Wolf and Owl - Episode 54

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

We’re talking… the greatest musical ever made, popcorn cinema, bonding over nostalgic films, an incisive bit of dream analysis, not dancing anymore and learning not to be so hard on ourselves. Followed, of course, by some more of your email questions - this week on damaged clothing, puppy training tips and a very odd way to cut toenails. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last Request to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served

Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff of puff And a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing It's head spinning, just kidding

Every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Oh my gosh! Is it now? Wolf and Owl, Wolf and Owl Coming at the thing, is it Wolf and Owl? You do look like you're masturbating when you do that Wolf and Owl, Wolf and Owl

Coming on to the Wolf and Owl Hello everybody, welcome to the Wolf and Owl podcast Well G, this is an evening record. Yeah, I'm quite nervous about it. I am. That's why I've overcompensated. I'm apprehensive. But you know what?

I think in my favour today, I come to you off the back of watching one of my favourite musicals of all time. Which is what? The Greatest Showman. Monday Nights. The Greatest Showman. Have you seen The Greatest Showman. Bombay Nights. The Greatest Showman. Have you seen The Greatest Showman?

Okay. Whoa. Tread careful. Tread careful, my babe. I am not averse to musicals. I love them. I adore them. Okay, sure. I think you and I have pretty much performed to type so far.

I tried to watch The Greatest Showman. I switched it off after about 20 minutes why i just couldn't get into it why i don't know what to say i don't know i just like lisa and i tried to watch it and just like i i will bet now lisa secretly snuck off and watched that on her own when you've not been she's got herself a nice big bowl of ice cream a cup of tea or whatever and just sat there and watched it one day when you're out working because there's no way it's there's no way for two people in the same house statistically wouldn't love the great showman one maybe we showed it to the boys no no but but but the boys do like the

songs from it but i don't know if they've seen the film mate you should sit with them and watch it because i tell you what it is one of the greatest life learning. I've learned so much from that film. Okay, can you talk me through it without giving spoilers? Well, what it is, mate, is it shows no matter what, like adversity is against you, no matter who you are, what you look like, you can succeed if you have people around you who care. It also shows you that friendship is more important than anything. Friends that become family. It sounds like you're describing every Disney film ever made.

No, but Greatest Showman just does it in a way where you're like, look, you know sometimes you go for a meal, yeah? Yeah. And you order a dish and it's got a long fucking list and it's all sort of like, you know, the wording is all dressed up to make it fancier than it actually is. And when it comes out, it's just like ravioli with a bit of feta cheese and some peas in it, right?

Yeah. What this is great about is... What's the name of the dish that you've ordered that this is a surprise? I don't know. Like, it's written in some sort of descriptive nouns and all. You probably know better than I would, right?

Okay. Okay, go. But when it arrives, you just go, shit, this is just ravioli with peas and feta cheese in. Right? What a love about the earnest... What Italian restaurant is serving ravioli with feta cheese, by the way? And peas. Where have you gone to?

Nana's restaurant. She just does leftovers. Just go and have a look in the cupboards. Look, I don't need to sit here, right? And I should probably do this because you always correct me. Some of the best Italian food, right, Ramesh? Some of the best Italian food, right, is made from

the leftovers. It's from where the peasants have made their food, alright? Like, this is the thing about you. The greatest showman, right? Tom, Tom, Tom, before you carry on, you know that wasn't what I was doing, all right? And now you've deliberately misconstrued it to make your point.

Right. The greatest showman for me with you, right, is this. It's symbolism, right? It's symbolism of you just catering outside and going, oh, look, that's exciting. I want to be a part of that, right? Well, wait, three minutes in now, he's busted up. Right.

But the truth of it, Ron, is sometimes you need a staple of like, oh, this goodness is good for me. This is good for my soul, my heart. Okay. And that's what The Greatest Showman is. I want you to go, I want you to leave this podcast at the end.

Yeah. I want you to walk downstairs and say, kids, like, which is actually like, you stay up later tonight. Okay. Okay. Right. We're going to walk downstairs and say, kids, like, we're actually, like, you stay up later tonight, okay? Right? We're going to watch The Greatest Showman. Uncle Tom has said that, like,

we're going to watch that, right? Everyone like, don't worry about school tomorrow, because you'll learn more from this than you will school tomorrow. Is that the one who doesn't know my name, despite saying I'm his favourite? And I'll say yes. Right. They will sit there in their pyjamas, right? You will sit there with Lisa

as it sort of like kicks off and Hugh Jackman's singing. At the end, I defy your heart not to be a little bit warmer. And you'll look at Lisa and Lisa will go, oh my God, that was amazing. And you'll have a tear in your eye and you'll go, Christ, Tom bloody

knew. He knew. I don't know if that's going to be my reaction. Look, you might be right. I'm certainly not going to keep the kids up tonight on a Sunday. Well, okay. Beginning of the week. But listen, I promise you, at some point, it might not be this week, but during the Christmas period,

we'll watch The Greatest Showman. I'll give it another bash. Mate, when your Christmas trees are sparkling and that feeling's in the air, light yourself a Yankee candle with a real smell of that really Christmassy one, right? Kick back, just take off, kick off your slippers and your socks. Just enjoy it, brother.

Okay, I will do. And that's doctor's orders. That's doctor fun. Okay. Is it really, are you taking the piss? Is it really good? It enlightens me every time I watch it. I feel better. And that's Doctor's orders. That's Doctor fun. Okay. Is it really... Are you taking the piss? Is it really good? It enlightens me every time I watch it.

I feel better. Okay. You know, this is... Me and Catherine get up at the end and we dance in the living room. What a horrible insight into your home life. Does Kat really like Greatest Showman? She loves it.

And you don't really get up and dance? We don't. We dance. When the credits kick in, mate, and I'll tell you what I need you to do. I really need you. When the songs come up,

ramp up your TV to about, I don't know, 60 on the volume. We've got surround sound. Yeah. No, mate. I can't wait. Send me a video of you just like letting rip

like just dancing all right fine fine i'll watch it and see what right yeah go on i respect your star wars i respect you for marvel that is one thing you know you don't no you don't no you don't absolutely don't you said that you said that really like this is a throwaway thing you absolutely don't you think it's nerdy. You think it's pathetic. Every time I talk about it, you make me feel like a virgin. No, but can you dance? Like, would you be able to dance at the end of that, right? Tom, Tom, Tom, you can't dance to The Godfather. Does that mean it's shit?

No, no. So what's the point you're trying to make? Look, you have arthouse films, right? Like The Godfather, or like really strong drama films. Godfather is not an arthouse film. But arthouse films, right? Like The Godfather, or like really strong drama films. Godfather is not an arthouse film. But you have films, right? You have films, right? I would love to see it.

