Wolf and Owl - Robert De Niro, Traitors and the UCL Final

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Did Romesh wear his banter canon shirt for the UEFA Champions League final? Could Tom be one of the Mitchell brothers? Why did Romesh think he was a bad dad? Will Tom get the chance to be friends with Robert De Niro and how did he perform having to follow the King at The King’s Trust show? Also, as the wolf and owl head closer to 50, they wonder if their best years are behind them? We’ll let you decide! Don’t forget to like and subscribe and get in touch with us at [e-mail] with your questions, dilemmas and voice notes.A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters: 00:00 Intro02:22 Gentleman Jon03:10 Banter Canon04:11 The wolf and swan06:28 Eric Morecambe series09:12 Nearing 5012:12 Five Guys and Ray Parlour13:14 Tom’s Eastenders fantasy20:27 Arsenal 27:38 Football dads28:44 The UEFA Champions League final39:34 Ladies First43:24 The King’s Trust44:46 Sticks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh shit It's time for the wolf for now It's a wolf for now It's a wolf for now Wolf and our podcast up in your grill piece, son Wolf and owl There you go, good, really good You might hear a hoot, you might hear a growl

You might hear a grow You might hear a hoot One of them's a hound, one of them's a fowl Yeah Yeah what you want Beak or jaws Feathers or fur Sharp teeth or feet with claws

Whatever's prefer Just kidding Every word in his songs About two grown men Dressed up as a bird And a dog How are you? Very well

It kind of feels weird It feels weird Talking to at the moment Why Because this is our first Real chat Sort of Post

Shretaz You've been away on a, and we've text. When I say, by the way, I'm going to quite openly say, the time that you were gone, I struggle big time. I'd really struggle. I don't think that's true.

No, I ask Catherine. It was like, you know, when you go on holiday and you leave your dog and kennels. Who's the dog in this? Oh, right. I suppose me. I'm the dog. I'm the dog. Yeah.

My owner had gone. Yeah. Well, look, I can't answer any questions about. Of course. But you can sort of, like, not ask, obviously, you can't get into the the knits and the grits of it, right? Which is a new thing I'm saying, nits and grits.

But you can say, did you, yeah, was it everything you dreamed it of being more? I would describe it as quite an intense experience. Really? Yeah.

They want to make it immersive and it is immersive, I'll say that. Wow. I can't tell you any more than that. When's it out? October? Wow.

Yeah. Well, that's quite cool. I'm going to have to sit on what happened to October. So we'll have the traitors and we'll have a relative vampire at the same time. pretty exciting.

I'm trying to think I should give a fuck about the other thing. Now that's exciting, isn't it? Yeah. Actually, a real fun thing happened.

Wow, this is what my highlight of when you're away. So, I had a... Well, it happened while I was back. Oh, it did,

yeah, yeah, because you text me straight away. Yeah. I was so excited. Okay, so you went to... Signing doors moment. Yeah, it was not a sliding doors moment,

no, isn't it? It's not, I'm just holding this close. It's not a sliding doors moment. Yeah, it's kind of, hold on, we've got to stop because...

This is John, The staff is... All John's come in. John, you are a gentleman, gentleman, John. You know, like if you were

like a group of armed robbers? Yeah. Yeah. And you'd be like, you know, mean ass ramish ring and Ethan and I'd be like, Tom the Hustler Davis.

He'd be like the gentleman John. He'd be the one that everyone would like, but quite this sneaky. What was my one? The mean ass romish runger. Mean ass rumish rang and Ethan. Yeah.

And you're Tom the hustler Davis. And he's gentlemen John. Hey, y'all's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture on line and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home. You do, you like, you do like to pretend that you're humble, don't you? Why? Gentlemen John, mean-ass, Rommish Rang and Aethon and Tom, the Hustler Davis. That's a good, mean-ass romish rang an aathan's a fucking cool, not cool name. By the way, I've actually got a bit of a boarer contention. quite a lot of people got in contact saw you at the Champions League final where it's a fucking Bantan Cannon shirt I'm not wearing it you on TV with it

Okay alright listen listen listen Can I tell you this is honestly true Yeah The box I was in you weren't allowed to wear colours Okay Otherwise 100% I would have worn any Did anyone please any Arsenal fans come up to you

And mention Bantan no Oh that's a shame I've had a lot of messages online about it Positive for next season? You better wear that. Tom did a really nice thing. Make sure you wear that.

Well, Tom and John, I can't take all the credit. You can't take any of the credit. You had the idea John went and actually made it happen. Yeah, that's the sort of thing that gentleman John does for Tom. You're like the Steve Jobs of the war for now. All right, Pete. Anyway.

Yeah. So anyway. This beautiful sliding doors moment. Yeah, it's not a sort of, I don't, okay, it might be a sliding door. I can't see how it is. But anyway. So Lisa, the Swan, yep.

Was dropped off Charlie. Yep. At the theatre. Yeah. And it's West End run. Went over to the Curzon. Curzon? The Curzon Cinema, yeah.

To have a, well, she was with a couple of the other parents having a drink. Yeah. To other moms. Who should she spy? She came through the door and I will tell you now, I was like, what? I literally was like, I was chatting someone. I saw Lisa. I was like, oh my gosh.

Yeah. I was like, it double took. Yeah. I thought, what are you doing here of all the people? Well, she said you didn't really speak to her. That's a lie. How dare you? Can I just say, you can have some of your wind-ups in life.

No one in, whoever has heard this podcast is going to believe that Lisa walks into the cars and I go, we spoke for ages. She said that she tried to get your attention, but she said he was clearly busy. I had two weeks of backed up Ranganathan inside of me, and Lisa got quiet. By the way, fucking hell. Frazing. You had two weeks of Ranganathan backed up inside of you.

