Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 37: Bad Breath Paranoia & Donut Doubts

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

We’re talking… Sunday mornings, moody audience members, ghosting rock stars, the fall-out from Tom’s cheesecake controversy, non-hibernating squirrels, lazy bears, smelly trailers, messy burrito...s and some extremely unwanted toothpaste. Then, after Rom tells us all about his awkward donut gifts, we answer questions on strange co-incidences and the viability of genetically traced dog-poo fines. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: HELLO@KEEPITLIGHTMEDIA.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:32 Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans?
Starting point is 00:00:50 Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler
Starting point is 00:01:18 That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing Hey, hey, hey hey hey hey welcome to the wall for now boom uh yeah coming well yeah you are wearing that arsenal arsenal shirt absolutely prior to that aren't you actually first of all yes i am i was very excited about the Arsenal Bournemouth result which is a thing I'd never say I thought I'd say out loud but I am but this is coincidence
Starting point is 00:02:12 every Sunday morning when we do the podcast I literally get out of bed throw some shit I mean I've not done anything so far I mean as much as I could do to get into this garage what time are you getting up at the moment like on a sunday well i i got to bed late last night because i had a cup of course he did no there's not party wrong it wasn't party wrong it was uh a couple of gigs i did two gigs
Starting point is 00:02:37 in brighton trying out new the new stuff and then i uh stayed watching Dave you know Dave not the channel oh mate yeah yeah it's amazing yeah yeah it's good it's a good show I just kept going oh watch one more
Starting point is 00:02:51 watch one more yeah yeah it's a beautiful thing when you get like that before I knew it it was 9pm you know how it goes no I got to a bit of bed
Starting point is 00:02:58 I started watching that Dublin Narcos war and fell asleep I was so fucking tired yesterday Dublin Narcos yeah it's so good is was so fucking tired yesterday. Dublin Narcos? Yeah, it's so good. Is it?
Starting point is 00:03:07 On Sky. It's a banging piece of stuff. It's like for the people who miss Liverpool Narcos. I've got a question for you. Hit me. Where are you? I am at the moment in my wife's sort of office stroke. Okay, and has she got some incriminating stuff up there?
Starting point is 00:03:23 For some reason, you've got the background blurred. Why is that? Because we've got a window here that people sometimes walk past, which is a bit creepy. And you're incriminating. Yeah, these are nude pictures of me, a muse, in the background. I've blurred it just because, yeah, I feel a bit weird being in this room. I'll tell you yeah I feel a bit weird being in this room
Starting point is 00:03:45 she said I'll tell you what I feel a bit weird I find it a bit weird talking to somebody who can't normally even get the sound sorted for the podcast
Starting point is 00:03:53 has now managed to blur the background has put that amount of forethought into it I've always wanted to blur the background I'll be honest I assumed you'd done it
Starting point is 00:04:01 by accident there's no way that this is by design that this guy's done that no no no I kind of like it actually I kind of like the vibe you've got that cool accident. There's no way that this is by design that this guy's done that. No, no, no. I kind of like it, actually. I kind of like the vibe. You've got that cool backdrop to yours.
Starting point is 00:04:09 I don't think this is cool. Every time, not every time, but a couple of times you post it up, it's like Tom's keeping it real. Romesh is like a little sellout in his studio. You know what you could do? It'd be really cool to spray paint the back of it with a motif or something. That's a great idea. Get the boys in, Charlie, Tio.
Starting point is 00:04:26 Get them in. What's happening someone there no i was just looking around thinking how how would do this up is it warm in that room no it's freezing cold although i've got like a little heater that you know one of them like little bar heaters it costs 35 quid a minute yeah yeah yeah a couple of times i've walked in the next time you've already been called out about being, like, showing off, and now you're saying that you've got a bar heater. People will be criticising you for that. Sorry, a bar heater is one of the most ghetto fucking heaters you can get. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:04:53 The swaggy life you're leading. Yeah, mate. Got myself a bar heater, boy. £35 a minute this thing costs to run. I'm living that good life. You've really managed to fucking 180 that that from the spirit in which it was intended uh how were the gigs good yeah i did uh lindfield lindfield is in where the race was no that's lingfield i went to lfield, which is near Hayward Heath.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Oh, nice. And opened there and then went and closed the Forge Comedy Club in Brighton. The Forge, Stephen Grant's club? Yeah. In fact, Lindfield's Stephen Grant's club as well. Oh, wow. Both Stephen Grant's.
Starting point is 00:05:38 I was distracted at the second gig by somebody. Like, you know when you're on stage, you can sort of see the people and wait it depends on the gig sometimes you can't see anyone but this particular gig i could sort of see people there was a bloke in the front row who looked so much like tyson fury i couldn't believe it wow really like so much like tyson fury and then i was i i almost i almost said something, but then I'd watched the middle act and Stephen and nobody did references.
Starting point is 00:06:10 And I thought to myself, if that was Tyson Fury, I think that would have come up in conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless like really early on before I got there, somebody went, you Tyson Fury. And you just went, don't fucking, I don't want it mentioned. Why am I doing Johnny Vegas? How do you do Tyson?
Starting point is 00:06:25 I can't get into Tyson Fury. I'm trying to think of his voice. Let me. I'll, I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm not even going to. If I listen to it, I'll be able to. He's one of the people.
Starting point is 00:06:36 If you mention. No, I can't do it. Why can't I do it? Because you're putting too much croak on it. You're making him sound like Johnny Vegas. I'm not Tyson Fury. I need an entry. I need an entry word to get me into Tyson Fury. But um, you know what you're saying about I, I did some gigs in Bambury last week, and amazing crowd, incredible people. By the way, I was absolutely blown away by a whole front
Starting point is 00:07:02 row who were wearing Wolf and and owl merch it literally just knocked me a little bit crazy because this podcast has really carried your tour isn't it but there was one woman in the crowd who was having a thoroughly miserable time for all of it like her husband like he was having the time it was quite clear he'd gone let's go and watch some days and she'd gone oh for sake i want i want to watch called the midwife and she was literally she looked like it was so off-putting she looked like she was having the worst time of her life well it's this thing of like when when i when you see the comedy class people just go when you go on tour everyone's there to see you it's just a fallacy no no no no you know the idea is the idea that if a couple come to see you that both of
Starting point is 00:07:46 them are equally as excited to come and watch you it's or if a group of friends come everybody there's always going to be one that's like but how do people get next because like for example if i turn around to catherine and said i'm going to go we're going to go and watch this thing right and she didn't like it there's no way in the world number one Catherine would go there's a good probability I wouldn't be able to go either um but Catherine would just go you go and watch it with your mates I'm not I don't I don't like that thing or I don't like that person and vice versa if Catherine turned around to me and said oh I want to go and see this I'll go well yeah take take Emma or Lorna one of your pals go go and do you know what i mean i don't know so i don't
Starting point is 00:08:30 get why people i get date night and i get it's nice to go out together but it's not much fun for the person who doesn't like that thing to go along to yeah it's not always like that sometimes somebody's like i don't really know their style i don't really keen and they go come on see what you think and then they go and then they realize what they thought was correct this woman looked like she i've i like i'd argue i've never seen anyone have a worse time at anything like she just sat staring but staring in like the rest of the people seem to be enjoying themselves i was like this, this person seems like and it is absolutely and it's an insane thing. And we've talked about it on here before. But I wish I could get over it. But the rest of the fucking room are enjoying themselves. All I could focus on is, you know,
Starting point is 00:09:15 how do I make this one person enjoy? No, no, no, but that's that's a mistake. That's Yeah. First of all, it's it's comedians curse. If you're having a great gig you will always see the person having a terrible time and the mistake you make is one i mean i i've you know i've made the mistake in the past of referencing it that's dreadful like if somebody wants if somebody's not having a good time they're not having a good time what can you do about it the other thing is is with comedy if somebody's decided they don't find you funny, you're done.
