Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 14: Slow Service & Cringey Complaints

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

We’re talking… awesome animations, restaurant letdowns, embarrassing complaint letters, awkward interactions and a stressful encounter with a charity meerkat. Then we tackle email questions about ...a parent’s past catching up with them, relationship age gaps, more sock swaps and a debate on a very specific benefit of weight loss. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 We are all connected. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting Partners Sun Life. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr Rice Cups deliver all the taste without the prep or wait time.
Starting point is 00:00:27 We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. Yum. Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Outro Music Oh my gosh. You're not going to believe what time it is. Yo, hit me Ron. Look at your watch.
Starting point is 00:01:41 The wolf has just licked his paws to prep himself. The owl has given himself a little plume up because it's time for the wolf and owl baby. I was trying to think of something else. Whoa, damn. How does it feel? How does it feel to be the sexiest owl on podcasts? What's the competition for sexy owls? What's the name of Harry Potter's owl? Harry Potter's owl and the one probably from Sword in the Stone.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Oh, yeah? That's a sexy owl. He's got a little bit of a vibe about him. We need to thank Yellow Penguin Animation who made the owl look particular. The Arse Pebble cartoon is out right now on our YouTube and on our Instagram. And oh, my gosh. The YouTube one's got a special Mordor. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Oh, my gosh. Do you know what I love is the fact he actually animated your three boys as well. I know. Have you shown them? You didn't have to do that. Did you show them? No, because they won't care. I mean, no disrespect to you.
Starting point is 00:02:37 They've been animated. Do you know, mate, you should say to them, 5% of people in the world ever get animated. I don't think it's even that high. Well, yeah, that too. Yeah, mate, you should say get animated. I don't think it's even that high. Well, yeah, like two. Yeah, mate, you should say to them. I'll tell you what, when you're having your supper tonight, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Just say, listen, and then just show it. I mean, to be fair, actually, it's a bit gutting then for the swan. If you think the swan gives anything approaching a shiny shit about being animated in a thing, do you think we should look at getting the Swan animated in the next one? No, I don't think so. I think we should be devastated. I am coming off the back of,
Starting point is 00:03:14 and I'm loathe to name this establishment because I've been in there many times and had a great time. I went for dinner with the Swan last night at a local pub. One of these bougie kind of, do you know, it's like a gastropub. They've redone it. So it's got an all-vegan menu.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Not, the menu's not all vegan. It's got a separate vegan menu. I've been there many times for lunch. Went there last night for dinner. First dinner we've had in a long time. Not first dinner. First dinner out,
Starting point is 00:03:42 just us two. Nice, nice, nice. Making the date vibe. They dropped a bollock like you would not believe, mate. It was insane.
Starting point is 00:03:53 First of all, first of all, table booked for eight. We got there at seven. Thought we'd get a couple of drinks in, right? Yeah. Before the meal. Between me ordering
Starting point is 00:04:02 or going to the bar to order a drink, and me having a drink in my hand, I reckon, rough estimate, 35 minutes, right? And let me just contextualise this, not busy at all. Really? That's staff who don't give a fuck, man. What you got there is staff. Well, I need to, the story carries on, right? So I do want to give, I don't want to be too harsh here, okay?
Starting point is 00:04:23 So I'm just telling you what happened. Okay. Do you want me to feed back with the evidence and sort of like find them guilty? Yeah, I'd love you to give me a bit of analysis on this. I've got my shearer head on. Okay. So it's like one of these things where we're really looking forward
Starting point is 00:04:38 to a good night and everything around us is conspiring to fuck it up. So eight o'clock, we walk to the reception bit to get our table. We're there for ages, right? Eventually, somebody comes, says, let me just go check if your table's ready. By this time, it's quarter past eight. I would expect an 8 o'clock book table to be ready. So he goes to check the table. Takes us over to the table.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Now, I want to give positives as well as negatives. He's worried about me getting clocked. So they found me a table right in the corner, tucked away. So I want to give positives as well as negatives. He's worried about me getting clocked, so they found me a table right in the corner, tucked away. So I want to give credit where credit's due. So I sit down. Now, to my mind, I reckon there's, in the bit that we're in, there's 12 tables, three of them, I'd say, are occupied, including us. With, like, one table's got three people at it and
Starting point is 00:05:25 other tables got four people at it right so wait a minute nine people together nice okay so we sit down the waitress comes over she goes um are you ready to order i said yes because i've been i knew what i was going to order before i even arrived at the restaurant. So she goes, bearing in mind this has been like, we've been here over an hour now, right? So we sit down. She goes, what would you like to eat? Starts off with food, fine. You know, a lot of people say, what do you want to drink?
Starting point is 00:05:55 That's not come up yet. So she goes, what do you want to eat? And then we go to order and she goes, oh, hold on a second. This table's not coming up. And then we go, okay. And she goes,, hold on a second. This table's not coming up. And then we go, okay. And she goes, what's your name? And the Swan had booked it. So she says, Lisa Ranganathan.
Starting point is 00:06:12 She goes, you're not coming up as having a book in here. And I go, well, you know, we told them the table and we'd been brought over to this table, which is under our booking. So if you're now telling we haven't been booked, something's gone wrong and I can't tell you what it is she goes i'll be back in a minute she's gone for five minutes right she comes back and she goes sorry there's a bit of a software error i have found your table now what would you like then they list 12 things that they don't have because the delivery didn't come in this one i think would be anything you want no thank god i was ready for that i was
Starting point is 00:06:44 ready for that right we order our food uh do you want to know what the order was for yeah yeah i'd like to know all the details i can't give you an analysis if not i ordered a plant-based burger with fries yeah okay lisa ordered um spiced coconut curry or something like that she's a class act yeah she's very classy yeah she's sitting opposite a fucking heathen eating a burger for a romantic dinner. Anyway. So mind you having curry, that's, you know,
Starting point is 00:07:13 it's not ideal, is it? Anyway. So she then goes, what do you want to drink? And I said, we decided to have a bottle of wine. I said,
Starting point is 00:07:21 can I have this bottle of wine? She says, Oh, that's not coming up on the system. We don't have it. And she goes, can you point point it out to me so i point out to her on the menu she goes oh yeah we do have that that was it was under a different category to what i was looking for and i go okay um so we get the wine they bring over the wine so by the way in between all of these steps i reckon reckon 15, 20 minutes is passing.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Okay. So 20 minutes later, they come over the bottle of wine and they put it on the table and then she walks away. Right. So the bottle's just there. So I open it myself. Oh, my God. Right. So I know this sounds like a really first world problem.
