Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 37: Bad Breath Paranoia & Donut Doubts
Episode Date: March 8, 2023We’re talking… Sunday mornings, moody audience members, ghosting rock stars, the fall-out from Tom’s cheesecake controversy, non-hibernating squirrels, lazy bears, smelly trailers, messy burrito...s and some extremely unwanted toothpaste. Then, after Rom tells us all about his awkward donut gifts, we answer questions on strange co-incidences and the viability of genetically traced dog-poo fines. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: HELLO@KEEPITLIGHTMEDIA.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today.
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Yeah, what you want?
Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur?
Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred
They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves
Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served
Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler
That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler
Both of them are known to pull up at your shows
Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing Hey, hey, hey hey hey hey welcome to the wall for now boom uh yeah coming well yeah
you are wearing that arsenal arsenal shirt absolutely prior to that aren't you actually
first of all yes i am i was very excited about the Arsenal Bournemouth
result which is a thing I'd never say
I thought I'd say out loud but I am
but this is coincidence
every Sunday morning when we
do the podcast I literally
get out of bed
throw some shit I mean I've not done anything so far
I mean as much as I could do
to get into this garage
what time are you getting up at the moment like on a sunday well i i got to bed late last night because i had a cup of course he
did no there's not party wrong it wasn't party wrong it was uh a couple of gigs i did two gigs
in brighton trying out new the new stuff and then i uh stayed watching Dave you know Dave not the channel
oh mate yeah yeah
it's amazing
yeah yeah
it's good
it's a good show
I just kept going
oh watch one more
watch one more
yeah yeah
it's a beautiful thing
when you get like that
before I knew it
it was 9pm
you know how it goes
no I got to a bit of bed
I started watching
that Dublin Narcos war
and fell asleep
I was so fucking tired
yesterday
Dublin Narcos yeah it's so good is was so fucking tired yesterday. Dublin Narcos?
Yeah, it's so good.
Is it?
On Sky.
It's a banging piece of stuff.
It's like for the people who miss Liverpool Narcos.
I've got a question for you.
Hit me.
Where are you?
I am at the moment in my wife's sort of office stroke.
Okay, and has she got some incriminating stuff up there?
For some reason, you've got the background blurred.
Why is that?
Because we've got a window here that people sometimes walk past,
which is a bit creepy.
And you're incriminating.
Yeah, these are nude pictures of me, a muse, in the background.
I've blurred it just because, yeah, I feel a bit weird being in this room. I'll tell you yeah I feel a bit weird
being in this room
she said
I'll tell you what
I feel a bit weird
I find it a bit weird
talking to somebody
who can't normally
even get the sound
sorted for the podcast
has now managed to
blur the background
has put that amount
of forethought into it
I've always wanted
to blur the background
I'll be honest
I assumed you'd done it
by accident
there's no way
that this is by design
that this guy's done that
no no no
I kind of like it actually I kind of like the vibe you've got that cool accident. There's no way that this is by design that this guy's done that. No, no, no. I kind of like it, actually.
I kind of like the vibe.
You've got that cool backdrop to yours.
I don't think this is cool.
Every time, not every time, but a couple of times you post it up,
it's like Tom's keeping it real.
Romesh is like a little sellout in his studio.
You know what you could do?
It'd be really cool to spray paint the back of it with a motif or something.
That's a great idea.
Get the boys in, Charlie, Tio.
Get them in. What's happening someone there no i was just looking around thinking how how would do this up is it warm in that room
no it's freezing cold although i've got like a little heater that you know one of them like little
bar heaters it costs 35 quid a minute yeah yeah yeah a couple of times i've walked in the next
time you've already been called out about being, like, showing off,
and now you're saying that you've got a bar heater.
People will be criticising you for that.
Sorry, a bar heater is one of the most ghetto fucking heaters you can get.
What are you talking about?
The swaggy life you're leading.
Yeah, mate.
Got myself a bar heater, boy.
£35 a minute this thing costs to run.
I'm living that good life.
You've really managed to fucking 180 that that from the spirit in which it was intended
uh how were the gigs good yeah i did uh lindfield lindfield is in where the race was
no that's lingfield i went to lfield, which is near Hayward Heath.
Oh, nice.
And opened there and then went and closed
the Forge Comedy Club in Brighton.
The Forge, Stephen Grant's club?
Yeah.
In fact, Lindfield's Stephen Grant's club as well.
Oh, wow.
Both Stephen Grant's.
I was distracted at the second gig by somebody.
Like, you know when you're on stage,
you can sort of see the people
and wait it depends on the gig sometimes you can't see anyone but this particular gig i could sort of
see people there was a bloke in the front row who looked so much like tyson fury i couldn't believe
it wow really like so much like tyson fury and then i was i i almost i almost said something,
but then I'd watched the middle act and Stephen
and nobody did references.
And I thought to myself, if that was Tyson Fury,
I think that would have come up in conversation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unless like really early on before I got there,
somebody went, you Tyson Fury.
And you just went, don't fucking, I don't want it mentioned.
Why am I doing Johnny Vegas?
How do you do Tyson?
I can't get into Tyson Fury.
I'm trying to think of his voice.
Let me.
I'll, I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I'm not even going to.
If I listen to it, I'll be able to.
He's one of the people.
If you mention.
No, I can't do it.
Why can't I do it?
Because you're putting too much croak on it.
You're making him sound like Johnny Vegas.
I'm not Tyson Fury.
I need an entry. I need an entry word to get me into Tyson Fury. But um, you know what you're saying about I, I did some gigs in Bambury last week, and
amazing crowd, incredible people. By the way, I was absolutely blown away by a whole front
row who were wearing Wolf and and owl merch it literally just knocked
me a little bit crazy because this podcast has really carried your tour isn't it
but there was one woman in the crowd who was having a thoroughly miserable time for all of it
like her husband like he was having the time it was quite clear he'd gone let's go and watch some
days and she'd gone oh for sake i want i want to watch called the midwife and she was literally she looked like
it was so off-putting she looked like she was having the worst time of her life well it's this
thing of like when when i when you see the comedy class people just go when you go on tour everyone's
there to see you it's just a fallacy no no no no you know the idea is the idea that if a couple come to see you that both of
them are equally as excited to come and watch you it's or if a group of friends come everybody
there's always going to be one that's like but how do people get next because like for example
if i turn around to catherine and said i'm going to go we're going to go and watch this thing right
and she didn't like it there's no way in the world number one Catherine
would go there's a good probability I wouldn't be able to go either um but Catherine would just go
you go and watch it with your mates I'm not I don't I don't like that thing or I don't like
that person and vice versa if Catherine turned around to me and said oh I want to go and see this
I'll go well yeah take take Emma or Lorna one of your pals go go and do you know what i mean i don't know so i don't
get why people i get date night and i get it's nice to go out together but it's not much fun
for the person who doesn't like that thing to go along to yeah it's not always like that sometimes
somebody's like i don't really know their style i don't really keen and they go come on see what
you think and then they go and then they realize what they thought was correct this woman looked like she i've i like i'd argue i've never
seen anyone have a worse time at anything like she just sat staring but staring in like the rest of
the people seem to be enjoying themselves i was like this, this person seems like and it is absolutely and it's an
insane thing. And we've talked about it on here before. But I wish I could get over it.