I had a lot of, like, you know, Ranganathan. Backed up inside. You had a Ranganathan block it. Yeah. And I saw a Lisa. No, Lisa said it was very nice seeing.

You had a chat. We had a lovely chat. And her, apparently the other mum's got very excited that she knew Tom Davis. Really? She's married to Romish fucking Ranganaffan. Oh, wow. He's just been on Traders.

What? I can't strike that about it. Anyway, she's delighted to see it. Yeah, it was very nice. We had a good chat, good catch up. Yeah. The Curzon, shout at the Curzon. You know, by the way, the Curzon,

they gave me the wrong directions to the wrong screen. And I turned up to the, so there was a couple of different screenings there. And I turned up, and I stood for like 10, 15 minutes in what was quite an intense drama. Yeah, Lisa said, you dressed up, you were in costume for it. It's a vampire. And I was excited, because, okay, let's just give... Give you your flowers, sir? That would be nice.

Six years are doing a podcast. A bouquet at last. Well, you do quite well out of this, bearing of mind you contribute nothing to the organisation and ongoing maintenance of the thing. This would be very good for me. Yeah. Anyway, so.

You're one of the leads in a big BBC sitcom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's exciting, right? BBC sitcom? BBC One? Can I say Lenny Rush? Yeah, BBC One? Definitely TXing, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, big BBC One sitcom. Tell us all about it, Tom. So there's some Eric Morkan books. Yeah. They turn them into a series of, like a sitcom, yeah. Yeah.

Six episodes, very funny, very heartfelt. I think it's a family type show. And Lenny Rush is the main character. Yeah, he's brilliant. You play his dad. Yeah. I mean, that's the period I'm hitting in my life. Yeah.

No more goofy best friends. It's playing dads now, mate. Well, how old are you? 47. Yeah. So I think that's not new, is it? No, nobody's going, fuck, you know, I'm 47 now. Time to start thinking about it.

Can I say, I got a script that came in three or four months ago and read the part, amazing series, by the way, and it's going to be incredible. It's a brilliant, I don't think I should say what it is, but the script's amazing. I read it, and the part I'm auditioning for is the sort of lead guys, well, it was half audition, half an offer, and I read it,

And I'm like, this, this guy, like, the guy's 25, the lead guy. And I'm playing his mate. And there's a moment where I'm, like, we're sitting on a soap watching TV. And I'm going, saw what happened last night with, you know, this girl. And he's like, I don't really want to talk about. Come on, man. Did you? Did you?

Did you? I go about that. And I'm like, I'm fucking nearly 50. This takes such a weird turn. If I'm a fucking nearly 50-year-old man hanging out with a load of young kids. It is, it is. And then when I got, I told him, message the director, I was like, this is lovely.

But I don't think I'm right for it. Sorry, what the fuck's happened to you? What? It's an audition, half, audition, half offer. No, no, I'm not really sure about the part, so I messaged the director. I know the director, he's a friend. I've worked with him once before.

So I message him and say, that this is really nice, but I don't think I'm right for it. And then he comes back and he's like, because I think I'm too old. And he was like, oh, shit, I, I've, I've completely, since we last worked together, you've aged like 10 years. Okay. I assume that the same has happened to him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's also, I think it's slightly unfair of him to say. No, no, but he, I think in his head still sort of, you're still the same sort of like, yeah, there's sort of like, I'm not. I still think, I would say, I would argue quite strongly at 37, that's quite weird behaviour still. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've got a member also, I looked a bit younger and I sort of behaved younger.

Yeah, yeah, I sort of like, yeah, I was a bit more like. So you're not doing it now because you did that? No, no, no, you basically ruled yourself out of it. Yeah, I mean, it would be so. fucking creepy. And as soon as then he saw me as being nearly 50, yeah, everything changed. Nearly, we're both nearly 50. Yeah. Fucking

crazy, right? Are you doing anything big for your 50th? Yeah, quitting the industry. Oh, shut up. That'll be your prime, mate. You, old man ROM is going to be your, you're crushing it very, but let me say, I'm very proud of you, you're crushing it, you're smashing it. But old man rom is going to be

a whole new thing. Old man, old man rom is not going to be in the public eye. old man, mate, even if you're not in a public car, you'll be in a public car, you can't stay at this game. You're addicted to it, it's in you. Courses through your veins.

But old man rom is, that is the bit I'm looking for, that's sort of the main thing I'm looking forward to. Really, yeah. It's like a World Cup. Yeah. Anyway, we've talked about this too much, but when are you going to quit?

It will quit me before I quit it. I'll be thirsty about. I'll be hanging around at, yeah. I'll be like, you know, Robert De Niro in Jake LaMotta at the, the end of Raging Ball where he's doing like wine dive bars. Robert De Niro needs to stop now, doesn't he? No?

I think Robert Dino is incredible. Yeah, me too. You know, he's opening a Nobu in where I used to live? Yeah. Do you know what? When I watched Raging Ball, I thought to myself, there's only one way this is headed. This guy opening a Nobu. Nobu, so what is he?

The business mind behind Nobu? I don't know. You like sushi? You like sushi in Rutland? You want to come back? the Rutland? I got an idea. I'm going to take Noble one.

I'm going to take it of Rutland and Stanford. That's what he's done. He's taking it to Stanford. I've never been to a Nobu. No, I haven't. One of the things we could do for a bucket list for our 50th. But I don't think I can eat anything there. You might never do vegan stuff for nobody.

