Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 40: Birthdays and Brass Necks

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

It’s Rom’s Birthday! And to celebrate the special day, we’re talking… early morning gym sessions, naming names, extreme beard trims, rubber necking, brass necks, Tom’s beef with Married At First Sight, the mystery of Ryan Reynolds and anecdote angst. Then, after Tom’s very lengthy explanations about why time exists and snakes hiss, we just about manage to squeeze in some email questions. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. Bye. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon

You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog hello and welcome to the wolf and owl podcast it's quarter past seven in the morning who knows energy-wise where this would go i've gone big early doors huh i've hit the gym already have you you? I've already, yeah. 10 to 6. Okay. Boom.

Okay. In, smash it, do it. Get it done. Yeah. While we're saying this, actually,

there's a new guy who's come to my attention on Instagram. He's called the Swole Father or something like that. Yeah, I know that guy. He just goes, go to the fucking gym.

No, no, no, no, Oh, that guy, the guy that's constantly like, he's got a mug or something.

Yeah, go to the fucking gym. Yeah. He is like, it's a mad thing, Instagram, and people who, I mean, I sound old now. It's a mad thing, Instagram. Posting up photos of your day. I don't understand it. All of this viral.

In the old days, you used to have real friends and people you'd meet up with. Not catching up via the interweb. It's the strong father of even a thing. But that's all he does, right? He just goes, go to the fucking... And then he does it in different scenarios. Yeah. And that's always his punchline.

And some of them are quite edgy. They're quite... How do you mean? Well, some of the impressions he does and some of the things he does are quite... Does he do Indian? He does an African one at one point, some of the impressions he does and some of the things he does are quite... Does he do Indian? He does an African one at one point, yeah. No, he doesn't. Yeah, yeah.

On a few occasions, he does, you know, sort of people, you know, sort of might be suffering with sort of various inflictions and reasons why you wouldn't go to the gym. And they're all quite, yeah. He's sort of... Sorry, are you taking this opportunity to call him out? Is that what's happening?

No, I'm not calling him out. I don't know if he listens to this podcast. No, I find it, I went in a rabbit hole of his. He came up, you know now on Instagram, it seems like it's pushing now more people that you don't follow. I think it's called an algorithm. Yeah, go on. So,

he's basically been coming up on my thing, so I started looking into who he is, why is he, you know, and I start then, I must have watched about 150 of his videos. Video after video. So you found it edgy and horrible and you watched 150 of them?

Yeah, because it's like rubbernecking or whatever it's called. Brassnecking. Yeah. On a motorway, I was so appalled. Not brassnecking. It is rubbernecking. Is it rubbernecking?

Yeah. If you're in a situation where you want to turn to look at an accident, a brassneck is the last thing you need. But this is the thing. The other day I was in a car with someone and I said, oh, I'm rubbernecking. And he said, no, you're brassnecking. So I think brassnecking is when you're staring right and rubbernecking is

when you turn no brassnecking is when like hold on let me look this up i'm pretty sure brassnecking is when you're like completely infallible like you don't give a shit isn't it brassneck meaning who was your mate by the way i don't name them actually i know you like to uh is it bad to name people by the way because you're my sort of stand-up mentor uh is it bad to name actually meant um name people on stage if you're doing a joke about them well you do it on the podcast and that goes on to the interweb so i don't know how saying on stage what my question to you would be why do you need to name them i just think for the

context of the story yeah but what why what you just say there's a person i know why do you have to name them i number one i find names set a story i like that i like the use of the name in a court of law they do in a witness statement they do i don't know if they do in a joke yeah but in a joke sometimes sometimes I like the thought, like, if I'm listening to stand-up or I'm listening to something, say a friend of mine, I always think, oh, who's this friend? Sometimes I like the idea of, what's their name? What are they all about?

Yeah, I would say you're almost alone in that. Really? Most people that go to stand-up don't go, there's a funny story about this guy's mate, but I'd really like to know sort of an identity so I can, who cares i'd be interested to say whether you're doing like a viewer's poll or something we'll get jt on it so yeah it's interesting to a viewer's poll on a podcast but yeah we can do that if you want a listener's poll i'll tell you something what monday mornings might be the sharp wrong time

well listen i'm wondering when you're going to mention the fact that it's my fucking birthday I'll tell you something. What? Monday mornings might be the sharp wrong time. Well, listen, I'm wondering when you're going to mention the fact that it's my fucking birthday today. What? Is it your birthday? Yes. Right, hold up. I didn't know it was your birthday. Well, I told you I was going out for a birthday dinner last night.

You don't know whose birthday dinner? What? I don't know whose birthday dinner. You know. I've turned, today, I turned 51. It's your birthday? Oh my God. I want it for all kinds of back. All right, well, for a start, I want every listener now,

wherever you are, stop for a second. And all the viewers as well, please. All the viewers get into it. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to the outstroke Romesh Ranganathan. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to the outstroke Romesh Ranganathan. Happy birthday to you. Thank you.

I woke up this morning and Lisa said, Lisa said, happy birthday. So thanks so much. And she goes, what do you want to do? And I said, do you know what? I want to start my birthday doing my favorite thing possible. And just as she started to smile, I said, I'm off to do the podcast but I have no idea is that why you shaved your beard all like that no no I'm really upset

about this to be honest with you I like it you know what your jawline looks incredible basically I got back from Korea on Saturday it's quite frustrating i've been in korea all last week and i can't really talk about it too much because obviously it's coming out in the show robin romish versus yeah i don't even know if i'm gonna have to announce this but i'm going to rom and rombish versus k-pop yeah and um and then i got home and like a couple of guys had taken photos with us we had to stop off at at Abu Dhabi Airport on the way back. Didn't have to. Well, you did have to.

