Wolf and Owl - Episode 40
Episode Date: September 8, 2021We’re talking… clerical parenting, embarrassing dads, the early days of sat-nav, cold baths, beautiful beaches and restaurant banter. Then, after some laughing tests and sparing a thought for negl...ected bread rolls, we tackle emails on energy drinks, body hair and a hot neighbour. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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You look good, boy.
You think so? Back to your back to your you know just saying you're on the other side of the bed
now just chilled just relax well well it was uh it was alex's birthday over the weekend shout out my
guy alex yeah um he doesn't listen to this um but uh he um they had a little like kind of uh
they had a little sleepover thing downstairs.
Nice.
And they wanted Lisa to sleep downstairs.
Didn't ask for me to be.
How many guests?
How many guests?
Well, it had a couple of mates, basically.
Yeah.
And yeah, Lisa slept downstairs.
And I had the bed to myself.
I don't know why I'm taking so long to deliver this information. I think it's probably a bit of shame
in a way. Do you think so? Yeah, because
What do I need to feel
ashamed about?
Little Alex, when he was thinking who's going to
defend him from whatever imaginary
beasts or whatever that
might attack him in the night.
Speaking of Alex, I'm
doing a podcast. Do you want to say hello to tom hi tom happy birthday my guy he said happy birthday thank you okay what
do you know good man i asked charlie to leave my room but he said no okay i'll speak to him in a
bit all right yeah okay that's how i that's how i normally deal with things what I'm noticing
from your family
dynamic at the moment
is
like Alex
and obviously
I love Alex man
he's a top guy
legend of the game
why don't you like
the other two
I love the other two
but what I'm saying
is Alex
is what we're talking about
he sees you more
as a sort of
mediator referee
rather than a sort of
security bodyguard
in a way.
Yeah, well, I...
So what do you mean?
So...
Right.
He's out in the garden.
Yeah.
He's turning around and going,
like, I don't know what beasts
and, like, what scary shit's going through his mind, right?
He's like, I need someone to defend me
if anything happens.
Yeah.
I'm going to call my mum for that job. Right. And then it charlie's in his room who's the best at mediating who's like
the sort of like more clerical one of my parents i want to go to my dad well i i wish i could even
take that as some sort of compliment but the fact of the matter is the only reason he came to speak
to me is because it laces out i wish i could i wish i could cling on to even that sort of vague scrap of a
completely gave me when you suggested he might see me as a a clerical parent i can't even i can't
even accept that in good faith because the truth is he spoke to me because i'm the only adult in
the house and if there was anyone else even a burglar I imagine
he would have gone to them first and Charlie's probably two what two three years away from sort
of outranking you in that sense I guess so yeah you might get to a point where the boys actually
start asking each other to help them out and then I just become completely you know one of the things
I notice I sometimes think am i turning into my dad and
every now and again we used to have i don't know why we'd have like recordings
there'd be videos from like when we were growing up and stuff right and in my head
my dad was like an active parent i mean you know he had his he had his uh he had his flaws parenting
and husband wise but you know he was there or thereabouts right yeah and um
and he was like really like you know i really got on with my dad every video
i've ever seen of us when we're growing up is us all chatting and my dad just completely silent
sitting in the corner of the room just observing stuff or eating something
or nipping out for a fag and that's i think oh wow my dad
you know if you were to take that as uh as a study of how the house worked you'd you'd conclude from
that that my dad was surplus to requirements wow and that's how that's how i feel about myself
in this house yeah i don't think you're that guy i think i think you you they need you for a number
of reasons yeah you're i think you're a good role model for your boys. In what way?
I'm never here.
And when I'm here, I'm very distracted.
No, I think you are.
Look, they look at you.
They look at that you've got a certain amount of cachet,
a certain amount of power.
I don't think you need the A at the end of cachet, though.
I think they very much see me as the financier.
Right.
If they look at you, right right and you are doing one of your
sort of skits and joking around by the side of the pool and people are laughing at you
like some of your sort of friends and stuff like your hollywood friends or what you know portugal
friends right they see you and they'll be like in the pool with their mates they'll look over
you're doing one of your zingers and they'll go, actually you know what, that's pretty cool. I think that's a nice
sort of sentiment.
I don't know if they've got that.
I think they have. I think they know that you're a cool guy.
Yeah, that's very nice. I think you're actually
doing a disservice. I think you're very
empathetic.
You could even choke it out
your mouth, could you?
You know what happened there?
You knew that you'd put the boot in.
You sort of heard me being quite quiet
because it's Sunday morning.
And then you thought,
I need to turn this around
by telling him he's empathetic.
I think anyone who knows you
knows how caring you are
and empathetic you are
and what a nice person.
I think a thoroughly modern man,
I think your boys will look at you
in such a way.
I think when they look at you,
they know that you're a modern guy, a modern dude thank you and you dress nice so yeah no thank
you thanks very much um i feel like i'm being spoken to like the kid who came last in the in
the running run you know you got your shorts on you know those those look nice you look good you
tucked your t-shirt in you you had a nice smile as you cross the finish line so you know be proud of that
it's weird isn't it to think how your boys view you i mean that they they probably know that
you've got some pretty epic friends as well so that's always cool like you know yeah i'm myself
and becky and whatever so it's it's it's
actually an interesting point that you make because there is something about i i remember
always thinking like i don't want my kids to be embarrassed of me yeah right well you know there's
this part of you things like when my kids have been embarrassed of me and actually the truth is
there is something about you being the parent you cannot avoid making them cringe that is just so you either you either try and minimize it or you embrace it lean in let me just say well
you say your dad wasn't you know my dad the thing that you know i love my dad did he's you know an
incredible man and whatever but he used to revel in making me cringe and being embarrassed you know
he would like, yeah.
He'd like, he was like a mechanic and sort of,
he'd pick the crappiest car to come and pick me up in
when I was like 13 to think it was hilarious
to beep outside the school and sort of sit there
or put on a stupid voice or sort of, yeah.
My dad did that.
My dad would turn up his accent.
He'd sound like he'd literally just arrived minutes ago.
Right. He would also, he'd literally just arrived minutes ago. Right?
He would also,
he used to come in hot pants.
What?
Yeah.
He used to wear really short.
He used to wear really,
he used to wear really,
he used to wear really short shorts.
And whenever,
if I ever got nice trainers,
like I remember once I got a brand new pair,
it was like my pride and joy,
these Jordan fives. He came to school wearing them. Wow. trainers like i remember once i've got a brand new pair like it was like my pride and joy these
jordan fives he came to school wearing them wow just just to see what it would do to me yeah yeah
yeah my dad sort of yeah he sort of would it would revel he was very popular at sort of like
parents evenings and stuff because he's very jovial and sort of would often sort of like
say i mean he still does he'll still sort of take the mick out of me.
