Wolf and Owl - Piers Morgan, Percy Pigs and Gladiators

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

What does Romesh have in common with Piers Morgan? What offers has Tom been getting in his DMs? Can you guess who Tom’s style icon is?It’s time for another trip on this little rollercoaster that we call the Wolf & Owl, grab a mug (with or without handle), some hayfever tablets and strap in. Like, subscribe and be a part of the tribe by sending your thoughts and questions to us at [e-mail] A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters: 00:00 Intro01:01 Style icons03:56 Gladiators & Only Fans06:25 Kissing07:40 Sweet Jon09:11 Going public14:52 Edge Lord16:38 Rough and tumble30:55 Tattoos35:10 Russell Brand and Piers Morgan38:33 Lord Of The Rings40:22 Pollen43:08 Carpet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh hello there. It's time for another trip on this little roller coaster that we call the wolf and the owl. The wolf and owl. I've got a little... Wow. Espresso. Is that the mug you brought in yourself or? No, he's sitting opposite me.

Oh, wow. No, I asked for an espresso and they gave me this. It's a little egg cup. I like those sorts of... I like the cut. How do you feel about cuts without handles? Well, I like it. I sort of feel like I'm really engaged with the dreams.

Yeah. You know, like when people take ages to make a cup of tea, like a special tea. Yeah. That's what I feel like with it. Yeah. You look like, because it's also colour-coded to your whole outfit. Yeah. The green.

I love the idea that the studio here have just got whatever colors you're wearing. They've got a mug. They have got 27 of these. Yeah. You wear a little green now. There's a brown one in case. You're your tummy. Yeah.

Yeah, what you want, because you're your... feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws Whatever's prefer Just kidding every word in his song About two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog You're wearing a lot of green these days Like Robin Hood kind of vibe You're wearing a lot of blue these days

Today I'm wearing blue I'm a big fan of that Adam Buxton hat you've got on Adam Buck, how do you? I mean I love Adam Buxton This is an Ian Wright hat Ian Wright is my style icon You can't decide What people say your hat reminds them of

Yeah, but you know what's really sad? This is actually in Wright's design of a half. Right, okay. Also, Ian Wright is... Ian Wright for me is the person who wore it. I was like, wow, that's the guy I'm going to follow. Okay. Who's your starting?

I didn't know you didn't like Adam Buxton. I love Adam Buxton. I'm just saying, Adam Bucksters are a lot of things. One of my favorite comedians, Adam and Joe show, hilarious. Great, you know, one of the founding figures of British podcasting. Yeah. A hilarious guy. One of the genius?

I think we throw away, we ran the word genius. Well, you say about anything. anyone that emails. Yeah, but I think we've had some genial emails in. Genial is not the word you're looking for. Yeah, but I think we've got to be careful. So Adam Buxton, not a genius. He doesn't like his style.

I know, I think I love his style. Well, I'm just summarising what you said so far. I like Adam Buxton. I think he's hilarious. I think he's very funny. Do you say Anton Buxton? By the way, I think he'd have got further with a name that Anton Buxton. Adam Buxton is a guy that I'd travel to watch.

I thought it was like if Deck had been replaced by a guy called Buxton. I love that idea. It's so sad that Deck is leaving. But what good news. Buxton Harris is coming in. It's Ann, Buxton! But he's not a journey. No.

Yeah. Yeah. He's just quite a sense. Jamaican. How would he sound? Huh? I don't. Hey, y'all.

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Wayfair, every style, every home. But I had a boxer's an eris? Yeah, yeah. By the way, I know. But I will say Ian Wright. I know Ian Wright's your style like this. I adore Ian Wright style. I think Ian Wright has got it right.

I mean, yeah. Actually, that's something. No, don't. Just move on. Because you're about to get excited about the fact you use the word right. Yeah, but. Yeah, he would wear this outfit, wouldn't they? I'm not even like it.

I watch what I'm right wears on the overlap. Right. What he wears day to day. Yeah. And I'm like, that's a look. Yeah. You're busting street wear, but it still represents well of a person of our age. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Who would you say your style like I don't have one? Wow. Wow. What I mean is I should have one. No, I don't think you do. No, but it's good to, it's good to sort of try and emulate something, isn't it?

No, it's not good to. I mean is it's good to have influences, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I read that book, Steele like an artist. Have you read that book? No. You always asked me this and the questions, and the answer is always the same.

Have you read this book? Let me say something more later, but I checked out this only fan's account. Have you said that? Yeah, she's married to the gladiator now. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Let's talk about that.

I feel quite, yeah, because I met this guy at the Royal Variety. Yeah. It seems insane that he's been let go The reason he's been let go from the gladiator Is that because gladiator? Well, what I'd love to do is for us to talk at length about this without all the facts So let's do it

So my why would we change the fact that we've been doing that on this podcast first My understanding is I think this cup is making me talk differently I like it I feel like I'm being more considered Yeah, yeah you are I feel like I'm on the fucking South Bank show topical But you know like You're like Melvin Brombrose?

