Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 30: Sandwiches, Ghosts & Toothache

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

We’re talking… Rom’s stealth sausage sandwich, stressful mornings, work-in-progress shows, toothaches and insomnia, the principal of ghosts, exotic exorcisms and Tom’s non-existent hotel booking. Then we answer some more of your emails - this week about a disgusting discovery, suitable presents for a new boyfriend and how best to announce leaving your job. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Good night kids. Good night mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Yeah.

Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. Yeah. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men

Dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome to the wolf and i podcast inside the building once again welcome to the wolf and i podcast coming and don't mind tell your friend we're oh hold on this is incredible what thank you so much you will not believe what's just happened what's happened thank you the swan has just entered the studio and passed me a sausage sandwich oh what a life wow what's alive wow oh my god the swan rolling double sixes and trickses what are the role what are the rules about eating uh eating during the podcast people well you've absolutely chastised me for it a couple of times but

I'm gonna let you do it I need to see your face while you're taking that delicious bite by bite in

okay each morsel just tantalizing your mouth I'm just adding some hot sauce to this hot sauce

in the morning yeah yeah hot sauce is for all times of the day man what are you talking about

I'm a ketchup or brown sauce kind of vibe. Sausage sandwich. That's how we differ, Mudgett. So just break it down. Where are these vegan sausages from? These are Lyndon McCartney sausages. Oh, wow.

Wow. Got a bit of a seeded wholemeal loaf there. Keeping it on brand? Your friendship with the McCartneys? Your kin? I don't know what to do. Just take a bite. Quite nice watching you eat. I've not seen you eat before like this.

Trying to lean away from the mic. Maybe I should mute it or something. No, no, it's quite nice. I'm not enjoying this. I've got to be honest. Take a couple of little scrambled bites. Can you just tell an anecdote while I'm doing this, please? I don't know, an anecdote. What have you been up to?

Well, I've had a bit of a funny, not funny, but a bit of an anxiety-ridden morning because we woke up this morning and Grace has got a rash upon her tummy. So we're just, it's genuinely like, have any of the boys have had that?

Yeah, a lot. Yeah, and like the feeling, I'm sure after, you know, four or five times it happens, and like the feeling i'm sure after you know four or five times it happens but but like the feeling of sick that hits you straight last time something like this happened we were on the plane flying that's great canary and she got a rash and she was like sick everywhere and she had a temperature so that was she hasn't got anything else so i'll chat out one one one we called them the lady was amazing put us both

at ease and they're calling back in an hour or so so I woke up to that also last

night I watched the Eubank versus Liam Smith fight yeah I watched that

as well can I just say like Chris Eubank gets a lot of stick right a lot

of stick he booed and I get that he plays he was so gracious in defeat I thought he was yeah i think like we've seen it you know in recent history so people haven't been anywhere near that that sort of decent and gallant but uh yeah it was you know what like i was watching it it's so barbaric i was you know like box you know the the frills of all of it right when you watch like

me and you you know we we you know doing stand-up and there's there's sort of parallels with the sort of wall concert stage whatever and the the feeling of i guess you know when you fucking die in your hole but like when they start going at it you're like like, oh my God, that last round, I was absolutely like, oh man. I don't know if it's because I'm a father now, I just found it more harsh than I have other fights. Yeah. I mean, with boxing, you sort of walk into the ring knowing that the other person wants to absolutely do anything to succeed and wants to do absolutely anything to make you fail. And that's kind of what it was like doing our work in progress the other night.

to do absolutely anything to make you fail. That's kind of what it was like doing our work in progress the other night. Mate, I've never wondered. You smashed that. You were incredible. We did a gig together the other night. We both had a very nice time. But I would describe the atmosphere backstage before the gig. It's absolutely dreadful.

Two mates ordinarily excited to see each other, absolutely horrified by the prospect of doing new material. Do you know what it felt like to me? Go on. Two mates at school, neither have done their homework because they've both been fucking about loads. Yeah, that is a very good analogy. Basically, we're about to go and see the headmaster and explain why.

Because it's such a difficult... Like, that was for both of us right that's the first time we've stood up and done nearly all that material right for both of us yeah so yeah there's there's there's only so much i mean you know that i mean there's only so much you can do right you write that you're writing your notes down you're getting stuff down and you're constantly thinking about it but up until the moment where you can actually go off on stage and say it, you kind of don't know what's going to work and what's not. Yeah. And also you just,

we hadn't done, well, we felt like we hadn't done enough work. No. No, but also me and you essentially working like six jobs. I know. But then when you get to an hour before the gig,

the truth is you need to just stop. Nothing good is going to happen in that time, do you know what I mean? But despite knowing that, we both continue to look at our notebooks and write words down and stuff as if that's going to make any little bit of difference to our performance that night. I would say a level of quite how nervous I was was that there was six bags of crisps that went untouched.

Yeah, well, two of them were very much touched by me. Yeah, but I'd say that's the flip side of it. I can't believe I ate two peckish crisps back to back. What should you eat? Some pickled onion crisps. You went in and taught... You literally went at them like Liam Smith at Chris Eubank. I wanted... I'm going to be honest with you. I wanted Liam Smith to lose because of

for one specific reason I didn't like that stuff about him going are you gay to Chris no I didn't like that and you know what like the Smiths are like

an incredible like they've always carried themselves with such class yeah I don't know why he decided to go that way with Chris and you know like I

I can't really help but like Chris I thought with the whole kind of bed thing he handled himself we had the whole thing well he he he's just he's just I guess he's just a bit sort of different within the mix of things if someone comes out and he comes at them but I just think he sort of there's a quite assurance about him I you know I but to them. But I just think he sort of, there's a quiet assurance about him. You know, but to sort of go to those depths and sort of, didn't seem to sort of warrant doing, you know, it just felt quite a sort of, yeah, just quite low. Well, I just think it's a weird thing to go,

you haven't got a girlfriend, are you gay? And you sort of go, you know, there's part of you that just wants Chris to be about to go, yeah, that's like, cool, I'm gay. Because that's essentially what people... What difference does it make? People were saying that in the playground at school when you're like fucking 12 or 13. I know, that's what I don't understand. You know what I mean?

My children now would consider that just like not worthy of saying. Do you know what I mean? If somebody went to my oldest son, Theo, they went to him, oh, you've not got a girlfriend, you're gay, he would just go, are you, genuinely, is that what you're bringing to the table in terms of slams? Is that,

did you really say that out loud? It's incredible. But also the fact that the way he said about him not being able to have children if he was gay, I'm like, if that's going to be your slam, then you really need to look into the fact that... It's so... It was so bananas, man.

