Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 42: Lightsabers & Noisy Sandwiches

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

We’re talking… multiple apologies, building your own lightsaber, sandwich-gate and some very angry listeners, sexing up the King’s coronation, the pain of picnics, agro wasps, the dangerous combination of tight trunks and a full bladder, embarrassing nearly-naked experiences and audition let-downs. Plus, a jam-packed email about fatherhood, envy and playing FIFA online. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Yeah. Yeah, what do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred.

They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served. Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler. That ain't just a mistake that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping

impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog yes oh yeah boom what's up yeah hey um apologies apologies for last week big apologies big apologies people well i've got, people. Well, I've got a lot to apologise for. You've, I mean, I think it was a combination of things. Last week's podcast not going out. Weirdly, I think this happened last year because our wives sort of share a two-day birthday. Well, they don't share a two-day birthday.

Their birthdays are on consecutive days. Yeah, I know, but in royal terms. I don't think that they weren't in direct communication with each other, going, how are you going to do your... It was just... So what happens there is it meant that Sunday was out and Monday was out. Correct.

And then the rest of the week, I was working quite hard while you were. And also, I was on a time difference because I was in Disney. Were you? I in fact arrived this morning. I mean, you look like you've eaten a whole deep fry bucket of disney boy do you reckon mate i've never like it made my heart flutter and skip and smile when i was seeing you doing selfies i think that was a good hard injection in you yeah that was it was it was did you how often did you frolic and laugh?

Quite a lot, actually. I mean, I think there's something about going on a ride with your kids. It's like amazing. I mean, and then seeing your kids see stuff they love. So, for example, my kids are all into Star Wars. So we went to the... Yeah, I mean, you're into Star Wars now, I think it's fair to say. Yeah. so we went to the yeah I mean you're a Star Wars nut I think it's fair to say

yeah so we went to the Galaxy's Edge which is like the Star Wars bit at Disney and it was mad fortunate what's Lisa's feelings on Star Wars I would say suffers in silence

all of that do you know what I mean she's sort of thinking I've got a husband that really should be a virgin and then he's bringing up his three kids exactly like him do you know what i mean so i think no but that's a that's a cute thing yeah uh can i just ask one question star wars and because you've been to like the star wars mecca is there um how close are they to actually making real lightsabers uh well they i there's a great question tom but actually uh lightsabers are difficult because the lightsabers in the films

don't sort of tend to obey physics as such i mean like sometimes the effect they have on something is very different in one scene than it is to another so i imagine recreating that is quite but if you're a nerd what what i would say to you is thank you for saying if you were if you were no i said if you are if you're a possession like if you are in it oh sorry oh okay but if you that must absolutely get your goat like if you spent your whole life fantasizing about like having a lightsaber and then the moment you realize that physics has got in a way and you'll never be able to hold one or thrust one yeah well i think people have tried to make them i've seen tiktok videos what i did what i can tell you is i took the kids to get

to make lightsabers so obviously they're toys so they do this thing called build your own lightsaber where you go into this workshop and you choose what handle you want and you choose what color crystal you want to put in there so hold up in the center so just did you get one yourself by the way no i didn't thank god i didn't because they were trying to convince me to and can i be honest with you one of the main reasons i didn't is knowing that i'd have to come with this podcast that's that's probably um did so hold up where are we with like mock Probably. So, hold up. Where are we with, like, mock lightsabers now? What is the tech like?

Well, there's different types, right? So, you can get lightsabers, which is like the one I had as a kid. Yeah. Which is like, it's a plastic thing that retracts. A sphere, is it? It collapses into the handle. And it lights up. And it's quite light. Yeah.

And also just gets smashed with one big lightsaber fire yeah but but the ones that the kids got are sort of the top end ones which were like you basically custom make your own handle with like obviously you don't fully make you're not carving it or whatever but like you've got the selection of pieces you choose one of four different types by the way i'm i don't want this to become a Disney advert. So let's just be mindful of that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've ever seen you saw a different type of say they all chose their own kind of saber and then and then basically they do this bit where like so it doesn't retract the blades out the whole time but what happens is when you switch it the light moves up the thing like it does in the floor I mean and it and it and it's like that can you have a decent lightsaber fight with it? Yeah, well, based on what they've been doing,

you definitely can. But the big concern was getting it on the plane. But thankfully, the plane was jam-packed full of fucking losers that all had lightsabers. So if the airline had a problem with lightsabers, they'd have to evacuate the whole flight. Did it have a sort of passing resemblance? You know, like, is it Tat tattooing when they're all on there and they're all getting on there?

Well done, man. Really good. I've watched a bit of Star Wars back in the day and they're all getting on their aircraft. Did it feel like that? Like,

did people have them in scabbards type thing in their belts? No, but they do give you a lightsaber sheath to keep it safe. What was the coolest thing that you brought

when you were out there for you? I didn't buy anything. What? I saw you doing it with Mickey. No, I bought a Star Wars hat. I bought a Star Wars hat, like a bucket hat. But did you know, I'd be silly, man. I'm obsessed with it.

I'd go anywhere. Even if I'm not into Marvel or Star Wars, I would... Yeah, yeah. I'm really into it all but my problem is is i've made this mistake in the past where you get you get holiday giddy and in the context of like being there you think this is going to be a cool piece of kit but i but i i knew that the second i wore it outside of of the disney complex yeah it would be it would be unacceptable so i i managed to sort of uh i managed to kind of stay clear of that you've got to be careful with you because there is quite a few people mean you know who buy the sort of adult

suits and wear them and stuff yeah and look i'm i'm not gonna i'm not gonna lie i have dabbled with the idea of buying a full Stormtrooper costume. It's something I've had a conversation with. A full Stormtrooper costume? Why would you buy that if everything? It's cool, isn't it? Like the big... Well, I don't know.

