Wolf and Owl - Episode 39

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

We’re talking… a bad sleep, noises in the night, chicken shop troubles, consolation kebabs, burglar swag bags and teenage subjects of admiration. Then, after a bit of a debate about animal-based sayings, we answer email questions on balancing work with a relationship, asking a father for his daughter’s hand in marriage and the consequences of discovering aliens. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all your ears are huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog hey guys uh welcome to the Wolf in Our Podcast. We've got another little installment for you. And it's going to be a bit of a crazy one.

Because Tom, I believe, just talking to Tom before we came on air, hasn't had a great night's sleep. What exactly is going on with you, Tom? You know you are busting that kind of this morning vibe. Because you've been out of Portugal with, like, your... For most of my adult life, yeah. You've been out of Portugal now for two years.

You've got this... Honestly, us expats, we just fucking want Britain out of the EU. But you love being in the EU. Mate, I had a terrible night's sleep right what happened to a.m this morning i hear some sounds downstairs and i am like you know that have you had this where i just literally i didn't just wake up it was like i wake up right and i'm like shit someone's trying to get in the house or someone's already in the house i have alarms i and you know the house is alarmed up. I'm not maybe they've bypassed the alarm

There's some fucking just just just people listening. Tom is Tom does have alarms He's not just saying that because he's just panicked about giving away the level of security is home I'll get more because last night was a fucking fit. So I I hear it Afflicted what can you can you sort of describe what i hear some knocking about right and then i hear some sort of like yeah just like just genuine sort of knocking sound sounds like the back door's being knocked like that doesn't need i would argue doesn't need a demonstration sounds like somebody's knocking at the back door i freak out right jump out of bed and then i'm i'm in go mood right uh yeah anxiety what's katherine doing at this point sleeping all right anxiety turns to

adrenaline adrenaline she's she's she's sending them away got no idea that the king of the castle stepping up ready to protect his homestead so i take the stairs like three by three right three jumping down the stairs i sprint into the living room right yeah uh just in my underpants all right yeah half of me i imagine i imagine at this point anyone has been scared away at this stage yeah well you know the thing about it is like there's a part of you when you think you're going to get burgled right and like you haven't got time to sort of pick out an outfit because there's a part of you when you think you're going to get burgled, right? And like, you haven't got time to sort of pick out an outfit because there's a chance if the burglar's got a little bit about them, they might be carrying a knife or a gun.

Sure. Because you don't want to be, you know, you're in the dark and you're thinking, what can I put on that's scary? Do you know what I mean? It's not just scary. No,

but I could throw down. If you could bust up in a Stone Island jacket and a pair of fucking, like, let's fucking go. Let's go. Like a Timberland, like fucking Timberland's rugged boots. And then come down, like pair of fucking Let's fucking go. Let's go. Fucking Timberlands rugged boots and then come down like you're dressed for a fucking row on fucking Green Street. There's a good chance

that they'll go, oh shit. Smash down a Stella on your way down the stairs. In a pair of Homer Simpson underpants. And briefs, by the way. He's not even got boxes on. He wanted a bit of extra security last night yeah just security

get your balls all nice and tight so my thought is if the guy attacks you when you're down there a guy or girl

it could be either then you have to get sent to hospital and you're just in your underpants I always think that's the worst fucking vibe

or naked if you sleep naked because you sleep naked right no I have slept naked once oh it's deeply disturbing i'm gonna be honest with you i'm a very i'm a very i would consider myself very hygienic right yeah yeah i would consider

myself very hygienic regardless of that sleeping naked made me feel like I needed to set fire to the sheets. It's a weird feeling, isn't it? I just don't. Just sheet against dick and ass. I don't know. Do you have satin or silk sheets? No. The way you answered that question was like, those are the only two options.

Do you have satin or silk? No, but it's a weird thing. So I was glad that I had underpants on. As was the potential burglar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the last thing you want to do is disturb a burglar

whose first reaction is to laugh. Just saying to his mate, so I've broken his house and the bloke turns up. I've only woken up the owner it turns out I think he wanted to fuck me

massive ogre like fella but fuck me a tiny little dick beefing himself up as much as he could just to avoid humiliation slapping it on the way down the stairs

he did that thing where he hunched his shoulders but no we were both embarrassed to be fair so no I took the TV and he was quite alright with that.

I told him I'd take the TV and I wouldn't tell anyone what the size of his dick was and we agreed that was a fair deal. I'm obviously, yeah, watched EastEnders

before I came down and now I tell everyone about his tiny dick. So I get downstairs and it's my fucking dog has like decided

to have a walk around he never does this he's walking around the house knocking things over in the dark he's usually quite you know and he makes a real racket

right I'm like like there's a part of me that's just like sailing and then just looking at him him looking at me it was a real it was actually worse than a burglar

because he saw me scared adrenaline pumping. Has he never, ever, ever done that before? Not that sound. Not that loud. He might have a little trot about, but he was knocking things around and fucking, you know. So I let him out for a piss.

And yeah, I sort of stood there in the cold air. You wouldn't know this because you're out in 40 degrees heat at the moment in Portugal, but it's pretty nippy over here. It's pretty cold. So I stood out there in the cold air. I mean, you wouldn't know this because you're out in 40 degrees heat at the moment in Portugal but it's pretty nippy over here. It's pretty cold. So I stood out there in the cold air.

I'm back tonight, mate. Don't worry about that. Breath just fucking out there just sort of. One of my neighbours was having a party. Yeah. I just sort of stood there

just thanking the Lord really that we hadn't been broken into. One of your neighbours was having a party last night. Yeah, a massive party. Do you have that? On a Sunday night? Sunday night. It's always bank holiday, isn't it it of course it is 2 a.m vibes brother 2 a.m vibes um music do you get all your neighbors yeah yeah they're sweet people

how close for you to getting an invite to that i don't think i yeah i wouldn't have gone if if i've been invited no but i mean like you know do you reckon you're on a long list? These people like a party. They'll have every bank holiday, every occasion there seems to be a party. They live like three or four doors down from me. It's like when you can say it's been a kid's birthday during the day, but it's crept into the night and someone's fucking snuck out and got a little bit of whatever. And then you can hear sort of adults at 2am

sort of listening to fucking George Ezra jumping up and down on a fucking bouncy castle. You've got to question your life choices when you're smashing for a bit of bugle on a kid's third birthday, don't you? Yeah, but you can tell that's what's going down. You're like 2am. Doing the line behind the bouncy castle. 2am, I'm standing there in my underpants outside in the freezing

cold looking at my dog take a piss um listening to some people taking copious amounts of drugs jumping up and down the bouncy castle laughing and thinking at least if there'd been a burger i'd have had some sort of event of this evening i i i think in any context in any kind of circumstances, listening to other people having a good time while you're having a quiet night just makes you feel sad. Like what you did, there's nothing wrong with what you did, right? You went to bed, normal time.