Bragg? Yeah. Yeah. So, um, listen. Gladiators. Brag would have been the other. Gladiators. So my understanding is that, so you know he's married, right? Yeah, I know that. Yeah. He was. He was married. Split up. Yeah. Got with this girl whose name I don't know. And then she's on Only fans. Yeah. But they hadn't gone public with their relationship for whatever reason. And then he said to the big, I don't, that, when they, when they, they say he spoke to the BBC. You've worked on BBC. You don't speak to the no. No. Sorry. Before I go on, can I have a quick chat with the BBC please? Is it okay to have a chat with the BBC? The idea of you calling

John Petrie to say that you're going out with the Lonely fans model. He spoke to the production company. Yeah. And they, I don't think they let him go. They've not renewed his contract. Yeah. So that's not. So I don't think he's got any legal grounds. Yeah. Because you're not being fired. You've not just not. But he was like, well, I mean, I don't really, I've watched a bit of the Gladiators, the re-one, the new one, and quite enjoy it. The reboot. The new Earth?

Yes. Endgame. But he's one of their big faces, right? He's what, he was a... I don't know. I don't know how they analyse which ones are popular and which ones are. Well, the economy, I mean, because I think if he was popular, popular, they're not getting rid of him on a basis. Well, he's sort of gone on all the chat shows now, haven't they?

Yeah. Okay, what's your problem? I just find that that is like, like, like, I, look, divorce is splitting up with someone's pretty hard, right? As we both know. Currently, we haven't gone public about this, but we're both currently

in the mother. Living together. Yeah. You know that? Yeah, we should, actually that, a lot of people sort of been mentioning this clip. Yeah, that's, about wanting to kiss each other.

Yeah. We didn't talk about wanting to kiss each other. Oh, no, we didn't. Why have I said, oh my God. Wow. No, do you know what? Can I tell you why I've said that? Yeah.

Because you said you, you said you really wanted to kiss a boy and then correct yourself and said, man. You basically described one of the kiss. A more ripped version of me. Well, not even, you're pretty ripped. Anyway, then it seemed obvious to me that if we wanted to kiss a guy, we should have discussed each other.

And now I've brought it up again. Yeah. But what I'm saying? That would be the viral clip. Yeah. Me and you're just French kissing. The point is, I think probably if you split up with Kat and I split up with Lisa,

we'd probably end up together, I imagine. Yeah. It's the most likely outcome. Yeah, yeah. Certainly, I think we'd start living together and then sort of slowly, sort of feeling would grow. Yeah. Yeah, you'd start off as friends. Yeah. And then you just, and then

one night. It's a big thunderstorm. Yeah, one night, it's, yeah, we're getting, we're cozying in. Yeah. And then we go, should we Yeah, you want to, you're scared of the thunder. You're like, Ted. And then we're all cuddled up together and then I sort of lean across and maybe kiss, I'm like, nozzled, I imagine I'm nuzzled up against you. On smelling your hair. Yeah. And then I sort of kiss you on the cheek. Yeah. And I'll go,

what are you doing? Why so formal? So anyway, we're talking about giant. Yeah, so. Speaking of men, we'd like to nuzzle up to. he wouldn't be my type but anyway I think it's a bit harsh on the what's great as well

we've got John who's a big gladiator fan he's been so noisy today he's obviously very angry that we're talking about Giant he's wandering across the back of the room he's throwing fucking lens caps all over the shop

we've talked about some stuff on here that can be deemed as slightly controversial who knew that this would be the thing that would finally get to John he's obviously such a big gladiators fan he's booted to table

just fucking keep your views to yourself his techs are going off so he's obviously on his in cell it was like this one we were talking about the hotel practice. I'm just on his in cell. Gladiator group. I've got to say, saying,

this pair of pricks alone in a giant now. Guys, can we get on this early doors? Get on the socials. Let's try and preempt this. I'll try and cut it out. What I found, I just found it a bit like, she's clearly upset the ex-wife by it. And I think there's an element to me of being like,

like, you know, quite why he's felt the need with his new girlfriend. And look, by the way, I should be quite transparent. Me and Giant Chat, I've met him a couple of times. I think he's a nice chap. It's good to declare your business interest before we start getting him. We were trying to actually win to get him as a manchow athlete,

which is synonymous with Mandrao's success story. We've now sponsored a gladiator. Who's not a gladiator? He's just a big chap who's going out with the only fans model. So evidently, by the likes of things, we're probably getting into the porn business. I'd love to see. I would love to see a fucking Bukaki seat.

where just before they start, they hydrate with water. At the end. Oh, God, I feel quite lightheaded. What you need is some electrolytes. I can go again. Yeah, but so I slightly feel, I don't know quite what the reason is that they felt the need. Well, I think it's fairly obvious, isn't it? It's like the relationship didn't feel official, yeah?

Yeah. And also, I think sometimes when you think something's going to be a problem, it makes you lean, it makes you lean further into it. Of course. So he might have had a conversation and we're going, well, whatever you do, don't go, I would keep that to yourself if I was you, because, and then he's gone, well, fuck you.

He's had a chat with his other half. She's gone, it's made her feel a, I'm hypothesising, made her feel a certain way because she's doing a legitimate job. And then they've decided to like double down. They wouldn't surprise me that. Also, but I don't know,

because I don't see that, I think the truth is like you've got a divorce, you're moving on. I don't think there's a problem with that. I don't even think, to be fair, there should be a problem with the fact he's seeing an only fan's model. I don't think that that's... I don't see what that's a problem. No, but, okay.

