Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 23: Sickly Tom & A West End Trip

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

We’re talking… Tom’s very sick week, passionate languages, beige diets and Imodium, rucksack dads, theatre trips, a serious beef with M&M's and the heaven and hell of visiting Hamleys. Followed by some email questions on our favourite moments from the pod, a maid of honour problem, snoring solutions and perfecting efficient packing. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. At Enterprise, we know you're constantly on the move. Getting this. Thanks, Mom.

Fixing that. You reach a destination. And then it's on to the next. And when life is moving at the speed of, well, life, Enterprise is right there with you, around the corner and around the globe. We'll keep you moving forward. Enterprise.

For lives in drive. Yeah. Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Yeah. Good morning, good morning good morning yeah good afternoon good evening hello how how do you think most people listen to this podcast i'm gonna guess school run or work commute or maybe just like a morning i think there's a morning jaunt perambulation i think it's a morning jaunt as the sun comes up people just you know uh enjoy the candor of two buddies just tune wagon and they just go out and they just have that time yeah and maybe uh have you noticed that my zoom camera is like it's like i've been doing only fans or something it's all

smudged and steamy hold on no you can't really notice that on yours no no um how have you been how's gran canaria it's not too bad it's a man i should probably i mate i was great after last week's podcast i was gravely ill like i'd say the illest i've ever been as an adult go on talk me through it what i mean i know about this but for the benefit of the listener. So last week's podcast, I felt a little bit weird when we started. I felt a little bit run down. I was like,

yeah, but that's normal after we're disappointed with the level of content we've delivered. So yeah, go on. Well, also it's normal. I've been shooting, you know,

anyway, um, I didn't, I thought I'll just have a workout. So I went in with my guy, Stan, we're having a little workout and I'm like, I just didn't feel right yeah went out for a bit of lunch with the family my mum and dad were over um Gracie K-Dog um hey dog yeah I shouldn't reverse my wife as K-Dog um and my queen

and uh I was just like I just don't feel right. I just felt, you know when you feel just, I felt so fucked, right? I get to set in, just went in makeup. And then I was just like, I need to go out and I think I'm going to be sick. I was sick, Rom, 30 times. What? Yeah, man. Like projectile vomiting.

Like, I was just like literally going out. Every time I went back, you went to sit down. I had to get up and be sick again. And I was like this. Yeah. I'm, I was fucked. I was just like, every like, like an exorcism of shit just leave my body. I was like, yeah. Um, and obviously then the fucking, the, the, it was like my ass got jealous of my throat and was like, well, you know, we can, we can have some fun as well. There's a, there's a,

there's an exit here as well honestly it was fucking brutal right and then i get back to the villa someone at production called called a doctor to come and see me and my temperature was like 39 i was like fucking like just i felt freezing but i was hot took me into hospital let me just shout Romesh out, yo. I text Romesh saying I was worried. I was worried. He called me straight away. I mean, what a friend.

Yeah, I did call you. But what I would say is that the way that you text is very, is the complete opposite to my mum. So, just as like, I would say you two, of people I know, are the polar opposites of texting. So, my mum will go, can you call me? It's urgent. She'll send me a text.

And then I'll call her and she'll go, what size trouser are you? Because one of my friends knows this tailor in Southall. So whereas you, you text me going, just somewhere at a hospital, bro. Been sick 30 times, nearly collapsed. So casual. That's why I phoned you. I was freaking out. And then I think I spoke to you when you were on the ambulance. Yeah, as the guy was trying to get me to pay

for the ambulance, like strong-arming me. By the way, the guys who... How do they... I've never experienced a medical service where you have to pay. I mean, obviously we pay through taxation. I'm aware of the system. But what I'm asking is is what do they do they've got a chip and pin like with them in the yeah yeah yeah chip and pin and

also the ambulance drivers look they look like they can tumble they look like they could like if you weren't able to pay they look like they get the money out of you somehow imagine imagine that you get medical school and on top of knowing what you've got to know you've also got to be able to handle yourself in a fucking row and the executive mate i'll tell you it was like so i went into the hospital and in the hospital right i was sitting in the fucking waiting room still being sick just fucked and they put me being sick into uh they first time was into a bin because they didn't believe i was still i still had sick in me so i had to show them and then into they gave me like a bucket thing and they put me

in a room with a guy do you remember the you know the office the tv show yeah do i know the office the tv show i don't know how well you know remember Lee Dawn's boyfriend yes I do yeah there was a guy who had a bit of a Frank Lampard vibe about him I thought yeah yeah yeah but that was the positive

side of his character yeah I don't want to be so much a threat no I mean just as he looked yeah I just don't like the thought of no I mean Frank's a gentleman

sorry Frank's a gentleman I don't like the idea of Frank Lampard turning up at Lorraine when Christine Blakely's doing it or Christine Lampard we're heading off

straight after filming yeah we're going, we're heading off straight after filming, yeah? We're going, yeah? We're going to breakfast, yeah? Oh, for fuck's sake. A little bit of work. But that was basically the vibe, right? This guy's girlfriend was a nurse there. Yeah.

And he was waiting, clearly, to sort of go out with her for a drink after. And he was sort of like, even though I didn't speak the language, I could tell what was happening he was he was getting more and more annoyed looking at his phone getting more and more frustrated she was coming and apologizing and then when she was taking out my iv drip she was sort of arguing with him um oh my god are you serious yeah man it was it was pretty fucking insane arguing in and spanish like the spanish when they argue it's pretty full-on it's not like a passionate

yeah yeah yeah they're not sort of i'd say that it makes you question how quite you know we know like how quite how drab we can be when we argue yeah well i i often wonder about like what languages sound like to somebody that doesn't understand them so so my mother tongue tamil which i don't speak but i do understand because when my mum used to tell me off, she'd switch to Tamil. Right. But like, it's sort of like a bird chirping, I would say. Just, you know, like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And French is like, Yeah. Like that. Spanish is very like... Oh, Spanish is like It sounds like they're chatting about something interesting doesn't it All the time Yeah it all sounds so passionate

Watching the football with them is incredible Like not in a way that we When you watch England games It's like this sort of like Faux aggressive passion It's like sort of It's all musical But then she was just getting more and more array Like anyone would like if you're having to work like an extra two hours

but yeah yeah so when my chip and pin wouldn't work like you know your face thing wouldn't work on my phone she was getting really really annoyed literally like she was taking that aggression out on someone who'd it sounds like quite a high anxiety situation for you if i'm being honest first of all you're in a foreign hospital i burnt myself in sri lanka and had to get hospital something about going to a foreign hospital that i don't know because you've seen it in movies or whatever i thought i found it utterly terrifying oh my did you find it frightened you don't speak that language either and that's that's our bad that's my bad but then like when the guy came in and he he explained my bloods by going um your bloods are okay and i was like what do you mean okay like sort of shook his hand like that okay and i'm like what is there

some shit in them or like what do you mean okay it's good or it's bad right and then i sort of tried to get more of an answer out of him and he just was sort of almost like oh god this guy's sort of I almost became you know nasally you well because you're concerned for your life yeah that sounds like

something I would do whereas you wouldn't give a show oh yeah so they're ok it's like that's basically a C, C plus that I'm happy with that

you know what Doc I'm happy with that came in here expecting my bloods to fail but we've got a pass I'm heading off I bid you adieu. Have a great day.