I just didn't get it. I didn't... And I actually... I don't know why he wasn't, like, done for it in some way. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you're... Like, it's homophobia, is what that is. Yeah, yeah.

Do you know what I mean? I don't understand why that gets... I don't understand why that gets, I don't understand why that gets allowed without any kind of reprimand or anything like that. It's just mental. But then again, you look at it and you look at how Chris Eubank dealt with that. He dealt with that with absolute class.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's why. There's a point of it where you look at it with someone like Eubank and you think, why are you like, why is he always the villain do you know what I mean and he always is

like I've been watching his career since it started I mean his dad did the same thing I mean yeah I think on reflection I think Liam Smith is probably regretting

everything he said I mean I don't want to make this a boxing podcast but I think he's probably sat and regretted it and it looks even in victory it makes him look pretty

like he's sort of lost a bit of war it was really it was really bad. Yeah. Really bad. Speaking of really bad, I reacted badly to a woman last night. I mean, I should probably need a bit more context. Yeah, I was gonna say because we've just been talking about sort of, yeah.

Yeah, I was out with some friends last night. Yeah, I was out with some friends last night. By the way, yeah, hold on. Well, one of my friends who lives in Dubai had come over for the night. He had a stopover, so we decided to have a little reunite. I was in bad form going into the night because I haven't, for the last three nights, slept very well at all. I have had, and I'm embarrassed by my reaction to this, I've had chronic toothache, right? One of my teeth has been in like absolute agony which tooth back front back

or back lower yeah right so um what i didn't realize or i haven't remembered is how it basically a toothache renders you completely out of commission for anything like you can't also have you do you ever remember like the line with the bad tooth when you were growing up no the story yeah man he fucked the lion he lost his kingdom and all shit what happened we basically i mean i'm speculating because i haven't read the book for a while but he basically you're not speculating you're remembering yeah you're reminiscing but i'm not sure how right how so there's lion, he had a toothache? Yeah, he has a toothache.

From what I remember, at first he's quite angry, then he feels quite drained, and then I think he loses his kingdom. Like, he basically just... Shit just all fucking falls apart for him. From having a toothache? Yeah, I think someone helps him, like a monkey maybe, or something, helps him sort of get his tooth out.

Oh, it feels very appropriate isn't it all this i i am i um came home from work the other day and i basically just had to lie down for a bit yeah but i was in so much pain but it's a toothache mate it's what i don't tooth and ears everyone talks about the big muscles your big limbs i'll tell you what mate your tooth in your your teeth in your ears, they'll fuck you. Yeah. Your nose, not so much. Your mouth,

obviously now and again. We don't need to work our way around the whole thing. But your ears, mate, your ears will literally fucking do, like,

knock you sideways and your teeth, they're the tiny little, like, big pain can come in small packages kind of vibe. Yeah.

I could relate to, you know, in the cartoons where they tie a little string around them and slam a door or whatever. I can relate it to the feeling of wanting that to happen. Which were you? I would just ripped it out my head.

How close to tears were you? So when it started to happen, it happened in the middle of the night and I had like an early start the next day. And so the combination of being in a lot of pain, and knowing that I had to be up soon was I wouldn't say as close to tears, but I found it disproportionately upsetting on so. I had a reaction that if the kids had reacted like that, I would have said you need to get a little bit of perspective. That's how I reacted to the to the to fake

it was bad. Did you do any saltwater washes? I would have said you need to get a little bit of perspective. That's how I reacted to the toothache. It was bad. Did you do any salt water washes? No, but my mum came round with a bit of clove oil. Do you know clove oil? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a numbing agent. Yeah, numbed my entire tongue, did nothing for the tooth.

So it was a nice combo. When are you going to see a dentist? I'm going in tomorrow, but it is starting to feel a bit better. But I am totally dosed up on painkillers. So you go out, you've got toothache. I went out. So it's fair. So you're going out. Yeah.

So I would say, what do you reckon? Chronic toothache, my irritability is probably up, I would say, 30% to 40% from what it would normally be. By the way i've gauged this on your texts what do you mean i can tell text-wise when you're struck like something's going on i think i've been quite have i not been empathetic oh you're empathetic about grace you're lovely but i can't say no you're always sweet but i can tell when you're in sort of fit like you know like twins like now I think we're at a point

where we're in such synergy. I can feel almost that you're in some sort of physical or mental anguish. So you knew I had a toothache, did you? I didn't know a toothache. To be fair, I had a warm feeling around my face last night. And what did you think that warm feeling was? How did you react to it?

Well, I was sitting next to a blast heater. Oh my God. Do you know what happened there? You know what know happened there you opened the door for me to make that joke i didn't so you did it yourself no no no i feel sometimes if you're going through the mix i am a bit like conscious of it well yeah so i was i was irritable last night and well i didn't think i was irritable i thought I was managing quite well. But then I reacted in a way that I wouldn't normally react. So hold up.

Were you on painkillers yesterday and you went out and drank? Yeah. Is that bad? Yeah. It's the worst. I didn't drink a lot. I was careful. Yeah, but you've got to be very...

Isn't there like a slogan thing? No, isn't there a slogan thing if you if you fill in these select things not tooth pain but like irritability you shouldn't drink

or bet well something to reflect on when I was driving home but I was well you hopped up on painkillers and alcohol

and you drove home I'm driving anyway I stood at the bar. I really am out of it today. I reckon I've had like four hours sleep over the last three nights. So this is now we're moving into a new ROM. This is spaced out ROM. Yeah.

This is like finally Romesh is evolving into a new form, like a fucking Pokemon. Also, I'm aware that I do sound like I'm eating. Sorry, it's disgusting. I'm in the second half of the sandwich. No, no, no. It's delightful. I can see that, yeah.

To be fair, actually, the toothache isn't affecting your chewing action. Well, I'm eating softer foods. You're ripping it like a line cup. Well, I'm actually having to sort of... I've got a ghost in the room with me. What's going on? I thought I heard something in the background, but there's nothing here.

Quite a bit spooky. What are you on about? It sounded like something went... In the room, like there was a sound. You look really... You are really genuinely spooked, aren't you? Yeah, because that felt like something... I thought something was in this room with me.

