Wolf and Owl - Pet Problems, Bad Neighbours & Forest Etiquette

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Should we do a mukbang? Tom and Romesh are back tackling your listener dilemmas, and this week things get surprisingly heated over a neighbour who took it upon themselves to give someone else's cat a haircut... with disastrous consequences. Expect a debate on dog poo etiquette, a tangent about squirrels and a discussion on unsolicited photos. Plus, after talking about it for years, could the Wolf & Owl mukbang finally be happening? A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform. Chapters 00:00 Intro 02:25 A flashing question 04:50 A side note on squirrels 06:17 Pet advice 14:45 Pet poo etiquette 18:53 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yeah, what you want, beca or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer. Just kidding every word in his song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the wool for now. Email, correspondence special. A bonus epithole. It's a beautiful thing. Doing that thing. Our first email, are you ready?

Should we get straight into it? Do you want to do some pleasantries? Hey, I'm Tom Davis Romish Ranganaathan. Welcome to the bonus. Romish Runganarvan actually. What? What?

That's the correct pronunciation. Why do you, like, I'm so, like, we get into these ones, right? And Runganerthan. Rungan Arvan. Rungan Arvan. Runganarvan. Rungan Arvan. Runganarvan.

Rungan Arvan. Rungan Arvan. There you go. Runganarvan. Yeah. What do you think? Do you think I'd have had a different career if I'd have called Rommish Ranganarvan? I just think Rommish Ranganathan is just about to call its name.

I've ever heard. Do you think so? Fuck yes. It's definitely better than Jonathan Ronganathan. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. I'm more of a Jonathan person though, didn't it?

You are the, yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is nothing because I've got Jonathan's in my family or I enjoy, but you've got real Jonathan tendencies. Thank you. Romish, by the way, you're an elite fucking company

because most people just call you Rommis, right? Yeah. That's like Ronaldo or Pelle or a fucking great Brazilian football. Yeah. That you have one name that you're known by. Yeah.

I mean, people do just call you Tom though, don't know. No. Big Tom. Oh. I don't think many people would just call me... I can't remember how many... You can't remember the last...

What does cat call you? Dungus. Um... I don't know, she calls me, Tom. Babe or whatever, yeah. Babe? Yeah. Oh, what's your...

Do you have nicknames for each other? Yeah, yeah. What are your nicknames for each other? She calls me... She calls me poo bear. That's very cute. And what do you call her? Uh, I call...

I used to call a goober. Guber? Yeah. And then I'd call it, yeah, Bubby. I call Lisa Bubby. Yeah, Bobby's nice. What's Lisa call you? Jonathan.

No, she calls him Bobbi. Jonathan. John. Johnny. Let's get to the first email, shall we? This is from the laid back dog. Wow. Afternoon, Wolfhouse Swan and Cat.

People don't need to address Swan and Cat any mother, do they? think it's quite nice as they do. I think, I mean, neither of them listened to it. They don't contribute or listen. Can you settle a dispute with my wife and I?

Listen to your live show episode. My wife has convinced that you'd have multiple women flashing their boobs to you at the shows. I don't think this would be the case. Could you help us out and let us know? Do you ever get flashed or receive unsolicited titpicks?

What? I don't know where this has come from. This is insane. Yeah, the laid back dog is... I don't know. Why would your life think that? Also, like, it's... Like it's two very niki men talking about what losers they are.

At what point do you think, I think it would be like really a strange thing for... I mean, look, let's get out there. We'd love it if it happened. I think I'd be. I'm joking. I'm joking. No, it doesn't happen. No. No. No. It would have been insane thing. I can't think of the last pair of boobs I saw them, weren't Lisa? I can't think of my own.

Yeah, I guess so. My moves. Do you ever get propositioned? I did actually get quite a lot of dick picks. I think it happens to, you know, grossly quite, you know, I think actors and I've had, like, had more, I think men are more inclined to send that sort of grove. Yes.

I mean, Catherine Ryan gets sent some pretty grim stuff. Really? Yeah. Have you ever sent a dick pick? No. If you were to... I haven't got that much confidence in them. I don't understand it.

I just don't understand it. I do not understand it. It's just the thought of sending it. Like, like, I get anxiety sending you a text. Yeah. It's a very like, you know. But you always sign off with a death, don't you? That's why you get worried.

If I send you a text just going, oh, you're okay, bro, what you're up to today, right? I then go, oh, was that a bit thirsty? I worry about that text. The thought of sending someone a picture of your fucking phallus, if you're dick, and then just go in and then sending it. And that must be agonizing weight. Yeah, the weight. Yeah. dots for ages.

