Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 21: Fire Alarms & Straddle-Gate Updates

Episode Date: November 23, 2022

We’re talking… Tom’s very persistent hotel fire alarm, Rom’s gig-heavy week, getting locked out of your bank account, an all important update on straddle-gate, playing make-believe as kids and... finding enjoyable ways to exercise. Then, after Rom sets a little test for the Swan, we answer email questions on maintaining healthy friendships, the different phases of a relationship and a missing package left with a neighbour. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: HELLO@KEEPITLIGHTMEDIA.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:52 Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last. Request to steady your nerves. Then podcast the body parts. Get severed and served. Bring your weak shit. Wear the wolf and owler.
Starting point is 00:01:03 That ain't just a mistake. That's an awful howler, both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows, fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing, they stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing, dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog this is insane um what yo yes yes yes oh my gosh we're gonna hide the fact that the start
Starting point is 00:01:41 of this has been incredibly stressful it's me Romesh Ranganathan and my guy, the living legend, Tom Davis up in the building. This is like the most stressful start to a podcast ever, I think. I've got a fire alarm going off. Yeah, I can sort of hear it on and off. Do you think that's a problem?
Starting point is 00:01:59 This could either be a fire alarm test that I haven't got to worry about, or the fact is I could open the door of this suite that they've given me to record the podcast in, and there could just be a whole big fire. It's been going on for quite a long time now.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Yeah, I would say if they were testing it, I think the test is complete, isn't it? Yeah, it's insane, right? Can you hear it? Yeah, it's insane, right? Can you hear it? Yeah, it's mad. I can hear something, but it's not. I mean, I'm hoping this isn't going to go on for the whole of the fucking thing.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Is it quite distracting? It's quite distracting, yeah. It feels like I'm sort of recording this from some sort of underground base camp in Stranger Things or something. Do you think I should look outside and see if people are being evacuated? Yeah, go and have a quick think I should look outside and see if people are being evacuated?
Starting point is 00:02:45 Yeah, go and have a quick look. I've got to see if people are being evacuated. The hotel might be evacuated. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Anyway, welcome to the world for now. I'm not sure if this episode is going to continue. It seems very serene out there. I mean, it's insane
Starting point is 00:03:02 that this is beeping. This could just be beeping through the whole port car. Oh, no, it stopped no stopped there we go maybe me looking out the door yeah maybe the fire just was like oh fucking hell i'm not messing with him yeah big time that's too much to get through um how's life tom good bro straight you know what i'm stressed this morning because i was packing i i thought i packed everything in the bag why are you packing no no no i'm packing ready for the podcast i haven't got like an office space so they're letting me have this chilled little suite here but i didn't put
Starting point is 00:03:29 a microphone in and then i had to run back up and get the microphone and it was like question is if you're packing for a podcast and you didn't put the microphone in what exactly was in your bag the laptop the earphones all the wires to the microphone just not there just not the microphone it's not the actual microphone yeah and then I had to sprint back up it was like an action movie to be fair this fire alarm actually sort of added to the candour of it feeling more like a
Starting point is 00:03:53 it's a very very you find the wolf and owl both in a very weird place this morning ladies and gentlemen how do you feel you were gigging last night right I did four gigs last night four gigs that's insane I had a very long day yesterday four gigs yeah so let me just explain sunday sunday night i did hip-hop saved my life with marlo shout out marlo shout out marlo and i went backstage and it turns out rappers have a much more exciting rider than comedians do because it just looked
Starting point is 00:04:26 like they just had loads of booze anyway long story short party romer party rom party got absolutely blasted i don't think of like pie party rom being a bit like popeye or uh banana man yeah except except party rom is not strong to the finish no no but you once you get that taste of picardy on your lips that's it you just become like a different beast so i got in i would say half one sort of hammered and then thankfully my dear sweet sweet tom suggested that we postpone the podcast not because of me i. I don't know what happened. Then I did an interview down the road with a newspaper. Then I came back. Then I did my radio show in the garage.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Then I did two hours of press for Romantic Getaway with Catherine Ryan. Dear sweet, sweet Catherine Ryan. Sweet, sweet K. Ryan. Then I went to the bank because my account's been blocked and they told me that I should phone and they can't do anything at the branch. Mate, don't even get me started on banks. What? I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Banks are helmets. All banks are helmets, mate. I do think banks are helmets. I turned up, said, how can I help you? I said, my account's been blocked. I can't access any money. And then she goes, yeah, we will have blocked it to protect your money.
Starting point is 00:05:45 And I go, yeah, I realise that. I realise that's why security measures are in place. Can I do anything to access my money now? Well, we blocked it to protect your money, so we can't do anything about that now. It's to protect your money. I was like, yeah, I get it. How do I access money?
Starting point is 00:06:00 She goes, you're going to need to phone up. Why don't they go, should we phone up? I don't understand. Because no one gives a fuck anymore. one cares like genuinely like customer service like it used to be something that like you know that almost feels dickensian now to think of like people going into somewhere and someone actually get actually i say saying that i'm where i am at the moment you couldn't even ask for better people everyone cares everyone really puts their effort into it but i'll tell you what like make banks are the worst banks are the worst culprits of people
Starting point is 00:06:29 who like literally have the most important thing in your life which is money right which is we all work hard to have money especially at this time right and they care the least about you as a human being like you're nothing to them like literally nothing and like people who work within the banks like i don't think i've i've i've had so many times where my bank's been hacked where i've had this you know different they've blocked my account they've frozen my account just to help me i can't remember the last time that i had to deal with that and at the end of it went oh that was a really easy session like with someone who felt like they cared about me yeah it's. I'm loathe to blame the staff,
Starting point is 00:07:05 because I'm assuming that their hands are tied. No, but look, look, look. I'm trying to be empathetic. Is that the alarm going off? Yeah, the alarm's going off again. Brilliant. I'm trying to be empathetic, but I was frustrated in the bank.
Starting point is 00:07:19 And then I was in Glasgow doing Weakest Link. Did your frustrations boil over into, like... Actually expressing it, no. She would have had no idea that I was in there doing Weakest Link. Did your frustrations boil over into, like... Actually expressing it, no. She would have had no idea that I was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sort of, like, a bit, like, fucking up. So I went to do Weakest Link, and my card got blocked. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:07:36 And so I phoned up the bank. Whoa, whoa, whoa, just to get a little bit of an idea. When it got blocked, were you buying a round of drinks? Were you buying something for yourself? No, no, I got a text text message saying your card has been blocked okay as a result of fraudulent i didn't know coots did that um if you hear that i'm banking at coots assume that the final complete transformation into prick has happened but um i um i phoned up i phoned up the bank and this woman answered and i said look i've got a security block on my card
Starting point is 00:08:12 she goes yeah it's because the transaction happened we're doing it to to block your thing so i said well the problem is i'm away from home and i've got no way to get any money and she said well i can't i can't really do anything to help you with that. And I said, well, what do I do then? Because I can't spend any money. Like, you know, I'm kind of stranded. And then she said, is there a cash point near you? And I said, yeah. And she goes, I'll hold. So she unblocked the card. She, I walked to the cash point and she said, okay, withdraw the money. I said, all right. She said, have you withdrawn the money?