And a couple of guys took photos. And in the photos, I just thought, my beard looks... You know, like that thin line between... There's a thin line between a beard looking styled and looking just like you've been out in the garden for a few weeks. So I came home and I said to Lisa, I'm going to trim this. It's doing my nut. She goes, all right. And then without checking, I just set the clip as to something I thought would

be a good length and took one big swipe through. It's so mad. Wow. Yeah. I had to finish it off. Basically now that's what you're looking at now. Some sort of George Michael tribute act thing. I've got, you have got like a sort of sort of 90s pop star, especially with the sunglasses on indoors as well. I was about to go out in my defence. So I posted this photo on Instagram because basically I was wearing a hoodie, cap and sunglasses, and the kids started making a comment that it was a bit tragic. And so I just put the photo. I just put the photo. Do you know what i i looked at it thought

he looks cool but if you were to say that you're releasing like an album sort of like r b sort of 90 sounds yeah that wouldn't have shocked me yeah if the captions are ramesh just to let you know i'm leaving stand up uh i'll still be doing the podcast but you'd be much more of an r b vibe but yeah i'm bringing out my album uh emotions and memories uh do you wanna my look at the moment is very much with like a redneck kind of vibe with this moustache you're loving the next stuff today aren't you just by the way uh brass neck if somebody's described as having a brass neck it means that they're confident and say or do what they want but doesn't understand their behavior might be unacceptable to others oh we were just talking about that before the podcast.

Yeah. Oh, my God. We should, honestly, one day, on the day that we decide to end this podcast and our careers forever, I would love to think that you and I retire on the same day, right? It'd be great. You and I move towards this final date that we go go we're not going to do anything more after this they do the final podcast and then we just release all the recordings of the little 10 minute bits from before we actually put the podcast out um talking about that then brass necking do you know what i've got weirdly like as a like it's like an addict kind of vibe

what i've got back into maths australia um oh okay okay the new series and brassnecking is something that features very heavily in there really i'd say so they talk about brassnecking a lot but at the beginning of this podcast you didn't know what brassnecking was so you've been you've been watching you you are one of the few viewers that's been out of their depth watching Married at First Sight Australia. You've got a bit of a brass neck, mate. Hold on, I didn't realise there was a car accident nearby. What's going on?

No, but people on there, there's, I think, some of the worst behaviour I've ever seen on television. Oh, my God. Listen, you've got yourself into trouble for this in the past. No, but I would say now

there's two men on there I think are at just the worst. Honestly, it makes you ashamed to be a man. They're awful human beings. Okay. I've got a lot to ask you about this, but let's start with the

safest facts. No, I don't want their names. What? I'll throw throw these under the bus everyone what is about their behavior okay we might as well like name them what who are shannon and harrison okay two two dudes right and what is it what is it that they're doing that's pissing you off so much number one of it that one's gone in and he's basically... One's gone in? No. There's no reason to have a problem. One's gone in. Oh, right. This is my accent.

Don't jump on that, brother. One's gone in. Also, I've got his blooming Invisalign in. Yeah. I tried to gig him the other day, Invisalign, with you telling me how you can gig in them. Don't. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

First of all, watch your fucking tone, okay? Because as you're starting to say that, I can see you revving up. Obviously, you've got an issue with this. But just fucking slow your roll. It's my birthday. I spoke to you and you said, yeah, I know it's your birthday.

And I'm like, that's why I'm not going to do the voice. I won't do the voice. It's your birthday. You've lent into the camera. It's obviously something that you've wanted to talk to me about for a little bit. I've been away. So go on, let's hear it.

But just stay calm, all right? Stay calm. I'm not going to do the voice. This is your birthday. I'm going to do a new about for a little bit i've been away so go let's hear it but just stay calm all right i'm not gonna do the voice this is your birthday i want to do a new voice no do the voice no no i want to do a new voice this is a birthday voice okay go yeah man yo bro listen invisalign are real cool man you can wear them when you're on stage and it makes you sound just the same as you usually sound. I wore them and a lisp is like my mouth couldn't contain my teeth and my tongue was too big for my mouth. I was like lisping all the time. And what did the Invisalign do?

You know, actually, they might be my new favourite rom and it's sad that we only get to see him once a year. Birthday rom. We found a new type of Rob. He only raises his head from the shadows once a year. He's like the groundhog. I get the idea that you came running to this podcast

like Kevin McAllister when he finds out that his parents and family have disappeared in Home Alone. Right. Okay. Tell me, what's the problem? Because the problem because i think i can help you the case of shannon oh we're doing a visalign or yeah yeah no let me just help with the visalign then we'll get back to shannon and yeah so now i'm just going to take him out during stand-up okay can i can i tell you something let me tell you something let me tell you something. The truth is, is that you get used to it. So it's up to you because you can.

So full disclosure, some days I wear them when I do the gig, when I just think I'll be fine. And other days I'll take them out. It doesn't matter how long you're doing on stage, like an hour, hour and a half or whatever. It doesn't matter. But it's up to you. But what I would say is I totally relate to and and I apologize I'm going to say this now I apologize wow if I

wasn't clear enough about that you can wear them on stage but it does take a little bit of adjustment and also your lisp or your because the other thing that I found was like when you first put them in you feel like you're like a millisecond off timing wise because you're conscious of them. And, but the audience won't know that. Yeah. It's fine. Birthday Ron could be a really good prime minister.

Oh, thank you. You're diplomatic, you're chilled, but you've got a little bit of a certain, this is what assertiveness. And you know what? If it wasn't my birthday,

I'd absolutely fucking rinse you for that. But it's my birthday. And I'll say to you, it's a tough word to say, especially with Invisalign in. Wow. Wow. Commendable. You're empathetic. Yeah.

And a little bit unpathetic. Like, your patheticness is completely reduced. Maybe this might just be now you're 47. You're like... Oh, fuck. Oh. Oh. From our airy lavender cream cold foam. Only this spring, only at Starbucks. Iced lavender cream oat matcha tea latte includes dairy. Whoa, what are you listening to this for?