Read no reply. Too much even think about. Have you said one? Lones of times yeah. Some of the teachers at the boys' school. Okay, thank you so much. Question two. Do you want to read this one? Greetings, you sweet, sweet souls for the Red squirrel. I'm after your advice.

They're the ones that we need to protect. Yeah, yeah. Because of the immigrant grey squirrels. That's a fact, but I. Is it, really? Well, you know, grey squirrels have taken over. Have they? Yeah.

I mean, London's not London anymore, is it? You look around. What's happened to our culture? What's happened to our red squirrel culture? I just think squirrels are such little knobheads. Why? They've just got so much, like, what are they? What are they?

They're just like, what's the point? What's the point of anything? The things don't have to have a point. Foxies are assholes, but they've got an edge to them. Screw up, have you ever seen squirrels running around trees? Do you know what I think this is, by the way? I just get so annoyed by the chipmunks. well they're not squirrels either

no but they're like cousins right squirrels and chipmong I imagine they're the same yeah those little chipmunks watch out because here we come

I think I'm in my man theater I used as soon as that came up even as a kid I was like I can't have this I thought the film's quite good no

oh but do you know what I watched it was incredible SpongeBob Squarepants the movie The new one Yeah was it good Oh my gosh shout out of Spangob

Yeah, big shout out. Amazing film. And definitely has a point as well. No, but you are beautiful film. Do you carry a way to the same now? Yeah, so beautiful. I'm after your advice on a generally bizarre incident involving our cat and her neighbour. A few nights ago, we got a call from a local vet saying our 11-year-old cat had been brought in

and we needed to come down urgently. When my wife arrived, she found one of our neighbours in reception, clearly distressed waiting for news about our injured cat. This is weird. Some context, our cat is extremely friendly and has a habit, much of my annoyance of wandering into other people's houses. As he's got older, he's also become less diligent with his grooming, leading to somematic clumps of fur.

We've discussed this with a vet, who advised us not to cut them ourselves. Despite this, our neighbour decided, without asking us to take clippers to his fur. In the process, she caused a three-inch gas in his side that needed stapling, and he's now stuck in a cone for ten days. She's offered to cover the vet bills and feels awful. What? While I know this came from a place of good intentions, I'm struggling to understand how anyone thought this was a sensible idea. She's repeatedly said how much she loves having the cat in

her house. But now we're considering getting him a proper collar that stops him from entering her property. On one hand, this feels harsh, almost punitive, when she was trying to help. On the other hand, it feels more like a preventative, a boundary to protect the cat and avoid any future helpful interventions. unsure how women to handle things going forward do you explicitly ask her never do anything grooming or health related again or quietly put measures in place and avoid an awkward conversation altogether I don't want to make her feel guilty but I also can't deal with any more completely avoidable drama all the best the Red

Squirrel wow wow that is genuinely insane what are you thinking to start shaving someone else's cat well you know I I'm sort of inclined to play devil's advocate on this. Okay, I'd love to see where you, where you. Well, it's not your cat. No. Look, I'm not saying it's right. She shouldn't have done that.

I mean, that much is clear. But, you know. Also, like, if you've got no idea what you're doing with a pair of clippers, stand away. Like, they can be brutal clippers, you get them wrong. I've had loads of nicks and bumps and grazes. Yeah, no, I mean, they're dangerous. Yeah.

Until the cat got a three inch, gash in the side. What's that that? That's three inches. You think that's three inches? What's three inches is that? That's like, that's like, an inch there, that's two inches, that's three inches there, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So what are you? Double that. I'll say you a pick. But, so she shouldn't have done it. No. It's a big mistake. Yep. But she thought she was doing the right thing. I mean, that's, she's not done it in a horrible way. The only thing I'd say in this, right? The cat's

going around to her house. She would have thought, I imagine, what a nice surprises be for them. I might sort of their cat out Yeah but also There's a part of me We don't have much context On the age and stuff of the neighbour

No So if it's someone who thinks They're doing a good deed And they're a little bit older But I do think I think number one It's like the red squirrels Like obviously have been quite concerned

About the fact that the cat's off Gallivanting And realises that that's not cool But now it's taking something like this For him to put preventative measures in place So now you're in a situation it for anyone this is assigned to go look go with your gut don't wait for your cat to get shaved before you put those right right right he wasn't happy about it home from door to door

but then you can't do it now can I well by the by the thing by the way this neighbor has got very attached to his cat so much so that there's an argument that yeah just become dependent on did I tell you about my friend Wayne and the staff no so my friend Wayne Jones he had he looked after a friend's staff full name and um he basically like when these people went holiday for two weeks I think I went to Cyprus but that's not important to the story they when they got back the staff was all like a bit strange and it sort of a bit like it wasn't quite himself and Wayne was like oh yeah we've been loved it's been sleeping in my bed um like coming to shower with me I've been making sure like so the staff had sort of like they've come very attached in two weeks

like really attached and then my friend was like and Wayne was then I really missed that the staff I can remember the staff's name. Well, look, as long as you've got Wayne Jones's four-name. And then the staff was constant, like, Wayne would be like, is you right if I pop around and see the staff? And whenever they'd come around, the staff was so obsessed with Wayne that they sort of had to say, look, you know, is our dog? Like, he's pining for Wayne.

