Wolf and Owl - Kitchen Nightmares, Holidays And Comedy Careers

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

What happened in Tom's kitchen this week? In this episode of Wolf & Owl, Tom has had an absolute nightmare of a week with a kitchen disaster that includes a knife, a lot of blood and an absence of clogs. Romesh also has some important safety advice before the pair move on to holidays, impressions and the realities of coming up in comedy. Elsewhere, they debate whether you should name sex with your wife? Plus there's a story all about the strangeness of the world of Facebook and friendships. Another week, another collection of questionable decisions from Wolf & Owl. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, we're ready. What we got here? What's that? That's for the email special. Okay, okay, okay. All right, sweet. Hope, hope, hope you find. Hope, hope, hope you're fine.

Hope, hope you're fine. Yeah, what you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer. Just kidding, every word in his songs about two grown men, dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the world. for now podcast

once again once again I feel my posture's a bit your posture's been really good recently do you think so yeah are you sitting you gotta sit through your

I'm trying to sit yeah through your hips yeah I sit through my coxics yeah yeah yeah coxick used to be a

great A slumper I did actually yeah no no yeah I used to see you sit and he was like no you're like hello

I'm Rommas Rang and Ethan do you know what I think is a sign of true friendship is knowing that and never correcting a friend. And then after they've made steps themselves to ridicule them for what they've done all these years.

What a supportive guy you are? No, I'm saying, yeah, I'm supporting you now, like your lower back is. I've gone, I'm trying to change sitting. Good job you did. Because ever since I've known you've sat like a ruckamp. No, I didn't say, you used to look so content. I'm basically summarising it down.

You used to sit like that and you used to look the happiest I'd see you. You're like that. Yeah, and you'd take little photos when I didn't know and place them on Instagram. I got a really good one of you when we did that. That read-through. I remember the fact that it's horrible. Can you just delete it?

No, it's more. Look, you've come so far. And when I look at that picture, I'm like, that's where he used to be, and I loved him even more. That's when the King Gary bullying started. That was even on King Gary, by the way. It was King Gary.

It wasn't. The best picture I ever got of you was on the Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer show. You sat like that, your legs, you're really mansplanned. Oh, yeah, and then you pixelated. No, no. It's not the one where you pixelated

so that you look like my dick was out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fond memories. Fond memories. TV's changed. There's less bullying now. Oh, it's still there if you look around enough. Yeah, if you look hard enough.

But that's pranking. That's just having a gentle job. I went like that to you. And you laughed. You went, you bloody nutter. No, I don't think I did. I think I laughed in the moment because often victims will laugh to try and just move it on.

And then later on, I said to Lisa. And Lisa went, what is it? And you went, oh, he took a bitch and pretended I have me willy out. And she was like, probably did have you a willy out if I know you. Anyway, nice to see you again. I loved the idea with Lisa. Probably bloody did have you willy out if I know you, Rovsky. Can I ask you a question and put quite a personal question?

Do you and Catherine have a nickname for sex? Not really. Like, do you ever suggest it? What, like, I was doing it or something. Yeah, I guess. No, no, no, no. I think we just call it sex, yeah. We don't like make a plan, it just happens.

I don't think it's sort of something that we go. We're very much in planning stages. What so you'd be like, hey, Leisha, do you want to do a little bit of zikas we call it? Hmm. That's exactly that's what we call it. Or you text it? No, occasionally I have texts, yeah.

What, like you're booking an appointment? Not like you're booking an appointment, but. Right, but. I sort of regret to bring a little. this up now to me see this. But what would you say, what would you be like? Hey,

hey Fasbaz. It's your, it's your sexual soldier here. Would you like to make some Ziggas a girl later? Why is your infatuation with Ziggas a girl?

I know. I was just a bit of Spice Girls. Yeah. I was just wondering I was interested. But are you making those appointments? So you, so you and Catherine

all of your sex is spontaneous? No, I I don't text her going, if I'm going to, I don't know if I've ever texted her and gone, do you fancy having sex later? Or calling her and going, I've just looked actually. They've cancelled Coronation Street this evening. Sex, maybe.

I don't think that's a sort of... I mean, you're taking the piss. It's not that far from the sort of thing I do. Really? I won't say Coronation Street's cancelled. Well, I didn't ever cancel, right? Because there's other stuff to watch. Yeah.

But I might go... I might go, oh, we've not... We've not... We've not done it recently. Done it for a while, have we? Then do you do like that emoji with the wink and the sort of tongue out? I do o'bogene and then... That one.

And then that one. Those three. Then she knows it's own. Like donkey con. Salute. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, You have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli-meat products for always 375. and get Life Brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready, with a whole world and more. Tom, let's, can we, I hope you don't mind.

I'd like to open you up if I might. You know, because you have had. Yeah, Barb Barbaric. And I think it's, well, look, I don't think I can take the crux of. No, but you as a family have had a challenging week. Yes. So, can you talk us through it, please? So, Sunday night, have my parents over.

Um, I've, sounds horrible. I brought some, uh, I brought some new Japanese knives. Um, just for cutting stuff. Genuinely for cutting stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Just for cutting stuff.

