Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 43: Busted Chairs & A Brand New Air Fryer

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

We’re talking… real vs fantasy football, cool American drinks, the fallacy of builders tea, disappearing into obscurity, broken chairs and bruised egos, Tom’s shocking return to air frying and techniques for unlocking your creativity. Then we answer some email questions on encouraging words for your partner, getting over disappointments and a tricky visible nipple issue. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola Spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah.

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dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome to the Wolf and Owl podcast with me, Romesh Ranganathan. And me, Tom Davis, aka the Wolf of Hope. And I am the Owl of Disgruntlement. Tom, how are you? Very well, mate. Yeah, very well. A lot of pressure on this episode, isn't there? Yeah, I mean, we're coming right off the bat. A lot of pressure on this episode, isn't there? Yeah, I mean, we're coming right off the bat.

A lot of pressure. It's coming right off the bat of doing another episode. Well, I think it's fair to say you're jet-lagged, right? Jet-lagged, disappointed with the Arsenal performance. Yeah. I've been trying to console some kids who have sort of conceded that Arsenal's title race is pretty much over. Do you know what?

I'm going to level with you. Even though we drew again, I couldn't have... I care more now about Fantasy League football than I do West Ham. Yeah, I know. That's all your text reflected.

No, but I do. I've really started to fall out of love with supporting West Ham for the first time in my life. Yeah, I don't know. I've had a complete disconnect

with the team and all of the... time in my life. Yeah, I don't know. I've had a complete disconnect with the team and everything going on there. And actually, I get far much more enjoyment out of playing fantasy football. I'm supporting players now. I look at the team. Like, for example, I'm really close at the moment to reaching out to Trent Alexander-Arnold

and just saying, I really need you to fucking perform tomorrow. Well, one of the things I found was weird during our text exchange in the football match between West Ham and Arsenal is when Arsenal went 2-0 up for those, I know this isn't a football podcast, but Arsenal went 2-0 up very early doors. And then West Ham got a penalty through a horrendous error. Yeah.

A couple of errors, one from Thomas Partey and then the immediately afters by Gabriel. You said, I was really hoping for my own sake that you were going to keep a clean sheet. Oh, I needed Gabriel to keep a clean sheet, really. Yeah, and that was incredible. Can I just... I mean, that is a real insight.

I'm in the same league as you are by the way where you're bottom of that league in your you're bottom of the comedians league am I in that comedians league

yeah you are am I yeah you are what comedians league you are in the comedians league am I

yeah you're in the comedians league your team what are they called context I'm going to try and find you now oh man I've moved down to fifth it breaks my heart Am I? Yeah, you're in the comedians there. Your team... What are they called? Context. I'm going to try and find you now. Oh, man, I've moved down to fifth.

It breaks my heart. Real Crawley. Am I bottom? Yeah, quite a lot. Who's in my team? Ramsdown goal. Yeah, sounds all right. Saliba.

Yeah. Romero from Tottenham. Yeah. Koulibaly, who's been injured nearly all season. Mm-hmm. Mitchell. Yeah. Mason Mount. J, who's been injured nearly all season. Mm-hmm. Mitchell. Yeah. Mason Mount,

Jorginho, Kulizeski, Ward-Prowse, Mitrovic, and Jesus. Dear God. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Well, to give you an idea of how much I've been keeping up with it, I didn't know how to team until you just told me.

Whereas I'm fifth in our league at the moment. Yeah. And at one point, I've only, I've really started to climb. The team will tell you this, Talbly. Whereas I'm fifth in our league at the moment. Yeah. And at one point, I've really started to climb. And I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to finish as high up as I can. So Gabriel's really shafted me this week.

And Saka didn't help by missing a booming penalty either. Why do you care so much? Just because I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that if I get into something I can't just do it. I can't just just like lightheartedly play Fantasy League.

I have to have it has to consume at least six to twelve hours a week of mental torture. Do you have the same thing with golf?

Yeah. No I know. Go back to the last episode when we talked about FIFA. I can't just I can't have things that I just go, oh, I'm going to just lightly get into that thing and it's just a little personal thing.

No, I can't prepare for the tour because I've got to go to Scotland for a golf tournament. That's the thing, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. No, I get you. I get obsessive, not to that point, but I do get fairly obsessive.

No, so I'm obsessive now. And I'd sort of taken my foot off the gas a bit because i was like i just sort of almost gone on it was going to be safe i i'll finish 12th and now i'm i'm essentially hunting down those above me i'm like 50 points off the top of our league i um i became obsessed with hydration recently. Really? Yeah. That's not really the same, though, because you need that to live. No, I know. I'm not saying I'm so obsessed. I think I've probably, in the time, all the years I've known you, I think I've seen you drink water like maybe four times or five times.

Whatever. I can't think of time. Don't just pick up a water and drink it now. I'm not. What? Like, when we do this, i'll always have water with me when we're doing this i know but you know you usually have like a sugary drink like a schnapple or a like never had you've never seen me drink a schnapple ever you seem like the kind of guy

who drink a schnapple because they're from america and you think they're cool oh my god it's so embarrassing that's so fucking absolute nail on head i i you know what no do you have a picture saying in your mind and like i'm just like i just got this vision of like you lying on your hotel bed the boys are all going to sleep you're lying there lisa gets up and she's like i'm just going to go to the vending machine and get a drink and you're like uh i'll do it's a favor love get your snapper well i snapple was in my past because i heard a rapper mention it on a tune so i became obsessed with drinking snapple and like every time i went to america every time a friend of mine went to america i'll ask them to bring back from some snapple and then i got really excited when i worked at the airport and whistle stop at the airport started

doing snapple. And I used to drink Fruit Punch Snapple all the time. You know they're really bad for you? Yeah, I know. They're laden. It's the most sugar in any drink ever. I don't know if it's... Is that true?

