Wolf and Owl - Episode 57

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

We’re talking…. Rom’s awesome weekend, Manchester’s curry mile, overdosing on ghee, inadvertently becoming a West Ham fan, clubbing in your 40s, bonding with Leonardo DiCaprio and badly fitting suits. Then onto more listener emails - this week about poetry, film screenplays, an update on dating again, and advice on giving advice. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yeah. Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Then podcast the body parts get severed and served, bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler

both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing, dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff And a...

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Hey! Oh my... Oh my shit! Oh baby!

It's the wolf and owl! Oh my god! Up in your earpiece! I like it raw, baby. It's the wolf of now. Oh, my God. Up in your earpiece. I like it raw, baby. How you doing? You good? Mate, I'm going to tell you this now, Tom. Yeah, hit me.

Buzzing. Buzzing my tits off. Really? I would say one of the best weekends I've ever had. What an exaggeration. Was it? A great weekend. Really?

Great weekend. What happened? I've got to say, I both speak to to pick with you, actually, about this weekend. But you load me up. Load up the plate with your bedlam of madness. Okay. And then let me pour in a little bit of gravy of deceit. Okay.

I'm looking forward to this because I'm almost certain you've used the word deceit incorrectly, but we'll find out. I'm looking forward to this because I'm almost certain you've used the word deceit incorrectly but we'll find out so went to Stockport

well went to Manchester for a couple of shows shout out Manchester amazing show not in Manchester because I'd done Manchester already on this tour it was actually Stockport

where we stayed in Manchester so did the first show in Stockport Friday night crowd unbelievable buzzing it was just a fucking I love that venue

I love the Stockport audience Friday night crowd, unbelievable. Buzzing? I love that venue. I love the Stockport audience was sick. And then... So Stockport's it straight away. It sounds like it's in your top five places in England. No. I don't know. What did you say? Now what you've done is I'm buzzing about Stockport.

And then you've asked me to... I was just saying, I've never... Look, in all the years of our friendship, I've never seen you this, like, hyped up and fucking generous about any one city. You know? If Lisa phoned me and said, oh, Tom, it's me, Lisa.

I'm wrong that she's got this crazy idea that we're moving to Stockport. I wouldn't go, oh, fucking, that's a surprise. I'd be like, shit, yeah, I knew this was going to happen. No, I had a good show there, and Stockport seems nice, but I literally turned up at the venue, did the show, and left. People were great. People were great.

People were great. After Stockport, after the first show, went to... By the way, if I go into too much detail, I start to get boring. Just stop me. No, no, no, I love it when you go on a detailed rant. All right. Rant? Well, you know what I mean.

A detailed soiree. That was really pathetic the way I did that rant imagine it's telling you about my weekend I love that you do

your own voice now as well I like the thought that that voice has become your inner monologue then I went to this restaurant

on the curry mile called Mugly Charcoal Pit right and I need to give this restaurant on the Curry Mile called Mugly Charcoal Pit right and I need to give this restaurant a shout out okay I would say

on the Curry Mile you're talking Curry Mile Manchester yeah yes correct shout out I lived once I lived not far from there it's an amazing place

did you did you have to leave because you wouldn't survive otherwise just having that number of that number of curry houses that close to you it's just fucking dangerous lurking

about it's an incredible place it's probably one of the best miles in the world it's probably one of the best we've done we've done a blood

test on him his blood is 65% ghee we're gonna have to get him out of rush on ghee's really bad for you isn't it yeah it's clarified

butter yeah it's like most stuff cooked in ghee for like is that what makes it so delicious ghee is does make things delicious yeah you can get vegan ghee which is better for you i i don't actually i don't know if it is because brindle bargy is one of my favorite things and when i eat i can eat a whole portion of brindle like a big portion of brindle bargy on my own with just some rice right yeah i think i'm eating healthy but that's an insane amount of ghee you'll be in that right yes yeah like you know you know like a big portion of brindle bargy on my own with just some rice, right? And I think if I'm eating healthy, but that's an insane amount of gear you'll be in that, right?

Yes, yeah. You know, so my mum's aubergine curry, which you... I've had before. Yeah, which one Judge Romer, she stole from me. So that is absolutely delicious. But before you curry the aubergine, you have to deep fry it. Do you? Because you don't have to, obviously. You don't have to do anything.

But what I mean is to get that taste, she fries it before she puts it in the curry. to deep fry it yeah because you don't have to obviously you don't have to do anything but what i mean is to get that taste she fries it before she puts it in the curry because you know you could also put aubergine in salt water overnight and it will suck out all of the because aubergine itself's got a bit of a rancid taste unless you you have to really yeah but that's the thing that's the thing with the aubergine curry is like they have to do that and then it's like super oily that aubergine curry by the way just to let everyone know i had two of those one was for me one was for romesh and i got both of them i ate one cold in my hotel room that night and it was hey just he's been talking about my mom's cooking for such a long time and he chooses

for his first taste of it i don't know who i'm talking to here i don't know what i'm referring to in the third person you choose to fucking eat cold in a hotel room. I imagine in your underwear, that's how I picture it. Yeah, it was. You just sat there, yeah, and you just go, oh, fucking hell. It was delicious. That was a hell of a fucking bell smash. It's actually...

A bell smash? It's actually left me it's actually left me feeling empty like need in need of nutrients I've spilt so much of myself

onto the floor like going to the mini bar where I pulled out all the bottles just a bit in two just smashing through smashing through

an eight pound jar of cashews just to top up your energy because you've had such a session ripping the head off of it and you ate

yeah you ate it cold cold I had it cold and then I had it hot the next day so I had two of them so one cold I couldn't wait to eat

I just couldn't wait and uh oh man sometimes late at night I just think about that curry so that so anyway shout out to Mugly Charcoal Pit

the best I reckon possibly the best lime pickle I've ever had. Wow. That's a shout. Wow. How were the Nans? Nans were great.

Poppadoms were incredible. They did okra fries, bro. You know, okra fries. Just insane. Have they got like a zucchini kind of vibe to them? Yeah. Man, that is exciting. That's exciting. Proper, proper exciting. Anyway. Have they got like a zucchini kind of vibe to them? Yeah. Man, that is exciting.

That's exciting. Proper, proper exciting. Anyway. I want to end up in Manchester soon, so I can just go in there and just shake them by the hand and say, I'm Romesh's friend, his best friend. Or just go there deliberately. Yeah. You don't have to wash up there.

No, I could just walk in, probably take my mate Stan with me, walk in, shake them by the hand and go, this is Stan, I'm Tom. Why don't you give some context to this? Your personal trainer is called Stan, and he walk in, show up by the end and go, this is Stan, I'm Tom. Why don't you give some context to this? Your personal trainer is called Stan and he lives in Manchester. Nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about.

So Stan lives in Manchester. I know that we do this as a relaxed chat style, but you do have to give some sort of fucking concession to the people that are listening. I'll probably turn up with Stan. Everyone knows what you're talking about. I've talked about Stan a fair bit. Right, so Stan is my personal trainer

who lives in Manchester. We have a sort of arrangement where he trains me via FaceTime. Now it's too much. Okay. We probably rock up. Standing outside, we go, oh, fucking hell,

I'm looking forward to this, mate. If Romesh says it's good, I say this is going to be amazing. Is he a scouser? No, he does accents. Is he constantly doing accents? He's doing accents. So we'd have to tread carefully in there.