It requires, like, if you've got a Spider-Man uniform or a Thor one or a Superman one, you just pop it in a drawer and hide your shame. With a fucking whole Stormtrooper one, where are you putting that? Basically, it's got to stand in your hall like a suit of armourtrooper one where are you putting that basically he's got a stand in your hall like a suit of armour

as people walk in yeah basically that's what that was absolutely described the plan you've got such a Lisa I'm going to tell you

Lisa's not having that no but I I talked about having it in my office you know what I mean rather than as people what would you just buy a mannequin

sort of that it was on yeah no you just have like a display I'm sure you could source a stormtrooper display stand do you know what i mean what's that face for i just thought that the the saber line was the saddest thing i was gonna hear but now i've got you know what me and you will be in a writing meeting or be doing something and i know that you'll be on your phone and I'll be thinking

he's not texting someone he's at the moment outsourcing a whole storage system for like well I already

looked up lightsaber display mounts for the kids yeah but that's not that's kind of cool but a stormtrooper display thing

I mean where would you wear it just walk around the house in it I guess so yeah it breaks my heart, by the way, that I wish that you'd been

a Stormtrooper in one of the Star Wars movies. Yeah. That would be my favourite Star Wars film. If your character

was a Stormtrooper, his heart was really in it. Yeah, it'd be your favourite Star Wars film because it'd be the one that killed the franchise for

fucking ever. Imagine the forums on that. I'd love it. Sorry, what the fuck is going on? Why did they cast me? Who's that stormtrooper who just seemed to fall over

under his own feet? Who's that stormtrooper that keeps trying to eat a sandwich but can't take his helmet off? Speaking of which, by the way, that's the other thing i've got to apologize for oh my god absolutely i have been subjected to a torrent of hatred right and first of all what i want to say is i'm not i'm not giving I'm not saying that this is explaining it. I'm not absolving myself of responsibility. I recorded the podcast on the morning of flying out and I was

trying to wait something quickly because we were running late to the airport because we wanted to get the podcast done. And so I did, I made two fundamental mistakes. One is I ate on the podcast and two in an effort to sort of keep it to a minimum i took an eternity to eat it those are the two complaints is that one that i uh that i was eating in the first place and then some people said it rendered the podcast unlistenable wow secondly that i took 40 minutes apparently i've had that number quoted to me it took me 40 minutes to eat the sausage sandwich so i do want to categorically apologize. A lot of people were very nice.

I replied on a couple of comments on our Instagram page just to say, sorry, Ozzy. It will not happen again. I promise you it will not happen again in the same way that a lot of our format ideas never do. I can guarantee it in the same way that our funny name section, nickname section or our

shouting out small businesses all of those things it will never ever happen again I didn't notice it being that bad but yeah

well yeah I think that two eaters can't judge whether the sound of eating is making a podcast and also like if I was out and about

and listening to a podcast I could just hear someone sort of like because you've got kind of that clag mouth haven't you when you eat well I was eating I was out and about and listening to a podcast, I could just hear someone sort of like... Because you've got kind of that clag mouth, haven't you, when you eat? Well, I was eating a sort of... Yeah, I know. Lisa had got in this kind of quite seedy bread.

Which... I'm not blaming her. But, you know, it's difficult to work. It's slightly more... Slightly trickier to work through than a white loaf. You do a thing where... I remember being backstage with you and you were eating some crisps work through you do a thing where um like i've never been backstage with you and you're eating some crisps when you do that after you yeah do you want to do

it again do it again so everyone can hear yeah um it's like you're just willing to sort of go around your mouth do you know what you've just reminded me of? What? Is when we watched a parade on holiday, a Mickey Mouse parade, Disney parade. Yeah. And I got some popcorn, and Lisa took a sort of unsolicited photo of me while I was eating my popcorn. God, I'd love to see this picture.

The amount of popcorn that I was trying to cram into my mouth in one go I actually, I don't think she has done but I actually asked her to delete the photo because it just said so much to me about what I am which is disgusting, greedy fucking monster

it was horrible, I'm watching a fucking parade do you know how long the parade lasts? 15 minutes, if that what, and you try to eat a popcorn yeah but I'm watching a fucking parade. Do you know how long the parade lasts? How long? 15 minutes, if that. What, and you try to eat a popcorn, a big figure popcorn? Yeah, but I'm like that. I'll eat a popcorn. Smash through the whole thing. I'll eat a large popcorn before a film starts.

Easy. Oh, God. Easy. Like a wolf in a pack. Do you know the most, yeah, and then stand up and all this shit falls off. A little kid walks past and gets a medium off your shirt. But anyway, so most people were quite understanding. I do want to read this email.

I'm not going to say the name or anything like that, but we did get one email that was particularly passionate about this. So I'm going to read it to you. I know we're not in the email section. Hi, Swan. I've listened to every podcast, most of them twice or more. I also listen to Romesh's bbc podcast i've never emailed any program radio show or podcast ever this next bit's in capital letters why why

why does romesh think it's okay to eat a sausage sandwich on two of the recordings because i've done this before it's rude and food noises are a well-known antagonizing thing he bangs on at tom about being an audio format, yet thinks it's okay to chew food down the mic. Does he think it makes him look cool and sound like he's really laid back, or is it complete disregard for the listeners? It makes me physically angry. Not only this, but it apparently takes him 40 minutes to eat the fucking thing each time.

Oh, did he say fucking? Wow. Yeah. Between chewing, I have to listen to the equally annoying sound of him talking like a fucking hamster with food in its cheeks. Please ask him to reconsider it in future. Maybe eat it before recording something he gets paid to do. I know it's free for listeners, but let's not pretend he's doing this out of goodwill only. If you can't choose another time in the day to eat a sandwich, maybe eat it at a pace that doesn't mean every segment of the podcast includes it.

I'd like to point out that he apologised three times for eating during the most recent episode, series two, episode 41, Dental Care and Disney World, so he clearly understands it's wrong. I won't be the only person feeling like this, I guarantee that. Wow. I mean... Well, that's pretty full on, right? It's pretty passionate. So listen, man, I just want to apologise. My instincts when I read an email like that are there are other things going on. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, my heart goes out to this guy.

But I've got to say, I didn't notice it being... And also, I've never ever in my life ever attached... I've never walked past someone eating a sausage sandwich and go, look at that cool rider. I don't think a staple of the Fonz was like, how do we make the Fonz look cool? Give him a leather jacket and a sausage sandwich and go, look at that cool rider. I don't think a staple of the Fonz was like, how do we make the Fonz look cool? Give him a leather jacket and a sausage sandwich. When I first entered my midlife crisis,

I thought, I've got two choices here. I can either buy a sports car or I can eat a sandwich on a recorded format. But either one's going to make me look fucking cool. I don't know which one I'm going to go for. Anyway, but in all seriousness, I do want to look at some people actually were like, look, they weren't annoyed.

They were annoyed about it, but they expressed it in a really polite way. They just said, can you please not? And so I've taken that on board. I get it. I should have known because I used to do a podcast called hip hop, save my life. I had Catherine Ryan once on it and it created,

we got a torrent of abuse for it. So, uh, look, I'm really sorry. I, you know, I haven't got,

I think it's called misophonia. That's when like you find the sound of somebody eating just absolutely offensive and disgusting and unacceptable. Yeah. So, uh, look guys i'm sorry well i'm really sorry that's a very honest and actually one one person complained i replied to them and then they said oh i didn't mean it you know it was just a bit it was just a

bit annoying but they actually backtracked but they didn't need to backtrack i think they felt bad that i'd responded but so anyway i'm sorry how did it did it have a bearing on your holiday too but so anyway i'm sorry how did it did it have a bearing on your holiday at all yeah it did it ruined my i read that particular email while i was queuing for for tower of terror and and i would say that it didn't upset me upset would be way too strong i did think holy shit i was quite surprised i was taken aback by the passion of it. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis?

Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis.

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Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong. The new empire.

Now playing only in theaters Do I sound wavy today? I got off a plane like a few hours ago and then I've just watched Arsenal absolutely fuck it against West Ham Yeah, yeah, yeah

I apologize if that has any effect upon my demeanor Do you think your jet lag because you fly off again tomorrow Tomorrow Yeah You know you're a modern day demeanour what is do you think your jet lag because you fly off again tomorrow tomorrow yeah

you're like you know you're a modern day jet setter now what do you mean well you're going literally flying around the world yeah I don't think

it's acceptable now is it to be doing that I mean we shouldn't be flying anywhere should we well yeah you're not fucking you're fucking

wolfing down sausage sandwiches flying around the world like fucking Willy Fogg three children I'm not Greta Thunberg's worst nightmare down sausage sandwiches flying around the world. That fucking Winnie Fogg. Three children. I'm not Greta Thunberg's worst nightmare. And I'm brow.

That's the other thing she don't like. What? I'm brow. Massive racist. Famously. Famously. That was a joke, by the way. Greta Thunberg's lovely.

I don't think she's racist. Have you met Greta Thunberg? Do I like her? No, have you met her? No, I've never met her, no. Nor do I imagine I will do, I don't think. Oh, no, you know the Prince William and all that. Are you doing anything for the coronation?

Uh, no. No, I'm not, no. It's a weird thing. It's like, the coronation is him becoming king full on, right? Yeah, I mean, he is king full on now, right? I mean, does he get an extra thing? Yeah, but it's... You know what?

I think... I know that it's really cool and, like, the old-fashioned way that they get out... Is it? Yeah, the old... You think the coronation's really cool? No, that... Look, it's tradition, right?

So you get the horse and cart and you've got all that old stuff, right? Yeah. You know, whatever. I do, like, going back to Star Wars, remember at the end of Star Wars stuff, right? Yeah. I do like going back to Star Wars. Remember at the end of Star Wars,

it does feel like I've just watched Star Wars. Have you done a research thing on that? No. You know when they all get their

medals of honour at the end of that first Star Wars, Han Solo, Chewbacca and Luke and everything? Yeah. And Leia?

Yeah. I think they need to sex up this whole correlation thing a bit more, you know? How do you mean? Well, just give it a little bit more sass, rather than making it more, like,

sort of just give it sound a little bit more, I think. Like, make it a bit more shiny floor. I know, but give it something a bit more. What do you mean? Like, what do you want to give it a bit more? Like, Beyonce sings the national anthem. Mm. Here we go.

Now we've got some good ideas. It's not in a stuffy old church or some cruddy old castle. Where would you have the coronation? Probably at Wembley or the O2. I think that's a great shot. Yeah. You turn up and also instead of a car, he turns up in something that's sort of like a floating.

This comes out microphone, like, sector in one hand. The crowd's being brought over to him. He goes, who wants a new king? Make some noise. The whole crowd go nuts. No, you should... And they get Michael Buffer to introduce him in. The guy does the boxing.

Are you ready? And then Charles comes in, right? He's got a big sword. And he has to fight six people. Over your country for the next foreseeable few years. But I think something like that. Or like he plays a one-two with like Saka and then scores a goal. And then he runs and gets coronated that's a great

idea i just think like six oh give it a little saying yeah i think that's a great shout i feel like do you think anybody cares we're getting a bank holiday right yeah i mean what do we get like three didn't we? Yeah. Inshallah. But, you know, people that haven't enslaved themselves to a job that ignores weekends and bank holidays. Are we working the actual coronation day? No, not on the Saturday, but on the bank holiday. Yeah, on the Monday.

It's a weird thing, isn't it? I mean, is it a sign that we've lost touch, that we're complaining about working on a Monday? No, I'm happy to work on a Monday. Yeah, me too. But do you think Charles is going to be nervous? I don't think he's going to be. He's not hosting an awards, is he?

He's just literally got to turn up and make sure the crown doesn't fall off. I mean, that's my other thing with it, is whether he makes a bit more of an effort and there's a bit more to it in that direction as well. I want you to say, please don't know how I mean that's my other thing with it is whether he makes a bit more of an effort and he has a bit more there's a bit more to it in that direction as well I want you to say please don't don't say

**** don't say **** it's like nervous he's going to absolutely drop a point are you quite right because you're mates with William right

I'm not mates with William no you've hung out with him and watched football with him I went to yeah I watched the FA Cup final with him once for this like

mental health event which is yeah quite a lot for him you said to me he was quite he had a chat with him I went to yeah I watched the FA Cup final with him once for this like mental health event yeah quite a lot for him he said to me he was yeah it was

weird actually sitting with him because I watched the whole game with him it was me him and Tony Adams and

yeah it was like obviously where is it at his house or no it was in the grounds of one of the royal plate...

I can't remember which one it was. It was quite a drive-thru. Did they have a barbecue or...? No, they handed out picnic baskets. Picnic baskets? Yeah, little, like, they're quite posh, actually. Little sort of posh picnic baskets. What's wrong with that?

I can't stand picnics. It's one of the worst things. One of the worst things? No, one of my worst things is picnics. It's one of my worst things. One of the worst things? No, one of my worst things is picnics. Well, go on, why? Catherine will sort of, every year, she'll get a new picnic blanket and sort of get like a basket and they'll be sort of like this.

What are you doing to the blanket? Well, you sit on it, don't you? Yeah, but what's happening to it? Do you need to replace it on an annual basis? Well, I don't know. They just get dirty or they get left out in the rain. We just got down the pot. Should we fold that up and take it?

