Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 10: Making Beds & Windy Auditions

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

We’re talking… tidy teenagers, long vs short holidays, a surprise second dog, celebrity crushes, Tom’s windy Eastenders audition, Sprite challenges, foreign exchange trips and two aching backs. Then we answer some email questions on invasive in-laws, dirty toilets, camp cavemen and an unattractive obsession with hair removal cream. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last Requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake

That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the Wolf and Owl once again. I'm going to tell and welcome to the Wolf and Owl once again.

I'm going to tell your friends, the Wolf and Owl are in the building. Tell your children. You look so fucking cool today. You know what the trouble is? You look cool, but then the room behind you, you look like, kind of look at this, a vibe like you're sort of like, you're the coolest person who works at an old people's house. Yeah. So, yeah, so I'm doing this from M from mavis's room she stepped out for a little bit uh

this is gonna be very different vibe because remember last time i was doing this in the laundry room which i loved i loved stood up yeah very drunk vibes yeah and i was sort of worried i was worried about it at the time but it turns out that was okay now i'm worried about this because this is where the internet is the fastest in this villa. That's why you're seeing me here now. It's a nice... Is that yours and Lisa's room? No, it's Theo's room. Wow.

Do you know what? He's 13 now, right? Yeah. So he's very kindly... Because this is quite... Obviously, this is early for Theo, for me to be kicking him out of his bedroom. And I said to him I'd do it somewhere else. Two things. One, he got up and he said, no, no, no, no, I'll get up.

Phil, you can come and use the room. Absolutely. Gentleman. What a gentleman. What a kid. Secondly, I expected his room to sort of smell of like, I don't know, like crusty bellend or something. But his room actually smells fragrant.

Did you make the bed or did he? Did he make the bed? He made the bed. What? I don't know. I don't think I made a bed from the age of, yeah, up until I was about 23. I mean, your upbringing is crazy. Like, you didn't make a bed until you were 23.

You didn't have a chocolate biscuit until you were five. I mean... Mate, I bet now... It's honestly... Do you make a bed now? You've got the maddest origin story I've ever

heard flashback tales oh god have you seen the Tom Davis biopic no no no stick with it because the

moment he makes the bed for the first time it's really really interesting first four and three quarter years is pretty dull

I grant you that but then he finally gets his hands on a chocolate biscuit yeah and then it goes from Mike Lee to very much a Disney kind of movie. It's a bit like Frozen.

How is the Portuguese, how's Portugal treating you, boy? It's good. The one thing, the thing I'm trying to get out the psychology of is, because obviously we've been here for quite a long time, not as long as we were here for last year, but like longish. Now we've got a week left and we're in countdown mode. Like you can't help being in countdown mode. But like we take week-long holidays all the time.

Do you know what I mean? It's like I say all the time. I can't think of the last time I took a fucking holiday. But that's a holiday length, a week. So we've got a substantial amount of time left, but we're ruining it with the psychology of it. Do you know what I mean? I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are you going to fit into that week, do you think? You should live that week like it's your last ever week in Portugal ever. You should literally just do everything. Every morning, just get up and just jump naked into the pool and swim. Mm, yeah. I don't think, I wouldn't do that on my last day ever. I do need to clarify this situation, right? So, I don't know.

So, you know, last year I took a month off. Yeah. And this year I've, like, done three weeks. And I said to, like, Flo that I wouldn't, like, just have the whole... I'm not sure about it now. What, you're not sure about what? Doing the free work. You know, like, condensing all your holidays into the summer.

I think it's an insane idea. As in bad? Yeah, man, I think it's... Yeah. I thought at one point it would be... Last year I thought it was good. This year I regret it. There you go.

I said it. I haven't said it out loud yet. I regret it. No, because you know what it is? It's like now you've got nothing really to look for. Like, what's great about holidays is getting that time away with. I'm just doing loads of little ones this year. Little week there, like three days here, three days there.

It's a little. The other thing I keep getting told is that because I've taken this long holiday, that's why we've got to pack a load of shit. Like, everything just gets... I'm complaining about bullshit. The other thing that's sort of slightly playing on my mind is I've not discussed this, and I can't believe I've not discussed this.

We now have a second dog. What? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, a second dog. What? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Whoa. No, it doesn't sound like that. It's a good impression, but not quite.

When? When? I don't know if I've not mentioned this because it will make it real, but it is real. So how long has he been living at your house? No, he's not. Okay, there's a lot wrong with that. First of long has he been living at your house no he's not okay there's a lot wrong with that first of all he's not at our house second of all he's a she okay so you go so this is so this is a situation it's a bitch yeah so you know breeding dogs no no yeah we have got

a dog we threw water on reggie after midnight and he's produced another dog no no are you breeding now you've got a girl and a boy. You could breed dogs. No, no. They're brother and sister. They're brother and sister. Are they? We don't want to create

a brother and sister. We don't want a load of puppies with eyes like mine. Is that a coincidence or? Is that a coincidence that they're brother and sister? No, no. That you've got the both.

What the fuck are you talking about? So, hold up. Were they born at the same time in the same litter? No. Oh my God. There's so much to unpack here. Yeah.

So basically, you know the mummy and daddy, Reggie's mummy and daddy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So we got Reggie, and then they had the next, is it a litter? Yeah, a litter, a litter of puppies. Is it a litter with kittens and puppies? I think so, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. So the next herd that came out, Lisa said to me, we could get a puppy from that one. And I said, why would we? We've already got a dog. And she said, but it'd be nice for Reggie to have some company. Wow. And then I'm going to tell you this now.

It happened kind of without me really sort of being on board. So how long has she been living at your house? She's not at our house. Because she had to be picked up while we were away lisa's sister's guy wow and you gotta be careful there because if lisa's sister falls falls in love with her well tom thank you so much for highlighting that because i suggested that and now they've already there's already chat about how her daughter's really falling in love with the dog and not sure how she's gonna ever give her up so basically what's happened is you brought your sister-in-law and your niece a dog tom i'm so

glad you said this i said this yesterday and i i was bollocked by elisa and the kids for even suggesting that but i i do think that's what might be happening wow i think the purchase of this dog may have created a permanent rift in Lisa's family. This feels a lot like a really sort of like the EastEnders writing room. They're looking for a sort of a way of breaking up the Slater clan. This is when you know the show has absolutely jumped the shot. They're trying to find something to keep the show ticking along between a death and a wedding.

Do you know what I mean? Should we have a thing about... What if Cat buys a dog, but Little Moe's... I mean, this is how my references to Beast Tenders are. But Little Moe's still in it. Little Moe might still be in it.

Is Little Moe still in it? I don't know. I don't even want... I used to love... Cat might. Cat's still in it, right? Cat Slater's still in it. Shout out Cat Slater, actually. Yeah.