Starting point is 00:08:48 I said, yes. She said, your card's now blocked. Why block it? Because apparently like it is, there was some sort of breach and it's no longer secure. So she unblocked it for like five minutes while I got the money out. And then I came back like the two days later, three days later. And then I looked in my wallet and i realized i'd taken that scottish money so because i was in scotland and people
Starting point is 00:09:10 in england look at scottish money like oh my god man it's like you might as well try and pay in kind of fucking magic beans yeah like people are just not having it man oh by the way i love the way that scottish money looks shout out scottish Scottish money. The Scottish 20 is a thing of beauty, man. The Scottish have taken so much. They really care about how their money looks and feels. Yeah. I'm going to say this. Scottish people listening, very impressed with your cash.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Very impressed. I'd love it if it was freely accepted in England. That would be a bonus. But for some reason, because some inherent uh xenophobia or something i don't know what it is for some reason if you try and pay with scottish money in england they get funny you know um alongside sort of wankers in banks you know what also is really really irritating is a fire alarm that seems like it has some sort of mild Tourette's yeah you know what this is this is this is someone in the kitchen who's trying to make something
Starting point is 00:10:05 and can't quite work out it's them who's setting this off. It's insane. It's really winding you up, isn't it? This is quite an irritable podcast. You know what? I feel like I'm literally now waiting for it to come on.
Starting point is 00:10:20 It's insane. Can you hear it? No. You can't hear it. What does it sound like? Can you do an no you can't hear it what does it sound like can you do an impression I'll do it now weirdly I can only hear it when you're doing it
Starting point is 00:10:38 so now I can't hear it is it still on yeah it's still going okay do it again please mate it's still going. Okay. Do it again, please. Mate, it's so weird. I can only hear it when you're making that noise.
Starting point is 00:10:53 I think I'll be hearing it all day. I've got to go to filming today, but I still think this will be in my head. I think it will be following me to my dreams tonight, this incessant... Like, how bad are your fire alarms that they're going off at this point? That happening
Starting point is 00:11:07 completely fucks the whole situation of an emergency. Why? Well, because like, at first, I bet everyone's like,
Starting point is 00:11:14 on their tent hooks going off shit. Now, if there was a fire, no one's going to react to it. It's like the boy who cried wolf. Fire service are going to turn up.
Starting point is 00:11:22 What's going on? Where is everyone? Oh, they're all inside doing podcasts. Yeah. None of them have come out. Podcasts on? Where is everyone? Oh, they're all inside doing podcasts. Yeah. None of them have come out. Podcasts, sitting, eating their fucking breakfast,
Starting point is 00:11:28 having their omelettes. This is insane. It's literally like a broken... Someone needs to just get hold of this, but no one's doing anything. I can hear it now. Yeah, it's very irritating. I'm just hoping the listeners haven't got to listen to it.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Yeah. It feels like the last stages of SAS. You know, like that, you know, the show when they get put and they've got, like, they've got to listen to
Starting point is 00:11:48 different annoying sounds. And that's the bit that they graduate. How upset would you be if, like, the very final test was this podcast? What,
Starting point is 00:11:59 so that I got in the SAS? No, like, so, you're watching the show, you're watching the show, you're watching the show, they're doing the test and then they go,
Starting point is 00:12:07 the final thing, you think you've made it, we've got the ultimate thing. This is Tom Davison, Romesh Ranganathan, delivering a podcast with no content whatsoever. You're going to be listening
Starting point is 00:12:16 for 45 minutes. Go. There's people crying like they're being fucking waterboarded. So, hold on. So so you're at the bank you get yourself sorted at the bank right no i didn't get sorted at the bank so you've not got sorted at the bank so i left the bank i came home i got changed and then i went and did four gigs and here's the reason i'm telling this story uh partly because it's content and secondly because
Starting point is 00:12:45 when i sat down after coming back from the bank after having a day a day of press and like the radio show and all that the thought of getting up to do a gig felt have you ever had this where it just feels impossible i was like sat on my bed and like lisa looked at me she goes are you okay and i was like i i basically i had to shut down for a bit. I was, I had my eyes open. I'm just lying on the bed doing absolutely nothing. I mean,
Starting point is 00:13:11 I got up and went to, but thankfully old doctor theater kicked in and for the actual gigs, I was fine. But so it was like, um, it was outside the box. So it was new Morden and Stonely and I did two each. So I did the first show at new Morden. Then I went to Stoney, did the first show. They went back to new M and I did two each. So I did the first show at New Maldon, then I went
Starting point is 00:13:25 to Stonely, did the first show. Then I went back to New Maldon, did their second show, then did the second show at Stonely. Wowza. How was Stonely? Buzzing? Yeah, bumped into Lee Mack. Oh, Lee Mack was there? Yeah, he's hosting the Royal Variety. How was he, right? I had a bit of an awkward situation, if I'm being honest with you. So, do you
Starting point is 00:13:41 know that me and Beckett hosted the Royal Variety a couple of years ago? Yeah, smashed it, by the working class working class heroes smashing it so then um i met all the producers and everything and then i turned up to this gig at stonely and math had told me that lean matt was trying out stuff but i didn't know anyone else was going to be there and i had my hood up because i kept getting because basically yesterday was a bad day to be somebody recognizable in a pub yeah i mean like it was it was like i was nobody was horrible but i was getting collared left right and center oi oi oi oi come on no come over here i said it was you come over here no come here come here it was like that i got a lot of that so i put my hood up i was
Starting point is 00:14:22 walking past the pub and then I went upstairs to the gig. And Lee Mack was in there talking to all of the producers from the Royal Variety. And I didn't realize what was going on. I just walked in with my hood up. And they all stopped talking and looked at me like some fucking thug had just walked into the dressing room. Or that you looked like you thought you were a rapper, a big-time rapper. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:39 And then I pulled my hood down. It was a very – I would describe the set of greetings as awkward. Not Lee. Lee was absolutely fine. Lee's a Jew. It was a very, I would describe the set of greetings as awkward. Not Lee. Lee was absolutely fine. People that I'd worked with at length two years ago, we basically greeted each other like we barely knew each other. It was bad. It's like that.