I'm actually into arthouse cinema, actually. Yeah, what are you into? Oh, like, you know, somebody less than I was. Godfather, hate, baby driver. No, but what you have, right, you have films that are constructed by their dramatic integrity right sure sure and then you have these films that are just there for like you know for your marvels your

star wars is your greatest showmans right they're the ones right that are there just to sort of like make you feel that yeah popcorn cinema yeah yeah exactly the words i was looking for right you can't dance at the end of marvel with the person next to you at the cinema that you've never met before well that's not true the guardians of the galaxy that finishes with the dance actually the dark it finishes finishes with the dance battle actually actually it's an incredible film uh dancing actually do you know what though i i actually think you know like we were talking about using your phone and you know being distracted and stuff like that i think sometimes what your opinion of a film is so i actually think we need to sort of

encourage people i feel quite strongly about this to stop double screening i i if in fact yeah i want to start a stop double screening campaign because i think if you look at it doesn't matter how good the film is i think they lose about 30 percent by you looking at your phone while you're watching the cinema because you can't look at your phone no because you can't listen but what i mean is like if you're watching a film at home so many times i just think to myself you need to force yourself to engage with the film but anyway that's one side you talking about the greatest showman it's sort of i'm i'm slightly struggling how to say this without anyway listen i will just say this

and spoiler alert, okay, if you haven't seen it. I took our eldest to watch Ghostbusters Afterlife. Ghostbusters Afterlife. Be careful how you tread here because I'm waiting for that one to come to TV to watch. Yeah, sure, why bother? I went to cinema. I watched House of Gucci.

House of what? Gucci. Gucci. Goosey. House of Goosey. one which i watched house of gucci yeah house house of what gucci goosey house of goosey yeah just a load of guys just going around just pinching women's arses then they get caught it's actually pretty fucking yeah pretty grim um anyway yeah go on those bars i don't think i'm spoiling anything By saying that There are a lot of callbacks To the So what you're saying Is nostalgia's a miss

No look It goes big It goes big on the nostalgia I like that though Yeah I know And a lot of people did And a lot of people I know did I was chatting to Sean Walsh about this

Sean Walsh is like the biggest He loves his Ghostbusters He's the biggest Ghostbusters fan I know He actually knows The whole of the Ghostbusters films Off by heart All of the dialoguebusters films off by heart. All of the dialogue.

He doesn't know all of them. He does. Number two? I think one and two, yeah. Before long, he'll know Afterlife as well. Two shit, right? I quite like bits of two, from what I remember. I've watched it for a long, long time.

They spray slime all over the inside of the Statue of Liberty and then she walks for a bit. Oh my God, I remember at the time that was incredible. Was it? Yeah, has it got the paintings in it as well? Yeah, he comes out of the paintings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was terrified of that painting.

Anyway, I watched Afterlife and I was just a bit cynical about some of it, to be honest with you. Do you know what I mean? What a surprise. You're right, but you know what? You're having a dig, you're right but you know what you're having a dig you're right

no no no but I think I think that's bad I do think that's bad like as Sean was saying to me like you know I embraced it it was amazing

blah blah blah and I was just sort of like I felt like I was being a bit kind of manipulated do you know what I mean this is the trouble I think sometimes with you

and take this as like not a compliment but actually probably like no I won't listen I won't take anything you say as a compliment don't worry about that no danger of that but sometimes I think sometimes of you and take this as like not a compliment but actually probably like no listen I won't take anything you say as a compliment don't worry about that no danger that but sometimes I think you're like a little bit like a sort of like college American teen girl who's like oh god that's not good oh that's shit I hate that even like you just don't want to open your heart to love something do you know what I mean like you're like you just don't want to open your heart to love something. Do you know what I mean? Like you're like, you know, someone walk in and they've got, oh my God, have you seen Chloe's got a new puppy?

I hate puppies. Puppies are shit. And sometimes that's a bit like in my head, like how your brain works. Do you know what? Like ordinarily I would sort of punch back, but I actually think you might be right. I don't know, yeah. I think, you you know i'm just

i'm just watching it going on this a bit they're doing that to make you feel like this now do you mean it's a bit shit it's a shit attitude to have i i i wish i was a bit more like you go with theo yeah did he like it he really liked it but he doesn't um he doesn't hold the original film like you know it doesn't mean as much to him as it does just because of his age when you watch Ghostbusters I was listening to Mark Kermode's review of it and he was saying

he was saying quite similar to me actually he thought it was a bit like here's a thing from Ghostbusters here's a thing from Ghostbusters the point he made about the original film was that it isn't as good as you remember but i think that's so true of so many things there's so many things tom that i like i think to myself i want to show the kids this i want to show the kids this and then i put it on for them and i'm sat there and

i'm thinking oh why have i put this on this is like i just could see them just like is this what you is this what you wanted us to stop doing and watch dad is it you wanted us to stop playing like playstation and sit down and watch this is this what it was is this the thing what is that like national lampoons is

an air of that right like if you go so every year in our house national lampoons christmas vacation yeah lisa and i love that film and i still stand by that it's an

absolute it's a cracking film right but it's hard it's hard for a new generation look i know exactly what you're saying or when it comes to stuff like that you sit and you watch and like you hold so but also there's there's something really hard i find about people going back and look you know and i i don't particularly like to sort of criticize work or to have it but like we we come, coming to America too, right. Coming to America is one of my favourite films ever. Like it's genuinely one of the best comedy films ever made.

I think. Correct. Coming to America too. I'm sitting there watching me. Why did anyone bother with like, and like, don't get me wrong actually. Yeah.

Yeah. Bother. Yeah. Make a follow up, but surely look at the script and think like we are, we're like walking on the shoulders of giants following one of the greatest, you know, sometimes just leave it best and leave the legacy, right? I haven't seen the new Ghostbusters,

but I'm a sucker for that stuff. Like, you know, I love nostalgia. I like a little walk down memory lane. Love it. If I can take someone by the hand and walk with me, more so, right? But I think when it comes to what's that man what do you think what does that mean but if i'm sitting in the cinema next i don't know i'll

like a lot of the chat about like and go oh that reminds me and i sort of turn to not during the film sometimes i'll talk during the film and sort of say say something for a stranger you'll talk during the film i've told you the the you the what's it called? The Star Is Born story. Yeah, you have some of that story. I thought that was a one-off. I didn't think that was a one-off. No, no, no. I've talked to people before in the cinema and made a little

joke. I think talking or anything that happens in the cinema that isn't the film is bad. Because it takes you out of the film. Like, when you're watching a lot of horror films, as you know, when you're watching a horror film, as soon as

somebody makes a noise or something near you happens, you immediately, you enjoy the next ten minutes you're trying to get back into the film because you've been taken out of it. Let alone somebody just nudging you and going, oh, scary, wouldn't it? Yeah, no, but that's why I've got to stand horror films. I'm not just nudging you, going, oh, that's scary, wouldn't it? Yeah, no, but that's why I can't stand horror films.

I'm not a horror film fan. Like, you know, I'll leave that to other people. I'm all about the joy, man. Like, for example, one of the best ever things in my life ever, right, was going to watch,

remember, Bad Grandpa by Jackass? Yeah, yeah, yeah. By Johnny Knoxville. I went to the cinema in Crawley, actually, to watch that.