Starting point is 00:09:46 You know what I mean? It's like, you know, what are you going to do? Unless you suddenly fucking change tack completely and pull a prop out your ass. You know, like, you can only do what you do. Do you know what I mean? Just carrot top it. Yeah, it's like, you know, if somebody goes to see Coldplay
Starting point is 00:10:00 and they see somebody not having a nice time, they're not going to go, should we bang out a drill number just to see if we can get this one you've never seen cold play live no but i did go to watch jay-z at the royal albert hall and for some reason him and chris martin were mates at that time and then they still make their mates now i can't imagine anyone falling out of chris martin he's so dry yeah but you might i can't imagine falling out out of Chris Martin, but I can imagine stop texting him after a while. I can imagine ghosting him. I can imagine swerving Chris Martin enough that you turn up at an awards ceremony
Starting point is 00:10:31 and someone goes, Chris Martin. Chris Martin's the sort of guy that would text you going, that was a really wholesome night last night. Thank you so much. You just go, fuck off, Chris. Chris Martin, I've seen, actually I watched Coldplay back in in their heyday
Starting point is 00:10:47 when they were underground you went and watched Coldplay you fucking you absolute cool little fish when they were
Starting point is 00:10:56 underground yeah when they were on their way up when they were really dirty yeah I watched Coldplay when they were a bit fucking edgy
Starting point is 00:11:02 do you know what I mean yeah it was all back then with Coldplay it was all sort of very much garage small gigs above pubs and when they're a bit fucking edgy. Yeah, back then with Coldplay, it was all sort of very much garage, small gigs above pubs. They didn't even do choruses back then. It was just one guitar, a drum, and then a verse the whole way through. Nine minutes.
Starting point is 00:11:17 I was there when Martin luts the bottle of lager at someone for talking through yellow. That is a song, though, whenever that comes on, I can't help but listen to it. Yeah, same. I'm never switching the radio off yellow. There's a part of me that likes that vibe. But also, I'd say that if you were to quantum leap
Starting point is 00:11:40 into any situation, I reckon one of the worst places to quantum leap would be onto the cold play tour bus oh mate oh boy yeah it's just a lot of just a lot of hydration and vegan snacks i imagine oh look we've got a playstation now we're just all having a nap mate we're all having a little sleep we're meditating and they've got the new fifa yeah yeah they've got all the nice stuff but we're not using anything because we're trying to keep it real i find is he still married to gwyneth paltrow no my god did you like i feel like i feel like with two people talking about someone from school that I'm not friends with on Facebook anymore.
Starting point is 00:12:29 I don't want to be the person to break it to you that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow split up. I don't want to see... It's the saddest part. The saddest part... Just go inside. Lisa's like, how was the Wolfenau today? Yeah, it was all right. It's a really sad moment when I have to break it to Tom.
Starting point is 00:12:42 Chris and Gwyneth had split up. But how did that not work out they felt like they were perfect together I've never seen a couple that I was like
Starting point is 00:12:50 oh yeah that's that feels as perfect as a couple could be okay I mean it's another example of you saying something without any kind of
Starting point is 00:12:56 supporting evidence or anything like that why do you think that they were why do you think they were particularly suited to each other because they just felt
Starting point is 00:13:02 both felt quite worthy and boring and I thought vanilla goes with vanilla doesn't it yeah it's like a white chocolate i mean we'll yeah i'm probably going to stay out of any dessert controversy at the moment you really really what so that dessert controversy i don't know if we need to do a people listen to this all the time so we don't need to we don't need to do a last week's episode but what i would say is first of all cheesecake for you to declare cheesecake as up itself has proved to be very divisive yeah the other thing that you kind of shot yourself in the foot on was calling out baked alaska as a humble dessert that's really that's really fucked
Starting point is 00:13:42 you over i didn't know but i think baked, but I think Baked Alaska is... Look, I think Cheesecake's Chris Martin, and I think that Baked Alaska is like a forgotten gem of a singer. Like the guy who sang the theme tune from Princess Bride, Willie something, his name is. All my love, I'll tell you a tale. It's a beautiful song. No one ever talks about him he's like yeah yeah you're like sting as well yeah you're about to say sting actually if i was sting
Starting point is 00:14:12 i'd seriously want to i know he's all into meditation and yoga and shit he feels like he feels like chris martin's basically doubled down and trying to be sting if i was stinging i saw chris martin i go we're fucking having this mate meditation aside you're getting a dry slap son i tell you I tell you what Sting likes an unlikely collaboration I mean just recently I was like
Starting point is 00:14:29 just recently I was on Spotify but other streaming platforms are available he did that song with Craig David didn't he yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:14:37 that uh and then he did an album with Shaggy didn't he yeah he did yeah what the fuck's going on also it's like sting i feel for there
Starting point is 00:14:48 because yeah he just feels like also sting feels like his nickname's not really he's not sting anymore is he yeah just sting phoning up his management going um guys just a quick one have you heard mr bombastic yeah yes thing Yeah. Yes, Sting, we have. Why? I think that guy's an exciting new sound. I'd like to do something with him. I've just gone down a rabbit hole where I've just been listening to It Wasn't Me for seven hours.
Starting point is 00:15:15 Any chance we can get this guy for a collab? Yeah. Yeah, look, I'll say the same thing to you that I said when you said you wanted to cover O'Carolina, Sting. I don't know how good an idea it is. What's his real name? Ian or Kevin or something? Shaggy?
Starting point is 00:15:30 No, no, no. Sting. Sting. I don't know, actually. Shall we look it up? Yeah, I'm sure. We should have looked up that squirrels don't hibernate. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:38 That's another thing I've been getting a lot of. Oh, no, actually. Look, cheesecake-wise, that's diversive. Squirrel-wise, I love Julia Donaldson and all her work, and I think she's an incredible author, and I love, obviously, the animation of the Gruffalo, but if a kid flunked his GCSEs because he took that as... They shouldn't be able to put that stuff in cartoons.
Starting point is 00:15:59 Yeah, but what I would say to you on that, Tom, is at no point in the Gruffalo do they suggest that squirrels hibernate. But what I would say to you on that, Tom, is at no point in the Gruffalo do they suggest that squirrels hibernate. I don't think Julia Donaldson could be blamed for your misinterpretation of her work. Yeah, but in my head, it's all so confusing. Why is it confusing?
Starting point is 00:16:19 Because I've literally, probably I reckon, since I've known about squirrels, I've thought they hibernated. When do you think you first knew about squirrels, Tom? I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when a young Tom Davis discovered squirrels. I reckon probably about six or seven. Oh, look at that, mummy. What is that weird animal?
