Wolf and Owl - Episode 37

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

We’re talking… dad jokes, losing a beard, hiding some fish, waterpark worries and swimming pool pranks. Followed by some more of your emails, with questions on favourite TV night snacks and how the Wolf and Owl would cope with military training. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. Yo, what do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts, get severed and served. Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler. That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and Welcome, once again, to the summer... It's a summer slam, this boy. Oh, God.

It's a summer slam. What's happened, bro? I don't know, mate. I don't know. Something's walked in the room, isn't it? No, I've just fallen apart already. I can't even intro this thing. Welcome to a summer edition of the Wolf and Owl podcast. With me, the owl, and him. Hi, I'm the wolf. The crazy co-host has got portrait gall brain at the moment, yeah?

Oh, do you know what? Oh, honestly. In all seriousness, over the last couple of days, I've been making, making like proper dad jokes oh no and to the point where theo said to me i don't know how you're going to go back to work if you're going to be doing stuff like yeah he said to me if you're cracking jokes like that do you think there's a problem now that you because you're like a bit of a show-off obviously in life do you think now that... I knew

you were going to go this angle because you sat back, you started stroking your chin because you knew you had something you were proud of to deliver. Go on. No, but you're a bit... If we're out in company and we're out with mutual friends, you'll be doing cracky, zany things, right? Is it now that... Because you're with your

family. Is that your recollection of me? Is it whenever you and I are with mutual company that I'm doing zany things? Or do you find that I become an elective mute for the evening? I love the thought, right, of you being going like... We're out with some people and people are going, oh, he's had like three beers. And then you go, who thinks I can juggle all these bags of crisps?

I don't worry about it, mate. It's fine. No, no, no, no., who thinks I can juggle all these bags of crisps? Don't worry about it, mate. It's fine. No, no, no, no. You said I can't juggle all these bags of crisps. Okay, okay. Look, go. Buy every flavour of crisps. I bet I can finish it in 45 seconds.

No, go. No, put your money on the table. No, put your money on the table. What are you talking? No, look, you can talk about that issue later. Look, honestly, honestly, I'll do it right now for you. Romy, no feelings. What sort of stuff?

What have you been standing in front of them and doing? Like a little audience? No, no. But like, for example, Theo had a bit of cake. It was his birthday yesterday. He had a bit of birthday cake. Big shout out to my guy, Theo. Happy birthday, bro.

He had some cake on his chin. Right. I actually went, all right, cake chin. I mean, that... Literally, it's not even... I don't even think that's rude. It's not even a joke, man. I know.

Mate, look, Tom. How old was Theo? How old was Theo? Twelve. Oh, man. Look, you might be able to do that to Charlie and get away with it. How old's Charlie now?

Seven. Yeah, yeah. Charlie, cake chin's going to work with Charlie. You probably think it's like a superhero i was saying right like theo is not you're not gonna get respect you know you know what i find so weird about your response not weird weird is the wrong thing what i find so cruel i would say about your response to this okay is that i've just i've just said to you it's a thing that i'm not worried

about but you know it's a it's a thing an issue my son said to me you're making dad jokes right and i've shared that with you right and and you if if you'd received if we got an email going oh hello guys love the podcast uh please keep me anonymous i'm a working comedian who's been on holiday for a little bit and a little bit nervous about going to work because I started making jokes with my kids

that would be classified as dad jokes and now I'm starting to worry about going to my job you go okay well first of all let me just stop you there this is one of the

this is one of the greatest emails we've ever received let me just tell you so I imagine you're the best comedian in the world now

what you've got to do is remember you're on holiday you're trying to entertain your kids you're the best comedian in the world. Now, what you've got to do is remember, you're on holiday, you're trying to entertain your kids, you're just having a nice time. What you do at work is not the same as what you do on Dal's vacation. All right? So what I would say to you, my friend, is, you know what? Actually, the way that you made a joke of your son suggests to me

that you're one of the nicest human beings on the planet. That's what I'd say to you, first of all. Right. Let me just... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Relax yourself. Relax yourself and do you. And then I say it to you in conversation. Oh, you fucking... Oh, my God.

Oh, you must be worried about that. You get away with that with a seven-year-old, but you can't say that to a 12-year-old. Your career's over. You came on here showing off, right, saying I'll be smashing these fucking dad jokes, right? Okay? And then you're like, oh yeah, I'll turn around to Charlie and add some cake on his chin. I'm like, yo, look at you. What's your nickname? Cake Chin, right?

No, no, no, no, no. You've embellished that. I went, hello, Cake Chin. Okay, yeah. Arguably, mine's better, right? But the truth was... Do you know what? I actually do. The worst thing is I said, if you're a member of the Avengers,

you'd be Kate Chin. You didn't say that. I think I did. Oh, God. Right. It's like you should have told me how to go. Knock, knock. Go on.

Knock, knock. Oh, sorry. Who's that? Your chin. It's got some cake on it. Yeah, I don't... Listen. My issue with that is you're making that person have to respond to what is essentially the delivery of a turd

at least at least with my joke he didn't have to do anything okay go on um yeah your chin's cooling it's got some cake on it. Oh, no. This is actually an old building site classic. If you used to have food down your chin or around your mouth, someone would go, Oi, didn't you want that bit? Oh, God, yeah. Well, you're saving that for later.

Yeah. This kid's starving in Africa. This bloke's got enough food to leave someone his face. Anyway, how have you been? Good, boy. Good, good. Just like... I'm actually missing you a lot. I miss you, babe.

I miss you, boy. I miss you. Your beard is very fulsome and thick. Do you know this is the heartbreaking thing? This is doing it. I know what you're about to say. The next 24 hours'll just shave this beard off oh um i'm gonna be like moon facing it like looking at this now i look at his beard and go you know i finally got this to where i want it right and then i'm conscious now right that for probably the rest of this what we

call the summer and i'm doing it in in inverted commas because I'm being ironic, or sarcastic at one of the two. It sort of takes a stank off a bit when you don't even know what you're talking about. Is I'm going to look like someone's drawing a fucking face on the back of a ball bag. It's like, genuinely, I hate fucking being clean shaven. It's such a horrible thing.'s like genuinely I hate fucking being clean shaven it's such a horrible thing

how long will you have to be clean shaven for? it's a bit of a work for six weeks of filming this thing and then I'll go straight into another thing so I'm hoping that I can regrow a beard of sorts between because then I'm filming until January so it's going to be sporadic

like on and off. So hopefully I can just grow. Is this just a story about how busy you are? Sort of, yeah. Oh, God, I'm struggling because I'm going to have to... Do you know what my nightmare is, Tom, is I've got to shower every day because I've got to be clean to go and film.

