So I was telling him that I used to work on building sites. He was like, I never knew that about you. So I hope now that he knows that it's not Rag and Bone Man because otherwise he's going to go around telling people that Rag and Bone Man used to work on building sites. He was like, I never knew that about you. So I hope now that he knows that it's not Rag and Bone Man

because otherwise he's going to go around telling people that Rag and Bone Man used to work on building sites. It was a very strange... It is the right thing, right, to pretend that you're... 100%. If you've had a conversation with somebody and they think you're someone else, my policy is always to continue pretending that

because I do not want to have the conversation where... It's embarrassing for everyone involved. It's so embarrassing. And it's happened once where the person realised mid-conversation and it was so awkward and horrific that if they think I'm someone else, I'm just happy to pretend that I'm that person.

It's just like... I feel so bad because he was obviously such a big rag and bone. I genuinely hope if there's, you know, like your hope of people ending up together, I really hope, I sincerely hope that this guy, Steve, I believe his name was, bumps into Rag and Bone Man. I'd love to make that happen,

that he could meet Rag and Bone Man because he's clearly a big fan. Well, he can't be that big a fan. He thought you were him. Yeah, but I think it's his dulcet tones, maybe. But also, I found it was a splendid display of

just being around people was nice again, wasn't it? Oh, mate, it was great. And by the way, I loved spending the evening with you, my brother. It was great. One of my only bits I was slightly upset about was the streaking, because you did agree with me. First of all, I didn't agree.

I just said for a joke that I would streak if England didn't win the game, and then you posted it on Instagram. No, but also everyone at the table next to us thought you were going to streak. Well, we were there, as we said, we were there with Adidas, and Adidas started to panic

that one of their guests was going to end up streaking. But I never intended to do that. That was never on the cross. Probably the coolest moment of the night. I remember you looking at me like I was an absolute don when Kieran Trippier looked around. No, I didn't.

No, I didn't. I did not look at you like you were an absolute don. What I saw, we were sat by the subs behind the bench or whatever the thirsty way that you called out to Kieran Trippier was, I mean

looked across at me like I should be impressed by you going, hey mate mate, do you remember, yeah, oi, good eh, oi I don't know what you said to him no, I just went like that, K, K, K, Kieran like that, he turned around I Key, Kieran. Like that. He turned around.

I do know him vaguely. No, you didn't. What's been your impression? I've done soccer with him. He's part of the soccer family. He gave me a knowing look. I was gutted he didn't get on. Because I think he, yeah. I mean, to be fair, what that game didn't need was another defender.

I mean, it wasn't a great game, was it? No, no, no. I just, yeah. I mean, I don't want to get into all was it no no no I just yeah I mean I don't want to get into all of it now I just think well have you been all depressed about it I have been quite down about it

I think I had such high hopes I mean of what am I thinking fucking England's always going to be this way isn't it actually do you know what I have been depressed about since fucking that day? This piece of fucking shit.

Yeah, what's going on with your phone? I've got a ghost in on my phone. Have you ever had that ghost screen? It's basically the screen works without you controlling what it's doing. So basically... Oh, what, it starts tapping in buttons and shit? I have had that.

Like when you're doing a text message, it starts adding letters and shit. I have had that. Like when you're doing a text message, it starts adding letters and stuff. Yeah. So, after fucking the game, obviously, I was a bit merry,

got in the car to go home. Didn't try. Let me just throw that out. And then, I start looking through people's, you know, Insta stories, just scrolling through that.

Yeah. And, one Insta story comes up and I thought, oh yeah, I'll just reply quickly to this geezer I know he put something quite funny up was it Trippier?

no it was Trippier great to see you again mate can't believe you didn't get on what's going on mate good luck Tuesday and out of nowhere I pressed whatever I was writing. I'd written B8

and then it clicked and went babe. Something, something, babe. And then it sent without me. The button was sending before I could even keep up. What an elaborate story this is to try and overcome the fact that you got drunk, you got in a car, you thought it'd be funny to say babe then you regretted it and now your phone's ghosting that's the story no mate it's

happened to about three or four in three or four different scenarios it's just like it's just going going all over the place i do you know at first i got so paranoid that someone had hacked into my phone and that's what they were trying to do oh you thought you were watching like a hacker on your phone yeah yeah but yeah when it went into moon pig i realized unless they were just going to send loads of people christmas and birthday cards it probably wasn't that and also i mean the big the big i think the biggest thing that came out the other night was was uber ratings so what is your we started talking about uber ratings was uber ratings something you're aware of before i know that we're all aware of the driver uber i know i thought were you aware of that you're that you have an uber yeah so i sort of i didn't realize what how important it

was when it came to ubers until your car pulled up and my car pulled up well so this is my story on Uber ratings. I, for a long time, was five, right? Five-star passenger, okay? And I've taken a lot of Uber journeys, and I was proud of that. And what that means is if you've got a high rating, you'll get a car quicker because they think this person's, like, low maintenance or whatever, right? And then I went to LA, where the Uber system is, like, different. You've got all sorts.

And I think maybe the tipping system was different. Anyway, it fucking absolutely smashed my Uber rate into pieces. What did you go down to? I think I went down to like maybe like 4.5 or something like that. So then I was like, so the average is 4.7. So if you're below 4.7, you're looking at a situation where drivers, I think, if there's any Uber drivers that listen to this this can you clarify whether i'm being right on this right so i'm pretty sure that if you're below that then it starts to be be a thing where maybe uber drivers

start second guessing whether they're going to pick you up or not right so then i did a bit of research and looked into how to get your Uber rating back up. And I worked and I toiled. I was polite. I didn't slam doors. I always made sure I was there when the Uber arrived. And I have now got my rating through hard work and a level of expenditure on Uber that I don't really want to go into. I am now 4.88 that's three years later right because i was in america three years ago and that's when i got turned over i've got

it back to 4.88 i then asked tom what his uh uber rating was and what are you on tom i'm on now i'm on 4.65 right so it's 4.65 is up from, you must've had a great journey. No, it's gone down. I was 4.66. Oh shit. Okay. So it's gone down.