I'm about to sell this house now. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I'd like to hear that conversation with Catherine. Well, I'm not fucking messing about with any ghosts. I mean,

it's a new estate, so there shouldn't be ghosts in here, but. No. Do you get ghosts in new buildings? I hope not. That's one of the reasons I brought a new build. I mean,

I assume ghosts need housing as well. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but they should be, ghosts have no place in new builds mate let me just tell you something that ruins the whole principle of ghosts like

well first of all let's get into what you think the principle of ghosts is to haunt the place that you died in or somewhere that you sort of had a bad time with and you go to that place what if the new build is on a place where somebody had a bad time with, and you go to that place. You don't go to a new build. But what if the new build is on a place where somebody had a bad time?

Well, it's a big field. Yeah, what if somebody died on a camping trip? Oh, for fuck's sake. How many people... Like, that would be... You shouldn't be able to build new builds on places that people have fucking died on. What do you mean?

People have died on everything. I mean, like... I mean, you're restricting a lot of land, aren't you, if you're saying if somebody's died near it, we people have died on everything i mean like i mean you're restricting a lot of land aren't you if you're saying if somebody's died near it we can't build on that how do exorcists work exorcisms work you get an exorcist out and he just basically well what you do is you make up the concept of exorcism and when you say you're an exorcist um i actually i actually had an exorcism performed on me when i did uh you know i did asian provocateur yeah so basically it was supposed

to be i was getting a blessing for the trip but actually they the the village were told that they had to spirit i had to get rid of a spirit from me so they like put me in this like bamboo cage and then this guy kind of invoked a spirit and then started like screaming in my face they rubbed a chicken on my head. What, a raw chicken? No, live chicken. Oh, what? Yeah, he picked up a chicken and rubbed it on my head. It sounds like the start of Agadoo, doesn't it? But hold on, so you essentially had a ghost inside of you?

No, I didn't have a ghost inside of me, but I had the exorcism performed on me as if I had a ghost inside of me. They believed that I had a ghost inside of me. Well, they believed that I had a ghost inside of me. Well, I didn't know people could have ghosts inside of them. I thought houses and fucking churches and shit could. No, but they thought I was possessed. Oh, for fuck's sake. What?

What? That's another thing to worry about in life, isn't it? Possession. Like, I don't think you... You're not in any different a position now than you were before we had this conversation. No, I didn't know there was a... Look, I've got enough fucking shit to worry about without actually fucking living stuff,

without being possessed. Yeah, but you don't have to... How is worrying about it going to stop it happening? Well, mate, it's the same thing... All the other things I worry about. Well, stop worrying. That's what I'm saying to you. 90% of my personality is worry and anxiety.

Yeah, that is true. Actually, don't stop worrying, because I think your career's done if you stop worrying. This is a career. I literally would have no way of spending my time. I worry about everything. I'm playing championship manager at the moment. I'm worrying that my main striker wants to leave, but he's not telling me.

I'm so fucking worried. That little clip there of you in your hat, no beard, headphones, hoodie tied up, talking about championship manager is the closest you've approached an incel. Just for that moment, I was taken out of being in a conversation with Tom Davis.

It was just... Literally just sitting there like I'm getting so immersed in Championship Manager... Literally just sitting in a... Like, I'm getting so immersed in Championship Manager, I'm sitting in a cold garage like I'm in a fucking Premier League touchdown. Yeah.

Family's gone. Family's gone. They don't understand. Even the ghosts have fucked off. Yeah. Anyway, I was at a bar. Oh, no, sorry. Let's deal with this possession thing.

This exorcism thing. So I believe what happens is is an exorcist comes into a building and then like asks the spirits to leave or uses like some sort of ritual to get them to leave, I believe. But how do they,

do they first do like a couple of tests to see if there's a spirit in your house? Yeah. So what, they just stay here for a couple of days or what? No, I think that's the first time I've heard the sound. I'm like, now all I can think about is this house is haunted.

Mm. And somehow something we've said or done has annoyed the ghost. And he's been fined up to now. Well, five minutes ago, you didn't even get a ghost in the new building. You've heard one noise, and now you're convinced that you're going to get possessed. You need to move house. No, I'm just saying that. I mean, you've changed your belief system pretty quickly, haven't you?

Well, no, I'm just saying, it's not going to be much fun if there is a ghost here is there for anyone even a ghost well listen i don't think it's a problem as ghosts don't exist so i'm just gonna keep an ear out now okay this episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you

didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the big top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life

and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry

and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Right. This woman at the bar. So you drove home after this altercation fucked up your head on painkillers and alcohol.

No, I didn't drive home. First of all, I reckon that might be the first time you've tried to ever bring this podcast back on track. I think that shows how off-kilter I am that you've actually had to step up and stop shuffling. Step in and fucking pull it around. Yeah, Tom's actually fucking stepped up to the tiller today. Also, alongside all the other champs, I generally look like I'm wearing my mum's glasses. Yeah, it's actually fucking stepped up to the tiller today. Also, alongside all the other champions,

I generally look like I'm wearing my mum's glasses. Yeah, it's a pretty... It's a pretty... It's a pretty big... It's like I've been up for three days playing championship manager and my eyes have gone so bad I've had to sort of drop by my grandmother's house to borrow her glasses.

Anyway, I was at the bar and I was trying to get, well, waiting to order a drink or some drinks. I was getting around and I wasn't just getting myself. And then a couple of guys come up and ask for photos. Fine. And then a woman walked up to me with her phone up filming and just walked right up to me and then put a camera right in my face that's the worst yeah yeah uh and i said what are you doing and she said i'm trying to get a photo of you now ordinarily i don't know what i would do ordinarily but i reacted badly i would say what did you say well i said well you don't do it like that do you i said you ask someone if

they want a photo with you and then i'll take a photo with you but you don't do it like that, do you? I said, you ask someone if they want a photo with you, and then I'll take a photo with you. But you don't just run up like you're paparazzi or something. I think I might have said paparazzi. And then she goes, yeah, but I just wanted a photo. And I said, yeah, but... I said, you can't just come up like that. And anyway, we got into... You got into an argument.

