Wolf and Owl - Episode 7

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

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Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler, that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing. They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning. Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the Wilfred Now podcast once again, episode 7. I am the Owl, Romesh Ranganathan, joined by the Wolf, Tom Davis. Hello, mate.

Yeah, yeah. Do you think there'll ever come a time when, like we've done so many of these, and you'll forget what number we're at? Oh, that will happen. Yeah. Yeah, I imagine once we get to sort of the final few episodes, like 12, 13, we'll just start, we just won't bother with the numbers anymore. Do you know what has happened, though? Because I was looking at the emails earlier, and one of the things, I think you and I talked about why it's called The Wolf and Owl in one of the lost tapes.

Oh, really? Yeah, I think so, because we've had quite a few emails about why the hell we call the wolf for now there is no real reason is that i mean you just came up with the name i don't think there's a real no there's nothing deep and meaningful behind it but a lot of people have said it's really apt to me i a lot of people there's been a lot of buzz about like and what did you say what does that mean no i'm like i get it yeah why do you think it's apt why do you why did they say? What does that mean? No, I'm like, I get it. Yeah. Why do you think it's at? Why do they say it's at?

Well, because I'm quite wolfish. Like the wolf, the prowler, the sort of cool, calm, collected wolf. And you're like the bookish owl. So it's like the two, it kind of works in that sense. It's like the perfect name for me. I'll be honest with you.

I don't, I'll be honest with you. I think owl is good for me. Now that we're talking about it, i think owl is good for me now that we're talking about it i think owl is good for me i don't know about a wolf for you if i'm being absolutely honest with these names that is a big thing to say to all your best friends and the person essentially these names are like wedding rings these are like wedding rings these don't don't make it out like that's the biggest insult you've ever had. What are you going to do? Get off this podcast and go talk to Catherine. You're not going to fucking believe what Rom said. He said he thinks

Wolf might not be completely appropriate as a nickname for me. What would you have said would have been better than Wolf? I think I'm like a Wolf. Alright, fair enough. I know what you mean. I probably could have been Lion. Wolf or Lion. No. No. No. That's not what I'm thinking. What would you have gone with?

I don't. It's difficult now because whatever I go with, you're going to sort of, you're going to sort of get upset by. No, I won't. I swear on my life. I swear down, brother.

Right? You say what, you say what, whatever it is you think. Not that we're going to change the name of the podcast because we, well, we haven't,

I'll be lying if I said we've spent a lot of money on publicity because we've spent nothing it's just a fluke people have even found it but but but what would you have said would have been more apt i would have said something like a like a polar bear a polar bear that's too niche for it you couldn't call this the polar bear and the owl no i know i'm not saying no i'm not, in terms of a podcast name, I absolutely agree with you. Well, two things. I'm not suggesting that we call it the polar bear in the hour. But also, equally, your assertion that polar bear is too niche. I don't think it reads properly. I don't think it reads properly.

I don't think it's too niche. I don't think anybody's going to go, it's weird, it's called the polar bear in the air, but I don't really know what a polar bear is. People know what a polar bear is. It's quite a mainstream animal, I would say. If we were called the polar, not that we're going to change the name of it,

because again, branding is important to me. If it was called, if we got down to Polar Bear Avenue, it'd have been probably called the polar bear and the Snow Weasel okay so so what you've done now is you've made up

a snow weasel or a snow otter a snow otter snow otter I don't know because otters are like I'm looking this up now snow weasel

sounds like it should be I think there is a snow weasel I swear I've seen an Eskimo talking about that on a documentary you've seen it first of all talking about that on a documentary. You've seen it. First of all, you should be referring to him as Inuits.

Secondly, oh my God, mate, there is a snow weasel. Oh, mate. I'll tell you what, the polar bear and the snow weasel would have been another good name it's too it's too sort of sort of climate based i suppose isn't it in a way yes and then we'd have to start going into environmental issues by the way on the on the basis of like like we did just pick the name out of the hat with the wolf and owl when you google wolf and owl pictures there's so many it really does hammer home the idea that this the name of this podcast is nowhere near as original as we initially thought yeah i mean the fact that there are

there are millions of images of a wolf also that we paid for images like someone to make our own image big shout out to tony cartwright uh for doing that but also do you know a woman contacted me this week about doing like a wolf and our jumper? What do you mean? Like a picture of a wolf and owl together. I don't want to cast aspersions on this woman or anybody that wears any kind of clothes, but I've seen people wearing jumpers with wolves on them. And quite a few of them were have I thought we're rolling around the capital this week

