Wolf and Owl - Ross Kemp, Josh Widdicombe & The Celebrity Purge

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

Should Tom and Romesh get each other tattooed on their backsides? This week on Wolf & Owl, Tom and Romesh tackle Tom's tattoo addiction and ask the important question all friendships ultimately arrive at, shall we tattoo each other on our arses? Plus another question arises, what would they actually do if The Purge became reality? From debating guns and home invasions to an unexpected role play of Ross Kemp and Josh Widdicombe that absolutely nobody could have expected. Not to forget, a classic tale from Tom to top it off. Don't miss it. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 03:43 On guns 10:36 Home invasions 12:11 The Purge question 16:20 Tom’s beef with Ross Kemp’s rage 18:07 A Josh Widdicombe, Ross Kemp roleplay 24:05 What would Rom do during The Purge? 26:55 The boys's addictions 28:05 Tattoo chat 40:25 Tom's story 43:00 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, let's go. Okay, let's do it. One in the clip. You're recording that. Oh, God. Yeah, what you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer. Just kidding every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Hello and welcome to the Wolf and Al podcast.

Tom Davis, you just said one in the clip. That might be the most cringy thing I've ever done. I don't think it is, but it is pretty cringy. It's up there. I would say top 15. I think top five. I feel sick. I've come into this feeling a little bit nauseous with that feeling.

I didn't before. I felt really, really. Boyant, yeah. When you arrived, you're full of beans. Yeah, yeah. That's, I've never said that in my life either. One in the clip. Do you even know what the...

Yeah, I know what it means. Yeah, yeah. As in like it's a gun reference. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what about this made you think one in the clip? And like even if you wanted to do a gun reference, have we got one in the clip? We've got two in the clip, haven't we?

I mean, this is the first bullet of, yeah, the podcast being fired, I guess. So this is the one in the, yeah. Oh, my goodness. I know that people like... That does feel like the sort of thing you'd do more than me. I don't think so. I would love you to not drag me down with you on this. I think that even the most ardent fan of the...

this podcast would not describe anything that we're doing as like it's a bullet coming out of a gun. Also that would be one in the chamber, right? Yeah. I think it's, I think this podcast dribbles out. If I was to do an analogy. One in the cliff is just such a, oh God. I'll be like one.

I actually think I'm going to have to get some kind of, I don't know where that came from. I think it came from like, I guess a hip-hop record you'd be listening to. No, I was listening to Bruce Springsteen. He never says one in the clip. No. Famously, that's one of the things that people love about him is he never says one in the clip. Oh man, that's...

Do you know that's almost... I don't know if that's like a form of Tourette's that's happened there. But I've never said that in my life. No. Not even like as an acting role where I've gone, one in the clip. Well, now that you've done that, I can see why it's not come up in your work.

Wouldn't it be great to get a role where you've got to say something cool like that? No, I don't think it would, because I think people... don't realize, or I sorry, I shouldn't be speaking for everybody, I don't realize how to go. When you're watching a film and it's sort of high concept, or there's

like a sci-fi element or anything like that, or anything that's really removed from reality, the ability to deliver dialogue that in real life wouldn't make any sense. Like, you know, he's outside Gamma sector 7 and his laser cannon is charged up or whatever. You've got to say that with some fucking gravitas.

By the way, you started it off, the second half of that line is terrible. He's outside was it? He's outside Gamma Sector 7 or he's outside Gamma Sector 7 his laser charger is fully charged up. Yeah. Well sorry I couldn't off the cuff right a fucking sci-fi film to your satisfaction. By the way, I think I'm pretty much

strapped on a bulletproof vest after you've said one in the clip. I can say whatever I want at this stage. I'm fucking made. Oh man, that's made me. I nearly said made in the shade and I thought that would have undermined my whole fucking position. One in the clip is the sort of thing Statham could say without he could say. I don't really understand guns. Have you ever held a gun?

Yeah? Yeah. I was doing, oh, by the way, the way you said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was horrific. What do you mean? Have you ever held a gun, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, welcome to the brother. Yeah, yeah, you got to defend your property, haven't you?

No, I went to. I did Asian Provocateur Series 2, which by the standards of the first series was what we could describe as a flop. But anyway, I went out to America and I shot some guns with some like guys that were super into it. Yeah, I mean, if you've got a gun, you have to be into it. There's no half measures. I don't think anyone who's just got a gun. No, but it's slightly, no, some people do. Some people are not into guns.

