Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 35: Embarrassing Impressions & Cheesecake Controversy

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

We’re talking… Instagram initiatives, oversharing on the pod, showing off with impressions, crimes against hair, crushingly embarrassing videos, texting anxieties, Oliver Twist’s gruel buffet and Tom’s controversial take on cheesecake. Plus, email questions about peeing dogs, worst and best nicknames, a new ‘would you rather’ section and getting scammed on holiday. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin? Getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin for only $4 plus tax. For a limited time, only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin at participating McDonald's in Canada prices exclude delivery. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection. Free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils.

So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. at your nearest Walmart or crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let em see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men

Dressed up as a bird and a dog Hello! And welcome to The Wolf and I We're doing Sunday Morning, cos last week's was shit How are you? I'm good, boy How's it going? How are you feeling in yourself and around you?

Well Oof I'm a wreck, mate. Are you a wreck as in Miley Cyrus sort of wrecking ball or you're like something the balls hit? There's two fundamental prongs that are disrupting my ongoing sort of denial of my aging process. Okay. The first one is that on, and by the way, Tom, I'm going to tell you something now. I did something straight off the back of, I basically followed in your footsteps.

Wow. Friday, because I did something and I need to give credit where credit's due. Um, I did this because of you. I did, uh, I went and did PT Nice With Chrissy Who by the way Lisa wasn't that impressed

With the joke I made About her fucking Chrissy By the way Oh wow You said that in front of Chrissy No But she heard the podcast

Oh wow She heard the podcast Yeah It wasn't Anyway I went and did leg day With Chrissy Yeah

No I love it Because you make the joke About the PT quite a lot Yeah And Anyway, I went and did leg day with Chrissie. No, I love it because you make the joke about the PT quite a lot. Yeah. And now you've given him a name. Yeah. It does feel a lot. Yeah, it feels a lot worse. It feels real.

Yeah, it feels real. And now I've seen Chrissie as well. He doesn't seem right in the picture. Well, that's what I was going to say. I posted on Instagram to give him a big up because of you. Wow. How did you feel about that after? Did you feel? Well, my main issue is I don't think after a workout,

I mean, I hate photos of myself anyway. Yeah. So then to then take a photo of yourself post-workout is very difficult. I mean, the photo I posted, just to give an insight into my social media kind of behaviour, the photo I posted looked like something I just grabbed in the instant. That was attempt six. You're joking.

I'm not. Wow. I actually remember an overwhelming sense of pride when I saw that picture. You know what it made me feel? When you see something like the Paddington, like the cartoon Paddington or I saw that, that picture, you know, what it made me feel when you see something like the Paddington, uh, like the cartoon Paddington or something like that, when he learns a lesson and he goes forth with it, it felt like you, yeah, that's what I did. Yeah. So I just want to say, thank you. Well, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. You

know, Christie was really happy. I'm really happy. You just sort of, you know, as Christie mentioned anything about the sort of you and Lisa, you know, the joke or has he not heard it? Well, I don't think he's heard it because I don't think even knows I do a podcast. So he knows, he knows that you're a comedian. All right. He knows I'm a comedian. Yeah. He doesn't know the podcast. Steve Lee 1.0 Because that's what you've got to be careful

of now. Because if he starts listening to this, I think you've referenced it a few times. Yeah, it's not just that, Tom. I'm starting to realise that having a podcast where you talk so openly about what you've been up to is a dangerous game now, I've realised. Because I was in the gym the other day and another guy in the gym sort of pointed to his phone

and it had Wolf and Al playing. And he sort of gave me a thumbs up. And instantly I knew it was the episode where I was slagging off gym etiquette. Which I have, by the way, which I have since apologised for. But then I almost went up to him and I went, just so you know, on that episode, there is a bit where I talk about Jim Metcalf. But two episodes later, I actually apologised for that behaviour. So if you could get to that, I'll just fast forward through the stuff about Jim Metcalf. Yeah, just remember, I no longer stand by the comments I made in that particular episode.

I love that your voice has become more like Zippy. Yeah. I used to love doing Zippy Oh shut up George You fucking idiot I went through a phase of thinking that was quite funny and sort of sexy to do when I was younger like doing voices from sort of Oh god this is embarrassing

Is this from the is this from the tom and rom try hard to impress girls school of uh this is so fucking tragic oh god like you know when you say someone says that and you your mind transports you back to a time yeah when you know like i literally just sit i canage me now trying to be funny to a group of girls. We were in a big group of sort of guys and girls that used to hang out together. And trying, a girl that I really fancied and doing like Zippy or Donald Duck. Jesus. Yeah, because that's what so many girls say.

That's like the hottest thing about guys. Guys that can do an impression of Zippy or donald duck when you're working with very little right when you're working with like nothing like you think that that could be the game changer yeah when you're working with very little don't undermine what little you have yeah but you know by the way i'm saying that as somebody that regularly does that and also just as you were doing that it reminded me of um you know you're just talking about there's certain things that you've done in your life that's so embarrassing if you're on the train or something and then your brain wanders to that moment you feel the embarrassment like the first

time right yeah i i had a thing where and also so that's the first element of it the second element is i am i'm convinced i'm so mad and then then every now and again, you let off, you, you basically show a sign that you're mad to somebody. I mean, that's so embarrassing, right? Yeah.

So basically I feel like I'm wandering around hiding my true self from everybody. I'm actually, I'm actually, the worst thing is right. When I look back at that times like that and think like, that's the moment. I wish I could just put

an arm around myself and go just fucking shut up and be quiet yeah i know you know like like you think like because me and you're very similar right i was awful at sports so that wasn't a thing so like on a sunday when people go like you know and you know some of the girls will come and you know to watch sunday foot when everyone go go to the pub. This is so fucking... I don't know why I've talked... I used to commentate on Sunday League games. Actually, I'm going to throw this into the mix. Really, really sad news.

John Watson passed away this week. It was an awful, really, really sad thing. We've talked about John Watson. I've told my John Watson story when I met him. And like genuinely one of the most amazing things. And so I put up a thing saying he was one of my childhood heroes. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah.

And you know that thing where you put something up, and then some prick has to go, who has a hero who's a commentator? And you're like, I did your fucking art. Like genuinely, I was a real stato when I was a kid. I you're like I did your fucking like genuinely that I was a real stato when I was a kid I was obsessed

with football John Watson absolutely represented he knew every player's name I used to try and think

I wanted to be a commentator for a long time I was obsessed with it so the Sunday league I used to stand

there like usually looking after my mates someone going oh Tom look after the watches and rings mate like fucking a pocket full of sovereigns I used to stand there, like, usually looking after my mates there. So I'm going, oh, Tom, look after the watches and rings, mate. Like fucking a pocket full of sovereigns and fake Rolexes. And then commentating, you know,

Beardy gets the ball, pass, lovely pass from Beardy out to Ricky. It was like, and people used to laugh. And who are you doing that for, Tom? I think I was doing it for myself to be a part of things. Yeah. And, like, now and again i'd make people laugh with it yeah but it was so you thought i was in made me involved in the team and it so didn't and then i'd go back and do silly impressions yeah it just you know that thing of people go like yeah no one was after no one was after, no one was after a funny person when we were 17, 18, 19. No one.