Now the saddest thing about it is that you actually, I mean, the number of things that you said that you do in an Uber, first of all, you talk to the bloke, the driver for the whole journey. For a lot of journey, because I feel,

feel that they want to chat. So I'll have a chat with them. This is my strategy. I'm an a chat with them this is my strategy I'm an affable guy this is my strategy and again Uber drivers number one

I think we're in a sad fucking place in the world where you've got to get a strategy to get in a fucking car with someone like you're like this is a different spirit I am such a free spirit

I get in I mean admittedly now I'm like I do regret the fact that I often have food in the back of the car so that's what a free spirit does a free spirit takes smell have food in the back of the car. Yeah, so that's what a free spirit does.

A free spirit takes smelly food in the back of someone else's car. No, listen. Right. If I've got like an hour journey or an hour and a half journey, I'm like, mate, you will definitely stop at a McDonald's and you can have whatever you want. Have you said to the Uber driver you can have whatever you want? Is that actually happening?

Yeah, I have. Of course I have. Do you want anything what is that actually yeah i have of course i have do you want anything no okay so that that's very those are two different things now so already your story has changed initially initially you made it out like you're fucking like jay-z you pull up there have whatever you want mate then you change it to the half-ass which we all know in reality means i don't want you to say yes to this. The half-arse, do you want anything? Right? No, no, no, no.

I would say, do you want anything? Have whatever you want. Have whatever you like. That's what I'd say. Okay. And have they ever taken you up on it? Yeah. I think I've bought a couple of drinks here and there.

Drinks? Yeah. Some chips. Probably a hot apple. I think once upon a time, a hot apple pie. Okay. And then I'll eat my stuff. Sometimes I'll say, look, pull over if you want.

We can eat this together. All of these things, if I was driving you, when you say pull over, we can eat this together, that's a star gone. When you say, let's go to McDonald's and get you whatever you want, that's a star gone. When you insist on talking to me the whole way, it's another star gone. So now, as far as I'm concerned, you're on two.

Okay? Yeah, but I... And that's before we even get into... I assume you're farting in the car because that's just a part of nature. And you eulogised about farting and how important it was to you on the last episode. Look, Rob, I'm not going to lie to you.

I'm not going to lie to anyone listening to this podcast. Have I ever farted in the back of an Uber or any kind of taxi? Of course I have. Yeah. I bet you have. I know you too well. Yeah, but the difference between you and me

is I'm sneaky about it, whereas I imagine you cock your leg and then say something like, check a bit of that out or something to the driver. No. But look, I know you too.

Yeah, you are a sneaky farter. I've been three or four times in your company where i know you are such a friend you are such a sneaky fighter oh yeah i'm a fighter and i'm proud of it i'll turn around say sorry mate i'll just let one go right yeah i wouldn't say i'll get a load of that i'll go mate if you can smell saying that's my ass i won't turn around like i'm not like you go oh i wonder what that is i wouldn't even say anything but i would just have my headphones on. And then the geezer would just like,

I guess, maybe not be sure if it was me or him. You would know it's not him. So he knows it's you. Sometimes I blame films, fields. I've gone, fucking cows stink, don't they? Yeah. And he goes, we're in Soho, mate. So anyway, are you are you concerned enough

about it to try and like are you going to do something about it I mean like that means changing who I am as a person to be fair no no

sorry I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it I'll tell you what I'm going to do I'm going to stop getting fucking Ubers because I don't want them to fucking review and rate me

as a human being a black cab you get in a black cab you're going to have a right good laugh with him and then get out and he's not going to go Stop getting fucking Ubers. Because I don't want them to fucking review and rate me as a human being. A black cab, you get in a black cab, you're going to have a right good laugh with him. And then get out and he's not going to go and basically get on and go, oh, I didn't really like him for this reason. Mate, you've got me money. That's enough. Just say, oh, nice one, mate.

Cheers. Thank you for making a world turn. And that's it. You just go off on your way. I don't rate everyone who comes around here. I'm not on checker trade. if a guy comes and fucks my garden fence. I just go, I won't use him again. Okay. I mean, you're reacting very

angrily to this because, and I know why, it's because you think, because the idea that I would have a higher Uber rate, because in your head, the dynamic of us is you, friendly salt of the earth, man of the people, and you love to put this thing across that I'm a prick, and I'm a grumpy arsehole

and now the when everyone's like oh it was great because he didn't say anything he ignored me the whole way Tom Davidson the other day he brought me like a McFlurry and had a right laugh with him the whole way I guess what you

think is a right laugh I get no laugh I get I get no listen I get in and ask I'll have a chat with a guy at the beginning

of the journey right and then I read it after a little bit I think okay I think this guy just is happy to crack on now

and then I just leave it do you ever fall asleep was the situation of falling asleep I'll tell you this in an Uber no not in an Uber

no I won't fall asleep why and I will falling asleep. I'll tell you this. In an Uber, no. Not in an Uber, no. I won't fall asleep. Why? And I will not, I've never and nor will I ever eat in an Uber. Ever.

Why? I just think eating in someone's car is such a big move, man. Like, when you go to eat in the car, do you ask permission? Yeah, of course. I don't just pull over.

I say, I've had some food. I don't just, just like, just i'll make you all right i've had some food i don't just just like just i just i just think i just think it's almost if you eat in someone's car first of all you always smell right and even like and even when you take a takeaway in your car from the takeaway back to your house you have to buy a new car sometime because the smell stays in there yeah but also what if you like the smell and someone gets in and goes oh oh big max all right i don't want somebody getting in my car and going oh that reminds me of of big max i don't that's not what i want my car to be even if they enjoy that smell you could also spray some like air freshener in about yeah but that's the job you're

giving the uber driver i'm sure you've not got a little fucking whiz away in your pocket. I've got some hand sanitizer. Okay. Maybe I'll just start in my bag carrying a little reel of those, you know, the jelly bean air fresheners. I like those. Yeah, they're so nice if you scratch them and sniff them. Really nice.