Mate, there was, the whole cinema was filled with laughter. I went to the cinema in Crawley actually to watch that. Mate, there was, the whole cinema was filled with laughter. I remember like just walking out and just like sort of having my arm around someone I didn't even know

and I was like, mate, that was one of the funniest films I've ever seen. There was a really joyous atmosphere in there. It was a little bit how I imagined

sort of... Do you check, do you check, do you check for consent before you do stuff like that? No, but if you're walking out and you really... No, putting your arm around someone. No, no, we were chatting as we were walking out.

I had, like, my face, you could see, because the end of that film is one of the most funniest things ever. And as we were walking out, he said something, I said something, and I put my arm around his shoulder and went, come on, mate, that was, yeah, great film. I find it really hard to believe that you did. Is this true? Well, I do it all the time.

Like, if I'm in a scenario where I'm chatting over the bit of a laugh, I'll put my hand on someone's shoulder or give someone a, yeah. If someone builds a bridge towards me, I will never, ever not let them on my land. I mean, what are you talking about? How is...

Just trying to make a profound saying to make a discussion of the fact you're quite handsy with strangers. Right, someone comes up to you in the bar, right? You're at the bar, right? They come up and they go, Oh, my God! Like, Romesh, I'm a big fan of your work. You know, oh, yeah.

I saw you do this bloody thing. You're so funny. And you're like, oh, thanks, mate. Cheers. Thank you. And they're like, oh, you've done it. And you're chatting. Right, they're standing there.

You're standing there. They're laughing, joking. They say, oh, do you want a drink? And you're like, oh, go on then. Like, do you want a shot? Oh, yeah, fuck it. Go on. I'll have a tequila sunrise.

No, that wouldn't happen. Well, you wouldn't take a shot? No, I go on I'll have a tequila sunrise no that wouldn't no that wouldn't happen well you wouldn't take a shot no I wouldn't accept a drink really but I know because you're a

gentleman you probably tell me I go hey I'm before you in a queue I'll get these all right would you not

put your arm on their shoulder as you were leaving and say thanks for the nice words my friend do you know yeah I could see

myself doing that I wouldn't put my arm around their shoulder I might just like put my arm on the back put my hand on the back of their arm and just say, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could imagine myself doing that.

But putting my arm around them and going, fuck, what a night we're having, eh? No, but you've got to be, I'm coming out of a moment where everyone's barely laughed, right? And I'm just celebrating that laughter. It's like, if you're coming out of a blooming horror film I bet you're probably coming out of here

your old knees are knocking together you're all getting out going that was terrifying it's a similar sort of thing right sure sure we've never been to the cinema together, have we? I'd love to go to the cinema together.

I'd love to go with you. What do you want to go watch? In a way, I think we could go... I think a comedy film would be weird if we went and watched that together. I think so too. I wouldn't want to find out that you and I find different things funny.

No, no. I think we pretty much find the same things funny. I'd go and sit... Like, you know high end court drama or some sort of horror film what big horror films

are coming out I don't know let's have oh you know what we could go and watch what have you ever seen The Room

The Room yeah cool Sav do you want to go and watch that yeah it's called the worst film ever but they do this amazing thing in London

where you can have a few drinks you go and watch it and people throw their shoes and stuff let's go do that that would be incredible to do together I think maybe that's what we should start doing is just you know

like best western made booking our be clear when it comes to shipping internationally can can I provide trade documents electronically? The answer is FedEx. Okay. But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all that? Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh, but let's say that. FedEx. What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx, where now meets next.

Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably so when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you reach for craft dinner because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love that's when it's gotta be kd when you gotta do you it's gotta be kd shop now couples do in relationships like you you have a date night and you once a week or like a

couple times a month you go oh yeah we're just going to make that effort to do something together maybe we should start doing that it's funny you say this because i've started to become a little bit concerned not concerned but like you and i every week have one or two hour long in-depth conversations with each other so i think I talk to you more than I do, like I'm talking about in a one-to-one engaged conversation. I talk to you more than anyone else in my life.

Yeah, same. Doesn't that worry you? I mean, I love you, but sometimes I think to myself, I've connected with Tom more this week than I have the Swan. I find that in our whole lives now. I look at things and go, for this time that we talk and before and after the show,

and, you know, that is like, this is the most social interaction I have in my week. Yeah. And we're both married. It's so pure that we've decided to create and release merchandise on it. I mean, really, it's tragic yeah i had a weird dream that you were in the other day i was in uh i went to the barbers

i had really long luscious hair like really really all over no well i've got that anyway i've got really there like no i mean i mean like all over your head it wasn't just you you hadn't just mulleted the baldness. The baldness, no. Like it was like back in the day, like it covered my head. It went sort of down to my shoulders, right? Right, right, right. And I walked into a barber's

and sort of the barber was like, oh, I don't even want to touch that hair. It's so delicious. And he's just sort of like combing it for me and stuff. And you came in and then you were sort of joking around about how nice my hair was and then you paid the barber extra to cut off some of my hair and you thought it was really

really funny but i was like and i was hurt but in the dream i remember being hurt but then i was like trying to laugh along and so as i walked out i just sort of looked in the mirror and i just wasn't happy with what happened i mean the barber the bar was cut off like that, like about two inches of my head. Show me again. Show me again. That's two inches of my head. Everybody got that. I feel a bit sad about that.

Because I'll tell you why. Because I just saw a review on Apple. Right. Or whatever, podcast thing, for our podcast, saying that sometimes I'm a bit harsh on you no no no no no no hold on no hold on hold on let me just so they said sometimes a bit harsh on you right and now you're doing a thing i mean you what you've just described is like a fucking couldn't be a more obvious route one metaphor for what happens on the podcast so i i i do a little

joke at your expense you laugh along but inside you're really upset about it you leave pretending that you're all right with it i mean just going so yeah is that what's happening no no i can give as good as i get no i need to actually sort of acknowledge that and just say that i seriously and to be fair i find it hilarious that a lot of people still i find i find it i find it hilarious that people think that I'm more horrible to you than you are to me. I find it absolutely fucking astounding. And I can only put it down to the fact it must be my tone of voice. Because Tom is repeatedly and consistently a complete c*** to me.

And I don't mind because we're mates. a complete to me right and i don't mind because we're mates right but the idea that i give you a harder time than you give me is one of the biggest fucking is this a fucking joke but this is a big it's like i think because you've got this sort of like you know long leather jacket fucking cool fucking the horror fan you know walking around and you're just sort of like you know um the only asian goth in the village we're all busting along and i've yeah i've got like a yeah red sort of like what's it called you know the jacket out of the great showman and i'm dancing and i'm free yeah you know it's sort of like that's just would you would you dance at a party? If we were out,

if you and I went out to a bar, would you dance? No. I don't dance at weddings anymore. I'd look, you know, that's actually probably the saddest thing because I used to love dancing

and there used to be a place called the Blue Orchid in Croydon. I don't know if you ever heard of it. Oh mate. Right. The Blue Orchid? Yeah. I know the Blue Orchid,

the blue school kid. Yeah. Yeah. So remember back in the day, you'd have like the blue orchid the blue school kid yeah yeah so remember back in the day you'd have like the cool fucking room that sort of like would bust out sort of jungle you'd have a like sort of club what what are now club classics right but then there was also the sort of eight 70s and 80s room right i used to go in that 70s 80s room and really cut loose and just dance and just really like and then i realized that more and more people

sort of like were joking about me behind my back oh no yeah and then like i remember we were going for like a football club do or whatever and someone turning around me turning around oh yeah and i'm really looking forward to and someone's saying you're not going to dance oh yeah and i sort of like realized that more people would sort of poke fun and so of, you know, I just enjoy just sort of like cutting loose and having a bit of but then you just realise that it's not the place for it. We don't live in musicals. We're not in The Greatest Showman.