I think Cat Slater is... That's a character, Cat Slater. Yeah. I love Cat Slater. I think, actually, I was too in love with Cat Slater for a short while that no other woman... I would say a lot of my crushes,

a lot of my celebrity crushes throughout life have been EastEnders characters. Yeah. I think Cat Slater... Disproportionate about... Cat Slater actually, I think, set quite an insane bar of the sort of... Yeah, the woman that I wanted in myself those years. Yeah. I think set quite an insane bar of like the sort of, yeah,

the woman that I wanted in myself those years. Yeah. And to be fair, there was a time. I used to fantasize about, do you ever fantasize about sort of walking into the Queen Vic and like, looking across the garden, oh my God,

there's a third Asian on Albert Square. Who is that guy? Did I ever tell you about my EastEnders audition? No, you did not. I can't believe you've not spoken about it. Go on. So when I was back in the day when I was scaffold,

this is before the Sweet Sweet Days, I'd even got into stand-up. And they were doing open auditions for EastEnders characters and they wanted people who weren't from the actors and stuff. And there was a thing I think that come out on the paper or whatever or someone I knew from the building site had seen it. So I so i thought fuck it i'll go along and i'll do it um i basically rock up on the day of the auditions um it's the first time i've ever been in anything i'd like i'd never like i've no idea how to act and all that sort of stuff i had like

a fantasy in my head of um like that queen the other queen vic thing you're saying yeah like it would be like sort of uh like look calling outside you know whatever sort of like closing the pub is eastenders the ultimate um the ultimate acting job no no it's like it's like no no what i mean i don't mean ultimate as in i think it was but then i think as working class actors i think it was yeah okay all right and then i'm for interrupting. I've interrupted a lot today. Fantasy of Phil is closing up the Vic and there's one last character sitting in the corner and he's like, all right, mate, come on.

There you go. Closing time. Closing time. I'm locking up. And I just turn around and go, hello, Phil. And he goes, doof, doof, doof. I get the doofs on my first episode. I didn't really have any idea who my character was

after that so hold on hold on there wouldn't be a duff duff after that one person that's not a dramatic moment like like you the audience have to know who the character is you don't get you don't know but you don't get a doof-doof off a random guy standing up and saying, hello, Phil. There has to be some sort of significance. Okay, if the camera then goes back to Phil, and Phil looks at me and goes, oh, God.

And then it'll go... Because then you'll be watching it. I still don't... I'm still not entirely sure. No, but then the whole nation is going, oh, my God, who is that guy? Did you hear what my voice did there? I'm still not entirely sure. No, but then the whole nation is going, oh my God, who is that guy? Did you hear what my voice did there? I'm still not entirely sure. I actually became your impression. You could be there in the background going,

oh no, it's going to kick off. This is going to be a nightmare. Bring in the Duff Duffs. If we were two EastEnders characters, I would definitely be going in as like a rival to the Mitchell brothers. And you'd be going in as someone who lived with Dot Cotton. Oh God. Somebody finishing his accountancy degree at Dot's house.

Couldn't get ahold of the residents. So anyway, we go to these auditions, right? Yeah. And I'm like proper fucking nervous. Like this is the first time I'd ever felt nerves, proper nerves in my life. And we're sort of in this old building in soho and you basically go up these stairs like flights of stairs so i'm sitting there and i'm like fucking nerve-wracking he's sort of like oh

man and then you know when your like stomach starts going with nerves like butterflies but you sort of like think oh this is just like fucking i start sweating out and i'm like i've got fucking wind basically i need to fart before i go into this audition right so i think maybe if i just go outside just let one out and then i basically fucking come back in and everything's gonna be fine so i start walking down the stairs literally get halfway down the flight of stairs and the door opens behind me and the woman uh shouts out and says um tom davis tom davis um yeah and i was like oh no i'm in so i think you know the stairs that go down you turn a corner and stairs go down again oh that's me and she went oh can you come here oh can you just give me like five minutes and she was like no we're

sort of running behind anyway so i was like oh my god did that did that happen yeah so then i looked at her give me five minutes she said no yeah she's like we're running behind basically these are your spaces so i looked at her and thought said, can you give me five minutes? She said, no. Yeah. She was like, we're running behind. Basically, these are your spaces. So I looked at her and thought, there's no way I can go into this fucking room with this inside me. So I stepped just around the corner so she couldn't see me to the next five stairs

and let out. What I was hoping would be quite a silent fart, but it was so fucking loud, right? The fart was so loud. So then I came walking about in the corner like i'd walked into another like sort of sliding doors like that she hopefully she wouldn't have heard i look back upstairs and she's physically disgusted right i then go upstairs into the the fucking audition room um and as i walk in she's just a little bit could you not have held it could you not have held

the mate i could no because it like, it was disabling. It was genuinely like, I was literally, my stomach was in agony. I was nearly double upped. It was like, I don't care what anyone says, but Trap Wind is one of the... It's awful, right? And I need...

You're about to say something really dreadful, though. But go on. You're about to say it's one of the worst things you could possibly experience, weren't you? Of all the illnesses and conditions, you were about to suggest that's one of the worst things you can possibly experience with you of all the illnesses and conditions you were about to suggest the trap so then i literally go into the like go into the audition room it's quite clear at this point then the woman has told the rest of the people who are like fucking in your audition auditioning me what's just happened they're like he's just fighting outside right i close the door behind me i sit down i start

giving my spill. They give me the sides, the script to start, like, you know. But then what happens, obviously, is the fart, I've cut the fart off from the room.

I've saved the room from the fart, but the 15 guys that are waiting in this hallway for the next day start going off. You can hear them going, oh, fuck, you know, it stinks.

Like, you can just hear them muffling. Are you, is this true? I swear this is true. Yeah, yeah. So then all you can just hear them muffling are you is this true I swear this is true yeah yeah so then all you can hear is that

the people in the room can hear it right everyone obviously knows it's me yeah I then like we do the

we all do the auditioning parts like so I'm sort of and actually to be fair I thought I put a good account of myself in but at that point you must

have thought there's no oh mate I know that I'm not going to be EastEnders I know they're going to get a lesser act over someone who's literally destroyed because they don't look we all know you yeah and you're a lovely lovely human being but they're just gonna think look at this fucking animal yeah i walked out and everyone was just staring at me in disgust because i think i don't think anyone who was in that...

There was no one there that I look at now, like I'm very good with faces. I never saw anyone in that who was in the hallway getting into EastEnders. Because basically I think they ruined all their auditions. And for that, I'm sorry. That is a hell of a story. That is a hell of a story.

