Wolf and Owl - Episode 59

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

We’re talking…. a 'party Rom' spin-off film, exercise endorsements, goldfish bowls, getting excited about storage, folding or rolling, the launch of The Curse, and two rather invasive health check-ups. Plus, some thoughts on a couple of emails about clothing and an all-important update on the Wolf & Owl merch. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog okay welcome welcome uh oh god you're so you're so trying to muster the energy just to like... Look, yo, I've just checked my watch. What time is it?

Dilemma o'clock. Romesh has had some technical issues with his... My laptop would not switch on, okay? It just would not switch on, and then it kept switching on and then crashing and switching off again. And Tom has to... You have to go somewhere, and so... Yeah, I've got, so we've got, we have Gracie's injections today.

If you get specific like that, it makes it look like I've been even more sort of inconsiderate and horrible. This is, yeah, so it's kind of like a big deal. And it's like, yeah, there's a part of me that thinks you've got problems with your laptop. There's also parts of me thinks, yeah, you're sort of stuffing your face with, like, a vegan sausage sandwich. Glazed in ketchup. This is a bad

look for me, because it sort of looks like Party Rom is, like, having a breakdown now, and the lifestyle's like... Party Rom is, by the way... It's got too much of. I think there's a world where Party Rom gets its own spin-off film. I'd really think it's like...

I think it's a film where at the beginning, you just sort of see me get out of bed. The alarm clock goes off. It's three in the afternoon. I get up. I sort of wander. I pick up a bottle of Jack that's sort of lying on the floor and take a swig from it

this is so much cooler than I thought yeah no no but this is like it's like a set and then I pick up the phone and I call you

and and just go oh my god last night was fucking like it was mad man I can't believe you did what you did what's this voice

it's your voice yeah I can't believe I can't believe what you did oh that's me right I can't believe you did what you did. What's this voice? It's your voice, yeah? I can't believe you did what you did. Oh, that's me, right? I can't believe you did what you did, fella. And I go, well, believe it, mate, and get some fucking pants on, because we go again.

And you go, you're not saying what I think you're saying. And I say, yes, I am. It's party time. It's party time. Tumble out of bed and rumble to the kitchen pour myself a cup of ambition. Oh, my God. Listen, I'm having serious problems, right?

Not to do a party wrong, but I have not exercised. Because I'm filming this thing at the moment. I've not exercised for three'm filming this thing at the moment I've not exercised for three weeks now, nearly a month what has that done to my body now do you reckon? am I I'm kind of the same though I'm sort of a bit

what with the baby and a week of press and everything it's so hard to fucking I'm looking forward to today I'm going to try and hit up Stan and try and do a little workout even if it's just it's so hard to fucking i'm looking forward to today i think i'm gonna try and hit up stan and try and do like a like a little workout even if it's just a sort of half hour or just a much get the old do a bit of boxing but it's what do you think do you feel worse about it or do you think your anxiety i don't feel worse physically i don't feel physically worse i think it's bad for your head i just think like, I think I need to just get up

half an hour earlier. I think you're right. Even if you're squeezing half an hour. Oh man, you've got to Wahlberg that shit, right? You've got to try and Wahlberg it.

He doesn't do half an hour, does he? He does. Well, no. Yeah, but I mean. He gets up at 2am, doesn't he? And then like.

Yeah, so he can really fuck him. And then he eats a pig and then he like. Yeah. He does a thousand. The pig that he chases around his garden and kills. And then he just fucks. He vaselines a pig. His first workout

of the day is to chase and kill a greased pig. I'm fucking sad. Imagine being that fucking pen of pigs when you see him lurking out. The fucking porch light comes on and Warburg comes out all tired and groggy. Put a fucking big fucking paint pot of

fucking vaseline in his head um yes anyway yeah you've got to fucking try and just fucking really push that shit though bro yeah i have to as well you know well i mean look we were both in a place where that you know maybe we should say to this you know we were both trying to i basically encouraged rom we were both trying to fucking weasel our way into getting this. Oh, God. Okay, this is really... This is quite bad. This is actually a point of self-reflection for me and Romesh,

where we are in our career. So we do a lot of talking about products and stuff on here, right? And then Romesh found this amazing... I won't even name them because. No, I don't think we should name them. No, no, no, no, because it's backfired. We made like a pair of fucking plums, right? We would be giving them what we promised them

in exchange for a free product. So we basically saw this product. We thought, oh, you know what? If maybe we do a shout out on the podcast, we might get one. Hold on, because what you're going to do is what you're going to typically going to do is you're going to fucking throw us

both under the bus let's be absolutely crystal clear on what happened I found a piece of equipment this cool thing and I sent it to Tom

and I said this looks really cool but unfortunately the ongoing crippling fear of spending that kind of money and then seeing

your career disappear and then suddenly you're just left with this piece of equipment and homeless made us be worried about spending that kind of money so then seeing your career disappear and then suddenly you're just left with this piece of equipment and homeless made us be worried about spending that kind of money so so tom and i had a chat about it and and tom said listen don't worry about it mate i know how to do

this i do this blag all the time you've heard how many times i've slipped product names into the wall for now and so you said you've really you hit them up by the way my voice sounds cool in your yeah anyway so on the back of that, Ron went, oh, fucking hell, this sounds edgy. I think I might be getting myself into something I can't get out of. Oh, fucking hell, Lisa. Tom's done it again. So listen, I reach out to the company and I'm like,

yo, this is the Wolf, a.k.a. Tom Davies here, me and my cohort. What an incredible distortion of how you would have messaged me. Go on. Me and my cohort, Robert Schregg and Ethan, a.k.a. the Wow. I was going to say the Owl. The Wow, yeah. That's what we call ourselves.