You won't be the first vegan to breach the doors of Nobu. Okay. Yeah. I think, by the way, you should open a big vegan restaurant for your 50th. For my 50th? Why would I open a money pit? For my 50th birthday. No, mate,

this is you at the moment. You're ascending. You're getting to De Niro levels. You can have your no-boo. Yeah. Is this a big prank, Tom? No, I throughout my life. Tom, let me say something.

My best years are behind me. No way. They are. Okay, I'm going to make a bet with you. I think your best years are going to be between 50 and 57. In what way? Career-wise? Yeah.

It's going to be very difficult as I'm going to have disappeared into the... You are not disappearing. I'll still do this. But we won't do it twice a week. It'll be once a month. I think movies come for you in your 50s. Movies in my 50s? I'm going to say it now.

Okay. I don't think we've even got close to the Rommish. I think you're a bit like Maradonna. People thought he peaked a couple of different times. Do you know what my most likely future is? Go on. I think. You'll open like a tabloid.

Yeah. And it'll be like shock as ex-host of Weakest Link working in five guys. No, you were working on when you're a vegan. You fall that low. You work in a garden centre before you work in five guys. Can I just talk about five guys for a second? Do you know what their only vegan option is? Go on.

Some grilled vegetables, right? Yeah. Fine. Yeah. In a burger, but the buns are not vegan. So they wrap it in a lettuce leaf. It's a lettuce leaf around. Can I say there's a part of me that respects that?

No, five guys, fuck you for that, man. Well, I'm not a big five guys fan. I think it's over. More not. They put loads of eggs of fries in there, don't they? Yeah, no, but I think you don't eat them all. That's just a, that's a, that's a parlor trick. Yeah, but it's, uh, Rory Watson.

What's the way, Ray Parlor should have a podcast called The Parlor Trick where he learns magic. That would be fucking so cool. I think it's cool while you're thinking of the name. I don't think it's called, Beyond that. No, but Ray Parlor and Dynamo or Stephen do a podcast called The Parlor Trick. Right. And every week he learns a new magic trick.

Stephen teaches Ray Parlor a trick. And then he goes out of the public and he does it. And we work up and in the end he's like... I was about to shit on it, but that's basically an episode of Robber Ramesh versus. How have you been anyway, bro? Good, good. I found it very difficult to not be in touch with you. Yeah.

I've really, I missed you so much. You're an essential part of my life. Mate, you... Do you know what as well? We had his very deep, very deep time before you went in. Yeah. That was... Our person, our relationship intensified even though.

Yeah. And then you just left. It was actually, do you know what? It was a bit like, you know, when the best character leaves a soap. You know, like when, I don't know. Examples, please. I don't know, like Den, left EastEnd, or Grand Mitchell left. No, you know, but when a bear...

Grand Mitchell's back? Steve, yeah, by the way, give it up. What's the problem? I just, he, I had such memories of him being like, it's amazing character. Yeah, he's an amazing character. And then, yeah, the tints of, or the dust, the sort of magic dust is for... I can I just say that I thought he was incredible. was Guant Mitchell early days.

I thought he revolutionised. I think actually as an answer. Revolutionised what? So, I think him, when him and Stephen Fowling came in, I think they elevate is soap acting. Yeah. I think the two of them are extremely good. And I think, you know,

I used to fantasise about being the third Mitchell brother. I've told, said this before. Yeah, I think it would be a good, quite a good brother. Yeah, like, there would be like, I used to think to myself when I was like on this building sites, scaffolding sites, that there would be a moment where things would get really on top. You know, the Mitchells that couldn't find.

and a way out and then sort of towards the end of the beats they're sort of like oh no what are we going to do I don't know

we're up against it and no one can help us and then you hear they sort of chime as the quick door opens and you just hear my voice go Phil

Grant and they both look around and go hello Toby Toby Toby yeah Toby Mitchell Toby Mitchell

yeah Grant and Phil are tough guy names they own those names Grant and Phil, no, but Grant and Phil is a different world to Toby. Toby Mitchell is like the third brother went to private school. And then it turns out I'm this sort of like wild guy that's sort of their younger brother who's sort of like just been sort of smashing about East London. And then we take everyone on and we win.

And then, yeah. Do you think it needs a third brother? Would you, being in shoes like, Toby, we'll all be all right now. And I'll probably sort of get on really well with Pete Bill who was in it then. he said the market sold in yeah Ian's dad do you think people would go

like a scene might go so you're so we're not seen you around here before but you're fill and grants oh you want to do that yeah yeah I'll go in the calf where are you

I'll be I don't know whichever Asian is taking that place they used to be got who's the age who's the age who's on the calf Sanjay

Sanjay yeah yeah yeah yeah they were nice people had the calf that would be good don't say it like they were a good okay but that's a weird

what you just did was a bit weird okay yeah they were nice people like they consider them people like they could like you know they were like they were like you know a lot of people think

they're gonna be like different or whatever but they were like normal yeah you go in there you order food you get your food

it's like any other like if one of like if a normal person was running it um okay okay I'm not gonna be Sandra though I'll be like

I don't know Ravi. Ravi? Who is that? I've just made it up. Okay. Sorry, is Toby Mitchell based on a real character?

So hold on, what are you doing? We're both made up characters. Okay, so where are we? By the way, all the characters are made up. So where are we? In the CAF. You're in the CAF?

Are you working in there, are you? Why would you see that? Why can't I be a customer? No, because I don't know where, what my fucking, am I coming up to talk to you because you're in the CAF? I'm sitting in the CAF and I come up to you, right? Okay. I'm eating my egg and bacon.

Yeah, yeah. Hello. So you're the third brother, are you? I don't know what you're talking about. Well, you've got two brothers, haven't you? Yeah, it may be. And a sister? But you have, haven't you?

