Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 17: Robot Chefs & Crap Cap Service

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

We’re talking… podding on an empty stomach, awards for cowardice, footie training pick-ups, fast-food ordering screens, robot chefs, bad customer service and homemade burgers. Then after quite a bit of toilet talk, we answer emails about some relationship advice, a work place predicament and presents for parents. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Yum. Yum.

Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. Yeah. shows have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog Okay, so now we're... Oh, no. Oh, no.

I can't find QuickTime. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I can't find QuickTime. Oh, my God. I was told you didn't. I haven't got QuickTime loaded. Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, some people stand in the darkness. JT, can you make that the opening to the podcast? Welcome to The Wolf and Owl this Sunday morning. It's 10.14. I know that doesn't mean anything to you because it would be out on a Wednesday, but it's 10.14 on a Sunday morning. I haven't had breakfast yet. You haven't had breakfast yet?

No. Oh, man, you're coming dry. Have you had a coffee? Nope. Wow, so you've had no coffee, no bread. What have you got inside you? I've had a pint of water. Wow.

This guy. This bodes badly, doesn't it? I'm undernourished for this, man. I can feel my chat is going to be dry as shit. And actually, as we're about to log on, I thought I've got nothing to say to this man. So, you know, every week we click record and we go, let's just see what happens.

Yeah. I think this might be the first one where it's just nothing actually does happen. Wow. I say first one. I really am bigging up the previous episodes. Wow. You know what's really good?

Yeah. Is if we were in the trenches of World War II and you were standing next to me. Yeah. And everyone else is kind of buoyant by it and I look at you and go, do you fancy this here? And you go,

not really, mate. If I'm honest with you, if you'd have got bigger guns, I'd see more up for it. You'd actually be soul-destroying just going over the top. I often wonder if they do the opposite of, you know, like the Purple Heart?

Yeah. If there's like a yellow one for people like me who just like, he died so easily. Just a little bit of sort of will. You know what they should call that medal? The Rotten Gaff. That would be an awful thing, isn't it? And then eventually, because I was awarded like seven posthumously,

it would be called the Ramesh after that. Isn't there that? Just people forever in wars just going, whatever happens today, I do not want to get a Romesh. Let's go. Isn't it like the worst thing in the world that people would be sitting there, right? You know, like when you watch war films

and sort of like, for some reason, you put an American accent on, people turn up and go, you know, Mrs. Cohart, you know, your husband died out there, but he died in a brave fight. He put up the fight of his life, and you can be proud, and this nation can be proud of him.

It's a sad thing to think of someone knocking on the door and going, your husband died out there. Oh, God. Did he put up a fight? Not really. I mean, he left his gun behind. So did I design battle for the American military? Is that what you're saying?

You could have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you went over there. Yeah, yeah. He asked me to pass on his father's pocket watch, but we don't think he did enough to deserve it, so we're going to keep it as a reminder to all future recruits of how not to conduct yourselves. He had such a negative impact on the rest of the troop

we're actually gonna smudge his name completely from the history of this great nation i don't know why you're fighting in america i'd like that idea yeah and just so you know you're not welcome on any military grounds either because obviously you know you married him so that shows a lack of character on your part um you could you know i'll leave it up to you to decide whether i've done the british accent for accuracy or because i can't do an american accent you know that's but do you feel like do you think it's because you haven't had anything to eat is that why you've come in quite forlorn i do you never strike me as a guy who needs a big big big bit of munch to sort of for Lorne. You never strike me as a guy who needs a big bit of munch

to sort of have the gusto to come into this thing. What did you have for your tea last night? So Lisa's away with Theo for the weekend. I'm in sole custody. Oh, hello. There's a glimpse into the future. I've got

sole custody of Alex and Charlie for the weekend. So yesterday I... Oh my God, mate. So Charlie's got... Charlie had football custody of uh alex and charlie for the weekend so yesterday i oh my god mate so charlie charlie's got charlie had football training yesterday right and i said to i've never dropped charlie off of football training so well i have dropped him off that's a lie i have dropped him off but with lisa i've never done it on my own yeah and i've never picked up and i was very nervous about being that parent that welcome to parenting hell by the way I was very nervous about being that parent that, welcome to parenting hell, by the way.

I was very nervous about being that parent that, can't believe I've given them a plug as if they need it. Anyway, I can't, I didn't want to be that dad who sort of looks like he's sort of bewildered and lost or whatever. So I said to Lisa, I want to get this like fucking down. Can you tell me exactly? I almost asked her to do a video. You've got to pull up at this school and then walk around to the field.

I said to her, where's the field. I don't want to be wandering around. She goes, it's totally crystal clear. Don't worry. Pull up at the school, park up,

go around to the left. That's where you'll find Charlie, right? To pick him up from training. So I'm nervous, nervous, nervous, uh,

drive up to the school, see the sign for the school, turn right, drive up. And I think, God, is school turn right drive up and i think god is there a gate coming across here then i realize it's a fence and then about i i would say two thirds into the journey i realize i've driven up the pedestrian path into the school oh my god and what i love is you come into this fucking podcast saying you haven't got any fucking stories then you fucking knock a banger out. So I'm sort of halfway

and I'm thinking, shit, I should really reverse it. But it just narrowed so quickly. It narrowed so much that I thought we might be in a situation where I just get... You know what as well? People are watching that thinking,

look at that prick. He thinks he's so fucking cool he can just drive up the fucking pedestrian. Mate, it was so embarrassing. So I just thought I've just got to like continue and hope nobody see me i carry on driving clip a bin with my wing mirror right pull into the car park get out just get heckled as soon as i get out of the car by the other parents hello mate took the wrong turn there didn't you oh that was uh was it was it or was it more like oh this guy do you know what the thing was

it was jovial banter the problem is i'm so fucking wounded and embarrassed that any banter at that stage doesn't feel totally well it just feels like this is exactly what i didn't want to happen yeah i mean it's the opposite of what wanted to happen. So anyway, that was hugely embarrassing. I'm just listening to like just loads of... Sorry, the kids are playing Minecraft. I had no idea how violent Minecraft is. It's not violent, but when they play it, it's like they're in combat. Anyway, so I pick up Charlie.

Does Charlie know the SP? Because usually it's Theo you embarrass yourself in front of. Yeah, well, Charlie didn't see me drive the pedestrian path i told him the story as we're walking out and he didn't really care why would i know you this is what i love about charlie with theo because he's at that age where theo would have been embarrassed charlie's at that age where he's just happy to see his dad there and yeah yeah he was just like he didn't care yeah so then um i had to go pick up Alex because he's got like theatre group or whatever. So go pick him up.

I go to the wrong spot to wait for him. And Charlie, the absolute legend that he is, waits 30 seconds before he goes, you do know this isn't where they come out? And I go, okay. All I know, right, is your son who's eight, he's sitting there thinking he's had an absolute fucking rick of a year. He's pulled up the wrong road to pick me up, which is embarrassing.

