Wolf and Owl - Ninja Turtles, Dirty Underwear and Spicy Sausage

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

Will the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever be avenged? Why was Tom sobbing in Magaluf? Can we bring back phone calls? This week’s episode is an emotional rollercoaster so strap in and remember to be careful when ordering Nduja sausage. You may be left wondering if Tom’s wife now knows about the missing cat poster, who knows..but what you can help us with is how many pairs of pants should a man own? Let us know at [e-mail] Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters:00:00 Intro01:02 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles04:30 Movies and music07:03 Emotional Tom08:47 Texting12:20 Bring back phone calls16:39 Missing cat28:45 Glasses29:54 Teeth grinding32:30 Dirty pants41:33 Stairs and escalators Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the wolf for now. We're in the studio now. It's beautiful being in the studio. It's really high tech. We hope you enjoy. We got 3D models now. Wolfenow now. We come in so far.

We are the wolf for now. And you've just made me laugh about something else. Yeah. Yeah, what do you want? Beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer. Just kidding Every word in his songs

About two grown men Dressed up as a bird And a dog This song I've had to fix That broke already I turned up And John said

It's broken We're trying to figure out a way Fix it And they've fixed it now That's glued together It's a beautiful bit of kit Yeah This was done by

3D printing What is the deal with 3D? You can print anything right? Yeah Well you can't print living beings No but I saw some the other day From 3D print You can print a heart?

Yeah, he printed his whole, a whole Ninja Turtle outfit. Right. From head to toe. It looks sick. Guess which Ninja Turtle? Describe the guy to me a little bit. How was he?

So he was, I don't, I'm a missed to say this, but slightly overweight. Okay. I'm certainly not remiss to say that. Balding, he was sort of hanging on to the sort of last embers. This is a friend. Of his hair. Yeah.

It sounds like I'm describing myself. podcast with the guy that started to resent him. Through it all, he's doing kicks and he's doing bits of martial arts. Okay, so he's into the actual... Unshaven. Sort of looks like his bedroom walls are covered with posters, so just by the fact he's got movie posters. Okay, from that, I'm going to rule out Michelangelo. Yeah, well done.

Probably not Donatello. It's either Leonardo or Raffa. I'm going to say if he's really into his martial arts, I'm going to go Raphael. Wow. It is Raphael. Because you know why it wouldn't be Michelangelo? It's someone like that would never take themselves as being a goofy one.

Dude. Michelangelo is like, if you're a proper Ninja Turtle fan, Michael Angelo is. Yeah. Michael Angelou is a red flag. Yeah. People think you're entry. He's the gimmick, right?

Yeah. He was the Murdo. So if them go, my favorite is Michaelangelo. You go, you don't fucking like Ninja Turtle. He was the Murdoch. I guess so, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they literally built them around the 18. Yeah, but in the cartoon, Leonardo was the leader, right?

Yeah. Is Leonardo the leader of the Ninja Tales? I think, yeah, he's always, that's... I thought Raphael wasn't it? No, no, Raphael was always the hothead. Have you heard of The Last Ronan? No, what's that? Oh, what is that?

You don't know about the Last Ronan? No. Oh, my God, I'm about to blow your balls off there. Oh, my God. Get yourself excited. I'm always on the verge. What I will tell you is they're making a film of this. Apparently, that's room.

to be in the works. The last Ronin, three of the Ninja Turtles have been killed. What? And the last one is trying to avenge their deaths. And the last Ronin is Michaelangelo.

Oh my God. It's really dark. So what, giving it like a sort of Logan vibe? Yeah, basically. Wow. Sounds sick, doesn't it? So hold up.

The other three aren't in it at all. Yes, they are. I've just explained the promise of the thing they're dead. Yeah, but you've got, I feel sorry for them that fucking film coming out. because Michelangelo's got enough to carry that franchise on his shoulders. I know he's been the joke up till now. I don't think the pet shop owners are going around to the tanks going,

look, guys, a bit of bad news. That was, by the way, the sickest opening to a film. Do you remember when the little turtles were in the ewes? Yeah. In the original, I remember getting a pirate copy of that and basic instinct around the same time. On the half shell, they're the heroes for in this day in age. You could ask for more.

The crime wave is hard with mugging's mysterious, and police and detectors are furious because they can find the source. Of this lethal evil force? How do you remember this? I don't know, man. I listen to that soundtrack all the time. I loved it, but I don't remember. T-U-R-T-L-E-Power.

T-U-R-T-L-E-Power. T-U-R-T-L-E-POW. Teenage Milton Casey in the hockey mask Yeah Casey Jones In that subway scene Get April or Neil in on this case Someone on that

Oh man that was such a good movie Have you seen I think it might be from the second one Where one of them's got their mouth open And it's open so wide You can see the guy puppeting it inside the mouth No This is what I love you know so much trivia

It's like what went wrong except Yeah By the way What went wrong is I have such a weird relationship with it So I've just finished the Boys and Hood one. Yeah, me too, I listened to that.

