Wolf and Owl - Episode 49
Episode Date: November 10, 2021We’re talking… podcast reviews, the return of some scat chat, stag-do’s and the prankmeister general, a new puppy and a phone screen-time challenge. We also answer some of your emails, of course... - this time on back pain, opinions on ‘private time’, and the best way to cook a potato. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze.
And it felt a little like...
life's a trip make the most of it at best western Bust Western. That's an awful howler. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows. Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows.
Fuck the censorship.
Let them see the whole thing.
They stay dressed to kill.
Never sheep's clothing.
Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon.
You'll see nothing.
All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings.
Red spilling and flesh ripping.
Impressive in it.
The death bringing, it's head spinning.
Just kidding.
Every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog That's what I like. I like changing it up. Before we came on here, actually, it's worth just saying that Ramesh decided to unleash a shotgun
of a vibe killer by reading out a review from someone who said...
So, listen, first of all, before we go into this,
we get a lot of very positive reviews.
We thank you for that.
In person and in you know via
various different mediums so
it would be obtuse of me
not to
to acknowledge that yeah and shout out
everyone who said a kind word it means a lot
yo we love you yeah and also
what we're doing here is slightly wrong
because what we're doing is we're giving attention to the
the negativity I found this quite a common
corner I actually genuinely think the writing of this...
I'm going to say this.
For a negative review, I actually think they're sort of hitting the nail on the head, really.
Okay, so the headline of the review is going downhill,
which is, you know, depending on what your perspective is,
that suggests that we were at a high point at some point, right?
So that's good. That's positive.
Started off well.
But after nearly a year of episodes, they tend to...
I'm slightly nervous about reading this
because they've got it so nailed on.
I think we might be about to be unmasked there.
I think the wolf and owl masks that we're wearing might be taken off.
But also, there's not really been a mask.
We've both been quite open that this is genuinely
just two absolute fucking idiots
with massive self-issues
just chatting it out, right?
Just chatting it out,
just shooting a breeze.
There was never a point of this
where there was going to be a moment
where there was a fucking murder
or there was a twist.
There's a plot.
This is very not a plot twist.
This isn't Succession,
which I've just watched
episode four of. Started off well, but after nearly a year of episodes they tend to rehash the same subjects
week on week with barely any planning they drag themselves into depressing over their body issues
talking about expensive fashion items and materialistic nonsense so how they've been
on takeaway food again tom upsets rom Rom spends 10 minutes crying about it.
Rom picks up Tom on the English language and drags him for 20 minutes.
Tom's bought a new tracksuit or a household item,
which I've described in my new detail.
They both tell each other what a special person the other is
and they waffle some terrible advices and poor saps.
There's no reason to fucking start inciting the listeners, mate,
who email into the show and that's it.
It's a shame the podcast had a lot of potential.
I don't know what he means by it or she means,
or whoever it is means about potential.
I think that's probably the big,
the biggest thing I disagree with is if we,
this podcast has potential.
I just don't know what they expected it to turn into.
Like started as two fucking idiots dribbling on where,
and it maintained for me that era of
idiocy
I don't
any point
we were going to
fucking do something
where you went
oh shit
that's what I was
waiting for
it wasn't
fucking lost
lost
yeah
actually
to be fair to us
at least we've only
on a slight decline
we're ending
and we're not that
we're ending
any time soon
but we're ending
better than Lost
did aren't we
yeah did you watch Lost at three to the end no I didn't I'm genuinely worried I'll tell you something we're ending and we're not that we're ending anytime soon but we're ending better than Lost did aren't we yeah
did you watch Lost at 3 to the end
no I didn't
I'm genuinely worried
we've talked about this
I'll tell you something
I'm worried that we've talked about this now
this guy's right
yeah yeah
no but I mean the thing
that I really think
he's absolutely got us
fucking banged to rights on
is depressing about their body issues
we do do that a lot don't we
yeah yeah yeah
yeah because I'm fucking depressed
about my body
I can't I can't
listen
what do you want me to do
this week
suddenly I feel good
about my body
it doesn't work like that
mate
alright
let me just shout out
actually
this week
so this weekend
right
I've been
fucking smashing the ass
out of training
right
big time
big time training
I waved myself
on Sunday morning
looking forward to
like feeling
absolutely like
a don.
I was like, I'm ready now.
I'm going to wave myself first time since I finished filming.
I'd put on five fucking pounds.
Yeah, but do you know what that is?
That's five pounds of fucking muscle, bro.
It wasn't.
It's five pounds of beef.
You've just loaded onto the fucking kebab.
Not to reinforce the dickhead's review,
but I've brought a pair of scales.
Oh, God.
That break down
the different body things
and all that.
And on that,
I put on fat,
not muscle.
I'm going to tell you
something now.
I went to PT
the other day,
in the morning,
before I went to PT.
I weighed myself
before and after a shit.
I assume you've done that.
Yeah, of course.
It's interesting.
So I told, I can't remember how much it weighed,
like what the weight difference was.
But I told my PT, and I don't know why I told,
why would you tell somebody this?
But I did tell him.
And he gave me a weight that was the same weight as shit.
And it was
actually quite substantial you know in the hand like what sort of weight was it it was like four
four pounds or something what's that like in kilograms absolutely let me have a look i'll
look it up um but what i was saying is i was carrying it that around in your stomach yeah
when you bow yeah how did it look, you know, this is really bad.
Have you ever taken,
1.8,
two kilos,
it's two kilos.
Jeez.
I can't have done a two kilo shit,
that's insane.
Do you ever take pictures of your shits?
No,
I do not.
No,
it's weird.
I do not.
And can I tell you something?
Sadly,
there's a couple of WhatsApp groups I'm on,
where that is considered to be a funny thing to do.
And I want to absolutely,
on record, on this podcast now, condemn it.
I think it's horrendous.
I don't find it funny, all right?
And I'm fed up of seeing it.
Look, can I just say one thing?
And I'll text you the picture after this.
No, do not.
I do not.
I took a biblical dump.
Tom, Tom, Tom!
Please do not send me a picture of this, okay?
Man, honestly, when you see it, you'll see why I'm talking to you.
I'm not going to see it.
I'm not going to see it.
I'll show you face to face then.
What, have you put it in a box?
You're going to open a Tupperware container?
This thing was so fucking unreal.
Like, genuinely.
Like, I gave birth to it.
I looked around.
And it was just sitting in a...
I was genuinely like, fucking hell.
So I took a... Is this bad, right right i took a picture of it yes and there was a couple of uh open-minded souls i knew were on set
like when i was filming tom what tom please you didn't show at the at your place of work
if i showed a couple of people right and then not on Wonka. No, not on Wonka. Come on, Sean Cotson.
Walking up to fucking some global superstar and going,
Hey, Timothy.