Let me just say, by the way, when we said this, like even if I was at that party, I still wouldn't be there at 2am. I can tell you now those days are gone yeah but you've done you've done you've done nothing wrong there there's nothing sad about what you've done you've gone to bed at a normal time you've been woken up by the dog you thought there's a burglar arguably quite an admirable thing you did you jumped up i would have woken up later in a heartbeat and go fucking hell what's that what's that would you really what's that that is a hundred percent mate really yeah because i don't trust because i need someone else to be you know what you're gonna say

you were like just i don't trust myself not to fuck a guy up if i fucking go downstairs no no no do you know what i was gonna say i don't trust myself i don't trust myself to make the right decisions in those situations you know a guy was telling me the other day right just on this right i had a driver the other day, telling me that his house, someone tried to burgle his house, he went out with a bat and chased him down the street, right? And then got told by the police that if they'd done anything, he'd be in loads of trouble.

So you can protect your house, but I think you've just got to ask them to leave when you get downstairs. Okay, but what I don't understand about that is, they know that you don't want them to be there. So what happens is you go downstairs and you go, sorry, can I just say, we would actually like to keep our stuff, so can you just leave?

Oh, okay. Oh, sorry. Misread the situation. Misread the situation. I thought this stuff was surplus to requirements, but now I've had a chat with you, we've realised actually you'd rather we weren't here. No, no, no, no. Misread the situation. I thought this stuff was surplus to requirements. But now I've had a chat with you and we've realised actually, Rob, we weren't in here.

No, no, no, no. Shake it, mate. Shake it. No, no, no, no. I actually respect what you did. You know what? Fair play to being up front. I've worked hard for this stuff

and I'm just not ready to let it go at the moment. Oh, do you know what, mate? We came in. A lot of the time you come in these hours and you think these people don't even know they own this stuff.

But you come down and you've said you like it. you're proud of your ownership of it you know we will leave and i'm sorry for waking you up no no no no no no babe serious mate take a take a twix each from the fridge cut the cans of coke uh you are a scholar and a gentleman thank you very much cut the doors down there's a party going on they're all out of their fucking heads i'm pretty much sure that if you were uninvited they wouldn't even know you are just you know and nick their stuff out of their fucking heads. I'm pretty much sure that if you were uninvited, they wouldn't even know you are. Just, you know, and nick their stuff.

I used to work at KFC. Yeah. And the assistant manager at the KFC that I worked at was an absolute, he wasn't, I was about to say he was an absolute lunatic.

It was a very unfair summary of that guy. Also, I love the idea of someone who's a psychopath who ends up at KFC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the only thing that I can sort of keep everything in check. Do you know what I mean?

It's just I put all of my rage into that chicken. I used to be so hard. I used to be so tough. You're allowed to keep any of the – I work there as a vegetarian, by the way. Yeah. I ate about, I i reckon rough estimate 300 corn on the cobs during my time working there um the assistant manager there was a like a really like massive geezer really nice bloke yeah i won't name him but um what he used to do was every now and again we used to do the pub we used to do like the

front we i used to do friday and saturday nights right when i was at school so i was like 17 18 is like one of my first jobs so i used to work at friday saturday night and so you'd be there when the pubs kick out and you'd almost every week you'd get threatened or something like that or somebody'd throw something at you or whatever is it carnage right and the assistant manager what he would do is when things were kicking off he would take one of the you know the fry baskets yeah and he just put it in the oil right and he'd say to somebody kicking off come and tell me over here right come and tell me what you want to say come and tell me over here right and and it never happened like nobody ever came over the counter i said to him why do you always do that and he said because once they come over this side you're allowed to do i don't know

if this is true jesus christ he said once they come over this side you're allowed to do i don't know if this is true jesus christ he said once they come over this side you're allowed to do whatever you want to because they've trespassed so sinister so sinister is that why is that why you're heating up the rack in that hole no no no it's just for the chips that's, no, that's just because I like to get Ed started in case I want a family feast. It's so fucking weird. You put the basket there, you go, mate, we actually need that to do some... No, I need it. No, I need it.

To smash this guy's fucking face. Yeah, with a hot... Fucking hell, that is nuts. I know. So aggressive. I used to get guys come in and they would just try and threaten free food out of you. Yeah. So, like, you know, and threaten free food out of you. Yeah.

So, like, you know, like, because a lot of the time, if you kick off, people just go and fucking have whatever. You just get people come in and just properly start shouting and screaming at you, threatening to beat you up just so you'd give them a zinger. What a grift as well. Oh, no. Yeah, I haven't had to pay for this.

I've threatened this zinger burger. This fucking tastes even better. I left a 17-year-old kid crying crying but it's worth it you know the best because i've got three hot wings when you when you when you've been really aggressive towards one of the staff there i'll tell you what i call a zinger when you call the member of staff that's my zinger i paid for the chips to be fair got an apple pie so you know i used to the thing i used to love you know when you went out like late in the late night session right yeah that's a lot of being friends with the people who worked in like those sort of like i used to love knowing their names

this is such a tragic thing this is by the way by the way I'm saying oh god I am guilty of this as well right but I know what you're about to say you see the most tragic thing right

is when all your mates have like copped off with someone right and they're all sort of like and you our guy now is going to go eat a kebab and then oh god

I feel sick even saying this I'd then hang around at the kebab shop chatting to the guys. Like I was one, like I worked there. I'd go and go, hi, guys, how you doing? You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good. I'd just get a large doner. And then I'd stand in the corner and eat it and have a conversation with them. Mate, I did the same thing, bro.

I did the same thing. All your mates have, like have paired off with someone, and you're there pairing off with Zerkov. Just standing there in a confectioner in the corner. You're on your own, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sort of on my own. I come here every week about this time.

And then he starts telling other customers about you. Oh, this guy, big Arsenal fan. He's your doctor. Just standing there like the fucking, like an ornament in a

kebab shop. The only person who's used the table properly. Are you in the queue, mate? No, no, no. I finished my

food a while ago. I've been here since half 12, mate, all my mates. They've all gone off. I couldn't find them at the end of the evening, so I popped in here,

just coming here most Thursdays, Fridays, I'm in here. To be honest with you, I come out, I'll say to I was saying to Ashnaf here, I was saying, actually, we go out, this is the bit of the night I look forward to the most, coming in and getting a little chicken shoot. The saddest thing is

trying to garlic sauce in here. It's lovely. Do you know what? Ask them to do, ask them to do you a special chop chip pita. It's not on the board. It's not on the board,

but trust me, it's amazing. Davey, mate. People who come here, though. What kebab shop you at, mate? What kebab? You know the one with the big tool gauge that comes here every Friday?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll meet you by the South Asian bloke. Oh, mate. I've been trying to get you a minicab just to get you home safely. That's the thing where people felt so sorry for you. And I remember even telling people