I'm embarrassed for him, but I've got to shoulder that at eight years old. I wish I had driven up the wrong road. I drove up a path. Well, you drove up a path. So he's thinking, because he's got such a good heart, he's sitting there thinking, how do I break it to him we're waiting in the wrong place without absolutely crushing him? I know. Kudos to the kid man

you've got a questioning level apparently where your kid's worried about your self-esteem at eight anyway the boys wanted chicken nuggets I've told them they're having a double Lisa's away so they're having a double McDonald's weekend

never happens best kind of weekend both days yeah so we go to mcdonald's and um we go and order the food or i don't i don't like i know you're a mcdonald's fan i don't like the experience of mcdonald's man i don't like that so i mean we took went in went in and you know like the the screen. The audio off the screen. By the way, that's an incredible innovation. I do like that. I just don't like being in McDonald's. There you go. I've said it.

I don't like it. It was so crowded. It was so hot. So noisy. I just found it incredibly stressful. Does that not give you throwbacks when you were a youth? That was like the adrenaline that just bounced off the walls there?

Yeah, but McDonald's, mate, when I was a kid, McDonald's felt so much more spacious. Maybe it feels spacious to my kids and I'm just an adult because I'm bigger, but it feels like, I feel claustrophobia from McDonald's now. Whereas I used to feel like... Yeah, those screens are great.

Let me just say, by the way, those screens, you go, oh yeah, they're great, great innovation. I know screens are fucking toxic, and I think they'll be the end of the earth. I genuinely, I think, like, it's weird to come in so militant. I first mentioned the screens, and you had no comment. And now you're saying they're the end of existence.

So what's the problem? You know what it is, right, is what fucking grinds my gears is it's the end of fucking customer service. It's the end of, like, a handshake and a smile and enjoy your meal. It's gone now. Why should people that work at McDonald's have to offer anything approaching customer service for the amount of money you're paying for that food?

Because I think it's... No, no, no, no. I think I'm all in favour of minimising their workload. Minimising it, but they're not going to have a workload soon because soon robots are going to be making burgers, mate. Okay. I don't think that's in our immediate future. If I'd told you five years ago,

and when you go to McDonald's, you won't even have to talk to anyone, you just press your order on your screen, you'd have turned around and gone, oh, fuck it, that's mental. That's not going to happen. Five years later, it happens. I'm telling you now. screen you to turn around and gone oh fuck it oh my that's mental that's not gonna happen five years later it happens i'm telling you now i mean the massive question that the massive

the massive assumption that that's something you would have predicted five years ago by the way you set yourself there as the as the prophet no i'm just and i'm the disbeliever yeah right i'm saying to you neither neither of us would have believed it right let me tell you now right I'm going to fucking throw something at you five years time right Charlie and Alex Charlie's what

13 now right you bowl into you have a little swag into McDonald's right you press the screen you ordered your food and Charlie goes

dad you seen this and you look around there's robot there's like one guy pressing buttons like a maya scientist and robots are making the burgers

and you just a little tear will run down your face and go fucking hell he was right he was fucking right that that's happening that's in five years yeah i reckon five to seven years okay i'm saying if that happens that happens doesn't it i mean what what is like look we need to be really really careful case in point right I think people don't care as much about customer service as they used to. I went into a shop this week to buy some baseball caps. Are you going to name the shop? Yeah, I will, actually. I will go to it for you.

It's called Lids. It's in Covent Garden. I know Lids, yeah. Can I say, the customer service in there was almost offensive how bad it was. Okay. It was terrible. I go in there, there right and i'm like look i love a fitted baseball cap beautiful i think it's a thing of beauty i think someone's

sitting there the ingenuity of making a fitted cap right yeah is that a little 12 year old bengali kid stitching that together it's something to marvel at yeah anyway go on i go in there i'm like oh um I've got a whole array of different caps from all around the globe, right? Different kinds, different brands, different teams, right? It's actually quite, you walk in and you go, whew, it actually knocks you back a little bit, right? Yeah.

I mean, they're not from all over the world. They're from one factory in a developing country. Go on. You go in and you're like, um hey uh what's what uh have you got any like seven and three quarters have you got any in eights number one nice right i'm seven and five eights by the way yeah if anybody's thinking about buying me a hat i'd love to buy you a hat the thing is what i'm not doing is fucking spending 45 to fucking minutes to an hour going through all these hats myself i'm like what have you got is there not a database that you can go we've got an eight in this one this one this one this one this one

so hold on what so what what did you have to do then so you've got to go through all the hats on my own literally going through every like literally ever and of course the eights and the seven because they're the big hats they're at the back yeah well these two guys just talked about one of them genuinely what i went oh do you know if you what ain't you've got in any hats and he went you just gotta go through him mate i went there's probably something in that tone yeah yeah and he looked genuinely like i walked in and said oh you know i offended his family in some way right so then i was like just is there any a database here that you could sort of like loosely say oh we might have eights in this one, this one, this one.

He was just like, you've just got to look through them. Right? So I'm then standing there. I look like I'm now working in a shop because I'm pulling them all out neatly. I'm trying to sort of, like, keep that. And he starts teaching his friend a dance move that he's learnt. And, like, genuinely, I stood there

and I got a little look at myself and thought, you're an absolute joke, Tom. Why? Because I'm standing there. At at one point I had seven hats in one arm and I'm ruffling through the rest we're like with my left arms just holding hats my right I'm then going through other hats and then I'm trying to put them back all neatly why did you try and put them back on what am I doing because I'm a I don't know I just thought like someone's got to take care of this shop no one else is and then at the end I felt like saying something I felt but I didn't I I just thought someone's got to take care of this shop no one else is and then at the end I felt like saying

something but I didn't I felt like saying look you know what I feel how many hats did you buy three there you go

do you begin to understand why they might not be changing their customer service because they're operating like that and you've gone in done all the work

for them tidied up after yourself and bought three hats what is the incentive for them, tidied up after yourself and bought free hats. What is the incentive for them? Well, what am I supposed to do? I want the hats. So like, what am I supposed to do? Just like not buy anything.

Yeah, correct. That is what you're supposed to do. If you go somewhere, what you are supposed to do, look, by the way, I'm talking like that's what I would have done. I'm just telling you what you're supposed to do. This is how customer service gets improved, right don't buy anything and then you complain after yeah can i just say if if if if everybody does that they'll start to notice that i'm just telling you the money will the income will drop down and then they'll go we need to look at what's going on

you know what we're of an age now in you right we're of an age now ron where we are those sad fuck it we i would be those sad tracks. If I was to turn around to him and go, excuse me, I was actually going to spend quite a considerable amount of money on baseball caps. Number one, that's not a cool thing to say when you're 43 anyway, right? Sorry, I don't remember my advice being become a bellend.