We call ourselves the Wow now. Because we're so busy in our lifestyles, we don't have time to say the full name of the podcast. So we just say Wow. It saves a bit of time every time. It's like 35 seconds of my life. Yeah, in meetings, we lose about a minute, minute and a half to saying Wolf and Al in full. So we've just started saying, well, now.

Yeah, so you listen to the Well podcast, yeah. So I message, reach out, I message these people. They don't come back to me for like three or four days, which felt like an eternity. And then they came back. I basically said, look, Wolf and Al, look, we're looking at this. We've got a podcast. We're both trying to get fit.

Is there any chance you could send us like a, or do us a deal on these bits of kit? And yeah, the short, the short of it was, the answer was pretty much no it was like almost i wish the answer i wish the answer was no it wasn't even no was it i mean you didn't get you didn't get no no we got nothing back uh well no the person said thanks um so so basically it was a very it was a moment in my life where i just was like oh okay maybe we'll have to i i'm not buying that bit of kit now by the way because it's fucking expensive no i know and you could just get some um uh i looked at now you could just get some resistance bands i know it doesn't look as cool but yeah i suppose you could i suppose yeah it is pretty

much just resistance bands done in a really cool way yeah yeah i mean that's not what what i find um sort of slightly distasteful about that is I know that we would have discovered that having bought the piece of equipment, but there's no way we would have said that on here because we would have been sucking on that corporate dick and we would have had to... And then loads of people...

Actually, you know what? Loads of people would have gone out and brought it and we'd have felt like even bigger pieces of shit. So basically, let me just say, like, everything that is coated in gold isn't always gold. Sometimes it is just a piece of shit that looks like gold.

Yeah, I guess that's a nice way of... To move forward into the... Well, look, I think we should try and learn a lesson. What lesson have you learned that I think we're not going to do corporate shout-outs anymore? I mean, not that we did do in the past. Look, cards on the table, we did do in the we do let's be let's look cards on the table we do do ready and adverts but we we're very clear there's regulations about that we have

to declare it as an advert and that's what we do and we don't ever well i can promise you this hand on heart we don't ever shout out anything sometimes i've never been paid or given free stuff like air fryer fryer gate or anything like yeah i've talked about on here i've not had for well i should fucking like not for air fryer gate you anything like yeah i've talked about on here i've not had for well i should like not for air fryer you absolutely you absolutely bent them over no but i will give look i think sometimes the listeners look at me and go look that guy knows what he's talking about when it comes to bits of hardware and sort of houseware you know so he will like yeah he's our basically he's not like bat like Batman or Superman of like consumerism but like if I brought

something I'll go look hey everyone like gather round like the campfire's warm I want to tell you something really interesting about something I've brought and I think they'll listen

yeah and then what do you do is it another two three hours that you're sat by the fire alone I'll tell you what I have brought. This is an exciting part of the week.

This is showing where my life is right now. I brought some boxes that go in the kitchen cupboards to really save space. I really enjoy just going through uh boxes uh that go in the kitchen cupboards to really save space and sort of uh yeah i really enjoyed just uh yeah going through and putting like all the rice and grains in one box and the crisps and another really like go on do you uh explain to me these boxes so do you decant them from the actual no no no no no they're still in their wrappers but they're just all really neat like it looks like a shop it looks like a supermarket now when you open their cupboards i bet it does the quantity of food

you're buying in katherine took grace out the other day um yeah uh to see some friends when she came back i was like open the cupboards and she opened them was like oh yeah and i was like it's like basically i've created our own little supermarket like i i know exactly i know exactly how that went this is this is classic this is classic what you and I do. We do one little thing, and then we demand an exhibition for it. So you've put some shit in a cupboard. Catherine's come home, knackered,

because she's had the day out with Grace. Have a look in the cupboards, babe. Have a look at all four. Have a look at all four. I just want to have a bath. No, honestly, that's what I've been doing the whole time. I've been looking at cupboards.

You're going to get a kick out of this. Yeah, yeah. I've been to cupboards. Oh, that's really nice. What, is that what you want to say? Have you done this because you couldn't find those candy kittens the other night? Speaking of organisation, can I tell you something that is a game changer that I haven't talked about ever before oh by the way exclusive exclusive yeah on the wow yeah yeah because as

you know tom one of my favorite things is to tell stories on here that i've already told one of my favorite hobbies yeah um shout out james torrance yeah the the tires the tired emails we get from james torrance number of tired emails we get where, I've cut that story out because you told it, what, three weeks ago? Both of us, two people, two fucking deluded pricks thinking they're having a new conversation. No idea that they had this exact same chat. So tired. A few weeks ago.

