Wolf and Owl - Episode 46

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

We’re talking… fashion Russian-roulette, not going on runs, bonding over mountains, playing poker with zoo animals, computer game tuition and some unfortunate news about Tom’s dog. Plus, some email questions answered on TV shows our families bonded over, using rap to teach maths, and a problem with loud eating. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler, that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing. They stay dressed to kill. Never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon.

You'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings. Red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it. The death bringing, it's head spinning. Just kidding. Every word in this song's about two grown men

dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the Wolf and Owl podcast for you. It's time for the Wolf and Owl podcast for you. Yo, Ron brings us sexy every week, yo. We're both grey t-shirted today. Yeah, we are both. Well, this is blue, actually. Is it?

It looks kind of grey on this vibe. Well, it's a baby blue. It is a baby blue, actually, I believe, yeah. Where does your mindset lie, right? on this vibe well it's a baby blue it is a baby blue actually i believe yeah uh where where do you where does your mindset lie right and you'll probably i don't feel like me you bang on a t-shirt like that sick t-shirt by the way good color on you looks well pings it pings your dirty velvet pings your face out nice makes you really encapsulates your beard um but as soon as like there's any kind of like heat or sweat residue then we've got a problem

yeah i had a thing where i was wearing a jacket the other day uh over a t-shirt and um i thought it's quite warm and then i went to lift the jacket up and then i saw the situation underneath and sort of where there was some underlining of the tits uh there was big kebab wrapper situation under the arms and so i just had to keep i just basically continue wearing the jacket in discomfort i basically basically decided to up my levels of discomfort to lower other people's levels of discomfort you know because it's uncomfortable when someone in the table is sitting covered in sweat yeah and people just sort of look because you look like you smell and then people think people start to imagine what that smell would be like

and then they start to believe they are smelling that smell you know it's horrible it's horrible or you've got one person sitting at a table who genuinely hasn't washed and does smell who's up one of those cool sort of hoxton vibey guys do you know what i mean he doesn't wash all the time he stinks then he sees you or me yeah with the sweat on and then he's like oh they're gonna take the fucking bullet fit i mate right i had exactly the same i'm sitting here in a gray t-shirt just waiting for the fucking sweat to come around my neck i'm sweating after a very hot shower right i had that same thing as you cast in the other day i was wearing a lovely lovely little bit of kit yeah but underneath i hadn't thought about the t-shirt vibe

always go white t-shirt black t-shirt underneath a big shirt absolutely i've gone gray i could feel the sweat on my back when i put my hand up the back i could feel a big sweat patch i'll tell you what a gray or pale blue t-shirt is the russian roulette of fashion absolutely if you get it right it's a beautiful thing i mean look at that now that that that shirt genuinely i think i i'd struggle to think of a time i fancied you more than now right looking at you serious like because it every little bit you're it pings out your fucking eyes are nice your glasses vibe with it it's a nice look bro you wear that one day me and you going out we're having some food you have something particularly spicy or the sun starts shining

no one knows where we are with the ozone layer now no you don't know what you don't know what the temperature variation is going to be you know one minute you're feeling a bit nippy actually the t-shirt issue is your nipples are sticking through it and the next thing you start to sweat my nipples man i don't nipple wise i'm like Jada Franston from Friends all the time me too that is my vibe me too

it's so embarrassing yeah I was at school as well I constantly had a nipple erection yeah I had an embarrassing situation where when we were filming

in South Africa for Rob and Romesh Versus we put on the England cricket tops to do this like challenge thing yeah and then it was such a nipply situation

oh you know sometimes when you go oh god i'm a bit worried about this and somebody from production will go oh no don't worry it looks fine i i went look at my nipples and the summer production went oh oh yeah like that so they actually they actually thought it was a situation as well and then i'm not this is no exaggeration they, why don't you put a cricket jumper on? I put on a cricket jumper on, you could still see my nipples through the jumper. Oh, fucking hell. I had two layers on.

You could still see my nipples poking through. And actually, at that point, I started to think, I need to try and monetize this, because I might be like a modern miracle. Do you know what I mean? I might be like one of the wonders of the world. It doesn't matter how many layers you put on i've got regular size i would say i would describe them as regular size nipples i think i've got like sort of quite pea nipples what do you mean

little peas well you know the um what's the bit around the nipples areola yeah yeah uh it sounds a bit like that um sp Spanish mayonnaise with garlic but um aioli yeah you've got the old aioli nipples they sort of secrete yeah they secrete

this kind of white pus that's quite nice with potato or it's even worse if you go into a restaurant and ask for some aioli with a little wink yeah

do you want to have a little bit of my squid drink a little aioli please massive sweating chef comes to throw you out um sweat brothers Do you want to have my squid rings? A little aglione, please. Massive sweating chef comes to throw you out. Sweat Brothers. Mine do it all the time.

Mine did it at school, and people used to think there was a correlation between... Is it correlation? I don't know what you're about to say. You've stopped mid-sentence. I don't know if... Yeah, because this is essential. This word gets right. Correlation between your nipples being erect

and your dick being erect. Correlation is the right word, sorry, yeah. It's absolutely the right word. So people at school used to think if you had nipple erection, yours had an erection. Yeah. And the saddest thing was

is the nipples are more noticeable. Yeah. Which is genuinely quite the truth when it comes to my body. Yeah, I don't like... Oh, God, you've got me paranoid about nipples now. I've had a bad morning, mate. Mate, I've had a shit-dog weekend,

so you hit me up with your morning. It's not bad. It's not bad. I just feel a bit... I'm trying to exercise. This morning I got up and... I wanted to do... Last week, I ran for an hour all right it's big big big achievement for me right is i managed to run without stopping for an hour you ran for an hour

without stopping one go yeah oh that's sick that's amazing yeah i could not fucking do that in a million years so well you can salute you i reckon in a million years i could if i ran like 10 minutes every day i'd sue you hopefully you'd actually just gradually build it up yeah um so i did that probably on a marathon but an hour is amazing so this morning i thought i'm going to do that so we got up this morning i thought i'm going to do that run again and then we're having a skip delivered because we're moving house god i'm actually fucking bored i'm actually i'm so early on in this story and i'm already bored but anyway so um we're getting a skip delivered so i had to move my car so i moved my car dropped off with my brothers ended up staying there having a little

bit of a chat with him then i came home and i thought do you know what i'm gonna i'm not i've not got time for a run now because i've got to do podcasts with tom i'm gonna do peloton and then i ended up sort of dicking around on the PlayStation with the kids. Anyway, long story short, I started the morning off thinking I was going to do an hours run. I moved down to shortening the run, moved down to maybe doing Peloton. I ended up just having a large breakfast. So that is, it's just so upsetting to me as i was eating as i was eating my porridge to think this should have been a run this should have been me losing calories and i'm actually

taking calories on board i mean you know the thing to do though what don't beat yourself up focus on the fact last week you did this incredible hour run right you know you've got an hour run in you and you know what tomorrow you're going to wake You know you've got an hour run, haven't you? And you know what, tomorrow, you're going to wake up and you're going to feel more fired up to do that hour run. You'll probably do an hour and ten minutes if I know you, because you're an absolute G.