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This episode is brought to you by Secret. visit your local Ford store or shoppers drug mart today right let me get back to the yeah so shannon and what's it shannon and harrison and harrison yeah shannon has uh basically gone in there when he's still got feelings for his ex and the way he speaks to the woman that he's been married to in the show in the last episode i watched which is friday's episode like was i've like i've never on tv witnessed someone like it was just horrible like genuinely. What though? What happened? He basically turns around to her and says I think you might be an attractive sort of girl but I don't find you

that attractive. I was hoping when I was getting married on this show that I'd be blown away by whoever came I was hoping that I'd be blown away by whoever came down the aisle and then I turned around and saw you and I was slightly disappointed. The way he talked to her. how did she take that because it's like she's just sat there completely dumbfounded she was literally like it was horrible to watch

then she went out and talked to the camera crew and she cried yeah really that's like the worst fucking thing that somebody yeah and then she went out she basically got herself together was very assertive went back to him but when she went i need to talk got herself together, was very assertive, went back to him. But when she went, I need to talk to you, he went, oh, here we go. And I was like, and then she said, no, I need to say my piece. And he went, oh, my God, all right, miss, all right, teacher, all right, dad. It was so, you know, it was just like, oh, my days. You're not, you're like, you're everything that's like, just, you know,

when you're like, you're on TV, bro. Like, even, like... Like, this is the worst part of a human I've seen, and you're on TV showing that. And, like, so you think, all right, he's... He's a dickhead in this piece. And then there's a guy, Harrison, who... Look, I watch that show, and I enjoy that show.

You know, I think it's a I think it you know there's a social sort of comment and different behaviour it's quite interesting to watch but some of it I'm like

this is just gaslighting like it's pure gaslighting what was he doing like abhorrent like the way he sort of basically acts like an absolute prick

to his missus and then somehow turns it round on her and then started throwing other guys under the bus. He basically got a number of another girl in a bar and was showing off about it. But then someone else, one of the other women over her, thought it was another guy, this quite sweet guy, Dan.

So he threw Dan under the bus saying it was Dan who got the number. Oh, my God. Mate, like, genuinely. Here's a question for Oh my God. Mate, like genuinely. Here's a question for you. Yeah. That all sounds horrible. I'm just playing devil's advocate here. Yeah.

Do you think these guys, well, two possible theories. One, are they being told by production to behave like that or being encouraged by production to behave like that? Yeah, so my answer to that is that's in you or it's not.

You could, like that's, no, I think that's them. I think there's an element of it being this is how I get noticed and I think that they want to be big shots

on that, but I don't, and I think it's a deeper problem if I'm going to get into that sort of, I think the problem is now that that sort of going on to a reality show

and acting like that and I don't think it happens as much over here, I think, because of things that we've been through, you know, with certain shows, but I don't. And I don't think it happens as much over here, I think, because of things that we've been through, you know, with certain shows. But I don't think we have it to that level, I wouldn't like to think, you know,

from what I can think of. But I think people go and I don't think about the long-term effects of going on to something and acting like that. But that's my question. So they go on, right? And, like, bear in mind, you and I both know, because, whatever, we've got into tv gradually and um you you're having awareness of what the repercussions are

because we both made mistakes i'm sure i've said stuff on interviews and stuff like that i've been absolutely fucking rinsed for and then you realize that this stuff like gradually as you go on the truth is you become less and less interested because you become you become more paranoid about what you're going to get picked up on we did a thing with we did a robin romesh with andy murray and you know andy murray is like so such a funny bloke like got such a great sense of humor yeah and then you know for ages he had this reputation of um of being boring or being really dour or whatever partly because of his voice but partly because of how he was in interviews i remember him saying like because he did interviews early on and he was like just himself and he'd get hammered for it and then he goes and then i just decided i'm

just going to talk about the tennis and not say anything else like he basically trained himself to be like that anyway the point i'm trying to make is these guys are just going on to tv for the first ever time they're not tv Right. They're not being media trained. And they go on. I'm just putting a hypothesis. I don't even know if I believe this. I'm just sort of like putting it across. And then the producers go to them. Oh, you know, like everybody knows it's kind of panto. It's obviously not real. And, you know, da da da da. And these moments make for good. You know, and if you say if you think of something that you think is funny or or spiky to say just say it because people know people know it's entertainment and then you get

yourself into a thing where i'm not saying it's right but i'm saying no no no which you could see that they would be lured into i think it's a valid point and i think there's probably an element of like look we both work in the business you know that production and there's going to be people behind the scenes trying to push certain elements to make it watchable. So I think this sort of behaviour is, number one, I think there's an element of it with, I was going to say youth, but they're both like 31, 32, so no, that's not an excuse.

I personally think that that's just who they are. I think that that, certainly in the case of Harrison, I think he's just, I don't know, I mean, maybe I'm just a bit naive because I sort of, you know, I just thought that sort of behaviour

had sort of, we were sort of eradicated, that sort of toxic masculinity. And I know that there's always, you know, people, when you watch it happen and you're sitting there

watching it on television, I think it's such a horrible thing to watch that that sort of, that power that someone can have in a relationship that just makes someone else feel utterly shit. It's just, it's a horrible thing to have to sit and watch. I think then there's a part of me that I said to Catherine, I was like,

I'm not, after that I watched Race Around the World. Have you seen, have you watched that? No. Incredible. Mate, you should go and watch that.

And that's positive. It's a positive show it's about relationships it's about people's you know set a challenge and you know as a partnership can you do it it's a brilliant show whereas maths i'm like yeah i find it a really difficult watch i i'm gonna the thing is by the way i totally agree with you and also you know there's lots the truth is that sort of stuff shouldn't be portrayed on tv and it shouldn't you know it shouldn't be allowed that that's not celebrated but there's a platform whatever you want to call it for people behaving like that but when i when you sort of talk like that i do think to myself sometimes in

this is a really difficult thing to say but like i i sometimes you feel like when you're in arguments or whatever, you fall out or something. Sometimes I've not been proud of, I've never spoken to Lisa in a bad way. I've never called her a name. I've never said anything bad. But sometimes, like, I like, you know, you sort of can be a bit childish, can't you?