Like a fucking pair of goldfish. You know, I just bumped into, just by the rock over there, by the little plastic sailor, and they dropped down in here about a month ago. Romesh, I've never met him before. Really interesting guy. Oh, do you know Romesh Ranganathan? Yeah, yeah.

Have you chatted too much? No, not really. Why? Do you know how many stories that guy's got? Three. And he tells them over and over again this prick. That could be your nickname, Rummy Three Stories. But, and also I'm slightly conscious of the fact that we've said we're not,

we don't do any corporate kind of shout outs and we're just, we're advertising two things now. But this thing is great. Packing cubes. Have you used packing cubes before what are they so they're like little they're like little zip up kind of uh bags like like cube bag things basically we do is when you're packing your stuff you you basically segregate your gear so you'll have like a packing cube for underwear packing cube for socks packing cube for T-shirts, or whatever. I mean, I don't need to name all the garments,

so you know what you pack. But basically... We can see already that you're showing off you're going to a hot country. Packing cube sunglasses, packing cube moe. Packing cube for my jewellery. Yeah, yeah. Packing cube for the rollies.

Do you know what I mean? You want to keep them a bit separate, obviously. How many them how many rollies you got now okay let's get that cleared up i don't own a rolex anyway the point i'm trying to make is i i've got these somebody told me one of the security guys told me about it when i was on uh one of the travel shows and uh it's a game changer because you don't ever like when you're in a rush to get changed you don't have to

you know like that feeling of oh god I sound like I am advertising but like when you open your bag and the shit's everywhere I find it just depressing man

do you roll or do you fold I fold actually but I think that might be a mistake for t-shirts I'm a roller man all day

yeah yeah yeah really yeah yeah I have been my whole life so hold on so every time you're packing like when you move from a hotel

well obviously when you're packing you're like skinning up your t-shirts every time yeah yeah you've got to roll them up does it take longer no

I think rolling once you've got it's like anything that's the thing at the moment you'd be all fingers and thumbs when you're trying to do it

but you know fast forward if you stick with it fast forward it's six months or like two holidays or two packing things oh you go away quite a lot then you should probably like about two weeks because you're always on holiday um um you'll be like literally rolling with the best of them i am i used to work in an outdoor clothing shop we all have the power to shape the world we We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo.

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Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. smooth taste great value bush lager enjoy responsibly must be legal drinking age did you which one what's it called is it active venture oh man but yeah i i got really quick at folding what how quick i don't know like five seconds to fold the top wow well you're not one of the quickest there i think that's not even that quick, is it? No, I wasn't one of the quickest there, but I was quick. I was quick. I love... Yeah, folding's still just something I just can't get my sweet round.

That's one of the things I did when I first went back to Lisa's place when we first met up. What, folding all her clothes? I threw a load of shit onto the floor from her cupboard. It's just that it fell, isn't it? Yeah, I was completely naked. I just went into a wardrobe, pulled a load of stuff, threw it to her cupboard. It's just that it fell, isn't it? Yeah, I was completely naked. I just went into the wardrobe, pulled a load of stuff right to the floor, and I said, now watch this.

The least sexy thing is her going, come to bed, Roman. Sorry, I'm just folding my clothes on Water Day. It just does have a passionate, passionate making a move up to the bedroom. Just one second. If you keep yourself warm, I've just got to fold my shirts up, because I'm wearing three layers. Just got to fold my overshirt. There goes your T-shirt. Obviously, give the underpants

just pretty much a fold over. It's annoying now, but when it's time for me to leave, you'll be very grateful for the extra time it only takes me to get changed. Which is strange, because it's fucking time to leave now, you prick. It only takes me to get changed. Which is strange, because it's fucking time to leave now, you prick.

Okay, Tom, I've got to say this, in case I forget, because I know we're pushing for time today because of my laptop issues. The Curse. The Curse came out last week. Yeah. I've only watched the first episode, because you gave me strict instructions to watch it linearly as it goes out on broadcast

obviously for so we get as many people watching as possible you can watch it on all four you can binge it it's brilliant man, congratulations thank you man, thank you and look, in all honesty if it was shit, I just wouldn't bring it up on her

because you know I've not brought up stuff you've done before Thank you very much. And look, in all honesty, if it was shit, I just wouldn't bring it up on her. Yeah, I know. Because you know I've not brought up stuff you've done before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, actually, to be fair, most of the stuff I've done has been pretty high-end. No, mate, honestly, it's wicked. It's so good.