Okay, cool. Um, so, uh, can I just, can I just ask some detail? Because I am in the, I'm in the knife market, actually, for shanking stuff. Mate, can I say? Well, look, hear this story out, you know, because all the glistens is not gold. No, all that glistens is not gold. No, no, no, not gold knives. God, my guy.

Okay. But these are beautiful nights. It's very sharp. Yeah. Got some... How did you find... How did you source them? On the internet.

Did a little bit of Google and a little bit of looking. Okay. Expensive? No, no, no. Not too... Okay. Not too... I didn't go crazy.

All right. Didn't go too mad. But beautiful knives. Did you get a sharpener with them? Yep. Okay. Yeah, great sharpener. Do the thing on it up and down.

Okay. Really excited because the bread knife was the thing I was kind of most excited about. How come? Because that's your every day. day knife. How's it going to work? Is it going to be up to getting through a really, really big bit of sourdough? So I brought a big bit of sourdough and said, let's test you.

Got the sourdough. So sort of letting the tail wag the dog there a bit. Yeah, yeah. My parents are there. You're buying bread for the knife now. Yes, well, yeah, just to say it, because there's no point testing on an old soft bit of tiger bread. No, sure.

You might as well get something. Actually, to be fair, that's not. I'm being dismissive as tiger bread. Because if it's soft nature, you do need an extra sharp knife. Yeah, because it squashes down. Yeah, so that was me being. You want something that is getting into it before. Any breadsmith, aka Paul Hollywood, listening to this.

Hey, you bloody bugger, you've not thought that through, off you lad. By the way, Paul, this is from all of us here at the podcast. Hope you squash the beef with Nigella. Yes. That's a great show. Very concerning stories coming from the Bake Off camp. Have you been checked to some of your insiders? Yes.

Do you see those, you know, those podcasts where like all they do is gossip, they just do steps stories. It's so funny. Also, so what I've heard is, All is not that Rosie over in the tent. And then why I love to top that off is the experts. Yeah. Well, what the thing is, with something like the Bake Off,

what you're really, really going to need, is top a talent, then you really need the judges to get on. There needs to be synergy. Now, what I'm hearing is all is not well at the backoff. Yeah. What they've done, what they've done, actually, is obviously you've got Paul Hollywood, who's iconic, and synonymous with the show.

Yep. They've lost Peru and they're thinking, let's get someone in that's on a star level because Paul is a powerful character. He's a strong character. Richard, I'm going to ask you now. Yeah.

Do you think that the wake-off can go on without Paul Hollywood? Did I have to throw all their chips in with Nigeria and look for a new dawn? Look, look. It's a strong format and it's sold internationally. Can it cope without poor Hollywood? Well, look, you've got me over a barrel here.

You have got me over a barrel here. a bloody barrel. Look, I'm going to give you... Give me four different answers and we'll put your best one in. This is my hot take. Okay, we need this. It's a hot take. The question isn't, can

bake off survive without Paul Hollywood? The question is... Can poor Hollywood survive without the bakeoff? No, he's got no other than a revenue screen stream. He's an awful businessman. Who wants to hear Doe, the podcast? Hey, guys. You're doing, all right?

It's me with a big lump of toe. What are we going to turn it into this week? Soda bread! Fuck off! I'm not making soda bread. It's a different dough. It's a tiger loaf. Today in a studio with me, I've got a bread maniac,

Miss Kerry Cotoner. Kerry, you're a great big fan. I'm not doing, no, I can't know it. Kerry, you're a great big fan of bread. Anyway, so. Anyhow, I digress. So look, the bread knife is a wonder. I cut marble slices, whole loaf is gone.

Beautiful, big, like, perfect slices. Comments are made. The knife sharp, the knife sharp, it's a beautiful knife. You don't want sharp bread? No. I don't know if you actually squeeze a little bit of lemon onto a bit of bread with a bit of olive oil. Beautiful.

If you get a nice salty bit of bread. Okay. Yeah, a little bit of rosemary salt. Yeah. Anyhow, I digress again. So my parents leave, they go home, we've done Gracie's bedtime. I'm sat in front of the TV. We've tidied up everything apart from the bread knife, the knife, two glasses.

Catherine, I'm going to put these. What was it again? What have you got left behind? Bread knife, knife, two glasses. Okay. What's the other knife? No, it's a bread knife. Oh yeah, no, it's a bread knife, bedboard and two glasses.

Where's it? But you said bread knife, knife, knife and two glasses? Yeah, no, no, no. That was me just, I was trying to be sort of, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you've got one of the four items from. I'll be awful in a place

Sorry, sorry We kind of knew that he was guilty The moment that he started reiterating what was on the table He said bread knife There's four things Bread knife, knife And then I looked at my partner and were like Okay

So what type of knife was that? Then he absolutely fell apart And also he was covered in blood Well that's the thing So anyway Yeah It was a bread knife, breadboard, two glasses Okay

It's a breadboard new No, the bread, same old breadboard. You know, breadboard, great bit of kit. Covered in bacteria because you can never wash it properly. Stanky, stinky. Fucking ingrained with, yeah. Yogger. Who's masturbated onto a breadboard?

I don't know. What made you ask that question? Oh, I thought you said, like, wank. No, I said rank. Oh, I thought you said wanked. Of the two words, what's the more likely one that I'm going to say? Obviously, disgusting, because you've wanked all over it. Who do you think I am?