That's what I knew I wanted to be in TV and film. Yeah, yeah. that's when I knew I wanted to be in a TV film yeah I get very nervous well you don't seem to get nervous do you remember that time when you started farting quite aggressively when we were in a trailer together and then a runner opened the door

and was actually physically knocked back by no that was you know what happened that day is you insisted that I tried no no was you know what what happened that day is you insisted that I tried fucking tofu no no no no you said you

you you decided to have the vegetarian option then started talking like you'd fucking join my religion or respecting my culture or something

by doing that and now it's into everybody yeah no I thought I'd make him feel welcome I had a bit of what they eat what do you mean they you know vegans

vegetarians. And it wouldn't make you gassy that quickly, by the way, because you literally finished your last mouthful and then you started fucking Yeah, but also I had quite a lot of fizzy drinks at that, I think. Yeah, okay. Fizzy drinks really fucking recoil at you, don't they? Yeah. I do like a...

Have you done that Sprite challenge? No, what is that? The Sprite challenge where you buy a bottle of Sprite. Why do I talk like this? You get a bottle of Sprite and you down it and try not to burp. What? That's impossible. Well, it's quite funny to watch people doing it. Fucking hell.

Jeez. I think I need to be stood up, man. This is mental. I'm like... I've lost it. What I love about you is you've basically like, there's a time when I've seen you on stage and on this podcast where you're quite an edgy, cool fucking guy to be around, right?

There's also a time of you where you definitely become a dad of three. Do you know what you're listening to? Theo, come here. This guy's just down to be part of Sprite. Yeah, you sad old prick. Yeah, you're watching

Holiday Dad wrong. That is what this is. Holiday Dad wrong. I love you so dearly. I love you with all my heart. But there's a part of me that knows, right, as a conversation source

with your three sons, you're scouring TikTok to find wacky videos to show them that you can all sit and watch at night. Oh, God. Well, I'll see if we can find any Sprite videos.

Yeah, no, no, Dad, we brought a wee with us. A wee? I got really drunk yesterday, like, by the pool. That's even worse. I know. It's so... That's what I'm saying. It's so embarrassing.

I was just sort of, like, drinking... Like, I drank about six or seven beers while we were sort of having our pool day. And then Lisa was like, okay, we're going to have to get ready for dinner. I'm going to have to drive because Dad's got carried away with the beers. It's so pathetic. How drunk out of ten were you?

Well, they're only little beers. I would say sort of drunk enough to be talking too loudly at dinner. Oh no. but not shouting the family meal you just sitting there watching the sprite challenge laughing at the top of your voice with the waiter going what what what is that fellow laughing at out there you're actually making me you're actually making me feel embarrassed listening to it even though it didn't go down like that but you are making me feel i'll tell you about this is not as this is not as good as your story which is always good

to follow up a story which is nowhere near as good as but i i uh when i was at uni i was selected as um what was it what was it i was i was on the student council at the university i was at right and they had this like european student festival and we all went to hungary and there i said we went to hungary like a couple of people from my uni went to Hungary. I say we all went to Hungary. A couple of people from my uni went to Hungary. And then there were loads of different students from all over Europe went to Hungary for this festival. Wow. And there were loads of Eastern European girls there.

And for whatever reason, well, not whatever reason, we could go into what the reasons are, but long story short, they treated brown men like unicorns, these guys, right? Because they'd never, ever fucking seen them. Yeah. So, like, it was just crazy.

It was like, it was like, during that period, I felt the hottest I ever felt. And I didn't look hot. It's just because they'd never seen it. They'd never seen anything like it before. So like,

it was like pretty mad. Me and this, me and a mate, other Asian geese, like we were just like getting loads of attention. And there was this, she was Lithuanian. There was a Lithuanian,

I had a girlfriend at the time, right? But there's a, one of the few times, one of the, one of the few times in my life that I had a girlfriend was a time when I was most attractive to a load of Eastern European girls.

And then we broke up shortly afterwards when I was back and returned to being completely unlovable again. Anyway, there was this Lithuanian girl who was, like, really, like, sort of became kind of temporarily obsessed with me. She kept coming over and, like, talking to me. And, like, I chatted to her, but obviously but obviously you know nothing could happen because i'm a good boy and then um we were doing this like we went to this lecture and i same thing as you i really needed to farm and um and we were sort of stood in a big group and i thought i need to fucking get

out of here man because like this is like pretty full-on so i went to like we're in like a diplomatic building like it was like they'd hired out this building for these lectures and stuff like that and i went over to a corner and just sort of farted and it was silent but i would say it was chemical weapon level disgusting and um this girl obviously took it saw it as an opportunity to talk to me one to one and so just bowled over just you're there she bowled over she bowled over and then nearly fucking fell over as she sort of walked into the cloud that I'd created. The mace. And, like, you know when you sort of think,

I wonder if they're netters, they're wondering if they're netters? She never spoke to me again after that. Like, there were another four days of this. And I'm talking about going from, like, borderline stalker to nothing. Did word get around about the fart, or was it just her? I don't know. I mean, you know, I didn didn't i assume it did yeah but she never spoke to me but the thing that really struck me was that like the thing i became really concerned about was the reason that she was into

me is that i was the only brown person the only brown bloke she'd ever come across and now the only brown bloke she'd ever come across yeah yeah the only brown bloke she'd ever come across yeah yeah had a cloud of funk around him and i always and i always wonder if that girl you know maybe to this day she believes that she probably as well went back to lithuania and told everyone this story yeah people have a podcast now where she just talked about yeah you know people talk about why is it sometimes you see racism in Eastern Europe? It might be because... You could be the fucking...

These people have bumped into one smelly... Yeah, I might be case zero... Yeah. ...for racial stereotypes in Lithuania. It could be, like, her parents were really open-minded. They sent her there and, like, you know, it'd be great if you could meet people from different backgrounds and, you know, have different diverse friends. You know, it'd be great if you could meet people from different backgrounds and you know different have different diverse friends you know it'd be

great she went back and she went she went so tell me this did the did the brown men smell of curry i wish they smelled of curry i wish that would be fucking paradise compared to what they actually smell like he smelled one of them was sent into the corner to stand on his own i tried to break the boundaries down but then i saw why the one thing the one decent thing i could say is that he knew that he stank and so he deliberately isolated himself from the group to sort of spare them from his disgusting brown smell man i've got fucking my back is my lower back is so sore mate this is so mad we're so in sync i was just about to tell you about an issue i've got tell me about your back my lower back is just seized but i was going to be playing a big game of golf tomorrow uh today yeah yesterday fucking

my brain's gone and uh i woke up yesterday morning the tightness like i literally could barely get out of bed and i was just playing golf this is no no no no no this is the day before like yesterday i was meant to be playing with the guys woke up my back was just fucked i could literally was trying to get downstairs i was like a 90 year old man just sort of like hobbling downstairs it was fucking awful g i was like i can't be man just sort of like hobbling downstairs it was fucking awful g i was like i can't be fucking rolling like this and today it's loosened up a little bit i've had to do some stretches what did you what did you what did you do to man i've got no idea no you know what so did you go to an osteo or something like that no no you know stan stan the man

vicari stan the man vicari yeah yeah uh he's always got some stretches and shit, so I did a little bit of stretching with him, a little vibe up of that, and then I just went for a shit-long walk and just was like... Walking is the best thing in the world, man. I don't care what anyone says. Shout-out walking, actually, man. But, yeah, that is sort of...