Oh, thank you, brother. Thank you very much. I'm very proud of it. And it's been very lovely, the feedback from it. It's been very good. I've had a weird old week this week because you've realised that you're sort of you're on the up

in a way that no no no no so basically is this your way of ending this podcast no no no no because I'll be honest with you

I knew this would happen because when you when you first started the podcast you were sort of absolutely rock bottom in the middle of the lockdown or whatever

and you sort of came up you came up to me cap in hand and said can we like maybe we should do something together and i knew as soon as you i knew you're one of these people as soon as you get a little bit of shine then suddenly oh really sorry wayne turns out the wolf doesn't need the wayne wayne listen to me wayne you in my world right this podcast and you are very much like my favorite pair of underpants or like a box of Rice Krispies. No matter what happens, I need them in my life.

I can't go without them. Okay? So whatever happens, I'll always be here for you. Okay. Yeah. Even basically. Even in that, you're talking to me like you believe that

something's changed. No, no, no. You're operating on a different level. No. Because the curse has gone down well. No. You've obviously had some people sniff around like,

I've read the reviews, mate. Impossible not to. The number of fucking cast members have been posting off on Insta. Listen, wait. Wayne, Wayne, Wayne. not say the number of fucking cast members that have been posting off on insta listen listen wait wayne wayne wayne i'm not going anywhere okay i love you you know that okay anyway we're gonna say you had a weird awake sorry yeah so listen um and i i would well i sort of would i'd encourage it i've been you, like that thing,

you know, me and you are hypochondriacs, right? Correct. I've got into a place where I've really started just being like

overly worried about stuff. I've basically put in a doctor's appointment because I was like, I just want to have a little checkup basically. So, I go to these doctors.

They do a little checkup. They're amazing. You know, I've got some blood tests next week, but like, you know, they're like, you know, peace of mind blood tests next week but like yeah they're like you know peace of mind kind of shit right are you feeling are you not are you not

willing to discuss the symptoms that have led to you i don't know you know what it's not really symptoms it's more like so two friends of mine have just had exactly the same thing at our age right and i'm it straight away was like oh fuck i just need to be over stuff and actually like be a little bit more so then give me a heads up on this no so you've got this secret checkup because two of your friends have got this thing and you didn't and we're the same you know both of them and believe and by the way up till a few months ago you thought i was seven years older than you no i mean this is what i'm telling you should do the same thing right and i don't know you might have done it right so uh i'm in there and then so they

did the urine test that we're gonna to get you in for blood test, blah, blah, blah. Um, and then they said, Oh, have you had your prostate checked?

And I was like, I've never had it checked before. And they were like, do you want us, do you want me to do it now? Right. And I'm like, do you want me to do it now?

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I guess so. They said, do you, do you want a chaperone? Right.

The chaperone, right. I think I'm a fucking, I'm like, yeah, I guess so. They said, do you want a chaperone? Right? The chaperone? I think I'm a fucking, I'm like Miss Great Britain and I need someone to go out on a date with me. I'm like, no, I think I'm all right. I think, who would the chaperone be? And it's like, there's basically someone at the surgery who's like the go-to chaperone. I was like.

What they think of prostate examiners as an extra stranger. Basically, yes. chaperone i was like what they think a prostate exam needs is an extra stranger basically yes so there'd be two people in the room looking at my fucking ass but i don't know right so anyway can i just before you get into this so when they said you want a prostate yeah without getting too disgusting are you are you slightly concerned about what the state of your sort of crack might be man i'm always very i always wipe till it's like very sure i understand that but if i knew i was having a prostate exam i think i probably i would probably pay extra attention i might give it a little bit of a powder do you mean or really well i don't know you sort of want it nice not

kissing it no i sure i get that but you sort of want it nice for the doctor, don't you? No, no, I was clean. And also, like, you know, I think when anything, like any medical stuff, it's like with your teeth. That's why you don't brush them before the dentist. You want to give them the best representation. You don't brush your teeth before the dentist? No, because then you want to give the best representation of how your mouth is.

Yeah, but I brush my teeth. Yeah, yeah, but you brush them just before you go to a meeting. No, but I brush them in the morning. You brush them in the morning and brush them just before you go to a meeting no but i brushed them you brush them in the morning and brush them in the evening if you've got a dentist at three o'clock it's not a fair evaluation how your teeth are sure o'clock no i get it okay all right yeah so basically they you have you had a prostate before no and but now you're making me want to get one well i don't know what hit me up so I basically I've said by the way that I'm going to walk

I walk to the doctor's surgery because obviously with Grace I'm like to caffeine like chill that's sweat already okay go on it's fucking it's fucking February mate

it's one of the coldest February's on record yeah but I've seen the coats you wear you're that fucking Arsene Wenger I can big sweat oh

oh I was about to get some loo, but I should be able to get up here, no problem. So anyway, basically, I get on the bed, and you lie on your left-hand side, you put your knees up. Okay. And this woman, the doctor, right? Yeah.

Why are you whispering? I don't know. Do you feel like you've cheated on cats, right? Yeah. Why are you whispering? I don't know. Do you feel like you've cheated on Kat or something? No. But there's no... But there's no like... There's no like, all right, slowly, slowly kind of thing. Foreplay?