Starting point is 00:14:55 It's like seeing an ex, isn't it? Yeah, a little bit. And she's with someone new. Yeah. He's really quick, quick witted and good on panel shows and a great.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Lee is like one of the quickest people you ever meet, isn't he? Mate, it's insane. He's superhuman. I've never seen it. I would say Beckett's up there. Yeah, Beckett's double quick. But Lee is like, even as you're thinking, and he's just boom.
Starting point is 00:15:21 And he's like it when you're hanging out with him as well. All the time, yeah. I hung out with him a lot at Soccer Aid, and he was just like like so and like he's like it when you're hanging out with him as well all the time yeah yeah I hung out with him a lot at Soccer Aid and he was just like like that and
Starting point is 00:15:28 like one of the funniest self-deprecating people I've been around yeah alright whereas whereas I would describe myself
Starting point is 00:15:39 off stage as somebody that people often describe as not how they'd expected you're exactly how I think I'd expect you to be. But I was really tempted to have a drink last night because I just thought maybe I need to wake myself up with a little G&T, but I resisted.
Starting point is 00:15:52 I stuck to Diet Cokes. So party rum did not emerge last night. I had Sunday, I played golf, and I had a couple of beers before. Yeah. And then I had a couple of, like and then I had a couple of four or five beers, like cans of beer on the way around. It's like a drinks cart that goes around
Starting point is 00:16:09 the golf course so you can call it to whatever hole you're at. You press a buzzer thing and it comes along. That sounds dangerous. Yeah. It was pretty dangerous and then I finished up playing, went into the bar here and I got stellar on tap. I've not had a Stella on tap for ages.
Starting point is 00:16:25 What's your alcohol tolerance like? Because I assume based on how you talk and how big you are, that you can handle a drink. It used to be phenomenal. I used to be able to really tank it hard. I mean, like, I'd say I'd have seven pints and I'd sort of then
Starting point is 00:16:41 that would be, I can drink seven pints pretty happily and then this this makes me quite nervous for the drunk episode because if i had seven pints you'd have to put me in a car home really are you joking yeah genuinely i would be fucking i would be absolutely obliterated could you tell that alarm was going off the whole of that time yes i could yeah and i actually thought you dealt with it beautifully i'm just worried that listeners are gonna have to listen to that shit i don't know quite how jt's gonna work around it yeah yes I could yeah and I actually thought you dealt with it beautifully I'm just worried that listeners are going to have to listen to that
Starting point is 00:17:05 shit I don't know quite how JT's going to work around it yeah well I don't think you can edit around it literally you know like I'm a very chill person
Starting point is 00:17:14 I'm so close to just shouting out the door what the fuck is going on like it's stopped now right no it's still going on it's come back
Starting point is 00:17:21 oh my god it's like there's three of us on this podcast and one of them is like a 90s fucking comedian only one only one of us is doing its job properly whoa what are you listening to this for wait Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000
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Starting point is 00:18:22 Rebelsis? Really? Yeah. He says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr rice cups deliver all the taste without the prep or wait time.
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Starting point is 00:19:22 I cancelled on Peter this weekend. Oh my God. Not because of what everyone had said. yeah and i have had infinite messages what did the messages what did the messages say by the way that you i had i had a sway of a lot of people saying that that you shouldn't be straddled in a massage yeah and maybe actually that alarm was someone halfway through one of peter's massage heages trying to get help. Yeah, just pulled on the red string. But then some people said, actually, it can be a thing that people do.
Starting point is 00:19:53 You know the insane thing? It's just in the hotel I'm staying in. Three different people who listen to this podcast are staying in this hotel and have actually requested Peter for massages. What? There was one guy who was genuinely uh devastated that peter wasn't working on sunday he's gone home now um and then a lady at breakfast yesterday came up to me very sweet woman and she said um uh oh yeah i enjoyed the podcast as well thank you and she said i actually had a massage with peter yesterday i said did you did he straddle you and she said, I actually had a massage with Peter yesterday. I said, oh, did you? Did he straddle you?
Starting point is 00:20:25 And she said, no, no, he didn't. Maybe I was wrong. I'm not sure about the ethics of this. I mean, Peter doesn't know that he's been discussed as a potential kind of sex offender on this podcast. No, I need to be categorical. And people are staying at the hotel. Yeah, I need to be very, very, very, very, very clear on this.
Starting point is 00:20:43 I was never complaining about Peter's. No. It was genuinely one of the best massages I've ever had. Okay. And if I went back to see Peter and, you know, two-thirds into the massage, he didn't straddle me, I'd slightly be worried that either someone had spoken to him because actually I'm now feeling, for the first time, I feel a little bit of tightness in my lower back.