I think, if you think You've got this horny energy to you today. I've not got a horny energy. Oh, do you call sex? That's fair. That is fair. That is fair. In my head, you've come to this with him and you sat up all proper and straight.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You know, so I'm like, you've been quite sexy with, you know, your impression. No, you're right. It's my fault that you said wank on a breadboard. You're right. I take full responsibility. I'm fucking out.

Yeah. I've no kitchen row. I'll have to use a breadboard. Oh, my. Well, my yachts. Nothing, Lisa. Up with you in a sec. It's not as absorbent, is it?

Little tip for you. Don't go against the grain of the wood. On either side. So anyway, Catherine picks up the bread. She's like, I was going to tie these bits out. I said, just leave it to tomorrow. The dishwasher's full. But she picks up, picks up the breadboard.

She picks up, the knife flies off the board. comes down and just literally goes like that on her toe but we know the knife is sharp it just goes through blood everywhere I'm talking like Netflix documentary blood I'm like quicks it down

If anybody's seen toe sever on Netflix you know exactly what we're talking about I'm coming soon I run over quickly pressure on it with cut of teetails What's your reaction What's your energy like in this situation I'm not a paniker

I was actually pretty cool and carbon collected. I can imagine that. Yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm just going to say it now, clogs are a must in the house when you've got the knives is sharp. You got clogs, I know you've got a couple of pairs of crocs or whatever, crox, clogs, any kind of hard shoe.

When you've got to be careful, my friend. So, she hobbles over. I'm sorry. Where does that end? What? Now I'm wearing clogs because I've bought a sharp knife in my house. I'm not fucking buying a knife for which I have to buy clogs. What are you talking about?

By the way, if you get one of these hobs, you need to have a full eye mask. You need safety goggles because the heat on that bad boy. You need safety gloves with some hobbs and some pans. You don't need safety gloves for a pan, do you? If you pick up a pan that said like all metal and it's gone through the handles, of course you need gloves. What are you picking that out with? Can I say what this shows you do nothing in the kitchen? I do loads of stuff in the kitchen.

But the pan's got a handle like that. No, one of those ones with like a pot, more of a pot. Sure, so you use a teetail. A teetail? You're mad. You're crazy. It's worked every time. Right, a little bit of water gets on a teetown. I understand. No, but listen, Tom, Tom, I'd understand if I was talking to you with two severely burnt hands.

But obviously I've been doing it my entire life and it's been absolutely fine. You're crazy. Well, clearly I'm not. I've not been burned This lung being carried is going to fall over Yeah Well I tell you what Which kitchen has better safety

Mind where there'd be no incidents Or yours where somebody's lost a toe So who do you think's running their gap more safely Because you didn't wear your fucking knife clogs Right So the knife slits Full deck She's cut out of lacerated her foot

Right Blood everywhere Okay We put pressure on the blood Where's little G at this point? She's in bed Catching some disease God.

So we put some pressure on it. And then I look at, you know, give it a little while just for the, I look at it and it's a proper opening on her foot. Did you get queasy? No, I'm not too bad with that stuff. I'm bad. I'm bad. I would be bad. So then I'm like, I think you're going to have to go to the hospital. And then she was quite, she couldn't lift her toe up.

So her toe's just sort of hanging like that, but down. And I'm like, and she's like, I don't really want to go to hospital. It's late. I was like, you need to go. So then we took some pictures. tomorrow I'm ex-nournerce and a friend of us and they were both like no she needs to go to hospital but so our friend lucky enough was around because grace is asleep is anyone else feeling quite funny and then she she took her to the hospital by that point she's wearing a added a slider

it was just like she's by the time she got to hospital and took the stuck when there was a side of blood just pouring out of it so they've they've uh is she what's she like in this at shane she's like you she's very queasy right then they've made it safe they've put some stery strips on it, banished up, cleaned it up. And then she had to... So then she went back and then they're like, no, you've severed a couple of tendons. So now she's been unable,

she can't walk on it. She'll have any weight on it. She had an operation this week on the thing to tie the tendons back together. But yeah, she's basically got her... She's bed-bound now for six days. Off this knife? Yeah.

How long did you have the knife for? Like six days. First outing for the bread knife. You know, just And now, yeah, so now... So you've been running the house. Running the house. How's that gone?

Breakfasts, dinners, obviously working as well. Yeah. Which has been... Yeah. And look, our holiday's up in the hour at the moment. Yeah. The holiday's very much...

Yeah, I'm fully aware. We're going to be going away this week. Yeah. Can we fly? We were going to be on holiday together. I know. Talked about it on the radio I did. Yeah.

Talked about it on the radio I did. What happened to me there? I went last summer wine? I mean, there was... I didn't see the knife go through her foot. And we had been talking about seeing you on holiday. I was very enthusiastic. Grace, very enthusiastic about seeing her encore Ramesh on holiday.

Well, okay, let's get this out in the open. And I'm not worried about saying this because Catherine doesn't listen to the podcast. But when you told me about you telling Catherine that we are holidays overlapping, yeah. You said to me, she went, we're going to see them one day, but no more than that. She knows what I'm like. She knows what I'm like with you. Right.