All I said was you leave without buying anything. You don't have to go fucking pretty woman about it. Go to another shop, come back with a carrier bag full of hats. Do you remember when I was looking through the hats myself earlier? Big mistake. Huge. I'm not suggesting you do that. No, but otherwise I didn't really want a hat.

You have to turn around and say, I was actually in the market for a few hats today, and you need to phone your manager and say we've lost out on that money no, no, you leave you don't have to have that confrontation you don't have to be that person, you just message them later email, so I went into your Covent Garden

what? am I talking to somebody that didn't do a fucking email to a restaurant going normally, I would say it's a very special experience, today was anything but am i am i not talking to that guy and now you're getting all fucking on your on your high horse about it about sending an email of complaint no but i'm saying this is the guy that engaged in an online argument with leon yeah this guy you but maybe i'm trying to change the air of my waves the guy that led to

us getting a corporate letter from a hair receding company that guy are we talking about that guy yeah is that is that who i'm talking to now have you had some sort of epiphany that i didn't know about no when i complained in his beneath you i just thought look what I need to do is someone needs to talk to these young bucks and just say to them

listen you know there's pride there's nothing wrong in being like you know saying you know like being attentive

I tell you what right I genuinely there's nothing better than walking in a shop and feeling someone I'll shout at someone actually

because I don't want to make this negative when did Hugo bust the other day by a track suit shout out Imran no just shout out Imran what an amazing guy

couldn't have been any more helpful couldn't have been any more lovely like literally was just like actually you know what

I wish I'd recorded the whole thing by phone and showed him customer service and put that up and go this is the legacy surprise surprise Actually, you know what? I wish I'd recorded the whole thing by phone and showed him customer service and put that up on the ground.

Put that on your stories. Yeah. Surprise, surprise. Just rubbing your hands as people know that you're shopping Hugo Boss. Absolutely smushed up. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis?

Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant

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delivery there is a there is a by the way i'm obviously deliberately being a prick but there is a a thin line isn't there because when i used to work at sunglass hut yeah and they were like you've got to greet the customer within 30 seconds you've got to go up to them within like a minute or whatever and say what can i get you and blah blah blah there have been occasions where i've been forced out of a shop by the customer by by positive customer service we're like you just want to have a potter around that the perfect the perfect one is you sort of get left on your own yeah but then they're incredibly attentive as soon as you signal that you need help right that's that's the ideal blend right yeah that's a that's a but you know what i'd love

to go i'd love to me and you basically be able to go into like a big big store and go look this is how we think customer service should work. And then that's just played out. Well, I'd say, listen, it's a fickle industry. That might well be in our future. You know what I mean? Wolf are now corporate tools. Doing school assemblies to kids about how to be polite,

how to wipe your arses. And then the big money gigs come from telling people how to do customer service. This is what you do at a fast food place. Romesh, you be the customer. All right, okay. So I come in, right, and I've got my eye on this nice pair of cowboy boots.

But yeah, I don't know. It's a difficult one, though. I don't know what level of customer service. And what I would say, by the way, how this all started, McDonald's, I just think McDonald's is such a tough place to work in. I worked in KFC for years. I think anything that makes their jobs easier is ideal. And what I would say is in the crawly McDonald's that I went to yesterday,

the guy, so I ordered the food and then I waited for the you know they got the Argos style collection yeah he called out my number I went up to get my food and he said there you go mate what sauces do you want told him and he goes hope you enjoy it have a great day well well shout out did you get both times did you eat in both times of the boys no brought it home the boys requested to bring it home so we came home and anyway this whole point of the story i had a mcplant burger yeah which if you'd have told me they were making it look as little like the picture as they possibly could as a prank if i would have believed you are you still are you still just getting one of those are you putting two in no you told me to get two i just got one you. Are you still just getting one of those or are you putting two in?

No, you tell me to get two. I just got one. You know what you can do there, by the way, is just say to them, yeah, I'll throw an extra patty in that, please. What? Where's the option on the machine to do that? I think there should be an option. If not, just have like three quid or something in your hand

and just say to the guy, look, I've just made an order here, I want to say, here's three quid, can you throw another patty in, please? Yeah, maybe I should do that. I want them to make a vegan Big Mac, please. Can somebody make a vegan Big Mac? It doesn't have to be McDonald's. I made chicken burgers last night. Right.

I realised I hate cooking with raw meat. Really? Like mince. Oh, you make it from scratch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made it with mince? Chicken mince, yeah. No, I know that but what

I mean is like so this is a minced this is like a minced chicken I thought you were like you'd battered a fillet or something like that no no no no I'm trying to I'm trying to hit

with that healthy life at the moment so you're mincing the chicken instead of having it as a whole breast chicken yeah yeah no I just didn't want like because to make it a chicken

otherwise it's the breast of the chicken in a bun right yeah I made the chicken burgers right but what I realized is actually having to do that is i have some such close i've got serious ocd by the way as well katherine mean and an argument i wouldn't say but katherine i then literally so i've made these burgers that took ages to cook because i get a real ocd about chicken not being cooked properly so and then i wouldn't say that i would describe that as a

as a healthy fear of food poisoning yeah i then one spent i reckon about 45 minutes to an hour afterwards cleaning our kitchen like a crime had been committed there i didn't want any raw meat on the floor because grace is now crawling i was worried about being on the kitchen floor so i'm cleaning the floor and cleaning the sides yeah it raises some questions about how you cook but did you form did you form the patty

sort of sat cross-legged on the ground like a hippie fuck it he's got the whole world playing in the background how were the

how were the burgers they were pretty banging I've got to say. I didn't like my McPlant very much. Look, I like the McPlant. I support the McPlant. I'm glad the McPlant exists. And I don't want McDonald's to think that I don't like the McPlant. I do like the McPlant.

What I'm saying is I didn't like this McPlant. Do you know what it is as well? You went in at a busy time. I bet every burger they sell... Charlie and Alex aren't stupid. They've ordered chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets, right, are always going to be banging. They're pretty much...

You can't... If they'd ordered a McPhillip or a Chicken McSandwich or Big Mac, the Big Mac would have been slung together. And there's nothing wrong with anyone working at McDonald's. When they when they're up against it mate they're up against it and they got a graft and they gotta just get that food out that's why with the robots i think they're going to be more precise sure when they're doing it so you actually support the robots now i don't support them at all i'm terrified of coming in i like the fact it's a lottery sometimes you get

upset because i'm someone i love on mcdonald's when you get that burger and it might only happen twice a year but when you get a burger it looks like the picture you feel like walking back in and just saying excuse me thank you have you seen those videos where people walk back into restaurants and they go who made this burger no who made i want to know who made this burger and then somebody goes i made the bit goes great job oh that i might start doing something like that. Yeah, I'd love you. Do you know what? That's so in your locker, I can't even.