More than life. At the moment, you don't have to shower every day because you can get in that sweet, sweet swimming swimming pool you're literally now living the fucking this you're in the dream life and you look so morose about it can i just apologize to you and the listeners because i'm sort of half asleep at the moment it's really i'm sort of struggling i feel like i'm struggling you know like uh i'm listening to you talking if it god tom's on form today and i just feel like really sort of foggy you've just been exercising haven't you

that's why that's the difference have you been exercising out there I've been running every day have you yeah well yes I have been

not to try obviously not to lose weight just to counteract everything else I'm doing while I'm out here are you what's your diet like while you're out there

because let me shout out Portugal by the way because Portugal's pretty good for a good dude like you vegan shout out Portugal shout out Europe actually not Europe man don't shout out Portugal by the way because Portugal's pretty good for a good dude like you vegan shout out Portugal shout out Europe actually

not Europe man don't shout out Europe no not Europe there's some places no look shout out Europe on the basis of Europe doing great things

but some European like I'm talking about veganism and where people are at for guys like you and like there's been a couple of European places I've been

and I'm like oh god I actually say to my my missus Ron would not be out of cope here I've been and I'm like oh god I actually say to my my missus Ron would not be out of cope here I'm not sure if I can have a terrible time here for food you've said that to Catherine yeah I've said it to waiters as well my friends are vegan if he came here

he'd have an awful time really what did they say thank you so much for complaining about something that doesn't is not relevant to tonight and you at all no no they just sort of say oh why and I'm like yeah because there's nothing on your menu you'd be able to eat you probably have no and then they go no i meant why are you bringing this up like he'd have to order a menu that's all i'm saying if he ever came here

so have i told you this story about the have i told you the vr goggle story no well you got vr goggles in your palatial villa no no no no so this is a story that was in my last book right yeah and um it's a story about it's not a story it happened we were at this restaurant in portugal a couple of years ago yeah and and our alex our second son was due to get a playstation 4 for his birthday his birthday's a little bit after he's a little bit after the summer right yeah so i said to him um so he anyway he's about to get his PlayStation. We were at this restaurant and he said, I want the fish.

And I said to him, let me say something now, my little G. It's not fish fingers. That is actually going to look like a fish. It's going to have a head and a tail and it's going to be looking at you. You do not want that fish. And he said, I want it.

And I said, I know what's going to happen. You're going to order the fish. It's going to arrive here and you're not going to want it. said honestly that's what i want anyway the fish just quickly you've got the problem as well when it comes the fish does come he doesn't want to eat it you can't finish it because of your political beliefs so okay first of all i'm not vegan because of political belief really that's ethical sorry yeah yeah would you pretend to apologize to me because you got the word wrong I'm just saying

in a gnarky way okay fine ethical like I fucking invented the word ethical I've been going around telling everyone

when you say political can you say ethical actually that's how I prefer it no no if he's struggling with the fish

you can't jump in and go all right i've got this okay no and also uh and also the swan hates fish what can't eat it oh i'll remember that for if you ever come around for a barbecue i won't have any fish or prawns does she like prawns i mean i mean if you invite us right it's gonna be a it's gonna fucking terrible it'll be fucking tofu city with a couple of beef burgers thrown in the mix. Why does his tofu taste so good, Thomas? What have you done to this? I just cooked it with the burgers.

That's what you're tasting there, my friend. I thought I'd invite you to a little place I like to call Flavour Country. Enjoy. That's beef burger juice, my baby. Rob, you know that little sort of brown, you know that brown kind of crust on a tofu, the flavour bit there? Yeah, that's beef.

Beef juice. It's not actual beef, so you can eat it. You know that sort of slimy little sludge around it? The only bit that's got any fucking taste. Anyway, so, by the way way what i'm about to tell you is stupid by me um so he said official arrive he said i don't want it i said to him you're just saying that now because you're being i said to him you're being a bit fussy and i was handing this wrong my son is fussy about food and that should be respected and the way that i used to

handle it is not acceptable i used to sort of make it out like he was laying it on a bit thick. But the truth is, if somebody doesn't like something, they don't like something, and that needs to be respected. And I didn't get that at that time. I thought he'd just been a bit difficult. Having said that, on this occasion, I thought I'd won because I said to him, I think you're just being fussy. In fact, I'm so sure you're just being fussy.

If you eat that fish, which I'm sure you can and will enjoy it, I'll get your VR goggles to go with your PlayStation. Now, I've told this story a couple of times to mates, and they've told me it really is a pathetic thing I did, and also a needlessly expensive thing I did. And also, when you tell the story, it sounds a bit dick-swingy as well, because you go, oh, yeah. Yeah, so I accept all that.

I acknowledge all that. And thank you so much for listening to what i said there without jumping and go well yeah let's just say you know well it's a fucking horrible movie no no no i don't think it's horrible i just think what what you should have done is like look too many like melt down next to him looks in the eye and go if you can finish this fish you should have the respect of your father do you know what it really speaks volumes to me that you think that that would have any impact upon him at all.

If you think that kid gives a shiny shit about having my respect. Anyway, he smashed through the fish before he could fucking bat an eyelid. Right?

Done. Gone. His birthday rolls around. We get him the VR goggles. He's been playing with them ever since on his PlayStation. This trip, we're on the plane. We're on the way to Portugal.

I'm sat next to him. He said to me, he requested to sit next to me. I thought it's because he liked me, but I'm wondering if it's because he wanted to tell me what I'm about to tell you he told me. So I sat on the plane, and he said, there's something I need to tell you. And I said, what? And he said,'s uh there's something i need to tell you and i said what and he said uh

you know two years ago when we came to portugal and you told me if i finished that fish you'd get me vr goggles i said yeah and he said i put the fish under the cushion of my suit wow i did not see that coming. My guy. And you know the reason, well, the reason he told me, I don't think he told me because he felt guilty. He told me because he knew that we were going to go out to that restaurant. And the geezer that... He's probably been thinking about it for ages.

Returning to the scene of the crime. Like a guy who's fucking robbed a fucking casino in Vegas who's worried about going back casino in vegas he's worried about going back the guy that runs the restaurant always remembers that i'm vegan so that's what that's what started freaking him out because he knows that the guy remembers us so then he was like what if they what if they go they found this fish under the cushion like last time we went i said well we'll have to see my mate and then he was and then he started going please can we not go to that restaurant please can we not go to that restaurant and then i said to him why don't you walk in and go god i've not been here since that bloke put

that fish under my seat that i didn't realize about until after i'd gone something like that so just sort of drew like a cover story he was actually considering it and i said to him look he was he was refusing to go to the he wasn't refusing to go to the restaurant he's not that type of kid he's just going can we not go to that restaurant can we not go to that restaurant i said let me phone up and make the book in i said if they give me an inclination that they spent about a year trying to isolate the source of this absolute stench they've been plaguing their restaurant then we don't have to go anyway i don't know if they remembered i don't know if they remembered, I don't know if they did, but they didn't mention it when we went there. He was very relieved.