Could have some more poppadom. I'll fucking hell stand. Literally the worst time you could have done. Sorry, go on. I'd shake the man by the hand, look him straight in the eye and say, I'm Romesh's friend, Tom. I believe he's probably mentioned me.

Yeah. I would sit down and say that Romesh said, I'd go lime pickle, poppadoms, naan, and just bring me a smorgasbord of other delights that you think would satisfy me. Every single thing I had was delicious. Wow. And, you know, sometimes you can go to an Indian restaurant.

I'm not trying to slag off Indian restaurants. Indian restaurants, we talked about this a lot, up there with my favourite food. I want to say I don't think that anything compares to them for... I think percentage-wise, you're more likely to get a bad any other kind of restaurant

than an Indian restaurant. I would agree with that. I do think Indian restaurants, the only weakness in an Indian restaurant is the desserts. Desserts are... I think we've talked about this. My local one, there's a Ferrero Rocher. He's upped his game recently. There's a Ferrero Rocher... I think we talked about this. My local one, there's a Ferrero Rocher. He's upped his game recently. He does a Ferrero Rocher

in an ice cream. So it's like an ice cream bowl with a Ferrero Rocher. And that's very traditional Indian as well. So that's... Very traditional Indian as well. So that sounds good. But, you know,

sometimes when you go to a curry house, it's like... It's like variations of the same kind of taste. You know what I mean? It's still nice, but this place, everything was individual.

It was so good. Shout out Mugly. Did you meet the chef? No, actually, that's still nice, but this place, everything was individual. It was so good. Shout out Mugly. Did you meet the chef? No, actually, that's the other thing I was going to say to you. First of all, I'm sorry I didn't mention you. And secondly, they had no idea. I didn't tell them even. They didn't recognise me and I didn't tell them.

In a way, that must have been nice for you. No, it sort of made very little difference. This is probably not what happened, but in a way, I've just got this idea of you just sort of like you you've been like you've had this amazing gig yeah uh were you with um your tour manager i was with tour manager uh grazio i was with uh our sound tech on the tour dennis and i was with uh dj martin too smooth legend of the game martin too smooth shout out but i can imagine you just like in the mirror before like you go there and you just sort of staring in the mirror you put

on like a really nice shirt and you're just slicking back your hair and you're like i'm gonna fucking i'm gonna smash a curry at night boys uh we had to go straight it's always a bit of a panic having a curry after the tour show because we basically had to go straight we'd go straight from the tour show yeah yeah and when you're looking you're sort of at a race against time the number of times

we turned up to restaurants and they just looked absolutely fucking furious were there many drunks in there? nah nah do you know what it was like so you'll be careful

over that time or not the truth is at the curry mile the time that we went I think Dennis and Graz were the only non-brown people on the whole Curry Mar

from what I can tell you and Dennis is Spanish so he's on the edges of it actually Grazio's Maltese so anyway so I had that curry

and then the next day which I suspect is what you're going to get annoyed about is I went to watch Manchester United take on West Ham United.

The Old Trafford Theatre of James. So what's your problem? I've seen a picture of you online that's doing the rounds. Of you you're lurking around in the West Ham end. I know what you're talking about. No, I wasn't lurking around the West Ham end. I know what you're talking about. No, I'm not lurking around the West Ham end, right?

What happened was... By the way, first of all, Man United, the experience of going to Man United... Yeah, it's an amazing stadium, right? So sick. It was a great day, mate. It's incredible. I've been a few times corporate with them

and they really look after you, right? Mate, I don't... I don't want to I don't want to fucking play big ditch on here but I've played at Old Trafford as well

so it's all great so what was oh yeah yeah that was good is that that thing where everyone pretends to be doing

it for a better cause they're only actually they're doing it actually to have a great experience themselves is that the one you're talking about

mate I was there for the cause and also for my own cause of trying to get a place in the football team. But anyway, digress. Anyway, I don't want to sort of start to sound all fucking he's lost touch or whatever, but the hospitality at Man United was insane.

Insane. Anyway, as the game finishes, I'm walking out and a guy says to me, Romesh, can my daughter have a photo with you? Yeah. So I walk over, I do the photo, and I guess I was like, at that point where I took the photo, I was slightly nervous about getting to the tour show on time,

because we got carried away, and then suddenly think, shit, we've got to get back to the hotel, then to Stockport. Do you know what I mean? It's just a bit of a... I hadn't really figured it out before we... Squeaky bum time. Squeaky bum time, exactly right.

And then the other issue, which is, I'm not sounding like I don't like to see people, but there's no stage door. The stage door at Stockport Plaza is next to the front door of Stockport Plaza. Yeah, gotcha. So, you know, what I don't want is people to be coming into the show and then it looks like I've just

rocked up like Big Dick John to quote a friend of mine so anyway I take the photo and then this is what I think you're about to so the guy tags me in the photo on Instagram

and he basically says he basically says this guy so much respect for this guy West Ham through and through just after he's seen his team get lose in the last minute still had the

decency to take a photo of my daughter got even more respect for him massive love for this guy this guy right I mean he's put that up

and that's that's been sent to me a couple of times now from West Ham like fans is it really yeah yeah yeah because people know

everyone knows you're a fucking Arsenal fan no but also it's not even it's not even a word it's not like oh yeah

oh Romesh Ranganathan is like a West Ham he's like this guy's West Ham through and through I know I know I know I know what is it it's not even a word. It's not like, oh, yeah, oh, Romesh Ranganathan is like a West Ham. He's like, this guy's West Ham through and through. I know, I know, I know. I know. It's something like, this kid is West Ham through and through or something like that.

Genuinely, right? I've known you for a long time. When you're talking about Arsenal, I think even at a push, you'd have to really push it to say you're Arsenal. I know you're a massive fan, but you're not like where I go, oh, he's so passionate about

you're not like one of those people who like yeah like the way he's described you is like he's walked over and goes

alright to get a picture of my door and you've gone yeah alright man but fucking hell what a result I feel like fucking crying man yeah yeah

a minute away from a point at Old Trafford bro no literally like um god sorry Stockport not gonna be able to do that show after that oh god Old Trafford, bro. Literally, like... God, sorry Stockport. Not going to be able to do that show

after that. Oh, God. I'll tell you now, you're incredible when it comes to people asking for photos. You're amazing and you give everyone

time of day. But for him to, like, for him to sort of walk away from that fucking meeting going, bloody hell, he almost talks about West Ham more than I bloody did. By the way, this story is taking way too long. I apologise.

Anyway, I'm just going to rattle through this because I'm starting to take too long. I like it. I like it when you ride the ball and I can just watch you. Well, a couple of things that I just want to talk about. First thing, when I did the second Stockport show, the second audience were just as good as... I love Stockport.

Sometimes when you go... There's two things we can obtain from you. You're a massive West Ham fan and you love Stockport. No, but you know that sometimes when you're on tour. We've been doing this podcast for a year and some pretty fucking amazing shit's happened to you

I don't think there's been anything more passionate you've spoken about in that time than Stockport and this fucking West Ham

and Man United and West Ham never have we had this from you no listen you see me grinning like a Cheshire cow

who just found a bowl of whiskers with a fucking sauce for hot milk by it. What makes Romesh happy? Stop port and go and watch some two teams you could go and shit about.

Listen, listen, I've been doing the Apollo shows and I've loved those, but this is my first weekend on the road for like two years because of the tour

got postponed. I mean, the audiences are great. So, you know, anyway, after the tour show yeah

Martin says to me Martin had there's a double up right he was doing a club he's doing a he's doing a set at Cirque

in Manchester right and Martin goes very cool club very cool club hip crowd so Martin comes says to me

why don't you come down a bit later so I went over to the hotel and I'm going to be honest with you literally like this is like another person I'm doing a podcast with I'm not fucking going what do you. Literally, like, this is like another person I'm doing a podcast with.