Yeah, guess what I did this morning?
Look at that.
That's all me.
I've had to do it panoramic.
You can't quite get it in on a normal portrait.
No, no, no.
It was on the curse.
And word spread.
And more and more people are asking to see this picture.
Nobody asked to see a picture of your ship.
Mate, I'd say at least 11 people asked.
Because word had spread.
Classic.
At least 11 people.
Yeah.
And I showed, I filmed this week with a league of their own.
Yes.
Jamie had no interest.
Freddie was dying to see it.
Yeah.
Because Freddie is that sort of guy, isn't he?
Freddie loved it.
Freddie was very proud of me.
He actually asked for a copy of it.
Freddie Flintoff,
my first week on League of Their Own,
I went down to do a little rehearsal.
I came back upstairs,
went into my dressing room toilet,
and Freddie had left a present for me
in my toilet.
It is amazing.
I just walked in,
opened the toilet
there's a massive shit in it
and I thought what's happened there
this must be some sort of hazing on this show
then I went downstairs to get my hair and make up
and then Freddie was just like how's your dressing room
Rob?
how are you getting on in there?
just couldn't help himself, horrible
I hate that kind of shit man
one of my favourite tricks I ever played
I was on a film set, I won't name the film or the people who took part,
but I went into one actor's trailer
and I got some melted chocolate
and I covered the toilet and the floor
with this melted chocolate
and just watched the whole thing play out.
It was one of my favourite things.
I don't think that's a prank.
Why is it not a prank?
A prank is like a very short thing
where you do something and you jump out
and let off a confetti cannon.
Yeah, but this is why you're not invited to a prank.
What you're talking about.
That's not a prank.
No, what you're talking about.
You're talking about two very different things. Yeah, okay, fine. You've never given That's not a prank. No, what you're talking... You're talking about two very different things.
Yeah, okay, fine.
You've never been in a jackass group.
No, first of all,
yeah, I don't want to be in the fucking jackass group.
Honestly, if we were at a jackass board meeting
and Steve-O and fucking Johnny Knoxville...
First of all, they go,
you've got to leave because, unfortunately,
because you're British,
you keep having to say jackass,
which sounds insane.
It's the problem with being British
and talking about that show
is you can't say jackass
because that sounds
fucking mental.
But you also can't say
you also can't say jackass
because that sounds
ridiculous as well.
Jackass.
Just imagine if you walked
into the fucking meeting
and go hello boys
I want to join the team
at jackass.
Jack what?
What's great?
Jackarse.
It makes everyone just sound like a public schoolboy.
Jackass.
Yeah, I'd like to really, really be a part of Jackass, please.
If you're in the board meeting, though,
and everyone's sitting around,
and they're like, you know,
great prank time, that's a great idea.
Okay, Ram, what do you got for us? And you're like um you know great prank time that's a great idea okay rum what you got for us and you're like uh okay here we go uh some people are walking down the street and i leap
out and i've got a confetti cannon and i just shoot it off and then they all look around and
then i run back where i was hiding uh that's my idea they'd be like okay maybe we'll do that idea if we all like i don't know
you're you're quite you're quite a pranky person aren't you i don't mind a prank now and again
i'm like you love a prank yeah like you've got lots of prank stories yeah in my heyday i was
a prankster i was like for a little while i used to call myself the prank master general
yeah okay you used to i mean i
don't know if a sadder thing has ever been said i used to call myself the prank master general
i could tell you what everyone else called you mate
like when i used to go on stag do's i always used to have a couple of little ideas and plans
this is my problem because i don't like stag do's.
What?
I've never enjoyed a stag do, ever.
You are kidding me.
And let me tell you something.
We've talked about stag do's before.
You're exactly the reason why I don't like stag do's.
There's always one person
trying to escalate the fun.
You can't,
if you're sitting having a drink
in the hotel room,
can't fall asleep
because someone's going to stick
a jacket potato
up your arse
and then take a photo
of it
that's the type
of guy you are
I'd love to
oh look who it is
oh look at his
spud arse
spud arse is here
what a spuddy
I'd love to
have tied you up
with toilet paper
that's what I'm
talking about
do you know
the worst thing
is like
I remember going
on a stag do
and there was like one guy I was about to say his name but I didn't I'm talking about. Do you know the worst thing is, like, I remember going on a stag do,
and there was, like, one guy,
I was about to say his name, but I didn't.
I'm learning my lesson.
Okay, now this, hello, a year in,
my guy's making a bit of progress. Yeah, I was literally, his name nearly came out of my mouth,
but I didn't say it.
And we went away on a stag do,
and then there was a thing with, like,
whoever's luggage came out last
had to share a room with him.
He was like, you know.
And my luggage got lost.
So I had to share a room with this guy.
Actually, I got to know him quite a lot.
But he was quite sort of sad.
So he just didn't want to be there.
He was essentially a bit like you, Sam, like you'd be on a stag do.
And then you end up not just having to get in taxis with him.
When we went out for meals, I'd end up sitting there.
I ended up being a stag do carer for this guy.
He was just like so fucking dry.
You know what is, is you are laughing because,
not because of how that guy was,
but because of how much that guy reminds you of me.
No,
because when you said,
when you said he was so dry,
you looked at me as if to say like you,
you dry prick.
And then he started giggling your ass off.
He just,
he didn't want to do anything fun,
right?
He didn't want to do anything fun.
All he wanted to do,
he actually genuinely had like,
he brought a book with him,
put it that way.
Like,
that is like a no-no.
I mean,
like,
you can't take a book
to a stag do with you.
That's,
for me,
that's almost illegal.
How did you find out
he brought a book with him?
I was going for his luggage
to play a trick on him.
Is that true?
Yeah.
I was going to hide all his underwear.
Do you know what I mean?
That is not...
So this poor guy...
Mate, I'd lost my bag.
No, the sore guy that brings a book to a stag do.
So already he's a social outsider.
Yeah, but do you want to hear the thing?
And the reward he gets, right?
First of all, he gets fucking saddled with some bear that's not got any other clothes.
So he's been wandering around with one pair of fucking pants
on the whole stag day.
Absolutely stinking.
Yeah, you know the saddest thing?
I nearly hit his pants and his socks, right?
And then he actually came into the room and he was genuinely great.
He said, oh, look, I know that you've lost your bag,
but if you want to borrow any of my underwear,
I'm sure you can borrow it.
And what did he do?
He said, thanks so much,
and then he went out onto the window ledge
and retrieved it for him.
No, I just said to him, look, man,
I was actually going to hide it, but I'm not now.
And he was just like, all right, why would you do that?
And I was like, just for fun.
And then I felt stupid.
But I did sort of say to
him that's what that's what the problem is with that right it's because you somebody goes to you
why did you hide my why do you want to hide my underwear and socks and then your answer is just
for fun for fun i was gonna hide your underwear and socks but then what's the funny part what's
the funny part of that what happens then, what are you listening to this for?