Shake of the hand. Thank you very much. It's a terrifying situation. And then, yeah, and then sort of, so most of this week, I've not been able to eat properly or I've been on what they call a beige diet.

What does that mean? Just basket meals? Just chips, potatoes. Just chips? Just potatoes. That's been prescribed, is it? Chips and potatoes all the time. Do you know McDonald's?

Do you know McDonald's? You go to McDonald's, get chips, you'll be better. Just for extra, a little bit of extra sugar, dip into the milkshake, okay? Like pasta, bread, yeah. I still feel... So you're on a pure carb... You're on the opposite of keto.

You're on a pure carb diet. Yeah, I mean, I've pushed... What are you doing? Are you taking one massive shit every three days, I assume? Mate, my shits. So, like, aside this, right? We... So I'm rough.

You know what filming's like. I have Tuesday that I'm allowed to recoup wednesday i have to be back in filming so i'm still not quite right thursday what's it what are the sympathy levels like on set with amazing incredible i'm surrounded by a good group of guys um yeah thursday we have to go and film on a boat for the whole day great news for me yeah even knowing that i have a bad stomach yeah and it was um yeah so i took an imodium i took an imodium on wednesday um and in the words of craig david i was constipated for thursday friday and saturday i had a shit on sunday took a shit on sunday it was genuinely that was huge crap on sunday mate it on On Sunday when that came like, yeah, because they fill you for a modium as well. I didn't

realize that when I looked at what they put in the IV drip, a modium was one of the things. I really Yeah. It's terrifying, isn't it? Because like, whenever, first of all, I've told you this, but I can never shit on the first three days of holiday. I've told you that. Yeah, my body has to get My body has to get used to it. It's the first thing I do when I get to a new country. Yeah. Well, what a great metaphor for your tourism attitude. First thing you do when you arrive in a country

is take a massive shit there. But yeah, I get terrified because every time I eat, I think, well, currently I'm not shitting. So this is a closed vessel. Yeah. And then sometimes I get panicked, particularly after I've taken Imodium. It's got to go somewhere. Yeah.

It's got to be reabsorbed into my body. So at some point, I'm going to explode, I guess. It makes your breast smell, right? When you need a poo. Does it? Yeah, apparently. Because the poo comes out. What, because the shit gets, it doesn't get so backed up, it's at the back of your throat. No, not the back of your throat, but it's in you, isn't it? Yeah, apparently. Because the poo comes up. Because the shit gets, it doesn't get so backed up,

it's at the back of your throat. No, not the back of your throat, but it's in you, isn't it? So you like the toxins of it start coming out like anywhere. That's why you probably like, yeah, and you don't really fart as much. So it would just come out through your breath. That's what I'm led to believe. I don't know.

Listen, I don't know if there's any science backing up. It'd be good to get up. It sounds plausible. Yeah, it would be good to get... Yeah. Could any scientists who are currently working on something important get in touch with the podcast? Stop what you're doing, please. Can you just take a pause from the cancer research and can you please send us an email to let us know whether, if you take Imodium, the shit gets so backed up in you that you can smell your breath because there's shit in the back of your throat that would be great to get that clarified what have you been up to my baby my jay well uh i went to london at the weekend with the sound like you when you say you go to london your office is in london i i know you sound like

everyone i grew up with. I know, but when you go with your kids, London is very different when you go with your children, I feel, unless you live in London. So going to London normally is like a nothing. I mean, you've highlighted the exact situation here. Going to London with your children. To my kids, going to London is like a big, it's like we've got to pack a knapsack and head off to the grave. Are you a rucksack dad? To the big smoke.

Are you a rucksack dad? Normally I'm a rucksack dad, but I wasn't a rucksack dad in London that weekend, no. We took them to see the Christmas lights. Oh, nice. Went to watch Frozen. Every time I watch a musical musical i become depressed about my own career there's a bit just before the interval spoiler alert i mean everybody's watched the film haven't they where she sings let it go and the way it's done and the lighting and the staging

of it is so incredible i just thought that three minutes is better than my entire career and then i spent the interval being quite quiet um what you were just partly because i was depressed about the end partly because i was depressed about the fact i'd i'd eaten all of my family-sized popcorn before the parents were even dead so um but yeah it was amazing smaller and cinema popcorn right yeah smaller and more expensive i mean people talk about why the working classes don't go to theatre. I'll tell you what. If I can bring the snack prices down, that'll help. They're going to have to do something, aren't they?

Well, I went to watch... I took Theo to watch The Cursed Child. The Cursed Child. What's that? You know, it's the Harry Potter stage show. Right. There's two parts to it. See, I think that's a little bit...

You've got to go back the next day, or do they do it twice in the same day? so well you can do it on the same day so we did matinee and then evening all right cool but i would say the whole day in total cost me about it cost me about 400 quid what i know i know and i was like i mean listen it was amazing and thea had an incredible time i did it like proper like surprised him woke up in the morning and said we we're going to watch Harry Potter. He lost his mind. I mean, it was a great, it was a great reaction. His reaction was worth it. Not, I wouldn't say it was worth 400 quid, but it was, it was lovely. Where did you have food when you were up there? Ragamamas? Are you talking about on this weekend where we went to Harry Potter? I've never seen Harry Potter by the way. Never watched any Harry Potter. I don't, I can't imagine you being into it i mean i'm not massively

into it but some people just show into it aren't they yeah like obsessed and and that slightly puts me off from being honest with you yeah i mean i went to watch the cursed child there's loads of callbacks to the books and films i've not watched any of them so i didn't understand any of it but every now and again something would happen and the crowd would go oh that's interesting yeah that must so that must be why or whatever that's why Hagrid has a beard yeah exactly I think that's how that's how he got his cloak or whatever you sort of hear shit like that during the thing but I was I was watching it thinking listen it involves a lot of rehearsal the shows are incredible certainly better than what we do as stand-ups i mean we just we just amble on the sound's not always great because we've not

sound checked properly i mean you sort of wrap it on through this sort of fucking load of shit that you've thought up of um so i i appreciate all of that but i i actually considered like i don't know man there must be a fun setup but I'd love to set up something that makes it easy, more accessible for like kids from those backgrounds to get, oh, this sounds so worthy. But I, do you know what I mean?