Can I just play a devil's advocate here? That's what we're here, baby. Can't be a one-way street, buddy. No. You can't have the wolf without the hour. You can, actually. He's on tall right now, and it's a great show. Anyway, if gladiators is a family show. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And then a kid is watching gladiators and says, I love Giant, right? Yeah. Goes on to Instagram. Yeah. Has a look at Giant's account.

He says, oh, who's that? We're Giant. Oh, that's his girlfriend. Clicks on that. Then all of a sudden, she's playing the piano in her undies. I imagine. I haven't checked her account out. Well, yeah, that is her signature move.

Yeah, can I just then double down on this? I'd love you to. So, firstly. So I play Devil's Advocate. Now you're doubling down. No, I'm playing the Angels wings. Okay. So, so to speak, well,

number one, if he's still with gladiators. What so to speak got to do in there? I don't know. I think it sounded good. So to speak, genuinely sound like you're about to start talking about a rapper or something called, so to speak. Why did you say so to speak there? I've got no idea. Okay, got on. I've got no idea of any of this stuff.

Okay, fine, fine, fun. But I think that... That's why you're such a genius. I think, firstly, I think... There you. Firstly, works. Yeah, I think the giant, if you look at his thing, never ever really posted about his family anyway. Yeah. I didn't know he's married.

So yeah, exactly, because he posts about being giant in the gladiators. So I don't think he'd have shared any of his personal details about his new girlfriend, unless that would have become a thing that he's then going to constantly fuel through, you know, Instagram. But if he's, if he's gone, look, I'm going out with the only fans women. This is a very serious relationship for me, but I'm not going to be posting about it. It's not something, it's going to be public knowledge or I'm not going to make it overly, you know, it's not going to be, I'm not going to be posting all the time about it. I'm still going to keep, you know, this is it.

Look at wrestlers, WWF, WWA for years. They were like, some of the shit that had been up to. Have you, yeah, I mean, have you watched the Hulk Hogan documentary? Not yet, no. Oish. Weish. That's a ride. I think you're right.

Actually, that's the point he made. If I can play Angels wings for a second. Yeah, throw your cuts. He said Giant is a character, is not him. His name's Jamie, isn't it? Yeah, I don't know how I'd just call him Giant, but yeah. Okay. Which is quite weird.

You said you speak to him? Yeah. So if you're down the pub with him. I thought going to the pub with him, but we chat around, yeah. Yeah. And then what do you say? Hey, Giant. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know his real name. He didn't introduce himself. All right. I would just not, I would not say anything. Yeah. Anyway, his name is Jamie, I believe. Yeah.

He's saying that there's Jamie and then there's Giant. Giant is not going out with an any fans model. No. Giant is probably asexual. Asexual. Yeah. I think what they need to do is introduce some mythology to glad. where like a giant is in a field somewhere.

Yeah. Just fucking... Like a cow? Eating grass. No, eating gazelle. Yeah. Just like a fucking prowling the savannah or whatever. Just killing animals and eating them.

And then suddenly... Yeah, but then... There's a foghorn in the distance and it's a call to come to gladiators. Yeah. That would be sick. It would be sick. But not for veg. No, but he's in the...

I just think he should... Well, he comes down a beanstalk. Or he's just living under a, like a bridge, a troll. Yeah, that's... Picking his toenails. Suitably dehumanising, yeah. No, but... What are the others called?

Sabre, isn't there? Yeah. But those are the only two I know? Yeah, I don't... It's just saying I've not got to... Apollo, I think Apollo's on. I can tell you the old old-school ones. Yeah.

But some of them were flawed human beings. I, um... I filmed with Jet ones. Wow. You remember Jet? Yeah. Jet was the one that everyone fancied, right? Yeah, yeah.

So... Weirdly, I used to, I was into Lightning. Okay, well, it's not weird. No, I just, everyone was into Jet. What's weird is that you've taken a compliment and sort of made it into an insult. So, Lightning, if Lightning is a massive Wolf for now fan, no, but I was like, like, I just listened to this. Oh, I got a mention there.

Weirdly, I was into Lightning. Oh, cool. No, but everyone was so obsessed with Jet. Yeah, they were. Yeah. Very obsessive. And I remember at the time, it was very sort of like controversial if you didn't fancy Jet. I don't mean it was controversial if you didn't fancy Jet.

No, but I remember saying I fancy Lightning. How much controversy was there at it? your school. There goes that tall boy who fancies lightning. There goes a fucking edge lord right now. Although, you know what? Edge Lord, Theo's time me I can't say edge lord anyway. So what do you think edge lord means?

Well, it's your edgy, right? Yeah, that's not what it means anymore. It means you're into edging. What's edging? What, the gardening term, edging? No. Okay. Edging is,

can we look this up to double check, but I'm pretty sure it's taking itself up to the brink of climax without actually... How does... John's nodding. Who told you this? Pardon? Who told you this?

Theo told me. Theo? Yeah. I mean, this is when we're old now. We're officially old. I didn't know that. Did you know that was what edging was? Listen, if you think I've ever taken myself to the brink without crossing the line.

I know you're safe control. I've seen you on the tube and have to run up the escalators to finish yourself off. Wow, so that's the thing now. That's what an edge-claw. And also, imagine calling yourself the edge lord. Yeah. But anyway. Wow.