Wait, who's talking?
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Well, no, because then he's looking around for ages.
So he's looking around, right?
And then what are you doing?
You're sitting there laughing.
Once upon a time, I hid someone's shoes, like going out shoes,
in a minibar fridge, right?
And he spent like ages looking for them and couldn't find them.
Okay.
So you learn two things about him.
He didn't go in a minibar and he wasn't very good at finding stuff.
But for me, that was, you know, I just got a kick out of it.
It's my thing for roommates.
I think it bonds you in a way.
I don't think it does.
I think it just makes you an enemy for life.
Look, in the end, me and this person whose name I won't mention
because I know
that they're still a friend
have walked away
as two kindred spirits.
Yeah, he became
like the bookie guy.
Everyone laughed at it.
Actually, he became accepted
because he was someone
who broke the norms.
No, sure, sure.
It took him a while
to become one of the lads.
He eventually did.
It sounds like a really elite club.
Have you ever taken a book to a stag day?
No, I haven't.
What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever taken to a stag day?
Slippers.
Slippers.
Where was the stag day?
You took slippers, though. That's worse than a book. the steak you took slippers
though
shit that's
worse than a
book
why would you
take slippers
where was it
can I tell you
something I'm
starting to I'm
starting to get
into the idea of
taking slippers
with me wherever
I go
yeah but you're
45 now
that's cool
I'm not
40 I'm not
45
what you're
44 43
43
cool right
okay listen Rob right that's fine your I'm not 45. What, you're 44? 43? 43. Cool, right, okay.
Listen, Rob, right?
That's fine.
Your old father time's catching up with both of us.
Like, I wouldn't...
Let me just say this now, right?
I wouldn't have the same angst around someone who brought a book to a stag do
now as I did when I was in my 20s or even my 30s, all right?
I mean, a stag do in your 40s, what does that look like, do you think?
Oh, man.
I've got one coming up next year.
Have you?
What are you planning on doing?
Well, you know what?
I mean, there's a lot to live up to for me.
How do you mean?
Well, I think stag do-wise,
I did some of my best work on stag dos.
Yeah, but, okay, can I give you a bit?
Can I give, no, listen.
Well, before you make it casting dispersions,
I need you to hear something.
Okay, go on. I need you to hear something. Okay, go on.
I need you to hear this.
At three separate weddings,
I got a call out, right,
during the speeches
about what a legend I was on the stag do.
That's one of the proudest things I've ever said in my life.
The fact that that's one of the proudest things
you've ever said in your life
is what makes that so tragic.
Hey, just think about it, right?
I'm up there with the fucking father of the bride,
the people who spawned and had the sex
that fucking created the bride and groom, right?
I'm up there with the bride and groom.
I'm up there with the best man.
And in one of the situations,
I was actually only just,
I was going out with a girl
who was friends with a woman getting married, right?
So I wasn't even a massive part of the wedding party.
But during this, like, best man speech,
what had you done? What had you done? I was just a really good, I don't know, just part of the wedding party. But during this Best Man speech... What had you done?
I was just a really good...
I don't know.
Just a good laugh, I guess.
Were you about to say I was just a really good bloke?
Is that what you were going to say?
No!
Oh, my God!
Is that what you were going to say?
No, I was going to say I was a good laugh!
But you got a mention in the wedding speech
just because you're a really good bloke.
No!
No, right.
No.
Look, the guy said at that Pacific one, right?
Yeah.
He said, an honourable mention for Mr Tom Davis. No, right. No, look. The guy said at that Pacific one, right? Yeah.
He said,
an honourable mention for Mr Tom Davis,
who kept the fun going the whole of the stag do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And can I tell you something?
Everybody that wasn't on that stag do thought,
stay the fuck away from that bloke.
Do you know what, Tom?
I think I might be speaking... I'm just going to own up now.
I think I might be speaking
from a position of envy.
No, listen.
Stag do's for me...
Right, look.
Do you know,
they're a thing
I'll remember longingly.
And you're right.
I'm 42.
I'll be 43
for my next stag do.
What's that going to be like?
It's going to be...
You know,
it won't be the same.
There won't be...
Can I give you a bit of advice? Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice there? There's a lot of things. I'm going to be like? It's going to be, you know, it won't be the same. There won't be the same. Can I give you a bit of advice?
Go on.
Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice here?
There's a lot of things.
I'm going to pay a big compliment here.
Yeah.
There's a lot of things I've learned about life from you
in our friendship together,
right?
And sometimes,
even now,
just now as we've had this conversation,
I've thought to myself,
do you know what?
Actually,
what's wrong with Tom being a fun guy at a stag do?
I'm being unfair
what i want to just say to you is yeah on this stag do maybe it's better if you don't try and
live up to past glories and just have a nice kind of quiet time because in all the films you know
all films like this where there's some guy what i don't want you to be is sort of like the Vince Vaughn character
who keeps trying to revive this kind of old spirit.
And he's trying to do like the old pranks and the old games
and everyone else is going, oh, my God.
We're just trying to have a nice weekend away at the vineyard.
And you're just kind of getting your dick out of it.
Their talk is Vegas at the moment.
There's a lot of talk of Vegas.
Oh, really?
Is it large Vegas
or sort of quiet, sedate?
Well, I know these guys.
I think they'll go big.
But also,
there's a part of me that,
I guess when I watch
Michael Jordan,
the last time.
Do you reckon you could
swim me an invite to this?
I'd quite like to be
the Zach Galifianakis character.
Well, you'd be more like
Scottie Pippen.
What does that mean?
Well, I'll be Michael Jordan,
you'd be Scottie Pippen.
Actually, they all like you a lot.
They're big fans of your stuff.
So, by Scottie Pippen, you mean the guy that was also on the team
but ended up destitute?
Well, no, you know what?
You know what?
If you turn up, it could be an absolute revelation for me
because, well, me and you, basically, I've got a ready-made,
me and you could be the prankmeisters together.
I'm not going to be the prankmeister with with you what i suspect will happen is i'll turn up and it'll be a weekend in vegas
where i have to walk around naked because all of my clothes have been taken every time i buy clothes
you'll set fire to them or something i wake up at 3am in some like vegas street strapped to a
lamppost with a fucking ice pop up my anus.
You'll post the photo onto Instagram.
Al sitting on his perch.
The perch is a beer bottle you've inserted
into it.
It could be an absolute,
it could be a lot of fun.
If you want, look, I could start work now
on getting you an invitation
you probably have to come out
for the boys Christmas drink
I'm not going to
I'm not going to tag along to that
that would be
much as I'd love to
but I think it's a bit tragic
isn't it
what
to turn up uninvited
to a stag day
I don't think
no if he invites you
I'm not going to try
and now try and like
like it's some sort of
fucking members club
try and blag my way
onto the stag day
mate you know what you could do?