Very much enjoyed that one, by the way. Very good. Then I started listening to the interview. The level of belief, by the way, that John Singleton had, the director of Boysen Hood. Amazing, right? Amazing. I don't even think I've had that level.

The level of confidence he had to come straight out of university, make a film, is more confidence than I've had to, like, finish a bowl of shreddies. Mate, it was, it was, he's just absolutely dead set. This is going to happen. Got off at 100 grand. essentially and went, no, no, I'm directing this. What a guy?

Like, so talented. So, that movie, by the way, one of the greatest ever. I remember seeing it and just being absent. Did you ever, do you ever, do it was a jungle song at some point? Back in the day. Yeah, Ricky. Yeah. Ricky!

It's so, I remember being in Megaloof, BCMs. And that came on. And I remember it was like a phone party. Yeah. And I remember just standing. I was off my head on something. I was standing with my hands in the air, just sobbing. Because I started thinking about Ricky dying.

boys and us. God, that fucking got so sad, so quickly that story. Could you go at a moment? Rackay! The number of times he gets shot, by the way. I know, it's brutal.

And like, I'm sorry, and I love Cuba. I love Cuban that. But the fact that, you know, he doesn't go for a revenge shootout, which is one of my favorite bits of the whole film, that bit. Tom, Tom, please. I don't, I do not want, fuck me. Are you about to? to criticise Cuba Gooding's character

No, no, no, no, I'm not criticizing him. Not, I'm saying, but revenge shooting. No, no, I'm saying, I actually admire him for it, but actually for his character. Oh, I see. What an incredible thing that he did. But that is one of the great, you know, because Ricky was such, Ricky was the best of us.

You know what I? He was an amazing athlete. Compassionate, humble, kind. Yeah. He was such a lovely boy. Yeah. So when he's taken in that mood, I was I didn't like the way she treated dough boy, though. No, no, no, it was, yeah. She clearly favoured Ricky. But when, when, he was such,

But when I was in, I was just remember being in BCM. Would you hit me for? Yeah. I think there's a world where you could just remake all these films on your own. Yo, no, why should you hit you for? Shut up, man. Do you remember that bit? Yeah, I do.

They don't know, they don't show, they just don't care what's going on in the hood. But I remember just being a BCMs and just like that moment kicking in, just sobbing. Have we got a sponsorship that I don't know about for BCMs? You keep insisting on mentioning Did you ever go there back in the day? No. Yeah, it was fucking great, but, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. We got our room, like, drummed by these. We're all, like, it was sort of, we're hung over on about a third day there. And this, we'd had, it was really hot, and there's no aircon. Right. And we'd left our door open.

Yeah. And he sort of, like, grew up. Your front door of your room, you'd left there? Of our, um, hotel, like, apartment. Yeah. Just to get some air in. And you were in there? Yeah.

And these lads just came walking in. and went, wouldn't have your head, leave your daughter, open mate, anyone could walk in. And we were like, all right. And then they just robbed us of everything. It was fucking terrifying. It was like, yeah, I don't know what,

I've never thought about that. It's quite a weird thing to think of. Yeah, okay. Such a bleak thing to think. Yeah, it is actually. Yeah. Sometimes on a podcast, they sort of push for somebody to start crying.

But actually, what you'll find with Tom Davis is, if you just stop talking for Logger, he will just make himself cry. Like a kid who pisses himself in class. Yeah, I work. So do I have to probe him on that subject for him to cry? If you go quiet, don't ask him anything. Just leave it.

Just Louis threw him and he will eventually get himself into such a dark place that he starts off. By the way, it won't be about anything that actually feels like it's an emotion. It will be. Weirdly, he started talking about the what went wrong podcast and managed to go from that into a state of being completely. We just saw him on another podcast having a complete breakdown about the death of Sunny Collione and Godfather won. How are you? I'm good. I'm good.

It's really good to see you, man. One of the downsides that we need to discuss about doing this podcast in studio is that when we used to do it on Zoom once a week. Yeah. We would always speak to each other. We'd have a nice catch-up. Yeah, we'd log on on a Sunday morning. I'd say, Lisa, just stop. I'm not on a Sunday morning.

Just leave it. I'd come downstairs. I'd open my laptop. See what I'm in a minute, Bob. Yeah. I'd open my laptop, and then we'd have a nice little catch-up, and then we get to... Now, we're actually, in this weird situation

we're speaking to each other less. Yeah. Texting, still, I'd say it. Texting we're still doing. I don't think that's a subject... I've actually, here's a thing for you. I've made a decision that I'm not going to sort out any disagreement or misunderstanding via text.