But the rest of the fucking room are enjoying themselves. All I could focus on is, you know,
how do I make this one person enjoy?
No, no, no, but that's that's a mistake. That's Yeah. First of all, it's it's comedians curse.
If you're having a great gig you will always see the
person having a terrible time and the mistake you make is one i mean i i've you know i've made the
mistake in the past of referencing it that's dreadful like if somebody wants if somebody's
not having a good time they're not having a good time what can you do about it the other thing is
is with comedy if somebody's decided they don't find you funny,
you're done.
You know what I mean?
It's like, you know, what are you going to do?
Unless you suddenly fucking change tack completely and pull a prop out your ass.
You know, like, you can only do what you do.
Do you know what I mean?
Just carrot top it.
Yeah, it's like, you know,
if somebody goes to see Coldplay
and they see somebody not having a nice time,
they're not going to go,
should we bang out a drill number
just to see if we can get this one you've never seen cold play live no but i did go to watch
jay-z at the royal albert hall and for some reason him and chris martin were mates at that time and
then they still make their mates now i can't imagine anyone falling out of chris martin he's
so dry yeah but you might i can't imagine falling out out of Chris Martin, but I can imagine stop texting him after a while. I can imagine ghosting him.
I can imagine swerving Chris Martin enough that you turn up at an awards ceremony
and someone goes, Chris Martin.
Chris Martin's the sort of guy that would text you going,
that was a really wholesome night last night.
Thank you so much.
You just go, fuck off, Chris.
Chris Martin, I've seen, actually I watched Coldplay
back in
in their heyday
when they were
underground
you went and watched
Coldplay
you fucking
you absolute
cool little fish
when they were
underground
yeah when they were
on their way up
when they were
really dirty
yeah I watched
Coldplay when they were
a bit fucking edgy
do you know what I mean
yeah it was all
back then with Coldplay
it was all sort of very much garage small gigs above pubs and when they're a bit fucking edgy. Yeah, back then with Coldplay, it was all sort of very much garage, small gigs above pubs.
They didn't even do choruses back then.
It was just one guitar, a drum,
and then a verse the whole way through.
Nine minutes.
I was there when Martin luts the bottle of lager at someone
for talking through yellow.
That is a song, though, whenever that comes on,
I can't help but listen to it.
Yeah, same.
I'm never switching the radio off yellow.
There's a part of me that likes that vibe.
But also, I'd say that if you were to quantum leap
into any situation, I reckon one of the worst places
to quantum leap would be onto the
cold play tour bus oh mate
oh boy yeah it's just a lot of just a lot of hydration and vegan snacks i imagine
oh look we've got a playstation now we're just all having a nap mate we're all having a little
sleep we're meditating and they've got the new fifa yeah yeah they've got all the nice stuff but we're not using anything because we're trying to keep it real
i find is he still married to gwyneth paltrow no my god did you like
i feel like i feel like with two people talking about someone from school that I'm not friends with on Facebook anymore.
I don't want to be the person to break it to you that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow split up.
I don't want to see...
It's the saddest part.
The saddest part...
Just go inside.
Lisa's like, how was the Wolfenau today?
Yeah, it was all right.
It's a really sad moment when I have to break it to Tom.
Chris and Gwyneth had split up.
But how did that
not work out
they felt like
they were perfect
together
I've never seen a couple
that I was like
oh yeah that's
that feels
as perfect as
a couple could be
okay I mean
it's another example
of you saying something
without any kind of
supporting evidence
or anything like that
why do you think
that they were
why do you think
they were particularly
suited to each other
because they just felt
both felt quite worthy
and boring
and I thought vanilla goes with vanilla doesn't it yeah it's like a
white chocolate i mean we'll yeah i'm probably going to stay out of any dessert controversy at
the moment you really really what so that dessert controversy i don't know if we need to do a
people listen to this all the time so we don't need to we don't need to do a last week's episode but what i would say is first of all cheesecake for you to declare cheesecake
as up itself has proved to be very divisive yeah the other thing that you kind of shot yourself in
the foot on was calling out baked alaska as a humble dessert that's really that's really fucked
you over i didn't know but i think baked, but I think Baked Alaska is...
Look, I think Cheesecake's Chris Martin,
and I think that Baked Alaska is like a forgotten gem of a singer.
Like the guy who sang the theme tune from Princess Bride,
Willie something, his name is.
All my love, I'll tell you a tale.
It's a beautiful song. No one ever talks about him he's
like yeah yeah you're like sting as well yeah you're about to say sting actually if i was sting
i'd seriously want to i know he's all into meditation and yoga and shit he feels like
he feels like chris martin's basically doubled down and trying to be sting if i was stinging i
saw chris martin i go we're fucking having this mate meditation aside you're getting a dry slap
son i tell you
I tell you what Sting likes
an unlikely collaboration
I mean just recently
I was like
just recently
I was on Spotify
but other streaming platforms
are available
he did that song
with Craig David
didn't he
yeah yeah yeah
that uh
and then he did an album
with Shaggy
didn't he
yeah he did
yeah
what the fuck's going on
also it's like sting i feel for there
because yeah he just feels like also sting feels like his nickname's not really he's
not sting anymore is he yeah just sting phoning up his management going um guys just a quick one
have you heard mr bombastic yeah yes thing Yeah. Yes, Sting, we have.
Why?
I think that guy's an exciting new sound.
I'd like to do something with him.
I've just gone down a rabbit hole where I've just been listening to
It Wasn't Me for seven hours.
Any chance we can get this guy for a collab?
Yeah.
Yeah, look, I'll say the same thing to you that I said when you said
you wanted to cover O'Carolina, Sting.
I don't know how good an idea it is.
What's his real name?
Ian or Kevin or something?
Shaggy?
No, no, no.
Sting.
Sting.
I don't know, actually.
Shall we look it up?
Yeah, I'm sure.
We should have looked up that squirrels don't hibernate.
Oh, yeah.
That's another thing I've been getting a lot of.
Oh, no, actually.
Look, cheesecake-wise, that's diversive.
Squirrel-wise, I love Julia Donaldson and all her work,
and I think she's an incredible author,
and I love, obviously, the animation of the Gruffalo,
but if a kid flunked his GCSEs because he took that as...
They shouldn't be able to put that stuff in cartoons.
Yeah, but what I would say to you on that, Tom,
is at no point in the Gruffalo do they suggest that squirrels hibernate.
But what I would say to you on that, Tom,
is at no point in the Gruffalo do they suggest that squirrels hibernate.
I don't think Julia Donaldson could be blamed
for your misinterpretation of her work.
Yeah, but in my head, it's all so confusing.
Why is it confusing?