Very anxious evening for him. But I thought, actually, he needed a bit of anxiety. I mean, he's fucking, he's absolutely, I mean, let's get this straight as well. It's not just the restaurant owner who's played for an absolute punk. Like, he's fucking...

It's Lisa, yes. No, well, yeah. But Lisa didn't give it the old dick swing, going, I'm going to get you VR goggles. It's like, genuinely, I actually respect the kids. You know, I love all your boys, but fucking hell, man, Alex is just... Yeah, listen, I gave him respect for that.

I actually thought it was incredible. And also, right, the eyes at the table are on Alex. As soon as he says, I want the And also, right, the eyes at the table are on Alex. As soon as he says, I want to see our goggles, right, the eyes at the table, maybe even the restaurant are on him, right? This little boy is going to take on a whole fish. We didn't announce it to the... Yeah, maybe you should have done,

because it was a big move from him, right? He then, right... I mean, it probably shows how much you were scoffing your face. You weren't keeping an eye on your fucking, the biggest bet of like no you weren't keeping any eyes on him you're like eating your dinner wolfing it down right and he's like that fucking hell man i would accept this if i was talking to a guy that fucking took his time over his own food. But don't forget, I've seen you eat on countless occasions, right? You wouldn't notice a fucking explosion if you were in the middle of a meal.

No, but, like, that is fucking... That is like Ocean's Eleven kind of vibes, isn't it? I know, I know. To hide the fish over vibes, isn't it? I know, I know. To hide the fish over a cushion is fucking clever. I know, but then, do you know what? Even though he, like you said, he played me and he lied about it, I felt sorry for him that it had been sitting on his mind. I don't know.

But also, you must have felt a little bit of pride because he's like, he's played the house and he's won, right? Yeah, but you can't, you can't. You can't show him that, but there must have been a bit in you and think, fucking hell, like, right? Yeah, but you can't... You can't show him that, but there must have been a bit in you and think, fucking hell. If nothing else, I don't know what he's doing at school, but he could be quite a poker player

or a snooker player, going from town to town, playing hustler people. Yeah, that's the problem, is for him to be a travelling snooker player. No, but he could be quite a good hustler, is what I'm saying. Yeah.

Yeah, he could be going a good hustler is what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, he could be like, yeah, going around like to American cities and stuff and then Theo and Charlie reach out and try

and like go and see him and stuff and like he's living in Delaware and he's like, you know, married to someone. And then we go and visit him wherever he is

and then he ends up robbing us and moving on to the next city. There's just a little note going, looks like it's fish time again, Alex. AKA, the Phantom. On cake gin just sitting there. What are you looking at, cake gin?

Fucking idiot. More again. You're 33, mate. I'm going to stop giving you cake and when are you moving out we went to a water park yesterday and you know what last week on this podcast I talked to you about being a little bit more body confident on this holiday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was proud of you, man. And partly thanks to you and your photo. Yeah. And I went to a water park. I really struggle at water parks. In what sense? Because you have to walk around in just the swim shorts.

It's not even just lying on the beach you're walking around the whole day just in swim shorts you know what i thought just quickly on that i thought maybe what could be make you look quite cool in that situation is take your dressing gown like a nice dressing gown like a thin one but a nice yeah more than that you're absolutely right yeah and then how long do you think it would be before they think like a thin one, but a nice, yeah, more random that. Hmm. You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah. And then how long do you think it would be before they think someone was escaped from a local institution and come to the water park?

No, you know, you can have it open a little bit. Like if you're walking around, you got your board shorts on, I'm assuming. Right. And you've got your,

uh, dressing gown on. Like, and it hasn't got to be a big thick sort of like mega top dressing gown. It's like quite a thin sort of one maybe with an Arsenal logo on the back. Right? Oh my god.

No, I think you can look quite cool. Then you've got your baseball cap on back to front. I think... It's like a really shit, fat, fresh Prince of Bel-Air tribute. just like a really shit fat fresh Prince of Bel-Air tribute

just Charlie Charlie with some cake on his chin and Alex just the kids crying Dad can you just take the dressing gown off please

you're ruining Aqua Show you know what you could be what would be really cool though is when you get to the dressing gown off, please? You're ruining Aqua's show. You know what would be really cool, though, is when you get to the top of one of the slides and you give your dressing gown to the guy at the top, you know, the guy to help you down. And you just go, hold this, bro. I'm about to make some waves.

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Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers drug mart today yeah yeah do you like water parks i'm i'm i'm with you on the basis of walking around uh with no top on all day because i do think you have is that that side of things because just in the very nature of water parks right is you're going to have quite a few people who in their sort of late sort of you know 18 19 to sort of like mid-20s who are stacked who look amazing right it was just it was just insane and then you're just walking around and that it's a real fucking note to yourself to go oh yeah i am officially middle-aged now you know and sort of

i think once you can get that in your head and realize that sort of no one expects well you know the other thing is you you are shorn of all of your disguise you know your costume because when you're fully dressed you know you put on some like fresh clothes you put on a hat you put some shades or whatever it's all this all this stuff to sort of mask what you are yeah then you're in a situation where for the day you're just in your shorts i have twice been in a water park and done a homie simpson and the push of the water uh and maybe yeah obviously my weight and i think maybe some of the friction caused by body hair has uh has meant i'm i've like literally got to a certain level down. Oh, yeah, and you get stuck. Yeah, and you've then got to do that really muggy thing of pushing yourself with your hands.