According in 1996, 1997 was not a place where you could dance. It was like, you know, actually it's a little bit like Dirty Dancing, I guess, in some ways. I had a thing where when I was in my 20s we went to me and a few mates went to eastbourne to this like party in eastbourne right and there's just quite an attractive girl that i got chatting to right and i've got as you know

we've talked about this you and i both big sisters to many women uh throughout throughout the years um i actually started chat like actually started to like get on with this girl to the point where my mates were just like i can't believe this has happened right you know i could see their looks of disbelief yeah that was actually like um like simon from the uh in between this kind of like like yeah yeah so anyway like they'll play there's music on this party and she goes do you want to dance she goes do you want to dance to me right and i was like oh my god this is insane right because this has never happened to me very rarely throughout my life has it happened that i've started talking to a girl ended up dancing with her and then anyway she's asked me

to dance i walk over and she starts dancing and i start saying i've been cracking a few jokes and being you know as is our only weapon in these situations tom tried to be as funny as i possibly can and then she stopped she looked at me dancing and she basically thought i was doing a joke dance and started laughing and like but not laughing at me laughing along with me as if to say oh yeah i know what you're doing sort of started laughing but i was just dancing so so then i thought okay i'm gonna have to style it out as if that's what i meant to do right so then i started going and then i just started to laugh and then i tried a different dance move and then she started laughing even more and now she thinks i'm doing a fucking routine of like different funny darlings this is almost like the most traumatic

thing about this podcast right because it brings up memories that you've put away somewhere yeah you just push them down and they will be

some sort of illness at some point in the future so I remember it I'm pretty sure it was Blue Orchid it could have been

Vaults or something like that back in the day anyway like oh man this is I remember like sort of I'm pretty sure it was Blue Orchid. It could have been Volts or something like that back in the day. Anyway, like, oh, man. I remember, like, sort of fancying this girl for ages, right? And she was there with a group of mates. They were on the dance floor and they were all dancing, right? Doing that thing where they put down their bags and they're having a dance type thing.

Do you know what I mean? So it's like three or four bags and they're dancing around. It was old school. Sort of ironically doing that. I go over and I sort of know them a bit and I'm having a bit of a chat. And then I start dancing around to them, with them. And in a sense, like, dancing like I'm cool,

but also dancing to get a bit of a laugh because I think, you know, I'm not, you know, I sort of knew that I wasn't a cool dancer, but I sort of thought, you throw yourself into it, you know, like as a football player, you know, sometimes you're not the most skillful, but you might be Robbie Savage, put your heart and soul into it,

you might get a game now and again, right? Got you, got you, got you. Right. So these girls are… Need a slight on Robbie Savage there, but anyway, go on. So these girls are all like that. And then one of them's like, oh, we're going to go to the toilet. Are you all right to watch our bags?

Right. And then I'm standing over four of these bags, right, dancing on my own, right? Right. over four of these bags right dancing on my own right right so i'm there for like you know like time just evaporates yeah and you count things in songs so i'm there for about three songs on my own yeah just like you're at a strip club trying to figure out how much you are yeah but but now i'm not really dancing more sort of standing there sort of like trying to show that I care but like the numbers up and I'm looking down

at these bags then I catch a look at the girls that sort of one of them's a really good friend of my cousin at the time and I look across and they're all at this bar

and they're like chatting to these other guys right laughing being brought jokes oh my god right so now I'm standing

with these fucking bags right and all I can see everyone's throwing their heads back they're laughing the shots going down and I'm standing with these fucking bags, right? And all I can see, everyone's throwing their heads back, they're laughing, the shot's going down, and I'm now thinking, they're not coming back

for these fucking bags any time. Then I look over and see all my friends sort of looking at me, they've caught the girls, they're all, yeah. Oh, looks like Tom's got lucky with three handbags.

In the most indignifying way ever, I had to pick up their handbags, and the most dignifying way ever, I had to pick up their handbags and walk Oh my God. And walk over to them with these other lads

who were sort of laughing and joking and going, I go, ugh, ugh, for the sick. Hey.

This is so, do you know, it's so, this is so do you know it's so this is I wish I want to hug you man I just there's so much of this resonates with me

but go on and then just walking up with a big smile on my face because I don't want to see it like and going you alright

you're not coming back to parts then these blokes going what the fucking hell is it? And then we're going, oh, no, no, no, sorry, we just chatted. And I'm sort of like, oh, who's this one? Like sort of handing out these handbags sort of thing. And then, you know that moment where you go, your dignity's gone.

The dignity's left on the dance floor, right? Sure. All that's left now is just a husk of a man standing there. And they all sort of like stood there staring at me. These blokes are like, you all right, mate? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So did you stay with, so you decided to stay with these girls?

No, I just stood there thinking, like, what do I do? Do I leave? And just sort of like, but then I was always really, really, I didn't want them to feel awkward that I was really upset. So sort of,

they all want to drink and they're all like, no, no, no, we're right. We're okay. I'm like, cool.

yeah, so, yeah, probably just make a batch of your mates and stuff. Then I could see you all right. And sort of like walked off and I could feel behind me as I walked away. And I didn't look back, you know, like in the end of Stand By Me,

I'm like, I wouldn't look back to see the ghost, like the guy I used to be out on the dance floor just cut loose. I walked away, walked back to my friends and one of them, one of my, and rightly so, my mate went, why don't you just steal the fucking handbags? I just want, I just, the thing is-

I genuinely, I remember just sort of leaving that night, feeling like everyone in the block knew what had happened. No, but you know the thing is, right? Imagine, have you had therapy before? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Therapy, by the way, is incredible until you, the worst thing about therapy, right,

is when you actually sort of sit there and realise how pathetic you are and you chat to someone who's got their life completely in order well i i remember doing i i did what i did um i was having a particularly bad time of things and i went to his therapist and they had this thing where they they were like they talked to me for a bit and they said um one of the things you've got you've got a really horrible and i've talked about this a lot about this prick that lives inside my head and you've got the same thing. Yeah. And he said to me, your inner voice is too horrible to you.

So he goes, by the way, this is relevant to what you've just said. So, but like he goes to me, your, your, your inner voice is too horrible. And he said,

you need to be kinder to yourself. And I was like, okay. And he says, this is a really good thing, but I found it so self-conscious. I was so self-conscious when I did it. He said, I want you to imagine that you're sat over there.