It's expensive, man. It's properly expensive. It's so expensive. They used to do that. When I was a kid, they did like, we went to,

our school did like something like that. You could go and watch like West, I mean, it's before West End was like now where it's like broadway almost because we were gonna watch the show called blood brothers oh yeah yeah and i was the only boy that went the the swans obsessed with blood brothers i think she used to teach it when she was a drama team oh really that was one of their one of their set texts i lost my mind in the way that theo did like at the end of blood brothers um yeah the police why do you keep saying it like that?

What? Why do you keep saying Blood Brothers? Blood Brothers, isn't it? Blood Brothers. No, but again, you've said it weird. Blood Brothers. Blood Brothers. Yeah, okay, you know that we're not saying it the same, don't you?

Blood Brothers. Blood Brothers. Okay, then you've just said it normally. Okay. Okay, but before you were saying Blood Brothers. Blood Brothers. Yeah. I don't hear the difference. Okay, but okay, but before you're saying blood brothers blood brothers Yeah To hear the difference, okay, I'll give you the two versions saving tell the difference blood brothers blood brothers

Can you hear the difference? Yeah a little bit. No, not so much. I picked someone up on it. Okay Lion King, okay Lion King. Okay. Lion King. Lion King. Yeah, but before you said Lion King, are you saying Lion King? Lion King. Lion King.

Lion King. I feel like I'm in fucking pronunciation inception here. Lion King. Lion King. That's the same. That's the same. That's the same. No, but the way you're saying it

is like he's just been promoted, which in the film he was. He's the Lion King. He's not just a lion, mate. He's the Lion King. But that's the same Lion King. No, Lion King. He's the Lion King.

Yeah, he's the Lion King. That's what you're saying. Well, I don't see the difference. You're saying, I'm saying Lion King? Yeah, he's a Lion King. That'd be your saying. I don't see the difference. You're saying, I'm saying Lion King. Yeah. You're saying Lion King. Yeah, because it's two different words.

No, but you're saying it like he's a footballer. Playing on the left, Lion King. Lion King. Yeah. Low-end team, yeah. Today. Something is coming. Kong.

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shoppers drug mart today anyway go on sorry blood brothers you believe at the end of the blood uh blood brothers right yeah uh and lisa would know this uh the swan sorry would know this all the police come down all the different aisles

and i lost my fucking mind yeah it was so fucking cool because you're oh my god you felt like you're part of the action it was like yeah when i here's a question for you so when i watch kendrick lamar right yeah um he did a different pretty much did a different staging and lighting setup for every single song right which must have taken an eternity to plan or whatever and it was an amazing show to watch. And I did find myself thinking, as stand-ups, I know Kevin Hart's done it,

but do we need to make a bit more effort, do you think? I think it's hard though, isn't it? Because then what do you do? Like, every time you do a different story, like a spotlight changes or sort of like, you know. I mean, I went, I went actually speaking,

because Kevin Hart's done a thing where he had fire coming out because he went to watch some music gig and they had fire shooting out a certain song. So he started doing fire on punchlines or whatever. And then another time... That's like, Kevin Hart, I fucking love. I adore Kevin Hart.

That's a fucking risk though, bro. I know. Well, that's the other thing I was going to say. I went to see him at the O2. I can't remember which tour it was. And he had a thing where he had a screen behind him and whatever story he was talking about, like, the backdrop would reflect that.

So, for example, he'd be talking about how long the driveway... I mean, it's a bit lost touch with the people. He was talking about how massive his driveway is and when he's putting the bins out, how long it takes him to put them out. And then he was talking about all these creatures appearing, and then the back screen went black, and then these, like, eyes popped up in the darkness, like, to sort of add a bit of atmos. But I got to be honest with you i found it slightly distracting i mean one of the reasons i fell into in love with stand-up is watching eddie

murphy just walk out on stage and basically be like a rock star and it was just him with a microphone so i do think that's part of the description of a story yeah so the whole the whole skill of it i guess is to put people there without... Without having to see stuff. Yeah. Although the bit that was really funny was he talked about being asked for... I think it was being asked for an autograph while he was on the toilet. And he sat on a stool and they projected a toilet onto the screen behind him.

And it did look like he was actually sitting on a massive toilet. It was quite funny. That's pretty funny. Anyway, the point is I got depressed after watching Frozen. Catherine went to watch Frozen with my niece and nephew and my sister and they all my my sister and katherine were like it's a little overly sexualized at play in places well there's a bit where do you know that song i did think this for a little bit so there's a bit where well, there's two bits actually. No, no, no, no. The second bit's not that. But I'll explain it anyway. There's a bit

where they do you know, love is an open door. Love is an open door. That one, right? You know that one, right? So there's a bit where she sort of moves her hand down his body. She almost touches his dick. Yeah. And then she just sort of moves her hand down his body yeah she almost touches his dick yeah yeah and then

she just sort of puts her hand over her mouth yeah that's one of the moments she shouldn't tug him off during this song isn't there a moment when they're all sort of almost naked they just got feathers on yeah so that's the other bit i was going to mention so there's this bit where it where it's amazing that they highlighted the two bits that i thought of as well but actually i would say this is my favourite moment, not the nudity. Of course it was. Oh, fucking hell, it's doing good, little vet day. Finally something for the grown-ups.

That's where Dad went forward and knocked all over the popcorn, knocked his popcorn over. Yeah, Dad's not holding onto his popcorn, but it's positioned in his lap they um is where they go to the kiosk the sauna kiosk in the middle of the snow and there's a sort of scandi guy just talking about what they're offering and they do a dance like the huger dance and they're just they're wearing body stockings but the conceit is that they're butt naked apart from the leaves that they're covering themselves with yeah yeah yeah so it's essentially a nudity scene i guess yeah but i mean i mean i didn't think that was sexualised. I thought that was quite...

The most sexualised bit was the hand going down. The hand going down, yeah, towards the penis. Towards the pee. Yeah. Yeah. Did you... While singing Love Is An Open Door. Did you enjoy it, though, as a spectacle?

Yeah, I did enjoy it. I thought it was great. Did you sing? Did you all sing as a family as you came no they actually quite controversial not quite controversial he certainly got some controversial for the crowd i was with but i was delighted by this news they said please don't sing along oh what the oh really it wasn't as abrupt as that but it was sort of like hope you enjoy it was like very you know welcome to hope this starts a lifetime of watching coming to the

theater to watch stuff that's nice uh yeah please don't sing the end of tina turner is one that have you seen tina the musical no the end of it is incredible everyone's up and singing yeah i've you know i don't know if i've talked about this before on here um do you know how i've been to see a theater at least three or four times and been moved because people behind me can't see? Oh, my God, really? Yeah. It's so indignifying. Actually, one time it worked out really well for me and Catherine.