how good the pitters were. These pitters are so doughy. Jesus Christ. Oh, man. Sad. Listen, I worry sometimes that we're guilty

of getting into feeling sorry for ourselves when we've got us to pit. But I've lost count. I've lost count of the number of nights during my 20 just, I've lost count. I lost count of the number of nights during my twenties where my

friends would pull and I would just be fucking on my own. It's just so embarrassing. Let me tell you, as a man in his

late teens, early twenties, right, or through his twenties, there is nothing more tragic, right,

than leaving a place on your own having a solo kebab having a chat about football and life with the guys who work in the kebab shop then getting in a minicab home and listening to magic fm right because if there's one thing that's going to make you take stock stock of your life right is leon rhymes or someone coming on at 2 a.m when you're just sitting on your own buttering along the fucking words yeah just saying to the taxi this is actually a good one did my turning up not standing in a minicab queue on your own it was like you know after you've sat

and eaten your kebab in the kebab shop. I know. Or reading up on Besiktas so you've got something to chat about the next time you go in. I'm thinking about going to Turkey next year, actually. I don't know if you've got any family out there who've got restaurants like yours going to sit in there after they've pulled the phone. Fuck. The story of fucking, like, Crete, Falaraki. It's like a fucking group, like a fucking group on Facebook.

They've got pictures of, me and you would be on that wall of people, sad people. It doesn't matter where you are in the world. You're just lurked up. I've got to be the only person that's gone to Falaraki. They're the same holiday that a priest could have had let's see where the nuns go just let your head down a bit mate when me and gaffer were out in uh in uh creek this year there There's Malia, right, in Crete.

And I went there years and years ago. And there was a part of me that wanted to get in the mix of sort of like going back there as a sort of like 42-year-old. I think I went out there when I was 18, 19, and thinking, I know so much more about life. And then I sort of sat there and thought, number one, I'd be going on my own, because Catherine would just go,

there's a chance she'd just go, there's no coming back from you going to Mali on your own, right? Yeah. And I was like, maybe it could be called like One Last Dance, you know, just going to sort of like, you know, life's changed. I could go there and just sort of see what it's like. And then I thought it would just, I'd end up in a kebab shop on my own, but I'd be 42.

And it's like, yeah, I remember going there and just literally, like this is a really tragic thing. I remember like standing in Malia and like having a kebab late on and literally looking at people having fun around me and feeling very alone. Going back to an apartment block where the walls are painted with laughter and fun. Lying in a bed on your own. Mate, I can relate to it.

I can relate to it so much. Lying in bed on your own, right? Getting an early night in Malia, hoping that your friends feel sorry enough for you that they don't shave off your eyebrows. That is, it's a low, man. It's a low. And the worst thing is,

is that I know if you're anything like me, like I was in those situations, you really allow yourself to feel properly sorry for yourself. You're not even a hero, but you're just properly wallowing it, don't you?

Oh, yeah. I mean, just lying in bed like, okay, well, I guess this is my life. Just wanted to come out and have a good time, but I can't. You're still the one just playing in the background. I know I told you what was fucking up. A CD of Jagged Little Pill by Alice like that.

You're just listening to fucking... I was the wrong age for it but I'll tell you what if it had come out when I was in those days I would have listened to fucking Katy Perry Firework over and over again Ironic was the one Alanis Morissette on fucking

loop right it's like being in Faleraki but standing on your own. Everyone getting in at four in the morning. Do you all want toast? Of course, good having you here, mate. It's like having your mum here, aren't you?

I remember going to Faleraki, right? I think I was 19. One of the guys I wentaki, right? I think I was 19. One of the guys I went with, right, jumped in this room, pulled headfirst in the shallow end and broke his neck, right? And I was still the person

most people on that holiday felt sorry for. Did that really happen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he recover fully? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I hope he did. Otherwise, what a horrendous story.

He's a scaffolder now. I don't think it was a break-break. It was sort of more like a shattering okay yeah but i sort of still left that holiday being the most tragic person there have you ever been in a situation where you thought the house wanted to continue a conversation no he thought the house was getting broken uh yeah a few times i would say a few times it's like you're hearing noise or whatever. I'm really bad for every now and again I'll stay up later than... Or you come back from a gig or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone else is asleep. You manage to freak yourself out a bit. But something happened here the other night where Lisa... Basically, I was brushing my teeth. Right. We were about to go to bed and I came out,

sort of walked out the bathroom and Lisa sort of like looking down the stairs sort of furtively, sort of looking a bit nervous or whatever. And I said to her, what's going on? Are you all right?

She goes, yeah, yeah. I said, what are you doing? She goes, nothing, nothing. And I said, are you sure? Nothing. Because she's just so weird at where? She goes, yeah, yeah. I said, what are you doing? She goes, nothing, nothing. And I said, are you sure? Nothing. Because she's just so weird at where she was stood. Yeah, yeah. She goes, yeah, nothing, nothing, nothing. And I said, Lisa,

what are you talking about? Why are you like midway down the stairs, sort of looking down the stairs? She goes, okay, so when I was locking up, when you went upstairs to brush your teeth. Yes, I did allow Lisa to lock up when I went upstairs to brush my teeth. Yes, I did allow Lisa to lock up when I went upstairs to brush my teeth. You're not coming out of this very well, mate. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know.

Normally I lock up, all right? This is one of the few occasions when I didn't lock up. She said, I thought I saw a shadow going across the front of the drive. And then when you're brushing your teeth, I heard something. Jeez, man. And look, it was nothing. But what I would say is this is how much faith

she's got in me as a husband. She was going to keep that to herself. So you wouldn't be scared? Yeah, I don't know. She just thought there's nothing that I could do to contribute to make her feel safer.

The lowest thing would have been if she'd gone, Theo, can you come here for a minute? Charlie, boys! Rob, just go and wait in the bedroom, mate. We've got to keep your dad safe. Safe from whoever's outside and from himself. I'll tell you what, Warwick.

We went a few years ago. Me and Catherine went away, and we were staying in a villa. And we got there, and the guy was showing us around and showed us the patio doors and he was like oh yeah but these don't lock i don't think i slept right for the whole week we were there like genuinely like every time i'd hear something i'd just be like you know like that's any creek or anything yeah especially in the houses i sort of operate this is how i operate mentally like there is somebody there was a group

of people that sit outside my house every night in the hope that one day i'll forget to lock one of the windows like the second that one of the doors is unlocked they go i fucking told you it was worth waiting here every night. He's done it. He has done it. Now fucking get your big sacks and let's fill our boats or whatever. I don't know what they carry.

You know... If you're a burglar, what would you carry stuff in? I think a Hessian sack probably still. I think a Hessian... That's what I think. I think that.

