Wolf and Owl - Episode 40

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

We’re talking… clerical parenting, embarrassing dads, the early days of sat-nav, cold baths, beautiful beaches and restaurant banter. Then, after some laughing tests and sparing a thought for negl...ected bread rolls, we tackle emails on energy drinks, body hair and a hot neighbour. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:26 Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last Requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler
Starting point is 00:01:36 Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill. Never sheep's clothing.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon. You'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff, and a... Expect killings. Red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive, innit? The death bringing, it's head spinning. Just kidding.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Back on the shores of the UK. Wolf of fucking Al up inside your headpiece. Bitch. The Al has flown back to his residence. Welcome to the Wolf and Al, Wolf and Al podcast inside the place,
Starting point is 00:02:21 inside the ride. I'm going to watch Wolf and Al. You look good, boy. You think so? Back to your back to your you know just saying you're on the other side of the bed now just chilled just relax well well it was uh it was alex's birthday over the weekend shout out my guy alex yeah um he doesn't listen to this um but uh he um they had a little like kind of uh they had a little sleepover thing downstairs. Nice.
Starting point is 00:02:49 And they wanted Lisa to sleep downstairs. Didn't ask for me to be. How many guests? How many guests? Well, it had a couple of mates, basically. Yeah. And yeah, Lisa slept downstairs. And I had the bed to myself.
Starting point is 00:03:06 I don't know why I'm taking so long to deliver this information. I think it's probably a bit of shame in a way. Do you think so? Yeah, because What do I need to feel ashamed about? Little Alex, when he was thinking who's going to defend him from whatever imaginary beasts or whatever that might attack him in the night.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Speaking of Alex, I'm doing a podcast. Do you want to say hello to tom hi tom happy birthday my guy he said happy birthday thank you okay what do you know good man i asked charlie to leave my room but he said no okay i'll speak to him in a bit all right yeah okay that's how i that's how i normally deal with things what I'm noticing from your family dynamic at the moment is like Alex
Starting point is 00:03:50 and obviously I love Alex man he's a top guy legend of the game why don't you like the other two I love the other two but what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:03:57 is Alex is what we're talking about he sees you more as a sort of mediator referee rather than a sort of security bodyguard in a way.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Yeah, well, I... So what do you mean? So... Right. He's out in the garden. Yeah. He's turning around and going, like, I don't know what beasts
Starting point is 00:04:16 and, like, what scary shit's going through his mind, right? He's like, I need someone to defend me if anything happens. Yeah. I'm going to call my mum for that job. Right. And then it charlie's in his room who's the best at mediating who's like the sort of like more clerical one of my parents i want to go to my dad well i i wish i could even take that as some sort of compliment but the fact of the matter is the only reason he came to speak to me is because it laces out i wish i could i wish i could cling on to even that sort of vague scrap of a
Starting point is 00:04:50 completely gave me when you suggested he might see me as a a clerical parent i can't even i can't even accept that in good faith because the truth is he spoke to me because i'm the only adult in the house and if there was anyone else even a burglar I imagine he would have gone to them first and Charlie's probably two what two three years away from sort of outranking you in that sense I guess so yeah you might get to a point where the boys actually start asking each other to help them out and then I just become completely you know one of the things I notice I sometimes think am i turning into my dad and every now and again we used to have i don't know why we'd have like recordings
Starting point is 00:05:30 there'd be videos from like when we were growing up and stuff right and in my head my dad was like an active parent i mean you know he had his he had his uh he had his flaws parenting and husband wise but you know he was there or thereabouts right yeah and um and he was like really like you know i really got on with my dad every video i've ever seen of us when we're growing up is us all chatting and my dad just completely silent sitting in the corner of the room just observing stuff or eating something or nipping out for a fag and that's i think oh wow my dad you know if you were to take that as uh as a study of how the house worked you'd you'd conclude from
Starting point is 00:06:12 that that my dad was surplus to requirements wow and that's how that's how i feel about myself in this house yeah i don't think you're that guy i think i think you you they need you for a number of reasons yeah you're i think you're a good role model for your boys. In what way? I'm never here. And when I'm here, I'm very distracted. No, I think you are. Look, they look at you. They look at that you've got a certain amount of cachet,
Starting point is 00:06:34 a certain amount of power. I don't think you need the A at the end of cachet, though. I think they very much see me as the financier. Right. If they look at you, right right and you are doing one of your sort of skits and joking around by the side of the pool and people are laughing at you like some of your sort of friends and stuff like your hollywood friends or what you know portugal friends right they see you and they'll be like in the pool with their mates they'll look over
Starting point is 00:07:00 you're doing one of your zingers and they'll go, actually you know what, that's pretty cool. I think that's a nice sort of sentiment. I don't know if they've got that. I think they have. I think they know that you're a cool guy. Yeah, that's very nice. I think you're actually doing a disservice. I think you're very empathetic. You could even choke it out
Starting point is 00:07:20 your mouth, could you? You know what happened there? You knew that you'd put the boot in. You sort of heard me being quite quiet because it's Sunday morning. And then you thought, I need to turn this around by telling him he's empathetic.
Starting point is 00:07:34 I think anyone who knows you knows how caring you are and empathetic you are and what a nice person. I think a thoroughly modern man, I think your boys will look at you in such a way. I think when they look at you,
Starting point is 00:07:43 they know that you're a modern guy, a modern dude thank you and you dress nice so yeah no thank you thanks very much um i feel like i'm being spoken to like the kid who came last in the in the running run you know you got your shorts on you know those those look nice you look good you tucked your t-shirt in you you had a nice smile as you cross the finish line so you know be proud of that it's weird isn't it to think how your boys view you i mean that they they probably know that you've got some pretty epic friends as well so that's always cool like you know yeah i'm myself and becky and whatever so it's it's it's actually an interesting point that you make because there is something about i i remember
Starting point is 00:08:31 always thinking like i don't want my kids to be embarrassed of me yeah right well you know there's this part of you things like when my kids have been embarrassed of me and actually the truth is there is something about you being the parent you cannot avoid making them cringe that is just so you either you either try and minimize it or you embrace it lean in let me just say well you say your dad wasn't you know my dad the thing that you know i love my dad did he's you know an incredible man and whatever but he used to revel in making me cringe and being embarrassed you know he would like, yeah. He'd like, he was like a mechanic and sort of, he'd pick the crappiest car to come and pick me up in
Starting point is 00:09:10 when I was like 13 to think it was hilarious to beep outside the school and sort of sit there or put on a stupid voice or sort of, yeah. My dad did that. My dad would turn up his accent. He'd sound like he'd literally just arrived minutes ago. Right. He would also, he'd literally just arrived minutes ago. Right? He would also,
Starting point is 00:09:27 he used to come in hot pants. What? Yeah. He used to wear really short. He used to wear really, he used to wear really, he used to wear really short shorts. And whenever,
Starting point is 00:09:38 if I ever got nice trainers, like I remember once I got a brand new pair, it was like my pride and joy, these Jordan fives. He came to school wearing them. Wow. trainers like i remember once i've got a brand new pair like it was like my pride and joy these jordan fives he came to school wearing them wow just just to see what it would do to me yeah yeah yeah my dad sort of yeah he sort of would it would revel he was very popular at sort of like parents evenings and stuff because he's very jovial and sort of would often sort of like say i mean he still does he'll still sort of take the mick out of me.