No, you should never do that, but I used to do it all the time. Really? Yeah, you know, like, say, for example, if you're at a, I don't know, you go to a pub or something. and then you say something and you think I mean I do this all the time where I take a joke too, or I think I've taken a joke too far and I'm worried that. And then I'll text

off as going just see no I don't mean it like that. I won't do that now. I'll either phone them. Do you know what this? This should be it that everyone does. This could be like the sort of like the rebuilding of the telephone call. I think one of the things that will for now what I'd love to get a sponsorship one is just not by a particular network but just phone calls in general.

Yeah. You know? All of the. phone companies should get together and go we are, I'm going to say this down the barrel now. We are willing to bring phone calls back. Yep. I think they're great. You know as well we could take the old Bob Hoskins

line. But we could do one where me and you are in a pub together like an advert. We have a sort of like you say something to upset me. Yeah. And then I'm sort of like really in sort of agonised, probably crying about it the next day. Yeah. And we do what a version where you text me and it does, and I get more angry. Yeah. And then you do it

and you know, and then you turn around and go hmm maybe I got it wrong and then you do one where you phone me and you explain we have a lovely conversation and then at the end you sort of put down the phone and go phone calls it's good to talk okay how about this let's do the initial

pub conversation okay cool right then we'll do like a little silent we'll do a little Buster Keaton's text conversation okay and then I'll phone you cool so my character is Darren Clark okay I'm a labourer I'm not necessarily happy in my job

I slept up with my girlfriend three weeks ago. Not sure if she was cheating on me, but pretty sure she was. Are you going to plumb all of this from your actual life? I've seen it. I saw her in the swimming pool with another guy. Hold on, how old are we? Because this feels like, so we're both in year 10? No, really?

We're our age. We're coming in. We're our age? Yeah. Hold on. Your name's Darren Clark. You're a labourer. Okay, so far so good.

You split with your girlfriend three weeks because you saw her down the swimming pool with who? and some guy and they were heavy yeah for a just laughing and joking and we're in our late 40s he does

what makes it ever so more peculiar okay okay who's your character okay my name is uh...

McKesh okay Tyler okay okay what's my job I I'm trying to become

a TikTok influencer oh okay cool okay I work I run a shop yeah but I've started doing

like little what's what sort of do you run just like a little like a little little Londis or whatever. Okay. But during that, I've started doing like kind of anti-comedy kind of boring tours of the shop and they've started to take off and now I'm trying to make that my thing.

Cool. Yeah. Oh, Dan. How are you? Fuck, get home. What's wrong, man? Sorry. I was getting so into character.

Yeah. I don't think they're last smoking in the advert. Okay, sorry. Okay, go on. It's better. Darren, you've had a tough time, haven't you? Fucking awful time, mate. Awful time.

I'm in absolute pieces, mate. Yeah. What made you go down to the swimming pool, Darren? I put her apple tag in her car. I've been following her around for the last six months. Yeah. I mean, that's a red flag, isn't it? Yeah, I know.

She's been going all around her place, places that I'd never known she'd been. So she was full of red flags to me. Yeah. So I just basically turned up at a swimming pool. I thought she's learning to swim. because she'd always dreamt of swimming with the dolphins. Yeah. And I'd turn up there and she's just frolocking with this gazer.

I think he was a swim instructor. Yeah. Look on the plus side, though. At least now she'll be handy when she does swim with those dolphins. What's that supposed to me? I'm just having a joke because he's a swim instructor. The world can't be sold by jokes. I'm out of here.

Okay. Cut two, scene two. Oh, God. So, I feel so bad about what I did to Darren. Let me just text him. Dear Darren, I was trying to be sympathetic, but unfortunately I took a joke too far. Please, can you accept my apologies? I was only messing about.

I didn't mean it like that. Mikesh. Send. Oh, God, I'm so depressed and down. Nothing can cheer me up. What? Oh. Dear Mikesh, you have to take accountability for the things you say.

It wasn't funny. It really hurt my feelings. I'm going through the mill at the moment, mate. And nothing that you're doing is making me feel any better. I really need a friend right now. Boop. Oh, Darren's replied. Oh.

Oh, that's so sad. Do you know what? Maybe I'll give him a call. The fucking answer, mate. Hello, Mikesh. Sorry, Matt, I was just on the toilet. Hi, Darren. Look, man, I got your text back.

And I just wanted to say it was really insensitive of me. And I'd love to take you out for another drink. I get it. I thought it was funny in the moment. I thought it would be funny to, like, just try and cheat with a joke. But I realise it was ill-time. You're still upset about what went on with your girlfriend. I think it was horrible.

And I'd love to make it up to you by, I don't know, taking you out for dinner or a drink or something. Wow. Do you know what? I thought you were just being silly and mean. But actually, it feels to me just hearing your voice and how much empathy you have, that you're a decent guy. And I'm sorry that I took it so badly.

You were only trying to light in the mood. Hmm. Funny, isn't it, when someone calls? Just hearing someone's voice makes everything okay. Guess what's why Bob Hoskins used to say, it's good to talk. See you soon, Darren. See you, Mikesh. It's Mokesh.