You're like, you're like in my addiction. You're my, you know, this, yeah. Like if I, if I was on, if I'm in the same, I would, I'd see you every day. I'd, you know, I'd pop my over for a profit. I think I would want to see you every day. Yeah. But, but you. Also, by the way, holiday rom is a thing of legend, you know.

Holiday rom. I mean, even today when I got here, the dawn of holiday, the little summer swag about you is there. I can taste it. it. You know, I can sense it. I can smell like almost, I can smell the sun cream coming on this guy. I want to be in around holiday rom.

I don't, you know, you're literally five minutes down the road. I'm not like, you know, I'm not seeing enough of you. No, but anyway, the long and the short of it is Catherine made it clear that she didn't want us to see each other that much. Well, she didn't want me to be around there every day. And then all of a sudden, there's a bread knife. Yeah.

Teetering. She looks across. This is the calendar. Yeah. Rom's arrival in Portugal. I've drawn a picture of your face on the day that we're seeing you. Yeah.

And then, I'm not saying it was deliberate, but I'm not saying it wasn't deliberate. Well, yeah. I'm saying, it could have been her and Lisa. Yeah. We both need our guys just for,

yeah. Lisa's like, I was really looking forward to some ziggas of garb we're on holiday. Listen, I don't mind you doing a derisive impression of me. What?

That was just me, just that was a, How would you like if I did, oh, bloody, I love it. Oh, God, I've injured my time. That is actually a really good impression of Catherine. Tom brought a new bread knife. You know what he's like? That's actually a good impression of Catherine.

Anyone who's been Catherine, that's not. I mean, might have Lisa was just sort of, yeah. Lisa's, yeah, I mean. I find Lisa quite difficult to impersonate. Yeah, she's very, yeah. Well, she knows drama acting. No, but I don't think that's what it is. Just some people are more difficult to impersonate.

York very easy. There's versions of you. do. Well, your impression of me is... Probably the... You are from the Keith Lemon School of impersonations, aren't you? Where you just push it to some sort of extreme and you pick a person of colour and you try and carry to the point that they're at the end. Look, mine's not accurate, but it's more accurate than yours.

This, okay, look, this is my one of yours. Mine's not that accurate, but it's more accurate than yours. Okay, what happened at the end? I went for the laugh. Yeah, I went for the laugh. Mine's not Fuck off Okay, it's a bit more

Okay, it's a bit more Um, well Let me hear your voice Um, this is me This is me just saying I love Podcasts and football

It was a bit I actually thought it was a little bit Joe Cole Yeah By the way Joe Cole's killing it In the media Oh my God, what a guy

I love Joe Cole Yeah He's got a real good energy to him Can I ask a question about Joe Carl I know this is not a football podcast Yeah I know this is not a football podcast. When I was at uni,

there was a guy. Shout out, the uni crew. Yeah, big shout out to people that study. Who was your uni group? Big shout out to books. Any names? That was a rapper on you. No, I was a song about books, literally.

Any names you want to shout out from the old uni crew, the old uni days? Semi. Yeah. Actually runs target football now. He and I used to present a hip-hop show on a pirate radio station. Oh, amazing.

Biscuit, was a mate of mine. That's a pretty cool nickname. There we go. Semi and Biscuit, shout out. Yeah, big shout out. Your ride or dies. Anyway, when I was at uni, a mate and mine was a West Ham fan. Yeah.

And he said to me, there's this guy Joe Cole who's coming through the ranks at West Ham and my words is going to be the best player in the world. Yeah. That was the level of excitement. He was, yeah. That was insane that time. The excitement that a kid had around it. And you got a member as well, it was like Frank.

Ryo, Michael Carrick, the other people around him. But he was unreal. Like the stuff he used to do it. I think that kind of got lost a bit of Chelsea for England. Still had a great career. Yeah, an incredible career. But when you saw what he could do, like the skill he had on the ball and the tricks he used to do,

he was almost like nothing we'd ever seen. The only time I felt that energy again is actually weirdly when I was coming up through the open mic circuit. Yeah. Well, yeah, people talk about you. Yeah, just people just sort of... I think there was a buzz about you. That was a joke.

No, don't start making this real. I think it was. No, no, that was a pure joke. I think there was. No, don't. Steve Rimmer. There was a... Steve Rimmer.

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I'll tell you what is weird about when we came up in stand-up. Yeah. There's so many people from our year group. Yeah. That have gone on to be like, and you sort of think, I saw you, we used to knock about when you were gigging in pubs and stuff. I remember, like, like, gigging with Joel, Domit, like to six people. Yeah.

Do you mean? And like, like, you and I. Well, a big one that I gigged all the time like that was Michelle de Swart. Right. I get loads of Michelle. Yeah. And like really cruddy, small little, tiny. gigs with no one there.

And remember like traveling for miles and miles to go to somewhere and go, oh, there's seven people there. Yeah. I remember doing, um, Portsmouth Uni with Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan? I just think I've no idea this guys. Do you know what I mean?

I remember doing, and he was just doing stuff about, um, I think it was like KFCO. I remember doing an awful unit. Reading. He'd get going to breading. I don't do an awful uni gig. What's the 11th herb?