When it comes to sort of DIY around the house or whatever,
he still finds it hilarious.
I can't do most things.
And do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
He's coming up here to do some jobs while I'm away with my mum.
Even my mum,
to be fair,
is better at DIY than I am.
So while you're away,
your mum and dad are coming to do some DIY for you?
They're doing stuff around here.
They enjoy doing stuff around the house.
They can't.
That's, that's how I would tell myself
that that can be justified as well.
There's a generation of people,
and it's not our generation,
let me tell you,
who revel in doing things.
Even if he goes away
and stays at an Airbnb,
right,
he'll say something,
oh, yeah,
they had a problem
with the fucking something,
you know,
the gas valve
on the fucking toilet,
and I had to,
you know,
so I sorted that out for him.
Like, if there's anything wrong in the house, he'll sort it out.
Even if he's paying to be there.
Yeah.
Not that he pays to be at my house.
No, no, sure.
And how will you reimburse your parents for doing that?
Well, I'll buy them wine or, you know.
Okay, that sounds like something you've just freestyled there as a last-minute question.
I've brought them wine.
So the answer to that is fuck all.
No, no, I buy them little gifts and little tokens and also, you know.
Mate, it's the same thing.
He called me yesterday.
He's got to go to York, right?
Him and my mum are going to York with some friends of theirs.
Right.
And they're like, well, we're all just now just looking at the best way to York.
We've just got the A to Z out.
I was like, 2,000 fucking 21.
Get out.
Literally, give me two
seconds yeah right it's going to take you four point fucking three three hours right because
there's a good thing called google now you just literally get on the a1 and keep driving you're
in york yeah but he'll go oh you know i'm going to look at a couple of different things get the
fucking the little gaze thing to say you can see how exact far it is it's like the
conversation which every one of that generation that i know right if you arrive somewhere we'll
turn around the first thing what route did you take in the end you know we follow google it's
literally like a conversation that for years and generations people have had probably since the
roman times where people went oh you know we went on the stone road then we had a little you know
a little walk on the dirt oh the dirt track yeah yeah through it through loughborough whatever like they will go
oh you went with b62 onto the a55 oh yeah that's the best way i'd have gone there oh yeah but i
think that's i think that's a lost art you know because now when i'm going to gigs or whatever
i just put on the sat nav right i have no fucking idea where i am if that thing decided to shut down right i put if i
if that that died and then i pulled over by the side of the road and i phoned somebody to help me
they go where are you i i've got absolutely fucking i'm somewhere between crawley and nottingham
help me you'd actually probably be in my house so i could come and help you but um okay because
i'm pretty much exactly between crawley and nottingham you're between crawley and nottingham pretty much yeah all right it's a hell of a guff you got
i remember when satnavs first came out right and uh i was working festivals at the time we're
doing festivals and we're going to some festival in the middle of a fucking field somewhere to
sell t-shirts and um we had a kid called ollie who was working with us it was me my friend sam and this kid
ollie and we're looking around trying to find this fucking field right and every time you remember
satin ads they were like so they just freak out quite a bit wouldn't they when you first when
they first and i was like you know it said we're going to get to this place then it would change the place it would get more and more annoying and uh i said
oh if this happens again i'm just going to throw this fucking thing out the window right and it
happens again the thing fucking freaks out this kid ollie he wasn't the brightest boy
got the sat nav ripped off the windscreen and just threw it out of the window as we were driving
along about 70 miles an hour.
I was like, what are you fucking doing?
He went, just as you said, just thrown it out the fucking window, mate.
I'm like, but I clearly didn't.
We haven't got a map now. That was our only
way of finding out where we are.
It's a fucking insane, like,
let me just gauge a couple of,
because I haven't seen it. He's a lovely boy.
I say boy, he's like early 20s
when we were working with us, but he was a younger man than us.
Cut a story.
I remember when we first worked
at festivals
and we used to sell sunglasses,
t-shirts, right?
And I said,
look, the sunglasses...
Where were you...
Was this like...
Is this high-end sunglasses?
What's...
No, no, no, no.
I mean,
the price point
was from £12
and I said,
you can go down to £5, right?
Lowest margin is £5, highest is £12.
Is this a thing that you'd set up as a little entrepreneur?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did this for about three or four years,
sold T-shirts at festivals,
just as sort of my habit for stand-up and comedy.
I wanted to try and sort of be on the open road.
I respect that. I respect that.
It's good. It's good hustle. I like it.
So the first day he's working for us,
a woman comes up and says,
how much are these sunglasses?
He said,
12 pounds.
She said,
I'm not paying 12 pounds for these.
He said,
give us five.
I said,
you've got fucking,
you've got about 30 price points
between 12 and five,
son.
I'll give us 11.50.
11.
I'll give you that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He said,
what should I have said five
and then worked up for it?
No,
don't ever say the lowest point. How the fuck are you going to work up? You should have said, yeah, go'll give you that. Yeah. He said, what should I have said five and then worked up for it? No, don't ever say the lowest point.
How the fuck are you going to work up?
You should have said,
yeah, go on, work up from it.
Let me see how you get on.
Five pounds.
Okay, I'll give you five pounds.
No, actually, I mean,
no, six, please.
The worst thing,
we've done Glastonbury
and Glastonbury is a festival.
It's incredible to go.
But if you work at Glastonbury,
you get there a week before,
like five days before,
set up your stall
and then you're just in.
All right.
And then you leave
like i think day or two after yeah so we're basically in you know and you've got people
trying to rob your stall and all that so you don't get much sleep so we're all fucking like
shattered and we turn around and we're like right you know let's just get a hotel near glastonbury
we'll chill there for like a day just all catch up on our sleep and then we'll make the drive back
to london so uh we get to this
place and uh i'm like fucked and i'm sharing a room with three there's three of us in a room
i tell him how to say to these two two guys on with us they're like i was gonna jump in a bath
um but if i fall asleep in there like obviously just give me a shout and give me a knock on the
door and let me know that uh you know wake me up type thing so i get in this bath lovely warm bath
i've not even had a proper wash for like in you know a week so that water's got well how quickly
before that water's brown uh almost all maddie is disgusting yeah i mean but i'm fucked it feels
good and my body's like shrek in his swamp yeah yeah both both physically and emotionally i look like shrek and feel like shrek and uh
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Well, I just, like my eyes go, I have a little bit of lavender as I always do in the bath.
No, I know that about you.
Some bath salts.
And, you know, I buy a one-way ticket to the Land of Zed.
Yeah.
And I'm KO'd.
I wake up, right, as I think the last echelons of my life,
the bath is fucking freezing.
Right.
I've been in there for about two and a half hours, right?
I literally am, like, literally awake, and it's like,
like the freezing sensation of being in an ice cold bath now.
I just like, my heart's about to stop.