I have never seen one of them and thought that's the type of person I want to hang out with so I did say to her just look

knock up a design and sort of send them over and I'll see what my mum thinks of course you did yeah if it's look we're after merch did yeah if it's look look if we're after merch um so yeah if anybody's after some after knocking us up so much we're well

open to it um while we're talking about the name of the podcast i do want to deal with another little bit of admin um which is to do with the theme tune a lot of people have said you've never said who who's responsible for the theme tune so i just want to clear this up so there's a producer a dj actually called revert who i met years ago and i approached him to do the beat for this uh for the podcast he came up with it and then uh the rapper michael pain was kind enough to uh to bless us with the bars yeah and so uh it's a one-time collaboration between those two i don't think they've worked together before uh so they were kind enough to hook us up and it is probably i think it's fair to say it's the most professional no sorry the image has been

just being disparaged about the image i'll say the image and the song are the most professional aspects of the podcast the rest of it is just two blokes running down a high street with their trousers around their ankles hoping that things turn out okay really yeah and but listen if things carry on this way give us two months that will be us literally now uh i've got a couple of things a couple of emails because last week uh we were talking about amongst other things we were talking about the alien episode yeah and we talked about the fact that we hadn't had were talking about the alien episode yeah and we talked about the fact that we hadn't had any feedback about the alien episode and obviously as a result of doing that we got loads of feedback about it and also it's the other thing of like people

it's one of those things where do you know when um when you say to somebody in conversation i i'm not very attractive yeah you just say it as a throwaway thing because neither of us think we're very attractive and then the other person goes oh no you shouldn't say that you're really good looking you're really attractive honestly one of my mates we were having a chat and we were actually saying you're quite hot you know you know one of them the worst one is when they say you're really an attractive really attractive in your own way oh unconventional i i've been told i'm unconventionally attractive oh my yeah i say so many times it's about three i've had all of them all of them with lisa message me going oh my god this is so weird but my friend has a crush on you you're like oh yeah yeah can i can i can i just say

something when you tweet or message saying is it mad or is it weird or is it am i the only one okay it's fucking insulting it doesn't matter what you say after that let me tell you let me tell you it is fucking insane there's not a day that goes by that i don't look at my wife and think what the fuck look like a question the choices she's fucking made yeah yeah it's it's really it's really weird to feel so unattractive that the fact that your wife is with you takes the gloss off her a little bit as a person. So anyway, we've had some memes. I've just taken three, okay, to give you a bit of a,

to get a little cross-section, right, because there were loads of them. So the first one from Xavier Redqua. He says, hey, guys. He says, hey, guys. Just wanted to say I'm loving the podcast. The Aliens episode was great. Don't take it down.

That was the first one, wasn't it? The next one, I think slightly more honest. Kevin Brown. He says, hello. It was okay and a nice surprise, but I can see why you dropped the theme format. So... In all fairness, Kevin is speaking the truth there.

I can't knock Kevin for that. And then Bevan Jones has said, Dear Tom and Rom, brackets, Yeah, it does spell check to Tom. That's just a little bit of validation for the point I made last week. I enjoyed the Aliens episode, but I can only attribute the lack of feedback down to it being Christmas. However, I think because it caught people off guard,

it felt like that uncle you don't talk about, not because he's a pedo, but because he's weird and harmless, has a very specific niche interest and invites himself around once a year, but annoys your mum and dad by not helping to clear up after dinner very very very specific well that's a very that's a very very specific to compare an episode of a podcast such a strange way of like yeah i i think that that you know what that that by the way thank you bevan for that that suggests to me i don't suggests to me, I don't want to sort of insult you or anything, but that suggests to me that you may have drafted that email a couple of times, sat back, chuckled to yourself, sort of punched it up a little bit,

maybe sent it to a mate to see if he could add any gags, and then submitted it. It's pretty good. Zav here seems like he's just literally just typed it out and just gone, yeah, I'm just going to validate them a little bit and just be quite sweet. Yeah, these two guys whose podcasts I listen to need some self-esteem help. I mean, that's so tragic, isn't it?

How pathetic are we as well that we actually... No, we are pathetic on the basis that we asked for this validation. Oh, it's so... Just last week. I don't think about us last week. Just, oh, we put out the Aliens episode and nobody, we got no feedback. I don't know why we bother.

We actually didn't bother. It was a fucking old recording that we just stuck out. Actually, the producer, James, who's brilliant, by the way, and amazing, who basically said, you know, let's just do this. And then we had to, how pathetic. That's like literally sort of like dragging yourself around a football pitch for 90 minutes

and then someone else has scored a hat-trick, someone else has scored four goals and you fucking like towed away a corner and you're still going, what about the corner I towed away? No one seems to be speaking about that. So pathetic. Do you know, actually,

that's one of the lowest points of my life. Actually, now that's even worse because this becomes like even more pathetic than we're feeling pathetic yeah because what will happen now is what will happen now is we'll get a load of emails going i didn't think it was pathetic don't be so hard on yourselves just you know we're talking about that next two of us need a fucking good talking too so if you do email enjoy the show today by all means but if you do just email and go look i think it was a bit pathetic we were okay let's just be absolutely we apologize for what happened last week let's be absolutely honest we couldn't be asked to record a new episode so we just put out some piece of shit

from the archives and then when we didn't get the requisite amount of feedback that our pathetic egos felt was necessary we then complained about it on the following episode. So actually, we are actually wolf and owl shit, is what we are. And on behalf of Tom Davis and myself, I'm very sorry. It's absolutely shameful, our behaviour. Yeah. Anyway, Tom, what have you been up to brother

my G I've just knocked the top off I'm just I'm just sitting there episode one of Married at First Sight

Australia which is I think one of the most sublime bits of television ever created the last series was out there with the best

TV I've ever seen so how does Married at First Sight work what is it so there's like 10 couples and basically

you get to the altar and you've never met the person you're going to marry, right? I've actually made that sound a lot more cool because the name itself speaks for what happens. You go down the aisle, the guy turns around, sees the bride or other groom.