You and Ivo, tell me, Colonel. Sorry, gone. You and IFO Graham and me did an awful uni gig. Yeah. That's really. terrible. I died so badly that night. I've got a diary

somewhere at home. I remember looking back and when I came back to stay. Dear diary. I met someone, one of my comedy heroes tonight and Ramesh. I've ever, but I just want to be able to be good at this. I know people respect me as an actor

and as a character, but I'm more than that. I've got a lot to offer this world and when I turn up to gigs like that, travel all that way just to deliver my unique blend of jokes and tomfoolery which is the name of like

P.S. Call your first tour Tomfoolery. It just really breaks my art to see people not understanding all the levels of which my Burger King story operates. Can I say you jest the diary entry was not far away from that. It was genuinely like you're just

like, I know, Like notes on gigs. And it was like the level, I've somehow seen how high the level can be around the other people, my peers. No, you have a real life. I remember Ivo crushing it and being like,

oh my God, he's fucking amazing. I can't remember. I mean, Ivo is amazing. Yeah, he's amazing. You were headlining that night. I was on in the middle and then it was you.

And I think it might have been Andrew Lawrence was comparing. But you went on and crushed it. I don't think I did, mate. You did. I remember, I remember just sit, stood there just saying, you know, like,

You know, it's when the camera goes towards someone, and it's like the spaceship's about to smash into Earth. And they realize how fucking shit the situation is. I was like, oh, wow, there's a lot of work to do. No, but, okay, it's interesting you say that, right? Because whenever people ask me about my worst ever gig, I did a gig in Leicester, and I was comparing. Yeah.

And on that bill was Dana Alexander, Rudy Liquid, Ava Vidal, right? Yeah. All great comics. Yeah. My recollection of that gig, and this is like I've got a vivid memory, is that every single time I went on, I died on my ass, and then I'd bring one of the axe on,

and they'd smash it, right? And that happened three times, obviously, like, all three of the axe. At one point, this, I haven't made up. At one point, my internal monologue came out, and I just went, I fucking hate this. You sit down the stage? Yeah, I just went, I'm fucking, like, quite quietly,

so it turned to my son and I'm fucking hating this. And somebody in the audience went, why don't you just fuck off then, right? So I said, I said something along the noise, do you know what, I think I will. Please welcome Rudy Liquid, right? or something along those eyes. Rudy came on and smashed it.

Anyway, last night, I've always told that story. And I do think that happened, right? Last night, I was, I'm trying out stuff for the tour. Yeah. So I went and did the comedy store. Yeah.

Because I could drop in. Dana was on at that gig last night, right? Right. So I walk in and we're having a chat and we're catching. I've not seen her for, I don't think it would be exaggeration to say 10 years. I know if you've seen Dana for, right? So we're catching up, chatting,

how's it going, blah, blah, blah. And then I start to, telling her about, I said, Dan, do you remember this gig that we did in Lester? And she said, yeah, I died. Right? I went, what? And her recollection of that gig is that she had a terrible one. My vivid memory is that everybody had a great gig apart from me. She said it was one of the longest drives home she's ever had. And she was chatting to Ava about it because she didn't feel it went well at all.

And I'm just thinking, I don't know what the, I mean, there's obviously her version, my version, and then the truth. Yeah. But it's like, it's weird how we, so what I'm saying to you is, I don't remember crushing that gig. I remember you being, no, no, no. But what I'm saying is your memory could skewer. Yeah, no, no, no, but I also, I remember the, like, you know, it's probably similar to you, but I remember watching you and Ivo and thinking, oh, wow, fucking hell these guys. Genuine, I mean, all joking, like, that you had, your star was there, you know,

your leaps and bounds for front of where I was. And Ivo, I think Ivo is one of the best. I think he's increased. He's so imaginative. He's got such a different way. I was genuinely like, oh, fuck. Like this is, like, not even back to the drawing board. This is go back to the drawing board that we've been working on.

Throw it out a fucking top story window and get another drawing board. Because it was, but then that is the nature of, we were texting yesterday. And stand up is. It's really hard. It is a fucking soul-destroying thing at times. If you're good at it, it's hard. Yeah. But luckily, what you realized is, if you get enough of the,

an acting profile. It doesn't matter what you're doing on stage, right? Yeah, yeah, that's how most of my tours and my shows are. Another one, that's what we say at the beginning of every tour. I can half-fast this now. Pulled out, pulled out my pants. Out of first gear, big boy. Squat.

No, you're amazing stand up, I'm only joking. Did you make a lot of Facebook friends on the open mic circuit? What an insane question? No, no, no, right. When you're first signing out, right, and you're going out to those gigs and you gig with people and you chat to straight that was we were talking about the Facebook was in its pomp

oh in its pump yeah that was the pomp of Facebook those are the Facebook side of those are the Facebook and you were network you were trying to make friends within the circuit you know I didn't I did you know you you'd gig a cut of times with people and you go oh yeah got and

it's really weird now when I look back at people that I used to think oh wow they're really fucking good they're definitely going to be a big name and then now haven't but there's one guy in particular and I won't know him because that would be disingen. But he never really came out of the open mics

after the open mics. I did my, I think my first Edinburgh on a similar bill than him. And arguably found his level. Got a bad. He's now mounting a comeback. And it's one of the most intriguing things I've ever seen on Facebook or any social media.