Because I've literally, probably I reckon,
since I've known about squirrels,
I've thought they hibernated.
When do you think you first knew about squirrels, Tom?
I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when a young Tom Davis discovered squirrels.
I reckon probably about six or seven.
Oh, look at that, mummy.
What is that weird animal?
It looks like a mouse, but it's got a flourishing tail.
Forsooth.
I don't believe I've ever gazed on such a creature as amazing and glorious and proud
as this one, mummy. Oh, shut up,
Tom. As other kids are watching.
Just enjoy it while it's here, because it
hibernates. It hibernates?
I'll take that as gospel, then.
No, I swear
that I've always thought
that they hibernate.
So, look, that,
you know, obviously we're very blessed to
have a lot of educated people have and now I look down and think my idiocy I
don't I haven't got a pass that on to grace now I can turn around about a
squirrel goes a squirrel by the way get don't get too excited about it because
you they'll be 12 months in the year they're around they don't hibernate
they're always out also by the way dad do you think i'm
the sort of idiot that thinks squirrels hibernate yeah but like bears and other things do
so i always think yeah they do yeah yeah you're right they do so if bears do squirrels muster
the logic holds up there no you're right no but the respect i have for animals right who don't
hibernate is so like it there's nothing in the world that
compares to that like what are you talking about what what the hell are you talking about
like when it gets cold right there's nothing else that compares to your respect
for animals that don't hibernate now even we finally got to the point where even you must
realize how fucking insane you sound no No, what I'm saying...
Finally, I was... Do you listen to last week's
Wolf and Al? Why is that? Tom finally became
self-aware. For the first time
ever, he smelt the old...
He smelt... He actually
could smell the shit that was coming out of him.
No, the respect I have for them is
fucking unfounded, mate. What are you talking
about? You don't hibernate.
No, no, I don't hibernate
because I've got a nice, warm house.
I do sort of hibernate.
I'm not out as much when it's cold.
Like, dogs, cats, fucking pets,
they've got no reason, goldfish,
they've got no reason to hibernate, right?
But when you get a beautiful fucking animal
that's, like, out there grafting it,
even in the cold,
you literally, it's like,
you want to go fucking salute to you, mate.
There's awards for, like, if Mother Nature's like, you want to go and fucking salute to you, mate. There's awards for, like, if
Mother Nature's handing out awards for being
decent and fucking thoroughbred, you should
be getting one.
I'd love to be out on some wilderness trail with you
that we end up getting eaten because you had to get
up close and salute a fucking bear.
Bears hibernate, though, so.
I know. If I saw a bear in the summer.
You wouldn't salute a bear. No, if
I'd be like, fucking all right, mate.
Don't give it all the big one.
But as soon as it gets a bit cold,
you're fucking nuzzling down.
We don't see you for three, four months.
Like, bears for me is just fucking full of shit.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
Do you know what you've become like?
A shop jock.
You're like a fucking talk sport presenter.
You don't even believe anything you're saying anymore.
No, bears, I do.
Just trying to get a reaction on Instagram.
Cheesecakes up itself.
Bears are full of shit.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You look at bears.
Do you not look at bears and think, right, everyone's terrified of them.
But as soon as it gets a bit cold, they're like, oh, we better get inside so we can hibernate.
I'm like, I don't respect that at all.
Polar bears, fair enough. Polar bears, fair enough. I'll hold my hands up. What do you mean, fair enough? No, I don't respect that at all. Polar bears, polar bears, fair enough.
Polar bears,
fair enough.
Our old man's up.
What do you mean fair enough?
No,
because they're out all the time.
Fair enough what?
No,
fair enough what?
What do you mean fair enough?
They're out in the cold all the time.
What are bears doing
that have got to be justified?
You're acting like bears
constantly walk around the pub
fucking giving it the large.
They do,
essentially.
Mate,
if you go to Forrest,
the main thing they turn around to you
and go is like, right, be careful of bears, like running zigzags. main thing they turn around to you and go is like
right be careful of
bears like running
zigzags
yeah but they're not
going to go and like
they're not going to
come up to you and
say something about
your mum or whatever
it's just they're
dangerous
you're in their
habitat
yeah exactly
yeah I don't
understand if a bear
came to your
also it's not their
habitat it was
it was fucking made
so we could all just
enjoy life and enjoy
the world and mother
nature
okay okay now now you've gone full fucking Piers Morgan.
I don't know.
Like, you know,
this podcast is supposed to be a real conversation.
It's not being real.
I think like bears...
What do you mean you're being real?
No, bears.
I look at bears
and I find them slightly frustrating.
I do seriously.
Like, look at them.
You've expressed four completely different opinions about bears in the last two minutes. And I stand by seriously look at them. You've expressed four completely
different opinions
about bears
in the last two minutes.
And I stand by
all four of them.
Bears,
I have more
respect for lions.
Massive
respect for lions.
Tigers.
Yeah,
because nobody
ever says
watch out for lions.
You're right.
No,
but lions also
don't hibernate
and fucking...
So what? So what?
So what?
Why has somebody
who fucking loves sleep
as much as you do
got such an issue
with animal sleeping?
It's not about them sleeping.
Have a night off.
Have a couple of days
where you've had a bit of a...
You've had a couple of nights,
big nights,
and then just like, you know,
like you do,
then just...
But like, fucking three months, mate.
Come on.
I bet you were just sat there
furious at that
John Lewis advert
that poor rabbit
had to go get him
an alarm clock
because a lazy
bastard can't
but get up for
Christmas
just angry
little things annoy
me like that
bears are one of
them I mean don't get me wrong actually make lovely cuddly toys
so
we all have the power to
shape the world
we're connected to the world we share
to each other
I am future I wait in the world of
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I wonder what it is about bears that made that the go-to cuddly toy.
It is insane, isn't it?
Also, there's a cartoon called Norman Pickles Stripe.
He's a green bear.
He's a son of Mother Nature.
That's why a good guy. Hold on, I mean, look, hold on.
What are you talking about?
Norman is a little up.
It's a it's an animation that we have on in my house at the moment between that and padding
in both bears.
Norman picture straight.
Norman pickle stripes.
Yeah, that's a green striped bear.
Is it live action?
Stop motion? No stop. No. Yeah it live action stop motion no stop uh no yeah like a
stop motion kind of vibe i can't believe lovely bit of oh okay i don't know i've had to look it
up it's just oh god that's not a fucking bear that looks hideous the green one what the fuck
is that is that supposed to be a bear the green thing yeah yeah but he actually sings and he's
he's a handyman he's actually really What's the point in making it a bear
if you don't take anything nice about a bear
and put it into the actual character?
Yeah, but bear-wise, there's some big bears
fucking knocking about on kids' animations.
So you've got to be, you know, Paddington, Rupert.
That non-pickle stripes looks horrific.
It's, yeah.
I mean, I quite enjoy it.