I think walking... You and I are on a very... You know what? Sometimes... I often think we're in sync. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes I find it spooky. So what's happened with you?

Go on, bro. Hit me up. Well, with two things, but just off the walking thing. So, like, I've been doing Peloton and running or whatever, although I haven't been doing a lot of running. I've gone for a run a few times over here. But I can't remember where I saw this, but somebody said, like, just get your steps up.

Somebody said, if you get your steps up, that's half the battle. Because actually like, basically the best form of cardio, I'm going to start becoming boring now, but the best form of cardio is whichever one you're going to keep doing. Yeah.

Yeah. So like, so like some people really get into Peloton, some people really get into box, whatever. I don't want to have to name them. But the fact of the matter is walking is actually good do you know what i mean and it's actually quite a good meditative thing so anyway my point is i've started

trying to hit 10 000 steps every day and i really think it's a great thing to try and do man that's the end of that yeah man i'm with you on that shit boy i sort of lost confidence in what i was i got excited by the fact that we're both walking. And then I thought, I'm talking out loud about walking. You were preaching some sweet gospel, bro. And then you fucking gave up on the vibe. Yeah, I lost confidence. I'm feeling very low confidence today. I think it might be just because I'm sat down and a bit more relaxed,

a bit tired, embarrassed myself drinking. But also, I thought your roast was more effective than maybe you even intended. You've really, like... Which one? You know, like when you started describing my behaviour at the restaurant, your roast is more effective uh than maybe you even intend you've really like i feel like i feel like you know like when you started describing my behavior at the restaurant looking at tiktok for like it's really fucking wounded me i feel like i'm doing this podcast with like a spear through a lung you're like sean bean in the fucking lord of the rings kind of yeah yeah yeah i haven't done that um but the other thing that happened was i've been i've been getting in the

gym every now and again over here god what a boring prick i've become but uh one of the things how can you be boring when you're fucking watching the sprite challenge you're getting loaded shut up so uh yeah i just like got drunk and started watching tiktok challenges and having a go at them so i start the beers at about 1 p and I start watching TikTok. And then by the time I know, I'm absolutely smashed out of my head and it's 8 o'clock at night and Lisa's saying we need to go to the restaurant. That's wrong. Well, I would say to you, Tom, joke's on you, started at 11.30.

So only pussies start at 1. Only pussies can fucking drink seven beers between 11am and fucking seven at night. That's less than a beer an hour. Yeah, that is, isn't it? I must have drunk more than seven. Yeah, you must have had more than seven little beers. Yeah, seven little beers in about 14 hours, mate. So, yeah, short of that.

Well, I say 14 hours since the start of the holiday. We bought the box at the beginning so anyway I went to the gym and I had become convinced that I'm not squatting

low enough I read a thing that you've got to go what's it called ass to grass ass to grass or whatever right yeah

so yesterday pound the ground that's the other thing people say yeah yeah so yesterday I decided that I was going to like

really fucking go for it like go ass to grass really squat low yeah yeah so I thought I'm was going to really fucking go for it, like go ass to grass, really squat low. Yeah, yeah. So I thought, I'm not going to be stupid. I'm going to lower the weight a little bit. I'm not a fucking lunatic. Do you know what I mean?

And really go for it. Anyway, this is the thing. Lower weight, much more effective. I don't know what it did to me because today I'm absolutely fucked, man. Really? Like what I'm saying to you is as i i had to prepare myself to sit down in this seat to do the podcast like my like sitting down going from sitting to standing and vice versa is absolute agony i'm pulling myself out of a chair at the moment yeah mate i am nervous about when i'm going to need a shit because i know it's going

to be like a proper i'm gonna i might have to get the lisa and the kids to sort of lower me in and then i'll probably get charlie's charlie's gonna have to wipe why poor charlie i don't know he's sort of a lit list he's probably he's got the smallest as he can get under there i had this at my back all day yesterday what is that it's a heated towel it's like a giant sanitary towel

mate you put this around the lower back and it will just hopefully just loosens all the shit up boy

and does it work yeah get one I mean fucking hell what have we become we're in our early 40s and

we're discussing AIDS what is wrong with us and also we're both in the shape of our I genuinely thought I'd lose a couple of pound and I'm not going to have to worry and we're discussing AIDS. Oh, God, what is wrong with us? And also, we're both in the shape of our lives.

I genuinely thought, you know, I'll lose a couple of pounds, and I'm not going to have to worry. I'll stop being as worried about how I, you know, but I didn't think I'd feel like this. No. Also, the other thing is, well, we talked about this, but the idea that you are going to have, what I've realised is you're going to have hang-ups. We're going to have hang-ups for the rest of our lives.

You'll just look for stuff. You'll just find stuff. Anyway, God fucking hell. I really, I do think I'm good. This has been a bit of a wake-up call

for me, this podcast, this episode. Why? Because I think I might be boring. You're not boring. Holiday Rob,

look, man, you're on day 22 of your holiday. Of course you've turned a corner. I'm on day 22 of my holiday. You're essentially, look, man, you're on day 22 of your holiday. Of course you've turned a corner. I'm on day 22 of my holiday. You're essentially, wait, you are basically in Big Brother at the moment, right?

Oh, God. That's where you're at. I'm so upset about this. I'm actually genuinely in two minds about whether we put this out or not. We're putting it out, son. Don't you worry about that. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Trésor May. Okay. range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days

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Dine-in only until 11am. Shall we do some emails, my G? Yeah, go on, brother. This is from The Serval and her kitten. Can you look up The Serval, please? Tell me what that is. I'm on it now, boy. Describe that for me. Let me hit it up.

Serval. Oh, please. Tell me what that is. Come on, now. Describe that for me. Let me hit it up. Serval. Oh, wow. It's a wild cat native to Africa. It's like a cute little sort of leopard kind of vibe. Okay, great. It's a carnivore, mate. It's a carnivore. Okay.