I don't know what's more humiliating, the visual or just hearing the sound of what sounds like rubber rubbing against a bathtub or whatever. Yeah, and also... That squeak. This is the saddest thing. It actually fucking makes me feel even more sick. Like, having to fucking push yourself down on your own hands, sad this is the saddest thing that actually fucking makes me feel even more sick like

having to fucking like push yourself down on your own hands knowing that the water's now fucking built number one knowing hopefully that someone's got a fucking grip on this and he's not just fucking like sent someone else yeah he sent someone else down he's gonna smash into your back and then you're gonna apologize right because you're a fucking piece of shit right but then you're doing it with your hands and you know like when like the one that i got caught on was one it's like a full round one so like you're hidden right and then you come out at the end of the sort of like fucking 360 thing and it opens up and usually that opens up and someone just comes flying out going yeah like that right you're on your fuck pushing yourself down with your hands right but you still feel

the inclination to show that you're having a good time so you're pushing yourself down in your hands then you try and lie back hoping the water might just fucking take you the water's now fucking it's like fucking sand like a dune around your fucking head and you're like push yourself down yeah yeah and then you fucking literally push yourself into the water like an old man getting into a fucking hot bath. Yeah. It's, yeah. No, they're fucking fuck water parks, actually,

now thinking about it. Well, I actually think they're disgusting. Yeah. Anyway. Oh, they're very unsanitary. I mean, just loads of people just pumping emissions into that water. Oh, mate, I'll tell you what. Actually, someone dug us out the other day about a long time ago,

the We in the Sea episode. What did they say? We got a lot of ats. I think it was on Twitter. Saying what? Me and you advocating people weeing in the sea. And then I think Kerry... Saying what?

I think Kerry Katona would... Oh, mate, I saw this. Kerry Katona? Yeah. Kerry Katona? I don't want to... Listen, I don't get dragged into some sort of like no kerry katona went on good morning or this morning well yeah yeah to let me just say

that as if i think if holly and phil were there as two of your best friends they'd have fucking definitely fucking stuck up for you who was hosting when uh probably eamon and ruth i'd imagine all right fine so kerry katona was talking about how offensive she finds it when people we into the sea yeah and how she doesn't want to be near somebody who's weeing in the sea for physical can i say you shouldn't be that close to anybody in the sea it's the ocean yeah okay that's one place where you can give some people some personal i would I would say, if you're close enough, if I could have a bumper sticker on my shorts, it would say, if you're close enough to feel the warmth of my urine,

you're too close. See? That's what I'd fucking wear to a water park where everyone's crammed in fucking mum's dragging their kids away from you anyway i don't see i don't do people think it's an issue then no no but what i'm saying is right in the sea i'm completely with it. But let me tell you, water parks,

mate, you are dizzy if you don't think, like, the amount of fun being had at water parks by, I'd say, 80% of the people there, like, they'll lose.

Do you think 80% of the people piss themselves in a water park? Is that what you're getting at? Yeah, and probably, 80%. And quite a lot of them, I'd imagine, like,

little farts as well, and like, you know, when the water thing's going off or whatever. Yeah. Like, seriously, man, you've got to be really fucking on that. Yeah. And also just sort of the number of anuses that are being rinsed.

Yeah. Yeah, because I think some people are so excited to fucking get out and jump in the pool, they probably don't. They're not doing a thorough job of wiping their bums. Well, all you're doing is giving a real deep insight into how you behave at a water park. So now we know that you've pissed yourself and now we know you don't bother to clean your arse properly. We also know that if you're on holiday,

you don't shower because you rinse yourself off in the pool. So fucking filthy living like a peasant in the 1800s this Africa we're just on holiday why do you always have to regress

just eating wild boar and not cleaning your arse. Stinking of chlorine. You know, Mr. David, yeah, I was in a pool earlier. Chlorine won't kill any bacteria. Oh, God. The boys enjoyed it, though, right? Mate, I mean, that's the reason you go. They loved it

all three of them stepped up like i i don't know it must be lisa because it's not my genetics they're all fearless yeah so i remember walking around as a kid like genuinely my mom said to me that i i was such a wuss when i was a kid she didn't say it in those words but basically such a wish she said she once took me to meet some friends when I was really young. She once took me to meet some friends at a playground. And because I was so sort of inagile and kind of overweight, I saw the climbing frame that we were going to be playing on

and I started crying. Oh, yeah, I've been there though, brother. You just sort of know what the afternoon's got in store for you which is you going around a series of things and being much shitter than your mates no but also like you walking beneath them like as they as they as they as they go across along the monkey bars no it's fun here look at you look at your shoes you're like when a ninja warrior where a wife or a husband's running alongside them. Like a ninja warrior.

And then the worst is when you try and join in. You know the monkey bars, right, that go across? I used to be terrified of that. At our local park, they had some of those, right? And this is before. Like, now it's like a different world because, like, got that soft concrete stuff they were soft tarmac they put down yeah it's quite spongy like when we were kids you know these kids don't know they're born do they and i remember just thinking even at a young age i could genuinely die if i went on there i remember

going to remember water palace in pearly yeah we've talked about we talked about before yeah the razor blade place i remember like there i mean be fair, I'm quite amphibious. So, do you know what I mean? Yeah. You're not amphibious. Yeah. That's the one place that I knew that I'd become a dominant force within that, you know, that people would talk about me all around, you know,

probably as far as Crawley. It's the boy who could, you know, hold his breath for a whole fucking, like when the wave machine was going. Well, you just go under the water and. Yeah. Hold your breath the whole time. What a lovely treat.

So the lifeguards working there. Do you know what that, do you know what their, I imagine their favorite thing is people that go under water or pretend they're drowning. Did you ever use that? The two things that make their job so easy. Did you ever use that? Do you know one of my favorite things to do when I,

like when I was probably about from the age of about 14 to about 29 one of my favourite things to do this is actually a joke to get some respect back go and get a Mars bar or snickers right leap into the pool leap into the pool as hard as you can

and sort of like create a bit of a scene but put the snickers down the back of your shorts and as you're swimming, let the Snickers come out of the back of your shorts so it looks like you've pooed yourself. It's so, honestly, that'll get them and that'll get your respect.

When have you done that? I've done that so many times. Have you? Yeah, one of my favourite things used to be, you know when you're in, back in the day, if you'd go to Magaluf or something and you're at a busy pool, there's all people around and stuff like so it's a really

busy put a lot of people in it and yeah people playing water polo whatever people fucking about and then i'd do that and there'd be like a oh my god like that and then it'd be like a like a and you'd have to sometimes squeeze it so it looked like a poo just imagine your mate your mate's going where are you saying where? Oh, he's gone to the, you're not going to fucking believe it. What? He's gone to the vending machine. Oh, God.

Maybe. He's going to do it again, isn't he? Yeah. Can you just laugh along? Because, bless him, it's the only thing he ever does on this holiday that he feels proud of. Yeah.

He's so ashamed at the bars of how he gets on. None of the girls are going near him. He doesn't really like taking his top off at the beach. You know, someone's shat in her pool. Yeah, I wondered if that was

actually me, but it was a mask. Everyone thinks you're disgusting. No, but the boys might find it really funny. Yeah,

okay. Yeah, try it. That could get me some parts. Get Lisa to video it and we'll put it up on the... Yeah,

I'll put it up on the audio podcast. No worries. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill. Speed.