Yeah. You know with Robert Ranganathan, I nearly said Rob Nesh, Robert Ranganathan, right? Yeah. Do me a favour, stop dropping in the name of the person you'd rather be doing

the podcast with, right? Right. If a mountain stands in front of him, he fucking shits on that top of that mountain when he's climbed it in a record time. You can do it, right?

I believe in you. Yeah. You love the mountain thing, don't you? It's a big thing for you, mountains. I like mountains, man.

Have you climbed a mountain before? No, no. That's no doubt, I had a little trot up, but the thing for me that's great about mountains is I don't know

how fucking amazing they are for our culture. For our culture? For the world. Right, there's one thing the whole world agrees on, right? Mountains are massive. It doesn't matter who you vote for, what sort of side of the, you know,

like fucking what religion you are. There's one thing that everyone fucking gets together and goes, oh, fucking mountains are massive, mate. Oh, do you know what? By the way, I'd love to be invited to one of those parties. No, I'm just saying that. Did you go round Tom's for dinner the other night? No, what happened?

Oh, we all got together and having a bit of a chat, but Tom did his usual thing of asking everyone to sort of confirm that they thought the mountains were massive. No, but, right. He does it every time we go round. Look, you're being a bit scabby about this, all right? Right? The truth of the matter is, right,

what you have to get in your head, yeah, is you could go anywhere in the world, and if you talk about mountains, you will be able to bond with other human beings. If you cipher off and start talking about religion or fucking, you know, any other sort of really clever subjects, yeah, that comes with friendship. Of course it does, Ramesh, right?

But you start a conversation with going, everyone has their mountains, and I hope that you can climb yours. I'll tell you what, mate, you've got a friend for life. I don't think you've got a friend for life. I think you've got quite a sort of pithy ending to a conversation that I would argue would lead to that person probably not getting in touch with you again.

I don't know if that means you've got a friend for life. I just try to think about the number of times you've said that to someone and walked off. Oh, one of them got back in touch with me. Hello, mate. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the one that said that thing about the mountain and I hope you managed to climb it.

It's weird. We're on the mountain, I hope you managed to climb it it's weird Barbara on the mountain guys on the phone every holiday so listen Tom you've actually helped me there bro you have helped me you've improved my mood so let me try and do the same for you talk to me about your weekend

yeah so I actually had a bit of a shit one brother my um dog got attacked by another dog god uh which is pretty fucking savage what happened katherine was taking him for a walk um and uh another dog just came sprinting out and just literally started like sat like spitting a hole out of him inside are you serious his neck yeah yeah man and also fucking oh Catherine's legs are just smashed up

where the dog's just getting at her as well what like the dog bit did the dog bite no no just madly bruised where it's

like sort of going in on her and she's sort of like tussling with it it's horrific man and do you know this is where did this where is this dog from

what happened I'm not allowed legally to say because it's a it's a police case now so I can't say where it happened. But you're not willing to name everyone involved for the podcast?

No, you know, this is genuinely the truth, but Catherine turned around and she said, the main thing is do not name this person when you're doing the podcast

with Romesh. Don't name them. And I was going to, so it was good that she said that. Yeah. Yeah, it happened, it happened, no, it that um yeah uh yeah it happened it happened on no it happened on friday so it's pretty um oh bro i'm sorry i'm pretty far back and um

yeah i mean it's just a weird one because dogs you know they're sort of like your family and it's horrible as well because he's like terrified of the vets it was fucking and that but the the thing that just fucking did me out of everything is the guy turned around to Catherine and his argument for everything was oh he's never done this before I was like he's clearly done it now you can't use that as an excuse

at some point anyone who did anything bad has never done that before yeah you can't get away with doing something horrific because you're a first timer no I don't think and also

at never one point has gone no I'm going to have my medicine here this is out of order and you know he's heard about 30 excuses you're a first timer. No. I don't think. And also, at never one point has gone, no, I'm going to drink, have my medicine here. This is out of order. And, you know, he's heard about 30 excuses since it's happened. But it's,

yeah, you know, the sad thing is, and actually I will shout out for everyone because I don't usually share anything like about like this online.

It's not really sort of my vibe. I try to keep it positive. But I just think it's something that I didn't realize quite how many people, dog owners, this has happened to. And then the more people you spoke to after, the more people who seem to have had this vibe happen to them, this thing happen to them.

And then, you know, so firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who got in touch and sort of nice messages and whatever. But also it's just really sad to see how many times it happens and how many times sort of the dog, and I don't even blame the dog, I blame the owner in this situation. It's a sort of, yeah, it's a pretty shit thing, man. It's been a tough old week. How is our boy?

Do you know what? He's, yeah, he's squeaking a lot. I mean, the trouble is he's probably forgot because dogs don't have a massively long-term memory, so he's probably...'s squeaking a lot I mean the trouble is he's probably forgot because dogs don't have a massively long term memory so he's probably how long is a dog's memory I think it's

it's longer than a camel's but shorter than an elephant's okay that's two other pieces of information I don't know well camels have the shortest memory

right or they're the longest I think goldfish have the shortest memory I'm going to look this up now elephants have the most elephants have incredible memories I think that's a myth isn't it you don't want a fucking elephant over it memory. I'm going to look this up now. Elephants have incredible memories.

I think that's a myth, isn't it? You don't want to fuck an elephant over it. If you're going to fuck an elephant or a camel over it, who are you going to fuck over? Well, you're talking about a size thing now. I don't think, I'm not making a decision. I'm not making a decision about which animal I fuck. First of all, I wouldn't fuck over an animal, ideally. Secondly, I'm not making a decision about which animal i cover based on how

long they're going to remember this for right i'm just saying that right just picture this right you go to the zoo right yeah you end up in the card game right you know it's good listen dolphins have the longest memories in the animal kingdom wow there you go right uh okay go go anyway carry on with your example all right you go to you're playing cards in the zoo right there's a camel an elephant or an adult in there right knowing that all three of those has long-term memories right yeah are those the only three animals they've got oh no there's other animals playing but you're not too worried about them because they're not going to remember you right right and knowing that you know you know alex or Charlie goes, I can't wait to come back to the zoo next month, Dad.

You're like... Listen, let me tell you something. I don't mind you doing a little dick voice when you're impersonating me. I draw the lie when it comes to my children. I know, right? That's a kid's voice, like the Famous Five.