We've really fucking gone around the hours. How have we ended up talking about edging? Yeah, but I didn't even know that was a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is a thing. Like, he just said to me, don't say edge lord anymore. Wow. We didn't say, he's not instructional. He just said to me, I'm just letting you know.

Be wary. You think edge lord means this. But if you say it, it sounds of it. Yeah, be careful, Dad. You're playing with, yeah. You don't know you. It's like telling some, this fucking. an idiot in his house.

Well, no, it's like how we used to say to our, you know, like our grandparents when they use the word gay. Yeah, yeah. And that changed, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of, all of a sudden, we're those, we're the older. No, because I remember, you stopped using it, what?

2019, 2020, didn't it? What, gay? Gay as an insult. Yeah. It's an insult. Risa's knows a thing or two about great combinations. Chocolate and peanut butter, obviously. But there's more than one way to Reese's.

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By the way, my gay following has gone crazy since... Yeah, look, I don't think we should go into detail. No. But can you give us... Because we're talking about this before we started. Yeah. So, I think... Yeah.

I think you're an attractive man full stop. but I think if you were gay I think you would mop up Yeah I think I think Evidently that would be my Well somebody did have to mop up I've never ever had

And quite happily so I was you know My very much like the giant From gladiators My world has almost been You know lovely comments nice people All of a sudden since the clicks Come out of me and you talking about kissing

I've had a lot of offers About kissing each other Yeah So what Yeah just kissing a guy I've had a lot of people who said Look I'm happy to be Happy to have that kiss

and some of them have, if I'm going to be quite honest with you, some of them have gone well beyond that as I've shown you. I mean, look, we're not going to name names, but somebody suggested, you know, wanking you off. Yeah, I've had that. I've also had someone if, someone messaged me saying if I want a sort of very discreet place to have a conversation and sort of like,

when they say conversation, fuck, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. So, like, I mean, if you, I know you're not going to do it. No, no, I went again. That's quite weird. But if you did do it, what I find fascinating about that sort of scenario is getting into it.

Yeah. So you go meet this guy at a pub or so. I guess you'd meet it as flat when you want to be seen public. Well, I don't go straight to his flat. I mean, I'm a thirsty gentleman, but I don't think I'd go. Okay, let's imagine. I just want to imagine for a second that you decide to do this, right? Right.

And I want to assess. This would have to be a situation where, you know, like if I was single, hypothetically, right, and this came up. Okay, Jesus Christ. Look, we're not, I'm not saying you're about to cheat on, when you fucking, just calm down.

No, no, but I'm just saying to you that if this, this happened, my first port of call wouldn't be going to someone's flat. I think, I'd think a little bit, I'd want to meet them and have a, like, go out for a nice bit of food, curry or something. We're not talking about you splutter with cat and then you decide that you're going to go out with a guy.

That's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about, I'm talking about hypothesizing. that right now in this moment you think to yourself, do you know what? I am going to do a bit of experiment. And let's imagine, for the sake of your conscience, you talk to Kat about it and Kat goes, do you know what?

Go for it. Go for it. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's good for you. I've always thought, yeah. Yeah. I think it'd be a good thing.

I've told you for ages to have a hobby. Yeah. This would be, it'd be great for somebody else to take this off. Can he take on some of your neurosis? Some of the fucking anxiety. So you, you message the guy. Yeah. What would the message say?

I'd probably be. Like, hey, hey, hey, friend, um, thanks for reaching out. Um, I've thought about your offer. Uh, would you like to meet, sort of coffee or a drink, um, and sort of see how we get on. Okay. I wouldn't go, let's go to your flat. Yeah, but what are you trying to get out of this in this hypothesis? Yeah, but even if, even if I'm looking, you just, you're just, even if hypothetically,

I'm looking for that kiss. Right. I'm having it like thinking, oh, you know, let's have a little bit of a rough and tumble, right? Um, I'm not, I'm not going to, I'm not going to go straight to their flat. No. Because I just think, I don't know, I think a little bit more of myself than just, I'd like to get to know the person. Why do you want to get to, sorry, I'm, so what, would you just slat it up? Would you just turn it?

I think if you, if I was like, if I, by the way, to be crystal clear, I've had no messages like that. Let's just get that out there. So even if I wanted to, the opportunity is not there. No, but I think we could probably get you along for the ride. If I went, if I, if I, if I, if I, imagine being a guy. being a guy that's like a guy that's been into you and you're thinking fucking hell

finally there's a signal here that I could actually this is so mad it's like I never thought in a million years that are married this married man that I've had a thing for potentially something could happen

and then you get a message from the object to your affections and he goes hey friend I was taking you up on your offer and then I turn up as well I'm like right Room for a tidler. I don't have to get involved.

I just worry to watch. See what the logistics are. In for a penny, in for a pound. Just interesting to see how it might be done. I'll be very quiet. You might hear some shallow breathing at some stages. Oh, my.

The idea of having not your first homosexual experience and sort of quite getting into it. Then in the recording. Don't worry, I won't make a mess. I'm a bit of an edge lord. So you meet up with a guy. But, okay, so in answer your question, if it was me, I would see this is just a hit and run.