Okay. That was nice. It was really nice. It was a really good adverb. I think it was probably two scenes too long. You could be my kind of nice. You could just do the phone call. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't need any of that flat. No, but it's actually quite nice as a character. It was nice to set them up as a character so you're a bit invested. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, like the sort of waitrose one that they've just had, the sort of following, which I will consider.

Oh, yeah. That's like a two-year one now. It's following on for an advert last year. so you could you know people are invested more and more in these things yeah yeah yeah you're right you're nice though man you know the old uh gold blend had was it gold blend oh man they were great it's like a little it's like a little drama that went on for like 10 years oh really good so you've been okay then apart from that i've had a bit of a weird one this week so katherine and grace uh had a couple of nights where they they went and saw some friends had so i was in a

house on my own with just me and the cat and i woke up the other morning couldn't find the cat anywhere and you're like, fuck, it somehow got out of the house. Because it's a house cat. It's a house cat, yeah. It's a prisoner, isn't it? Yeah, it's very much. Yeah, that's way against its will. I've been looking for a way out.

I started freaking out massively. What time did you discover that the cat was missing? This is like half eight, nine o'clock. Okay. I couldn't find it anywhere. I'm like literally racing around the house. And does he respond to his name? Yeah, yeah.

So he will come running over? Yeah, I mean, not like a dog, but like, yeah, he knows who he is. Yeah. It's very sort of like independent. but if you go and call his name, he'll come. How far away does that work? I mean, I've yelled it

sort of, you know, when he's in another rim, he's sort of gradually sort of like walked here and gone what. Yeah, okay. He's very much what energy. I was quite nervous, obviously, about this. So I wait. I start then looking outside around the house, can't find him anywhere.

And I'm like, if he got out somewhere, somehow, he could have had like four hours, five hours. Yeah. But if you just did that hours on me. He knows he could have shown him. So he's a cat, cats can, they're so quick a way. Yeah. You know, there's no, to be fair.

How long has he been missing for now? At a point when I, so I then basically start putting up some posters. Bloody hell, are you being serious, right? Yeah, I swear. I put some posters. I'm, mate, this cat is everything in that house. Have you told, have you told, well, you've got a wife and daughter, but have you, have you, have, he's, everything to your, he's, have you, have you told them at that point? No.

No. I'm like, if I tell Catherine's gone away, and the only job I've got, look after the cat, And you fuck it. If I phone her, the morning, the first morning she's, I go, oh, the cats are scared. The cat somehow got out of the house. In my head, I'm like going through, like, I had a takeaway. By the way, she's like, trying to be healthy one way. She's not going to be healthy one way.

I'm trying to be healthy in my eating. Try not to have, like, more than one takeaway a week. Well done. I got a big delivery order. What do you get? What kind of place? They do it's amazing pizza. Did you do the one with the hot dog running through the crust?

Oh, my God. By the way, no. But, uh, this local pizza of tomorrow. me does a very nice spicy pizza. With the Noiguan or something, sausage on it. What's he called it? The Nogwani sausage.

Nogwani? What's it called? That rifari spicy sausage. Yeah, that's it. Induja. Where did you get Nogwani from? I don't know. I'm dyslexic.

I'm actually to play that sound racist. I'm a little bit of dyslexic. It's always... What I say to, don't ever ask for that sausage from fire. No, no, but I never name it. That's the phone. When I ask for it on the spicy sausage you do. Yeah.

Okay. And it's got hot honey on. Blue cheese. It's delicious. Yeah. Incredible pizza. Get that. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Indoja sausage. Yep. That bit of blue cheese, hot honey. The blue cheese is bumping me. The blue cheese on pizza is delicious. I'm sure it is. And I sometimes say to them fry a little bit. Oh, fuck.

Enduya. Induja. It's not Induja. Sorry. Enduja. And then I say, it's definitely is an iguana, whatever the fuck you called it.

And I said, can I always have a little bit of sweet corn and any pizza I have. Yeah, just to remind you the head pizza a couple of days later. Yeah. So I had that. some garlic bread, bit of Tiramisu, which is how I roll.

And I thought maybe he got out then, when at the door open, I was chatting to the delivery guy. Yeah. I wasn't looking down. How long were you chatting to the delivery guy for? Give me any, what was the chat?

How you do, mate? Busy night. Cock, I can't wait to eat this. Really excited. Oh, good. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Just so you know, just be careful about when you're ordering the pizza.

Why is that? Well, apparently you recorded. Noguja or something. Why they're Discussing it? What else have they told you? They said that you order this picture all the time and they're getting slightly fed up with you saying

that the blue cheese is a game changer. By the way, thank you for being so open. They won't do a second. Can I say something? What's your name? Mark. Mark.