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Today. Something is coming. Kong, Godzillazilla they can feel it fight together it's human or face extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters order up for damien hey how did your doctor's appointment go by the way did you ask about rebelsis actually i'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really?

Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for rebelses right should we do some emails let's go homie let's go all right hold on one sec now big up the swan who i need to give the swan an extra shout out today yeah so after this um after this we finish this record i'm going to be going for my uh my run and the swan has been going for a morning walk obviously we can't go at the same time because the kids are here

and uh she left for a walk cut her walk short because she remembered she hadn't done the emails oh wow what i know. She rushed back. I said, so I've got it under control. Don't worry. She goes, no, I'm the swan and I have to do this. She didn't say it as dramatically. We are just, I guess she's the wind beneath our wings in a way. Yeah. So I guess

what I'm saying is these are going to be quite half-assed because she chose the last minute. Okay. This is from the sloth. We've had a few sloths, I believe. Yeah. Hi, Tom, Rom and the swan. Okay. This is from The Sloth. We've had a few sloths, I believe. Hi, Tom, Rom and The Swan. Recently found your pod. It's wonderful and your friendship is golden.

Thank you so much, Sloth. I also have a very tight group of colleagues. I'll go out on a limb and call them friends. She's done a very Tom thing here, which is named all of them. I'm not going to read out the names.

Anyway, big love. We were recently reminiscing about event television. Do you know what? She doesn't want to be anonymous,. I'm not going to read out the names. Anyway, Big Love. We were recently reminiscing about event... Do you know what? She doesn't want to be anonymous, so I'm just going to say it's Sue, okay? And her friends are Steve, Nathan, Rachel and Gemma. You know what? Generally, this sounds like a really cool group.

Like, generally, a nice bunch of people. Why? No, when you said Sue, I was like... I was just trying to think. I was like, Sue is just a very, like, humble, sweet name, right? That I think is a nice, yeah, genuine sort of person, right? And then as you're sort of going through the others,

I was like, Nathan sounds cool. Steve, yeah, yeah. Good bunch of people. Okay. I can't even be bothered to unpack all of that. So we were reminiscing recently about event telly of our youth. One that Steve and I had in common was Big Brother, and we bonded over our excitement of the Friday night eviction show.

The working week was done. We'd stop off specifically for snacks, get the blanket out, and fully relax. Friday night was Big Brother night. We looked forward to it all week. Where I lost a bit of respect for Steve, so it wasn't for getting excited about eviction night, was his snack choices. He had the whole of his local shop to choose from. Maybe crisp, chocolate bar and biscuit.

This is a... I tell you what, Sue writes an email a lot like Tom Davis talks, by the way. Shout out, Sue. Steve is a food lover, so he's excited to hear

the specifics of his choices. Imagine the horror, imagine my horror, rather, when he chose a yoghurt. What? A yoghurt. His justification was, yeah, but it was a good one,

the one with the corner. Muller Corner? Muller Corner? Well, we don't know. That is breakfast food. Don't know it's a Muller Corner. You're talking Big Brother, what, late 90s, early part of this century, that would have been Muller Corner.

It might have been a corner shop knockoff, mightn't it? It might have been a mallard or something. Yeah, well, okay. Maybe. Looking at Steve. Don't get gnarky with me. Whenever you speculate like this, we have a little fun little detour down a potential no you're talking about steve right who's sitting there and he's got he's got all these snacks i think steve is

gonna i'll give him the credit to say that if he's having a corner yogurt he's having a milk corner i don't okay fine i don't respect it but yeah i think yeah i can imagine steve's doing right for himself go on we ran this choice this choice behalf of the rest of the group. And on this very important point, Steve is on his own. Yoghurt isn't a snack, especially not a snack when you're practicing a bit of self-care with a blanket, snack and the TV you've been excited for all week. I need the views of the wolf in the hour. What would your go-to snack choices have been in this scenario?

Can a yoghurt ever be considered a snack? And should I just let Steve snack on whatever the fuck he likes? Thank you so much. Listen, I think there's rules to this snack life and I don't think yogurts are in it. I agree. Actually, to be fair, you know what? If you'd have broken it down and said that he'd had like an Aero yogurt,

I'd have respected him a little bit more. Why is that better than a Muller Corner? Because a Muller Corner is breakfast or lunch food. What about those... By the way, by the way... Sorry, what's going on? Siri's just siri on my watch and just recorded all that conversation the whole of our podcast so far uh well that's good because i imagine you're actually recording it on your end of the laptop it's that would just be siri doing my bits

well i um by the way first of all obviously you know i don't eat yogurt well i do eat yogurt but i eat vegan yogurt which people will get in touch with me if i say that and go you can't call it yogurt because yogurt has got dairy in it or whatever is it soy you have the soy ones the chocolate soy ones they're quite nice yeah and they do the coconut with the coconut ones this is uh coconut collectives are amazing look at those uh anyway so i remember when i was at school i used to get the banana yogurthurt with chocolate-covered cornflakes and mullet corn. And that was absolutely delightful. I don't mind telling you.

Still not a snack for watching a movie. What is that then? You wouldn't have that for breakfast? That's lunchtime. That's either lunchtime or that's for your dessert for probably a Wednesday or Thursday tea, I'd imagine. Right. That's what I'd say.

Coconut Collaborative, sorry. Not Coconut Collective. Coconut Collaborative. Shout out to them. Anyway. I would say snack-wise, what my thing would be is I would probably get a bottle-stroke can of Fizzy Pop, or maybe two cans of Fizzy Pop.

Probably at that time, even now, I'd probably reach for Coca-Cola or Coke Zero. Okay? I would then look at an assemble of crisps. What's it would be? An assemble of crisps. An assemble? Yeah.

I can't figure out. Say it slowly. Assemble. Assemble. Assemble. It's probably actually, it's more of that might be a French word. It might be a word, I think, because it's more of that might be a French word. It might be a word,

I think, as I said, as you're struggling for. Right. You're saying assemble with a French accent. Yeah. Yeah. Look,

do you know what I meant by it? Yeah. You're being very like, persnickety over. Very good. But listen, by the way, this is a good point to bring this out.