Do you ever find that? Yeah, of course. Like, you sort of react in a way and then I think later on, not that I've ever, listen, I'm just being absolutely crystal clear. I've not been abusive.

I've not shouted. I don't raise my voice or anything like that. I'm not talking about that. I'm just saying that sometimes you just sort of go, I probably made more of a meal of that than I should have done

because in the moment I wanted to feel vindicated. Do you know what I mean? It's like you sort of go, I thought that was really out of order what you did there I thought it was bang out and actually in reality it wasn't out of order if you take a moment to put yourself in that person's shoes you can understand how that happened do you know what I mean like you suddenly look that I think right people are going to argue I argue with Catherine not me Catherine have

both fiery people you argue with yeah you know that's one thing that's just human you know human nature but if you're it's hard to explain without sitting watching those episodes but that element of turning around someone

when you've done loads of stuff wrong like in both both these cases both of them turn to the women they're in a relationship to say that they think

they're unattractive and they're not sexually attracted to them after having sex with them and then basically turning around and then saying uh them being quite horrible to them and being quite dismissive of them and then when when in both occasions that the wives in the situation sort of went actually now and tried to sort of have a conversation about it they were like you know when are you going to apologize when are you going to say you know that you're wrong and it's

like that's such that's a different thing yeah it's completely different because in both accounts the lady's haven't done anything wrong it's these two you know like i say i'm not a perfect human being as a younger man i sort of like was an idiot at times i sort of you know was juvenile but you have to sort of when you get to 30 32 to 35 to 40 you've got to at some point start taking stock of the mistakes you make and going, all right, actually, in society, it's going to work a lot better if I become a nicer human being.

I mean, this is getting very deep very early. Really deep, isn't it? Yeah, it's stuck with me. Really deep. I think it's going to set the tone for my day. I'm going to be sat by these, and she's going to go, why are you looking off into the middle distance like that

in such a ponderous way oh you know just thinking about relationships and taking ownership of your mistakes and stuff like that and she goes

are you alright are you having a bit of a are you a bit worried about getting an office it's a podcast today it's a podcast yeah I mean there's

very nice moments in maths as well so I'll just say that there's very sweet moments that just make you smile and you can sort of you know I wouldn't watch it until I well. So I just said that as well. There's very sweet moments. It just makes you smile and you can sort of, you know, I wouldn't watch it till I had a new birthday.

I'd say that, yeah. Watch one of your Marvel movies or sort of, you know, get in your, I don't know, Barney Rubble slippers and watch a movie or something. I watched,

um, I watched Free Guy again yesterday, which I've watched before with Ryan Reynolds. Any good? Uh, yeah. I mean, for what it is it is yeah i would say like the kids loved it it's like this guy that's uh he's an npc do you want an npc is no it's a like a

computer controlled character in a game you know like you know when you play a game and they wander around in the background oh like grand theft auto the nobody yeah yeah well there you go that's the whole crux of the film now are those people nobodies? So the whole game is like this guy that sort of has a moment of self-awareness. And then that is kind of the journey that it's like it's a comedy. It's like an action comedy. Is it funny? Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was funny. Yeah. Taika Waititi's in it as the guy that creates the game. But Ryan Reynolds is just effortlessly charming, isn't he? I found myself sitting there watching it feeling really jealous. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, he's charming, but he's also like, I can never quite, he's really funny as well. He's just, yeah, he's just so watchable. But I can't sometimes work out exactly what he does. Do you know what I mean? Like, he's one of the most watchable human beings on television. But he's just got it, hasn't he? You know, like, I think you've talked about it before,

where you just meet somebody. I think you had it with Timothee Chalamet, where you just go, these people were always going to be stuck. They've just got an aura about them. They've got something about them that makes them watchable. Wasn't he on Disney as a kid? He was on a Disney channel.

Wasn't he in Two Guys and a Pizza Place? Have I just made this up? I swear he was at... Or was that Ryan Gosling? No, was it him and Ryan Gosling? I'm thinking of. Jesus, that's a hell of a show, whatever that was. Was Ryan Gosling's Amazing as well, wasn't it?

Oh, God. But that's what I mean, though. Those guys, you and I... I'm not taking anything away from these people, because it sounds like I am. But you and I could go and... Well, actually, not you, Tom. I would consider, acting-wise, you and I are not in the same, we're not in even the same stratosphere.

No, no, no, no, no. But like, but I think that there's some, like I could go in and do exactly the same thing as Ryan Reynolds in Free Guy, right? Like, you know, just theorise that I was able to- Can I just say, by the way, before, knowing the premise of Fall Guy, arguably I think it's a better movie with you as Fall Guy. It's Free Guy, but yeah, I take your point. Yeah, Free Guy, sorry. Arguably, I think

my only thing when I read that as a movie, and I remember looking at it, was Ryan Reynolds felt too charismatic to be that guy. I know it sounds harsh, but actually if that had been you or Zach Gafanakis or someone who felt a little bit more like...

Because I'm less charismatic. Mate, I think maybe 100% of the population are less charismatic than Ryan Reynolds. I wouldn't get too prissy on your birthday about that. No, no, I'm not... I mean, I can tell you as it's your birthday that you're as charismatic as Ryan Reynolds, but I don't think it's fair to lie to you.