Starting point is 00:10:05 When it comes to sort of DIY around the house or whatever, he still finds it hilarious. I can't do most things. And do you know what I mean? Yeah. He's coming up here to do some jobs while I'm away with my mum. Even my mum, to be fair,
Starting point is 00:10:16 is better at DIY than I am. So while you're away, your mum and dad are coming to do some DIY for you? They're doing stuff around here. They enjoy doing stuff around the house. They can't. That's, that's how I would tell myself that that can be justified as well.
Starting point is 00:10:28 There's a generation of people, and it's not our generation, let me tell you, who revel in doing things. Even if he goes away and stays at an Airbnb, right, he'll say something,
Starting point is 00:10:37 oh, yeah, they had a problem with the fucking something, you know, the gas valve on the fucking toilet, and I had to, you know,
Starting point is 00:10:43 so I sorted that out for him. Like, if there's anything wrong in the house, he'll sort it out. Even if he's paying to be there. Yeah. Not that he pays to be at my house. No, no, sure. And how will you reimburse your parents for doing that? Well, I'll buy them wine or, you know.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Okay, that sounds like something you've just freestyled there as a last-minute question. I've brought them wine. So the answer to that is fuck all. No, no, I buy them little gifts and little tokens and also, you know. Mate, it's the same thing. He called me yesterday. He's got to go to York, right? Him and my mum are going to York with some friends of theirs.
Starting point is 00:11:16 Right. And they're like, well, we're all just now just looking at the best way to York. We've just got the A to Z out. I was like, 2,000 fucking 21. Get out. Literally, give me two seconds yeah right it's going to take you four point fucking three three hours right because there's a good thing called google now you just literally get on the a1 and keep driving you're
Starting point is 00:11:36 in york yeah but he'll go oh you know i'm going to look at a couple of different things get the fucking the little gaze thing to say you can see how exact far it is it's like the conversation which every one of that generation that i know right if you arrive somewhere we'll turn around the first thing what route did you take in the end you know we follow google it's literally like a conversation that for years and generations people have had probably since the roman times where people went oh you know we went on the stone road then we had a little you know a little walk on the dirt oh the dirt track yeah yeah through it through loughborough whatever like they will go oh you went with b62 onto the a55 oh yeah that's the best way i'd have gone there oh yeah but i
Starting point is 00:12:13 think that's i think that's a lost art you know because now when i'm going to gigs or whatever i just put on the sat nav right i have no fucking idea where i am if that thing decided to shut down right i put if i if that that died and then i pulled over by the side of the road and i phoned somebody to help me they go where are you i i've got absolutely fucking i'm somewhere between crawley and nottingham help me you'd actually probably be in my house so i could come and help you but um okay because i'm pretty much exactly between crawley and nottingham you're between crawley and nottingham pretty much yeah all right it's a hell of a guff you got i remember when satnavs first came out right and uh i was working festivals at the time we're doing festivals and we're going to some festival in the middle of a fucking field somewhere to
Starting point is 00:13:03 sell t-shirts and um we had a kid called ollie who was working with us it was me my friend sam and this kid ollie and we're looking around trying to find this fucking field right and every time you remember satin ads they were like so they just freak out quite a bit wouldn't they when you first when they first and i was like you know it said we're going to get to this place then it would change the place it would get more and more annoying and uh i said oh if this happens again i'm just going to throw this fucking thing out the window right and it happens again the thing fucking freaks out this kid ollie he wasn't the brightest boy got the sat nav ripped off the windscreen and just threw it out of the window as we were driving along about 70 miles an hour.
Starting point is 00:13:46 I was like, what are you fucking doing? He went, just as you said, just thrown it out the fucking window, mate. I'm like, but I clearly didn't. We haven't got a map now. That was our only way of finding out where we are. It's a fucking insane, like, let me just gauge a couple of, because I haven't seen it. He's a lovely boy.
Starting point is 00:14:02 I say boy, he's like early 20s when we were working with us, but he was a younger man than us. Cut a story. I remember when we first worked at festivals and we used to sell sunglasses, t-shirts, right? And I said,
Starting point is 00:14:14 look, the sunglasses... Where were you... Was this like... Is this high-end sunglasses? What's... No, no, no, no. I mean, the price point
Starting point is 00:14:21 was from £12 and I said, you can go down to £5, right? Lowest margin is £5, highest is £12. Is this a thing that you'd set up as a little entrepreneur? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did this for about three or four years, sold T-shirts at festivals,
Starting point is 00:14:34 just as sort of my habit for stand-up and comedy. I wanted to try and sort of be on the open road. I respect that. I respect that. It's good. It's good hustle. I like it. So the first day he's working for us, a woman comes up and says, how much are these sunglasses? He said,
Starting point is 00:14:46 12 pounds. She said, I'm not paying 12 pounds for these. He said, give us five. I said, you've got fucking, you've got about 30 price points
Starting point is 00:14:56 between 12 and five, son. I'll give us 11.50. 11. I'll give you that. Yeah. Yeah. He said,
Starting point is 00:15:03 what should I have said five and then worked up for it? No, don't ever say the lowest point. How the fuck are you going to work up? You should have said, yeah, go'll give you that. Yeah. He said, what should I have said five and then worked up for it? No, don't ever say the lowest point. How the fuck are you going to work up? You should have said, yeah, go on, work up from it. Let me see how you get on.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Five pounds. Okay, I'll give you five pounds. No, actually, I mean, no, six, please. The worst thing, we've done Glastonbury and Glastonbury is a festival. It's incredible to go.
Starting point is 00:15:18 But if you work at Glastonbury, you get there a week before, like five days before, set up your stall and then you're just in. All right. And then you leave like i think day or two after yeah so we're basically in you know and you've got people
Starting point is 00:15:30 trying to rob your stall and all that so you don't get much sleep so we're all fucking like shattered and we turn around and we're like right you know let's just get a hotel near glastonbury we'll chill there for like a day just all catch up on our sleep and then we'll make the drive back to london so uh we get to this place and uh i'm like fucked and i'm sharing a room with three there's three of us in a room i tell him how to say to these two two guys on with us they're like i was gonna jump in a bath um but if i fall asleep in there like obviously just give me a shout and give me a knock on the door and let me know that uh you know wake me up type thing so i get in this bath lovely warm bath
Starting point is 00:16:05 i've not even had a proper wash for like in you know a week so that water's got well how quickly before that water's brown uh almost all maddie is disgusting yeah i mean but i'm fucked it feels good and my body's like shrek in his swamp yeah yeah both both physically and emotionally i look like shrek and feel like shrek and uh this episode is brought to you by secret secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum parabens dyes talc and baking soda it's made with ph balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils so whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today.