Starting point is 00:21:04 It's the best my lower back it's the best my lower back has ever felt yeah so did you speak to Catherine about it yeah Catherine
Starting point is 00:21:09 Catherine look Catherine could see how happy I was after the massage yeah so to be fair I think look
Starting point is 00:21:17 I didn't she didn't know about the straddling thing not being a thing either okay so this whole straddle gate is
Starting point is 00:21:22 something that you know you've thrown into the mix I'm not thrown into the mix i'm not thrown into the mix it's just it's a weird thing okay for him to be not he just straddling straddling your back riding no no he was on my bum not on my lower back yeah fine fine fine yeah worse so worse straddling you like a horse i think is strange i don't think that's i don't think that makes me don't think that
Starting point is 00:21:45 makes me weird because i've highlighted that we've actually had a mixed bag of emails so most people think it's absolutely unacceptable and a couple of people said it's actually quite serious really yeah like genuinely what do they mean serious as in like they said by the way when you said that when you said that my blood you said that, my blood went cold. I'm a very, like, drama is something I don't need to, like, anxiety. No. But when you say serious, what do you mean serious? What I mean is, like, they said that that is actually kind of a form of assault almost.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Really? Yeah, and you probably should be making a complaint. But, like, I enjoyed it. Okay. I i just i think we're on very dangerous ground here right okay but but what they said was they don't think peter was intentionally being inappropriate it just was accidental having said all of that there are some emails we got home from people saying that they've been to have massages abroad and that happens all the time, and that actually is fine. So, I don't know. Make of that what you will.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Maybe we've done wrong by Peter. Yeah, but Peter's bookings have gone up. I think any people who listen to the podcast, I mean, the three people who listen to the podcast who are on this resort have all gone to try and book in with Peter. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I'm happy for Peter. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I'm happy for Peter. I don't know how happy to be about it. They've heard that he straddles you,
Starting point is 00:23:10 and then they've booked a massage. Yeah, but then, like, one person didn't get a booking with him. You've got to question those mates. Also, I think it's worth saying that the lady that he had, to my knowledge, he didn't straddle. Okay. So there's a lot to be said that maybe peter saw the size of me and that's how he thought he best get sort of like yeah but isn't that isn't that quite oh god isn't that quite
Starting point is 00:23:32 isn't that quite insulting not really look mate i when i shook peter's hand and gave him a small hug after the last massage right so let me get this straight he massaged you yeah at one point he said he thought to himself, I'm going to do a slightly unusual move here. I'm going to straddle him. I'm going to mount his ass, and then I'm going to get into his back. And at the end of that, you gave him a hug. You know when I put my arm around you a little bit and shake your hand
Starting point is 00:23:57 and go, nice one, mate, thank you. You've never done that to me, but yeah. You've lived under the wingspan of me, mate, when we're out and about together. So why did you cancel him then? If you, I golf on Sunday,
Starting point is 00:24:12 Catherine was doing a, Catherine had some, she was doing a spa day, went to see some friend and have announced on. So I was at a daddy daughter day on Saturday. So I, I didn't have time for it. I,
Starting point is 00:24:24 to be fair, I might see if he's around tomorrow. I wouldn't have anyone else but Peter when I'm here. I feel like now, like, I've had it. We've been, you know. Bonded. Yeah, we've bonded twice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:35 So I'd sort of, like, you know, have I been happy with Peter? I've been on the moon with him. Okay. Like, you know. So you think it's fine? I'd say that, yeah, I think he's got magic limbs. Okay. Massage-wise, oh, yeah, I can't think of any better massage I've ever had.
Starting point is 00:24:50 It's weird that, because it's very difficult to know what you mean by anything, because when you started the story about Pete, if you remember on the last episode, you said that you smelt alcohol in his breath, he split up with his girlfriend, and he felt sure during the massage that he was holding back and that is that is also after straddling you thought he's holding you back now by the end of that conversation you were saying it's the best massage you've ever had and you two have bonded so do you understand how it's quite difficult for me to understand what actually happened you know i think you're not even you're not even consistent across one
Starting point is 00:25:24 single conversation. It's not like your second account doesn't match up with the first one. You will contradict yourself in the initial account. Right, look, look, look. He'd split up with his girlfriend. He'd definitely been drinking, right?
Starting point is 00:25:36 Okay. I felt he was holding back a bit. Right. But on the flip side of that, did I feel lithe? And, like, I felt like... Remember Dalzeem in Street Fighter? Yeah, like remember dalzeem in uh street fire yeah i remember that racist character in street fire yeah the only fucking indian character and he's
Starting point is 00:25:51 a fucking yoga flame master he's fucking fine in front of some elephants it's an absolute fucking disgrace yeah i do remember dalzeem well he's the only person i can who's famous who does yoga that i can think of right okay? Okay, fine. My body felt like, I can imagine his body feels like when he wakes up every morning. As an Asian kid, going to play street fighter, knowing that the brown guy was Del Seam, it just wasn't... Do you know who, when you used to play street?
Starting point is 00:26:16 I mean, fuck knows how you felt if you were Brazilian. This green monster called Blanca. Mate, I used to have to be Zangief. Why? Because I was the biggest. Yeah. Like, if I, when, remember, I used to have to be Zangief. Why? Because I was the biggest. Yeah. Like, if I, remember when I used to play things
Starting point is 00:26:29 when you were younger? Do you remember when you used to play things when you were younger? You are, you know, you are one of observational comedy's fucking brightest lives, you know that? here's a question for you guys does anyone here eat food
Starting point is 00:26:52 what is the deal with food Jerry Seinfeld nothing to back it up we used to play things when you were younger here comes the story that's mine isn't it you don used to play things when you were younger here comes the story that's nice isn't it you don't play with things as much
Starting point is 00:27:09 you don't really play I mean some people do but yeah who did you like if you were to play Star Wars with your mates you used to do that as in like
Starting point is 00:27:17 you're talking about imagining yeah like you'd be a character and you'd fuck about playing with those characters or you'd play wrestling in the park.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Yeah. Can I tell you something really sad? Go on. I used to... I was obsessed with Transformers, as you know. Still am. Yeah, yeah. And I used...
Starting point is 00:27:37 Even though the premise of Transformers holds up to no scrutiny whatsoever, but I still love Transformers. And for hours I'd go into my mum and dad's bedroom in the early evening and pretend I was in a fight in Transform on my own, just sort of throw myself
Starting point is 00:27:54 about and... Yeah but we always do stuff like that right? Yeah but on your own, is that a thing? I used to wrestle on my own Okay, I don't know if it makes me feel better or it means that you and I are both in the same kind of bracket yeah I mean I used to get onto my own dad's double bed
Starting point is 00:28:07 and I'd like do like a survivor series where I'd do like I'd be like macho man and then I'd like I'd be fighting for a title
Starting point is 00:28:14 against my uncle oh okay that makes me feel a bit better I used to spend hours doing that hours and hours yeah I'd be Optimus Prime and then I'd be
Starting point is 00:28:22 Megatron and think I'm out for the count and then he just goes to finish me off and then not finish me off like that, like to kill me. You'd roll out of the way.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Yeah, all of that. Do you ever miss that? I don't miss it enough that I would risk Lisa walking in on me doing it. No.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Sometimes. I don't even know what that would look like yeah but sometimes not today Megatron Lisa just walks in what are you up to Tom sort of inspired me
Starting point is 00:28:55 to relive some of the days of my childhood is Charlie in here somewhere Alex? no no I'm just on my own I've just seen them they're just watching you through the door and crying. Sometimes when I'm, if I'm doing like MMA or like boxing training, and you do sparring, right? Or like sort of like shadow boxing, sorry.
Starting point is 00:29:21 I'll find myself getting really into it and then getting really, really conscious of the fact that I'm so much like, so into it and then getting really really conscious of the fact that i'm so much like so into it like those old days of sort of like wrestling on my mom's bed and i'll be in the middle of a packed gym and a guy's sort of like right yeah let's do a little bit of shadow boxing and sort of like i'm fighting like i'm fighting like like i'm fighting for a title like i'm fighting style bender yeah i think that's quite a cool thing to do. You're supposed to do that, aren't you? It's like when you're
Starting point is 00:29:46 playing football, you're supposed to imagine you're messy. Really? It sort of helps, yeah, it helps you improve your game,
Starting point is 00:29:52 improve what you're doing. Yeah, but then I get so sort of like, do you have a shadow box or anything like that? I used to, actually it was off a hookup that you gave me.