Starting point is 00:16:35 It looks like a mouse, but it's got a flourishing tail. Forsooth. I don't believe I've ever gazed on such a creature as amazing and glorious and proud as this one, mummy. Oh, shut up, Tom. As other kids are watching. Just enjoy it while it's here, because it hibernates. It hibernates? I'll take that as gospel, then.
Starting point is 00:16:57 No, I swear that I've always thought that they hibernate. So, look, that, you know, obviously we're very blessed to have a lot of educated people have and now I look down and think my idiocy I don't I haven't got a pass that on to grace now I can turn around about a squirrel goes a squirrel by the way get don't get too excited about it because
Starting point is 00:17:18 you they'll be 12 months in the year they're around they don't hibernate they're always out also by the way dad do you think i'm the sort of idiot that thinks squirrels hibernate yeah but like bears and other things do so i always think yeah they do yeah yeah you're right they do so if bears do squirrels muster the logic holds up there no you're right no but the respect i have for animals right who don't hibernate is so like it there's nothing in the world that compares to that like what are you talking about what what the hell are you talking about like when it gets cold right there's nothing else that compares to your respect
Starting point is 00:17:55 for animals that don't hibernate now even we finally got to the point where even you must realize how fucking insane you sound no No, what I'm saying... Finally, I was... Do you listen to last week's Wolf and Al? Why is that? Tom finally became self-aware. For the first time ever, he smelt the old... He smelt... He actually could smell the shit that was coming out of him.
Starting point is 00:18:18 No, the respect I have for them is fucking unfounded, mate. What are you talking about? You don't hibernate. No, no, I don't hibernate because I've got a nice, warm house. I do sort of hibernate. I'm not out as much when it's cold. Like, dogs, cats, fucking pets,
Starting point is 00:18:32 they've got no reason, goldfish, they've got no reason to hibernate, right? But when you get a beautiful fucking animal that's, like, out there grafting it, even in the cold, you literally, it's like, you want to go fucking salute to you, mate. There's awards for, like, if Mother Nature's like, you want to go and fucking salute to you, mate. There's awards for, like, if
Starting point is 00:18:45 Mother Nature's handing out awards for being decent and fucking thoroughbred, you should be getting one. I'd love to be out on some wilderness trail with you that we end up getting eaten because you had to get up close and salute a fucking bear. Bears hibernate, though, so. I know. If I saw a bear in the summer.
Starting point is 00:19:01 You wouldn't salute a bear. No, if I'd be like, fucking all right, mate. Don't give it all the big one. But as soon as it gets a bit cold, you're fucking nuzzling down. We don't see you for three, four months. Like, bears for me is just fucking full of shit. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:19:14 What are you doing? Do you know what you've become like? A shop jock. You're like a fucking talk sport presenter. You don't even believe anything you're saying anymore. No, bears, I do. Just trying to get a reaction on Instagram. Cheesecakes up itself.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Bears are full of shit. What the fuck are you talking about? You look at bears. Do you not look at bears and think, right, everyone's terrified of them. But as soon as it gets a bit cold, they're like, oh, we better get inside so we can hibernate. I'm like, I don't respect that at all. Polar bears, fair enough. Polar bears, fair enough. I'll hold my hands up. What do you mean, fair enough? No, I don't respect that at all. Polar bears, polar bears, fair enough. Polar bears,
Starting point is 00:19:45 fair enough. Our old man's up. What do you mean fair enough? No, because they're out all the time. Fair enough what? No, fair enough what?
Starting point is 00:19:51 What do you mean fair enough? They're out in the cold all the time. What are bears doing that have got to be justified? You're acting like bears constantly walk around the pub fucking giving it the large. They do,
Starting point is 00:20:00 essentially. Mate, if you go to Forrest, the main thing they turn around to you and go is like, right, be careful of bears, like running zigzags. main thing they turn around to you and go is like right be careful of bears like running zigzags
Starting point is 00:20:07 yeah but they're not going to go and like they're not going to come up to you and say something about your mum or whatever it's just they're dangerous
Starting point is 00:20:12 you're in their habitat yeah exactly yeah I don't understand if a bear came to your also it's not their habitat it was
Starting point is 00:20:19 it was fucking made so we could all just enjoy life and enjoy the world and mother nature okay okay now now you've gone full fucking Piers Morgan. I don't know. Like, you know,
Starting point is 00:20:30 this podcast is supposed to be a real conversation. It's not being real. I think like bears... What do you mean you're being real? No, bears. I look at bears and I find them slightly frustrating. I do seriously.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Like, look at them. You've expressed four completely different opinions about bears in the last two minutes. And I stand by seriously look at them. You've expressed four completely different opinions about bears in the last two minutes. And I stand by all four of them. Bears,
Starting point is 00:20:51 I have more respect for lions. Massive respect for lions. Tigers. Yeah, because nobody ever says
Starting point is 00:20:59 watch out for lions. You're right. No, but lions also don't hibernate and fucking... So what? So what? So what?
Starting point is 00:21:07 Why has somebody who fucking loves sleep as much as you do got such an issue with animal sleeping? It's not about them sleeping. Have a night off. Have a couple of days
Starting point is 00:21:16 where you've had a bit of a... You've had a couple of nights, big nights, and then just like, you know, like you do, then just... But like, fucking three months, mate. Come on.
Starting point is 00:21:23 I bet you were just sat there furious at that John Lewis advert that poor rabbit had to go get him an alarm clock because a lazy bastard can't
Starting point is 00:21:32 but get up for Christmas just angry little things annoy me like that bears are one of them I mean don't get me wrong actually make lovely cuddly toys so
Starting point is 00:21:47 we all have the power to shape the world we're connected to the world we share to each other I am future I wait in the world of Echo discover the extraordinary with echo the spectacular new show by cirque du soleil opens may 8th under the big top at toronto lakeshore boulevard west tickets at cirque du soleil.com the world is yours to create echo
Starting point is 00:22:19 thanks it's presenting partners sun life and its official partners air canada and mastercard Thanks for watching. all-wheel drive with tech pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill, speed, sweat sweat unless we're talking kudos new phone internet and streaming bundle with the happy stack you can sit back and stack up the savings on kudo internet a sweet phone plan netflix disney plus and amazon prime all starting at just 99 a month stack more spend less the happy Happy Stack, only at CUDO. Conditions apply. I wonder what it is about bears that made that the go-to cuddly toy.
Starting point is 00:23:35 It is insane, isn't it? Also, there's a cartoon called Norman Pickles Stripe. He's a green bear. He's a son of Mother Nature. That's why a good guy. Hold on, I mean, look, hold on. What are you talking about? Norman is a little up. It's a it's an animation that we have on in my house at the moment between that and padding
Starting point is 00:23:53 in both bears. Norman picture straight. Norman pickle stripes. Yeah, that's a green striped bear. Is it live action? Stop motion? No stop. No. Yeah it live action stop motion no stop uh no yeah like a stop motion kind of vibe i can't believe lovely bit of oh okay i don't know i've had to look it up it's just oh god that's not a fucking bear that looks hideous the green one what the fuck
Starting point is 00:24:18 is that is that supposed to be a bear the green thing yeah yeah but he actually sings and he's he's a handyman he's actually really What's the point in making it a bear if you don't take anything nice about a bear and put it into the actual character? Yeah, but bear-wise, there's some big bears fucking knocking about on kids' animations. So you've got to be, you know, Paddington, Rupert. That non-pickle stripes looks horrific.
