Wolf and Owl - Episode 51

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

We’re talking… camouflage fashion, dealing with unruly pupils, sixth form proms, Tom’s calamitous time in the Scouts, an embarrassing fall for Rom and Mustaffa the lion. Then a few of your emails, this week about a revelatory hack to reduce phone use, advice on helping out a nephew and comparing morning routines. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit tresemme.com to learn more. It's Tim's 60th anniversary and Roll Up to Win is back. Roll your way into prizes like coffee, donuts, and even $60 Tim's gift cards! Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply, Canada only, no purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. What you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to call the Wolf and Owl podcast. Yo, you're listening now to the Wolf and Owl. A little bit of chat, a little bit of emails, a little bit of the same thing every week according to one. I hope you enjoy. You know what I'm loving today is the camo vibe that's spilled out onto my screen yeah i don't know about this because i've gone camo hoodie camo hat is it a bit matchy matchy yeah you look like um the uh the guy who's always chasing the 18th

i can't remember his name now general pilcher doesn't like that well let's answer that question about whether i look good no no you did no you look sick. You hold it well. But that's what it might be. Yeah, but nobody's gone, nobody goes oh, do you know what? I just want a man who's sexy like the guy that chases the A-team. Or you look like one of the extras from MASH.

Okay, okay. I'm already getting an idea of what you're going to be like. No, I'm just saying. You know, sometimes, when I used to be a teacher, one of the things that used to affect how the kids behaved is if it was really windy outside, there would be a nightmare. And you'd get a nightmare. I don't know.

I don't know, mate. It's just something about the wind that gets them all worked up. Well, is that a scientific thing? I don't know if it's scientific, but it's a commonly accepted sort of perceived wisdom amongst teachers that if it's windy outside, the kids will be badly behaved. Oh, my, that is incredible. And I would say the way you've come into this podcast,

it's like it's windy outside, is how I'd describe it. But that is genuinely one of the most fascinating things you've ever said. That's one of the most fascinating things I've ever said. No, no, just the thought of you and all the other sort of, like, teachers. Oh, no, let me just stop you there. Let me just stop you there. Let me just stop you there. Let me just stop you there. I know what you're about to do, okay?

You're about to go, you know, you're going to walk into the staff and go, oh, no, it's a bit windy out there. We could have a nightmare in the classroom. Something like that. Is that right? No, I was going to actually say, I was going to turn around, right, and paint it. Look, the thing about

i see what you've done right you've counteracted what i was gonna do that is what you were gonna do though isn't it yeah there's a version of that i was i'd have painted the scene a little bit more let's hear your version okay it's the end of break time right you're just going to the toilet in the uh like do you share a toilet with the kids or do you have like your own staff one of the things that schools famously do is allow the teachers to use the same toilet as the kids yeah yeah that that way do you know what increases court cases and shit like that what the fuck are you talking about why would why would teachers be using the same toilets as the kids are you mad you know what if if i'd ever known a teacher was going to be in the toilets when i was a kid

and he was having a poo i would definitely have got the wet toilet paper and thrown it over the top when i was a teacher um there was one toilet one staff toilet that not like they built a new block near my offices and um they there was just a toilet that they put in there that none of the other teachers knew about. So I effectively had my own private toilet to go and have a shower. Wow. It was one of the highlights of my working life, knowing that that toilet was there.

It was just incredible. Nobody else knew about it and I didn't mention it to anybody. Did you have your own office when you were a teacher? Well, I was head of sixth form, so yeah, I had my own office. I didn't even know you reached those dizzy heights. Yeah, I did. Oh, yeah. Oh, mate.

Head of sixth form's like the easiest one as well. So sixth form, something like that. No, head of sixth form is very different to being the other head of year because you're not really – I mean, you do have to deal with a bit of behaviour management, but most of it's kind of – Yeah, but most of the time – the thing about sixth form, mate, is I realised I didn't go to sixth form but the people who stayed on were the people who really loved school and wanted to be there like every other year no you're gonna get it's not true

really that's true for some of them a lot of them were just doing it to avoid kind of their parents said you've got to stay on so they stayed on i'd want we had one kid right who um this asian kid who was like just, who stayed back. And obviously, I don't want to generalise too much, but Asian parents have this expectation that you're going to go to college, you're going to go to uni and whatever, right? So a lot of these kids aren't suited for that. They shouldn't be doing that.

But because that's the expectation, they end up doing it, right? So there's this one kid who stayed on sixth form and he was just like fucking about left, right and centre. Like every teacher was coming and complaining to me, this guy's a nightmare, this guy's a nightmare. So I called him in and I said, look, this is a problem. I'm going to write... Was it a leather jacket moment?

Yeah, turn the chair around. Tell me why are we so blind to see? I can imagine all the kids walking around going, oh my God, Mr Ranganathan's got his Jordans on today. He's going to tell someone off. Now listen, listen. Let me lay down a few facts for you about this current situation. So I said to him, you're going to have to... All your hair all slicked back like michael collier i just shaved head did you really

yeah number two all over oh wow and a beard yeah but like a little sort of uh color me bad 90s r&b beard i mean like oh my god really are you serious'm serious. That's like a step up from a goatee. Oh, God, you look really sort of disappointed there. Because I thought you'd be like, I don't know, I've always thought of you as being like walking around the school, being like the kind of like sort of cool unkempt teacher, like sort of the only one, like the headmaster might have to turn around and go,

Mr Regan, I think, can you tuck your shirt in, please? It sounds like you were pretty trim and sort of like trying to be cool. Trust me on that. I wasn't trim. No, but you were trying to be sort of like, you were quite sort of like smart and sort of dapper in a way. Stush. That's the word you're looking for. Yeah.

Yeah. One of my problems, actually, speaking of shirts tucked in, is I just didn't. Now I think I was probably wrong. But at the time, I just thought the kids uniform was so I was probably wrong but at the time I just thought the kids uniform was so low down on my list of things that I gave a shit about but we had to you had to maintain you know if you got spotted walking past kids without telling them to smart enough if they weren't smart that was a bad thing I mean you had to constantly be beyond them to tuck their shirts in and stuff like that and I get I get it, but at the time I didn't care.

Anyway. I remember teachers being like that to me when I was at school and thinking, you look like fucking, you look like diarrhea dog shit. Wow. You're like smashed to fucking. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That wasn't scruffy. Diarrhea dog shit.

No, but all like fucking splattered and unkempt. Right. Do you know what I mean? I remember looking at them and thinking, who the fuck, why are you telling me to smarten up? Take care of your own order first. Yeah, sure.

Did you say that? No, just sort of usually just laugh and go, yeah, whatever. Oh my God. And then what, look at your mates for sort of approval. Did you see what I said to him? He asked me to tie my shirt and I said,

yeah, whatever. Yeah, we heard Tom. We heard Tom. He's usually playing on my own with toys in the car. Yeah, we heard, Tom. We heard, Tom. I'm usually playing on my own, like, with toys in the car. Anyway, there's this kid that was, like, messing around, right? And I sent a letter home to his parents, to his mum. Oh, my God. What are you doing?