We haven't had this, we haven't had a conversation like this for a while somebody had a go at me about picking you up for words no I don't I never mind

because I'll fight my own no no but somebody said to me that I'm being a bit sort of like like snobby and kind of being a bit arsey and I do

look I take that point but can I just say and I want to clarify this again I am not doing this to humiliate Tom no no and neither do I feel humiliated because did you know what I meant by that word yes I did then the

rodeo is one my friend yeah yeah sure sure but the point I'm trying to make is I don't want you to go and say that word in a conversation elsewhere when you're not you know you're talking to somebody like you know what if you're in a meeting, like some fucking meeting with, as you often are in some meeting, you're trying to pitch a show. I need constantly pitching shows. You've probably got to pitch straight after this podcast. Right.

And then they say something to you like, you know, they said, you know, help yourself to a snack before, before we start the meeting. Oh, what an ensemble of items we have here.

And then they said, we can't let this guy have a fucking show. He's a moron. I don't want that to happen to you. The whole of life is, if you can carry something off with enough bluff, they'll think, oh, I haven't heard it said like that before.

Yeah, they think that. Okay, fine. So are you saying that by me correcting you, I might be diminishing your chances of... No, look, this is the difference. And this is what I want to get clear to everyone. Romesh will pick me up with words and I will fight my way through. And the truth of the matter is, difference and this is what I want to get clear to everyone Romesh will pick me out of words

and I will fight Moe Corn and the truth of the matter is me and Romesh yeah one of my best friends I love this man

with all my heart he knows that right the reason you know he's an owl and I'm a wolf is he flies in the woods and he's scared

of like leaving them right I'm a wolf I will fucking run through the woods and I'll run out into the desert or whatever

wolves can survive and wolves live outside the perimeters of normal foundations so that is why sometimes I will try and use edgy words or I will try and break convention and that's why it's good to have a best friend who's an owl who can sit on your shoulder and go

Christ what are you doing hold back you're too crazy. And the wolf goes, sometimes you'll go, actually, you know what? I'm going to fucking leave this battle. And sometimes the wolf goes, listen, dear friend. We're about to break through to another world.

What a long-winded way of saying absolutely fuck all. So anyway, the word that I believe you're looking for is ensemble. Yeah. Right, listen. so i have an assembly um right so what i'd look at is i look at a what's it as a staple cheese snack right okay okay so what suits would definitely be in the mix i'd then probably try and juju that up a little bit by a frazzle added into the mix of monster munch pickled onion probably like in later years a flaming hot and i would maybe a skip if i'm feeling a bit more edgy i'd then probably look at two different chocolate bars to have one of those again you'd have a staple of you know schnickers a mars bar or a twix right something that's you know not too edgy and then to that you'd add something that you know had a little bit more to it maybe even high end like terry chocolate orange bar

um you know something like that maybe that and i don't want to get emotional here but i don't know if anyone remembers drifters i don't even i don't see drifters anymore i haven't seen drifters for ages but drifters to me were you know one of the finest inventions ever known to man. It was, you know, really a beautiful thing. So, yeah, and that would have been a normal chill blade sort of, you know, actually, talking Friday night, aren't we? I probably would look at maybe a Ginsters pasty as well. While you're watching Big Brother, you would have a can of Coke,

back at Chris, a drifter and then a pasty. No, I'd have the pasty first, of course. Okay, fine. Yeah, I'd have the pasty as the TV cracked into life and Davina

McCall sort of, you know, lit up the room. And then by the time that, you know, they were doing the sort of final eviction, I'd

just be sort of finishing off my drifter. I'd slow it down. You know, still even now, actually, I long for those days.

Heady days, my friend. What about you? I mean, what about you? What are you about to say? No, because obviously you were a vegan at the time,

so you could have, you know, you've probably never had a Ginsters steak slice. No, well, yeah, I wasn't always vegan. I did used to have a Ginsters.

Did you? Did you miss it? Yeah. No, not massively. What would be the thing you miss most about meat? I don't miss meat as much as i miss cheese oh wow yeah yeah yeah i forgot about that you know melted cheese is something that

doesn't exist in the vegan world no so um uh what i would say though in terms of snack i could recommend all sorts of regular snacks but one of the things that um i think is a bit of an unsung hero is if you go to the the uh the world foods aisle yeah your supermarket or indeed uh any asian-owned supermarket if you're going to say what i think you're going to say i might well just get a flat to portugal and hold you in my arms but carry on okay this is a lot of pressure on this they do a chili and lemon potato snack and it is genuinely out of this world it was i mean i'm gonna try that i was thinking it was gonna be something else you know those little chili you know those little chili things that they do like the little chili wafer type things they're like like little tiny round biscuits i don't think

i've had those oh my god that's what i thought you't know what they're called. I don't think I've had those. Oh, my God. That's what I thought you were going to say. They're definitely vegan because you can get them on a whole load of Barrett's. Oh, God. But these chili and lemon things are amazing. I can't remember the name of the company, but they're wicked.

Listen, I was very anti the idea of eating a yogurt for a snack until I started watching a lot of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. And if any Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans will know that Terry, Sergeant Terry, Sergeant Terry Jeffers, loves his yoghurt.

And when you watch, I'm so easily suggestible. So, if I watch Terry in a yoghurt at his desk, I think, oh, do you know what? Do you lick the lid of a yoghurt still? Yeah, of course you do. Of course you have to. No, yeah, of course you have to. I just quite trying to see a yoghurt. Do you lick the lid of a yoghurt still? Yeah, of course you do. Of course you have to. No, yeah, of course you have to.

I just didn't know. You have to. Obviously, like, sophistication and age depends. Some people find that disgusting if you do it on a tube or something. I wouldn't do it on a tube. Or a train. I wouldn't eat a fucking yoghurt on a tube or a train. Really?

You always get yoghurts on trains. Which one do you always get yoghurts? Yoghurts when you're sitting on a train. If you go to the snack cart, you've always your yogurts when you're sitting on a train if you get like a like if you go to the snack car always got yogurts there that's one of the few times i'm definitely gonna have a yogurt yeah i don't think i'd have a yogurt on a train i don't think so i don't think so do you know what i used to do on a late night train which i've decided is unacceptable behavior i used to stop at wasabi oh yeah why have they got a kindred spirit. Why have they got Wasabi? But they've got Wasabi

at Victoria Station. They have a King's Cross everywhere. After a gig, I'd like go in there, get like a tub of curry and then...

I did exactly that thing. Like, this is so fucking... Like, this is so... I would go, right, to Wasabi, right? They do this incredible shout-out Wasabi, sweet chilli sticky chicken

with the sticky rice. It's amazing. I was so addicted to that. But I'd eat that at 11, 12 o'clock at night as you would be. It was insane. And then I had literally the worst stomach through the night. And if I was gigging three times that week, I'd have the same meal that week.