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Starting point is 00:17:51 that's when it's got to be KD. When you got to do you, it's got to be KD. Shop now. Well, I just, like my eyes go, I have a little bit of lavender as I always do in the bath. No, I know that about you. Some bath salts. And, you know, I buy a one-way ticket to the Land of Zed. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:07 And I'm KO'd. I wake up, right, as I think the last echelons of my life, the bath is fucking freezing. Right. I've been in there for about two and a half hours, right? I literally am, like, literally awake, and it's like, like the freezing sensation of being in an ice cold bath now. I just like, my heart's about to stop.
Starting point is 00:18:29 I sort of pull myself up and I look all over like a prune, right? I'm literally shriveled all up, but I can barely move. I'm shaking with cold. Put a towel around me. I open the door and the two of these, these two guys are sitting watching television. And I'm like, why didn't you wake me? And this guy goes,
Starting point is 00:18:51 you look so peaceful in there. We wanted, we wanted to leave you a little bit longer. I was like, I was fucking done. This is the kid for you. I was dying. I was genuinely like,
Starting point is 00:19:00 that was it. Like if I hadn't woke myself up, I'd have just like been found frozen to death in the bath this is how stupid you want to you want to frozen to death oh well yeah i would mate that's how it works what do you mean that's how it works you know i can't believe i've got to explain temperature to you yeah go on talk me through it well when i got in the bath it was hot yeah when i woke up it was cold it kept getting colder yeah you're not in the fucking Arctic. It's only going to drop to a certain level, mate. No, the water keeps getting colder.
Starting point is 00:19:29 It doesn't keep getting colder forever. So if you put a glass of water out, you leave it there for a couple of days, you're like, fucking hell, it's completely frozen through, this. Got myself a glass of ice here. Why are people bothering to try my ice cubes in the freezer? Just fucking leave the tray out. Temperature will keep dropping.
Starting point is 00:19:45 Don't worry about it. No, it gets colder, though, because night time comes in. Yeah, of course it does. Yeah, sure. But once the night comes in, then you're done for. Yeah, sure. But I would say you'd have to... If you are in water, let me just tell you this,
Starting point is 00:19:55 just because I'm worried about you genuinely now. Do not be in water as the night tiptoes into the day, right? Because I'll tell you what, mate, you'll be done for. Don't be naive to think, like, yes, it won't turn to ice, but it will turn cold, mate. And if you're in cold water for too long, your body goes, oh, well. I don't know what temperature you think I'm keeping my home
Starting point is 00:20:14 at. I'm inside a fucking house. What are you talking about? Do you know about your core temperature? Do you know about the core temperature? Well, I don't know what you're about to tell me about core temperature no if your core temperature drops you can never get it back so you're always cold after that is that what happened to mr freeze i don't know i'm not a super good i'm not a comic book guy i'd assume that that no that is what do you mean what if
Starting point is 00:20:39 your core temperature goes then you can't ever get it back so once your core temperature drops let's say between because i'm not a scientist between like 34.5 right and it goes into the 33s right i understand i understand that's lower yeah yeah that is where yeah you've really got to be careful because if it's there and it hits like goes too low there's no way it's like a fire right there's absolutely so hold on you're telling me if your comfort core temperature goes down by a degree there's absolutely there is no way of no no no there's a baseline i don't know the chemical reactions of it right but there's a there's a place where if it goes below a certain amount it can never get because you can never feel that warmth to stoke that fire again so your body would always be at like you know when you see people are like oh god i'm always cold and you're
Starting point is 00:21:23 like i can i can tell you why mate you've let your coat you've not taken care of your temperature sat in a bath for too long what a load of shit you're talking that's true that is true there's no fucking way that people is that oh i can't can't shake the guys at your core temperature drop what are you on about mate i have been told that i remember when i first heard that and i was like fucking hell we need to be careful was it Ollie by any chance it wasn't him it was
Starting point is 00:21:48 he had no idea about core temperatures it was about it was another friend so you so these poor guys that have just seen you in the bath thought hey look at him
Starting point is 00:21:56 just let him sending him away let's just let him relax for a bit and then you get up like a fucking angry bear after hibernation start shouting at them because they wanted to leave you to raise my voice because i was so cold night had come in by then i'll tell
Starting point is 00:22:11 you how late it was i think at the time they're watching a show probably it was on your indoors they're watching telly you're having a lavender bath okay and then you come out like you've had a near-death experience saying things like the night had come in. It was night time. That's what you say. Try and add more drama in it. Darkness had filled the land by the time I woke up from my bath. Let me just tell you something.
Starting point is 00:22:37 I was on a beach yesterday, and I actually sat there and thought, we don't give enough gravitas to the sun and moon's work. Oh, yeah, it's night time now. Night had come in. He's there every day for you, the moon, doing his thing. The moon doesn't make it dark. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, the sun goes in and the moon comes out.
Starting point is 00:22:53 No. First of all, neither of those things happen. That's what appears to happen. Is this the first time you're finding out that the Earth moves? No, I know that the Earth moves round. Like in a circular motion. Did you watch the Teletubbies finding out that the Earth moves? No, I know that the Earth moves round. Like in a circular motion. Did you watch the Teletubbies and think that was a documentary? No.
Starting point is 00:23:11 The way that the Earth moves round, obviously we go past the sun and we go past the moon. I know that. Yeah. So the night comes in, the night draws in, and you think we need to what? Celebrate the moon. Yeah, you know what you are?
Starting point is 00:23:23 I think we need to be a little bit more. You're a witch. you know what you are? I think we need to be a little bit more. You're a witch. That's what you are. You want to go out there and do one of your little festivals? Let me just say one thing, mate. Do a little dance on the moon. I have never been to such a beautiful beach as the one I went to yesterday. What was it?
Starting point is 00:23:42 Holcombe Beach, Norfolk. I think you'd truly love it. I think you truly love it. I think you need to go. That's the best beach in the world you've ever been to? No, look. Or does it happen
Starting point is 00:23:51 to be the beach you went to? Why don't you just really say what you mean? Holcombe Beach was the beach I went to most recently. And it's the one
Starting point is 00:23:59 that I can easiest remember. No, right. Let me just say, I think it was a lovely surprise how beautiful it was right okay so you had low expectations yeah i got there the sand was just like like flour between my toes right i take off my shoes i roll up my trousers and i go into the sea right and i just stood there just for a second as the waves,
Starting point is 00:24:27 actually more than a second because it takes probably for about 15, 20 seconds where I just stand, right? Who were you with? With my wife and my dog. And where's your wife at this point? She's also in the sea with her together and the dog, but he doesn't like waves. This is a really nice story, actually. And the waves are just gently lapping against our shins, okay?
Starting point is 00:24:44 I look towards the sun and he's done for the day or she and then i look across and it's a beautiful moment we can see the sun and the moon and it's almost like the moon is just nodding to the sun to say yeah i've got this now and it was just a nice moment yeah okay sure do you ever have moments like that in? Do I ever have moments where I think this is a profound moment and actually it just sounds like the opening to a children's book? That's the way he's gently laughed against all shins he looked up the sun the sun put his coat on and he headed off and just as he was leaving the moon popped in and said hello mate i've got this now thank you said the sun you're welcome the moon. I had a beautiful ice cream.