Can I just say Mark? In the modern era, I've started to doubt the fact that people are open and honest with each other. I've started to become a little bit of fuddy-duddy. And actually it's nice to meet someone who sort of cuts to the quip as quick as you do. So thank you, Mark, for being so honest. It's really made me... In the spirit of being honest, it's cuts to the quick. Good. Well, it just makes me a lot more... You've restored my faith in human society.

Enjoy your pizza. Do you want to come in there for a slice? How many people are eating? Because you've also got a tiramisu and garlic bread. It's just me, my wife and door away. Okay. Yeah, so... But thank you for coming by. Thank you. Um, so channel travels. And mind the weather.

I will do. See ya. See ya. Okay. So, yeah, it's a minute. Okay. A minute and a half. So you think, so you think the cat could have got out then?

Yeah, but then did he sneak out then? Because also, like, you know, Catherine was like, he's got his like little bed and stuff. But I was like, this is, by the way, I'm making jokes and doing role plays. This must be harrowing. Yes. It was like, this is like, I'm like, she's like put him in his little, you know, his bed, make sure he's got all his bits. So I just laid some food down.

I was like, it's just a tourbous lads in the house. Yeah. Let him just roam the house tonight. And then obviously the next morning I'm like, oh my God. So I'm like, what do you do in this situation? Obviously, I see posters up for lost animals. I hastily make a poster. Over what time for him?

How quickly you do it? Oh, this is by the next time. It's 11, 12 o'clock. Okay. At night? No, no. No, no. Because I'm like, I've got out quick.

No, sure. Yeah, he's already. I don't know when he's not missing. It was a night before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Worst bit of it all, having to go and check the roads. Yeah. Make sure he's not on them.

Jesus, it's horrible. Is this a true story? No, no, I'm making it up. It's quite emotional. Okay. All right. And then I go around and I start round by the area, putting up pictures and the posters.

And obviously I've got to put my number on it. Because, you know, we haven't got a house phone, which feels sort of quite hypocritical after the advert we just did. and I can't but Catherine's or graces so I'm like put my number on there and I've put them up around our little sort of village and what did you put Tom Davis from King Gary or something no this is where the problem lies

I then get a call because someone's seen me put the picture up oh my God and then I just know it's now got my number making sure I'm all right but they're really chatty and now they've got my phone number right Basically fast forward, like, to about four or five o'clock that afternoon. What are you doing this whole time? Panicking, mate.

Right. And on the phone to Catherine, I'm sort of trying to. You've told it. No, I'm playing it all down because I'm like, hopefully. Oh my God, this is horrible. Yeah, I'm like, hopefully. And then I, he's basically, I hear him, he gets into the loft area. I can hear, I can hear, I can hear, everything goes quiet for the first time.

I'm not panicking. Yeah. I hear him in the loft. I can hear a little fake meow. I can hear a little fake meow. I'm like, but my loft is like not, it's not got the stuff on it. You know, like the insulation. No, no, it's got insulation, but not the floorboards and everything.

So now I've got a crime up into the loft. I see, somehow he's got up there. How did he get up there? Fuck no. I didn't, oh, how did he get up here, mate? It's a cat. Sorry, sorry, what I don't understand this, right? The cat got out, right?

And you're speculating on how he got out? Because it might have been when you're doing the delivery. I then go, how do you think he got in the loft? And I'm a c-oh. I don't know he got in the loft. I'm not saying what, did I say, I get that response if I say, how did he say he'd got up there? What I'm asking is, is there a fucking access point? Yeah, there is, yeah.

Right. Yeah, there is. Jesus Christ, what's up with you today? No, it's a very emotional story. So now I've got a balanced course and I'm not as nimble as I used to be. Right. And also, you know, like that installation fiberglass stuff, if you get that on you, it's fucking painful. Yeah.

You're out of the game for a while. so I'm crawling and sort of like and also I'm worried about me going through the ceiling then Catherine getting back going fucking how comes you were up in the loft I get Maui I grab him I'm giving him the hug of all hugs

I'm so fucking relieved I saved him accidentally Lenny I didn't go and put him under a bush somewhere hello mate you just found your cat really oh good yeah looks like someone squeezed him we found what looks like a cat chutney under him

he stinks of packeraband um I get and I then holding him I get back you know down the left hatch are you how what's the I mean the actual

like I've never felt the relief like it I was like generally like absolutely amazing but then like I've got him I didn't speak to for anything's cool. I'm like, I'm literally watching

like a hawk. He sleeps in a room with me until they come, like, I'm like, right, you're sleeping in a late. You're not going to take any second chances or something. But the worst thing is,

but I put like 30 pit posters up around the area. Did you go and take them down? No. I've taken a few down, but I'm still getting calls of people seeing other cats and having to do the whole thing

of, like, so someone on phone and go, um... Why didn't you take the posters down? Because there's so many of them aren't fucking got time in my day to run around and taking them.