Well, no, I mean, I've always said this when, when, when women say I, I'm after a guy with a good sense of humor, a funny guy, what they mean is I'm after a guy with a sense of humor and a funny guy who's also attractive and I want to sleep with. Awesome. When me and Catherine would look back it'd be good if a guy that I already found desirable also had a sense of humour what I'm not after is a troll

that does an impression who spat all over me while he was doing Daffy Duck Donald Duck while eating a fucking roast potato hold on I've got it just wait a minute wait wait wait Donald Duck while eating a fucking roast potato. No, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I've got it. No, hold on. Just wait a sec.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, where are you going? No, no, honestly, I'm going to nail it. You have to get your mouth warmed up. Hold on. Hold on. Hello, Donald. That's goofy.

So I do the wrong. Where's Tom's tom oh he's over there in the corner of the cafe just doing a whole fucking he's doing a whole disney sketch just on his own yeah he's just doing his whole he's reworking the whole works of fucking fantasia on his own you know that we me and katherine looked at pictures um you know that thing where you just we were i don't know why we're just looking and and i said my mom had given me small small picture albums of when i was in my like late teens early 20s yeah some of the pictures like i could see katherine sort of looking at that like she was like oh like literally like like this is a swan from an ugly dog like i look at

them thinking what was i thinking some of the things are wars. Some of the hairstyles. Mate, I, I, I I'll try and find the photos I can stick on Instagram, but. Some of the things that you did, some of the things that I did in my twenties to try and look good. I had, there's a photo of me at 21. Right. And I'm wearing a roll neck jumper. Okay.

Almost ski, no GLA thing over the top of which I think I've talked about getting fixed at the dry clean. a roll neck jumper okay a Moschino gilet thing over the top of it which I think I've talked about getting fixed at the dry cleaner yeah and on top of that my hairstyle for some reason

I went through a phase of waxing my hair into spikes like Darth Maul from Star Wars right and you know do you know what the saddest thing

about it is so I used to wax my hair into spikes right like proper like prodigy vibes and then I remember

I used to go out and what would happen is because of the heat of like going out they would start to droop I remember I remember like I remember

I remember going into like literally the little spikes in your hair represent your fucking ego the moment you're going out they're like my mojo my

I remember going into a club toilet right at like one o'clock in the morning and all of them were flat except two

and I thought fucking everyone else was French cops oh so bad anyway I have a feeling

I have a genuine feeling that the reason I've been like I've gone bald is because of crimes against hair

some of the hairstyles and things I try I went for a stage of trying to look like Albertino and the Godfather

where I swept all my hair back but it would never do that and it used to just sort of droop out so half of

it like I'd have the middle bit be swept back but these bits would just fall down to the side nice it was just you know i've refound the muggiest thing i think i've ever done as well like it was my 18th birthday party oh god this is i don't remember doing judge Romesh at 18. And there's a video somewhere of me lip syncing to a Spice Girls. Oh, no. Oh, no. What? Tell me the context. Like, I used to quite enjoy the Spice Girls.

Oh, my God, the Spice Girls. Like, I'm drunk drunk it's my 18 yeah everything about me that's gangly and sort of I've got people friends there

why I think you know like you get dizzy because yeah your 18th is the first party yeah a bit of adrenaline

and stuff you turn 18 it's the start of your life yeah but also it's the first party you've kind of really sort of like this is yeah this is me going out out on my own so i was sort of a set of attention um i was wearing like a what i'm wearing like a white uh oh man ralph um shirt well you remember no the really long white ralph ones that they had. A pair of these, I'm obsessed with

this pair of black sort of almost like pleather jeans and a pair of What? I honestly thought you were

talking about shoes. No, they weren't skin tight, they were sort of baggy, but they were sort

of like these sort of pleathery 95 Charles and like shiny material. Yeah. Yeah, and then some sort of fucking Patrick Cox shoes but someone

like one of my uncles like my cousin Katie and Nick who do listen to this podcast I don't know and my friend Rob I've got friends who listen to this who know exactly what I'm talking about, and it's quite,

and then I sort of think it's really cool if I lip sync as I'm walking around the house to a Spice Girls song. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's the most, even thinking about it makes my stomach tighten

and me feel like, because, and you know the worst bit worst bits you can see in my eyes I think it's really cool I'm not doing it to be funny I think that oh this will be yeah I've got I've got a similar video uh where it's so my mum and dad when they like when we were like I guess maybe 20 years ago before like shit went wrong for my my dad they used to like go out all the time with like there's a big sri lanka community in crawley right and so they'd be like parties all the time man and sometimes if you ran someone's house or

sometimes they'd hire out a hall and just be like it's massive get together it's like uh it happened all the time like their social thing was. Anyway, there is a video of me bearing in mind, mate, these are all like Sri Lankan parents, right? In their sort of forties and fifties. And I, God,

I turned up there with my brother and you're trying to be cool. Aren't you? You're trying to, you're turning up to the party. You're an adult now. Yeah. But you're going out with yeah but you're going out you're going out

with your mum and dad so there's that but at the same time you're then trying to break out of feeling like you're the sort of tragic person that goes out

with his mum and dad so you try so you overcompensate so I turned up to a Sri Lankan do in like full top to bottom public enemy merchandise

right t-shirt fucking trousers with the logo on massive trainers and a cap public enemy merchandise, right? T-shirt, fucking trousers with the logo on, massive trainers and a cap, public enemy cap. So I look like I'm fucking, I've just come out from the kiosk. I'll be knocking out the merch after the gig, right? And then there's this video of me dancing so hip hop

at a Sri Lankan fucking family gathering. no hip hop. A Sri Lankan fucking family gathering. Do you know like the proper like screw face? And like, were you dancing to hip hop? I don't, I can't even,

I don't think it was hip hop. I think it was like some sort of pop song or something like that. I mean, I can't imagine they're dropping gangster rap at a fucking Sri Lankan day. And I'm properly, honestly, I'm properly imagine they're dropping gangster rap at a fucking Sri Lankan dude. And I'm properly, honestly, I'm properly going for it. And as, so my mum had found the video. And as she plays the video, my arsehole seals up so completely that I think that's it now. I'm going to have to get it reopened.