Starting point is 00:07:59 So I open the bottle of wine and she comes back over and she goes, do you want an ice bucket and I go yeah that'd be good because it's sparkling right so I go yeah that would be classic what prosecco yeah a little bit prosecco right so she goes off she gets the ice bucket she brings the ice bucket back and she says two things here's your ice bucket um I would open the offer to open the bottle but you know and then she walks away all right so i open the bottle i put the ice bucket into the bucket which um i would say is not doing half its job it's just a bucket there's no ice in it all right so 40 i would say 40 to 45 minutes later our dinner arrives dinner's fine okay i'm going to give
Starting point is 00:08:47 credit where credit's due my burger was fine chips are fine they brought over the ketchup promptly well i mean essentially they they you gotta go a long way to fuck up a fucking plant-based burger and chips sure sure how's lisa's that's a bigger thing she said it was fine bit bland she said right but fine you know you're ordered a curry from a pub. Fucking you get what you're given. Do you know what I mean? So, um,
Starting point is 00:09:08 we finished the food all week. Not all week. That's an exaggeration for the two days since Lisa had booked this place. I've been raving about the fact that they do a vegan apple and damson crumble. No apple and rhubarb crumble, right? With a vegan custard. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Right. Now, when the nights are drawing in and the temperature's dropping is there are there many nicer pleasures in life than sitting down to a hot crumble i don't think so maybe a second crumble or a nice peach cobbler oh 100 100 right or a tart tatin oh shut up shut your mouth shut your nose before you spank your bum. Anyway, I pour the custard all over this crumble.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Start eating it. The rhubarb is completely raw. Sorry, mate. I'm sitting up to attention here. Number one, it's fucking lethal rhubarb if it's not cooked properly correct correct like i'm waiting for it to fucking repeat mate in the old days that's coming back right in the ancient times mate that's they used to kill people with rhubarb leaves it was a known weapon if you couldn't get your hands on arsenic you use a rhubarb leaf it's deadly known weapon if you couldn't get your hands on arsenic you'd use a rhubarb leaf it's deadly
Starting point is 00:10:26 and actually probably I'd say in the top three worst fruit to have raw undercooked
Starting point is 00:10:34 yeah just for its texture so we send it back no do you know what I did Tom
Starting point is 00:10:41 she came over midway she said how's the crumble I said absolutely delightful because I'm a fucking mug yeah you gotta fucking own those moments bro you gotta
Starting point is 00:10:50 own those one of the waiters was great right he came over he's really nice booked us a taxi home and also said to us it sounds by the sounds and they couldn't wait for you to leave it was like a miracle that you made it to dessert i nearly didn't have the dessert mate i was absolutely furious. Furious. I was so furious, I gave them a massive tip. I don't know what it is. You've got this. This is where I'm going to jump in here, bro.
Starting point is 00:11:12 My desire to be liked. I know. I love to be liked. I love to be liked. But you know what's better? Is giving actually a bit of constructive criticism. Okay, but can I just give a little bit of context? Yeah, you're having a romantic night out
Starting point is 00:11:25 no no one of the waiters came over and said that somebody had booked in a part we didn't see this because it's over the other side i booked in a party of 12 a party of 9 and a party of 30 all live in the same hour and he said so i'm really sorry if your experience has not been what it should be so you know that there's the context for you okay what i would say a couple of things when did he tell can i ask you when he said this right at the end because he's tip thirsty he's tip thirsty mate no he's played you like an absolute sucker like did you see the parties no there we go literally she's gone over going oh mate this this is going to be an easy old night. He's opening his own bottle of wine over there.
Starting point is 00:12:06 I've not even put ice in the ice bucket, and he seems happy. And at the end, it's like, I bet he's looked around and gone, tell you what, I bet we'll get a tip out of this mug. What are we going to say? I want to just say that there's like 50 people that he's not seen partying in here. And they're on the other side of the... Did you hear any sort of sound of partying?
Starting point is 00:12:23 There were other people there. I don't know if there's much more kind of emasculating on the other side of the... Did you hear any sort of sound of partying? There were other people there. I mean, when I... I don't know if there's much more kind of emasculating than being with your other half when there's a group of lads. Oh, mate, it's horrible. Yeah, yeah, I'm with you there. It's a really horrible experience as you sort of, like, nudge your way through this big group of lads
Starting point is 00:12:41 with their fucking dicks out, do you know what I mean? Like, snort and bugle off the fucking bar or whatever just like yeah i find it very i find it yeah terrifying that's what that's worse for me than a group of teenagers down the park when you're out with your family i think as soon as that thing thing happens and you know the worst part of it right this is the worst thing of it and you you do i've been out of you you know yeah i've been out of you in your past i've seen you like in their heads a group of lads don't think they're being intimidating they're just having a good time in their in the million years they're not there to intimidate they're just completely selfishly getting on with their night yeah but there's something very very
Starting point is 00:13:17 fucking terrifying about just the loudness of a group of blokes in a place and then you just thinking oh mate it just takes one of them just to sort of have a dislike, you know, sort of be quite, turn aggressive. Well, you accidentally bump somebody and then suddenly you're in front of your other half and you've got to defend their honour or whatever. Just absolutely the worst. This episode is brought to you by Secret. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda.
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Starting point is 00:14:30 Robo code searching. It takes skill. Speed. Sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and prime all starting at just 99 a month stack more spend less the happy stack only at kudo conditions apply i mean in the scenario you found yourself in the trouble with it right i mean i'm giving it
Starting point is 00:14:58 the jolly big potatoes here katherine is an expert complainer really like you've never seen anything like it yeah she She'll complain. I mean, to be fair, and since I've been with her, I will now, if things aren't how I expect them to be, I've sort of started saying something. I used to just get away. I used to just literally walk out of a place as I'm going up, my phone's on, and I'm on TripAdvisor already,
Starting point is 00:15:19 and I'm going in double-footed. Really? But then I actually realised, yeah, but then I realised, actually, all they'll ever do is write back and go i'm sorry it wasn't up to your expectation and actually turning around and saying you know what this was this wasn't very good i wrote an email to a place that was actually this is one of the top five i think i talked about it on here before top five pubs in the country right i emailed this place and said look you know i went here with my wife. It was a special occasion. It was an absolute disgrace.
Starting point is 00:15:47 Like the food. Did you use the word disgrace? Yeah. I said it was disgraceful. I mean, the email was pretty. You said disgraceful as well? Yeah. I think I've still got the email.