I sort of pull myself up and I look all over like a prune, right?
I'm literally shriveled all up, but I can barely move.
I'm shaking with cold.
Put a towel around me.
I open the door and the two of these, these two guys are sitting watching television.
And I'm like,
why didn't you wake me?
And this guy goes,
you look so peaceful in there.
We wanted,
we wanted to leave you a little bit longer.
I was like,
I was fucking done.
This is the kid for you.
I was dying.
I was genuinely like,
that was it.
Like if I hadn't woke myself up,
I'd have just like been found frozen to death in the bath this
is how stupid you want to you want to frozen to death oh well yeah i would mate that's how it
works what do you mean that's how it works you know i can't believe i've got to explain temperature
to you yeah go on talk me through it well when i got in the bath it was hot yeah when i woke up it
was cold it kept getting colder yeah you're not in the fucking Arctic. It's only going to drop to a certain level, mate.
No, the water keeps getting colder.
It doesn't keep getting colder forever.
So if you put a glass of water out,
you leave it there for a couple of days,
you're like, fucking hell, it's completely frozen through, this.
Got myself a glass of ice here.
Why are people bothering to try my ice cubes in the freezer?
Just fucking leave the tray out.
Temperature will keep dropping.
Don't worry about it.
No, it gets colder, though, because night time comes in.
Yeah, of course it does.
Yeah, sure.
But once the night comes in, then you're done for.
Yeah, sure.
But I would say you'd have to...
If you are in water, let me just tell you this,
just because I'm worried about you genuinely now.
Do not be in water as the night tiptoes into the day, right?
Because I'll tell you what, mate, you'll be done for.
Don't be naive to think,
like, yes, it won't turn to ice, but it will
turn cold, mate. And if you're in cold water for
too long, your body goes, oh, well.
I don't know what temperature you think I'm keeping my home
at. I'm inside
a fucking house.
What are you talking about? Do you know about your
core temperature? Do you know about the core
temperature? Well, I
don't know what you're about to tell me about core temperature no if your core temperature drops you can never get it back
so you're always cold after that is that what happened to mr freeze i don't know i'm not a
super good i'm not a comic book guy i'd assume that that no that is what do you mean what if
your core temperature goes then you can't ever get it back so once your core temperature drops
let's say between because i'm not a scientist between like 34.5 right and it goes into the 33s right i
understand i understand that's lower yeah yeah that is where yeah you've really got to be careful
because if it's there and it hits like goes too low there's no way it's like a fire right there's
absolutely so hold on you're telling me if your comfort core temperature goes down by a degree there's absolutely there is no way of no no no there's a baseline i don't know
the chemical reactions of it right but there's a there's a place where if it goes below a certain
amount it can never get because you can never feel that warmth to stoke that fire again so your body
would always be at like you know when you see people are like oh god i'm always cold and you're
like i can i can tell you why mate you've let your coat you've not taken care of your temperature
sat in a bath for too long what a load of shit you're talking that's true that is true there's
no fucking way that people is that oh i can't can't shake the guys at your core temperature
drop what are you on about mate i have been told that i remember when i first heard that
and i was like fucking hell we need to be careful
was it Ollie by any chance
it wasn't him
it was
he had no idea
about core temperatures
it was about
it was another friend
so you
so these poor guys
that have just seen you in the bath
thought hey look at him
just let him
sending him away
let's just let him relax for a bit
and then you get up
like a fucking angry bear
after hibernation
start shouting at them because they
wanted to leave you to raise my voice because i was so cold night had come in by then i'll tell
you how late it was i think at the time they're watching a show probably it was on your indoors
they're watching telly you're having a lavender bath okay and then you come out like you've had
a near-death experience saying things like the night had come in.
It was night time.
That's what you say.
Try and add more drama in it.
Darkness had filled the land by the time I woke up from my bath.
Let me just tell you something.
I was on a beach yesterday, and I actually sat there and thought,
we don't give enough gravitas to the sun and moon's work.
Oh, yeah, it's night time now.
Night had come in.
He's there every day for you, the moon, doing his thing.
The moon doesn't make it dark. What the
fuck are you talking about?
Well, the sun goes in and the moon comes out.
No. First of all, neither of those things happen.
That's
what appears to happen.
Is this the first time you're finding out that the Earth moves?
No, I know that the Earth moves round.
Like in a circular motion. Did you watch the Teletubbies finding out that the Earth moves? No, I know that the Earth moves round. Like in a circular motion.
Did you watch the Teletubbies and think that was a documentary?
No.
The way that the Earth moves round,
obviously we go past the sun and we go past the moon.
I know that.
Yeah.
So the night comes in, the night draws in,
and you think we need to what?
Celebrate the moon.
Yeah, you know what you are?
I think we need to be a little bit more.
You're a witch. you know what you are? I think we need to be a little bit more. You're a witch.
That's what you are.
You want to go out there and do one of your little festivals?
Let me just say one thing, mate.
Do a little dance on the moon.
I have never been to such a beautiful beach as the one I went to yesterday.
What was it?
Holcombe Beach, Norfolk.
I think you'd truly love it. I think you truly love it.
I think you need to go.
That's the best beach
in the world
you've ever been to?
No, look.
Or does it happen
to be the beach
you went to?
Why don't you just
really say what you mean?
Holcombe Beach
was the beach
I went to most recently.
And it's the one
that I can easiest remember.
No, right.
Let me just say,
I think it was a
lovely surprise how beautiful it was
right okay so you had low expectations yeah i got there the sand was just like
like flour between my toes right i take off my shoes i roll up my trousers and i go into the sea
right and i just stood there just for a second as the waves,
actually more than a second because it takes probably for about 15,
20 seconds where I just stand, right?
Who were you with?
With my wife and my dog.
And where's your wife at this point?
She's also in the sea with her together and the dog,
but he doesn't like waves. This is a really nice story, actually.
And the waves are just gently lapping against our shins, okay?
I look towards the sun and he's done
for the day or she and then i look across and it's a beautiful moment we can see the sun and the moon
and it's almost like the moon is just nodding to the sun to say yeah i've got this now and it was
just a nice moment yeah okay sure do you ever have moments like that in? Do I ever have moments where I think this is a profound moment
and actually it just sounds like the opening to a children's book?
That's the way he's gently laughed against all shins he looked up the sun the sun put his coat
on and he headed off and just as he was leaving the moon popped in and said hello mate i've got
this now thank you said the sun you're welcome the moon. I had a beautiful ice cream.
It was a really nice day.
I think that we've got to take those moments in life sometimes.
It doesn't have to be like a minute or an hour,
just a couple of seconds,
just to sort of like,
just actually take it all in.
Yeah.
I've had a few muggy moments recently.
That's unsurprising.