Starting point is 00:30:01 I used to go do pads work in the mornings. Oh, with Charlie Beats? Yeah. Yeah. I used to go do pads work in the mornings. Oh, with Charlie Beats? Yeah. Yeah. I used to do that quite a bit, but I've never done shit. And he would get me to just absolutely hammer a bag for a three-minute round.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Yeah, yeah. It was only when I started training that I realised how fucking exhausting boxing is. I mean, it is absolutely insane, man. It's a killer. I'm at the moment like trying to sort of like do weight sessions and trying to get like a some sort of like like where i do like a sort of shadow boxing sort of medicine ball slam sort of a bit more of a cardio thing like that later on in the day just to sort of like for my head it's just a good thing but um it's so fucking kit it's so killer
Starting point is 00:30:44 when you watch those guys, man, you realize how, yeah, the fitness of them. Yeah. I also have realized that I cannot, and this is really bad thing to admit.
Starting point is 00:30:52 I cannot stick with any exercise that I don't actually enjoy. As in what I mean is if there's any amount of discomfort, I'm pretty much out. Really? Yeah. What's your favorite kind of five exercise right at the moment? Well, I'm really enjoying doing weights.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Busting weights. Yeah. But I think that I need to do some cardio the moment? Well, I'm really enjoying doing weights. Busting weights? Yeah, but I think that I need to do some cardio, but I can't be bothered. I do quite like Peloton, but it's in the garage. It takes a while to wander in it. What, get into the garage and do it? Yeah. I mean, I should do it more, really.
Starting point is 00:31:20 It's a good thing for your mind, right? I believe so, yeah yeah but i sort of uh i sort of prefer being really insane for my entire life uh rather than doing that do you find that your mental health is a lot better now that you're training oh i think so yeah definitely although you know you still have you still have issues didn't you but oh yeah you're riddled with them but yeah it has helped you it has helped me yeah tom davis would you like to do some emails yeah baby hit me up thank you so much to the swan for choosing the emails i'm gonna say something now and if we if if i hear back about this then it means i was wrong but i suspect i'm not wrong i think the swan has stopped listening to the podcast what do you say when when she stopped when she started doing the email she would listen
Starting point is 00:32:11 to see if there's anything to call back to and stuff like that right and she used to tell me about things that we'd mentioned yeah and she stopped doing that right so look basically what i'm saying is swan if you listen to the podcast, after this podcast goes out, you need to come up to me and say the word mango, and then I know that you've listened to the podcast. Or you can just come up to me and say, I've listened to the podcast very much.
Starting point is 00:32:37 I heard your little dig. Your dig. However you want to do it. So anyway, let's see. Here's the first email. It's from the Nomadic Herons. Wow. And it says... Some people really think about these animals yeah certainly more so than we have done across the whole series about any of this content hi wolf owl and swan my best friend and i who really get to see each other spent the week traveling around ireland we drove from belfast to donegal onto the dingle and then cork onto dingle sorry and then cork and dublin it was the most amazing
Starting point is 00:33:05 trip we drank copious amounts of whiskey and pints of b mission visited places such as the rock upon which luke skywalker meditates on in the force awakens well first i'll email this but are both clinically obsessed with the podcast it was so special to be able to listen together as we drove through the idyllic irish countryside having our hangovers nursed by the magnificent content you sweet sweet souls produce our question for you is how do you two manage to keep up a proper friendship with your busy schedules do you ever have the chance anymore to sit in the corner of a pub and chat the night away or do you have to do all your catching up through work means such as the podcast thanks so much to you guys the nomadic
Starting point is 00:33:36 herons thank you so much for your email nomadic herons uh tommy d do you want to address that i think we have been both insanely busy, haven't we? Yes. With life stuff and work. And I think that's why I'm looking forward to the 16th so much, which is a kickback in a quiet room with a couple of drinks. After the chat we've had, I'm slightly nervous about it, but yeah. But yeah, it's the thing I think I miss the most.
Starting point is 00:34:03 I do sometimes feel that our engagement when we're less busy we engage more don't we but when we're with each other yeah yeah I think that's definitely true
Starting point is 00:34:12 I think when we're both very busy if I'm honest with you I slightly worry about the fact that like now where I'm in the midst of filming
Starting point is 00:34:20 and writing and then I sort of know that even like January's chilled but then february onwards is mad busy i sometimes worry about the fact that like i i've questioned myself a lot as a friend in the last like i think like you know you know do you ever like i get a time like now
Starting point is 00:34:36 i look into what the most important thing is being a good father right yeah and then you know trying to be a good husband and then trying to be a good friend trying to be a good son it's a really hard thing to sort of alongside your work and trying to you know both me and you have the same disorder and the fact that we have such a imposter syndrome and we're both very driven by a worry of never working again um yeah i sometimes question like i'm like oh shit am i being a good enough friend to people when they need me? And then, like, I think it's a really, like, you know, difficult thing in life, isn't it, to sort of juggle just about everything? I find that so hard.
Starting point is 00:35:16 I'm going to say two things here in response to what you've just said. The first thing is you are one of the very best friends that anybody could ever have, man. I'm telling you now like even when you're busy you always check in you're always supportive you're always wonderful i genuinely feel better for having you in my life so i wouldn't ever don't ever question that man likewise likewise well that's very kind of you to say but i am so bad at being a friend man like i am i am i am like i am the flakiest prick no yeah but this is the thing about you though right is i think you're a little bit
Starting point is 00:35:53 more like like when you really need you you're there like you're like you're like right for example you're really when i did apollo right i was in a real state. Flo had testified. I was really nervous. And then I text you, and you were filming away somewhere. I can't remember where you were filming. It might have been Thailand for League of Their Own. But you were in the midst of something quite big. And within seconds, you text me back with three bits of advice
Starting point is 00:36:18 that literally made me go out and have the gig I did. Without that, I wouldn't have been able to nail it. And literally, Flo was like, from the moment I got that text from you and the validation, Flo was like, all right, now you seem like there's a relaxation that's come over you. So I think in those moments when you really need someone.