Describe the thing, because I told him this story about how I thought I'd been a prick and blah, blah. And he goes, imagine you're sat over there and I want you to be kind now and talk to yourself in a kind way. It's a really, really good technique, but I just felt very self-conscious going, well, you're just trying your best and you're trying to be a nice man and you were looking out for that person and, you know, you're trying to, you know, all of that. Anyway, the reason I mention all that

is because that situation that you just described, like, you could have easily just gone, fuck this, this is embarrassing, and walked away from those handbags. But because you're a lovely, nice, kind-hearted bloke, you picked up the bags, you fucking set fire to your own dignity, and you walked over, then you handed the handbags out. But that's why you're a champion, mate.

You're a fucking champion. Yeah, right. But also, right, what happens then is a little bit of you, a little chink of you erodes, right? Because I stood there thinking, like, this is the truth. This is the real cold truth of it.

Thinking, even like that moment, I felt sick with the fact that I was standing there like an absolute plum. And I knew what these guys are thinking about. They're like, what the fuck is this guy? You know, why has he got a hand?

Oh yeah, we were all dancing together. It's like, you know, but even at that saddest most pathetic fucking moment in my life i still somewhere wanted to have like those guys to go oh he's a nice guy but and now maybe you would go oh you were but at that time they're not thinking that they're thinking what a fucking loser well you know the the sad thing is is that when you do stuff like that people just think yeah but i i think i i remember walking away thinking and and you know like that i really like i remember things like that and that a number of those things happen to you in life and it does have a like even now things happen where you just go i wish i'd just been more of a prick at that

moment i know i know i wish i'd be more assertive or i mean i wish i'd not allow myself to get mugged off and what happens is when you when you have those things occasionally i'll be sat on a train or wherever i'll be doing something and i'll remember one of those moments and i'll shudder and the thought of how i behaved it's horrible yeah but and i don't think you have to be a prick i don't because the trouble is right is that the world is is a roller coaster of emotions that you're constantly trying to navigate, right? And in that moment... Look, and also, let me just say, by the way,

I'm completely fucking, like... I don't even know what happened after that moment. Because what could have happened is those guys go, God, what a fucking loser. And those girls go, actually, he's all right. He's a really nice guy. Yeah. And it's really sweet he's done that.

And those blokes... And I hope they did do that. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know what? The girls might have gone, fucking hell, he's a dope. And the blokes have gone, actually, that's quite... Whatever. Or, you know what, the girls might have gone, fucking hell, he's a dope. And the blokes have gone, that's quite awesome. Whatever.

I don't know what happened. The chances are everyone in the situation went, what a loser. Right? But I don't know how that carried on afterwards. I just walked away from the situation feeling like the, like I genuinely felt like the lowest person in that whole environment at that time. Like literally if they got, like the DJ had turned around and gone, ladies and gentlemen, the lowest person in the whole environment at that time. Like, literally, if they'd got... Like, the DJ had turned around and gone,

ladies and gentlemen, the lowest person in the whole place, the scum, the bottom of the rung, put your hands together for Tom Davis. The spotlight would just hold on me, and I had to tell the whole room what fucking happened. That's how I felt. But no-one else knew, and no-one else really cared. Like, genuinely.

And you know what? Like, I thought about that every day for about three years. Like, I would always think about it. Like, oh, know what would i do if that ever that situation ever happened again what would i go and then i stopped thinking about it right and whatever and now just chatting to you today you start but it's such a weird scenario isn't it where you're like like i i genuinely thought and i think i've said something along these lines but i thought for a long time because i've had situations that i would be chatting to someone in a bar and someone would go aren't you the guy with the handbags like that is it's like how your mind sort of

slips into but you know people don't care no but you did a lovely thing that night and and also you've got to remember you know somebody might have gone on what a loser and they all go what a loser but they weren't thinking that you just go along with the group don't they do you know what as well that this is a sad thing is like like we're talking about 1998 right like i i think what would have made me better would have instantly cheered me up is if i'd had an iphone and we we slag off iphones we slag off modern technology i had to walk home on my own in a really like fucking like really low mood right at that point right if i'd had an iphone and i've been able to walk back and stick like in a pet of like airpods and stick on like a great showman or sort of some sort of song that would pick up you know like i'm not talking even like you know like we've

had a low night right yeah even like me and you you've had a bad gig and you get in a taxi and the driver's got a bit of magic on and you start singing along and all of a sudden your spirits are picked up just from a stranger who's just driving along. Some people don't like that. That's my vibe. I always think if that had been the situation I could have been in, then maybe I'd have, I'd have,

I'd have got through that a little bit. That'd have been a nice end to the evening. Sorry, your, your, your nice end to the evening of being humiliated and things, that you get into a taxi and sing along with the driver. Yeah.

Magic. Yeah, some of my happiest memories of that. We've got different ideas of what happy endings are. Wait. I was going to finish on this, right? Yeah. There was a point in my life where I'd be getting a taxi home on like a friday thursday friday saturday night from the same taxi rank nearly every you know and invariably you sort of

like you fall into position where you see the same driver multiple times and i remember i'd get in and they'd go sing along just on my own knowing that that was the number of times i would go out in crawley go out and get pissed in the hope of you know maybe meeting a woman or something like that and it didn't happen i've got to say you know i must have done that hundreds of times without any evidence to suggest that anything different apart from me looking for a taxi on my own at the end of the night was going to happen yeah despite that i'd put on the shirt again put on the aftershave i'd head on out cool water on the firm oh pathetic in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill. Speed.

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For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Okay, should we do some emails? Hit me up, baby. I feel like we're descending into a bit of therapy there, mate. Yeah, it felt nice though, boy. Yeah, you reckon? Sometimes you're not here, but I actually felt your hands on my shoulders, though.

You became the guy at the cinema, but you put your arm around me. Okay, great, great. But the difference is I would have said, is it all right for me to put my arm around you? And you would have gone, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Bring it on. This is from The Amoeba. Chaps, you're clearly men of fashion and style so i hope you can relate to this i am never one to treat myself to expensive goods often nearly always going for cheaper brands sainsbury's clothing department do well off me however last month i wanted a new coat for all weathers and thought it worth a higher investment as it will be used for years i purchased an expensive coat from a quality high stream chain high street chain for 140 pounds but reduced from 190 pounds in sales and felt pretty chuffed for myself the thrill has now been dampened i was after an evening out the other day where i'd worn the coat for just the

third time i found in the morning there were bleach stains up a sleeve and on the back it's probably possibly from when bar staff are spraying tables near my chair but who knows needless to say i'm annoyed but telling myself it's just a material object it seems a sign though that i can't have nice things i wonder if you'd had similar disasters with new purchases yours the amoeba p.s i remember seeing romesh at sticky mike's bar in brighton in around 2013 and i've always been a fan that was very early on in my stand-up career thanks for coming to that um okay oh yeah somebody else asked why i always make you go first when we do the advice on this i guess it's the only bit of structure we have on this well i do i do have an answer for that actually it's that if i read the email and then start giving the answer it's

a very long time without tom speaking actually i could listen to you all the time though but but i also think it's nice to be like the filling in a romesh sandwich okay uh tom uh what's your take go on go on number one i'm gonna say now i'm gonna shout you out um amoeba was it amoeba amoeba and say um yo i respect you massively you know i i put far too much uh emphasis on clothing and brands and and bits that you know i think now and that all goes back to what we're just talking about uh because back in the day i you know as a kid i think we didn't have a lot of money and i think i used to sort of as a sort of late my late teens early 20s really sort of like put a lot of perspective on like really nice clothing or and you know even if i could