In America, I would say. Some people are just like keep one somewhere in case we get a home invasion or something like. but these guys were into it yeah yeah yeah so like in the morning we did guns in the in the afternoon we did monster trucks to give you insight into these guys that's a lot of manly stuff

they had AR 15s fuck yeah yeah and then they had one of the kids they had like a little kid as well who's using a catapult and a bow and arrow I think I can't remember anyway the Huckleberry thing

when you hold a gun and fire it undoubtedly it is actually fun yeah yeah yeah that's I think that's part of issue. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

I mean, that's part of the problem. Yeah. But you can feel quite, yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, I cannot, I can't believe. I mean, I can't believe, but I can't believe that Americans, you know, the NRA and all of that, they think the solution to stopping people who've got guns is more guns. You know, like when you hear about a shooting and they go, if only the teachers were armed,

that would have brought that to a swift end. I was in Bulgaria. insane. A couple years ago filming and in the hotel we stayed in there was a lot of sort of quite important Russian guys there and aren't they all? Everyone had

a lot of them were just walking around shoulder holsters guns you know yeah and then there was signs in this hotel in the lobby no guns yeah and one day I was sort of having lunch I was looking around all these guys with guns so I went up to the sort of guy at reception I said there's you a lot of signs up saying

no guns but everyone here has guns. I don't know how keen I'd be to be a snitch on the guys with guns. Well, the guy turned around to me and said, the trouble with people with guns. It's very hard to get them to take away the guns if you don't have a gun. Yeah. I mean, a guy that's carrying around a gun is not thinking,

oh, there's a sign there. Fuck, I don't want to get into trouble. Somebody might give me a stern word. Yeah, no, but why have the signs up then? because because because yeah but because otherwise then somebody like then they think guns are allowed

they got there was a couple of these guys who really took a dislike to me not because of the snitching I was in the gym one day and they came in and threw my towel on the floor and then every machine that I go to they'd sort of follow me around and sort of like be sort of staring so were they bullying yeah yeah

yeah and then sort of I'd see them around the hotel and they'd sort of be laughing and pointing at me and stuff they were just like I think they might have known you were a snitch. No, I don't think they'd have taken me out to the desert if they'd known that was a snitch. They were fucking terrifying. Yeah. You know, when you'd look at people and you're like, oh man, you guys, I don't want, yeah.

It doesn't happen to me, but I could imagine, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, you're tougher than I am. You've got that sort of, you know, you just stood up to them. Can't think of the last time I looked at somebody who thought, I'm scared of you. I was terrified of these guys. They threw my town on the floor. By the way, that was a jack. I don't want anybody.

No, I wanted to carry it on there. I didn't, they'd throw my towel on the floor. I did it like three or four times, and I just would pick it up and to sort of like move off to another machine. And I could see them just staring. They were waiting for you to react, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they have guns in the gym?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I don't find the sign, I don't find, because if we had this in it, some place we went to in America, but they've got no guns. Yeah. It's like a sign saying no guns. I find that the opposite of reassuring. What, yeah, because, yeah. Do I mean?

Because if you've got a sign that says no guns and nobody's obeying it, just take the sign down. Yeah, that's what I mean about the hotel. Yeah. It was like, yeah, a free-for-all with guns. Yeah. And some big guns as well. Little guns, big guns. All sorts of guns.

Medium-sized guns. Not really medium-sized. Fair enough. Medium-sized gun, actually, I think, is the one that you only pulled out, put out a medium-sized gun if you're going to shoot it. A big gun you can put put over your shoulder. Little gun. Yeah.

If you lived in America, could you see yourself becoming a gun owner? Do you think I have that way about me? It's difficult to know, really, because I feel like, in principle, you're anti-gun. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But if you're in a situation where everybody's got guns, what do you do? Well, I'm also, yeah, I'm one of those people that sort of, I like to fit in with people. Yeah, that's what I mean.

You're not, you're not, you know. Weak-willed. Yeah. I think, like, you would be able to go, you know what, I'm fucking opposed to guns. Yeah. Thank you, Derry. And then, like, I'd be like, oh, no, actually, I was quite opposed to what I got. And then what you do is you turn up at the bar with, like, the biggest gun you could find.

Go, look at what I've got a boy. I fucking love loose. In the back of my trousers. He just went out of the back and shot a dog actually. Just for shits and giggles. Oh, not my dog. Not Lucy. Yeah, that's what I'd imagine you'd be like.

Yeah, I'd love to sort of like go and that wouldn't be me. Because the thing... I don't think I'd have the weather rules as when you move to America. Because one of the things is, I often think this, is like, the reason that we think guns are so appalling is because we don't have them, right? but in a and I know that sounds slightly obvious but what I mean is you don't know what your sensibilities would be

if guns were allowed if you've been brought up with them like I think the idea that all of us would be opposed to them is a fallacy actually because I think a lot of the time what you think is okay and what you think is all right

is actually determined by what society do you have anything by the bed if someone breaks in no should I I mean I don't why have I said this on the podcast. Yeah, I've got a massive

fucking gun and a and Reggie will fucking loves the taste of cock. I don't even if he'll suck it. I mean, he'll bite it off. He'll bite it off. When you broke into Romish Rangana's house. His dog sucked me off. I broke into Romish's

house the other day. What did you take? Nothing. I just wanted to see Reggie. Cutlass were broke in. Yeah, yeah. We had a freesom with him. He's got a nice cock-suck. dog. That's my favourite story of Duncan Ferguson one

when the guy's broke into his house. And he was naked and he chased him down the road. He's fearsome Duncan Ferguson. Yeah. Yeah, I do think I should be like a bit more equipped for that situation. Yeah. Who would get out of bed if you felt someone broken in? I'd send Lisa down to have a lot first. Of course not.