When we went to watch Les Mis, we got put in almost like a box, which made me look like I was quite ritzy. But the other times I was just literally put right at the back so there's no one behind me. Yeah. Or moved to an aisle seat. I had a bit of a situation at frozen where we walked I took Charlie and Alex to the toilet. Yeah, and then we walked by that's another thing Yeah, it's need to fucking up their game with which will it's a like pub toilets in London. They're fucking awful Yeah, tiny wasn't think yeah, it wasn't't that bad but it was it wasn't great it's like someone

had a there in 1930 watching charlie chaplin and no one's cleaned it since that's what i'd say about theater toilets did charlie chaplin do stage shows did he work it up on stage i don't know he did yeah you don't just get into the the silent movies you've got to do it all on stage charlie chaplin as you call him um we when we walked out there was a poster for a show called fanny was it who is that about i don't know it just had a picture of a guy no i don't think it was funny credit it just had a picture of it i think it was a dude and it just said fanny and then charlie uh obviously took that as license to use that word as freely as he liked. And he went, oh my gosh, look, they're advertising Fanny.

Fanny sounds like something I'd like to see. Dad, can we see Fanny? And then Alex started laughing and that became their little bit that they did. And then we returned to the seats. Lisa's let me be alone with the kids for two minutes, take them to the toilet. They come back chatting about Fanny. It was absolutely insane.

I'm thinking they're talking about the sauna scene yeah I went to Eminem the Eminem what's it called Eminem world oh god yeah

yeah I've got to say that's a fucking insane thing how much do you like sweets you're making a fucking world about it

I can't get my head around it I've got well eminem is like the biggest prick of all the chocolates and fucking snacks because i think it's got such an entitled fucking way of being what does that mean yeah the adverts like the eminem's hiding in the wardrobe i thought you'd like all of that the peanut eminem reminds me a bit of you to be honest with you fuck off The peanut M&M reminds me a bit of you, to be honest with you. Fuck off. Fuck off if you want to be friends. I just find, like, the worst sense of entitlement.

You haven't been around as long as the Mars bar, mate. Are you under the impression that M&M's actually wrote and designed those adverts? No, but someone at M&M's is going, oh, fucking hell, everyone loves us. Let's make an M&M world. That'd be amazing. Who likes M&M's? I've never, ever met anyone in my life who's gone, oh, my favourite thing in the world is M&M world that'd be amazing who likes M&M's I've never ever met

anyone in my life who's gone oh my favourite thing in the world is M&M's yeah sure but for you to like something it doesn't have to be your favourite thing

in the world this is a mistake mate you make a world of it how many mate you've got Disneyland and Disney World I don't know of many other people who are that arrogant

that they make a world about their lives like genuinely when I first saw it I'd get to know that's fucking less than a square gun what's the alternative m&m shop what do you mean that's gone just a fucking that is that what pushed is that what pushed lesser square over the top for you as a commercial venture were you thinking oh before before m&m world open you're thinking oh fucking oh lesser square do you know what this is the real london it's nuanced and subtle and sophisticated. No, it isn't. And then they opened Eminem World,

and that fucking, that broke it for you. Wait, I'll tell you what, what breaks my fucking heart, right, is Eminem World's been there longer than the Chocodera was. And the Chocodera was incredible. It was an amazing event. Like, fucking go out to the Chocodera as a kid.

I agree about Chocodera. I'm heartbroken that Chocodera's not there. It was an amazing, I'd have loved to take a break from the country. And Eminem World's... What was Chocodera. I'd have loved to take a break from the country. And Eminem was. What was Trocadero's? Arcades, shops. Rides.

VR. It's my first experience in VR. Mate, they had the big drop ride that used to go on. Yeah. Always a slight fucking worry that you might get beaten up by some older kids. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Every time you play Street Fighter, someone turns up, puts some money and kills you.

Yeah. And then carries on the game. All that shit. You've got to slope off. You know that table one with the little things? The hockey? Hockey.

Yeah. Yeah. You've got none of that at M&M World. No. Do you know what? I'll tell you what the fucking most embarrassing thing

is when you've got tourists and they're getting their pictures done with the jacket they've got outside. You're being very xenophobic these days, aren't you? It's the Germans last week and now it's just tourists

in general. No, but I'm not able to go to tourists it doesn't feel like my london anymore no but i'm like no but i'm like tourism's an amazing thing tourist i'm great i always wanted to shake people my hands but learn the language and keep yourself to yourself like it's embarrassing to I feel like okay look mate years ago we used to have the

trocadero and now you're subjected to fucking these two idiots like the M&M's what I would

say to you is M&M world first of all I had to queue to get in what that's insane

but you know you can go to Tesco's and buy M&M's what's the difference yeah I know well they've got loads of M&M's you can't well I don't think you can go to Tesco's and buy M&M's. What's the difference? Yeah, I know.

Well, they've got loads of M&M's you can't... Well, I don't think you can get elsewhere. Oh, fuck. And what flavours have they got there that you can't buy anywhere else? I don't think it's even flavours because they all taste the same, don't they? Isn't it colour? Just colours.

Oh, my God. Anyway... You suck them. They're all the same anyway. Are you talking about foreigners now or M&M's? Anyway, we spent 80 quid. Do you know what, right? Yeah.

We've had conversations on here. I love you with all my heart. I think that's the most embarrassing thing you've ever said. That's the most embarrassing thing I've ever said. Why? I've got children that went to M&M World. 80 pounds in M&M World. I know.

I know. 50 quid of that was on M&M's. What do you have a 3080 in M&M World? I know. I know. £50 of that was on M&M's. What else do you have on £30? What else do you buy? Not, please, merchandise,

T-shirts and stuff. It was like little M&M dispensers and shit like that. M&M dispensers? You know, like it's a little... You know,

like a Pez... I mean, were you in similar uproar about the Pez dispenser? No, but Pez wasn't arrogant enough to have a shop. Yeah, no, you're right.

And also, Pez was... You're right. M&M's are the Kanye of the confectionery world. You're absolutely right. Yeah, Pez was inclusive of everything. It turned around, you could get Batman, Pez. You could get fucking all kinds of Pezes.

M&M's is just all about themselves. Honestly, mate. Okay. I did not expect you to react like this. I'll tell you what, like, M&M World, and also, it's one of my favorite bits of London is Chinatown It's like it I was I think of Eminem has been like the asshole Chinatown Wow

Okay, and it's like yeah, it's it just just generally annoys me when I ever comes on I'm not fucking a little guy these two little wankers Yeah, sure enough. I can't think of the last time I saw an eminem advert oh well i've been out here for what is it like what are the concepts of the adverts well one like there's always that one eminem shagging somebody and the other one's hiding in the wardrobe yeah that's pretty much one of that is one of the adverts yeah yeah yeah and i don't know i just find them irritating okay uh i also went to hamley's see i love hamley's yeah did you have to queue to get in? No, I didn't have to queue to get in, no. But what I would say is once you're in there,

it was, I would call it, I would describe it as stressful. Yeah, it's bedlam. Have they sorted out the temperature in there? No, absolutely. Like Theo almost asked to leave. Because it was like... Like a sauna. I had to work...