have afforded it it usually wasn't in my size so I sort of like I've put a lot of emphasis in my later life on having certain clothing and thinking that's gonna sometimes make me happy some of the stuff that I wear most of the time when I'm looking around the house is stuff that I've had for years and I've got an adidas jacket that I wear walking the dog that I've had I think probably about 12 or 13 years like when I started up and started out probably like like Rom and Stand Up, you have no money, you're sort of like, often sort of that's, those things sort of like push that, the fact that you're constantly looking at Nicares or whatever

and thinking, I need this, I need that, and it's somehow going to fulfil you. But it's actually just fulfilling an empty void. And I think in the sense of like your situation of going like, you know what, you're a thrifty, you buy the stuff that you want and then you treat yourself to this one thing, I think it's quite sad in the sense that that thing's been ruined because I think you probably got more joy and more satisfaction

and felt prouder about that than anything myself and Romesh have brought in a long, long time. I think that that's – I look back to those things, and with Romesh, I would look back to getting my first ever paycheck and being able to afford something from Yves Saint Laurent. Or I look back to even like when I left scaffolding and I was broke for a long time and sort of, you know, me and Catherine went through quite a long time

of not having anything or any money. So getting back onto that road where you could actually afford things again, those moments felt really, really special. And sometimes now I think that actually you're sometimes buying things and going, oh, that doesn't really mean anything as much as that jacket meant to you. So I completely get where you're at. And it's really, really sad that that's happened.

And I think you should treat yourself to feel better about yourself because I think when you do buy something that you feel like you look good in or you feel like you get something that makes you just feel that little bit better about yourself, I think it's a very, very special feeling. So I think treat yourself more often because you deserve it. You're a G. Great advice, Tom.

Thank you so much uh i hope i hope amoeba this doesn't put you off treating yourself in the future it's difficult isn't it i've had a couple of things happen like that to me one um when i was doing my a levels i bought a french connection when french connection was the shit yes yes i bought a french connection uh puffer nice and i was seeing this girl who she was attract very attractive girl and i sort of um i'm not proud of my behavior during that time let's just put it that like i was so what's the best way to describe it i couldn't believe i was going out with a girl that attractive right so it made me a prick i mean i sort of like everything she wanted i would do

like just really tragic bastard like i started trying to dress better for her and shit like that because i sort of like felt like you know she was like operating on a different level to me anyway this fresh french connection coat and i was she's picking me up because i couldn't drive anyway so um i ran out to the car then I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. So I'm just running in and I knocked on the door. My mum opened the door

and I was so desperate to get in quickly. I ran in and as I ran in, the inside of the lock on the front door just sliced through the arm. They're the biggest dickheads in the world by that fucking... And it just... The arm of my coat just j dickheads in the world by that. Oh my god. And it just, the arm of my coat just jizzed feathers

across the whole front, across the corridor. I'll never forget this, right? I love my mum. My mum has been fantastic. She's one of my heroes. She went through a lot of shit to bring my brother and I up. When I think of some of the things

that I've said to my mother when I was a teenager of some of the things that i've said to my mother when i was a teenager just fucking unacceptable the way i've spoken to my mother in the past i ran past the door just like she was like a bit shocked that i was in a rush i mean i was being a bit of a you know like excited to go meet go and go out with my my my hot girlfriend run past the door the coach jizzed feathers into the corridor and i looked at my mom and i went why are you laughing and she wasn't i just wanted to direct my anger that my coat had been fucked to somebody it's totally my fault right or an accident whatever you want to call it and just because my mom was stood there i said why are you laughing i just looked at me like

are you a dickhead i'm just stood here totally straight faced do you mean looks like a chicken's fucking got a scene to in it and she's going to clean it up right yeah and i'm gonna go straight out do you mean it's like anyway there was that i mean another time i had uh the sad thing about that as well is that yeah go on like just for you know but it's like like we all that's the that's the tragedy and that happens all the time right is that we all like the way that we talk to our parents and our teens and even our 20s and it's like, that's the tragedy that happens all the time, right? Is that we all, like, the way that we talk to our parents in our teens and even our 20s. And it's like, you know, as we're trying to navigate and find out who we are, like, it's a real, like, dickhead thing

of, like, how, like, when I look back now, I just think, fucking hell, how lucky I was to have, like, two amazing parents and, like, people who really cared about me and really genuinely loved me. Like, you know, it sounds a silly thing, but, you know, as I find out later, I, you know, I just thought that was a given. Like, you know, I have friends at the moment

and people quite close to me in my life. And you think like, you know, that are going through stuff at the moment, you think I've been really, really lucky that both of my parents always, and I just always just thought that was life, right? And also you could talk however you kind of wanted and that you know it was unconditional that you get that back and I think

when you grow out a little bit older you realize actually that that doesn't happen in every household that's a real sort of so eye-opener but but that's the one thing sometimes that I think in life that I look back and go oh man I just wish that at that moment like I've been a little bit kinder and like you know like that bit with you there right like number one those locks right that there should be someone like who's held accountable for him for the amount of clothes those fucking shitty locks but really sharp bits of fucking like circa fucking most like council houses fucking that me and you were fucking rolling in and out of back in the day they were were like putting so shoddily, right?

In a rich person's house, have that fucking lot because you can afford another jacket. In a poor person's house, like your clothes are everything, right? You're living and breathing by those jackets. Like the queen should have those locks throughout her whole house because she can like, she'll rip her shock jacket and she ain't going to give a shit about it. She'll get another.

As we know, she loves shock. You know, like just quickly. You pulled that reference out of your ass, didn't your ass didn't you yeah you know when you're talking about french connection i was thinking of like a shot jack similar situation to you i had a shot jacket right i'm talking about i'm talking about pre-fc uk by the way it's not when french connection first connection was the bollocks right it was amazing every every like every dog had its day in the sun shot right i right? I got a shock jacket. Do you remember?

Mine had a hood to it. And I remember going out with the work guys, sort of older than me, scaffolders and stuff, and sort of acting the goat and being silly and whatever. And I remember one of them going, oh, mate, put your hood up. You look cool with the hood up, right? So I put the hood up,

and one of them had emptied an ashtray into the hood. It just covered my head my hair everything it was one of the most emasculating things like awful like situation and had to laugh about it because the guy was an absolute like bully and a lunatic just stood in the middle of like a bar just like oh mate that's brilliant do you know what do you know do you know i i i want to use this podcast to find out about something right because this is slightly related to what you're talking about so i had a moschino body warmer right do you know yeah right so i had a moschino body warmer right i'd fucking like like the amoeba i'd saved up for this at you know i was like fucking it's like i've been looking at this thing for for. Got the money together, bought the thing, right?

And it was like, everybody, every time I wore it, everybody was like, oh my God, that's such, like strangers would come up to me, right? Yeah. Anyway, one night, one of my friends, who I'm still friends with now, said to me, can I wear, can I borrow the body warm? And I was like, yeah, of course you can.

