Wolf and Owl - Episode 36

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

We’re talking… summer holidays! The greatest pair of sliders ever made, beachwear and holiday meals, clean lines in clothing, gaming the Pizza Hut buffet deal and a medley of swimming successes an...d failures. Plus, we answer some email qustions about revealing your past whilst dating, problems with a career in sport and acting alongside a close friend. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:50 Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and
Starting point is 00:02:14 a dog welcome to the wolf for now oh shit oh shit look whath just fucking stepped in the room. Lil Walsh for that podcast. Up in your ear box. Yo, baby. Oh, man. You look so flexing and nice. I think Portugal Rom is my, like, if I had a crush on any version of you, Portugal Rom would be the version I would. Your beard looks so nice. Really?
Starting point is 00:02:38 Do you think so? Yeah. Are you, like, trimming it every day? No. I haven't trimmed it. Do you know what? By the end of this, it's going to, like, because I've not, I'm going to get my haircut out of here, bro. Do you know it every day? No, I haven't trimmed it. Do you know what? By the end of this, it's going to... Because I've not...
Starting point is 00:02:46 I'm going to get my haircut out of here, bro. Do you know what I mean? So I've got it done before I left. Really? Why am I talking like this? I'm going to get it cut where I'm at here, bro. You're living that Algarve life now. Because I'm just like...
Starting point is 00:03:00 You're like... Yeah. I'm Portugal. That Portugal thing. Yeah. Love me Portugal Portugal just chill I ain't got time to get the hair
Starting point is 00:03:11 through your body it's like your body looks nice as well boy your shoulders look right for the benefit of the Wolf and Owl
Starting point is 00:03:16 podcast listeners I'm just going to tell you why this is why this absolute fucking tongue lashing that my arsehole's getting from Tommy is happening
Starting point is 00:03:24 and the reason is is that we are I've had to get up to do this absolute fucking tongue lashing that my arsehole's getting from Tommy is happening. And the reason is that I've had to get up to do this at 7am on holiday. And even as I speak, Tom's already started distracting himself with some sort of protein shake. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Because Tom's got some next level schedule things going on, right? Well, I want to shout this out. I want to shout this out, yeah. We talked last night via text. You said we might have to leave it or go for Friday. Wow! Wow!
Starting point is 00:03:58 Incredible. I've seen you put a spin on things. This time you spun it, bent over the table and fucked it up the arse. It's so far from what happened. Right. How I recall it is I text you, I was like, can you do tomorrow lunchtime? You were like, mate, I can't.
Starting point is 00:04:15 I've got like an inflatable race across the pool or something. I can't even fucking freestyle that. Even bullshit at that simple level it's beyond you and i was like oh sweet sounds fun i've got a really busy morning and then you're like okay maybe we'll just leave it this week and i was like or do one for friday and then you were like yeah i guess um but But I've got some serious barbecues to go to, and I've got a... What are those flip-flops? What are they called, the famous flip-flops? Hervanas. Have you got a pair?
Starting point is 00:04:54 No. What are you wearing? Flip-flop, why is that? I've got a couple of things. I've got a little pair of Nike Air Max slides. I've got a pair of Yeezy slides that Lisa thinks are hideous. Oh, mate. Are they the ones you showed me before?
Starting point is 00:05:10 I don't think so. Maybe, yeah. I think you sent me the picture of them before. Yeah. Mate, you know what I got recently? The Adidas ones where it's like the front of a trainer and they've cut off the back. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:21 Is that nice? Mate, I had them when I was like 17. For my money, the greatest slider ever made. The greatest. You know, just beautiful bits of kit. It's like half a Stan Smith. Yeah. Lovely bit of kit.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Really. Yeah. And when you're, why are you getting all? No, because it's just, I always know that. It's like a football team, right? I know that I've hit the post probably three times in this game. I'm basically England against Italy. I've had a really fucking...
Starting point is 00:05:51 I've come out to the game really fucking throwing it in your face. Do you know what? And now I know there's a good chance for the next fucking 90 minutes I'm going to be absolutely smashed to pieces waiting for you to score. No, I actually think those slides sound great.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I do think they sound great. Lisa's got some really drippy three-stripe Adidas slides. Oh, nice. The difference between Lisa and I is if I buy something, I tell her about it, Whereas she doesn't tell me. So then all of a sudden, she'll suddenly be wearing this like, like this sick thing, whatever, trainers, shoes, outfit. And I say to her, I didn't know you got that.
Starting point is 00:06:36 She goes, yeah, you did. She's like, I'm basically being clothes gaslit by her. Do you know what I mean? Let me just actually break this down as well, brother. Let me just out okay the difference between women's fashion and men's fashion here we go here we go no but no but what my wife can go out right and she can get a few bits from zara she can get some bits like katherine is like so she when we go out shopping right she'll be able to pick a few bits out right and put them together as an outfit, and you'll go, oh, my God, like, how much have you spent? And she'll be like, well, 30 quid on, like, loads of nice bits.
Starting point is 00:07:11 She's so thrifty. You know what I mean? She'll be able to go somewhere not in here, find a little, you know, go to a couple of little places, find, like, a Burberry jacket for next to nothing. She's just, like, literally one of those people that looks good in everything. The amount of money as a man you have to spend
Starting point is 00:07:26 to compete with that is unbelievable. Because if you buy a lot of stuff, right, and you try... Me and you like to look... If we were just going to wear a white t-shirt, a pair of jeans, that's fine. Do you know what I mean? You can live in a...
Starting point is 00:07:38 If you want to try and push the envelope a bit and wear something a bit different, it's so expensive. Well, there's a couple of things with that first of all you know i've seen this thing like thrift thrifting is great if you fall within the normal sort of boundaries of what humans should look like you know because somebody like katherine and somebody like lisa they can go and pick up something and they go look i just sort of picked it up in a thing and it's like hardly anything. And then I go and do that. And it's somebody that hasn't got a combination overhand gut
Starting point is 00:08:10 and flat as a pancake arse. And for some reason, the thing that I bought for a quid in the shop that somebody else once wore and must have just rejected for no good reason and now it looks amazing on me, that doesn't happen to me, right? If I buy something for a quid, it looks like I've probably bought it for fucking 25p.
Starting point is 00:08:27 It looks like I've been ripped off. Somebody will go, fucking hell, they've done you there, mate. Saw you coming, right? And the other thing is, white T-shirt and jeans. On some people, you've just described an incredible outfit. I mean, that's like, you know, Lisa... I'll tell you what, white T-shirt and jeans looks incredible on rio ferdinand or jamie redknapp or david beckham correct and and lisa lisa will do something where lisa's listen the swan is a very
Starting point is 00:08:54 supportive woman but that doesn't prevent her from seeing somebody like a rio ferdinand or jamie redknapp or david beckham in a white t-shirt jeans go wow and that's just in a very basic t-shirt white t-shirt and jeans he just knows, wow. And that's just in a very basic T-shirt, white T-shirt and jeans. He just knows how to pull it off. He doesn't know how to pull it off, Lisa. He looks fucking incredible. He looks like Michelangelo's David, except for the small dick, right? I've got to say, I think Rio Ferdinand, I think now, I think is almost the clothes horse of all clothes horses.