Starting point is 00:25:45 It was a really nice day. I think that we've got to take those moments in life sometimes. It doesn't have to be like a minute or an hour, just a couple of seconds, just to sort of like, just actually take it all in. Yeah. I've had a few muggy moments recently.
Starting point is 00:26:03 That's unsurprising. There's an absolute mug you're so fucking pleasing yourself I wasn't going to say that go for it I was on the plane coming back from Portugal as you know I'm sat down I sat next to Charlie on the way back
Starting point is 00:26:24 and people are coming in boarding the plane this guy's holding his kid yeah right little kid like maybe two something like that right he's got this kid in his arms the kid looks at me right yeah and goes and sort of gestures to him it was so and went enu enu right And then he goes, yeah, yeah, Inu. And the way that the kid said it was like, I thought, I think they've invented a racial slur. I think they call brown people Inus. Like, that's the way the kid said it to me.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Really? Yeah, I mean, I was just saying. What, he's a racist kid? Mate, listen, I'm telling you, he referred to me as an Eno. Who's your youngest kid, Alex? Charlie. Charlie? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:09 So in that situation, Charlie's got a man up, right? Well, I don't know. I don't think Charlie was aware of... You know, because there's an argument there that I'm being deeply paranoid. Do you know what I mean? I'm not sure. What's the dad like? Break the dad down for me.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Love, hate across his knuckles. Union Jack tatted on his forehead. he spat at me as he walked past but i don't think that's got anything to do with it no but genuinely what did he look like he just looked quite like a middle class kind of yeah you know well well well uh what's the word i'm looking for you know these guys hidden racist no do you know like you know these there's certain dads that are just very well groomed i mean he's got like a little fresh polo tucked into his shorts and espadrilles and all you know you know i'm talking about just like yeah you look pretty well nicely nicely done you know i mean did you sort of say anything or did you just suck it up well it took me a while to process what was happening. I sort of saw it, and at first I went to
Starting point is 00:28:06 laugh, because I thought, oh, that kid's cute. And then as they walked past, I realised they'd both agreed that I'm an Inu. I just don't know what Inu is. I've never heard it. Did you not Google it? I mean, I'll Google it now. I don't think... He didn't seem embarrassed about it. Do you know what I mean? Inu. Yeah, it doesn't mean anything.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Well, that's quite a popular baby name apparently really? so anyway can somebody tell me is Eno an insult or is this something that you know I'd really like to know I felt slighted the Owlians and the Wolfians to get on another thing that happened to me the other day mate is for the first time
Starting point is 00:28:39 in a long time I ate some food stood up I know this sounds like a non-story but I was on my way to a meeting i was like rushing i was absolutely starving i didn't know when i was going to get get a chance to get some lunch i didn't have time to sit down and eat something so i just stopped in a tesco got a wrap and then like i stood outside where i was due to go into the room and just ate this thing in the street so Sort of inhaled it. How often do you do that?
Starting point is 00:29:05 Me? Yeah. Not, not, I mean, I walk, it's low, isn't it? It is a low thing to do.
Starting point is 00:29:10 I walk and eat sometimes. But I mean, Tesco, I've just sort of, more than anything, I'm like, of all the places you could go in London, you went to Tesco's.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Well, I was in like a super rush. So I was just, I didn't have time to specifically go anywhere. Yeah. I was just like, there's a Tesco there.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Is that your problem with what I did? No, I just think like, for me, I'd always just go, like, look, there's some Tesco's,
Starting point is 00:29:31 it's great. I use Tesco as a big shop. Let me tell you something, they do a vegan hoisin duck wrap. Delightful. Really? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Let me just say, by the way, fake meats are just getting, I know we talked about this a long time ago, fake meats are getting incredible. Yeah. They're just getting better and better and better.
Starting point is 00:29:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favourite thing? I actually think that people will start having meats completely in the next 10 years. Within the next 10 years, people will stop eating meat completely? Yeah. I think that they're getting so good at pretend meats. What an incredible way to make something quite intelligent
Starting point is 00:30:02 complete bullshit with one word. What? What word's the bullshit word 10 how many years do you think it'll be it's gonna say longer than 10 years everybody is not gonna everyone's gonna stop eating meat in 10 within 10 years look i think some people are gonna do it merit some people are gonna do it by being tricked i had some fake chicken the other day when the guy turned around to me and said it was fake chicken I was like what? Explain to me the scenario that that happened please. I ate I had some food to eat, I ordered in Soho
Starting point is 00:30:31 You were in Soho and you ordered chicken Yeah but I didn't, on the menu it did say it wasn't real chicken but it was labelled as chicks, C-H-I-X So when I ordered it I just assumed it was chicken Didn't read the bit under it. It sounded nice with the sauce
Starting point is 00:30:47 and rice. Okay. Afterwards, I was like, that was amazing. That chicken was so succulent and juicy. Right?
Starting point is 00:30:53 You didn't say that. I always have a comment if I've really enjoyed food. Yeah, but don't say, don't say succulent and juicy. Why not? That's exactly what meat
Starting point is 00:31:03 should be when it's nice. Just say it's nice. Just say it's nice. Just say it's delicious. Tasty. Yeah, but anyone could say that. You could say that about anything. Yeah, but you don't want to get fucking arrested for paying your compliments to the waiter.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Right, look. If I turned around and said, oh, that's an attractive partner you've got. They're succulent and juicy. Right? That would be rude. Sure. If I'm describing something that was perfectly succulent and deliciously juicy, right? It's be rude. Sure. If I'm describing something that was perfectly succulent
Starting point is 00:31:25 and deliciously juicy, right, it's fine to use those adjectives. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. What are food critics going to say about every place they like? Very nice. We'll definitely come again. The one time that you can really use your vocabulary, right, is when you're discussing food, I think.
Starting point is 00:31:46 Yeah, sure. But, I mean, what I'm saying is discuss it with whoever you're eating with afterwards you know it was on my own so he became my sort of like friend just just i think do you know what i i i really i really admire this about you that you if you're on your own eating somewhere, you do the exact opposite of me. What I do, I don't make direct eye contact. I order as quickly as possible. I eat as quickly as possible. And then I run out and sort of pay on the way out. You, on the other hand, fucking burden whoever's serving you
Starting point is 00:32:16 with the job of being your mate for the duration of the meal. Do you not chat to the waiters and stuff when they come over? Not really, no. I mean, I'm polite. Yeah, yeah. Your manners are excellent. And if something comes up, you know, if something happens,
Starting point is 00:32:34 I'll sort of reference it. But I won't go... Oh, yeah. I won't open up a banter channel needlessly. Do you know what I mean? Do you ever ask them how long they've worked there or sort of questions about themselves? No. I do not. No. I often do. Do you? Yeah, and I'll've worked there or sort of questions about themselves? No. Really? I do not. No.