Yeah, I've got two brothers and his sister. Where else do you need to know? Phil and Gras. And where have you been all this time? You ask a lot of questions. Well, you have asked three. The first one I've asked twice. Why'd you go to myself for breakfast and have a seat?

Yeah, I'll have toast with a little bit. bit of butter, please. Thank you. Do you wonder if I wait here for it? Well, I just said that for a seat. Yeah, sorry, yeah. So, what's your name? What's your details?

My name's Ravi. I don't know what you mean by details, exactly. Yeah, but what do you do around here? Do you own Albert Square? Or is Albert Square own you? That's what I will say. Do you always say that? Because you've not been here for years.

I've never been here in my life. Right. I've grew up a tougher part of town, mate, with my brothers and my mum and my sister. Where did you grow up? Stepford. You grew up with Stetford? Yeah. And they threw me out of the house when I was 13 because it was too nutty.

You eat quite loudly, don't you? Where have you been all this time? Just getting about, mate, doing stuff. Lived a little bit of time in Spain. Then I heard that my brother's had a bit of trouble, so I came back. You probably know my name. Yeah, I was going to ask you about your name. why are you called Toby

it's not my real name it's a nickname for what well when I was younger I used to always have one of those Toby jugs and everyone sort of forgot my real name but I always remember I drank out for Toby drugs everyone's called me Toby right my real name is Kevin Kevin

Mitchell like the boxer Phil Grant Kevin makes sense yeah yeah yeah so a lot of people say I'm the nastiest Mitchell did everything has been who says that all the other people

Pete Bill Ian Bill Yeah Den Well they've not only just met you haven't they I don't ever Acting in King Gary

Why I find you so funny I've literally worked With Sony Phil I'm worried Yeah they've just met me But they know what I'm about And if anyone in the East End 's got a problem with my brothers

or my sister Or my mum They've got a problem with me You see you're family Yeah Yeah Tell everyone you know Ravi about that. I can imagine you're probably friends

with Ian Bill. Yeah, okay. Shall I let you get back to your eating? Yeah, thank you. Yeah, alright. If you ever need anything, you know where I am. I'm not obviously going to be here. I work at a character of Phil. You know where to come. Yeah, I would do, yeah. Thanks. Cheers, Ravi.

Cheers. What I call you? Toby? Call me Toby. Otherwise, yeah, that's what my name is in the credits. So. Well, you've broken the fourth hall there, haven't you, Kevin? And seen. Well, that's sort of needed. I would say that we needed to give that a bit of narrative drive. That didn't really go anywhere, didn't know.

I'm seeing, you know, I just watched, I didn't watch it. I saw the clips from Socorade and saw Tom Hiddleston was in it. Yeah, he's very much become the new king of Socorade. Yeah. He's sort of very much, that's become his day. Well, I mean, can we talk about this? Arsenal of won the league? Yeah, shout out Arsenal.

Can I say, by the way, I had no animosity. There's a lot of animosity towards Arsenal. I always said there's a number of people who seem to have jumped. on the bandwagon. But do you know, I had this, there's a lot of anger about that. And I'm like, the world is a very sad place at a moment. And if someone finds a little bit happiness

by putting on an Arsenal shirt and celebrating, I don't think that should be any animosity. So are you now talking about, because you're quite annoyed that people have jumped on the Arsenal bandwax? I'm not really annoyed about it. Well, when you came in today, said who are all these kids that are some of the Arsenal fans?

You, by the way, do this thing, well, you turn around to me and say, oh, you know, that's not, I went down. it didn't say I'm like that. Then you do this and people go, I can't believe you should that tell me about Arsenal. No, he didn't say that.

Yeah, no, but there's an outcry. So there's a part of me thinks if you're not a football fan and you have now seen this, what has been quite an incredible outpouring of joy, I think, and otherwise what has been quite a joyless year so far. Yeah. I think why not just go along and celebrate? But also, I think, I don't quite understand the kick in Arsenal getting from,

Like there's this awful thing about Laura Woods that a journalist had written. And I was like, you know, about everyone on the panel on T&T being Arsenal fans of supporting the English team. I was like, I remember watching Man United in the Champions League final when they did the treble. And everyone, no one was, there was no one on that going,

well, I hope Bam, Unit win. Everyone was, let's support the year. I thought that was a time and place when we kind of did that. I know, I think it's partly because Arsenal kind of I think Arsenal got a lot of celebrity fans

which makes them less endearing in truth I think we've got a couple of you know there's a really massive helmet that supports them in Pierce Morgan yeah right so that makes them less popular

yeah and then they play a certain brand of football that people don't find that appeal yeah but can I say that when you weren't playing that brand of football and you were playing the brand of football there was a lot more open and entertaining and great everyone was

oh they're great to watch people never win anything I know, but they weren't getting the level of hate, they are. No, but Man United had this, but if you go back, Man United had this, I think because social media has obviously plays a part. Man United was the first team that, you know,

that in my life, obviously, Liverpool, but I was a bit young for that. Man United dominated. Everyone hated United. City, I think, you know, have had that to an extent. I think Pep's kind of saved them a little bit because I think everyone realizes what a attribute Pep Guardia owner has been for the Premier League.

But I think like, I think when I come to sort of this hatred for Arsenal. Like people see them with it. Yeah. Yeah. And I do so. I sort of don't mind it as an Arsenal fan. I kind of, I don't really, if people are quite like it.