If you treated him to first class tickets to Vegas,
he might then be like,
oh, actually, that'd be quite cool.
Honestly, do you think so?
Oh, God.
That'd be so fucking tragic, right because like we come from a similar area right so people
there'll be a crossover if someone turns around and said did you hear about robin
he pays six thousand pounds to go on a snack
like fucking people like that.
Also,
there will always be people
in the group just going,
fucking,
what's that guy doing here?
No one,
like,
oh yeah,
he's like Tom's mate.
Oh,
they did a podcast.
Yeah,
he brought like
first class tickets
for bloop,
beep,
bloop.
Oh,
hey guys,
hey guys,
bit of a mad one for you,
isn't it?
Because it's like having
the wolf and owl constantly
throughout the stag day. I don't like podcasts, mate. I write a mad one for you, isn't it? Because it's like having the wolf and owl constantly throughout the Stag Day.
I don't like podcasts, mate.
I write a review saying as much on Apple.
Oh, God.
Well, look, when I get married next,
you can organise my Stag Day, mate.
Actually, how is the Swan?
How's the new house?
New house is great.
The Swan is absolutely delightful.
Yeah, really good.
Really good.
Really good.
Oh, mate.
Big news in the Ranganathan house.
Go on.
Last weekend.
Go on.
Puppy was selected.
Wowzers.
Wowzers.
He's going to be with us in three weeks' time.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
Can I ask for some advice?
Man, just love and cherish the little guy or girl. is your dog by the way he's good he's good he's he's um
he's he can't go for too long walks because his wounds are pretty uh pretty bad still but um
is he nervous or is he like he's all right much generally actually um katherine has had like a
it's been terrible for her she's really struggled getting out and like i think it like she she got quite banged up by the
whole thing and it's actually just uh i think because it was all so you know the dog just
came running out of this the hat this house and everything so i think for her it's been quite
yeah quite traumatic so she's actually sort of sort of been a bit less confident about taking them out.
So I've been sort of,
uh,
doing that for short walks and whatever.
But,
uh,
yeah,
it's,
it's,
it's a horrible,
you know,
like,
you know,
I think I mentioned this before,
but the amount of people who've sort of reached out,
it's been very lovely.
And,
but also you realize how many,
how often this happens.
So yeah,
it's,
it's just a matter,
I think,
um,
I mean,
you haven't got to take the dog out for walks.
And also you've probably
you showed me
how big your new garden is
you put that
so
he'll be able to run around there
and get loads of exercise
it's such a horrible thing to do
because you haven't seen my garden
and
so two things there
you've implied I've got a massive garden
that's like a big show off thing
you also suggest
that I'm the type of prick
that would show you that.
That I would get in touch with you
and go, fucking check this out.
I've heard that getting a puppy
is like having a baby.
Is that true?
Yeah, there's a lot going on, man.
There's like, you're going to have like,
you have to toilet train it hard.
But also, it's an incredible time.
It's going to be an amazing time
for the three boys man
like genuinely
they're going to love it
they're very excited
very excited
yeah
it's just yeah
there's nothing better
before we started this podcast
I was just
lying on the sofa
just there with
my dog just watching
Succession
you know he watches TV
my dog watches TV
jar of peanut butter
what?
he watches TV
my dog
he's a proper TV watching dog
I thought dogs can't see can't see 2D images they can they just a proper tv watching dog i thought dogs can't see
can't see 2d images they can they can't see red and green they just can't see red and yeah no
they can see tv images now tvs are so high spec what do you mean now oh now i thought you meant
like dogs that advance themselves no no no tvs are so high spec now they could literally he could
watch one of your shows and then make his mind up and whether he was a big fan of yours or not
of your shows and then make his mind up
on whether he was
a big fan of yours or not.
He can watch...
That suggests
that the advancement
is much more
in the mental abilities
of a dog.
He will sit and watch
a whole football match.
Like, his attention
will be like that.
He'll have a little sleep
now and again,
but most of us do.
Yeah, but I mean,
that's not a big thing,
is it?
I mean, a dog will work
on its own testicles
for an hour and a half,
isn't it?
A dog sitting there...
What are you going to be like, by the way,
with it licking itself and stuff?
What do you mean?
Are you going to encourage it?
Are you going to let him do it on the sofa and stuff?
Are you going to let him sit on the sofa,
get in the bed?
I don't know.
We haven't figured out all the rules for that sort of stuff.
Mate, get those rules in.
Tell me where your dog's allowed to go in your house.
Mate, he goes where he wants now.
But is that because you chose to do it?
That was because you...
Well, at the moment, he's essentially...'s like having sort of you know he's got ptsd and i'm you
know i'm spoiling him a little bit too much uh yeah i mean that he does i'm not a big fan he'll
get a line out but bed if there's a blanket there he comes on our sofa if we put a blanket on the
sofa so we look yeah there's an element of but, let me just say one big bit of advice.
Get a trainer.
Or get a good recall on it.
Really?
Mate, there's nothing worse.
I know so many people who never spent the time getting a decent recall
on their dog.
So it's nothing like taking your dog out, watching it just run,
and enjoy being out in the open space.
But if you haven't got that recall, there's a good chance you won won't cut it or you're going to be one of those people like you
know the guy that that clip that went viral when his dog's chasing the deer and he can't get him
back okay number one there's a fallacy as well don't don't believe this right the leader of the
pack thing right don't try and i know what you can be like don't over dominate i mean i can be
i'm not going to try and dominate what are you talking about no don't try and don't like some people get into their
heads that they have to be like the dog's gonna question the leadership of the household right
so it's usually a male thing men do this more more because men have more issues in that way
right so you'll push you'll go, yeah, he might,
he might do something that you will think,
oh,
he's questioning my,
you know, he's questioning me.
So you'll sort of become like,
there'll be,
you know,
he's not doing that.
He's looking for affection.
So,
you know,
masculinity and sort of like,
you know,
that kind of sort of like show offy sort of vibe won't work with sometimes dogs.
Little smile plays across your face as you drop another little
bit of bullshit onto this podcast no no i'm just saying like look i'm giving you some friendly
advice and put my arm if i'm sitting with you now my arms around you and i'm whispering softly
into your ear okay i'm not i'm not planning on being dominant with the dog but some people do
that's the truth of it i've got no like you can you can go online
and some places
will say that
that's what to do
with a dog
and it's not
yeah
dogs
it's this leader
of the pack thing
they're not wolves
yeah
no you're absolutely right
you're absolutely right
they're not wolves
thank you for your advice
if anybody's got any advice
if anybody's
anybody's got some dog advice
for how to look after this puppy
please get in touch
at wolfhowpod at gmail.com
if you want to
don't send pictures don't send pictures if you want to uh ever like just facetime when
you're sort of with the dog and like just ask for advice i'm here for you buy loads of dog nappies
as well dog nappies yeah did you right here we go you don't put them around their butt or their
private bits you just put them down they're like little blanket things you put down yeah little
mats yeah you have to cover your whole floor in them?