No, I'm not saying it's a bad show, I mean I quite enjoy it it's no I'm not saying
it's a bad show
but I just don't like
it's the music
and it's beautiful
I had a
I had a nice
well it's nice
strange
so this week
I was
doing some filming
this week
and
are you allowed
to say what you're filming
yeah
we're filming
I think
I think
we're filming
Wonka but
um i think i'm allowed to say that uh can i ask you an honest question right because like now
you've been in a few films yeah okay and successful films you've been in the the best reviewed film of
all time paddington 2 all right and you're on that like you you could it's i think it's a viable
thing to say i don't want to you know i know that you, it's, I think it's a viable thing to say.
I don't want to,
you know,
I know that you wouldn't ever say this,
but it's a viable thing to say that you could have a film career now.
Right.
So genuinely,
if you end up becoming like the go-to guy for those sort of comedy characters in films,
yeah.
Do you,
will we still do this podcast?
Yeah.
There's nothing apart from death
that would stop me doing this podcast and even then i'll try and find a way
i love this podcast death either death or katherine's put your microphone somewhere
either of those two things
uh anyway sorry you're filming wonka so film filming Wonka, number one, I was looked after. The trailer was incredible.
I was also in the trailer for quite a long time.
It was a long day.
And I had a big breakfast.
And, you know, like, I got very relaxed.
I was letting some big farts go.
And then the head of facilities came in.
And I could see his face strain when he smelt the thing.
And he started telling me that the trailer was going to be used. He was like, you know,
this was sort of like eight o'clock that night. He's like, I need to get this thing cleaned
and cleaned up because Kate Winslet's going to be in it tomorrow. I was like, we finished
that night at 10pm and she was starting.
What time did you arrive?
We arrived early.
It was a long day.
So let's say for the purposes of...
Let's say 12 hours.
Okay, 12 hours.
So that's 12 hours of farts that you've released into that trailer.
And then let me just say, also let me just...
So I had a burrito.
I love burritos.
I've actually got, after criticising you, I've got a bit of. I love burritos. I've actually got,
after criticising you,
I've got a bit of an issue with burritos.
Yeah, so I had this incredible burrito,
but the bottom,
what, four, three inches of a burrito, right?
Yeah.
The water and debris coming from the bottom of it
when you sit and try to eat it,
it's so fucking hot.
I would love to
see someone go on a juggins den with like a burrito pocket that they you put in the bottom
of it and then you put the foil around it something to stop that that horrible because
the burritos well i wonder if they should just they should just put like a another little like
like a tortilla johnny just on the bottom that's exactly what they should do yeah and they're like
you sell them for like 2, 3p,
but every burrito vendor
in the whole world buys them.
Yeah.
You know, honestly.
Maybe, you know,
I was going so far as to say
that maybe you shouldn't have
announced that on this podcast.
What?
That might be your post-it.
That'd be the thing that I invent.
Yeah.
Then that would be, yeah,
that could be the thing
that launches, yeah,
I can just kick back a little bit.
Here's my thing, right?
When I had my first ever burrito, I was absolutely blown away, right?
How old were you?
Absolutely blown away.
It wasn't that long ago, I'd say.
I don't know.
When did burritos come into circulation?
2017, 2018, probably.
Yeah.
But I would describe myself as an early adult.
I remember you, you used to rave about them online quite a lot,
you used to sort of do pictures of you at that one in Victoria and stuff.
I was a member of a forum for a while.
But actually, do you know what?
You joke about that.
I did used to talk about burritos quite a lot when I first...
Yeah, I remember, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And when I first had them, I was blown away.
I just think this is incredible, right?
And I don't know whether it's because I've got used to burritos or because the standards dropped.
But now I would describe the last 15 burritos I've had as underwhelming.
Really?
I mean, like, I don't know what it is, man.
I don't know if they've like cheapened out on the ingredients.
Somebody said to me that Chipotle is now owned by McDonald's. I don't know if this is true.. I don't know if they've like cheapened out on the ingredients. Somebody said to me that Chipotle is now owned by McDonald's.
I don't know if this is true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, I think the only time you can get...
Oh, having said that though, if you go to like an independent place, like when you get
to a good one, oh my God, like a well done burrito is incredible.
So when they're wrapped, the one I had the other day was wrapped beautifully,
everything in it was delicious.
It was just literally that last, you know, six, seven bites
that are just, you're sort of eating it cut
and you're sort of like that.
Also, eating the very end of a burrito is quite tricky
because you can't keep going down.
You're going to bite your own hand like a fucking aggy horse.
So you've got to go you've got
to go sideways and that then you compromise the structural integrity of the the bottom end of the
brain yeah and then how many times are you eating rice and beans all over the show have you got
foil in your mouth that's the worst bit yeah i would say i wouldn't you know like how people
would say i don't want i don't want, regardless of how close to somebody I've got,
I wouldn't want to see them,
them see me taking a shit.
I feel the same way about somebody seeing me at the very end of a burrito.
I would like to go,
if I've got to the end of the burrito,
I'm going to go somewhere else to do this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like having a cigarette.
You just go out.
I've got to the last inch of this burrito.
I'm just going to step outside for a moment.
If you squash it up as much as you can and just stuff it in your mouth,
it's nice.
Yeah, but then you've sort of like, you know, you've got your mouth.
It's disgusting, isn't it?
So burrito-wise, right, I'd had this burrito in this,
which was quite a pungent sort of spicy burrito, right?
I had a burrito.
So you'd been farting for a while and you thought,
how do I make this worse?
And have the spiciest burrito you've got, please.
Because I want to render this trailer
completely unusable forever.
No, but when he came in and said of all the people,
Kate Winslet was going to have it the next day.
That's when, in my head, all I keep thinking about
is I walk into that trailer and thinking,
oh Christ, I can't see it.
The worst thing is the people cleaning it are going to
get slightly used to the smell, so they'll
go nose blind, and they'll think
they've dealt with it. And they go,
finally, we've worked
right the way through the night, but we've managed
to get this usable for Kate Winslet.
Kate Winslet walks in, what
the fuck has happened in here?
I was spraying deodorant throughout the day as well,
to try and get rid of the smell,
but even the deodorant was given up.
This is maybe the worst bit of the whole day for me.
So I do the first tiny bit of filming that we're doing.
I then go back to my trailer,
and there's a knock on my trailer door,
and someone brings me some toothpaste and a toothbrush.
Oh my God.
You're joking.
Ron, I genuinely, I took it.
I wanted to cry.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Why have they given me it?
Like all I could think of, like so many things going through my, like I'd run on my co-stars to a man and gone, oh my God, his breath stinks.
And then like. When was this in the day? When was this in the day when was this in the day sorry have you been filming yeah like this
i'd literally gone and done some filming and then i'd get back to the train i sit there i put my
mac like just to sit and watch something chilling i feel quite happy with myself there's a knock
i answer and then someone's like oh we've got you this and i was like oh thank you cool
thank you that's really kind of you and um close the door i stood there for at least five minutes
just looking at the toothbrush and the toothpaste thinking why i didn't ask for this like then my
head i know what your head's like it's the same all i could think of is as i walked away thinking
i smashed that that smashed those shots,
someone in a certain manner went...