No, listen, I'm not saying I'm as charismatic as Ryan Reynolds, but I'm boiling down what you're saying, as what you're saying is, first of all, you started off as a compliment. Romesh, I think the film would'm as charismatic as Ryan Reynolds, but I'm boiling down what you're saying. As what you're saying is, first of all, you started off as a compliment. Romesh, I think the film would be much better with you in it. And then you went on your supporting arguments because Ryan Reynolds has got too much charisma. You can understand why I slightly bristled.

No, but Free Guy would have, for me, right, been a better thing if the opening bit had been you sort of like coming out of a coffee shop, like in Grand Theft Auto, I don't know how it works, and sort of like there's a car robbery or something really big happens you drop your coffee and go oh i've been looking forward to that soy latte and that like that had been the opening of the movie so you couldn't even keep up not doing that voice for the whole episode on my birthday no no that i had to use it for that situation, right? In Free God, I genuinely think

it would have been a better movie if you had been in it. Thanks, man. That's really kind of you. Like you or, what's the guy who glasses out

of The Hangover? Ed? Ed, oh, I know who you're talking about. Ed Helms. Ed Helms, yeah.

Yeah. Like, that's exactly who I think of when I think of that sort of person. I was watching, as I always do,

I think we talked about this, but like, you know know i talked to you about putting on white noise and stuff like that in the background or music or whatever loads by the way can i say thank you to loads of people have emailed in with suggestions for white noise there's like white noise apps and stuff like that so thank you to everybody that sent that in but one of the things i do when i'm away is i have the american office on in the background right because i've watched it because i've watched it so much yeah that there's like, if you're away and you're feeling a bit like

you're in a weird time zone, you're feeling a bit janky. It's not a weird time zone. It's normal for them, all right? Don't cancel me. But like, if you're in a different time zone, you put that on as like a comfort thing. You're away from home or whatever.

Ed Helms' character arc in that is unbelievable. It's amazing. It is unbelievable, man. Like, what he... He's my favourite. And also, he's got some of the best lines ever. And he's so deep in it as well. Mate, it's...

They're so... Because the thing is about that show... I mean, this could be an American Office podcast, to be honest with you. But the thing about that show is they're all cartoon characters, right? All of them are cartoon characters. But the depth and nuance beneath all of that is just unreal, man.

It's incredible. And all of the soppy bits, not the soppy bits, but the sweet bits, they're never too saccharine. They're never too much. It's just... You know the joyous thing of it is, and why there can be cartoon characters, is because they're on TV

right and that's how people behave this is what you've done is a brilliant callback to what your point was earlier about maths yeah

it really was yeah that's what I was doing that's what I was doing yeah just going back to Gosling versus Reynolds right I do think sometimes

if you're in that Hollywood clique right and you're in a WhatsApp group and everyone's going out on a piss and you get a text saying Ryan's coming. Right. It's a much different night in it. If Ryan Reynolds turns up from Ryan Gosling,

I think if you're kind of hoping that if Reynolds rocks up, you're like, this is good. If, but if you, you get your head into the game thinking, Oh fucking time, it's going to be 11.

You know, Leo's out, Brad, Jennifer Lawrence, Ryan's coming. Oh, fucking can't wait for that. And Gosling turns up. You're saying you'd be disappointed that Ryan Gosling turned up?

No, I like Ryan Gosling's work. I just feel Ryan Gosling would be... A different energy. You'd be trying to swerve, getting stuck in a corner with Ryan Gosling over Ryan. Ryan Reynolds, I think, turns up. You know, the night turns into a kind of day. I think you'd struggle with Ryan Reynolds turning upnolds turning up shall i be honest with you yeah i could imagine there's a party and you're like doing your usual thing of being life and soul center of the thing just like telling your jokes

and cracking your anecdotes and like have i told you about this potpourri thing i mean like everybody's laughing and cracking up you're having a great time everyone's going oh my god tom you're jesus man i've got to invite you to everything. You're so funny. That's just what, listen, I'm not trying to be funny. It's just who I am.

Right? And then they go, Ryan's turning up and you go, everyone, Ryan's turning up to the party. You go, is he?

Oh, well, that'd be nice. It'd be another member of the audience. Another member of the audience for my witty repartee. Then Ryan Reynolds turns up

and he's just absolutely fucking smashing it. Comes up, hey guys, did somebody order a party? Everyone's like, oh my God, start cracking up. I could just see, imagine you just fucking grabbing a... Doing that thing where I'm laughing, but not with my eyes. Then eventually he's like, where's Tom gone?

You're just sat in the corner of the room with a tray full of Volavance you got from one of the servings, just eating it on your own. Drinking out of a quarter beer, a quarter lager. Just somebody comes up, you all right, Tom? But Reynolds being Reynolds would come over and go,

hey, man, you okay? You want to get over there and tell one of your funny stories? At the end of the party, fucking tease you up for one, just to have a moment back in the sun. Oh. Yeah, also, by the party, he fucking tees you up for one just to have a moment back in the sun. Oh. Yeah, also, by the way, that, the tee-up,

in a story situation when someone tries to save you, I don't think there's a worse place to... That is where... Nothing ever could come from that. You're in a situation... It's happened to me on panel shows. Mate, it's happened on panel shows,

chat shows, whatever you the radio if someone's looking at you going he's having a mary no one he's no one's gonna remember him he doesn't remember he was at this party i know line him up for the potpourri story he's got that and then you start it wrong and then you know that's my overwhelming fear still of stand-up what's up just just just like starting but then not being in the mix. And then it all just... Oh, mate, it's like you're in the middle of a work in progress tour, right? I've just started my new tour show. And the margin for error between a story absolutely flying

and just fucking going for almost nothing is so slim. It's so... When you're trying out the new material, obviously by the time you get to tour, you know how do it right you've got it like nailed but that when you're playing around with it a routine that could absolutely smash one night yeah you do the next night and for no apparent reason just because you've your takeoff has been slightly different you fuck it completely and you can't understand what's happened like you're sort of in it going what have I done I did three shows last week

two of them a story that I've got smashed it yeah third night I slightly sort of set about in a bit of a different way

and it was oh my god yeah just this is let me rattle through this as quick as because then you just lose all faith

yeah 100% and actually arguably it's easier on stage in a work in progress than it is in a house party with someone who's lined you up and gone oh mate that's the funniest story i've ever heard so also by the way do you know how many people say that so this is the best one this is the best one so like i've been in conversations and i've noticed it quite a lot recently you're chatting to people and go, they'll tell you a story,

tell you another story, and go, oh, no, no, best one is this one. Best one's this one. And then you have to sort of listen to it and try and give a bigger reaction because this is their best bit. And you feel like, you know what, the second or arguably the first story was a lot better than the third. Do you know what, I'd like to hear some of the other ones and make my own judgment on whether this is the best one, actually. No, no, no, no.