Starting point is 00:36:42 But that's what I'm saying, right? Because the older you get, like, man, I'd love to ireland and sit in pubs and get leathered on whiskey and i can't think of anything better with a pal but like i do think about life now i think fuck when i don't i don't i'll ever be able to do that again like that do you know what i mean there's different entities of like my life now it's been i've had an incredible time here with grace and katherine it's been amazing but I look and think fuck like and did I like
Starting point is 00:37:08 did I enjoy those times enough when I was in those times I was always looking for something else I think I was like when I was single and I was going out and smashing it with the lads
Starting point is 00:37:17 I was always hoping that I'd find someone to complete my life in a relationship or you know to have a child whatever you're always you're always looking for the
Starting point is 00:37:25 situation you're not in don't you basically yeah it's human nature it's human nature to there's something about our psychologies and some people have it worse than others where you're looking to be unhappy with your lot in life i mean so when you're single you're thinking i need to get in a relationship when you're in a relationship you think i feel trapped i need to have more freedom i need to go and do this that and the other it's a weird thing man it's like it's it's just like we have it we're hardwired to constantly be thinking this is not enough do you know what i mean and like yeah i think like i mean i don't want to get too heavy but i think you really get the the real key to
Starting point is 00:38:01 happiness i think is to be content with what you have do you mean it's it's always when you're looking for something else you're looking to push and whatever that's when misery comes very very quickly i mean whereas if you sort of look at that this sounds so corny but i do believe it you sort of look at the blessings you've got and things immediately become a lot easier do you know what i mean i do i do believe that and i'm saying that as somebody that believes that but forgets that sometimes i mean it's not an easy thing to do you have to consciously make yourself be aware of that and sometimes we go through periods in life where you just think fucking hell why is this happening to me and blah blah blah uh so listen i mean they
Starting point is 00:38:36 sent quite a light email there we've turned it very very heavy no no but i think it's like it's something i've been thinking about a lot anyway like i'm thinking like am I doing this over here and usually when you know like when you're away filming you end up being out with the people you're filming with like but I made quite a big decision when we came out here that I wanted Grace and Catherine for one reason or another and I wanted them here with me because
Starting point is 00:38:58 that was the most important thing for me was you know to have them here because of stuff that we've been through in the last you know 11 months and here because of stuff that we've been through in the last you know 11 months and so so for me it's like i've kind of not been as involved in sort of like you know the sort of on set you know like you know the drinks and people going out after work and all that and getting i've not done that side of things but then i've not really i've i've not missed i genuinely worried that i was going to have like fomo and i was going to miss that
Starting point is 00:39:23 and every time i've sort of had little inklings of like oh maybe i should have gone out sort of you know that those this this time for me with grace has been like so so important like you know the the best thing so yeah it's difficult though isn't it it's such a balanced life yeah um but i mean what i would say is i'm very glad that i know that i've got a guaranteed hour a week that I'm going to talk to you for regardless of what happens because we found
Starting point is 00:39:48 a way to monetise the friendship well done Rom and Tom you've cheapened it we also you've mentioned it about three times
Starting point is 00:39:54 and I'm one of the things that really hits me all the time is that I constantly see podcasts coming out that have really well thought out
Starting point is 00:40:02 and this is this is just essentially me and you just talking i know for 200 hours nearly if just me and you maybe maybe maybe we need to introduce a format because i've seen a lot of podcasts coming out where it is two people or three people talking but they at least have had the decency to actually think of something they can pin it to do you know what i mean and we don't seem to have that in our lives. The only other one that I think is like this is two bears, one cave. That's the only other one I can think of.
Starting point is 00:40:30 That doesn't seem to have, yeah. But anyway, Nomadic Herons, thank you for depressing the show out of us, sir. Appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed Ireland.
Starting point is 00:40:37 The Dingle is incredible. Dingle's great. I did it for road trip. Oh man, I love that. This is from the little gecko. the little gecko says long time listener first time emailing love your work you both do and this podcast does wonders for my mental health your advice is always so genuine and comes from the heart i'll be with my girlfriend five years when we met i was completely obsessive in love obsessively in
Starting point is 00:41:01 love with her while i realized this is not sustainable after a year the obsession faded and a really hard time coming to terms with losing those very strong feelings. For a while, I was constantly doubting whether I was still in love with her or if it was just a natural progression of a relationship. Three years on and it still comes and goes and these doubts creep in and I find myself obsessing whether I'm still here because I'm in love or because it's just the norm and I'm scared to leave. We've spoken openly about this a few times. My partner's extremely understanding. When I get it off my my chest the feelings of guilt and sadness also fade away i suppose my question is are these doubts natural am i denying something deep down in my mind i know
Starting point is 00:41:31 something isn't right thanks guys the little gecko oh my god a little guy well no i just think it's what we've just talked about right it sort of falls into the same place it's a big deal to give yourself all over to um to some someone else else and to have that sort of side. You know, that's your lot. And there's like, you know, me and Catherine were sort of vaguely talking about it recently when we went out with a couple who've just got like a friend and they've just got with someone. And like that, when you see two people who are just getting together
Starting point is 00:42:00 and they're like sort of that, you they've got no responsibilities yeah they're all over each other they get they're sort of still getting to know each other and all that yeah and and then there's there's sort of like little jokes that you know there's a part of you that when when you see that is a little bit like oh shit when we don't do that anymore like there's there's nothing worse than seeing people trying to find that and like if it's not organic because that becomes really ugly but there's there's a side of you that's kind of like at first there's a bit of jealousy i think that creeps in to sort of look look and go oh shit like i remember because i do remember like you know it was 11 years ago that we
Starting point is 00:42:35 we were first like you know like that but then i look at the solidarity and what we have now as a couple and the things that we've been like you know you know without sounding again corny like the roller coaster of your life that you go ups and the downs and and and sometimes it's been down after down after down and kick after kick after kick and the strength that that makes you as a couple I certainly I wouldn't change that for anything but there of course I think there's times when you when when you I think that dizziness when you first meet someone is an incredible feeling especially when you meet someone I think that you know is this
Starting point is 00:43:12 person's talking about the little gecko's talking about in a sense of that first moment where you like first realise you're in love with someone that's an amazing thing the first time you tell someone that you love them is an incredible moment but to keep on doing that but i think i think you've got i think you know i'm no master of it but i think like when it comes to relationship you're doing the right thing in the fact that you're talking
Starting point is 00:43:34 about it you're talking about your feelings i you know what like my biggest my biggest problem is sometimes i don't talk about stuff i don't talk about how I feel sometimes. I don't address situations. I sort of just think, oh, yeah, I'll be all right if I just da-da-da. And actually I don't actually sort of, like sometimes, actually sort of voice how I'm feeling. And actually that's probably one of the hardest things for Catherine at times because I'd be lying to say that, you know, me and you are like career-wise and stuff,
Starting point is 00:44:07 and we've talked about this, you know, and I don't know whether I'm crossing a line, but we've talked about this privately, but we have to wear so many hats as people, and there's times when the hardest one to wear is the one that when you close the door and you're in your house, and you're a little bit questioning
Starting point is 00:44:23 who you are as a person, and like when I say that imposter syndrome, and I door and you're in your house, and you're a little bit questioning who you are as a person. And when I say that imposter syndrome, and I know that you share this as well, I don't just mean as an actor, as a stand-up or whatever else. I mean as a father, a husband and everything. I question myself all the time on that. I question myself, am I being a good enough dad?