What did I do this weekend? I watched some UFC where I was taking care of my fucking five-week... Like, I feel so bored. You're like, oh, you fucking smashed a fucking football game, got in with the West Ham firm, and then fucking just, yeah, this sort of night out at fucking Cirque in Manchester with my powers fucking DJing. No, but this is the thing though, Tom, right? So Martin said to me,

because obviously there's like, I don't... Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation

a breeze. And it felt a little like... life's a trip make the most of it at best western today something is coming kong godzilla they can feel it. Fight together. And teaming up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong, the new empire. Now playing only in theatres. I'm on tour and I'm filming and I don't want to get COVID. Yeah, of course. So, so, so.

Let me say, it's not right in the park. I've had it. I'm over it. But yeah. Yeah. So going to a club is probably a bad idea. So I said to, I said to, I said to Martin. Martin said to me, look, we've hooked it up and there's Yeah. So going to a club was probably a bad idea. So I said to Martin, Martin said to me,

look, we've hooked it up and there's like a little bit of a section we'll put you to one side, right? So I was like, okay. So what are you doing that for? What are you doing that for? So you've got a roped off area in Cirque? Not roped off,

but it's just like tucked away by the DJ booth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the prize position of any, that was a dream of all of us throughout the whole night, like pretty much from the age of fucking... For the moment we stepped foot in a nightclub and you saw a couple of wankers standing by the DJ box,

you were like, one day... Do you know what? I'm starting to... I am actually starting to think this just sounds like a fucking guy showing off. Anyway, the... He's wearing a pair of white skinny jeans. Yeah.

I feel like I've just, like, you know, I've had my first... I've had my first really fun weekend after the divorce I just like can't stop fucking raving about it jerk drive the new fucking whip up

to Manchester all my mates are like 18 to about 25 yeah no honestly great gang and they were like

they were saying actually it's weird because even though you're in your 40s we see you as in your 20s so I'm just mad yeah sort of obviously none of them live in manchester so i just like got fucking eight rooms in the gotham hotel no but you know they both all hung out of mine anyway so

uh actually weird one is um they all wanted to go home before i did i was saying to him come on what are you talking about let's go where's the's the after party? Sad loser. He's like, they're all just chatting to girls of their own age and you're just looking at them behind them. You're like, yeah, I've got the ropes off area over there for to come over and have a drink. Do you know what, man? I actually felt a bit like, thanks to Martin for, and I did have a

good time, but I felt like there were moments when I felt like a bit of a fucking, I just felt like such an old prick. And like, a bit of a fucking I just felt like I was such an old prick and like a lot of it I was sat just like chilling and like I felt like I looked a bit tragic for for long sections of the evening I would say do you know what I mean I do think that's a fair assessment of how I look flying the wall wise yeah I don't I'd have to toss up between you talking to a fucking West Ham fan about West Ham and somehow fucking convincing him you're... But I think

if I had the choice, it would be sitting watching you at Cirque in Manchester. Did they give you free booze? Did you have the firework, the sprinkler coming out of like... No, but that happened. I didn't know. How do you know about that? It took me by surprise. I've been about before.

They did it to your table. No. I guess it's part of the theme of Cirque. They had dancers and shit in the middle of the... Not and shit. They had dancers in the middle of the thing. It's an incredible club. I've been there.

Mate, it's insane. It's a brilliant club. It's insane. This is what I felt like. I was ruining the night for people in there and not by me talking to because i didn't really talk to anyone but you walk through a club and you think you know imagine like you're in your pump you know on a night out in manchester and you think i'm in a real cool exclusive place and you look across and you see this fat old dad of three just sat there

with fucking jordans on trying to desperately cling on to some What were you wearing? Flea, I'd love it if you were wearing it No, do you know what the thing is I was dressed alright You always look good Sure, but I wasn't dressed to go to the club but I had trainers and jeans and a shirt on but do you know what the biggest thing was? Yeah, but you know what, it's like that's people who think you're cooler

because you're understated Sure, but the problem is Tom Any jewellery? No, no jewellery You know what? It's like people would think you're cooler because you're understated. Sure. But the problem is, Tom... Any jewellery? No, no jewellery. I took the wedding ring off, obviously. I had to... Basically, because in this thing that I'm filming, I've got to be like this guy that's going through

a fucking tough time of it. I have to have... Ben Green the director's got me to have to have my hair like I'm going through like a fucking breakdown or whatever right so I'm not allowed to get a fresh trim so I've just got this like mad like Uncle Barnett do you know what I mean like

like you want big, big hair just massive yeah it's just huge and you can't wear a cap in nightclubs that's like a no you can't and i tried just before i went down there it's really tragic just putting wax in it trying to tame it in different ways oh god it's very rare isn't it i said anyone can tell you when you're low when you feel embarrassed but you're on your own in a room you actually managed to embarrass yourself nobody else else is there. I just wish I'd seen you in Sir. When I say I've been there, I went there, and I was queuing up and excited to get in there.

I didn't have my own fucking area by the DJ booth, knowing the DJs. No, but this is not because of who I is, because Martin's a fucking top piece. Yeah, I got you. Martin's a legend. Martin's a legend. Did you dance at all? I did a bit, yeah.

I hope someone filmed. Can I dance at all? I did a bit, yeah. I hope someone filmed it. Can I show you the dance I did? I know this is a podcast, but it's the drink in one hand, right? And then just the not trying to commit too much, just the bop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just look around.

Oh, you did that one? That shit, yeah. You know what my special move used to be? Go on. I used to get like a WKD or like a fucking Bacardi Breezer and I used to put it in my mouth. Hands used to go back and then I used to be. Go on. Used to get like a WKD or like a fucking Bacardi Breezer and I used to put it in my mouth. Hands used to go back

and then I used to down it like that. Used to do like four or five of those. Like a seal? Yeah, in the middle of the dance floor. Did you really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It used to be that big move. Fuck off, you did that. Did you really? Big woolly style arm, innit? You're doing it.

I remember once going to something, buying a bottle of champagne and just drinking out of the bottle in the middle. I put a picture up of me and you doing that very thing at Afro and Rupert's wedding. Did we do that? We were walking through Hackney drinking out of... No, we didn't.

I don't remember. We were drinking out of Rupert, like a G in one of our... But it was like organic wine. It's Rupert's film, is that it? Yeah, we should chat out, by the way. It's incredible. It was an amazing short film. like a G in one of our, but it was like organic wine. It's Rupert's films, that is. Yeah, we should chat out, by the way. It's incredible.

It was an amazing short film, but the talent in it, David Earl, for me, is one of the best character actors this country's ever seen. Like, genuinely,

I've been in awe of David. I love David. He's great. He's incredible. It's called Brian and Charles, and Chris, shout out Chris Hayward as well, because he is an amazing writer,

script writer, but yeah, Brian and Charles, I think it's, it's an incredible piece of work. It's like, and, and like Chris Hayward came and did a day on King Gary,

but I've known Chris, I've known both for a long time, but fuck me, man. Chris is one. He's a funny, funny fucker, man.