So you're just going for the hit and run? I think so. I mean, the part of the problem is... Like, you're looking it more like a prostitute. Like, it's a transitional thing. I'm not looking it like a prostitute. Fucking hell, Tom. When did I say I see it like a prostitute?

No, it's more transitional. No, it's not transitional either. Transactional is the word you're looking for. where's a transition from one yeah from what from one side to the other yeah I mean that's true

when you leave the room you're transitioning to the door right yeah anyway the point is you just want to go in no but I think that's what that's what the other person I mean if the other person

wants to meet off a drink I'm not going to go no I just want to fuck I probably need a little bit of romance and a little bit of a feeling a bond I need to know that there's something

that's quite sweet I don't think I could just be like, let's just go. Like, I'd feel so on edge, just knocking on the floor. Are you not nervous that if you're happily married? Yeah. And then if you get to know this person, then suddenly you might be opening, you know, you're, I'd actually say you're rolling the dice more than if you just had set. Yeah, yeah, but then I just don't think me turning up sort of randily at the door, like a sort of like.

I don't think you don't, I won't myself up before he's answered the door. Well, if he'd be just turning up and go, right, let's get down to it then. Well, you're not going to, you're going to have a fucking, you know, you're just wandering and start kissing him straight away. Like, I think, by the way, you're giving yourself a lot of credit there if you even think that you've got that in the locker. No, I don't think it would be more like sort of sitting down and going well. No, yeah, but I think the other person is going to then. They don't have to take the lead. They're tried and practiced, yeah.

Yeah. And then I think I'm, like, it's like playing football or anything. I feel like I'm out of my depth. Don't pass me the ball. Yeah. Like, I'm like, oh shit. Like, do I mean? I mean, you're worried about if the same thing happens when you first played football.

You come too soon. But I, so then you'd ease into it. Yeah. I don't know about the getting to know the person. Not getting to know. I'm not saying be completely silent, but I'm saying meeting them at a pub first. I do think the good,

by the way, I'm really deep diving into this. One of the big issues you've got is can you trust this person to not sell the story to the papers or something like that? I say papers, print journalism is almost dead. But I mean, like,

just sort of spreading it around. Is there not? Yeah, but yeah. I mean, this is a problem. Then I'd have to probably go on to like this morning with him and Catherine. you and Catherine on this morning having to deal with what happened

and then Catherine going actually it's something that I was happy to we'd had a chat about it so we're all sitting there me Catherine and Neil Bacon the guy that I've had the affair with yeah

I've given the guy an adias it's not real the guy who's been getting a concept called Neil Bacon yeah okay weirdly they did need clarifying the guy's not called Neil Bacon

no all right so So you meet for a drink. Yeah. And then, okay, let's imagine I'm Neil Bacon. Okay, cool. So I'm sat down, you walk in. Neil, all right.

Tom, lovely to meet you. Yeah, I'm Neil. Hey, man, you're good? You don't want to shake my hand? I do, but I just, it's a weird thing. All right, fine. You need to be clear about that because it wouldn't want to shake my hand because you thought I was fucking.

No, also, I could just fill my hands. I'm really sweaty. Oh, bloody hell, yeah. Yeah, quite hot in this room. All right, let's try. again. Hello. Hi, Hi, Neil, Neil Bacon. Yes, Tom?

Yeah, Tom Davis. Yeah. I know. I know. Oh, thank you. Oh, good table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nice barbed. I come here a lot, actually. Oh, do you? Oh, I suppose you do this sort of stuff quite a lot. What sort of stuff? You know, me, guys, have sex of them. What do you mean by that?

Well, no, you're quite confident. And I guess, like, you seem to like, yeah, you'd be very good in steering the ship to this destination if you know what I mean well no I wasn't I hope you don't feel manipulated oh would you like a drink by the way Neil um yeah I'd love a pint of lager Sam Miguel

great yeah two parts of San Miguel please um what are you doing I don't know if the waitress heard me but I realised that she did um it's weird I I'm not convinced that is a waitress because we're in a pub oh yeah oh shit okay

she doesn't work here oh nevertheless less. Yeah. Well, look, say to speak, what, how are you feeling about this whole thing? Well, I'm just a bit nervous, no. I've never done anything like that before.

I'm nervous too because I'm a huge fan. Yeah. And I've always, I've always liked you. Yeah. I think, I think it's probably a good time now to sort of depart the sort of place for me being a comedian to sort of being, well, certainly not said anything funny since you sat down. To be, so quite anxious.

That transition has made it. So anxious about this. Yeah. I've wanted to kiss a guy for quite some times, you know. but this feels like this is really sort of gathering momentum so I just wanted to get to know you and sort of like know a little bit about you really

What do you need to know? What do you do for a living? I am a estate agent Oh wow Tough old business at the moment It is a little bit yeah Yeah it's tough And a lot of people look

Don't judge I know a lot of people sort of think Estate agents are horrible people Yeah yeah But actually I You know Helping people is one of the reasons I got into being an estate agent

Oh, wow. You know, a lot of people sort of say it's all about kind of lying about a property or whatever. But actually, I see it as getting somebody into then... Have you ever had sex with someone who's on by a house, empty house? Excuse me? Have you ever had sex with someone looking around her house? Because the house is empty and you just had sex with them? Well, it's sort of frowned upon, but, so no.