The most sugar in any drink ever? Yeah, yeah, man. Even the Builder's Tea? That's a fallacy, by the way. What do you mean? The Builder's Tea with loads of sugar in it. How do you know it's a fallacy? Well, I worked at mean the builder's tea with loads of sugar in how do you know it's a fallacy well i worked at building sites i've also drank snapper i know the fact that builders don't have a sugary tea as you might think does bob mortimer have isn't there a video clip of bob mortimer adding six sugars to his tea on radio two or something he wasn't even

doing it for a bit i think it might mean six or seven but there's like a clip that they put on their instagram this is him during a show he'd asked for a bit. I think it might have been six or seven, but there's like a clip that they put on their Instagram. This is him during a show. He'd asked for a tea. And then he's talking and adding sugar to it. And he like adds six sugars. Jesus. Yeah.

That's insane, isn't it? You find it quite sad that him and like Jim Moore don't really talk anymore. Yeah. I saw that. I read that. Yeah. I find that quite heartbreaking.

Oh, we love them too together. I love that. That's a conversation that some whatever the entertainment field takes to in our future something going if you had like the wolf for now like just don't even out of the two who do you think is going to be doing the painting and who do you think is going to go fishing more i imagine that um if i was choosing between the two of us of which one of us would disappear into obscurity it would be me really and you yeah yeah I do think so and I think you'd carry on doing it and people go I always actually thought that when I listen to the podcast I always thought the like Romesh is a bit try hard whereas Tom sort of had it naturally is more of a kind of a genius wasn't it and i don't think that's true i think

i think i think me i i can imagine you you're so good you've got so many strings to your bow also i worry that my old aching bones like height thing probably you know like andre the giant a lot those big guys they didn't sort of make old bones did they oh yeah yeah yeah who's the guy who's in uh he played jaws and he's also in happy gilmore oh um yeah i know he's talking about but yeah yeah richard kill maybe or something like that yeah yeah you know like in happy gilmore if you go back and watch that film he's always leaning on something because his legs are giving away because he was too is that true yeah yeah go back and watch it he's always leaning on something or someone throughout the whole film. Go back, it's, yeah.

That's ruined that film for me. It's sort of like something we talk about within Tool Club. I had a thing recently where me and Rob, I talked about this on the previous episode, which we recorded, well, just finished recording 10 minutes ago. But we did Rob and Ron versus K-pop.

Yeah. We did a photo with a cape you'll put a lot of pressure on this k-pop i know i know but i had to crouch we had i crouched down for a photo and as i was crouched down i was aware as i was taking the photos i had about 40 seconds left of that in me you know what i mean like yeah i was actually you know it was supposed to be a casual kind of just sort of knees bent crouched in front of

the band thing and I was sort of smiling but inside I was like I am in fucking agony like this this cannot

like I didn't want to be in a situation where I said I'm really sorry but me sitting down here I can only do this for a little bit longer

you're going to have to hurry up and take it what were you doing like that sort of squat thing that boy bands do the squat I was squat longer. You're going to have to hurry up and take it. What were you doing? Like that sort of squat thing that that boy band do? I was squatting, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's hard to do for any... Yeah, I don't think it is hard to do. I had... Or it shouldn't be hard to do is what I mean. I don't know why I've just thought of this story, but I was shooting years ago. I had to shoot. I had to.

I shot an advert for O2. And in the advert, I was dressed as like a Swedish sort of like guy coming out of a sauna. So I had like a, I mean, we have literally told a similar story, but I was dressed in a thong. And I come out of the, like we have to shoot, you know, a couple of times as it happens, yeah. And my legs were sort of like, I had to have to run across,

like run to a pool and stuff. So I was all quite tired. So I was quite tired. So I was in this awfully tight form. And then, uh, I went to sit on this tiny little stool, like around all the sort of other actors and actresses and the sort of, sort of crew there.

And as I sort of sat down, as soon as my bum touched the stool, I thought this isn't strong enough to hold me. And the whole, all three legs of the stall just completely snapped and i just smashed to the floor and my balls fell out of this stall i just lay on the floor and everyone like started laughing right i just sort of had to lie there and sort of laugh along with them i sort of yeah a bruised ass and a bruised ego and people were coming up to me

for the whole day going oh man it really picked spirits up when you did that it was so demeaning for that to be the sort of like you know also

this is how sad it is I was thinking oh that's when I carried a bit more I'm shooting a thing at the moment for Disney I can't remember

so much about it it scored a thousand blows incredible cast involved in it. Stephen Graham and stuff and amazing. Right. Uh, we were like between shots the other day of a thousand blows. Right.

And the actors in this, uh, amazing, such lovely people. Very cool. There's a very, there's people who are just very good at what they do. There's drama actors are just naturally very,

very fucking cool and hit. And they're not being you, right? No, we all go back into this fucking back room bit where everyone's sort of chatting about life. And there was sort of all talking about some deep subjects. And so I sort of tried to inconspicuously sort of like come into the room

and just sort of sit there and just hope that I could hop, you know, sort of like jump on the back of the conversation with a witty anecdote or something. I sort of sit there and just hope that i could hop you know sort of like jump on the back of the conversation with a witty anecdote or something i sort of sit on this chair one and all of this is a period piece so a lot of the furniture within this is like from its time so it's 18 like there's there's a chair that i sat in that's from the 1800s right 1850 1860 this chair people just randomly sit on chairs from well i don't know if you're supposed to sit on them right this chair has seen out two world wars it saw out the blitz

yeah i mean it's seen out a lot of fucking shit i sit on this chair and as i sit on it someone sort of says i'll be careful of that chair right and i'm like i should be all right and then as i sort of sit i went oh it actually feels quite fragile. And the bottom of the chair, completely, all of the slats just smashed and fell out. And I just sort of like, I could feel the tapestry all falling through. It was awful. I genuinely just sat there thinking, why does this sort of shit happen to me? What was the reaction to that? Some people pulled me out of the chair.