So we went out, we went out together, but he wanted to wear it, right? So we went out and we're out. And I was with, I don't know how to explain this, but I was with, have, of course you can. So we went out. We went out together, but he wanted to wear it, right? So we went out. And we're out. And I was with, I don't know how to explain this, but I was with, have you ever been out with, you must have done, I mean, you're sort of describing it now. You're out of a group of mates that you think might think you're the dickhead of the group.

Do you know what I mean? That pretty much was my whole life from the age that I can think that thought to pretty much when i stopped giving a shit about people who treat me like a fucking toilet that was pretty much my whole existence so i had that right i was with these guys and like me and my mate at the body the body woman he's he's still a mate of mine to this day he's one of my very best friends he's best man at my wedding i love the geyser right but we were with this group of friends from uni that like i just sort of i feel like we were getting bullied.

When I look back on it, I think they weren't really friends. They're like, anyway, my mate, we got back to halls after our night out and my mate went to give me the body warmer back. And we'd been out as a group together and it just had a cigarette burn right in the back. Right. Yeah. And I, I remember looking at it and everybody went sort of silent and there's part of me that thought one of these guys has done this on purpose like like this is a deliberate thing right yeah but i didn't even i didn't even have the balls to sort of ask that question

but but but i went to try and get it fixed they tried to like stitch it up but it was it was fucked after that i mean but like i just say by the way they're just like you know you say when they get to get it fixed right like i i've been in that situation and it's like especially when you're talking about a puffer jacket or like a fucking gilet right that and you know what like when you go into a dry cleaners or like seamstress or whatever like to get that thing fixed the way that person looks at you is like they they know they know that this is your only jacket, right? They know that. And they feel like indebted to like go, but they've got to carry your only fucking,

like fucking box of eggs across the fucking roughest river in the world. Just cause they're like, all right, this, this jacket clearly means everything to this person. Right. Then you get the jacket back and it's just got this awful little pinch mark. It's like,

you can see it's always worse. That's it. That's exactly what they did. They, they pinched it's like you can see it's almost worse that's that's that's exactly what they did they they pinched it where the fag burn was and then they just sort of stitched across that so at the back of it it just went up in like a horseshoe and then came back down again right and then and then when i went to get the jacket they went i think we've done quite a good that's pretty amazing like you know i didn't think we'd be able to fix that but we have fixed and i had to look at it thinking, okay, this is unwearable.

And I'm now having to pay just to have that confirmed. And you know the worst thing of that, right, is the same with the fact, like the ashtray in the hood, right? And this is like, you know, we're talking about therapy. Like me and you, in both of those scenarios, are standing there looking at other people having a good time and behind our backs looking at other people having a good time and behind their backs shit someone

two other people at least two other people are either going like that with a cigarette or putting the ashtray into your hood either way what they're doing

is they're doing it behind your back and you know when people turn around and say about imposter syndrome or why are you the way you are

this has been this has been I swear to god this is I think we should need to apologise to the listeners today because it's just been

you and me having fucking therapy that's what this has been this might be what happens at the evening episodes this is what happens in the evenings this is like

this is Wolf and Owl after dark this is what happens we start getting all introspective start talking about our lives while we've ended up

sitting here fucking sobbing. And I think it was like, I think it was probably like 1999 when I realised that I didn't love myself. Wait, wait. I didn't even know you were allowed to love yourself until 2015. I didn't even know that you could like yourself. I guess everyone feels like this.

Anyway, guys, look, the reason I'm saying this is that I hope you're enjoying it, but we've got a bit like... Macabre. Yeah, well, we've both had dinner. We've come into this. It's dark. I'm feeling quite cosy. It's a winter night.

Yeah. Just before we get into this next email i just while i remember i just want to send a thank you to rachel who emailed him with some tips for how to look after our new dog i've used the tips and they've been brilliant um i love having a dog so much are you where you with treats at the moment i'm not doing any treats you can't wait can you start doing treats i think i think we're a couple of weeks away from that let me any treats you can't wait can you start doing treats i think i think we're a couple of weeks away from that let me tell you you're you're that you're it's a game changer if they're they they're stomach led really yeah yeah the last thing you want to do is a dog

who doesn't really care about food you well we've just been going through the thing of like him dealing with the shock of like living with this family do you know what i mean so are you getting in raw food or are you going to put him on? I don't know. Put him on a raw food diet. I think we're going to go vegan with him. Really? I'm joking.

I don't know with you. I don't know what a free spirit you are at times. No, I can't do that to him, mate. Okay, next email. Dear Tom, Rom and Swan, I think I'm going to want to go anonymous for this one, if I'm honest. Perhaps you'll allow me to be the drop bear. Exciting for you, Tom. I live in Australia. email dear tom roman swan i think that i want to go anonymous for this one if i'm honest perhaps

you'll allow me to be the drop bear exciting for you tom i live in australia wow first first first like anti or not anti uh antipodean yeah okay there's a couple of things first of all you couldn't say the word antipodean secondly it's nowhere near the first antipodean we've had no no no but the first one for a while okay fine for a while um drop bear just so you know i'm coming to perth at some point well when you're doing a little when you're going when you're doing a little talking about doing a little aussie tour when are you thinking of going probably gonna be i don't know if it'll be end of next year maybe beginning of year after probably let me know why you want to come i I might come with you, yeah. If there's enough. Okay. No, no, just let me know. Keep me in mind for it.

Okay. What I can tell you about this email is the swan has flagged this as one of her favourites, okay? Okay. So, alright. Let me get comfortable for this. I don't want to put too much pressure on you. Let me just get comfortable for this one. My mum was a larger lady, not

a little larger. Her life went off the rails a bit and she became fully obese anyway with great weight comes limited mobility so when i was young around four or five when i was young around four or five we used to play a game where it was my job to get on my hands and knees and chew off her toenails. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. I shit you not. Fuck you. She would call me over and ask if I wanted to play beaver nibble. Beaver nibble?

Fuck me. Imagine your mum asking you to play beaver nibble. Jesus. And with great delight, I'd pretend to be... Why does he not call himself the beaver nibble. Jesus. And with great delight, I pretend to be... Why does he not call himself the beaver on this? I don't know.

Because you want to disassociate yourself from this, don't you? If you want to make that your fucking nickname, why are you called the beaver, mate? Oh, it's because I used to nibble my mum's toenails

like a beaver. You know what? I know this is really... There's something quite sweet about that. Sure. Sure. Sure. She would call me over, ask if I wanted to play beaver nibble,

and with great delight, I'd pretend to be a beaver using my sharp teeth to nibble away until the job was done. Often swallowing bits of... Fucking hell. What the fuck? She would do hilarious impressions of a cartoon beaver and we would laugh away

to be honest when you've got a mum who can't run around and play catch moments like beaver nibble become memories of total flat out fun it was only in my teenage

it was only in my early teenage years when I told a friend who nearly vomited that i reframed it in my mind as being weird so i ask you what things from your childhood are absolutely normal until you grow up and found out they weren't okay look anything we say about yeah like none of this nothing i've got nothing that's anywhere near us no nothing that i've got in my life that is even going to go close to beaver nibble yeah beaver nibble but by the way right and like yeah i said it during the email but

there's something quite sweet about that like i know it's not conventional and like you know obviously there was that video recently of paul skulls doing like the chewing of the toenail thing yeah it might be one of those things that happens in more households than we actually know about yeah actually that's a great shout if If anybody here either nipples their, their kids toenails or, uh, or their kids nibble their toenails. Could you get in touch at wolfalpod at gmail.com please?