Starting point is 00:15:57 I would love to hear it. I would love to hear it. Let me just see if I can find it. While you're looking for this email, I do want to say, I do think these people don't get paid enough and maybe I'm being a prick and maybe they did have loads of money.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Oh, God. I'm about to mug myself so much here. Oh, this is good. Okay, let's hear it. It's quite long. It's a lot longer than I remember. Okay, well, I think we'd like to hear the full thing and then JT can make an edit decision.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Lunch is the headline of the email. Cool. Good evening. I seldom do this. You didn't put your name, no? No, no. I seldom do this. They probably thought,
Starting point is 00:16:33 this must be that lunch we serve. We've only done one. This is just... Okay, go on. I don't know why I've become a different person when I write these emails. Good evening. I seldom do this,
Starting point is 00:16:42 but I've been mulling over whether to get in touch or not i had lunch at your premises today and was really disappointed with the standard of today's food it felt the main course had been put together in a lackluster fashion the potatoes were inedible as they were so uncooked whilst with you we tried a number of times to have a chat with members of the staff whilst in the restaurant to convey our feelings. This seemed impossible, as there seemed to be a lack of staff on the floor. I'm not sure whether you were staff members down. If so, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:17:15 But addressing this and explaining would have been far more understandable than just leaving your customers in the lurch. I should add this was a complete surprise. We've eaten with you before and always been over the moon with the experience as a whole. Today's meal was nothing short of disgraceful. We've always seen dining with you as a special occasion.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Sadly, today felt anything but that, Mr Davis. Genuinely, right? genuinely right I'm old on that I was I've written business emails and I've written stand up that I've not put
Starting point is 00:17:55 as much work into as that email sadly today only for a buck did they reply to you all they've said is this
Starting point is 00:18:03 many thanks for the feedback email we don't have any bookings under your name would it have been under Catherine Davis or another name this would get us
Starting point is 00:18:11 a better understanding to look into your feedback take care and stay safe GQ and Drink Awards 2021 best pub good pub guide
Starting point is 00:18:20 2021 UK pub of the year I don't need to you don't need to read the footer stronger together working and supporting our staff, our suppliers
Starting point is 00:18:27 and our community. You're doing everything but fucking looking after the customers, mate. Did you reply to that email? I didn't, I'm looking
Starting point is 00:18:33 for their reply, but I can't find another. No, that is their reply. You've just read their reply. Yeah, no, but there was another one. I think, you know what,
Starting point is 00:18:39 I think they might have fucking cut me out of the loop and I think they emailed back Catherine. All the best stories don't have an ending brother okay oh no no no it's not it's just that oh jesus christ yeah just that mate okay good all right fine well that was good enough so look that at that moment
Starting point is 00:18:56 i knew from there that i had to that i was never going to get the the response i wanted unless you sit there and just go excuse me can i just have a quick chat? What response, what response are you hoping to get from that restaurant? Now you've had the meal. Oh, what I want is them to say, Oh, actually,
Starting point is 00:19:10 you know what? Like let's knock some money off the bill or just a real, just a, sorry, just an empathetic. You know what? We, we,
Starting point is 00:19:17 we should do better. I'll tell you something, mate in life. No one is ever short of telling me when I've not done things. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I'm constantly, You know, I'm constantly... You know you need to look at my Instagram.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Yeah. And it's this bit, right? Look, when you've got a child or you've got kids, right, those nights become very, very special. If you've got like, all right, I've got a night off, I'm going to go and have a bite to eat. Yeah. It's an amazing thing.
Starting point is 00:19:39 I'll tell you what, we went... We had a very overzealous guy in a restaurant recently who was the opposite end of the spectrum. He was completely, I've never seen anyone go to a level of attentiveness that actually became offensive. What happened? It was almost like a lunch for two became a lunch for three. He spent so long at our table.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Was he a fan? I think he was. He pretended that he thought he knew me from another pub, but he didn't. He kept on going I know you from somewhere didn't I and I was like yeah you probably do
Starting point is 00:20:08 and then every time I'd say something I'd say oh you know what would be nice for this is a little bit of wasabi wasabi on your shoulders I love wasabi with that as well wasabi is one of the best things
Starting point is 00:20:18 in the world isn't it then he'd walk off and you'd just go oh I've run out of sweet chilli boom sweet chilli sauce there it wasn't in waves what a fucking prick so what stuff was arriving as you wanted it jesus fucking christ
Starting point is 00:20:30 what a wanker did you use disgrace in that email as well no he was just too overzealous so you asked for wasabi wasabi came you asked for sweet chili sweet chili came no but then i spent like half an hour afterwards where he just was chatting and chatting and chatting and we okay yeah okay he was just very he was very too attentive he was like every little thing at one point i sort of said about being a bit cold outside yeah and then he like put on all the patio heaters and i said i made a joke oh my god so he warmed it up for you jesus fucking christ no he put them all on. What a... Sorry, I don't often use...
Starting point is 00:21:06 What a... What an unmitigated... this man is. He was here. We can have a conversation, is what I'm saying. Right, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:15 I forget. It feels like it's a bit bad to be sure. I did something. I was in a bookshop with Theo yesterday. Sure enough. And... Yeah, I know. No, but this is what, mate.
Starting point is 00:21:25 It gets... So, I'm walking around the bookshop with Theo yesterday. Sure enough. Yeah, I know. No, but this is what, mate. So I'm walking around the bookshop. Theo and I are reading the same books at the moment. I don't know if that's a compliment to him or a massive insult to me. Don't be engrossed. But we're really into a lot of these,
Starting point is 00:21:40 you know these like crime page turners? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're both like tucking into them so he chooses two books and he says we can like read these and swap and i was all right oh nice this is a lovely idea of that it's a very sweet thing all right cool so anyway so so we got to the counter to buy these books and um the girl goes just want to say i'm no what did she say how
Starting point is 00:22:01 did she word it i'm also a massive fan and i thought i didn't know what she meant like i did i didn't know what that means but what i mean i didn't know she meant the author or you me yeah so what i should have done is gone oh great that's that's a sensible thing i went oh god i, of me or the author. Oh, God. Oh. You know what? All I can picture is Theo's face. Just like, he's literally... Mate, that's...
Starting point is 00:22:38 Theo is like literally having an incredible Saturday. He's walking around with his dad. It's a moment of father and son bonding. He's like, actually, you know what? This is our relationship. And then you're at the counter. Someone in Waterstones turns around and is like, yeah. And then to hear your dad going, you mean of me or the author?
Starting point is 00:22:58 There's no answer to that. Because if she says you, what do you say? But if she says, no, I meant the author. says you what do you say but if she says no i i meant the author do you are you a writer as well yeah i've written four books anyway she goes she goes she goes oh both actually she goes um she goes i really like what you're doing she goes and i really like this author and i went okay but but at that stage i was i was fucking absolutely inside my brain was just like you fucking idiot you fucking what the fuck is wrong with you fucking do this every time theo honestly mate he nearly evaporated with embarrassment right like it was
Starting point is 00:23:41 it was so bad and then we walked out and he just literally like a parent he just went to me what made you say that because that was such a high risk thing to say why would you say that of all of the things that you could say why would you say that i was like oh god oh god i just said to him can you just give me a moment to sort of just process what's happened yeah what you've done it was so yeah but look in your defense we've had uh i've had moments like with katherine where katherine looks like jenny she gets like i told you about the guy in cambridge didn't i no i don't think so um we were walking through cambridge and this guy came to print the army went excuse me excuse me you're right there big fella i was like hello mate you're right and he was like yeah yeah yeah um
Starting point is 00:24:21 no i just wanted to say and i just thought i'll just make it because he was sort of like dancing around subject said do you want a picture did you want a picture and he was like pardon and i do you want a picture and he was like no no i'm just saying that we're doing like walking tours of the city and and he starts explaining what he's doing for a job and katherine genuinely shook her head which he looks so embarrassed and sort of just walked off far enough that it looked like i might have just costed her in the street as well and uh and he was like no no like he's just like he clearly had no idea what i was you know it was so embarrassing from that moment on i was like that you, let people do the asking. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:07 But I will say this, I was at a charity day the other day. The amount of love for you, shouting you out, man. A lot of people love you, man. You've got to know that. Oh, that's really nice. Thanks, man.