It was less jovial than the O2. Did your arse drop into the chair? Yeah, well, arse dropped, so I was sort of stuck within the chair. And a couple of people, like one young lad called Billy was really trying to help get me out of there. So I wanted to push my bum back through it

because it was so stuck. It was so, like, didn't it? You know, like, sort of, and you know that thing, like, you can't, it's not feasibly right, is it, to um and you know that thing like you can't it's not feasibly right is it to cry as a man like you know like not to cry as a man because we do but you know like through that sort of like when you're indignified for something like that yes i agree and you you know when you scratch your back but you're not there's not enough physical pain to

start warrant fucking crying no and you know it's not a real moment of sadness that you can cry. It's just really fucking ego bruising. So I tried to make a joke out of it, as is my way. My joke was awful. I had to watch some people come running in and see the set designers looking at this broken, mangled-up old chair that they were all very proud that they got. And they had to go and fix it. It was so fucking embarrassing. broken mangled up old chair that they were all very proud that they got and sort of like, yeah, they had to go and fix it.

It was so fucking embarrassing. Um, what I would say in response to that is when I was doing Asian provocateur, uh, Sam Hardy, who's an incredible DOP, he was filming on that. He we were, we'd done a long day of filming. We're absolutely knackered. And we went to have dinner in this sort of back room at this place we were filming. And he sat down on a plastic chair. And as he sat on the plastic chair, all four legs broke, like they made a

polystyrene and he just sort of crashed onto the ground and it was so fucking funny, like I laughed for such a lot. Like everybody laughed for such a long time. He's not a big guy. It wasn't like, you know, he was just just like it was just a bad chair situation yeah um but it was so funny that every time i think of it which is like every now and again i start it gives me joy again like i start laughing again how does sam feel about it i've never told him that i don't think i don't think i've ever told him that but do you think how was he about when it happened well i think it's different because like i hope you know i'm not

putting something on you but when it comes to things like that for me i am conscious of the fact that i'm a physically awkward specimen so you do think i have that same thought as you is why does this have to happen to me yeah because it's sort of more embarrassing if like a really athletic person does it you just sort of go it must be something really bad with the chair whereas if somebody like you or i do it oh yeah yeah it's not the thing why is that lunk sat on the chair do you know what i mean like it's a different reaction i could see the person who was in charge of the furniture looking at me like why the did you sit on that yeah and then from from that day there's been like quite substantial sort of harder chairs that have been brought in sort of like yeah it's

embarrassing when um they they take they have to take action sort of job wide as a result of something you've done it happens yeah like shepherding you into sort of like more sort of a chair with more weather or yeah one of the schools i taught at one of the teaching assistants went on holiday to jamaica and a bit bit like Monica she came back with braids and like beads in her hair and then the next day they issued a school-wide hair and dress policy for members of staff. It was little like...

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I'm going to cop some slack for this, I think. Guess what arrived at my house today? A brand new air fryer. What? What? I have wilted, you know. I gave away my last air fryer in, I don know you know we're talking maybe 100 150 episodes i was one of the this is a long callback yeah yeah i was like but i was i think i was one of the first owners of an air fryer that was back in air fryers and then i

had a massive fallout with it it didn't work the way i wanted it to but being that i'm really really easily sold and i'm a sheep within well i've watched so many videos over the last couple of weeks about people cooking amazing stuff in air freshener fryers that i now have gone i've wilted and i've gone and brought i mean i brought a higher spec one than i had before i've gone all out why did you go for higher spec one because i think the one before i had was the most basic air fryer that you could ever get it was pretty okay so so hold on so let's just for people that haven't been listening to every episode and i can't imagine that there are people the reason that if i can i mean i didn't know you were going to talk about this obviously yeah but from memory the reason

that you got rid of the original air fryer is because you said it was overrated people go on about how amazing it is it's not amazing at all yeah you think you thought it was a con you said it's it's a jip the air fryer as a concept and you were angry about it is my recollection yeah in an anger not seen previously since the keanu reeves what was that game called anyway yeah I can't Cyberpunk Cyberpunk yeah yeah so look

within some runs I'm going to be right Cyberpunk by the way has completely disappeared no one even talks about it anymore no but I was right in that scenario well you were

but so talk me through the thought process that got you to decide that you were you were back in the air fryer game look

there's a there's a few different number that number one i can see that they're like the technology is far more advanced than it was when i was missing like so you so since you got rid of that air fryer you've been staying abreast of technological advancements in air fryers yeah like a bit like a sort of an x that you sort of every now and again check in on like a Facebook or something I've been keeping one eye on

what's going on with air fryers right I've been looking at like just to see if and I have seen

some pretty amazing stuff done we went out for dinner with friends recently they were talking about

you know the different stuff they've done and I could see like what there's a part of caffeine what is it that pushed you over the edge what did they talk about some chicken wings you know, with the different stuff they've done. And I could see... Like what? There's a part of Catherine... What is it that pushed you over the edge?