There's an absolute mug
you're so fucking pleasing yourself
I wasn't going to say that
go for it
I was on the plane coming back from Portugal
as you know
I'm sat down I sat next to Charlie on the way back
and people are coming
in boarding the plane this guy's holding his kid yeah right little kid like maybe two something
like that right he's got this kid in his arms the kid looks at me right yeah and goes and sort of
gestures to him it was so and went enu enu right And then he goes, yeah, yeah, Inu.
And the way that the kid said it was like,
I thought, I think they've invented a racial slur.
I think they call brown people Inus.
Like, that's the way the kid said it to me.
Really?
Yeah, I mean, I was just saying.
What, he's a racist kid?
Mate, listen, I'm telling you, he referred to me as an Eno.
Who's your youngest kid, Alex?
Charlie.
Charlie?
Yeah.
So in that situation, Charlie's got a man up, right?
Well, I don't know.
I don't think Charlie was aware of...
You know, because there's an argument there that I'm being deeply paranoid.
Do you know what I mean?
I'm not sure.
What's the dad like?
Break the dad down for me.
Love, hate across his knuckles.
Union Jack tatted on his forehead. he spat at me as he walked past but i don't think that's got anything to do with it
no but genuinely what did he look like he just looked quite like a middle class kind of
yeah you know well well well uh what's the word i'm looking for you know these guys hidden racist
no do you know like you know these there's certain dads that are just very well groomed i mean he's got like a little fresh polo tucked
into his shorts and espadrilles and all you know you know i'm talking about just like yeah
you look pretty well nicely nicely done you know i mean did you sort of say anything or did you just
suck it up well it took me a while to process what was happening. I sort of saw it, and at first I went to
laugh, because I thought, oh, that kid's cute.
And then as they walked past,
I realised they'd both agreed that I'm an Inu.
I just don't know what Inu is.
I've never heard it. Did you not Google it?
I mean, I'll Google it now. I don't think... He didn't seem
embarrassed about it. Do you know what I mean? Inu.
Yeah, it doesn't mean anything.
Well, that's quite a popular baby name apparently
really? so anyway can somebody
tell me is Eno an insult or is
this something that you know
I'd really like to know
I felt slighted
the Owlians and the Wolfians to get on
another thing that happened to me the other day mate is for the first time
in a long time I ate
some food stood up
I know this sounds like a non-story
but I was on my
way to a meeting i was like rushing i was absolutely starving i didn't know when i was
going to get get a chance to get some lunch i didn't have time to sit down and eat something
so i just stopped in a tesco got a wrap and then like i stood outside where i was due to go into
the room and just ate this thing in the street so Sort of inhaled it. How often do you do that?
Me?
Yeah.
Not,
not,
I mean,
I walk, it's low,
isn't it?
It is a low thing to do.
I walk and eat sometimes.
But I mean,
Tesco,
I've just sort of,
more than anything,
I'm like,
of all the places you could go in London,
you went to Tesco's.
Well,
I was in like a super rush.
So I was just,
I didn't have time
to specifically go anywhere.
Yeah.
I was just like,
there's a Tesco there.
Is that your problem
with what I did?
No, I just think like,
for me,
I'd always just go,
like,
look,
there's some Tesco's,
it's great.
I use Tesco as a big shop.
Let me tell you something,
they do a vegan
hoisin duck wrap.
Delightful.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Let me just say,
by the way,
fake meats are just getting,
I know we talked about this
a long time ago,
fake meats are getting incredible.
Yeah.
They're just getting better and better and better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's your favourite thing?
I actually think that people will start having meats completely
in the next 10 years.
Within the next 10 years, people will stop eating meat completely?
Yeah.
I think that they're getting so good at pretend meats.
What an incredible way to make something quite intelligent
complete bullshit with one word.
What? What word's the bullshit word 10 how many years do you think it'll be it's gonna say longer than 10 years
everybody is not gonna everyone's gonna stop eating meat in 10 within 10 years look i think
some people are gonna do it merit some people are gonna do it by being tricked i had some fake
chicken the other day when the guy turned around to me and said it was fake chicken I was like what? Explain to me the scenario
that that happened please. I ate
I had some food to eat, I ordered
in Soho
You were in Soho and you ordered chicken
Yeah but I didn't, on the menu it did
say it wasn't real chicken but it was
labelled as chicks, C-H-I-X
So when I
ordered it I just assumed it was chicken
Didn't read the bit under it.
It sounded nice with the sauce
and rice.
Okay.
Afterwards,
I was like,
that was amazing.
That chicken was so succulent
and juicy.
Right?
You didn't say that.
I always have a comment
if I've really enjoyed food.
Yeah,
but don't say,
don't say succulent and juicy.
Why not?
That's exactly what meat
should be when it's nice.
Just say it's nice. Just say it's nice.
Just say it's delicious.
Tasty.
Yeah, but anyone could say that.
You could say that about anything.
Yeah, but you don't want to get fucking arrested
for paying your compliments to the waiter.
Right, look.
If I turned around and said,
oh, that's an attractive partner you've got.
They're succulent and juicy.
Right?
That would be rude.
Sure.
If I'm describing something that was perfectly succulent and deliciously juicy, right? It's be rude. Sure. If I'm describing something that was perfectly succulent
and deliciously juicy, right,
it's fine to use those adjectives.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure.
What are food critics going to say about every place they like?
Very nice.
We'll definitely come again.
The one time that you can really use your vocabulary, right,
is when you're discussing food, I think.
Yeah, sure. But, I mean, what I'm saying is discuss it with whoever you're eating with afterwards you know it was on my own so he became
my sort of like friend just just i think do you know what i i i really i really admire this about
you that you if you're on your own eating somewhere, you do the exact opposite of me. What I do, I don't make direct eye contact.
I order as quickly as possible.
I eat as quickly as possible.
And then I run out and sort of pay on the way out.
You, on the other hand,
fucking burden whoever's serving you
with the job of being your mate for the duration of the meal.
Do you not chat to the waiters and stuff when they come over?
Not really, no.
I mean, I'm polite.
Yeah, yeah.
Your manners are excellent.
And if something comes
up, you know, if something happens,
I'll sort of reference it. But I won't go...
Oh, yeah. I won't open
up a banter channel needlessly.
Do you know what I mean? Do you ever ask them
how long they've worked there or sort of questions about themselves?
No. I do not. No. I often do. Do you? Yeah, and I'll've worked there or sort of questions about themselves? No.
Really? I do not.
No.
I often do.
Do you?
Yeah, and I'll say what's good on the menu.
Yeah, that's within the normal remit of things you'd say to a waiter.
Do you know what one of my most treasured things is?
When you go to a restaurant and you notice a member of staff
who used to work somewhere else and you're like,
oh, didn't you used to work in Tonto?
And they'll go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's quite a nice moment.