I prefer to be hated and be an amazing team that are in Champions League finals than to be regarded as like sympathy because you've been relegated. Let's talk about this a little bit. Yes. You're one of the worst things that could possibly happen to a football team. Yeah, maybe. except for what fingers crossed is going to happen to see right is that you got relegated yeah how are you feeling i will say that i actually i think in a sense it might sound a bit insane i i think it's awful for

to the extent i actually don't think it's the worst thing in the world in the basis that i think there needs to be like a big change at the club i think there needs to be other yeah hopefully with this means that we can get a new ownership in also means that we can get rid of a lot of players who are on extortionate money and start, I think, actually start bringing through a few younger players. So you're excited? Yeah, because, I mean, there's nothing you can do about it. And I think, I sort of watched some

some really aggressive sort of videos and stuff. And I think to myself, well, there's very little, I made my piece with just sitting in the stands and shouting really loudly drunk was not really going to have a mess effect on whether we won leagues or, I mean, if

that was the case, West Ham would have won everything. Yeah. Because, you know, as you've been But you have no control over that. You've got to go with the, you know, and I think we were rightly relegated. I think we weren't very good side this. And we haven't been for the last few years. Yeah, yeah.

So it is what it is. I actually kind of, you know, I'm looking forward to sort of not getting absolutely pumped or actually a season without VAR is going to be absolutely a dream. Yeah. I was gutted that Spurs didn't get relegated. Yeah. I think that was the only thing.

It's sad that Spurs didn't go down. Any Spurs fans watching or listening, I wanted your team to get relegated from the bottom of my heart. I wanted to see you go down. But it wasn't to happen. When Arsenal won the league, which is amazing, obviously. Loved it, loved it, loved it.

And it was great for the kids and all that. The amount of abuse I got, like, first of all, from people saying, since when were you in Arsenal fan? But that's the same thing. Secondly, people go in, why are you even an Arsenal fact? It doesn't make any sense. I've got messages like that after it happened.

And it sort of occurred to me that that is just what happens when, if you support a rival team and then you see somebody that supposedly supports a team that's one and you don't like them, then there's like an anger in you that, like, you're trying to get, you're trying to get rid of. Do you know what I mean? I think like with football, it brings out this kind of... But don't you think this is a thing where I think when it comes to that, right, it's like, So I watched all these videos of Arsenal fans crying when you won the league. Yeah.

Arsenal fans crying when you lost the Champions League final. West Ham fans sobbing when they, you know, went down. And then when, say you go to a funeral, right, and you stand in a funeral and you look around. And the same men that have maybe lost a family member or a friend will be standing there stonewalled. They won't be crying because they don't kind of know how to deal with that emotion. They know if their football fan, a football team is successful or unsuccessful. successful. They know almost within a group, they can release that as a valve that's almost not frowned

upon in society to go, oh, I'm just going to cry now. I can cry. Like there's guys that I was watching, you know, the West Ham game and I'm like, fucking oh, man. Like, you know, this might be about a little bit more than your football team. Yeah, yeah. I do think it is, I do think it's more than that. I, um, I took Theo and Alex to the Champions League final. That must have been amazing.

So first of all, big shout out of TNT for inviting me out. So I said to Alex and Theo, we're going to the championship league final. They're buzzing, right? Alex in particular. I mean, they're both, all my kids are Arsenal fans, but Alex in particular. Alex is incredibly, Alex is very much reminiscent of what I was like at his age. Yeah, he's hardcore, right? He's a much big Raston fan than I am, right?

Proper. I was like that, yeah, when I was younger. So he's buzzing. There is something about, you're and you're you're you know obviously little jes like little yeah can i say by the way football was pride so we play she's excited playing little football tournament yeah plays football on a Saturday and the other day i was like look you really need to if you don't want to play this we won't come but if you want to play and she was like i want to play football as you need to come here and play the

games so she's like can you come and stand by the side of the pitch and because it's a lot quite the other girls like two or three years older yeah so it's like okay and then she played and she scored like two goals and a team on this little tournament and I was like I was genuinely welling up and she was coming over to me I'll show her pictures and like little goal celebrations that she'd been watching yeah and I was like oh my god this is

this is insane like your little girl so into football I was like when are we going back when are we going back I was like even now I feel quite emotional about it yeah I was a real football dad by the way there was other dads who were like kick her get a ball off grace get a ball I'm like your daughter's three years older I'm very kid the king Gary and me came up I'm already seeing little signs now that you're going to be a problem on the sidelines. Yeah, no doubt I will.

Anyhow. Anyhow, the boys were so excited to go that it made me nervous. So we're flying out to Budapest on the morning of the game. Yeah. Lisa and Charlie Stan in England. Yeah. I couldn't get the boarding passes printed off before I went to the airport. By the one, who's getting boarding passes printed off?

Sorry, not printed off. Downloading. Oh, okay. So I couldn't get the boarding passes downloaded onto my phone. phone. So then I'm like, fuck. So then I'm on the way to the airport. Like if I was going on my own, if I got, like I'm very

chilled about something that happens to me. So if I go to the, if I go there and they go, you can't get on this fly, I go, okay, I'll watch it. You know, like it's, I'll be disappointed, but whatever. Because it was the boys. Yeah. The pressure that I was feeling I want to deliver a great experience for my kids. So like we're going to the airport and I'm almost ruining our journey

to the airport because I'm so anxious about I'm worried that I'm going to get there and they're going to go, sorry, you're not checking. And you've booked the flights for that coming through to you, too. They'd been booked through the thing. And then, like, you had to check in via the app. And because it was, it was, like, really complicated. Because I was doing multiple passengers, it was a bit funky. So I thought I'd checked in, but I couldn't get a boarding pass onto my phone.

Right. So I'm turning out of thinking, this is the morning of the game. There's no way I'm going to get another flight. If there's, and the lease was going to be wrong, you've checked it, like, I don't know what you're worrying about. Like, we've done this loads. Yeah, but if I'd been on my own, I wouldn't have cared. But it's like, yeah, because it's such a big deal for them. We're in the taxi on the way to the airport.