Starting point is 00:24:42 It's, yeah. I mean, I quite enjoy it. No, I'm not saying it's a bad show, I mean I quite enjoy it it's no I'm not saying it's a bad show but I just don't like it's the music and it's beautiful I had a
Starting point is 00:24:50 I had a nice well it's nice strange so this week I was doing some filming this week and
Starting point is 00:24:57 are you allowed to say what you're filming yeah we're filming I think I think we're filming Wonka but
Starting point is 00:25:05 um i think i'm allowed to say that uh can i ask you an honest question right because like now you've been in a few films yeah okay and successful films you've been in the the best reviewed film of all time paddington 2 all right and you're on that like you you could it's i think it's a viable thing to say i don't want to you know i know that you, it's, I think it's a viable thing to say. I don't want to, you know, I know that you wouldn't ever say this, but it's a viable thing to say that you could have a film career now.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Right. So genuinely, if you end up becoming like the go-to guy for those sort of comedy characters in films, yeah. Do you, will we still do this podcast? Yeah. There's nothing apart from death
Starting point is 00:25:45 that would stop me doing this podcast and even then i'll try and find a way i love this podcast death either death or katherine's put your microphone somewhere either of those two things uh anyway sorry you're filming wonka so film filming Wonka, number one, I was looked after. The trailer was incredible. I was also in the trailer for quite a long time. It was a long day. And I had a big breakfast. And, you know, like, I got very relaxed.
Starting point is 00:26:16 I was letting some big farts go. And then the head of facilities came in. And I could see his face strain when he smelt the thing. And he started telling me that the trailer was going to be used. He was like, you know, this was sort of like eight o'clock that night. He's like, I need to get this thing cleaned and cleaned up because Kate Winslet's going to be in it tomorrow. I was like, we finished that night at 10pm and she was starting. What time did you arrive?
Starting point is 00:26:47 We arrived early. It was a long day. So let's say for the purposes of... Let's say 12 hours. Okay, 12 hours. So that's 12 hours of farts that you've released into that trailer. And then let me just say, also let me just... So I had a burrito.
Starting point is 00:27:01 I love burritos. I've actually got, after criticising you, I've got a bit of. I love burritos. I've actually got, after criticising you, I've got a bit of an issue with burritos. Yeah, so I had this incredible burrito, but the bottom, what, four, three inches of a burrito, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:18 The water and debris coming from the bottom of it when you sit and try to eat it, it's so fucking hot. I would love to see someone go on a juggins den with like a burrito pocket that they you put in the bottom of it and then you put the foil around it something to stop that that horrible because the burritos well i wonder if they should just they should just put like a another little like like a tortilla johnny just on the bottom that's exactly what they should do yeah and they're like
Starting point is 00:27:43 you sell them for like 2, 3p, but every burrito vendor in the whole world buys them. Yeah. You know, honestly. Maybe, you know, I was going so far as to say that maybe you shouldn't have
Starting point is 00:27:54 announced that on this podcast. What? That might be your post-it. That'd be the thing that I invent. Yeah. Then that would be, yeah, that could be the thing that launches, yeah,
Starting point is 00:28:04 I can just kick back a little bit. Here's my thing, right? When I had my first ever burrito, I was absolutely blown away, right? How old were you? Absolutely blown away. It wasn't that long ago, I'd say. I don't know. When did burritos come into circulation?
Starting point is 00:28:19 2017, 2018, probably. Yeah. But I would describe myself as an early adult. I remember you, you used to rave about them online quite a lot, you used to sort of do pictures of you at that one in Victoria and stuff. I was a member of a forum for a while. But actually, do you know what? You joke about that.
Starting point is 00:28:35 I did used to talk about burritos quite a lot when I first... Yeah, I remember, yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I first had them, I was blown away. I just think this is incredible, right? And I don't know whether it's because I've got used to burritos or because the standards dropped. But now I would describe the last 15 burritos I've had as underwhelming. Really? I mean, like, I don't know what it is, man.
Starting point is 00:29:00 I don't know if they've like cheapened out on the ingredients. Somebody said to me that Chipotle is now owned by McDonald's. I don't know if this is true.. I don't know if they've like cheapened out on the ingredients. Somebody said to me that Chipotle is now owned by McDonald's. I don't know if this is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, I think the only time you can get... Oh, having said that though, if you go to like an independent place, like when you get
Starting point is 00:29:17 to a good one, oh my God, like a well done burrito is incredible. So when they're wrapped, the one I had the other day was wrapped beautifully, everything in it was delicious. It was just literally that last, you know, six, seven bites that are just, you're sort of eating it cut and you're sort of like that. Also, eating the very end of a burrito is quite tricky because you can't keep going down.
Starting point is 00:29:40 You're going to bite your own hand like a fucking aggy horse. So you've got to go you've got to go sideways and that then you compromise the structural integrity of the the bottom end of the brain yeah and then how many times are you eating rice and beans all over the show have you got foil in your mouth that's the worst bit yeah i would say i wouldn't you know like how people would say i don't want i don't want, regardless of how close to somebody I've got, I wouldn't want to see them, them see me taking a shit.
Starting point is 00:30:09 I feel the same way about somebody seeing me at the very end of a burrito. I would like to go, if I've got to the end of the burrito, I'm going to go somewhere else to do this. Yeah. Yeah. Like having a cigarette. You just go out.
Starting point is 00:30:21 I've got to the last inch of this burrito. I'm just going to step outside for a moment. If you squash it up as much as you can and just stuff it in your mouth, it's nice. Yeah, but then you've sort of like, you know, you've got your mouth. It's disgusting, isn't it? So burrito-wise, right, I'd had this burrito in this, which was quite a pungent sort of spicy burrito, right?
Starting point is 00:30:42 I had a burrito. So you'd been farting for a while and you thought, how do I make this worse? And have the spiciest burrito you've got, please. Because I want to render this trailer completely unusable forever. No, but when he came in and said of all the people, Kate Winslet was going to have it the next day.
Starting point is 00:31:01 That's when, in my head, all I keep thinking about is I walk into that trailer and thinking, oh Christ, I can't see it. The worst thing is the people cleaning it are going to get slightly used to the smell, so they'll go nose blind, and they'll think they've dealt with it. And they go, finally, we've worked
Starting point is 00:31:18 right the way through the night, but we've managed to get this usable for Kate Winslet. Kate Winslet walks in, what the fuck has happened in here? I was spraying deodorant throughout the day as well, to try and get rid of the smell, but even the deodorant was given up. This is maybe the worst bit of the whole day for me.
Starting point is 00:31:37 So I do the first tiny bit of filming that we're doing. I then go back to my trailer, and there's a knock on my trailer door, and someone brings me some toothpaste and a toothbrush. Oh my God. You're joking. Ron, I genuinely, I took it. I wanted to cry.