Starting point is 00:32:46 I often do. Do you? Yeah, and I'll say what's good on the menu. Yeah, that's within the normal remit of things you'd say to a waiter. Do you know what one of my most treasured things is? When you go to a restaurant and you notice a member of staff who used to work somewhere else and you're like, oh, didn't you used to work in Tonto?
Starting point is 00:33:04 And they'll go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's quite a nice moment. Yeah, and then later on that night, they'll call the police and go, look, I don't want you to do anything about this now. But I just want to sort of flag it up. If it can be written down somewhere, I'll put, just sort of record it in some place. There's a guy, wherever I work, he turns up.
Starting point is 00:33:23 there's a guy wherever I work he turns up today something is coming Kong Godzilla they can feel it fight together it's human up or face extinction Godzilla Kong the new empire now playing only in theaters two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at a and w's in ontario experience a and w's classic breakfast on now dine in only until 11 a.m order up for damien hey how did your doctor's appointment go by the way did you ask about rebelsis actually i'm seeing my Thank you for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca Order up for Rebelsis. I was in Costa yesterday.
Starting point is 00:34:41 And it was quite busy. There was one woman working. Shout her out. She did incredible. Smushing it. And there was it was quite busy there was one woman working shout her out she did incredible smashing it um uh and there was a guy about four people down and he had like a ponytail but his hair top of his head was black and then like his ponytail was red they're black and red hair together like the html shirt right and he turned around to the woman was like is daniel working today and she was like oh he's not in again today and he yeah and he went i'll catch up with him sooner or later and he laughed for about five
Starting point is 00:35:11 minutes on that joke but i just i found it very sweet quite i saw he's been coming in every day looking for daniel and this is clearly daniel's trying to avoid him yeah it's quite a nice sort of it's fun isn't it it's funny how we describe time, you know, because there's absolutely no way he laughed for five minutes at that joke. No, that's totally right. Because that wouldn't be sweet. That would be fucking insane. If he went, I'll catch up with him sooner or later,
Starting point is 00:35:41 and then just stood there laughing for five solid minutes. Should we just do a thing now? That's me taking you very literally, but I knew what you meant. You said five minutes. In my head, I go it's slightly too long. So ten seconds in my head, I think. It was longer than ten seconds.
Starting point is 00:36:00 Ten seconds. Let me do ten seconds of laughing now. I'm going to tell you. Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to tell you when. Okay. And go. Right, so that's fucking bananas, right? That sounded insane, right?
Starting point is 00:36:26 Yeah, right. I definitely can tell you it wasn't five minutes. Right. It was more... Right, have you got any way of timing, or should I time? Yeah, I'm going to time. Okay. All right, okay.
Starting point is 00:36:37 This is how long I reckon it was. Let me count you in, okay. Okay, ready? Three, two, one, go. I'll catch up with him sooner or later. Catch up with him later. About that sort of thing. 18 seconds.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Yeah. And also, there's no and also there's no fucking way he did that absolutely no way he did that so it's including you saying the joke and then repeating it
Starting point is 00:37:13 what twice no he repeated the joke he did repeat the joke at least once and then he had what looked like a nice cold sort of pineapple
Starting point is 00:37:20 type drink and made his way out fair play to him it's sort of quite sad as well because in a way I'm just like I sort of think he probably needed, Sam. It's sort of quite sad as well, because in a way I'm just like, I sort of think he probably needed a friend yesterday.
Starting point is 00:37:28 He sort of turns up every day to get a drink and hopes that Daniel's going to be there. Clearly hasn't got Daniel's number or any way of sort of hitting him up on Instagram or Facebook or whatever. So he sort of goes in for a chat with this elusive Daniel. And there was a bit of me that felt, man, if I wasn't going on a road trip with my wife
Starting point is 00:37:44 and going to the beach, I'd probably sort of said to him, Oh my God, were you with your wife in this? No, she was waiting in the car. Oh, okay. She's waiting in the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:53 So, sorry, there's nothing wrong with her waiting in the car. She's in my head. You were sat down at a table in the second bit. Oh, no, no, I was in the queue. I like to soak it in when I'm in the queue and see what sort of things people are ordering. Yeah, absolutely doesn't surprise me. Do you ever, in the queue, just sort of like do a little huff
Starting point is 00:38:11 and then sort of go, this is longer than usual? Or is that like to anyone else in the queue? No, but you have that thing, don't you, where you do a knowing look, make eye contact with someone about a customer in front. Yeah. Could have made up your mind in the queue, mate, rather than deciding that.
Starting point is 00:38:29 That happened yesterday. That happened yesterday. Two girls who hadn't thought about it, and they had the last two chocolate twists. So fucking annoying. What? Yeah, I was devastated. I was watching these two chocolate twists,
Starting point is 00:38:40 and then I was like, this woman's working on her own. She's clearly not going to have enough time to make any more chocolate twists. But it just makes you think, doesn't it, about people, how different everyone is, I guess. So I was with two of the boys, and as you know, we've talked about this, they love a chocolate twist. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:55 And there are two chocolate twists left. The boys wanted one each. Do the maths. I say to the girl working there, I said, can I have those two chocolate twists? The woman behind me goes, oh, I had my eye on one of those. Wow. Wow, that's put you in a very hard predicament.
Starting point is 00:39:11 First of all, that takes some fucking bollies to say that. Yeah. I respect, there's a part of me that wishes I'd done that the other day. You know what, I had me in Pan of Raisin and I hated every bite of it. You know, when you're psyching yourself up for a fucking surfer pot of fucking chocolate twist
Starting point is 00:39:27 and you end up fucking a stinky old pan of raisin, it's just not the same, is it? No, you're absolutely right, yeah. Are you okay? Yeah. Do you know who I feel the most sorry for? It's Catherine having to listen to that monologue when you get back in the car.
Starting point is 00:39:41 She was actually more upset about not having a chocolate twist than I was. Because in the end, I had to put my pan of raisin in half of hers. Yeah, of course you did. Oh, that's horrible. Fucking stick. It tastes like ashes in my throat.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Can I have a bit of yours? I ate like a dustbin yesterday. Did you? Yeah. I had that pan of raisin. One and a half pan of raisin. Yeah. Then I had fish and chips for lunch nice
Starting point is 00:40:05 with a bread roll with a bread roll yeah yeah to eat your chips in what the fuck now listen you've justified bread in the past with mopping up sauce yeah yeah you got no such excuses with fish and chips mate it's a dry items have you ever had chips in a sandwich? Yeah, sure. I have, yeah. Yeah, and did it not blow your mind? Every bite is delicious if it's got just enough
Starting point is 00:40:30 of vinegar and salt on. Yeah, sure. But, you know, that's when I feel like having the chips. It's like going, it's like going, so I had fish chips and a lamb jowl fraisee.