Yeah, I don't want people thinking my kids are from the Famous Five. Oh, Daddy, please take us to the zoo again. I do love wildlife. Oh, what a fascinating menagerie of creatures they've got here, Daddy. Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity to see what the world has to offer in terms of this different wildlife and form. That's okay, my Alex.

Right, so you're in a game of poker, right? High-end poker. At the zoo? Yeah. You're cheating a game of poker, right? High-end poker. At the zoo? Yeah. You're cheating the game of poker with these other animals. With the animals? Yeah. Who would be the one that you'd most want to cheat,

thinking, right, I fucked it over, but then it's got to... So, hold on, let me get this straight. So, it's the dolphins in a tank next to the table. Well, yeah, he's, like, leaning out of the table, because they can do that. He's leaning out of the tank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's holding... Just so I can get a visual on this, how's he holding the cards? Well, he's got his cards on, like, he's like leaning out of the table because they can do that. He's leaning out of the tank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's holding...

Just so I can get a visual on this, how's he holding the cards? Well, he's got his cards on like a little plaque, plaque sort of thing. Actually, no, let's just say Charlie's got his cards for him because Charlie's helping him out. So Charlie's helping the dolphin out, okay. Yeah, so Charlie's on the side. Elephant stood up or sat down? Well, he sat down for the cards.

And also he doesn't want to be aggressive because he's got a kind heart. But he's... Obviously, you've seen Dumbo. He can do all this with it at the end of his uh nostril thing his trunk trunk yes holy shit so he's got his trunk and he's got his cards in his trunk yeah right right right uh and then the camel let's just say um theo's helping out the camel. Okay, fine. Daddy, thank you so much for letting me assist this camel. You're sitting next, and you've got Alex who's sort of helping you out a bit. Okay, fine.

Because he's actually weirdly a really good car player. Yeah. Out of all of the kids. So you've picked, yeah. So out of all of the other animals, right? Yeah. Okay, kids aside, right, who would you most likely fuck over?

Dolphin. You'd fuck, don't, well, I'd agree with that, actually. It's you most likely fuck over? Dolphin. You'd fuck the Dolphin? Well, I'd agree with that, actually. It's the most sensible thing you've ever said. Because the Dolphin can't get out of the tank. As long as you don't ever go to the Dolphin's tank, he can never get there, right? Yeah, correct. That's my thinking.

Yeah, but then you've got two others, right? So out of those two. The Dolphin's only entered the game because you wanted him to play. I don't even want him involved. Don't get angry with me because your example is falling apart. So the Dolphin's out of the game, right? Okay. So Charlie's now just lurking about,

just chatting with some monkeys and some hippo or whatever, and the Dolphin. They're all just off chatting. But still in view. I wouldn't leave him unsupervised. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, of course, yeah.

Yeah, but he's safer than the Dolphin. The Dolphin's got a kind heart.'s never yeah i've just fucked the dolphin over that's true yeah okay right so now you've got you know what i don't want to see is charlie being flipped up on this dolphin snout as a some sort of threat but now you've got the elephant and the camel right yeah you get down you've but you're both all in you've put your new house on the line the elephants put like it's um like forest on the line the camels put like all of its stuff on the line right just just when you're thinking of examples think do i have an example for every one of these things and if you don't don't start it would be my tip to you

all right so now it comes all in right you've got a chick like theo gives you a little nudge right charlie's on your team isn't it no fear isn't it charlie's being battered to death by a dolphin and he says he shows you an ace right you put the ace up your sleeve to cheat right okay who would you most likely fuck over at the camel and the elephant is a good question uh the camel wait that's exactly the answer i wanted why what does that prove well no it just proves that you're well no i guess like what's the point you can't even remember what point you're trying to make no it no the point of it is like yes they've both got good memories but you know that the camel's weaker than the elephant.

So you've picked on a weaker one, really. Yeah, I have done, yeah. So, yeah, I actually do. I have much like... Do you know what you're trying to get across? Like probably one of the, like a goldfish in a way, I've forgotten what the moral of the story is because I've got to say

in the story itself. My point of it is... So all of that, that's one of the biggest ways to tell what we've had on this podcast. My point of it... You've taken us into

detailed stories before. These animals don't always... This is going to be the first time you take a detailed story and then midway forgotten what the fucking point was. I think I've got it now.

Animals don't always remember, right? But they always care, right? So my dog, he probably won't remember some of these, like the attack itself, until he's in that situation again. And then he might have some sort of PTSD. So Theo, our eldest, when he was a baby, we took him to a friend's house in a car seat. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport.

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Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind.

Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. Yeah. And a dog came over and like sort of sort of barked at him in the car seat so aggressively and pushed him forward that he sort of fell off the chair that like this car seat fell off the yeah it was pretty full on what kind of dog was it it's only little wasn't massive it wasn't a big dog right so

so we we um obviously freaked out and obviously you freak out more when it's your first as well so like i mean listen i don't think a dog a dog shoving your kid off a chair is isn't you know you're not overreacting i don't think no no anyway we we picked up the car seat and he was totally fine the dog hadn't attacked the dog hadn't really done anything wrong it was just over excited right but we freaked out a bit but but also had to mediate that freaking out with the fact that we're at these people's house we don't know them well enough to go what the fuck man so we just sort of like oh no no no it's fine it's fine anyway it took theo years to not be nervous around dogs man like you know you sort of think he was a little baby then right so you just sort of think how much of the how much a baby sort of remembering and and storing from all this like for for years afterwards it took

such a long time for him to be comfortable around dogs again, man. It was mad. What's he like now with them? He loves them. He loves them. In fact, we have one on the way

very soon. When have you got it coming? In about a month. What are you getting? I'm slightly nervous because the way you settled in as you asked that question was like you're about to savage me

for whatever I say to you now. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a safe space, all right? One thing I'll never ever do is i'll never take a look at your dog okay we're getting a miniature golden doodle what's a golden doodle it's a cross between a golden retriever and a poodle i bet that's a cool looking dog looks like a kind of looks like a teddy bear from the photos is it so hold up when you say miniature how big does it get well it varies so sort of bigger than a poodle smaller than a golden retriever golden retrievers man they're a lovely dog you're a big fan of them they've just got good hearts man true hearts i'll tell you what you've got with a poodle you've actually you i tell you because

the poodles are poodle poodle poodles are pretty prissy little. But they're very intelligent poodles. So I've been told. You've basically got a dog that's just full of love and also full of intelligence. It's almost like me and you, actually, if there was a Tomish. I'd be the guard retriever and you'd be the poodle. So you think I'm prissy is what you're saying? Well, and intelligent.