Every time I think about that video, as I'm talking to you now, I feel horrible. I feel, it's so horrible. I have the same, like, my shoulders begin to droop. Yeah. Like, what, and why didn't anyone that I know at that point go, like, this is on video, like, I genuinely was like, now I know, I still know it's out there. It's one of the muggiest

things you can, walking around my mum and dad's house, just, you know, kind of, like, yeah like yeah singing lip syncing like even if i've made it wonderwall it'd be a little bit cooler yeah it's bad best western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze and it felt a little like life's a trip make the most of it at best western hey i just got us a new coca-cola spice nice what's it taste like it's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee whoa let me try nah it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors.

Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal, probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what

you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you got to do you it's got to be kd shop now speaking of things that are embarrassing i had a thing where this is as an adult by the way right um where i was i was working as a head of sixth form and there's a girl that was working in my team so i was senior head of sixth form there are two like junior people that were in my team assistant head of sixth form i think they were called anyway i said something i was always you know when you do banter and you take it too far so i said something it wasn't just for just for my own sort of clarity and context it wasn't anything sexual or that kind of thing i wouldn't banter like yeah you're not that kind of dude yeah so i said something to this girl and that was working with me and she

sort of went a bit quiet like i sort of did a like a joke or something like i don't know something like uh as you always do it then or something like that right and she went a bit quiet bearing in mind that i was her essentially her boss you's, it's the power dynamic is not appropriate for, for making those kinds of jokes. Anyway, after school, I was at home and I texted her going, look, just so you know, I think you're really, I think you're doing a great job. So please don't worry about, um, about that comment. I meant, I was just messing around. No reply. So half an hour, so half an hour later, I go just to sort of reiterate i'm really sorry if i offended you i didn't mean to i didn't mean to offend you in that way no reply

20 minutes later look if you could just reply just let me know you've received this even if you are pissed off about it i would just love to know and then no reply 20 minutes later look man uh maybe we should have a chat a we should have a chat about this tomorrow morning because i'm just nervous about it affecting our working relationship no reply 20 minutes later look can you just give me a call as soon as you can because i think maybe we're in a situation where anyway i sent oh my god she i don't even think she'd remembered it bro what did she ever bring it up again she just goes to me totally don't worry i totally forgotten about it it's funny like i was like oh my god every time i think about it

just sort of the desperation every Every 20 minutes, another text. Every desperation. That is me absolutely summed up. Thirsty little nerd. It's such a horrible feeling. It's such a narcissistic thing to do as well. You know what? Let's just imagine she wasn't in the cinema, right?

And I've sent her the text message. Just let her not reply. If she wants to deal with it in her own time just leave it because i'm so desperate to have forgiveness and for me to be to feel all right about myself because just wondering if you could reply please could you maybe just send a thumbs up as a smoke signal so i know that you're actually receiving this shut up shut up i still get like that now me i'm mate i'm telling you like i wish i could tell you this is somebody that's moved on from that type of behavior but i haven't mate i'm

i still suffer so much if someone if i text someone and they don't text me back like that's what whatsapp i fucking hate but if i can see someone's read a message... I've noticed that. You don't like WhatsApp. Because I can see people... That's when you can know... In that situation you're in, right? In fact, I've been back... This is a few years ago before WhatsApp, right? That'd be a WhatsApp situation.

You go, Oh, there's no double blue text. She's not read it. Right? Yeah. And that gives you a little bit... There's nothing worse than if you send quite like a heartfelt message

or a message about something and the person reads it and doesn't reply like i genuinely like but the problem that you know the you know the thing is about that tom is by the way i am the same way but also i am the ultimate hypocrite of being the same way about people that don't reply to me but also i'm terrible oh yeah but i Yeah, but I'm pathetic on the basis if someone texts me, even if it's someone I don't really enjoy their company or it's someone I don't know that well, I'll text them back as quick as I can. Yeah, and the worst thing about it is

I am more likely to text you back quickly if I don't know you that well. That's the tragic thing about it. Just taking for granted people who I love and care about oh no they probably won't mind if i don't reply some stranger who i met once yeah man cool yeah yeah no we definitely should do that sweet my therapy i think i've said this before but my therapist literally within 10 minutes of meeting me had turned around and said you know your biggest problem is you want everybody to like you that That's your problem.

And like, my thing is, if I text someone, I don't text back, my mental health is, they hate me now. Yeah. I will literally...

It won't just be, they looked at it and thought, I'll reply to that later. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's nothing. It won't be that. And then also, sometimes this is my own fucking neurosis.

This is my own madness. I can text someone and just go, hey bro, how you doing? All right, you good? And then they don't, they read it, they don't reply.

In my head, that means they're going, oh fucking hell, I hate this guy. How do I get him out of my life? I might have to change it. The worst, the worst and lowest behaviour

is when you send a question just because you need to get a reply. Because that's, you sort of analyse your last text and go, that probably doesn't

require a reply. And then you send another text saying, seen you, latest series? Not sure about it. What's your take? Oh, God.

No, no, the worst, mate. Oh, God. I think I've even done this to you. That is... Oh, right, just get this on an even keel. Make this more relaxed. What's relaxed with everyone? Football.

Fucking hell. You pumped spurs this weekend. S What's relaxed with everyone? Football. Fucking hell. You pumped Spurs this weekend. Saka's a player. Turning around going, what's going on with Salah? I thought he was definitely going to score that. Lol. So pathetic. How many of you have watched the game? Just get on the internet.

Just read a couple of write-ups. Read some tweets. Yes. Barry Glendening always knows what he's talking about when it goes to football. I'll just copy one of his tweets and put it in my own language. It's so, like, eager. Like, that's one of the things I look at and think, and do you know what?

That can stick with me for a whole day. I could just spend so long looking at my phone just thinking. And also, I'm not even having a go at my phone just thinking but then and also it's like I'm not even having a go at the other people that's my own insanity yeah yeah yeah it's not anybody's fault

it's not like I hold nothing against like and also it makes me so fucking thirsty yeah like if someone texts me

like I'm not Oliver Twist running up for the for the buffet again yeah like as soon as someone texts me you better be like, yeah, yeah, you've texted me.

That's incredible. Are you under the impression that Oliver Twist was at a buffet? No, when he goes up and says he wants some more. At the buffet? Well, you know, it was like catering where they had different stuff that you could eat. No, they just had gruel, my guy. What?

There was no options. There was no... Listen, he wasn't... He was in, like, this, like, child work factory. He wasn't... There was no omelette station. I don't think there was an omelette station. They kind of just had gruel.