Not an argument, but it wasn't a pleasant conversation was she aggressive not aggressive but she didn't see why i was annoyed like she didn't see anything with it i think so so that's a very difficult situation because she is she was absolutely convinced so it was very difficult there was no step down right then she goes can i well can i have a photo then i said yeah that's how you that's how you'd ask so i took the photo with her she wandered off i was kind of aggrieved that i'd just in the process of going to the bar i'd managed to get myself into an altercation yeah and then i sat down and about 10 minutes later she came over uh sat down next to me immediately my my heckles were up is that what is it hackles yeah i think heckles have we switched

roles on this yeah also i'm not comfortable being a dictionary on this no um and she put her arm around me which again wow jesus christ but she then apologized for what she'd done quite sincerely actually and she said and you know what's happened there she's gone back to a friend or someone told them that yeah she's probably gone back going oh my god that romesh is such a wanker he's just done this yeah i imagine she did so you know what her friend probably was the version of you to me has then logically gone through what's happened and she felt awful i will say this i don't think it i think it i feel very uncomfortable when someone i don't know puts their arm around me

like that me too i don't like it yeah it happened to me not so long ago but like with a guy who but in his powers been quite aggressive and i'll sit with a couple of mates and then they came he wouldn't come over similar thing they didn't ask for a picture, they were just being a bit leery. And then he did a similar sort of thing and put his arm around me, but it felt so fucking like, is this going to be a Mafia hit? It was so fucking terrifying. I had a, talking about awkward situations,

we were filming. But you're doing segues now and everything. This is like a new Tom Davis. Yeah, I know, yeah. I've been listening to some of the otherues now and everything. This is like a new Tom Davis. Yeah, I know, yeah. I've been listening to some of the other people, how they do podcasts and realise we've got our bag on. Yeah. Poor JT, just because there's no, there's absolutely no flow to this at all. He has to put in a little jingle for no reason. Um, yeah, no, yeah, I've actually started listening. That's what happens, when we get to the end of an idea and we don't lead it to the next one properly, you hear a

and then it goes to the next one properly, you hear a... And then it goes into the next bit. So, we just did the last day of filming on The Curse. Congratulations. Down in Dover. Have you been to Dover before? What do you mean by that? No, have you been there?

Yeah, I've been, yeah. Why? Yeah, it's quite a sort of heartbreaking sort of place to go in for a seaside town. In what way? I don't know, it just feels quite, it's quite a sadness it's cloaked in. Quite pretty, but it's sort of, it just doesn't feel like a happy place, do you know what I mean? But don't

all seaside towns feel like that when it's not the summer? Maybe, maybe. I mean, this is what happens, so basically, I turn up at the travel lodge that we were all staying in. And I'm there with most of the cast and crew. I get to my place in the queue and realise quite quickly that I'm the only person there who hasn't got a room booked for them. Right? As I walk into the place, it's like, you know the travel lodges

where you've got to walk through like a Wetherspoons, basically, and then you walk into the travel lodge sort of reception bit? Yeah, yeah. So I've walked through the Wetherspoons. There were some nice lads there, builders and whatever, having a bit of chat and all that. But when I got to the front of the queue, I was sort of like going to pay. I had my card out for something.

I don't want to have it out of those because I wanted stuff from the mini bar that travel just don't have mini bars. Anyway. Yeah. Um, it looked like my card had been, uh, rejected.

And I sort of had to slink away from the counter without room with my two big bags. Cause I was away for a couple of nights and basically I'm called production as i was walking out it looked like my card had been declined and the i got from this table of about 15 guys watching the football was absolutely they leathered me like you would buy a cut a quick break it up one of them was you shouting out uh call romesh mate he'll fucking short you out what the fuck is this like the rooms were 33 pounds a night and then but they were also out of rooms so there was no rooms left i had to walk to a premier in and get a fucking premier room my god um i i don't know if

there's anything and by the way i'm speaking from that about this within the realms of absolute privilege right yeah that we're in we're in jobs where someone will book a hotel for you to turn up to, right? Yeah. And it used to happen on the circuit. No, it used to happen. When you're doing circuit gigs, like if you're doing a Friday, Saturday, when I started doing the circuit, you do a Friday, Saturday, book a hotel. I remember the first time I got booked to do a weekend and I was in a hotel.

I couldn't believe that somebody was willing to pay for me to stay overnight to do comedy. I couldn't believe it. I remember like I jumped up and down. I couldn't believe to be in any hotel for that luxury. Yeah. But, but with that turning up to, turning up to a hotel where they forgotten to book you the room, there was one particular, there's one particular promoter that I used to do gigs for. It was 50-50 whether the room would be booked when you turned up. And you'd rock up there, and you'd give your name, and it's like, I don't know how to explain it.

You feel embarrassed. Oh, mate. It's so... Mate, to be standing... Look, as well, within the mix of the job of the cursor, right? I'm one of the lead actors. I within the mix of this the job of the curse right i'm one of the lead actors i'm the exec producer and the creator of the show so i'm sort of quite integral and everything so to be like the one person that like the whole cast and crew are staying there that they've forgotten and then everyone was like oh let's just go for a bit of food yeah it'll be

fine you have sort of room i i can't i could literally i sat i'm anxiously just like thinking i might have to sleep in the back of like a car yeah and rooms in dover it was packed you couldn't get a room anywhere lucky enough also this is worth saying and have you had this as a when did you guys have the feeling of true fear so i sort of turn i'll get to the premier in right uh i walk as i'm walking through the car park, I'm walking towards the door, hoping that they've got a room, but standing outside of these three guys,

proper geezers, all smoking. They're clearly quite drunk. They've been quite loud. I felt like, you know, these guys, they look like,

you know, when there's an air of a great, you've just been talking about this woman that you were scared of. Like, I didn't say i was scared of her you know what i've done there what tickled yourself no no no what i've done is i felt very vulnerable about the fact i was scared you don't look like you could have been scared by that so i've tried to make it that you were scared of a woman. That's what I've done. I'm going to break it down myself. Yeah.

You've done a bit of a Liam Swift there, haven't you? Anyway, go on. And I waited for them to go back inside. In the fucking... It was minus three. And I stood with my bags, waiting for them to go inside. Because I was like,

these guys look fucking... Well, there was sort of... You know, like, there was a bit of laughter, but they just felt like, you know, these guys just look like they're ready to kick the shit out of someone yeah yeah yeah have you had that recently you don't want to be that dude no have i felt real fear recently uh no i wouldn't say i felt real fear but i do like you do i do think blokes drunk who recognize you is a terrifying combination.