Yeah, no, sure. You know what? You know what? Fair play to you tom i've willfully taken that the wrong way and that's bad of me that's bad of me you if me and you were to like sort of i don't know how would we do it like you know procreate a little version of us that would run around the thomas that would be if we tried to create some sort of like just single podcast a child if there's a way in the future that we could combine

your and my genetics to create something yeah I think I actually think whatever we create would be quite annoying yeah yeah because it would have all it'd just be like oh you don't know what you're talking about hmm it's constantly

constantly correcting itself that's not the word you're looking for like when Stewie has that in Family Guy when Stewie has this bit

yeah but yeah man it's but you know with dogs kids I guess it's all the same vibe brother it's that sort of protective nature

so your dog got attacked on Friday yeah and then was the rest of the weekend sort of dealing with the aftermath of that or did you know what it was more awful things happen no it's just a bit more uh it was just a bit of tlc brother just just looking after uh my my wife and the dog making sure they were all right before how was how was cat she was pretty freaked out with the whole thing actually she was pretty freaked out by the whole thing, actually. She was pretty freaked out. She was pretty scared.

Like, I think it's thrown her, actually, quite a lot, sort of. I think, yeah, obviously, I've had him for, like, seven, eight years now. So the thought of, like, that happening is your worst fear of a dog, you know? So, yeah, I think she's probably more anxious about going out with him because there was nothing she could do to stop the whole thing so it was yeah it's pretty um yeah i mean i went home i brought everyone a curry because uh i thought that was well obviously not the dog he had some poppadoms um does his dog eat poppadoms yeah he loves poppadoms with chutney or without without chutney yeah they can't have onions and stuff they got

when you when you get a dog really look into it. They can't have onions and stuff. When you get a dog, really look into it, mate. They can't have chocolate. I don't, you know, I don't want to see you, like, sitting around with chocolate all over you, half a dairy milk all over your fingers. Well, or like the vegan.

I suppose, actually, it's pretty good, actually, because you being a vegan, it's quite good for you. I'm not going to feed the dog vegan. No, I just, no, I just thought the dog licking... What a fucking miserable dog that would be.

No, just the dog licking chocolate that would be no but just a dog licking chocolate off your fingers yeah i know that dogs can't eat chocolate and onions like there's loads of stuff they can't eat so just go through that yeah i'm going to i don't know what you think i don't know how you feel i'm going to approach this dog ownership thing i'm going to do a bit of research mate well also make the whole family aware that you're all doing it. So do it as a fun thing in the evenings. Yeah, all right, thank you. Like a little quiz.

Yeah, yeah, we'll do, yeah. I could write the quiz if you wanted. I'd love you to, yeah? You up for that? I'll do like 10 questions. Yeah. You made our youngest so happy yesterday because Tom and I,

you and I were doing little voicemail exchanges. And then you said, Charlie, you rock. Oh, man. And he was so delighted, man. He was so delighted. He's a great kid. He's a great kid. It's one of my happiest thoughts

if I ever get down as you just playing on the PlayStation before they all go to school. Yeah. Do you know, Theo's got really shit-hot FIFA, man.

Really? I can't beat him anymore. I cannot. Tell him just to get ready because when I come over, I'm pretty amazing at FIFA. Dude, he's been playing online. He's yet to be beaten.

What? I'm serious. You need to... Tell him to fuck off school then, mate. He just can't play full-time FIFA. Mate, people are earning serious money out of that now. Mate, that would be incredible. Yeah, I'd love that.

Just to sack off his education and for him to play FIFA full-time. Yes, please. Yeah, but the only other trouble is I knew this kid, right? Well, not the kid. I knew love that. Just to sack off his education and for him to play FIFA full-time. Yes, please. Yeah. But the only other trouble is I knew this kid, right? Well, not the kid. I knew this guy. It'd be weird if I had a friend

who was a kid who was going to football at FIFA. I knew this guy who was really, really good at, like, FIFA 20, right? Incredible at it. Sick at it. Like, you know,

probably sort of like, you know, your boy's standards, right? FIFA 21 comes out, he's nowhere near as good. But he'd given up his job. He fucking was vibing on that FIFA. What are you talking about? They barely changed the game between years. He reckons that he doesn't know what it is.

Maybe something in his head just went. He just couldn't get it. Is this a true story? Yeah, man. This sounds so made up. It's a true story. It's like he was genuinely... So in 2020, this guy gave up his job because he's so good at FIFA 20? Yeah, man. This sounds so made up. It's a true story. It's like he was genuinely... So in 2020, this guy gave up his job

because he's so good at FIFA 20. Yeah, yeah. And they brought out FIFA 21. And he just... Yeah, he was just... Come on. Come on. Mate, he was saying to...

Honestly, like, you know, I want to tell you the truth of the situation, right? All right. When lockdown was going on, right, I got slightly obsessed with FIFA Ultimate Team. Okay. I was I was like playing it quite a lot how much money did you spend

not as much as other people we know who I went through sure yeah but you've spent a bit of money I spent a bit to to have a decent team right

right but this is the thing I then get to a point where I'm like oh man this is fucking so I reach out to a couple of FIFA professionals right

or people who play FIFA to say what to say look can you can you help me here oh my god so I had a couple of FIFA professionals, right? Or people who play FIFA. To say what? To say, look, can you, can you help me here? So I had a couple of online lessons.

This is so tragic. Oh my God. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was, and it was this guy, right? For a network of people, who, it's a bit like, don't fuck with cats kind of vibe, you know,

it's a network of people on this. Yeah. Anyway, it was one of the people I met from there, another FIFA on, as they called it. He called himself, right? What's he called himself? FIFA on.

Okay. Who basically turns to me and tells me this almost woeful, sad tale. And from there, I'm like, fucking hell, man. I just don't know what to say, bro. I've never met him in person. I just can't believe you had online FIFA lessons. yeah yeah i was getting so frustrated why why did you want less because i wanted not to lose and i was getting beaten by like last minute goals and i mean i've got like so the thing with me right is i have like i get obsessed with things

like you know some of those things like golf or boxing or like you know exercise are not healthy right some of them like alcohol or whatever or playing fifa all the time aren't healthy for you sure so the fifa one was just like i wanted to be better at it than i actually was so i was like how do i improve and then i sort of like just got chatted to this guy and he's like right let's just have a couple of games against each other how did you just get chat to this guy, and he's like, right, let's just have a couple of games against each other, and I can show you some tricks. How did you just get chatting to this guy? What happened? I hit him up on Twitter.

Oh, my God. And I was like, yo, bro, you seem like you know your shit when it comes to FIFA. And he was like, yeah, man, I'm really good at it. And I was like, oh, man, I'm really struggling. Lucky enough, he'd seen some of my stuff, so he knew who I was. So, yeah, we came to a deal, and he sort of helped me out. You paid? No, no, I didn't pay, no, no, no.

I did some tweets about it. If you go back, I've done some tweets about it. Oh, my God. And out there somewhere in the ether is a video of me and him playing together. Really? Yeah. And how good are you in this video? I got pretty sick, you know.

I got a pretty good one of it. I played, you know, James Madison, the Leicester player. I played him. He only beat me 1-0, and he's incredible. I think he won a tournament amongst all the footballers.