I think that. But then I felt embarrassed to say it. No, I think a Hessian sack because you can fold it up and put it in your burglar's jacket. I think a Hessian sack is... I think for, I think that, but then I felt embarrassed to say it. No, I think that a Hessian sack, because you can fold it up, put it in your burglar's jacket. I think a Hessian sack is, I think for a burger, that's probably 90% of Hessian sacks

are people pretending to be Santa Claus and burglars are using those. And actually, fucking shame on the people who make Hessian sacks now. Yeah. Because, you know,

I think probably back in the day, it would have been an old head bag, but then you've got to go, what can I get in a head bag, really? It depends, I suppose. If you're going to a would have been an old head bag, but then you've got to go, what can I get in a head bag, really? It depends, I suppose. If you're going to a burglary with a head bag, it's a sparse old... What are you going to get in a head bag?

Probably a Nutribullet. A couple of badminton rackets. Yeah. Running shoes. A towel. Maybe some crisps and Coke. Going to come back tomorrow and get some more stuff.

Yeah, yeah. This is going to take fucking ages. It's going to be about a month before I get everything I want to get from that house. Start bringing shit back. That YouTube really got stolen a bit. It's been brought back.

No, a couple of days used it. I didn't know. I wasn't getting anything. You know what? I'm not a juicer, mate. I'm not a juicer. It's a bit of a fact. You have to get the fruit

and vegetables in in advance. I don't think that's all right. Just post it though and it's saying this is broken. It's a weird thing though. You know, abroad as well,

crickets are the worst things and the bugs that you get out in Portugal. What are those things called? Circadias. Circadias? Be careful of them

because they're very loud you mean be careful of them well no they sound human in a weird way like that when you hear them well unless that human is doing an impression of a cricket i don't know but there there sounds where you go oh what was that and you i think in england no insects are up after eight o'clock, right? You know, probably moths, that's it, right? You seldom see flies and bugs after eight o'clock, unless it's a really sunny evening, right?

In, like, Portugal, Mediterranean countries, you've got bugs that are awake 24-7, haven't they? Yeah. If anything, they're awake more at night than they are at day now. Sure. Yeah. So you've got to be really careful. We got an email in last week saying that almost nothing we said about butterflies was factually correct well that's not just you that's both of us was it a butterfly expert yeah it was not not butterfly expert butterfly enthusiast oh man do you think that would probably

be that the suckiest holiday would be me you and the butterfly enthusiast. Oh, man. Do you think that would probably be the suckiest holiday would be me, you and the butterfly enthusiast going away? You and I going, the three of us going to the Eden Project. No, because then the butterfly project, they're going to be fucking killing it. They're the fucking coolest person there, you know what I mean?

Yeah, that's true. They're what? The kid when I was younger. Let me tell you about ******, right? Was tough, strong. Back in the 90s, he had a ponytail, right? He was devilishly handsome. And he had just this swagger about him.

He could like, you know, he used to wear like a sort of... Before you carry on, have you had the decency to make up a fake name? No, no, no, no. His name was ******. I'm pretty sure legally, just so you know, I'm not a legal expert. I'm pretty sure this puts us on quite shaky ground. No, he was a. His name was ****. I'm pretty sure, legally, just so you know, I'm not a legal expert. I'm pretty sure this puts us on quite shaky ground. No, he was a very cool guy, right?

Every time you name somebody. Yeah, but then we've thrown ourselves open that **** is going to think this story about him is positive. Have you seen the news story about that baby from the Nevermind cover, Suey Nirvana? You've seen that, right? Yeah, but it's a bit different. I'm not showing a picture of **** Willie out

when he was a kid. Well, **** Mr. Bath, we absolutely **** career ended, didn't we? Let's hope he's not got a legal team. Right. **** was, I'm saying, was like,

we're talking about this Butterfly's Usus being at the Eden Project, right? Yeah. **** at any nightclub in England in the 90s stroke Europe in the summer, right? Yeah. Any nightclub in England in the 90s, stroke Europe in the summer, right? Yeah.

So he was good looking, long hair, used to bust like a fucking cool looking shirt, jeans, signet ring, Patrick Cox's, right? Yeah. But then out of nowhere, if you're in a karaoke bar with... Right? He would get up and sing

and he would sing something like The Greatest Love of All, right? How old were you when you two hung out? From about the age of 16. Yeah, so like 19. So between 16 and 19, you and your mates would regularly go to karaoke bars? No, but they used to have karaoke nights. That was your idea for night out.

No, but they'd have karaoke in some of the cooler bars. I don't know what I would think if I was at a bar and a group of 16 to 19-year-old lads fucking bang up for the karaoke. Mate, when you were away, we used to go to karaoke bars when we were abroad. Right, okay, fine.

And then, you know, you'd see like all this and then you'd see **** and he'd just he'd be just drinking a wicked or whatever or hooch and then he'd just get out and sing like the greatest love of all and he'd turn this guy this guy sang beautifully right he looked like sort of steven seagal vibes and sang like george michael okay look like steven seagal sung like george michael yeah it was incredible i think he actually auditioned for the X Factor years later. I heard anyway.

Nothing about this if I was **** would I want shared. I don't know what happened to him, but I think about him from time to time. Do you ever reach out

to people that you used to hang out with? You know what, if there's one person I'd like to see, actually I'd love to see what **** is doing now. Yeah,

because he happens to be the person we talked about for the last few minutes. As I say, you normally sort of want to reach out to people and suddenly become obsessed with people.

No, I just think now and again. Yeah, no, do you know what? The one person I'd love to speak to more than anyone else in the world ever is somebody who I've never mentioned

up until this point for the year that we've been doing this podcast. But I've been talking about exclusively for the last five minutes, Rom. That's the guy I'm most obsessed with you know when i think of there's an amazing uh johnny cash john called a boy named sue you heard it okay no and at the end

of it he's johnny cash good because johnny cash is amazing you you and beckett are both uh johnny cash advocates incredible right every rapper every singer learns something from Johnny Cash. Okay. A Boy Called Sue is probably one of the greatest songs ever written. Okay. And there's a line at the end, and he says,

I think about him every now and then, every time I try, and every time I win. Right? And that's what I think about. I do think about people that used to go to school, and it'd be nice to get in touch with them. But occasionally...

I should add, by the way, that there's a very good chance that **** would not even remember me. Like, he was a very cool guy. I was in the very outside perimeter. He was like the coolest guy. He might... It strikes me that some people...

I imagine he'd remember the guy that every time he went up and sung at the karaoke was just sat there with eyes like puss in boots from shrek just an absolute awe his hero i imagine he'd remember that uh did you have anyone like that that i used to admire yeah yeah loads of people yeah like there's i will you know there'd be like people in the i would consider to be the cool gang at school that I would really sort of, you know, you sort of, I imagine you did the same. Well, you've just described it. You sort of operate on the fringes of that group.

Yeah. Every now and again, you, like, you walk past them at break time, you say something, a few of them laugh, and you're fucking walking on air for the rest of the week. Someone, over here, someone described you as being actually alright. No, no, no, he's actually alright. A couple of us

are going into town if you fancied. What? Little old me? Romesh Ranganathan from Broadfield? Don't wear your blazer, mate. Don't wear your blazer.