Starting point is 00:09:24 He's incredible. This is classic. Absolute textbook Tom Davis understatement, right? We've talked about clothes a lot on this show. We've talked about appearance a lot on this show. We talked for about 45 minutes about how you're modelling your whole look on Kevin Hart for some inexplicable reason, right? And now, because we've started talking about Rio,
Starting point is 00:09:45 this is like last week, where you said that your ultimate dream guest would be an ex-monk, because we just happened to start talking about a monk. And now, because we... I haven't talked about monks since. This might be the first time you fucking said the words
Starting point is 00:10:00 Rio Ferdinand on this podcast. And now, after all of the times we talked about clothes, do you know what I mean? And now you're saying he's the old, he's not just a clothes horse, the clothes horse is clothes horse or something. What is it you said?
Starting point is 00:10:15 I said the old one, clothes horse. Let me just say, during the Euros, there was not one drop ball from Rio Ferdinand. He was wearing different kinds. He basically, do you know he designed a different kind of shirt like the collar is thinner than other collars, it was fucking lovely man
Starting point is 00:10:32 just really good cuts you know, what I heard someone say about Rio is that all of his clothes have got very clean lines and then actually now I didn't know what that meant until I looked at him and went what does it mean? somebody said it's got clean lines and then you went I don't know what that meant until i looked at him and went actually yeah what does it mean what does it mean because somebody said somebody said it's got clean lines and then you i don't know what that means and then you looked at rio ferdinand and now you know what it means
Starting point is 00:10:50 so i'd i'd love to i'd love to know what your definition if somebody said what's clean lines if you look you can see the like sometimes right say sometimes you'll wear a jacket and a t-shirt right i'd love i'd love to not be involved in this example of what clean lines isn't right for me or you could wear like a jacket and a t-shirt and what happens tragic is that like the the t-shirt fades into the jacket or the jacket fades into the t-shirt right that can happen sometimes right or you'll wear i've seen you quite a few times you'll wear a jumper and a pair of jeans even if they'll wear, I've seen you quite a few times, you'll wear a jumper and a pair of jeans, even if they're different colours. I've seen you wear jumper and jeans
Starting point is 00:11:27 where they're a similar colour, right? But even when they're different colours, they'll sort of fade into each other. Is this about Rio Ferdinand being a good dresser or me being a shit one? I can't figure it out. No, no, no. I'm saying me or you.
Starting point is 00:11:38 I've done the same thing, right? No, you said me or you at the beginning, and then all of the examples you've given are of when you've seen me no it's both of us well i've done the same thing right i've done the same thing what do you mean fade into what do you mean fade into because so even though the colors are different right yeah they don't look there's there's like imagine if you draw a picture right sometimes we look like we've drawn our clothes are drawn in quite a faint pencil, right? Whereas Rio Ferdinand and Jamie and David Beckham
Starting point is 00:12:11 and quite a lot of these cool guys, right? It looks, you can see that it's been like in a really, really like a Sharpie. All of the, everything's clean, really like distinguished lines. And what is it about Rio Ferdinand that means that his clothes don't look like they're melting into one thing like mine do?
Starting point is 00:12:27 Both of ours do. Right. Right? It's just the way... I think he has an eye for things. I think he's got a gift. I think he's gifted. I saw him once in a parka,
Starting point is 00:12:38 a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and I was like, oh my God, wow. Well, I think there's a lot to be worried about for Rio Ferdinand there, based on the back of that story. I'm just looking up clean lines in clothing,
Starting point is 00:12:49 because what you said makes absolutely no sense. It's fucking showing me how to fucking dry clean your clothes here now. Do you have your clothes dry cleaned? No. Neither do I. I've got a friend who has everything dry cleaned. There we go. What does clean lines...
Starting point is 00:13:06 Oh, no. Clean line. What does clean lines mean in clothing? It means your lines are smooth, crisp, and have little disturbance or blending between them and the surrounding surfaces and colour. By the way, just as I'm reading this, I have never seen a more vomit-inducing face on Tom Davis in my life.
Starting point is 00:13:25 I wish we had some sort of smugness indicator on this. Clean iron also suggests minimalism or a reduction in decoration and clutter in favour of a sleek, functional design. This is definitely me and you are very cluttered. Look at what I'm wearing right now. It's very cluttered. What are you talking about? You're wearing a T-shirt, a camouflaged T-shirt.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Yeah, but Rio would wear it better, is what I'm saying. And Rio and Jamie and David. I think you're mistaking clean lines for abs. I've got to be honest with you. How have you been? Have you gone to the beach at all? Yeah, I've been to the beach, yeah. Are you top off at the beach?
Starting point is 00:14:11 So in the past, I have been very much top on the whole time, except for the... And even, this is really sad, but actually based on my levels of body issues, I have been known to go into the sea with my t-shirt still on and then and then come out as if i think that's masked it you've actually got a t-shirt clinging to every fucking curve of your body just if anything accentuating your fatness more that that that's sort of illusion that illusion that are wet that's the whole reason they have wet t-shirt contests.
Starting point is 00:14:46 And then for some reason, if you go with a t-shirt, everyone will go, oh, that guy's fucking cool. He's just ruined a t-shirt for one dip in the sea. When I was 19, I went to Fenerbahce.
Starting point is 00:14:58 And I remember everyone doing skinny dipping. A group of people. It's like, oh, we're all going to run in the sea. Everyone's taking off their clothes, their boxer shorts, underwear. And I remember being in my underpants
Starting point is 00:15:11 and a Ralph Lauren polo shirt. And I thought, just take your polo shirt off. I was at my fattest maybe. You know what? I didn't think I looked that bad. I mean, I was very conscious of it at the time. Someone sent me a picture of how I looked back then. And looked at it and thought oh my god like i was so overweight i lived off a diet of beer and mcdonald's and you know burger king and shit i was so fucking
Starting point is 00:15:35 i ate three meals a day at fast food restaurants whenever i used to go abroad yeah but i mean you're on holiday aren't you i don't really know come on i don't i don't really know how much i want to condemn that if at all because I mean, you're on holiday, aren't you? I don't really know. Come on. I don't really know how much I want to condemn that at all because I just think you're on holiday. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, but even,
Starting point is 00:15:52 not even as a health thing, not to try any other food. Yeah, I get all of that, but you're on... Listen, I understand. I understand people going, oh, you need to try the food from the country you're visiting,
Starting point is 00:16:05 and blah, blah, blah. But you're on holiday, Tom. If you want junk food three times a day, have junk food three times a day. I'll be honest with you. If you told me you were doing that at home all the time, I would have a word with you. And I would say, like, you can't do it.
Starting point is 00:16:18 But on holiday, fucking whatever. I think now as well, just when I was out in Crete recently, I was like, we actually have better Greek restaurants back in England than this one. Well, this is a very dangerous thing you're saying here. Okay, but go on. No, don't you think that sometimes you go into places and think, actually, they make more of an effort with the food and stuff in the Greek restaurant that I've been to in town?