So it's like very, once you've got a pet, you've got to be very careful that other people, you know, with that kind of vibe. I mean, everything about his story is just sort of you dancing around the fact that you think Wayne fuck the staff. I think you fuck the staff. I'm just, no.

You're sort of doing things with your eyebrows and going, oh, you know, it's like, it's the way you're telling it. Oh, I'm not telling you like.

It's a sexual thing. Wayne was really, really obsessed with the staff. It was like his best little friend. But don't tell the story like that then. I wasn't trying to tell her. My point was, Wayne and the staff got on really well.

They eat dinner together, they're getting a shower together, they get in bed together, Wayne. Like, and sleep and whatever, and go up for long walks and they do nice things together,

right? Is that the staff loved that life because Wayne was on his, his own at the time that they got so accustomed to him to each other that Wayne fell in love with the staff and the staff fell in love with Wayne so when like when the staff had all of Wayne's attention he got back and it was the family were there that they didn't give the staff the staff wasn't getting that love and commitment but also Wayne missed the staff and not I'm saying about the elderly neighbor because they've been fucking I

don't know yeah who knows that my point is this right is that the neighbor has clearly built up enough affection to this cat that there was a time that they felt they could shave it for them because they felt that that was the right thing. Yeah. So what I'm saying is you can't just sever a bond like that. Like, you know, or maybe you should, I don't know, but I'm just saying that you've got to really go to,

I think going to the neighbour and having a conversation and go, look, this is our cat. We feel a little bit thrown by the fact you decide to shave it. It's slightly, you know, maybe like you should have a break from each other for a while, see how you both get on. And then, like, after a while, it's just like once, you know, the cat's fully healed. maybe start like, you know,

little integrating you back into each other's life slowly, but with boundaries. I just sounds insane. It's like the most high-maintenance, the most convoluted, difficult way of doing this. What would you do? I think they should have a chat, but they just go, look, don't, you know,

the problem is it going to shave the cat? What else is you going to do to do to the cat? Well, you don't know. Also, by the way, that's the shape, that's the stuff you can see. Like, Wayne was giving him McDonald's. Okay, so now she's fucking the cat. No, I'm saying.

Wayne was giving this staff from McDonald's. He was having, like, like, lovely food. whatever, his diet's changed. Suddenly he's getting the two-bobbits. What I'm saying is, right, you've got to be careful because you don't know. The cat's going around there. He's having like a big old gut full of sardines.

You don't know. Yeah, sure. Look, the truth is, it's your cat. So if you want to put a collar on it and stop it going around there, that's well. By the way, that means you've had to put a thing on the door that they cut the cat, so you'd have to go to them and over and put this thing

so it's an electric vault that hits the cat as it comes through your door. That's how those work. I don't know I mean they might have the bread scraw might have some other version of this Yeah okay I'm just saying

But um But the compromise position is to sort of agree A set of rules really I mean it sounds like the woman really likes the cat She made a mistake Do you know what I mean I feel a bit sorry for her in a way

She's not done it to be vindictive No but I'm saying that she thinks Don't get me wrong By the way I was saying it's a shit Could have been in God We don't know Yeah it's a mad fucking thing to her

Yeah but I'm just saying If there's a world where That the bond between this woman And the cat is so enriched that it's like they won't calm down. Yeah. But then you don't want like some sort of like, you don't, you're going to like a stalker thing.

Like they start meeting up and like the back, like, yeah, down the back of the ark, like alley. Okay, we're actually trying to give real advice. I'm just saying. Like what are you talking about? They're going to have an affair. I'm just saying. If she's so upset at this person, I keep saying this year,

if this person is so obsessed with the cat, we have to be careful that, you know, that everyone knows what they're, let's a little layer, cards. Oh, she kidnaps it. Yeah. Well, that's the thing I was going to get out, but didn't want to. Oh, okay. Anyway, good luck. I hope that helps.

Should we do one more? Let's do one more. One more. Shall we give them one more? Oh, what? God, look at this. Opinion. Do you want to read it? No, you read it. Opinion, please. Was walking with family. We had seven dogs between us. I'm also helping out a lady. He's not coping with her puppy.