Okay. I was one of the... Well, everything but up to the... Oh, well, okay. I mean, I wouldn't... Yeah, I wouldn't, you know, it's inappropriate. Why do you ask that? I just always thought it'd be quite a sort of...

Is that something you'd like to do? Well, what? Like if I came to look at a house and you're the estate agent and now maybe if we'd get on, maybe that could be a bit of role play. Because I thought you just wanted to kiss, but... Well, I've travelled halfway across London. It'd be shown just to have a kiss.

Well, I mean, you could travel across London without fucking someone, can you? Yeah, so no, I'm looking forward to the kiss, actually. Well, you're actually one of my two celebrity crushes. It's you and Ian Wright. Oh, well, yeah. style I come. He didn't reply.

Oh. Yes. Thanks for sticking with me with all the replies. No problem. I'm going to stick it on you in a bit. Yeah. Okay. So would you be up for kissing back here or somewhere else?

You want to kiss here? In the pub, but in the toilet, maybe. In the toilet? I'll find a nice little garden somewhere. Sort of like a park. Yeah, we can go kissing the park. I don't really say that are. They're taking forever.

Tom, if you don't know my mom, asking, you insist on meeting at the pub to get to know me better. You talked to me for about a minute and now you want to go to the toilet. You know, I just think I just want to see if like, yeah, there's chemistry between this.

Yeah. And you think there is? Yeah, I think you're kind of, you're quite a cool guy. You know, like the way you're dressed. Yeah. Sort of green looks nice on you. Thanks. Yeah. Okay. Quite a snotty nose, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't. He was quite a bad. the moment. I've got me, do you want to, do you want to either take a piraton and wait an hour

or maybe reconvene when the pollen levels are lower? We're heads for the snot. So, yeah, I don't know. I'm going to find it quite difficult. My flirting game is hard. I think that's, or soft,

I don't know what you call it. I'm so out of practice. Your flirting game makes people soft. Yeah, yeah. It's not good, is it? Yeah, but I'd be one. that they were going to, I'd really be worried that they were going to publicise the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the big problem. Yeah. If you could find a way of guarantee and that wasn't going to happen. What would you do? Would you get them to... I'd probably already have done it. Would you do you get them to sign like a... But those don't mean anything to that? And also, what are you going to... Okay, first of all, you and I can't knock up that document ourselves. No, you have to go to a lawyer. So then you've got to go to a lawyer. And then the lawyer goes, what do you need?

And I go, how long would you take up a doc up a document where I'd go and fuck a guy in a pub toilet? But he never tells anyone. Yeah, that's true. It's a tricky one. Yeah, but also now with that, like you said, print media and sort of, he could just do a whole Instagram story. Just what I'm saying? Yeah. Imagine if like, without you realizing, sort of like, he's behind you and then takes a selfie.

Yeah. Oh, my God. My cat back to front. Yeah. Anyway, something to think about. It'd be worse for you because of the tattoos. Yeah. Yeah.

Have you got any tattoos on your back? No. Yeah, I have, actually. I've got Lisa not her face that's the name Yeah What is the trap stamp

type thing Yeah it's just above my ass cheeks Who's Lisa? Wow Fucking else I went out for dinner With Lisa last night

Shout out Lisa Big shout out Lisa And She told me that she didn't like tattoos very much What? Yeah She didn't say

She didn't like them She said she wasn't into tattoos Now I've got I always work Like how does she say that? And I'm like, oh, what do I'm not really into tattoos? No, because basically I'm getting another couple done. Yeah.

And I'm planning on getting another hand one. Yeah. And then I exaggerated how big the hand one was going to be. Right. Just for shits and giggles. Yeah. And then she said, don't get that. It's the first time she's ever said anything like that.

Really? She goes, don't get that. And I said, oh, why? She goes, I just don't know about hand tattoos. Well, go, well, do you not like this hand tattoo? And she went, yeah, it's all right. Oh, wow. And then I said, what's the problem?

And she's actually, she's a little bit old school in that she thinks that she doesn't mind tattoos, but then being visible at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got a bit of a thing about. And then it turns out she's not really into tattoos very much at all. Wow. Then we then counted how many I've got to establish how bad the problem was. I've got 21. Wow.

So, but she's never mentioned it before. I'm thinking I'm getting quite seriously how we've talked about this into the tattoo. Well, let's make the announcement now, actually. Official announcement, maybe. I've spoken to Paul Boxel. Shout out, Paul Boxel. He's designing us a wolf and our tattoo. We're going to get matchy's.

Matches. Matching tattoos is going to be sick. Yeah. Where are you going to get yours? Um, where are you going to get yours? I was thinking, I'm probably going to get it on this arm. Yeah, I'm thinking probably, yeah. What is that? Your left, yeah. Yeah.

I can do it like around here or something, maybe. I don't know. I'm very excited about it. Me too. Yeah. I mean, I haven't seen the designs yet. Yeah. We're going to go together that, right?

Yeah. It's going to be a day. Yeah. Doesn't sound like you're that excited. I'm very excited about it. Are you going to? Yeah. Are we going to, yeah? Are we going to, yeah.

Well, we'll have lunch there because I'm getting a load of others done as well. How are you getting? Three. So you get three in the same day? How many can you get in the same day? It depends how big they are. Like, so, so, so I got a biggie one up here, really detailed. That took the whole day.