Starting point is 00:16:40 Well, it's a very complicated issue you've broached there, Tom. There's a number of issues there. Let's unpack them together, shall we? Yes. So, first of all, you're comparing a Greek restaurant in London with, like, this Greek taverna that you're finding anywhere on holiday, right? So, you know, you might not be talking about equal experiences here. You might be comparing quite a posh Greek restaurant.
Starting point is 00:17:06 No, no, no. We were told this is the best restaurant that you could go to. So what was your issue? Talk me through this restaurant. What was your issue with it? I just found that people actually, when we were leaving, this is actually one of the problems I had. Why are you, just so I know,
Starting point is 00:17:21 why are you lent back like you're discussing a piece of foreign literature on BBC Two right now? I think it just hit me how hard my workout was this morning. Okay, good. Luckily, you've got another one in a minute. No, we went to this place where throughout the meal, they were okay. They weren't too bad. At the end of it, they were really, really, really friendly.
Starting point is 00:17:43 So it was like, if we don't really bother about them, but then they might come back and we're really nice to them right at the end of the meal. So that's the last thing they remember. So they weren't nice to you? Well, they weren't nice. They just didn't pay
Starting point is 00:17:55 any attention. There was no sort of real like customer service. It was right at the end of the meal. Was it busy? It was really full on. Not really. I'd say,
Starting point is 00:18:01 I'd say they were running at a 50 to 70% max, like cover. What a weird thing to calculate, Wally, with Catherine. Just sit there watching you like fucking... Like Rayman. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:18 I'll tell you why I asked that question. It's because we were in a restaurant the other night and the service was shocking, right? Like it took ages to get anything right. And Lisa is, I have to say the Swan is very Zen about these things to a point where if the kids are starting to get knackered and we've got to leave and they're taking
Starting point is 00:18:36 ages, she gets a bit fucked off. But generally speaking, she's pretty Zen about it. Anyway, the other day we were at this restaurant and, um, the boys got,
Starting point is 00:18:45 Oh God, it's fucking... This thing was designed for them. The dessert at this restaurant is a Nutella pizza. Oof, lovely. They used to do a Ninja Turtle one of those back in the day. They did, mate! Mate, they did! I thought I'd made this up.
Starting point is 00:18:59 You're the first person that's ever mentioned this. As they used to sell it when we were kids. Yeah, with marshmallows on, right? Yeah, marshmallows and chocolate. Oh, my marshmallows on, right? Yeah, yeah. Marshmallows and chocolate. Oh my God, Tom. I had it for my birthday one year and it blew me away. Just you sat in a room on your own with this pizza. You know the saddest thing, Romesh, is yes, but
Starting point is 00:19:15 you had my sister. Don't, don't, don't. And I think from what I remember, my friend Rob Johnson might have been there. Okay, yet again, a completely unnecessary name. Shout out Rob Johnson. Big up Rob Johnson. have been there. Okay. Yet again, a completely unnecessary name. Shout out, Rob Johnson. Big up, Rob Johnson. Hope you enjoyed your slice of pizza. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:19:32 The saddest thing as well, you probably only had a slice and I gouged out the rest. I remember once, when I was a kid, do you remember when Pizza Hut first arrived in this country? Yeah. And there's the advert. I've since seen on TikTok how they do this on the adverts, but they pulled the slice out and the strings of cheese and everything.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Yeah. And before that, you'd only ever had the little sort of tiny round cheese and tomato just discs. Yeah, the oven baked ones, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, it was incredible. I remember my mum, for a treat, I had a mate round. And this mate, I was a bit, oh, God. Anyway, I've just remembered how horrible i was to this kid anyway so he came around and we ordered pizza delivery
Starting point is 00:20:13 pizza or takeaway pizza i don't think they did i don't think they even did delivery then right i don't think pick up them back pizza arrived he went in now as an adult i don't know how i feel about this but as a kid i remember being absolutely offended by it he went in... Now, as an adult, I don't know how I feel about this, but as a kid, I remember being absolutely offended by it. He went in to get his bit of pizza, and he just fucking took three slices out of the thing, straight off the bat. Now, I don't know how you feel about that, Tom. I think that's unacceptable behaviour.
Starting point is 00:20:41 I think that's unacceptable now, mate. Okay, good. I'm glad you said that. I just didn't know if... Because, you know, I respect your food etiquette rules. I really do. Mate, I think that if I was out with someone, I would... Yeah, that's a deal breaker.
Starting point is 00:20:57 I've got actually someone I know, I won't name this guy, and he'd do that. Me and my wife. He's gluttonous as heck. You know what I mean? And me and my wife would be like all right okay he's he's i've seen him do that sort of thing i've seen him low i've seen like someone put out
Starting point is 00:21:10 50 wings and him take 25 yeah you know these sort of people that as they're eating that as they're eating something and i've been guilty of this in the past i'm not gonna lie to you as they're eating something they're thinking about how they're going to get the next one of those things they're eating yeah but i i think about that all the time but what i do is i then go i'll have one bit of pizza then i'll get the next bit of those things they're eating. Yeah, but I think about that all the time. But what I do is I then go, I'll have one bit of pizza, then I'll get the next bit of pizza. I would never take three. And also, the other thing is, I'm like a goldfish, right? If you put enough food in front of me to kill me,
Starting point is 00:21:35 I will finish it, right? So what you've got to do is you've got to hope that other people taking the food will fucking restrict you. If a pizza arrives, I'm going to take one slice and hope for my own survival and ongoing health that people take the other slices. Because if they
Starting point is 00:21:54 don't, if everybody else goes, I don't want a piece, I will one by one eat every slice of that fucking pizza. This happened at League of their Own, by the way. With me. It happened. We were sitting there after League of their Own, by the way, with me. It happened. We were sitting there after League of their own only about a month ago. And someone brought in this massive, big, lovely pizza, right?
Starting point is 00:22:15 I sat there and had a slice of it, right? And then was like, oh, this is an amazing pizza. Look around. Freddie, Jamie, yourself, Macy, Adamura was none no one else was eating it by the by the time i'd sort of clocked the fact that i'd was the only one eating a pizza i'd eaten nearly half of it right laura woods big shout out laura woods had eaten half a piece of pizza and put it on the side to wait yeah while she had a drink and chatted for a little while i saw this pizza on the side i thought that it was just sort of like i I didn't realise someone had eaten half of it. And then I started eating it.
Starting point is 00:22:47 And then her agent went, that was Laura's piece of pizza. Yeah. But even then, I was like... I don't know. I don't know who's in the wrong there worse. Because you've seen a slice of pizza and you've eaten it.
Starting point is 00:23:02 I don't know anybody, apart from Laura Woods, that has put down a slice of pizza while in the middle of eating it. Yeah, but also she nibbled it like a mouse. You couldn't even see anyone had eaten any of it. I don't even know if she had eaten any of it. But, yeah, it was pretty fucking full on. I've got to say, do you remember when Pizza Hut first opened?
Starting point is 00:23:22 Yeah. Well, you just said, yeah, of course you did, because you just mentioned that. I remember my mum and dad quite clearly. I remember staying at my granddad's flat with my sister and my mum and dad going to Pizza Hut for their date night. But you saw Pizza Hut as this really exotic place to go.