And like, we're walking at Alex goes, are you right? My kid is saying this to me. What the fuck is wrong with me, man? So I go, yeah, I'm just a bit worried because I couldn't like check in on the thing. So I'm just a bit nervous because I want you guys to. And he goes, but you've got the boarding passers on your phone. Like he hadn't understood the story. and I go, no, I haven't been able to down

and he went, oh. And the way he said, oh, I was like, oh, God, he's one now worried. Yeah. Theo, by the way, the coolest, mini Martin, two-fold. If I tell you, Theo, absolute textbook,

Theo rang and Nathan behaviour. Yeah. We'll walk up and he goes, what are you worried about? I said, the bullet point, because, Dad, this is how we do it every time. Why do you think it's going to be different today? Wow.

Because you're just going to go up there and go, did it, and then we go. going to get on the plane. And I was like... Yeah, it's probably right, Theo, mate. I'll make you right, Sam. Anyway, just chill, yeah?

Just chill, yeah. Hold in your face, listen. Yeah. It's ain't your first rodeo, son. It's gonna be fine, buddy, boy. Oh, thanks, Theo, mate. Cheers. Anyway, it was totally fine.

But... Can I say, by the way, also, single dad in? Yeah. Yeah. How was that, like? Because they're old enough now, right? You don't, you know, but... They're old enough, but we got to

Bode a pest, we flew with Beckett, and we got there. I can imagine, by the way, Beckett's great flight company. Yeah, he's good, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's asleep for a lot of it, but anyway. Was he? Yeah. Also, Beckett would be great flight company.

No, he is, but he slept. That's still a good company. I like to watch him with his eyes closed. So we get there. Our flight was on the tarmac for an hour and a half before leaving. Why? So we're delayed. I don't know, there's so much.

A lot of flights can't. So we're delayed. We land and we've got to go straight to do an interview. Yeah. Go and do the interview. Do boys go with you? Yeah. Oh, amazing.

Go back to the hotel. Go to the hotel, check in. And there was like a little cocktail thing beforehand and then we go to the game. Go to a little cocktail thing. The food there is for people, like for adults, aspirational grown-ups. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They want to feel like they're a fancy thing. Prongs. Yeah, all that, you know, like little kind of caprazy kind of cups and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, Theo and Alex, they don't fuck it. They want to wait that. I'd tell my nose. Before football.

Yeah. I'll go read the room, mate. Hey, read the room. So we go to that. There's some pizzas in here. Go down to the ground. Do another pitch side interview with Laura Woods. Then we go.

By the way, Laura Woods, I think one of the best sports presenters in the world. Fantastic. Fantastic. Every sport, by the way. Every sport. Oh, mate, have you seen her stuff on Kabadi? I haven't seen her stuff. I've been amazing.

Unbelievable. She, what she knows about Tamil Nadi? Really? No. Oh, okay. I wouldn't be shocked with Laura Woods. Cover, cupboard, cupboard, cupboard, cover, cover. I'd love us to Blake the buddy.

She's one of the best red. Like, she literally does all her research. Shout at Laura Woods. Yeah, shout at Laura Woods. Anna Guna. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm honest to that. Anyway, so go to the box.

They've got fancy food in the box. Yeah. Again, the boys don't want any of it, right? Yeah. There's some breadsticks. I'm starting to get nervous now because it's quite hot. Yeah. It's been a long day.

We've got the flight. You're on the booze as well. I was absolutely fucking wankered. The kids are coming up to me. Oh, Marshall. Yeah. Shut up, boys. No.

Burn a butter cannon. Let fire with one of your banter lines. Sort of sounded like you almost went for the Flintstone steam chain there. Anyway, so they didn't like any of the food, right? Yeah. And so they had breadsticks. So I'm getting them to eat breadsticks, right? Fucking little bit of bleak thought.

I know. The biggest game of football in the year and you're going, just have a fucking mudstick more. No, because they didn't want any of the bread stick. Fio, eat one of them. They're nutritious boy. They didn't want any of the food. Of course.

But I was, but that was... I'm not saying, by the way, corporate, like that side of football, I'm like, it's not changed. Just give everyone pie and mess. I know. And also, just fucking, just have a bucket of chicken nuggets and chips. Yes. Yeah. Anyway, so the boys don't eat anything apart from, like, seven breadsticks apiece, right?

Yeah. So then the game finishes. They had some... Long game. There's some after-party stuff going on or drinks or like wrapped. I just said, the boys go, we want to go back to the hotel. Go back to the hotel. At this point, the boys, since we've got up,

we've got the boys breakfast at Gatwick. Then they've had seven breadsticks, right? So now I'm starting to get a bit nervous at how much these boys have eaten. I'm rum, it's Lisa, have the boys eaten. I really don't like, you always go to that voice when you're impersonating Lisa. No, why? Because it's my woman voice, well, Lisa. Lisa's a, I don't, yeah.

She showed me Lisa's voice. no. Oh, for fuck's sake. That's not that far away. Rom. I can't do a Lisa impersonation. Yeah, it's hard to do. Can you do a cat impersonation?

Cat, well, she's a bit more like that, I guess. She's a bit more, I don't know, no, I can't. Not without really offending the woman I love most in the world. Anya, she calls and she's like, have the boy, have you said the boys? No, no. Lisa's very chilled out about that. She's a chill, by the way, I can tell you this. When I saw her, I was like, oh, you're so chilled. Yeah.

So Lisa's very relaxed. She's not even asked. me what the boys have eaten. She's just like, you know, she's not... You got this. Can't mean, how does she know that they've just had some breadsticks? I know. I'll get back to the hotel. I say, don't worry, but I'll get you some room service. I find out room service closed. What? Can I say, there was a time you stayed in a hotel, the room of service is 24-7.