I'm quite happy with three stories. I don't need to listen to seven and then vote on which one I think is the best one actually no no no i'm quite happy with three stories i need to listen to seven and then vote vote on which one i think is the best one yeah i sometimes people do stuff in conversations that i can't actually believe the level of confidence i mean like in a group setting where somebody goes here's one uh where would you go on holiday if it was the last opportunity you could you could ever have to go away right like like people do a conversation stuff the the guts on that i i find it remark i find it amazing man like i i couldn't ever do that like that just the fear of tumbleweed going why why are you why are you suggesting that this isn't whose line is it anyway what are you doing what are you doing you couldn't do that because it

would feel like the start of a bit because you couldn't start with that and then just have something funny to say a funny observation because it would feel like you

anyone who's doing that has got a funny answer to it it's like when people go what would your last meal be if you were going to get killed

if you were your last meal in prison I think mine would be shit because I'd really want to die also I wouldn't have a shit meal if that was me

yeah I wouldn't you wouldn't go out and say shit you wouldn't want to go out and go like also if you're about to die how much thought

are you giving into what you're going to eat surely there's a bit of sitting there thinking about repercussions maybe you could have taken life a different way yeah

you can have any meal you want you're not going to go oh actually you know what going out with a bit of a bang you're surely going to go, oh, actually, you know what, going out with a bit of a bang, you're surely going, oh, well, this is the end. It doesn't really matter, does it? I'm starting to feel like

you brought up this topic because you had something funny to say about it. Wow. Fuck it. I'll tell you something, brother. I wish I could spend a whole day with you now.

Birthday Rom. Yeah. It's like, you're like an episode of The Simpsons with Homer, where he's just like, he becomes a different beast on his birthday. I bet like the kids are literally all hanging outside the door of the studio, aren't they?

They're all, and Lisa's like that, walking around going, what's his birthday? You know, he's happy on his birthday. Theo, if you need some new trainers, today's the day to ask.

Fucking then, your neighbours are like, is it rubbish his birthday? Yeah, just everyone just chewing up at the door. We thought we talked to him on the 24 hours that he's actually not a miserable fucking prick. That must be rubbish his birthday, Lisa. I can hear sort of a nice whistle. Yeah, sounds like the kids are happy.

The dogs aren't whimpering. Look at Alex running around in Scotland. Must be rubbish his birthday. That's unusual, the sun to be out at this time on a March morning. Oh, God. Right, should we do some emails, my guy? Yes. Christ, you've got a ghost here.

We've only got time for a couple, I reckon. Yeah. Tom's got a ghost here, not because he's got more... Well, he's not got more important things to do. I have. It's not more... Nothing's more important than this, but I have...

I've got a... Yeah. I've got a costume fitting. Okay. This is from the Peregrine Falcon. Hello, Wolfowl and the Swan. I know. Thanks for this week's episode.

It was so great to hear these stories. It reminded me of a few instances when I was younger. One of them was on the last day of school when I was a kid. I ran across the road without looking. I was hit by a neighbour. They totally freaked out and made me stay on the ground while they were trying to figure out how to get me help. So the next car coming to the scene was a police cruiser.

The officer steps out and it's my dad what instead of waiting for an ambulance he picks me up and sets me in the front seat and rushes me to hospital lights and siren on uh now the next thing you need to know is i was totally fine and i just wanted to get home for my birthday party i know the feeling so the rest of the ride to the hospital my dad starts grilling me about why i got hit did i look who was with me if you've interrogation, it's basically what I sat through. And by the time we got to the hospital, I wasn't sure if I was in trouble or not. And my kids love this story,

and sometimes I hear them sharing it. I find it really weird that they share my stories instead of their own. Do you ever have this in your lives, and how do you deal with it? God, that took a left turn, didn't it? From the Canadian contingent, Peregrine Falcon. Well, Tom, do you want to own up

that the potpourri story wasn't't actually yours that's the fourth time you mentioned the popori story today i bet you've been telling that while you've been in korea do you know what it's somebody came up to me the reason i'm mentioning it is first of all i love that story as you know yeah uh i think somebody mentioned it to me abu dhabi like because i listen to the war for now and that's their favourite story so that's why it's popped into my head I'm saying it's a compliment it's one of my favourite comedic moments yeah

Catherine will sometimes bust one of my stories and yeah I always think it's a compliment when you hear it it's a sweet thing isn't it you know like there was a Hollywood movie with someone like Ryan Reynolds, probably, because, you know, it's that nice moment where you're coming through a door

and you hear someone sort of saying a story or saying you've been through it, and you just hold just for that few seconds just to hear the punchline, and you sort of look at an old grandfather clock and give it a wink, and then just sort of walk into the room and go... Why are you winking at a grandfather clock?

No, I just think grandfather clocks are always sort of like for me just holding the steam of all the clocks if you're going to wink and nod at any clock

that would be a grandfather clock okay you know it's like almost like it's like old father time isn't it

it's just looking at him and going hmm that one still works sort of like just a sort of like Hollywood doesn't have that smile and wink as much as it used to.