Starting point is 00:23:36 It took a while to realise that Pizza Hut wasn't actually a restaurant restaurant. Do you know what I mean? I took a girl there on Valentine's Day once. How old a restaurant restaurant do you mean i remember i took a girl there on valentine's day once how old were you doing 14 i want to say 14 is that sad or cute that's pretty all right for 14 i think that's quite cute mate i used to remember when i used to do the all you can eat buffet yeah they're like unlimited pizza pasta i used to love the salad you know the salad with the croutons and then the thousand island and all that shit
Starting point is 00:24:08 yeah people yeah because you're like me I didn't ever have a lettuce leaf in there when people said I want to go to the salad I'd buy the salad
Starting point is 00:24:15 but I'd make croutons bacon bits yeah sweet corn a little layer of sweet corn ranch dressing yeah so much ranch dressing it was essentially
Starting point is 00:24:23 like making kind of a salad based porridge but also it wasn't it was essentially like making kind of a salad based porridge but also it wasn't it was more healthy than pizza it was just
Starting point is 00:24:29 laden with mayonnaise and deep fried fucking bread I know and then you say stuff like oh love the salad bar
Starting point is 00:24:36 like the salad bar was like just like the lettuce looking like fucking me or you on a fucking
Starting point is 00:24:42 dance floor in 1998 just looking for anyone to take us. Leg old bit of lettuce. I used to sit going there at 12 when it opened, right, with my mate Frank. And we'd sit there until it used to close at three. They'd shut the Oikini buffet.
Starting point is 00:25:00 And I'd sit there for those hours. And I sometimes at about half one, two o'clock, go for a poo just to clear myself out so I could keep eating. I'd paid the £4.99 or whatever it was. I was literally going to get everything I could out of it. Didn't it go up to £5.99 at one point later on? Yeah, that's when they put ice creams on the menu too, yeah. And I think then they actually kept it £5.99,
Starting point is 00:25:31 but you had to pay a surplus if you were going to eat all you can ice cream. I used to be so gutted when I'd turn up there because it was a fucking great lunch. A Pizza Hut buffet was a great lunch, right? I remember a couple of times being really gutted when I turned up. You know, sometimes you don't know what your eating form is going to be like. Like, you sort of think, I feel hungry, right? And then you're midway through a slice and you think,
Starting point is 00:25:52 oh, God, I think I've done my beans here. And then you just think, oh, my God, no, no, no. Because then what happens is, I don't know if anybody else has this, but later on, I would be hungry later on that day and I'd think back to the stuff that I left on the plate, because I was full up at Pizza Hut Buffet, and really be upset with myself. Just sort of thinking, if you had that
Starting point is 00:26:12 now, you fucking short-sighted arsehole, you could be full. You know what though, Robbie? You left a half a slice of pizza, you wanker. You could have taken it with you. That's what I realised, I think, about six to eight months. You could fill your plate up at the end, and then someone said, oh, can I take this with me?
Starting point is 00:26:29 Shut up. Yes, I swear. And then they put it into a box, and you could take it. Did you do that? Of course I did. As soon as I realised you could do it, I did it every time. I never knew you could do that. I'd wait until probably three minutes to three, right?
Starting point is 00:26:41 And you could see then you're dancing with that. I was about to say, I can spot a flaw in this for Pixar, to three right and i could you could see then you're dancing a bit this is where i this is where i was about to say i can spot a floor in this for pizza and now i know you're about to tell me that you you absolutely exploited that floor to the max so go on of course so you walk up and you to the max yeah the rubbish i walk over and go excuse me sir um are you putting out any more pizzas and the guy would look at his watch it'd be like five to three three to three whatever and if you asked before three o'clock they were legally bound to keep feeding you to three o'clock right so what he had to do is they're not legally bound to do anything it was in the offer i would have okay i basically i'd have kicked her i just said
Starting point is 00:27:19 get the manager because i've paid to be here to three to eat all i want and i haven't eaten all i want well well what it's not in the spirit of the buffet. What you've done is you've turned up here at the very start of it. We know you've taken a little empty yourself out turnout midway through. We've still got somebody dealing with that now. And now you're coming and asking for extra pizzas at five to three. Right. So you go like that, right?
Starting point is 00:27:41 And then the guy would always, his shoulders would slump. He'd go to the kitchen. You'd often hear the chef and him you know and then he'd come out with two steaming lovely pizzas right wallop kick bosh you put those on your plate you literally sit there probably like eat one bit of you know your laurel woods one bit of pizza right and then you turn around to go sorry so my eyes have been too big for my belly. Is there any way I can take this with me? He would then go and get a box. You put everything. I understand the rest of it.
Starting point is 00:28:13 You don't have to go through all of this. Then you get up. Then you walk out of the restaurant. And when you go home. Also, you look cool. Later on, you might be hungry. You get a box out. You open a box.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Wallop. You got some of the pizza there from the restaurant earlier also you look cool because you're leaving pizza hut with a takeaway pizza and people go oh fucking there's a all-you-can-eat buffet but he's brought himself a pizza oh right you look like you're sort of bougie yeah like you're a big roller you've rocked up there and you've ignored the offer and just fucking um i that takes a lot of fucking gumption to do that yeah man that takes a lot of yeah that takes a lot of i gumption to do that that takes a lot of that takes a lot of I don't give a shit
Starting point is 00:28:48 what you think about me and also that feels like that would only work once at each Pizza Hut, did you do a tour of the Pizza Hut? no, no, no, no, no, no, I'd always use the same three, Croydon, Sutton, Kingston the golden triangle of Tom's crimes
Starting point is 00:29:04 once every three days Croydon Sutton, Kingston. Okay, there you go. The golden triangle of Tom's crimes. Once every three days, one pizza is massively down on the take. Then I found out you could order whatever pizza you wanted as well. Everyone used to think it was like a fucking... No, you can't. You couldn't. You could, mate.
Starting point is 00:29:19 You used to be able to go up and go, oh, I've noticed it hasn't been a ham and pineapple that's come out. Or there hasn't been a meatball... Ham and pineapple's one of the standard ones they bring out. You can't suddenly
Starting point is 00:29:27 start, oh, can I have a create your own? No, you can't say create your own. Right. But you can create your own, wouldn't you? Because you've got
Starting point is 00:29:35 sweet corn, you've got a lot of the old flavourings anyway at the cellar bar. Yeah, okay. There's an art form to this shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Anyway, what were we talking about? We were talking about your great restaurant on holiday. No, we were talking about you on the beach, I think.
Starting point is 00:29:46 Oh my God, this is fucking digressed. God, old James Torrance is going to have a nightmare with this one, isn't he? I imagine none of this
Starting point is 00:29:54 will make it. We'll often get a message from him going, that was your fifth digression from the initial topic. Anyway, so normally I wear my T-shirt
Starting point is 00:30:03 or whatever, you know, blah, blah. This year, I've thought, fuck it. I'm going to, like, just whatever. My body's my body. And actually, slightly inspired, Tom, if I'm being honest with you, by your beautiful picture from your holiday that you posted on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:30:17 I actually, I know you did it. I don't know why you did it. Like, I don't know if you did it for a joke or whatever. I actually think, this sounds a bit noble and wanky now I realise that, I actually thought it was quite a very cool, I thought it was a cool thing to do, to put that picture up.