Starting point is 00:31:55 I'm like, what the fuck? Why have they given me it? Like all I could think of, like so many things going through my, like I'd run on my co-stars to a man and gone, oh my God, his breath stinks. And then like. When was this in the day? When was this in the day when was this in the day sorry have you been filming yeah like this i'd literally gone and done some filming and then i'd get back to the train i sit there i put my mac like just to sit and watch something chilling i feel quite happy with myself there's a knock i answer and then someone's like oh we've got you this and i was like oh thank you cool thank you that's really kind of you and um close the door i stood there for at least five minutes
Starting point is 00:32:30 just looking at the toothbrush and the toothpaste thinking why i didn't ask for this like then my head i know what your head's like it's the same all i could think of is as i walked away thinking i smashed that that smashed those shots, someone in a certain manner went... Well, first of all, our brains are not the same. Our brains are not the same. If you walked away from a thing and I smashed those shots, I've never had that experience in my fucking life.
Starting point is 00:32:55 No, but you walk away thinking, all right, that's an adequate enough job. I've done an all right job, yeah, fine. And then the thought that someone's had to walk up to a runner and go, look, Tom Davies' breath stinks today. Can you get some to... Because they'd gone to a co-op and got it. It was...
Starting point is 00:33:12 I mean, listen, I'm not going to lie to you, Tom. That would put me in a dark place. I couldn't relax. Well, I obviously relaxed enough to double... You relaxed enough to ruin the trailer permanently. No, but then I'm thinking if... So I'm walking back on set and going, if you think his breath
Starting point is 00:33:31 stinks, you should go and smell his trailer. Genuinely, I'm like sitting there thinking... So every time I went out on set after that, I brushed my teeth. I was brushing them so sort of like... You didn't brush your teeth in front of people, did you? No, no that, I brushed my teeth. I was like brushing them so sort of like... You didn't brush your teeth in front of people, did you?
Starting point is 00:33:48 No, no, but I brushed my teeth and then I was constantly asking people for chewing gums. And when I was talking to people for the rest of the day, aside when I'm in the scene, it was like that. Chad and I are like,
Starting point is 00:33:59 oh, yeah, that's a good point. Oh, mate, I've done that. The hand on the mouth. Yeah. The hand on the mouth. For a number of reasons. Like this. Oh, yes. Two hands on the mouth. Oh, no, that's a The hand on the mouth. Yeah. Awful. The hand on the mouth. For a number of reasons. Like this. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:34:05 Two hands on the mouth. Oh, no, that's a really good point, actually. I like, yeah. Yeah. It's insane. I've no reason, no idea why they did that. Do you know what I think they should do? Like, you know when you bump into certain people,
Starting point is 00:34:18 you've met more famous people than me, probably, but, like, certain people just smell absolutely incredible, don't they? They just, as soon as you're in their presence, they smell amazing. Yeah. I wonder if they should do, you know, because breath only ever really gets minty, right? That's the flavour of choice for like freshening breath.
Starting point is 00:34:36 I think they should do breath fragrances. Do you know what I mean? Actually, to shout out the gentle dentist, she gave me this stuff because before I do a gig and sometimes before I'm acting my anxiety really plays up I get really really anxious and I get a really dry mouth
Starting point is 00:34:53 and even if I drink I get nothing from it so she's given me this spray which is incredible you literally spray it in your mouth and it hydrates your mouth what is it Aventus? what is it Aventus? Huh? What is it, Aventus or something?
Starting point is 00:35:07 No, I don't know what it's called. It's like, yeah, I'll have to look. But yeah, shout out. That's actually helped my life. Yeah, shout out Sprays. Thanks, Tom. Thanks for giving that little company a boost. So guys, if you just Google Sprays,
Starting point is 00:35:21 that should be a fun product that Tom's talking about. I'll Instagram a picture of the bottle, he'll happily give you the exact name of some fucking weird drink. He had on a golf course that you'll have no use for, but an actual breast spray. He's not bothered to remember it. There's not paid me. Um,
Starting point is 00:35:39 Oh yeah. Good point. Uh, it's yeah, I'm still quaking him. I'm still worried about that being I'm still worried about
Starting point is 00:35:46 someone making that joke that oh you know Tom Davis's breath was the worst thing on set
Starting point is 00:35:51 it's like have you ever been in that situation where my breath stinks yeah no no
Starting point is 00:35:57 or that you I don't think my breath I was I licked the back of my hand and smelt it
Starting point is 00:36:02 and that didn't I couldn't smell anything yeah but you're in you're in a trailer full of your own farts.
Starting point is 00:36:09 How can you trust anything that you sent? How can you trust anything that you sent? You know that thing where you just start thinking, is this just it now? Have I turned that corner and I'm just a smelly guy? Just sort of sitting in a trailer of your own farts, licking the back of your hand while struggling with the end of a burrito. That's you on a movie, by the way. That's you on a film.
Starting point is 00:36:30 I guarantee Brad Pitt has never been in that situation. No. Brad Pitt's probably never farted. No, he does fart. He's probably found a way to just reabsorb the gas. No, I guarantee Brad Pitt, if you're out with him and you've had a cut of lagers, he'd be out to get work. Imagine how you'd feel the first time you saw Brad Pitt cook.
Starting point is 00:36:47 And then it would still look hot, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah, of course it would. And you'd probably be able to see that thing where he just puts that premise in his face. Yeah, he would do it in such a cool, sexy way. Yeah. It would make you want to start farting more. You know when you see somebody do something and you think, oh.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Him and Leo just having a farting competition yeah he's going oh my god that's so cool that is so cool and then you and
Starting point is 00:37:11 I one of you or I fart and it's just fucking tumbleweed that's disgusting that is disgusting you foul pig get out the
Starting point is 00:37:20 trailer get out the communal trailer go back to your own trailer and here's a toothbrush. Okay, would you like to do some emails, Tom? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Sorry, did I interrupt? I never know when to say, should we do some memes? I mean, I know it's about... People have not heard much about your sweet week. I'm worried that... I'll tell you what I did the other day. I'll just say this story very quickly is um i don't know if anyone's talked about this bit of social etiquette but i went into the radio 2 show for the love of hip-hop enjoy and and the team are i'm not just saying this they are amazing
Starting point is 00:37:59 right the the production team on that show i'm going to show them actually carl rafe jardell the production team on that show i'm going to show them actually carl rafe jardell all three of them amazing i love them right so anyway the last show i thought you know what i'm going to go i'm going to pop into crosstown get him some donuts nice so i got a box of donuts turned up to the thing got one vegan one for myself as well do you know what i mean so i could join in the the fun and games uh turn up what we feel like you're aggressing a bit to a t i loved everything until you said and i got one to enjoy the fun again toast the donut everyone the old cross down obviously this is my vegan one no one touched the vegan one please yeah it was a bit like that anyway i turned up with the doughnuts. And this is the thing. I just sort of became, I don't know how to explain it.
Starting point is 00:38:49 You turn up with the doughnuts, and then I wanted to look really casual about having brought doughnuts. I just know what you're like. I know that you have one hand in your pocket, your rucksack sort of across your back shoulders, holding this box of donuts. Yeah. Oh, you all right?
Starting point is 00:39:06 Last show, so, oh, yeah. Just got some donuts. Don't touch the one with the green top, because that's vegan. But, you know, he sounds out, boys. He's exactly what I'm saying. Oh, I fucking love cross-counters, mate. And then I was like, I got more than one each, so, you know,
Starting point is 00:39:21 just take, you could. Have one there for your supper later if you want. No, take it home with you. Big donuts, big tasty donuts, mate. You're absolutely nailing it. That's exactly what I was like. Feet on the desk. Licking...