Starting point is 00:25:16 A lot of people really love you. What have you been up to apart from helping out charities? Well, I went to the BGC charity day, right? Which is an incredible thing. Who was there? I will say, there's actually just, there's Which is an incredible thing. Who was there? I will say,
Starting point is 00:25:26 there's actually just, there's a lot of amazing people. It sometimes feels, there's a little bit of a disappointment if I turn up at places and you're not with me. I have the same thing. It's a little bit like,
Starting point is 00:25:35 someone like Eagly. I've got two of you. Yeah. I've got Rob Beckett, Tom Davis, and my mum as well. Yeah, yeah. So.
Starting point is 00:25:42 I'm just a lone wolf. There you go. Apart from you that the only part it's like i have been sort of like for 10 years just rushing the forests and the landscape the wilderness alone and all of a sudden i've got this kin with me and people expect you to be there um man they put me in a really weird position so it's an incredible day it's amazing it was a lot of money for a lot of amazing sorry what is the day? What is the format of it? Yeah, so they raise
Starting point is 00:26:06 money for different charities. So I do it for a place called St. Francis Hospice and they raise money for different charities and the traders give up bonuses for deals
Starting point is 00:26:17 that they make. All their bonuses and all their commission goes to different charities. Oh, I've done this. It's incredible. It's an amazing day. You go to the stock floor
Starting point is 00:26:24 and all the trades and money off the trade. Yeah, I've've done that i would say it's a pretty worrying day not to you know i'm not going to get into this now but it's a pretty worrying day to do it this week uh after everything that's happened uh there was a lot of traders yeah they look very worried but um yeah but anyway this these people in front of all the whole trading floor said oh it'd be really funny if we put a meerkat on your back for a little bit. And I was like, I'm terrified of things like this. I always think a meerkat... An actual meerkat? Are you talking about an actual meerkat?
Starting point is 00:26:50 Yeah, a little meerkat, yeah. Why do they want a meerkat on your back? Because they think it would be funny, because meerkats are tiny and are massive, right? Can I just say, I know it's a charity thing, but I disagree. Anyway, go on. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:27:00 I disagree that it's hilarious to put a meerkat on your back. Oh, mate, I was genuinely like... But then I feel like loads of people are sort of goading me into it. I'm still... Yeah, and it's a charity thing. You want to do the right thing. Yeah, but also I'm still the loser from school who if enough people goad me into doing something, I'll pretty much get bullied into doing nearly anything, right?
Starting point is 00:27:17 Yeah, yeah. I stand there, Ron, and this meerkat gets put onto my back. And the first thing she said... That sounds quite funny. She said, keep your hands by your side, otherwise it could distress the meerkat gets put onto my back and she's the first thing she said keep your hands by your side otherwise it could distress the meerkat and i'm like what do you mean distress it she said they can't definitely won't distress the meerkat not putting it on your back it's so insane to me but but i'm then like this is insane because i'm now really nervous anyway and then she was i said
Starting point is 00:27:43 do any movements upset the meerkat she said just stay still and it will think you're a big rock so i don't know about you but what happens to me if the more still i stand the more i sweat the more i so now i'm standing on this fucking floor with all these people like a sweaty rock and yeah just absolutely yeah like a rock in the in the rain literally underneath my hat is a sea of fucking disgusting salty sweat and this meerkat's having the time of his life she went oh he's got a good vantage point up there and loads of people are like right i'm standing there they're laughing of course they are of course she said oh you do you want to try it's funny i was wrong i was wrong
Starting point is 00:28:20 she said uh do you want to try and have a walk around with him on your back with no like you've told me not to move it It's absolutely fucking terrifying. And, like, what if it just, like, it's basically on top of my head. It could just fucking burrow out my brains. Do you know what I mean? I've not seen that particular advert where that happens, but, yeah. And then the most embarrassing things have to turn around to, like, this woman who said, like, people are laughing.
Starting point is 00:28:40 So many people. I've been sent diversions of these pictures hundreds of times. Everyone's like, oh, my God, I've got a picture of you in a meerkat. want it i didn't want it i don't even fucking remember it anymore right and then the woman went um she was like laughing and she was like i said i looked at ron with i swear i had tears in my eyes and i said please can you get him off please like she was like you're right and i was like no i feel really uncomfortable and like i felt like i might i might well piss my pants because i didn't know where all the energy to go with nervous energy do you know what i would say that's what that situation needed that would have been the icing on the cake for me and i i don't want to say uh i apologize to the people that suggested putting
Starting point is 00:29:20 the meerkat on tom's back because it now sounds like it was hilarious but that would have been if you really wanted to do something for charity, standing there and pissing your pants would have been perfect. You've never seen someone look fucking so uncomfortable. What are you looking for now?
Starting point is 00:29:33 I'm just going to show you the picture. The worst part of it is I've got a massive badge on. It looks like I'm at a kids party potentially don't be much of the entertainer he just puts a meerkat on him and shits himself
Starting point is 00:29:50 I look absolutely terrified look at my face look how nervous I am yeah, I'm uncomfortable you've seen that you've seen that new children's entertainer
Starting point is 00:29:58 the wolf what he does is he puts a meerkat on his shoulder and then he pisses his pants that's it though he doesn't even do a magic trick the only thing that I had
Starting point is 00:30:04 is someone told me that Rio Ferdinand was more scared than me. I did that. I hosted that event one year. I co-hosted with John Bishop. Not together. I did the first half, he did the second half. And Sol Campbell
Starting point is 00:30:19 turned up. Good guy. I'd been around, well not turned up, he was donating money for charity and I'd wandered around and there were a lot of Spurs fans amongst the traders
Starting point is 00:30:30 so I said to Sol Campbell hey Sol look mate absolute honour as an Arsenal fan absolute honour
Starting point is 00:30:37 it's all on the mic across the floor so absolute honour to have you here amazing to be doing this it's a real honour for me to meet you and he just went
Starting point is 00:30:44 oh cool and then I went here amazing to be doing this and it's a real honour for me to meet you and he just went oh cool and then I went um so what are you you know what's what are you doing this in aid of and he goes I'm doing it for this charity and I go cool I go so you're going to be giving any banter or anything like that as you wander around he goes not really and then I went uh you can do more than one word answers if you want so but it's up to you and then I said to him just so you know there's loads of Spurs fans here. So just be on your toes around it. And then he just went, well, it's not about football today. It's about charity, isn't it? So I'm not really going to think about that.