So, I got pretty good. But, look, man, when my chips are in,'re all in i can't make if i was cat i'd worry about you a little bit you know yeah yeah i worry about myself quite a lot yeah it's one of it's one of the triggers of my uh my mind i mean i'm sort of criticizing you i did do the same with fortnight but i mean eventually this is what you always do but i sit here i can see i'm going to sit talking to one of my best friends in the world i'm fucking there's two of us in this conversation

yeah there's a load of people who are going to listen to this i don't think about that i'm blushing because i and i've talked about all kinds of things because you're like yeah look at me and then i'm like yeah generally for archives kind of pathetic and then you come in and go and i did the same thing with fort, you know, you could look at it that way or you could look at it another way. I could have not said that. Yeah, you could have not. So listen, hit me up while I'm with Fortnite.

So the boys, they're not, although they've just started to get back into it, but they're playing Fortnite a lot during lockdown. Yeah, I remember you saying. And so Lisa and I kind of decided to get a bit more relaxed about their screen time because they weren't seeing their mates. and actually this was a way of them sort of hanging out with their mates because they couldn't see them but they were chatting to them

on this thing right and then I said to Lisa we need to um we need to play fortnight with them because like this is the thing they want to do and like this would be a good way of sort of uh of getting involved so we started playing fortnite but i couldn't i just couldn't i'm not talking about getting good at it i'm talking about we'd play a game and the boys would end up sort of shouting at me because i was just being so shit i would do the thing where i'd hide when the game started to avoid dying oh god that's sorry i don't want to be condescending but wow well apparently that is the worst thing that is a really tragic thing to do yeah but anyway what would happen is I'd then be the only survivor of

our team and then they'd need me to do stuff to resurrect them and stuff and I just was completely fucking incapable of doing it and then you'd sort of end up in this situation where like sons are going dad no dad go there like just all three of them just shouting at me because I wasn't doing the thing were you in a team with them or yeah squad so we'd do like a squad thing so you've got four controllers no they've got like so we've got two controllers

on one console and one of them was playing on switch one of them was playing on his phone or something to be honest man that's one of the sweetest things I've ever heard not the shouting bit because that's genuinely like quite sad but actually all of you together playing as a squad actually fills my heart.

I know people slag off computer games and stuff, but that's a real moment, right? Yeah, it's family time. It's modern family time, right? Anyway, I wrote an article about it, about the fact that I was so shit at Fortnite, and somebody reached out, and I ended up getting a bit of Fortnite training on how to get better at it.

But it's a bit different to you, because I wasn't, like, going from good, trying to go from good to excellent. I was trying to get from embarrassing to vaguely competent. Do you know what I mean? How good did you get on it? Oh, shit. I'm still shit.

Also, it's less embarrassing, mate. You wrote a fucking article for one of the biggest national newspapers in the country right and someone reached out to you i trawled on twitter and probably mentioned fucking sent messages to about 30 people of which two got back to me no you're right what you did was much sadder but you know what i would say is so one day charlie and i were playing just the two of us and we went into some sort of i don't know what they're called some sort of area all right and they were like charlie had his uh like

speakers on so he could hear like you know you can chat to the people that you're fighting with and a couple of kids from his school like logged on and i had a different name because i just wanted to sort of play anonymous and then charlie's obviously told one of these kids it's his dad I swear to you this right he kills me right and then I hear him go I just killed Romesh Ranganathan on fortnight right and then all of a sudden fucking people start dropping into the area and I become like a fucking trophy kill just like god so I just thought that this that kids start like targeting me and she's trying to fucking destroy me let's keep good I just killed Romesh Ranganathan I just thought that this, that kid started, like, targeting me and just trying to fucking destroy me. I just killed Romesh Ranganathan.

I just killed Romesh Ranganathan. It was mental, man. I had to just drop out of there. Charlie didn't give a shit. Loved it. Didn't he try and protect you? Yeah, but what can he do, man? Do you know what I mean?

It's like, you know, you've got a choice. You humiliate yourself or your dad getting it in the head. You've got to let dad die. And you know what? I bet there's blokes going sort of like, I don't know like in fucking lockdown card games going yeah my boy

shot Romesh Ranganathan a day of Fortnite fucking smashed in a bitch yeah he thinks he's funny not funny in the room paying that for nothing

yeah you know Romesh Ranganathan just spent his whole lockdown playing Fortnite with kids it all gets all gets like dissed up

and like the whole story gets different and you're not playing with Charlie. You're just in a fucking fortnight room with a load of nine-year-olds. No, but that's what I was worried about, bro. I was just thinking, this isn't a good look. Do you know what I mean?

And also, you don't know... You don't know how this is going to get reported. I was sort of so nervous about saying anything to the kids in cases like Roma, Schengen, Aethon playing with a load of nine-year-olds called one of them a c*** or whatever. Do you know what do you mean i had to turn my speakers off when it came to to play fifa i get so annoyed with it really but now i just yeah i just i now i just i i've gone back man i've regressed to playing career mode it's the time for me to chill and it's just me

versus a computer i like all that i'll tell you what I've been playing, and I'll tell you, I've been playing a lot on the Switch, Mario 3D World. Oh, wow. And I'm going to tell you, playing that game, and you can call it now, and people can come at me

if they want, playing Mario is like meditation. I'm convinced of that. You're just so in. You know, a lot of video games are like this, but Mario,

because Mario's so relaxing. There's very little jeopardy in Mario it doesn't really get frustrating it just sort of gets quite enjoyable the challenge of it I think it's really good man that's why I play FIFA I find that against the computer

I think one of the most relaxing things to do is play a video game to the point where you're frustrated at your standard of play and then contact people on social media to give you lessons in exchange for whoring yourself out on your social media platforms you're right that is a lot like meditation why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? Smooth taste. Great value.

Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit weightless collection visit tresame.com to learn more today something is coming

kong godzilla they can feel it fight together and teaming up or face extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters okay do you want to do some emails budgie let's do it my baby boy okay first email is from the eagle and eaglet well is it such thing as an eaglet i don't think so no cute quite a nice little name um hi wolf owl and swan my daughter was a bloody angel until she hit 17 then boys drinking disrespect

and a bloody nightmare until it was time for uni she did two months and left as she felt unwell the unwell feeling was a beautiful baby girl that came along soon after

we start we this is a big in right I know it's a really twisty story this we started rebonding watching Misadventures Ranganation

and King Gary I've recently discovered this amazing podcast which I introduced her to we're both obsessed and text each other from our bedrooms during the night

saying listen to Ep 30 32 minutes in etc just so so funny and gives us common ground my question is okay what I'm going to tell you now is

this pre-story is absolutely nothing to do with the question it's one of the biggest left turns in an email i've ever seen uh my question is what programs can you remember bonding with your parents over in your teenage years mine was bullseye on a sunday evening still love watching it on dave and reminiscing absolutely adore you both sweet sweet souls so much love the eagle and the eaglet. Maybe eaglets are eagles, little sort of babies.