Yeah, see, there we go. And that would actually make people like oh fucking hell I feel a bit hungry if any Uber drivers can get in touch and let us know how to boost your Uber rate and

Tom's really upset about it to be fair I'm like that if they don't like my custom and the way I am with people

I know for a fact why are you getting all arsey I get a black cab and that's what they like they like that chat they like a bit of a laugh

I had a real laugh the other day with a black cab driver I'll be honest with you I will actually chat to a black cab and that's what they like. They like that chat. They like a bit of a laugh. I had a real laugh the other day with a black cab driver. I'll be honest with you. I will actually chat to a black cab driver. Because they're connoisseurs of London. Yeah, but also I think, I don't want to make a sweeping generalisation,

but in an Uber, they don't really want to chat. In a black cab, they almost always want to chat. It's a different vibe. But that's the difference between me and you, isn't it? What do you mean I'm just probably more comfortable in black cabs you're

more comfortable in an ubers no you're totally comfortable in an uber you're sitting there farting and asking them to get food for you so

you're comfortable the problem is you don't like being starved down because you're too fucking comfortable yeah but would you eat in a

black cab yeah if I was going if I was going a long way and I bet any money black cab driver you pulled into McDonald's went mate have whatever you want it's on me he would go I'm Black Cab? Yeah. If I was going a long way, and I bet any money, Black Cab driver, you pulled into McDonald's, went,

mate, have whatever you want. It's on me. He would go, oh, fucking hell, mate. I love them. Yeah, go on then. Cheers, mate. That's nice, yeah.

And he wouldn't then put a star rating. Black Cab drivers, Uber drivers, cars, whatever, can you let us know what the rules are about food? If this is offensive as I'm making out, or am I overreacting? Because I'll be honest with you. Get in touch. I'm happy to be called wrong on this called wrong or called wrong do you want that kept in we all have the power to shape the world.

We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquesdusoleil. Tickets at Cirque du Soleil.com. The world is yours to create.

Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. I've got a real problem, Tom, that I want to talk to you about, mate. Go on. My sleeping is just, it's gone to shit, bro. What, you're not sleeping? I've just not slept. So, basically, I started not looking at my phone an hour before bedtime.

Put my phone to one side and not looking at it an hour before bedtime. And it made a big difference, something about blue light and shit like that right and and not being across social media so fine that was working and then i stopped i fell out of that habit yeah after we got back from the football i got home about i reckon one o'clock in the morning right right straight to sleep we had an early start the next morning because we had to we were doing bits and pieces i mean i i worked on saturday right and then after i finished work about four i was sat in front of my laptop i fell asleep in front of my laptop for about an hour i would say 45 minutes so that's four till five right then i had a gig last night and then when i when i came home i tried to go to sleep and because I'd napped that late

I just couldn't go to sleep I didn't get to sleep until 3 o'clock in the morning and then I had to get up to go for Charlie's football basically I need some sleep hygiene tips you know it's called sleep hygiene the good habits of getting yourself to sleep I am permanently

I cannot tell you the last time I wasn't exhausted number one you need to be a better friend to yourself of getting yourself to sleep. I am permanently, I cannot tell you the last time I wasn't exhausted, mate. Like it's. Number one, you need to, you need to be a better friend to yourself. Fucking,

you're, you're working, you're burning it at all angles. You're like, this. Like genuinely, like, you know, as soon as you're,

we talked about this the other day. And I've been where you are. I literally, what, a month and a half ago, that's all I was doing. Work, work, work. I was doing so many different things spinning so many different plates fucking i was doing three podcasts i was doing fucking the red nap show king gary whatever so many different things got to a point where all i was doing is fucking literally getting home falling asleep for

a bit on the sofa then not sleeping then my anxiety kicks in then my paranoia kicks in right so your head's whirling because like you say if you nap late when you nap in front of this you know you wake up at two in the morning you can't get that sleep whatever i will say this and this isn't me doing a um uh half-assed like pitch but nature can do these cpd night tablets they are incredible i'm not even like i'm not like they are amazing and i'll tell you what they restore you as well you feel like a million times better this isn't an advert this is you know but yeah when you do adverts you don't you normally don't name the product or whatever do you oh these are these are next level okay for restoring

like chilling your body relaxing you have one hour half an hour before bed I guarantee you're getting a great night's sleep okay

I've actually got some so I'm going to have one before I go to bed what are the ones in the little black yeah yeah yeah

you need to get on it brother all right okay you've got a lot going on and I can tell you're tired now how I can see in your tired now. How? I can see in your face.

I know your face too well. What do you mean? Does my face look tired? No, just how you're holding your face. What do you mean? There's a tiredness to you. You're making it sound like I've had a stroke or something. What do you mean?

No, no, no. What's going on with my face? You just look like a little bit less awake than you probably did two or three days ago. Are you trying to avoid saying that my eyes droop here than normal? No, I don't say that. I don't make any excuses. You just look a bit tired.

You look a bit weary. Actually, this is the other thing that we've done today is we're doing this in the evening. We've always said we're going to stop doing that, haven't we? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a killer.

The evening ones are always the worst. If I'm honest with you, I feel tired. I can tell, because the way your face is hanging off your skull. Doesn't feel nice, does it? Mate, my eyes do look baggy. Your eyes don't look baggy. I'll tell you what though, your skin looks absolutely delightful.

I take a lot of care of my skin. I've got more skin on show than anyone else, haven't I? Good point. What's your skin care regime? I take a lot of care on my skin. I've got more skin on show than anyone else, haven't I? Good point. What's your skin care, actually? I use like a sort of like anti-aging sort of like wash just to get rid of all the sort of like fucking spots and grease. Yeah. And I exercise, which is good for your skin.

Drink lots of water. That's about it. Water is the key, boy. How much water do you drink a day? I'm drinking a lot at the moment because Laser keeps telling me that I don't drink enough water. You're always drinking fizzy drinks. What do you mean I'm always drinking fizzy drinks?