They meet for the first time, they get married and then we watch their journey for the next, like, eight to ten weeks. Which is incredible. And do they have,

is there any kind of selection process before that happens? There's like, like scientists, like a rigorous amount of scientists who go through

A rigorous amount of scientists? Yeah. Actually, yeah, that's not the word. Rigorously go, these scientists are very rigorous. So the number of scientists isn't rigorous, but the scientists themselves are rigorous. A very rigorous amount of, they're very rigorous in there.

They're like a very, they're the top scientists in Australia, basically, who get together and work out, does this chemistry work? Are these people going to work? Will this love work? And how does this rate in terms of TV experiences? It's up there, man.

It's up there. It's not as good as The Sopranos, but there's at times I've been on the edge of my race. I mean, fucking, fucking, fucking hell. Why can't you... You've got to qualify shit, bro. I know you're really enjoying it,

but this is... Listen, this is listen this is one of the things with you is you get very caught up with whatever you're into at the moment right you've got a fucking at least give some sort of concession to genre right i'm sure it's a great show you cannot you absolutely it's not quite as good as sopranos well okay reality tv wise it's up there with the best reality tv ever made fine fine it's up there with the best reality tv ever made but you're not saying it's better than breaking bad no no no but mate at times you're sitting there and you are gasping mate you're gasping you're absolutely like oh my god what happens

fights people say things breakups get back togethers affairs it's really mate it at times you were literally you're in a whirlwind mate sometimes you're like i've had to press pause on my tv and go walk outside and go what has just happened. Okay. Is that an exaggeration? Yeah, it's probably 70%. I've exaggerated the last 30%. Hold on, how much of it is true? I've pressed pause. Yeah, got up and gone.

I can't deal with this emotionally right now. I need to walk. I mean, what? What? How does Catherine... How does she respond to you doing that? She says, I don't know why you get so invested in this show. Yeah.

She says, honestly, I swear to God, if you say this is better than The Sopranos again... It was quite a lot of trepidation to whether we watch this one again, watch it, because I got so involved in the last one. Right. I was nearly in tears at one point when my favourite couple looked like they weren't going to make it. That can't be true.

I genuinely got really upset. It was was during lockdown maybe it was a lockdown i don't know and i wasn't having much interaction with any other human beings so these people became my friends do you want to know that right i don't know what to say in this this is gone so there was a couple in the last series called tev and sar. Right? Okay. And as soon as the series finished, I looked into who had made it as a couple. And I genuinely, Tev and Sarah were my favourites. So you Googled it afterwards? Yeah.

This gets worse, right? God. And I noticed that they didn't make it. So I went on to all the different, like, social media channels. Please, please tell me that you didn't contact them. I contacted Tev and just said, Oh, bro, sorry to see you. On what?

What social media did you find? On Instagram. I slid into his DMs. What social media did he find? On Instagram. I slid into his DMs. And I said, sorry to say that you didn't make it, man, with Sarah.

I was genuinely hoping that, yeah. And then I sort of had to validate who I was. So I was like, I'll commit. You didn't fucking give your save either, Jay. Did you send him a link to Murdering Successful? No, he wouldn't get that in Australia.

So you thought about it that way? No, I sent him a message, right? Yeah. And then I sat back and I just thought about it. I thought, maybe it's a bit weird that I've sent this guy a message just saying, you know, sorry to hear that you haven't made it. I hope things are okay. And, you know, you and the kids are well.

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Godzilla Kong. The new empire. Now playing only in theatres And then From there I sent him Another message Just saying I'm from the UK I'm a comedian

And an actor over here So I work in the industry Why? He doesn't work in the industry He doesn't work in the industry why because he doesn't work in the industry he doesn't work in the industry Tom

well no he does a lot of like media appearances and he turns up yeah off the back of doing Married at First Sight doesn't mean you're

in the same industry I just felt like I wanted to get in touch with him and just yeah and then I just weirdly thought that then he'd go oh this isn't that weird

that now yeah what did he say I saw that he saw them but he never got back to me. Oh, my God. Of course he didn't. He's probably, you know, when they do those shows, they're trained to avoid, like, weirdos. Yeah, but then, you know what?

The worst thing of it is I sat there, and then I was like, every time my phone beeps after that, I was just hoping it was him. That he'd get back and go, Hi, mate. Thanks for all your support. I'm glad you enjoyed the show. You know, if you're ever out in Australia,

let's grab a beer or something. Okay. If he said that. Yeah. And you went to Australia. Let's hope beyond hope that you wouldn't book a trip specifically. Let's just assume that you happen to be going to Australia for some filming or something, you wouldn't

arrange to meet up with him, would you? Yeah, of course I would. You don't know this guy! Yeah, but I've seen I've spent so long with him. He doesn't know you, Tom. I know him to be a very decent human being, right? I think he's a pretty good egg

from what I can judge on that reality show that I saw him in. Right? If I was to go, I know that also, I think there's a few things we've probably got in common. Like, you know,

he quite likes sport and stuff. He looks like he probably likes boxing. I know that he likes MMA. Yeah. People like sport, boxing and MMA. Very hard to come by, yeah.