No, no, no.
Well, you can, though.
I mean, that's, you know,
what you should be doing
is training it to go on the mat
and then you take the mat outside.
Oh, I see.
And that's where, yeah.
How long does that take?
It depends what sort of, like,
how intelligent your dog is.
My dog's fiercely intelligent.
I think my dog's probably, like, yeah,
he'd have been, like,
probably a doctor or sort of, like, astronaut, he'd have been, like, probably a doctor
or sort of,
like,
astronaut if he'd been a human.
What are you basing that on?
He's just really intelligent.
He picks stuff up really quickly.
Like what?
Uh,
like,
tricks.
Uh,
if you try and trick him,
he'll,
he'll basically know
that you're trying to trick him off.
So you've been,
so you think he'd be an astronaut
because he's outsmarted you.
That's basically the conclusion.
Yeah,
like a couple of times I've tried to trick him.
But how? What have you done?
So you try and prank your dog as well?
No, no, no.
These are more like, I'll go like, right, so for example,
like at the moment he's on antibiotics, right?
So if you wrap them in cheese, he'd eat them.
He then realised that there was antibiotics and tablets in the cheese,
so he just chewed the cheese off and spat the antibiotics out.
He was like, yeah, a bit like that sort of vibe.
It's like if you tried to get him in the car at times,
he went through a phase where he just wouldn't get in the car.
So you'd throw a treat in the car,
and he'd then just stand up on his hind legs,
pick out the treat and just walk off.
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like someone in the family
is not going to be an astronaut,
if that's the sort of thing you're doing.
It's quite...
Mate, wait till you've got a dog,
then talk to me.
Give it a year and a half.
Okay.
I think you're lucky,
because Lisa's going to be a very good dog owner.
Why are you being like this?
Why am I not going to be a good dog owner?
You'll be a great dog owner,
but you'll probably be a bit hungry.
No, that's what you said.
You said that's why it's good that Lisa's there.
Catherine has done most of the hard work
when it comes to her dog.
Like, genuinely. Who's the one that's responsible for throwing's there. Catherine has done most of the hard work when it comes to her dog. Like, genuinely.
Who's the one that's responsible for throwing the treat so close to the edge of the car
the dog can just eat it without getting in?
No, well, that was me, wasn't it?
You've got to sometimes think...
My relationship with the dog has gone up and down.
Sometimes you really, like...
I know sometimes you just think I'm a bit of a wallow.
But during lockdown, we've bonded more and more.
That's lovely.
It's a lovely thing when you bond with a man.
But you're a great father, so you'll be a great dog owner.
I have no doubt in that.
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Do you let your dog lick your face?
No, I can't get into that.
You know, every now and again, I've seen it a lot on TikTok.
By the way, TikTok has started to become a problem for me, just so you know.
What, you're watching it so much?
All the time.
Really?
Yeah, just like, I just start flicking through,
and then like next thing I know, like 35 minutes, 40 minutes, it's gone.
You know what?
So I've only got a TikTok app on my phone, right?
One of my biggest breakthroughs,
my screen time on my phone was down 13% this week.
That's one of your biggest breakthroughs?
And was that deliberate?
Yeah, I'm just trying to cut down.
It's a fuck fest, man.
I don't need anything more than Instagram and Twitter.
I hardly go on Twitter, but Instagram itself is just...
So what are you down to?
What, 19 hours hours based on how
much you you post a lot on instagram a lot yeah but then i don't look at it as much i used to
how do i re-look at it screen time let me have a look at my screen time actually
i'm gonna see how do you find it i think it's in settings daily daily average at the moment
is
2.52
hours.
That's so long, isn't it? Daily average?
What the fuck? What's your
daily average? Three hours, five
minutes. This can't be right.
Go on. Seven hours, 44
minutes. Jeez, boy.
And that says it's down 40% from last week. Go on. Seven hours, 44 minutes. Jeez, boy. How can that be?
And that says it's down 40% from last week.
That can't be right.
What the fuck is... This can't be right.
Mate, I look at it right.
I mean, it's insane when you look at this.
And Instagram...
I've got a serious fucking problem here.
Instagram, I'm 36 minutes a day on Instagram.
Okay, do you want to hear mine?
Go on.
Netflix is the
biggest one for me.
Yeah, but okay.
You've just broken
the mold a bit.
Are you watching
stuff on Netflix
on your phone?
Then be easy on
yourself here.
Because how long
is Netflix?
Three hours and
three and a half
hours.
Yeah.
So then put it
down to say that's
four and a half
hours.
So you've got to
go easy.
That's still a lot
though.
Yeah. What's your next tiktok 48 minutes instagram 37 minutes so you what's that 33 minutes mate do you know my average on whatsapp four minutes my longest is instagram at 36 minutes
next is twitter at 12 minutes i've really got a fucking problem here man jesus well see what
surprised me is dream team i only did 16 seconds on that today i only looked into my team quite
quickly wow this is incredible i didn't know you could look at this i i i okay i need to look at my
phone less man this time this time next week i'm cutting this all down by 50 right should we should
we both look yeah uh next week, right?
Yeah.
Let's both take a screen grab now.
Mate, TikTok, nine hours.
What, during a week?
Yeah.
That's incredible.
I've got a real problem.
Jesus.
That is madness.
This has been a real eye-opener for me.
Do you know what?
What?
Now you have to look at it and just go, you know, change up, baby.
Okay, guys.
Wolf and Al are going to be reducing their screen time.
This is our new mission.
All right, okay.
Should we do some emails?
Because I need to stop thinking about this because it's...
Jesus, that's unbearable.
Well, let's think about other people's problems for a while.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hello, Shaggers.
Wow, that's a big open yeah my name is i'm not going to say the name uh you
can call me the chimp i'm 24 years old and i've searing back pain i promised my other half it's
all down to our terrible mattress we had to invest in a new one asap she was reluctant and she'd spent
an entire pregnancy on this mattress which of course creates the worst back pain and didn't
think the mattress was adding to her pain she instead suggested i go to a back doctor and have the
pain cracked out of me i declined put my foot down and insisted on buying a brand new 1000
holy shit spent a grand on this thing bed the bed arrived and my back still hurts she was right oh
mate you're having an absolute nightmare how do i tell my partner that i only we one grand down
with a young baby crawling around but that we should also fund me seeing a chiropractor or do i just bite the bullet and
take the pain for the rest of my life cheers for reading p.s can tom send me the picture of his
doppelganger with the bear not in a weird way i'm just very into lookalikes he sent his phone number
as well for you to do that um as much i love you and thank you for listening i'm not gonna
text you do have you you do have boundaries
yeah I do because you know what
I've had my fingers burnt on this
situation well what's happened
someone sent me a while ago on
Instagram oh can you please do me a message
for someone
a friend of theirs had been ill
so I was like yeah cool
I whatsapped them a video of me saying
I hope it gets well soon
and then that started a conversation with this person So I was like, yeah, cool. I WhatsAppped them a video of me saying, I hope it gets well soon.