Starting point is 00:31:12 And I went, thanks very much, Sol Campbell. Absolute buzz. Cheers, mate. So awful. right should we do some emails okay uh this is from steve wow steve and steve says hi rom and tom love the podcast and in all honesty during lockdown when I was feeling low, you guys helped me keep my spirits up. I think you guys underestimated the help you gave people struggling over lockdown, so thank you for that.
Starting point is 00:31:53 My dilemma is this. When my son was 5 or 6, I bought a new 36-inch TV. Bearing in mind it was 1999, it had a giant back before slim TV, so 36-inch was really big back then. Anyway, my son decided to play with a balloon attached to an elastic band and ricochet it 50 times a second into my new tv
Starting point is 00:32:09 i warned him to stop and he did before repeating it again i again warned him and again he ceased only to do it for a third time i let from the city like a wild lion to clobber him that was allowed back then but like a slippery mountain goat he escaped my assault and legged it into the dining room and slid under the dining room table i pursued and reached the table and i bellowed at him to come out he was whimpering so i bent down to attempt to come out he had pissed himself and was sitting in his own piss crying obviously i felt awful and i forgave him and it petered out forward 25 years i'm now a frail old 53 year old and my son is now 30 and six foot seven inches and 19 stone he reminds me about this incident frequently and swears downhill one day chase me under the table and make me piss myself i think i could still take him and he knows it
Starting point is 00:32:49 but the day will come when he will take revenge from me what advice can you give me so my son will not break me and make me pay for my parenting you're sincerely steve wow steve um the kind of i'm i'm a new to the father, it feels kind of an extreme thing to, once your child's whimpering under a table, I don't know whether that's the time to sort of like call it down and just go, yo, maybe I've taken this too far, it's only a TV. But, you know. Also, it was a balloon, right?
Starting point is 00:33:19 Yeah, yeah. A balloon attached to an elastic band. Okay, I don't know. I mean, it's needless, isn't it? Yeah, it feels like a lot. But then, you know, I don't know. I mean, it's needless, isn't it? But yeah, it feels like a lot, but then, you know,
Starting point is 00:33:27 well, yeah, I don't know where your headspace is. You know what I'd say, Steve, I actually think this is a moment to say, like save yourself. What could be an incredible thing and give your,
Starting point is 00:33:41 your son that little boost of confidence he might need. I'd say do something that you know is going to annoy him now. So you can almost get to the place where he chases you under the table and then you push up and just perfectly drink loads of water and then piss your pants yourself right because i think the alternative is you know you're in your 50s now is when you're 60 65 and when you do that at that age there's no coming but your son that might be the one of the final like sort of like memories your son has of you is whimpering under the table sort of floating in your own pits i'd say do it now get it out of the way and then just like build those bridges with your son for first and foremost um because he's harboring that and i think actually
Starting point is 00:34:23 that feeling for him he'll probably feel like it sounds you for you you know that that feeling of dread and that feeling of you feeling ever since that day you sound like you you've carried it around with you a little bit so actually you know pass the buck let him feel like that or let him feel that you didn't feel good about it so yeah i'd say just just yeah play act that out um And, yeah, over to you, Ron. Yeah, great advice, Tom. Really good. Steve. Really good.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Steve, I think you deserve it. I think that sometimes, and it's true of me, it's true of Tom, we do things that were wrong and we deserve the comeback from that. And I think what you need to do is similar to what Tom said. I think you need to allow your son to make you piss yourself under your dining table. I think that is the only way that you can really draw a line under this. It takes out the not knowing, do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:35:24 Because that's part of the problem here is you don't know what day that's going to happen yeah i mean so it's like i think you allow it to happen get it out the way and and sort of you know that's it it's all dealt with um i would say frail old 53 year old please don't say things like that it's just um there's a worry it's just upsetting it is a a worry. Because Tom basically thinks I'm 52 now. So he's hearing that. If you're 52, I'm looking forward to that. You're looking good. You're feeling fucking buzzy.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Yeah, but I'm not. If you're talking, yeah. But when he says frail, I'm like, that's not far away. That's 10 years from me and you. Tom, here's a question for you. We're in our 40s, both in our 40s. When we're in our 50s, we have in our 50s we have to stop going out I think for someone in their 40s
Starting point is 00:36:09 you go out a lot oh you're still going out you're holding on to the prom crowd a little bit really but then I'm a new dad i'm like literally i go out well i i went out uh friday had a few beers yeah i'm still feeling the fucking
Starting point is 00:36:32 effects of that and that felt crazy just literally sitting also look you know like you that if you get out when you're like new to parenting i find out i find i'm i've literally regressed to being a 16 year old it's like i've got an hour and a half or two hours. I try and dash as many pints as I can in that time. It's not like, you know, I don't even enjoy them. I'm drinking them like I'm a fucking goldfish. I'm literally like, you know, it's ridiculous. I went out last week and I've stopped drinking.
Starting point is 00:36:57 I have one beer and then I move on to gin and tonic. But the problem with gin and tonic is it gets you drunk really quickly. And I actually had a moment about, I think I've talked about this last time, I was just scared of how pissed I was. Yeah, it's awful. It's terrible. Whereas beer is like a gradual, I like that trajectory. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Nice. It's a nice thing. The only trouble is I had to then get home and needed about 40 pisses on the way out. I mean, to be fair, actually, to Steve, if you want to piss yourself, just go for a few beers with your son, don't have a wee, and then just literally doing that in public. Well, Tom, listen, you've given Steve advice, you've also given me advice.
Starting point is 00:37:32 I am now retired from the going out game. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't, man. Well, I'll obviously do the after parties and shit like that. Oh, can we just talk about this, by the way? So, there's a few things that I need to address, right? Okay, that have happened in the last week first thing my tour went on sale shout out the tour boy yeah so the hustle tour's out on sale
Starting point is 00:37:52 i'm getting so much abuse from people going have you heard of the north of england or do you know there's somewhere those are obviously not all the dates guys right those are the first that's the first set of dates if you're saying to me do you know that this town exists? Yes, I do. I do know. That's just, I'm not doing a 10 date tour. Okay. There's, there's going to be more dates. So please, can you stop telling me I don't know the geography of the United Kingdom? All right. I'm reading those comments and I'm not replying to them because, well, I can't be bothered, but I'm just telling you now, if you happen to visit the Wolf and Owl podcast, and you're one of those people that sent me abuse, there are more dates to come.
Starting point is 00:38:28 All right? So please, please. And just, I'm going to drop my tour dates when we've got them all in. We're just waiting. We're not going to eagerly put it out. We're just going to wait until we've got all the terms listed.