Starting point is 00:30:32 I just think, if I'm honest, all I ever, my Instagram was full of like very ripped, very, very, very fucking amazing looking people on holiday with their tops off or you know you know
Starting point is 00:30:47 posing or whatever guys ripped and tanned and I thought you know what it's most people don't look like that so I'm just going to
Starting point is 00:30:55 liberate this shit and put a picture up of a I was sunburnt very badly in that picture I managed to conceal it quite nicely with if you look close enough
Starting point is 00:31:03 you see I'm sunburnt under my armpits for some reason but yeah man if I've helped one conceal it quite nicely with, if you look close enough, you see I'm under my armpits for some reason. But yeah, man, if I've helped one of my Gs out and that's you being that G, then I guess I've done my job. Okay.
Starting point is 00:31:14 This is why I don't like saying things like this to you. But yeah, so I've basically been, I've had my top off and it turns out nobody gives a shit because nobody's looking at you, Romesh, you fucking God complex having arsehole. But yeah, so I've been my top off. And it turns out nobody gives a shit because nobody's looking at your rubbish, your fucking God complex-having arsehole.
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Starting point is 00:33:00 Oh, no. What's your swimming like? How good are you at swimming? I'm actually a pretty amazing swimmer. Okay. He says he
Starting point is 00:33:08 takes a little glug of water like he's just on a funny joke on Mock the Week. No, I'm a good swimmer. Oh right.
Starting point is 00:33:16 It was one of the few sports I was good at but then obviously I didn't have a swimming pool so I couldn't smash it as much as I
Starting point is 00:33:23 wanted to. Sorry, are you suggesting that you would have been Adam Peaty if you'd had a pool at your house? I don't think I would have been Adam. You know, mate, we don't know. I think the one thing that I look back at in my life and go,
Starting point is 00:33:35 when I was watching the Olympics, I thought I'd have actually beaten quite a lot of these people if I'd focused a bit more on swimming. Oh, God. It's actually... It's actually, no, like, it's actually
Starting point is 00:33:47 such an incredibly insulting thing to say. No, swimming wasn't that cool when I was, you know. It's not that cool now. No,
Starting point is 00:33:55 but like, Adam Peaty's made it cooler. Adam Peaty is cool, right? Yeah. I'll give you that. And he's a machine. But swimming isn't cool.
Starting point is 00:34:04 You know that, right? It was this tour when we were kids. And listen, before you message in, yes, I know being able to save your own life in open water is a cool thing to be able to do. Yes, I understand that. And blah, blah, blah. But swimming is not cool, is it?
Starting point is 00:34:17 Right, let me tell you something about it. And I didn't want to show off while I was here today because that's not me. I swam a mile front crawl when I was like 13. The fact that you think that that's a brag is incredible to me so you swam a mile when you're 13 why because you're on a school trip and some of the kids push you off the boat no no you had to do the mile badge didn't you did different badges like yeah for swimming club okay all right All right. The swimming.
Starting point is 00:34:45 So you, so a number of children got this. It's so, it's so commonly done. There's a badge for it. The way you, the way you've just, the way you just said that,
Starting point is 00:34:57 the way you just said that, like you fucking save someone's life by swimming them all through the water. Yeah. And you did it to get a fucking badge I assume you got you got your mum to stitch onto your swimming trunks yeah of course I did
Starting point is 00:35:10 I got all my swimming trunks and then when I went on holiday when I was like yeah in my early teen like 11 or 12 I'd fucking wear those trunks around the
Starting point is 00:35:19 hotel pool why the fuck did we did any of us think it was cool this this badges on the swimming trunks they make the swimming trunks a lot less comfortable why the fuck did any of us think it was cool to this badges on the swimming trunks they make the
Starting point is 00:35:27 swimming trunks a lot less comfortable because you've got this really hard firm badge
Starting point is 00:35:33 on what's supposed to be a flexible garment and it's just like you've literally you end up
Starting point is 00:35:39 there's two places you can put it before it gets opened either side of your dick either side of your privates there's two little places with can put it before it gets offered. Either side of your dick. Yeah, exactly right.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Either side of your privates, right? Exactly right. There's two little places with two little badges. Before you know it, you've got one over your pecker, and then you've got one on each cheek of your arse. And then it's like, you know what we should have done? It's got them on a towel. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Or just kept them at home in a drawer. How about that? I remember really berating my mum and just being, please, please please please can you just put like get those sewn onto my trunks but most kids did like
Starting point is 00:36:10 breaststroke or backstroke or whatever or they mixed it up I remember the teacher just shouting out Tom Davis has done a mile front crawl
Starting point is 00:36:19 alright yeah okay fucking hell I remember Mr Bath as I came out of the pool. Mr. Bath? Taking the piss in you? Putting the towel
Starting point is 00:36:32 around my shoulders and drying my shoulders and going, well done, son. So one of your teachers is an unlance? No. He was a sweet... I didn't even know him. He was a sweet, sweet soul, man. He was a sweet I didn't even name him he was a sweet sweet soul man he was a good guy if I
Starting point is 00:36:50 if I if my kids came home and said that they'd had a swimming lesson and their teacher had put their tower on their shoulders and gone well done
Starting point is 00:36:59 sweet sweet boy or whatever I'd be fucking right down that school with a police officer and I'm not listen I'm not saying I'm not saying it school with a police officer. And I'm not saying it's bad at the time, but what I'm saying is, we've become a lot more hypersensitive to things
Starting point is 00:37:11 like that, haven't we? Yeah. He wasn't like he did it. He just literally put the tail on my shoulders and then just rubbed my shoulders with the tail. Well done, boy. Well done. Yeah, see, that's awful. Now. You know that, right? I'm not saying, in all right? I'm not saying,
Starting point is 00:37:26 in all seriousness, I'm not saying that Mr. Bath was really like a sex offender or anything like that. No, if anything, he was quite, what he was, he was very...
Starting point is 00:37:36 Quite an aggressive lover. No, I think I've shocked everyone because I wasn't an athletic kid, but swimming, if, look, if we'd been amphibious people, if we'd lived underwater, I'd have been king of the kids.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Do you know what I mean? But some shit rolls downhill, right? And we lived on land. Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. And I hope to God, just to teach some of those kids a lesson, you told them that. Some of those kids... some of those kids a lesson, you told them that. Some of those kids that were pulling.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Some of those kids that were pulling. The kids that were pulling me, telling me, going, oh, if we lived underwater, I'd kick your fucking ass. You need to know that. You wouldn't be saying that if we had gills, you fucking piece of shit. If we had gills, it would be a leveller. They'd all be the same.