And then that started a conversation with this person.
He decided to get in touch all the time about anything.
And if I didn't reply back within 12 hours,
he could be very, very aggressive.
So, yeah, I learnt my lesson big style there.
Okay.
Well, can you give the chimp some advice on this situation, please?
Number one, you should have definitely gone and got your back sorted out.
I mean, it's a weird move, isn't it, to go with the bed over just seeing a chiropractor?
You haven't sort of said why you were so anti that.
Well, you know what?
There's someone who suffers from back pain a lot.
Acupuncture's amazing.
A number of back robs I had to give you on King Gary.
Break out some massage oil and just get loose.
Long body.
I find it mad that you went out and spent £1,000 on a mattress
when you could have easily just gone
and at least seen a back specialist to find out what the problem was.
I think in this situation, my brother,
you're going to have to bite the bullet, i think in this situation my brother um you're
gonna have to bite the bullet turn around to your to your wife your girlfriend and and say look matt
i'm really really sorry uh it's not the mattress number one you should both be happy because it's
very very important we spend a lot of time in beds you wouldn't even think twice about spending
that on a holiday that's what a mattress salesman told me once so don't feel too bad if you had a shitty lumpy old number i wonder what the i wonder what a mattress salesman told me once. So, don't feel too bad if you had a shitty, lumpy old
young boy. I wonder what the mattress
salesman's incentive was to say that.
It's weird. You're such a little
snake. You're so happy
with yourself. Sitting there
like with a dog with two dicks.
Just really happy with yourself.
That was such a mock the week kind of
vibe. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, God. Kill me. Why did you ruin it like that? I was having a that was such like mock the week kind of vibe oh god yeah
kill me
why'd you ruin it like that I was having a nice moment there
and then you just kind of ruined it
yeah but brother you need to just
sit your missus down and say
look I got this one wrong
and I'm in serious serious pain
the bed isn't helping
hopefully she's getting good sleep
and hopefully that bed is
sorting her out but uh and then get yourself down uh i would suggest going to see a osteopath
i went and saw a guy and it's completely revolutionized my life i thought i was having
problems with my lower back turns out it was a lot of stress i was putting on my upper back
that since i had some exercises which i'm doing a lot of breathing a little bit
of meditating big teeth back in the house and as loose as a goose feast um a couple of things i'm
going to say to you first of all you need to flip your perspective on this right the way around
you've got yourself a new bed my friend and your wife has just given birth and she's now got a nice lovely comfortable
bed one of the things so let me just tell you something i used to have a thing where when we
first had kids i wasn't sleeping very well you know because the kids get you up and stuff like
that and i remember thinking i need to try and catch up on my sleep and then that feeling carried
on and carried on and carried on and eventually i got to the point where i just thought oh i'm just going to spend the rest of my life
tired right i just realized that was a situation and so what i would do is i would not sleep very
well and then i would get up and i'd go to work and i'd be knackered and so i do have a load of
caffeine to sort of buzz me up and get me through it i have totally changed my attitude
towards this right i have discovered the art of effective napping and i'm telling you now
it's a fucking game changer right prioritize napping if you're tired just a little 20 minute
25 minute thing here or there it will change your life you wake up refreshed you're
ready to tackle the next now listen i realize i'm in a luxurious position of being able to do that
not everyone can do that but i'm saying sleep prioritize sleep that is my message to all of you
all right projects tom's yawning as i'm saying no no it made me think i don't know i don't know
if he's agreeing with me i'm me generally this has been this is like
this is your preach moment and i'm completely with you at this so listen that's a great thing
that you've got a nice bed but yeah the back thing i'm going to tell you now if you don't
get that sort of don't know you're 24 you don't get that sort of don't know you're looking at
dealing with this for the rest of your life and you don't want that. And the thing is, if you try and continue to live with your back pain,
the side effects of that is you're going to be snappier with your misses. You're not going to
be as sort of patient with your kid because when you have like an ongoing pain like that, that sits
in the back of your head this whole time, you can't be a hundred percent. Your attitude's not
a hundred percent. Your general kind of demeanor is not 100 so do yourself a favor
take yourself to an osteopath and you do you that's nice advice man yeah i mean i just copied
you a little yeah yeah but the actual stuff about the napping was very interesting okay great i
actually would love i think that'd be quite a nice thing if you take little videos of yourself napping
and put it up on social media.
One of my biggest bugbears
is people that post photos of themselves asleep.
Yeah, I know.
It's such a douchebag thing to do.
I hate it so much.
I cannot stand it.
That's fine.
I absolutely cannot stand it.
That is one of the things
I automatically just fucking hate someone.
Mate!
There has to be a lot of goodwill
in the bank
for me to still
like somebody
that means one of two things
you're taking a selfie
of yourself
sleeping
or you're
you've got someone else
involved in the
scandalous act
of going
hey um
is it right if you just
just sort of
I'm going to close my eyes
and return them to sleep
can you just take
take your fish
or or
even if they've taken a photo of you
asleep
the decision to post it
unless something's
spilt on you
or your
your doobay's on fire
or something funny
you can tell the difference
by the way
of someone who's
properly fucking asleep
catching some Z's
and someone who's
fucking
that's by the way
a great stag do prank
that's right back
right
catching someone
properly asleep on a stag do.
That's going up on Instagram.
And that person will go,
oh no,
please don't put that picture up.
Don't go,
oh yeah,
stick it up.
That looks cool.
Because everyone who does those pictures
always has this sort of melancholy,
angelic,
angelic sort of face of like,
and that's not how people look when they're like,
yeah,
sort of little smirk almost on their face.
I know.
How you actually sleep is just mouth open, drool.
Mate, when you're actually really asleep,
genuinely you look like you've taken a right hander
off someone like Mike Tyson.
I'm a really ugly sleeper.
I'm a disgusting sleeper.
Oh, it's horrible.
I imagine that Lisa sometimes looks across at me,
sort of asleep and just thinks, oh, God, how did this happen?
Yeah.
Look at him. I hope he stays like that.
The only peaceful sleep I'll ever have is the last one. Up until then
it's a loud
fucking, yeah, like genuinely
like some kind of fucking farmyard animal.
Yeah, I'm really bad.
I'm really bad. Do you I'm really bad. Yeah.