What if you don't like gruel? Yeah, they just... That's the whole point of this. Well, I mean... You need to be in Oliver... They need to do a remake of Oliver Twist. I thought there was other stuff you're saying shit like that

sorry is it just sorry is it just gruel so there's no other options here wow wow what happens if you don't like gruel

no just I just want to know how do you intend on continuing running this operation when you've only got a single option what is gruel

is gruel porridge I think it's like really shit version of porridge where it's like how can porridge be any shitter this operation when you've only got a single option. What is gruel? Is gruel porridge? I think it's like really shit version of porridge where it's like most water. How can porridge be any shitter? Well, it's like, well, there's a high oat density in porridge. Imagine if like you've added way too much water to porridge and it's got

a carrot in or something. That's what I imagine gruel to be like. A carrot? Not a whole carrot floating on the top just like diced up and like sprinkled. Like miso. I imagine a bit like a miso like a horrible miso i'm not having miso soup why what's up with it it's just stuck in it it's just fucking yeah it is yeah it's like there's a place near my office that gives away free miso yeah same and like you go in you buy some sushi and then the guy goes oh do you want some sort of free miso i was like do you ever charge for this stuff and he was like what and was like, do you ever charge for this stuff?

And he was like, what? And I was like, do you ever? Like, I come in here quite a lot. It's always for free. Surely just stop having it. You've got to be the only customer in the history of retail that gets angry about something being offered for free. No, I'm just like.

This guy goes, do you want some free miso? Fucking hell. Fuck, that's how shit is. You're taking a piss out of me, mate. You're having a joke beyond my back. Oh, yeah, you end off your fucking free miso. Fucking hell. Fuck, that's how shit is. You're taking a piss out of me, mate. You ever want to joke me on my back? Oh yeah, you end off your

fucking free miso to me like I'm some sort of mother. No, but I think it's such like, I feel sorry for like the person who's got, that's got to be so demeaning

if you're the chef in that place making a miso and then you just see it given away for nothing. Maybe, maybe you're not doing it for commercial reasons.

Maybe it's somebody that. Maybe it's somebody that devoted their life to getting miso really right. They think to themselves, I don't want to sell this. I don't want to make a commercial profit. I just want to spread miso love to people for nothing. What a lovely gesture.

Yeah, but then get in there and start knocking something else out that people actually enjoy. I'll tell you what it's akin to, what it's like it's you know when you go to like a bake sale or you go to a vintage fate and people have cooked like rocky roads and they've cooked really like nice cookies muffins it's the same as the person who's cooked like made flapjacks and no one's eating them they're just sitting at the side at the end of the day you walk past it goes oh do you want a free flapjack that's that's exactly what it's like yeah i i know what you mean about flapjacks but what i would say is if you get a flapjack right my god yeah but what's that three percent of flapjacks correct i would that is

exactly this exact figure i was thinking i think it's about three percent of flapjacks a lot of flapjacks when i've had them just tastes like someone's just got like a bit of like honey or syrup or whatever they use in french some old bird seeds in it. Yeah, I mean, that is essentially the recipe for flapjacks. But what I don't... It's like going, do you know what I ate about steak pie? It just feels like somebody's got a pastry case, put some steak and gravy in it and sealed it up and baked it.

No, but flapjacks is like... pastry case, put some steak and gravy in it and sealed it up and baked it. And then you will see the poor old lady who's made them just sort of standing by them. Yeah. Yeah. I also I tell you what I don't I'm not a fan of either flapjacks with like a yoghurt. I mean, I don't want a yoghurt anyway, but you know, that kind of icingy topping like it needs to be sweeter. Yeah. That's not what this needs. If anything, it needs a savoury undercut.

What it doesn't need is more sugar, you fucking lunatic. You know, actually, while we're talking about things, I can't fucking, I can't have cheesecake. Wow! That is, wow, I mean, I can't have it for moral reasons, but I know I can call back on my memories of cheesecake. I mean, that you can get vegan cheesecake, but what's your problem with it? I just find it back on my memories of cheesecake. I mean, you can get vegan cheesecake.

But what's your problem with it? I just find it just such a waste of time. I just can't, like the flavouring, the texture. You are talking about a wide range of, by the way, as you say cheesecake, in my head, there's like six different images of what that might be. Yeah, but there's six different images. You know, I'm talking about the bog stand and someone's crunched up with the fruit on top

no no i'm saying digestive biscuits that someone's brushed up made that into a base wallop some sort of the cream the creamy cheese stuff on it mascarpone yeah yeah and then they've just added sort of i don't know like some fucking fucking Oreo crumbs or whatever in it or, you know, bits of, I just can't, if it's, I just, look, this is, if I go out for a meal and that's what the dessert is, I'll forego dessert and just have a coffee. Yeah, and I imagine they'll be absolutely gutted about that. No, but I just-

Fucking hell, you're not gonna believe this guy. Ultimate revenge, it's like the end of Gladiator. Went up to him, said, do you want a dessert? And he goes, what is the dessert? And I said, cheesecake. And he said, in that case, I'll just be having coffee. Just give me a moment.

And then he dropped a microphone for some reason. He carries around with him for moments like that. I just can't, I just don't like it. I find it a really, yeah. I find it could spoil a really good meal. it. I find it a really, yeah, I find it could spoil a really good meal. Yeah. And also I think,

cheesecake wise, I think like, cheesecake thinks a lot of itself as well. I think it's, here we go, here we go. No, I,

if you look at different desserts, right, baked Alaska, right, a nice, sort of, treatable sponge or or whatever a nice slice of apple pie there's something humble about all of those it's a dignity that they have a decency cheesecake for me is just so flamboyant but actually when you break it open there's nothing much there it's

like you know some sometimes i i can't interact with you because i feel like i'm talking like someone coming up at 2 a.m at a nightclub. I can't even respond to these things. You want me to comment on whether I think cheesecake's up itself? Is that what you want me to do? I look at it a bit like, you know when you go to a wedding or something and there's someone who's just cracking zingers

and fucking being really loud mouth and whatever and dancing around. That's cheesecake. You try to have a conversation with them and there's nothing there. There's no death that's what cheesecake is your cheesecake what you've just described that behaviour you've just described

is 100% what you do I wish that I couldn't have laughed and I could have pretended I was really offended no but I just no I think like if I was a dessert I would probably be more like an apple pie yeah yeah you do start hot apple pie with ice cream

that's how I'd describe it yeah yeah yeah I would say with you you know and this is probably the biggest

I'm going to steal my self esteem for this slam that's coming up no I actually think you'd be like a panna cotta or something like that

right where panna cotta if it's on the menu you sometimes go I'm not sure about panna cotta isn't it it's not all that sometimes and then you get a panna cotta you take it's on the menu, you sometimes go, I'm not sure about panna cotta, isn't it?

It's not all that sometimes. And then you get a panna cotta, you take a couple of spoonfuls and go, fucking hell, this is delicious. This is absolutely, like, when you break off that crispy sugar top, and you go, actually, I'm talking about creme caramel.