You're turning off the clocks, no. That sort of smile and knowing wink of sort of like, very sort of like... Yeah, but you're doing a knowing wink to a clock. Yeah, I always just think... I mean, if there was a dog there, you might do it to that. Or something alive that actually recognises it. But also, the clock stands for so much.

Time has always been here, Ron. That's the one thing you don't understand. Well, I mean, I don't even think that's true. Is it time something we've made up? What? No, we didn't make it. Time is one of the things that when we first got, Adam and Eve or whoever you believe, right? Whoever the first settlers were,

I'm not going to get into this. Adam and Eve. Yeah, the first settlers were, and I'm not going to get into this, because it's bigger than the argument. Yeah, the first settlers, Adam and Eve. Yeah, go on. What? When they first got here, there was a list of things that were, like,

they had to set a premise, right? One of them was time. Okay. Like, yeah. So arguably, the first thing that they discovered was lists. Yeah, well, no.

They had an idea of, like, okay, wow, like, fucking hell, hold on, what's going on? Like, it's getting darker. Yeah. And then in They had an idea of like, okay, wow, what the fucking hell? Hold on, what's going on? It's getting darker. And then in their heads, they're like...

They settled in South London, did they? This seems to be happening all the time. And it's like, what the bloody hell is time? And then that sort of became... That's how time came about. So they said the word. Hold on, what's that hold on what's that so that again so that again time yeah well what does that even mean it's like well this i don't know it just sounds right and i just think that that was like one of the things it's like look we seem to be in sort of

something of a cycle where it goes from like it's really like dark and then it cuts light then it's dark and then that's how time was invented you know um what i think you should do is if you ever decide to abandon your kind of current like direction in stand-up is you should just turn up and like just do a history lecture right and like just your history lecture and you go what do you want to and you can take the situation with yours what do you want me to explain? And they go, can you talk about cavemen? And then you just go into it for an hour. I would, I would.

The cavemen came after Adam and Eve, right? I don't, I don't believe that cavemen and Adam and Eve are actually compatible as theories, is my understanding. Yeah, but someone's got to have been here. Look, whoever you think it is whoever's sort of like yeah yeah sure but what i'm saying is like cavemen a lot i'm not 100% about adam and eve because all the snake stuff and the apple i don't like i'm not that's what

throws you off yeah i mean it all you know yeah because i don't believe that like yeah number one if someone tells you don't eat that like you and everyone's like oh yeah people are going to do it i think i think they'll be a bit more cautious than that so the bit from the adam and eve the apple and the snake bit that you don't buy is them eating something after being told not to and you don't have an issue with the talking snake no i mean the talking snake i think is slightly obviously throws you off because we've never seen one since but also i mean if you're going to start believing in God and stuff and God's up there

looking down like a puppet master, it's the first thing he's going to look down and go, get over here quickly to one of the engineers of the Earth and the guy comes over and goes, what is it? He goes, snakes now. Stop all the snakes talking. That's not worked. That's a massive

fuck up on my part. That's really, that's not happening. Get rid of the snakes chatting. Actually, from now on, just bring me a list of different sounds that the animals can do. What about this? And then obviously because the snake's completely fucked him

and fucked all his plans, he gives the snake the worst sandwich. It's a hiss. That might be one of the funniest things you've ever said. I'm really sorry, mate. I've made the snakes talk. Look, my bad. I'll mess up.

It's an absolute fuck-up. It's a ricket here. You only get one opening. By the way, I had no idea that elephants were so fucking chatty. So we can take that away. That's my second move. What sound are we giving elephants? Just, again, nothing really.

Just a sound that implies that they used to fucking bang on. Just sort of an annoying kind of noise. You only get one run at the first couple. He's absolutely fucking had a ricket with a talking snake. And that's why animals don't talk. Yeah, there you go. And that is Tom Davis's Book of the Bible. The Book of Tom.

Thank you very much. Your email, Peregrine Falcon. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking,

paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal, probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's got to be KD. When you got to do you, it's got to be KD. Shop now. A fresh voice can speak to you and open your ears and your mind to new views and new perspectives. The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture. Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you, taking you to greater heights.

Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at Michigan.org. Today. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together.

Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong they can feel it. Fight together. They're teaming up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong, The New Empire. Now playing only in theaters. Next one. This is from The Relaxed Penguin. Hi, sweet, sweet souls. The Relaxed Penguin here. Before I begin, please see attached a link to a mug with a picture of Romesh with tits.

Oh. What? I've included this for Tom's pleasure, perhaps for Swan's pleasure too. Oh, my God. What is it? Is it a picture of you and boobs? Yeah. I'll share that on the Instagram.

I will do. Do you want to see it? Hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. Okay, let me see if I can... Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. You can get that on a mug.

Yeah. It's called Romesh Ranganathan with tits. Wow. Everyone Google that. It's from a website called Footballers with tits okay um i would like to ask your opinion on family holidays we have made the dreaded mistake of asking some family to join us on a holiday without having the basic foundations in place date location etc however we have a dedicated whatsapp group and running up and running no date can be agreed

no location agreed and we are now stuck the issue for me is my partner cannot book ourselves and the kids another holiday out of fear of upsetting the other family members to jump in the gun without them but it's been three months and nothing ever happens how would you approach us with the family we've tried in the past but when we do uh they just say let's book something in the next couple of days but it never happens they have young kids like us and we know the kids will love it but we're getting into spring and still nothing booked. Any advice? Thankfully, the relaxed penguin. P.S. Romesh, I live in Stockport.

Thank you for the big props in the past. P.P.S. Tom, I'm shocked after Romesh's game report at Stockport. Why have you not booked a date here for your tour? P.P.P.S. I have the pebble in our downstairs WC and enjoyed explaining its origin story over Christmas. Take care.