That is what I love. No, but I love giving positive feedback. It's one of my favourite things. Yeah. I give negative sometimes, but when I give positive, it makes me feel better. Yeah. The good thing about you, though,

is you give your negative masquerading as positive, which I like. I've got used to in this relationship. Anyway, the McPlant and fries, which I had, it kind of put me off eating for the day. Because I haven't had McDonald's for a long time, and I was sort of looking forward to it. And it just wasn't that great. So I just felt like, you know, like when you get, I felt like I got a shit Christmas present. Do you know what I mean?

So then I just had a sandwich for dinner. I just thought you don't, eating's overrated. Wow. Sandwich for dinner. I sort of like, it was, I don't know who I was.

Can I just ask something? Had Charlie and Alex gone to bed at this time? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who I'm protesting. I don't know who's learning a lesson from that. I don't know if McDonald's are thinking to themselves, oh, God, Romesh had a sandwich for dinner

as a result of what we've done. I don't know who I'm... The only person I seem to be punishing is myself. What did the boys have for tea? I think they had waffles and fish fingers or something. Just so much nutritional food. Waffles and fish fingers. charlie will eat anything like he started eating curries um he's quite adventurous do you mean whereas alex is a bit more like you have to sort of give him what he eats like five things yeah and and you

know when people go people often like to step in don't they and tell you what they think like often relatives yeah close friends will go just give him that just give him that you know when people go, people often like to step in, don't they, and tell you what they think. Like often relatives and close friends will go, just give him that. Just give him that. You know, you're letting him run your life there. Give him that.

And you go, well, the idea that a kid will eventually eat it if you put that in front of him is just not true. It's such bullshit. It's such bullshit.

Grace is like 11 months and you sort of have him think such stuff. If she didn't like something, she's not having it. Yeah. We've done it where we've waited like an hour,

hour and a half and it's just like, I'm just not going to eat. If I'm honest, you try and spoon feed her, she wants to do everything herself. So you try and,

but then this stuff, she'll just turn her nose up. She's not having it. She had hummus for the first time yesterday which was pretty cute. Did she like it? She loved it, yeah.

She was wolfing down the hummus. When we took when we took theo to i think it's like one of those italian chains i can't remember which one it was and he was sat in his high chair i don't know if you've had this with gross yet but like i couldn't believe where he managed to get past i couldn't i was embarrassed man i was even though it was like a high i just thought even for a kid of his age i can't believe where this has got to oh yeah i mean it's like we had to give like people at nearby tables ponchos like they're in the front row at sea world it honestly man it was crazy i took a photo after it's like i think they might have to like redo this room after we leave man i had to i was like i don't know what tip you give

for ruining the corner of the restaurant. Do you know what I mean? It was so embarrassing, man. And then obviously the staff were like, sound, they were like, don't worry, don't worry.

And he's like, I am going to worry. I'm going to worry for weeks about this. We're never coming back just so you know. We can't. What was it,

Bella Italia or something? Something like that, yeah. Prezzo or something? I can't remember. Oh, Prezzo. Big I can't remember oh Prezzo big things yeah big things

but um yeah it was bad it was bad I've got to say I'm doing this whole episode by the way wishing I'd put a pebble in beforehand

oh what happened what did you eat last night hold on you had chicken breast no no no I'm talking about I've got a two day cut ring stone two day

yeah well go on where'd you go Nepalese I've got a two-day cut ringstone two day yeah well go on where'd you go nepalese i've got obsessed with this nepalese place and i just like i've been getting this really nice sort of mango chicken dish which has got a little sweetness to it which is oh that sounds fiery hot no wonder you needed a pepper mango chicken that's like one step up from far isn't it so I thought let's just take it up a notch. Oh, okay, fine, sorry.

Yeah, so I went through one of their speciality dishes that they do at this place. Passion fruit lamb? There's no coconut, no mango, anything like that near this thing. Listen, I'm going hardcore. Keep the raisins out of this one. I told her at the cafe, she had a little taste of it. She was like, it was far too hot.

What was it, sir? What was it? I'll have to find the name of it. Is it a Danzac? Is it a Jalfrezi? Is it a Vindaloo? Let me just get Just Eat out. Yeah, go into Just Eat and look up Michelin star Nepalese.

You're joking, aren't you?alese cool well here we go so this thing was i'll tell you what i'm obsessed with by is aloe chops aloe chops yeah the potato cakes oh amazing you know i had them before i think i have yeah um so it was a shazlik shazlik yeah so it was a chicken shazlik which is pretty hot man i've got to say uh and how much did you enjoy it like would you have it again it was incredible but we we went to the farm yesterday um yeah to grace to a petting farm and there was a little bit of grief there if i'm honest with you i felt a little bit like oh this is a little bit well yeah i mean let me say by the way if you're i don't want to be too vulgar here but if you're suffering like i was suffering yesterday and then you're surrounded by animals living in their own shit you actually almost i was looking at the pigs and

the cows you envied them didn't you yeah i was like you know what right now that would i'd make a deal that i could live like that and also whenever you i mean you've been doing that you've been an apparent and game wrong with me whenever you go to mean, you've been doing it, you've been an apparent game wronger than me. Whenever you go to anywhere that's outside, like a fucking play park or whatever, you know, fucking, even like when you go to like soft play. Yeah. The toilets are just not realistic for a grown man, are they?

No. Yeah. Awful. If you've got to drop a juice, it's fucking, it's not a good look. I have had an ongoing fear throughout my life of shitting anywhere that isn't my own sort of home toilet really yeah like it's a thing that i've had for a long time and now i'm in a position where my body will just shut off my shitting function when i'm you are out of it that i actually feel for you there i feel for you feel for me yeah because i didn't get to take a shit at fisher's farm what why no because so like if you're in like the italian countryside you've never had to

sort of use like an italian if i'm on holiday but like this is a genuine thing whenever i've been on holiday i don't shit for the first three days what mate i mate i'm telling you i would be banging up some prunes if i wasn't shitting for three days. Yeah. I'd be going to breakfast and saying, you know those big bowls that you get at buffets of prunes? I'd be taking all of them and just wolfing them down. Yeah, well, okay. Much as I'd like to follow three days of not shitting by ruining the holiday.

I've just sort of accepted that. But I mean, I don't know what's going on inside me. I mean, I'm eating like normal. So what is happening? How long has this been going on for? Most of my adult life, I'd say. We've talked about this before, but you know if you don't shit for long enough you get really bad breath you get how that's um it all gets backed up and then the shit no hold on it's not i'm not it's not coming up back up like a sewage system is it it does yeah if it gives you if you yeah did i ever tell you about that story about that um a friend of a friend?