Yeah, and then later on that night, they'll call the police
and go, look, I don't want you to do anything about this now.
But I just want to sort of flag it up.
If it can be written down somewhere, I'll put,
just sort of record it in some place.
There's a guy, wherever I work, he turns up.
there's a guy wherever I work he turns up today something is coming Kong Godzilla they can feel it fight together it's human up or face
extinction Godzilla Kong the new empire now playing only in theaters two freshly cracked
eggs any way you like them
three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at a and w's in ontario
experience a and w's classic breakfast on now dine in only until 11 a.m order up for damien hey how
did your doctor's appointment go by the way did you ask about rebelsis actually i'm seeing my Thank you for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca
Order up for Rebelsis.
I was in Costa yesterday.
And it was
quite busy. There was one woman working.
Shout her out. She did incredible. Smushing it. And there was it was quite busy there was one woman working shout her out she did
incredible smashing it um uh and there was a guy about four people down and he had like a ponytail
but his hair top of his head was black and then like his ponytail was red they're black and red
hair together like the html shirt right and he turned around to the woman was like is daniel
working today and she was like oh he's not in again today
and he yeah and he went i'll catch up with him sooner or later and he laughed for about five
minutes on that joke but i just i found it very sweet quite i saw he's been coming in every day
looking for daniel and this is clearly daniel's trying to avoid him yeah it's quite a nice sort
of it's fun isn't it it's funny how we describe time, you know,
because there's absolutely no way he laughed for five minutes at that joke.
No, that's totally right.
Because that wouldn't be sweet.
That would be fucking insane.
If he went, I'll catch up with him sooner or later,
and then just stood there laughing for five solid minutes.
Should we just do a thing now?
That's me taking you very literally,
but I knew what you meant.
You said five minutes. In my head, I go
it's slightly too long. So ten
seconds in my head, I think.
It was longer than ten seconds.
Ten seconds. Let me do
ten seconds of laughing now.
I'm going to tell you. Wait, wait, wait.
I'm going to tell you when.
Okay.
And go.
Right, so that's fucking bananas, right?
That sounded insane, right?
Yeah, right.
I definitely can tell you it wasn't five minutes.
Right.
It was more...
Right, have you got any way of timing, or should I time?
Yeah, I'm going to time.
Okay.
All right, okay.
This is how long I reckon it was.
Let me count you in, okay.
Okay, ready?
Three, two, one, go.
I'll catch up with him sooner or later.
Catch up with him later.
About that sort of thing.
18 seconds.
Yeah.
And also, there's no and also there's no
fucking way he did that
absolutely no way
he did that
so it's including you
saying the joke
and then repeating it
what twice
no he repeated the joke
he did repeat the joke
at least once
and then he had
what looked like
a nice cold
sort of pineapple
type drink
and made his way out
fair play to him
it's sort of quite sad
as well
because in a way
I'm just like I sort of think he probably needed, Sam. It's sort of quite sad as well, because in a way I'm just like,
I sort of think he probably needed a friend yesterday.
He sort of turns up every day to get a drink
and hopes that Daniel's going to be there.
Clearly hasn't got Daniel's number
or any way of sort of hitting him up on Instagram
or Facebook or whatever.
So he sort of goes in for a chat with this elusive Daniel.
And there was a bit of me that felt,
man, if I wasn't going on a road trip with my wife
and going to the beach,
I'd probably sort of said to him,
Oh my God, were you with your wife in this?
No, she was waiting in the car.
Oh, okay.
She's waiting in the car?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So, sorry, there's nothing wrong with her waiting in the car.
She's in my head.
You were sat down at a table in the second bit.
Oh, no, no, I was in the queue.
I like to soak it in when I'm in the queue
and see what sort of things people are ordering.
Yeah, absolutely doesn't surprise me.
Do you ever, in the queue, just sort of like do a little huff
and then sort of go, this is longer than usual?
Or is that like to anyone else in the queue?
No, but you have that thing, don't you,
where you do a knowing look,
make eye contact with someone about a customer in front.
Yeah.
Could have made up your mind in the queue, mate,
rather than deciding that.
That happened yesterday.
That happened yesterday.
Two girls who hadn't thought about it,
and they had the last two chocolate twists.
So fucking annoying.
What?
Yeah, I was devastated.
I was watching these two chocolate twists,
and then I was like, this woman's working on her own.
She's clearly not going to have enough time
to make any more chocolate twists.
But it just makes you think, doesn't it, about people,
how different everyone is, I guess.
So I was with two of the boys, and as you know, we've talked about this,
they love a chocolate twist.
Yeah.
And there are two chocolate twists left.
The boys wanted one each.
Do the maths.
I say to the girl working there, I said, can I have those two chocolate twists?
The woman behind me goes,
oh, I had my eye on one of those.
Wow.
Wow, that's put you in a very hard predicament.
First of all, that takes some fucking bollies to say that.
Yeah.
I respect, there's a part of me that wishes
I'd done that the other day.
You know what, I had me in Pan of Raisin
and I hated every bite of it.
You know, when you're psyching yourself up
for a fucking surfer pot of fucking chocolate twist
and you end up fucking a stinky old pan of raisin,
it's just not the same, is it?
No, you're absolutely right, yeah.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Do you know who I feel the most sorry for?
It's Catherine having to listen to that monologue
when you get back in the car.
She was actually more upset about not having a chocolate twist
than I was.
Because in the end, I had to put my pan of raisin
in half of hers.
Yeah, of course you did.
Oh, that's horrible.
Fucking stick.
It tastes like ashes in my throat.
Can I have a bit of yours?
I ate like a dustbin yesterday.
Did you?
Yeah.
I had that pan of raisin.
One and a half pan of raisin.
Yeah.
Then I had fish and chips for lunch nice
with a bread roll with a bread roll yeah yeah to eat your chips in what the fuck
now listen you've justified bread in the past with mopping up sauce
yeah yeah you got no such excuses with fish and chips mate it's a dry items have you ever had
chips in a sandwich?
Yeah, sure.
I have, yeah.
Yeah, and did it not blow your mind?
Every bite is delicious if it's got just enough
of vinegar and salt on.
Yeah, sure.
But, you know,
that's when I feel like having the chips.
It's like going,
it's like going,
so I had fish chips
and a lamb jowl fraisee.
So that's a bit fucking mad, isn't it?
Sorry, mate,
have you ever had a lamb jowl fraisee?
Yeah.
Delicious.
Right.
When I get into a fish and chip shop,
I never intend
on getting a roll,
but then I see them
sitting there
and I think
they've been sent out
to do something special
and actually,
there's nothing sadder
than probably like
being a bread roll
at the end of the day
who hasn't been picked.
He's been freshly buttered.
He's sitting there.
He's like,
oh,
hopefully this is my,
you know,
because bread rolls
have only got a day's,
you know,
we talked about butterflies.