Do you snore?
Are you a snorer?
I didn't think I did,
but Lisa's told me occasionally
I have to.
Yeah, I sometimes snore.
It's like, yeah.
It's genuinely
one of the most
off-putting things.
Guffing and fucking snoring.
No.
Did you find it funny
saying guffing there?
Because you sort of
laughed off you said it.
Is that the first time
in a while you...
It's the first time in a while you've said it, isn't it? I haven't said guffing for a while. Who's done a guffing there because you sort of laughed off you said it. Is that the first time in a while you said it?
I haven't said guffing
for a while.
Who's done a guff?
Okay.
I hope that helps.
Chimp, good luck.
This is from,
well,
if I tell you it's from,
it sort of gives away
the content of the email.
So,
Dear Swan, Wolf, Owl and Humble Cat, I'm in a relationship with a partner it sort of gives away the content of the email, but so dear Swan,
Wolf,
Al and humble cat.
I'm in a relationship with a partner who I love and think the world of and
promote honesty.
Although one lie was kept in our relationship,
the activity of personal time.
I never told my partner would speak to my friends about this.
And they would also carry out the activity secretly planning to poo or having
a bath must be common,
but I believe,
do you know what they're talking about? Yeah but i believe honesty is the key so i came out to my partner to such relief
she replied she also does a secret activity and also her friends do too i wondered whether you
find folk carry out this activity and whether by doing this is offensive to your other half
you're sincerely the wanking monkey is he basically asking do we like knocking one out
i guess that's what the question is is it normal to be wanking i guess he basically asking do we like knocking one out i guess that's what the
question is is it normal to be wanking i guess is the question well yeah i mean i guess to i mean he
sounds like he really likes to go in but i mean i guess to a certain level that's going to happen
right i mean i don't think it's abnormal i'm gonna i just want to unpack this a little bit, okay? Because, first of all, the swan chooses the emails, as we know.
And this email...
There's somebody asking us if we wank.
And I can't help feeling that the swan maybe felt like
I've been taking too long in the shower,
and she's trying to divulge... She found an old rugby sock under the bed.
Yeah, a little crispy bit of cotton under the...
Have you talked to Catherine about wanking ever?
No, not really. It's not something that we...
Do you think that Catherine believes that you masturbate?
Yeah I think she probably does
yeah I mean
I don't know
I think it's
I think that
in its very essence
the fact it's been called
a private moment
I think is
something that
is sort of
a private moment
but I think
yeah I mean
I think everyone just assumes
that that's what people do right?
Have you and Lisa discussed it in any depth?
No.
Really?
No, we haven't.
Yeah.
And we kind of talk about everything,
but we've never talked about that.
So I don't know, maybe that's a problem.
I've never really talked about it.
Do you think she, because I know you, you love a wank.
I just did that for effect. I wanted to see your face.
Yeah, go on.
I just love it.
I just love it.
That was your role within the stack, Dave.
Oh, yeah, yeah, get him along.
But you know he loves a wank.
Oh, he loves a wank.
You had him back.
You had him back earlier?
Get yourself sorted out, mate.
You had a Wi-Fi and hotel shit, mate.
Just before you head off.
Oh, fuck's sake.
But listen, you know, in all honesty,
I don't wank ever.
So...
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
You're a gentleman.
And, yeah, I just think... I think some're a gentleman and yeah I just think
I think some things
are just
yeah
yeah
keep that
on the down low
or whatever
I don't really know
what the question was
what I haven't asked
is if the swan does
yeah yeah
that'd be interesting
to know
yeah
maybe that's a question
you should ask her
instead of
announcing on the podcast
I think I'll ask her
rather than speculating openly on this podcast
that she's going to listen to down the line.
Oh, God.
Anyway.
Wanky monkey.
I hope that's sort of it.
Just text her now what you're up to.
Just read the second email that you put in. What are you up to just read the second email that you put
in oh god anyway i hope that helps i don't know that it helps you just sort of intrigued
wolf owl swan this is from the honey badger wow second honey badger we've had one of these before
honey bad is quite a popular animal isn't it because evidently yeah well no have you watched the youtube videos about the honey badger no oh
maybe i did yeah yeah it's like a proper hardcore animal uh wolf owl and the swan how is the skin
of a potato so strong a baked tatty and a roast taste so different yeah basically the same what
you do is peel and boil for about five minutes and they taste so different also if you're a potato
how would you want to be cooked?
Has this blown your mind like it did mine?
Thanks for keeping us all entertained.
The Honey Badger.
Maybe my favourite email of all time.
I was literally about to say,
I don't know why this one's chosen this email.
I really like this one.
It's out there.
Okay, go on.
Straight away, I don't think there's a more noble and satisfying way for a potato to be cooked
than to be roasted.
I think, yeah, I think to be roasted is an honour
if you're amongst a potato family.
I think, yeah, if you're sitting in a bag of potatoes
with your brothers and sisters and your kin,
and, you know, a few of them are dragged out to just make a simple mash,
you're like, oh, fucking hell.
You know, if you can make it through to Sunday and you're in a big bag of potatoes you know you've almost yeah you've won
i guess and that's the uh that's the biggest honor i think that could be bestowed upon any of us it's
almost like winning an oscar or being knighted or whatever um so yeah uh i'd love to be roasted
um so in answer your question that is that is how tom davis
says he likes roast potatoes that that is how long that takes for him to say that
question she asked how we like to be cooked listen can i tell you something
mashed potato i can't believe you insulted mashed potato like that
no you you you cast aspersions on mashed potato
just now in your answer, bro.
Mashed potato is delightful.
When you get it nicely whipped up,
all like pomme puree style.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That is comfort food.
Right.
Here's, yeah, I'd go, right,
roast potato, jacket potato,
triple cooked fries.
Then I'd probably go mash mash then you've got like
a fondant potato saying posh that's just too you're never had it never incredible bit of kit
man if you can do them but they get sport incredible bit of kit but it's sixth on your
list yeah but mate you know what sits there because a lot of time people fuck up and they're
not you know right so i don't think that's really fair. You're not comparing like for like then, are you?
Fondant potatoes are normally amazing,
but people mostly fuck it up.
So shit fondant potatoes here.
Right.
Do you know what's bottom of the list?
What?
Boiled potatoes.
Yeah.
Fuck boiled potatoes.
Boiled potatoes, yeah.
Why does anybody do that to potatoes?
What are you doing?
You've got to get it...
What are you doing?
Would you...
If you went to someone's house
and they gave you boiled potatoes
what would you do
just what
just a plate of boiled potatoes
no no
if they gave you a meal
and the potato
was boiled
I'd take that
as a slap in the face
why would you take it
as a slap in the face
if I went to someone's house
and I looked upon the table
and they just boiled a potato
I'd be like
alright
oh this is let's enjoy
this last meal together as friends.