Well, first of all, our brains are not the same.
Our brains are not the same.
If you walked away from a thing and I smashed those shots,
I've never had that experience in my fucking life.
No, but you walk away thinking,
all right, that's an adequate enough job.
I've done an all right job, yeah, fine.
And then the thought that someone's had to walk up to a runner
and go, look, Tom Davies' breath stinks today.
Can you get some to...
Because they'd gone to a co-op and got it.
It was...
I mean, listen, I'm not going to lie to you, Tom.
That would put me in a dark place.
I couldn't relax.
Well, I obviously relaxed enough to double...
You relaxed enough to ruin the trailer
permanently. No, but then I'm thinking
if... So I'm walking back
on set and going, if you think his breath
stinks, you should go and smell his trailer.
Genuinely, I'm like
sitting there thinking... So every time
I went out on set after that,
I brushed my teeth. I was
brushing them so sort of like... You didn't brush your teeth in front of people, did you? No, no that, I brushed my teeth. I was like brushing them so sort of like...
You didn't brush your teeth
in front of people, did you?
No, no, but I brushed my teeth
and then I was constantly
asking people for chewing gums.
And when I was talking to people
for the rest of the day,
aside when I'm in the scene,
it was like that.
Chad and I are like,
oh, yeah, that's a good point.
Oh, mate, I've done that.
The hand on the mouth.
Yeah.
The hand on the mouth.
For a number of reasons.
Like this.
Oh, yes. Two hands on the mouth. Oh, no, that's a The hand on the mouth. Yeah. Awful. The hand on the mouth. For a number of reasons. Like this. Oh, yes.
Two hands on the mouth.
Oh, no, that's a really good point, actually.
I like, yeah.
Yeah.
It's insane.
I've no reason, no idea why they did that.
Do you know what I think they should do?
Like, you know when you bump into certain people,
you've met more famous people than me, probably,
but, like, certain people just smell absolutely incredible,
don't they?
They just, as soon as you're in their presence, they smell amazing.
Yeah.
I wonder if they should do, you know,
because breath only ever really gets minty, right?
That's the flavour of choice for like freshening breath.
I think they should do breath fragrances.
Do you know what I mean?
Actually, to shout out the gentle dentist,
she gave me this stuff
because before I do a gig
and sometimes before I'm acting
my anxiety really plays up
I get really really anxious and I get a really dry mouth
and even if I drink
I get nothing from it
so she's given me this spray
which is incredible
you literally spray it in your mouth and it hydrates your mouth
what is it Aventus?
what is it Aventus? Huh?
What is it, Aventus or something?
No, I don't know what it's called.
It's like, yeah, I'll have to look.
But yeah, shout out.
That's actually helped my life.
Yeah, shout out Sprays.
Thanks, Tom.
Thanks for giving that little company a boost.
So guys, if you just Google Sprays,
that should be a fun product that Tom's talking about.
I'll Instagram a picture of the bottle,
he'll happily give you the exact name of some fucking weird drink.
He had on a golf course that you'll have no use for,
but an actual breast spray.
He's not bothered to remember it.
There's not paid me.
Um,
Oh yeah.
Good point.
Uh,
it's yeah,
I'm still quaking him.
I'm still worried about that being
I'm still
worried about
someone making
that joke
that oh
you know
Tom Davis's
breath was
the worst thing
on set
it's like
have you ever
been in that
situation
where my
breath stinks
yeah
no no
or that you
I don't think
my breath
I was
I licked the
back of my
hand and
smelt it
and that
didn't
I couldn't
smell anything
yeah but
you're in
you're in
a trailer full of your own farts.
How can you trust anything that you sent?
How can you trust anything that you sent?
You know that thing where you just start thinking, is this just it now?
Have I turned that corner and I'm just a smelly guy?
Just sort of sitting in a trailer of your own farts, licking the back of your hand
while struggling with the end of a burrito.
That's you on a movie, by the way.
That's you on a film.
I guarantee Brad Pitt has never been in that situation.
No.
Brad Pitt's probably never farted.
No, he does fart.
He's probably found a way to just reabsorb the gas.
No, I guarantee Brad Pitt, if you're out with him
and you've had a cut of lagers, he'd be out to get work.
Imagine how you'd feel the first time you saw Brad Pitt cook.
And then it would still look hot, wouldn't it?
Oh, yeah, of course it would.
And you'd probably be able to see that thing where he just puts that
premise in his face.
Yeah, he would do it in such a cool, sexy way.
Yeah.
It would make you want to start farting more.
You know when you see somebody do something and you think, oh.
Him and Leo just
having a farting
competition
yeah he's going
oh my god that's
so cool
that is so cool
and then you and
I one of you or
I fart and it's
just fucking
tumbleweed
that's disgusting
that is disgusting
you foul pig
get out the
trailer get out
the communal
trailer go back
to your own
trailer and here's
a toothbrush.
Okay, would you like to do some emails, Tom?
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, did I interrupt?
I never know when to say, should we do some memes?
I mean, I know it's about... People have not heard much about your sweet week.
I'm worried that...
I'll tell you what I did the other day.
I'll just say this story very quickly is um
i don't know if anyone's talked about this bit of social etiquette but i went into the radio 2 show
for the love of hip-hop enjoy and and the team are i'm not just saying this they are amazing
right the the production team on that show i'm going to show them actually carl rafe jardell
the production team on that show i'm going to show them actually carl rafe jardell all three of them
amazing i love them right so anyway the last show i thought you know what i'm going to go i'm going to pop into crosstown get him some donuts nice so i got a box of donuts turned up to the thing got
one vegan one for myself as well do you know what i mean so i could join in the the fun and games
uh turn up what we
feel like you're aggressing a bit to a t i loved everything until you said and i got one to enjoy
the fun again toast the donut everyone the old cross down obviously this is my vegan one no one
touched the vegan one please yeah it was a bit like that anyway i turned up with the doughnuts. And this is the thing. I just sort of became, I don't know how to explain it.
You turn up with the doughnuts,
and then I wanted to look really casual about having brought doughnuts.
I just know what you're like.
I know that you have one hand in your pocket,
your rucksack sort of across your back shoulders,
holding this box of donuts.
Yeah.
Oh, you all right?
Last show, so, oh, yeah.
Just got some donuts.
Don't touch the one with the green top,
because that's vegan.
But, you know, he sounds out, boys.
He's exactly what I'm saying.
Oh, I fucking love cross-counters, mate.
And then I was like, I got more than one each, so, you know,
just take, you could.
Have one there for your supper later if you want.
No, take it home with you.
Big donuts, big tasty donuts, mate.
You're absolutely nailing it.
That's exactly what I was like.
Feet on the desk.
Licking...
I know what you were doing as well,
licking the ice in your fist.
No, I didn't do that.
But I'll tell you what I did do.
This is really embarrassing.