What did they talk about? Some chicken wings that they'd done. They were going to have the best chicken wings they've ever had. I could see Catherine look at them a bit like, sort of, oh, we used to have an air fryer, but we haven't got one anymore because Tom lost his

mind about it and i thought actually you know what and also having a baby i think like with with grace it's sort of like sometimes it's quite easy to just throw something in there for her life it's terrible no but for cooking saying quite quickly for your child and making you know saying quick and healthy okay just so you know just so you know i'm not in the market for an air fryer no no this is what happened last time okay i tried to sell you an air fryer i'm literally this feels right that i'm it's not lost on me that in about episode 43 of series one i did this spill trying to get you into buying an air fryer because i just bought one. Yeah. We're not even talking 10 years later.

We're talking, I think, four months, five months, maybe a year at most that I'm back now at the place I was. Having rejected it as an absolute shame. No, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, look, I'm really excited about seeing if, what, I can conjure up in it. Like, I feel a little bit like, you know when AJ lost his titles and he came back and won them again?

Yeah. I feel a little bit like that. I feel a bit like I lost my way with the air fryer. I almost had completely given up on ever using an air fryer again. And I feel rejuvenated. I feel like there's a fire inside me now. Yeah, you had an air fryer,

you gave it away, and now you've had you had an air fryer you gave it away and now you've had to buy another air fryer yeah you're a winner yeah i mean it feeds me i couldn't ask for the air fryer back that i gave away also i wouldn't want it i think like the one like i don't want to say the name because i want to like i will once i've tried it out so you've not tried it out no no no no i mean you're trying it out after we finish this yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna cook some wings over there nice for me really quick i've got a jewel making i've got a jewel one so it's what does that mean two tries i know what dual means but there's two of them so you've got two different trays you could i could do chicken and chips at the same time i could do if you were to come around to my house i feel like we're living in the future you can do chicken and

chips all right if you would come around my house so many times honestly the number of times my kids have wanted chicken and chips let's say just hold on a sec we're gonna make the chicken while you're eating the chicken we're gonna do the chips i'm really sorry that's just how life works out because we don't have a dual air if you're cooking them in an air fryer you wouldn't have been able to do this this is this is groundbreaking technology. It's not groundbreaking technology to suggest something that anybody can fucking do. If you were to come round my house, right,

and you come walking in... Chicken and shit simultaneously. That's your fucking pitch. No, but you come round my house, right, and you're like, I'm fucking starving. The driver has killed me alone. Right?

I then turn around and say, oh, I've got some chickpea falafel that I can put in the air fryer for you, right? And I go, thank you so much for choosing the default vegan offering. But then I go, oh, I also am hungry because I've been waiting for ages for you to get here. I don't want to eat because it's rude before you come to my house. So then I basically... Even though I knew what time you're turning up,

it didn't occur to me to start cooking before you arrived. So let's start prepping this now. No, I've prepped everything. You're going to need to give me 45 minutes while I season and marinate the wings. Obviously, they'll need a couple of hours for that to really soak in. And obviously, it'd be rude for you to tuck into your chickpea falafel before I'm eating my wings.

So you're obviously going to have to wait. No, but you'd turn around and go, are you cooking those in your air fryer? And I go, yeah, yeah. And you go, well, you can't cook meat and falafel at the same time. And I go, well, in this one I can, because it's a dual operating machine. So I can put

the falafel, which is where... By the way, what a fucking tragic visit this is to your house. And then I put the chicken in one, and I put the falafel in the other. And then I put the bit chicken in one and I put the put that for the other and then I'm like oh how was the drive in

and you're like oh there's a bit of traffic on the A1 but I was listening to some of my favourite tunes so it flew by in a way and then before you know it

it beeps I pull both out I get some you know tortilla or pita bread whatever you you know whatever rocket fuels your power

and then i i put it in there probably a bit of salad a little bit of mayonnaise you're like i can't believe you cook those at exactly the same time yeah i can't believe you make me vegan falafel then put mayonnaise on it you stupid My point is, it's a really groundbreaking bit of technology. Yeah. Why is air frying... I know you've told me this before. Why is air frying better than...

Well, hopefully, there's like... on the new air fryer i've got it's got a max crisp uh max crisp she sounds like a character from something me and you might write um uh but it's got max crisp which is one of the things i'm really excited about because i want to get some potato waffles in there yeah let's see if i'm getting them more nice and crispy you're the only person I know rather than their mouth warring

they just develop a dry cough just think about what they're going to be eating later no it's um yeah I'm just yeah so I'm very

very very excited about it it's sort of like I don't want to become that guy who's then like filming stuff

that I'm doing in it you know like if I'm honest with you I've thought like the thought of the old air fryer and me never mastering it like filming stuff that I'm doing in it. You know, like if I'm honest with you, I've thought like the, the thought of the, the old air fryer and me never mastering it a little bit like Harry Potter and

some of his spells, I guess like, like late at night I would think about it. And I think about, I was like too hasty and just breaking up. Should I try it harder? Should, should I have made more of an attempt to get to like,

you know, ride the air freshener or the air fryer, sorry, to like, to master it. And like, I look at some of my heroes and people that, who inspire me.

And I think, would they have given up? Like I gave up on the air fryer. No, they wouldn't have. They'd have kept on going until they'd have got that beautifully crispy chicken or that, you know, dense sort of like flavors and

falafel or like some nice chips or whatever um it's like tom yeah what are you making after this podcast i'm gonna do i think i'm gonna do well i'm gonna do some chicken of some sort um i might do sort of like uh an ensemble of like sort of roasted vegetables in one drawer um and then i might just at the end of it just do like a potato waffle just to sort of see if i can get crispy and fluffy lisa's obsessed with roasted vegetables i've got to say i've really fallen out of love with them what what i mean yeah for you it's different isn't it what do you mean well it's like for you you're like a clown with a unicycle like everyone else is looking like, going, oh, fucking hell, that's an interesting way of getting about.