But the way he's describing himself is like, oh wow, this guy has drunk a lot of goulade. Yeah. The way he described, it's like, I'm bringing this back. I never thought I would. And people aren't booking me for the big rooms. But you need to know,

I've not done this for me. I've done this for the audience. No, he didn't say. I swear. It's insane. He's writing stuff like that. It's like when will people understand how good this? I mean,

I'm not sure. Is he doing this a joke? No. No. It's like the, and now because of AI, he's made these really fucking flashy sort of like poster pictures of sort of like, you know, how he used to be in it,

how he is now. And yeah. It's insane thing. I'm like, what, like the confidence of him. I wanted to just call him and go, hey,

is any chance we can just hang out so I can just get a little bit of this fucking, this front-footed. It's insane. Where do you stand on AI posters? Well, I know Mandrae love them. That's what happens when you have a small brand

and new marketing. I think what Mandra will need to do is start doing pictures where they go, some elements of this do not contain No, yeah. We need to do some more content that's actually us. That's been that... We talked about manager the other week.

Yeah. There's a lot of people saying we, you need to... Actually, by the way, I should say thank you. To all the people have... I was looking at all the lens. You know, really good. Who have been in touch to give us some tips. On how to market it?

Yeah, because we've been... We just haven't been marketing it well enough. Is it doing all right, though? It's doing okay, yeah. It's doing pretty well, but it could be doing better. Right, right. And the tips that I've been given, And some lovely people who've got in touch.

I've read the messages. I've replied to some. And they're very, very kind, well thought out. Oh, that's nice. Balanced things. So AI pictures, we're trying to get away from that. Right. Okay.

There's a new dawn coming. I'd love you to be a part of it. Just you like that. Fucking hell. Just grinning. Yeah. Some electrolytes getting down your next. Yeah.

Well, I love the electrolytes, as you know. I'm a big fan. Yeah. Get you some more. Yeah. I mean, you've sent me quite a bit. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm probably good, actually. Yeah. I think, I don't want to make an estimate of projected lifespan, but I think what you sent me will probably see me out. Four barrels of electrolytes. Just fry them in a garage lease. Which is another sooner for sex. Find another way for me to hydrate.

Anyway, footwise, yes. She's on the men now. So fingers crossed, we can go on holiday. What's going on with you? The Romska. Well, Theo is on holiday now. Wow. The romantic holiday?

I showed him the... Well, he's going with his girlfriend. Yeah, but that's a romantic holiday, yeah. It'll be romance there, by the way. I showed him the video. Stolen kisses. Yeah. Do you say stolen kisses?

Stolen kisses? What does stolen kiss made? It means a little kid. Like, you're all sitting there, you're at the fun fair or your Disneyland or whatever. And sort of that will be. chat in a way and the old go I love you oh that's cute

that's a stolen kiss stolen moments yeah yeah yeah they sort of fizzle out don't know as you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

it was like that get off what are you doing are you okay yeah we're outside you fucking yeah I tell you what

why don't you brush your teeth I could smell you coming from there yeah pouring away I'm trying to get on with something

I'm actually doing this so Not helpful. I don't want my ear licked. You're not a dog. So that was quite, it was quite, um... Emotional? Yeah.

No, not emotion. Emotions are wrongly. Not emotional. But, you know, we had a long, I had a big old hug. That's nice. Said to make me of a great time. It's the first time he's going on a holiday out.

Pardon me proud? You said it? Pardon? Make me proud. What was it? I don't think I want to say that as he goes off on holiday this girlfriend. What does that mean? How does he interpret that?

I meant, like, because he's going away from another family. Oh, I see. Don't let the rang in Athens down. Yeah, I don't really worry about that. I think it'll be fine. Yeah, by the way, he's a, yeah, he's a good soldier who wants to send out. He's like a strong boy. He's a good, yeah, he's a good advocate for your family.

Advocate. Yeah. He is, though. He's a person boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great. He's like your Beckham in some ways. I had, so, one of Charlie's, Charlie's got a really close friend now from Oliver. Nice.

Can you name? Can I name the kid? Yeah? I don't think so. Okay. But, um... I just want to, because I know I can picture them. Sounds weird.

From the name? Yeah. Uh, Snoop Dog. Really? This is his nickname? Yeah. His nickname is Snoop Dog? No.

Oh, okay. I just wanted to give you something to fix that on. Uh, no. So, Charlie's friend. Yeah. He came to our house. Nice. And then Lisa said to me,

we're all hanging out. Charlie wants us to all go out together, right? Can I say, by the way, what a great kid? that's an incredible thing to say at his age well he wants somebody to buy fast passes to Thought Park I think so we went to No no no don't say that's a lovely gesture So we went to thought you're brewing up

Three incredible young men Thanks it's very sweet of you to say So we went to Thought Park So he went to Thought Park So he went to Thought Park The reason I did that is because what you just said Is what we call in the industry true No we went to Thought Park

Got fast passes So it's you, Charlie, Lease and... And his mate. And Alex. And Alex. Lease, he didn't want to go on any of the rides. Yeah. So we didn't get her a fast pass.