Is that what you're after? What are you after? No, I just thought there was going to be some... Put on a bit of Usher. Yeah. I did make a joke and say, oh, can we have a bit of Seal Kiss yeah i i did make a joke and say oh can we have a bit of seal kiss by a rose lovely the woman the woman laughed but was like no basically yeah do you know and do you know what this is a testament to the nhs how many times you reckon she's heard that joke yeah but then

she just basically puts puts like a finger up it felt like two fingers up my butt and starts like fuck it it was just like boom and then starts like fingering around like she's looking for a cookie in the bottom of a jar it's like is it really quite exploratory yes and this is the worst bit

when the fingers first entered me I went alright and I just sat there I was really like and I don't know if there's anyone out there who's had a prostate done, right? You know like, if you want to be sick, you put

your fingers down your mouth, right? It's the same kind of vibe, right? Right, you vomited out your anus. Well, no, well, shit yeah, I'm'm literally she does that and i'm like anyway right i digress it was a very painful experience right i get home i'm yeah painful yeah it wasn't it was yeah that's actually physical pain yeah my butt was hurting for like two days okay all right okay but but she's like, yeah. Is it fine though?

Yeah. She's like, your prostate's fine. Right? Anyway. Right. So this is last week. Right?

Like, I get back on moaning about it. Catherine's like, fucking, do you know what women have to go through? Shut your fucking mouth. Do you know what I mean? Like,

you know, kind of vibe. I've heard how she talks to you. Yeah, go on. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, yesterday,

on a completely different matter, I go and see uh another doctor the same surgery about like i've got an ear infection right and he checked my prostate again what he was on my records about having my prostate checked again right so like genuinely this is it i go in he checks my ear, and he said, oh, is there something to do with your prostate that you need checking? I was like, no, I had that done last week from, like, this other doctor. And he said, well, it's on your records, your prostate needs doing.

Then I freak out, right? My brain's going 100 miles an hour thinking, oh, has that woman found something? She's maybe not had the heart to tell me. So then I find myself for the second time in a fucking week. maybe not had the heart to tell me. Right. So then I find myself for the second time in a fucking week.

Lying on a bed with someone's fucking fingers up my butt. Right. Did you not say, I've had my prostate done? Yeah, but, right, look, in my head, the freak out thing is like, oh, shit. She's found something wrong. Maybe she's found something and thought about it later on. She's made a note on my records. So I'm freaking out.

Then also, I'm thinking on the flip side, maybe they'll just think, we're going to get gracious fucking checks done, like her fucking vaccines today. There's a part of me that thinks we're going to be fucking halfway through getting an injection and the nurse is going to turn around and go

obviously we'll do your prostate before you leave why are you undoing your belt we might as well get it out of the way every time I come here someone's got their fingers up my fucking arse like fucking emu

what's the second opinion exactly the same he said it's fine yeah it's good by the way I totally talked over's fine. Yeah, it's good. By the way, I totally talked over that. Emu, that was very good.

Thank you. But I would say, I would encourage people to go and get it done. And this isn't like, this is just, I'm having some, you know that thing

where you just get to a point and you're like, basically I've had two friends who've both in the last week had problems and it does make you go, oh shit, you know what?

I need to, hopefully I need to be a little bit more on top of that sort of side of things. You know, I'd encourage you to, to go and get something. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

Wait till your film is over. Yeah. Yeah. Wait till your film. If you want, I'll come. I could be your chaperone. Do you know what?

I'd love you to be my chaperone. Should we insta live it? Yeah. I could imagine your little face. Well, do you what? I'd love you to be my chaperone. Should we Insta-live it? Yeah. I could imagine your little face. Well, do you know when we did Rob and Ron versus the NBA, and then we were in LA, and then we both got a colonic? How did you find that? Awful.

I didn't expect it. I'd heard it was really nice, and I think Rob found it all right. I found it, I don't know, I just being filled up with water like that like a fucking mattress and then and then you're supposed to let it fill up to a certain point and then evacuate i just found it i found it did you get a lot of stuff come out well if you watch the show you'll know this but a whole mushroom an untouched mushroom came out of my what yeah like really yeah like a whole mushroom came out of my

system well i mean that's quite good in a way because you don't want that saying what does that say about how i eat food yeah you don't chew at all yeah you just inhale oh man what came out of beckett anything interesting uh it's just the colors of his were disturbing, I found. It's very red. But not terrifying red, sort of. Yeah, but he eats a lot of red meat, I'd imagine. He does. He's a meaty, he's a carnivore. Yeah, I've often seen him just walk around Soho with a big steak, demon steak in it.

Yeah, just he's got one of those little bibs that's got the trough at the bottom and just eats straight out while he's walking. Some people are standing in a smoking area. Beckett just stands there with a fucking steak. I'm just going to pop out for a bit more red meat. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. And teaming up.

Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong. The New Empire. Now playing only in theaters. Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live, and play at Chateau Roosevelt.

Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... life's a trip make the most of it at best western

do you know what though the um the thing about going into a doctor's is because you're you're so well i've you know on league of their own when i broke my wrist and yeah yeah so i dislocated my thumb right that was the worst bit of it like yeah it's hot it was horrible like it's much more painful than breaking my wrist and and just dislocations just a rank injury to get sorted out particularly on your hand and um i went back to get it x-rayed a few weeks later and the doctor sent me in to to get x-rayed by the specialist the x-ray person i don't know what the official radiographer is that right yeah anyway so they put my other hand on the thing to x-ray. And I said, well, I don't need this. I said, this isn't the hand that I need to get x-rayed, I don't think. But even then, even though I knew that that wasn't the hand that got injured,

I still doubted myself because I thought, oh, maybe they need to have like a, what's the word called? Like a comparison. A comparison, yeah. Maybe they need to do my other hand for comparison. Wow. Oh my God. Choke that up.

This is a fucking... When did you know that the Wolf and Al really were in trouble? I think it's when Tom Davis had to give Romesh the word comparison. You know what? It's like, because it's got to be said as give Romesh the word comparison.

You know what? It's like because it's got to be said as well. You're not hungover. You're just tired. You've quelled the party ways. But I'm starting to feel slightly guilty because I think maybe how tired I am at work this week is a direct result of my weekend behaviour.

Did you have another big weekend? No, but I was gigging at the weekend and it was quite of my weekend behaviour. Did you what? You had another big weekend? No, but I... No, but... No, I was gigging at the weekend and it was quite... I mean, I did drink on the Saturday night, but it wasn't a 5am thing. I just had a couple of

quiet bevvies at the bar. What do you... What is your quiet bevvy? Actually, I was having rum and coke. Rum and ginger, actually, I had. Oh, nice. Very classy. Very classy.

Well, were you in a hotel bar? Yeah. Is that sad? No, it depends who you're with. Are you on your own? No, it was with... I don't know why I've just got a picture of you. Like, if you sit in a hotel bar.

No, because your face now, I don't like it. I mean, I do love your face. It's one of my favourite things in the world. But what I mean is the face you're pulling now. I've got this idea of you at a hotel bar at Holiday Inn and you've got like a sports jacket and a pinky ring on.

Oh, God. All your hair slicked back. Has your look changed? I was just looking, I just saw a clip of me online with a pullover and I do wear like a, I did wear blazers all the time.

I've never been more, I've sort of started getting into them a bit now, I've got to say. I've got a couple of little vibes like that. But the blazer thing was big within comedy, because it was also like, like a lot of people were doing it, because it sort of was like,

look, I'm serious, I'm taking this vibe quite seriously, but I'm also wearing a fucking T-shirt with Kermit the Frog on, so I'm a bit wacky as well. I remember, oh mate, do you know what,

you've just described, I remember doing a gig in Brighton, I had a black blazer on and a fucking Super Mario T-shirt. I thought, look, the fucking nuts. What a dick. I remember the picture coming up. We should also say, we we got quite a um we should have was we weren't going to but there was quite an angry email wasn't there that came in yeah i did listen i don't i don't um we sort of one of the things that we get worried about is giving attention to negative to negative

yeah things because loads of people sending loads we get loads of really nice emails and we can't read them out obviously we can't comment to them but they all get read um and and and the this this you know i'll sometimes talk to tom about emails that we've got that are really nice that we aren't going to read out do you mean for whatever reason um but we got sent an email recently i'm not going to read it out or say who it's from but basically they're a bit fucked off with us talking about clothes like like it not fucked off with us talking about clothes because if you got annoyed with us about talking about the same things over and over again i would suggest i could recommend parenting hell or

off many podcasts as things to move on to from this because uh that's what we do we talk about the same five things over and over again um but that wasn't their problem their problem was uh that um we they felt like we've been judgmental of people that wear other shit and um and labels and stuff but the truth is we that's not my intention the intention is not to it's not i'm not it's not even about labels it's about how it's not even about labels. It's about how you actually look physically in the gear. Do you know what I mean? I mean,

I think the point that you made, Tom, was that there's certain people that can just put on anything. Jamie Redknapp, for example, can put on anything. Like,

it's not about the, you know. I mean, I think the person had a big issue about us talking, speaking to someone who might give us some advice

about what we could wear. And when we say, I would say. I would go as far as to say they were angry at us. Actually, we're seething, I think would be the word. Furious. Yeah. Raging.

Again, as Rom says, the idea wasn't to get someone on to tell us, like, to give us, like, so next time me and Romesh bump into each other, we're both fucking head to toe in fucking Gucci or whatever.

And, like, we spent, because I'm never going to spend that kind of money on clothes I can't yeah it's not my vibe no not when you can shout out the companies and get it for a discount

or for a yeah yeah of course natural but like I think the idea was basically someone

to come on and say look someone of your size your size this is what you can wear this is what you can wear so that was the thing and like yeah just to

neither of us a big label yeah we like I mean fucking hell we both just dressed of your size, your size, this is what you can wear, this is what you can wear. So that was the thing. And like, yeah, just to, neither of us are a big label. Yeah, we like, I mean, we both just dress in sports brands pretty much all the time,

right? Correct. But I do want to... I like that Bucks hat, by the way. That's sick as fuck. Thank you very much. Is that a new era?