I can't remember I put them all as well. when you put posters up like that you're not going all right um i've put one on fourth or i imagine some people are really well now you've permanently got a fucking missing cat post yeah but that's why they're always up like and also do you know the worry by the way of not really talked to katherine about this um so i'm not having about on the podcast but i know she doesn't listen um of the worry then of her seeing one of the pictures the posters that are up so hold on up until you're declaring on the podcast does she know that the comment message

thing. No, well she knows it got caught in the loft. She doesn't know about the posters. Fuck. Weirdly, I've just thought that as I'm telling the story that I'm going to have to tell her. But you've put places up and you've not got them down? I've got some of them when I've seen them. Yeah, I've got the main ones. What do you think? What I mean is if she goes off into, because I've put them down road. She's allowed to freely rain where she wants your wife. I'll grab her for her for her. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but I've, yeah.

So it's highly likely. I've taken the one down in the front of the bookshop. Right. Do you know what I mean? I've taken the ones at the train station. Okay. I've taken the main ones down. But I'm still getting phone calls because there's some that I'm put down like little roads near us where I'm like, oh, he could have got over that back fence. And so there's still people.

Hello. Hello, it's Sue calling for Hawtham Road. I think I might have seen your cat in my back garden. I'm saying, oh, don't worry about it. He's back with us now. Take your poster down your c. Basically, that is the response. Yeah, of course it fucking is.

Of course it fucking is. People are like so, they get so edgy. It's like. It's like, yeah, it's like a call for hell. It's like the boy called Wolf. I'm like saying to Maui, look what you fucking done now, mate. Yeah, it's, that's been very stressful. Yeah.

And like, and weirdly now I'm even more stressing about, I've not talked to, I mean, I've talked to caffeine before this goes out. Yeah, I think you will have to. Because, yeah. Because other people will say. Yeah, your husband's a fucking idiot. Yeah. Oh, good luck.

Well, I mean, I'm just going to fill calls, aren't I? And just like. I mean, how often is your phone going off? No, I've only had like three people call. And actually, to be fair, there's two that are really angry. Another one was like, oh, that's a relief. You must be over the moon. And then I ended up having a bit of a conversation with all.

And obviously, the person who saw me put the picture up, now has my number and there's text. He's up with a cat a couple of times. Okay, that's quite sweet actually. It's coming from a good place. Yeah. When you get new glasses, this is pissing me off now. Go on.

I've not worn these very often. but they keep ending up like this. You're by the way, you look quite sexy when you've got your house. Do you know what I've noticed? My face is so sort of sweaty. My glasses, I was like they just constantly got like a smear of sweat and grease on them. So, and all, by the way, eyesight-wise, my eyes are so bad now. How do you mean?

Like my eyesight, I don't know why I said that. Like, I'm, this is awful and this is, again, it-wise. Like, why I don't know if I can. I was cooking the other day. And I was, I had to get my glasses like that. And I was reading the cooking instructions of what I was cooking. Yeah. Because I couldn't.

Catherine didn't say that. Yeah. Long and short. I was like that going on. Is it my short? That looks horrible. Yeah. It does look horrible.

I'm really sorry. I'm like that. It's awful. That's horrible. How am I best going to do these fish fingers? It's. And then had to do this one. I should be better without the classes on.

I'm genuinely worried that, yeah. I'm hitting an age now. Can I show you a Nick? I've brought it. Nick with me. Oh my God. You can't come on in. So I went to

the dentist and they said to me there are signs that you're grinding your teeth asleep. Oh my God. I know what's coming. So they've now given me something that I have to wear at night. I'm going to put it in now. I just want you to imagine every night

Lisa seeing this, right? Close your eyes. Open them. You're like a Simpsons character. I've got to have a that in my mouth every night now. What forever? Yeah.

What? Yeah. You know, like, sexually, there's no good time to put that in, pre or post sex. What I'm supposed to do? You can't have sex with Lisa and then go, that was lovely, thanks, darling.

And then put that in. And then go into, oh, you're up for a bit older on a sec. Let me just get the case out. Let me take. When this goes to me, you're going to fucking get it. Well, let me. take out my D-Grinder?

Let me get the D-Grinder out. A little bit less of this grind and a bit more of that grind than if we know what I'm mean. Look at it. That feels that that shouldn't look like that. It's so big, isn't it? I genuinely was about to say it doesn't look that bad, but it, like, it genuinely makes you look like

your upper lip like a Simpsons character. Like, seriously, yeah. I know. I know. I've looked in the mirror. Isn't there like a thinner one you can get? No. I've got way this every night for the rest of it. in my life. Because

I just fixed it out this morning. They were so blasé about it going, you're going to have to put this, I've got to put this in my mouth every night. Forever. Forever. You're probably getting you. You won't have just that one.

No, but still. Because if you're grinding your teeth that much, that will probably only last year a couple of months, but you grind right through it. Oh my God. That might, if I close my mouth over, is that any of one? No, that's what, there's no getting on me.