No, I'll just leave it. It's biodegradable. It's usually my job to put stuff away in the garage or the shed. Let the ducks have it. Oh, right. And then I'll forget and I'll just sort of leave it huddled up somewhere and the next year it's just covered in mould and bacteria. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. But I just find it a very anxious thing, picnics. up somewhere and the next year it's just covered in mould and bacteria so we get like but I find like I just find it a very anxious thing picnics I think like woodlouse crawling all over you

it's like a fucking celebrity I'm a celebrity trial wasps bees flies it's the wasps that are the big thing

it's why I find pub gardens you know beer gardens an overrated experience like you know what if you said to me oh you're going to go

for a picnic, meet me in Italy, I'll be up for it because I don't think they've got the same problems over there with stuff. No. Spain,

Italy, France, been to France a couple of times. So if I said to you, let's go for a picnic. Yeah. And then I said, do you want to do it

right near your house or do you want to do it in Italy? That would be the preferable option, wouldn't it? I'd rather go to a park in Italy because I think I, we'll tell you this, right? I think the wasps that i've noticed in other european countries aren't as aggressive as the english ones uh yeah i think i don't think

that's true of every country but certainly european yeah i think i've been like i've generally i remember being out in uh our honeymoon out in italy lying on a like uh one of those things you get next to the swimming pool where you lie on it right um sunbed yeah lounger not a sunbed is that i've absolutely i've absolutely had a rick of that and a wasp late uh came and sort of lay next to me and i was like freaking out for a little bit thinking fucking hell this guy's gonna and he just lay there almost just like getting the sun himself had no intention of harm before I know it I've done

two three hours just laying there with him next to me there's an argument that that would be true of any wasp mate in England they're

it's like in England they've had a like boot of gear and they're flying around just trying to sting anything or anyone that moves they're so aggressive in this country

yeah yeah maybe you're right actually I had a thing once where I was filming a thing and I felt something crawling across my foot. I looked down, barefoot, I was barefoot. I looked down, there's a scorpion.

I shit myself, but it's very chilled out, very chilled. I've never told my scorpions. I told it at one of our live shows. I've never told it on this. Is this a story about when you were in golf for Columbia? No. Not many people know that was you, do they? No, since I've gone bald.

Oh, gosh. I went on a school trip when I think I was like 13 or 14 to France, and we went swimming. And I pulled up my swimming trunks and sort of sprinted out to jump in the pool. And as I was sprinting, I felt a burning sensation on my willy. And I sort of stuck my hand down my trunks to see what it was. And I'd been stung by a scorpion on my helmet. Oh, my God.

On the helmet? Yeah. The agony was absolute. And I pulled the scorpion out and sort of threw it. And I screamed like you'd never heard before. Well, I've never heard you scream at all, I don't think. Yeah, yeah. But this was...

Any scream would fit that description. And I threw the scorpion off, and I sort of then just pulled my trunks off as well, just in case there was any other scorpions there as well. Yeah. Honestly, mate, this is the right bit of fun here. Sting them on the bell end. honestly tell everyone tell everyone you stick him on the bed and i'm gonna make my way around to his arse up i'll tell you what i'll tell you what let's let's do heads

or tails for the gooch i threw my trunks on the floor and then just was and then i was hurting so much i thought the ice cold sort of swimming pool would sort of cool it down so I jumped leapt into the pool and that just like it was salt water

so it just stung me even more but it would have healed it though better yeah I know but fucking hell until I turned

a 13 year old that yeah like and I was scarred from that Jenny had a scar from that have you got a scar now

yeah yeah on my penis yeah yeah you've got a scorpion sting scar on your penis yeah yeah yeah on my penis yeah yeah you've got a scorpion sting scar on your penis yeah yeah yeah

it's like yeah it's like a little yeah have I told the story have I told the story about me pissing myself I wouldn't be able

to show you would I yeah of course you would would that be ok maybe on the coronation bank holiday that can be a little treat end of the day I'll show you the scar

on my penis nice little wrap up nation bank holiday that can be a little tree end of the day i show you the scar on my penis nice little wrap up have i told you the pissing myself story in school swimming pool no i don't think you have where we had a swimming pool at the school like it was really manky kind of like you know like a paddling pool that got, I got above it station or whatever, just like, and that's where they used to take us to learn swimming PE teacher. And, uh, I was about seven and I had, and my mom had this thing where she bought me. I don't know why she did this.

I was really fat kid as you know. Yeah. And rather than buying swim shorts and one bought me, she'd get me really tight trunks, really tight trunks where like my penis was basically squished into like my body like fucking i was about to use the star wars reference like han solo in the carbon but um but anyway it's really squished against my body that's relevant to the story right and as we were getting to the swimming pool obviously i was only seven so i didn't really know what the ramifications of this were. Cause I wasn't in an industrial swimming pool. I was in a closed water.

I mean, I don't know what the filters are like there, but I really needed a piss. And I was climbing up the ladder to get into the pool and I thought I'm just going to piss in the pool. And as I climbed up the ladder, my body must've just gone, oh, it's piss time. So as I got to the top of the ladder i started pissing and where my dick was so tightly against my body this high pressure jet of piss just shot out the side of my trunks and then i got so embarrassed i just jumped in the water so basically what happens the whole class saw me shoot a jet of piss and then with that jet continuously

running like a firework i jumped into the closed pool anyway suffice to say that brought that swimming lesson to an end with immediate effect what did everyone say were people like what did everyone say they ripped the shit out of me for the next two academic years. That's what they said. I'd already got shit for the fact that... This is how tight

my swimming trunks were. My PE teacher, when I came out for swimming, winced. Physically winced. Why did you run by him like that I don't know I don't know

I honestly they were like cut into my body it's like do you know action figures where like the crotch is a separate section so that the arms

and the body can be poseable yeah that's what that's what it's like like you're a G.I. Joe kind of vibe. Yeah, except without the actual physique. Did it not cut the blood off

to your legs? Yeah. It was horrible. How long did you have it for? A long time. Every time I went swimming, when I took my trunks off, I'd have the outline of the swimming trunks for about a day, two days afterwards. Did you not complain? I just thought that's, I don't know, I just thought that's the style of swimming trunks that my mum wanted me to afterwards did you not complain i just thought that's i don't

know i just thought that's the style of swimming trunks that my mum wanted me to wear so i just carried on i didn't it didn't occur to me to comment on it it's a weird thing isn't it because you wore everyone wore speedos back there right yeah yeah yeah so that wasn't unusual that i was wearing trunks it was the size of them you know a size of swimming trunk that make your p teachers eyes water i had to wear them in the Curse Series 2 that's just coming out in a couple of weeks. And I put them on and I thought, I don't, didn't, you know when you put, I thought, I don't look too bad in these.

Like, you know, I could have looked better, but I was relatively happy with how I looked for a man of 43 in some Speedos, right? Yeah. And then I walked out and there was like 20 other guys all in speedos and you can when you watch this scene of me in the speedos you will see my whole my confidence just what confidence just waver like i literally just look there was one guy who brought his own speedos right and because the design made his his penis look far bigger than it actually is.