Tuck in your tie and your shirt. Undoing your kick into your shirt undoing your kickers so they're nearly falling off your feet just looking in the mirror playing with like how much of your shirt you're gonna have pulled out or not maybe i should have my laces undone should i wear the bag with the with the strap right across the body everything changes so quickly at school when you go in the toilets it's like laces are undone by the time you come out and why you've got to do your laces up it's really bad for your back that that sort

of playing with your uniform yeah to try and make yourself look cool i spent so much time doing that i mean it's amazing i know uniform's supposed to like to stop all of that it's supposed to it's meant to be a level playing field but there was a lot of kind of let me tell you I could leave for school in the morning with a pair of trousers that just about fitted right and by the time

fucking the final bell would ring they would be too short for me like I'd be killing school now literally bless my parents

we didn't have much money I went through trousers so fucking much I'd literally have a gross spurt about fucking 3-4 o'clock in the afternoon that would be it

I would be trying to sew bits onto the bottom of them my issue was uh because my waist was so massive in comparison to my height my mom was constantly cutting the bottom of legs off trousers where the waist that she'd have to buy was proportionate to an eight-foot man. I was just so long and thin. Oh, God. Oh, man. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music.

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that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Okay, should we do some emails? Let's do it, boy. Let's do it. Thanks. Let's do it. Thanks once again to The Swan.

Has she been enjoying doing the emails out there? I think she's found it slightly pressured, if I'm being honest with you. Oh, really? Yeah. No, that's a complete exaggeration. What I mean is, like, she's wanted to do the job properly

and she's been nervous in that holiday mode, Swan, in the same way that I had kind of a breakdown on the last episode about my performance on holiday. Yeah, by the way, loads of people are saying how amazing you are. Yeah, but they've said that because I sort of had a bit of... Also, do you know that swans are the only birds in the world that don't go on holiday? Is that true?

Yeah. So emus go on holiday, do they? Yeah, they'll go to different countries. They fly to different countries. Emus will? Everything will. They're flightless. It's a flightless bird.

Oh, so they're not a proper bird. They've fucking got no right in calling themselves a bird. Of course it's a proper bird. If they can't fly, they're not a fucking bird, are they? What a stupid thing. Like, the point, that's literally like, I was saying... What is an emu, then? I'll tell you what an emu is, is probably, well, it has to come out with a new name for them.

A lug. Do you know what I mean? If they can't fly, I don't think they've got any right calling themselves a bird. I'm sorry. So you're saying, so a kiwi's not a bird?

No. Like, if you can't fly, like, right, okay. I think you have to look at stuff and go, the whole point of a bird is they can fly, right? Because otherwise you go,

oh. Your obsession with things having a point is part of your problem with understanding existence. Right, so pigs... Things don't have a point. Let me just say, right, pigs are made to feel fucking stupid

because they can't fly. Every time you think anything's so ridiculous, you go, oh, if pigs can fly, pigs should turn around and go, what about fucking emus, mate? Sorry, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. Nobody's said that since 1973, first of all, okay? Don't drop that like that's some sort of topical bugbear.

I'm just saying, right? Why are people always saying pigs might fly? No, I'm saying pigs get dug out of all the farm animals for being one. They don't get that. Okay, first of all, I don't think I've ever heard you say that before today. That's the first thing. No, because I don't agree with it. I don't think I've heard anyone say that.

Second of all, you've got to be the only person that interprets that as pigs getting dug out for not being able to fly. No, I think it's horrible. I mean, fuck it. Right, right. Whoever came out with that. You'd have to be a real fucking snowflake pig

to take that as offensive against your people. No, right. Whoever came out with that. You'd have to be a real fucking snowflake pig to take that as offensive against your people. No, right. No, if I was a pig, right, same thing with your pigs, right? We're sitting at a pen, right? Yeah. Doesn't take the longest walk down imagination lane, does it, that?

No. A farmer's walking past with his son and his son turns around and goes, oh, I don't know. Oh, I wonder if, you know, Charlie's going to bloody have got, like, that house all nice and neat by the time we get home. And his dad turns around and goes, shit, pigs will fly, right?

I would turn around to you as a pig and go, why not cows or horses? Why are we getting dug out all the time? That's what I think of as a pig. Because pigs actually, as we talked about before on here, are fucking intelligent and they can understand exactly what's going out and what's happening. I don intelligent and they can understand exactly what's going out and what's happening. I don't think they can understand conversations.

I think they know if people are taking the piss out of them and making them feel stupid for not being able to fly. And then they're looking over at emus and going, well, they fucking don't fly. Why don't you say if emus could fly?

They're more fucking stupid than we are. They've got wings and they can't fly. We haven't even got wings. What were we supposed to fly with? Our little tails? Think about it, mate. Okay. Now you're stump stumped i'm not stumped i just sort of i sort of feel like this conversation needs to come to an end right but all i'm saying my point before this was that swans are the only bird that don't go on holiday no the only thing that you consider a bird that

don't go on holiday well okay number one yeah all right emus and whatever who can't go on holiday right they can't just on holiday, right? They can't just pack a bag and get on a plane, can they? Do you know what I mean? So that... Do you ever say stuff

that you regret? I'll be honest with you. Do you know when you went to me, you're stumped there, aren't you? Can I tell you what was honestly happening? I just want to...

Oh, no. I wouldn't normally... I was gutted that I said the words Imagination Lane. that I'd said the words imagination lane. That is what genuinely happened. As soon as I said it, I thought, who the fuck says that? And then you carried on talking for a bit.

And I was entertained by what you said, but I was sort of railing from it. Do you ever have that? Yeah. You don't strike me as really having that that much. I do now and again. Now and again. But most of the time, I will fight my corner.

I know you will. And I know, look, we know for a fact that you'll fight your corner even if you know yourself to be wrong. Because you being right is much less important than the other person stopping talking, as far as you're concerned in a conversation right so so just this is that's the only thing i was saying is that all the birds that can fly swans are the only ones who do not go on holiday okay but do you consider do you consider birds that can't fly a bird you're calling them a lug is that right they can call themselves

a bird i haven't got much time for them that's what i'm saying yeah do you do you not think do you not think you're sort of being slightly contradictory? You're being quite defensive of pigs. Yeah, because I think pigs get a bad rap all the time. Because they provide you so much

of your basic diet. No, you also think it stinks like a pigsty in here. Pigs don't fly. I just think you smell like a pig's in here. Yeah. Pigs don't fly. I just think you smell like a pig's arse. Do you know who you sound like? Who? Do you know who you sound like?

Peter. Do you know Peter? Who's Peter? You know the animal rights group? Oh, yeah. Actually, that's one of the biggest compliments you've ever paid me, so thank you. Okay, cool. So they issued a thing.