Dear the Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat, midnight feed number four, and so perhaps my ability to rationalise is being... Oh, somebody complained on Instagram about me reading the emails too quickly but really but while we're talking about this actually i do want to say this there are certain things that annoy me disproportionately on social media and one of them is being told to do something in capital letters okay so this person when please slow down when reading the emails in capital letters and they said please yeah and obviously they're sort of giving feedback on

the podcast which is all should be welcome but for some reason the the capital letters make it aggressive right yeah i just it got my back up. Yeah. Is that... No, man. No, but they probably didn't mean it like that. But what I mean is, that's the problem with social media and text messaging, actually. It's like... But they did mean it. You can get fucked off.

They wanted it to be seen. Yeah. Because when you're scrolling through your outbox or whatever it's called. Yeah, I didn't like it. Anyway, I think Instagram's becoming as poisonous as Twitter now. Yeah, man. There you go. Anyway, I think Instagram's becoming as poisonous as Twitter now. Yeah, man.

There you go. Okay. Speaking of Instagram... No, no, no. Let me just shout out the positive vibes of Instagram. Shout out to everyone who got involved.

I auditioned a suit from King Gary the other day and raised, in the end, £1,500 for Stand Up To Cancel. What made you decide to audition it instead of auctioning it? I'm back.

I am back. Oh, God. You've absolutely got me... You've got me absolutely bent over here. I'm in the stock. This is like Yousif versus Joshua. This is Yousif, Joshua. Jesus.

So, yeah, shout out to the gentleman who brought Les Suites. And, yeah, incredible vibes. An amazing thing. Very, very special. And everyone who got involved in the auction, everyone who shared it. So it can sometimes be very, very positive. Let's not always think about the negatives.

Can we also shout out everybody who gave us uh and mainly to yellow penguin animation everyone who gave us positive feedback about our new animation that we dropped on the um on the instagram seems to have gone down very well doesn't it mate it's amazing and you know what there's more coming there's more coming joseph is doing he's working away in his animation uh lounge as we speak yeah and the best news of all is we've learned from the merchandise fiasco and flo and james torrance are on this so uh rather mean you've been anywhere we've got we've got nothing to do with it so you know that'd be absolutely fine yeah um actually by way, while we're just doing clerical stuff,

the Party Rom t-shirts will be going on sale, their first sale item. Yeah. Let's be absolutely crystal clear about what's happened with the Party Rom t-shirts. We get sent an email, and it has, like, a report, right? And they don't – they just give you a business report, and it will say, like – it will say things like hot item, and I think it's like weak item or cold item or whatever. The party ROM t-shirts are selling like COVID. The burrito ones and the pebble ones have flown out.

Sweet, sweet, swell souls. Very big sell pebble ones have flown out sweet sweet swell souls very big flown out but the part what we did was we overestimated people's interest in party rom and we also yeah oh yeah that's true party rom was a very short-lived thing and also we didn't put wolf and owl anywhere on the t-shirt you can maybe take them and sell them at your tour shows or you know when you're doing your dj live events yeah i'm i need to think of something that you get like a unique thing that you get if you own a party room t-shirt maybe a picture of you just drunk it's not a bad shot actually something get lisa to take a little picture of you drunk or

yeah or a yeah something i let me have a think about that anyway but um but tom's tom's been um Get Lisa to take a little picture of you drunk or something. Yeah, something. Let me have a think about that anyway. But Tom hasn't really commented on it, but as I started talking about it there, he really started cracking up, which means it's something he's found funny for a while but has decided not to comment on it. Anyway, I'm so sorry to the serval and her kitten. We're supposed to be reading your email about 45 minutes ago

and then we started to do clerical stuff. Dear Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat, Mid cat midnight feed number four and perhaps my ability to rationalize has been affected as i sit here scenario planning in my head as to how i best approach this with my mother-in-law so far i could only see me hurting her feelings they thought let's cast this brainstorm net wider and throw it to you guys for some help i've been with my husband the naked mole rat for some time now and we've lived together for nine years in his hometown that i moved to naked mole rats parents have always knocked on the door until this last week and now it seems like they feel they can just let themselves into our house fucking hell we recently gave them a key as they fed our cat whilst we're

away but i feel that to let themselves in is to encroach on my personal space i'm often not fully dressed when i'm in my own home and last week they walked in within minutes of me finishing on the toilet with the bathroom door open they say it's in case I'm busy with the baby but if this were the case and I was to come downstairs to discover someone in my home I would shit myself I've told my husband I'm not happy with this but he's so far not said anything to his mum I don't feel comfortable doing it as I know it would upset her and then I look like the bad guy

do I just risk hurting her feelings and tell her this isn't okay my own mum doesn't let herself in but then she doesn't live close enough to warrant having her own key am i being unreasonable i'd be curious to know how you'd both approach this many thanks and keep on doing you this podcast got us both through a tough journey to parenthood make us making us laugh despite some very crap days lots of love the serval and her kitten tom davis can you step in with some advice um yeah um yeah i think the situation you're in is very much um when most sort of couples but most new parents probably go through in i mean not the parents letting themselves in but i do think sort of once you become parents sometimes lines can be crossed and i think you know it's

very important to get um get yeah get your vibe across and how you're going to do things i think what you're going to find is as things progress in the child your little kitten gets older you are going to find that you the people are constantly going to come to you with ideas of how to do things you've really got to set you and your wrath and this is how we constantly going to come to you with ideas of how to do things. You've really got to set you and your wrath, and this is how we're going to do things. But that's another conversation to be had. I think in this situation, let me first shout out,

I think one of the most treasured things to do when you're at home on your own is to go to the toilet with the door open, to take a dump with the door open. That's literally one of the first. As soon as Catherine and Grace go out, I'll always go for a dump. Even if I don't really need one, I'll always go to the toilet with the door open. To take a dump with the door open is, that's literally one of the first, as soon as Catherine and Grace go out, I'll always go for a dump. Even if I don't really need one, I'll always go to the toilet with the door open

because I just think it's a joyous thing. It feels like you're just in a really, really big, vast room and yeah. So shout you out for that. I think it's up to you. I've asked to chat to them. It's not your place. It will become really awkward if you've got to do that. I've been in this situation. It's an awkward thing to have to them it's not your place it will become really awkward if you've got to do that

i've been in this situation i've i've you know it's an awkward thing to have to do but you know katherine has turned to me before and said right now you need to chat to your your mom and your dad um and about certain things and and that's down to me to talk to talk to them rather than her because that's that becomes it's my prerogative, they're my parents. I mean, to say they've got a key, but they've never, ever let themselves into our house. If we're not here, obviously they do, but if we're in, they'll always knock. And I think it's important.