Mate, 100%, 100%. Yeah. And it wasn't, honestly, and you know the other disgusting thing about it? It would not matter how much I'd eaten that day. It wouldn't matter if I'd got to the gig eating. Literally, it doesn't matter how short the gap of time is. Have dinner, arrive at the gig.

Doesn't matter if I'm only at the gig for 20, literally do my set and leave. I then have to have a wasabi at victoria's so much i'm so that person like like even like to the point if if i go to the train so even like now i struggle with this but if i go to a train station right and i'll go and like look up and the train is like i've got 15 minutes at the train station i'll go i might as well get a burger Burger King. Yeah. And sometimes I'll put pressure on my journey. What I could do is not take on 1,000 calories and have a relaxed wander over the train. But no, what I'm going to do is I'm going to go and queue up

at a food place that I don't need because I've already had three meals that day and then fucking have to sprint with a bag of food to make the journey that I've made now high pressure because I'm such a greedy prick. Do you know how other people behave, Tom? Other people go, they turn up at Victoria and they go, or whatever train station, and they go, oh, I'm quite hungry

because I haven't eaten that much today. Maybe I'll get something to eat. I don't know, let me have a look. Oh, do you know what? It's a short amount of time before the next train. I'm going to wait and leave it. And maybe by the time I get, I'll have a pair when I get home.

Yeah. I'll just have an apple or something. Whereas you and I will go, I will actually on occasion, I've been known to just get the next train. So Chadwick, King's cross, like leaving the station to find a burger King.

And also like, this is Also, this is so embarrassing. If I go to Burger King, right? I'm a McDonald's guy, really, by heart. If I go to Burger King, I have a Burger King meal and I have to order like eight chili cheese bites. I don't need those in my life. Do you know that food that you... It's a classy example of food you order to sort of keep you occupied as you're unwrapping the actual food that you consider It's a classy example of food you order

to sort of keep you occupied as you're unwrapping the actual food that you consider to be the meal. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly how that goes. You order the little side thing and then you're sort of unwrapping the burger or the...

I'll be unwrapping my burrito as I'm eating these nachos. Do you know what I mean? That I didn't want. What I love is I don't need a fucking... Number one, I don't need a fucking burger and chips, but I also don't need a fucking starter to that meal. I don't need a fucking, number one, I don't need a fucking burger and chips, but I also don't need a fucking starter to that meal.

I don't need a fucking side dish. I know. The idea of trying to construct three courses at Chipotle. Trying to spit it, spit past the fucking, like, Krispy Kreme.

Krispy Kreme. Let's go into Lola's. Can I just, I just need a single cup. Honestly, my train's leaving in a minute. Yes. Honey, give us free cookies.

45 minutes on the train, you've eaten all three cookies. You've got the best intentions of going, I'll give one of these cookies to my wife, and I'll have the other cookie at some point this week. You get home with chocolate around your fucking mouth. Some wanker on the fucking train goes, you've got chocolate on your chin. And then Lisa would do on the fucking train goes, you got chocolate on your chin? And then Lisa would do something like,

even if I put it in the bin, the next morning she'll put something in the bin, she'll notice the wrapper. I'll come downstairs. Enjoy your cookies last night? Yeah, I did, Luther. Go fuck yourself. I'd break, I'd crumble to Gaffer and I'll go,

she'll go, do you have, have you had some food? And I'll go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the bird king on the way home,'s like actually um like sean hughes sean hughes r.i.p once gave me a bollocking on the phone about it sean hughes if you don't know an amazing amazing comedian he passed away a few years ago but like one of the very best um yeah i remember him phoning me up one night he's asking i don't know he's just checking in about how a gig had gone or something and then he just sort of he sort of gave me this really affection not that really nice not like you know well-meaning just sort of bollocking for

eating after like so late at night he just said he just he's just i remember him saying to me you're just gonna eat and you're gonna sleep on that now you guys know you've got nothing else left in your day because you literally just have to eat and you're going to sleep on that now. Yeah. You've got nothing else left in your day because you literally just have to, what are you doing? Fueling the walk upstairs to bed. Yeah. You know,

that makes you sound even worse there, doesn't it? Your face, you look exactly how I feel. That's exactly, yeah, but it's like, yeah,

he's so right, isn't he? Okay. Hit me, boy. Next email. Big shout out, by the way, Sue. Thank you, Sue. Yeah, thank you so much for that, Sue. Next email. Big shout out, by the way, to Sue.

Thank you, Sue. Yeah, thank you so much for that, Sue. And I would say, Sue, I'd call her the duck rather than the sloth. You'd call her the what? Duck. The duck, right. Yeah. And by the way, Sue, I sounded like I was being a bit gnarky about you watching Big Brother

when in actual fact I watched the first five series religiously. I'm obsessed with it. Tom, Rom, and the Graceful Swan. Would love to stay anonymous. We're a possible team. Stomped over your pod on day one. Long time fan of both your work. Okay.

I'm a Serbian army officer. Wow. Big shout out. Yell to the forces. Yell, bro. Who, although having my own demons, speak with many soldiers and friends who suffer their own. The key is actually getting people talking,

and with humour, better understand their predicament, and that life's a gift, a pretty sweet ride, so do you and take it to the max. Nice one. On a more jovial note, how do you think you would both get on in either military training or an exercise operations? You're both robust men amongst men.

I'd love to bring you down and let you experience some training, shooting, and general shenanigans. Who do you think of the two of you as the biggest minerals? I think you'd pull off the camo look and we can set you both up as a couple of sweet, sweet soldiers. Keep up the great work, chaps.

The Ox. Well, you know what? Well, he has called himself and he owns that name, to be fair. I think we've both done, for television shows, we've both done this military stuff, right? Like, you know,

number one, we've done military stuff within the boundaries of television and, you know, it being sort of made easier for two slightly overweight fucking comedians. I don't know. Do you know, actually,

I think Romesh has got a lot of... Although he sort of knocks himself a lot of time, I think you've got... Is it witherall? I think you stick with something. I don't think you'd ever quit. That's the right word, right? Witherall? Witherall? That type of varnish? No, witherall is...