And they basically, I mean, I don't know why this has got into such shit stories, but anyway, they got so... You know everybody thinks this story's about you, but anyway, go on. No, they got so bugged up, right, with poo, right? Yeah. They had to have this really, really strong laxative, and the doctor said, when you have this, you have to sit in the bath, because it's so strong there's like yeah so they had to basically like give birth to this because they've been bunged up so long they had to give birth to this and their husband had to

sit and like almost just hold their hand while it came out oh god and then what did they do with it afterwards you gotta do chop it up or something yeah because it came out like it like elvis is like it was like you know what blocks up the suites it's like that kind of vibe yeah but then they're in the bath so that's where she shower off after instance i mean i don't know how well i just i find it very difficult and like it does happen every now and again like and when i'm on tour you know you have that pre-show yeah the system kicks in doesn't it a little bit so i've managed to sort of accept that that might happen but sometimes if i've turned up to a tour venue and it's like a toilet that makes me... Nervous is an exaggeration,

but say if it's not sufficiently private or... Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Whatever. I can't... Then my body just goes, no, you're not shitting it, man. You know, I had that...

Hotels I'm fine at. Yeah, because you've got your own little sort of like... Yeah. Sort of salvation. But it is a psychological thing. I had that at the comedy store on on Monday

please tell me you didn't think about shitting in that fucking hell did that even cross did you shit in that toilet no you've got the toilet in the green room which is out

you can't shit in that that's like you can't shit in that you've got to go to the customer yeah yeah and then I was like so I got there

spoke to a couple like Susie spoke to some people then in the back of my mind I'm like I've just eaten a massive Chinese meal and I need like I spoke to a couple, like Susie, spoke to some people. Then in the back of my mind, I'm like, I've just eaten a massive Chinese meal. And I need to get this out. But then by the time I went to use the customer toilets, there's customers in there. So there's people in the toilet. So when I go in, people are like, oh, I'm looking forward to the gig tonight.

Chat to you. And you're like, I can't do what I'm about to do here. So I actually had to back it up. You just stored it. I did, yeah. Corked it. Corked it for later. I wonder where the guy who robbed the meal shat that night.

He must have been in a similar situation. I've had a lot of feedback about him, by the way. Go on, talk to me. I've actually had quite a lot of people who've gone to Wonky's on the back of what happened and taken pictures of them eating at Wonky's, which has been quite nice. Did you ever think that you getting robbed and you telling the story was going to lead to Wonky's, which has been quite nice. Did you ever think that you getting robbed and you telling the story

was going to lead to Wonky's getting increased custom? Yeah, no, I had no idea that, literally. After the way they treated you? I mean, I don't blame them, by the way, but I didn't think it would be... A lot of people do, by the way. Oh, really? Not a lot of people don't blame them, sorry. They say that they shouldn't have charged you.

But, I mean, the problem is that if they didn't charge you, then does it set a precedent? I mean, it's quite an unusual scenario, isn't it, that somebody leaves and then goes, he's paying for it. I mean, yeah, it's a big scam. Theoretically, you could go with a mate. You could go, right, can you leave and say, I'm paying for it, and then I'm going to say I don't know you.

Yeah. I guess. Which is just as insane as someone coming in, seeing someone, and then being like, that's the break that he's done, which is insane in itself. Yeah. So what did you do? When did you share?

I went into some services on the way home. Yeah. South Mimms. Nice services. Shout out to everyone who works at South Mimms. They keep that place incredible. So just so if people, just so, because most people won't know what the Comedy Store dressing room's like.

It's just one dressing room with like a sofa along one side of it some chairs it's quite small yeah and then there's a

toilet at the end of the room if you shit there everyone's that dressing room I think as well we work in such a small industry right

if you were to do that I think that would be your legacy you could rock the store every night you play you could rock the O2

20 nights in a row your legacy would be you the guy who shat but also

that's like glee everywhere it's just like everywhere you go but do

you think that's what do you think is because there's

signs up in some of the toilets not to shit I think glee

Birmingham yeah the idea that somebody would think it's okay to shit someone must have someone must have

for that side to be up there yeah definitely and then everyone sat there backstage just like trying to do the gig while also dealing with the fucking because there's never any

windows in those places no but when you go to a gig tour show whatever and the toilet is like a good sort of walk away from the dressing room

what a result yeah not so much for a tour show a tour show on your own anyway so yeah but like a good sort of walk away from the dressing room what a result yeah not so much for a tour show it's all showing you're in anyway so yeah but like a gig a circuit gig if like you're sat in with four people and you go where's the toilet and they go it's just down there like like a 30 second walk down there what i mean colchester arts center or arts whatever it's called arts club whatever it is they've got their toilet by the way shout that out it's incredible yeah shout out to colchester art center toilet yeah it's got its own uh own little it's called, Arts Club, whatever it is, they've got their toilet, by the way. Shout that out. It's incredible.

Yeah. Shout out to Colchester Arts Centre toilet. Yeah. It's got its own little, it's basically its own little micro planet sort of thing. It's just so far away. Micro planet? Oh, right. It's like a little sort of.

It's its own. When I was a teacher. Did you have to use the same toilets as the kids? No, they've got teacher toilets. Are they nicer? They are nicer. But what I would say is where I taught, they were sort teacher toilets. Are they nicer? They are nicer, but what I would say is, where I taught, they were sort of in quite public.

As in, there was a lot of footfall by those toilets. Do you know what I mean? So what you don't want is like, well, it's obvious what you don't want. You don't want a kid knowing you've taken a shit. But there was a toilet. They built a new block, and there was a staff toilet that nobody knew about.

Wow, really? And every time I needed a shit, I'd go there, and it genuinely felt like they'd installed a personal toilet for me. Nobody else. There were no signs to it. I just stumbled upon it by accident. I mean, I assume there were like 25 members of staff that all thought that was their personal toilet.

Yeah, but it's nice knowing that you've got your own little sort of, like a private beach that no one else has ever swam yeah so it's like you know if i'd had a stressful lesson with year nines i'll just pop in there for a little holiday you know just read a couple of bits curl one out head back to my head back to my lesson and tell the kids sorry i've been gone for half an hour one of the bleakest things of my uh was in like this time of year having to use a port toilet on a building site it would take like literally go in and it would take you about 20 minutes to get all the layers of clothing off like you're sort of like in long johns and stuff and then

you'd sit there in the cold just trying to squeeze your head it was fucking awful but then i'd managed to sort of sit there for about half an hour 45 minutes i could do most of my clerical work just sitting there pair of gloves on i i used i used to love just like there for about half an hour, 45 minutes. I could do most of my clerical work just sitting there, a pair of gloves on. I used to love, just like when I was in an office job, just felt like a stolen time going and taking a shit. I mean, you sort of, I'm getting paid for this. I'm getting paid to take this shit.