What led you to that, Luther? The fact that it's a mother and daughter emailing. Yeah, that was... That would have been it, I reckon. Jesus. Probably gradually bonded over. I'd say Fools and Horses. Yeah.

Big time. Fools and Horses. Yeah. Big time. Fools and Horses. Black Adder. I used to... Oh, Tom! I can't believe we've not talked about this before. Black Adder.

Yeah, man. It was the one. Was so... Oh, my God, I loved that show. We used to... I loved that show. Me, my mum, dad and sister

used to watch that. I was obsessed with that. Obsessed with... Me and my dad used dad and sister used to watch that. I was obsessed with that. Obsessed with me and my dad. So it used to just sort of like, sort of come back, quote it and everything. It was, yeah, it was a big, big one for us as kids. Blackadder III? Yeah.

Well, in fact, do you know what? You know what? When I go back and think that the war, the Second World War one was, yeah. Yeah, I think 234 was pretty much perfect as well. And also, you know, they did proper, proper jokes in them. You know, like... Yeah, and I remember watching that when we were parents.

And it makes you think, you know, like we're, like, you know, you sort of, when you think about comedies now, and as you become an adult, you want sort of, people talk about edgy comedies and stuff like that. But that experience, and I think King Gary might give that to people now, is that experience as a family sitting down and watching a thing that you can all enjoy. I remember sitting down with my parents

and watching Blackadder. It was so great, man. That's such a great show. I remember that last episode, and I know people have talked about it, but I think it's almost the most perfectly written piece of artwork ever. That last episode in the Second World War.

The push over the top. Yeah, when they go over the top. I think it's genuinely, I think it goes far above comedy, just on the basis that it was just like, just to encapsulate the feeling of what it must have been like. Yeah.

It was insane. I just meant that. And on another flip turn, Gladiators was a massive one in our house on a Saturday afternoon or evening. Gladiators? Gladiators and Fish and Chips and a little takeaway vibe.

A little Chinese takeaway. And watching Gladiators was massive yeah we we were obsessed i love that you and like your kin but um we used to sort of watch it and then all of our mates would just like try and recreate like on the stairs or whatever you just put duvets on stairs and try and run a pit or like playing gladiators was sick afterwards i also think that gladiators was good for people good for your humanity in what way right i think because you had to be amazing at something to get on it right you had to be fit you had to be you know it's a bit like ninja warrior now i think

it's one of those things where you saw like bullseye was as well you know there was an element of skill to it you know and it i just think that that was, it gave you something to admire the people who put themselves through the gladiators or, you know, two guys from sort of Bolton who went on Bullseye. I mean, Bullseye was a sick programme as well. I'm still obsessed with Bullseye. Yeah, I didn't like the prizes.

But then the prizes were amazing. You've got to remember those things, people didn't, and not everyone had in their houses then. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, but who the fuck wants a boat? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, but who the fuck wants a boat? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, look,

the truth of the matter is I think you get a boat and there's probably only 5% of the society, but you can sell that boat to someone who gets some sweet, sweet moolah. And that's probably

the best way of doing it. Yeah, but that's the point. I like the fact that you had a show where someone could hand out fucking, it could keep the cash in their pocket

and that was a reward price. It wasn't like you know you literally saw someone giving some cash that night yeah they go off rather than like now it's like i always sit there and think how do these people get the money like for ten thousand pounds or five thousand pounds you don't think that do well no obviously it goes into the bank but i like i like seeing a transfer of someone giving someone 250 yeahid. Yeah, I like making that person a sort of a high potential of being mugged. I like that. Mate.

Rather than transferring it to your bank in a safe way, we're going to give it to you in cold, hard cash. Good luck on the tube, mate. People didn't have bank transfers then. You had to have checks and postal orders. Sure. This is before the internet. Yeah, no, I get you.

You got dizzy with the internet now. Yeah, it's a different world I got all carried away yeah I got all carried away sorry mate me and the internet I'm always doing that

what was your thing in the Rankin-Athens how so well we watched a lot of Blackadder as I said just on Blackadder so I

we started watching it on the second one right yeah and then years later I remember buying all of them like the box the second one right yeah and then years later I remember buying all of them like the box set

of everything right yeah and I watched I've just got a vision of you going to HMV and Blackadder's all four series

are on sale yeah could I get could I get Blackadder please yeah we got we got the we got the latest one there

no not the latest one there. No, not the latest one. I want every one. Just with a girl that you're vaguely seeing. Well, there you go. That's where your impression falls apart, the idea that I'd be vaguely seeing a girl around the time that I was into Blackadder. I didn't get into Blackadder when I was 24, mate.

But I watched the first series. I didn't get into Blackadder when I was 24, mate. But I watched the first series. I didn't really... It's the first time I'd seen the first series, having watched all of the others. It's just nothing like the other series, right? They hadn't found it yet, had they, really? No. It got...

I think it was like Rowan Atkinson and all that sort of started taking over the writing. I think it was a better one joined as a writer yeah I think so yeah I think that was a change up but you know

the other thing is that if that happened now if Blackadder had dropped a first series like that now you never would have seen a second or third series

do you know what I mean like they let it run and you know see what they could do with it do you know what I mean it's like yeah but I think the talent

that they had on their disposal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Hugh Laurie in that is incredible. Oh my God. He is incredible.

Amazing. When you watch Hugh Laurie there, and obviously now like, you know, as a director and, you know, a house and everything, you actually sort of like as a comedy performer in that last episode,

you know, uh, the over the top one, his, his ability to play an idiot, but also really sort of like make the whole audience empathetic towards him. Isn't just amazing. He's just,

he like, I think for anyone, if you want a short, sharp course in like how to be an incredible comedy actor, just go and watch you, Laurie. Cause he's, he is,

he's the G of all Gs. Oh my God. It's so good. It the g of all g's oh my god it's so good it's so good it's great shout um okay eagle and eaglet thank you so much for your email very much so together and let me say it's it's put a smile on my face knowing that you two uh yeah you're vibing and you're you're connecting because it's an important thing so uh that you're soaring together makes me happy hi rom tom and swan firstly i hope all three of you are well probably best if i was kept anonymous don't fancy anyone contacting me after i tell this story before i begin i just wanted to thank you both for the okay there's a lot of sort of very nice stuff about this podcast

uh now for the story i was listening to episode 43 a few weeks back, and I was crying with laughter until I realized something. I was in that lesson that day when Ron ripped his suit on the side of the desk. I thought it was something I'd blocked out, given that the school I went to was essentially hell, and thought I'd blocked out all memories of that five years, but it turns out I hadn't. I remember vividly coming into class that day and thinking what the fuck is going on here

this is a bit that's quite embarrassing now i'm just going to tell you yeah i also remember a lot of my year talking about mr god this is so this is worse than the trouser thing i love you by the way lisa for this. I love you, by the way, Lisa, for this email. I love you, this one. This is amazing. I remember the majority of my year talking about Mr. Reaganathan trying to teach fractions to lose yourself by Eminem. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's like whatever you do, you try and get hip-hop and rap into it it's insane how would how does that even work you look by the way you've gone from looking very saucy very hot to looking very very embarrassed i'd arguably say that you have just i was running the fucking good good fucking race with the fucking mug of the mug of the episode award, and you have literally just gone, you've Carl Lewis passed my link for Christie.