Witherall, let me have a look at that. Do you mean wherewithal? Yes, yes. That's exactly what I meant. But I do think, like, I think if me and you went to do, like, a soldier thing with these actual squaddies and, you know, maybe that is something

we should do at some point. I mean, the shooting and fucking, like, the shenanigans sound like fun. It's fucking hard, isn't it, though? I'd shout at Dan Shriver. I'm a listener of the show uh owner of an amazing podcast himself but uh me and him many years ago i had to do a fucking army training thing for a pilot that we did and they put us through the fucking paces and let me tell you it was fucking so fucking like like the respect you have for them but also it's quite

emasculating when you're, you know, in the midst of, yeah, I mean, I know that you did the one for League of Their Own recently. You did it twice, didn't you? Yeah, I did Marines training for League of Their Own. And then for Road Trip, we did the SAS survival thing with Foxy and Ardo Cain. And I don't find, and by the way this is me i've got nothing but respect

and admiration for people that can do it i i don't have the uh ability nor the inclination and so my uh i know you said that i've got the weather all to uh to never get i just would give up so easily i just don't have any steel about me at all. I've often said that, you know, you know when they say, oh, this person only survived because of their absolute dedication and, you know, their will to survive

and blah, blah, blah. I imagine when they find my corpse, they'll say something like, do you know what? If only you'd put a bit of sort of effort in and shown a bit of kind of grit, you could have made out of this quite easily. I don't know, I think back against the wall, I think you'd surprise yourself.

I think you'd surprise everyone in your platoon, but you know, also In my what? Platoon, right? You'd also you'd surprise yourself. Right. Look, I would say now, right, in my mind, me and you, if like, we're behind enemy lines, right, and I'm, me and you, if, like, we're behind enemy lines, right,

and I'm with, like, you know, the Ox and Darren and, I don't know, you know, Foxy and some others, right, and we're behind enemy lines and, like, you're sort of a bit behind us, right, and we get caught in a big sort of, like, crossfire shootout, right, I know for a fact that at the opportune time like we're like you know and i'm like ox we're down we're fucking down man we've got no way out of this fucking thing and then fox is like is that how you talk yeah yeah when i'm in the army i would and then the uh the ox is like we need something we need something right and then you like out of nowhere, I can just imagine, like, you going, I'm here! I'm here!

And then you'd be like... And then we're like, fucking hell, the owl's here, like that. He's fucking here. Like, we'd all start celebrating you. And you'd be like, there's a foxhole just over yonder, we can make it. And we'd be like, yo, thanks like yo thanks eo and like thank you al and like that we don't run to the foxhole right and then you'd be like last in shooting and uh we'd be like we thought you'd gone home we thought you'd left us he went I'd never leave my

platoon my friends my kin and we'd all like grab you and hug you and shake your hand and then we'd just all run to freedom

it's amazing isn't it even in a story where I'm supposedly the biggest hero of it you've managed to make me look like a fucking nuclear level prick. And also, when you first did my voice in that story,

you so wanted to get it humiliating that you took a deep breath in so that you could nail it. Don't think I didn't notice that. And that was the fucking nicest it sounded throughout that whole story. I'm just saying, right, that I think you would come back and save your platoon.

That's right. Oh, God. Okay, Tom. Yeah. Can you please do us the honour of taking us out? Yeah, yeah, kick it back and relax. Remember your kin and those around you. For there was a man called Wesley, right?

And many, many, many moons ago, Wesley was actually, in fact, the person who gave Jesus the bread to turn the bread into fish, like in the school playground. Like Jesus, the first time he ever did it and he turned bread into fish, it was Wesley's piece of bread that he used, right?

And Wesley was like, oh my God, that's amazing. Like, you know, and obviously Jesus shared the fish out amongst everyone and was showing off about it. And Wesley didn't really get any of that fucking, that sweet, sweet acclaim from anyone because it was his piece of bread. And Wesley's dad had a baker's. So quite a lot of the time,

Jesus would be lurking around Wesley when he was first playing this trick to show people the fact that he's like, oh yeah, yeah, oh Wesley, you've got to be more like bread. Oh yeah, Wesley, you've got to be more like bread, right? And Wesley went, yeah, yeah, yeah, because he kind of like got a little kick out of being a part, a small part of this whole thing, right?

As Jesus's acclaim grew for his tricks and stuff, and he was now turning water into wine and all the kids in the playground like obviously he made friends with someone whose dad had a water mill um you know people sort of like started everyone started bringing bread in gets go oh yeah he's hosting to fish and uh he forgot about wesley and his dad the baker um and you know as jesus's like success and name grew around uh bethlehem and all of like the world and everyone was talking about him and he was like fucking doing loads of cool shit uh he forgot about wesley um and you know when jesus then many many years later

was going through like his tougher tests and his tougher times. He was sort of like, people don't know, he went back to Bethlehem and he was just sort of like in the cloak of darkness walking around and he noticed the light in the building and he sort of scurried towards the light and he sort of looked through and it was like a very successful baker's, a very, very successful baker's. And he looked and he sort of squinted his are very, very successful bakers. And he looked and he sort of squinted his eyes and he saw Wesley, the friend from school, and he sort of tapped on the window,

if they had windows back then, if not, he just sort of whistled through the open hole and Wesley looked round and Jesus said, oh my God, it's you, it's Wesley. And Wesley said, oh, my friend, my beautiful friend. And he said, come in, come in, have some bread, unless you want to turn it to fish. And Jesus said, come in, come in, have some bread, unless you want to turn it to fish. And Jesus said, actually, no, I would love one of your sandwiches. So Jesus goes

in and sort of starts eating the bread. And he says, Oh, you know, maybe I lost touch of the fact that when we started out, we were a double act. And now, and, and now and now obviously i've had world acclaim and you're still a humble baker and wesley said no i'm not a humble baker i actually have seven bakeries in bethlehem and like you went on to find a claim but i kept my operation small but still enough to have a beautiful family and Jesus looks at him and goes maybe you were the hero I needed to be the moral of the story is it's all well and good

turning fish into bed for into fish and using magic tricks but sometimes hard work and knowing that being in the eye of the storm isn't actually worth it i don't i don't um i mean it's really beautiful i've got absolutely no idea the point you're trying to make there i think it's that wesley it feels like you're trying to signal to me that you want to go solo

no i think in the term it might probably be be Wesley knew the Jesus in a lot of ways. But what I'm saying is, with Wesley, is Wesley didn't look towards the stars. Right. Because the stars only shine at night. Wesley knew that sometimes there'd be clouds and sometimes there'd be sun and sometimes there'd be rain, but everyone would always need bread. That's probably what I should have said at the end of it.

Yeah, that's lovely. Now you've got the, yeah. Well, look, thank you so much for listening guys next week we're back to two episodes a week it's exciting isn't it

yes are you back next week kind of yeah wow two episodes next week Romesh will be back with English Romesh rather than El Jefe

the boss from Portugal I want you all to remember one thing stay real rather than El Jefe, the boss from Portugal. I want you all to remember one thing. Stay real, stay credible, and stay you. I've been the wolf, he's been the owl. Yeah, I'm really sorry about being tired and not really being on form today. Thank you very much.

See you later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you,

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