Starting point is 00:38:43 I love your face so much why are you operating like it's a different agent that's doing your fucking like you're with some sort of different organisation that does things completely different to me we've got the same fucking tour agent I love you so much
Starting point is 00:39:04 I love the smile of like just like that was like the end of street fight when your mate just was ready to rip out your heart um the other thing i wanted to say is so i grew up with Sri Lankan parents who spoke English because they didn't want me to have an accent but i grew up with Sri Lankan parents who spoke English with a Sri Lankan accent and i didn't think it affected my accent at all. Until I did the DNA, me and Rob Beckett's DNA show came out on ITV last week. And what do you call the son or daughter of your dad's brother? What relation are they?
Starting point is 00:39:40 Your cousin, right? Right. So I say cousin. Yeah. And what do you say? Cousin. i say cousin yeah all right and what do you say cousin you say cousin yeah anyway it turns out i say cousin right right i didn't realize that the amount of shit i have got since that show's gone out for saying cousin really yeah and then i mentioned to the swan and apparently my apparently she said it's something that's bothered her the whole time not bothered her i mean we're not often talking about cousins.
Starting point is 00:40:05 But yeah, I say it weird. And it just came out. In all fairness, you say it, and this is me going back to almost day one version of this podcast. You say it how it's spelled. I do, yeah. I also say that we've had emails in on this podcast about it. Bearing in mind, I'm properly in a glass house here
Starting point is 00:40:23 because the number of times I've criticised you for your pronunciation and stuff. That's the trouble, though. That's the trouble. You've probably got three words. I've probably got a thousand. I say McDonald's. McDonald's. McDonald's. We're going to McDonald's. Yeah, there's not an A in it, is there? No, I know. You fucked up there, didn't you? Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:40:40 That's what I'm saying. Cousin, you got right. And actually, I prefer the word cousin. Cousin. Yeah. Cousin. C got right. And actually, I prefer the word cousin. Cousin, yeah. Cousin. Yeah. Cousin. What do you say? Cousin.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Cousin of McDonald's. Cousin. Cousin McDonald's. See how I've dealt with this, though. What do you mean? I've put an arm around you and gone, it's okay, Pep. Well, you fucked up there. There's not an A in there.
Starting point is 00:40:59 Is that you're putting your arm around? Well, yeah, yeah, but just so you knew, just in case you didn't. Right, okay. Actually, while we're chatting about things uh on the flip side of that um there has been a i'd say it's a viral video that's gone absolutely crazy what is this of a lookalike of me yeah taking down a street mugger or some sort of rugby have you seen it wrong no it's probably been one of the things i've been asked most of the people that friends people in our industry message and asking if it's me this incredible basically someone it looks like someone's been mugged or something and as the guy's running off and it is to be fair a
Starting point is 00:41:34 complete the look-alike is amazing he jumps across he rugby tackles this guy and then another look-alike madly of claire balding choke holds the holds the guy who's from a committed Do you reckon it was like a lookalikes work day? It could have and to be fair the two people out having a fag because no one knows who they are could be Claire Balding and lookalike of Tom Davis but I have to
Starting point is 00:41:58 say that I'd love to chat to the guy who it actually was if anyone knows this actual person because what an incredible human being but it isn't me I need to hold my hands up on that I actually still who it actually was, if anyone knows this actual person, because what an incredible human being. But it isn't me. I need to hold my hands up on that. I actually still, I've said it on both Instagram and Twitter that it's not me, but still I'm being besieged
Starting point is 00:42:15 by people messaging me saying, what a legend, sweet, sweet soul. I can't take the credit for another man. Well, well done for not taking the credit on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it would feel like literally Superman saves the world and it's a guy looks a
Starting point is 00:42:27 bit like Clark Kent who's shaking everyone's hand well done yeah but we could put that video up on our socials could the actual guy
Starting point is 00:42:35 please get in touch if you know the guy get in touch somehow yeah are we going to have them on the podcast we could do just see
Starting point is 00:42:42 how much he actually looks like me maybe like if he comes from your town or your hamlet, get in touch. Okay. Steve, hope that helps. I'll start aggressing to a massive degree
Starting point is 00:42:50 and hardly giving you any advice. Okay. The next email is from The Polar Bear. It says, Anon, please. Love the podcast. Podcast. What are you drinking
Starting point is 00:43:05 by the way well I drank back on the good stuff have you worked out this morning no no I haven't worked out for a couple of days
Starting point is 00:43:12 I've had a bit of a groin problem I um yesterday dropped a dumbbell on my finger oof um
Starting point is 00:43:19 and it started pissing blood absolutely everywhere where from the fingernail yeah from underneath the fingernail fuck what are you lifting what dumbbells are you rolling with at the moment uh I was doing it started pissing blood absolutely everywhere. Where from? The fingernail? Yeah, from underneath the fingernail. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:43:25 What are you lifting? What dumbbells are you rolling with in the mode? I was doing an over, you know the row, the bent over row? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 28. 28? Is that a lot? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:37 That's pretty good, bro. Yeah, you've completely shocked me there. I'm asking, what are you doing? Like 98 or something? No, no, no. I think about 35 to 38. I actually joined it. I actually got invited to join somebody else for their workout.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Wow. To the podcast. I used to go to school with him. Amazing. How was it? Well, it was humiliating. You know, like he kept saying to me, don't worry. People don't look and people don't care.
Starting point is 00:44:00 Do you do the weight that you're supposed to do? I still found it quite humiliating. I mean, it's enjoyable, but it's humiliating. Yeah, but you're in trouble, bro. I'm doing less than half the weight that you're supposed to do i still found it quite humiliating i mean it's enjoyable but it's humiliating yeah but you know the trouble bro if you i'm doing less than i'm doing less than half the weight that he's doing yeah but same age he's yeah but he's been giving his life to the gym but you've got a bit in context right look this might feel like the end right we are all on different roads we're on different motorways my friend right what's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite mcmuffin getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite mcmuffin for only four dollars plus
Starting point is 00:44:28 tax for a limited time only at mcdonald's exclude egg blt mcmuffin a participating mcdonald's in canada prices exclude delivery whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available a built-in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my my standards and not everybody has what it takes vanderpump villa has first class luxury and world-class drama i'll be there will you vanderpump villa premieres april the 1st streaming on disney plus never ever be ashamed keep your powder keep your powder dry you just got on the road a little later than he did right you're down the gym and you're lifting weights,
Starting point is 00:45:46 whether they're half or a quarter of what he's lifting. You're lifting weights with a G you never thought you'd lift weights with. Take the victories where you get them, son, because they are seldom in life. That's really nice. That's better than the advice you get of Steve, actually. Okay. We're all fed up. This is pretty hard to give Steve advice that didn't sound absolutely fucking...
Starting point is 00:46:07 That didn't sound like we were calling social services. Love the pod, guys, and caught up with everyone, every episode chronologically, even the fucking Aliens episode. Ron, big shout-outs. I'm a regular for the Love of Hip-Hop listener. Thank you very much, BBC Radio 2 and BBC Sounds.