Theo probably now. Theo's stacked. I think Theo's probably the best one to see. He's the alpha in the house now. Yeah. I think, yeah, he has been since, I was in our 16. He said a picture of you.

He said a picture of 11, 12, I'd say Theo started to get the silver hairs on his back. You said a picture of you and Theo the other day. And Theo looks so fucking hench. He's a really good looking boy as well. He's so handsome. You've like busted out of 10. Like he's...

First of all, what a horrible way to phrase it? No, me. You busted out of 10? Like, you're, oh, mate, your balls have squirted out of 10. No, I mean, you and Lisa between you. Well, I think Lisa deserves more credit than I do, genetics-wise. Really? Yeah.

I can see you in him, though. No, he has got, yeah. He's got your vulnerability, which is nice. Yeah. Thanks, that's really sweet. No, he's hench, though. He looks fucking good. Well, you know, he's part of his...

He's a really good-looking boy. And a sweet boy as well. He's got a good heart, which is not often the case. No, not with the truth. brought up, no, the other two. Horrible little vermin. No, they're all nice. We're very lucky.

Yeah. But do you ever think about what you'd think would be okay if? Like, what, what, what laws would you still abide by? Even if they weren't, if it wasn't illegal. I guess it's wrong. What is someone breaking to your house? Well, like, just in general. Like, what I mean is like, we think murder's wrong.

Yeah. Because it's illegal, right? Yeah, yeah. But imagine if it wasn't. Like, yeah. And somebody really fucked you off. off. And you just like

snapped his neck. Yeah, maybe, I don't know. That would be an insane thing to, just keep numbers down. Just go around killing people.

Yeah. But that's, then all, if you allow murder, you could just steal, I could literally go, I like your trousers and just rip them off you.

Yeah. If you, like, the fact of the matter is, if it wasn't illegal, if you wanted these trousers, they're yours, I'm not going to stop you.

Yeah, yeah. So you'd have to walk around with your pants all day. Yeah. Oh, you'd probably go by you. Oh, I just walk up the right. From said his trousers knicked again.

would start to know. Oh, fucking. Tom liked his trousers again today. But you know what? That would become the thing, wouldn't it? Well, we'd live in a society where... It'd be like the purge all the time. Yeah.

I've never watched that film. Yeah, I mean, it's a difficult premise to get on board with. They decide that for one night, everything's legal. Is that what it is? Apparently that's... The premise of the film is that everything's legal for one night because it gets it out of your system. Do I want one night a year or one night ever?

One night a year, I believe. And what... Is that like it happens, like, globally? No, I think it's just, I think it might just be an American thing. Okay. And then you get... What would be the first thing you do in that situation? Well, that, I mean, that is a great question.

What would I do? I don't think I'd do anything. I'd fucking lock the doors. Yeah, I mean, obviously, if you're talking about that, I thought you meant, like, what crime would I like to do? Would you not run out and, like, sort of steal a couple pairs of trains that you really like? No. Steer a car that you like.

No. You want, yeah, but you can't... Wouldn't I go out and steal a car that I really like? It's the purge, right? So you're telling me, right? The purge happens, right? You know, you're sort of bowling, you know, swaggering to fucking radio

too on the Saturday. It's happened on the Friday. Beckett's in there and with Vernon Kaye and a chat. Josh Whitaker. It's welcome to, is Rameshanging, Nathan, with you here on BBC Radio 2? Hope you had a great night.

I killed three people. No, but you've done nothing, right? So Vernon Kay, who talks, I love Vernon, right? But Vernon talks like he's interviewing people all the time. Even if you have a normal conversation in Vernon. You feel like he's an interview by? Yeah, yeah.

Do you? Yeah. I love Vernon. But Vernon will turn around and go, hello, it's Tom Davis. How are you doing, Tom? You're a West Ham fan. West Ham are doing well this year? It's like, he talks to you like, yeah.

Like, you're like fairgrounds, Tom. Do you like? I mean, he makes you right, doesn't it? Yeah. He talks like he's interviewing you. Yeah. I haven't noticed that, but yeah. Yeah. Or maybe that's just how he talks to me.

Maybe it's going to be tough work this. Have you spoken to Tom? Fire a lot of questions at him. Fire a shit ton of questions. Actually, before he starts answering, get the next one out. So Vernon Kay's there, Rob Beckett, Josh Willickham. I don't know what you think happens at Radio 2.

These people are not all there waiting for me. Josh is having to cut the cigarettes because he's been on a... We shouldn't say this before he's about to go in strictly, but heavy, heavy smoke. Yeah, right. And he doesn't mind bun in a zoo or... to even. Josh has got really into the purge, right?

Yeah. So he's killed Ross Kemp. Okay. Why has he killed Ross Kemp? Probably on my orders, but he's he lived closer into him than I did. So he's all like, he's got bloodlust, he can't wait for the next one.