Starting point is 00:44:41 Am I being a good enough husband? I worry about those things. But then sometimes I need to voice that and i need to be open with that with katherine rather than just sitting in my own anxiety in my own worry and and that's where at a moment where that's why like if i get into a point where i'm not training and i and i'm not looking after myself that's where that those thoughts and it becomes a negative and i think like yeah it's a yeah you and me are very similar like that because one of the things that lisa says to me and my brother says to me and my mom says to me in fact most people is that i don't ever express how i'm feeling about things if i've
Starting point is 00:45:16 got anxiety or issues i just push that deep deep down so that i can explain it to a doctor at some point in the future right That is my strategy. And look, with regards to your question, little gecko, the truth is that all relationships kind of go like that. What happens is you start off and you can't believe that this person's into you and you're also into them. And it's very heady. You're all over each other. And it feels very exciting.
Starting point is 00:45:44 But excitement, it just won't last like that because you're in a relationship for a long time. That will just fade naturally because unless you like fucking having memory loss every day, you get used to being with that person. Do you know what I mean? So the idea that you're like, oh my God, it should be like that.
Starting point is 00:46:00 It would be great if it was, but you're not going to be like, oh my God. But sometimes you've just got to smell the roses. You're in a great relationship. The fact that you've been in a relationship for as long as you have and nothing's like going wrong, I guess, or you're still getting on, I think is a really positive thing. And I've got to say, that would be a difficult thing for your girlfriend to hear.
Starting point is 00:46:18 And the fact that she's open to you talking about it with her, I've got to say a lot of respect to her, man, because that's a hard thing for your other half to say,'m having doubts about this and you sort of taking it on the chin you've got yourself i mean that is somebody really really amazing man i mean so but listen similarly i've been in relationships in the past where i'm not saying this is the relationship that you're in i've been in relations in the past where you're just in it because you haven't argued very much and you sort of think that is it but actually sometimes you're just in a thing because you're in a thing do you mean you think like you're supposed to be in a relationship so look i think my advice to you would be to continue talking talking it out but
Starting point is 00:46:58 what i would say is sometimes you fall into the trap of thinking there must be something better you know or something then something better is going to come along or why am i trapped in this thing and actually you ignore all of the great things that you've got going on do you mean so so do bear that in mind little gecko um good luck little gecko i hope everything works out a little bit you're an example to a soldier an example good luck little ge. And also shout out to the Little Gecko. That's obviously very understanding. A fresh voice can speak to you
Starting point is 00:47:38 and open your ears and your mind to new views and new perspectives. The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture. Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you, taking you to greater heights. Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Hello darlings, this is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests and of course they'll have to meet my standards and not everybody has what it takes.
Starting point is 00:48:26 Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like...
Starting point is 00:49:04 Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Next email comes from The Frustrated Moose. Dear Wolf, Owlcat and Swan, huge fan of the podcast and all the stuff that you're both involved with. I've never listened to an episode and not laughed out loud. By far the best podcast going. Well, welcome to your of that not happening me and my partner me and my partner recently ordered some items online we're both excited waiting for their arrival a couple of days after open ordering i got in from work
Starting point is 00:49:36 and found a red slip on the doormat the slip said left at number 36 excited i turned around and went next so i need to find a neighbor's not in and the car not there. I thought she must be out shopping or something. I know she's normally home in the afternoons. Once caught chatting with her, she told me she only works mornings. I got on with the bits I had to get on with and I kept checking the window to see if she was back, but nothing.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Fast forward four days and she's still not come home. It's starting to look like she's gone on holiday and I don't understand why you would take someone's parcel in and you're not going to be there for a few days. What's more annoying is that the parcel in question are some condoms and a couple of other bits from an online adult shop and at the weekend it's mine and my partner's first time having the weekend to ourselves since
Starting point is 00:50:13 the birth of our son so there's quite a bit of hype about the weekend so either our neighbor has stolen the condoms and gone on a sex rampage holiday she's late 60s or she's the biggest cock block going so my question is this how would you handle the situation upon her return if she ever does keep up the great work you pair of sweet sweet souls from the frustrated moose i mean sent from sent from the frustrated moose's iphone by the way which is quite a long email to send on a phone isn't it yeah beautifully beautifully written i'd say my one of my big worries would be that the 60-year-old neighbors had some sort of health issue maybe driven themselves to hospital yeah well yes you'd have had to drive yourself to
Starting point is 00:50:50 hospital though because her car's not right yeah unless just unless her son or daughter's whizzed around there because she lives like on a neighboring road and she sprinted around there and then she said like mom where's your car keys and she's helped her into the car and they've driven off um this is all speculation obviously no no speculation or maybe she's it would feel like a bit of a long con wouldn't it to run away this is a question are you planning on going through all the potential options of what could have happened there because to me it feels infinite so right so but my thought would be this right my thought would be reaching out to number one i think if you can't get hold of her in the next two days after this this is wednesday
Starting point is 00:51:33 hopefully you're listening to it on wednesday i would be looking into mail fraud oh my god mail fraud i've had it before where a neighbor's taking a parcel of mine and then we've never got the parcel yeah i've had that for quite a few times particularly in this new house i reckon about 200 quid for stuff that i've ordered this it's never turned yeah well actually what i'm going to say this actually i ordered something from asos to come over to the island here what um mate asos is like asos spain asos france right it's it's it's an international. It blew my mind as well. I ordered this like 10 days ago, right?
Starting point is 00:52:08 What is it you ordered? It's still not here. I've just got a couple of T-shirts, some swimming shorts. Right. Like, and Catherine spoke to, when they had her nails done, spoke to this woman. She said she ordered something from ASOS the other day, and it took her three months for this thing to be delivered.
Starting point is 00:52:24 How long are you out there for? Well, not three months. And it's like now I'm at a position, and I'm like you, I've gone out and brought almost the same T-shirts anyway just because they're actually shopping out here. It's pretty easy. They've got shops there though.
Starting point is 00:52:38 Yeah. I mean, it's hard to know. You can keep banging. It's like life, right? You can bang on the door as hard as you want, but no one's going to answer until the car's back. This is what my main advice maybe would be, is going around all of the...