Those days are gone. Yeah. What is that? I don't know. Some hotels you go to. Yeah. 10 o'clock finish. Can I just say, what, like, what happened to the night chef? Do you know what I mean? That's a job there for some. It's a fucking joke, mate. By the way, all anyone wants for room service after 10 o'clock is deep-fried shit. Yeah, deep-fried shit and a brass.

That's all you want late night. Oh, my God. Such a bleak Russell Brand, like you with your boys at the football. Oh, I know if I'm going, mine, but I've got a little treat. Meet Alana. Oh, Dad, this is tragic. Shush for you. So, uh...

She's just going to sit in the corner and brush my hair. No room service. Yeah. I'll say to the boys. Oh my God. They have age as well. The nutrition is important. They go, don't worry, Dad.

We'll just have some Chris and get asleep. So now I've got... By the way, both the spirits are dropped, right? Yeah. Especially Alex. Yeah. The biggest, yeah. Biggest game of their lives.

They've watched Arsenal lose. Biggest game of their lives. Breakfast, seven breadsticks, bag of crisps. I mean, yeah. The next morning. Yeah. I wake up and I think this is unacceptable. By the way, I might be wrong in assuming this.

Knowing you, like, I think you've had a few beers in you. I'd like two beers. For two beers in you. I know your anxiety and I know how your neurosis is. I don't think you'd have slept much just on a basis, not even losing the game, but the thought of your boy is not eating. And that level of... It fucked me up.

I can imagine. The neurosis of how your mind works is like, I'm not a very good dad. Can I get... This isn't good fathering. I text Lisa the words. I've got my phone. I text Lisa the words.

I don't think I'm a very good dad. Even though you've literally given you your boys an experience, they'll remember for the rest of their lives. They'll literally turn around to their kids and go, I remember we went to a Champions League final with Dad. It was an amazing day. Yeah, we lost. But what a game.

So the next morning, I'm freaking out. Yeah. Right? I don't want my boys to be hungry. Yeah. They've had a bad eating day yesterday. Yeah. So I just want to treat them.

Yeah. They're asleep. They're absolutely knacker because they're such a month a day. Yeah. I go on to delivery. Yeah. There's no delivery in Budapest. I go into Uber Eats.

There's no Uber Eats in Budapest. Well, room service is still closed. Room service is not, is not. Basically, I looked at room service. By the way, European breakfast can eat my ass. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

It's a weird way of phrasing it, but I agree with the sentiment. I end up downloading a Hungarian delivery. And then I... Alex loves McDonald's. I order about three tons of McDonald's, right? Wow.

The boys are still asleep. Yeah. I go downstairs, wait for the McDonald's, come upstairs, open the door. Boys, got you some McDonald's.

The look on their faces, it was like, you know, when Frodo sitting on the bed at the end of Lord of the Rings and Gandalf walks in. Yeah, yeah. Wow. It felt incredible.

What a moment? Sat there, by the way, bed picnic. Yeah, bed picnic. We all had a big bed picnic. Luckily, really fancy a McPlunt. Unfortunately, there are no vegetable burgers in Hungarian McDonald's. Did Alana eat? Alana ate what she was given, which was whatever fries fell off the bed. What did you eat then if you got that? I just had a portion of fries.

Tragic, isn't it? Sad. Yeah, but you know what? Your boys ate well. Loved it. I had a thing with, um, read a screening of, uh, this thing I've done, ladies first. I watched it, by the way. Watched it on the plane on the way back from Budapest. Congratulations.

I think you know what? I still, it's still a novelty to me that my friend's in films. Well, yeah, I mean, I mean, it a little bit. What do you mean? Oh, it's, yeah. He was brother. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, his brother-in-law.

I mean, that's how much we know. He's brother-in-law, sorry. his brother-in-law that you had an accident or something that's why you like that in the film yeah yeah yeah which is yeah racing eyebrows but we went to the premiere screening of this and no one was around to come with me

so Lou from off the curb lovely Lou stepped in she was like I'll come I'll give you I get very nervous social anxiety about these things I find them very pictures and all the yeah it's not my vibe so Lou comes along as is Amanda and what she mainly doing to make sure you don't do the

Sautize and Fury thing. Do you know that three fucking guys joked about that because obviously that's become a thing that we've talked about three of the camera guys. So we go along and Amanda Emery lovely Amanda comes as well. And Jim, Jim came along to watch.

Jim? Yeah, yeah. They gave me tickets and I was like, I've got a ticket, do you want to come and watch this gym? And Jim was like, yeah. Why have you become such good mates? Like you've got to play golf with Jim? Why wouldn't you be good friends with Jim? Yeah, I like Jim, but I've never social.

Well, this is me. I socialise with him. I'm sniffing about John at the moment. Yeah, okay. You know, that's how lonely I am. Well, what a big... No, I don't mean like that, but I'm lonely. Yeah, okay. All right, cool. I mean, I was like literally, I was, yeah. Anyway, Lou, so we're there, and there's a guy and he had sort of like hors d'oeuvres, or whatever you call them, and he had some, these prawn ones, and he's carrying around at bum height, so he's sort of carrying them around

quite low, and he's walking around. past people's asses with these prawns. And Lou picked one out and had one. And I said, geez Lou. And she was like, what do you mean? I said, look where he's holding the tray. And then... What do you think's happening out of people's arsees?

Farts. Farts. Farts. You're up for it, man. You know, I just think it's an insane fart, coughs. Do you know what I doubt there's more smelly gases down there. Okay, fair not. And he's the insane thing to carry a tray. Not like, that's why they carry them like that usually.