So about midway through i like donut
break guys get a black coffee each and i had a bit of a sugar crash and so i went oh maybe the
donuts were a mistake why did i say that i said maybe the donuts were set and they went no they
were great thank you thanks for the donuts that was really nice you know oh no i'm not saying it
for that oh no just the thought of you walking past the box and
there's like two half-eaten donuts and the rest have been touched why has he brought donuts it's
the same thing today why would you bring down you're not even allowed to eat in the studio
why would you bring donuts these are day olds as well look he's got these yeah it's a nice way
um while we're shouting out while we're shouting out things by the way i watched jamie dimitri's yeah it's a nice anyway um
while we're shouting
out
while we're shouting
out things by the
way
I watched Jamie
Dimitri's new
special on
Netflix
how good
amazing
I want to shout
out
it's
I love Jamie
he's one of my
good good friends
love the guy
if you haven't
watched it
go and watch it
it's an incredible
piece
yeah
just staggering
bit of work
shout out my guy
love you Jay that's more than you said about my special no I of work shout out my guy love you Joe
that's more than
you said about my special
no I did actually
shout out your special
no no he doesn't
okay
no
let's do it
if Jamie was sitting
where you are
I would have
probably been like
oh obviously special
is amazing
like go and listen to it
it's really really
oh I know what it'd be like
if Jamie was here
I think we should call it
the wolf and the genius no no to it. It's really, really all right. Oh, I know what it'd be like if Jamie was here. I think we should call it The Wolf and the Genius.
No.
No, if it was me and Jamie,
it'd probably be like The Wolf and the Lion,
I'd imagine.
Okay.
This is from The Octopus.
Hi, Wolf, Al and Co.
A couple of weeks ago,
I was watching King Gary for the first time.
Open brackets, good show, close brackets.
And I was wondering why Stuart had steri strips above his eye. A couple of weeks ago i watched king gary for the first time open brackets good show close brackets and i was wondering why stewart had stereo strips above his eye a couple of days later i listened to the new episode of wolf and al only to have you talk about when you injured
your eye and decided to keep the stereo strip for king gary i found this really weird and
coincidental and it was as it was a niche thing for me to notice if you to then talk about especially
as king gary's been out for a few years not like it was the most recent episode to go out. That also happens to me when I think of a
film or TV episode I haven't seen in a while
and then shortly after it'll be showing on a mainstream
TV channel. I don't think I can predict the future
or anything weird, but it does creep me out.
Has this ever happened to you or is it just me?
I want to say thanks for the advice you once gave me in a
pod. Can't wait to see Ron perform in
Portsmouth next February and Tom perform
at the Victorious Festival. Are you doing
Victorious Festival? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why do you say that?
Octopus, Tom seems to be buzzing his tits off about that,
both of which I have tickets for, keep it up.
No, but the way you said, are you doing Victorious Festival,
is it's like I'd signed up to go to sort of fight in a war.
Do you want a more generic example to throw out there?
No, it's because we talked about festivals at length
and not once did you mention you were doing Victoria's Festival.
Yeah, but yeah, I'm getting paid what I'm getting paid.
I'm pushing my tour, mate.
That's what I'm really pushing.
So selling tickets.
Oh, so you don't want...
Oh, sorry, I forgot.
No, no, no.
It's great for people to come.
Great, yeah.
Enjoy Victoria's Festival.
But when it comes to the cash cow that is selling,
you know,
we've got to sell tickets.
So I have to,
yeah,
they've got their own PR team,
mate.
I think,
uh,
Serge is playing there and stuff.
What a great booking you are.
Not only,
not only will he not shout out
on his
podcast
but if
anybody does
mention it
he'll respond
as if he's
got a piece
of dog
shit in his
mouth
same
facial expression
as the guy
that came
into his
trailer
when he was
on Wonka
the other
day
no look
I'm looking
forward to
Victoria's
I love the
people of
Portsmouth
I think it's
going to be
amazing are you doing Portsmouth I think it's going to be amazing
if I'm honest
are you doing
Portsmouth on the tour
is this why
you're so upset
not yet
but it's one place
I really want to do
Portsmouth is a bank
I love Portsmouth
it's got a vibe to it
so yeah
so hopefully
enough people
anyway let's address
the Octopus's question
now that he's upset you
he's not upset me
I'll literally have a pint
with him after the festival
oh my god by the way Octopus if you think Tom's not upset me. I'll literally have a pint with him after the festival. Oh, my God.
By the way, Octopus,
if you think Tom's not going to get in his car
and go home straight after his set,
you're very much mistaken.
I'll be lucky about it.
I'm going to go and watch Kasabian, apparently, I think, isn't it?
I love Kasabian.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Kasabian, apparently.
So, yeah, these trippy things in life often occur.
I actually, quite a lot of the time, you know,
how often now do you notice your phone listening to you?
Like, you're talking about...
Is that real?
Mate, it has to be real.
Like, to the point where the other day I was chatting to a pal
and I'd literally then get then get like a email from Amazon and
we were talking about,
uh,
hit men for some reason.
I can't remember why.
And,
um,
and literally within about two hours,
I had like emails from Amazon about,
uh,
books that I should buy that I think,
and they were all about hit men and sort of murder.
Yeah. And then you sure you didn't look it up. Google. Cause I was wondering if you Googled something. No, that I should buy that I think and they were all about hitmen and sort of murder yeah and then
you sure you didn't
look it up
because I was wondering
if you googled something
no no no
we were literally
just chatting about it
so
and then there is that thing
that
I think subliminally
you have
things that
constantly
like you're thinking about
or
like you know
the King Gary thing there
which to be fair
is a bit weird
but that's just yeah the cycle of the weirdness of life sometimes. It is, I
love stuff when it throws out and it's, yeah, is that coincidence or is there a higher power?
Is that fate?
Yeah, but I mean, okay, a couple of things. First of all, a lot of this is confirmation
bias. It's like, you know, when you, um,
What's confirmation bias?
It's like when I actually actually i didn't even have confirmation
bias is the right term to use for this but like it's a bit like you know when you think something
then you look for things to support that do you mean so so you know sometimes if you're looking
to buy a car you'll suddenly start seeing everybody's driving that car have you seen
the film uh with will smith when they do that no what is it called it's i can't remember now
it's him and margot robbie and they're a pair of con artists
and
they're trying to get someone to bet
on some fucking gambling numbers
and they keep on throwing the numbers at the person
time and time again and at the end the whole
twist of the film is Will Smith goes
think about it
for the last two days one number you've seen
is seven and then it goes through loads of stuff
where you've seen the number seven.
That's cool.
That's cool.
Look forward to watching that.
I can't remember what it's called now.
Now that you've absolutely fucking ripped the guts out of it.
I watched it on a plane.
It's called Focus.
Oh, I have heard of that.
Is it worth a watch?
Yeah, I mean, you know what the end is now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I quite enjoyed it.
I think Margot Robbie's a bit like Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's just one of those people who's effortlessly cool and amazing.