It is, yeah. You like it? It's nice. Is that a new range they've brought out? No, I don't think so.

Oh, no, it's not new era. Look, I've got it completely on. That's nice. That's a nice bit of kit, boy. Anyway, I don't think so. It's not new here. I've got it completely on. That's nice. That's a nice bit of kit, boy. Anyway, listen.

What I was going to say is... What was I going to say? We did get a couple of emails that we're not going to read out. Not for whatever reason, but we got a couple of emails saying a similar thing, which is... And I do think this is right. They were sort of saying, giving us our own advice,

which is, when it comes to clothes, do you. Okay, shout out to those people. don't try and get a little less self-conscious about the look you're going for find what you like wear what you like and if you've got the confidence you'll look sexy cadillac the shit out of that something along the lines of that um that's about yeah yeah maybe sometimes the best apple to eat is the apple you've created yourself um yeah also while we're at while we're talking about clothes um uh merch wise rom uh is that we have now got the hoodies and t-shirts okay so what i can tell you now is if you've been waiting uh on some merchandise that for for some reason um not down to our own fault but uh has taken

much longer than i think is allowable yeah socially acceptable um that that has arrived now and will be winging its way to you in the next day or so um and also on top of that we've got a new drop uh what we're going to do is we're going to double and triple check what we've got so that we can bring it to you the consumers and also just can i give a shout out at this moment to uh the the out the wise old owls mum no the wise old owl mum of the anyway listen my mum works for raw mail and she's figured out a way of doing it. Wow, shout out. She's now involved. The queen owl.

Yeah, I was trying to figure out the wise old owls. Or we could call her the hen. Yeah, because famously chickens do birth owls. But anyway, can I say, my mum's sorting it out anyway. So she's figured out a way. What a legend. Is she doing the stock check as well? What does that mean?

Well, no, because I know you did it last time, and I know what happened. You were probably like a fucking half-cut, sitting in your pants, and sort of like, fucking one, two, three, four, seven, eight, nine. I think I'd really feel more assured if the sweet, sweet swan was on this one. Yeah, sure, sure. And can I just take a moment to shout

out Tom as well whose involvement in the merchandise is virtually nothing I've designed it and fucking this is the second time you've said this you have not designed it what I've done Ron is I'm at the forefront of dealing with the actual printer

who got everything wrong last time when we ordered the new stuff he was like yeah yeah no problem yeah yeah yeah alright yeah I'll get it over to you yeah and I'll throw in those other bits I didn't put in before for free I was like we've already paid for those bits no but I didn't say that I went oh cheers man I was really actually pretty've already paid for those bits. No, but I didn't say that. Cheers, man.

I was really actually pretty decent. Yeah, of course you did. Of course you did. Because that's how you and I operate. By the way, while we're saying this, can I say a big fuck you to Deliveroo? What? Yeah, correct.

I never thought I'd hear it. You heard me. What happened? This isn't about, you're not going to tell a McDonald's story again, are you? No, God, can you imagine? Another Deliveroo pull pants down so basically i've got a thing on my on my uh on my banking app where like every time money goes out it gives me a notification right yeah and thank god i do because i don't i i don't check every single transaction

like at the end of every month and by the way if people do that a big respect to you um i only look out i do i have a look but if something stands out to me then but i won't do it like a a line by line check like some of my mates do anyway um i was on delivery i wanted to get some curry for the for the tour team and so we're on our way to the venue i was trying to time it for it to arrive as we got to the to the venue like the delivery master you are yeah expect that um so i ordered some things got the order from everybody else on the in the tour group put it all together uh clicked on pay and it said order failed try again

in a bit and i was like okay so then i went for it again did the order again and it said order failed try again in a bit and i thought okay maybe this isn't working two full payments for those orders went out of my account wow geez right pants pulled down pants pulled down i then phone up delivery and they say to me we'll sort the refund out we'll cancel those orders now still i haven't got the fucking money i got a message delivery directly, no response at all. I am £120 in the hole with delivery now. You know what, you've got to

basically fucking go toe-to-toe with delivery like I did with all the fucking places I've taken on and won. Yeah? Well, who have you

taken on and won? Just give me a reminder of your victories. That computer game at the beginning of this, when we started this journey.