We talk about,
you know, how long something's got. They're just going to be in the bin, you know, because bread rolls have only got a day's, you know, we talked about butterflies, we talk about, you know,
how long something's got,
they're just going to be
in the bin,
you know,
or maybe,
just maybe a member of staff
just fucking suffers it,
you know,
very much like the fucking
last cycle of a pan of raisin.
Yeah.
So be picked as a bread roll
and someone could say,
you know what,
I'm going to have
bread roll as well.
I think it's a very
decent accolade.
If you were a bread roll,
would you,
would you rather your fate
be sort of languishing in a bin?
Or would you like someone like you to buy you and eat you?
Is that what you prefer as a thing?
That's your purpose as a bread roll.
Right.
Otherwise, you're just going to end up in landfill.
Sure.
But you're just, you know, you're chilling then, aren't you?
Yeah, but then it's like you winning all your awards and stuff, right?
That, for a bread roll, the biggest award award the biggest thing that you can do in life is passing through your arsehole in about 48 hours time oh no he's already been through i had pizza
last night so fair enough and then for tea i had the domino's pizza what'd you go for double
decadence oh my god really, it was a pretty gross day.
How did you feel at the end of that day?
I didn't feel bad at the end of the day.
I woke up this morning feeling like an absolute piece of shit.
I think because I've not, this week I've been really busy,
so I've not trained enough.
Me neither.
And I feel very, very like, yeah, you know,
the difference of training at least four times a week and the difference of doing nothing
is a big
like hit on your mental health
isn't it
I think
well actually
I was going to say
by the way
it's lovely to speak to you
haven't we spoken to each other
as much as we normally do this week
yeah
but we are both a bit like
you know
this has been fun
but we are a bit subdued
aren't we
I think that is because
neither of us have been on
you know your energy levels are totally determined by it how you are in your head this has been fun, but we are a bit subdued, aren't we? I think that is because neither of us have been on it.
You know,
your energy levels
are totally determined by it.
How you are in your head
is determined by it,
isn't it?
Massively.
I think this week,
I got to Friday
and I was like,
like I said to my wife,
I'm literally so anxious.
Yeah.
She's like,
about what?
And I was like,
I have no idea about what.
That's the worst, man.
I've got it today.
I've got it today.
I'm just like, I've got, I mean, don't get me wrong, I've got stuff, i've got it i'm just like i've got i mean
don't get me wrong i've got stuff i've got a tour show like stuff but i'm buzzing to do like i love
doing touring yeah but it's just this thing sitting in the back of your brain where you're
just like i feel like i've got a bad feeling or like a worry or whatever and then you go what is
it i don't know i don't know what it is i lay in bed at three o'clock this morning with like
literally like something so you know like someone's just turning your whole fucking,
like your insides and you're like, what have I got to be so worried about?
You know, I'm a positive sort of person.
Woke up this morning, went for a nice breakfast, but it was just,
I just feel, yeah, I feel like this anxiety sort of leads into this sort of
quite horrible paranoia of like a sort of feeling of unrest.
When actually you should be
rested and then it's you know you're sort of your whole head is just clicking and clocking and you're
like it's just yeah it's not a nice thing and it weirdly i know as well i'm like if i if i'm boxing
i try and go boxing twice a week try and do workouts uh we stand a couple of times a week
and then you know i feel better for it's just, work last week was insane.
That literally was like,
every day leaving the house at six,
not home till nine
and it's,
you know,
that thing of like,
I obviously haven't got time
and then that weird thing of,
you know,
like,
when Mark Wahlberg
and The Rock came out
with,
oh,
this is my daily routine,
right?
Yeah,
yeah.
I remember me,
I think even on here,
me and you scoffed
and we joked about it
and we were like,
there's a part of me
that was like
halfway through last week
when I started to really
fucking
I could feel my fucking
head going a bit
I was like
oh that's why they get up
at five
and fucking smash a routine
because
yeah
they'll catch
they'll catch them sleep
in the car
or they'll catch them sleep
or whatever on the train
that they get a train
but
they'll catch up on that
but the main thing is just to get that fucking,
that adrenaline, that fucking sweat.
Totally.
It's worth doing it.
And also, we haven't spoken to each other as much.
I mean, I do think that's the fact.
Yeah, I've missed your sweet, sweet times.
Well, you know, you've been busy, haven't you?
So have you, though.
So have you.
I've noticed you've been busy.
Not on your own Instagram,
but you've been popping off on other people's.
Okay, do you want to do some emails?
Let's do it, baby boy.
Okay, this is from Tom T.
Wow.
It's quite quick on this first one to start off with.
Hello, Ramesh and Tom.
Pleasure to know you may be reading my email.
I was listening to the podcast and you were talking about Red Bull Ramesh.
I thought I would tell you that Red Bull contains taurine,
an enzyme from bull's intestines.
So it's not vegan or vegetarian.
I'm a vegetarian.
I want to be vegan, but sometimes eat things with egg in,
like pasta and noodles.
I've drunk energy drinks before and read the label to see taurine halfway through.
Gross and infuriating.
Sorry to bother you, but I thought
you'd want to know
nice guy, shout out Tom T
do you believe that?
yeah, I can't see why Tom T would lie
seems like a pretty honest chap
I'm not suggesting that Tom T's lying, I'm suggesting that Tom T's wrong
have you looked into this?
well, I look into it right now, but to me
I'm going to be honest with you, it feels
incredibly unlikely
that if it is likely would you go to well it's got in the name though it's a red bull isn't it
so it would feel like something that could be true would you go to story red bull if this is true
what do you mean go toe-to-toe with them well would you i mean there's a vegan and you're
probably i'd say in the in the top 10 vegans in the world like with a pouch and stuff right yeah
would you not get on your vegan group
and say, look, we've got a fucking problem here?
I'm looking it up now.
Where do you get taurine from?
Is that what I should Google?
Yeah, yeah.
What is taurine?
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
What the hell is this?
Taurine in energy drinks.
Where does it come from?
Despite urban myths,
taurine does not come from bull urine or bull semen the so-called
wonder molecule is a type of amino acid found in many foods added to energy drinks because of its
benefits red bull is suitable for vegetarians so there you go wow there you go uh tom t happy to
have uh to have you know you think do you know where red bull originally originated from no are
you about to tell me that you pronounce it red bull or something like that no no no um it was originally made for
army gi's in the vietnam war to keep them up is that true yeah yeah a lot of them had um quite
serious sort of like side effects it's been watered down now and it's not as strong as it was
personally yeah that's where it first was invented. How do you know this?
I'm looking it up now, as you say.
How do you know that?
I remember when Red Bull was first on the mix, and someone told me that.
I was addicted to Red Bull and vodka back in the day.
Yeah.