He's like that. He's like that. And poor Lou was just, oh my God, don't think about that. I was like, yeah. Yeah, well, would you? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I said, that's a belly bomb. You don't know what's going to happen there.

You could, that could come back to your, aren't you? So poor Lou was, yeah, she was quite worried about it. So I'm like, they were weird little. Is that the end of the story? Yeah. She was fine, but I was. That's the story about you going to see ladies first, is that they were carrying the little voluvantz at arse high.

Oh, yeah. I mean, the film was good. I think it's a good film. It's a fun thing. Wasman Pike, by the way. absolute legend. Rosamman Pike's incredible, right? She's amazing.

Can I say, chat about you? Your name was two or three conversations about you. With Rosamund Pike? One with Rosamond Pike, yeah. Who was there? One was with Gabby Rosalind. Right. And the other one, I can't remember who I was talking to.

I think it was someone who overheard me and Gabby Roslin talking about how amazing you are. Can I just say, if I'm, if you want a hype man, if I go to things, I always speak to, I often speak about how much I adore you and what an incredible person you are. Well, I've heard you on a couple of interviews. recently. Really nice.

Yeah, because that's what I believe. I've got this point in my life. I try not to mention it. Yeah, I know. Yeah. What do you mean? Would you mean, yeah, you know? I don't need that. No, I don't need you to, I know, I feel like you have to do that. I get asked about you quite a lot. And when people ask me, I tell them what exactly right now? You created a new story about traitors.

Was that for the King's Trust? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How's that going with the Kings Trust? Good. I had to do stand up in front of. I saw you giving an end of deck a bit Was that at that? Yeah, that was terrifying

I had to follow the king Bullard banner I kept on getting pushed bumps back in the order finally was they said all right we're coming to the end of the night

but we still want you to go on so the king's going to say a few words and then we'll just bring you on to do your stand because I've written following the king at his essentially the 50th birthday

of the king's trust and also by the way not doing my material it was material I'd written for I'd written with shout out damn Beck We'd written this bit, five-minute set, for this event. So I was like, oh my gosh, this is, there's no one you've got to try and remember it all.

And number two, you're then in a song where you'll follow it. Like, essentially, the king speaks and the night's over. And then they were, we're just going to squeeze you between the king and then. Carriages. Ward Stewart and Ronnie Wood and Charles Holland are going to do a medley of songs. And I was like, this feels like such an... anti-climax for everyone. Did it go right?

It went okay, yeah. I mean, I was, I mean... What was your rape now? The anti-deck bit about Jimmy Bullard. Oh, yeah. And then I likened the King's Trust to what the King's Trust has achieved and what I've achieved were very self-deprecating. I mean, I had a few other jokes that have not been able to make the cut.

I'll show you them one day if you want to see them. Yeah, I'd love... Yeah, I guess a private session is what you're getting at? Or you just go into your house and show that you're not. boys. Yeah, cool, cool. It's a very cool thing to do. Yeah, it's good.

Do you know, actually, we had a, um, we had a lad who did my, the first year we did the course, who joined the, the course and was kind of lost in the world and quite lost and hadn't done very well at school and didn't really know what he wanted to do. And we spent a year mentor in him and he's now just got us, like he's doing a, um, master's in screenwriting. And he's had some poems, um, putting book like, uh, published. It's quite, I've found that quite humbling. just shows you how easy it actually is,

isn't it? Okay, no, that's really about it. I didn't expect you to me. Yeah, I don't know. That's a really amazing story. And in all seriousness, you're doing great work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really great work. Yeah, yeah. Can you do a closer, please? Of course. Poustics. Break off a cut of branches of the same tree

and throw them in a river. Let the river take them upon its waves. We've got its current as they have blasted away under bridges, under cousin trees, till they hit the sea. The turbulent sea with a tossed.

Left and right. One twig goes one way, the other twig goes another. One finds itself from foreign shores. Calais, maybe. The other one finds itself in the banks of the Tyne, in Newcastle. Alas, at last, these twigs, will they see each other again? I just realized this is stick man

Are these sticks immigrants No no no Both sticks just land on a beach One makes a friend with a cat crab The other with a Other thing that you find on a beach On a bag of crisps But often they miss each other

The trouble about things is And life is sometimes you get pulled away From the thing you love the most And sometimes you build life around it. One becomes a mast in a sandcastle, the other one becomes a scratchy stick for an old man called Clive Tulsa. Both of them often think of each other. Well, I see him again. Then a big storm comes and some wind picks up the stick from the sandcastle and blows it across the English Channel. It catches the wind and spirals all the way to Newcastle where the old man scratching his back,

is like I've got an itchy leg too I wish I could find another stick and as he looks down he sees this other stick he picks it up and starts scratching his leg and then he puts the two sticks down upon his table as he goes to bed one stick lets the other stick and goes we meet again old friend and the truth about life is sometimes you can be pulled away from the things you love the most but if you're truly meant to be together you'll come back to each other so this man He has specialistic, so he won't ever use the one on his back for his leg. No, I know, because obviously, yeah, you don't use this. Yeah, I mean, he could know, he's doing it at the same time.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so it's, it's sometimes. I mean, since I started doing it, I realised it was the whole basis of the stick man. Stickman's quite really sad, isn't it? Anyway. No, no spoilers, he's a happy ending. Yeah, happy ending, yeah, yeah. And actually, goes on a life mission.

Yeah, I think it's something sad. Have you seen the sequel? Is that Forest Fire? Anyway. Thank you. so much for watching and listening to the Wolf and Al podcast. So next time we see you will be the email special, Wolf Alpod.com, if you'd like to contribute.

Bye. Thanks, friends.