He's like, and so, so talented, like I'm really talented for me. So let me shout those two out. Give them my blessings, my joy and to Rupert Magende. I love you

and all of your insides and outsides um okay uh but anyway what were we talking what the fuck what are we talking about uh yeah we were walking through Hackney when he got married and we had on his wedding day we had organic wine and we were drinking it out of the bottle when someone took a picture of us and I thought it looks a really cool picture and then yeah I'm a bit I'm a bit disappointed in us for that. I'm just going to call that now. That's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's bad. Okay, so anyway, that was my... Sorry, everybody, if that went on too long. You know, actually, not to keep bigging you up for coolness, I read something over the last couple of weeks I've been meaning to bring up with you. What?

You know who I think, by the sounds of things, you'd get on really, really well with? Leonardo DiCaprio? Have you seen this thing he does? No, what is it? You know who I think, by the sounds of things, you'd get on really, really well with? Leonardo DiCaprio? Have you seen this thing he does? No, what is it? No, like, genuinely, I know that it's shocked me.

He's obsessed with Star Wars like you are. So he basically invites people around to his house and insists they watch Star Wars. Tom, Tom, Tom. What? Tom, Tom, Tom.

What? Can you stop talking about my interest in Star Wars like it's some sort of niche thing? You know, it's like probably the biggest film franchise of all time. No, no, but when I read it... You talk about it like I've got some sort of fucking, like,

like, S&M-like interest. Oh, you and Leonardo are both into gimp masks, aren't you? It's Star Wars. No, but, like... It's fucking Star Wars, mate, aren't you? It's Star Wars. No, but like... It's fucking Star Wars, mate. I've not seen anyone with that obsession for it, like you and him. I'm not...

Okay, this is another example of you saying things, you present things like they're fact, and people don't know that you're exaggerating. No, right? Look me in the eye right now, right? And say that you don't love Star Wars with all your heart. I do love Star Wars, yes. I do love Star Wars. Yes, I do love Star Wars.

That's Leonardo. So when Jonah Hill, I think quite a few of the other people who have been in that new film he's done, were like, oh yeah,

but you'd go around and he'd be like, oh, let's watch The Mandalorian. We're going to watch The Mandalorian. And people were too, the thing about it, this, and this is what worries

me about you, is that because the obsession's clearly there with Leo, right, but he's also got power and obsession, right? So people felt they had to sit and watch it with him. Apparently, Jonah Hill had to, like, four or five episodes. I mean, that is... I suppose I'd probably be more like

Jonah Hill and you'd be like Leonardo, in a way. Okay. Well done. I wonder if, I'd probably be more like Jonah Hill and you'd be like Leonardo in a way okay well done I wonder if like being a film star at that level like Leonardo DiCaprio has been so revered and he's obviously

he's got both he's got loads of money yeah he's really good looking and also people think he's fucking amazing and also makes all the right choices

yeah so it's not even like this is a guy who's thinking I wish I had like actual like respect because he does everybody thinks he's fucking amazing. And also makes all the right choices. Yeah, so it's not even like this is a guy who's thinking, I wish I had actual respect, because he does. Everybody thinks he's great. He's not made one stinker of the film. No, I guess not.

Has he? I can't think of one stinker he's made. I don't think he has. Do you know Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? You didn't like it? No, hold on. Do you know the bit where he's in the Western

and he acts his ass off? Yeah. In that scene. Incredible, yeah. That Do you know the bit where he's in the western and he acts his arse off? Yeah. In that scene. That is one of the most incredible pieces of acting I've seen in God knows how. It was mad. He's an amazing film, but I think Brad Pitt is sick, man. So good.

Anyway, I'm so hungover from this party. Oh, yeah, you've been up at Cirque. It's crazy. Literally, like... Crazy. Cray, cray, cray, cray, cray, cray weekend.

Literally, you've got to a point now where you're like the party animal of the podcast world. I ain't going to go out for a long time now. You're like the 50 cent of the podcast world. I'm like the 50-year-old of the fucking club world, mate. I just love the idea of you just like fucking hitting up like fucking you go to the box once a month now you ever been to that place i i did a gig there the first time i met the first time i met idris elba was at that as at the box oh man you just stand up there oh yeah can you imagine what that was like awful

i got thrown out of there for like i was in there with a friend of mine, and we drank loads of champagne off the EastEnders table. We got thrown out. Imagine that. Imagine going up and poncing off the EastEnders table. We didn't have any money. It was one of those things where you get invited to, and we were absolutely skint.

And it's, you know, industry. I bet you started making funny jokes oh you remember me don't you I run the toy stall on Albert Square what's the guy

who used to have the fruit and veg stall I can't remember oh fuck you know I'd love to I can't remember whatever his name was I'm his boy

aren't I yeah I remember we did that once me and a few mates like years and years ago managed to get to the PFA Awards after party I think one of my mates

was a was a photographer and so he managed to sort us out tickets and we all it's so pathetic we all put our best suits on

which are all shit like so much shitter than what everybody was wearing trousers don't fit properly kind of fabric going over

the front of the shoe I love the fact that like for most of my life and it's still now to a point just putting on a suit i think makes me look smart and then i look at someone who wears the suit well like somebody wears a suit well and it looks like it's like jamie does that like most footballers can wear any like i always think oh i look good because i'm wearing a suit and there's a picture of me somewhere like we won an award for Murdering Successful, and genuinely my stomach is hanging out the bottom of my waistcoat, and I'm picking up on an award.

Do you know what I have with a waistcoat? Because every now and again I do a corporate gig, and so I've got a three-piece because I hate the way my gut hangs over the shirt. And I put it on for a while and obviously put on a bit of weight. And where the buttons were straining to hold the waistcoat together, I basically had griddle marks across my body, you know, where the waistcoat was sort of straining.

It was like a set of like... A hot cross bun. And then I just sort of walked out feeling sub-uncomfortable. I mean mean corporate gigs are difficult enough as they are without you worrying that you're going to blind someone

in the front row with a button pinging off your waist but when you look at yourself in the mirror right before you go out and you're in your suit you think I look good

I feel good in my suit and then you walk out into the sort of world where everyone's wearing suits and you're like oh no they're selling me the look yeah 100%

Jay we did a thing that never that never ended up making the show. We did a thing for League of Their Own where Jamie was in a tuxedo. And honestly, I would have slept with him. He's incredible. In that moment. If he'd have said, Romesh, after filming, do you want to go to Smash Town? I wouldn't even have bought a return ticket. Single, please.

I want to stay there. I've been to so many of those fucking industry do's where you look at people and you're like, that one we went to. I mean, that one we went to,

no one told me it was a suit and tie. You wore a suit. I genuinely was wearing a fucking hoodie. You look wicked. I thought you looked wicked because it just looks like

you sort of don't give a shit. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but I massively do care but whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available alexa built in so you can change the music oh yeah alexa change station to 99.2 see purchase a 2024 escape st line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus.

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it's like it's mad that you're you're not infectious now but like it it will keep showing it can keep potentially showing fucking positive and it's mate this thing's insane isn't it but have you had have you you haven't had it yet, have you? No, as far as I know, I haven't, but I will though, won't I? Everyone's going to have it. It's like,

what happens, okay, when the regulations get lifted, is it Thursday? So it's going to disappear. So it goes down to five days and then if you have a lateral flow, it's,

but then, oh yeah, but then I think people aren't going to be wearing masks. It's just basically what they're doing is just our community and the shit, right? They're just going to, that's what yeah, but then I think people aren't going to be wearing masks. It's just basically what they're doing is just our community and the shit, right? They're just going to,

that's what, that's what I think is happening now. I think it's just, they're just resigned to the fact everyone's going to get it. Like,

you know, symptoms aren't, fingers crossed, aren't too bad. I think it's more just the fact that, you know, our industry can be hit

by the fact that you can't film. Like, if you've, yeah film so people can't go into work I think for the most part I mean who knows what they're fucking planning I know you're a massive Boris fan

as you know I've really been pushing for this podcast to move into more political territories because I love talking about that stuff. Just because you're the one big famous Boris fan. I still think he's fucking hilarious, guys. Yeah. Just, guys, listen.