You can get fucked up on that.
I'm not talking about the Red Bull and vodka.
I'm talking about if you have...
You know sometimes when you're knackered, and you think Red Bull's the solution?
Actually, what happens is you get yourself into a bit of trouble.
I don't touch it now.
I wouldn't touch it with a barge ball. Really? i wouldn't touch it at a barge ball i literally am right yeah since because i used to
drink it all the time when i was working on sites and stuff i was genuinely like i'd have a couple
of coffees in the morning and then i'll be on the red balls in the afternoon i'll probably have sort
of four or five of them what about a monster have you ever monster yeah but you know what i know
this is really harsh and you know i don't want to go toe-to-toe with Monster
because you know
it does some good work
but whenever I see
someone drinking
I have a massive can of Monster
I know
Red Bull
I look at Red Bull
and I still look at it
and I still have eyes
of adulation
towards Red Bull
I still look at it
and go
well that's a great time to you
fucking
I think it's girlfriend
that you really got
barely held
ill will
so it's not a bad breakup
sure
when I see someone
I saw a guy yesterday
at a beach
and he had a massive
can of Monster
and you just think
that is so much energy
I know
no one needs that much
no
and the stuff it does
to your guts
yeah
when you read about
have a little look into it man
okay
alright
well thank you very much
you got quite serious
there actually didn't you
yeah it's probably
the most serious yeah it is the most seriously i've ever been i think um okay
next email uh this is from the thread threadbare lakeland terrier wow okay so um anon please i mean
i can't imagine lakeland terrier is a real name so i think we're right hi wolf out pod squadron
i'd like to follow up on
tom's tales of pre-holiday body hair shaping and get some advice as a younger man i had a trip
booked to italy with a mixed sex group of pals i was acutely aware that i'm a hirsute man everybody
on the trip had a smooth boy-like torso so i was concerned that i have a sasquatch vibe
relatively speaking i was single and hoping to mingle and fretted that this would count me out
i took drastic action.
Days before takeoff,
I had my back professionally waxed
for the first and only time.
The lady who did it said,
whatever you do,
don't get hot and sweaty
for the next 24 hours.
As I left,
I got a text from someone
suggesting a trip to the Clapham Grand,
correctly maligned in previous pods,
that night.
I went and I got hot and sweaty.
Two days after, we took off a
pizza my back was itching it it broke out in a galaxy of zits my hairless freak friends capered
by the pull and i cowered on the lounge with my usual dusting of fur replaced by throbbing
pustules fucking hell jeez i did not i did not romantically mingle and my miscalculation is
still referred to 15 years later.
I've never messed with my back since.
I'm now a happy husband and dad,
but do sometimes dream of a smooth rear torso.
Tom, how do you shave without getting stubbly or spotty?
Surely you need assistance to get to the middle bits.
All help would be appreciated.
Number one, Anon.
Because her other name's, frankly, too long to remember.
Look, back knee is what you had there. So when lady said you do not get hot and sweaty that is that is gospel my friend that is something you
should have listened to you should have so look you're young you're impressionable you probably
want it to be cool but you know if you kept it on a down low kept that back nice and kept it on ice
um you'd you'd never wouldn't have kept that back nice and kept it on ice,
you wouldn't have had the problem with the back knee.
I've been there, bro.
I've had that back. I've had that back knee.
How bad is back knee?
How bad is it?
It's fucking awful.
Really?
Because you then get pustules on your back that you can't even reach.
And if you're single, it's fucking 110.
It's worse.
Sounds horrific.
Yeah, it's not good.
So, listen, you're a father now my friend you're married now
my friend what are you doing what are you doing i don't know i just wanted to go on a different
angle the way you're talking it sounds like like a japanese film being like dubbed When I was younger, I went to Sweden with my family because my dad's best friend had
married a Swedish woman and they were all over there in Sweden.
We went out and watched, we were watching TV and it was a lot of American TV that had
been dubbed into Swedish.
And I always remember they had Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and every character was done by the same person.
So it was Uncle Phil, Will, or Carlton.
They just all had the same voice.
People were pissing themselves.
Swedish people were really laughing.
I was like, this isn't got any of...
You wouldn't have any idea.
He wasn't even trying to do different voices, the guy.
He was even doing Hillary.
Have you ever done a show that's been dubbed into another language? i've had a couple of shows like misadventures went they put
it on indian television and then they've got like i've i've seen clips of it dubbed with like some
guy doing my voice it's so mad man it's just like how's he done he sort of gone with that monotone
voice or is he more like
voice or is he more like laughing
laughing
laughing
on this you have a bit more
sway but when you're doing your
intellectual shit it's quite sort of featuring
laughing
no he doesn't try and
impersonate me if that's your question
so basically he just
needed to
I'm just going to say now, don't
let this, that incident
in Pisa or whatever you went.
Pisa.
Be the Doberman at your back.
But you do need to just go and
get it lasered or get it waxed and just really
treat yourself. It's a really incredible
thing. You'll feel amazing. How hairy is your back
right now as I'm talking to you now?
Mine? I keep mine on the down low now i keep it nice yeah it's probably got it's got a few
sprinkles it's probably like a garden that's just beginning to bloom right okay jesus okay
you don't get any hair on your back you're quite i don't shave i don't shave i don't keep it yeah
yeah you know my ass is you know what someone would normally call the ass but
obviously i don't have one it's quite hairy is it yeah in fact that's the only thing that denotes
that an ass has started is the increased hair you couldn't tell anything from gradient or
slope or anything like that it's just darker a bit more of a lawn
darker.
It's a bit more of a lawn.
Or the rough
on a golf course.
Oh,
what?
You've had it
in the rough.
Get back on the
fairway.
Here we go.
This is from
The Sparrow.
Dear Wolf,
Owl and Swan,
congratulations on the great podcast.
Thank you for entertaining me over the last year.
I'm getting in touch for your opinions slash advice.
I bought my first home last year.
Congratulations.
And I have a hot neighbour with whom I get on really well.
I like the sound of this.
I like this.
Oh, yes.
Sure.
There's a lot of flirting and the chemistry between us is palpable.
My question is, should I make a move on my neighbour?
Is this wise?
On the one hand, there's an argument for not shitting where you ate.
Okay, give me away a little bit what your intentions are.
On the other, I'm not getting any younger.
I'm 40.
Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and go for it.
What do you think?
Your wise words will be carefully considered.
Love to the three of you.
The sparrow.
What do you think?
Man, look, I think destiny has had a shake-up in
the sparrow's life. And I think it's rolled a dice
that has led the sparrow to making its nest near
maybe someone it's intended to be with. Life is a long journey, my friend.
And if I was you, I'd have a little stroll
over there. I'd have a laugh, a joke.
And maybe, just maybe, just, look,
I don't think you should be standing around and saying,
yo, yo, let's go out for a meal or come out to my place
and I'll cook you some dinner.