Starting point is 00:39:35 I know what you were doing as well, licking the ice in your fist. No, I didn't do that. But I'll tell you what I did do. This is really embarrassing. So about midway through i like donut break guys get a black coffee each and i had a bit of a sugar crash and so i went oh maybe the donuts were a mistake why did i say that i said maybe the donuts were set and they went no they
Starting point is 00:39:57 were great thank you thanks for the donuts that was really nice you know oh no i'm not saying it for that oh no just the thought of you walking past the box and there's like two half-eaten donuts and the rest have been touched why has he brought donuts it's the same thing today why would you bring down you're not even allowed to eat in the studio why would you bring donuts these are day olds as well look he's got these yeah it's a nice way um while we're shouting out while we're shouting out things by the way i watched jamie dimitri's yeah it's a nice anyway um while we're shouting out
Starting point is 00:40:26 while we're shouting out things by the way I watched Jamie Dimitri's new special on Netflix how good
Starting point is 00:40:31 amazing I want to shout out it's I love Jamie he's one of my good good friends love the guy
Starting point is 00:40:36 if you haven't watched it go and watch it it's an incredible piece yeah just staggering bit of work
Starting point is 00:40:43 shout out my guy love you Jay that's more than you said about my special no I of work shout out my guy love you Joe that's more than you said about my special no I did actually shout out your special no no he doesn't okay
Starting point is 00:40:53 no let's do it if Jamie was sitting where you are I would have probably been like oh obviously special is amazing
Starting point is 00:41:00 like go and listen to it it's really really oh I know what it'd be like if Jamie was here I think we should call it the wolf and the genius no no to it. It's really, really all right. Oh, I know what it'd be like if Jamie was here. I think we should call it The Wolf and the Genius. No. No, if it was me and Jamie,
Starting point is 00:41:09 it'd probably be like The Wolf and the Lion, I'd imagine. Okay. This is from The Octopus. Hi, Wolf, Al and Co. A couple of weeks ago, I was watching King Gary for the first time. Open brackets, good show, close brackets.
Starting point is 00:41:28 And I was wondering why Stuart had steri strips above his eye. A couple of weeks ago i watched king gary for the first time open brackets good show close brackets and i was wondering why stewart had stereo strips above his eye a couple of days later i listened to the new episode of wolf and al only to have you talk about when you injured your eye and decided to keep the stereo strip for king gary i found this really weird and coincidental and it was as it was a niche thing for me to notice if you to then talk about especially as king gary's been out for a few years not like it was the most recent episode to go out. That also happens to me when I think of a film or TV episode I haven't seen in a while and then shortly after it'll be showing on a mainstream TV channel. I don't think I can predict the future or anything weird, but it does creep me out.
Starting point is 00:41:54 Has this ever happened to you or is it just me? I want to say thanks for the advice you once gave me in a pod. Can't wait to see Ron perform in Portsmouth next February and Tom perform at the Victorious Festival. Are you doing Victorious Festival? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you say that? Octopus, Tom seems to be buzzing his tits off about that,
Starting point is 00:42:10 both of which I have tickets for, keep it up. No, but the way you said, are you doing Victorious Festival, is it's like I'd signed up to go to sort of fight in a war. Do you want a more generic example to throw out there? No, it's because we talked about festivals at length and not once did you mention you were doing Victoria's Festival. Yeah, but yeah, I'm getting paid what I'm getting paid. I'm pushing my tour, mate.
Starting point is 00:42:36 That's what I'm really pushing. So selling tickets. Oh, so you don't want... Oh, sorry, I forgot. No, no, no. It's great for people to come. Great, yeah. Enjoy Victoria's Festival.
Starting point is 00:42:44 But when it comes to the cash cow that is selling, you know, we've got to sell tickets. So I have to, yeah, they've got their own PR team, mate. I think,
Starting point is 00:42:51 uh, Serge is playing there and stuff. What a great booking you are. Not only, not only will he not shout out on his podcast but if
Starting point is 00:43:07 anybody does mention it he'll respond as if he's got a piece of dog shit in his mouth
Starting point is 00:43:11 same facial expression as the guy that came into his trailer when he was on Wonka
Starting point is 00:43:17 the other day no look I'm looking forward to Victoria's I love the people of
Starting point is 00:43:23 Portsmouth I think it's going to be amazing are you doing Portsmouth I think it's going to be amazing if I'm honest are you doing Portsmouth on the tour is this why
Starting point is 00:43:27 you're so upset not yet but it's one place I really want to do Portsmouth is a bank I love Portsmouth it's got a vibe to it so yeah
Starting point is 00:43:35 so hopefully enough people anyway let's address the Octopus's question now that he's upset you he's not upset me I'll literally have a pint with him after the festival
Starting point is 00:43:43 oh my god by the way Octopus if you think Tom's not upset me. I'll literally have a pint with him after the festival. Oh, my God. By the way, Octopus, if you think Tom's not going to get in his car and go home straight after his set, you're very much mistaken. I'll be lucky about it. I'm going to go and watch Kasabian, apparently, I think, isn't it? I love Kasabian.
Starting point is 00:43:59 Yeah, I'm pretty sure Kasabian, apparently. So, yeah, these trippy things in life often occur. I actually, quite a lot of the time, you know, how often now do you notice your phone listening to you? Like, you're talking about... Is that real? Mate, it has to be real. Like, to the point where the other day I was chatting to a pal
Starting point is 00:44:23 and I'd literally then get then get like a email from Amazon and we were talking about, uh, hit men for some reason. I can't remember why. And, um, and literally within about two hours,
Starting point is 00:44:36 I had like emails from Amazon about, uh, books that I should buy that I think, and they were all about hit men and sort of murder. Yeah. And then you sure you didn't look it up. Google. Cause I was wondering if you Googled something. No, that I should buy that I think and they were all about hitmen and sort of murder yeah and then you sure you didn't look it up because I was wondering
Starting point is 00:44:47 if you googled something no no no we were literally just chatting about it so and then there is that thing that I think subliminally
Starting point is 00:44:55 you have things that constantly like you're thinking about or like you know the King Gary thing there which to be fair
Starting point is 00:45:04 is a bit weird but that's just yeah the cycle of the weirdness of life sometimes. It is, I love stuff when it throws out and it's, yeah, is that coincidence or is there a higher power? Is that fate? Yeah, but I mean, okay, a couple of things. First of all, a lot of this is confirmation bias. It's like, you know, when you, um, What's confirmation bias? It's like when I actually actually i didn't even have confirmation
Starting point is 00:45:26 bias is the right term to use for this but like it's a bit like you know when you think something then you look for things to support that do you mean so so you know sometimes if you're looking to buy a car you'll suddenly start seeing everybody's driving that car have you seen the film uh with will smith when they do that no what is it called it's i can't remember now it's him and margot robbie and they're a pair of con artists and they're trying to get someone to bet on some fucking gambling numbers
Starting point is 00:45:52 and they keep on throwing the numbers at the person time and time again and at the end the whole twist of the film is Will Smith goes think about it for the last two days one number you've seen is seven and then it goes through loads of stuff where you've seen the number seven. That's cool.