And he's explained that he'd always worn this design. He brought, like, multiple pairs. So whenever he went to the beach. And, like, going for lunch when everyone sort of, like, you know, like everyone sprints to lunch on a set. Like going to lunch when you're sort of standing. It was so, like, the front of my. Did you eat lunch in your trunks?

Yeah, I put a t-shirt on yeah yeah okay fine fine yeah but there's something like that when you've got a pair of trunks like that

and they're tight on that's one thing when you've got a pair of those trunks on and they're a little bit baggy around the front I think that's arguably a worse look

yeah yeah it's you know yeah and Lindsay who you know and one of our dear friend Lindsay

had said to me what sort of size do you think you'll need and i was like i'll get an extra large or an extra large it sort of hit me quite quickly that i could have probably worn a medium or a large an xxl or an extra large was so fucking such a big move it was so but honestly you got like i sat with my legs closed for most of it yeah i was so embarrassed yeah and that would have made you look cooler i think um me and rob just did uh rob romesh versus k-pop right and i don't want to i don't want to spoil this because it's not coming out for a while yet but i would say so you're supposed to do we did a korean scrub right and you're

supposed to do that naked and we decided not to do it naked and we were given pouches right and rob's pouch was rob colored and my pouch was romesh colored and what i would say is it's the only thing i've ever worn that i felt was more exposing than being completely naked i mean it was it was i'm actually genuinely i mean i've done some embarrassing things on tv but i'm actually dreading that coming out man i i don't so on those pouches right oh i i did a sitcom many, many years ago, a pilot of a sitcom with Joanna Lumley. It never got aired. What was it? It was basically me and Joanna Lumley playing roommates.

Right. It was one of the first things I did. It was really funny. It was just, I don't know, Commissioner Change or something, and it was amazing developing it with Joanna Lumley, who's like an absolute legend. Anyhow, the writer of the thing,

you know, when you read a script and you'll sort of like speed through the scenes just to sort of see when you're talking, you'll read your lines, but you don't necessarily read this sort of stage instructions. I'd gone for this audition. They were like, did I went two or three times met

joanna and then as i was leaving the sort of last audition they said oh and you're okay with the hallway scene everything's fine with the hallway scene i was like yeah i'm cool with the hallway scene it's fine it's cool yeah yeah i was like thinking what the fuck's the hallway scene but maybe i've got something against hallways i was like i didn't't think anymore about it until, and we were filming in front of a live studio audience, right? And the woman came in and said, oh, we need to talk to you about the hallway scene and, you know, just what we're going to do for the hallway scene. And I was like, cool, yeah, okay.

So we ran it a couple of times, just the dialogue between me and Joanna. And it was, the whole idea was that I'd been locked out of the apartment and I was just locked in the hallway. And it sort of dawned on me when I started reading the lines that I was actually naked. And sort of the woman came over and she said, oh, yeah. And she gave me one of those pouches in which you were talking about. So it was when you just basically.

Is it called a modesty pouch or something? Yeah. So you put your penis and your balls into the that and then it that's all it's essentially a little sack for your your junk right yeah um so they bring this over and i was like oh have you not got a sort of like is would it be funny like you know when you start literally scrapping around to save yourself oh i actually think it'd be funny if he's like t-shirt and shorts yeah or he's just wearing a pair of silly pants and everyone was like no no it's hilarious because he doesn't think this is a big deal um and you know obviously joanna's character is completely like what the fuck why are you walking around with no clothes on but he thinks it's like and i was like cool

yeah yeah i don't know if i'm good enough actor to ever portray the fact that i'm chilled about this all right and they were like, you know what, this is one of the funniest scenes in the piece. I was like, it's not one of the funniest scenes for dialogue, it's just fucking hilarious because you've got a guy with a massive gut who's naked, essentially. And it would be great to

get this in front of the studio audience. And I was like, what? And they're like, I think just because they'd really, really laugh. They'd find this funny. They'd get a hoot out of this. And Joanna Lovely, to her credit, was like, what? And they're like, I think just because they'd really, really laugh. They'd find this funny. They'd get a hoot out of this. And Joanna Lumley, to her credit, was like, I don't think this is fair on him to do this to him. I don't think we should make him do that.

But my candor and sort of ego, it was not one of my first jobs, so I thought, you know, I don't want the reason I don't get the job to be that I'd sort of, I didn't do this. You know, I wanted to impress. Yeah, sure. So I put this modesty pouch on and I completely empathise with you. Without a doubt, it is far more embarrassing. And also you're conscious of the fact that is this modesty pouch

actually preserving your modesty throughout the process? I mean, that's the other thing. The laugh of the sheer audience. Has this now just become a pouch? Or has this become a side decoration? Are you merely... Is your dick now wearing a bandana? These are all the things that go through your head.

Does your... You know what? Bobby Norris wore one. Bobby Norris wore one, didn't he? Bobby Norris wore one, and it went viral. He had a little green one that he wore when he was on the beach in Towie. So we do the scene and Joanna's like, oh, love, are you okay about this? Why don't you put a dressing gown on?

I was like, what's the fucking point of a dressing gown on? They're all going to see this anyway. And it was the laugh that the studio audience gave was just you know and i had to sort of stand so i was facing the studio audience so she was just looking at my part i mean it was fucking absolutely i'm guessing i'm guessing based on what you've told me about this scene there'd have to be different moments where like for example you you lent differently midway through a bit of dialogue to show something else and to sort of like did you have to do stuff like that where or you might like put your foot up on a stool or something well the whole thing was that she came in and like sure she came out and she was talking to me and i'd sort of got my back so she can see my bum and then i sort of turn around and go oh sorry

and then i hold my giant and then the camera's coming from the camera's basically like yeah it's always getting my my backside in in shot uh but then it looks like obviously i've not got any pants on so that was a whole how were you in the same awful terrible because i couldn't stop thinking about how embarrassed i was yeah it was like well done for doing it though i don't think that's a well done i think that's it i think i should have gone i'm not doing it i think more of myself than this like when you've talked a lot about this right yeah it's not it's not like i don't know i'm trying to think of it's not matthew mcconaughey or someone else who's got a six-pack being found naked like it's not like your man kit harrington being found. The joke's clear. The joke's clear.

I know. It's that bad, though. It's like we did, we did, we did, Rob and I did a ballet show. Yeah. And we did a gymnastics one as well.