No. If I found myself out in Melbourne, right, and I was just like, you know, hey, bud, it's Big T here. The guy messaged you afterwards. You can't even, you can't even, you know what you did there?

You tried to put some extra stank on the message and you couldn't even finish it. I'm over in Melbourne. I'm out here with Romesh doing some gigs and stuff do you want to meet up for a beer? because then you could come along with me

I absolutely wouldn't do that and nor would I nor would I arrange to meet up with anyone mate if we were in Melbourne together this is a sign of friendship if we were in Melbourne together

first of all I'd say to you it's Melbourne why do you keep insisting on mispronouncing it? that's the first thing i'd say to you it's melbourne why do you keep insisting on mispronouncing it that's the first thing i'd say then what i came down to the breakfast bar right you're sitting there right you're in your chino shorts and you've got a lacoste t-shirt on right sure flip flops over there what they call flip flops by the way thongs thongs pair of thongs yeah i come down you're like you know you use yourself it's like oh

there's no bloody vegan option for breakfast all right just have some cornflakes and leave it mate all right and then i'm like i've arranged to meet tev from the show that i've been messaging we've been dealing with each other are you up for coming we're gonna have a couple of beers and watch a game of aussie rules what'd you But you don't like Aussie rules. Yeah, I know, but he doesn't know that. I'd turn up and go, hey, bro, how you doing? So you're willing to pretend that you like a sport that you don't so you can meet up with a guy you saw on a reality show?

I just think I'd like to meet him to see what he's actually like. I don't even get starstruck by people. But he, I just think we could be really good mates. Okay. Do you never feel like that about anyone? Sometimes I'll be watching something and I think to myself, I could imagine that I'd get on with that person.

Never would I ever contact them, even if I had the means to, ever. Well, you have the means to. Without. Well, you have the means to. Without a doubt, you have the means to. Listen, let me tell you something. I love Thierry Henry, right? I love him. Absolutely love him.

If I was at a restaurant and he was sat a couple of tables away, I wouldn't even say hello to him. What? I'm telling you. I don't even love Thierry. I think he's great, Thierry Henry. If he was at telling you. I don't even love Thierry. I think he's great

Thierry Henry. If he was in a restaurant and I was in a restaurant, I'd walk past and just go, yeah, bro. That's life. Why?

Why would you do that? And he'd just be like, oh, hello. Hello, Tom. Yeah. And then, yeah. And then what have

you got off that? I'll probably just say I know Jamie Redknapp as well. Incredible assumption that he knows who you are. He gone all right thomas i've actually done a show with him before so oh yeah you did the um at home with the redknapp yeah and how was he on that he commented he liked my beard he asked what oil i used which i actually said to him well i like your beard too so sometimes when i'm uh talking to somebody and i can't

hook on to anything about them sort of commenting on their beard sounds like the sort of thing you would talk about isn't it oh i really like your uh nose well that's probably all he knew about me is that i had a beard i'm pretty sure that he'd not watched any of my stuff or investigate i genuinely think thought for quite a long time he thought i was just a producer on a show one of jamie's mates who's just sitting in on the call. Now, hold on. After that had happened, because this is what I would have done

if I'd have been at home with the Red Naps. This is what I would do. If I'd been on the show with him and chatted to him, then I would have got in touch with him afterwards. I would have tried to turn that meeting, that working together, into something else.

I tried that with two or three people on the show. Not one of them got back to me. Oh, mate. That is literally... Do you know the only guest that we had on that show that I still speak to is you? It's sort of weird. It feels like an insult, though.

Have you ever like when it comes to following people on Instagram or Twitter or something Yeah yeah Have you ever been

following someone for ages and pretend that you've just started following them when you've been at the thing No and I certainly wouldn't admit to it on a podcast

if I had done either No I'm not saying that When have you done that? When have you done that? When have you done that? I have done that before. I've been following someone for a while and they've gone, oh, I've just started following you

and I've gone, oh yeah, same. I've started following you and we got a heritage. Why? Just so they think, just so they know we're on a level playing field. So it's not like I'm, that I'll be following you for 15 years.

Isn't it arguably quite nice if you tell someone I've been following them? Yeah, I think it's nice. But then also, some people can get like they think, you know, that you're just a bit of a fan rather than just like a cool sort of… Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. Or a colleague. Right. Got you. Yeah. like a cool sort of yeah yeah that's what i was looking for or a colleague right yeah so is there anyone in that pops into your memory that you did that with uh no i mean i i've i mean i literally could go on and on about people i've parted myself like i've been part of my idiot remember when we

did it with klitschko uh we did league of their own with klitschko me and you did it yeah i tried to sort of become friends with him nothing happened out of that what did you do just messaged him and like sort of yeah he didn't even look at them what did you say in the message I was like oh great stuff today thank you for my kind words about boxing

I think I'm probably too old to make it now but yeah I look forward to it you mean when he joked about your potential in the boxing ring yeah so he might have he might have walked away from that going oh I thought it was a I look forward to it. Do you mean when he joked about your potential in the boxing room? Yeah. So he might have walked away from that going, oh, I thought it was a funny joke I made on League of Their Own about Tom being potentially a boxer. And then you've got in touch with him

and you've gone, thanks so much about your kind words about my boxing potential. I think I'm a bit old. And then Klitschko thought, this guy really thinks I'm that fucking stupid that I actually thought he might have some potential. And then, alongside that, I said,

I look forward to reading your book. Have you read his book? I've read half of it. Not really. It's not a great book. Did you get back in touch with him to tell him that? Yeah. Halfway through your book there. I did make it to round six of your book. KO'd in round six.