Well, yes, we recognize you as a comedian. Sorry, because you don't know what they'll just say something like just say something abusive. Yeah. Like for banter. Yeah, but also I always think like I like quite a lot of times in my life where there's a tall, bigger guy. You get a few blokes who are just fucked

out their heads and they think oh this would be a challenge do you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah so there's a level of aggression if I didn't know you

and I saw you like you know oh yeah you'd slap me about trying to prove myself trying to prove myself to my group of friends do you know what I mean it's happened throughout

my life I can be one of you look watch I'm going to start with this geezer and come up to you give you a bit of front do you know what I'm going to I'm going to start with this geezer and come up to you give you a bit of front do you know what I mean

just like sort of yeah just fucking leathered but yeah I can report I've finished the sandwich now how do you think I handled oh mate

you know what I thought the first few bites was like you were fucking so yeah you were so into that sandwich then it felt like

you slowed down it felt you know like when a substitute comes on a football match first few touches were a bit heavy then it felt like you slowed down. It felt, you know, like when a substitute comes on a football match, first few touches were a bit heavy, then it felt like you've sort of relaxed into it and you've sort of like actually, you've had quite a good game in the end.

Yeah, I've had to try, I've tried to eat it so gradually and gently that I now don't feel like I've eaten a sandwich. That's the problem I'm finding myself in now. Okay, do you want to do emails? Let's do it, baby boy. I'm finding myself in there. Okay. Do you want to do emails? Let's do it, baby boy. How would you rate that first half of the podcast?

I've got no idea if I'm going to interview you because it feels quite alien to me. It feels I've done a lot of the, like you've become me and I've become you. Yeah. And now I've realised quite how... Yeah. I've realised quite how frustrating

the last 200 episodes have been for you. It's annoying, isn't it um okay thanks to the Swan once again for selecting the emails big day as well by the way today

because you're you're having a family outing we're going to watch Arsenal Man United as a family yes I'm very excited about this I can't wait hmm

yeah I see how it goes um uh okay are you going to drink by the way? I don't think so, no. Why are you asking that? No, I'm just wondering.

All right. No, I don't think so. Okay. This is from the Flabbergasted Fluffy Puppy, and the title is Get Ready to Gag. Oh, God. Hi, Wolf, Owl, Swan, and Cat. I've just found out about Urban Froobing.

Don't know if that's how it's spelled, but refused to Google in case of photos. The astonished me immediately made me want to email you guys, see if you'd heard of it and see if you'd Google it on air, on air, if not, and get your reactions. What a fucking world we live in. Some people, eh? Each to their own. Thanks for all the laughs. I love the podcast. Now, I'm assuming Swan has Googled this, or knows what it is so i look this up now should we both look at it at the same time urban frubing how are you spelling frubing double oh my god oh my i found out what it was. Do you want to hear the definition? Oh my god.

Have you found it? I don't think I've watched you read like that before. So, for people that don't know, urban frubing is to find used condom in public place and drink... Do you know what? Urban frubing... Just frubing came up for me, which is

doing that with your own condom. Yeah. So this is urban. So frubing is the action of removing a used condom immediately after sex, immediately after sex and drink it like a frube. And then urban frubing is to find a used condom in a public place and drink the spunk from it

like you would a frube yogurt. Oh my God. I feel sorry for frube. Yogurt's been dragged down to this level. I mean, that is genuine. Who fucking thinks of that? I know. And also, yeah, I mean, Froobs,

they're going to have something to say about that, aren't they? Yeah, well, Froobs have been dragged down. I would say that's ruined Froobs for me. You know, because it's a... Mate, do you want a great... All my kids like Froobs. Grace loves a Froob. Well, not...

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can never ever say that again without having that fucking image in my head. I know. That is just grim. Grace loves a Froob. Yeah, that is grim.

Oh. Okay, well... Well, yeah. There's a lot to unpack here. First of all, in what context did you find out about that? Second of all, you chose to leave him out there.

And third of all, the swan selected it. Also, the thing that slightly insults me is the fact that you hear about what urban Froobing is out about that second of all you chose to be about there and third of all the swan selected it also the thing that slightly insults me is the fact that you hear about what urban froobing is and the first two people you think of put the wolf on out i don't know not even people you know oh yeah these two will get a kick out of this yeah or these two seem like a fucking elegant pair of froobers jeez man that's i do find the removal of a condom quite yeah yeah i find everything about condoms annoying

Well, we shouldn't say this, condoms, we got into trouble last time for talking about condoms Condoms, they do a job It's not to say anyone likes them I've never met anyone in my life But they're really good and you should use them Use them by all means They prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases

and that's great So use them, but yeah. Use them, it's like fucking, it's like a tissue, isn't it? Well, not only are your jaws blowing their nose, but you've got to fucking do it. Blowing your nose is great. I'm trying to fucking stick up for fucking condoms.

Oh, sorry, go on, alright. I mean, blowing your nose is, yeah. I mean, if you could basically have a version of a condom that's essentially a tissue, when you willy sneezed, you could basically have a version of a condom that was essentially a tissue, when you Willy sneezed, you could just... You're really pleased with that, aren't you? I just think I was just like... What's wrong with you?

Willy sneeze just makes me laugh. Do you tie a knot in your condom? No, I throw it out the window just in case anyone's hungry. My neighbour's a keen froober. Just throw it out the window. Froob! Like a market stall. Here you froob!

Froob out the window! Froob! I usually just throw it straight in the bin, in a bit of tissue. I know that, but I like to tie a knot in it first really it sort of feels quite outright business done let's just wrap up the junk

time for our post coital game of not the condom hold up just round the forefinger slowly does it tighten it there we go it's a bit like trying to do a balloon at a party. What's this? That's right, it's a dog. Let's put that in the bin. Condoms are important, so shout out condoms for the work you do. Condoms are a little bit like

the government in a way uh and what ways up which no one likes them but i guess they've got to be there yeah okay it's not a bad analogy in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport coupon clipping promo code searching it takes skill speed sweat. Sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less.

The Happy Stack. Only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Hello, darlings. The Happy Stack. Only at CUDO. Conditions apply. Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes.

Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal, probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD.

When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Okay, next email is from the Lanky Giraffe. Hello, you incredible human beings. Please refer to me as the Lanky Giraffe. Done. I know you don't like the big ups, but I'll do it anyway. You guys are amazing. I usually listen to the pod while at the gym and the amount of times I've had to stop mid-exercise just to get the laughter out. Please never stop. I think it's safe to say you can happily exercise during this app. Now on to the advice bit. I matched with a guy on a dating app in November.