Starting point is 00:52:55 She's 60, right? There's someone on your street or your crescent, wherever you live, who will have a spare key for her house. I would go around all the other neighbours just knocking on the door saying, look, explain the situation, don't mention the condom. Say it's food maybe, right? Just a little knock on the door, say, oh, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:14 I know that I'm speculating again. Elsie, Linda has gone away. We can't see her car. There's something very, very important that she's accepted as a parcel. Lovely of her, but she's not around. Do you have a spare key to her house? Come with us by all means. We're not going to steal anything.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Maybe if one of you is crying during that, that could work. But look, for me, deliveries… I don't think you should cry because there's a chance that they find out what's in the parcel. And then they go, why were you crying over some condoms and lube? Do you know what I mean? You know, but they're not going to know what's in it when they see it well they might you just don't know what like i don't know they might i'd hope that this person has ordered from a hybrid plate place highbrow enough to discreetly package it is that what you're saying yeah but also there must be some pretty snazzy condoms yeah i know that's interesting isn't it you've ordered condoms from an online store. I mean, this
Starting point is 00:54:06 could be like the sort of... What's your favourite type of condom, Tom? I'm not a condom guy. I can't like a condom. You can't... I don't like condoms. Nobody likes condoms, but it's a necessity, isn't it? If I have to wear one, I'll bust the jerks, but... Yeah, but is there any particular
Starting point is 00:54:22 type? Do you go for like the ones that desensitise dicks? I can't remember the last time last time mate i can't remember the last time i wore a johnny i find i find putting them on quite embarrassing i've got to say putting a johnny on is i love going to johnny's by the way um yeah i've noticed that yeah yeah putting them on is awful put them on now you can make comical there's there was like when you when i was single back in the day trying to put a johnny on is was the least sexy thing in the world yeah i went through a long phase of having to reread the instructions like oh my god no because you're supposed to did you ever put a johnny on did you ever practice putting a johnny on yeah of course yeah yeah did you ever try and do it under sort of like you're like under time conditions yeah but also yeah like under stressful conditions
Starting point is 00:55:09 well like every time i heard my mum coming upstairs i'd try that's the danger wank isn't it yeah yeah yeah yeah um i but no but i used to get nervous that i wouldn't pinch the reservoir properly to have enough room for the for the yeah for the jizz yeah i thought you were gonna find a really like like nice sort of like way of saying it but you just went with jizz i just sort of find kneeling up while the other person waits for you to sort of roll this they are like an incredibly insane device on the basis of like and also it's like no one's thought of another way of doing them that's just a little bit easier for people.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Yeah. You know, back in the old days. Like a little string that you pull and it just rolls back up. That would be amazing. Like, you know, some people had like a, they'd have like one special sort of like a sheath. Yeah. They'd use it, like they'd just wash out and use like.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah, wash out. It just sounds so horrible, doesn't it? yeah um what's your favorite kind of johnny i don't know if i do have a favorite to minister they are sort of just whatever but but i do i do what you like you know like somebody who doesn't buy their own cigarettes but will go outside into a smoking area and just take a fag off anyone yeah sometimes i'll be sometimes i'll be outside of weatherspeed's going look uh just a quick one could i get could i get outside of Witherspoon's going look this is a quick one could I get could I get a cigarette
Starting point is 00:56:27 oh yeah and also I know this is a weird one after the cigarette is it do you don't have any Johnny's on you because there's
Starting point is 00:56:34 nothing sexier than someone coming out of a Witherspoon's smoking area yeah and I also find the post the post experience pretty traumatic
Starting point is 00:56:41 yeah like that's what I mean there's nothing like condoms just full stop are just what i mean there's nothing like condoms just full stop are just not like no there's nothing sexy about them yeah i get look look everyone should be using them if you're not in a relationship or you're not whatever do you want me if you're sitting you're living that life safe sex is very important i'm just saying that yeah that tom tom doesn't bother doing that so uh anyway anyway, listen. Frustrated Moose.
Starting point is 00:57:07 First of all, you need to rebuy. This weekend needs to not go to waste. Yeah, yeah. So I'd rebuy some condoms and the other bits. Get yourself sorted out for your weekend so you know that's off your mind. And then the second thing you need to do is just wait for a few days and see if she comes back. I'd say as well that old people don't go away for any more than a week anyway.
Starting point is 00:57:26 No. I'd also say give her the benefit of the doubt. Do you know what I mean? I mean, there's a good chance she took it in thinking, I am going away for a bit, but I do want to – they'll probably pop round before I go, so I want to make sure this is not left on the doorstep somewhere. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:41 You could have just, you know, rewind back to her sort of anxiously looking out the window waiting for you to get back yeah exactly questioning where you are you might be just thinking they're normally in now yeah well you know and i know they've got this big weekend what they're gonna you know what they're gonna do about these condoms and lube so um i would uh yeah i would be patient but rebuy the stuff so that pressure's taken off yeah yeah yeah so you can enjoy your your time i would say go i would say go into a shop i know why you bought them online because it's embarrassing but actually these shops don't seem to give a shit when you go in there yeah i don't think yeah yeah yeah all right tom it's about that time my g you're going off filming shortly so uh could you do us the honor of taking us out the pod
Starting point is 00:58:27 please it's easy sometimes to think of birds and how incredible it is that they fly around just looking down on the earth from a position of height or a lonely man who works upon a crane looking down from a height but sometimes actually it's worth thinking about the lowly worm who scuttles around the floor looking up it's really really easy to spend your time and your days just wishing you're on a higher plane looking down on people but spend a bit of time thinking you know what it's quite nice to look up at people It's quite nice to look up at people. It's quite nice to look at the people above and think, well, they've got it sussed. Maybe I should be like them.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Don't always sneer and judge. Praise and enjoy. Life, you see, can be pretty damn amazing. Wow, that was really nice. Inspirational stuff from Tom Davis there. JT, could you play us a song out that I've been listening to quite a lot? It's called Location by Khaled.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Really, really good. I really like Khaled. And also, JT, it's fair to say of any podcast that you've ever cut, this might be the hardest one with the... Yeah, good luck with the edit. Not only on the fire alarm, but the quality of what we delivered as well.
Starting point is 00:59:46 So, good luck, mate. Thank you so much for listening. Once again, take care of yourselves. Peace out, guys. nothing else but you I don't want to fall in love off a sub-tweet so let's get personal I got a lot of cool spots
Starting point is 01:00:12 that we can go tell me what's the move and I got you if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.
Starting point is 01:00:39 Thank you.

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