Tom, Tom, I'm the fucking head of sixth form, bro. I'm not, like, what? Seriously, right? Yeah, what? I respect and love you with an infinite amount. This is the first time I'm not like... What? Seriously, right? Yeah, what? I respect and love you with an infinite amount. This is the first time I'm going to say this. Come on, man. It's a pussy move.

So what should I do? Beat the fuck out of him? What do you want me to do? No, get him in the room and just fucking thrash it out, man. No, I did thrash it out. I did thrash it out. Please, you need to bloody help me. I can't deal with it anyway so obviously I'm a pussy

because I sent a letter home I said I'm fucking beating him up in my office you should have sat down and gone what's going on with you bro do you know what Tom this is exactly how I know you've never fucking worked in a school the idea this is fucking

absolute this is what people that don't work in education so do you know what i don't understand about teachers though just sit down have a face-to-face chat with them get it sorted doesn't fucking work like that all right so anyway what i did turns out didn't work either right i sent a letter home right he's carried on fucking about i sent another letter home he carried on fucking about i then sent a letter home saying if a teacher complains about him again i'll ask him to leave sixth form all right send another send that letter home he continues fucking about so i call i call he's testing you bro yeah so i call his mum in right into the into the office she brings a neighbor because she doesn't speak English, right?

And she brings a neighbour with her to be a translator. Sits down with me and basically what has happened is his mum cannot understand English, right? So when the letter's been coming home, she said, what does this letter say? And he's told it's,

he's been receiving a commendation for his... Oh my God. Oh my God. he said, what does this letter say? And he's told it's, he's been receiving a commendation for his. Oh my God. Oh my God. So every letter that came home, he said, oh my God, it's another thing from Mr.

Reagan. I feel sick for him. So brilliantly I'm doing it. I'll tell you what, that boy is a legend. Yeah. I was, I was actually impressed. Yeah.

I'm like, I wish to God like now that, you know because my parents had like no sting for for me at all during school like if a letter came through the door they wouldn't even have to open it my mum would be shouting down upstairs like what the fuck have you done now like i had such a low bar of like what i was like what was like i was on report nearly the whole of my school life. But what this kid's done, I'm like, that kid literally,

I could just imagine you being like, oh, I'm going to send another bloody letter home and see how you like that. And he's like, oh no, please don't. And then he's like, oh my god, if only this guy knew. Anyway, that day I kicked him out. You kicked him out of 6th floor?

You didn't give him any credit for his... Sorry mate mate well done for mistranslating to your poor mother to your poor immigrant mother that can't understand english yeah oh yeah you can stay well done you little tinker okay you win this one no i fucked him off mate you should have got him in the office and turned around and said listen young man right if you showed as much intelligence and verve with like your school work as you have with dealing with me i think you could be the like you could be operating a mass company one day listen i probably could have said that to him the thing is what it's not that he was useless it's that he didn't want to do a level do you know what i mean like he yeah i'm not saying he wasn't intelligent i'm not saying he wouldn't go on to have a great future.

But he didn't want to do what he was doing. Do you ever think about him? No. I wonder what he's doing now. No. Listen, a lot of those... I was being deliberately being a prick there. A lot of those interactions you have, you do think, now, even now, every now and again, I think,

fuck, did I get that one right? Did I do that? If you bumped into him in the street, like now, how would you handle that? Well, the truth is, I've had... I've bumped into people I kicked out of sixth form a few times. And I would say... Well, I've had a couple of them say, oh, you kicked me out, and they're sort of being a bit...

sort of a bit shitty about it. Most of them, I'm not lying now, genuinely, most of them say to me, it was exactly the kick up the backside I needed. I wasn't enjoying it there. I was just floating through. And I went on to do something else that I much preferred doing.

And when you feel that, do you feel like a sense of pride within yourself? No, I don't. Really? Well, I'm happy for them that it worked out. But the truth is, I didn't. You make your best estimate, don't you? There's no science to it.

You just sort of think, I hope that this is the right thing I'm doing. So when they say that... I would always be back in like the underdog. That would be my thing if I was working at a school. What does that mean? Well, I'd always be like, you know, all the good kids I'd just let on, get on with their shit.

But I'd be like, you know, I'd be going, look, you've got something in you, mate, that you could smash life. I think that that would be i'd probably care too much and no you're right i didn't care you're right you're right no you're right i worked i worked in teaching for nine years you didn't do a single fucking day and you're the one that cares about kids you're right no you're right i'm such a prick you're absolutely right, what I'm saying to you, if you listen to me, I can imagine you were like fucking lurking about our homework club, like with all the boffins, right?

And you're all like, oh, yeah, we'll go to school camp and whatever, right? I'd have seen like the little bit, the diamond in the rough and gone, I think there's a chance here. Because I was that diamond in the rough, you know? Oh, God. there's a chance here because I was that diamond in the rough you know oh god yeah I'm sure I'm sure you would have done

I'm sure you would have done did you have to do the bit at the end where you did like give the certificates out and shake everyone's hand no graduation

no well we went I used to get a six-fold prom obviously to like say goodbye to all the sixth formers. Oh, my God. What? Did you get dressed up?

We had to. I wore a tux. You didn't, did you? You have to. Everybody's wearing a tux. That's how it was. What do you want me to do? Did you do it?

Rock up in slacks. Did you DJ or anything? No. Did you DJ? Listen, what I would say to you, genuinely, I'm not just saying this, I would always play the background in it. Because, obviously, it's not my night. Do you know what I would say to you, genuinely, I'm not just saying this, I would always play the background in it, because obviously it's not my

night, do you know what I mean? I would turn up in the tux to be there to say goodbye to the kids, but it's their night. There were some members of staff that would get on the mic, do you know what I mean? I don't want to say, because they probably listen to this, but

there were some members of staff that would like sort of go up and, you know, address the crowd. Some people would do like poems about what they thought about.

Oh my God. Fuck. Like, how would they turn up? that would be like, I think that's a real, you've had a right record haven't you?

If you're waking up on the day after the school prom and you're like oh no that poem that I wrote and also the other thing that happened

is a lot of staff would get pissed because the sixth formers would be like they want to buy you shots and say thank you for the year and all this shit

they're all like 18, 19 and you've just got to be careful mate I used to see like see how members of staff stumbling out of the sixth form prom.

It was so embarrassing, man. Jeez. That's, I'll add to you again, that you've, you've, you've reinstated your,

my respect for you there. What do you mean reinstated? What's happened? I've done nothing wrong. By the way, I stand by everything I've talked about here. But for some reason,

for some reason, what I've done has upset you. As I kicked out a kid that didn't want to be in sixth form out of sixth form. That's like, Oh no, you know what I would have done? I would have polished that diamond. I would have found a shine in him.