What a life. What a life. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's like a handshake with the Lord. Yeah, after you've washed your hands, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to be going there with monkey fingers. We all have the power to shape the world.

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reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's got to be kd when you got to do you it's got to be kd shop now okay should we do should we do some emails let's do it my g here we go i keep getting by the way the wolf owl podcast email keeps getting bloody job offers i don't know why not for like actual listeners, just random. Okay, this is from... You're listening, yeah? Yeah, I'm here.

What are you up to? Just clearing out my inbox, because when you said about... What number is your inbox on by the way at the moment? 11,448. Wow. What's yours on? 2,075. Crazy, What's yours on? 2075.

Crazy, isn't it? I'm at a point now where it's just going to hit a million. I had to, for the first time, sort out the memory on my iPhone the other day. By the way, I've been upsold. What a painstaking process that is. Yeah, I've got this, and it's basically at the moment, I don't know what's happened,

because I thought it had the same memory as my old one, but I had to delete loads of photos and apps and they haven't loaded up. Yeah. The little sneak that fucking sold me it was another fucking wanker in the long run. Well, as I said, as we logged in, I was worried that we were going to have nothing to chat about

and it turns out my fears were correct. Okay, this is from Anonymous. Hi, Wolf, Owl, Cat and Swan. I love your podcast. It never ceases to put a smile on my face i'm sending out an sos oh by the way i listened back to an edit i do leave these emails too quickly okay cool slow down take your time hi wolf owl cat and the swan i love your podcast it never ceases to put a smile on my face i'm sending out an sos in the hope that you can save me from my mental meltdown this This year has been incredibly difficult between losing my dog and my mum recently being diagnosed with cancer.

In between all of this, I've been dating a guy who, to put it mildly, is an arsehole. Despite this, I'm struggling to break away from him. He's always been hot and cold, gives me the silent treatment, tells me he should have gone on Love Island as he'd have won it. I mean, the list is endless. I ended things in July. However, he's crept back into my life, stating he wants us to be casual, whereby we don't owe each other anything.

We enjoy the time we spend together. We don't have to message or do stuff, but can if we want to. We wouldn't get with anyone else, but we can speak to other people, even though I wouldn't like it if you spoke to another guy, but that's your prerogative. What the hell?

For extra context, he's a 29-year-old rugby lad, lives with the boys, and hasn't had a relationship in 10 years. This broken needs the wise words of some sweet sweet souls uh tommy day yo uh you don't need wise words because you've answered your own question this guy sounds like an absolute fucking grade a weapon helmet sounds like the most negative like reinforcement of fucking toxic masculinity you could ever have in your life and you're worth so much more than that generally like just listening to the like your description of this and i i won't use the word i want to use because i think it would just completely defeat anything so he sounds an atrocious like atrocious human being with everything you're going through everything you've you've had to fight

on yourself that's they're the moments that make the human being. And if he can't support you, if he can't be someone for you to lean on in these times, and if he thinks it's the right way of dealing with, look, not every relationship we're going to be in is going to work. But for him to sort of come back into your life after everything that you're going through and suggest the things he's suggesting,

just tell me, he's, yeah, he's, you just don't need that in your life. It's never going to end well. It's not, someone like that,

himself is going to have to go through a long process, to realise that he has to change. And look, don't get me wrong, we've all been through that. Like, men, women,

whatever, you're going to go through a time, where you're going to have to grow up a little bit but it's not your place to stay with him while he does that you've exceeded his years when it comes to the stuff that you've been through on a personal level and you don't need any more heartache and that's all you'll get so like a band-aid whip it free, whip it clean, and move on to the next chapter of your life. And find someone who makes you happy and someone who, you know,

just take your time to find that right person. And kiss a few frogs. And if that's what you want to do, enjoy your life a little bit. And remember that, yeah, you're worth so much more. Because let me just tell you, anyone in the world who says they could have won love island is just they should be sent to love island but that island being an island in the remote pacific that no one ever visits and that toxic vibe that they're giving off should just be something they have to sit and contemplate on their own wow uh thank Thank you very much, Tom Davis.

Just so you know, Anonymous, Tom Davis has sat back and crossed his legs because he's so pleased with what he's just said. I'm going to tell you now, Anonymous, I don't often like to judge people based on... I certainly don't like to judge people on first impressions. I certainly don't like to judge people based on what I've heard about them on an email. But what I would like to say is,

fuck this guy so fucking hard. And I don't mean fuck this guy. to say is fuck this guy so fucking hot and i don't mean fuck this guy i mean fuck this guy you need to get him out of your life he's a fucking prick okay and he's not going to do any good for you fuck him off immediately okay you don't deserve to be treated like this he's taking advantage of the fact that you're feeling slightly more vulnerable than you would have done he's a cock okay in my in my i think he's a cock i don't know if he's definitely a cock he might be he might devote his life to charitable endeavors outside of how he's treating you but i think it's unlikely he sounds like a fucking prick and you need to get rid you are going to get somebody much better for you he is not worth i wouldn't even say he's worth you even getting in touch with us to talk about.

He's a fucking idiot and you need to get rid of him as soon as possible. In fact, what I would love you to do is as you're hearing us respond to this, you send the text to go, go fuck yourself. I never want to speak to you again and then block his number with immediate effect.

Fuck that guy. You know what? All I can think of, you know that song Never Been To Me know what? All I can think of, you know that song Never Been To Me? That's all I can think of. You don't know that song? No, what is it?

I've been to Greece in the Isle of Nez and I sip champagne and I go Yeah, it's a good song. Okay, what's it about? It's about a woman who's finding,

she's never been to her so she's finding out who she is okay fine yeah do that find out who you are and listen to never been to me Jesus fucking Christ

well you can listen to it at the end of the podcast we'll put it on who's it by I don't know we'll find out you look it up so we can put it on

as a dedication to Anonymous Anonymous good luck I hope you find somebody that deserves you because this prick doesn't. Let's buy someone called Charlene. Hey lady, you lady cursing at your life.

Next email. Maybe we actually, instead of the song, we just play you singing that again at the end to take us out. Dear Wolf, Owl, Cat and the Elegant Swan, you cannot even begin to imagine the highs and lows I went through to tuning into last week's pod, first hearing myself personified

into the wolf's legendary fables. This is from Damien the Field Mouse. Was a lifetime high, but then to have my diet grossly misrepresented into what I can only describe as a gluttonous dairy junkie was frankly, my my g out of order like any starving mammal I will reluctantly eat anything available to keep me alive but if all the items on life's menu are available I would always choose seeds and berries over the coagulated

cow pus so often wrongly attributed as the food of my people anyway I am happy to let bygones be that's not the point of the email by the way that was just uh anyway I'm happy to let bygones be... That's not the point of the email, by the way. That was just a... Anyway, I'm happy to let bygones be bygones and move swiftly onto my dilemma. About a year ago, I bagged the job of my dreams. The role involved both office-based work as well as studying for a university degree. It required me to work and study closely with another new starter.