Yeah, I mean, you can't even get the dessert right. Creme caramel to me. Thank you so much, though. That really was the dessert right. Crème caramel for me. Thank you so much, though. That really was the highest. No, no, but crème caramel's here for me. Cheesecake's here. Cheesecake's sitting in the larder thinking, oh, everyone's

going to want a drop of me. Crème caramel's like, oh, nobody likes me. I'll probably end up in the bin. And then when that crème caramel goes out and someone takes that first spoonful of it, you're like, oh, my God, this is a taste sensation.

And everyone around the table goes, excuse me, excuse me, can I have some crème caramel? Yeah, and then they go,

do you mean crème brûlée? Because that's the one with the crispy top. oh my god right should we do some emails yeah bro yeah okay um so uh by the way i i uh the swan couldn't choose emails this week cause she was a bit hectic. So I felt a bit bad making her choose emails.

Um, yeah, she's fine, but it's just, um, the kids have got loads of like clubs on this weekend and stuff. So she was a bit, um, she was a bit, uh, under it. So I just said to her, I'll do them this week. So they're going to be of a lower quality. And also the other thing I would say is not, I'm not talking about the emailers. I'm talking about the blend. There's nothing wrong with emails.

But we have got loads of nickname emails in, but I haven't bothered to group them together. So they're just going to be peppered through other emails. No, cool, cool, cool. Okay.

So this is from the Big Bear. Wow. Hello to the wolf owl and lovely swan. Love the podcast. I've only just caught up, so I decided to finally email in. I've got tickets to see rom in stockton on teas next year can't wait as both thank you very much for that as both of you have been responsible dog owners what are your views on dogs peeing on houses garden walls cars i know they're only making mark in their

territory not mocking me directly but the more i look out my window and see endless dogs pissing on my home i begin to think this surely can't be right. Can it love from the big bear? Well, shout out the big bear. Um, I, I,

when, when I had a dog, when, uh, when I took us around, we used to always, I used to always make sure that it, it never,

he never weeds on anyone's house. Yeah. On a house, a garden, someone else's garden. It's hard with a dog because number one, right? If you're walking down the road, you've on a house, a garden, someone else's garden. It's hard with a dog because, number one, right, if you're walking down a road, you've got a choice. You should make sure that the dog isn't got that option.

I mean, to wee on someone's house or car is pretty barbaric. There was actually a case around the corner from me of a sweet lady who there was a dog that used to piss in her garden all the time. It wasn't her dog. It was this dog who used to walk past her garden all the time it wasn't her dog it's his dog used to walk past and she's tried to talk to the owner about it and um the owner was just like well i can't help it and she was like well can you just like put him on the other side so you keep if so if he's not literally on the side where my house is he's not on your right hand side he's not going to wee here and he was like yeah but then you know he's not comfortable he likes

being on the right hand side so he just kept on pissing on this poor woman's house and then she had like a little fence put up he pissed on that i'll tell you the other thing actually like is people if when you've got your bins out the front for bin day and people put a fucking dog shit bag in it that's that's inexcusable behavior for me in your bin bag no so you've got your bin out. Say your recycling bin's out, right? Yeah. I had it not so long ago. Someone threw a fucking dog poo bag in my recycling bin. I caught them. I was like, that's not recyclable, is it?

There's not anything that we can use for dog shit. And the bloke went, it's plastic, and laughed. I was like, how about I fucking empty the contents of it out on your head? Did you say that? Yeah, I was fucking furious. It's disgusting. And then also, I actually have a really, really, really good relationship

with my recycling and my bin men. If they see that I've got no respect for them, it's like literally shitting on their parade. Frown zingers at the bin men, you sort of roll up and they go, oh, God, we've got to go do cheesecakes here. Do you know your bin men? Do you at the bin men sort of roll up and they go oh god we've got to go do cheesecakes do you know your bin men do you chat to your bin men I do chat to them actually no I don't

that's not true that's a massive exaggeration I have chatted to them but I wouldn't say it's a regular occurrence no no if I'm out we have a little bit

we have a little bit of bant yeah I don't let her in the front of the house front of the house waiting for someone I don't I don't get I don't understand dogs peeing on your house. Do people do that?

Do people let people's dogs pee on people's houses? I think there's really bad dog owners out there. I mean, the worst of the worst is like dog poo being left in the street. I still think that should be a prisonable offence. Prisonable? Yeah. Do you think so?

I think it's how long would you give how long would you give somebody for five days actually do you know what i think it's utterly disgusting i think it's one of them like like if you i i and your dog's taken off you if you can't be bothered to pick up a that your dog leaves in the middle of the street or even like anywhere anywhere you should just that's that's the basics of having a dog that's that's that's the deal you make as soon as you got a dog you pick up its shit that's just it right but it's i when i when you walk around the place and you see two or three dog shits on a fucking walk you're like fuck you know especially once you've got a baby and you're it's in a pram you're like this is nice navigate around a load

of shit in the street just because someone can't even bother to pick it up. I've called out people, so many people for that when I see them walking off. What do you say? Let's imagine my dog's just... I'm out with Reggie. He's curled out a hot one.

And then I'm just walking away, so what happens? Excuse me? Yeah? Are you going to pick up what your dog's just done? Oh, well, it's sort of... It's an animal, isn't it? It's sort of natural, isn't it? No, you're the animal, mate. You're literally leaving that there.

That's disgusting. It's a bit racist. Why are you calling him an animal? Because your dog has just taken a steam in October in the middle of that pavement and this is near a school, mate. And if one kid slips in... Yeah, I know, I've just dropped my kid off. You think it's, you drop the kid off,

your dog drops his arse out and then you just leave. Well, I always make sure that I tell my kids to be careful for dog shits on the pavement and if other people don't do that... Oh, that's a lovely society we live in, isn't it? So we should all just... Why don't we just forego toilets

and all just start shitting in the street? Well, you're being a bit silly. You're sort of taking it over the top. I'd rather be silly than disgusting. Well, I guess that'll be our nicknames going forward. You're silly, I'm disgusting. Anyway, thanks, mate. Take care. Then I'd pick up the poo and just throw it at you oh wow so after calling me an animal you'd then pick up dog shit and throw

it at me here's a question for you why is it all right to leave horse shit anywhere because look this is actually an interesting question essentially horse shit would be like you right in the sense that it's wow no vegan it's it's like it's vegetables it's like it's just oh i say by the grade level right yeah dog shit is raw meat who knows what shit goes into those tins that they eat you know all the scuds that they eat all of the so it's it'll just sit there and just get more and more disgusting and actually go mouldy. That's the worst when you see a mouldy dog shit when you walk past it.

So, you know, shout out to the horses for keeping their diet on check. So does that mean I'm allowed to shit in the street then? Yeah, but if anyone I know was allowed to shit in the street, I'd take a vegan shit.