And we came out of the changing rooms in our gear. And the guys were saying, this is so hilarious. And obviously what is hilarious is how Rob and I look in the stuff i mean like so is that but i mean is that bad i don't know arguably you're dressed up as ballerinas right right you are in a in like again if that's matthew mcconaughey and even they're going to be funny dressed as a ballerina i'm naked the joke isn't the same i'm i'm i'm like as god intended maybe you'd say

it's not like i've got i haven't got it i haven't got a bit of sh i haven't got a bit of shtick or a sort of silly umbrella i'm standing there naked and that's the joke like like i look back at it i think i wish I'd just turned around and said, no, I'm all right, I'm cool, I'm not going to do that. Joanna Lumley would have backed me, that's the thing. I'll tell you about, I got offered a part in a film, in an American film, and they said, you don't have to read for it.

And they're just fans of yours, and so they're doing this movie in London, and they want you to be in it. It's just one scene, and they think it's a really funny scene, and they think you're just fancy yours. And so they, they're doing this movie in London and they want you to be in it. It's just one scene. And they think it's a really funny scene and I think you're perfect for it. And I said, yeah, it sounds cool. And then I got sent the script and it was the two main characters walk into a shop, knock something over, and then I come out and go, Oh, you bloody bastards.

What the fuck you're doing in my shop? Your shit. And I was just like, I can't, I can't. I said, I said to fly. First of all, they're not fans. What they've got brown comedian on arrival in the UK. I've appeared somewhere on the search and they thought, OK,

let's tell that guy that we're a fan of his work and let's get him in to do this. work and let's get him in to do this. So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? The answer is FedEx. Okay, but what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx.

Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. FedEx. Oh, but let's say that... FedEx. What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx, where now meets next.

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The Happy Stack. Only at Kudo. Conditions apply. I always find that a weird thing when someone says, like I had it with, I had to do a Zoom casting the other day, and you know you get fucking full of the shit from Americans, and like these guys love you, right? Man, they love your stuff.

They're going to absolutely, they're so happy you're going to read for this. They've absolutely got blown their minds. They've watched your sizzle reel and all this sort of stuff and you're like you're absolutely sort of like pumped up like you know get on the call on this zoom and within seconds it's apparent that they've never seen you do anything like yeah it's so like it's so or the the other thing is where they give you the impression that this is yours basically you know like you go and do a thing and they go, so, um,

you know, I don't even know if you want to do it, but, uh, we love you. And, uh, listen,

we'll, we'll be in touch to square up the details. I've had exactly this this week, like this fucking amazing film thing comes in. Right. I get like, I'm besieged by emails on Tuesday last week. I'm on set of this thing. I'm filming. I get like, I'm besieged by emails on Tuesday last week. I'm on set of this thing.

I'm filming. I'm like buzzing. I'm like, wow, this is fucking sick. This read the script. I'm like, wow,

fucking all this reads incredible. Like genuinely, no, you read saying, you're like, and they want me for this part. You're like, wow,

this is amazing. Right. So I'd say I'll get at least 35 emails that come in the back of this job right no yeah like it's like yo do this do that can you definitely make this call can you definitely make this call right i'm like in the break of the thing i'm filming i'm getting like i've got to do an american accent so i'm getting the american accent in my head i'm like like so pumped for this call right i phoned katherine i'm like look i'm gonna be late getting back because i'm gonna do the call from here so i've got like i can sort of get my head like all of this shit right i do the good i get on the call to the director nice enough chat sorry decent enough guy clear he's never

watched anything i've done uh it was like you know it was clear it was just a rat you know he's just speaking to 30 or 40 other people it isn't my part he hasn't put any music right i do the audition i do a couple of scenes with him we read through them i do okay he he sort of as it was a little bit critical of my american accent um and then i've heard nothing since that's not necessarily but i mean this american stuff is like it's like being gaslit it's insane bruv I'm like wow like nothing

nothing I thought it happened to me so like I end up pathetically because I am pathetic as a human being I'm a

I've emailed them nearly every day since like someone I met at a bar who I know is not attracted to me how long ago was that Tuesday

I just got yeah but I still think you're in the running I might be in the running someone I met at a bar who I know is not attracted to me. How long ago was that? Tuesday. I'd just gone. Yeah, but I still think you're in the running. I might be in the running, but at least email me back. The problem isn't even with the part anymore. The problem is I've emailed you now. I'm going, how did it go? Or do you think it's all right? It's like, and you know that fucking this is tragic.

I'm opening myself up to sound like an absolute loser. Like, you know when you've emailed someone four times and you've got nothing back. And I'm like, yeah, still here. Is there an American holiday that I don't know about? No. Any news about that part?

I'm like, so thirsty. No, you know, you know, when you get really tragic is when you go, just wanted to touch base to say, look,

realize you must be busy. Don't worry about replying um let's just see how let's just see how things pan out i totally started googling just to see if like there'd been a problem over in america with like systems thanksgiving too uh just making sure i've just had a check to see if all the servers in la have gone down this week seem they're okay. Any news about that role? It's just tragic, man.

It's like, I know it sounds like dramatic, but there's a part of me that sat there afterwards and thinking, this is why you shouldn't get excited about things. You know? This is why you should just be happy with your lot, be happy where you are, and just like, don't. No, but the the truth is true happiness comes from not wanting anything like you know you have to go into these things going

it'd be cool if it happened but i don't need it and what this is my happiness is not determined at all by the outcome of this do you mean like this is what i'm saying about the the run-up to it it was constant yeah like i i could every time i looked at my phone there was another sort of like email like it was yeah yeah it's happened to me where i'm dead set bang on for it and they're wondering if i actually can find the time to do it and then i don't get it no no but then you're like thinking oh yeah we'll have to sort of move this around i might have to take grace and katherine to go and live in iho yeah yeah uh lisa just a quick just a quick thing not nothing major we're going to live in new zealand for three years um because i'm playing an orc yeah it's not definite it's like

i'd say 98 to start looking around i guess i don't know maybe phone your mom in the next couple of days to say see you in a bit. Email's not come in yet, but look, I think let's still start making arrangements because they were, honestly, they were super keen. Nothing. Super, super, super keen. Seems weird we've sold our house now, isn't it? Yeah, I agree.

Maybe the deposit on the property in Auckland was a mistake, but it's gone now. What were you even thinking about getting a ranch? Yeah. So listen, bottom line is we are going to be living in New Zealand quite near a film I could have been in. But financially, we do have to actually go. Both of the dogs are putting kennels for three years.

Oh, God. both of the dogs are putting kennels for three years oh god right we should do at least two emails shouldn't we yeah we should all one let's you know

let's not overcommit okay this is from oh it doesn't say oh grizzled bear why do I keep umming like that Jesus This is from, oh, it doesn't say. Oh, Grizzled Bear. Why do I keep arming like that? Jesus.