Things started well, but it soon became apparent that this other guy did not share my lifelong enthusiasm for the role, and his attendance got worse and worse as the year went on. Jumped to a week ago, and I was summoned to a meeting with HR to discuss said employee's attendance. My question is, do I tell them all that I know, which may ultimately get in the sack, or do I just keep quiet and let him continue getting away with it?

I usually have to pick up all the workload during his periods of unauthorised absence, but at the same time, I do not want to be known as the company grass. Any words of advice greatly received, as always doing you my g's yours faithfully damien the field mouse this is a toughie isn't it this is a very tough one because no one wants to be a snitch but on that basis what are you going to do you're going to spend the next two or three years uh grafting that little bit harder and having to work harder while he takes the plaudits uh for it i would say in my experience here a good honest conversation needs to be had with you and him

or her is do you say it's a him uh it's other guy yeah can i just say by the way in this situation i have been the other guy i've been the person who when i was when i was working on building sites for quite a long time oh i thought you're going to work the podcast sorry i used to hate doing like i i loathe doing what i was doing like so I used to get so bored of it that I used to just basically my effort was it became less and less and less and the more that I could get away with not having to work too hard the more I pushed the parameters of what my actual day would entail until one day a guy a friend of mine turned around Sam and turned around to me and said you're taking a fucking piss like and actually had like quite a frank conversation about how much harder he was having to work because

i you know and it changed my way of being around everyone i started working hard again i started i sort of think i basically through stop for myself just going i can't be bothered i actually got quite down about what i was doing day in day out and then that just had a way of it sort of like having an impact on I just thought oh fuck it I can't be bothered and actually that just then resonated across my whole life and how I treated every part of my life was just that I actually became quiet so I had no sort of sense of satisfaction any sense of sort of like me just trying to find it like pushing myself in any way and actually if we're going back to work and then going all right you know i need to work a little bit harder it then pushed me to sort of do what i'm doing now i suppose in a sense so actually

having a conversation and you haven't you know you haven't got to sort of be aggressive with it but i think it's just almost saying look is everything okay and also maybe saying look i've i don't know whether this is right don't you don't have to take it i might be completely wrong but almost saying being quite honest and saying look that you know hr or whatever have noticed about your attendance dave asked me to come and have a chat i don't want to drop you in it but you put me in quite a difficult position here and i don't know whether there's a conversation you can have that's quite open with him about where you're at that might, like, push him to basically turn around

and say, look, I don't really like doing this for a job. Or maybe he'll turn around and say, well, actually, you know what? Maybe I have been taken aback, so maybe I have to work a little harder. Either way, I think the first chat you need to be is with you and him. Because if he doesn't want to, if he's like, well, actually, I can't be bothered, I can't be bothered, like, you know, I hate this job, then, you know, he puts you in an easier position. So that's what I'd do.

Well, I guess thanks to Frank. Because that wouldn't have occurred to me. But that is great advice. Because I think it would have been really easy if he had poor attendance and it wasn't having an impact on you. Because then you just go, well, whatever. Let somebody else deal with that. I mean, it's like, you know, I don't think you want to be the person that rats him out

but the fact that it's having an effect on you i do think you need to have a chat with him and often those things can be sorted out i remember like when i was head of sixth form you know most kids were really great and then you'd have kids that were like kicking off in lessons and rather than like giving them a massive bollocking often having a chat with them and going do you actually want to be doing this because it doesn't look like you do and it would cause them to sort of have a reflection on that and go do you know what i think i'm gonna i think i want to go to college or i think i want to do something else i think i want to go and work and sometimes they've not been you know he might have fallen into this job for want of a real decision

and he's just disengaged from it and just doing whatever he can to get by i mean i'm always like wary of giving this kind of advice because tom and i are very lucky to be doing jobs that we love and you know you that makes you work hard i mean people talk about like me working hard i'm not a hard worker by nature i'm inherently lazy but it just so happens that i love what I do. So that makes you do work harder at it. This guy obviously doesn't like his job. And so he's not working hard at it.

So I do feel for him a bit. Do you know what I mean? Because that is the situation for so many people. So yeah, I think it's worth having a chat with him and saying, look, man, I'm having to pick up the slack here.

If he then decides he doesn't give a shit'm having to pick up the slack here if he then decides he doesn't give a shit that you're picking up the slack then you've got a different situation in your hands and maybe you need to think about speaking to somebody about it but i'm hoping that he's the sort of person that realizes he's taking the piss a little bit and you can get a nice resolution out of it so keep us updated i hope it i hope it works out. Beautiful. Hello, Wolf, Cat and Cub, Owl, Swan and Cygnets. Oh, that is lovely, isn't it? Wow, that's beautiful.

That's beautiful. I hope you're all keeping well, and thanks as ever to the podcast. It's got me through a tough few months. I recently started a new job. Perhaps I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to feel connected to total strangers when working virtually. Despite having worked from home throughout the pandemic, doing so with a new team at times felt very lonely and your sweet sweet souls got me through i'm now very happy in my new role recently got promoted after only a few months with the business congratulations uh for some reason tom's decided to give you a slow clap but i'm actually genuinely happy for

that was a slow camera that was the clap you know that you see at the end of the films where someone says something really profound and amazing oh wow man well done oh okay cool in that case in fact i'm very sorry then i think perhaps my fear of not having anything to say on this tom has made me needlessly front-footed and aggressive and i'd like to take the opportunity to apologize for my behavior on this episode you know what you have had some amazing things to say i I think the trouble is, it's like, if you are in a situation where you've gone to the beach and you're just in a pair of flip-flops and the sand's hot and you're worried about walking across the sand

and burning your feet, and actually you take any flip-flops off and the sand's fine. Yeah, it's a good analogy, I suppose. I write to you about an issue I'm having with my mum. I'm clinging on to the final days of my twenties. Oh my lord. What I wouldn't give to be back in those days huh late 20s yeah still 10 years away from losing my virginity uh my mum's early

um i'm clinging on to the final days of my 20s my mum's early 60s she's a wonderful loving person has done so much for me and my older disabled brother despite us losing our dad at a young age i love the woman to bits and genuinely think she's an amazing mum i have noticed however she's developed a habit of expecting gifts that is beginning to really grate on me for example when i visit home and go out to a shop on my return she'll say did you get me something often i haven't as it isn't just isn't how i think i'm more of a get in get out shop and I end up often feeling guilty. She even occasionally will tell me that she deserves one for various things she's done, gifts she's got us recently,

making me feel even worse. Of course I get her gifts for Christmas and birthdays, etc., and I always try and make these thoughtful and meaningful, but I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable with the pressure to get her something when I'm out and about more generally. My husband and I have previously been quite broke, by which I mean financially fucked, and it took us a lot of time and hard work to get back on track from,