Absolutely, absolutely roasting. I talked to the manager about it last time. I'm surprised he hasn't done anything about it. Yeah, I'm surprised at that after you speaking to him I hadn't changed the the temperature in the whole of Hamleys it's weird

but it's so like that feels like something that would like is affecting their trade a little bit I mean it's obviously always busy I feel like going in there

and going mate you're up against Eminem world they're sneaking up behind you here mate yeah but what I like about Hamleys is you're walking through incredibly stressed and then you get hit in the head by a boomerang it's uh it's a really fun experience and that happens on every floor by the way my heart is i always feel really

bad for you know like when you've got people demonstrating the toys yeah and you feel like you've got to stay and watch like that's because like in a way that's like performer kind of vibes you know like i know I know, but they are. I've got to take my hat off to the staff at Hamleys. They can make any toy seem appealing. Yeah. It's incredible. But you'll see one of them playing with like a light

that they've got in their hand, right? And you just think, what a load of tat. And then within 30 seconds, there's a crowd of 20 people gathered around. I'll tell you, can I just say something? Rumours sort of spread around you. As soon as you walked in, they're like, oh, that's the fellow who spent 80 quid in M&M World.

He'll buy any old shit. Well, do you know what? I nearly bought one of those fucking... I carried it up and down the store, and then in the end, I thought, this is madness. I nearly bought one of those, you know, those spindly head massager things? You know, they're like orgasm...

Yeah. one of those, you know, those spindly head massager things, you know, they're like, literally you buy something like that. You, the next thing you're buying is a basketball hoop for your toilet that you have when you're in the toilet. Oh God. Okay. Should we do some emails, Tommy? Yeah, do you, boy. Once again, thank you to The Swan for selecting emails. This is from The Meerkat. Wow, is this our first Meerkat? No, I can't imagine it is. No, we must.

Meerkats, I would say, in terms of animals that people think of, after sort of cats and dogs and shit like that, it's pretty high up there, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, The Meerkat says, Hello, Wolf, Owl and Swan. Firstly, I'd like to say how much I love the podcast. Also, a big fan of all your work, especially King Gary and Rom,

your Netflix special had me crying with laughter. I'm currently listening to the podcast. Thank you very much, brother. Thank you. I'm currently listening to the podcast for the third time. My question is, what has been your favourite moment

of the podcast so far? Personally, my favourite was the email about beaver nibble and your two's reaction to it. Another bit which always gets me would be your impressions of each other can you both do your best impression of each other from the meerkat um i don't know why i mean thank you for the email maker i don't know why the swan is selecting sort of jukebox request emails for us too um i don't i don't i'm going to be honest

with you i don't remember anything from the podcast. No, that's why I was... You can tell that from the fact that we repeat all our fucking stories. Yeah, because I generally look at this as just a conversation. I don't remember all my conversations with my mate. There's no planning to this, is there? People say... We get nice messages and people say about... Do you know what?

Some of my favourite ones were the awful ones that we did when we started when we just look at each other about 20 minutes in and go this isn't really going to work is it no i always enjoy yeah that um yeah i don't know i don't know i mean i would say i would say you're responsible for the two biggest highlights or the two things that got the biggest reaction in this podcast. Number one is your story about the potpourri story. Right. And then when you went to the toilet and smashed your head.

Yeah. That's one. And then the other one is ass pebble, obviously. I mean, it's a common theme, isn't it? Hmm. Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying they're highbrow, but they are

but they are they definitely got responses yeah yeah I mean the ass pebble one I find insane that no one else

has ever thought of I still that baffles me yeah because why would anyone else think of something so disgusting

it offends me slightly you've never tried it nor will I try it just to be absolutely crystal clear you'll never ever try it I will I try it. Just to be absolutely crystal clear. You'll never ever try it. I'm never going to try

Ass Pebble. Ever. That is insane that you wouldn't. Because I'm just the visual of me I just feel like this is a long game

prank by you. It's not. And then I'm going to be bent over trying to insert a stone into my anus. Well you don't insert into your anus.

It just goes between your cheeks and takes the burn. Yeah fine. Whatever. Whatever. I don't want it into your anus. It just goes between your cheeks and takes the burn. Yeah, fine. Whatever. Whatever. I don't want it. I've not used one, by the way, the whole time I've been at it.

I don't want a rock in my ass. Can I just say, by the way, that actually, there's not much spicy food out here, as much as I thought. Really? No. It's like, do you know what? I can't wait to have a curry. Hmm.

You know, like when you watch films and people are like... Do you know what we should do? We should get... I don't know if they'll let us do this. We should have a curry um all right you know like when you watch films and like people are like you know what we should do we should get i don't know if they'll let us do this we should have a curry while we're doing the drunk podcast oh mate yes huh yes yeah i was actually going to suggest whether we go out for a curry after but i don't think we're going to be any fit state to go out after that you're so paranoid you take three or four times about like how worried you are. Mate, I've not been able to drink now for two weeks. I don't even know how. You're probably more in fine drinking, Fettel, than I am.

Party Rob has been training for this. Yeah, I'm still a lightweight though. Anyway, Meerkat, thank you so much for your email. still a lightweight though um anyway meerkat thank you so much for your email next email this is from the perplexed pig wow uh hi guys thanks so much for the amazing podcast it makes my commute to work so much more enjoyable there you go commute well ideally i'd like it would be good if you could get a tally chart of all like you know that's a great idea yeah that is a great idea and just keep it updated a great idea. And there's keep it updated a little bit of admin for no fucking real reason. Just absolutely no thought goes into the podcast

at all. But the most actually the most amount of work is keeping the tally chart of what when people listen to it. Can everyone email or text in saying like, you know, when they Text in? Maybe we should get Wolf and Al our number I actually thought about it didn't Lewis Lewis Capaldi on Instagram the other day

like just pasted his phone number did he? yeah it was like just a picture of his phone with his phone number Capaldi's like a straight up G right? yeah

I mean do you reckon what happens then you put your phone number up I'm thinking about getting a burner and then just like putting my number up

and seeing what calls what are you trying to be like Lewis Capaldi trying to be cool I don't know I just thought it was a cool idea Chris rocked it no no no like, putting my number up and seeing what calls. What are you, trying to be like Lewis Capaldi and trying to be cool? I don't know, I just thought it was a cool idea. Chris Rock did it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, you literally, right?

You don't get back to the people half the time you text you, you know. Yeah, that's a good point. Why don't you get a burner phone? That's a very good, that's a very good, it's like, yeah, sitting there fucking eating your M&M's with your burner phone going off and your M&M's slippers. That phone going off. And your M&M's slippers.