And also, do you open, You open your mouth when you're sleeping, because I've got pictures of you sleeping. Like in the back of a car and stuff. You sleep like that. No, I'll take it out. Christ, man. That's bad.

Oh. It doesn't feel that good coming out. What are you... What are you wearing to bed with that? It's got to take a tooth. It feels like it's going to take your teeth with it. Really? What are you wearing to bed with that?

Dispants, yeah. What do you wear to bed? Same. We talked about it, something. Yeah, no, I'm just thinking. Have you ever slept naked? Yeah, I had to the other weeks and no clean pants. What the fuck you're talking about?

What are you talking about? I had no clean pants. What are you talking about? Were you away? Yeah, we've been away. So you're at home and you don't have any clean pants? We've been away. What the fuck you're talking about?

No, we've been away. I'd taken all my pants with me. They'd all been soiled. So I'd know. How long were you away for? Six months? How many pairs of pants you have in fucking? Are you not, sorry, how long were you away for?

We've away for a week. A week? How many pairs of pants have you got? What the fuck you're talking about? 10 pairs of pants But I'm sorry I'm sorry A man in your position

Should not be running out of clean underwear At home This is fucking wild So you get three pairs right now I'd had that were basically in the wash When we went away And took seven pairs with me Excessive

You gotta have more than 10 pairs of pants I reckon I've got I'm not saying I'm not just I reckon I've got 30 pairs of pants What? Are you fucking joking? No And also sometimes I like to have a change

In the middle of the day just to freshen up. Do you change before you go to bed and put a new pair of knickers on? Sometimes. Really? Not all the time, but I have done that in the past. Oh, I'll wear a pair.

Yeah, I'll put them on in the morning. And that's my sidekick up until... No, I get that. That's what I do most of the time. Yeah. The idea of losing, of not having enough clean underwear. I'm sorry. No, no, I did say to Catherine,

I'm going to have to look at this. But yeah, I didn't feel comfortable laying in bed naked. I'm not... I think you've got to have such an air about you to sleep. Duncan Ferguson is my go-to when I think about a man's seeper naked. And David Beckham probably does. Tom, I can't believe that you ran out of underwear. I'm still reeling from that.

It's like finding out you're in the fucking Epstein files. No clean underwear on Epstein Island. Are you going to get involved? I would. Per se. Well, there, but is there underwear on the aisle? Is there a Lulu Lemon I can get some new knickers from? Yeah, it's, yeah, I may be only, I pick 30 pairs, seems insane.

Yeah, actually, to be honest, it is a ban of contention in our house. So you must have just a draw for pants? Do you have a draw just for socks? Mm-hmm. What? My pants and socks are together. Yeah, mine used to be, but then I just... Yeah, it's like a fucking fast-grown city.

Your underwear drawer is essentially like Dubai. Well, Lisa's got a lot of underwear. I'm assuming Catherine doesn't have 10 pairs of underwear like you do. She has a little bit more. Yeah, but most times, 10 pairs is a good cycle. And when one starts getting a bit thread there, it goes, and I'll get a new pair in. Like a football team. Yeah, fine, but your underwear is not a packed nightclub.

It doesn't have to be one in one out. Just have a bit of fucking luxury. You're doing pretty well. Yeah, but it seems excessive. Does it? You had to sleep naked. you the other night because you ran out of pants. So does it seem excessive?

No, I mean at that moment, I was... You ran out of pants. Sorry, I don't think you're understanding how mad this is. You ran out of pants at home. No, I just got back home. So since you're still on holiday. But you're at home and you're going to, if you're fucking on holiday. I'm still on holiday. By the way, you shouldn't run out of underwear on holiday.

No, I didn't have a holiday. I didn't. No, you just made it by the skin of your teeth. Precisely enough. Bar many accidents. What a fucking horrible thing for Catherine to do at the end of a holiday, by the way? She's tidied up the house, I assume, because she wants to... Look, I had a pair of shorts on and I took them off as I got into bed.

Oh, brilliant. So you gave her a show? No, I got into me, put the divvy out. Oh, my God. You know, we need to get changed. Just seeing the knees go off in the divv. Hold on a second. So you're wearing pants when you got back.

So then why did you not have pants when you went to bed? Well, it's an old friend of it. that we've talked about a lot on this podcast. What? Mickey drips. You heard too many Mickey drips in the pants. Can I just explain something as a sick? You would never have had this problem as a big man, right?

Six foot seven, you're getting a... The plane we're in, the toilet is exceptionally small. Right. So, just anyway, using a normal toilet in a plane, I've got to angle my body in a certain way to stand and have a piss, right? So I'm having to lean back, push forward. So essentially like, like that. That's my willy coming out.

Is this the scale? No. And my head's back like that. And then I obviously didn't put my, pull my trousers up without giving a proper sort of due diligence to the sort of idea of Mickey drips. And then do that thing. Oh, for fuck, sake. So how bad was it? Bad enough I didn't want to sleep.