Okay. So the four of us had fast passes. Yeah. All right. We're going on all the rides. Did you have a little anthem? We're fast pass until we die. We're fast past past till we die.

No. Okay. I know that when you go on these things, you're desperate to be recognized as much as you possibly can be. So you're drawing as much attention. You're a luminous. you'll often wear sort of King Gary

or Emergency Successful merch in the hope that somebody clocks you I'm more trying to keep a low quote He won't wear all his own merch really Sad fact I've got a sad loser We'll wear a King Gary T-shirt

If you were King Gary It's me I am King Gary I want to get a picture Well I did wear a Wolf and Al Cap in Disneyland Yeah who in Disneyland's gonna Yeah

No exactly The American market We're not crap at the way Lisa and the kids wanted to go on the ghost train Yeah So that was the only ride she went on I think the whole day So I said I'll wait at her Yeah

Cool So she went on to a ghost train So funny you didn't want a fast pass You get to queue Lisa Boys you go on ahead Because obviously you invested in the fast pass And your mum will see us in about an hour I imagine

So I sat out I sat out like on the table At a table I actually met a few Wolf and Alphans while I was sat there Shout out, but... I sat out in the open sun, not in the shade. You say beautiful.

It fucked me for the rest of the day. Oh, what? Sunstroke. Yeah. Like, I wasn't... You know, it was a great cure for Sunstroke? What? Madre, electrolytes. Hydration is the key.

It's funny you say that. I then spent the rest of the day basically trying to hydrate myself out of feeling really rank. You can't do that of fizzy pop. You've got to drink. No, I was drinking water. Sorry, what the... Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?

You're out with the kids I'm just like You're hanging out Yeah yeah But I don't try and fit in with the kids By drinking what they're drinking Oh Charlie What sweets are you getting

I'm gonna get the same So I could be cool like you He's 11 You know if I know what you're like You're like I can just see you just quaffing back Snaples going I'm still thirsty

No yeah water electrolytes Me too Thought part you can't move for Snaples What has happened to Snapple It's really falling off I don't think it was ever officially released here, was it? Yeah. It's an American product there.

Yeah, but you had it stay in the sun. Oh, I used to love it. Whistle stop. I used to get a whistle stop at the airport. Love a simple. Fruit punch. Fucking delightful. Mate, that were the days.

They used to do like, I think, a raspberry lemonade type one. Yeah, good. That was a very good one. It was a lot of sugar, though. Yeah. That's probably where you're not hydrated. No, I didn't drink any snapples. No, I'm just saying.

That's, you've got to have, yeah, water is the kid. And also sips, not. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Just a sip, sip. Okay. Okay. I mean, there's two quite quick sips.

What I would say is if you're continuing to sip at that rate, it's not that difficult, it's not that different from gulping. What's the science behind that, by the way? Because that will just literally just flood your stomach and it will have as much. Yeah. The gentle sips,

you're constantly hydrating. Okay, can we verify this place? Thank you. It's gulping better. I do believe you, by the way. but I would love to know why. This is a big moat for Ben. He gets his first moat to read out some facts.

Do I read them? A damning search history there, Ben. What's he looking at clogs? John's feet. Sipping water is generally better than gulping. I know that. I know that. What's the explanation?

Better absorption. Right. Less bathroom trips. Big one for you at your age. With the same age? I don't know, yeah. How often you're going to do? times a night sometimes. Three times a night

you are now. But then I drink loads before bed. Yeah. Because at the moment I've been reading this thing that apparently you're going to drink more water a glass of water before you go to bed to help thin your blood because your blood thickens during the night when you're asleep, right? Right. So the thing you're going to do is do that and when you wake up, you may have a glass of water

when you wake up. Right. As soon as you wake up. And not get up and walk around straight away. You may have sit, just sit at the end of your bed or just sit in bed and let your body, absorb the water, thin your blood and then get up and take your start the day. Worse that you can do is,

which I've been doing for the last 20 years, is get up, alarm goes, I jump out of bed, coffee, and then I'm just dehydrated anyway, and then I'm starting the day.

And that's, most heart attacks happen between 7 and 10. I'm so obsessed with heart attacks in a moment. It's unbelievable. I literally, I'm driving myself

into a place of anxiety. That's good. That's the best way to avoid one, about heart attacks. Do you often do it while you're eating a lot of bacon? By the way,

I don't have bacon anymore, not since my colon incident. bacon is as bad as smoking is that true? Yeah, bacon and sausages processed meat as well as I think anybody who's having a smoky bacon and a fag

and a fag and a fag. And vaping. Yeah, vaping's bad. Yeah. But bacon is a killer, yeah. Bacon's a killer, Ben. Am I meant to fat check that? Yeah, please.

Is bacon as bad as smoking? No. Bacon is not worse than smoking. No, okay. Okay, so it's all not. But look, bacon isn't great for you. Your bacon are you having, your soil bacon.

probably okay. Yeah, I don't really eat a lot of that. You used to love that stuff, didn't you? You should show off from a minute, not show off, but used to sort of, oh, this stuff's amazing. Bacon, wouldn't it called?

Yeah, but I never said this stuff's amazing. Yeah, I remember early podcasts, go back and listen. I would not, oh, actually, no, you're right. There was a time. No, because there's that one, this isn't bacon. Yeah.