I know there's been some fuck-ups, but you can't deny it's entertaining. Go, go, go. Just please go and watch him on that zip line again. You know? He's fucking funny, the guy. Right, do you want to do some emails? Yeah,

that'd be nice, boy. That'd be nice. Although, is it a good time to do emails? Because I feel like we just monologued about what I've been up to. We haven't really delved into

what the Wolf's been up to. You know what, the Wolf has been in isolation and just being a father. So, it's, yeah, man,

it's, my, man, like, you know what? It's like, I remember following you in the, in the clubs back, back in the day, man. It's, you know, it's my, my, man, like, you know what? It's like, I remember following you in the, in the clubs back, back in the day, man. It was hard to follow you then, but, you know, you're like sitting here,

you've got a big fat cigar, you're fucking living life like you're fucking, like you're Pete Davidson or shit like that. Do you follow DJ Khaled on Instagram? Yeah, I fucking love him. He did a picture of an owl which I thought was amazing for you of course you tagged me

in it didn't you yeah he's one of my favourite people to follow I love his energy do you love his energy yeah man I think he seems okay

a lot of it okay listen I do like his energy and I'm a massive Kanye fan I know that Kanye has his detractors but I just think

he's amazing and um but he dresses terribly you know that Kanye has his detractors, but I just think he's amazing. And, um, but he dresses terribly. You know, that, that is,

there's no denying that. So, but there's loads of photos and videos. They've obviously done, they've done, not obviously they've done a record together. Yeah. Yeah. And,

and Khaled has been posting about it all weekend and kind of been going around there. And I like all that. I actually like all that sort of gets you excited and hyped up. Whatever. Two, two observations about DJ Khaled's Instagram. One, why does that guy have to do an unveil

on all of these exclusive trainers he gets every single time he gets here? He's got some incredible amount of trainers. And they're all gifted as well, I imagine. All of these guys are being gifted with these Louis Vuitton Nikes. The other thing is, he seems to have a private chef. He's got loads of money, hasn't he? He's got a private chef three times... The other thing is, he seems to have a private chef. I mean, he's got loads of money,

hasn't he? He's got a private chef like three times a day, every day, it seems to be. But that probably doesn't cost as much as you'd think, right? You reckon? That's probably...

Yeah, I mean... How far away are you from private chefs? Mate, I'm probably fucking... Yeah, I'm a long way... I'm like... I think for me to get to that level, I'd have to add like you,

Catherine, Rob Beckett, Rob Brydon, most comedians all together in a package, and that's how much money you'd need to have a private chef three times a day. You're not making that money out of comedy in this country. No. It's hard. And look, as hard as both of us work,

you might be able to get someone who can come and cook a little bit for you, maybe once, twice a week, but fucking... Listen, the truth is, we could have been there if we'd have managed to get this merchandise out on time, but we fucked it. Maybe if we sent DJ Khaled one of our hoodies to wear. Oh, mate! I'm telling you, if DJ Khaled, if we just said, look, saw the owl thing, thought you might like this,

sent him a little wolf and owl... Should we try that? Mate, our sales would skyrocket. And you know what would be the best thing about it we couldn't we couldn't honor any of the orders because we spend like over 15 000 pounds to get dj caliber one of our fucking hoodies but then the people that we order them from can't fucking get the shit together we haven't got any gray ones left uh while we're while we're talking about this by the way uh can i say thank you to all of the people that have emailed in to offer their services to take over this merch thing and we are tom and i've

been talking about we are going to take somebody up on the offer we haven't decided to yet but um also we have got um the stuff that people have ordered we we have got coming to you. Just as a quick one, any email that you send to the shop, it just sort of goes into a junk folder. So there's a lot of people sending now questions. Should you be telling people this? No, I'm saying that people are sending a lot of questions. What, for the podcast? Yeah, so those just don't get read.

If it comes through and it's about orders and stuff, just, yeah, email, I guess email the podcast? Yeah. So those just don't get read. Yeah, if it comes through and it's about orders and stuff, just, yeah, email, I guess email the podcast. Okay. If you haven't received your order, because that's probably the best way forward. Yeah, okay. Sorry about that. All right.

Just so Rob can deal with it. Yeah, thanks, yeah. Basically what Tom's saying is the emails go through to him and he can't be arsed to read all that shit. Okay. First email. This is from the golden retriever. Wow.

Ollie. Wow. Ollie, yo. Yeah. Sweet Ollie. The golden retriever. Hello to the wolf, the owl, the swan and the cat. Thank you for everything you guys do.

I've always been a massive fan of your work and this podcast has helped in ways you can't imagine. Thank you especially for the swan for being the backbone of this whole operation yeah the swan now my name is ollie and i'm a 29 year old animator and graphic designer um ollie my second son wants to be an animator wow can you email back and tell me how he does it my email is a bit of a weird one in that i'm not actually taking and asking for advice i couldn't sleep the other night so i thought what better use of my anxiety with a hamster wheel of a mind than to write a poem of how I discovered what is now my favourite podcast.

Enjoy. You ready? Oh, yeah, man. Here. In a hotel in Cardiff on a two-night stay, it pissed down with rain. Still nice to get away. Shopping and exploring was what had ensued. We only went to get her passport renewed.

This is where the magic happens. Fast forward, night two. We got in from shopping and I needed a poo. Looking around for some music to play, I stumbled upon your podcast and thought, yeah, okay. I was listening to the jokes and all the advice. Sweet souls and do you. This podcast was nice.

I then started laughing so much I could cry. It felt like a friend when tom says my guy all of this was interrupted by the sound of a knock girlfriends at the door must think i'm pulling my cock she said what's going on you've been in there a year i said i'm not wanking i promise please do not fear there's no need to shout and no need to howl and with my two new friends the wolf and the owl. My guy! You know, the only thing I'd say about that is

just the reading of it felt like a kid's poem. I think it needed more McKellen kind of vibes. What's McKellen? With my new two friends, the wolf and the owl. You've got to really get that. In a hotel in Cardiff, on a two-night...

Let me just do the last couple of lines. All of this was interrupted by the sound of a knock. Girlfriends at the door must think I'm pulling my cock. Too aggressive, too aggressive. Girlfriends at the door, she must think I'm pulling my cock. Okay, fine. She said, what's going on? You've been in there a year.

I said I'm not wanking, I promise. Please do not fear. There's no need to shout and no need to howl. I'm with my two new friends, the wolf and the owl. Lovely. Thank you.

I actually think you gave me some good advice there. What a lovely poem. That was a great poem. very much and thank you i just feel like ollie right has crept up my butthole and lit in a fire of love inside of me yeah he definitely has crept in your crept in your butthole though because he's mentioned three things specifically from the podcast and they're all things that you fucking say no like what a guy what like he's taking the time to do that yeah guys if you can if you can do us a favor if you listen to this and you enjoyed that poem basically send us a torch that we can give

to wally so we can switch it on to get him some light to crawl his way back out of tom's arsehole that'd be great thing and also guys any poems or like like short stories that you've got emailing to the podcast normal podcast details about yeah there has to be something about like, you know, what we're doing here, but, um,

I don't even know what we're doing here, but guys, uh, wow. What a moment. What?