They issued a statement a while ago about exactly what you're talking about right um and it was like hold on hold on one second i just need to find this so they basically said they're fed up with people using animals in in a derogatory way in these sayings right yeah but but they didn't mention pigs actually they do a do a bit, right? So here you go. They put out a tweet saying, stop using anti-animal language. Okay? And I'm going to give you some examples of the phrases that they want stopped

and the replacements. Can I just say, by the way, that I don't think any animal in the world gets a fucking rough ride that the pigs do. But anyway. Okay, fine. All right. Let's see what you think of these

all right so first up so they've got they've got they've given the example that they want stopped and then they've given a substitution okay okay so the first one is kill two birds with one stone they want people to stop saying that okay yeah you got any suggestions for what the replacement will be um i don't know hug two birds with one arm it's not that fair it's not that far enough feed feed two birds with one scone that's actually quite sweet i quite like that yeah as long as all the birds isn't an emu he's just walked over fucking hell okay be the guinea pig um that stopped actually by the way i think that's actually, more than anything, a fucking honour for the guinea pigs for someone struggling.

It's compliment the word you were struggling for. Yeah. I think it is own the guinea pig, maybe. I don't know. No, the problem is the animal being included in the phrase, isn't it? So it's be the test tube is what they've suggested. Why is this? Yeah.

Okay. Next one is beat a dead horse. Stroke a dead horse? Stroke a live horse? It's actually very close. Feed a fed horse is what they suggested now this one's a bit closer to your to your heart bearing in mind that you're such a pig activist they want people to stop saying bring home the bacon another one right which i forgot about yeah yeah uh they're suggesting bring home the bagels. Yeah.

I mean, it's not really. You happy with that? You happy with that? Well, you could just say bring home the marmite. I know for a fact, if you were under the impression

that Catherine was bringing home a bag of bacon and she revealed it to be a bag of bagels, I don't even know what your fucking reaction would be. No, but I would be happy

if the bagels had bacon in them. Bacon and chicken. Shout out any bagel store, by the way. Still some of the most honourable people in the business. Yeah, shout out all bagel stores. And then the last one, I'm sure there's more, but the last one is take the bull by the horns.

Yeah, okay. Hold the bull dearly? No, take the flower by the thorns is what they suggested wow now i actually uh i did a tweet saying that i thought that was a load of shit by the way when it first happened and uh peter sent my agent an email really so yeah sort of explaining what i i'd done a tweet going this is why people think that um think that vegans are lunatics because of stuff like this and they got they sent by the way i just want to make a statement quickly here i am not a vegan yeah i don't think anybody was under that that impression even even as you said that and you lent into into the microphone, I could smell pork.

Yeah, so shout out to Swans. No, you're you're anti-vegan aren't you anti-vegan i'm fucking you hate vegans the way i look at life is it is a big dance floor and everybody's welcome to come and have a boogie it was i felt a bit harsh on that pork thing i thought i found it quite amusing i thought it was good i thought it was good that question it was funny uh okay uh you looked so pathetic when you said that i'm sorry it's just because i don't know you know who you reminded me of then go on jeremy corbyn when he was going toe-to-toe oh fucking hell do you know what don't get get me... By the way,

Jeremy Corbyn is something... I don't know if you... I know you don't tend to do political jokes. I made one joke about Jeremy Corbyn on the Ranga Nation and I had to come off Twitter for about two months, I'd say. Why? It was because Corbyn fans are like... Honestly, mate, militant.

It was insane. People were messaging me going, I will never, ever engage with anything you do ever, ever again after the show. I mean, when the Tories got back in, I'd get messages after the election going, happy? Happy with your work?

You know what? I kind of dig Corbyn's vibe. He seems like a gentle soul. Yeah, he does. He really does. No, look, mate. You are like my best bud, right? I look at you and think, you know, we're best good pals.

You remind me a lot of Jeremy Corbyn at times, so I'll probably get on with Jeremy Corbyn. How do I remind you of Jeremy Corbyn? Definitely not the vegan thing, I guess. Yeah. He's not vegan, I don't believe. Both Arsenal fans. Yeah. Both wear glasses. Both have beards. like the vegan thing i guess yeah he's not vegan i don't believe both arsenal fans yeah both my glasses both have beards um i mean i mean so far you're also describing yourself

you're aware of this he's actually if he's not a vegan it's three all uh okay let's do emails uh dear rom and tom this is from alex taylor yo dear rom and tom uh i I've recently started listening to your podcast while I'm on night shift at work. I know you don't like people complimenting your work, so I call it shit to make you feel good. I'm after some relationship advice. Me and my girlfriend have recently split,

and my previous two relationships have ended shortly after I've got a new job. My question is, how in your previous and current relationships do you deal with big changes in life decisions? I don't, hold on. Me and my girlfriend, I sort of don't understand this.

Me and my girlfriend have recently split, and my two previous relationships have ended shortly after i've got a new job my question is how in your previous current relationships you deal with big life changes and big changes in life decisions okay uh tom yo at um firstly i would like to say that, you know, when in big changes, I'd like to think that I was like a small twig on the shoulders of a mighty river just going with the flow. But life isn't like that because that river will kick every time now and again. The twig will feel uncertain as it hits rapids and such. uncertain as it hits rapids and such so what you have to try and do is realize that when starting a new job or doing any new thing to try and make it so trying to climatize as quick as you can you know um the truth of the matter is sort of like a work-life balance is a very very difficult thing to strike i find that hard i know that romesh does um and i think it's especially when

something's new and you're probably trying to make a good impression, I think it's sort of trying to make that person in your life feel as important as the new job you've got or, you know, the new things that are happening. I think, you know, it depends as well what you're doing. I think it's, you know, I think we all put a lot of emphasis on work because we have to, you know, because we all need to earn a living.

But actually the other things that we're building are as important. And I think you've got to put the mileage in there and sometimes make, yeah, show the sort of attention to those personal things that you show to your work and try and grow within your life as you do within your work. My God, that was beautiful. I mean, I should take my own advice at times. Yeah, I mean, you absolutely should. Alex, thank you so much for your email.