I think boundaries are very, very important going forward. So I think that's just something to speak to him about. And it is difficult as well to say to your other half it's sometimes quite hard to sort of chat and and for him to because i guess they're doing quite a lot i guess they're helpful and you just don't want to upset anyone but the the best way of dealing with any kind of situation like this family wise is you know honest conversation and uh you know stepping up to the uh the plate in his case and and yeah and saying his piece so um good luck with everything it's an incredible journey you're on uh and um yeah love to you love to your

other half and love to the kitten big up um serval and her kitten uh and your other half um i agree with tom um i i just think your other half has to say something man it's like you need to have privacy in your own home and your other half

needs to make that really clear to his mum it's like it's not cool it's not cool to have somebody let themselves

into your house whenever they feel like it I just think you just need to have your privacy and it's like you know it's good that they're helping it's nice

that they're helping but that doesn't mean they get to come in your house whenever they want do you know what i mean and i know it's going to be difficult for your other half i find it difficult if i've got to talk to my mum about certain things and whatever if you've got to like you know it's not pleasant especially when they're helping you out with stuff but they've got they've just got to understand that you've got to think about what the worst of the outcomes is. One is that you sort of upset them for a short amount of time as they sort of deal with the sting of you saying that you don't want them letting them into your house. And the other option is they let themselves into your house

whenever they want, forever. Who the fuck wants that? But I don't think it should be you that speaks. Because I'm telling you now, if you're the one that speaks to them, it creates a situation for a long, long time. Do you know time do you mean so i think it needs to be your other half that would be my ultimate advice and i get that it's difficult for your other half these things are always difficult but that is not as difficult as having somebody just wandering to your house like what if you want to be naked yeah do you mean a lot of people like being naked you've not said that

you like being naked we like having a shit with a... We didn't say having a shit. We like to use the toilet with the door open. Do you know what I mean? Don't we all? You know, after you have a shower, sometimes you like to air dry. You know, just have a wander around. Just certainly get that natural sort of breeze

walking around quickly. Do you know what I mean? Getting yourself dried off. You don't want your mother-in-law walking into that, do you? So anyway, look, this needs to get sorted out today. As soon as you listen to this email, not this email, as soon as you listen to this podcast.

Just get him on it. Yeah, speak to your other half and get this sorted now. What's he called, the naked mole rat? Yeah, you are going to feel incredible when this is sorted. Get it done, yo. It's going to be like a weight off your shoulders. Uh, you're going to feel great.

And look, I'm sorry to hear that you went through tough times. I'm glad that shit is working out for you. Uh, Tom and I tell you now, we love you. We think you're great. Okay.

So good luck with it all. Glad that we could have played a small part, a tiny part, minuscule part in helping you in your in your journey shout out shout out such a different energy to the other one isn't it yeah do you think you know what i'm going to do as an experiment when we do the next one i'm going to stand up again yeah let's see because it's not a proper experiment this we're doing one versus one yeah let's just see.

It's exciting to think about how it'll go. Also, you're probably a little hungover. Now? Yeah. Well, I don't think it was seven. I had five of those tiny little 250s. This is getting more tragic by the second. Hi, Rom, Tom and Swan.

Not a pleasant subject, but I need a man's perspective on this. Yeah. Is it normal for a... This is from the podgy pigeon. Is it normal for a... This is from the Pudgy Pigeon. Is it normal... I was imagining the Pudgy Pigeon and crying on it.

It's a bit Nelson Muntz, that laugh. Anyway, is it normal for a bloke to do his business flush wash hands then just leave the bathroom

without checking there's any matter left lingering in the toilet? Oh, man. I don't know why this has made me feel quite gaggy.

Matter. If it's matter, I know they're trying to be less disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sick of finding splatter, obviously resulting from upset bowels left in the toilet. Fucking hell.

As a female, I would always check the loo before I left as I'd be embarrassed to leave mess behind. Is it too much to ask that after you've been, you lift the lid, check underneath, and use the cleaning products in the bathroom to give the liver quick spray and wipe down it

takes seconds when the offending matter is still fresh fuck yeah this is a real certainly this is this is i know we've talked about shit a lot but this feels like the most disgusting email we've ever read right uh you know the the most disgusting thing of all is it's like there's a part of me that i can deal with this in one or two ways i could tell you that it's not normal and that none of us do that or i can be completely honest and say that i still get told off for doing this now like i don't know what it is with with with us guys i genuinely think that sometimes i still think that we're whether it's like a fucking thing of like being back in the like caveman vibes like

what has this got to do with the caveman vibes well it's like I still can sometimes be really really bad for taking a big old yeah but if the caveman likes shitting in a pile of leaves or something like what yeah but then they just leave it they wouldn't put leaves on top of it they'd leave it there

and then just walk on like sometimes do you know that huh yeah man do you know that yeah Yeah, but then they'd just leave it. They wouldn't put leaves on top of it. They'd leave it there and then just walk on. Do you know that? Huh? Yeah, man. Do you know that? Yeah. From what I know about cavemen, that's what... What do you know about cavemen?

They lived in caves. I'm pretty sure... What have we got? We've got 15 minutes left. I'm pretty sure we can contain everything you know about cavemen. Right. They lived in caves, right? They had to build fires to cook on, right?

They pooed wherever they didn't have actual toilets so they'd start to poo in the woods and stuff probably outside the cave but in the winter they probably had a little bit of the cave that became the toilet right yeah um they didn't speak a language they spelt spoke in grunts did they did they did they shit in the cave no only in the winter i think and then i think it was just like a hole in the cave. Well, they probably, yeah. And then they spoke in grunts rather than in actual language, but they still understood each other because actually you don't need language. Sometimes you can speak within faces. Yes.

You know, one of the things that really pisses me off actually about cavemen, right? If me and you were cavemen, right? This is how I think it would go down if we were cavemen, right? I would have to go out and get all the food and fucking kill animals and shit right and you would be back in the cave doing drawings and stuff right why because i because i'm a weaker person no no but i think that's just how we would have like revolved i don't know i just think that you that's you'd have taught me to go out and doing all the fucking like you know and you'd have been like

like i'd literally come back in and go you're like oh like what what happened out there today did you get any i was like oh i fucking killed a woolly mammoth right how did how did cavemen congregate like because like you've made that you sort of suggested there that you and me would be mates yeah but did was there were there family units in cavemen i think so yeah yeah yeah so why were we hanging out together well we had like a bachelor place this is before we met our other arts this is right so this is like this is like when we're at uni or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah well this is out this is me and you it's basically at uni that's probably old age in cavemen years yeah yeah what's their life expectancy like 17 or something yeah i think if you made your 20s you were considered an old

wiser right okay and then you are on then. And then you are... So at this point then, so based on that then, we're eight, are we? How old are we? Eight or nine. Okay. And I'm like, I've killed a woolly mammoth today. And then you're like, oh, wow, that's really funny. Tell me all about it.