Starting point is 00:46:08 That's cool. Look forward to watching that. I can't remember what it's called now. Now that you've absolutely fucking ripped the guts out of it. I watched it on a plane. It's called Focus. Oh, I have heard of that. Is it worth a watch?
Starting point is 00:46:24 Yeah, I mean, you know what the end is now. Yeah. Yeah. I quite enjoyed it. I think Margot Robbie's a bit like Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. She's just one of those people who's effortlessly cool and amazing. I imagine if we met up, she'd find something sort of quirky about me that was really intoxicating or something like that.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So, yeah, what you've got here is a box of Crustown Donuts, Margot. The one with the green on top, that's vegan. No, the Tongan vanilla bean glaze is mine. Margot, that's mine. That's got... You had two of the other ones, love.
Starting point is 00:47:02 That's got a green cross on it for vegan. Why would you take the only vegan one, Mojo? Oh, my God. This guy. This fucking guy in front of your face. This fucking guy. What are you doing? Didn't you know there was craft services here?
Starting point is 00:47:22 No. For fuck's sake. Take your feet off the desk. It's disgusting. I get it. You like trainers. It's cool. Yeah, you have a guy.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Well done. Why are you wearing a parker indoors? Don't go in that trailer. That's Tom Davis' own trailer. We keep the dogs in there now. Anyway, the point is, yeah, that does happen a lot. These sort of coinkydink things happen. I mean, for example, somebody mentioned intercostal muscles to me the other day.
Starting point is 00:47:58 Right. And I'd never heard the word intercostal before. Never. In fact, I thought they'd made a mistake because i just never heard it and now i feel like i've heard it a hundred times one of your old tribes in it not one of my old tribes well you've not heard of something so you think automatically the person saying it's wrong and then you find out that actually what have you done there i'm trying to figure out i can't even figure out what you're trying to say so tripe is a a meal made out of a
Starting point is 00:48:26 sheep's bladder stomach or whatever so what no it's one of your old one of your old i don't know do you mean have you combined trope and gripe is that what's happened you've come up with your own traits is it traits i Traits is a good one, yeah. Traits. Traits. Yeah, it is. What is it about traits? You prick. You're so fucking, you're so crosstown wrong. I saw your feet fucking go up as you said that. My feet have been up the whole,
Starting point is 00:48:55 I wonder if people can tell the difference. My feet have been up the whole podcast. I'm trying to get comfortable in this fucking chair. Actually, can I shout out Ian Sterling? Yeah, all the time. Great comedian. Voice of Love Island. By the way, can I just say, Fantasy League, Ian Sterling yeah all the time great comedian voice of Love Island by the way
Starting point is 00:49:06 can I just say Fantasy League Ian Sterling's is fucking he's like the pep of this season he's incredible watching him
Starting point is 00:49:12 well he's actually I've not bought it yet but he's he heard the podcast heard me moaning about this chair and he's recommended me this incredible chair
Starting point is 00:49:20 so I'm going to try and get it you're going to be hearing when that chair arrives you're going to be hearing a lot more comfortable chat from me well i mean well in fact if anything maybe this chair is what makes me the sort of spiky prick that i am on this podcast maybe we don't mess with it too much and then you become like too sort of chilled and you're like oh mate i'm so relaxed oh god everything about this disgusting what you did with your face and everything is horrible.
Starting point is 00:49:50 So, welcome to the Wolf and Owl. Hello. Welcome to the Wolf and Owl. I'm your host, the Owl. Yeah. So, do you know what? Get yourself a cross-town donut. I think this episode's been one of the best we've ever done.
Starting point is 00:50:09 The quality's really risen this week. And you know what I like about the podcast? What did you say? Really whizzing? Risen. I didn't say whizzing, you fucker. The quality's really whizzing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:21 I'm actually, do you know what? I am going to spend the rest of my Sunday buzzing about the quality of this freeform chat just sitting here with my shoelaces undone I actually don't need to put my feet up because the chair is so comfortable do you know what I feel actually this week's episode I feel ethereal
Starting point is 00:50:43 and you know, can I just say in response, thank you so much, Angry Badger, for your email. Do you know what I would say? Life's fine. Relax. Enjoy. You and Sterling, my shares in this chair company, I've got a squeaky chair.
Starting point is 00:51:00 All the chairs I sit in are squeaky. I know you've got a squeaky chair. You can constantly hear it on the podcast it's like the three of us that are doing the podcast you make my squeaky chair
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Starting point is 00:52:38 Okay. By the way, is the swans back doing the emails? No, she didn't do it. Oh, okay. This is from... I didn't mean to sound like that, made it sound like she's had a hectic. Well, actually, look, the truth is she has had a hectic one. Every week for her is hectic.
Starting point is 00:52:56 But basically, we forgot. And then she was like doing bits and pieces, and I just said, look, don't worry about it. Okay. This is from a curious... Everything you're saying now has become another character from, like, that you're... And I'm like, just don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:53:16 I'll do it, darling. I've got it, babe, darling. I can't shake... Go to the kitchen, Alan, and I think you'll find yourself a box of Crosstown Donuts that the boys at the radio show didn't want to eat. Can you tell the kids there's some donuts downstairs? It's not a big deal.
Starting point is 00:53:33 I just thought it would be a nice treat for them in the morning. But please, for the love of God, do not touch the vegan one. Don't touch the tofu bean one, please. So if you take a bite into one and you're not enjoying it, that's my one. Okay. Les, this is for the curious. I really have fucking absolutely bent over and taken it on this episode. I mean, to be fair, I've been giving it to myself as well.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Dear Wolf and Al, your chat on a recent episode about irresponsible dog owners not cleaning up after their dogs have crapped on pavements really struck a chord with me i speak as a dog owner and regular dog walker myself and get infuriated that's in capital letters at the sight of dog turds left for some poor fucker to tread in absolutely boils my piss i have a solution to put a stop to this problem i'd love to hear what you sweet sweet souls think about it an organisation or government department is established. Samples are taken from abandoned dog turds and DNA tested. Manitry microchipping of all dogs soon after they're born would mean that through DNA testing, the poop can be traced to the actual dog that curled it out, more importantly, its owner. A series of educational stuff for first-time offenders,
Starting point is 00:54:43 even the provision of free dog poop bags, perhaps perhaps leading up to a range of punishments for serial and repeat offenders community service picking up litter fines and in worst case scenarios banned from dog ownership 100 non-profit organizations are on with it any money raised through fines to go towards worthy dog charities i've pitched this idea to friends family and colleagues and got overwhelmingly positive feedback so a couple of questions for you sweet, sweet souls. One, what do you think of my idea to rid the country of pavement dog shit? And two, do either of you have any suggestions for a new law or system that you'd welcome in society? Big fan of both of you.
Starting point is 00:55:13 Love the pod, keep doing you. Much love, the curious badger. Well, the curious badger, I think this is an outstanding idea. I think it's incredible. If I was you, I would be just trying to get into Parliament to get this passed, do whatever you've got to do to absolutely level up.