Starting point is 00:40:38 So that's a bit fucking mad, isn't it? Sorry, mate, have you ever had a lamb jowl fraisee? Yeah. Delicious. Right. When I get into a fish and chip shop, I never intend
Starting point is 00:40:46 on getting a roll, but then I see them sitting there and I think they've been sent out to do something special and actually, there's nothing sadder
Starting point is 00:40:52 than probably like being a bread roll at the end of the day who hasn't been picked. He's been freshly buttered. He's sitting there. He's like, oh,
Starting point is 00:40:59 hopefully this is my, you know, because bread rolls have only got a day's, you know, we talked about butterflies. We talk about, you know, how long something's got. They're just going to be in the bin, you know, because bread rolls have only got a day's, you know, we talked about butterflies, we talk about, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:05 how long something's got, they're just going to be in the bin, you know, or maybe, just maybe a member of staff just fucking suffers it, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:12 very much like the fucking last cycle of a pan of raisin. Yeah. So be picked as a bread roll and someone could say, you know what, I'm going to have bread roll as well.
Starting point is 00:41:20 I think it's a very decent accolade. If you were a bread roll, would you, would you rather your fate be sort of languishing in a bin? Or would you like someone like you to buy you and eat you? Is that what you prefer as a thing?
Starting point is 00:41:35 That's your purpose as a bread roll. Right. Otherwise, you're just going to end up in landfill. Sure. But you're just, you know, you're chilling then, aren't you? Yeah, but then it's like you winning all your awards and stuff, right? That, for a bread roll, the biggest award award the biggest thing that you can do in life is passing through your arsehole in about 48 hours time oh no he's already been through i had pizza last night so fair enough and then for tea i had the domino's pizza what'd you go for double
Starting point is 00:41:59 decadence oh my god really, it was a pretty gross day. How did you feel at the end of that day? I didn't feel bad at the end of the day. I woke up this morning feeling like an absolute piece of shit. I think because I've not, this week I've been really busy, so I've not trained enough. Me neither. And I feel very, very like, yeah, you know,
Starting point is 00:42:24 the difference of training at least four times a week and the difference of doing nothing is a big like hit on your mental health isn't it I think well actually I was going to say by the way
Starting point is 00:42:32 it's lovely to speak to you haven't we spoken to each other as much as we normally do this week yeah but we are both a bit like you know this has been fun but we are a bit subdued
Starting point is 00:42:41 aren't we I think that is because neither of us have been on you know your energy levels are totally determined by it how you are in your head this has been fun, but we are a bit subdued, aren't we? I think that is because neither of us have been on it. You know, your energy levels are totally determined by it. How you are in your head
Starting point is 00:42:49 is determined by it, isn't it? Massively. I think this week, I got to Friday and I was like, like I said to my wife, I'm literally so anxious.
Starting point is 00:42:57 Yeah. She's like, about what? And I was like, I have no idea about what. That's the worst, man. I've got it today. I've got it today.
Starting point is 00:43:04 I'm just like, I've got, I mean, don't get me wrong, I've got stuff, i've got it i'm just like i've got i mean don't get me wrong i've got stuff i've got a tour show like stuff but i'm buzzing to do like i love doing touring yeah but it's just this thing sitting in the back of your brain where you're just like i feel like i've got a bad feeling or like a worry or whatever and then you go what is it i don't know i don't know what it is i lay in bed at three o'clock this morning with like literally like something so you know like someone's just turning your whole fucking, like your insides and you're like, what have I got to be so worried about? You know, I'm a positive sort of person.
Starting point is 00:43:34 Woke up this morning, went for a nice breakfast, but it was just, I just feel, yeah, I feel like this anxiety sort of leads into this sort of quite horrible paranoia of like a sort of feeling of unrest. When actually you should be rested and then it's you know you're sort of your whole head is just clicking and clocking and you're like it's just yeah it's not a nice thing and it weirdly i know as well i'm like if i if i'm boxing i try and go boxing twice a week try and do workouts uh we stand a couple of times a week and then you know i feel better for it's just, work last week was insane.
Starting point is 00:44:06 That literally was like, every day leaving the house at six, not home till nine and it's, you know, that thing of like, I obviously haven't got time and then that weird thing of,
Starting point is 00:44:14 you know, like, when Mark Wahlberg and The Rock came out with, oh, this is my daily routine, right?
Starting point is 00:44:19 Yeah, yeah. I remember me, I think even on here, me and you scoffed and we joked about it and we were like, there's a part of me
Starting point is 00:44:25 that was like halfway through last week when I started to really fucking I could feel my fucking head going a bit I was like oh that's why they get up
Starting point is 00:44:33 at five and fucking smash a routine because yeah they'll catch they'll catch them sleep in the car or they'll catch them sleep
Starting point is 00:44:40 or whatever on the train that they get a train but they'll catch up on that but the main thing is just to get that fucking, that adrenaline, that fucking sweat. Totally. It's worth doing it.
Starting point is 00:44:51 And also, we haven't spoken to each other as much. I mean, I do think that's the fact. Yeah, I've missed your sweet, sweet times. Well, you know, you've been busy, haven't you? So have you, though. So have you. I've noticed you've been busy. Not on your own Instagram,
Starting point is 00:45:02 but you've been popping off on other people's. Okay, do you want to do some emails? Let's do it, baby boy. Okay, this is from Tom T. Wow. It's quite quick on this first one to start off with. Hello, Ramesh and Tom. Pleasure to know you may be reading my email.
Starting point is 00:45:24 I was listening to the podcast and you were talking about Red Bull Ramesh. I thought I would tell you that Red Bull contains taurine, an enzyme from bull's intestines. So it's not vegan or vegetarian. I'm a vegetarian. I want to be vegan, but sometimes eat things with egg in, like pasta and noodles. I've drunk energy drinks before and read the label to see taurine halfway through.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Gross and infuriating. Sorry to bother you, but I thought you'd want to know nice guy, shout out Tom T do you believe that? yeah, I can't see why Tom T would lie seems like a pretty honest chap I'm not suggesting that Tom T's lying, I'm suggesting that Tom T's wrong
Starting point is 00:45:57 have you looked into this? well, I look into it right now, but to me I'm going to be honest with you, it feels incredibly unlikely that if it is likely would you go to well it's got in the name though it's a red bull isn't it so it would feel like something that could be true would you go to story red bull if this is true what do you mean go toe-to-toe with them well would you i mean there's a vegan and you're probably i'd say in the in the top 10 vegans in the world like with a pouch and stuff right yeah
Starting point is 00:46:23 would you not get on your vegan group and say, look, we've got a fucking problem here? I'm looking it up now. Where do you get taurine from? Is that what I should Google? Yeah, yeah. What is taurine? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Oh, no. What the hell is this? Taurine in energy drinks. Where does it come from? Despite urban myths, taurine does not come from bull urine or bull semen the so-called wonder molecule is a type of amino acid found in many foods added to energy drinks because of its benefits red bull is suitable for vegetarians so there you go wow there you go uh tom t happy to
Starting point is 00:46:58 have uh to have you know you think do you know where red bull originally originated from no are you about to tell me that you pronounce it red bull or something like that no no no um it was originally made for army gi's in the vietnam war to keep them up is that true yeah yeah a lot of them had um quite serious sort of like side effects it's been watered down now and it's not as strong as it was personally yeah that's where it first was invented. How do you know this? I'm looking it up now, as you say. How do you know that? I remember when Red Bull was first on the mix, and someone told me that.