I always know. You've always got a can of fizzy drink. No, I haven't. What are you talking about? You've got to be careful with them because even the dark ones have's some really serious side effects what are you on about? fizzy drinks

I'm not going to go head to head with the fizzy drink companies do I drink a lot of fizzy drinks? yeah you like a fizzy drink don't you? you like a Dr Pepper or Coca Cola I don't think I don't think I've had a Dr Pepper

in 10 years how often do you have fizzy drinks I'm going to level with you but I think this is by coincidence that you've stumbled upon this I do have a Diet Coke issue yeah and they're the worst ones well what a surprise the one that I happen to have a problem with

is the worst one out of all of them tell me why Diet Coke is worse than every other fizzy drink. It's got some chemical in it, right, that makes it taste so delicious, but there's no sugar in it and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, aspartame. Aspartame, which is really bad for eyesight and stuff. It can make you go blind.

You drink too much of it. Okay, don't say to somebody who's got very clear eye problems something like that. No, got very clear eye problems, something like that. No, I've got eye problems. But you need to look into stuff. You wouldn't get on a fucking spaceship and just go, and not ask what the risks were, would you?

You're right. Getting on a spaceship is the same as having a diet coke. You're absolutely right. I'm such a fucking idiot. No, but you're quite a risk-averse person. Do you know what I mean? Like, in all the stuff I know of you, you would just like jump on a jet ski without some tom tom tom tom if i opened a diet coke and then if you saw me open a can of diet coke and you saw me say something just before i take a sip of

this can i just get a full idea of what the risks are of this what would you think no i just look into it, mate. And then the guy goes to me, mate, it's a fizzy diet drink. I don't know what you mean. And then I say, well, I wouldn't get on a jet ski without checking the issues. And then he'll go, oh yeah, that's a terrible example

and you're clearly a fucking moron. Right, what I'm trying to say, mate, is you've probably got more risk of dying from drinking too much fizzy drinks than you have on a jet ski. Obviously, because I've been on a jet ski once in my life. Yeah. It's such an insane thing to say.

I'm just saying to you, there's more to it than meets the eye. Why do you think Ronaldo's going toe-to-toe with Coca-Cola? You mean Ronaldo that did a Coca-Cola advert? That Ronaldo? Yeah, but why is he going toe-to-toe? Because he's realised that they're not actually the saints that they... Yeah, they're great at Christmas. I love the Christmas truck.

I like it when the... Yeah, that's like, oh, Christmas is here. Christmas, you know, Santa Claus is coming, all that stuff. That's great. But you're playing free and easy, mate,

with your health. You've got to look into it. Did Wow Hydrate tell you to sail with? No. Actually, Wow Hydrate, let me just say, I didn't realise there was 97 calories

in each one of those puppies. I was wondering why I wasn't losing any weight. I'm having like three or four a day. 400 calories in fucking well hydrated. It's fine if you're

a fucking sportsman who's fucking a boxer or a footballer, but like literally if you're just a normal bloke who's just doing an average workout the end of a 4-11 day... That Ronaldo thing was mad, wasn't it? Yeah.

I don't know where it comes from. I'd love to sit down and fucking break bread and ask him, but we'll have to leave that for another time. Can I give a little skincare tip? Go on. OK. There's a bit of a story to this. Not a great story,

but a story nonetheless. Lisa and I, as you know, I talked about this earlier in the podcast, many, many episodes ago. We were, we got into Coach Trip.

Yeah. Right. We were watching all the series of Coach Trip. And, on one of the episodes of Coach Trip, there's a guy, Rafe. I think it's Rafe from Apprentice.

Oh, yeah. Great guy. Great guy. Super posh dude. Dresses incredibly well. Yeah. the episodes of coach trip there's a guy rafe i think it's ray from apprentice oh yeah great guy great guy super posh super posh dude dresses incredibly well yeah amazing skin right amazing skin anyway on one of the episodes they're talking about like what they do to keep themselves looking nice and he says i use umb, right, as a face mask thing. Immediately Lisa and I go, I think we should get some of that because that geese's skin's like great. We ordered the Umbrian clay.

I'm going to tell you this now, mate, and it might be a placebo effect. Umbrian clay is a game changer. I'm telling you that now, right? You put it on your face five minutes, you wash it off. I promise you, you will notice a difference immediately. I haven't felt this passionate about something since I talked

about Taheen. We'll put that out there. And Taheen, I mean, yeah, there was a real mixed crowd. I might try something with sunburn, Clay. Where do you get it from? I can't remember. We just Google it. Yeah, I imagine Amazon would do it. If you're a big Be Where do you get it from? I can't remember. We just look with Google. Amazon? Yeah, I imagine Amazon would do it if you're a big Bezos fan.

Get it from Amazon. A big what? Bezos. Who's Bezos? Jeff Bezos. Do you know who Jeff Bezos is? No. Owns Amazon.

Oh, right. Fucking hell. He's probably doing all right for himself. Yeah, he is. Yeah, yeah. He's doing all right for himself, yeah. Absolutely right, Tom. I'm surprised you don't get asked to be like the financial correspondent

on the news shows more than you do. Do you know what? I never even thought Amazon was like Tesco's or Asda. I didn't realize that there was someone, one person owned it all. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. I mean, I don't know what the Tesco and or Asda. I didn't realise that there was someone, one person owned it all. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. I mean, I don't know what the Tesco and Asda ownership is. One that enthralls me the most is

Puma and Adidas, two brothers that fell out and went head to head. There's a film in there somewhere, my friend. Adidasler, is it? And then what's his brother's called? What? That's the name of the guy

who started Adidas, Adidasler. Is it really? I'm pretty sure it is. Let me just look it up because I don't want to get... Well, you've got to be careful. Because what? Well, you're a big Adidas face now. Shut up.