You know what we're quite quickly realising? What? Potential illnesses to a baby and toothache aren't susceptible with making really, really good comedy. And throw a ghost into the mix. I don't know why we thought this was going to be any good. I don't know why we continued with the recalls. I'm literally an anxious mess just looking at my phone,

just hoping that Catherine's not going to text go and the rash has got worse and you're literally in there. Every time I say something, my tooth accidentally catches and causes me immense pain. So it really is an absolute smasher. I've sat like this with my hands gripped like that for the whole of this so far. Also, it should be said that I'm in a fucking garage

that's about minus three. Yeah, I've got the same situation. It's good that we're making loads of excuses for quite how fucking... I know I never say this, but quite how fucking dour this has been. Yeah, anyway. Now on to the advice bit. I matched with a guy on a dating app in November. We met up on our first date on New Year's Day.

He lives two hours away. And Christmas got in the way, and we thought it would be a nice start to the new year. We got on really well, and I've had a second date. On that date, we both admitted we liked each other and have planned our next date etc. His birthday is the second week of Feb and the week after it's Valentine's Day. Do I get him something? A birthday present? A Valentine's present? Both? Nothing? When it comes to his birthday we would have had about three or four dates. I want to acknowledge his birthday but

not by anything significant as we're just dating and it would only be three months in plus i don't want to seem too keen either and scare him off do i get him something jokey with regards to valentine's day i'm not a big fan of it i think it's a bit tacky and commercial i don't know what he makes of it but on his profile he stated that he's a hopeless romantic have any of you sweet sweet souls been in this situation what would you recommend i do thank you the lanky giraffe yeah Yeah, I mean, fucking hell. I think that first year of buying presents is almost the hardest. Yeah, I agree. I think it's the, like, number one, I'd say

Valentine's, if you don't believe in it, or it's so difficult, because there's a part of me that thinks, stay true to yourself, but then also, if he is a hopeless romantic, and he buys you some flowers and a card and you've got like, for him,

it's, you know, you could just have a little fucking car, like one of those tiny ones that fit in your back pocket type thing that you bring out just, just in case. Um, first,

but do you know what? Like I've got so many fucking shameful stories of first birthdays in relationships. They're just so in bed. Like me too. It's just so bad. You know, this this is i think i've been going out with the girl for about seven months when i was probably about 21 22. okay so that's quite a long time it's a 21 22 year old that's a long time right um i knew that i was into her a lot more than she was into me right yeah um yeah i've known that about every single relation yeah i'm still very much in a relationship like that now yeah um right i get to coming

near to her birthday probably about two months before her birthday like i'm sort of number one i'm pretty sure she cheated but i remember saying what do you want for your birthday and she's like i can't really think of anything. And then we were out at a party and she started talking about, she was sort of big into animals and stuff, and she talked about wanting a puppy. So I did, like, extra weekend work. Oh, my God.

I worked my ass off and brought her a fucking really expensive puppy. You brought a pup, an actual puppet. You brought a puppet? An actual puppet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, really sort of, um... Have you heard of miniature dash hounds? Oh, my God. So expensive.

So I brought her this dash miniature... Because I was so into her, and I thought, oh, this will make you love me. Oh, no. I try and into her and I thought, oh, this will make you love me. Oh, no. I try and make her love you. You bought something that she would definitely love more. Yeah, something literally the opposite end of what I am. Like, it was tiny, small, and, like, really, really...

And we didn't... Well, probably for about a month after that, I think she sort of felt so bad she tried to make things work. What was her reaction to the puppy? Because I'm going to tell you this now. I think that would be a red flag for me. Yeah, I mean, looking back, it's insane for me. You're like a fucking cable guy.

Do you know what I mean? I was earning, like, laborious money, so I wasn't really on much money at the time. So I'd really say. And she would have known that as well. Yeah, of course she would have. Jesus.

I mean, listen, it's sweet, but like, that is insane. What did she, what did she, what did she do?

I mean, your intention was to, the actual thing, she was blown away. She was blown away of the gift. Cause it's like an incredible gift to give a 21 year old. Like her mum and dad were like, you could see in a moment,

dad's face is like, like she'd obviously had a conversation saying that i'm probably gonna get my birthday out of the way and then i'm gonna dump tom because he says this is this is the time in my life that i realize you can't make like people you you can't change how people are going to perceive like how their feelings are you don't mean there's nothing you could right it was a big big education for me but like i used to have to see her like where we like round sort of sutton and pubs and stuff turning up with this that like the dog like she she by the way her the dog had an amazing life she yeah and also i'd see like her new boyfriend walk it or what, you know, and it was literally, it was like the, one of the lowest feelings of sort of, yeah, it was a real eye opener in my life, a life lesson.

So yeah, I had, I had a, I didn't have the same experience as you, but I did something very similar. But you know, you haven't had the same experience? I don't think, I think there's probably 3% of the whole fucking nurse population who are that pathetic that they do that. I'd say it's one of the most pathetic things I've done in my life. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to be, I'm going to level with you.

Yeah, of course. It is, it is tragically insane what you did. Okay. It is really, really fucking really bad. Like, it is horrifying. Like, I don't want to understate that. It's

horrific, right? But, it came from another... I could fucking, I could square that off if I was sitting in a really nice fucking bit of clover right now with my beard looking nice and a fucking... Yeah, I mean, what I would say is you look like the sort of guy that would buy a girl

a mini dachshund for seven months into a relationship. You look like the sort of guy that would buy a stranger that has been following you for three months and miniature that. Like this, this, this woman now is someone that you know, I don't bear any, like she was, she was, yeah, I learned more life lessons off that person than most. So shout out to her for that. So I, um, I was going out with a girl at uni and I think I had a similar thing with you

that I knew that she wasn't as into me as I was into her and then valentine's day rolled around oh god i mean yeah do you know what do you know what i bought what it's just so immature right so i must have been like yeah same age as you or 2021 or whatever i got her you know like when you go into clinton's or whatever they've got the the massive teddy bear that people just think is for this so i bought the massive teddy bear and then i think this is actually sadder in a way did it say i love you on it? Something like that. Yeah. It's one of those, is it Forever Friends bears? It might have been.

Yeah. And then I also got to go with it, which I think is more tragic. Do you remember they used to do enormous cards? Oh, my God. To match the bear. Oh, my God. My granddad used to give me Christmas cards, those really big ones.

No, but this is like you have to like, it's like six foot. What? Yeah, I've never seen anyone buy one of those. I know the ones you buy. I'm talking about the fucking, like fucking foot long ones, not fucking or two foot. No, I'm talking about like you have to be like.