Thank you, Ollie. Thank you, Ollie. What a first, first bit of art. And also, Ollie,

animation wise, shout out us because we might be able to collab with my Annie. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And by collab, we mean, can you do something for us? We've got nothing to offer you. That's what it

means. We've already given him something. Yeah. The gift of friendship. Actually, the gift of friendship We've already given him something. Yeah. Sure. The gift of friendship. Actually,

the gift of friendship is the most valuable thing in the world. So yeah, break me up a little bit. Have some, have some ice. Okay. This is from the mole. Dear Wolf, Alan Swan.

In episode 52 of the pod, Rom talked about his embarrassment at being cornered on a call with Big Wolf movie execs, Big Wig movie execs, looking for a MacGuffin idea for their blockbuster. Listeners might remember Romesh being mortified at spilling out a plot

about a villain having a computer software virus that would take down the world's computers. He seemed to think the execs dismissed the idea as ridiculous and thought that he might have

burned a bridge with Idris. Imagine my amusement reading this week's review of The 355, which describes the plot exactly as per Romesh's idea. My question is, does this vindicate Romesh's expertise goes beyond

comedy and he can spin a blockbuster quality MacGuffin idea, or should he stick to comedy? If me too were a production company it would be proud to have made The 355, said Brian Viner in the Daily Mail. A baddie has got hold of a fiendish piece of software with the power to hobble financial markets and bring down power grids.

Wow. And it fools the maverick CIA agent Mace and her all-female team of spies. Who's the lead in it? Diane Kruger, Lupita Nyong'o, Fari Bingbing, and Penelope Cruz. Penelope Cruz, man. Wow.

So there you go. That also, mate, because you know what that could be? That could be they've taken my idea. Yeah, because you know, you're there on that call and you think you're being an absolute toe-punt, right? And you've, like, fucking, like, you're losing them. As they're doing it, someone's looking

at his friend and going, hey, give Penelope Cruz a call. That's why they went quiet. Yeah. And let's not get in touch with him again, because otherwise he'll think he's got some sort of ownership of this. Mate, if that movie smashes it and wins an Oscar, I mean, an Oscar now. It doesn't look like it will,

because you've got two stars in this review. You can't even say now like straight to straight to oh that's gone straight to video because everything just goes straight to video I know well not actually

the truth is nothing goes straight to video because it's a night and day yeah but it's not a slam if you go oh that's going straight to streaming because it's like that's going straight to Netflix

oh cool oh brilliant that means I've got to go to the cinema and watch it relax and watch that at home yeah that's incredible though that yeah that idea of you I actually at the time remember thinking it wasn't a bad idea cinema and watch it. Relax and watch that at home. Yeah, that's incredible though, that idea of you. I actually

at the time remember thinking it wasn't a bad idea. No, you didn't. What are you talking about? Your arsehole almost permanently sealed up when I told you that. I mean, yeah, but I didn't know that Penelope Cruz would like it. God, I mean, that's mad to think that that was pitched

to her and she fucking went with it how much do you want to be a film star Tom out of 10 I mean I know you're in a film

at the moment but just out of interest films are saying massively interest me I love the thing of shooting a movie it's fucking incredible but you're like

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa crank the brake fucking just let's fucking pull up in a lay by let me look at you in the eye. You're in the fucking new Chicken Run movie, dude,

and you kept that fucking quiet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's one of the greatest. Mate, that's genuinely my favorite ever fucking movie. Chicken Run 1 is incredible. Like, you know, Chicken Run 2. Fucking hell, man.

Yeah. No, I know. It's very exciting, yeah. It's great. Dude, how fucking disgusting. Sorry no I know it's very exciting yeah I it's great how fucking disgusting sorry I love you you're more excited about going to fucking Stockport

than you are about being in Chicken Run 2 Chicken Run 2 is fucking it's incredible I don't it's just it's incredible

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I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that film well i would say to those people mate you should have tried it because here i am what's your part like what's your part is it a good part i'm playing uh one of the you know the two rats that um yeah yeah ricky oh fuck ricky gervais's old part no ricky gervais was never in chicken

run but um i thought he was in chicken run as one of the rats do you mean tim Spall? I thought... What one was Ricky Gervais in? I swear he was in... Ricky Gervais was in The Office. I swear. And Derek... Let me just check this out, because you might have to eat some humble pie. Okay. Well, listen,

why don't you get the humble pie in the oven, and we'll decide if you're passing that on to me or tucking into it yourself. That's what I can say. Timothy Spall, I'm not just talking. Let me just see. I'm sure fucking Ricky was in it. Hmm.

So basically, just to explain to you what he's doing, he's realised that... Hmm. This is annoying. This is very annoying. What's the animation Ricky's in then?

He is in something, isn't he? Is it Ricky Gervais? It's Ricky Gervais. This is very annoying. What's the animation Ricky's in then? He is in something, isn't he? Is it Ricky Gervais? It's Ricky Gervais. This is really frustrating. I can't let this lie now. Is this TV or is this TV? This is literally the most boring part of the podcast so far.

You know what's funny about it? It's not even the most boring part of the podcast. Simpsons, Spongebob oh my god what are you doing are you looking through every cartoon that's ever been made

no I'm looking through Ricky's IMDB Valiant oh it's Valiant he was in Valiant yeah the heart of World War 2 is about pigeons

oh I do know that yeah my kids love that Valiant yeah I know what you're talking about so yeah that is not... So is bird related in animation?

Yeah, we can... Yeah, so let's vindicate it a little. Humble pie can go back in the oven for another day. What I would say in response to what you were saying about my response to Chicken Run, I'm slightly... I feel a little bit like I've been a bit cocky and a bit shit on this,

you know, a bit of a prick on this podcast. So then when you said about Chicken Run, I am obviously buzzing to be are you taking the boys to the premiere probably I'll tell you what I am going to try and do

I'm going to try and take Alex because you know Alex wants to be an animator I'm going to try and take him to Aardman and see it all being put together that'd be incredible

yeah it'd be wicked man that'd be amazing yeah oh my god I really don't like this. I'm really... I don't like how I've been on this podcast. Well, Successful Rum is one of our favourite rums.

We've had Red Bull Rum. Now we've got Successful Rum. This isn't Successful Rum. You are like DJ Khaled today. This is fortuitous rum. I'm the best. Chicken rum, baby. That's how we do.

Ain't no other birds allowed in the building. Only chickens up in here. Is that how your character talks? Yeah. They're really angry about it. Wow. I love that fucking vibe. That's actually one of my favourite voices.

They're really angry about it. Every time I've done a session, they've gone, Rummish, just to reiterate. This isn't the character. This couldn't be more wrong for what we want you to do and they go can you give it another go yeah sure yeah chicken run baby yeah we couldn't we in the build we kind of like your real voice what this one really do you know um what i had a sort of a slightly panic about about with you doing my voice gone i sort of uh just off the back of chicken you doing my voice. Go on. I sort of,

just off the back of Chicken Run, because I know you're fucking great at voices. You're sick at voices. No, no, no. But not like, you're next level. I, I started to have a panic

that one day you were going to get to do something that you had to do a voice. And just to, just to fuck with me, you were going to make your character have your impression of me as voice. And then I'd have to, I'd have to watch with you.