What was... Did you genuinely do that? I can't... I honestly can't remember. How did that even work? I don't know. I actually... So how do you do that to fractions oh my god you know what as well this tragic thing i don't want to lay on to you because i love you my brother you'd have had to have thought that out you don't just come up with that you'd

have had to write it down i i've got no recollection of doing that it's so fucking embarrassing you must have did you dance when you did it or no oh god it's so sad can you imagine a maths teacher just sort of you've got one chance to add these fractions

I've just got an idea of the kid do you make the denominators the same or do you throw it away oh is that what it was no I'm just trying to imagine what it would have been I can't remember I bet as well

they were like oh no he's getting out his hoodie he's going to do the thing again pulling out your hoodie so it was down and it's like

you've only got one chance oh god oh JT do me a favour JT just lace up a bit of that on there for us. Yeah. Just to hear.

If you're adding two fractions, you've got to make the denominators the same. Cross multiply. Out of breath as well. Doing it like Eminem. Yo, there'll be people in this room like maths. Yo, if you had to add two fractions, what would you do? Oh, my God.

I love the idea of kids just nudging themselves. Like you're turning up in some frayed baggy jeans. So, hello, Mr Ranganathan. What are you doing today? Oh, it's fractions today. So hello, Mr. Ranganathan. What are you doing today? Oh, it's Fractions today.

And let's just say you might want to come past my room at ten past two this afternoon because I'm going to be laying down a track. Can you imagine if the other fucking maths teacher has heard about that? Have you heard about what Ranganathan's doing? You know he's the shittiest one at maths in the department. Well, he's covering up by doing lose yourself

and stuff fuck um coming to so uh I also remember the majority of my year talking

I actually feel I actually feel quite I'm actually quite defeated by that I also remember don't be defeated we've all done

muggy stuff I also remember the majority of my year talking about Mr Wagoner trying to teach fractions to lose yourself and coming

to the conclusion that teaching maths in our school is making you have an enormous breakdown of self-care. Jeez. I think you left

soon after and I think if I'm honest most of us thought it was because of ripped trouser or fraction hate until about 10 months later we saw you on

Russell Howard's Good News and realised that's why you left. Thank you both for being such wonderful souls. P.S.

Tom I've watched both series of King Gary in a day and I've been on repeat ever since. All the best, the Llama. Well, Llama, thank you so much for... You know what? Look, I want to just jump in here, bro.

Okay. I want to jump in here, right? And it's easy for me just to give you a bit of a shoo-in there about the lose-yourself thing. Well, I think that ship has sailed. No, no, no, no. I just want to make sure that although the ship is sailing, you a bit of a shoo-in there about the lose yourself thing well i think that ship has sailed no no no no i just want to make sure that although the ship is sailing upon it is a flag that flies very very proudly because i think for all of those children in that class yeah yes you might not have been like the normal boring old math teacher but I think, and I think everyone would agree,

I wish I'd had a maths teacher who tried to make maths a little bit more interesting, a little bit more fun. It's the most boring subject. So for a maths teacher to pull his trousers apart and fucking rap and fucking... For a maths teacher to deliver a song from 8 Mile with his dick out... ..really shows a level of dedication.

I'm just saying most of you know this ex-student of yours sounds like they had a pretty tough time at school and

you know if you can be that one happy memory for that one child who you taught then that's a pretty amazing thing

well it's very kind of you to say Tom does it sound like a happy memory no I think it probably was let me just let me just sort of

quote something, I remember vividly coming to the class that day and thinking what the fuck is going on here I also remember that most of our year coming to the conclusion that teaching maths in our school was making her have a nervous breakdown of some kind

Right, you're just, look, I think she or he fond finally remembers it okay okay and i think there's probably a lot of kids who remember wacky mr raganathan and his unethical ways of doing teaching so um guys welcome to the lesson uh the bad news is we're doing quadratic equations the good news is we're doing it typically for a ranganathan maths lesson a little bit differently have you heard ymca no look man you just that you're a cool guy and i think i i'd imagine that there's a fist bump and a high five for every kid that left that lesson and i you know what i bet three or four of them every now and again are worried about doing fractions or sums and they go back to that moment of lose yourself and mate sometimes the waves that we

create that people are scared of are actually the waves that we ride upon remember that yeah yeah no thank you thanks tom thanks for reaching out there and you do a little grin there because you know you don't really mean anything you just said okay the next email is from i might have to beat that out having sort of quickly skim the email as i've said there i don't really think we should give us no more anyway love the pod even though you promised bonus episodes and i get let down every friday when there isn't one okay that's a fair criticism anyway my girlfriend eats pretty much every food imaginable like she's never been fed before and it really gets to me i've tried saying to her that she eats loudly and it annoys me but then she just sits there all sad and stops eating which then makes me feel bad that i've

even said anything i know the problem is mine but i can't stress enough how loudly she actually eats the whole family's like it and it makes sitting down for a meal extremely hard, as I want to just enjoy a meal without hearing heavy breathing, loud chewing, excessive chomping. None of them know they're doing it, and they've obviously never had anyone comment on it, so they look at me like I'm the weirdo,

and I point out it sounds like they're all gargling their food. Any advice would be appreciated. Keep doing it. Okay, having read this, I don't know what Tom's going to say, but can we, JT, can we beep out the name here? Because I don't know what Tom's going to say but can we JT can we beep out the name here because

yeah yeah yeah I don't feel like this is going to be good yeah yeah for no yeah yeah beep out that one as well yeah as a loud eater uh and I'm a

phenomenally loud eater um I think you're exaggerating I've eaten with you many times and yeah I've never been appalled by the way you ate but anyway

go on no I mean I can now and again if I'm really hungry i chow down i chow down hard you know um but i don't know i think it's a it's a tough one isn't it because i think it's a really amazing thing that your girlfriend enjoys her food and so does her family i think actually what my advice would be is like for you just to fucking get in there and relax with your eating like when you're eating with our family don't do it with everyone because it might make other people uncomfortable and then you become that guy but when you're eating with your girlfriend and you're eating with our family just let your inhibitions go just fucking chow that food brother just stick it in and just do what they're doing like just enjoy enjoy the sort of caveman fucking regal feeling of just being

like henry the eighth and just grabbing a bit of chicken and stuffing into your face and eating with your mouth open like i think that would be the best advice in the world i can give you yeah and just staring at everyone around and like laughing and just sort of like you know just feeling you you know feeling like that you and the food are one we and before you let go of the food maybe that'll be far i don't know i just think that when it comes to eating you know if you eat with lords and ladies and it's all regal and you've got to remember what knife and fork you're using everyone puts so much fucking like like emphasis on that oh god we've got i've got to eat like you know but if you're eating with people who are loud, do the same thing. I think eating should be like running or like dancing.