You're like, not really. I ride it every fucking day. It's actually quite boring once you've mastered it. The rest of us are like, well, it's an extraordinary machine. But for you, you're just mode of transport. It's the only thing you've got. You haven't got a car. Wave you all off on the train, as I say.

I'll be there in a couple of days. I use a unicycle. I imagine you are jealous. Not jealous. It's just like what you're used to driving. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I can't get on the train with my big shoes. Yeah, I suppose you could say it's white face uh anyway

right should we do some emails because we need to make this episode tight because you've got to do some air frying um okay uh so this is also anyone uh at romesh and myself and any air frying beautiful tips that you've got and the wolf in Owl pod, just give us a little app. I think we need to be more across that sort of, you know, people. I've seen other podcasts are sort of now reaching out to people to sort of build a community, and I think we should do that. So at Romesh, at me, at the Wolf and Owl podcast. Yeah, we'll make it a feature, shall we?

Yeah, we'll just think like that could be quite a fun thing, sort of like, you know. I think maybe I might even for a late birthday present buy you an air freshener air fryer

yeah that'd be great thank you here's another thing while we're on the subject of getting listener suggestions in I'm in the

middle of writing a new tour as you are as well and I've become obsessed with how to unlock my creativity right because I want this to be my creativity, right? Because I want this

to be the best show ever done. I want your show to be the best show ever done. Well, it's the first one I've done, so by proxy it will be. Yeah, absolutely. And also the worst. But what I want to do is Have you got a worse one, by the way, that you've done?

Yeah. My first one. What? So I'm kind of now just thinking just just do what it is it's not going to be your best work well i think that you can uh i think that you can get yourself too caught up in like you want this thing to be like absolutely trailblazing and whatever i think that that can be creatively inhibiting if i'm being. But then I can think of at least three comedians off the top of my head whose first tour was the best tour they'd ever done and they've not even got close to getting that. That's it.

Yeah, but that's part of that. They're a victim of you knowing what they do after that. Yeah. Because that's not their fault. No, no, no, I'm not saying, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not saying you're having a go, but what I mean is like...

No, no, no, yeah, yeah. But so I was thinking to myself, well, if I want to do that, I don't want to write the tour the same way that I've written every previous tour. I need to change something up. So I've been looking into it. There's certain things, for example, microdosing, right? Where you like do a little, you know what microdosing is? Yeah. Yeah. You do a little bit of a drug. I mean, by the way, I'm not saying I'm going to do this. I'm just saying saying these are these are the things that i've read about what drug are you

going to do well you can try different ones but like a rapper i know did microdosed lsd here we go no i'm not saying i'm going to do it i'm just telling you it's like this is like kicking back get you know least of the kids go to bed you're laying there in your board shorts i can cap back to front you sort of what is it with you and me in board shorts because i saw you i feel like that's i feel like that's your most regular vision of me in your mind's eye no because it was one of the first time i ever met you i saw you you were wearing i think you like a pair of van trainers uh you have some board shorts on, and, like, a sort of T-shirt and sort of your hat back to front.

That's one of the first... You've done first image of me, I reckon, 20 times on this podcast. Every time's different. But board shorts have definitely come up more than once. No, but I can imagine you just like, oh, fucking kick back, little microdose, let's let the creativity create it that's all my all the favorite musicians do it i'd i'd be careful with microdosing with you as well

i'm not listen you've got a dick you've like like i think you've got to be really careful with microdosing because microdosing you've got i think tom i'm not going to do microdosing i worry that you'll become like a drug addict yeah okay fine but i'm not going to do microdosing. I worry that you'll become like a drug addict. Yeah, okay, fine. But I'm not going to microdose. So please. Just be careful. Yeah, I'm not going to do it. I don't worry about this.

All right. But then the other thing I thought was like, I was watching Dave. You know Dave? Love Dave. The Little Dickie show. Do you know where he goes off to Rick Rubin's place and locks himself in a place to

write his own? Yeah, we'll see if this is a better idea. So I was thinking about like booking a, like a cottage somewhere and just holding myself up somewhere just completely on my own and writing the tour show. The difficulty of it is I won't be able to gig in the evenings if I'm somewhere really remote. So anyway, I suggested this to Lisa and she goes, what, because you're not away enough? You want to just like, so that was, you know.

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I'll just do microdosing and then just start taking drugs in the evening when everyone's in bed. I did sort of threaten that. No, I didn't really. But anyway, the reason I bring all this up is I'd love some ideas on how to unlock my creativity. I've even watched speeches by John Cleese. I don't know if you looked him up on YouTube, but pre-London. Why John Cleese? Because pre-the-London's-not-like-what-it-used-to-be John Cleese.

He used to do talks on creativity, and they were actually quite interesting. He said one of the best things I've ever seen, by the way, about creativity and being funny. And it was when he was doing Basil 40. So it was a long, long time ago. And he basically said, they asked him about what made Basil 40 funny. And he said, I never look too much or think too much about it. So I think if I unlock it, I'll start overdoing it. I'll start overly playing that thing.