T-K-O. Stick to the fight, son. Right, it's not your game. He's a strange character. Yeah. Random here. Rob had to when we did

Rob and Ron versus we went to the Joshua Klitschko fight we were doing all the build up to it and I interviewed AJ and then Rob interviewed Klitschko I can't remember where he went he went abroad

and Rob said it was it was intimidating yeah yeah he's terrifying he's terrifying he was on the team it was the first interview Rob had ever done as well

can you fucking imagine travelling abroad to interview Klitschko for your first ever interview mate like he's intense and he he has no sense of humour

like yeah he yeah he's pretty full on as no sense of humour. Like, yeah. Yeah, he's pretty full on as a guy. There's one bit where I thought we were going to get absolutely fucked up on league. And that is where Jamie said, does he do the voice for the Compare the Mirka advert? He got really angry with that, didn't he? I don't know if he did actually like he sort of

do you think Klitschko knows what the compare the meerkat advert is I think he knew by the tone of it that it was Mickey

there was Mickey taking happening well he said it and then we all started pissing ourselves laughing he's probably thinking

this isn't this is unlikely to be a compliment he at one point grabbed Freddie's chair quite hard I remember that and me and Freddie pissing ourselves laughing. He's probably thinking this is unlikely to be a compliment. He, at one point, grabbed Freddie's chair quite hard, I remember that.

And me and Freddie were like, oh God, yeah. Yeah. He's, yeah, he's one of the most terrifying people I've met in my life.

But then also, I found him quite exciting to be around. Oh, did you? Yeah. In what way? I just found it, I just found him

just sort of like, yeah, he just I just found him just sort of like, yeah, he just had an element of just sort of like fire around him. Oh God. what have you been up to this week oh well i wanted to ask you a question about this actually because um i'm going to be straight up i have found the lockdown tough mentally and i do want to take this opportunity to thank you uh because you've been very good at texting me this week and just going you're all right mate are you sure you're all right and even though i said yeah i'm okay you obviously knew that i was struggling a bit and so um you've been

checking in on me so i appreciate that well that's what friends are for. And I think that's the thing. I think this time around, it is tough. It's hard, isn't it? I think it is. Again, I knew that I sort of know you enough to know that when you're up or when you're down, and I personally found it tough this week as well. It's hard. Because I think we thought this was over, really. We thought we were coming to an end of it,

coming out the back end of it coming out the back end of sort of november december didn't we and here we are again um you know and and you know what you just i suppose it's i genuinely look forward to just doing this this is like literally the social all the social interaction because me and my wife are shielding at the moment so we can't like you know for one reason or, so we can't, like, you know, for one reason or another. So we can't even, this is literally all the social interaction I have. Do you know, I think, like,

when the first lockdown happened, obviously that was tough. But I think when I watched Boris Johnson's announcement and he said, the toughest weeks are yet to come, that was a proper head fuck. Do you mean? And so like psychologically, it was a tough one.

Um, so basically last couple of days, I found it quite tough. And then I thought I need to do something about it. So today I went for a walk, like a proper long walk to try and blow the cobwebs out. And, uh,

I was listening to music, whatever. And there's one particular song that became the earworm for my walk, right? And it's a song called Did You See by Jay Huss. Right. Do you know this song? No, no, no, no, no, no, Jay Huss. Anyway, it's an absolute banger, right?

And I was listening to it. And do you ever have this thing where you just stick a song on repeat over and over again? Yeah. So I must have listened to this song i reckon 15 20 times in a row right i was probably smashing it out right but it's basically about checking a girl's ass out like a lot of it is about checking a girl's ass out right and it sort of occurred to me is it appropriate for sort of a fat father of three to be listening to a song where this guy's talking about sprinkling the bunda with holy water

or whatever. I mean, am I too old to be listening to this music? Let me just say something, right? Because you listen to that sort of music, right? You love your hip hop. You like your sort of cooler, edgy music, right? I like show tunes i like i had a moment like when i had to pick myself up uh like yourself i struggled this week um

strong last couple of weeks really and you're like what like you i go every day that's the one thing i do i i try and ground myself by going well i'm going to do a workout and i'm going to do a long walk with a dog and i had that thing the other day i was stuck on a song and i had it playing over and over and over again and the song was a moment like this by leona lewis right right and i'm pounding around the uh local fields and i've got the dog with me and i'm bowling and i've you know you know i i i don't look like from the way I'm walking that I'm listening to a moment like this. But it inspires me, that song. It really pumps me up.