You just go, well, um... What I'm going to say is don't go and watch Wonka. Oh, hello, Mr. Wonka. Anyway, this is a slightly more serious email um but it's a nice one uh this is from well i'm going to keep it anonymous but i do want to say thank you so much to this email hey guys and swan early last year i wrote in and i did some advice with a breakup i just come out of a 12-year marriage and was finding it difficult getting over the breakup being in dating sites and becoming a single mom of three your advice was to take time for myself don't pressure myself into dating when the time

isn't right and that being 32 i was still young i was listening to your recent podcast where tom was saying it will pass and i want everyone out there to know who may be struggling with bad times it absolutely does pass i went through some awful moments with mental health but i was also told this would pass nearly a year on and i'm now happier than ever not on dating sites but actually getting out there meeting people enjoying life just as me i no longer have that feeling that to be happy you have to be in a relationship so thank you for your advice and please please take this show on tour how lovely is that yeah what an amazing moment someone who's grown as a person you know it's like no, it's nice. It's just nice.

You know that thing about that famous old adage or whatever it is about the person who's walking down the beach and they turn around and go... One of my favourite things about you, and I've got a lot of favourite things because I adore you, but one of my favourite things about you that you do is when you think you're about to be profound,

when you look off to the right as if you're about to fucking deliver a mic drop bit of like philosophy you know that thing of like they look at someone's life over like footsteps in the sand and they're like yeah but when my life was hardest um there's only one set of footsteps and they're like yeah because when that was me i i put you on my back and i carried you through your hardest times right i like the thought of like when people look at their feet footsteps in the sand they go oh man like there's some wolf wolf like footprints next to it and some little footprints yeah yeah some little owl feet next to it and some like little paw prints yeah and some little owl feet

next to it yeah well I suppose you'd be flying wouldn't you so you wouldn't really have to fly it'd probably just be

some owl droppings and then you'd just be going fucking hell are you going to help carry this person or not no I'm quite happy

to fly I'll just I'll just signify some off air I'm scared I hate to see if there's any more

danger. My fucking back's killing me. Got to at least fly in and get me a sandwich or something. There's no sandwich shops anywhere,

me team. It looks like a pretty cool nightclub over here I've been coming home to DJ well we had to stop anyway oh god well listen thank you so much for the email

that's lovely I hope that at some point we can both see you just do me a favour if you ever see me in Romney Street just do like a really knowing nod and we'll know who you are and we can just nod back and we'll know that yeah it's you yeah you're absolutely right please do do that um okay hold on i'm just we've got a few emails should we do one more one more let's do one more sweet one uh before we get into this last email i do want to say we gave a bit of advice to somebody.

Do you remember, um, the guy that said, uh, he was in a, he was in a Costa with his girlfriend and the staff were getting abused. Oh yes. Yes.

Yeah. And we said, yeah. So a couple of people have got in touch and I do think they've got a valid point. A couple of people got in touch to say, can we encourage people? If a woman is being harassed or is being subjected to something horrible, that men who are watching that happen should be helpful to those.

Because we've had a couple of women email in and say, and I don't mean to sound dismissive, it's just, you know, we've had more than one actually. Like, so just saying that while they thought our advice was right, one of the things I said was, you know, for example,

one person has like said the number of times I've been in a situation where I've been uncomfortable and other men haven't got involved to kind of help me out, you know, is numerous. So it's important for us to say, do you know what kind of help me out, you know, is numerous. So it's important for us to say, do you know what I mean? Although we, you know, although that guy was with his girlfriend in Costa

and he was trying not to get involved and he was trying to de-escalate it, obviously, if you're in a situation where somebody's being made to feel uncomfortable, whatever level it is, it is your duty, it is the right thing to get involved and try and sort that out. Well, yeah like trying to diffuse the situation while an escalator i think the point was that within that email he he felt that he should have probably been more of

an aggressor and be more confrontational and i think the point is it's that it's not going to do anyone any good if you go into that situation with an aggressive nature i think i completely agree with anyone who's written in and said like you know if you ever see a woman and and by the way these people these people were these these people that weren't they weren't having a they genuinely i think but to any those situations should should try to be you should try and diffuse them anyway shout out for anyone who's got in touch thank you yeah. Yeah, thank you. We appreciate it. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Like a plant or a tree, this is all about growth. And sometimes you learn from us,

sometimes we learn from you. And yo, pass it along like a parcel parcel, because everybody has got a treat inside of them. Yeah. I mean, it got weirder as it went on that. Just so you know, anybody that's just listened to what Tom said, can I just say,

if you have found yourself in a position where you've learned something from us i would suggest you you seek out actual professional help um okay last email uh hello rom tom and the swan thank you so much for the podcast you really helped me on my commute from sussex to london each day after i recently moved so my wife could be nearer her family and a better quality of life for the kids absolute legendute legend straight away. Sure. My question is around advice. I recently met my mate,

who I've known since school. After a few beers, he explained he was still not happy with his wife as they weren't having sex. As he has a stupidly high sex drive, she just wanted to sit on the sofa and there's a little banter between them. He loves her and the kids, but still felt he needed more sex.

I gave my opinion that life is too short. You have to be happy. You shouldn't stay with someone just because you have kids. He called me to say that he'd been chucked out the house as he got drunk and started sexting some girl and his wife found out he's genuinely upset as he doesn't want his kids have a broken home but deep down i think it's a release for him i'm unsure if my advice was great maybe i should have said work on your marriage and sex isn't everything have you ever given advice you regretted or was horribly wrong, any advice for my mate would be great as he's currently in limbo about fighting for the marriage. Keep up the good work.

Tom Davis. Yeah, I've handed out some advice. I can't think of anything specific at the moment that hasn't maybe hit home. Maybe even last week's Costa Coffee thing, maybe we didn't get absolutely nailed on. But in allusion to your friend, I think, yeah,

I don't necessarily think your advice, I think advice, unless you're a paid professional, I think advice is, all it is is your opinion. It's not even necessarily advice. And you're just giving yours to him. I think in the situation he's in,

I think he probably he probably there should have been some sort of conversation that he had with his his wife at the time i think that because you know i agree i think that you know sex is a massive part of a relationship it's not everything though and i think that she's sort of like you know that's sitting on a sofa and being at one together and i think like you know i think like the time that me and Catherine are having, although stressful and tough and hard at times with a newborn,

you know, it's straight away, it's like, as soon as Croatia's born, we're like, looked at each other and we're like, fucking hell,

like, wow, like this is, like it felt like something had grown between us and there was a sort of like, like, you know,

our relationship had sort of got closer and I think that's the thing to hopefully you can hold dear to. But relationships are tough. It's like we're finding out now, and I'm sure Ron's probably got more expertise. It's a whole different entity that comes into you

once you've got a child. You're trying to sort of make sure that your time's important. And also you stay as the people you are and that you don't just become mum and dad. You stay true the people you are and and that you you don't just become mom and dad you you stay true to who you are so i think you know whilst i think like your friend's gone like on this sort of like you know mission to sort of like you know sexting people and i don't agree with that i don't think that's right i also think that there's probably more to it than that i think he's probably just a little bit lost i think that that's that's probably what's happened is that time moves on like the more and more men i speak to about

you know and and i need to shout out the amount of people who have like got in touch with advice and and like you know especially during the last week which is for a number of reasons being like probably one of those trying weeks of of um of my life and i like to try and keep stuff positive and and i don't want to come in here and moan because everyone's got their bugbears but it's like for a number of different reasons

been a really trying week and I've been touched by the amount of people who've gotten shouted out and whatever and sent messages and that's