Starting point is 00:47:30 I was addicted to Red Bull and vodka back in the day. Yeah. You can get fucked up on that. I'm not talking about the Red Bull and vodka. I'm talking about if you have... You know sometimes when you're knackered, and you think Red Bull's the solution? Actually, what happens is you get yourself into a bit of trouble. I don't touch it now.
Starting point is 00:47:44 I wouldn't touch it with a barge ball. Really? i wouldn't touch it at a barge ball i literally am right yeah since because i used to drink it all the time when i was working on sites and stuff i was genuinely like i'd have a couple of coffees in the morning and then i'll be on the red balls in the afternoon i'll probably have sort of four or five of them what about a monster have you ever monster yeah but you know what i know this is really harsh and you know i don't want to go toe-to-toe with Monster because you know it does some good work but whenever I see
Starting point is 00:48:08 someone drinking I have a massive can of Monster I know Red Bull I look at Red Bull and I still look at it and I still have eyes of adulation
Starting point is 00:48:15 towards Red Bull I still look at it and go well that's a great time to you fucking I think it's girlfriend that you really got barely held
Starting point is 00:48:22 ill will so it's not a bad breakup sure when I see someone I saw a guy yesterday at a beach and he had a massive can of Monster
Starting point is 00:48:30 and you just think that is so much energy I know no one needs that much no and the stuff it does to your guts yeah
Starting point is 00:48:36 when you read about have a little look into it man okay alright well thank you very much you got quite serious there actually didn't you yeah it's probably
Starting point is 00:48:44 the most serious yeah it is the most seriously i've ever been i think um okay next email uh this is from the thread threadbare lakeland terrier wow okay so um anon please i mean i can't imagine lakeland terrier is a real name so i think we're right hi wolf out pod squadron i'd like to follow up on tom's tales of pre-holiday body hair shaping and get some advice as a younger man i had a trip booked to italy with a mixed sex group of pals i was acutely aware that i'm a hirsute man everybody on the trip had a smooth boy-like torso so i was concerned that i have a sasquatch vibe relatively speaking i was single and hoping to mingle and fretted that this would count me out
Starting point is 00:49:24 i took drastic action. Days before takeoff, I had my back professionally waxed for the first and only time. The lady who did it said, whatever you do, don't get hot and sweaty for the next 24 hours.
Starting point is 00:49:35 As I left, I got a text from someone suggesting a trip to the Clapham Grand, correctly maligned in previous pods, that night. I went and I got hot and sweaty. Two days after, we took off a pizza my back was itching it it broke out in a galaxy of zits my hairless freak friends capered
Starting point is 00:49:53 by the pull and i cowered on the lounge with my usual dusting of fur replaced by throbbing pustules fucking hell jeez i did not i did not romantically mingle and my miscalculation is still referred to 15 years later. I've never messed with my back since. I'm now a happy husband and dad, but do sometimes dream of a smooth rear torso. Tom, how do you shave without getting stubbly or spotty? Surely you need assistance to get to the middle bits.
Starting point is 00:50:17 All help would be appreciated. Number one, Anon. Because her other name's, frankly, too long to remember. Look, back knee is what you had there. So when lady said you do not get hot and sweaty that is that is gospel my friend that is something you should have listened to you should have so look you're young you're impressionable you probably want it to be cool but you know if you kept it on a down low kept that back nice and kept it on ice um you'd you'd never wouldn't have kept that back nice and kept it on ice, you wouldn't have had the problem with the back knee.
Starting point is 00:50:49 I've been there, bro. I've had that back. I've had that back knee. How bad is back knee? How bad is it? It's fucking awful. Really? Because you then get pustules on your back that you can't even reach. And if you're single, it's fucking 110.
Starting point is 00:50:59 It's worse. Sounds horrific. Yeah, it's not good. So, listen, you're a father now my friend you're married now my friend what are you doing what are you doing i don't know i just wanted to go on a different angle the way you're talking it sounds like like a japanese film being like dubbed When I was younger, I went to Sweden with my family because my dad's best friend had married a Swedish woman and they were all over there in Sweden. We went out and watched, we were watching TV and it was a lot of American TV that had
Starting point is 00:51:43 been dubbed into Swedish. And I always remember they had Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and every character was done by the same person. So it was Uncle Phil, Will, or Carlton. They just all had the same voice. People were pissing themselves. Swedish people were really laughing. I was like, this isn't got any of... You wouldn't have any idea.
Starting point is 00:51:59 He wasn't even trying to do different voices, the guy. He was even doing Hillary. Have you ever done a show that's been dubbed into another language? i've had a couple of shows like misadventures went they put it on indian television and then they've got like i've i've seen clips of it dubbed with like some guy doing my voice it's so mad man it's just like how's he done he sort of gone with that monotone voice or is he more like voice or is he more like laughing laughing
Starting point is 00:52:25 laughing on this you have a bit more sway but when you're doing your intellectual shit it's quite sort of featuring laughing no he doesn't try and impersonate me if that's your question so basically he just
Starting point is 00:52:41 needed to I'm just going to say now, don't let this, that incident in Pisa or whatever you went. Pisa. Be the Doberman at your back. But you do need to just go and get it lasered or get it waxed and just really
Starting point is 00:52:58 treat yourself. It's a really incredible thing. You'll feel amazing. How hairy is your back right now as I'm talking to you now? Mine? I keep mine on the down low now i keep it nice yeah it's probably got it's got a few sprinkles it's probably like a garden that's just beginning to bloom right okay jesus okay you don't get any hair on your back you're quite i don't shave i don't shave i don't keep it yeah yeah you know my ass is you know what someone would normally call the ass but obviously i don't have one it's quite hairy is it yeah in fact that's the only thing that denotes
Starting point is 00:53:31 that an ass has started is the increased hair you couldn't tell anything from gradient or slope or anything like that it's just darker a bit more of a lawn darker. It's a bit more of a lawn. Or the rough on a golf course. Oh, what?
Starting point is 00:53:52 You've had it in the rough. Get back on the fairway. Here we go. This is from The Sparrow. Dear Wolf,
Starting point is 00:54:04 Owl and Swan, congratulations on the great podcast. Thank you for entertaining me over the last year. I'm getting in touch for your opinions slash advice. I bought my first home last year. Congratulations. And I have a hot neighbour with whom I get on really well. I like the sound of this.
Starting point is 00:54:18 I like this. Oh, yes. Sure. There's a lot of flirting and the chemistry between us is palpable. My question is, should I make a move on my neighbour? Is this wise? On the one hand, there's an argument for not shitting where you ate. Okay, give me away a little bit what your intentions are.