Starting point is 00:38:25 Even now, whenever I go to a swimming pool, the first thing I do is test how many lengths I can do underwater. Oh, God, you're fucking... You're a poor wife. What happened with you and your swimming incident? What happened, bro? So I'm terrible at swimming, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:38:43 And our kids are brilliant because and i don't often say this but the swan you know she's very hot at making sure these kids are like properly prepped and you know they've got this so they've been doing they she she's been hitting them hard with like she's a really good swimmer she's been hitting them hard with swimming lessons and yeah making sure they practice and stuff like that. Anyway, I didn't realize how far below the required standard of swimming I'd fallen. And the other day, I said to the kids, we're going to do a thing in the pool where we're going to do
Starting point is 00:39:16 a 10-minute timer, and we're going to see how many lengths of the pool that we can do. Oh, no. And if any of you beat me, I'll give you a cash prize. Right? Oh, good. Anyway, long story short, I'm 200 euros in the hole.
Starting point is 00:39:32 What, even Little Alex beat you? Not only Little Alex, mate. Tiny Charlie. Every single one of them beat me. All three of them beat you? Yes, all three of them beat me. Charlie beat me while wearing a life vest. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:39:49 You know what you should do? Because sometimes you can be called by proxy. Say about me swimming a mile front crawl. Because I was about Theo's age then. So that might give me a little target of something to do. If you sort of say, oh yeah, guess what? My old best buddy, he swam a mile front crawl when he was about your age, Theo. And then what is that supposed to do. If you sort of say, oh yeah, guess what? My old best buddy, he swam a mile front crawl
Starting point is 00:40:05 when he was about your age there. And then what is that supposed to do? No, it's just like saying to them that, you know, it's inspiring probably for them. And also it says, oh yeah, even though you can't swim that well, one of your best buds can. Well, yeah, well done, well done guys.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Yeah, and in the future maybe you can ruin a morning with your other half by seeing how many lengths you can do underwater when you're a grown-up. Okay. This is where I'm going to throw myself into real embarrassment oh no here we go the the first year me and katherine were like together we went to portugal on holiday right we've got villa and uh i thought it'd be really cool to show her my swimming because i'd never
Starting point is 00:40:59 been near a swimming pool with her so first i'd obviously sort of like did the underwater swimming thing to sort of show how cool I was at swimming underwater. Came out, she was naked just waiting for you or she just... And then I thought
Starting point is 00:41:14 it would be cool to show her how long I could do an underwater handstand. And can I just double check? You did first meet Kathy when you were 10, yeah? I'm there at Pontings.
Starting point is 00:41:29 No, I thought it would be cool. I saw the pool there and I was like, I regressed to being, you know, king of the pool. And I was like, oh, mate, I can own this shit. And what I realised quite quickly when I sort of, my head came up from doing like a fucking awesome fucking underwater handstand was that actually actually in fact that um yeah i uh also just use the word awesome which makes me want to pull out my teeth
Starting point is 00:41:51 and if you and if you've been embarrassed by what you've said we know it's bad don't we i i feel very i feel more yeah yeah and actually weirdly because i spent so much time under the water on that holiday, I got quite a bad ear infection. Yeah, that's the other thing is water in the air. Yeah, it's horrible. So irritating, isn't it? Yeah. And I've got quite a small ear canal, so it's really hard to get out.
Starting point is 00:42:14 It's the only small thing about me apart from... A glug of water. Okay. Do you want to do some emails? Let's do a couple, baby. Okay. Hi, Wolf, Owl and Swan. Firstly, thank you for delivering
Starting point is 00:42:30 this fantastic podcast, which has kept me smiling throughout a difficult time. I've decided to start reading these. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, read it, read it. It's good for you.
Starting point is 00:42:38 I've split with my wife after Christmas and recently began to date again. I've met someone lovely. We've had a first date, which is really cool. Here's the problem. In my 20s, before I met my wife, I was a bit of a pain in the ass. Having a lot of one night stands and genuinely being a dickhead. As a result, I have two children outside my marriage, both with different mums and a total of four children. As you can imagine, my life is complicated and I'm embarrassed about how I behaved.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Safe to say I'm no longer that guy. My question is, how and when do I address this with a new date? I really hate telling my story and I don't want to scare her off. Please help. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for being sweet souls. Anonymous. And on. It sounds like me and you are two kindred spirits. Obviously, you were a bit of a player. Well, yeah, obviously with my swimming and stuff.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Oh, I see. Yeah, underwater swimming and, again, king and handstand. Yeah, this story about him sort of getting on with lots of women does really connect with your story of failing to impress one. oh god but sweet sweet anon um i'd say uh in a situation like this you know if this woman that you bequeath should become your queen uh you should you should say to her the truth you know if this woman that you bequeath should become your queen uh you should you should say to her the truth you know uh because you know that guy uh that you used to be is someone who is almost like a uh you know a man not of the shores that you uh you live upon now uh he's a distant memory and you're a new guy now so i think it it's worth, I think, just saying to her,
Starting point is 00:44:25 look, look, I need to tell you this and I'm not proud of it. Wallop, wallop, wallop. This is a situation I've come through. Honesty is the best policy, I think, when it comes to this thing. Do this over a nice meal. I'm not saying a Pizza Hut buffet, but, you know, something I think not too flash, but, you know, it's a shame the Bernie Inns aren't around anymore.
Starting point is 00:44:44 But, you know, you get what I'm talking about. TGI Fridays, kind of flex, Chiquitos. Sit down there. Quite a buzzy sort of restaurant. Imagine getting that news over a fucking Chiquitos. No, but I think the more fun and less formal
Starting point is 00:45:00 will make it the best. Here's a good idea. Go to TGI Fridays, and just before you're about to tell her're here's a good idea go to TGI Fridays right and just before you're about to tell her tell the staff it's her birthday
Starting point is 00:45:09 yeah that's no that's actually quite a cool idea because it's quite fun it will make it like it will take the tension out of the the room so yeah
Starting point is 00:45:18 I'd say that would be and on that would be my that would be what I'd be doing my brother good luck yeah good luck safe yeah I would agree with Tom that like it's very difficult to know whether what I'd be doing, my brother. Good luck. Yeah, good luck. Drive safe.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Yeah, I would agree with Tom there. It's very difficult to know when it's the right time to say. I would say earlier the better, but to a point, because that's quite a lot of information. It is a big thing, but saying that on the first date, obviously you're not going to be on your first date.
Starting point is 00:45:42 You've been seeing her for a bit. It's a bit weird, isn't it? Because you sort of go, well well why are you telling me this now we don't know where this is going to go if you know better than we do if you're in a thing where it feels like it's moving on to potentially the next level you do kind of you do need to tell her because from what you said in the email this is part of your past and you shouldn't be judged on that uh so hopefully she'll be cool with it if she's not i know this is difficult but if she's not cool with it then it's just not meant to be man like
Starting point is 00:46:10 i i just you know there is no result that's a bad one if you know i mean it might feel bad at the time either she's totally cool with it you carry in a relationship that's great if she's not cool with it and and you end up breaking up well at least you know now you know both of those things are positive outcomes does that make sense so yeah so i would say um yeah tell her now tomorrow i wouldn't say chiquitos what are you doing what's okay what what are you doing now i'm having one of these um what is this shout out mgp Nutrition for their new natural peanut energy bar, which is really nice. You've just been smashing for a protein shake.
Starting point is 00:46:51 I'm hitting up on my proteins. Going up. Okay, fine. Next email. This is from, let me just see, Keegan. Oh, man. One of my favourite names. Hi, Wolf for now.