so we try hard now not to spend too frivolously, which contributes to the lack of gifts. Is this something I should raise with her? If so, what advice would you give? Advice on how would be more than welcome? Or do you think it's simply a matter of mismatched love languages? She is someone who does express her love through giving and will often buy my brother and I small gifts,

e.g. a cake or small trinkinket even when she just does a weekly food shop just to show she's thought of us do either of your families express love in a different style to you and how do you manage this take care and keep being you the anxious hedgehog tommy day anxious hedgehog yo yo yo um i think uh my time in this in therapy one of the things that actually is really evident is yeah sort of basically your last point is there i think that people show love in different ways and actually i think the situation probably with your mum is it's i think i've talked about this before but we kind of break downs in a relationship where someone asks you to do something and you don't do it and basically isn't about the thing that they're asking it's about the fact that you're

they think that you're not paying them any attention and you're not listening to them and that's not about a bathroom window being closed or a cup that's left out on the surface is about the fact that you're not hearing what they're saying you're not taking their feelings into account so it might be saying a bit bigger going on. My school of thought would be, actually, she probably just wants a little bit more attention. She probably just wants a little feeling that you're thinking about her. And I think that, like you say, I think sometimes that comes across in gifts and that comes across in things.

Like, you know, with my parents, I spent a long time, you know, my relationship with them has always sort of been pretty decent, but then I spent a long time sort of in my 20s, I think, where I didn't necessarily call home a lot or I'd be probably embarrassed about, you know, letting them down as a son at times and not being, like, successful or not being, you know. So I sometimes, and I sort of drank a lot, so I didn't get in touch a lot

and then realised that actually what they like the most is not gifts gifts they like the fact that I'll call and FaceTime with Grace and and that's the way that we touch back you know and that I take the effort time out of my week and time out of my day to sort of give them a call a couple of times a week now and have a chat with them is the gift that they want you know but I think it's it's just finding that yeah that language really that that you can get across and I think it's it's just finding that yeah that language really that that you can get across and i think that probably what what your mom was that you talk about your new job and you talk about your partner and things going well and you've been through tough times but these are all new things that you know in your life is is with all of us your world's

getting bigger and you're growing as a human being but i think it's probably that she feels maybe that actually just you know she's seen you through these dark days and seeing me through these amazing times. Actually, you just making sure that you're recognizing that she's still a massive part of your life is probably a thing that she's sort of, she's reaching out for. Yeah.

I think once again, Tom Davis has delivered some exceptional advice there. I don't know if you need to raise it with her. I think like my mum does this as well. My mum buys gifts whenever she comes around, not for myself and Lisa, but more for the kids. And sometimes, you know, that sits in contradiction with how we want to bring up the kids

because we don't want them to be too materialistic, even though we probably have done inadvertently. But like, we don't want them thinking that you get something every time you go out or whatever. But we've sort of accepted that as that's how my mom expresses her love. Do you know what I mean? But, and I think the thing is,

is that you're not in a position to do that. And I think it is what you've said is exactly right. It's just mismatched love languages. And I think your time and the fact that you're seeing your mom is much more important. And I think that if you don't want to have a word with her because you feel like it might upset her i think the better thing to do is just accept that she's gonna you know like you don't have to start buying her gifts do the things

that you think are the nice things to do spend time with her and just sort of i know this is not like amazing but like just sort of put up with the fact that she's expect you just go no i didn't get anything sorry i didn't get a chance to and then hopefully she'll just stop asking do you know what i mean it's sort of like she'll realize that you're not those sort of people so if that is also the thing is every now and again do just get her a little cake or buy her coffee we were out and you're going to her house or get her a little something yeah because that then it will will mean a bit more. Yeah. But I think like, you know, there's an argument that getting something every single time is...

I remember like getting Lisa flowers every week for a while and thinking that I was an absolute Donnie for that. And it turns out that if you just automatically order flowers to be delivered every week, it takes away a little bit of the romance. So there you go.

Lesson learned. So, yeah, I think don't be too hard on yourself. This is just like a difference in attitude. Do you know what I mean? And actually, we are living in a time now where buying things needlessly is probably something that we should all stop doing, really. Do you know what I mean? So, look, good luck with that.

Your mum knows you love her. It's not a thing that's going to make her think you're not thinking of her. So, you know, try not to worry about it too much best of luck I'm not really happy with my advice on that last one but what can you do I think old Master Grumpy has sat in a rocking chair in your head

today and actually you know what he could put a little sunny hat on I've got a little bit of the can't do's about me you know what you remind me a bit of? It's Michael Corleone at the end of Godfather 2. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, and look what happened after that, Godfather 3. Absolute fucking disaster. Yeah, we'll have to sort of hold our breath on how next week's podcast turns out. Oh, God. Okay, time, Tom. I don't know if you get get do you get nervous when you know this is approaching i have to put my nerves to one side and remember that we're all on a wave and that wave is crashing to the shore are you doing it now sorry kind of okay go carry on we are on our way. We're riding to the shore. But listen, guys.

One of the most troublesome times of the year is putting towards us. The all-cold winter. And I think this winter might be a little bit colder at times than maybe we've been used to. But I want to remind everyone that alongside you know putting on a little bit warmer jacket and having to shiver whilst waiting for public transport it's always worth saying you can always be the sunshine in somebody's day don't let the cold weather try and dampen your spirits because your spirit is everything your spirit and your sense of being decent are two of the best things that you can work around life with so always remember that

when you see someone looking a bit low or looking a bit down a smile and a nod or gentle hand on the shoulder and saying yo buddy you've got this goes a long way keep on doing it friends, family check in on them and remember suffering in silence is always something that we're all going to do and actually the best question the best bit of sunshine that you can give someone is just a simple question

how are you doing? Are you okay? make sure you say that just enough really good thank you Tom now make sure you say that just enough. Really great advice. Really good. Really good. Thank you, Tom.

Thank you. Now, it's time for us to play a song together. Now, I was going to suggest that we played... What was I going to suggest we played? I was going to suggest that we played from the... Lord Karner dropped his album on Thursday. I mean, yeah. And we played a Lord Karner song recently,

but there's a song called um nobody knows there's another song called george but nobody knows it's an amazing tune so we could go with that but let's not play that but can i just urge you to check out the lord carter album because it's absolutely beautiful it's just amazing but tom could you uh as you did last week i mean little I mean the guys this is for a listener she's one of our family she's one of our pride

and maybe she needs this more than the rest of us so this is Charlene and I've never been to you we'll see you next time guys thank you so much we'll play Little Con the next week take care of yourselves

and each other. Bye-bye. Bye, guys. I've been to Georgia and California Anywhere I could run Took the hand of a preacher man And we made love in the sun But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free.

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.