There's not one type of that thing. There's loads. You wouldn't turn up to a fucking salsa class and start dancing like you're fucking in a ballroom or a fucking hip-hop club, would you? Every kind of vibe is a different thing. And maybe with eating, we should be the same. Let your inhibitions go and fly my friend

hmm er it's very good advice from Tom as always er I feel like I hope you don't mind me saying

**** please beat that one out again erm I hope you don't mind me saying I think you've been a bit out of order man and and

because look I don't know what your relationship's like but this girl is like she's just enjoying her food. She's got that princess. Yeah, and on top of that, you know, her whole family, they eat a different way to you.

So she's eating the way she's been brought up. And I think the change has to come from you, not her. I think you need to find a way to deal with this. I just don't think it's okay to tell people about the way they eat. You know, if it was, if they're like wasting food or I don't know, being rude or whatever,

that's one thing. But I think just somebody eating loudly, we have to eat to survive. Okay. And eating is an enjoyable thing if you love your girlfriend do you really want to put it on her that she has to second guess the way she eats every time she eats a meal with you is that what you want for somebody or do you just want somebody to throw themselves into eating their food and enjoy it uh the way they want to. I just think, man, like,

you've got to put her happiness above yours here and you've got to do something about that. I don't know how you're going to manage that situation, but, you know, we eat three times a day, right? I don't know if you're living together or whatever, but do you want her to not be comfortable every single time she eats in her life with you? Is that really the person you want to be i don't think you do man you sound like a nicer person than that so what i would say to you is you've got to find a way to manage this yourself and the management

of that has to not involve her or bother her at all you've got to figure out a way of doing this because it would be if you were able to figure out a way of doing this because it would be if you were able to figure out a way of dealing with this whether that be i don't know i'm get freestyling this hypnosis or just trying to figure out ways managing this or just being strong about it and ignoring it it would be a wonderful thing that you could do for your girlfriend because she gets all sad and stops eating do you want to be the person that makes your girlfriend sad and stop eating i don't want to be that person so have a think this is incredible advice and i've got to say man that was yeah just to lay on as well you know who i think

would be the person who be like mowgli from jungle book in in what way just wear a little loincloth no but like think about madley right one moment he's eating with the bears and then he's eating with the lions and then he's eating with like the birds and whatever so he he caters in different ways he eats in different ways he learns to eat in different ways he learns to behave in different ways so you don't just behave one way with one animal you have to behave different ways and different and then you yourself become a much more superior you know wider examined human being i lost it on the inside it's a shame that's a shame yeah that's a real shame yeah that's a real yeah i was you know what i was running with a torch then

and i could see you really like clapping me on and then then I tripped over. Yeah. I accidentally set fire to Mowgli's village. Okay. I hope that helps. Can we beep out whenever we mentioned the name, please. Okay. Tom. Yeah.

It's, it's come by quick, but it is about that time for you to... How do you think this episode's gone? I've enjoyed it. If you were to look back on it and review our performance. It felt like a nice wrestle at times, but I've enjoyed it, man. I've enjoyed it.

I've enjoyed just looking at you. You've been absolutely... You look like... You know what you look like today? Go on. You're like a goddamn star. Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.

Sitting on your bed, you genuinely look like... Yeah. You look like the kind of comedian that I'm glad I have as a goddamn star. Thanks, mate. I appreciate it. Sitting on your bed, you genuinely look like, yeah, you look like the kind of comedian that I'm glad I have as a best friend. Wow. That is a really lovely thing to say. Okay. Tommy,

you want to take us out of this ting? Oh, God. What? I suspect, I suspect, I suspect you slightly regret using the Mowgli thing in the advice. But don't worry.

I have more than one pair of shoes. Okay, can run in different styles because life is a game of perception my friends different things are perceived differently for different people for example once one person is walking down the street and it's lashing down with rain and they see a puddle. Some people stand back from the puddle, scared that a lorry might pass and spray the puddle all over them. Some people, however, look down into the puddle and use that puddle as a mirror. Things can be more than just one thing. The lonely seagull that roars down from the heavens to nick your chips, that's annoying, that's frustrating.

But by God, that seagull's hungry. And if you've ever seen an Attenborough documentary you know that it's harder for them to get fed anyway so you are doing a better thing than it may be perceived upon your brain so perception is hard it's always worth whenever in any situation looking as you will always look and thinking how you always think, but then pushing your mind a little further, thinking, hey, the shoot boots on the other foot, how's that person feeling? Where are they coming from? How do they perceive this situation we're in?

When getting a football shirt, perception is a great thing to put across the back because it means not only have you perceived the football shirt, but what wearing it entails. You're a good person. You're a sweet soul. Go perceive the world in so many ways, but keep your vision your own.

That's lovely. I really enjoyed that. I would say to people that I wouldn't endorse getting perception across the back of your football shirt. Yeah. I don't know know i think it would be kind of cool it's quite expensive one person gets that done i'll get it done okay right if you can send a photo in of you with a football shirt that says perception across the back of it tom will get the same thing done and he will actually talking about talking about our first live show. Leads me to talking about, we are making headway with the merchandise

and I know that we are full of hollow promises like a fucking pathetic character from a Jane Austen novel. Wow. Yeah, I know. I'm more red than you would have thought. But we are moving down the road of getting these things going.

And the reason, guys, we have to be honest with you, the bonus episode hasn't happened or aren't happening at the moment. We're both very, very busy. Both of our schedules open up. Oh, my God. Sorry, I wasn't going to go on. But Romesh has, early on in this podcast, talked about the fact he's done no exercise today,

but is now drinking out of what looks like a gallon jug of hydration with hydrate on it like he's done a massive workout oh my god i love you almost reaganathan and everyone who sells in you anyway merchandise is on the way bonus episode probably isn't for a little bit yeah i've probably got a couple of weeks till you finish with the regonathan right wow wow so you've been sticking that on me no no it's been my fault up to now because i've been filming but now yeah we've got another three yeah sure yeah sure yeah um all right love you guys thank you so much for listening

steam heavy but just steam yeah absolutely I actually didn't mind that. Take care. Bye-bye. Peace out. Bye-bye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you,

mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.