When I think about Josh Widdickham killing Ross Kemp, I imagine, like, Josh being like sort of snarf-sized, and he's had to climb him. Or he's just poisoned the cheese sandwich of him. Yeah, that's more likely. So Ross Ross is in his house Probably got a shotgun

You know So Josh is breaking into killing Yeah So but Kemp obviously It's a purge So Kemp's winding himself Yeah But also he's winding himself up

Which is some England games Yeah Okay I'll say Ross Just stop With that No no No this is

Can I just say like I genuinely worry about the fact That he sits on his own Watching the game Just getting so wound up Don't you ever sit on your own and watch the game? Yeah, I do, but I don't fucking post when I get so angry or so happy. I'm not, Ross, just like, I genuinely, I've made my, I'm not the biggest, I don't know Ross Camp.

No. But there's a part of me that wants to go, look, mate, if you really want, I'm more than happy to come around and watch the games with you. If it means that you do, you know. It feels like a weird way to solve your... Yeah, because then I could sit with him and when he's about to do it, go, hey, yeah, just relax. Let's just enjoy the moment. Rather than, you know, sort of spitting down the camera and it's so, you know... But, but, I mean, what...

You're not completely guilt-free of posting stuff during the games, aren't you? No, no, but I don't... Often there'll be a photo of you like this. Yeah. Better like Lex-Torn, boys. You know? That's in your canon, isn't it? Yeah, that is in my canon, but I don't...

You often load that one in the clip. Yeah, can I also... You prick. Could I say, by the way, all year, I'm posting about football? Yeah, you're locked and loaded, don't you? Yeah, I'm not like... It's not like every fucking two years I come jumping out of a fucking... No, I get it.

You're a football. in a box. He's like, yeah, and the way he talks about, isn't like how you talk about fucking foot, he talks about

a very weird, regimented way. I'm just saying that he comes out with it, it's great, you know, everyone's into it.

Yeah. But I'm like, the level of like, fucking veins popping out of his, you know, it's not good for a bloke of our age. I mean, he's older than us.

Oh, he's like, 502. I think, maybe older than that. Really? Yeah. He's a good Nick.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's go to this, right? So Ross is pacing. He's heard that someone's going to come and kill him, right?

Okay. How does Josh get into his house? Snicks in for a window. Okay. Ross Kemp's left the back door open. No, no, no. Ross Kemp's not. Maybe he calls for the cat flap. Okay, fine.

Oh, bloody hell. Who are you? What do you want? You know very well who I am. Is that you, Josh Whitakum? Yes, that is. You will never kill me! I would have die! Oh, yes, I will.

as you well know Ross, it's the knight of the purge. And I am going to fucking, I'm going to fucking purge a life out of you. Oh, fucking make love to you before you kill me. Well, I'd actually don't mind that as an extra option. You will never kill me, I'm Ross Kemp. Ross Kemp, the third Ross Kemp of my

name, of my family. My father was Ross Kemp. My grandfather was Ross Kemp. I've got to be honest with you, I'm not convinced you are Ross Kemp based on how you're talking. This is how I talk in real life. I'm Ross Kemp. Third of my name. Yes, I guess it.

You will have... Yes, I had a... I hope you had a big dinner and a big lunch. You'll need it to kill me, Ross Kemp. Third of my name. Yes, yes, yes, you'd be very clear. I don't... I'm not come here to get your ID. I'm going to gut you, Ross Kemp,

and then I'm going to sleep inside you like a ton-ton. What? Star Wars. You nerd. I'm going to kill you first. I hope you like death. You're about to eat it. You know you're supposed to yes and me?

It's really fucking difficult to work with you. Yeah, but Ross Kim, I've never seen him have a conversation. Well, everything I'm saying. You're going, I am Ross Kemp, third of the fucking Kemp's or whatever. What am I supposed to do with that? And then I'm trying to fucking move it on. I just keep going, I will kill you. I am Russ Kemp of the Kemp's.

You just keep saying that same fucking line over and over again. This is my interpretation. That's not what Ross Kemp's like. Yeah, but this is my intention. interpretation of him. I don't know him as well as you do. You know, this is what I think... Okay, fine. Okay, well, I'll give you a bit more. All right.

Ross Cap, you had a lot of trouble now. What kind of trouble do you bring to my door? Well, I've got a big old knife here. I've got to use it to gut you from tongue to taint. You better to know how to use a knife. I do, I do. Have you ever killed a man before? Well, I took out Gordon Ramsey at the last purge. Did you kill Testeyley?

No. There's natural causes, I believe. I killed Leslie Grantham in his bath. Oh, good riddance, do I'd say. But let me tell something now, Ross. You're going to fucking get it from me. Well, if you kill me, you tell everyone that I died with bravery in my heart.

I don't think I'll bother doing that. I'm just going to... Tell Ramesh that I will visit him in death. Is that sort of a ghost scenario? Yes. as a ghost I shall bring fear upon the Ranganathans. Why? I mean, listen, I'm not against it, but what?