That's another text I'm going to ignore. Lisa, where's the dispenser? Fucking Lisa, this bloody burner phone won't fucking stop. Hi guys. Oh yeah, sorry. Ideally, I'd like to be kept anonymous to avoid creating any more drama than there is already. However, I'd like a bit of advice on a head scratcher. My boyfriend of a number of years proposed to me recently which is extremely

exciting the wedding planning have been a wonderful distraction from work stress and i'm having an absolute blast planning what is essentially a massive knees up i have a number of bridesmaids they've been fantastic friends to me throughout the years but when choosing a maid of honor i knew immediately that i wanted my sister unfortunately she hasn't responded well at all to the wedding news she isn't interacting with the planning getting on with the other bridesmaids and just didn't turn up to the engagement party oh god i've tried to find ways of involving her and keeping her interested but it isn't working my parents reckon she just needs time to settle into the idea that i'm getting

married but i'm not sure she should need to settle into the idea she should surely just be happy that i'm happy and want to be a part of it i know this this is how i'll be when she gets married i also have no worries about whether i can rely on her to support me by doing her bridesmaid duties i have a job which can stretch up to 72 hours per week and i need all the help i can get i think that demoting her would cause its own stress and drama and i'm not sure i can be bothered with this either any advice thanks so much guys a perplexed pig tom davis um oh man it's a difficult one this I'd say that um I'd say the first thing up would be having a conversation with your

sister about why she feels the way she does like and dealing with that in a in a sort of empathetic way because it's probably more going on than just the fact that she doesn't like she's not supporting you you get married sometimes it's I think like when you get married that it's i think like the the when you get

married that can just be all-encompassing for you and that's just natural because it's like the biggest thing one of the biggest things you're going to do in your life you become completely consumed by that day that you know the the day before the honeymoon there's that everyone's going to have a great time and it can that can just take over your life and if if anyone else seems like they're not as into it as you are you can it can sort can just take over your life and if if anyone else seems like they're not as into it as you are you can it can sort of almost sort of show up quite you know you sort of take that as a bit of a slight um and sometimes it's good to just step back and go actually other people have other shit going on and you know there might be another reason why she still feels the

way she does so it's probably just a conversation to have so then she enjoys it as much as you do so i'd say to try and have that and i'm not you know it is an incredible day getting married it's probably just a conversation to have. So then she enjoys it as much as you do. So I'd say to try and have that. And I'm not, you know, it is an incredible day getting married. It's like the best time of your life. It's, you know,

it's stressful, but yeah, even, you know, we did, we got obsessed with it and we got, you know, and sometimes you sort of lose sight of what else is going on in the world.

So maybe just have a chat with your sister and, uh, and do that. Um, have an amazing day. Enjoy it. Smile all day. Know that you're blessed. Mugga.

Uh, perplexed pig. Congratulations on the wedding. Uh, the marriage. Um, what I would say, I sort of pretty much agree with Tom really. You haven't sort of got into backgrounds of what your sister's relationship history has been like, but it's possible that, uh, I dunno, I I'd be guessing if I was, if I was trying to say why I thought she was behaving like this, you know, one, it could be that she's really

close with you and it feels like she's dealing with the reality of you not being around as much cause you're getting married, which might be difficult for her to handle, or it might be the actually while she might not want to admit it, she's got fears of her own relationship or settling down or whatever, um, and this has brought that home to her for her. Um, but I would agree with Tom that what you need to do is, uh, you need to just have a chat with her. And I would say, cause you sound a bit pissed off in your email.

Um, I would say my best advice to you would be to try not to take that into the conversation every sister i think a lot of times if you a lot of problems can be solved by putting yourselves in the shoes of the other person and putting yourself in the mindset of the other person maybe trying to figure out why she might be feeling like that and come at the conversation with, in a, in a bit of an empathetic way, rather than an accusatory way. I think you'll get a lot more, uh, you get a lot more mileage out of that. And just sort of say to her, look, I can't help feeling that you're not as into this. And, um, is it possible that this is a bit much and if it is, then just let me know.

I want you to, you know, you're my sister and I want you to enjoy this and I want it to be a great day for you as well. And you know, how do I make that happen? Uh, and I think you to enjoy this and I want it to be a great day for you as well. And how do I make that happen? And I think you have that kind of open dialogue with her. And hopefully she'll sort of explain why she's feeling the way she's feeling. Or maybe she'll go, look, I'm so glad you had this chat with me because blah, blah, blah. And you take it from there. It's possible she might just deny it and just go, I don't know what you're on about.

I'm being as supportive as I possibly can be stopping. You know, she might react aggressively, which people do when they're on the defensive and she might feel bad about having that behavior sort of held up to her, uh, in which case I think you just go, look, this is kind of the, the, the, the stuff that I absolutely need happening. Are you able to do that? Is that something that you're willing to do? And if she says yes, then you've got to trust her to do that.

Um, but yeah, my advice would be to just have an open and honest and sympathetic conversation with her to try and get to the bottom for what's going on. And I wish you the very best of luck. I hope your wedding day is as magical as it can possibly be. Congratulations from both myself, the owl and my esteemed colleague. Uh, and best friend the wolf best western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze and it felt a little like Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Good night kids. Good night mama.

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Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Air Canada and Mastercard. Next email is from the Sleepy Sloth. And the Sleepy Sloth says, Hi, Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat. I'm loving the pod since I discovered it last week. And I'm aiming to catch up on every episode by binge listening in the office. I really value the advice you give to your listeners. So I hope you can help me today too.

I've been married to my husband and soulmate for 14 years, and we're really happy and in love, just like when we first met, when we go to bed, we love to cuddle up for a bit before turning over to go to sleep in our uncomfortable sleep positions. Recently, I've started to snore a lot and it keeps my husband, the friendly Fox awake. Then when he gets frustrated and tired, he'll turn over in an exaggerated manner to wake me up and stop the snoring this makes me feel really guilty but also cross at being woken up then neither of us get much sleep and i wake up grumpy and tired we we wake up grumpy and tired it's been so bad

recently that i got really anxious lying there scared to fall asleep as i know i'll instantly go into a snore and keep him awake i've tried anti-snoring devices but you cannot sleep with anything i cannot sleep with anything stuck to my face, in my nose, my mouth, or strapped around my chin. He can't sleep with earplugs in either, so the only way to get a perfect night's sleep is to sleep in separate rooms. Neither of us want that, as we love being together in the comfort of a lovely cuddle before sleep, etc.

I don't know if it's the fact of getting older, putting on two stone in the last four years, or having quite a short neck that causes it, but I can't see a solution. I try to lose weight, but it's really hard without starving myself and being miserable since i turned 35 five years ago my metabolism is terrible and the pounds just don't drop off me like when i reduce my calories like they would in my 20s i sleep either on my front or side so it isn't the usual thing of rolling onto my back it's worse when i have a cold or too much to food too much

food or drink i can't get any sympathy from friends they think it's a comical issue and always think it's a problem that long-suffering wives have with their men. I don't want the friendly fox to suffer and I feel so guilty about something I cannot control. Sometimes he tells me I've been snoring when I was convinced I hadn't even been to sleep yet. Any advice or sympathy would be appreciated.