You know, if you were running down my street holding your trousers going, I need a fucking crap, mate. I'd go, everyone in my drive, mate. Everyone in everyone um i'd probably invite you into my house if i managed but yeah just people on a tour around the garden oh this is a compost tape that we got started with you yeah the romish rang an open yeah we use one of his shits as a starter composing by the way really dangerous they're lethal what do you mean that's how a lot of the fires started in the summer. Is that right?

Yeah, yeah. That's why they don't have them in hot countries. You've got to be really, really careful of compost heaps. All that glistens isn't gold, mate, when it comes to a compost heap. You've got to be very, very careful. No, you're absolutely right. Very tempting to do compost heaps. Yeah.

But you shouldn't, you know? Don't be dazzled by the glamour yes it's great right now but also like becomes a habitat for vermin and rats and shit yeah um well there you go big bear i hope that answered your question about dogs uh but yeah please be responsible dog owners Bye, Linus. streaming bundle. With the HappyStack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney+, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more,

spend less. The HappyStack. Only at Kudo! Conditions apply. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share. To each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil.

Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. Hello darlings, this is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes.

Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. OK, next email. This is from The Exhausted Labrador. Hi, Wolf and Al. On the theme of last week, I thought... That's made me feel quite sad, just the thought of a Labrador

hasn't really got any... Because Labradors are so, like, jumpy and lovely. One that's just walking around with his head down. I feel really conscious that I'd be like, what's wrong with him? Yeah, yeah. But just to make you feel better, this is a person. It's just call themselves that.

I know. Yeah. So on the theme of last week, I thought I'd send in some of the worst nicknames I've encountered. Rat. Because when he came to uni, he told everyone to call him Quade, a very good looking rugby player. And someone said he looked more like a rat. Oof.

So he thought he looked like the rugby player and other people thought he looked like a rat. Next one is pig because he called rats rat. This is good content. Next one is gash because he said the word once when talking about a girl doing a lad impression and therefore for five years was called gash. Jesus. Yeah, that one's a bit sick note a classic always had an excuse for everything fiesta because he only dated people with red flags with multiple red flags and then moti this is a quite a dark one because he looked like the serial killer raul mote wow jesus what gaggle of friends you straight away would be trying to get rid of

Motey and Gash, wouldn't you, from that group? Yeah, Motey's got a gut. Yeah, and so is Gash. They're not for me. I've got a mate called Squirrel because he looks like a squirrel. Yeah. And he's still called that.

And his kids call him Squirrel as well. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, the trouble is, as he's aged, he looks more and more like a squirrel. Right. It's like he's sort of like morphing into an actual squirrel. Yeah. If I was to walk out of my back garden now and he'd be up a tree with a little like chipping away at some nuts, I wouldn't be

shocked. Well, I wouldn't. You wouldn't be shocked. Well, no, because they're hibernating at the moment, so that would up a squirrel cybernating yeah they're not around the squirrel cybernate yeah in the winter they're not around you'll never see a squirrel in the winter interesting where do they go do you know i think they bury into trees like big trees they just like make a little like make a hole inside the tree and just get in there and then sort of the squirrel burrows a hole into a tree? Yeah, I think that's how they do it. Of course, like, if you watch...

Have you ever watched The Gruffalo? Yeah, but I don't base all of my biological information on The Gruffalo. Yeah, but that's how... Yeah, but they had to use some context of reality there. Okay. What they do is, if you look at that, they've buried it, they've got a branch that's essentially

their driveway, and that then they bury into the tree and then make that into a room, and I think then they put loads of nuts in it, and then when the winter comes, they make a door out of leaves and sort of old fur. Look, forgive me if I don't take

as gospel what you remember from the Gruffalo. That's pretty much what, yeah. Okay. Thanks for that. Thanks for that insight. This is from the flamboyant cuttlefish. Wow.

Just an idea for you guys. You mentioned format in the last episode. How about introducing a section for would you rather where us periphery animals write in and pose a question for your pondering what do you think of that as an item idea yeah we could try that for a week or two yeah we could try that for a week yeah let's just try that for today and then fuck it off uh yeah let's do would you rather yeah that could be good yeah i i feel there's legs in this with both your ability to digress extensively and add humor to any conundrum.

I think there's some other cat pods out there that do something similar, so it's not exactly original. I'm sure you'd do it better. Well, as you know, we are not limited by stuff that's original by any stretch of the imagination. Here's a random one to start you off. Would you rather be locked in your house with no electricity for a week or fly to Australia and only spend one day there before doing the return journey i don't expect any royalties just a continuation of weekly dulcet tones from you two sweet sweet souls for the foreseeable peace and love the flamboyant cuttlefish tommy d great i think we should reiterate this too yeah i've always wanted to go to australia but day feels like a

lot like as someone this week i've been gigging and having to travel like for doing 20 minutes worth of fucking stage time and traveling for two hours is an absolute fucking drag. So the thought of how does it take to get to Australia? Three days, two days? Uh, no, 24 hours.

Probably I would allocate. No, I thought you had to stop over somewhere. Didn't you? You don't have to. I got a direct flight. I mean, you're talking to someone that's gone to Australia,

mate. Right. So what is it, 24 hours there? And I didn't stop over. 24 hours back. Something like that, yeah.

Yeah. Living in your house without electricity would be barbaric. It sounds at the moment, it's like, oh yeah, it'd be fine,

but actually, it'd be pretty barbaric. And if you're locked in there and you can't get out, it would be awful. Locked in your house with no electricity, but you've got running water.

Yeah, but what are you going to do in your house? Your phone's only going to run for a little bit, isn't it? I imagine knowing that you've got that week ahead, you'd charge it up to the max. Yeah, but would we know that it was just something that just happens out of nowhere? Well, I don't know, because theoretically you could take a load of those pocket bank things,

couldn't you? Yeah, yeah, true. And keep your phone going, and then just order delivery for the week. If that isn't... Yeah, I mean, we're assuming this is done against your will. You suddenly, it's one day... Yeah, if you've had no electricity.

Like, I don't know. I don't know if I can handle that. I'd be dead within two hours, I think. Yeah, it would, like, I think, you know what? I'd go oh let's make the best of this for the first day maybe

like we can read and then it would get to me day two not a night you can't well yeah

oh god yeah well if you've got candles you have to read by candlelight yeah I mean that actually would feel really quite kind of cool

and a bit different for like one night but there you go. It's just a faff, isn't it? It's just a weird thing, isn't it? I just think you'd have to do Australia. Otherwise, you'd go, what's Romesh doing?

He's trapped in his house for a week with no electricity. How come he's doing that? It's because he didn't want to go to Australia. Yeah, I mean, a day in Australia for 24 hours a day. And also, to be fair, 24 hours on a plane would be a bit of a laugh, right? Yeah, it would be. And also, you don't know what class we're talking about here. You might try and...

I imagine, have you ever been upgraded? No, once. We talked about it when I came back from Vegas, no? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For one time. Oh, you know, actually, the other times when me and you flew to Dublin together.