Take your clothes off and let's fight to the death. I actually was, I was planning on staying fully close during this. No, I'm taking my jeans off now. Oh my God, put your fucking jeans back on. And my underpants. Oh, bloody hell. Well done, Ross. Would you like a game of tummy sticks before we fight?

Yeah, that's true. I quite fancy it. Why are you getting your phone out, Ross? To do this video. Oh! I am Roskem! I am about to fight Josh Redick come naked! To the death!

Hello, it's Josh here. Here's a video of my day. Sorry, listeners, by the way. Oh, bloody hell. I mean, Ross kept his living, I'm trying to kill him. Fucking purge. It's making it very difficult.

He suggested to go with tummy sticks. Unbelievable. Take your clothes off, boy. I've got to take my clothes off. So right, that happens. He kills Ross Kemp somehow, right? Well, now we've set up the scenario. I don't see a situation where Josh Widdickham walks away from that.

I think if Ross Kemp's awake, it's over. You've got to kill him in his sleep. If he gets really into the game of tummy sticks. Right. He then, Josh can just reach for the knife. How do you envisage tummy sticks going? Ross is just really into it and Josh is playing. long game, right?

Yeah, but what is... I know what tummy sticks is. How does the game go? What are the rules? Well, I just think you hold each other. And it's... Yeah, it's just a nice sort of thing. So they just touch? Yeah.

No, no, you touch each other's tummies. With your tummy sticks? Yeah, with your tummy stick. Yeah, yeah. You touch each other's tummies of your tummy sticks? Yeah, so you pull your tummy, your stick up. Yeah. So they both touch your tummies and you embrace, right?

Oh, okay. So you like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like we did it knee. years. Yeah, only did it at New years, yeah. And then it's just the first person who wants to let go, and Josh it holds

him. Yeah, probably, Josh wouldn't be on his, you know, Josh would be sort of being holed up, I guess, by Ross. Yeah, because their tummy sticks are not going to meet, are they? No, no. I mean, it's more chin sticks. Yeah. Oh, I think your tummy sticks against my Adam's apple. Anyway, and then Josh gets to

fucking drop on him out of nowhere. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe... Fools out of his arms. Yeah, and then, yeah. knife in the gooch yeah boom down goes Kemp yeah

and then he just in the neck yeah so he comes in he's got a fag he's telling like everyone he's saying

yeah it was about about three hours of tummy sticks in the end and Beckett's love it I was exhausted

Beckett's basically set fire to a load of different stuff yeah you know what I mean just driving around

fucking wherever he lives with like petrol bombs yeah Vernon K has just gone out like just

you know shut up loads of stuff Yeah with a shotgun old school shotgun Yeah They borrowed off a farmer And then you come in

And you're telling me It's the purge right Those three are all showing off Bragging Yeah And you come in Oh yeah What did you do?

Oh I just stayed in I didn't do nothing Just stayed in on my jack I think that is what I would do It's difficult You'd love cars You wouldn't just go to a really cool car show room

And just take a car For a spin And then bring it back No No You'd just sit in I think Probably playing

Grand 5th Auto knowing you I'd sit in scared. Yeah, well, you would be, because obviously if people come to your house, you've got no, you've got no way to defend it yourself. No, no. Because Theo and Charlie and Alex would be fucking, they'd be pillaging the local town. And I imagine Lisa would be up to no good. Yeah.

It'd be up to all sorts. Get the old balaclava on again. You wouldn't need it on Purge night, would you? Although I do think, like, if it was, if it was the purge, you still have to protect your identity. Yeah, yeah, because the next day it's a fucking awkward situation if you're in Tesco's. And someone goes, oh, by the way, thanks for shitting through my letterbox. Yeah, exactly. Yesterday.

Or, you know, in the weeks before you go around your mate's houses and see what sort of stuff you'd like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is there like, with the purr, I haven't seen the film, is there a thing where you know it's coming? It's on the same night. Yeah, it's on the same night, yeah. I mean, what's really important about the purge is that everybody thinks it's on the same night. Yeah, no, no. But it's not like something you get an email and go, oh, by the way, the purge is next Tuesday.

It's like the same Christmas. No, I think the purge is the same. Okay. When is it? When would it be? in the year. What? In the film?

Well, let's have a look. I don't know if they specify the day, but I think you probably want it to be in the winter months, wouldn't you? Just to sort of, because some people might go, do you know, it's a bit nippy out? I'm not going to bother.

Yeah. 7pm on March 21st or 7am on March 22nd. How many people are getting up at 7 a.m. to get stuck into the purging? No, not. It's 7 p.m. It's finishes at 7 a.m. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Imagine if you step through. Oh, no. You get 6 a.m. Bloody hell, it's 645. I've got to kill fucking Ross Camp. Ross Kemp thinks he's made it through the night. Yeah.