Okay. But I got like a lot of this arm done in one day. He did about three or four. Like filler sort of stuff. Yeah, like he did. Let me show you. Shall I show you? Yeah, let me see.

I'm quite interested. Because my thing is I don't want to just have like a small, I'd want to get something done. So he did like that parental advisory. And then he did it, Kendrick Lamar up here, but it's quite small. And then he started doing like little coloring in bits around to sort of fill up the whole space.

Amazing. And we did that in one day. I say we did it. I just sat there. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I'm excited for you, man. So what tattoos have you got currently? I've only got the one.

I've got one design there for my shoulder. That's going up. one for my calf. Yeah. I haven't looked at another, both calf's done. Don't want one here. Yeah.

Are you worried about getting it done on your shoulder? No. Does it hurt? Does it hurt? The shoulder one. No, shoulder one's fine.

Should you get all day. Elbow was the worst experience, one of the worst pain experiences of my life. What did you take, like, what do you do for the pain? Just like, well, I, Paul's a very nice guy. But he, we know each other

well enough now that he sort of takes a piss occasionally. I once suggested that I put numbing cream on and that was not received. Really? Positively. Apparently it changes your skin, numbing cream. It makes it more difficult to tattoo. But if I think if I was to get my other elbow done, I'd put some numbing cream

because it was fucking agony. I don't think I'm going to get my elbow, that's just yeah. But it looks good, like elbow's good. Yeah, but it does feel like he's engraving your bone. Jesus. It was quite painful. And then I got an ice cube portrait. Yeah. and he like that's really detailed so it just felt like it was going on forever do you ever worry about some of the people that you have put on you yeah yeah I mean controversial I had to cover up the Russell brand one

that was insane that Russell brand it was just I mean just put some like little post-its in the Bible yeah yeah yeah just read any passage yeah just read anything and pretend that means something to you yeah like everyone else does something to it yeah and then there was light yeah it felt like Yeah. But also then there's a part of me that, like, he's ever the showman. You know what I think? It's really impressive to be on a thing with Pierce Morgan, and Pierce Morgan's the second biggest helmet on them in the shot.

That's very rare. Can I say, by the way, he's getting a lot of applause for sitting there quietly. I couldn't get over the fact of watching Pierce Morgan's face. He knew what he was doing. I know. He was so excited. So, like, it's a shame that Pierce Morgan managed to get successful on YouTube, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

You and him both are quite successful now on YouTube. I'm not as successful as Piers Morgan is on YouTube. Yeah, no, but you don't say as sort of controversial, ganga as stuff. No, I should do that. I did pretend to be a guy that's going to fuck you in a pub toilet. It's not controversial, but it might be described as grabby. Yeah, yeah. But you've got to grab this day.

Yeah, you do have to. It's all about, yeah. Pierce Morgan wrote about me in his column. When? Because I slagged him off on something or commenting about, because he was complaining about the fact that Percy Pigs have taken the gelatin out. So you know they're vegetarian or vegan either.

Or they've got a whole vegan range over. So they took the gelatin out. Yeah. And then Pierce Morgan said it's like woke gone mad or something. But who notices it? They're still one of the best sweets in the world. Mate. If not the best now.

Shout out of candy kittens and Percy Pigs. I don't, I think we're living in a messy Rinaldo era of, yeah, maybe. I don't know if there's still, at the moment I'd say Percy Pigs and Candy Kittens are. Those are your favourite? Yeah. I couldn't pick.

It's like literally. You couldn't pick between kittens and pigs? No. Anyway, Pierce Morgan said something about it. I said something about him saying that. And then he called, I think you called me a professional troll. What? What?

Wow. Pierce Morgan said that. A professional troll. He said he's a professional troll and as all comedians are. He's a professional troll by definition. But that's his job as well. I know.

I know. I'd love to go, I'd love the Wolf and Al to go on the Pierce Morgan show. Would you? No. I don't know why I said that. I can't think of anything I want less. No.

I find, I just find him like in a place where he, I weirdly thought him trying to jump on the HS TikToky bandwagon. Yeah. was it's the sim it's yeah i would say he the the only thing that that makes me happy about arsenal potentially bottling is that he'll be sad yeah and sometimes when arsson have had a really great result i see him post on social media and it ruins it for me yeah it's mad that you've got that alliance it's just so weird it's two things football and politics we're just aligned do you

mean you can't help it you're almost like you know like in Lord of the Rings when they get that little band of sort of that little gag of the friends together and you're like the two guys who are on you're going for the same thing to help with the ring but you don't get on I can't remember who the two characters are

I can't recognise a storyline that you're describing no but didn't there's two like Legolas and Aramere didn't get on for a bit Legulus Yeah Legulus sounds like you telling him mate he's pissed but you're pissed you're

I'll tell you what I you're fucking absolutely Legolas Legolas isn't they Legolas yeah The cool bit is when he rides down the trunk Yeah That's my favourite bit of that whole thing

It's incredible But you're like Legolas And he's like Aramere Yeah I guess so Yeah In what way? No but you're like the cool young buck And he's like the old sort of

I'm It wouldn't Okay No but you know what I mean You're like you're like There's a lot of stuff that you share Yeah But then you're like at odds

But then maybe at some point You say his life in the quest for the ring. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Yeah. I don't think the analogy works. Yeah. Have you watched Lord of the Rings?