Did you shake? Yeah, it's shaken, but you can't really get a proper shake on in that. Don't ever do that. Don't ever do that again in front of me. You can't get up. That was fucking horrible. I love the fucking fact, man. You brought a prop that might give Lisa the ick.

I've managed to outdo you three times by being far more disgusted. Anyhow, so yeah, I was like, I don't really want to sleep in these now. Okay. Sure. So, I had a shower. And also, I had a shower when I get in. Yeah, you can't. If you have a shower when you get in.

I'm putting it back on a pair of dirty pants. I get that. I get that. And I'm like, and also I didn't at the point, can I just. say by the time I put the pants back in the dirty washing after that I'm not then going into the dirty washing to get the pair of pants out that I've just worn. No. No, I understand that.

So, yeah. Yeah. There was a lot going on there. Mickey drips, you know, did you, were you not able to do the thing that we found out that you just sort of press under the wheel? That's, that's so fucking does it work? Number one, I'm not able to stand straight up. Okay.

I'm at such an angle. Yeah. Yeah. And then I've got worried. Did you contemplate getting a tissue to wipe? his mouth? I just needed to get it done as quick as I can because you've got to think I'm leaning back like that. I haven't got time for surgical wipeage. And I actually thought it was, I was

like, you know what, that feels like it's everything, like most times, Mickey Drix lull you into a sort of full sense of security. Yeah. So you put your gun back in the holster thinking everything's fine. Yeah. And then you sit down in the plane. Yeah. And then you feel like, yeah. Yeah. I literally felt disgusting. Yeah. I felt dirty. Yeah. No, I get that. And also there I'm like, Do I smell a piss when people want to pass? Yeah. Grace has got a habit at the moment as sort of like saying when I smell and sort of say it quite loudly so people hear.

Really? Yeah, she runs it really funny. Hmm. Yeah. I mean, look, this feels like a very vulnerable episode. I think, for both of us, it feels very, I feel very cathartic for me in a number of ways. Yeah. I'm horribly going to call.

I do think, and I, uh, Wolfowlopod at gmail.com. because I want to know if which one of ours underwear policy is the most acceptable because I've got loads of pants that sounded like such a what terrible sex but I'm addicted to buy an under

I'm not addicted to buy an underdog you're like the elder Marcos of pants by the way are they all the same brand or do you vary it out there's like bump so they'll be like you know there's like about six or seven of one brand and six seven of a little wow fucking hell have you got like your nice pants if you're going out with Lisa

what are your nicest pair of pants your ritziest pair. Well, actually, my favourite pairs are the sacks that we've talked to. Sacks are incredible. Lulie Lemon do a great pan for men. Yeah, I know you're a big Lulie Lemon fan. Yeah, they feel nice. Yeah.

The long leg ones. Yeah. Get yourself, when do you get yourself seven of those, you've doubled up? Yeah, I mean, I might go out. Yeah, but if I'm on this with you, that's down to me. I'm going to buy some pants. I should have washed, I should have washed more before I left. I'm going to buy some pants as little gift.

Yeah. I'm going to bring them to it. Can I say, by the way. Yeah. Like, please do. You know, that happens once, right? the joke is on me. It happens twice, I'm a fucking idiot.

There will be never a time that I fall into this situation again. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I hope anyway. I can't promise that. You're taking sort of a well-known saying and doing some sort of shit fucking knock-off version of it, but thank you for that. Okay.

Well, I'd be interested to hear. I tell you something, if I'm fooled once, bloody, that's, that is bloody, you know, that's out of order of you. If you, if that happens, again, what is the actual saying? Fucking hell. Fool me once shame on you.

Yeah, for me too. Yeah, there we go. That's what I was going to. I can't remember the name of the standard. There's this Aussie standard. There's an amazing whole bit expanding that. Oh, really? It's so funny.

But what it isn't is whatever you said. Yeah. Okay, Tom, could you please do us the honors of taking us out of this episode of the war for now? Hold your stairs, friend. Hold your stairs. What do you mean? Running up them?

Running down them? No. I'm talking about the kind of stairs that comes from your eyes, looking, watching. See, the other day, just the other day, I was coming out with some escalators and I noticed someone staring at me. Save what, they looking at, I thought, save what? As I came to the top of the escalators, I checked my nose in my camera phone for bogies. What could they have been looking at?

For quite some time, it was playing on my mind. Why? Why me? Why had they cast their eyes towards me? and it made me think of the times that someone's caught my eye or something as a man with a rucksack with a dog's hair poking out of it I don't know

a guy with a jumper that I like or a woman with a beehive that's unusual where are we in 19662 truth is when we're looking sometimes we're looking out of interest but spare of thought for the person that we're looking at

you can spend a whole day wondering why So hold those stairs. Hold those stairs. Holy shit. Okay. I was about to say it lost momentum. I don't think it ever found any.

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