And then I'm telling you about how I've killed a woolly mammoth. So is caveman me, what, I would say, rough estimate based on what you just said there, 40% camper? me what i would say rough estimate based on what you just said that 40 camper no you're just excited to hear about it yeah but what you just said was oh tell me what you've come that's what you just did you were just excited what did you what did you find on your travels that's what you just did anyway i start telling you story i basically i got one of the spears and i ran up behind him and hit him with a spear then i smashed him and then you start drawing it

right i've done all the heavy lifting years later when they find that cave and see your drawings it's you who gets all the accolade why is it me that gets all the accolade they don't fucking sign that what are you talking about no it's because you will be the one who goes down in history because you've done all the fucking who goes down in history name name me the caveman artist that you know uh well i don't know so talk talk to me brother tell me the name of the guy that got all the credit for doing the picture of the mammoth yeah but if you if you speak to like a caveman expert like an encyclopedia kind of guy he'd know about it tom they didn't even have fucking names my name would have been oh and your name would have been

i would have gone and you'd have gone where's oh i was taking a shit oh take the bomb i'm doing this i'm extending this bit way beyond its fucking capabilities anyway go on yeah but that's mate there would have been cavemen

artists there would have been people like other cave people would have come to our cave to look at and everyone

would have been like such such an incredibly long time to make no point whatsoever that was Oh, gosh.

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like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Anyway, so what's your advice to this person? Well, look, I think you just have to bring it up with him. It's a really embarrassing thing for both of you to have to talk about, but I think we've all been there. I think, you know what it is? It's a feeling that I think he probably feels too comfortable and too relaxed, and I think that's the problem.

And actually, I think you need to go, look, you know, in a way you're honoured because you're living in a space where you both feel, he feels relaxed enough to do that, you also have to look, you need to up your toilet, hygiene game, and, you know, clean up after yourself. It's, like I say, just do it over a nice dinner, like, you know, have some food, have a little bit of a laugh and a joke,

and just basically maybe be like, oh, yeah, that was a lovely meal, I really enjoyed it, and sort of have a little cuddle. Oh, by the way, you know, when this dinner works its way through your digestive system, just, yeah, when you go to the toilet and shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you don't.

Look, I do agree that you need to have a talk. You don't at dinner. No, after dinner when you're sitting out with a couple of us. I mean, i'm glad you enjoyed the food when it when it comes to turning this out could you make sure you clean the toilet properly fucking don't do that no no just be like that yeah make a bit of a joke out of it make it a little bit funny and sexy but like this way of like doing it that doesn't have to feel like you're sort of yeah just just yeah feel the moment. And then if he doesn't heed to that, then just be like,

yo, yo, the fucking toilets are disgusting. It's not my place to clean up your shit. And then he would definitely do something about it. Tom, while we're on this subject, we got into a little bit of trouble. Not trouble, but we had a few complaints about the way that we dealt with one of the emails. Do you remember there's an email about a bloke that didn't do any housework? Yeah. And we got more than one email about a bloke that didn't do any housework? Yeah.

And we got more than one email, which is why I mentioned it, about the fact that we were a bit forgiving of men not doing much around the house. We just sort of were a bit like, that's what men do and that's how men are. And I think I speak for both of us when I say that wasn't our intention. Oh, no, no, no. It's just that the point we're trying to make is that men are, I don't want to get myself into more trouble here but sort of less by nature sort of sometimes can be sort of less considerate is that what yeah i think like that's what i mean but they shouldn't be like they shouldn't be

let off the hook for that like in that situation very much like this one i'm not making an excuse for for no men like and if i'm honest with you this guy i come off the back of like having therapy about my own fucking situation as being a man like couple therapy and talking about you know the every issue we talk about is issues that i've talked me and katherine has talked about in therapy and it our therapist will tell us and she will turn around and say the truck is is a literally this is what men are like and the way way you have to hotwire the situation of us being more considerate, that's what I mean. And I'll say it, Jess, but with all seriousness,

you just need to say, stop fucking shitting all over the fucking toilet and show me a bit of fucking respect. You need to keep doing it over and over again, every single time. And to the people who complain about the housework thing, as I said, like,

I do loads around the house. Like, but men are just fucking, you have to, I don't know why, like, I think it's, you know,

I don't think it's right, but that's just what men are like. They're not making any excuses or fucking saying that's just how it is. You have to fucking do something about it and we all have to stand up and be better at fucking, but's just how it is you have to fucking do something about it and we all have to stand up and be better

but that is what it is thank you for your email podgy pigeon where's your advice I'll sort of incorporate it into your advice I'll do it separately what you've done is jumped on the back because you've read these emails

about the housework thing and you're like oh I don't want to get involved in another situation like that one. What's happened now? That's your scared voice. What happened there? That's your scared voice. Oh, God, it's happening again. We've got some controversy on the old podcast.

What are we going to do? They're going to cancel us. We're going to drop down the charts. I can't wait to see all the negative reviews about this. Oh, by the way, talking about dropping down the charts, the idea to move to Thursday is really fucking giving us a real... Has it fucked us? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

I haven't looked. I tend not to look at those things, Tom. You're sort of the guy that... Yeah, yeah, but I alex ferguson the podcast so what are you suggesting that we move back to wednesdays well no i think we've got i think let's do another one more thursday because you did suggest thursday because it gives us an extra day then ask for to record it on the same day that we always do completely negating the point of putting it out on Thursday. You know that, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, my advice to you, Podgy Pigeon, please don't get me into trouble for this,

is you need to repeatedly, because based on your email, it sounds like you're really fucking pissed off about that. Oh, yeah, look. Actually, Podgy Pigeon's actually referred to our kind of shit advice. Is this yet another men's brains are different and we don't think of things like that situation? Oh, yeah, look. Actually, Podgy Pigeon's actually referred to our kind of shit advice. Is this yet another men's brains are different and we don't think of things like that situation? Oh, God. Or just lazy and selfish behaviour?

The truth is, it's a bit of both. You need to just be open and talk to him about it and demand that he sorts it out because it's fucking disgusting. Why should you have to clean someone else's shit when they're able to do it themselves i understand if somebody's incapable doesn't sound like he's incapable so you need to demand every single time until he gets it fucking sorted uh i mean look if you were that way inclined i'd start um doing the same as he does and then getting him to deal with it. I love that.

Yeah. Or, you know, maybe a war of attrition where you're both shitting and splattering and splattering. You're going to be in a situation where no one wants to go into your house. Which to me, that's a win-win.

Okay. Good luck. Good luck. Pour your beer gin. Should we do one more? One more, my J. Okay.