We'd love to. You know what? It's like, let's get to Dave again, but like, Oh my God. No, but for,

for, for the drop bear, right? Like that is probably one of the happiest memories that he had as a kid right yeah like even now like when he's writing about it there's a term like you know it's funny and it's it's a bit weird but there's a little bit of affection there he's clearly there's probably a real bond and a real closeness between him and his mum in those moments i mean listen i would say there's an argument that that similar bond could be achieved with toenail clippers.

Yeah, you know, in all fairness. I don't think, I would say that the nibbling isn't essential for that connection to happen. No, no, but, you know, maybe... In fact, I would say if your mouth is busy with chewing off the toenails, it probably lends itself to less chat. But maybe his mum thought, you know, I don i don't know like how do i make this more fun because it's quite shitty for him to sit down just cut my yeah this poor bastard do you know what why don't we make a game of it and you eat them i'm just saying we don't know his mum right his mum could have just been there being like oh mate i don't know we don't bond or we don't laugh

and joke as much as i thought we would and then like yeah that's why she does that and then you know at a time he's probably thinking god bloody hell it's beaver friday you know i mean get the old nibble on like all i'm saying is people navigate through life in different ways okay right we who are we to judge his sweet sweet mother you know no you're No, you're absolutely... I'm not judging his mother. I'm not judging his mother. I think that... It turns out, I'm just reading the end of this email, she sadly passed away when he was 10.

Wow. I mean, I'm slightly floored by it because I just sort of think that's probably one of the closest moments he had with her. And I sort of salute him for that. My mum used to... By the way, Drop Bear, thank you very much for your email. It's a great email. My mum used to by the way drop bear thank you very much for your email it's great email i um my mum used to make me massage her feet yeah but i think most yeah

yeah parents did you know and i used to like um i didn't mind massaging my mum's feet i don't think one of my biggest problems was it was never long enough for her do you know what i mean so like like i remember like hating massaging her feet and did you ever massage your mom's feet yeah i think i've massaged my parents feet yeah but i think as well yeah but i don't think i think like like anything as you're a kid you just want to be out there as quick as you can if if i if i told if i asked any of my kids to massage my feet i genuinely think they'd tell me to fuck off like now now when i'm thinking about i think yeah i massage my mom's feet i didn't ever massage my my dad's feet by the way we're not fuck i think there's a that's a health and safety issue massaging those

honestly his feet were like an archaeological dig they're horrendous you know what that's the that's the trouble now you've got computer games and you've got so much other stuff for kids to get big. No, you're right. They won't massage my feet because there's Playstations. No, no, but it's me. Back in the day, man, you had to have numerous things to pass the time with. Tom, Tom, Tom.

We didn't leave... We're not fucking Neanderthals. You're behaving like we fucking grew up in the fucking Middle Ages. What are you talking about? No, I'm just saying is this right when i was a kid i was massaging my feet when the amiga 500 existed yeah right okay right are you telling me right like back then way back then right yeah i'm talking about when we

admit you're youngins right yeah when ghostbusters went out in the cinema you had a year before you could even sniff around that film again and then they'll probably only be one yeah but you didn't i didn't think to myself oh it's a long wait before this comes out i might massage my mom's feet in the meantime just to make just a while the time away look that was it was the fact is what i'm trying to say is this right you didn't have stuff to be doing around the house like you'd have toys to play with and stuff okay right but you didn't have as much to keep you busy with. And also, probably then, like, you know,

games like, you know, Monday Massage or whatever, like, Beaver Nipples, were more prevalent because people were just more like fucking, you know, people couldn't go to a spa

and have a nice massage. No. No, you're right. Yeah. You probably, I mean, I know you, you and Lisa probably go to a spa, what, five, six times a year?

We can't, we don year. We actually went. When did we go? We went a year and a half ago, maybe. You enjoy it? I loved it. So maybe we didn't love it. Drop Bear,

thank you for your email. Tom. Yo. It's been a deep one. Man, it's been very deep. Normally, we sort of dick around and then we have a deep closing man it's been very deep very deep normally we sort of dick around and then we have a deep

closing thought from you we've already been deep I mean I think you've been particularly deep on this one do you have something to take us out please

maybe I do Ron maybe I do oh god there was a rabbit by the name of Stephen Clement and Stephen Clement was of all the rabbits,

a little bit different. He longed for something that was better than just eating carrots and lettuce and shit. Stephen was an owned rabbit, so he lived in a little pen with these other rabbits. About four pens down

was a group of mastiff dogs who used to bark and howl into the night and eat raw meat and shit and steven thought oh wow like yeah fucking hell man you know that that looks like the life for me that looks like cow i want to be that's you know anyway um one late night when all the other rabbits are asleep and the dogs sort of like we're sort of up partying and whatever and barking and shit passing traffic steven clement scurried along and he made burrowed down and he buried his way up into the dog's pound pen and he's like he gets in there and he looks around and all the other dogs are barking and whatever.

And Stephen Clement is like, yo, I'm Stephen Clement. I'm from the rabbit enclosure. And the dogs just look at him up and down and growl. And Stephen Clement is like, oh, I just thought maybe I could come and live here because all they do is eat carrots and lettuce and they don't really do any cool shit and you're always loud and barking. And then the dogs are like, okay, motherfucker, let's see what you've got. And he stands there as traffic goes past

and all the dogs are loudly barking and Stephen Clement tries to bark and obviously rabbits can't bark. That's just not in their mix. So all the dogs look at him and laugh. And then basically they they're like you know we're gonna eat you if you don't just fuck off back to your pen and see clement looks at him and he goes oh god right so he just gets back into his tunnel and one of them kicks some dirt over him

and spits on him as he walks off and he he gets back in and he looks at all the other rabbits sort of sleeping and all happy with themselves and the next day when the farmer in and he looks at all the other rabbits sort of sleeping and all happy with themselves and the next day when the farmer comes and he's got the lettuce and the carrots guess which rabbit's the first in queue with a big smile on his face steven clement because sometimes in life when you look left and you look right you think christ everyone's having a better time in a better place than i am but the is, if you just stay in your own pen and make the most of what you've got, your life can be pretty sweet too.

Wow, that's really nice. Guys, I hope you enjoyed that. Thank you so much for joining us on another episode of The Wolf and Owl. I hope you're still with us and you haven't been too depressed by the the chats that we've had on this one we will see you next time for a little bit of what we like to call the wolf and the owl well we don't we call it the wolf for now but anyway bye-bye kill it do it

you got this if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com that's wolfalpod at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you mainly because we don't have any content ideas thank you