Fucking hell. So. Shit. Valentine's Day rolled around. i was in halls of residence and i had it in my room had the oh my god i arguably think this is fucking maybe a worse but anyway anyway i had to carry the stuff across to her halls to give to her. Bear hugging a fucking massive bear.

Those bears are, like, near to your size. Yeah, you can't take the bear... I couldn't take the bear and the card at the same time, so I took the card first and I thought it was going to be... You lent the card up against the wall. It was like that.

I had to, like, go and, like, leave one downstairs and then go, there's more, right? And then go and get the other thing. Run it back. Yeah. And also, and so anyway, as I was walking out of my room,

one of the guys that's staying in my corridor at halls just opened the door and he went, God, you're keen, aren't you? So horrible. Oh, Jesus. I mean, also halls and residence rooms are tiny. Right. Yeah. What I've done is I've turned up with two things that take up I reckon a quarter of the living space in that room.

How long did the relationship continue after that? Were you actually in a relationship or was it something you fancied? No, we were in a relationship. Basically, in my mind, it carried on for about another year but based on reports I got afterwards, it was very much over in her right almost immediately i actually got a voice note from somebody going just a random this is how delusional i was i got a voice note on my phone not a voice note an answer phone message on my phone going mate just want to let you know your girl's cheating on you oh and i still i still i still didn't do anything right yeah mine was very similar to that yeah anyway we haven't really answered this problem yeah so yeah so so sorry we just

fucking made this all about us um my my thing would yeah listen to everything we've just said so don't buy him a dog or any anything that overly massive, like jokey like that, like Big Bear. I think saying quite sweet and from the heart is good. And also I think actually saying it goes a long way is if you go out for food for his birthday, just say you're buying a nice bottle of wine. You know, paying for someone's dinner is always a sweet thing. I think if there's something that you know that he likes,

but you know what, I'd say I learnt from the dog thing, but I didn something that you know that he likes, but you know what? I'd say I learnt from the dog thing, but I didn't. I think I still now fucking, my present buying is insane. I don't think about it. I do it and then it's a knee jerk. So I think, yeah, if I was you, I'd err on the side of caution when it comes to what you buy and actually just make it a really, really nice time for the two of you.

Yeah, I would go along with Tom's advice there. First of all, don't get anything for Valentine's Day would be my advice. Valentine's Day is a load of shit and you're really early on. So don't get anything. If you want to go out on Valentine's Day, that's different. But to get a present, I think it's a bit mad. Do you and Lisa go out on valentine's day that's different but to get a present i think it's a bit mad and then for the you and lisa go out on valentine's uh it just depends on how we're feeling at the time that valentine's rolls around i mean so like if we haven't been out for a while

but i don't know valentine's day is like going out on valentine's day is not horrible shit yeah yeah so uh we don't tend to uh and with regards to his birthday i would say look a lot of people and when i say a lot of people i mean two people the desperate losers that you're listening to right now go really big early doors to try and lock it in that is the opposite of what you should be doing yeah okay get something nice if you want get something small and then save the big presents for when you know that this relationship is like real what i did was went big with lisa early doors and then gave myself a precedent i couldn't possibly maintain the rest of the relationship

it's a fucking danger to be fair i couldn't go big when i was first with katherine on the basis i had no money so no i didn't need the first three years yeah, but I still went tacky. Yeah, oh yeah. Tacky and noisy. That was what my early presents were. That's your remit. So that would be my advice to you, Lanky Giraffe. And I hope it all goes very, very well. Yeah, good luck to you. God bless you.

Should we do one more? You know, this is really bad because all I can think of is you walk into the halls of residence with that massive bear and that massive card and someone just looking at you. You know, like the bit in Home Alone

where they look at the old man across the street. Like a couple of blokes are just playing on FIFA and they're like, oh my God, is that Ranganathan? It's like, what's going on? All of them are like, you're carrying this big... Ranganathan? It's like, what's going on? All of a sudden,

you're carrying this thing. Do you know what I blame? Rom-coms. Yeah, oh mate, mate, mate. They make it,

100% have made men think that those kind of things are a good thing. Can I just say as well that, yeah, you said it, I mean, I don't know,

I was into, I like a rom-com, I always liked a rom-com. I tell you, rom-coms and friends. Friends is the worst fucking thing for garnering any piece of advice about how to actually be in a rom-com. I'll tell you that. Rom-coms and Friends. Friends is the worst fucking thing for garnering any piece of advice about how to actually be in a relationship.

Correct. It's fucking awful. Watch it because it's a fucking well-sculpted sitcom. But if you're... And also, there was no one you could turn around to just, you know, and ask for any advice. If you were to turn around now, potentially, and we're talking and go,

I don't really know if this person's really into me. It's so fucking so nobody's seeing a guy struggling under the weight of a teddy bear while trying to carry a large car thinking that guy looks secure that's the type of person i'd like to settle down with wait no let me just say i the moment the dog came out right was the moment i could see her mom and dad almost teary looking went to make a cup of tea and go, oh my god, what is happening? Yeah.

Will he hear if we call the police now? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh my God. I wish I didn't have such fucking stories of like... It's just so pathetic. Why are we so pathetic? It's just that thing in your head, you do that, and someone just goes, oh my God, that's amazing. I know. Oh my God, you're so...

Yeah. Oh God. Oh, God. Anyway. This is from The Struggling Stoat. Hello, Wolf and I. I love the podcast. Came across it last year

and since then I've been listening obsessively to catch up to the current episodes. I'm a 22-year-old from Glasgow graduating this summer. While I've been at uni, I've taken on a part-time job in an escape room to help me deal with rising rent prices and living costs in Glasgow. It's been the best job I've ever had providing me with better social skills and a great new set of friends that I work with, one in particular with whom I've confided in many times sharing things I wouldn't normally share with

anyone. I've recently been offered a graduate job opportunity that is too good to let pass which means unfortunately I'll have to let this part-time job go. I'm wondering how to go about letting everyone know I'll be leaving, in particular, the close friend I've made. I'm terrible at goodbyes and extremely nervous about telling them. Have you guys ever been in a similar situation? How should I go about this? Oh, man.