Starting point is 00:55:33 Yeah, by legal means. The way you've made it there, you're asking them to storm the Capitol building. No, no, no, I'm just saying, yeah. But actually what you've got there is an incredible idea. I like the thought that I said some stuff in the last one about this and you've piggybacked it and you feel like... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Listen, I think people are used to you putting a little sly disguise digging on me on the podcast, but now you're turning on emailers. No, no, no, no. I'm saying that. Listen, he's heard me say about my... That's not a compliment. That's on emailers. No, no, no, no. I'm saying listen, he's heard me say about my health. That's not a compliment. You've piggybacked to my idea. This person, no. They've heard my
Starting point is 00:56:14 musings on dog poo and they also are disgusted by it and they've actually leveled up and they've gone like we're going to fuck it. Instead, I'm just waffling about it. They're doing something about it. So I think you're an incredible human being. You've saved that.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Okay, well done. You've saved that. And you have my full support and my backing. If there's anything that, if you need me and Rob, Rob, Rob,
Starting point is 00:56:36 me and Rob Beckett to make a video. Oh wow, there you go. The mask slipped there and you announced the name of the podcast you'd rather be doing. Well done. If you want me, Rob, Ian, Ian Sterling, or name of the podcast you'd rather be doing. Well done. If you want me, Rob, Ian, Sterling, or any of the other guys to video... If you want to listen to more
Starting point is 00:56:49 episodes of The Wolf and Beaver, please do get in touch. If you want me and Rob to do a video supporting this, we'd definitely put one together. I can imagine it'd be like me and you walking down the street, you slipping some dog poop and fall over, or your Crosstown Donuts fall out,
Starting point is 00:57:06 and you're like, oh, for fuck's sake! Everyone in the office was really going to enjoy them. And I'm like, come on, mate, get up. And I sort of help you up, and you're like, what are we going to do about this bloody dog poo that stinks up all the streets? And I'm like, oh, there's actually a really, really good idea. And then I sort of do a piece to the camera,
Starting point is 00:57:22 and I turn around, and you try to hand me a Crosstown Donut, and I sort of do a piece of the camera and i'd turn around and you you tried to hand me a crushed out donut and i'd sort of say something cool like i think we might need another box of donuts yeah yeah it's a good it's a good advert that you're you're obviously incredibly pleased with or at the end of it I turn around to you and you just go I've got poo in my hair yeah
Starting point is 00:57:50 um okay well uh actually talking about hair by the way um on one car I have a wig
Starting point is 00:57:58 and I mate that photo you sent me was that you in your trailer yeah yeah yeah that made me laugh so much. And I FaceTimed Catherine with the wig. And since then, she's probably mentioned at least three times a day since
Starting point is 00:58:12 about looking into hair plugs. Off that photo? No, no, no. I FaceTimed and I had to, yeah. Yeah, but off that, with you with that wig on? Yeah. Jesus Christ. So she thinks that looks better than the normal you
Starting point is 00:58:29 i mean i'm quite like i quite like the tash in a weird way i'm quite getting into it yeah i like the tash i think you should keep it yeah i'm 50 50 i'm keeping it at the moment um anyhow anywho well uh have you hold on do you have any suggestions for a new law new law in society that's quite a difficult one you can leave it if you want uh i mean it would be good just at the moment if the laws that we actually had were followed fucking hell all right jesus christ not that i can think of the dog poo one sounds amazing. Well, listen, Curious Badger, thank you for your email. If I can be the person to pour a little bit of kind of logic
Starting point is 00:59:11 into this whole little thing, I think it's a great idea. However, it's obviously prohibitively expensive. I mean, you want to DNA test dog shits? Come on, guys. Come on, guys. I mean, it's just like, it's not practical,'s not practical is it yeah it's fucking incredible it's a lovely bit of foresight and a lovely bit of no listen in an ideal world i think this is a great policy yeah however it's never going to get here we go we don't live in an ideal world
Starting point is 00:59:39 we live in a tough world full of misconception and deception. No. Okay. Do you know what? Do you know what? You go and pay your money to have dog turds DNA tested. Yeah. We haven't got enough money to do it for
Starting point is 00:59:51 actual fucking crimes. But anyway, Curious Badger, great idea. Lovely idea. Thank you so much. And thank you for your email.
Starting point is 01:00:00 I'm glad that you feel as passionate about it as Tom and I do. Okay. We'll still do the advert if we need to. And if anyone's got any, if anyone wants to write that, send in some thoughts, email them in or at them out and put them up on Instagram with the voices of
Starting point is 01:00:15 us as characters. Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you. Okay. Tom, we have come to, we've come to the end, my G. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. We've probably spent too much time pre-email, I'd say. Pre-mail.
Starting point is 01:00:31 The pre-mail section of this podcast was... Yeah. Probably lovely. Yeah, yeah. And only two emails. But, okay. Okay. Did we only do two emails?
Starting point is 01:00:39 Yeah. Okay. Sorry, guys. I'm right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Here lies the grass that grows every day. Here stands a tree that grows taller and stronger. But for what is Mother Nature, if not an invisible demon that rests up in the sky, pouring scorn upon our thoughts and upon our dreams? I jest, of course. She does an amazing job. But don't let the grass grind to your feet without growing a little bit yourself,
Starting point is 01:01:11 inside or outside. It's always important to become more worthy and more knowledgeable. Lean on a tree today and just look at them and say, fair play, fella. You've been here for ages. You're strong enough for me to lean on, but yet vulnerable enough for me to care for. And that's what life is, really. It's knowing that sometimes things that portray strength and dignity are things that need care more than ever. Here's a question for you. Do you want to keep doing these?
Starting point is 01:01:48 I sort of there had an idea but then halfway through i sort of changed up i didn't really know what i was i i had you know at the start of it i felt like you walking in with the box of donuts thinking it's a really good idea and then halfway thought through felt like how you probably felt with the donuts i've already taken the piss it's really good it's a really good one i was just taking the piss because because basically what people don't see is i i'm seeing your face the whole time through that i know it's like it's like it's like a confidence roller coaster watching you do those which is akin to my life as soon as you went the tree both strong enough for me to lean on at that moment i saw the light go out in your eyes when you realize you had nowhere to go from that point oh god um right thank you so much for listening to the podcast um we're going to try and do we
Starting point is 01:02:35 are going to try and do a bonus aren't we yeah we're going to try so yeah but uh in terms of music also by the way check out the merch store um if you haven't seen it on instagram um we have jumped on the back because we're absolutely we're disgusting human beings who thought that the cheesecake thing did well so this you know what's really good is ask pebble something you mentioned has flown off the shelves and the merch people are so excited about the pudding chat that they've created a pudding t-shirt. We've only really had one flop. In terms of merch. Yeah, but I do think the party rom should have had some sort of...
Starting point is 01:03:12 I didn't say it was that, so you do know what I'm talking about. No, but it should have had a picture of you dancing. I actually think now you've got a Crosstown thing that might become a thing. Well, I don't think... I mean, listen, I know we skirt with uh ip and originality i did i don't think putting crosstown on a t-shirt is gonna fly unless you did a collab like you know supreme do yeah that's a great idea yeah just a little picture of me picture me on the phone a little speech bubble going you can have these
Starting point is 01:03:40 if you want but don't touch the one with the green cross so the music we're going to play out with is a song that I've become obsessed with it's by a rapper called Toby Lou and the song's called
Starting point is 01:03:51 I was sad last night I'm okay now and it's an absolute banger so check it out and we'll see you on the bonus episode I'm saying that
Starting point is 01:04:00 so that we commit to doing it take care of yourselves love you guys. Thank you. Peace out If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Thank you.

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