No, you fucking wouldn't. Right. He wasn't supposed to be at sixth form. Okay. That wasn't the right place for him. All I'm saying is this. look,

all I'm saying, yeah, okay. And what I'm saying to you now, right, is I respect you more because I thought you were going to say, oh, then like,

you know, it got to the six, four prom and I do one of my raps and I like have a laugh with everyone. And I was like, I actually, I respect the fact that you didn't do that. Yeah, I didn't.

You're talking like you, you think I did and I'm lying about it. No, no, I will say this. Yeah. We have had evidence on this podcast of you rapping and stuff. That was in a lesson.

That was in a lesson. No, no. But, yeah, in a lesson, it's a more of, like, you know, a lesson is slightly, it's less outrageous doing a rap at the school prom than it is. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. My only sequence of events is, do you know what I thought of this week?

I was out taking the dog out for a walk and I saw some scouts. Were you ever in the scouts? No. My mum pushed me into the scouts. Like, insisted I went to the scouts. That says a lot about what you were like as a child. So go on.

How long were you a member of the scouts for? About, on and off for about two years. On and off? I'd pop in and out, yeah. If I... Oh, no, you didn't leave the Scouts and then occasionally pop back in to say hello to the old crew, did you?

Yeah, a little bit. What have you been up to? I've been up to school. That literally is a fucking 13 year old, 12, 13, you've done nothing else in your life. I thought you'd left. Yeah,

I did for a little bit, I got grounded and shit, but I thought I'd come back and give it another go. So you guys, you guys are still here doing the same old things? Well,

as the count getting up as the 10th building. Oh, you're still working on that knot, are you? I'll smash that out as well. No,

do you know, I never got any badges. Really? Oh no, why? I never got any badges really oh no why because i was just really bad at stuff yeah but aren't there badges for like you know correctly assembling like a fire or something you don't have to lie yeah but i was never really good at anything like that which i was my heart was everywhere i used to like the chat i used to like the banner right so there's no banter badge in the scouts or like being a being a friendly scout or anything there's no bad i'll tell the Scouts or like being a friendly Scout or anything.

There's no badge. Well, I'll tell you what. So our main Scout leader, so obviously like, but we had a guy called Sucky, right? Oh, no. Please, that can't be real. It was.

Your Scout leader was called Sucky? Yeah. Fuck off. I swear he was. Right. And he was like, he was as you could imagine, he was as you could imagine he was as you could imagine those scout leaders are right very like professor like classes yeah yeah well yeah i mean they're one of the same right um like your mom said i want you to get a scout and your dad your dad went

do you know what i've heard a bit i don't know about scouts you know it's like is it a bit weird and then you turn up and you go i want my son to join scouts and this guy turns he goes hello i'm sucky well dad found it funny well dad used to sort of make a joke i was sucky all right sucky uh sucky was like a little bit like you in some ways right because i was probably like that boy in your scout in your school

in the sixth form who was always like messing around and stuff right never took scouts seriously so Sucky sort of used to sort of try and

get me to leave but that's where I dug my heels in like genuinely this is one two true stories of like my scouts career one time

I fell asleep in the tent I woke up right and I was down the bottom of the hill like someone had rolled me out asleep in the tent i woke up right and i was down the bottom of the hill like someone had rolled me out of the tent i just woke up right why not kick back with a cold smooth bush Shhh. Shhh. Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager.

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Probably about 10 car lengths. So they got you all the way down the bottom of the hill. That's how they did Stonehenge. I was in a sleeping bag, so they probably just rolled me, I'd imagine. Yeah. No, I didn't think they stood you up and walked you like a fucking puppet. Like they're making an Aardman production. Stop motion.

In 1992. Oh, God. That's bad, man. Yeah, and what's the other one? We were doing some camping and we were down in Bristol and they had like one minibus but there was not enough room

for all the scouts in this minibus, right? So all the cool kids, all the cool scouts got on the first minibus. And everyone else had to walk for a while the minibus was going to come and pick us up i got really annoyed because i wasn't on the like i didn't even make the fucking core scouts and i can't and i imagine cool in the world of scouts is a pretty low bar yeah yeah yeah i mean there was a guy called paul wood he was like the fucking chief

cool guy um it's funny it's funny well two things are funny one how you continue to need to see name people and secondly it's funny how you do remember the names of those people that were sort of the absolute social elite when you were that age right you never forget those people yeah yeah paul paul wood john crowley otherwise known as door yeah from all in yeah why not why not name the whole group well but they all got on right all slightly All slightly older boys. Anyway, I got the hump because I wasn't one of them. So whenever I was walking to Bristol, uh, I just like got a stomp on,

on my own, like, and just sort of like kept on walking and ended up getting like, like lost on my own. Like basically just sort of like, I walked down inside of a motorway and then just basically cut down. And then I was just like, I need to just basically,

where's Saki when all this is happening?'d stormed off because i'd had an argument with sucky because i wasn't i basically threw my toys out in front and then i just sort of stormed off in front of everyone and i just kept walking as quick as i could and didn't sucky chase after uh no no actually i think sucky sort of called after me a bit and i probably told him to fuck off or say um oh my god you told him to fuck off i don. Oh my God, you told them to fuck off? I don't know what I'd think about someone in a scout uniform telling someone to fuck off. Fuck off, sucker. I've had enough of this.

So I storm off, right? I'm well in front of the rest of the battalion, right? And from there, I basically sort of end up getting myself lost so i end up by the river walking down the riverbank and just like walk along the river you get yourself to civilization that's the old yeah yeah exactly yeah that's yeah that's what i was thinking like and then i sort of like you're hoping that maybe you might get your river navigation badge out of this do you mean if you well i was hoping i'd get some sort of navigate like genuinely as a scout this is probably i thought going to be my highest moment

i get basically from the scout where we were staying to the bridge you know the big bridge as you're walking into bristol it's a really long bridge that goes into bristol right i find my way there right as i'm coming across the bridge like four police cars and the fucking sucky in a big minivac bus all pull over is this true is this true this is true this is 100 true right god you're a fucking nightmare weren't you right and i was like standing there and i was like hey no i found my way to bristol sucky had clearly been crying right um the police are like um yeah are you okay what's that where have you been you know it's you know i was like 12 do you know what i mean and the whole of this fucking play, I walked down and I was quite a sort of confident kid. I'd been sort of chatting to people along the way, like,

sort of like fishermen and whatever. They called my parents. Obviously, in my head, I'm like, just finding my way to Bristol. Why? No, no, no. What do you mean, in your head, you're finding your way to Bristol? You're on a scout expedition. You're 12 years old. You've told Sucky to fuck off, right?

And you think it's okay to just toddle off into Bristol. How can you possibly think that's all right? Well, number one, because we were playing Laser Quest, I wanted to get there and make sure, right? So you thought, oh, yeah, they'll assume I've gone ahead to Laser Quest. They won't bother looking for me. So they're going to pack up and go, where's Tom?

I don't know. He must have walked all the way to Bristol. You think that's what they're going to assume has happened? I thought in my head I'd only be gone for about 45 minutes, right? Right. I'd been on my own for four and a half hours. Jeez. Right?