Yeah, I would do that.
I would say, if somebody boiled potatoes when I went round, I'm not going round for dinner
again.
I wouldn't talk to them again.
I would get through the meal.
Would you tell them what you were doing?
I would get through the meal.
Would you eat the potatoes?
Maybe I'd try them to see what the fuss is all about.
But I tell you what,
at the end of the meal,
I'd be turning around
and I'd say,
oh, see ya.
Bye, good luck with the rest of your life.
You'd say good luck
with the rest of your life?
Maybe.
And then what if,
okay, let's role play this.
Yeah.
Tom, thanks so much.
Thanks so much for coming around for dinner.
Yeah, cool.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Well, yeah.
Thanks for having us.
We should do it again sometime.
Maybe you came to us this time. We should come to you. Cheers. Well, yeah. Thanks for having us. We should do it again sometime. Maybe you came to us this time.
We should come to you next time.
I think, you know, on the basis of effort put in, maybe.
How do you mean?
Well, I thought the meagre offering of boiled potatoes
was quite frankly offensive to me, my wife,
and everyone else who was here.
Oh.
Yeah, I think it's, yeah.
The rangonassons left early.
I'm sorry you feel like that.
Why didn't you like it?
Because boiled potatoes.
Yeah.
Yes.
There's no effort put in there.
There's so many different things you can do with a potato
and you've not just mugged everyone who sat at that table off,
you've mugged the potatoes off as well.
But we just felt like we were doing a fresh kind of spring meal
and boiled potatoes are kind of the best way to, didn't want anything you were being lazy you couldn't
be bothered to do anything with any more oh well i think that's a little bit unfair tom well i think
i could be more unfair we served it with a we served it with a wagyu steak despite my veganism
i wanted to sort of make you feel yeah welcome yeah which if i'm going to be really really that
wasn't a wagyu steak that was a supermarket steak that you dressed up.
And if you applied the same thing with the potatoes,
you'd still have a friend in me.
So God bless you, good night,
and, yeah, good luck with the rest of your life.
But you actually, I thought, were you not staying over then?
Well, no, we were going to, but now we're going to get a taxi home,
which is going to cost me.
What about the, are we still going to do the podcast?
Well, yeah,
because it's quite lucrative now.
Yeah, I mean, as
role players go, I would argue that it needed an ending.
But I got the idea.
Once upon a time, I almost
left the barbecue because he didn't have brioche buns.
Friend of mine.
I found that a real trouble as well. Brioche buns friend of mine i found that a real trouble
as well brioche buns i think now it's too fat at the time it's probably 2014 15 brioche buns
were just coming out and by god they took the world by storm yeah once you've had the salty
meat in a sweet bun you will never look back my friend um or even oh actually let me just shout
out something by the way while i'm here and'm digressing and I'm dropping some truth bombs.
Let me explode another one.
Costa Coffee at the moment are doing a vacant role that is unbelievable.
Okay, Tom, can I tell you something?
Genuinely, I was going to mention on this podcast,
I think that role is a piece of shit.
What?
Are you joking me?
No.
What?
I was going to complain on this podcast about it.
Mate, I had one the other day.
I know you're talking about
the vegan bacon bat thing,
aren't you?
I loved it.
In the brioche bun.
Yeah.
It's horrendous.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Let me tell you my problem with it.
Go on, hit me.
The bread to bacon ratio,
unacceptable.
There's too much bread for bacon.
I kind of make you right on that, yeah.
Yeah.
Secondly, it's £3.95. It's too much bread for a I kind of make you right on that, yeah. Yeah. Secondly,
it's £3.95.
It's Trumpy.
But you vegans are out.
That is ridiculous.
Yeah, but you vegans are out.
That's a vegan thing, man.
What do you mean?
That's a vegan thing.
Well, you've outpriced
yourself in the market,
haven't you?
What do you mean outpriced?
How have I made that
£3.95?
Because you're always
quite sort of like,
there's nowhere else
you can go and get
such delights.
What we need to do is start pushing this kind of agenda
so more and more people are doing it.
Yeah, but that's exactly the opposite of what people want from vegans.
People are always going on about how vegans go on about too much.
I'm going to shout out now.
Let me just shout out.
I've even made a note.
I had some fucking fake chicken the other day.
This isn't chicken?
No, it was taste and glory. Have you had chicken? No, it was Taste and Glory.
Have you had it?
No, never.
Incredible.
Yeah?
Generally incredible.
At the moment,
everyone's big in the game.
There's a lot of incredible
fake meat knocking around,
right?
I really enjoyed that.
But then, do you know what
I did this morning?
I made a faking sandwich,
a faking brioche roll,
and I added more.
But then my whole house
stank of frezzles for... At first, I kind of liked it. That's not a bad thing, is it? Yeah, but But then my whole house stank of frezzles for...
At first,
I kind of liked it.
That's not a bad thing,
is it?
Yeah,
but for 12 hours
it stank of frezzles.
It still stinks of them now.
Right,
well,
look,
I hope we answered
your question,
Honey Badger.
Take care of yourself.
Tomo,
it's about that time,
my G.
I would love
for you to do us
the honour
of taking us out
yo hey guys
as the nights draw in
and the stars begin to shine
and the moon seems brighter
than it ever has
I want you to do one thing for your old friend Tom Davis
and your friend Romesh Ranganathan
I want every now and again
you to spy a little look at the moon
peering down at you.
And I want you to do a little dance.
You don't need no music.
All you need is a feeling of rhythm and freedom.
Someone once told me and it became a meme
and something that people put up on their Instagram pages
of like dance like no one's watching.
I don't entirely believe that. I think of like dance like no one's watching I don't entirely
believe that I think you should dance like
everyone's watching because dancing
is enjoyable and it's free
and it feels
good so I'm not asking
you to be Fred Astaire
or Anton Debeck or one of the other ones from
Strictly I'm just saying
let your limbs go
and for just for a few seconds let the air take you
and be you you got this really nice really really nice tom and i really had to dig for that one
because i was still sort of kind of wired up about the potatoes mashed potato okay listen I want to do a
I want to do a survey
on this
yo
hit it up
can you get in touch
wolfoutpod.gmail.com
favourite way
to eat potatoes
as always
sending pictures
of you eating
your favourite potato
do not
do not
do not send pictures
I would love to know
just on the
roast potato front
anybody that's got
a great way
of making them
one of your best friends sitting right here has I'm an incredible roast potato front. Anybody that's got a great way of making them. One of your best friends
sitting right here has.
I'm an incredible
roast potato chef.
Do you add Marmite?
No, I've never done that.
That's some good shit.
Add a little bit of salmonella
or a bit of white flour.
Salmonella?
What did you just say?
Thanks for listening, guys.
See you next time what am I thinking
oh my god
oh my god