Yeah, Adolf Adi Dazzler. What was his brother called? His brother's called Rudolph. Why the fuck are you calling it Puma then? Because... Who wants a fucking shoe called Rudolf? Rudidas? Yeah, yeah, but why Puma?

I suppose Puma's the coolest animal that's ever existed. Not true. Okay. Would you like to do some emails, Tom? Let's do them, baby. We've sort of overrun slightly. I haven't got time to do loads. Thank you once again to the wonderful Swan

who selected the emails how's she feeling at the moment swan how is she well how is the swan oh mate i'm talking to you now so you know i do this these podcasts from bed at the moment yeah my for father's day she got me a laptop desk oh wow as i'm talking to you now there is nothing on me there's like a little like wooden desk with legs on it. Oh, nice. She actually told me she's quite nervous about what my reaction was going to be to this present, but it might be one of the best gifts I've ever received.

Shout out to the Swan. Shout out to the Swan. Absolutely love you, darling. That's a sweet little sentiment. Well, it was just such a nice... She was very thoughtful. Caring Swan. Hello, Wolf, Owl and Swan.

Firstly, thank you for getting us through lockdown. Me and my wife are avid listeners and are massive fans. Not just of this podcast, but both of your work and accomplishments. You've both made lockdown bearable with this podcast and your work on TV. Tom, Murder is Successful

is genuinely one of the funniest shows you've ever seen. And let me see what show of mine they refer... Oh, no. It goes on uh we love your friendship and how you both complement each other so they've not they've chosen for some reason not to single out any of my shows that's absolutely fine i i wonder why the swans pick this one out my question is this since you've become celebrities

have you had any bellends from school try to reconnect with you and only because of your fame? That is from Rob and Amanda. Rob and Amanda. Actually, you know what? I know a couple called Rob and Amanda. That's them. Who went right into it? It would be so funny if they themselves were the bellends about which they were asking the question.

Actually, two of my favourite people in the world. But anyway, listen. As is everyone else on the planet. But anyway, go on. people in the world. But anyway, listen. As is everyone else on the planet. But anyway, go on. You prick.

Right. I have actually had this. I've had it on numerous occasions. I've had a lot of people who've got in contact asking for tickets to go and see Ramesh or various other people that they think I know, tickets for football games, FA Cup. The worst one I had, I think, was someone who I sort of knew,

but he didn't just get in touch. I sort of knew him a bit, but he asked to borrow quite a lot of money. And I was like, you know, he put it on me that he's in quite a sad point of his life. And I just thought, oh, this is, you know, I felt a lot. Are we talking a lot of money? At first it was, yeah.

And then I sort of haggled with him of actually how much he needed and actually the problems he was in, the amount he was asking for, felt quite excessive. And also I didn't have that kind of money just sitting around just going, oh, I hope someone comes to me with a problem. You have to liquidate one of your properties. Yeah. So in the end I said, no, I can lend you this much money.

And then I lent him the money, put it in his bank. He didn't get in contact with me. Subsequently, he never got back in contact with me. And I felt quite down about this. And I spoke to my dad about it. And he said, think about how much you would have paid to get him out of your life. Because he was always trouble i thought well yeah i'd probably paid this and he said well then you got a deal let's say 500 quid yeah i've done that a couple of times i've done that a

couple of times where where people have asked to borrow money and like you know just random people on occasion and you sort of think to yourself well if they're that desperate i will do it but you have to be prepared to write off the money yeah yeah but that's a sad thing as well because i since then a couple of other people are sort of actually probably maybe a probably a little bit more a bit kinder in nature and probably would have paid back it has burned a little and it's made me if i'm honest with you there's a number of things that have happened to me in the last and you know we we joke about and we joked about the other night i get on very well with people i'm a people person i did i was in the last probably two three months i've started actually going yeah you know what maybe i need to reassess like how i how i go

about treat because i can sometimes treat people very well and then I somehow get burnt. I'm out of pocket or I'm, you know, somehow that comes and bites me on the arse. It's a thing where I sort of try and always believe the best in people or believe that people are doing it for the right reasons. You know, I've lent money to people and then because of this situation

you think, oh dear, and then you find out it was not the thing that they said it was. I would say like, I don't and then you then you find out it was not the thing that they said it was yeah so i i would say like i don't really mind people like i've obviously had not obviously sorry that sounded a bit but people do get have got in touch with me from school days i haven't spoken to since school and got in touch and said hello i just genuine i generally don't mind it i mean i don't i'm not necessarily going to go meet up with them because we haven't seen each other i've got friends that i went to school with that we stayed friends. And obviously I still see those guys.

But like, you know, people that I haven't spoken to since school, I'm not going to meet up with them now. But I do like, you know, it's nice to catch up and whatever. The one thing I did have once was I was doing a show abroad. And my agent, like Flo, my agent got an email from this person that i was like i knew at uni and they were like oh can you tell romesh that we're we live over there and when he comes over he should come he should come say hello and we'd love to take him out for dinner and they were so horrible to me like so mate so horrible to me like talked to me like I was shit, treated me dreadfully.

Like, was so, like, all of my recollections of interactions with them were fucking awful. Like, your age? Like, it was just, yeah, they were my age. But, like, they basically, there was this, like, social thing where they just thought they were better than me. Like, you know, it's not think they're better than me. You know, like, when you have, even at uni, there's like a hierarchy, like social groups or whatever.

Yeah. And they just thought they were like, right, but they just thought they were, same as school really, they just thought they were cut above, they're in the cool gang and I was a bit of a, like, you know, just sort of considered me a bit of a twat, I guess, or something, I don't know. I remember it one time in particular,

like this person that emailed off the curb, like did like basically in front of a load of people, just character assassinated me. Like just like proper monologue about what a prick I am and how I pretend to be a nice bloke and I'm not and blah, blah, blah. That was like one of the last things I remember hearing from them.

And then like you go off and leave uni or whatever and go off and do your thing. The idea that they would then get in touch, I couldn't fucking believe it. I was like, I don't know where this has come from. Is this like a thing where you go, well, we did know each other and maybe he will know that that was a long time ago and so that doesn't mean anything.