I imagine if we met up, she'd find something sort of quirky about me
that was really intoxicating or something like that.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
So, yeah, what you've got here is a box of Crustown Donuts, Margot.
The one with the green on top, that's vegan.
No, the Tongan vanilla bean glaze is mine.
Margot, that's mine.
That's got...
You had two of the other ones, love.
That's got a green cross on it for vegan.
Why would you take the only vegan one, Mojo?
Oh, my God.
This guy.
This fucking guy in front of your face.
This fucking guy.
What are you doing?
Didn't you know there was craft services here?
No.
For fuck's sake.
Take your feet off the desk.
It's disgusting.
I get it.
You like trainers.
It's cool.
Yeah, you have a guy.
Well done.
Why are you wearing a parker indoors?
Don't go in that trailer.
That's Tom Davis' own trailer.
We keep the dogs in there now.
Anyway, the point is, yeah, that does happen a lot.
These sort of coinkydink things happen.
I mean, for example, somebody mentioned intercostal muscles to me the other day.
Right.
And I'd never heard the word intercostal before.
Never.
In fact, I thought they'd made a mistake because i just never heard
it and now i feel like i've heard it a hundred times one of your old tribes in it
not one of my old tribes well you've not heard of something so you think automatically the person
saying it's wrong and then you find out that actually what have you done there i'm trying
to figure out i can't even figure out what you're trying to say so tripe is a a meal made out of a
sheep's bladder stomach or whatever so what no it's one of your old one of your old i don't know
do you mean have you combined trope and gripe is that what's happened
you've come up with your own traits is it traits i Traits is a good one, yeah. Traits. Traits. Yeah, it is. What is it about traits?
You prick.
You're so fucking,
you're so crosstown wrong.
I saw your feet fucking go up as you said that.
My feet have been up the whole,
I wonder if people can tell the difference.
My feet have been up the whole podcast.
I'm trying to get comfortable
in this fucking chair.
Actually, can I shout out Ian Sterling?
Yeah, all the time.
Great comedian.
Voice of Love Island. By the way, can I just say, Fantasy League, Ian Sterling yeah all the time great comedian voice of Love Island by the way
can I just say
Fantasy League
Ian Sterling's
is fucking
he's like the pep
of this season
he's incredible
watching him
well he's actually
I've not bought it yet
but he's
he heard the podcast
heard me moaning
about this chair
and he's recommended me
this incredible chair
so I'm going to try
and get it
you're going to be hearing
when that chair arrives
you're going to be hearing a lot more comfortable chat from me well i mean well in fact if anything maybe
this chair is what makes me the sort of spiky prick that i am on this podcast maybe we don't
mess with it too much and then you become like too sort of chilled and you're like oh mate i'm so
relaxed oh god everything about this disgusting what you did with your face and everything is horrible.
So, welcome to the Wolf and Owl.
Hello.
Welcome to the Wolf and Owl.
I'm your host, the Owl.
Yeah.
So, do you know what?
Get yourself a cross-town donut.
I think this episode's been one of the best we've ever done.
The quality's really risen this week.
And you know what I like about the podcast?
What did you say?
Really whizzing?
Risen.
I didn't say whizzing, you fucker.
The quality's really whizzing.
Yeah.
I'm actually, do you know what?
I am going to spend the rest of my Sunday buzzing about the quality of this freeform chat
just sitting here with my shoelaces undone
I actually don't need to put my feet up
because the chair is so comfortable
do you know what I feel actually
this week's episode
I feel ethereal
and you know, can I just say in response,
thank you so much, Angry Badger, for your email.
Do you know what I would say?
Life's fine.
Relax.
Enjoy.
You and Sterling, my shares in this chair company,
I've got a squeaky chair.
All the chairs I sit in are squeaky.
I know you've got a squeaky chair.
You can constantly hear it on the podcast
it's like
the three of us
that are doing
the podcast
you make my squeaky chair
two freshly cracked eggs
any way you like them
three strips of
naturally smoked bacon
and a side of toast
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Okay.
By the way, is the swans back doing the emails?
No, she didn't do it.
Oh, okay.
This is from... I didn't mean to sound like that,
made it sound like she's had a hectic.
Well, actually, look, the truth is she has had a hectic one.
Every week for her is hectic.
But basically, we forgot.
And then she was like doing bits and pieces,
and I just said, look, don't worry about it.
Okay.
This is from a curious...
Everything you're saying now has become another character from, like,
that you're...
And I'm like, just don't worry about it.
I'll do it, darling.
I've got it, babe, darling.
I can't shake...
Go to the kitchen, Alan,
and I think you'll find yourself a box of Crosstown Donuts
that the boys at the radio show didn't want to eat.
Can you tell the kids there's some donuts downstairs?
It's not a big deal.
I just thought it would be a nice treat for them in the morning.
But please, for the love of God, do not touch the vegan one.
Don't touch the tofu bean one, please.
So if you take a bite into one and you're not enjoying it, that's my one.
Okay.
Les, this is for the curious.
I really have fucking absolutely bent over and taken it on this episode.
I mean, to be fair, I've been giving it to myself as well.
Dear Wolf and Al, your chat on a recent episode about irresponsible dog owners not cleaning up after their dogs have crapped on pavements really
struck a chord with me i speak as a dog owner and regular dog walker myself and get infuriated
that's in capital letters at the sight of dog turds left for some poor fucker to tread in
absolutely boils my piss i have a solution to put a stop to this problem i'd love to hear what you
sweet sweet souls think about it an organisation or government department is established. Samples are taken from
abandoned dog turds and DNA tested. Manitry microchipping of all dogs soon after they're
born would mean that through DNA testing, the poop can be traced to the actual dog that curled it out,
more importantly, its owner. A series of educational stuff for first-time offenders,
even the provision of free dog poop bags, perhaps perhaps leading up to a range of punishments for serial and repeat offenders community service
picking up litter fines and in worst case scenarios banned from dog ownership 100 non-profit
organizations are on with it any money raised through fines to go towards worthy dog charities
i've pitched this idea to friends family and colleagues and got overwhelmingly positive
feedback so a couple of questions for you sweet, sweet souls.
One, what do you think of my idea to rid the country of pavement dog shit? And two, do either of you have any suggestions
for a new law or system that you'd
welcome in society? Big fan of both of you.
Love the pod, keep doing you. Much love,
the curious badger.
Well, the curious badger,
I think this is an outstanding idea.
I think it's incredible.
If I was you, I would be just trying to get into Parliament
to get this passed, do whatever you've got to do
to absolutely level up.
Yeah, by legal means.
The way you've made it there,
you're asking them to storm the Capitol building.
No, no, no, I'm just saying, yeah.
But actually what you've got there is an incredible idea.
I like the thought that I said some stuff in the last one about this
and you've piggybacked it and you feel like...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Listen, I think people are used to you putting a little sly disguise
digging on me on the podcast, but now you're turning on emailers.
No, no, no, no. I'm saying that.