Starting point is 00:46:19 This email has been put into bullet points. Background. I got married way too young to complete the wrong person. I was divorced by 25. I'm now 30. My girlfriend is 24. We points. Background. I got married way too young to complete the wrong person. I was divorced by 25. I'm now 30. My girlfriend is 24. We met the same year I got divorced. She was 19.
Starting point is 00:46:30 We'd been together for five years. We met at work, and you never know there's any age difference when we get together. We both had reservations due to the age difference, but our mates and work colleagues encouraged us to go for it. Our family and friends have never expressed any concerns or issues either, which helps. We now own a beautiful home and live our happy life with our dog. All in all, it's pretty well so far, especially considering where my life was before i met her however when i'm with a friend group i often find myself trying to get reassurance i'm not some tragic old man
Starting point is 00:46:52 crashing the party i don't know other people's opinions bother me too much but i'm fully aware that people no doubt have certain thoughts about me regarding the age difference i'm not ashamed about my relationship in the slightest but it can be daunting when it first comes up in conversation especially with new people. I also worry about how the six-year age gap will affect us as I get older. Is it unfair on her? Sometimes I completely freak myself out with stupid shit, like realising she was only four when 50 Cent Get Rich or Die Trying came out.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Questions. What are your gut feelings when you heard I was 25 when she was 19 when we met? Be honest. What's your overall thoughts on our relationship age gaps? You have any new personal experiences like this? How do I stop overthinking this silly bullshit at 2am? Much love, the polar bear.
Starting point is 00:47:29 My guy, my G. Firstly, you're thinking way too much about this, my bro. Way too much. For a start, Catherine, I think is,
Starting point is 00:47:39 I think she's six or seven years younger than me. I think once you get after the 30s point, I think it just doesn't really matter. You know, I don't think it's a thing at all. I think the first thing is you're with someone. I mean, it does matter at a certain point, Prince Andrew. Yeah. But those...
Starting point is 00:47:57 After, yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't meet when Catherine was 11 and I was 18. But look, I think that the main thing is you've met someone right who makes you happy and you make them happy you got a good life you got a happy life and i think that's a really really important thing that's where your main focus should be on there is times of course when um you know the worst thing i've given this advice is i'm sitting looking at myself with a yellow baseball pack. Come on.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Talking about own your age, yeah? Don't try and be younger than you actually are. But the truth is, bro, it's that you have to look at, yeah, you have to look, you found someone who makes you happy. There's always going to be times. The time I noticed age the most was, like, you go to nct classes right and there are people there who are like 22 and they're having their second kid i'm fucking 43 i literally was sitting there thinking i could have been this guy's dad i could be the fucking dad of any of these people here who are having
Starting point is 00:49:01 their first child i'm having my first but you've you gotta throw those things out your head man it's nothing but you're half the time in life and it's the same thing as what i'm talking there about the gym right we we put ourselves in a situation we're all culpable of it of thinking people are thinking of us in a negative way or judging us for a certain thing that we're doing whether that's being not lifting enough weights in the gym or wearing a certain thing or dating someone that we think oh people are going to judge us upon that thing but actually in life most people are going to look and go absolutely good for you you know i'm good for you for doing that thing good for you for being happy let let someone if they're if they're going to judge you and say something deal with that problem otherwise let them fucking have to sleep this night and let them get angry about it because you're doing nothing wrong apart from leading your
Starting point is 00:49:48 life and being happy so smile um give your missus a cuddle from me and rob shink a little and just yeah keep being you bro because it's head of a polar bear listen uh when i heard that you were 25 and she was 19, it didn't register at all. I mean, I think this is like a made up. I mean, all insecurities are made up. But what I mean is you don't have to worry about this. This is like a nothing. This is a nothing.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Absolute nothing. You're happy. You've got a dog. You're living that life. Let this be the last time that this concerns you. Okay? Do you. Be happy. There's nothing to worry about. you're living that life let this be the last time that this concerns you okay do you be happy there's nothing to worry about
Starting point is 00:50:29 you're how old are you six years older so when you say that she was four when 50 Cent released Get Rich With Diary of a Trot you were ten
Starting point is 00:50:36 yeah what do you think you know what's the age difference between you and Lise Lise she's a year younger oh yes yeah it's weird as well because yeah yeah, I always think that if,
Starting point is 00:50:48 like Catherine is far more fucking grown up than I am. That's probably another thing. She's far more like with it than I ever am. But it's a bit like me and you doing a podcast together. What do you mean? Like sometimes you can have friendships with people who are quite a little bit older than you are. Well, we're the same age.
Starting point is 00:51:07 You're, like, a year and a half older than me. So it's like, yeah. Pretty much the same age. I'm, like, the same age as Lisa, basically. Yeah, you are actually, yeah. If anything, Polar Bear, I'd say this email has made me and Tom feel really old. So why don't you go fuck yourself?
Starting point is 00:51:23 Good luck, mate. Hi, Wolf, Al, swan and cat this is the Dumbo Octopus so glad you're back I've just listened to you talk about your friend giving his socks away what? can I just say
Starting point is 00:51:36 what a legend because although I can't say for certain I can confidently assume being a woman that often goes out in uncomfortable shoes uncomfortable shoes myself that she didn't wear them with her shoes but instead of she could take her shoes off and
Starting point is 00:51:47 walk on the street without hurting her feet and keeping them clean but we will walk in bare feet if we have to hope this helps so actually i need to apologize to my friend i would apologize to him but also i would say this if you are in a situation where you go out on a number of occasions and you need to take your uncomfortable shoes. Personally, I don't think anyone should wear uncomfortable shoes, a pair of shoes that they get that uncomfortable in. Yeah. And I feel for women.
Starting point is 00:52:13 I've had to wear high heels for a number of roles, and they're not very comfortable to wear. No. Right? I would say this, though. Why don't you really treat yourselves? And at the end of the night, you've got your own pair, like in your nice handbag or whatever you've got, get you have like a pair of really like you know those
Starting point is 00:52:28 grippy socks yeah they've got almost like a soul to them yeah like at the end of the night you're like oh man i can't wait to get in there yeah because it's a hell of a risk to walk around a bar having to ask a stranger if you can buy this i'd accept this if it was illegal for women to buy socks yeah yeah yeah the socks are readily available personally i think you know what as well i think women look hot in a nice pair of socks i do i think like it always cuts me back to like rachel monica and friends all cuddled up in a pair of like nice yeah comfy socks yeah okay um this email is from great dane and the the Emperor Tamarin. Wow. Do you think they're like the Great Dane? Or like who would,
Starting point is 00:53:09 like the Emperor Tamarin's really thought about their name, weren't they? The Great Dane just, I'll just call me the Great Dane. Who are you going to be? I bet they had an argument afterwards. Well, you've just got to be something regular.