Starting point is 00:54:32 On the other, I'm not getting any younger. I'm 40. Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and go for it. What do you think? Your wise words will be carefully considered. Love to the three of you. The sparrow. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:54:44 Man, look, I think destiny has had a shake-up in the sparrow's life. And I think it's rolled a dice that has led the sparrow to making its nest near maybe someone it's intended to be with. Life is a long journey, my friend. And if I was you, I'd have a little stroll over there. I'd have a laugh, a joke. And maybe, just maybe, just, look, I don't think you should be standing around and saying,
Starting point is 00:55:10 yo, yo, let's go out for a meal or come out to my place and I'll cook you some dinner. But I do think like turning around and going, hey, how about we grab a drink? You know, let's leave this street stroke building behind. Go and get an ice-cold drink, or if the weather's depending, go and get a nice warm coffee or glass of wine.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Different drinks. Yeah, sure. That's the main thing she wants to get the bottom of. So is this a woman who's writing in or a man? It's a woman. Okay, it's a woman in that case, yeah. Take the bull by the horns. I think have a little bit of a joke, be jovial.
Starting point is 00:55:44 But let me tell you this, if the flirting is up and you're feeling that that vibe is there i will guarantee by the time this podcast comes out he has asked you for a drink you guarantee that pretty much yeah do you not do you not think that there's i mean the reason i assume that she's feeling a little bit unsure is because there are obvious issues aren't there well well if they do go out for a drink and it goes terribly or they do start seeing each other
Starting point is 00:56:06 for a bit and it goes terribly and then they live next to each other sometimes this is the
Starting point is 00:56:13 difference between I guess me and you in some ways I'm sitting at the blackjack table and I've got 18
Starting point is 00:56:18 maybe sometimes you've got a twist for that 21 because yeah you might go bust but you also might win
Starting point is 00:56:23 the pot that is life is a rollercoaster man you've got to twist for that 21 because yeah you might go bust but you also might win the pot that is you know life is a roller coaster man you've got to ride it fuck's sake okay well i i think just go for it gentlemen you know it's probably it'll probably be all right i think as well the truth of the matter is if he's flirting you know if there's that vibe yeah and also let him be the douchebag so yeah do you want to go for a drink if he goes oh yeah yeah i don't want to you know i don't want to chance my arm, then just go to that pussy and just walk off. No, that feels like terrible advice.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Or just, yeah, but I don't mean it in a nasty way. She also said, should I make a move on my neighbour? So I don't know whether she means, like, she wants to start a relationship with this geezer, or she just wants, you know, to visit Smashdown for a little bit, you know, a little bit of casual. Either or. I think the truth of the matter is this,
Starting point is 00:57:09 you are in a blessed and new position in your life and enjoy that position. It's like risk. You have got all of your players on the best side of the board. You know, or you've got a stranglehold on Europe. Just take Russia and you're in the game, baby.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Okay, alright. Well, listen, Sparrow, if you can make any sense out of that load of shit, then good luck to you. I hope that you're able to find some sort of way through. So let us know how it goes, Sparrow, get in touch. Yeah, please.
Starting point is 00:57:43 Please do, Sparrow. Okay, look, Tom. It's about that time, my dear. Sure. Can you please... How would you describe this one? I would say it's been quite relaxed, quite chill. It's a chilled vibe.
Starting point is 00:58:00 I think it's been a chilled vibe. Very chilled. Very chilled vibe. I think that's down to... Look, we've talked about where we both are are mentally where we both are physically sure um and you know let's rep it let's rock it and let's just try to to top it um okay you want to take us out okay sandra beaver book was the best bartender stroke cocktail waitress in the small town of Helsinki that she lived in. People would come from miles around to
Starting point is 00:58:32 taste her delightful cocktails and she was incredible. Her house special however which was the Nature Fizz was the one that everyone loved. Everyone ordered it. It was an incredible cocktail and she started to feel a little bit more relaxed about the fact that you know she'd uh she'd done this you know that she'd she'd smashed this thing and everyone was ordering the same old things every day day in day out and she beaver brook started to almost just ride it easy, really. She almost didn't experiment anymore. And everyone loved her cocktails, but everyone ordered safely.
Starting point is 00:59:14 Then one day she comes into the bar, and her manager, Hernandez, turns around and says, Yo, we're out of lemonade. And she says, Oh, my God, I need lemonade to make my famous Nature Fears cocktail. Without it, you know, without lemonade, it's not the same. And he says, think of another cocktail. So Beaverbrook stands and thinks and she mixes together Malibu and eggnog and all kinds of different things
Starting point is 00:59:41 and nothing seems to work. And people start coming in and everyone's ordering the Nature Fears and she has to say they you know they turn around and yeah the waiters and wait she say oh i'm sorry that you know beaverbrook can't make that because there's no uh lemonade in uh there's a national lemonade shortage and everyone says well what is her next concoction the next thing that she can do and brieaverbrook sweats and she worries. And out of nowhere, she mixes rum with Coke and a number of other things. And she turns it to the waiter and says, this is my next concoction. This is the Beaverbrook. And they said, oh my God, it must be
Starting point is 01:00:17 amazing he gave it your name. She waits as the first customer purses his lips against the straw and takes a slug into his mouth, Beaverbrook stands waiting to see what he does. As the straw releases from his lips, a smile comes across his face and he says, this is truly the greatest cocktail ever invented. So, all the annotations to the Beaverbrook. Everyone starts shouting the Beaverbrook, give me another bottle of the Beaverbrook. Everyone starts shouting, give me another bottle of the Beaverbrook.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Sales in a Beaverbrook rocket. And no one ever has a nature fizz again. And as Beaverbrook makes her way home that evening, she thinks, wow, you know what? The Beaverbrook was always inside of me. And maybe I should have just had a little bit more uh something in my convictions maybe i should believe in myself more maybe just maybe sometimes when things feel like they're going against us, it's actually going for us. And that is the Beaverbrook in all of us.
Starting point is 01:01:29 Do you know what? I felt like it was getting away from me for a short time, but you rallied it around us. I think the worst part about that one is I forgot what I have the first name of the character that I... Sure. So having to name the drink and I can't remember if it was Sheila Beaverbrook
Starting point is 01:01:49 or Frieza but it's the same that was lovely look Tom it's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you bro thank you for letting me ride alongside you guys listening thank you for listening Tom and i going for a little bit of a
Starting point is 01:02:08 what do you describe it sticky patch yeah mentally yeah i hope i hope you guys aren't but if you are just remember you're not on your own do it to the max you sweet sweet souls maybe look at a picture of me and roma smiling and then just think wow sometimes even clowns are sad you're going to be on Google a long time trying to find that photo if you want a picture of Romesh smiling I've got two or three so just get in touch by the way thank you very much for putting out the photos of King Gary from the last day of filming
Starting point is 01:02:37 everybody looks fucking freshly dipped and I look an absolute fucking piece of shit you look cute you look so cute you You look adorable, boy. You look really, really cute. Hey, look, let me just tell you, right? Even sometimes when, you know,
Starting point is 01:02:53 a teddy bear looks sad, it's still a teddy bear and you want to give it a cuddle, okay? Remember that. Yeah, thank you. Talking to me like one of the fucking raggy dolls. All right, guys. Take care. Love you. Peace and. Talking to me like one of the fucking raggy dolls. All right, guys. Take care.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Love you. Peace and love from the heavens above. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.

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