Starting point is 00:47:06 I genuinely think you might not have been aware that that's the first name up until 10 seconds ago when I said that. No, I'm just saying that if Keegan was in a movie that I was writing about my childhood, he would definitely be the lifeguard at a local pool. Like the coolest guy on campus. The character name, Keegan, would be the lifeguard.
Starting point is 00:47:24 Okay, yeah, fine, fine, fine. My question for you is both to do with your jobs I work for the national oh it's gonna be exciting I work for the national governing body of table tennis wow basically the equivalent of what the FA are for football in England but for ping pong instead I'm a schools officer so most of my job is to go into schools and coach kids how to play table tennis and run events and competitions I wish someone like you'd turn up to my school because it's led to me shitting myself whenever i see a table tennis table at a place or a bar i'm with you on that because you just know that someone's gonna go what are you like and then i have to say i played it once i cried afterwards i've never played again today something is coming. Kong. Godzilla.
Starting point is 00:48:06 They can feel it. Fight together. And teaming up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong The New Empire. Now playing only in theaters. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share.
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Starting point is 00:48:43 Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really?
Starting point is 00:49:00 Yeah, he says it's a pill that's... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. I love my job as I've played the sport all my life, but I find that when I meet new people, they judge me slightly for the work I do. On numerous occasions when I've told someone what my job is, I get response along the lines of, so you teach pub sport for a living?
Starting point is 00:49:31 I think a lot of this stems from the lack of importance my job brings to the general public. Some of my close friends work in more essential jobs, such as doctors and lorry drivers, so I feel constantly reminded about how insignificant my job really is. I speculate that both of you may have experienced similar responses from people who have deemed comedy as a non-essential occupation so my question is this have you ever felt when you spoke to someone new about your jobs in comedy that they treat you any differently because of it and if so how have you dealt with it love the podcast always look forward to the next episode coming up keep smashing it keegan you keep smashing it keegan keegan you keep smashing
Starting point is 00:50:01 it let me just shout out ke, Keegan, right? Okay. When you go and it's Christmas Day and you have your Christmas dinner, yeah? Everyone gets fucking dizzy. Everyone gets crazy about the pigs in blanket. That would be probably the thing that everyone goes most crazy about. Then you're going to go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:17 I know I had some nice stuffing. I had some sweet, sweet cranberry sauce, some bread sauce, some turkey, some fucking honey-rinsed fucking parsnips, carrots. People fucking lose their fucking minds, right? But very few people mention the humble sprout, right? But the sprout's an essential part of that meal. And without the sprout, the sprouts weren't there.
Starting point is 00:50:39 You go, shit, we didn't have sprouts this year. That's quite a Christmas thing. But people don't big shout out the sprout. And that's what society's like sometimes, are a big shout out to Sprout and that's what society is like sometimes my brother yo we need the turkey
Starting point is 00:50:49 yeah you fucking love your pigs in blanket but what makes up a Christmas dinner is all the entities and if we lose any of them
Starting point is 00:50:58 then yo then you know about it so just keep doing you bro I would agree with all of this apart from the fact that people do talk about brussels sprouts it's mainly so much they fucking hate them so to use that as an example is an incredible decision to make um
Starting point is 00:51:16 i love brussels sprouts yeah fine uh ke, can I tell you something before I ended up doing comedy full time and ended up doing telly or whatever all of my friends all of my family thought it was so
Starting point is 00:51:39 stupid that I was doing comedy they didn't condemn it but I was going and doing gigs and admittedly it wasn't my job then i was trying to make it but i would i would miss evenings at the pub to go and do gigs and stuff they would just go what are you doing like you're going to mess around or whatever and and then it was only when like i started ended up doing it like properly that they started going all right they started realizing it was a job but even now when i tell my friends i've gone off to do like whatever they'll go oh my god like my God, you need to do proper work.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Admittedly, I'll be honest with you, I sort of agree with that to a degree. But the point I'm trying to make is what you do is important. What you do is good. Do you know what I mean? And part of the reason that your job is so important is because of those comments you're getting. People saying to you stuff like, say you teach a pub sport for a living, that's exactly why what the job you're doing people saying to you stuff like say you teach a pub sport for a living that's exactly why what your job's doing is so important what the job you're doing is so important because
Starting point is 00:52:28 table tennis is a proper thing just think you might go to a school like it is part of your work and you might encourage your kids to take up table tennis and they might end up like smashing it at the highest level or even let's not let's not even imagine that let's imagine they don't even do that let's imagine that they just end up being able to not be worried about a table tennis table being somewhere and them having a game or they might join a social club it might change their social life they might move to a new area and they've got no friends and then somebody goes and then they go i can play a bit of table tennis there's a table tennis club and then they make a whole new circle of friends as a direct result of what you've done so what i would say to you keegan is
Starting point is 00:53:08 some things aren't as obviously amazing or as obviously as important as other jobs but what you do is important and and never ever forget that or what i would say to you is you do your table tennis job and you take it to the max yo and keegan just think man one day you know one of the young scholars that you uh are teaching ping pong you know in the distant future starts a podcast with his best pal and turns around and says oh actually i remember winning this fucking ping pong championship and i smashed more balls than i've ever smashed and then my ping pong teacher came over and i can put his hands on my shoulders and said, well done, son, well done.
Starting point is 00:53:49 And that memory stayed with me forever. Mr. Bath, he was banned from swimming, moved on to table tennis, and it turns out he nonced his way through that as well. You could be someone else's Mr. Bath. I hope you're not, Keegan. Keep your bath. In all seriousness, King, and your job's important.
Starting point is 00:54:10 Keep doing it, Keegan. Keep doing it, Keegan. Right, do you want to do one more? Let's do one quick one, yeah. Hi, Wolf, Owl and Swan. I've been watching King Gary. Congratulations on King Gary, by the way, Tom. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Thank you. Cheers, thank you very much. And I have a question. In the episode where Stuart breaks down in front of Gary, fearing he's a bad father, do you feel your friendship helps or hinders your performance? I was wondering whether knowing each other means you get more emotional seeing your friend upset or if it makes you feel silly.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Either way, it was a touching scene. Keep up the great work. You have to be unashamedly laughing my ass off on the train. Take care. And that's from Sian, brackets, Water Bear. I didn't even know there was Water Bears. No, I didn't know that either. Aren't they little tiny things? I think they're
Starting point is 00:54:52 little tiny things. Quite cute, maybe. Let me have a look. Water Bear. Water Bear. Oh my god! What? They're like tiny little things. Let me show you that. Let me see that. Oh my god, wow. Jesus. Why are you calling yourself that,
Starting point is 00:55:08 Sian? Sian, come on, you do better than that, mate. Um, listen, that scene was,
Starting point is 00:55:12 uh, yeah, that's, I think that scene was all about Romesh just delivering something pretty incredible and pretty amazing. It was, uh, I think I speak for the whole crew there.