I actually think it's quite an interesting point, this, because I sometimes think about this with Lisa. When we first got together, I was a teacher. So I just basically, mean teaching is the most stressful job i've ever done in my life but i was i would you work during the day you you're marking in the evenings i guess but you don't do a lot of evening work you know you're at home and then suddenly i decided to become a comedian where i was out every night and i was working all hours at god sent so and and and i was doing that while i was teaching now i'm not just trying to say that to make it about me but i did think to myself lisa has now got herself a very different

deal to the one she signed up for do you mean like the circumstances of this relationship have changed so much and that can happen a lot you know like as you go through your you know when you get together with somebody you have a very you get together with someone and and you've got whatever job or you're doing whatever you do and then suddenly you might get into a job where you think this is really important to me i don't want to go all out to make it work and then that means you're putting yourself into your job but as tom says you've got to make sure you're not neglecting your relationship and if your partner decides that that new situation isn't for them you've both got decisions to make your partner's got to make a decision about whether they're willing to carry on in the relationship regardless of the fact the circumstances have changed and if they're not

willing to carry on with that then you've got to make a decision about whether this job uh you're willing to sort of carry that on and potentially jeopardize the relationship or give that job up i mean i i wasn't making a lot of money from comedy we talked about this a few times but i wasn't making a lot of money from comedy and i was away a lot i reckon i was like six months away from quitting and going back to teaching you know for the sake of our kids and for the sake of my relationship you know like so but i always believe that whatever happens is the thing that's supposed to happen so if your relationship ended as a result of you changing jobs that's what was supposed to happen there's no like if you start panicking about trying to make things go in a certain way i just think no good can come from that if you change your job

and you really love that job and you want to do that job and that's really important to you and that relationship comes to an end as a result and then that's what was supposed to happen, man. Do you know what I mean? Because you've got to do what you really want to do, what makes you happy. If being in that relationship makes you happier than the job does, then you've got to rethink your job situation. Or you talk to your partner about whether they're willing

to sort of make a compromise on that or whatever. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen. So don't let it stress you out too much. As I always say uh my friend is judge the surfer not the waves sure what do you mean by that i mean actually sounds quite profound what do you mean by that like so the waves aren't going to change the waves are the waves in the sea right right yeah obviously you know subsequent to weather and tides and stuff but it's the waves do change quite a lot i mean every mean, every wave is different.

It's a terrible example, isn't it? The waves, no, the waves are very natural, right? They're there, right? Right. If a surfer falls off the surfboard, is it the waves' fault or is it the surfers'? Okay. But, I mean, my point would be

nobody's ever blamed the waves for a surfer falling off. Well, I might say I was a bit choppy out there today. I don't know. I've never really been around surfers. No, but you're confident enough to use that analogy in this case i've used it quite a lot recently i thought about it the other day yeah it actually sounded quite profound no it's like any sort of anything that's profound sounds profound sounds great until you've got to explain it yeah until you're actually surfing and you think every one of these waves is different

and they're changing all the time but it's so it's life my friend all right no you're absolutely right yeah sure sure if it was a steady sea there'd be no surf sometimes it's rocky sometimes it's ripe remember that all right okay next email. This is from... I'm going to keep this guy anonymous, but... Hi, Rom Tomonisa. Just wanted to start off with how much I'm loving the pod. I've been over-enamoured with the amount of howling I've been in throughout. Thank you very much.

Very wolfy thing to say. I've got a question about getting engaged. I've been with my girlfriend for four years, and I'm planning on asking her to marry me on her 30th birthday, where we're going to have everyone together to celebrate including my family too is that does that does that mean that the the celebration is being organized for the proposal I don't know I'm old school and I want to ask her dad in advance but here lies my quandary he will tell her mum and then the whole of the south coast will know and she'll definitely tell my girlfriend what would you advise asking the day before and secrecy or getting the lawyers involved with an NDA? Ha ha.

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Wow. P.S. James, you're doing a sterling job. A little bit of... Oh, JT gets the love there. And rightly so. I think we should all just... Yeah, let's just take a second because JT is the beat of this. He's the heartbeat of this show. He very much is. And I love the man. So, yo, J jt keep doing you brother um back to the matter a la hand um i would say that you i think it is a strong and

it's a noble thing to to ask the the father but i actually think in a situation like this, it was a bit different for myself, but I think in a situation like this, I think in modern times to ask both the parents, to sit with them both and say, because actually I think genuinely, I think it would be a touching thing. And I think to turn around to a mother and father and say that, you know,

yeah, I've been waiting to do this for a long time. You know, and I think in that situation, I think you saying to the mother, your future mother-in-law, that it would mean a lot to me that this isn't going to become a thing for everyone to know, if we could just keep this to ourselves. And then I think everyone in the situation feels that they're involved. I think if you turn around and say uh to your

you know your sort of father-in-law to be oh yeah yeah you know i want to you know yeah would you allow me to marry your your daughter which you know is is a sweet sentiment whatever you're gonna whichever angle you're gonna come at it um don't tell your wife go and tell your wife not to tell anyone else i think feels like you're straight away ostracizing your your mother-in-law i think sitting them both down down, having a nice chat, I think it sort of, I think it, yeah, it builds a sort of relationship with you all there. Yeah, if I'm going to be honest with you, like, you know, out of my parents, my dad's probably a far bigger one.

Both my parents are gossips. So I sort of like, yeah, I dig you there. My father-in-law actually is a very, yeah, he's a very sweet man. He's the sort of person, yeah, he's a very sweet man. He's the sort of person, yeah, he'd keep it to himself. But, yeah,

I think, sure enough there, but I think, to Ron's face, I think, tell them both, man. Sit them both down.

Sit them both down. Cup of coffee. I think that, Tom. And a chocolate twist from Costa. Shout out chocolate twist from Costa. beautiful, beautiful,

beautiful advice. Thank you. Can from Costa. Tom, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful advice. Thank you. Can I just say, once again, the wolf has delivered. Man, I'm not just here to howl and make you just. Also, Tom. Yeah. Shout out the chocolate twist. The Ranganathan Boys Costa pastry of choice.

Is that the Chocolate Twist? It doesn't surprise me. They are three young men with incredible taste. They love you, actually. They're going to be very excited that you like the Chocolate Twist. I love the Chocolate Twist. So I'll tell you what. I like the Chocolate Twist.

My gut doesn't. Oh, God. You can quote me on that. Yeah, I'd love to, listen um anon uh i totally agree with tom on that um i i look the truth is uh i think if you if you say please can you keep it a secret they probably will do you know that's the truth of it so um i love that idea of asking both the parents and letting them in on it and i i think actually that's a really lovely way of bringing them in it's a really respectful way of doing it it's uh it is it is insane to be asking the dad isn't it in a way yeah i think i know it's old school but it is it's mental and also in the time let me just say by the way when

this became a thing in the time when this became a thing fathers had little to do with their bringing up of their children but mothers did all of the heavy lifting they did all of that and they're gonna fuck you know this is you know maybe a generalization but men of that generation weren't you know like most men with that oh can i marry you you know i'd love love to marry your daughter i'm in love with her yeah go on then mate yeah great yeah enjoy it do you want a pint yeah but i think it's something to do with like isn't it something to do with like families coming together and all that shit yeah but again it's like who does all the heavy lifting it's like the nine times out of ten it'll be the mother-in-law's getting together and trying to arrange things to do

and like making sure you know and i mean i think you keep it up. I mean, I would say an argument that you're basing how the entire world works on how Sutton works. No. No, let me just say what it is. It's the old bullshit thing of, like, the surname stuff. We've done this. We did it very early on in this podcast. It is the thing of the surname. It's like, I'd like to give you, yeah.