And then being on the dog walk, I get stopped three or four times for people who just say hello or whatever. I'll give them a nod. And I think, would they for a million years think, oh, he's listening to a moment like this by Leona Lewis it's such a weird thing it's so weird

it's so weird right because like so that J Hus song today I just got into it because it's like super fucking catchy or whatever and J Hus is amazing right

but there's other times when it will be a song like what you're talking about like I remember like I died on my arse a gig once right and I was driving home it's like a two-hour drive and for so you like it's like when you have comfort food you can have comfort music right and so so i listen to because i love

back to the future so much right i listen to the power of love it's a great so many times like fucking like banging it out I don't know I don't know what that is I'm so glad you said that because I thought I was the only prick that did that man

no I'll tell you this is one of the lowest moments of lockdown is um I was cooking the other night and I stuck on Alexa and I stuck on uh

uh the whole of The Greatest Showman oh my god the um right so I had like this is the greatest show and they know that this is me the whole of The Greatest Showman. Oh my gosh. Right. So I had like,

this is The Greatest Show and they know that this is me. I don't know. I don't know The Greatest Showman. Mate, there's a song. I'm not saying that. By the way, can I just say, before anybody fucking emails in, I'm not saying that to be cool.

I just don't know it. No, no, no. Mate, it's incredible. But there's a song called This Is Me, right? And I have this song playing on. This is playing in the kitchen. How loud?

We load the dishwasher. Well, this is the thing. I ramp it up loud, right? And then I'm singing along to sort of get along with the fact that, you know, the size of the music. And then from there, I start dancing with it it i really start projecting my voice and dancing and um i look around and my wife is standing over into the kitchen and genuinely the look on her face like was absolute like what the like i genuinely think that she thought at that point i'd snapped

that was it i heard her heart just shrivel up i had like but ever since then like genuinely i felt ashamed because i was really singing and i was really going for it and i was really like dancing and sort of like but you know what do you know what look what i'm going to say to you is this right it's embarrassing that you got caught right what's not what's not embarrassing is that you did it in the first place right because oh mate do you know i think i think putting on a song and properly going for it like you're in the video is is one of life's great pleasures do you know i mean and i i was a kid right when i was a kid i used to do do loads of hip hop, right? So much. And there's this song by the Lynch Mob

called Gorillas in the Mist, right? And it's a properly aggressive hip hop song. And I knew every single word of it. And I used to like recreate it in my... I used to recreate loads of rap songs in my bedroom, right? But I remember once, I did the whole of Gorillas in the Mist, right? Properly going for it.

And I looked at the door and one of my brother's mates had watched the entire performance, right? it and i looked at the door and one of my brother's mates had watched the entire performance right and i just looked at him and he just went oh that was good and i just thought i'm fucking dead but that is socially at that age yeah i was supposed to be like 12 i just thought you're it's over you're gonna have to fucking emigrate man like you're you're not gonna survive this if i emig You're going to have to fucking emigrate, man. You're not going to survive this. If I emigrate, you mean to move to another county? It's like I just called in Croydon.

Mate, things like that, I tell you, at school, they're the worst. You can't get through those. They're the worst things but I mean to be fair actually I think maybe it might be even worse standing there

dancing in front of an Alexa in a kitchen when you're making a fucking spaghetti bolognese giving it large to the greatest showman that might be that

the person you love the most in the world looking at you but I think it's better because she sort of understands that I can't imagine that that sort of behaviour has come as a surprise. This is a guy who tries to make friends with people he sees on reality shows.

This is that guy. I mean, he wears his heart on his sleeve. He puts himself out there. Have you ever seen Sensual Intelligence with The Rock? No, I haven't, no. Is that worth watching? Yeah, I thought it was a really good film. But the opening of that, there's a moment where he's dancing in the shower and he's sort of the whole film

hangs on that and that's how i felt the whole film central intelligence hangs on a scene where the rock is dancing in the shower pretty much why i'm not gonna you don't want to spoil around that film brother you need to watch it i told you this ages ago by the way did you yeah i said to you ages ago watch it it's a really it's a really good, I enjoyed it a lot. Kevin Hart's on great form. Do you want to do an email? Let's do a sweet, sweet email. I'm going to do one that's got two parts to it, all right?

I like a two-part. This is from Vishnu, all right? Hi, Wolf and Al. Thank you so much for creating this podcast um apologies in advance for the wordy email i have two possible requests for advice from the both of you in the next episode um rom you mentioned in a previous episode your experience of being pulled out of the queue of a club finding yourself in a sea of other brown people thank you for mentioning this as this inexperience i have faced multiple times most recently in birmingham

whilst forced a trojan horse my way in surrounded by some white geezers in order to join my friends in a club the issue i face with relaying this story to other white friends they rush to make excuses or deny the validity of the story props to tom for not doing this to you how would you guys deal with friends who've reacted in this way my first question i would have is if you're queuing up for a nightclub in Birmingham and they pull out all the brown blokes, how many people are left in that queue? I mean, that would be my first question.

You must be left with what? Three random white blokes that sort of tagged in as tokens. Tom, props to you for not dismissing the story. Have you ever had this thing where people have denied, I don't know, I don't know what this question is. How would you respond to white people that deny racism? Well, I mean, I'm pretty sure it probably happens. I think my thing would be, number one,

why weren't your friends going in with you? Why weren't you queuing up with your friends in the first place? And if you got dragged out of the queue and you're with a group of white guys, you're the And if you got dragged out of the queue and you're with a group of white guys, you're the only person who gets dragged out of the queue for no said reason. I think it's pretty clear at that point that it probably is a racially motivated thing.