It'd be horrible to get done at 6.59, wouldn't it? It would be, yeah. Yeah. And then what happens if, like, if Josh and Ross are, like, really going for it, and it goes all the way through the night? What happens if it makes it till 7? And then just go, oh, well, bloody hell. I'll see you next year, Widdickham.

I almost got you. See you next year, Ross. It'd be nice then as well that they sort of spark up a friendship. Well, they might start, you might go, you know, while you're just stay over. Another game of tummy sticks with a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You know, we're so well. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just taking a weird turn. It has a weird, taking a weird turn. It has a weird time. And no idea that this would be. Well, it all started, the inception of this, the origin story, was you saying one in the clip. Yeah, no, yeah. And we've gone on a free-for-all around purging and, yeah. Can we talk about your tatter.

addiction? Yes. I'd really love to chat about it. Yeah, I mean, it's real, it's become... You have an addictive personality. Yeah. That's a fair thing to say, isn't it? Awful, awful. Not awful, but yeah, but yeah, but yeah, no, very addictive. You really get into stuff? Yeah, if I've, I can't do anything halfway. No. I mean, I told you about, I don't know if we talked about this before,

fruit and fibre. Yeah, yeah, I love fruit and fiber. No, but I mean, my addiction to it. Yeah, you're addicted. No, I'm not addicted now, although I do eat it now. Which, by the way, every man of our age should be eating. it? Yeah. I did develop an addiction to it for a while. It was all I ate for a few days for a while. What do you mean? You didn't eat any other food? What about protein?

I wasn't getting it? No breeding. No. No. Just eating fruit and fiber. It's a long time ago. Is that when you dropped all I started doing stand-up? I was eating just fruit and fibre. Have all the cereals to eat that? I know. It was great in a sense, but you'd be like 90% fibre. Yeah, I mean, I was pooing, I would say 8 to 9. Hose and thick poos or?

Skatter guns? A bit of both. Wow. Yeah. So anyway, so forget all that. Yeah. Tattoos. Yeah.

Talk me for your, what's happened. I've wanted to get a few for a while. I've talked to you about it. It's almost my, like my, this is my Aegee, my mentor of tattoos, right? And I work with you. I look at your sleeves. I'm like, they look sick. I'm not going to lie.

And then I just got, I started like with a couple. Then I had some more empty space on that arm. So I thought I'll just get that, that, some other bits. So were you initially hoping to just get a couple? Was that your thing? Yeah, at first. No, I just thought, you know what? I'm going to get, just get a couple, couple put on.

And then it's now, I think I'm going to know how many have I done now. Quite a few. Yeah, but you're getting them done. So even though I've got, well, currently I've got more tattoos than you, but I think that's probably, I'm two weeks away from me overtaking me. No, no, no. I'm not getting any more done for holiday. I have quite a few, I have quite a gap between getting them.

Whereas what you're doing is. you're sort of going out during your lunch break, aren't you, and getting another one? Yeah. Just for shits and giggles. Yeah. So what is your long-term strategy here? This is like most things in my life.

There's not a long-term strategy. Right, okay. No, no, I, I guess. If I'm honest with you, I looked at it, I was like, actually, I kind of think they look quite sick at you once you get them. And then you just start thinking about more and more.

And then I think, then you do look at empty space where you've had one. And I think if you've got just one, like in this arm, now look it against that arm and I'm like, oh, I should get a few more. Yeah, but they don't have to match. No, but then I look, no, but I do then just look at different things and go, I might get that done and that.

Yeah, I think they're nice reminders of things. Yeah, look, look, your preachers are the converted here. I love a toe. Yeah, and you're, you're saying. And it is an addictive thing where, like, as soon as you see a blank space, you think I need to get that filled in. Like, Catherine. What I want to know is, how far does this go?

Am I going to be talking to you in six months time? With a face toe? Yeah. No. Not a face-to-home, but everything else be... Do you know what? Like, could you get all of this done? No, but just because I look at the painting over of me, like, when you're filming and it...

Yeah, they'd have to get a roller, wouldn't they? Yeah. Whereas most of them I can have, like a... Yeah, wear a t-shirt and under. So, but I'll probably get more on the body, upper legs. Yeah. A couple of my calves. And then that would be like, that means when you're on holiday, once you've got that done,

you started to get excited to take your top of them, wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're on Lucian's some artwork. Yeah. There was a guy by the pool last year who had some lovely artwork. And also now, it's a weird thing. Once you get into it, you start looking at other people's tattoos and thinking,

that's a really nice bit of work that. Yeah. Like, you've got some bangers. Thanks. Do you ever, would you ever comment to a stranger about their tattoo? Yeah, well, I did that before I got tattoos. So what would you do? Nice ink.

Please tell me you didn't say that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how is you, nice tattoo? No, no, that's true, actually. Do you know what? I've been horrible there. Yeah.