I'm normally pretty good at rationalising things, but this time I'm afraid that my emotions have gotten the better of me. All the best, The Struggling Stoat. The Struggling Stoat. The struggling Stoat. Yo, yo, yo. It's a difficult thing, I think, moving on. Like when you sort of like, it's not even a job, is it sort of the social side of it and the sort of, as you say,

the sort of friends you've made. I think number one, it's, I think if those friendships in which they sound to be are sort of real and true, I think that, you know you when you say that this is you're moving on you you're going elsewhere i think it's letting people know that you'll sort of stay in touch and that you know that sort of i think people would understand that it's an opportunity and and you know it's a weird thing of um as you know this is a we haven't talked about this is the maddest thing that when i did work experience at the place where the swans dad that used to run oh yeah yeah this is insane right so when we were backstage at the wolf and our live gigs yeah we were talking about um uh well i can't remember how we even got on the subject i was talking about where i grew up

and then lisa basically said oh this place and it was where i'd done work experience because two of my friends sort of um mickey and uh mickey and david julek had got me work experience so anyway i um i remember like literally loving i i went there and actually adored that do it like i had such a good time there like in a weird way like and probably like I mean they didn't offer me a full-time job but if they had afterwards I'd have taken it I don't think I'd sort of like work very hard I just think I fucked about but it um I think most things I've done in my life I've always sort of met people and and sort of I always think that's that's a sort of testament to your character if you can if you can go and work somewhere and get on with people i think that you'll probably do that for most of

your life and the people that you're meant to stay in your life will stay and and those that sort of you know you lose touch with you lose touch with and that's a great tapestry upon the life that we build um but uh yeah i think just you need to just be clear you need to be open and say i mean i don't know i've literally just completely flown over how insane it is. At least his dad was my boss through a work experience. That was an insane thing, right? It was mad. It was mad, yeah.

And I was trying to make jokes while you were having the conversation and neither of you were really listening to me. It was like a puppy trying to get attention. It was pathetic. Anyway, go on. Yeah, but I'd say that, yeah, I think, congratulations. Move forward, move true.

This world is yours and the oyster clams you're about to open should be yours to devour in your own way. Okay. Struggling Stokes. Struggling Stokes, congratulations.

Well done, man. That's great news. I would say, first of all, I think they're going to understand. And I think if this person that you've confided in and made friends with, if that relationship is real, which it sounds like it is,

you're just going to carry on being friends. And I think if you've got on with these people the way that it seems like you have, they're going going to carry on being friends. And I think if you've got on with these people, the way that it seems like you have, they're going to be really supportive, man. I was working at, um, I was working a job at an airport and the whole aim was for me to work my way up through the job and like become a manager or whatever, eventually, and I ended up going to uni and yeah, you know, that was a difficult thing because like people have been training me up and stuff like that, you know it happens and they'll be happy for you so i think

you know if you word it like you've just worded it to us i think they're going to be completely understanding and the other thing i would say is these conversations are always better than you think they're going to be in your head you know and it will be difficult but what you don't want to do is leave it so late that it becomes super awkward. You know, I've done that in the past where you kind of, you're too scared to do it. So you keep delaying, delaying, delaying, and then eventually people are, oh, right. So how long have you known? Oh, wow.

So you just said, you know, like you don't want that situation. So I would say tomorrow, as soon as you hear this, if you haven't done it already, say to people that you want to, I'd love to keep in touch and continue being friends. And you might have made friends for life, you know. So this is great news. You are worrying about something that's great news and you're going to go on to really great things. So congratulations. Well done from both of us.

And devour those clams. Go, go. Whatever. Go on, start it. Yeah. Yeah. How are those clams? Go, go. Whatever.

Go on, start it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen, we're at the end of our podcast now. I think I would describe this as one of the Hall of Famers. If there was a board somewhere with the top ever wolf and owl episodes i think there'd be a little addendum and they'd say today's episode we're not sure if it even counts as a wolf and owl app based on what was delivered one was sleep deprived the other was

anxiety ridden and the sleep deprived one ate for most of it. So, yeah, they didn't even stick to their bloody characters. The wolf had to start guiding the podcast along. The owl was asking the wolf for fucking words. Absolute disaster. But apart from that, all good. So, Tom, I suppose you might as well make the concession of taking us out of this episode. Yeah, let me try. Let me try.

Let me try. Little Max Clark walked up to the batter's mound. He stood his club in his hand, staring, staring down the pitcher's eye. It was the biggest Little League game of his whole life. And as the pitcher threw the first ball he missed it and missed it clearly as the second ball came he missed that too and it landed in the person who stands behind him's mitt strike he heard and as the third ball flew at him, just as he thought he was going to catch it and hit a home run, his first home run,

he heard those invariable words again. Strike, you're out of here. Max Clark walked back towards his parents. They scuffled his hair and said, hard luck, son, maybe next time. But their next time never came. Every time Max Clark stood up at that mound, he always heard, Strike, you're out of here. Strike, you're out of here.

One day, however, Max Clark was walking down the street, and there was a little kitten that had sort of got itself caught in some of those things that hold cans together little plastic things and it was really like meowing and clearly quite distressed and Max Clark picked up the kitten and stroked his back and then he pulled off the bearing things from his foot and through his neck and the kitten just shook and smiled at Max Clark. Max Clark looked in the kitten's eyes and said, strike, you're out of here, and smiled and the kitten ran off. The truth about this is in life, you're not always going to score home runs. You're not always going to hit the ball out of the stadium. But every now and again, you have the opportunity to do something great great something utterly selfless don't always look to be a hero

always have a hero in your heart always think of Max Clark there we go I actually felt drunk halfway through that and I've not had a drink for two days that was beautiful. Thank you, thank you.

That was really nice. Okay, well, listen, thank you so much for listening to The Wall for now. It's been an absolute pleasure to play us out a new artist I've recently discovered called Lute. He's on the Dreamville record label. I absolutely want him to be playing this podcast out today. I absolutely want him to be playing this podcast out today.

Luke, we've noticed an absolute nosedive in the streams. You were quite cool going into this week. Yeah, but for some reason, nobody wants to know. It's like you've been cancelled. Yeah, it's like you've been upstaged by a fictitious character by the name of Max Clark. The tune that we want to play out Is GED Which stands for Getting Every Dollar

Enjoy the tune Enjoy each other We'll see you next time If you've made it this far Thank you Yeah if you've made it this far Big love Well done

That is a real test of stamina Take care Bye bye a real test of stamina. Take care. Bye-bye. used to warm the house with the stove. Shit, if he made it out of this bitch, ain't no telling where my talent can go. Skinny nigga from the fall used to battle rap niggas for bread when I'm bored. Fought with your boy, used to swerve in a Honda Accord to the store. Hit up the midget for Newport 100s

and lottery tickets. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.