Starting point is 00:55:23 I think he took it, shocked us all. It was incredible. It was amazing to say. And was, I think I speak for the whole crew there. I think he took, it shocked us all. It was incredible. It was amazing to see. And yeah, I think, I think the whole of the dynamic between Gary and Stuart works
Starting point is 00:55:30 because we're as close as we are and I think we trust each other to, you know, to do the best possible job and you know that the person you're doing with is going to be
Starting point is 00:55:39 almost bringing their ego. Have you had your teeth whitened while you've been away? No. Keep checking them. You've checked them loads today. No, do you know what? I've got this like, do you know that I told you that I'm getting this Invisalign thing? Are you had your teeth whitened while you've been away no keep checking them you've checked them loads today no do you know what I've got this like
Starting point is 00:55:46 do you know that I told you I'm getting this Invisalign thing are you doing your braces thing yeah I've got to do it after the two jobs I'm doing now
Starting point is 00:55:52 so it keeps I just put them in and it just feels a bit like have you got them in now yeah I'm getting mine done
Starting point is 00:55:58 after these two jobs because they're both after I need to keep my teeth disgusting for them so that's a nice thing anyway what a pair of chimes yeah it was and thank you for your kind words about Kingo after these two jobs, because they both need to keep my teeth disgusting for them. So that's a nice thing. Anyway, um,
Starting point is 00:56:05 what a pair, Sean. Yeah, it was, uh, and thank you for your kind words about Kingo. It's, it's,
Starting point is 00:56:10 uh, I'm very humbled by the response. It's very, been very nice. So thank you very much. Hmm. That's been very nice. I would say,
Starting point is 00:56:17 and I'll see your question, Sean, it does help that Tom and I were very close. We weren't giggly at all during that thing. It was as the scene went actually it's quite sad and then someone i walked off and then um well actually to be fair that the whole thing was sort of undermined by the fact that we were working that day with child actors who yeah really care about the craft as much as we know and it was
Starting point is 00:56:38 also undermined by the fact that earlier that day as has been detailed on this podcast, Tom did one of the most revolting thoughts in a very close space. I've ever had the misfortune to fucking experience. And then blamed me because apparently my peer pressure made him choose a vegetarian option. The only vegan bully in the world right tom yeah can you um somebody emailed in saying do you feel a lot of pressure doing these because it does require a lot of creativity right at the end of us sort of doing the whole i mean is there any part of you somebody said is there any part of you that regrets setting this standard of no not really i don't put too much pressure on myself yeah okay tom can you uh can you do us the honor of uh taking us out okay
Starting point is 00:57:34 there was a group of people who are walking around who are all amazing at playing different musical instruments they were a group of friends i guess uh one guy could play the drums amazingly well and like one guy could play the guitar and someone else could play the piano they're amazing um and then there was sam serengoski sam serengoski was a quiet man and uh everyone said what is your thing and he said oh i can't play any instruments but i can whistle i can whistle any tune in the world and everyone was like oh right well we don't really need a whistler here mate and he said well i could whistle along to the tune that we make and that or i could whistle the tune and you know you could play a lot and they said look we don't need a whistler uh sam seraboski go and make some teas or something so for a long time sam basically
Starting point is 00:58:26 became a roadie for this group of musicians that toured the world and um everyone basically just sort of like you know really paid him no heed um and then one day um they were all uh on a boat trip and um the boat started to sink and everyone was shouting and screaming saying oh my god like help us help us and Sam Saragoski let out
Starting point is 00:58:56 the loudest whistle that you've ever seen it was a whistle so pure and so strong that the waves and the wind carried it towards the beach. And knowing Lifeguard and some other people who were also good at swimming and helping boats all ran forward and said, oh, my God, look, that boat is sinking just off the shore.
Starting point is 00:59:18 You know, we heard the whistle. That whistle told us everything that we needed to know that was carried in the wind, right? So they got a lifeboat and they got out to the lifeboat and they saved the group. And Sam Saragoski, as they came towards shore, one of the other bands turned around to him and said, listen, Sam, we've always looked at your whistle
Starting point is 00:59:43 as being a pointless thing. But actually, when in need of someone to save us, it wasn't the drums or the piano or the guitar that did. It was your humble whistle. So thank you. And we'll never, ever look down on your whistle again. And Sam turned around and said, like, just smiled and then just did a little whistle so what the point of that story is
Starting point is 01:00:09 there's no there's no bad talents just talents that require a place to be seen that really was beautiful thank you it really was was beautiful. What other rules about plugging our stuff, by the way? Because I'll tell you why. I just want to very quickly say, I just started a Radio 2 show for the love of hip hop. Please can everyone listen to it? Yeah, let me just quickly just say, by the way, I had to plug this fucking show on chat to Nicky Chapman.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Radio 2, I was doing an interview about King Gow and said, oh, we can't get a hold of Romesh. Are you able to plug his fucking hip hop show? They didn't say that. I swear they said that. So halfway through the interview, I'm talking about my show, trying to get a little bit of press. We have to talk about your hip hop show.
Starting point is 01:00:53 By the way, to which I said that you are releasing an album. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about this actually very quick. I know you've got to go in a sec. But you've done this in the past and and it's been reported seriously, and you've not learnt from that when you said that Jamie Redknapp was releasing a joke book
Starting point is 01:01:09 and that you were doing the forward for it. That got reported as news. And now you've gone onto Radio 2 and told them that I'm quitting comedy to release a rap album. What was the response to that? Well, Nicky Chapman was not silly silly by it because you're one of our favorite comedians ever don't they uh which sort of yeah for the whole of the interview it was very
Starting point is 01:01:31 romesh led um so yeah i can tell you now that's four tickets to whenever you're playing yeah well yeah but yeah but i love talking about you know what i like talking about when i get because i've had to do press for king gary by the way. Yeah, yeah. I knew it was about King Gary. And it's just all like, so what do you think, why do you think it is that Tom and James
Starting point is 01:01:51 are as good as they are at what they do? And I feel like saying, listen, let me explain something to you. I don't give a fuck about talking about those two on here,
Starting point is 01:02:01 all right? I thought we were talking about specifically my role and what I've done on this series. Yeah? That's how I play it.
Starting point is 01:02:09 So it's a bit of a different vibe, do you know what I mean? Kind of ruins the interview, burns my bridges with that press opportunity in the future. That's how I play it.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Right. You're a sweet, sweet soul. Oh, this is the other thing, very quickly before we go. Sorry, I know this is annoying.
Starting point is 01:02:23 In answer to a few emails we've had in, yes, Tom and I still, Tommy's coming to my house and we are still doing the uh the episode yes we are still doing lives and tom i would love you know what i miss you bro when i come back let's do a little dinner little dinner something yeah you got it baby and also uh um we are looking at making a wolf and Al Bill beer for Christmas. We are. We absolutely are. So, if there's any, there's a couple of breweries you've got reached out.
Starting point is 01:02:51 So, if you are one of those breweries, do it again. What? What? What? I need to save your numbers. Okay. So, we're not working on it. We're not working on it.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Thomas, you lost. No, no, but we will. Yeah. There'll be like a real Christmas twist, like a Brussels sprout beer. Anyway, keep it real. Thank you for listening. I love you all.
Starting point is 01:03:09 Love you guys. Bye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com that's wolfalpod at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you mainly because we don't have any content ideas thank you

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