How did you take them on and win? They completely went back and redeveloped it. Not completely independently of you. That's not me going,

do you remember the other day when I said to you, I think my iPhone's broken? They've only brought out an iPhone 13. So there you go. Romish one, Apple nil. Rom. There was a real buzz within the computer gamer community about this fucking guy who'd fucking taken on his shoulders

that game and fucking yeah so look that 101 right okay let me shout out as well let me just do a big shout out to the people who work for sky who got in touch sky television yes and a lot of people offered yeah and offered help and stuff you guys are amazing i literally respect you sky themselves go fuck yourself whoa well no because they don't listen to this podcast no because they're impossible to deal with the actual people who work there are incredible right yeah but when when you call them the people you talk to literally like have got no way of helping you but then you've got some lone ranger or some amazing woman who's like oh actually

i can do this for you i can help you, can't these people be put through to everyone? Are you sorted out now? Well, it looks like it. Because it looks as absolutely smooth as a baby's bottom. It feels nice, man. What have you done? What has actually happened? I just took some sound sound advice, just did some resets,

moved my router a little bit. It feels good, man. It feels nice. I can see your face. It's just I can cherish it now. I feel like I could reach through my computer and kiss you softly on the mouth um listen you want to arrange it we'll make it happen how are you for time uh listen man i've probably got to go in a minute because yeah gracie's got uh injections i want to okay all right i want to be there i don't want

to be the kind of guy who's just fucking not there for that kind of vibe you know it's a big ting well i didn't i'm suggesting that you don't make it to finish off this podcast if that's what you're insinuating and then also the sort of secondary insinuation of that is that i'm the type of guy to sort of not be around for that king ting listen let me just say one thing i spent 25 minutes waiting for like a pensioner at a bus stop that fucking the route 42 had been cancelled and they're still waiting for their bus to arrive waiting for you to get here what I can say to you is

my MacBook failed and repeatedly failed so and if Apple bring out another MacBook we'll all know why it was won't we I think you should have to do like a wacky challenge like what? I't know like the viewer listeners good okay okay fine fine listeners stand on your head for like five minutes or something

what you know what what i what really annoys me is a wacky challenge was said to annoy me i've got along with it and then just willfully ignoring the fact this is a fucking podcast. You know what could be quite funny? If you had to do the opening bit of the next podcast standing on your head with Theo filming you, that could be fun. Theo's filming you and then Charlie's standing on a chair tickling your feet

okay I mean now you're bringing my kids I mean the idea that Charlie's not going to be explaining tickling the feet

of his upside down dad to a therapist in the future yeah no it's because he he couldn't do a podcast so he forced me to touch his feet. It was strange.

My brother was filming this. He was in here before me. He was filming the whole thing. We always knew when we heard our names being shouted at from Dad's office we knew that it meant that we'd have to go in and do something to him in order for some sort of penance for his podcast he was doing

with his friend as soon as we hear him shouting Alex would just have to go and get loads of tins of baked beans with you that the bath was getting full we don't know what kind of control Tom Davis had over our dad

but he seemed to do anything he was told 10 long years we'd be called into that office to do whatever Tom Davis had decided our dad had to do that week it's like a fucking Tinder swindler this have you watched that mate I watched Tinder swindler

and I watched Puppet Master oh my god oh my god man oh my god amazing I say amazing I feel guilty saying that because a lot of people

had to go through a lot of shit in order to make those shows possible but I found them just so yeah what a fucking nutty world right

the problem for all the people involved in those shows the victims of that is that everybody watches it going that would never be me trust it going, that would never be me. Trust me on that. That would never be me.

It's the saddest thing of all, is you look at how, you just think of the longevity of what that's going to have done to those people, all of them. And also the punks who did it essentially just get away, don't they? Yeah, that's the truth of it. Well, there you go thanks for spoiler

alerting both of those all right um okay uh tom i'd like to formally apologize to you uh for messing you about this morning we'll be back next wednesday i'm looking forward i'm looking forward to a formal apology from apple for inconveniencing me like that i'll have my fingers crossed and let me know if that happens. When are we doing the drop of the next merch? Next Wednesday? We are going to be Wednesday morning when the podcast goes live.

Alongside that will also be the new drop of the merch, so look out for that. Yeah. Okay, guys. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much. And guys, thank you. We've moved this podcast down to both of us for one reason for one reason another we moved to the friday i wasn't gonna cry we've moved it to the friday so shout out everyone um obviously um as a sort of little treat you know i did off menu this week that came out wednesday so that was um yeah so

that's a little bit of a treat for everyone a lot more i would say different vibe from you on off menu i've listened to it now oh really yeah yeah yeah more accepting of the jobs on off menu than you are on the wolf and i love knows you know what though the wolf shows his teeth a bit more when he's on his own podcast doesn't he yeah but yeah but also it was like you are like you know you're my you're my basically my podcast wife husband right my lover i've been with for ages you know at first it was sexy and excited and we'd open mouth kiss on the tube right and now uh yeah we've been together i mean i don't think i've ever open mouth kissed on the tube but now you've said it like that just think about how disgusting tubes are so i've open mouth kissing on the tube just made me feel

sick it always just like yeah as soon as i see someone doing that i know that i won't be their friend um yeah it was a lot of fun um shout out to uh ed and james for uh for navigating through a hell of a meal so um yeah yeah i'm glad you enjoyed it on the other podcast um okay cool right guys keep it real Keep it zany. And remember, you can't attack if it ain't whack. Was it? Okay. All right. Bye-bye.

Take care. See you later. Bye. Bye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.