But I do think like turning around and going,
hey, how about we grab a drink?
You know, let's leave this street stroke building behind.
Go and get an ice-cold drink,
or if the weather's depending,
go and get a nice warm coffee or glass of wine.
Different drinks.
Yeah, sure.
That's the main thing she wants to get the bottom of.
So is this a woman who's writing in or a man?
It's a woman.
Okay, it's a woman in that case, yeah.
Take the bull by the horns.
I think have a little bit of a joke, be jovial.
But let me tell you this,
if the flirting is up and you're feeling that that vibe is there i will guarantee by the time this podcast comes
out he has asked you for a drink you guarantee that pretty much yeah do you not do you not think
that there's i mean the reason i assume that she's feeling a little bit unsure is because
there are obvious issues aren't there well well if they do go out for a drink and it goes terribly
or they do
start seeing
each other
for a bit
and it goes
terribly
and then they
live next to
each other
sometimes
this is the
difference between
I guess me and
you in some
ways
I'm sitting at
the blackjack
table and I've
got 18
maybe sometimes
you've got a
twist for that
21
because yeah
you might go
bust but you
also might win
the pot
that is life is a rollercoaster man you've got to twist for that 21 because yeah you might go bust but you also might win the pot that is you know life is a roller coaster man you've got to ride it fuck's sake
okay well i i think just go for it gentlemen you know it's probably it'll probably be all right
i think as well the truth of the matter is if he's flirting you know if there's that vibe yeah
and also let him be the douchebag so yeah do you want to go for a drink if he goes oh yeah yeah i
don't want to you know i don't want to chance my arm,
then just go to that pussy and just walk off.
No, that feels like terrible advice.
Or just, yeah, but I don't mean it in a nasty way.
She also said, should I make a move on my neighbour?
So I don't know whether she means, like,
she wants to start a relationship with this geezer,
or she just wants, you know, to visit Smashdown for a little bit,
you know, a little bit of casual.
Either or.
I think the truth of the matter is this,
you are in a blessed and new position in your life
and enjoy that position.
It's like risk.
You have got all of your players
on the best side of the board.
You know,
or you've got a stranglehold on Europe.
Just take Russia and you're in the game, baby.
Okay, alright. Well, listen, Sparrow,
if you can make any sense out of
that load of shit, then
good luck to you. I hope that you're
able to find some
sort of way through. So let us
know how it goes, Sparrow, get in touch.
Yeah, please.
Please do, Sparrow.
Okay, look, Tom.
It's about that time, my dear.
Sure.
Can you please...
How would you describe this one?
I would say it's been quite relaxed, quite chill.
It's a chilled vibe.
I think it's been a chilled vibe.
Very chilled.
Very chilled vibe.
I think that's down to...
Look, we've talked about where we both are are mentally where we both are physically sure um and you know
let's rep it let's rock it and let's just try to to top it um
okay you want to take us out okay sandra beaver book was the best bartender stroke cocktail waitress in the small
town of Helsinki that she lived in. People would come from miles around to
taste her delightful cocktails and she was incredible. Her house special however
which was the Nature Fizz was the one that everyone loved. Everyone ordered it.
It was an incredible cocktail and she
started to feel a little bit more relaxed about the fact that you know she'd uh she'd done this
you know that she'd she'd smashed this thing and everyone was ordering the same old things every
day day in day out and she beaver brook started to almost just ride it easy, really.
She almost didn't experiment anymore.
And everyone loved her cocktails, but everyone ordered safely.
Then one day she comes into the bar, and her manager, Hernandez, turns around and says,
Yo, we're out of lemonade.
And she says, Oh, my God, I need lemonade to make my famous Nature Fears cocktail.
Without it, you know, without lemonade, it's not the same.
And he says, think of another cocktail.
So Beaverbrook stands and thinks
and she mixes together Malibu and eggnog
and all kinds of different things
and nothing seems to work.
And people start coming in
and everyone's ordering the Nature Fears and she has to say they you know they turn around and yeah
the waiters and wait she say oh i'm sorry that you know beaverbrook can't make that because there's no
uh lemonade in uh there's a national lemonade shortage and everyone says well what is her next
concoction the next thing that she can do and brieaverbrook sweats and she worries. And out of nowhere,
she mixes rum with Coke and a number of other things. And she turns it to the waiter and says,
this is my next concoction. This is the Beaverbrook. And they said, oh my God, it must be
amazing he gave it your name. She waits as the first customer purses his lips against the straw and takes a slug into his mouth,
Beaverbrook stands waiting to see what he does.
As the straw releases from his lips,
a smile comes across his face and he says,
this is truly the greatest cocktail ever invented.
So, all the annotations to the Beaverbrook. Everyone starts shouting the Beaverbrook, give me another bottle of the Beaverbrook.
Everyone starts shouting,
give me another bottle of the Beaverbrook.
Sales in a Beaverbrook rocket.
And no one ever has a nature fizz again.
And as Beaverbrook makes her way home that evening,
she thinks, wow, you know what?
The Beaverbrook was always inside of me.
And maybe I should have just had a little bit more uh something in my convictions maybe i should believe in myself more maybe
just maybe sometimes when things feel like they're going against us, it's actually going for us.
And that is the Beaverbrook in all of us.
Do you know what?
I felt like it was getting away from me for a short time,
but you rallied it around us.
I think the worst part about that one is I forgot
what I have the first name of the character that I...
Sure.
So having to name the drink and
I can't remember if it was Sheila Beaverbrook
or Frieza
but it's the same
that was lovely
look Tom
it's been an absolute pleasure
to talk to you bro
thank you for letting me ride alongside you
guys listening thank you for listening Tom and i going for a little bit of a
what do you describe it sticky patch yeah mentally yeah i hope i hope you guys aren't but if you are
just remember you're not on your own do it to the max you sweet sweet souls maybe look at a picture
of me and roma smiling and then just think wow sometimes even clowns are sad
you're going to be on Google a long time trying to find that photo
if you want a picture of Romesh smiling
I've got two or three so just get in touch
by the way thank you very much
for putting out the photos of King Gary from the last day of filming
everybody looks fucking
freshly dipped and I look an absolute
fucking piece of shit
you look cute
you look so cute you You look adorable, boy.
You look really, really cute.
Hey, look, let me just tell you, right?
Even sometimes when, you know,
a teddy bear looks sad,
it's still a teddy bear
and you want to give it a cuddle, okay?
Remember that.
Yeah, thank you.
Talking to me like one of the fucking raggy dolls.
All right, guys.
Take care. Love you. Peace and. Talking to me like one of the fucking raggy dolls. All right, guys. Take care.
Love you.
Peace and love from the heavens above.
If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all,
please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com.
That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you,
mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.