But if that doesn't mean anything, then us knowing each other doesn't mean anything. Do you know what I mean? Like, we're strangers. It was so weird. Like, I just couldn't get my head around it like you know sometimes there'll be an email going oh romesh is playing in my town and i used to go to school with him and i'll message him back you know and like say hello to him after the show or whatever but and i get it you know that's that's

one thing but honestly i couldn't believe it i just like, how can you not know that this was a weird thing to do? It's really blew my mind. Clearly, you didn't go out for dinner with them. Did you respond or you just did not respond? No, I just left it. Did they go to your gig? Do you know what? Because of COVID, the gig didn't happen.

But it's due to happen at some point in the future. So we'll see, won't we? I'm not going to go to dinner with them. No, no. It's just interesting. I think a lot of people like that like it's

and I think probably a lot a lot of people just forget that sort of side of things don't they they forget yeah maybe

and also or maybe there is a possibility that maybe I was oversensitive you know it's possible that the way I remember it

is not actually how it went do you know what I mean you know sometimes you can interpret things differently or maybe they thought they were being funny it went. Do you know what I mean? You know, sometimes you can interpret things differently or maybe they thought they were being funny in that instance. Do you know what I mean? I don't know.

The truth of the matter is, yeah, we all recollect. Everyone's going to have a different recollection of every event. But the very nature of people like that, if I'm honest with you, who from any recollection I have of anyone at school who was in that hierarchy or sort of you know I left school pretty early sort of just in life was in that sort of cool group still kind of believe that they're that person they're still even as doesn't matter where they've gone and they probably still are whether the whether sector they work in they probably still sort of walk around with

that air of sort of I don't give a really a fuck about anyone that they they're that little bit better than everyone else so the thought that at any one point anyone's no one's for you you never did most people no one's probably ever called out their behavior and said you know what you made me feel like that's a shit but this moment they put and if you did they you know i don't know how people but then the other thing is the other thing that you think is like, there might, there's probably people that think I'm a prick. Like I probably treated somebody like shit in school. Do you know what I mean?

Like, you know, you don't know there. You have these, you have so many little interactions with people. Yeah. You just don't know what impact you make on people there. But I think that's the truth.

Like for everyone. Yeah. Most of us are bumbling through life, trying to get a fix on especially when you're younger trying to get a fix on who you are what you're about where you're headed where you've been

and you're just trying to and of course it's never always going to be a steady pond you're sometimes going to knock into people and that incident will have a different repercussion for you or a different repercussion for someone else and yeah

I get on with 90% of people I meet. I don't get on, I'm not a fucking, I don't just walk around like a fucking Labrador with fucking two dicks. At times, I'm fucking, at times. You know, you absolutely, and you know, you're not one of these people that just apropos of like one interaction says,

oh, you're one of my favourite people ever, or we should go out for a beer or anything. Everybody knows that you're not that guy. You don't give away your friendship easily like that. You know what I mean? You wouldn't, for example, just offer to go out for a drink with someone you've never met

and has just sent you an email, for example. Do you know what I mean? We know that. This is what I'm saying. This is why we all have to, you know, maybe growth is change and change is good. Or maybe we all say the same or any other cliche that's completely unconnected to what we're talking about um okay

this next email is from tom wow a name alike hi all help i hope the email finds you all well really enjoy the pod uh i just had a quick question about cyclists now i don't mean to give a big sweeping blanket statement because as with everything not all are the same i don't mind a cyclist i think it's a good clean efficient way of traveling and i'd be inclined to cycle more if i work closer to home i work in a fairly rural rural location so a car is a must i used to cycle to university so understand and appreciate the motive of cycling as a means of transport now i've not read the rest of this email, but I think it's pretty clear he's about to go two foot in on cyclists. That's the equivalent of I'm not a racist, but essentially.

Now, I'm usually a sweet, sweet soul, so laid back, I'm practically horizontal. However, I can't help but get completely enraged when I'm stuck behind a cyclist cruising quite leisurely along the road, holding us all up while they're on a jolly, especially when there are pristine, designated cycle lanes on the other side of the kerb. Genuinely, they're in better nick than the roads on account of the fact that nobody bloody uses them.

And I know this for a fact because they're the same ones I used to coast on going to and from uni. I never came across another soul on them in all three years i've sort of added a bit of stank to that yeah no you really stank this up don't get me wrong if the cyclist is grafting it's not so bad at least they're making an effort to keep a good pace it's the ones who show no willing to pedal the bike they're so intent on exercising on and plod along in their like we're going five miles per hour on the flat completely okay with the fact there's not enough room to safely overtake them.

Is my frustration justified or do I need to sort my life out? Thanks a lot, Tom. Way T-Dog. Way to go. I will, I would, I would sort of, it's hard not to agree with you. And when I

think, you can't really throw all cyclists into the same pot i think that the ones i the ones who ride like a sort of peloton or whatever they call it and they ride that you're talking about tom and they're just literally going on a sunday pace on a weekday they are abhorrent there and it often yeah yeah yeah they're not not familiar as people and even if you shout out the window and swear at them that's when they get

they'll really put a little bit of stank into their legs and they'll try and catch her up oh god that's really honestly god so you'll roll

down the window and you swear at them and stuff and they react badly fucking hell they really are pieces of shit aren't they no I mean I guess

you like them right where are you why do you say that Why do you say that? Why do you say that? Because you're sticking up for them. I'm not sticking up for them. You just said, I'll tell you when they get really bad,

when you roll down your window and swear at them. No, this is where you're stuck behind them, you can't overtake them and they're all like riding Peloton, they're all chatting amongst themselves and they're on a country road

and then you're like, right, then you do go past them and then you're like, fucking wing, or something. Yeah, sure, sure. And then, yeah past them, and then you're like, fucking wing. Yeah, sure, sure. And then, yeah.