Well, I think if I was looking at tips that I'm already practicing, not thinking too much about it, I think is very much one of my skill sets. Do you know what I mean? Underthinking what I do, 100%. I think the only worry you'd have if you locked yourself away, I think an album is different from stand-up. Sure. I mean, you know more than me, but I know that writing scripts and stuff,

I find the more I'm around humanity and the more people that I, I'm around and the more sort of, the more humour that I can find

and the more sort of, I can, yeah, I can develop things in that way. I think like, like for example, if we're writing this thing

at the moment and if I, if I find myself a little, with a bit of writer's block, I'm like, oh, I can't think of what makes this funny, I'll go and get a coffee somewhere, and I'll chat to some strangers, or chat to sort of people, and I'll have a bit of a time where I sort of get out of the mode of just sitting there.

I bet there's a trip advisor, which, and on it, there's a load of people, so make sure you avoid the coffee shop near that fucking office. Just go in there for a coffee, and some make sure you avoid the coffee shop near that fucking office just go in there for a coffee and some prick just starts engaging you in a 45 minute conversation

so what do you think about like so you know imagine if I was in a situation where like I wanted to buy something and I wanted to haggle what do you think

would be a funny way for that exchange to go down just random I'm just sort of saying it as a chat just you sat in the corner fucking shooting up

a millimetre of smack telling a syringe The shoe sat in the corner fucking shooting up a millimetre of smack. Tired of syringe. Could I have a teaspoon? Could I have an Americano and a teaspoon, please? Don't ask me why. Yeah, it's quite weird because one of my friends just started coming. We were smoking zoots outside.

And he just started picking up our dog ends and just saying he was writing a new show and smoking. Yeah, and that's where that whole show about him just wanting Pringles came out. I don't know. I will go through some emails, won't I? Yeah, let's do some emails. So, dear Wolf, Owl, Swan and the lovely cat from sunny Malaga in Spain, first and foremost, this is from the bearded dragon first and foremost i want to express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you for making me burst into laughter your

podcast has been a joy to catch up on all the episodes and now i eagerly anticipate each new release on a personal note i've been in a relationship with my partner for at least seven years and they bring me immense happiness however it hasn't been easy as we've been navigating a long distance relationship for the majority of that time my partner is currently studying medicine in madrid and we make sure to see each other for at least a few days every month cherishing the moments we have together as my partner is now in their final year of university they're under an immense amount of stress with studying exams i do my best to support and uplift them but being apart can be challenging hence i'm reaching out to you all for some words of encouragement i can share with my. I know they would greatly appreciate it.

I'm incredibly proud of my partner and eagerly look forward to the day we can finally live together and start planning. Oh, my God, this is so lovely. And start planning our future in a more concrete way. Once again, thank you for all the laughs and all the positivity you bring through your podcast. Warmest regards, the bearded dragon, Tom Davis. Yo, the bearded dragon. Davis? Yo, the bitter dragon. Well, for the first year of mine and Catherine's relationship was a sort of long distance relationship. We lived in different cities. So we'd sort of, we saw each other every weekend. We made sure that we, you know, from the most, I think from our first date

onwards, really, we'd sort of made a sort of pact that if we try and see each other at least once a week um but actually i i really sort of found that that actual that that year as tough as it was at times and sort of like your feelings going for someone was actually sort of some of the best sort of times in the fact that the actual feeling of looking really really forward to seeing someone uh physically sort of like and actually being with that person that you were sort of falling in love with the excitement i guess it was to seeing them and so you never for me anyway we and i think katherine was the same we never sort of took that for granted you sort of you really sort of enjoyed those times actually weirdly it was well

a bit like you know i don't know if you had Ron, but I sort of now find that in the last month, my schedule, doing the tour, filming, writing, it feels like I'm so busy. So at the moment, if I get time with Grace and Catherine and making sure that Catherine is, you know, as much as Grace is, when we have time it's really really spending that time and really enjoying the time together rather than just sort of just being tired or just being you know actually just really looking forward to to the small things that you can do together and I think that's actually weirdly taking a bit of your advice from it I say weirdly

but what a really good bit of advice that you gave it and like now we've we've started going Grace is that little bit older and we're like we need to start looking after us as well like the two of us in our relationship so it's booking in things that we've got to look forward to a few sort of nights out and through a few things to start sort of really sort of enjoy that side of things so i i kind of think that naturally i think a relationship i think is always going to go through ups and downs i think it's navigating a way of finding the best way that you could be the best partner that you can for the person. I think at the moment it sounds like you're an incredibly supporting person

to your partner. I think there'll come a time when they'll need to support you. And I think you sound very sort of sound of mind. Everything you've said sort of reminds me of things that, i felt at that time you know with katherine and and looking forward to sort of having those moments when you're building a future go and i think i suppose my main advice would be never losing sight of that i think it's really easy to sort of kind of live in the now and i know that there's a school of thought to sort of say not to look back and look forward but actually i think you can garner as much education about yourself by looking

back and thinking about how far you've come. I certainly think sometimes that's, that's one of the things I'm proudest of in my life is through the ups and downs and sort of things that we've been through to be here, you know, the two of us off. I think that's a pretty amazing thing. So yeah,

I think it's growing, learning, learning from your mistakes, also knowing that the track that you're setting is one that you're setting together and enjoying life. There we go. Lovely. Really nice. Yeah, long-distance relationships are difficult. And, yeah, as Tom said, finding that time to see each other is, is really important. What I would say with regards to, uh, some words of encouragement that you can share

with your partner. What I would say is this is if you think about how much you look forward to the few days a month that you spend together at the moment. As hard as it is that you might not be able to see each other at the moment because you're in your final year at university, think about how much more wonderful that is going to be when you finally do see each other. And you're doing that final year of university so that you can increase your number of opportunities so that you can build a life together. And how exciting an opportunity is that? So what I would say to your partner is focus on that.