So that's your timekeeping badge out the fucking window. I didn't have a watch with me. So Sucky's had to fucking call the police because the kids got on mission. They've also had to call my parents. My mum's now freaking out. It was like proper full on. Poor Sucky. Sucky had a proper breakdown about it.

I'm not surprised. I am not surprised. There was another guy there called Scruff. Right? Okay. Okay. I swear. Are you sure?

Can I just ask? Is this a true story? Or are you just telling me stuff you saw in a fucking cartoon? I swear to my eyes, this is a fucking... Sucky and Scruff couldn't find Tom. Where could he have got to? I swear that that was their name. Scruff's real name was Ian.

Where's Tom? Sucky. I don't know, said Sucky. The last thing I saw, he walked off after telling me to fuck off. Sucky was ever so worried. Where, oh, where is Tom? We're supposed to be going to Laser Quest. Scruff said,

you're a fucking idiot. You always do this, Sucky. Go on, sorry. I missed Laser Quest as well, because I had to fucking... You know what? They put one of those silver blankets around me. Oh, nice. It was one of the coolest moments of the whole day. Yeah.

Like the police sat me down about, you know, how to go at me and shit. We had to call my mum on like a guy called, I think his name was Pete Brooks or something. Why do we need his name? Tell me what Pete Brooks is. Tell me what his role is in this story. Pete Brooks is like the cool leader

so he was the one who didn't wear all he didn't wear all the scout garb he would wear like a puma hoodie and a pair of sort of like boot cut jeans

and a pair of sort of like so I what I would imagine is Scruff and Sucky fucking hated him yeah yeah because Pete Brooks

had gone he was driving the minibus he'd gone in front and I remember them sort of like you you know, yeah. I remember Saki just for a long time after that. I don't know if he left the Scouts, because after that I sort of never really went back.

It was sort of... How do you feel about the fact that you made me feel so guilty about asking someone that didn't want to be at Sixth Form to leave, whereas you made a Scout leader cry and leave the profession? I don't think he left. I think he... I never went back. I remember there was a moment

where he looked at me and I looked at him and there was a no and nod. Of what? Well, it's just like, I'm pretty sure you rolled me down the hill with, like, your fucking...

a couple of your goons. Do you know what I mean? Like, Paul Wood and maybe Dork. Do you know what I mean? Like, so, yeah. There was a mutual I think it's not respect it's not respect

I'll tell you that it's not respect so you've wrongly made up this fantasy that Sucky's the one that pushed you down the hill and you've held this vendetta you've then the next day told him to fuck off and then run away to Bristol and made him cry and have to phone your mum and dad no I didn't plan it all out like that

that's just how it played out. And then you would have gone, oh my God, I can't believe you phoned my parents, you grass. Oh my God, I thought I respected you. You know what? My dad was actually pretty impressed I found all my way to Bristol on my own. Dads do that, don't they?

When you tell them about an argument you had with a teacher, my dad used to go, I thought you got the better of them there, well done. you tell him about an argument you had with the teacher my daddy's girl i thought you got the bedroom there well done well you know that weird thing of like considering i've been gone missing for like four and a half hours neither of my parents are that worried there was apparently a police helicopter out looking for me but i'm not too sure how that true that is no but it was yeah that's a hell of a story it's a hell of a story yeah man I haven't even thought about that moment

for a long time until yesterday when I saw a group of scouts oh yeah did you like sort of reminisce no no no

I dib dib dubbed them what is dib dib dub dub three fingers that's dib dib dub dub actually yeah I'll tell you what yeah you know this is

right so I remember in my scout uniform me and a couple of my pals my dad was dropping us off to scouts one time and a group of lads in another car, like pulled our oxides and some traffic lights. And this guy did the dib, dib, dob, dob, and then went into two fingers like that. That's right. That's such a sick move.

And my dad did exactly what you just did. I was sitting in the front of the car, his son, and this fucking 19 fucking 19 year old boy fucking smoking a fag went and went down with do you remember like the feeling of like when you saw kids who were just like that bit older or tougher than you

and like which was in my case sort of like a caller which is every other kid yeah like I remember lucky you every other kid. Lucky you, every other kid. Someone's doing all right. Every other kid. Every other kid. Oh, right, every other kid.

I thought you meant every other kid. No, no, no, every other kid. And also, I was like so much taller, and I was this tall, like rakish boy, right? Yeah. So I'd sort of turn up with, like, you and a group of little mates and you'd sort of like go in and you go oh yeah after school let's go and get some fish and

chips up by and i just used to like dread it because i know that someone in there and it could be anyone from a age range right of about nine to about 25 who would pick on me at that time really i was yeah i was fair game for older boys quite a lot of the time. Before we get into emails, I just want to tell you about something embarrassing that happened to me at the weekend. Oh, no.

Saturday night. It was my first day off in quite a long time. Yeah. So I went out in Crawley. Boys' night? Yeah, boys' night, yeah. And so we went out. I was having night yeah boys night yeah and uh so we went out i was having a nice night i was getting quite drunk probably too drunk i would argue for sort of you know you feel like it's getting away from you a bit yeah anyway the people i was with they said like let's go to

this there's this new bar i don't know how new it is anyway i said we turn up at this bar what's it called medusa's in crawley, right? Oh my God. What? Isn't it funny that even since the 90s, someone's called it Medusa's. And the funniest thing is, I went to Medusa's from a bar called Octopus. It's classic.

Who comes up with these names? I don't know. Anyways. You know what I call a bar? The Ridge. The Ridge? The Ridge. Yeah.

That's a cool name for a bar. You sort of said that as a mic drop moment, but it's better than Medusa's, I guess. Yeah, right. Hey, Ron, where are you going tonight? The Ridge. Oh, wow, sounds cool. Never heard of a bar called that before.

Had you ever heard of a... Oh, actually, Medusa's is probably nine of them. Yeah, Medusa's is like... Probably nine of them in South East London. Yeah, I reckon it's such an easy name to... Yeah, I actually think people like that. I think there should be a vetting process. When you go to, like, basically go to wherever,

you go to a town council or whatever, and you go, oh, I'm setting up a new bar in town. What are you calling it? Medusa's? Sorry. No. Wrong vibe. Yeah.

Anyway, they were very nice to me in Medusa's. So I turned up, and the security comes... One of the guys at the door comes over to me, goes, you're Romesh Ranganathan. He said, don't worry. Thanks so much for coming. We'll look after you. This very rarely happens to me.

Yeah, can I just say, going back, another sign that you are a big face in Crawley. I know that you were down on Crawley, like how people thought of you. It shows that in Crawley, people love you. Okay, fine. I mean, we've got different interpretations of that, but all right.