And now, I think, but before I think, you know, it was almost. I think. Yeah, I think, like, before it would meant this, this one was my mate Tommy said, it was my, he's really, my, he's really, my, he's really, really against tattoos. Why? He just doesn't like, so, we went out the other day, played a bit golf, and I'd obviously got, he's like, I fucking, where do you go, all these tattoos all of a sudden? Yeah. And I was like, and he was like, and he was like, I don't like them. I don't like tattoos.

He said, they look good. He said, I just think that they're a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. So to... I mean, that's what that says on my arm. And then I sent a picture of it. And he went, why have you got that? That says this is a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. Is that what it's got...

That's what it says, yeah. This is a permanent reminder of temporary feeling. That's hilarious. But that is... But then Catherine's had a word of me, so... In what way? What does she say? No, she's like, look, I'm all for you to get tattoos. You talk...

As well, I was talking about it. Genia as well, like, I was looking at yours and for... We spend a lot of time together, and I was like, they look sick. I think they're a good way of, like, sometimes getting a feeling out or whatever. Anyway, and she's like, look, look, look good on you, you enjoy getting them. And then we're watching a World Cup. And the game, you know, a moment, Bellingham and Kane are standing together. It was a goal, Bellingham had scored the second goal against Norway.

And there's a moment where they're both standing with their arms up. and I went, I'm going to get that toot. And she went, no, you can't. And then I got it designed. Someone designed the tattoo. And I went, you can't get, that's on you forever then. Yeah. Like, you know, what over the tide?

I'm not due better than Harry Kane. I'm, you know, they're nice guys. But it's like, for what ends? And I was like, where are you going to get it? And I was like, I'll probably get it here on my right rib gauge. She was like, no. She can't get that. And I went to the, did she like put her foot down?

She was like, you can't, I genuinely, the ones on your hands, whatever, fine. Like other ones you've got, but you're not getting that. She's just like, it's really like, and I was like, but I love those two guys as footballers. And she went, yeah, but just like, just enjoy it. Just go and get a shirt with fucking Jude Bellarm's name. Yeah, don't get him inked on your body. So yeah, that was the one where she pulled her card up and she's like, you can't get that. And I won't know.

One of my things that I don't get tattoos that frequency is every time. Well, I tend to get like portraits or like detailed ones. And like that, like, say, for example, that one there took so long. Yeah. Not too long, but it took a long time to get that level of detail in. And it hurts a lot. Yeah. Right.

Like there. And also that where he's going all over there and stuff, it hurts. It actually puts me off going for a bit. I have to sort of recharge my ready to have this pain. The one on my leg hurt. But then I was like, and that one was probably the longest. That was like three and a four hours. That's a long time to happen.

I mean, I know they're going to be hardcore tattoo people that are going to go, I'm, I sat for 27 hours. Also, like what you've got on the, mine as well, like that armour, it's just bits. Yeah. That's what I like is express. Like, it's just, I go, I genuinely, and you make a joke, but I was like, I quite like the idea of getting a lion tattoo and had an afternoon and just text Alex, my mate. I was like, have you got anyone around to consider a line?

And he was like, you were in last week. I was like, yeah, I was just going to pop by. So it's got that one, yeah. And if I think too much about it, I didn't do it for years. Whereas I think, fuck it, you know, just last short, just get it done. Why not ruin it? You got any on your legs? Yeah, I mean, so I had a really awkward, not an awkward moment, but like this thing of like, most of the time, my friends, they just don't give a shit.

I got an auto bought logo on the back of my car, right? Because I love Transformers. Yeah. Is it a big one? Love Transformers. About that size. bought a bottle logo right because it's I said I wanted it

and then I was out with my mates once and this is like that was one of the quite an early one I got you're a big short wearer no not really so I said I said I just got a tattoo done and he go what did you get done and I pulled up my leg and showed the sort of what thing I one of my mates just went why the fuck would you get that done

really? I think it's cool no he didn't not think it like he like not only did he not think it was cool he um it felt I felt like it changed his opinion. Like he looked so, he almost gutted that I'd got that tattoo. He's just like,

so what, you've got, so when you wear shorts, not on holiday, you're going to have this like, auto bot logo on your calf. And I said, yeah,

but one day I was in the States, somebody else had an auto bot logo. Yeah, but that's a cool thing about them. We had an incredible moment. I've got the Nando's in, because I met Catherine in Nandoes. Yeah.

I put the Nando's emblem. Yeah, I think, I think those things, I think you have an, but things cool. Me too. But also, yeah, I also know that

there's been people who've gone, like, Flo, flow message me, and she was like, how many tattoos are you going to have in, like, essentially two months? How many have you got now? Have you counted?