And then I gave it to one of the kids, and the kids said, yeah, it's fine. And then I realized that I might have got carried away. It is nice, though. So, thought part, you're dehydrated. Yeah, and so. then we went on the Colossus. Oh.

This is my issue with the Colossus. Thought Park, I'd love you to do something about this, but I don't think you can. The thing comes down and you've got two pads here. Yeah. Right? Where the thing comes down. And your head just rattles between them.

At the end of it, I felt. Can you look up Colossus head knocks, please? Can I say, how did they get around there? Because my head and your head are wildly different. No, but I just think that they've got to change, like, it's rock hard. You've got two, Rockler.

You say like a little cushion, like a little... I think so. But then you're going to have is bacteria. Pillows absorb more bacteria than tiles. I wouldn't say they were tiles. Yeah, yeah, but a hard service does not absorb. Unless it's a... Anyway, it's quite painful.

Suggests keeping your head slightly forward and press firmly against one side of the rigid over-the-shoulder restraint. I'm not doing it like I'm like... I've just been a victim of a crime and a police officer's turned up and I'm like... Like that, the whole way through. Yeah, I can't do that.

They need to change. If you've got neck problems, don't go on Colossus. There you go. Dad wise, how did you do today? Great. I give myself a 9 out of 10. Really? Charlie's friend going, hey, Charlie, what?

Your dad's fucking cool, man. Although I did a thing where... Oh, this is my favourite stuff. Okay, so he stayed round. Did you moonwalk to one of the rides? Let's get out of the Colossus kids. No, but it wasn't that far away. Oh, no, what?

So the next morning... You're pumped because you've just smashed down. No, no, no. but I just went to say... Lisa's like that. Hey, I wanted to say something. Charlie's going to be so proud of you. You've been a great dad today.

Fancy one? Yeah. I mean, that wasn't that far from my husband. So then I'd go to their room. Yeah. And I say, you boy, sleep right? We did a second day. I won't go into that now, but we did a second day.

Wow. Fucking hell. When Charlie makes a friend. Yeah. So then I was sort of being ironic. And I said anyway, guys, I'm going to get some breakfast. take it easy. What?

They don't get irony. No. And then his, Charlie's mate went, nobody does that. Oh, all of that good work. I know.

The Adriating's still fucking going on the Colossus. That's epic daddy. I know. All the cool shit you've done. The stuff that you won't talk about, which I'm imagining is pretty bougie. Right?

The next day, you're embarrassing up it. We went to Gravity Max. I did GoCard. What? Gravity Max and fucking Phil Park in two days. Okay. So the kids are living in the,

absolute dream. Yeah. There's text messages far enough in the WhatsApp group of the Oliver kids going, fucking if you get a chance to go around and Ranganathans, do it. This fucking guy is cool as fuck. They were like, yeah, Charlie's the app. Fucking got it. And then you do that.

And all of a sudden, it's like, that's the thing that will be remembered. Yeah. Yeah. And what guy did, never guess what Charlie said. Didn't you go go go go-karting? And thought, don't worry about that. We're about to have breakfast. And he was like, let's get some breakfast, dude.

Surf's up. Yeah, it was bad I'm not even defending myself It was bad That is At Lisa's like Oh I don't think you'll be coming in the garage

You know You've done something eggy And then you've got You to try and get out of Eggsville You almost Become more eggy Yeah I was trying to

Be ironic Yeah They didn't clock that Yeah Then you almost turn it up To sort of Get it over the life Yeah

I know people don't do that. I'm just like, peace out. Yeah, yeah. And then I went down and said, just had to sit down and just like, God, that went terribly. Charlie came down and said, what are you fucking doing? What are you fucking doing? Just go, mum's waiting for you in the garage. Okay.

Tom, shall we? Lions roar and eagle saw. And everything's had its place. But yo, just take a moment. What happened if you saw? or a lion with wings flying by or an eagle sat on top of the rock. I mean, to be fair, eagles do

sort of do that. My point is it's very easy to put things in a stereotypical way. It's very easy to go, hey lion, I don't want to see you flying because that'll give me the absolute crazy heads, whatever that means. Pigeon-holding and actually pigeons as well

is very easy to just go, that's the thing it should do. You know what? Every now and again, You need to break three of those. Break three of the way that the world sees you. Even if you can't fly with wings, maybe just watching a lion take a massive jump and go, wow, he looked like he was flying for a second there.

Lion feels good. He's accomplished something new. Don't be bound down by the weights of life that have been tied around your ankles for too long. Find a new year. Break new ground. Do something new. Do something for you.

And go get those wings. It's time to fly, friend. Really good. I'm assuming you watched the Wuzzles recently. It seemed to, the entire story seems to have ripped off that whole concept. Do you ever the Wuzzles? I don't know.

The Wuzzles are like, it was like two animals merged together. The whole cartoon of animals. Oh, sure, too. There was a flying lion. I think it's called Bumble Lion. It was a big scheme they had to try and reduce discrimination against interracial families and relationships. Really?

No. Oh, okay. Thank you so much for listening. Like, subscribe. Listen again. Like, subscribe. Wolf and our podcast. Thanks for listening.

Bye. Bye. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk. 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer.

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