So I think you probably, you shouldn't have to prove to your friends on that basis that that's happened. I mean, long and short of it, mate, I would say, Vishnu, just go and get some new friends because you'll sound like an absolute bunch of pricks there you go um okay the second part of this email right is uh this second topic is slightly less important and i don't mean to bring down the tone of the podcast by asking you this as i'm sure both of you are aware lockdown has

been a tricky situation for the best of us one of the saving graces for me has been the group chats that i share with two friends from university now these whatsapp groups are something that have become i mean they've become a bit of a problem not a problem they have become something that people have started to lean on but anyway he goes on this chat has been a welcome distraction and source of comfort throughout 2020 however recently the other members have picked up a disgusting habit sending photos of each other's fecal matter to the group even going so far as renaming the group fart club and sending voice notes of their gaseous releases i'm not a prude but recently a photo was sent that genuinely looked like pulled pork and i almost threw up i'd really rather not leave the group out over this how do i tell my friends that i'd really rather not leave the group out over this. How do I tell my friends that I'd rather

this not be the direction that our group chat goes in? I'm assuming this is a separate set of friends to the racist deniers that you normally hang out with. Tom, you got any thoughts on this? I mean, that's a tough one, isn't it?

That's a tough one. We were in a group, weren't we? A couple of Christmases ago where that happened ron do you remember yeah i won't name names but me and you were in a group yeah without naming names we have been in a group where uh well look the the the subject of the chat was yule log and i'll just leave that with you um and yeah it's that was a it was a tricky one. What did you think about that, Tom? I mean,

to me, that feels like the sort of thing you don't mind. No, if I'm honest with you, I'm in groups where that's happened. I've also jumped onto the, the poo club bandwagon. I've,

I've, I've many a time put up, if I'm honest with you, when I've done a big dump and I look at it and I go that's a fucking healthy looking crap I will put a picture up can I tell you why I don't do that go on

it's not because I think I'm above it it's not because I don't think it's funny because I do think it is quite funny if I'm being honest with you I do think it's disgusting but it's quite funny my problem is I have this inbuilt paranoia that somebody will be able to discern that there's something seriously wrong with me

from something in my shit. Wow. Like somebody might look at it and go, oh, mate, I'd think about going to a doctor if I was you. It shouldn't look like that. Do you know what I mean? That's genuinely the main reason why I wouldn't do it. They'd have to do a bit of zooming in for that.

But listen, pal, this is what I'd say to you. As much as I find it funny, and I'm sure Romesh would agree, well, actually, Romesh, I do remember you did put a picture up of a poo. No, I didn't. Hold on, hold on, hold on. What are you talking about? Go back to that and find the picture of your poo. Tom, I'm telling you now,

I did not put a picture up of my poo. Can I tell you something? I do remember putting a picture up of a poo, Can I tell you something? I do remember putting a picture up of a poo, but I googled shit in the toilet. Right. I put up a really big picture. Right. Tommy's now currently looking through the WhatsApp chat.

Actually, you're right, mate. You didn't put up a picture of poo. You're the only one. Oh. I put up. Oh. Does that sting? Wow, man. Fuck, that's your first right. That's not my first. Okay. the... Oh. I put up... Oh. Does that sting? Wow, man.

Fuck, that's your first right. That's not my first... Okay. Wow. Wow. Wow. I put... Do you know, I've just scrolled through it,

and I've not yet... I've literally scrolled back for a bit, right? And then I looked through pictures. I sent four pictures in that group of shits. It was only equaled by the person who made the group. Yeah, and he is he is like notorious for it so you're up there with the addict

but let me say so what my point was is this if during that group chat someone had said guys I don't like the way that this chat is going I don't like the Fiesel matter I don't feel comfortable with it I certainly wouldn't have

I would have just said Cool man And I probably wouldn't Have put up another Per that group I'd have probably Just started another Group somewhere else

Of just fetal matter Kept the group That person And let the banter Commence that way But I think You have to be honest When it comes to these things

You have to say How you feel Because otherwise You're just going to Spend a long time Phone pinging Probably twice a day with pictures of big poos and that's not going to make you happy mate you know you you you could do this i believe in you so go and tell them so vishnu our advice to you is to say to your friends if you want to put up pictures of your shit then set up a separate group for that

because also if it's just three of you from what you've said i think in the group right you at the moment are basically there as a what's the word one when someone's there you take someone with you to a date third wheel yeah not a third wheel it's a sort of like gooseberry yeah because but yeah so if you're not involved my friend it is just two guys sending pictures of poos to each other it's not a group anymore it's just a pair of blokes

just saying oh this is my poo this morning Dean or Carl or whoever else also the recordings of fart things is

it's weird it's a weird flex what I would say though Vishnu is it happens to a lot of people I'm on a I'm on a couple of group chats and

Tom I don't know if this happens to you, but sometimes with a couple of the group chats, because you have all these sort of different subsets of mates and colleagues and stuff like that, there are some group chats where they'll send something and I'll just think, that is what people I hang out with think is funny. And not only that, they think I'd find that funny as well what yeah it really does make you think what the fuck is going on with my life i mean this is this is what the

my peer group think is something that we should find funny yeah it blows my fucking mind yeah and then you listen i and let's be let's get it out there we've all seen that bloke that black guy's cock what a thousand times in the last three months? And the number of times my children... You still fall for that. Do you know the saddest thing, right, is, and I love you to death, right, and you're such a sweet guy, genuinely,

but there's times in another group we're in where we get sent a video and I'll see that video and go, this is definitely, if I press play on this video it's just going to be pornography noises to this video right the amount of times that you've opened that video and i can sit and you just write back and go oh for fuck's sake man oh fucking hell mate you still fall for it you're still like like the person. Mate, mate. For the number of times my children have heard the noises of that woman.