So anyway, so he gets me inside and he speaks to like some guy, security guy inside and he goes, we're going different interpretations of that, but all right. So anyway, so he gets me inside, and he speaks to some security guy inside, and he goes, we're going to get you a table. We'll get it sorted, right? How did you feel at this very moment, by the way? I bet you're big pimpin', right? No, listen. Genuinely, I feel how I imagine you would feel at this stage,

which is you're very grateful for this happening, but you're also quite embarrassed about it, do you know what I mean? Yeah, because it's like yeah but your friends are all like oh cool we haven't got a stand oh well i think in those situations you're the people you're with always much more delighted than you are yeah yeah anyway i walk up and the guy goes just wait here we'll get your table and set and i just get handed two drinks wow and then i'm and the guy goes right come with me we'll take you to your table so he's walking me through this bar as i'm walking towards the table i don't know what happened if it's a step or something like that i clip my heel and fall flat on my fucking face in front of the entire bar face plug face plug your face touch the ground? Mate, I got a fat lip. Oh, my God. I was lying fully.

I was lying fully. Were your drinks still in your hand? Yeah, empty. That's how fucking mad I'd gone down. So I was lying fully on my front with two empty glasses in my hand. And then, obviously, the staff at Medusa's fucking freaked out. I got fucking helped up like a nana. Oh, no. That's the worst bit. That's fucking freaked out. I got fucking helped up like a nana. Oh, no, that's the worst bit.

That's the worst bit. Man down, man down. Oh, like some fucking 18-year-old fucking ripped guy fucking helping you to your feet. I used to be my teacher at school. Yeah. Oh, God, it's so embarrassing, man. So anyway, Medusa's juices i'm sorry about that

happened man how did you stay after that so i went to the table and i sat down i put my hood up i was wearing i put my hood up and i sat there for about 10 minutes just processing what just happened i wanted to leave but then one of my mates said to me i don't think a lot of people saw and because i was drunk i was like okay Did you put your head down after that? Yeah of course I fucking did to cover my face because I was so embarrassed I just sat like in the fetal position in the corner of the thing just so humiliated Did you, any tears or?

No, but I woke up the next day I had a fat lip, elbow bruised, I've got a graze down the side of my thigh. Oh mate. Yeah At one point like you genuinely went from like sort of like the cool guy in any kevin hart movie to being like just bong yeah i think it's a valuable life lesson for me do you know what i actually just think it's you know what in in what happened in those 10 minutes

is essentially just a whole fucking circle of life yeah 100 100%. The moment that you're feeling at your most high, be careful, Icarus. Yes. Because it could all come tumbling down. It's a very Icarus moment for the fucking flying close to the sun. Flew too close to Medusa's sun. If anyone didn't have any time

to sit through the whole of The Lion King, you could have filmed what happened to you and people could just watch that. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. It's almost impossible to know how to respond to what you've just said. How is that anything to do with The Lion King? No, I just think, right, let's just play it out

as if it was a film. I'd love to hear this explanation. No, no, no. But why is what happened to me there like The Lion King? I'd love to know. Right, I'm just going to break it down for you, right? You're walking down Court Free Corley, right? You're walking down through Corrie, right?

You've just left Octopus. So who am I? You're probably like the lion, the main Lion King. The lion in the Lion King. Who is the main lion? Who is the main lion in your eyes? I can't even remember his name. So have you seen the Lion King?

Not for a long time. I don't remember all that. I don't remember some fucking friends of mine's fucking girlfriend or kids' names. I remember a line that I've never even properly met. Mustafa? No, Mufasa. Mufasa. There we go.

And who's the other line in? Mustafa the lion. So you're walking through Crawley High Street, right? Like Mufasa. Yeah, right. You've got a bit of a bounce about you, and you're thinking you had a good night in Octopus octopuses right yeah one of your friends turns around and goes oh mate maybe we should try out medusas and you're like oh yeah my dreams we'll never get in there

not on a bloody friday night right and they're like oh let's just give it a try it's worth it if we can right you get to the door of medusas right you're like bloody queuing for ages right you walk in. Then the guy goes, oh, my God, Romesh Ranganathan. Let's get you a table. Elation begins, right? Circle of life starts playing, right? Someone else scurries over and goes, Mr. Ranganathan,

your favorite drink, I believe. You go, wow, look at this. Very nice. Two tequila sunrises, right? Such a dick. You're marching through it, or bouncing through the nightclub, right? Music's

playing, everyone's looking, going, oh my god, Romesh Raganathan's here and he's got a table. You're nodding at people, I'm sure you've got a swag on, right? Circle of Life is hitting, it's like the song is hitting, like Elton John's... Actually, JT, JT, can you drop this in, please? Thank you. Yeah, so JT, Circle of Life is hitting, like the song is hitting like Elton John's pink head. Actually, JT, JT, can you drop this in, please? Thank you. Yeah, so JT,

Circle of Life is playing Romesh Ranganathan's Nodding. Takes a sip of his tequila sunrise and bang! Pulls down. And that's the Circle of Life right there. Adulation to the inferiority of landing flesh-planted. Listen,

I think you told it very well. It doesn't chime with any of the themes of The Lion King, but fine. Can I just ask one thing? When the people picked you up, right, did they pick you up under your arms or did anyone go at you for the back of your belt loops? No, no, it was under the arms, but it was like really like, it was like

helping out the elderly. Oh, no. That's the bit I'd love to have seen out of everything because because the thing is i think there would have been a bit more dignity if i'd have just if they'd gone out he can just get himself up but it was like it was like they they were so panicked that they just sort of helped me to to my feet did you skin at all on the floor yeah just like it yeah no like my feet went out from underneath me oh god oh you know what can i just say this and i i hope in the way that there

isn't but i also hope there is if anyone in reduces listens to this so i know what you're going to say do not fucking do not if there's ccc tv of this event um obviously we'll be very private with it but just um get in touch and send it in just if there is cctv just so we know probably no one from reduces even listens to this okay we all have the power to shape the world we're connected to the world we share to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil opens May 8th under the big top at Toronto Lake shore Boulevard West tickets at Cirque du Soleil.com.

The world is yours to create. Echo thanks it's presenting partners, Sun Life and its official partners, Air Canada and MasterCard. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Come on kids, back to the hotel room.

Good night kids. Good night mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go by the way? Did you ask about rhabelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say rbelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah,

he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebels.ca order up for rebelses uh it's time to do emails time to do emails we're a bit late into this before we do the emails um or the actual email proper emails i just want to talk about one that the swan didn't highlight but i have read and and sort of instigated reacted to and i just want to share this with you right because i think this might be a game changer okay now it's from billy patel okay yeah uh do you remember we were talking about using our phones too much yeah i'm just going to read this email and i'm gonna what i'm going to do is I'm going to put the details of this. I am definitely going to put the details of this on our Instagram because I genuinely think it's –

well, it has been a game-changer for me so far, okay? So, hi, Tom, Rom, and Lisa. A few pods ago, you talked about your excessive use of your mobile phone. I wanted to tell you about my journey over the past two years. Like you, I was also hitting big numbers when it came to daily phone usage. Often, I'd be somewhere between five to ten hours a day. How I got any work done is anyone's guess. I decided to tackle this.