Yeah, I love it. Yeah. It's a great film. Yeah. I say I love it. I like the first two. What's wrong with the third one? That's a fucking, it's going to go over.

I just think they'd done it all. I knew they were going to get to Mordor. I just knew it. Well, yeah. I mean, yeah. It wouldn't be as good if they didn't get to Mordor. Oh, yeah. It's just a big, been a big, a waste of time, Sam.

Well, I suppose we should go home. But in the book You know what happens They go back to Hobbiton And it's fucking been torched Really? Yeah Oh shit

Why don't they put that in the film I don't know I guess it could be too dark Also who the fuck wants it To go longer Yeah We've already got 20 minutes of Frodo Just bouncing up and down

On the bed going Gandalf Yeah When Gandalf turns up And that's many old boat Yeah Anyway I think we're ready to

Wrap things up Tom So it's been quite the roller coaster It has been. You're okay. You're right. I've got a frog in my throat. You know what? I'm going to take, I'm hitting up an asthma stroke hayfeet,

whatever the pollen is at the moment. Yeah, ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're having... And you know you can't have the hay fever jab anymore. Okay, not? It's really bad for your bones.

I think you're thinking of a Zemper. No, no, no. And the hay fever jab. Really? Yeah. We have got loads of trees around our house. Yeah. It's very green.

We've got a forest of your own, sort of. My Sheriff of Nottingham vibes. I would have accepted this. Were you not living in the most affluent area of the country? I would accept this banter from you if you're not in the most expensive street in London. Okay? I always forget that you, yeah. You always forget that I've been to the palace.

The palace. Anyway, there's loads of trees. pollen keeps settling on our cars, right? From all the plants and everything. Good little job for Alex or Charlie? What's that? Going out and cleaning the cars. They won't do that.

Really? I mean, they would do. I mean, I've never, actually, in fairness to them, I've never tried. Get a hose pipe, get them brushing that off. Yeah, yeah, no, I get how to do it. But you have to be careful, Tom. Have you washed the car before? Yeah, of course.

I did it for years. My dad had, like, that's what my dad had, like, okay, so can I ask, before we get into this, your thought for the day? Yeah. How are you spoke? Because one of the, I cleaned one of my cars

and I managed to scratch the fuck out of it. How? Because you're supposed to rinse all the shit off before, I was basically scratching it with the dirt. So you got, you know those little circular scratches. So you're supposed to pre-rints, aren't you? Yeah, I didn't know that.

Get all the, yeah, sand, mud, all that sort of stuff off. Yeah. Anyway, I didn't know that. Anyway, the point is, we had left one of the cars. Right. With pollen on it for a long time.

Yeah. Somebody came around, we had to get a professional clean because we'd left it for so long. It was filthy. The guy cleaned it and then he said the pollen is eaten into your paintwork.

Wow. It's now left a permanent... There's now permanent pollination. The pollen is savage, mate. Savage. It turns out the car paint has got hay fever. Wow.

Well, the headlights are all blotching. That's a little lesson for everybody. Do you know what I mean? Beware of pollen. Get it off. Get it off. That's why everyone loves this time of year. I like it once it gets hotter

but at this point is like... Real hell. Flowers coming to bloom. I'll start going. I wonder if today's thought will involve plants. It won't. I don't think I'm going to, well, it was going to, but now I'm going to bat against the tide.

Hmm. I'm just thinking that's all right. Now you're going to bat against the tide. Carpets are a funny thing. You walk across the day after day. Good luck. Same feet, socks, shoes, dog poo.

Dog poo. Carpets take. a hell of a beating. You never really think about them. I guess that's the truth about life. It's the things that we walk on, the place in where we plant our feet. The things at the very bottom, but sometimes we don't consider, it's easy to look up at the ceiling and go, wow, look at that painting, oh wow, look at that tiling work, or look in a mirror and think, oh, that's a nice mirror. Seldon do you look down? And that's the truth about life. Maybe that's the best way of seeing how far you've come and how far you've grown is looking down and going,

cool I remember when the floor didn't seem so far away before you know it you're going older and older taller and then you grow short again and then tall again I don't know how size works but the truth of it is this sometimes it's good to put a barometer whether it's looking down or looking across or looking in a mirror and just saying I've come a long way maybe you've just learned a new thing maybe you've grown and how you think about things the truth of the matter is this we don't give each other enough credit and we don't give carpet enough credit and we don't give ourselves enough credit

so today when you're out on your journeys look in a tube reflection look up at the sky no more importantly look down on the floor and think I used to lay down there and crawl and now I can walk free go easy friends

really good thank you cheers I mean I had one about plants I had to get rid of it the next time I'm on the cheap I will look up at the sky thank you so much blessed thank you for listening and watching the wolf and our podcast like subscribe be a part of the journey

be a part of the tribe yeah oh wow that's a really yeah no that's something that they're probably saying high rocks isn't that yeah yeah we definitely haven't come up with that next week it's going to be the hydrox hydrox is it hydrox no it's high rocks the high rock special with Robert shrank and Nathan Tom Davis aka the wolfenow high rock special coming next week

it's not it's not there's no high rocks neither else are going to do high rocks Peace out Poop Poop Poop Poo!