I'll be here waiting for you when you're able to come and see me. And I would, off the back of what Tom said, book in something really incredible to do when they're done, just to sort of like something to, like a little goal to look forward to so that they know know they feel like obviously the hard work is intrinsically worth it because you're doing a degree, but sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that. So if you've got something that's more obviously a reward, uh, like a nice thing away with each other, that would be really nice and a really nice thing to sort out and I wish you the very best of luck.

Well done, uh, for navigating the challenges of a long distance relationship and good luck with it a beautiful thing beautiful thing what's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite mcmuffin getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite mcmuffin for only four dollars plus tax for a limited time only at mcdonald's exclude egg blt mcmuffin at participating m4 plus tax. For a limited time, only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin. A participating McDonald's in Canada prices exclude delivery. Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Smooth taste.

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do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Okay, this is from The Deflated Rhino. Dear Wolf, Owl and the Wonderful Swan. I'm a huge fan of the podcast and it really is a highlight of the week because I share my birthday with a great owl. too decided to enter enter birthday rom mode and had a heavy few days i have tickets to see you both that's so creepy what was well what i did was creepy yeah yeah yeah you know what he's done or they've done is what you did after you what did i do they went i tried to i mean

when you listen to it back it'll break you but um yeah the idea that i'm going to listen to this back is incredible what did i say yeah i tried it to i tried to be like party rob and you went oh god did i yeah yeah um i've taken to see both in knots and i'm really buzzing to see both live for the first time a couple of days after my birthday I had an interview for the perfect job staff are friendly interviews as smooth as a wolf's voice on a Sunday morning and overall it was such a positive experience it's rarer than a bottle of prime but I finally felt proud of myself yes you guessed it there's a buck coming I made it to the final two and was unsuccessful i know that feels despite knowing is speculative and the feedback was great it was such a comedown not just from the sweet sweet sugar of overpriced cocktails the days before

to get so close and be unsuccessful with a life-changing opportunity as the kids would say i'm taking too many l's lately and i want to be able to share some good news so i'm coming to you sweet souls for some advice a rallying cry perhaps for the next opportunity have you ever experienced something similar and what motivation did you use to get over the that one the next time uh and as i'm a teacher and students as you know from pastigate while we're up there with the colleen rooney with their espionage i should probably stay anonymous uh all the best the deflated rhino tommy. The deflated rhino, yeah. Well, I can quite candidly say I think most of my life has been a succession of L's. I can't even remember when I had a W.

Probably from about the age of six or seven up until about at least 28. I think it was just pretty much a whole heap of L's. And actually, when I look back, and weirdly, going and doing stand-up, and the advice Rom has given me about stand-up, and when you see, I think, the people I really like, like Rom doing stand-up, you have to find an honesty.

So sometimes you're not looking for jokes, and sometimes you'll tell a story that can maybe be regarded. There's a story I'm trying to work into the stand-up routine which is quite sad when you tell it it's quite hard yeah and it sort of splits an audience and i find it quite funny now because it's uh it's embarrassing but it's also and i have no problem with that because a lot of sort of the stories that i tell the sort of the character that i've built myself is through finding humor in the sort of things that have happened to me in the past I think knowing that that job interview and the small reasons the small margins that you didn't get it through will probably mean

it in a year or so or six months or whatever a chance will come through and something will come to you and that will be the thing that the reasons that you you took the l's there is to take the w here you know i look at a life when if i'm honest at times i found quite depressing i found quite difficult always like never really amounted to much of my life and like having no real success and everything and kind of getting to a point of thinking well this should just be it and you know i was 32 really before I sort of really found any, found who I was or had any course of a life that I thought, oh, this is actually something I can follow.

And I think that from that moment, everything that I'd lost and all of the moments of angst or anxiety or depression, all the times that I sort of look back and go, you know, like, you know, me and mum were joking there of like, why does this happen to me? Why is that? And it happens now. And when it does happen in those, you know, the minutes it happens around, they're always a bit indignifying or a bit embarrassing, but in the back of my mind, I'm thinking,

but these are the things that have made you who you are. They've kind of made you not bulletproof, but they've made you realize that your, your job within life is maybe to be the person that shit happens to and you try and find a way of making that funny and you try and make it find a positive and actually that's kind of quite a refreshing way to look at yourself as a person i think well you know so you seem like a pretty sound person you seem like you you know you seem funny through your email you seem like you've got your shit together, and the Ws will come.

It's not always going to be around losses. I don't think it is for anyone. I think, for the most part, cherish the Ws, but don't let the Ls get too much for you because, man, it's all a grind, baby. Just hustle, hustle, hustle. Yeah.

Couldn't really think of the last bit of the advice there. No, it was good though. It was good advice up until that sort of your attempt to sort of freestyle a catchphrase at the end there. I tried to interest it at the end and it didn't really work. Deflated Rhino. I went for a period in my life when I was like much younger than I am now when like a load of shit happened.