What a lot of people may not know is that apps are designed to be addictive in the way recreational drugs are designed to be addictive. The whole user experience, noises, colours, look, and general feel of an app isn't decided on what looks pretty. It's based on what will trigger an emotion in your brain to make you want to pick up your phone. The amount of money spent on making apps addictive is eye-watering. The effort and science applied to app design and development is drawn from years of neuroscience and human behaviour studies made by research labs and universities. One way we can undermine these addictive properties, and I was cynical about this when I read this,

and this may seem too simple to believe is to grayscale your phone i stumbled across a lot of fact that a lot of the big app developers have their phones grayscaled by making your phone black and white you take the colors that apps use to trigger that addictive emotion and remove them from the equation i did this two years ago and i'm currently averaging less than 60 minutes a week in total okay wow now he then goes into details about how to grayscale your phone it's very easy and then in the email he talks about how you can do it so that if you press the power button three times it turns your phone black and white right and then you can turn the color on when you want to look at something

okay i did this three days ago tom it. It works. Really? It works. I'll do it now. So what do you do? Okay, go into settings. Yeah. Open accessibility. Yeah. Open display and text size.

Yeah. Open color filters. Oh, wow, look at that, yeah. Enable color filters. There's a little switch thing, switch on. And then select grayscale. Oh, my God. And then, yeah.

It's black and white. Oh, my God. Okay, so then if you go into settings, open accessibility, switch things switch on and then select gray scale oh my god and then yeah it's black and white okay so then if you go into settings open accessibility open accessibility shortcut and select color filters you'll be able to turn gray scale off and on by hitting the power button three times so hold up accessibility accessibility shortcut oh where's the show oh except for ssb got it and then select color filters yeah okay and then come out of that, and then press your power button three times. You can turn the colour on and off on the phone.

Oh, my God. That, Tom, it works, man. When you have it on black and white, I don't know what it is. You turn your phone, you look at it, and then you put it down straight away. I don't know why that is, man. It's incredible. Man.

It's incredible. I think we, we have maybe the Wolf and Owl's biggest hero, Billy Patel. I would actually cry a little bit thinking about Billy Patel. Can I take first of all, the trouble he went to, to send this email.

Secondly, mate, you've, you've made my last three days. I've not been addicted to my phone for the first time in, I don't know how long it's incredible. Incredible. It's incredible to think that right now,

wherever Billy Patel is, he doesn't know it or no one around him knows what an impact he's made on people's lives. Yeah. You know what he is. He's like, maybe he's like, you know,

almost like Batman or Spider-Man. He's done saying incredible, which isn't a part of his normal life. His normal life. He's just getting about it. So, yeah, I think if you're listening to this podcast and you've got trouble with phone addiction, join us all in just, like, a little toast towards Billy Patel.

I'm going to, on the Instagram, after this goes out, I'm going to put the instructions up on our Instagram. And obviously I'll credit Billy. But, Billy,y amazing thank you so much bro really appreciate it you're a g bill you're a g billy uh billy if you when you hear this if you've got instagram let me know and i'll tag you in our thing how could you follow that that sweet billy well we you know we've had some now. It's time for us to help some other people. Yeah, exactly.

Okay, this is from The Abyss Sloth. Good evening, The Abyss Sloth here. Hopefully you've got time to read this email out, because I'd like some help, and I'm not sure who to turn to. Also, just to say, cracking job with the swan choosing the emails. The pod should be renamed The Wolf Owl and Swamp. Go fuck yourself, mate. Okay, anyway, I've got one brother, and i'm a newish uncle i absolutely love my nephew he's like a nephew brother and friend all in one the question i have and sorry it's long-winded

but my wife and i've been putting money away each month for the first two years of his life to hand him a deposit or money to go away with traveling or to buy a car on his 21st birthday are we right to do so we don't have. We won't be having any going forward. Is this an awkward thing to do or nice? Any help would be amazing. Love you three. Take care and have a great Christmas when it comes around.

The sloth. Yeah, number one, I'm not even going to trivialise and call you the obese sloth or even the sloth because I think, you know, it actually pains me that we don't know your name

because you seem like an absolute G. And, you know, it actually pains me that we don't know your name because you seem like an absolute G. And, you know, being very honest and I've been in your situation where I have nieces and nephews and me and Catherine have been in a similar situation with not looking at potentially for one reason or another having children

of our own. So nieces and nephews do become that little bit more sort of prevalent and a bigger thing in your life uh and i think the thing that you and your your missus are doing is is a really beautiful beautiful act so i can't see anyone will ever have any problem with that at all if it's anything it's nothing but a truly lovely act that two very very kind people are and i think you know your your nephew's a very very very lucky young man so to have the both of you in his life and i think when when you hand that

over i think it will be an incredible uh incredible feeling for all of you and i think yeah hopefully he he uses that money for something you know as it's intended he doesn't go by like a really cruddy old car or something he uses used it to travel, gain life experience. But, um, yeah, I, yeah, I, I think that's just an amazing thing that you're doing.

Um, and pick yourself a better name because you deserve one. Like the obese sloth. I think, you know, I would gladly be able to call you like the wolf cub or the cheetah. Oh yeah. Something like that.

Cause yeah, actually the cheat is not very good. That sounds awful actually but you know what I think it says a lot about your ego that somebody that you've got such high regard for you bestow upon them your own name yeah

I think you're great enough to be named after me so congratulations I totally agree with Tom you're doing a wonderful thing do not feel guilty for a moment it's a great thing to do and I don't know

like Tom's saying I hope you spend some money in the right way I do think that's a tricky thing just basically what I would do is I'd try and distance yourself

from what he's going to spend obviously if he went and spent the money on like drugs or some shit he'd be worried but the point I can't believe I said that but the point I'm trying to make is if you give the spent the money on like drugs or some shit, you'd be worried. But like what the point is, I can't believe I said that, but the point I'm trying to make is,

uh, if you give the money, I've, I've seen it happen in the past where people have given people money and they're not being happy with how they spent it. And then that's caused a little bit of, of, of beef or grief or whatever you want to call it.

So, um, you have to sort of give that money without any kind of ties. Do you know what I mean? And just be happy that you've given them the money. And then, you know what, if he's anything like his uncle, he's going to spend that on

something truly wonderful. Absolutely right. If he's anything like his uncle, the wolf cub, he's going to be absolutely fine. So, good luck, mate. You're a kind-hearted couple. Thanks for writing in. Well, do you know, off the bounce, two wonderful, wonderful

emails just showing the level of humanity out there really restores your faith sometimes. It really does. Okay. So this is from the Frozen Jaguar. Wow. Wow. People are really, really thinking about these names.

Yeah, they are. It makes me and you seem awfully lazy. What do you mean? The wolf and owl, like the Frozen Jaguar. Okay. If you're able to rebrand, what would you go for now then? Probably the fire wolf. The fire wolf?

Yeah. That sounds like a really... The learned owl. You could be the learned... Or the bookish owl. The bookish owl and the fire wolf. He sounds like quite a good children's book, that. Yes, he does, yeah.