This is from The Butterfly. Wow. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, really beautiful. Hi, Swan, Owl and Wolf. My husband has suddenly got an affinity with hair removal cream and has taken to veeting his balls. Problem is, not only does he not know where to stop,

it's like he's got flesh-toned pants on. It also looks like something Bernard Matthews rejected. How can I tell him to back away from the cream? Or should I tell him to back away from the cream? If so, how? My guys from the Butterfly. Yo, Butterfly! I think all of this sort of hair removal thing

can become something of an addiction. But I weirdly think that you can do it and do it and do it but actually is it making you look better and we i i think a bald penis and balls is literally one of the most ugly things in the world oh it's it's a disgusting thing to look i remember doing it in my 20s to try and sort of make myself myself sort of feel sexier but yeah also knowing that no one else apart from me would see my balls and my dick in a show.

Feating, by the way, have you ever done it? Have you ever used hair removal kept cream? Yeah, I have, yeah. Fucking horrible. Yeah, it's horrendous. I don't like the smell of it. I don't like the smell, I don't like the feel.

I don't like anything about it. Have you ever left it on just a little bit too long? Yeah, the burn. Yeah. Oh, man. Takes me back, boy. Look, I think the truth... You feel like you've salted the earth.

You don't think hair's ever going to grow back there. I think the truth is here. I think what you need to look at is just saying to him that you prefer a smattering of hair upon his genitalia. I think that's what I'd say. Just basically lie in bed one night, sort of laugh to yourself, and then just go, oh, like that.

And he'll go, what were you thinking about? Oh, I was thinking, you used to miss when you used to have a little bit more hair on your willy and your balls. And then he'll be like, oh, really? Can you not say willy, please? And then he'll be, like, intrigued by it. And then just make a joke about, like, the Bernard Matthews thing

and, like, his hairless penis and balls. I mean, like, let me just, I think willies and dicks and balls are really, like, fucking ugly things anyway, right? So, yo, shout out anyone who's kept a little bit of hair on their genitalia like keep it keep it in order give it a haircut but yeah don't uh don't go right down to the quip um yeah the yeah um butterfly uh thank you for your email uh let me tell you part of the problem is that your husband has shortened his hair and he's realized that sort of relatively speaking it makes your dick look bigger and he's realised that, relatively speaking,

it makes your dick look bigger and he's taken it too far. That's basically what's happened. I'm telling you now, all men have done this, where they've trimmed their hair, then they've looked in the mirror and they've thought, fucking hell, it feels like I've added an extra inch or something like that. And then what's happened is your husband's got carried away. What he's forgotten is that the dick and balls

is maybe the ugliest thing in all of the human males dick and balls i think is the most hideous thing in nature yeah in existence it looks horrible what it needs actually is masking is covering up actually and And hair does that. I mean, don't get me wrong. A hairy dick and balls doesn't do much better than hair. You know what? It always reminds me of a hairless dick and balls. Do you remember when Billy Zane choked his eyebrows off?

I was watching CIA the other day you know that film with the rockin' Kevin Hart is it the rockin' no Ryan Reynolds sorry

what was that I can't remember anyway one of those Red Notice maybe anyway and Ryan Reynolds says at the back he says it's a joke

in the script in the film the back of your head looks like a penis and you know it's a funny joke in the film but I remember thinking to myself

I would hate that that joke to be accurate about the back of your head looks like a penis from the back like a big angry penis and it does because it's like at the bottom of his head he's got the little line there yeah the rocker

I bet that was improvised it probably was and the rock would, yeah. Do you know also, I bet that was improvised. That's the kind of thing that Reynolds... It probably was, yeah. And the rock would have felt, on that day, absolutely worthless. He's got a laugh about it. Well, every time somebody's behind... I imagine there were a crew going, oh, God, yeah, it does. Anyway, I think a dick and balls looks horrible,

and I think a hairless dick and balls even worse. So I think you can be as blatant about it as that. I think you can just say, just so you know, a hairless dick and balls reminds me of a defrosted fucking quail. And I don't want to ever say it again. Wow, is this... I think that's fair enough. And you're not insulting his actual dick.

You're not saying about his dick. You're not saying... That's the key thing, the language here. Not your dick and balls look horrible hairless. Just in general, dick and balls. It's dicks and balls look horrible hairless you need to be very careful about that because men are incredibly sensitive about their genitalia despite the fact they're the ugliest thing in nature yeah uh i hope that's helped you butterfly good luck keep flying keep being you

tommy d you think you can take us out with another little bit of your wisdom? Yeah, what's happening out there? How are you? Are you feeling yourself? Listen, the truth of everything is hope. I spoke to a friend the other day, and he was going through a bit of a rough time. And all the time that he felt that life was hard and it was kicking him,

and it was kicking him the hardest is when he had hope to hold on to. And whilst hope at times can be a good thing, a thing that we savour and we look forward to, sometimes it can be just a force of disillusion. It can be something that we hold on to with no real premise. It can be something that we hold on to that gives us an idea of a world that might be better, but yo, it might be a whole lot worse. I'm not saying get rid of hope. I'm saying make it as realistic as it can be. And know that life isn't always about the future or the past. It's about now.

Put on a smile. If you can't put on a smile, just get through today. Because tomorrow, it all starts again. Big love. That is beautiful. Really good. And actually,

that sort of was the best advice I was ever given, to be in the moment and not worry about today, tomorrow or yesterday. That was really good. Really good advice. Yeah. I'm really proud of you. Yeah. Okay, look, guys, I'm really sorry about my performance on the podcast. in the moment and not worry about today tomorrow or yesterday that's really good really good advice yeah um okay look guys i'm really sorry about my performance on the podcast uh i think i think you've got i hope that i hope that tom has um i hope that tom has counterbalanced my incompetence on this podcast and remember guys um hit up the merch store um uh there'll be big savings on party

room t-shirts um yeah i mean at this point at this point um either you buy one or it's we're gonna have to just set fire to them that's that's the situation we're at oh no no we'll sell it we'll probably do a live event where we do like a party room bonfire and there'll be like loads of the t-shirts and then like an effigy of no no what we could do is we'll give them to a charity of some kind. Okay. Just to trust the same. Yeah. If they're not all gone, we'll pass them to charity.

We'll do our thing. What you're doing there is you're disincentivising people buying them. Basically, what you're doing is you're going, what we should say is for every T-shirt that's sold, we'll donate. You know what? If you buy any other merchandise from the merchandise store, any of the really cool T-shirts we'll give one of the cruddy party romans to a charity of your choice it's like you're really putting the boot in there by the way tom tom said something uh that basically gave me the idea for the song to take us out this week uh tom said you've got

to say it's my prerogative. And so I think that's the song we're going to go with. JT, going to drop a little bit of Bobby Brown, my prerogative to take us out of the podcast. Wolves and Owls, Animal Pack. Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time. Peace out. One love. Keep it real. Keep it real, yo. it real keep it real girl get this everybody's talking all this stuff about me now just let me live i had a new permission to make my own decisions

that's my prerogative if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com that's wolfowlpod at gmail.com thank you