but the one thing I noticed a lot of is so many men seem to have children and then just there sort of becomes like this jealousy towards sort of like

their wife becoming a mother and them not being the centre of becomes like this jealousy towards sort of like their wife becoming a mother and them not being the centre of the household and them not being, you know, there's almost jealousy towards their kid

and also like, I think, I felt as soon as she was born, I felt like I should grow up here a little bit and there's things that I was like,

you know, you might go back to but for the moment, I'm like, I need to be an adult for the first time in my life with a lot of shit.'s a lot of stuff that i can and it's silly to say but it's like things that around the house that before i just leave and just go i'll just do that tomorrow i'll do that another day but when you've got a baby and there's just three of you and

you're like well actually no that's gonna make katherine's life a lot easier i don't get me wrong i'll become the fucking selfish prick in the future probably again but at the moment and well you know i think it's really important for men to realise that, because I think that confessor and that can become a bigger thing and I don't know whether that's what's happened here is he's become lost and he thinks that maybe, you know, the sex is just a cover for the fact that he doesn't feel that he's maybe the man that he was or maybe the person

that he wants to be or whatever and he's't feel that he's maybe the man that he was or maybe the person that he wants to be or whatever. And he's just using that as a front because he doesn't really know another way of talking about it. Anyway, I've rattled on too long. That's great. Once again, got to say, got to shout out great advice from my guy, The Wolf. First thing I would say is I would absolve yourself from any responsibility of what your friend has done as a result of your advice, because advice is advice and you're not in control of what that person does.

Um, with regards to your mate, I just think, look, I don't know what his, uh, what his circumstances are, how they're split in childcare, but having kids is fucking knackering. how they're splitting childcare, but having kids is fucking knackering, right? And if that makes you too knackered to have sex as much as your partner would like, then that's just fucking okay. Do you know what I mean? I just think like,

I just think your mate needs to put himself in his, from his, in his wife's position. And I, as I said, your mate might be doing all the, all the childcare, but,

and he might not, but let's just assume it's 50 50 it's knackering and then she's probably just battered and just wants to sit down and relax and then she finds out that her husband is like trying to fucking hook up the sweet ting ting with someone else it's just like horrible yeah do you know what i mean so i would say look your mate's got to figure out whether he wants to be with... If it's a sex thing, then you need to talk to his wife and go, this is the situation. And she can say to him, well, look, the truth is

I don't feel like it. And then they either figure out how to work out a way through it or they split up if that's a big thing. Do you know what I mean? That's up to them to sort out. But I just think it's... I just think, look, I know that things change, them to sort out but I just think I just think look

I know that things change but this thing of a man like Tom said a man being upset because his wife or his other half is giving attention

to somebody else apart from him and then he's not getting as much sex as he'd like and so I just think I don't know man you've just got to be

a bit more considerate than that do you know what I mean and try and work it out together I think not that I'm a perfect husband. If I get this one on here, she will,

she could do, uh, two and a half hours on, uh, her ongoing battle to tolerate me as a human being. Yeah. I mean, I'm saying,

I mean, Catherine, Catherine, Catherine's got so irritable with me and I'm putting that down to the fact that we've got a newborn, but to be fair, she's not been getting on her nerves for the last 10 years. But it doesn't... Listen, all I would say in regards to that is

if she's finding you annoying because you've got a newborn, I'm assuming that a newborn goes on to 12 years old because that's how old Theo is and Lisa's still been like that to me. So... So anyway, listen, don't feel bad for the advice. We've all given advice we regretted I advise somebody

to like just fucking grasp like just to fuck his job off because he wasn't happy with it and then he really

struggled to to get work after that and eventually got himself sorted out but I felt horribly guilty for the whole time we've all done that

but listen Tom ended up doing King Gary so turns out working away from Judge Romish was the right thing to do that he was in each other. But listen, Tom ended up doing King Gary so... Turns out walking away from Judge Romesh was the right thing to do. Okay. My guy. My guy. Tom, how do you feel about taking us out on this merry ride? Yeah. Yeah. Kick back, relax. Let me just tell you an ode.

So in the Everglades, there was an alligator called Big Lester. He was the most feared alligator in all of the Everglades and all of the surrounding areas. When anyone else would get on the water, they'd say, be careful of Big Lester. You know, his bite is severely worse than his raw or whatever alligators do. So for years, Big Lester swam beneath the surface, always just jumping up and always just ripping people down and turning them around. But there came a day when Big Lester, he was like,

you know what, I have no release. I have no friends. I have nothing. I'm just a lonely alligator floating beneath the surface every now and again, showing my face just to keep this legacy alive of a fearsome beast. So Lester went into the woods, crept into the woods, and he found a big brown bear. He said to the bear, the bear was like, oh, fucking hell, it's Big Lesser. Don't kill me. And he's like, look, I bear you no will and no ill harm.

I'm sick of this reputation and I find it really hard to make friends. I need something done. So the big brown bear says like, okay, cool. Like, what if we just smash out all your teeth and then you'll be less fearful? You'll be like, no one will be scared of you anymore. And Big Lester just looks at him and he thinks,

you know what, maybe that's a good idea. So the bear just goes and gets a rock and smashes out all Big Lester's teeth. And Big Lester sort of says, thank you, now with a bit of a lisp because he has no teeth. And he goes back to the river and he sort of swims around and all that. A couple of days later, some people are out on one of those things with the big fans on the back flying through the Everglades.

And Big Lester sort of pops his head out from the water and tries to smile, but he hasn't got any teeth. And sort of, oh, my God god it's big lester it's big lester and they're approaching him quickly and then one of the rangers just gets a rifle and like shoots him and then like someone falls in and big lester tries to save them so shoot him again and again and uh yeah as big lester takes his last breath as he sinks down like thinking i meant you know how i just wanted to play he just thinks maybe in a way i shouldn't have changed the teeth thing and listened to the big brown bear and have my teeth smashed out maybe i should have worked at not kidding things and

worked on me as a person rather than changing my exterior what is the mission statement of this? It's like, yo, we can all get Botox and we can all get Visalign and we can get all this shit to make us look better. But unless we polish up what's inside with our hearts and our souls, we're always going to be that fucking alligator trying to rip people's souls out. Keep you, keep decent.

And yo, don't smash your teeth out for nobody, baby. Who would have thought that that long story there was an anti-Invisalign tirade? No, I'm having Invisalign, but I'm just saying. Yeah, sure. No, I'm just saying that. Yeah, work on you. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. What you're saying is if Big Lester had come out of the water and still had his teeth in, they wouldn't have shot him it makes sense maybe I loved it I loved Big Lester it's just a really sad ending for an alligator

he gets his teeth smashed in and then shot to death but mate you know what and then the moral of the story is it's all Big Lester's fault a bear smashed his fucking teeth in. And then some people... He was trying to be nice to have shot him to death. And the moral of the story is don't be like Big Lester.

You know what I forgot to say? Is for, like, eternity after that, the big bear was walking around the Everglades and he had, like, one of those cool necklaces with, like, Big Lester's teeth around it. Okay. It's a nice end to that story. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, guys, listen, I hope you've enjoyed another little trip on the train that we like to call the Wolf on Our Podcast. We shall see you the next time Tom and I get together for another little record. Keep sending your emails in to wolfourpod at gmail.com uh we've certainly enjoyed ourselves and we hope that you've enjoyed listening almost as much as we've enjoyed recording sending a heated missile full of love and energy to all of your hearts we love you we love you so much my guys bye Bye-bye.