Hi, guys. You've been doing a lot more since you did your Prince Charles impression. It's a bit like, I've done it again. You know when a compere does an off-the-cuff comment that they're pleased with? Yeah. You see that a lot. Where they go um what so um i guess he's gonna be waiting for you outside the toilet then um yeah oh mate i've done it in the past i'll probably do it yeah hi guys i hope you're both well and loving life as much

as you appear to be when i listen to your mad podcast firstly let me say that i've been been i don't know do we seem do you think we appear to be loving life i'd like to think yeah i mean i guess we are i mean i do love life contrary to popular belief my life is always brighter when you're when i'm doing this with you i've got to say same same for this one hour when we're doing this creatively bereft podcast that's what i've got my happiest and then i stopped the recording and I go back into my house with my wife and children. Um, firstly, let me say I've been listening to you guys for the past

six months in a desperate attempt to catch up to hundreds of hours of your banter. I've been in Canada almost 18 years and loving 99.99% of my Canadian life. The one thing I miss apart from one pound Jaffa cake is this good old fashioned British banter. So you can imagine my absolute joy when I stumbled upon your podcast a few months ago. I'm sure that all my neighbours and a few random people on trains and buses must think I'm some sort of nutjob

as I literally laugh out loud listening to your podcast on a very regular basis. On one classic occasion, I literally spit out my tea while walking my dog. Okay. Do you, Tom, do you, will you walk around with a mug of a hot drink ever? Is that something that you do?

What, outside my house? I don't know, like you wander about, you leave the house, you've got a coffee on the go. No, no, no. No. I mean, I might go to the garage with a coffee and just sort of sit there and sort of chill for a bit, but... Yeah, but I mean, would you like go...

No, I wouldn't have taken, you know, God rest his soul, I wouldn't have taken you know that's his godress himself i'm gonna take my dog for a walk with a mug of tea or a mug of coffee i think that's kind of yeah but then actually thinking about it tony soprano used to do that a bit it's kind of quite a cool thing i think it's a lot of stuff that tony soprano does that i'd like to not the killing people and stuff like that but the kind kind of... Yeah, yeah....constantly reheating pasta from the fridge. I'm a big fan of that. Yeah. I still sort of try and do that

and, like, don't get it as right. I'd love to always have some baked ziti just in the fridge, ready to reheat and knock up. Do you know what I mean? He was a G, man, wasn't he? Yeah, he was a G. He was a G.

R.I.P. Okay, backstory. I'm an East Ender person rather than a soap character, and I've lived in Vancouver, Canada since July 2005. I've been as blessed as an atheist can be to have been very happily married for 28 years to my high school sweetheart. And with her, we have the two most wonderful adult kids who proved that all those early years of struggling through sleepless nights, having no money, listening to the wheels on

the bus 7,000 times a month for eight years were worth it. I grew up as the middle child of five boys of immigrant parents and as such times were hard and unfortunately for me i hit my full height of 5 foot 11 by the age of 11 so i had to wear the hand-me-downs from my older brothers who stopped growing at 5 foot 4 and 5 foot 6 i fear i'm not enough given enough credit for unintentionally inventing ankle swinging clothes for men culottes for men. My kids are son 26 and daughter 23. My wife and I have tried really hard to get the things they needed

as opposed to all the things they wanted. We're very proud of the fact that both of our kids were able to complete their degrees and are in full-time employment and in great relationships. Well, congratulations. They both enjoy amazing lives and here's the problem. I find myself wishing that I had someone like me as my dad. I find myself wishing that I had someone like me as my dad.

I'm ashamed to admit that in moments of anger and frustration, when they're annoying gits when they were younger, I've spoken these words out loud to my kids. They've whispered the words bellend in response. My question is, do you think it's normal to resent the childhood you've given your children? I know it's irrational and definitely stupid to be envious of a life that they've only had because my wife and I gave it to them, but do you think they're right when they say, Dad, you're only who you are as a dad,

loving, supportive, funny, et cetera, because this isn't the childhood you had and you were overcompensating? Grizzled bear. P.S. My son has the most amazing job ever. He's a soccer consultant at EA and his whole day is spent playing FIFA and telling the programmers how to make the game better.

Wow. That is a fucking amazing job. That's a fucking incredible job, isn't it? You cannot imagine how frustrating it is when your 26-year-old son gives you a nine-goal lead playing to 10, and then mullers you 10-9 into an insult to injury, scores eight of those goals with his goalkeeper. Wow.

Interesting. Okay. Tom, quite a jam-packed email, this. Number one, one of my first things to sort of unpack from this is you'd think that he'd be getting better at FIFA if his son works for them. There must be some inside tricks, right? I mean, there are, right? You know, don't you?

You had FIFA coaching. Oh, man, you prick. I told you that in confidence. You're a fucking arsehole. You dropped me there. That was... Do you know what? I'm going to give you credit for that.

That was genuinely, like... That was checkmate shit. You just... So... What, you had a couple of sessions, didn't you? No, I had, like, 20 sessions.'t you? No I had like 20 sessions I had 20 20 paid sessions

yeah go on oh god during lockdown I got obsessed with FIFA and playing FIFA Ultimate Team to the point where it would ruin a weekend if I lost a few games or I just

I had like a different like route of putting that would mean that I didn't ever get the staggering things when you're playing online to start with and I started like sort of chatting to professional FIFA players

on Twitter and stuff and basically one of them offered to coach me if I paid for lessons and I started yeah basically paying this guy for lessons and

I was getting really really good at FIFA I was getting really good but also I was playing it far too much when you say really good how are you measuring that like I'd be able to do

weekend league and like lose two maybe three games at most. I was pretty decent, right? Anyone who ever played, and my FIFA handle

was Ratscock, so anyone who ever played him back in the first year of COVID will know that I was schooling people. I was playing some beautiful stuff as well.

Sorry, why did you call yourself Ratscock? I don't know. I don't know. That is one of the worst things you've ever told me. Why? Ratscock. No, a bit like R-A-T-Z-C-0-C-K.

Oh, that's really cool. Sorry. Sorry. That's embarrassing for me. That's actually really cool. I didn't realise you were spelling it like that. Oh, sorry, man. Fucking hell, egg on my face. 21 Bratz cock. You signed up to FIFA lessons.

So I was having lessons with this guy. He started showing me some tricks. How does it work? Is this online? Yeah, we do it online. So we play friendlies against each other. And I teach... How much are you paying for this? I'm not even going to say because... My shoulders feel tight even talking about it. Like, it's fucking embarrassing. More than I pay for a personal trainer

to sort of make me look less... sort of like who's actually helped my heart and my soul a lot, quite a bit more. And like, I would turn around to Catherine and be like, oh, I was going to go upstairs, just sort of going to log on and sort of get some FIFA in done.