Yeah, they're totally in the wrong there. I get that. Yeah, no. Well, I mean, where do you stand on them? What's your, are you a cyclist kind of guy? Have you got a bike? Well, I don't have a bike, yeah. I very rarely use it, to be honest.

But I do have a bike. What are you being like that for no I'm not I'm just saying no no you've done the I feel like putting the boot in face

you've done that no no no no no no I haven't no look my father is love cycling

but he goes out and he smashes his arse out of it I think if you're going out and you're cycling it's like running certain people go out

and run and I think you might as well walk mate like it's going to do more harm than good and i do think that with certain people cycling i think if they're going really slowly and it's just more of a social just have a little walk down the park go to the pub no you're absolutely right you're absolutely right what's your what's your belief where do you sit in this it just depends on how i'm feeling to be honest

with you like like sometimes i see a cyclist i'm completely indifferent i think you know it's a nice way to travel around getting a bit of exercise and other times i get stuck behind someone i'm on my way to something you know like when you're in a rush or whatever and you do hate them and wish that cycling was made illegal but i just think that's that's less down to the cyclist and it's down to what your frame of mind is isn't it because like whether you like it or not we are hardwired to be selfish if you're a cyclist and that's how you get about you think all drivers are assholes and vice versa do you mean like and i don't know sometimes cyclists piss me off i do also know the impression i do have about them is that they're really fucking militant like like what i mean by that is we're probably going to get some emails from them like you know they're pretty

strong-minded aren aren't they? Yeah, I respect that about them. You know one thing I respect about them, actually, is no matter who they are, they literally don't all wear Lycra. The confidence of them, I actually respect massively. They will literally bust a little bit of... Even if they're in the worst shape you can imagine,

they'll bust a bit of Lycra for their hobby, for their love. And that I respect massively. Me too, me too. I actually think it's actually a form of body pride and acceptance that I really think we need more of in this world. Yeah, I've worn Lycra. It feels great. I wouldn't wear it out.

So what, you've just worn it around the house? No, I've worn it when we've done legal run, we've done activities. Oh, right, I see. I've put a pair of shorts on, I thought these were nice. I'd never have the confidence to wear cycling wear out again.

You're not cycling, are you? No, no. No, so in what context would somebody, regardless of their confidence, want to wear that kind of lycra out and about? Well, no, because you feel all sort of stacked and feel nice in it. I'm sorry, I don't give a shit how ripped a bloke is. If I just see him walking around in lycra in the same way that somebody might wear a tracksuit,

that's unacceptable, isn't it? No, I don't know. I just think if you're happy and you know it, just fucking own it. Clap your buns and sit a lycra. Go for it, man. I can't know. I just think if you're happy and you know it, just fucking own it. Clap your buns and sit a Lycra. Go for it, man. I can do you. So I guess in answer to your question, Tom,

your frustration could be justified. You don't need to sort your life out. I just think it depends on the circumstances. I also think, Tom, that, you know what? Sometimes in life just like just fucking just let it out bro

just let it out what's that man he's done it now he's let it out he's done an email he's let it out and I just think good for you man

he's probably found this whole thing quite cathartic so your your advice to the guy writing the email is write an email

no no no I just like you've done it now and you probably feel a bit better. You know what? I always think it's quite good

is when you drive past a cyclist, just look at them and think the fucking joke's on you, mate. Okay. It's one of the worst bits of advice I've ever heard you say, but okay. Time for one more, Tommy?

Yeah, let's do one more, baby. This is from Danny. Yeah. He says, Dear Wolf, Owl and Swan, First of all, I want to thank you for the podcast. It's genuinely been something that's got me and my wife through the tough times of lockdown. And I know a lot of people agree.

Now, what I'm emailing for is of getting something, literally anything, signed by both the Wolf and the Owl. This is a gift to my wife, just because she's pretty fucking awesome i'll add my address at the end of the scene i don't want to read it out an assumption that you sweet souls will do this if however you do not do not worry we'll still love you both now is a story to hopefully earn the scribbles from you both what would you have done

in this situation i work in boarding in a boarding kenn. This is for dogs and cats to stay while their owners are on holiday. People who haven't yet left their pet can come and look around to see if they like it. So one day a family came to look around. A warm day meant the woman had a vest up on. You would assume support underneath, but no. She also had a kid who was probably about one to one and a half. She carried this child around as i explained what our routine is etc halfway around the viewing of the kennels the charge she was carrying pulled the mom's t-shirt down and so a titty popped out it then sat there for the it then sat there for the rest of the viewing neither her somehow didn't feel a breeze or her

husband realized jeez what would you have done in this situation stop the conversation midway and tell her how do you tell someone that is hanging out would love to hear what you would do uh danny first of all let me tell you this for nothing brother you are getting a signed thing hanging out. We'd love to hear what you would do. Danny, first of all, let me tell you this for nothing, brother. You are getting a signed thing. Yeah, we'll get that for nothing. Signed vest up. I'd tell them, I think.

Okay, how would you say it? I just think I'd just go like this, and then just gesture towards it. You'd go what? And just gesture towards it. In'd go what? And just gesture towards it. Like in the same way if they've got a bit of ketchup on their face? Yeah.

I mean, I have no respect for people who I've been out with a bogey hanging out my nose and no one's told me, or a bit of fucking mayonnaise on my cheek, and no one's told me it's the fucking worst thing. Because you're just like, one person I'm with just goes, mate, actually, Rom, you're very good at doing that to people. You will tell people.

When have you seen me tell people? You've done it to me. What did I say? I told you on my mouth once and you went... I don't think that's the same as a woman's titty hanging out. Yeah, but what I'm saying to you is a lot more fucking... She'll feel... It'll be embarrassing

for a minute for everyone because you've seen what's happened. She's not pulled it out herself or, you know, the situation is how it's happened. These are a complete accident. But the actual fact of like, for everyone involved, if she then gets into the car with her husband and her son and then turns around and goes, oh shit, fucking hell, my titty's hanging out.