Oh, yeah, that was nice, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just to get a seat In a slightly different position I wouldn't show off about that We were just moved to a row that had bigger leg room Because they just sold two fucking Pieces of livestock that required more room Yeah

But that's the only two times in my life I've been upgraded Or sat in that kind of vibe What about you? You've lived a life Romantic right? I've never been upgraded ever But you've sat in business class and such yeah i have sat in business class yeah i know how it rolls when you do that leg in our own i i i would go as far as to say i enjoy whenever i've had the treat of flying business class i've enjoyed it so much that i've not wanted to fly it to it You know, because you've got films. Yeah.

Seat's comfortable. You can move into any position you want. They're constantly bringing out, you can ask for drinks and food whenever you want it, right? I just think that every time I've gone, I've gone, where I'm going has got a lot to live up to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Unless, I mean, you know, I've often looked at how long's left of the flight and been disappointed that I've only got an hour left or whatever. Because the other issue is, I get very... I actually... I get quite anxious if there's not enough time

to watch another film before we land. Would you not just watch two episodes or something or start watching a series that's an hour long? Yeah, but I find it... The thing was... I think if... Is that the most... Here's a question for you, listeners. Is that the most out-of-touch

thing that Romesh has ever said? One of my anxieties is when I'm flying business class and I don't have enough time to watch an entire film before landing. Christ almighty. I think for me, it's a no-brainer. I think it's Australia. Me too. You get there and you'd be able

to just let... Yeah, I mean mean I suppose it's where in Australia you're flying to, if you're flying to Melbourne Melbourne or Sydney you'd have a great day cab straight into centre have a little bowl about look at the big bridge and stuff

and the opera house, grab some nice food and get back on the flight back and if it if you if it is business class which we can i think pick whatever he's not stated i think when people do these have to be very specific yeah we'd like a lot of details where's the house yeah um how big is the house also is it going to be stopped is it going to be stopped with food well yeah but it can't be stopped with food mate because you've not got a fridge. Why not? Yeah, but there's... Do you not have any food in your house

that doesn't perform? Yeah, pasta, but I'm not having pasta for a fucking week. Or beans. Or pasta, beans. Well, you've got a bit of bread, maybe. Some eggs. Can I tell you what my favourite snack of choice is?

Tin of sweetcorn. Oh, sweetcorn. I love it. Do you know what I've got? That Nando's peri-peri salt. I put a bit of that on. That's a great snack. You know, that's one of the sexiest things you've ever said.

Really? Yeah. Thanks, man. I think I'd have kissed you if we were close. How much would you kiss me? If I saw you, the next time I see you if I went in for a kiss how long would you let that go for I

do you know what I'd probably let it go as long as you wanted to wow no but I also we'd end up we'd both end up

lighting a cigarette after having fucked and then gone I was just waiting for you to stop I just wanted to see how far you'd go or just two guys trying to be sexy

in front of everyone just kissing it's not as sexy is it no no no no because it's like in those all those you know those sort of awful 90s films like so yeah where it'd be like a party and sort of like you know two girls would kiss and everyone would go crazy if that was me and you that wouldn't be the same thing with it yeah it would it would bring an immediate end to the party we'd come out in the kiss so we'd be in an empty room. Someone just turned him round and go, just go back to doing

your little Disney thing that you were doing. Just do the impressions, guys. What about if I do the impression while I'm kissing him? Oh, I really want to give you a big tongue kiss. I don't know about that. It's so unsexy, you standing there, dressed in your public enemy gear with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on.

Oh, I'm going to give you the kissing of your life. Oh, you don't know what kind of kiss you're going to give you the kissing of your life oh you don't know what kind of kiss you're going to get oh god anyway thank you for your email that was great sweet sweet time thank you and that can be a euphoriac bit of the show so that will give this one more work to do actually if, if she's got a go. Maybe put in the headline, would you rather?

Yeah, that's a great show. Well done, Tom. Bloody hell, Tom. Well, you know, then again, I bring the juice. This is from The Chill Pig. And the email says, there's another nickname zone. Hey, Swan, Cat, Wolf and Owl, your request for nicknames last week made me think of a bunch of people that are regulars in my local pub. A few of them are Mushroom Mick would walk back from the local supermarket

and ask you to look in the bag at the mushrooms that he'd foraged locally. Wow. Two Dog Tony. His name's Tony and he had two dogs. One of the dogs died, but the name remains. That's horrible. I'm Two Dogs Rob then, I guess.

Yeah, you would be. I'd still be One Dog Tom, but I don't know. I should do the descriptions first, but then you don't know the actual name. So somebody who... This one, this guy was called Pilot Light. Pilot Light? the descriptions first but then you don't the actual name uh so somebody who this one this guy was called pilot light because yeah because he never goes out that's genius that's genius

uh here's one that i probably could give to myself. Bomb scare. When he comes into the pub, everyone leaves. Oh, wow. No, that's not you. But wow, that's fucking pilot light. Do you know what? Me and you, I am pilot light now, and you're bomb scare. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I think you might be right. That's one of my favourite ever. God, I've just had to send a text message to somebody because when I came out to do the podcast, eight o'clock this morning, my fucking phone pocket dialed them. And then I've not looked at my phone since. And they just be like, you're right.

You're right. You know, that's the worst. Grace. FaceTime Jennifer Saunders the other day. Jennifer Saunders number on my phone from when we worked together and I've never ever used it. Never phoned her. And then Grace FaceTimed. Lucky enough she didn't answer and hasn't phoned back. But that's the most... That's lucky. That shows that she's taking it all right. I thought she was going to be annoyed, but luckily she's not been in touch since. So I think that's probably...

No, I just keep thinking that Jennifer Saunders is lovely. She's an absolute legend, right? Of her just going, like sitting around going, God, Tom Davis was FaceTiming me at like nine o'clock on a Saturday morning. And people being like, so presumptuous. What would you think? I've never texted, never called her out of nowhere

I FaceTimed her on a Saturday morning hi Jen how are you how are you my love that's what I'll catch up do you know what I was having a chat

about that job we did together and I thought I'd give you a FaceTime have a little reminisce about it well you got that croissant so you having a croissant

are you okay should we do one more yeah alright hello Will for now I have a story to tell that both of you will be able to relate to if not I've definitely Okay, should we do one more? Yeah. All right. Hello, Will, for now. I have a story to tell that both of you will be able to relate to. If not, I've definitely not been listening to you correctly. My wife and I went to Rome a few weeks ago.

It was her 40th birthday present, as I knew it was a place she really wanted to see. We had an amazing time and were blown away by seeing these iconic locations in real life. However, something happened that really wound me up. Money is tight for everyone at the moment. I really wanted to be strict with myself and the budget I set for the holidays. So imagine my anger when I was fleeced by street traders. The first one was a guy selling roses, who at one point proceeded to give my wife not one, but three.