There you go. There's somebody that told your story. P.P.P.S. Is that? Someone There's somebody that's told your story. Uh, so yes, is that, um, someone else's. Yeah. So I'll just sort of share the,

share the world. Um, well done Swan on picking these very, uh, linked emails for a great work. Um, can I say that, um,

you know what you've got to do in this situation is just go and book it. I think you, you start a conversation, your group and saying, hi guys. Um, we need to organize our holiday due to work commitments or whatever, at work they need to know when we're going,

so we're going to book the holiday, we're going to book it tomorrow. That's almost like it sets them a deadline, so they either jump on it or they don't. Look, I've been in so many situations, me and Catherine had it recently actually, when we were talking about going away with friends, and it was constantly just like no one would make the commitment of when we go

so in the end we were just like you know what we just we just went ahead and booked it and we booked something and when we said in the group that we're in that we're booking it we've just booked a holiday and literally it was like everyone's sort of like everyone's shoulders were lapped and they were like oh good because we didn't really want to go with one of you anyway um uh but they're um yeah i'd say get it done just say that you're doing it the main thing is you have something to look forward to you and your other half your family um you have a nice holiday and i think it's very important in this day and age to have those cornerstones a year marked out when and when, and I think, yeah, knowing that you're going away,

knowing when you're going is really, really important. So get it done. Um, great advice from Tommy D as always really good advice. Tom, and can I take this opportunity on my birthday to say that I'm constantly, uh,

surprised, uh, and delighted by the advice you deliver on this podcast. You really are a special, special person. So thank you so much for the podcast. I love you too. Can I also take this opportunity to say I wish I could just hold you today for at least an hour?

I would love that. I would love that. I would love to get in now and say to Lisa, look, I know you had this birthday breakfast sorted out. Can we just put a pin in it? Because I have booked an hour's hug with my friend tom davis wow i wonder what a reaction would be probably fury um i i think uh i first of all the first mistake you made was agreeing to go on holiday with another family absolutely insane don't do it don't ever do it doesn't matter how close you are with the family don't ever do it

guys don't do it and i know people get in touch and say, oh, but we've been going on holiday for years. It would still be better if you just went without them. That's a fact, okay? So just accept that. The other thing I would say is, I agree with Tom, you need to get it booked. I have got a suggestion I think you need to say to them. Assuming that you still want to go on holiday with them,

which I'm assuming you do, you want to get it locked in. I would say something along the lines of, you have got to get something booked in. Otherwise you're going to lose the holiday from work. Like you, you've got to, you've got to get it, you've got to get it booked and you've got to book it off.

And what you don't want to do is book the time off and then you end up doing nothing. So there's a deadline on it. Can they commit? And then if they say they can't, then you're great. You go and do the holiday without them. And if they say they can't,

you've got to save your holiday sorted out. That would be my advice. I hope that works. Right, Tom, we're going to have to do a slightly shorter episode today. What's your movements this week? Have you got any other time? So if we try to bring in another little one.

Why are you doing that on the podcast? We'll discuss after. I mean, it's a lot of pressure to put on you on your birthday. Do you celebrate for a week? No. Your birthday or? No, no. It's not my birthday week.

I barely want to celebrate today. I've got friends that celebrate. No, some people celebrate for a week. I've got friends who do. I'm not a big birthday guy, I've got to tell celebrate. No, but some people celebrate for a week. I've got friends who do. I'm not a big birthday guy, I've got to tell you. No, me neither. I like birthdays. Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, cool. It's a nice day. Yeah. Yeah. But what will happen is, is when the little G gets a bit older, it'll be, she'll want to celebrate daddy's birthday. That's what I've got with the kids. They like, you know, they want to do, they want to do a nice thing for the birthday.

Oh, that's sweet. I imagine they're inside now going, fuck you now. want to do they want to do a nice thing for the birthday i imagine they're inside now going fucking hell what does he want us to do oh so we've got to pretend it's us that want to do it yeah because because of fucking ego in there off doing this podcast you know he doesn't even plan it he just like sits in there with his mate and then they put it out a bunch of narcissists all i've got the picture is just like just charlie at the end of the table just sitting eating eating a bit of toast, just shaking his head, just so disgusted he can't even say anything. Okay, hit it.

Yo, what's going on? Listen, I think that life is full of moments, almost like the game Passer Passer as a kid. Every now and again, the music stops and you pull away a layer of sweet, sweet wrapping paper, hoping that the present that lies beneath layer after layer may come. What you don't realise is actually the anticipation of the present is sometimes bigger than the present itself. Thinking, is it going to be me or Peter or Graham or Liz who's going to be the person who's gonna find the present the excitement of that can sometimes be

overbearing but actually that's what life's all about it's sometimes about being prepared to unwrap the parcel that sits in front of you and just be confronted with more wrapping paper knowing that maybe the person after you, or person three or four, places down the line, will eventually get the present. Enjoy just being able to hold the parcel and get in and go. Enjoy just getting the chance to unwrap.

Thinking, you know what? It's not about the present, it's about the taking part. Smile. Be glad you're in company. And enjoy the small moments of just unwrapping a new day a new moment and thinking to yourself you know what i got it that was absolutely beautiful well done tom thank you what a birthday present thank you so much yeah um also because charlie's

just texted me saying, we've got a game of pass the pass. Why have you got my eight year old son's phone number? We swapped it when we were playing FIFA. Guys, I was delving through some old R&B and i found a song by the pop r b solsters damage wow wow yeah yeah and this song is a banger it's called i'll still be loving you i hope you enjoy it uh take care of yourself by the way yeah it is a tune uh the video is hilarious man have you seen the

video yeah but i know jay a bit from that yeah shout out jay uh take care of yourselves and each other see you next time bye-bye As long as the sun will shine You'll always be a friend of mine And I'll still be loving you I'll still be loving you Although I have to say goodbye Just stay here in this heart of mine And that is the reason why I'll still be loving you. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us

at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.