And then how long has that been there? And they're going, well, why didn't he say anything? Well, this is the thing that I would say because the counter argument to that is how long has that been out there you can kid yourself or try and sort of make yourself feel like this must maybe this just happened as i got into the car right whereas if you say i'm just by the way i'm playing devil's advocate yeah right if you say one of your boobies is showing. Yeah. Right.

Then they know that you've seen. Whereas like, if you don't say anything, they get in the car and then husband goes, oh my God, one of your tits is out. Either it happened as they got into the car or it's been out and nobody knows. But also the fact that at any one time my husband can look around and see it and then see that you've seen it. Like, it's not like they're halfway through the tour, he says, right? Yeah. but he knows but also the fact that at any one time my husband can look around and see it and then see that you've seen it like it's not like

they're halfway through the tour he says right yeah it's not the end of the tour so at any point they can walk along and like fucking husband clocks it

and then clocks that you're talking to them I think this cover your eyes and say excuse me your boob's hanging out yeah or just go

oh my god oh my god just really sort of or turn your back and just go, oh my God, oh my God, just really sort of... Or turn your back and just go, yeah, I think you need to... For the rest of the tour, I'm going to have my back to you.

Yeah. Readdress the situation. Or just say, can I have a word with you, sir? And then just put him to one side and say, you're worst,

can you say that? Okay, what an insane thing. Like what? Like she's livestock? No. Then you haven't got... Tell the woman herself. Yeah, but then I'm just saying that that's a medium

that you can break down the sort of embarrassment of having to say it yourself. Because then the husband can turn around and say it. And the woman goes, I'm so glad. That could have been embarrassing.

But instead, they've gone over there to have a private conversation about how my titty's hanging out. I'm just saying. Because it's going to be better coming from my husband than you. If you go, oh,

I don't know, Mr Dawson, if you just come over here, there's something that I want to show you. And then you take your moment. So basically, you go, Mr Dawson, there's something I need to talk to you about, something I want to show you, but I can't show you, madam, for some reason. No, just so you can't

come near here because you've got the kid with you and then she goes i wonder what they're talking about and then her husband comes back and goes by the way one of your tits is hanging out no you just say to him look one of your wife's tits is hanging out just tell her in a minute don't spill it right away tell her in a minute yeah so then he goes back and says to her oh yeah and then and then the two of you and then he knowing that you know her titties hanging out have to spend another minute walking around as if that situation's not happened yeah yeah it's like obviously i've not fully but that that's a good way for me oh yeah if he said i'll come in this room mr dawson you go in the room and go this is really embarrassing for everyone involved.

Yeah, Mrs. Dawson's tea's hanging out. If you don't tell her, I'll hang around in this room. Okay. Look, from my point of view, I wouldn't say anything. You wouldn't say anything? No, I don't think I would. I'm not saying it's right. I just think it's too difficult to broach that topic.

I think I've given him two versions there. Yeah, it'd be interesting to see, I think, what the consumers think of this. Yeah, please email in wolfowlpod at gmail.com. So let us know. Yeah. That's about it from us. I would describe this as quite a sedate one.

We've done it in the evening. Tom and I are still recovering from the hangover that yeah yeah and the sort of morose performance of england um okay tom what can you can you do us the honor of taking us out life is kind of like a beach full of pebbles and little bits of sand interwined in it with seaweed and sea that laps upon the pebbles and bits of sand and such and every now and again people turn up and they will enjoy themselves there they'll they'll have the most incredible day the beach however is always there it doesn't really realize that how amazing its day is and people will often take a pebble from the beach and take it home so they will remember how incredible their day has been at the beach so every time they look at the pebble they think oh yesterday we went to the beach

and we had this amazing day little do they ever think of the pebble and where it's come from. And actually, its place in the world might have been on that beach. What I'm trying to say is we all have a place in the world. Some of it are on the beach and some of it's on country lanes and some of it's in cities. And remember where you come from and who you are that might well be the worst one of these i've ever done i have not usually i've got a little incentive of something that a spark in my head of what actually i'm gonna say this time i have nothing do you want to try again actually, I'm going to say.

This time, I have nothing. Do you want to try again? I haven't got anything. Why don't I give you like a... I can give you a set-up. Maybe you could try that. I don't know. You know when your brain is... Why don't I give you the first sentence?

You know, in many ways... Go on. Life can be like a slightly undercooked sausage that's a little bit burnt on the outside. The truth of the matter is we'd eat it anyway. But if you've got a little bit of patience, you'll stand by the barbecue and you'll let those embers just die down just enough

so the fire is ripping away and there's just this golden glow of coal and charcoal. And you will let that sausage brown side upon side and the middle will be cooked and it'll be perfect. The point of the matter is, sometimes it's not worth rushing stuff because you'll only get food poisoning and diarrhea and a pretty shit sausage

that will fill your teeth with a burnt charcoal meat. It's worth waiting for that a little bit longer and seeing how glorious something can be. Stand by the fire. Let it become embers. And enjoy. Enjoy the splendor. There we go.

Now, that was good. That felt okay. That felt okay. Yeah. That felt good. If I'm honest with you, that was the first time we've had to tag team one of these. Yeah.

And I think it worked out. I think it worked out. In many ways, in many ways, your first attempt at it was the undercooked sausage. Yeah. And then you stood by the barbecue a little bit longer. Yeah.

You allowed a friend to come over with a set of tongs. Yeah. And sort of turn it for you. I mean, in all fairness you probably pulled the sausage out and put it on the barbecue and I said I think I've got this now I think I've got this so

yeah thank you my friend no problem well listen guys thank you I hope you've enjoyed us for what I would describe a slightly more relaxed edition of the Wolf for now. We like to mix up the pace.

Yeah. We like to mix up the face of what we do to deliver to you. What we hope is an enriching and rewarding experience. Take care of yourselves. And each other. Remember that life is fleeting, but your heart keeps beating. And for that,

we should be forever grateful. Or at least until it stops and you die. Take care. From the wolf and the owl. Goodbye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com.

That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.