That's how they get you. They put them in your hand and you do not want to be the prick who won't buy roses for his wife. I got my wallet and had over 20 euros and this dickhead gives me five euros back. Five euros a rose. Wow. Of course he got away with it because I don't have the guts to call him out. I was left seething. The following day I was approached by a guy selling wristbands. He gave us compliments, hey, nice trainers, etc.

Put these things on our wrists and showed us photos of his niece. My wife took some initiative and gave back one to save me some money, but he still managed to get cash off us. Later I saw similar guys selling similar wristbands, selling and using exact same technique on people my question for you is have you fallen for a holiday con have you ever thought about how you'd stop it from happening in the future to this day i still beat myself up for not being more confident and being tricked thank you to this one for selecting this uh and if you read this out thank you for all the pod

it's easily one of my favorites and helps me to forget the usual daily drudgery all of my love to you sweet souls the bumblebee uh tommy d uh i mean that firstly as a younger man i did the awful thing of buying a load of gold on holiday to try and make myself look more affluent and cool and then slowly as the holiday went on it went went green. And I ended up sort of, I ended up literally, I think, for the last four days with a whole big just green ring of like dirt almost around my whole neck. All my rings, my bracelet and the watch that I brought, all of it just, yeah. But fleece-wise, me and Catherine, what was it? I don't know if I've told the story before. A couple of years ago, it was the summer before the year that Grace was born. And we were like, well, we're going to go on a nice summer holiday.

It has been COVID, so we haven't been away for a few years. Catherine had been through the IVF. It had been a stressful time, so we're going to go to Cyprus. And I was like, well, I'm going to surprise Catherine. And we'll go to cyprus and um i was like well i'm surprised catherine and we're gonna go on a boat trip we could like we're gonna hire a boat out for the day for the two of us um and uh which will be amazing it'll be lovely and uh i talked to the woman at reception and i'm like she sort of was i was like have you got that boats that i can do for a boat trip and she was like you know what's up i was like sort of something quite sort of nice and sort of like you know giving her a vague idea

showing her some pictures of uh some some boats she said no no you want an old like the Cypriot boat an original like it's the sort of like in Cypriot fishing boat I was like I'm not sure if that is what I want but she talked me into it anyhow on a day that i think was about 43 degrees in cyprus we go out on this fucking siprica fishing boat with no shade right it's literally as hot as you can be like it's violently hot and as we get halfway out i'm like have you got any water to the guy and he's like no no i have uh some wine and he made homemade wine that he put in seven up bottles which was absolutely foul um and then when we jumped in the water we there was no shower

afterwards so we ended up just crusted in salt water burning i got such so badly burnt out there and i was covering myself constantly in suntan lotion it took two days off my fucking uh holiday i literally it was the worst thing i've ever paid money for but then when i got back to the hotel the woman said uh how was your trip how was your boat trip but i was amazing thank you so much it was something we'll talk about forever it was so shit I can't remember if I'd told that story before on here I don't know but what I would say is

I've done those bait trips before and they're never quite as good as you think they're going to be I remember going to Faleraki with my mates and this guy goes, we've got the boat trip for some sexy bastards like you we're going to have beers, we're going to have watermelon we're going to have yellow melon, red melon we're going to have food, We're going to have watermelon. We're going to have yellow melon, red melon.

We're going to have food. We're going to have booze. And there's some girls that are coming on the boat that are just dying to meet some sexy guys like you. You're going to have great time. Anyway, six blokes went out

on a bite on their own. Came back two hours later. It's so bleak, isn't it? Having eaten some melon. So that was good. The worst bit, the ship, the guy,

the captain of the ship spent ages to talking about his family and, you know, various members of his family who looked like they might not see out the month,

which was quite a bleak thing when you're sort of like, like 25 miles off the coast. I mean, he's quite sweet and he brought like loads of fucking, he brought like really random fucking he brought like really random fucking vegetables

like he was going to make a salad but then he couldn't quite have the kitchen there. So it was just like the whole thing was just insane.

The number of times I've been on a thing like when I've been away or whatever and somebody said I've got food and then they bring out a carrier bag

full of salad items. I think a salad, like salad items are just, when you see them, I just, my heart sinks. That's 25 minutes, half an hour for something that just tastes.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. That's 25 minutes wait for something that's much worse than anything else I've ever eaten. Cause a hundred percent, there won't be a fucking bottle of dressing in there. Yeah.

But in the end, actually looking back, we should have eaten that instead of all the bags of crisps that we ate because that just made us more dehydrated. Right, well, listen, that is us for this episode of The Wolf for now. Never got to telling you about why it is. I think we started at the very beginning about my two-pronged thing and then we never got back to it.

Well, maybe we could do another. We could do a pick-up episode. Yeah, let's do that. Tom? Yeah. I mean, you're saying that, Tom, knowing that we're going to record a pick-up episode. Yeah, but I wanted to be that way.

You're trying to make it out like it's a spontaneous meta thing. Anyway, go on. Tom, take us out. It was Ronan Keating, wasn't it, who turned around and said life is like a roller coaster because of its ups and its downs, and sometimes it's quick and sometimes it's slow, and sometimes you're just trying to keep up

and hope that you don't fall off. But the truth of the matter is life can be like any fairground or theme park ride. It could be a little bit like the bubble works at chettington sometimes the waters are right wavy and you're getting flooded and sprayed upon it could even be like the vampire which is also a roller coaster but i can't think of many other ones apart from that ship thing that goes up and down and it's quite continuous and mundane and boring but you still get freaked out but i think of all the rides that you can go on i think try and make it like

the monorail that just goes around because if you're good and you can get on the monorail and you can go around the theme park the thing that you notice more than anything while you're slowly carouseling around is other people enjoying themselves other people having a good time and you know what sometimes that's the most rewarding thing of all is looking down is other people enjoying themselves. Other people having a good time. And you know what? Sometimes that's the most rewarding thing of all is looking down at a smiling family who've just got off a rollercoaster and thinking

they look like they've had a great time. But step on the monorail and watch others enjoy their days. I've said the same thing three times. You get where I'm coming from. Take a second. Look for those smiles.

That was really lovely. Thank you. That was really nice. Okay, well, listen, I'm going to choose a song that will no doubt cause offence. We're going with an artist I love called Amine and this song's called Yellow. JT, take us out. See you next time, guys.

Boom. I was down. Yeah. Now I'm better. Stunting with my dogs like my first name Cruella. Black girls love me cause a nigga got some fetter. And white girls love me like my first name Coachella I'm a kick drum, I go pretty dumb

Westside nigga, 503 is where I'm from Lookin' at my face, you could tell I know my place You say amen, I say amine right after I say my grace I want a flex If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.

Thank you.