Tom. Yo, I have been here. Welcome to the snoring brethren. So I went have been here um i welcome to the snoring brethren um so i i was i went for a stage uh really before probably lockdown i was snoring so much that i i was like yourself i was worrying about falling asleep i'd sometimes we'd be watching something i'd drift off and um i'd just let katherine would give me a nudge and just be like, are you snoring so loudly? She'll usually now try and sleep in with like earbuds.

But if I'm honest, one of the game changes has been losing a bit of weight. I felt like that has, that has, that's really helped. I don't think, it's hard to know, but I don't,

you know, Catherine's mentioned, I don't think I snore as much as I was. And if I've had a drink or I've had sort of certain, like if I've been quite glad in this, I will. But I think two things, yeah, I think if you can, number one, it is really difficult to try and lose weight. I think like you've got to look at it, if you want to lose weight and get in shape, you know, and it feels like that,

you're a bit conscious about that anyway. But also the other thing I felt that really helped was acupuncture. I found that that was really, that really helped. But is it, yeah, like you, I can see them from my face and like some of the devices we got and some of the like fucking weird pillows that you can get sent.

None of it fucking works really. You did that, the only thing that ever has seemed to have worked is losing, myself losing the little bit of weight weight so that might be something but it's yeah it's a difficult conversation to bridge so i don't know if that's necessarily the thing and it's not a laughing matter because it can actually become quite a golf in your relationship it can actually become quite a just a horrible horrible thing and the the feeling of not wanting to go to sleep because you're going to keep your partner awake it's horrible so yeah maybe talking to someone i think there's people online that you can sort of get sort of advice from so maybe look into that um so from one

snorer to another my sympathy my heart goes out to you i send you your love g uh the sleepy sloth i'm very sorry to hear that you find yourself in the situation that you do. It's a tricky one. I don't listen. If you're struggling to lose weight, I think trying to lose weight, stop yourself snoring feels like a fucking miserable thing to do. So if you're finding it difficult, just don't worry about it. I mean, just it is what it is. It sounds like you've tried loads of stuff so it's very difficult i can't

i'm not really an expert in this do you slow i do on occasion i think i do on occasion yeah and i've i've had a couple of awful experiences where i've i've been on the train and woken myself up with a grunt oh like yeah i've been there so embarrassing just like look around the carriage and you think have i been making that noise this whole time? It's fucking dreadful. But with regards to Snorri, look, it sounds like you've tried a lot. There are loads of specialists you can check out. I mean, there's obviously a cost attached to that.

So, yeah, I would look into that. But I totally sympathise with you. If you're in a situation where you're not getting enough sleep, it's horrific. You just basically, it affects your mood for the whole day and and you just can't you can't focus on anything else because you're just worried about how knackered you are and what's that what when my heart really went out to you is you lying there nervous about going to sleep in case you start snoring it's horrible it's a horrible way to be i mean it's just the road to insomnia isn't

it so look i the truth is it's not an easy one to solve i i really do feel sorry for you what i would say and i know this sounds like quite a radical thing is that increasingly there is an increasing trend of couples to sleep separately and i know this sounds quite mad but loads of people do it and if you are having wanting a lovely cuddle before sleep um i know for example we had sophie willan on ranganation recently and she said her and our other half they like have a cuddle or whatever it is you know sleep admin bed admin whatever it is you get up to and then they bid each other good night and go off and sleep in separate beds separate rooms and it works totally fine so what

i would say to you is you know explore the options of you know can you solve this snoring thing i i don't i just don't think um if losing weight is proving to be really difficult and you're losing weight to try and stop snoring if you then go for all of that misery and it doesn't stop your snoring how fucking irritating is that life is too short to be doing all of that do you know what i mean so just i i would try and look for other solutions and if you don't find another select what happened there that's not to chair with my legs oh okay you're right yeah i just put my leg yeah yeah yeah i thought you're sort of doing percussion for this advice or something um i would just say genuinely explore the

possibility of sleeping in separate rooms have a cuddle do your thing and then head off um if you can't find a solution um but it's not an easy one and our hearts go out to you so good luck yeah very best of luck indeed loved you this is from the humpback whale yeah and the humpback whale says dear wolf swan wolf and owl second time email or email last year about real life mario kart with the kids that went wrong anyway something is really grinding my gears and i wanted to know does this happen in your relationships we went to my in-laws after the kids finished school the other day they live an hour away and we were staying for one day a single day 24 hours one sleep my wife packs up we're emigrating to the other side of the world i know

listeners can't see this picture but let me explain explain. This is for one night. She packed a full bag for each of the kids, two pillows, three massive coats for kids plus her two coats, small suitcase for her stuff, a bag full of miscellaneous stuff, a snack bag and my bag. So she packed your bag. To put this into context, we went to Tenerife for two weeks in the summer. We ended up taking over five 20-kilo cases for two adults and three little kids aged under six. And we had to purchase extra luggage for my extra wife. Is this my wife extra or is this normal? P.S. Tommy D, coming to see you next year in Bradford

and Romesh saw you in Leeds. Wicked. Thanks, the humpback whale. Tommy D. Yeah, I mean, me and Catherine in a group of friends that infamously we everywhere we go our luggage is insane like we had to buy an extra case for katherine to go back with for all the stuff that we pack and we accrue when we're away um i've i find packing so, like, the anxiety I get. Like, you know, like, if you go for a weekend away, right? Number one, my stuff is all, and my trainers and my clothes are all bigger than anyone else's anyway, right?

So I'm naturally going to have more stuff, right? But I always have these things that are like, say if I'm going for a weekend somewhere, right? If I pack winter stuff, I know it's going to be really sunny. Like, I'll go somewhere and throw in, like, and like a couple pairs of trousers even if it's gonna even if it's like here where it's like 26 27 degrees every day like i can never get it right my like i will literally in my head think oh when i look at like so say james de frond for example james de frond can go for a week somewhere with hand luggage and he and he and he never looks ill.

Can I just say the thing about James DeFront, though, is the difference between James DeFront and you and myself, and I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't think this is an insult, that man will look good in anything. Oh, yeah. So he's just got, and I'm not saying this is not a weight thing or anything like that, I'm just saying he has got a way about him that he just looks good in anything, right? So if he takes two outfits, he will still look better on that trip than you and me have taken 27.

Mate, it's insane. That is a fact. He's just got a level of like, he can wear a t-shirt and shorts every day and still look like, you still walk in and go, like it's boring. You walk in and go, oh man, that fucking t-shirt's cool where do you get that and it's like james defron every day looks better than me on my best day he he literally could turn up at fucking an award ceremony in t-shirts and short the t-shirt shorts and people go best dressed yeah do you know what i like the way he's made a decision there and i like what he's done and actually do you know what? I like the way he's made the decision there. And I like what he's done. And actually, do you know what?