Listen, he's heard me say about my... That's not a compliment. That's on emailers. No, no, no, no. I'm saying listen, he's heard me say about
my health. That's not a compliment.
You've piggybacked to my idea.
This person, no.
They've heard my
musings on dog poo
and they also are disgusted by it
and they've actually
leveled up and they've gone like
we're going to fuck it. Instead, I'm just
waffling about it. They're doing something about it.
So I think you're an incredible human being.
You've saved that.
Okay,
well done.
You've saved that.
And you have my full support and my backing.
If there's anything that,
if you need me and Rob,
Rob,
Rob,
me and Rob Beckett to make a video.
Oh wow,
there you go.
The mask slipped there and you announced the name of the podcast you'd rather be doing.
Well done.
If you want me, Rob, Ian, Ian Sterling, or name of the podcast you'd rather be doing. Well done. If you want me,
Rob, Ian, Sterling, or any of the
other guys to video... If you want to listen to more
episodes of The Wolf and Beaver,
please do get in touch.
If you want me and Rob to do a video
supporting this, we'd definitely
put one together.
I can imagine it'd be like me and you walking down the
street, you slipping some dog poop and
fall over, or your Crosstown Donuts fall out,
and you're like, oh, for fuck's sake!
Everyone in the office was really going to enjoy them.
And I'm like, come on, mate, get up.
And I sort of help you up, and you're like,
what are we going to do about this bloody dog poo
that stinks up all the streets?
And I'm like, oh, there's actually a really, really good idea.
And then I sort of do a piece to the camera,
and I turn around, and you try to hand me a Crosstown Donut, and I sort of do a piece of the camera and i'd turn around and you you tried to
hand me a crushed out donut and i'd sort of say something cool like i think we might need another
box of donuts yeah yeah it's a good it's a good advert that you're you're obviously incredibly
pleased with or at the end of it
I turn around to you
and you just go
I've got poo in my hair
yeah
um
okay
well uh
actually talking about hair
by the way
um
on one car
I have a wig
and I
mate that photo you sent me
was that you in your trailer
yeah yeah yeah
that made me laugh
so much.
And I FaceTimed Catherine with the wig.
And since then, she's probably mentioned at least three times a day since
about looking into hair plugs.
Off that photo?
No, no, no.
I FaceTimed and I had to, yeah.
Yeah, but off that, with you with that wig on?
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
So she thinks that looks better than the normal you
i mean i'm quite like i quite like the tash in a weird way i'm quite getting into it
yeah i like the tash i think you should keep it yeah i'm 50 50 i'm keeping it at the moment
um anyhow anywho well uh have you hold on do you have any suggestions for a new law
new law in society that's quite a
difficult one you can leave it if you want uh i mean it would be good just at the moment if
the laws that we actually had were followed fucking hell all right jesus christ
not that i can think of the dog poo one sounds amazing. Well, listen, Curious Badger, thank you for your email.
If I can be the person to pour a little bit of kind of logic
into this whole little thing, I think it's a great idea.
However, it's obviously prohibitively expensive.
I mean, you want to DNA test dog shits?
Come on, guys.
Come on, guys.
I mean, it's just like, it's not practical,'s not practical is it yeah it's fucking incredible
it's a lovely bit of foresight and a lovely bit of no listen in an ideal world i think this is a
great policy yeah however it's never going to get here we go we don't live in an ideal world
we live in a tough world full of misconception and deception. No. Okay. Do you know what?
Do you know what?
You go and pay your
money to have dog
turds DNA tested.
Yeah.
We haven't got enough
money to do it for
actual fucking crimes.
But anyway,
Curious Badger,
great idea.
Lovely idea.
Thank you so much.
And thank you for
your email.
I'm glad that you feel
as passionate about it
as Tom and I do.
Okay.
We'll still do the
advert if we need to. And if anyone's got any,
if anyone wants to write that, send in some thoughts,
email them in or at them out and put them up on Instagram with the voices of
us as characters.
Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you.
Okay. Tom, we have come to, we've come to the end, my G.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
We've probably spent too much time pre-email, I'd say.
Pre-mail.
The pre-mail section of this podcast was...
Yeah.
Probably lovely.
Yeah, yeah.
And only two emails.
But, okay.
Okay.
Did we only do two emails?
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry, guys.
I'm right.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Here lies the grass that grows every day.
Here stands a tree that grows taller and stronger.
But for what is Mother Nature,
if not an invisible demon that rests up in the sky,
pouring scorn upon our thoughts and upon our dreams?
I jest, of course.
She does an amazing job.
But don't let the grass grind to your feet without growing a little bit yourself,
inside or outside. It's always important to become more worthy and more knowledgeable.
Lean on a tree today and just look at them and say, fair play, fella. You've been here for ages.
You're strong enough for me to lean on, but yet vulnerable enough for me to care for.
And that's what life is, really.
It's knowing that sometimes things that portray strength and dignity
are things that need care more than ever.
Here's a question for you.
Do you want to keep doing these?
I sort of there had an idea but then halfway through i sort of changed up i didn't really know what i was i i had you know at the
start of it i felt like you walking in with the box of donuts thinking it's a really good idea
and then halfway thought through felt like how you probably felt with the donuts i've already
taken the piss it's really good it's a really good one i was just taking the piss because because basically what people don't see is i i'm seeing your face the
whole time through that i know it's like it's like it's like a confidence roller coaster watching you
do those which is akin to my life as soon as you went the tree both strong enough for me to lean on
at that moment i saw the light go out in your eyes when you realize you had nowhere to go from that point
oh god um right thank you so much for listening to the podcast um we're going to try and do we
are going to try and do a bonus aren't we yeah we're going to try so yeah but uh in terms of
music also by the way check out the merch store um if you haven't seen it on
instagram um we have jumped on the back because we're absolutely we're disgusting human beings
who thought that the cheesecake thing did well so this you know what's really good is ask pebble
something you mentioned has flown off the shelves and the merch people are so excited about the
pudding chat that they've created a pudding t-shirt. We've only really had one flop.
In terms of merch.
Yeah, but I do think the party rom should have had some sort of...
I didn't say it was that, so you do know what I'm talking about.
No, but it should have had a picture of you dancing.
I actually think now you've got a Crosstown thing
that might become a thing.
Well, I don't think...
I mean, listen, I know we skirt with uh ip and originality i did i don't think putting crosstown on a t-shirt is
gonna fly unless you did a collab like you know supreme do yeah that's a great idea yeah just a
little picture of me picture me on the phone a little speech bubble going you can have these
if you want but don't touch the one with the green cross so the music
we're going to play
out with is a song
that I've become
obsessed with
it's by a rapper
called Toby Lou
and the song's called
I was sad last night
I'm okay now
and it's an
absolute banger
so check it out
and we'll see you
on the bonus episode
I'm saying that
so that we commit
to doing it
take care of yourselves
love you guys. Thank you. Peace out If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all,
please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com.
That's wolfalpod at gmail.com.
We'd love to hear from you,
mainly because we don't have any content ideas.
Thank you.