No. One, two, three, four, five. And there's probably like, about 17. So you got 17. How many did you have two months ago? one

one so it's quite a rapid rate of tattooing isn't that but do you know what this is the thing about it I designed loads before I'd always been like and I've like had what I wanted

in the back of my mind for a long time and just been probably to ever put much for a pussy or just put like thought and as soon as I got one I knew Cathy knew so as I had one that would be it

I'd just go for it and I'd be obsessed yeah I've never come I mean you're quite unique in that regard God, popping out for a tatter on your lunch break. I'm sure people do do that, actually. Yeah. But to go from nothing to, I mean, you're going at it full tilt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're going to end up blacking out an arm or something like that. No, no, I never do that. I think you're in for the win. Once you get it. Would you ever do that thing where, have you seen that thing where they anesthetize you? And then they just work on you while you're unconscious. That's a mad thing to, like, I mean, if they offered anyone that, you do,

What's the most painful one you've had done? I think probably elbow. Albow wasn't fun. Yeah, knees and elbows made me really painful. Yeah, an underarm. The one of, there's one here. There. Did that hurt?

Yeah. Which I didn't think it would. But then also, I don't want to be a pussy when I'm having it done. In what way? Like, I try, if I'm in pain, I just, just try. Well, that's helpful to the artist, because I don't want you jiggling around. Yeah. But like, but.

I take breaths and I just go to another place. But like, when every... Yeah, but they're barbaric, that one. Yeah, that's horrific. But when they're doing portraits, they'll have, like, gone over it so many times. You know, and Paul's pretty gentle. Paul's incredible.

Yeah, and then he'll go, right, we're almost done. That point between him saying, we're almost done and the end, feels three days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels insane. And like when he goes, I'm just going to put a bit of white paint back in it.

He's also a perfectionist, isn't he? Yeah. And he's just sitting there like... Yeah. It's the prior one your face. I don't know actually I think probably this biggie one I really like yeah it's nice that didn't really hurt though because it's on the outside but anyway he's doing my calf he's in your calf yeah I'm having them now I'm thinking how long that will that

take to have I want Billy Connolly and Bernie Mac down on my calf anyone else I've got one of you already we've got one of each other but anyone like alongside like heroes of comedy do you what would you want me to get you again yeah I think so I don't You know what we should do? Okay, this is genuine suggestion. Do you know Paul and Carlo work there? They've got each other on their arces. I was about to say, I would love to get you,

like you just peering down, like sort of the crack of my ass. That is, I do think that's the one one where Lisa and Kat would have something to say about it. Or you, it would be fun just to get, like, you, like, so if my sleeve comes up, you on the back of my arm, like, going, what's going on here, then? You know what we could do? We get a tattoo each, the listeners design. of people watch and listen Do you not think we need to give me a bit of a steer on that?

Okay, yeah, right, you get, what part of your body could someone design one for you? Here. Okay, inner elbow. Yeah. What about you? I'm going to go thigh alongside the lion, somewhere like that. Okay, so they've got, that's a lot more drawing.

Yeah. Isn't it? That's quite a big area. No, no, no, no. Something's, yeah, I mean, it depends where it is. There's a size of the lion. No, not the size of the lion. There's something here.

Okay, fine. Next to the lion. Yeah. All right, fine. Yeah. Wolfapod at Gimau.com. Courtesy of John, send them in. Just always head up your emails.

Hey, John, this is a tattoo design for the guys. John likes to fetishize over tattoo designs. Okay. I think I will put my mic up for that. That's not true. All right, Tom, can you take us out, please? New flavors. new dawns new days yeah eric was a schoolboy who had never tried bacon fries before

every day he had the same watsets little mark phillips sat next to him and he had a variation of crisps every day eric would look at mark and be like hmm look at him with his variation of crisps why does he need to try him so much once you found the first perfect thing and a cheese watsit you don't need to look any further. But Phillips was something different, a renegade almost, even if he thought he'd found his favourite crisp by the day he first had bacon fries, he the next day brought in skips. Up in the game always. But where would it end Phillips? Where would it end Mark? Years passed and years passed. And one day, Eric sat on the tube. What sits in hand?

It was his lunch break, and he'd just been to get a fresh tattoo. As he sat at the tube, A warm leg pressed against his. He sniffed. What's that? McCoys, salt and vinegar. He looked next to him, but it was Mark Phillips. Phillips laughed. Look at you, Eric.

Eric from school. Still eating your cheesy Wattsitz, sir. You never try any other crisps. And Eric said, no. No, no, no, I've always been with Wattsets. What about you? And he said, I've tried crisps all over the world. I tried Laze potato crisps in Ireland,

tortillas in the... ago. I've tried everything and I've been all over the world. And he left and Eric sat on the tube. An old lady with a glint in the eye stared at him and said, never tried any other crisps. On his walk home he thought, maybe I should experience something different. And he pulled into a shop and he picked up a bag of quavers, took two in his hand and thrust them into his mouth and spat them straight out. He didn't like the taste. But he tried something new. And as he walked back to his house, his small flat, on the edge skirts, outskirts of London, he felt an immense pride.

Because although he didn't like the taste, he tried something different. And sometimes that's all we've got to do. Let's step out of the comfort zone. Try something in you. And feel that maybe, maybe a little bit of Mark Phillips and all of us can be unleashed. Really nice. Really nice. Quite a long journey to what's quite a simple message, really.

But thank you so much. Thanks for listening to The Wolf for now. We will see you next time. Bye-a. Clip empty.