Do you know what? It's not even shocking to them anymore. So anyway, Vishnu, I guess what we're saying is, I guess we're sort of saying get new friends, actually. That's a double for both of that. But also, Vishnu, you're not on your own. We all feel like that sometimes when it comes to these WhatsApp groups. Sometimes people overstep the line.

And you know what? People have done that for centuries. Back in the old days of old, when people were sitting around, the knights were sitting around the round table. One of them probably said something, the rest of them were like, oh, fucking hell, he's pushed that too far. Or Lancelot was like, all right, let's just not talk about who's been for crap in the woods.

Let's try and have, you you know it's always happened i mean yeah yeah it's it's a it's a story that goes back in the ages so don't feel like you know it's whatsapp now but back in the old days it would have been cave paintings or something well like an an old yeah or an old scroll that's just been delivered there's probably other there's probably other versions of the beyer tapestry that are just all fucking cocks and like people have done a massive shit or whatever. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. There's banter tapestries.

There must have been banter tapestries. Oh, yeah. Gandalf would have hated them. But then Frodo, I bet Frodo at first, before he became all weird and Sam Wachowski and all that, were all fucking always on it. Yeah. Lord of the Rings reference.

Yeah, I know it's a Lord of the Rings reference, but it's weird to bring that up alongside the round table and stuff. It's sort of, it feels like you're mixing your myths there a bit. I'm just thinking

about old things. Right, okay, got it. Right, oh, also, Vishnu says,

just as a closer there, when Tom says Bill and Ted, it sounds like he's saying Bell and Ted. Oh,

what? Bill and Ted. Bill and Ted. Say sounds like he's saying Bell and Ted. Oh, what? Bill and Ted. Bill and Ted. Say it again? That's interesting. Bill and Ted. Yeah. I mean, Vishnu, bearing in mind that you've sort of had a go about your mates being a bit immature,

it feels like you might be equally as guilty there, if I'm being honest with you. Now, Tom. Yeah. I've got a question for you before i ask you to close off the podcast yeah i've had i've had a couple of as i always do had a couple of technical issues for a long portion of this podcast i was put off by the fact that about a second after i've said anything i could hear myself saying it back into my headphones now were you aware that i was slightly off kilter for any portion of this podcast no not really i mean sometimes i will talk and you will look like uh you are trying to wade through mud and trying to size up what i'm saying anyway um uh no i think i think you've

come across very well thanks tom and i think and i can i just say i think you've been brilliant on today's episode well thank you very much i think you've just been a credit to the world of podcasting, sir. And let me just say, do you know what? At the moment, since he said about Bill and Ted, I just keep thinking about the lyrics to God Give Rock and Roll to you. Oh, mate, what a chain. What a chain. Yeah.

If you're a lead singer or you play a guitar, man, you've got to rock or you won't get far because it's never too late to be working nine to five who would have thought i never would have guessed that you would have been able to bring the words to your memory that quickly well i'm pretty good like that with songs yeah um okay tom listen um can you please do us the honor of taking us out yo what up how you doing i'm okay be you these are just texts that you send but they actually really matter see whether it's a text let's check in to see if someone's okay or it's a text to show that you've left a whole flock of sparrows at the back of a toilet pan we live in weird times strange times and sometimes to build a bridge or hand out an

olive branch the only means we have is those sweet sweet texts the little beep that comes and you look and you listen and sometimes you will find it hard to text back sometimes you won't sometimes you might judge someone because they send a picture of a man with a phenomenally big penis but at the basis of most of these texts apart from trolling there's a good spirited meaning of friendship so don't judge thou too hard. Look inside what the text really means. And look inside yourself. Because maybe, just maybe, all someone really needs at the end of the day

is a picture of your own shit. God bless you guys. Remember, friends are there. I don't care, but friends are there for you. That was beautiful man um is it possible could the accusation

be leveled that you sort of weren't sure how to finish that yeah you know what I was really disappointed I couldn't remember

the um the lyrics for because I sort of shattered my mouth off about remembering lyrics to songs but I couldn't remember the lyrics

the golden girls oh thank you for being a friend thank you for being a friend thank you for being a friend travel down the road and back again your heart is free you're a friend and i can't be that oh and if i was to have a party and invite along everyone i knew you would see the biggest gift would be with me and the car attached would say

thank you for being a friend oh there we go guys take care James please drop that in the edit

we'd love to go out to the Golden Girls providing that there are no licensing issues Tom thank you so much brother love you my man love you my dude

love you too mate take care bye bye so much brother love you my man love you my jay love you too mate take care bye-bye if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com that's wolfalpod at gmail.com we That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.