Starting point is 00:53:19 I'm the Great Dane. Yeah, well, I've just had to be the Emperor Tamarin. So, I have to go with that. Put it in the email. I've sent the email. I'll click send now. The to be the Emperor Tamarin so I have to go with that put it in the email I've sent the email I've clicked send now
Starting point is 00:53:26 the wolf and the Emperor Tamarin to the wolf and the owl and the lovely swan and cat me and my best friend for that matter of six years debate a lot in the house but mainly a lot of useless things probably why we both
Starting point is 00:53:35 love the podcast oh probably why we both love the podcast and why we always probably why we both love the podcast and while we always come home and laugh together about the stories you tell on the pod no need to dish any more of that out those are compliments won't hit home to you two sweet sweet self-deprecating souls one particular debate however we want to
Starting point is 00:53:57 take straight to both of you to resolve is to hear which side of you two cut you to come out on the emperor tarin is currently tamarin is currently one of his periods of being a fitness freak and came out with the line i can't wait to lose a bit of weight i'll get a bit more dick which i the great dame found simply ridiculous we discussed biology at length and my argument is though although you may be able to see more tamarin tail from your perspective you you don't get any more usable shaft his argument is that there's fat even below the classic gut line which when you lose weight will slim down revealing more actual pain which side of this dilemma do you agree with thank you for choosing where you know whichever side you both take as
Starting point is 00:54:36 tom davis gospel facts and live it to the max i would we'll take as tom davis gospel facts and live it to them okay so you just care what tom says keep what you you're doing. Love from the Great Dane and the Emperor Tamarin. Wow. Who are Dan and Matt in Leeds, by the way. They've given their real names as well. Yeah, Dan, you and Matt. The Great Dane and the Emperor Tamarin. Do you know what?
Starting point is 00:54:56 I kind of agree with the Emperor Tamarin. We've both lost a bit of weight. I will say that, you know, you do look like you... I mean, I say you do, but I'm not talking you. I'm talking as you do look like you I say you do but I'm talking as a person because I've not seen your penis I've not seen your penis since you've lost all the weight I showed you just before
Starting point is 00:55:16 didn't I? I sent you the before pic which I did completely naked I didn't realise people don't do that That would be such a brilliant thing to do to a personal trainer just take some pictures of you completely naked holding a newspaper just a picture of you
Starting point is 00:55:35 I don't know if you can see that from the picture I sent you originally but yeah I've actually lost quite a considerable bit of weight from where I'm going I do think you do lose weight just from that little bit that's sort of... Yeah, the pouch. Yeah, the pouch.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Sort of, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say this. I am coming out in favour of the Emperor Tamron here because I think since I've lost weight... I don't know if there's more usable shaft because that shaft has remained unused. But what I would say is
Starting point is 00:56:02 you definitely do notice a difference, I think. I think, think like sometimes yeah your penis could look like it was just sort of sitting on a fucking really doughy piece of bread do you know what I mean or on a sort of bun or something like a proven loaf
Starting point is 00:56:18 yeah you know like a bake off where you see a loaf proven someone's just gone and sort of stuck something in they've got the tub with the cling film on yeah yeah yeah and mine doesn't look quite as bad as that like that at the moment um actually what we're talking about is i did have someone messaged me the other day saying that the way that me and you talk about our weight is so negative just about they they were offended that we talk about yeah we've had being overweight we've had a few emails like that and I just want to say that it's not a matter of
Starting point is 00:56:47 me being negative about being overweight or Romney it's how I feel or how Rom feels about how we feel about ourselves look if you're happy in your own skin and you're happy the way you look honestly that's commendable
Starting point is 00:57:03 the reason I wanted to lose weight is because I wasn't happy and I wanted to be fit and I wasn't happy in how I looked and how I felt in myself. And I don't want to insinuate that people that are overweight are not sexy. Rick Ross, sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barry White, sexy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Lizzo, sexy as hell. Sexy, yeah. So we're not saying that, okay? We're just saying that we are tragic. Yeah, and that's down to, you know, and if I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have lost weight. Am I infinitely happier?
Starting point is 00:57:33 No, not really. I've just found other things to, like, fucking waste my time being worried about. What happens is you uncover, it's basically the fat has sort of disappeared to reveal different hang-ups. Yeah. That can't be exercised away.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Yeah, like being bored yeah like i still don't have an ass yeah yeah less of an ass now it's just yeah so yeah um if i'm honest with you what losing weight has taught me is that i probably should have spent a little bit more money on going to therapy um speaking to someone who can any of those demons but look for you yeah I'm with I'm with the what's it
Starting point is 00:58:08 called terramine tamarin tamarin I'm with the tamarin I think you can lose
Starting point is 00:58:12 weight around the penis and yeah add to those millimeters on that highbrow note
Starting point is 00:58:20 it's time for us to close out the podcast Tom Davis good to do me the honors and take us out please socks and shoes jeans and jumpers hats and glasses what is it that makes you who you are a rarer skirt that you wear out at christmas day that makes you feel like a million
Starting point is 00:58:40 bucks a pair of tight overbearing jeans that makes you dance a little bit quicker a sports jacket that makes you walk through a tube station thinking you own the world thing about dress and the clothes we wear is yes clothes make you the man but sometimes it's just having something that you wear upon your body or wear upon your way that makes you believe that little bit more in yourself. It's a state of mind. So actually, we shouldn't put so much emphasis on what we wear, nay, what we perceive to be the look that we've been searching for. Make the little elements of your brain, the sports jacket
Starting point is 00:59:24 or the pair of chelsea boots that you've been looking for find a way in your own head not to have to buy some fashion to make you feel well and feel better know that the fashion dance that you walk and the catwalk of life is always going to be there and you can always march down it knowing that you my friend always are decent really love that really love that especially as you're delivering all that while looking the drippiest i've ever seen you but good right if i'm honest with you i about halfway through i don't know if you noticed i you know what i've got a lot of respect for is priests and people who do religious sermons went to a christening recently
Starting point is 01:00:07 and the guy told the same story four times but told it with such conviction I didn't realise it was the same story four times until I left about two days later that doesn't sound something worthy of respect to be honest he told the same story over and over again you just added different bits to it oh okay
Starting point is 01:00:23 well look thank you so much for listening to the wolf for now a bit of a relaxed sunday morning vibe on this yeah i would like to play to take us out jt friend of mine friction friend of the podcast is releasing an album called after dark drum and bass bangers uh and there's a tune on it that i really like called weed and wine so jt could you take us out with a little bit of weed and wine? We will see you next time on this little roller coaster that we like to call the Wolf and Owl Podcast. Bye-bye. Relax, I'm one Pour some liquor up in your car So have a little weed and one Tell me, do you feel alright, my love?
Starting point is 01:01:10 Sit back, relax, rewind Pour some liquor up in your car If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.

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