And I talked to her, oh God, this is so, and she listens to this podcast, so she's going to fucking find this immensely. I'd be like talking about it, like actually, there was a time, this is so cute. I talked about FIFA,

like that might become my new career during lockdown. I was going to try and make a run at being a FIFA professional. Right. And it all basically came to head where this one day I'm fucking sitting, chatting to this guy who has given me my feet, FIFA coaching. And I was so and i'm going like so basically what i just get to the sort of byline or just outside the 18 yard

box what and then it's just step over and then just chop yeah and then i'd be trying to do it against his team and he's just going yeah yeah so just give me control sort of thing and then like and and and then he'd go and he had this thing of going um all right but you've messed it up mate start from the back and i have like this thing of going start from the back start from the back possible but anyway i look around and katherine's standing there looking at me and she just stares like it's the most disgusted she's ever been and she just goes oh my god you sad fuck right and i went sort of looked at her and sort of went laughed and went i'll be down in a second she was like no no you're right and then she just sort of walked off laughing to herself but sort of like embarrassed for both of us and then the guy went uh who's that who's that who's

that and i was like oh it's my wife he went oh wow you're married it was just like no like a 42 year old man he didn't really know what like who i was like who was paying him to teach me to be good at something you know who i felt but you know like when monica's boyfriend and friends is trying to be like an mma fighter yeah oh no no no no yeah like when he's trying to be good at night that's who I felt a bit like that was a moment

I just I literally put down my control that's a bit like how I feel with stand-up to be honest with you yeah it was immensely different immensely different

you're incredible at stand-up I put down my control at that very moment and I was like I don't think I'll ever come back to this and I don't think I've played FIFA since

yeah you know I'm so obsessive in things yeah well thank you for sharing that story I know you've been

itching to tell it for a long time so I'm happy to give you the opportunity what I would say to you Grizzle Bear is

do I think it's normal to resent sorry do you want to give the advice first you always give the advice first do you want to respond to this uh i mean you you've got you've got a few more years under your belt i mean i will say this i think like it's something that me and katherine look at and talk about um i certainly talked to my dad about the life that grace is sort of will have and And there'll be different from mine, but to my two bits of number one, I don't think you can resent them for that.

Cause that's what the, everything I do now in my, my head is to work hard to give Grace and Catherine the best life that I have and myself the best life I possibly can. And I certainly wouldn't resent that, but in your sort of terms of sort of thinking about having, you know, wishing you had a dad who was like yourself, you do have that guy in your life of terms of sort of thinking about having, you know, wishing you had a dad who was like yourself,

you do have that guy in your life. It's you. I think sometimes actually treating yourself to something, making sure that alongside the resentment that you've sort of maybe sort of like feel is actually looking at the positives of like how incredible your children are, what an amazing man you are and person you are to have brought them up into a world where they're doing

not just jobs that are careers, but jobs that they seem to both love and enjoy. They're both in stable relationships, which is also a hard thing to navigate when you're in your 20s. And I think that maybe instead of fear and resentment, just pour yourself a glass of something you like or crack open a sort of box of brownies or donuts and take a chomp out of one and think,

you know what, Grizzly Bear? You've done all right, my friend. You've done okay. Grizzled Bear. I think that Tom and I are in the position of like, well, in different ways, but our childhoods had their challenges. But like, I think that the one thing I never doubted was that my mum and dad loved me. And I think like, I don't, you know, I always knew that. And even though my parents went through difficulties, I felt like they did the best they could.

And I feel like I was lucky, you know, like I was lucky to have the parents I did and the parents I could and i feel like i was lucky you know like i was lucky to have the parents i did and the parents i do and the mom i do and the dad i did have and i feel really lucky of that and i look at my kids now and i think if anything i have the opposite worry sometimes like it sounds like your kids have sort of you know grown up to become successful and stuff sometimes i worry that my kids not going through what I went through, they might lack a bit of fire in their belly or they might not appreciate things. And so we're constantly artificially trying to get them to appreciate things. And you know, I don't allow my children to say that they feel that something's unfair or they say that something's out of order. Cause I just say to them, you're in the top, I don't even know what percent

of children in the world in terms of your level of privilege and what you have and what you've got access to you can't you just can't be complaining do you mean just have a you know look at what some kids of your age are going through do you mean obviously i don't know how how effectively that message gets through because i think of the things that my mum and dad used to say to me like my dad used to say to me i what my dad used to just have to look at me and i'd already meant and i said okay whatever dad you know so i don't know how much they're getting that but the truth is is you know i've just as we've talked about at length and i don't want to talk about any more in case i have to demand a payment from disney but i uh i've just taken my

kids to disney and they've had an amazing time and i feel really lucky i feel really bloody lucky to be able to give them that do you know what i mean so um i get it i do get it but i think as tom said you know be happy that you've managed to bring you've managed to bring two kids into the world that have grown up to be as successful as they have done do you know what i mean and and and i'm not talking about the job the you know obviously that fifa job sounds amazing but the job is obviously not the be all and end all it's like you know it's about being happy do you know what i mean and i don't really care if my children don't have like a high-flying job as long as they're happy doing whatever they do so so yeah uh i hope that sort of answers your question We kind of wandered around the houses there.

We are now over time. We're about to record another episode back to back. Boom. So Tom, I haven't, we haven't heard a lot about what you've been up to. So I hope you've got your update. I've got some,

uh, sourced. Okay, great. So could you, uh, do us the honor of knowing that this is one of two that you're going to be doing? Taking us out please. I was in water shoots catching the first bee instead of throwing it. You see it's always easy in life to think about the elation of a moment but sometimes actually the real elation should be

climbing the ladder to get to the top of the slides before you let the water pume around your body and throw you down to the swimming pool below or getting up to a high wire sometimes enjoy climbing the tree thing is the steps along the road to become great are sometimes the steps that we forget once you become great. Once you become the person you want to be, you think, hmm, growth is over. And you forget how hard it was to become the person looking back at you in the mirror. Maybe take a second, take a thought, look at those who are trying to get their self together to reach where you've got both physically mentally and spiritually whatever always remember everyone's on a journey and sometimes actually no say this most of the

time it's always good to have a friend on that journey with you. Keep growing, keep achieving, and most of all, keep doing you. That was lovely, Tom. Thank you. Can I say, as my song to play us out is a song that I heard while I was on the Guardians of the Galaxy ride. And it reminded me how good it was. And that song is by Earth, Wind & Fire

and it's September. JT, good job a bit of Septemberember we will see you we're actually recording straight after this but we'll see you very soon on another episode of this little journey that we like to call the wolf for now take care If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.

Thank you.