I'd say, and I'm going to be honest with you i think probably 95 of the world would like to change their surname 95 of the world would like to change their surname yeah i don't know many people in my life who are really happy with their surnames my friend james de frond very happy great surname actually him and his wife because his wife her surname was power so that's but two really cool names that have merged yeah but a lot of people i'm not particularly happy with Davis. They should have merged that and gone with DePower. Yeah.

Mate, that would have been sick. Right. Mine is Davis. What's wrong with that? I don't, it's just, exactly, yeah. I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's the Shrug Romesh. What?

It's the Shrug, what's wrong with that? I'm shrugging it. There's nothing wrong with it. It's very beige. I'll tell you what, mate. It's a croissant in a world of fucking chocolate twists. Davis is the surname. Yeah, okay, fine.

Have you got any chocolate twists? Tom, Tom, Tom. Oh, we haven't got them or any cinnamon swirls. We've got some croissants left. There is your surname. Yeah, okay, but you're just naming people. We're not the fucking Avengers. You don't have to have a name that makes somebody go,

oh, my God, that's so sick. I'm going to be called Jackhammer, fuckwit. Do you know what I mean? You just have a normal name. Hawks, another cool nickname. I've got a be called Jackhammer fuckwit do you know what I mean like you just have a normal name Hawks another cool nickname got a friend called with a surname Hawks

I just yeah even your surname is really cool Reaganathan is a really cool surname it is amazing what was Lisa's surname before

you possibly undermine it by saying even no what was Lisa's surname before you got married even your foreign name is quite cool no but what was Lisa's surname before you got married? Even your foreign name's quite cool. No. What was Lisa's surname before you got married?

Lisa's surname was Maynard. I guess that's pretty cool. Yeah. Do you think so? Yeah. I mean, actually, it's quite a lot like Catherine's. Catherine's was Morphew. Morphew's quite cool.

Morphew, yeah. Yeah, she didn't know we liked it, really. We thought about combining. Have we talked about this? Yeah, we did early on. Yeah. I could never imagine you called Romesh Maynard. No,

but I could have been Romesh Ranganard. That would have been cool. See, there's nothing, your name, you know, you could literally link to any other surname. It's cool.

Yeah. Rangavis, if me and you got married. Oh, that'd be lovely. Yeah. Rom and Tom Rangavis invite you to their special day. See? They renewing their vows, because Tom's had that affair for be lovely. Yeah. Rom and Tom Rangervis invite you to their special day. See?

They renewing their vows because Tom's had that affair for a year. Yeah. So, and mine would have been Dave you, if we combined,

or Daynard. Daynard sounds alright. Daynard. Right, should we do one more? Yeah. Good luck. Good luck,

by the way. Okay. This is from The by the way. Okay. This is from The Manatee. Wow. Hi, Big Wolf, Little Owl. And the Majestic Swan. Short message to say I feel for the swan after the beef stock incident on your wedding night going back to the aliens chat there's been a lot of news recently about uap

ufos caught on camera by the u.s army and other chat that we're close to finding extraterrestrial life this got me thinking about how humans as a species don't have a great track record of dealing with other species i can have this is very apt what dealing with other species i know this is very apt what do you think humanity's react this is a do you know what for a quick email to finish off the podcast this has been i would argue potentially an error this has got me thinking about how humans as a species don't have a great track record of dealing with other species what do you think humanity's reaction to finding extraterrestrial life would be And why do you think that reaction would end up with our imminent demise? Love the work, guys, brackets, and gal, the manatee.

Wowzers. You know what? I think everything we've been talking about in this podcast, we're going to do vis-a-vis pigs and all the other stuff. Hold on, hold on. Is there an argument that we could use your wrap-up to deal with this email? Wowzers. I mean, we've not done it before, but

I mean... Yo, Messi, what's that you're passing me? Oh, it's not a ball, it's the buck. No, let's answer it. No, no, no. I take your point no no actually well that yeah time is time is pressing and i think i've got something here okay go on yeah take a look at yourself who are you yeah you're a human or a very clever animal who somehow managed to switch this podcast on and listen to it. Shout out to the pigs in the world.

But maybe in a way, sometimes we enclose our thoughts just to think too much, really, about just being human and our own plights and our own injustice. And for that, there is many. But how do we want to be perceived? Like sometimes when you're walking past a farm, do you go for a piss in the bushes, not thinking about that that's actually a cow's bed or where a horse likes to lay his head?

Do you ever think about what a dog or a cat may think about you? Probably not, though you carry a consciousness about them. The truth of the matter is, out there somewhere might be a group of people or a group of species who are actually more intelligent than us. And one day, as we're being filed into fields or aquariums by these species, we shall cast our minds back and think of the owner's pig, stroke cow, stroke horse, or even an emu, and think, you know what? Maybe we should all try just to be a little bit kinder.

I'm not saying don't eat meat. I'm saying value the stock from whence it's from. Wow, that was... arguably that's that's about me with a hot pie I think I bit off more than I could chew that was really lovely

Tom that was really lovely I tried for a bit point point point point point

point point point point point point point point

point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point a bit point point point point point point yeah actually can i just say one thing as well and this is my bad at the end of last week's roundup i really wish we put whitney houston in singing why because i it was all about whitney houston singing i feel like we should yeah we should have oh right okay um would you want to put why don't you request a tune to

go in here now uh yeah so um so let's think about the messages from what you're saying when we're being put into sort of uh aquariums yeah just have a respect for different life forms i guess yeah can you think of a song that does that no something like celine dion maybe by the way i've been listening to a lot of celine dion and i find i've had a lot of solace solace within Celine's voice I don't even want to know what set of circumstances led you to press play on that listen we can't all be cool

fucking guys sitting there with our fucking sneakers on listening to hip hop sometimes speaking of which speaking of which just very quickly

I know this is not a hip hop podcast yesterday Kanye West dropped his new album yeah one hour and 45 minutes that album is is it good i've got no idea have you listened to it i've listened to it once uh i'm

gonna i'd love you to listen to it tom a little bit of homework for you i won't listen let's see why don't we tell why don't we tell the wolf and alpac what we think of the album uh when we next meet yeah speaking of which we might do an insta Live, might we? Because you and I are meeting up soon, aren't we? Yeah. I'm looking forward to seeing you. We should jump on

the Insta Live and give some people some of that. Give some of that sweet jus. That sweet, sweet jus. Okay. We should have ended

this a few minutes ago. That much is clear. Tom. Well, you know what? Absolute. What? Song-wise, I'd like to

throw out a dedication. Go on. This one's for you greatest love of all oh very nice James please only play 15 seconds of it I don't want to pay for it

Tom I love you brother love you man I'll see you soon I'll see you in Blighty real soon peace out peace brother because the greatest

love of all Peace, brother. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.