We were ambling along and chatting in the middle of Epping Forest, while the dog sniffed and played. So far so normal. Yeah. Suddenly, I became aware of a screaming posh voice from very far away. I asked a couple to repeat themselves and they shouted, Your dog has done a poo! In a disgusted tone. A bit confused, I said thanks and we walked on only to hear shouts of,

pick it up now! I politely replied that the forest is full of feces, including cowpats, horse manure, deer poo, rabbit poo and many more. And we're off path and the poo eventually dissolves into the ecosystem. But they were so angry and demanding, asked them to report it and see how they got on. I'm sure it's not an offence mid-forest.

Please discuss. Well, I don't know about this, mate. I've got to say, if a dog poos, what I can't work out is definitely their dogs poo. Because I think if your dog poos... It would be one of the... There was seven dogs? Yeah, so, I mean, I'm like...

I'm with the opinion if your dog poos, you pick it up, it doesn't matter. Listen, I think it's fair to say that cow shit, horse shit seems to be given a different ranking to dog shit. Well, you know why, right? We've talked about, I'm sure we've talked about it.

But you know... Why? But you know why? Why? Well, because it's what are cows and horses? Oh, they eat grass? Yeah. Whereas dogs eat meat?

Yeah, they eat meat and processed food. So their shits are more... Disgusting. Yeah, toxic. So does that mean I could shit in the... No, because you eat... You pretty eat more processed food in it, and I know. Oh, yeah, that's true, actually.

Yeah. That's true, actually, you know? No, because you're a vegan. So loads of vegan stuff's ultra-processed. Well, you don't know my diet. Well, no, actually, to be fair, being a bit sumptuous there. I do apologize. But I do know.

Do you like your faking and stuff like that? I have it occasionally. It's not my staple diet. I love it when you get annoyed about the smallest things. The last episode, I questioned you as a father so vigorously. And you just went, oh, of course, I can take this. This is literally the hill you're going to diet on. You don't know my diet!

You don't know my fucking diet, mate! Yeah, sorry. Literally, flush cheeks. Fucking have it, man. Anyway, I'm going to be, look, I thank you for listening to the podcast. I'm saying this as a preemptor, you've got to pick up dog shit, man. Yeah, I don't. And I will say this as well, just on the base.

And it is like, the kids playing in the forest. Yeah, my kids are always playing in the forest. Do your kids run for the woods? Always. Really? Yeah. Nine times out of ten, if they're not in the house or in the forest. Anyway, go on.

Do you go for founding war on it? They're like little fucking fairies. Constant in the forest. But you go for a nice walk in a Sunday with a family. You go through some woods. That's what I'm saying to you. I know. That's why you keep asking me to...

They're always in the woods. Go on. And if there's poo out there, you've got to be careful. You don't want to do. Because I can blind a kid. Yeah, it can do. Blind an adult, baby. Yeah.

One episode of That's Life. Yeah. Is that what it is? Is that what it's called? That's Life with Esther Ransson. What? Is that what she talked about? I'm sure she talked about dog poo.

Shout, Esther Ransom. We should have special on her, by the way. Incredible human being. Yeah, I mean, we couldn't remember what the program was or what she said. We want to do an entire episode. Shout to Saranson and all the crew. Yeah, Big Suranson. Anyway, the point is, you should pick up your dog shirt.

Yeah, you should. And your cat poo. And also, sometimes, it doesn't matter if something's an offence or not mid-forest. Yeah. Don't do it. Yeah. I think you should pick up, my dog show. Yeah, I think you have to pick up dog shit.

Similarly, I think if people's horses shit, they should pick it up. And cows. You can't be chasing cows. And rabbits. Rabbit. I'm joking. By the way, rabbit poo is disgusting. You get that under your nails.

It's only the little pellet. Under your nails? Yeah. Like if you've got it in your shoe and you scratch your shoe. Right. Okay. Jesus Christ. I think you're smearing it on someone's back.

Okay. There you go. Thanks so much. Thank you so much for listening and watching to another email episode at The Wolf for now. The Wolf for now. We are the wolf for now Enjoy the bonus Wolf

Sounded like you said enjoy the bonus Did they did So folks Wolf outpot at GMO.com For all of your inquiries Not inquiries Yeah inquiries Inquiries

Any questions Anything you want us to do Like silly tasks Or forfeits Let us know Oh my god Do you know what I've just It just occurred to me

What? We can do the muckbang Oh my God We have been talking about muckbang For three years For three years It's back in fashion, baby. So hit us with muckbangs.

Muckbang suggestions. Sparing him on one of us is plant-based. Yeah. And I'm looking at a lot of that process stuff. But anyway. Yeah. So just I guess I'll be eating some tofu and he'll eat an elk. Muckbang, baby.

Mock bang.