Stay away from me, fire wolf, said the bookish owl. If you get any closer, my books will catch fire, and you know how I need them for my knowledge. Don't worry about your books. Worry about our lives. They're for living, not for reading. But it's only through reading that you really learn how to live your life fully, Firewolf.

Oh, you silly bookish oaf. Okay, I think i suspect how do you think books are written you know actually that's the thing the books aren't written through writers they're written

through people who lived what are you what's it what's it this is do you know what that is so dog shit you should put that on instagram there's like one of

those profound quotes i think it's true what's an absolute load of crap you've just got the antarctic it's written one of those profound quotes. I think it's true. What an absolute load of crap you've just... Scott of the Antarctic's written one of the best books ever, right? Yeah, and once he writes a book, he becomes a writer, yeah? Yeah, I know, but he's not just a writer.

That's why I think people who go to study being a writer, sometimes fall flat on their face because they've not done enough adventures and stuff. Okay. All right. You're right.

You're right. J.K. Rowling, why don't you try actually going to Wizard School before you start writing these stories? I don't think there's more faults to J.K. Rowling than we can get into. Yeah, let's not. This ain't that podcast. Anyway, just want to start off by...

This is the Frozen Jaguar. Back to the Frozen Jaguar. Just start off by this is the frozen jaguar back to the frozen jaguar uh just like to start off by saying i'm enjoying the podcast you both always make me chuckle question for you both do you have a morning routine and say how's your morning routine changed over the years especially during the pandemic for instance my morning routine is to journal three things i'm grateful for wow then do some meditation for five to ten minutes then do a quick workout or morning walk i find this makes my day start off positively and alleviates any anxiety

before I start or go to work. Also, a tip for reducing snoring, use a mouth tape. A good book to read about this is Breath

by James Nestor. Highly recommended. I've read Breath. Breath's incredible. Keep up the good work. Regards, Frozen Jaguar. I need to know

about this mouth tape because my snoring has got out of control, bro. Has it really? It's getting worse. And you about his mouth tape because my snoring's got out of control bro is it really it's getting worse and you know what i brought those snoring tapes you put across your nose yeah i think that's what he's talking about oh this is mouth tape yeah i need to look into that i'll have a little look into that yeah my morning routine is yeah far quite similar to the ice jaguars in a sense i wake up i don't actually right now three things that i'm grateful for maybe i should start doing that uh i'll have a little uh i'll have a proper little workout uh whether that's boxing or hit some weights and i'll take the dog out uh usually

try and get about two three miles in the bank uh come back i'll always have an espresso when i wake as well no matter what i'll always hit up an espresso because that's the way I roll. I get back and I'll have my breakfast. And then, you know, then I look up to the sky and go, well, what's this? Another adventure, old friend? Who are you talking to there? Sort of the sky.

Yeah, also, you know, souls have departed, I guess, in a sense. Okay. Also, obviously, souls as they departed i guess in a sense okay um also obviously in there in the midst of that as well it's probably a big shit as well yeah let's be absolutely honest um my morning routine um uh frozen jaguar i wake up uh i either go for a session of pt or a run. I then come back. I have started doing a little bit of meditation, actually.

I've been using the... Meditating is incredible, especially with this. I was so cynical about it. Silent mode. What's that? This is a silent mode. Genuinely, this is a game changer. Okay.

Tell us about it because, yet again, I can't believe I'm having to explain it again. We are on an audio podcast. Yeah, right. So this goes around your face, right? And your ears. It dulls all your senses, yeah? Yeah.

That goes around there. Surprise, you need that. Yeah, dulls all your senses, right? And there's also earpieces in it. So you play through some soft sounds or whatever, or like a little bit of a meditation vibe. Yeah. Get your breathing on reg.

Yeah. Mate, it's genuinely incredible how much does that cost i think they've got them on sale at moment it's about 100 pounds and how often are you using it i use it quite a lot do you know why because i have adhd yeah meditation could be quite difficult for me i end up and do you think do you think you'll store it on eventually store it on top of or next to the air fryer mate the air fryer is now living at my sister's house. My sister's, and you know what, my sister, by the way,

I'll put some pictures, yeah, I'll put some pictures. She did some chicken drumsticks the other day that were incredible. She's like cooking up an absolute storm in it. So how does that make you feel?

Because the reason you gave it away is because you said it doesn't make things nice. It's pretty much my whole life in a fucking nutshell. I make an absolute fucking balls up or something. I'm no good with it. And then my sister turns around.

It's like fucking learning to drive or anything. My sister turns up and absolutely fucking leathers it and smashes it out of the park. And then my dad's going, yeah, best cook it up. But we're going around there just, we're going around to your sister's just to have food on the air fryer the last time he was around here I tried to use it I gave them some

dank fucking chips weren't really any good for anyone she's like she's doing three course meals in the air fryer yeah I thought it would be

a funny joke but it turns out it's taken you down quite a dark alley so I regret that slightly um what else did you want me to do

morning routine I'd take a shit yeah I'll tell you what I did the other day have I told you this story that I took a I have told you this story

haven't I that I weighed myself before and after a shit oh yeah you did anyway I have a coffee as well yeah espresso

I'll tell you what else I'll be doing I drink two glasses of water mate essential I left that out I didn't know we were going to be that rigorously detailed but i as soon as i wake up i quaff a pint of water yeah yeah get that done uh and then that's it sort of start i try i've been trying to do as much of the

trying to drop uh our eldest off at school every day i have a little chat with him because he's got to the age now where um he's not into chatting to us. No, he's not into chatting to us. He will not volunteer to chat to us. But if you do talk to him, he's very chatty. So I try and grab those opportunities as much as I can because I know that we're on the cusp of him probably hating us for a few years

as all teenage boys do. So I'm trying to get as much magic time in as I can before he resents my very existence for a few years. I don't think he ever will, man. Teenagers do, though, don't they? Yeah, but also what you've got to remember is a lot of that is, like, we talk a lot about, you know, I think, you know, girls go through some, like, pretty big changes that I think are quite evident. And we, you know, but boys go through stuff and I think that's usually just finding themselves.