I think I might wear T-shirts and shorts for my next awards day. He would inspire a look. He's got a Bradley Cooper energy. Yeah. But yeah, so I'm sort of siding with you. And then when you have a child, then you anxiously worry, has she got all the stuff that she needs?

And what happens is you end up wearing the fucking same few bits anyway. The amount of times we go away and I'll pack stuff for evenings out. We'll go out once or twice for an evening, evening out. Most of the time we're eating at a buffet. So you just need a nice buffet tracksuit or a nice buffet short. What the fuck are you talking about? You must have a buffet tracksuit, right? No, I don't have a buffet tracksuit or a nice buffet short. What the fuck are you talking about? You must have a buffet tracksuit, right? No, I don't have a buffet tracksuit.

Mate. What I would tell you, though, is I don't buy, like, I don't buy anything white anymore. Really? I can't. Yeah, I mean, I've got a couple of nice bits, but, like, just the dinner badges is too high risk for me. I can't.

Whenever I'm wearing something light-coloured, I will fuck it. Mate, I think you look good in sort of... Remember that pale blue suit you wore? That was drippy. It's probably the stain now. Has it really got the... Why are you such a messy eater? Because I don't know.

I don't know. I've seen you eat. You're very... You're quite precautious when you eat. Yeah. I like to think I am. I've never ever seen you being like... Even when you to think i am i've never ever like seen like you being like even when you're really hungry i've never seen you shoveling food and fucking oh

he's risking it here mate i was looking at you you're like the gary neville of eating okay what does that mean it's the same gary neville that you said doesn't look like he wipes his ass properly maybe that's no toilet side gary Neville looks like he's so regimented in... Like, you're one of the Neville, Gary or Phil, with what you're eating. Like, so regimented. Everything is like fucking...

Yeah. Okay. And I mean that as a compliment. Yeah, no. I'm sure that's how you mean it. No, no, no. But I'm probably a little bit more like, I don't know,

R9 of eating. Like, eat quick quick fucking it you know it's exciting to watch so you're you're ronaldo no you're the you're the real ronaldo yeah and i am gary neville yeah yeah okay yeah but like you had a longer career and like fucking it's always stable you always knew sometimes when i eat yeah it's a bit like, fucking hell, the heat. And those two, by the way, by the way, R9 and Gary Neville are the two names that always come up when people talk about

their favourite footballers as well. So thank you for that. No, but if they saw me and you in a restaurant, they'd be like, he's definitely going to spill something, the big fella. They wouldn't look at you going,

oh, fuck it, look how stable he is. No, they would. They'd go, he's going to spill something because he already has done. He's down his fucking jacket and He's not noticed. Stupid prick. Humpback whale. I've got to say

to you that I actually empathise with your wife because I've done a lot of travelling from doing travel shows and stuff and I still haven't managed to streamline my packing because exactly like Tom, I just pack for every potential eventuality because i just i just pack so much i can't i can't help it i just pack so so much i've not been able to

streamline it and often at the end of a holiday the swan will do an inventory of stuff that i've packed that i haven't worn wow it's a fun game that she likes she likes she likes to play on the last to be fair so let's see romesh let's see let's see what it is that you've brought that we've had to the carbon footprint of the stuff that you've brought that we've had to... The carbon footprint of the stuff that you've brought the Avian Bovita fucking use. Let's have a look. There's obviously an environmental impact for taking a fucking duffel coat to Portugal. Duffel coat to Portugal.

Catherine's done that to me. Catherine's done that to me. It's so embarrassing. It's like a kid. Yeah, yeah. Stood there and felt but like i've got a beige pair of chinos that i've taken on three or four holidays i've never even worn back in england but it's like i'm gonna wear them when we go away yeah yeah um so listen humpback well i'm sorry

that we're not um i'm sorry that we're not giving you what you need but i would say uh we're fully in support of your wife yeah or maybe just go on like a suitcase packing that could be another little course that people do like learning how to pack properly some people are like you know like sort of military people they can pack like yeah i mean i've started i've started using packing cubes as you know i think i've talked about this yeah i think yeah yeah yeah really good i actually watched uh foxy from um uh the sas show showing how to pack like like an army person i did a lot of instagram video i've been doing that once yeah i sort of watched it and i've not used any of that story well no yeah i've watched it i've not used any of the tips no no i can't even remember the tips i was sort of well actually actually do you know

do you know driver jim yeah he takes me to yeah he he take took one of your tips which is rolling up t-shirts oh yeah mate yeah i'll do that but then i'll bring more t-shirts like genuinely also but also they don't need they don't need ironing when you want no all them as well but even coming out here i brought enough t-shirts and then i literally looked and thought i've got loads of room so i panicked and threw in about five jumpers that i've not worn well listen i would say thatter wise, we are scraping the bottom of the suitcase. So it's probably time to probably time to wrap it up. So, Tom, could you do us the honor of seeing us out, please?

Friends, friends. It's that time again when the weather draws in and the cold nights begin and a shiver comes across you. It's not a shiver of coldness though, it's a shivering of anxiety. This time of year, especially after the last few we've had, there's going to be more events and more parties that you're invited to and some you'll want to go to and some you won't some you'll feel like you want to revel all night and others you'll feel like you just can't be bothered you'd rather sit in and watch home alone or something the truth is there's a lot of pressure on christmas and new year to be incredible instagram and movies such as

the christmas took kind or whatever that you get on one of these channels will push and push you to have this perfect idea of what Christmas is. But a perfect Christmas is this. It's a Christmas where you reach out to a loved one or a friend, where you do say nice for someone. It's worth remembering that with Christmas, it was never ever about receiving or a Hollywood smile. It was always about giving and reminding a loved one that they're just that, loved. So, nestle a little drink for old Chris Grimgold. And nestle one for yourself too. Enjoy, friends, because Christmas is the greatest time of all.

Really, really lovely. Probably too soon. Yeah, I've just now realized that we've probably got two episodes before christmas yeah we have we have actually yeah i'm looking very much looking forward to our pissed christmas wishes on the sixth of um we should probably ask for sort of some sort of thing actually by the way um there's an amazing film on everson prine called your christmas or mine um which but you've had no involvement in that have you so you're you're you're pushing that completely uh impartially aren't you uh well my production company made it but um oh oh okay cool cool cool cool cool

um can i can i also can i just say thanks a lot for all the love for the netflix special as i said last week i was very anxious about it and it's been it's been really nice so i think well you're a wonderful comedian and and let me just say, thank you for being the friend you are. Oh, I just switched my hater off. You look like you actually leant over to fart, as I said, so I'm really like... No, that's really sweet.

JT, can you play us out? I've been listening to a lot of old-school hip-hop, as is my want. And could you put on a little bit of farside running, please, to take us out of the pod. Guys, thank you so much for listening. We love you very much. Peace out, people. We'll see you next time.

Merry Christmas, even though we've got two episodes before Christmas to go. Merry Christmas. Hope you have the most wonderful of Yuletides. Love, love, love. See you next week. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all,

please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.