And it's like, I don't think you should ever contemplate that as being from a place of hate or a place of like... You say that. Because you know what? When he needs you, you're the first place he'll come. Yeah, but I was horrible to my mum as a teenager. Yeah, I was horrible to both my parents, but that was because I hated myself. I was like, I generally used to struggle

with my own social standing there in the same same but the thing is is like um i just think to myself my mom like you know my dad was my dad was a great dad but like he wasn't around around then as much as my mom was it wasn't around at all at that time but like my mom was like you know a great mom like you know she did a lot for us and yet still i was horrible like you know i was rude to her and you know why Like, you know, she did a lot for us and yet still, I was horrible. Like, you know,

I was rude to her. You know why you were? You know, because it's an unconditional love and like, what's happening with your life, right? With everywhere else you're going, it's like a young person

wherever you are in life, right? It's like, you're constantly, there's a fear that nothing is real. You know, like,

friendships are very, very fragile at that time. You'll fall in and out of groups of groups you know your social standing can change on a sixpence or whatever right so for the whole of your existence at that time you know you've got you know you're entering a stage where school goes from being quite a sort of like jovial fun thing or whatever like to becoming actually right oh right these exams gonna make make it mean everything for the rest of your life all these big changes come into your life right and then you're trying to fucking act on that and you're trying to work out what's going on the only thing that you have is a sort of like rock that is always there is if you're lucky is a parent right so that parent you can take out all

of your worry and all of your angst you'll always do that no matter where you are in life you usually always do that to the person you love the most and that you can rely on yeah at the end of the day we'll love you for that so it'll come man but you know you just got to know that that's why it's there and that's why it's happening thanks babe thank you so much baby um and if you want yeah i know that our love is unconditional so if you want to sort of like call me up and be all like mardy and stuff and be like that boy that we spoke about a call back to the boy at the beginning of the podcast we talked about you know yeah okay yeah yeah we will do tommy yeah before we get into your close of the show yeah uh do you want to do the announcement

yes so after much ado about nothing um i had to get shakespeare referencing you always do you always do my least favorite writer uh fucking how overrated was that guy jesus generally i've said this i think on here and i've said it on a number of things you know he wrote 5 000 plays right yeah i think if like the guys who did my bins wrote 5 000 plays five or ten of them would be any good. You're insulting both Shakespeare and the guy that does your bins there, suggesting that he's the absolute lowest of the low.

No, he just isn't like writing. He hates it. He hasn't even got a computer. Do you know what you should do for Christmas? You should get him a computer. I might get him a laptop. It would be terrible if he didn't use it. He just sold it. I bought my him a laptop. It'd be terrible if he didn't use it, he'd just sold it. I bought my mum a laptop, she fucking never

uses it. Never uses it, yeah. You know, I went round there the other day because she couldn't work out how to pay her road tax online, so I said, let me do it. And I said, where's your laptop? She got the laptop, it was like collecting dust in the corner of the room

somewhere, and I booted it up and it sort of chugged to life as if it had not been touched with any kind of love for such a long time and then she started getting annoyed with me because i sort of making jokes about how little she'd used it i said i'm glad i got you this what might as well just set fire to a load of money why are you saying this don't be so horrible but she hasn't used it anyway i digress yeah so coming in the very near future we are dropping our first smasharoons tell them son wolf and owl merchandise oh and they are we'd be we'd be working with some sweet sweet sweet artists for these things yeah so there'll be a limited run of them just because... How many, Tom? Tell them, tell them.

Louder for those in the back. I think we're going to hit up early doors because generally we're both, as we are as people, and if you're listening to this podcast, we think that there probably won't be that much appetite. So it'll be 50 hoodies, 50 T-shirts. Yeah. I mean, if they don't go,

then mine and Romesh's March is pretty much going from boot sale to boot sale. We're basically going to have to sell them for the fabric. So 50 and 50. And Romesh, they're sweet designs, y'all. Yeah, we... Okay. Genuinely, Tom and I have back and forth about this quite a lot

because we want to get it right. Do you know what I mean? So we think they're good. You might agree, you might not. But we said we were going to get merch out we we're men of our word and just nine short months after we initially said we were going to do this we're able to bring you some merch so yeah and and and here's the thing i'm hoping i'm hoping all being well these will be dropping for christ. So we've just got to work out. I mean, that could take another nine months

working out how we sell them. I mean, if anyone's got any ideas of how we actually sell these and what we do. I saw like, we could probably sell it via the Instagram,

I think. Let's figure it out. Maybe this is a conversation for not on the podcast. I don't know. Yeah. But anyway, the merch is coming out

very, very soon. Sweet, sweet. I think hopefully we'll have a little we'll have a sample that we can do you keep pressing your space bar

or something what is going on no no I've got this what what is it it's like a little thing that you use when you play golf to put your putter down okay so why is it

why am I seeing it and hearing it now because I've got ADHD whenever I'm talking about really serious stuff like merch I always need something as a comfort.

Yeah, I'm hoping this thing is going to take you over the top and you better stop doing comedy, aren't you? This merch life. All right, Tommy D. Do us the honour of taking us out of this ting.

Yo, the life of a leaf, yeah? Some people will look upon the trees that they're walking past right now they'll stare up and they will look at sometimes empty branches or branches where the leaves are crispy and almost ready to fall off and think oh oh well that's pretty cruddy doesn't look as beautiful as it usually does and then maybe your head will go around to thinking about that leaf as it's laying on the floor thinking when it was its pomp and it was all green and it was all valued

and you're like, oh, look at the lusciousness of that sweet, sweet tree and the leafs that lay atop it. But do me a favour. Walk over now to one of those leaves wilting on the grass or on the pavement. And if it's right right just tread upon it and there will be a crunch beneath your foot that is epic and it feels incredible what's the meaning what does this all mean i'll tell you what it means guys

it means that sometimes you are fluctuating in your own blossom and everything in your life feels pretty goddamn right and you think yeah i've got this i'm the king of everything or the queen of everything and then for one reason or another you know the blossom wilts and the sun goes in and you start to think well maybe, maybe I'm on the road out. And as your leaf falls from that tree and you hit the pavement and you think, well, that's it then. Always remember, you've got one more crunch in you. There's one more smile to be brought from every leaf.

It ain't over till it's over, guys. Go be a leaf. Smile. You got this. interesting very nice really nice words um thank you so much tom as always thank you uh thank you so much for listening to the wolf for now can i just do one last thing i'll put the link up a friend of mine uh bobby watson he does an incredible charity right that he raises money in the local area to where we're from that goes across from Sutton, Kingston, Croydon all that area basically raising money for presents for kids who haven't

got anything for single parents and women in hostels or whatever who can't afford to buy their kids Christmas presents he's done it over the last four or five years off his own back. He's raised some amazing money. He goes to hospitals and everything. I'll put a link up, but genuinely it's one of the most, I'm very passionate about it.

I'm probably going to be doing quite a lot of social stuff, socials about this. It's an amazing, amazing charity. So if you can, guys, have a look at it. And I'm never one of those people because I realise that money's tight and it's hard to give anything. But genuinely, this goes to a really, really good place.

So I'll put a link up on Wednesday and have a look. And if you can donate anything, honestly, a little goes a long way. Bye, guys. Okay, guys, thank you very, very much. Much love to you and all of your kiss and kin

and we'll see you next time on this little slice of life we should play out in

the honor of Billy Patel like a song about a hero yeah okay can we have who's song that comes along yeah sure comes along Like a song about a hero. Yeah, okay. Can we have... Who's song was that? When a Hero Comes Along?

Yeah, sure. When a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And I cast my fears aside Thank God. Yeah, yeah, put that on. Cool, peace out. Bye-bye.

Bye. And when a hero comes along with the strength to carry on and you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.