Like bad stuff, like stuff that I would consider to be negative and there's stuff that's happened in my career that if you I mean you mentioned pastigate so I talked about this I did jack mate's podcast recently I talked about this about the fact that I um I went and did I was involved in two pilots, two TV pilots, and I found out that both of them were being knocked back as I was on my way to host Comic Relief. And I remember feeling so down in the car on the way there. But from the ashes of those two pilot fails emerged The Ranganation, which is like a show that i've gone on to to host and really love so like it doesn't always work out like that that stuff comes out of things like that but stuff can come out of things like that and what i would say is if i was going to give you any advice is what you've got to do is you've got to avoid the avoid the mindset of of thinking you are the person that

takes l's because it's really, really easy to fall into where you just go, that's just my life. Bad shit happens to me. That is who I am. And you allow that to define you. And that is all right to feel like that temporarily. But what you don't want to do is to go into your next interview going, I'm not going to get this because I'm the sort of person that this doesn't happen for. Because what that will do is that will restrict how you are in the interview and actually what you'll actually do is you'll manifest what you're afraid of which is you won't get it because you you just won't be as good as you should be so you know if i was going to give you a microcosm of it the very best people on panel shows as you know panel shows record for a lot longer than you

actually see on the tv and when you get good at panel shows is when you realize if you say something it's fucking shit doesn't matter you're gonna say something else in a minute whereas the the when you first start doing panel shows you say something crap and then you don't say anything for the next 40 minutes because you're so ashamed and so embarrassed and you say oh my god i'm shit at this i don't want to talk that that is like a a very microcosmic example of feeling like you take l's you sort of go i can't say anything on the show because everything i'm saying is crap you've got to get out of that mindset if you take an l one it's a learning opportunity like you know you're gonna see where you went wrong see what went wrong and reflect on it for next time. And two, that is not now become your habit.

That is just a one-off. You've got to treat each of these things as a one-off thing. Sometimes, when it comes to jobs, the truth is, if you didn't get that job, there's an argument that you weren't right for it. Do you know what I mean? And you probably wouldn't have gone on to enjoy it. So you've just got to see these things happen for a reason i mean and i don't mean they happen for a reason in a mystical in spiritual way i mean

they happen for a reason as in you weren't supposed to do that thing you're going to do something else you're going to find a job that's you're going to interview for a job that's better than that and get it so you know i guess the long and the short of this waffling answer is uh do not allow yourself to become defined by your Ls. Learn from them, progress from them, move on stronger as a result of them, but do not allow them to become your narrative. That would be my advice to you.

Wow, beautiful. It's like you're basically in a way of just saying just to maybe just sort of finish off, because my bit was you are a captain of a ship. Enjoy the ship and enjoy the journey in which it's going but don't let the waves take you off a course that you're

going to um okay I don't know why you're giving it another attempt but I guess that's an example of you know Tom took an L with his catchphrase attempt last time. And he didn't let that stop him. And there's an example of where it can go wrong because he's doubled his L's there.

But he'll go again. Trust me, before this episode's out, he'll go again. Don't worry about that. Okay, should we do one more email? Yes, yeah. This is from the bouncy beagle uh this is called visible nipples uh yo al wolf swan at al hot on the back of al talking about his unruly nipples i used to sit opposite a girl at work whose nipples were off on on full alert worse still much to my embarrassment she used to point them out to me leaving me unsure what the

appropriate response should be of course pretending not to have noticed what would you two sweet souls have said in that situation thank you for sharing your genuinely heartwarming brotherly love the bouncy beagle tom d i think i'd have been fiercely embarrassed um and sort of i i'd find that really really uncomfortable i've got to say i'd find that really, really uncomfortable, I've got to say. I'd find that really, really just not something to sort of, I don't know. But then weirdly, when you said it, when me and you talked about it and we've both got a predicament, I know that I've joked with friends of both sexes about my nipples and they've been brought to my attention from friends of both sexes.

So I guess it's a thing of like i would find that agonizingly awkward if that was built up to me if i was sitting at opposite someone or if i was in the same sort of space as someone and a female friend brought that up i'd find that really really embarrassing i guess i'd become quite prudish i'd sort of sort of hope that i had a sandwich or something i could eat and look at and then go oh this is a stronger cheese than i anticipated or yeah oh there's not much chicken in this baguette to sort of say what you're asking hoping that she's going to request a move to a different desk no i just would or i'd just go oh you know uh oh god succession was great last week yeah okay yeah

obviously if succession is not a time of successions on i'd go you know breaking bad sopranos uh six foot under whatever you know or i'd go i just got back into watching six foot under it's actually a lot better than i remember um what would you i mean i know what you're like you'll be out fucking hell mate no, well, this is what I think. I think the girl, this is my guess, the girl was probably aware that her nipples were off and on full alert and she was trying to diffuse the situation by, as we all do, about her insecurities,

which this might have been insecurity for her, with merit or without, you know, she shouldn't be embarrassed about it, but she might have been. In the same with with merit or without you know she shouldn't be embarrassed about it but she might have been uh in the same way that i make a joke about malaysia in the same way that tom might make a joke about his height or whatever you're trying to get there first so i think what's probably happened is she's embarrassed about it and she's pointed it out to sort of just take the air out of the situation in which case i think you should respond in kind and go oh yeah well you know it happens all the time you know that's what does it because it it probably is probably unfair to like looking at my own growth as a person it probably is unfair for me to i would

be really really i'll be mortified and i'd be very embarrassed but maybe that isn't the way best way of handling well i just think she's trying to i I suspect she's trying to make it not a thing anymore. Do you know what I mean? That's what my gut would be on that. See, this is why I love this chat with you sometimes because I feel now that I would deal with it because now I feel bad if anyone's going to say it. You don't have to feel bad.

No, no, no, but I think it's all about self-growth. I look at it and think I would be mortified and embarrassed, but now I actually look at it and think, well, what you're saying makes more sense that that person's feeling embarrassed and then if I'm fucking fooling around a chicken baguette or sort of making small talk about a tv show it's going to make them feel even more embarrassed so actually it's it's a good bit of advice for me and look we don't know that we don't know that I'm right for one but but also the other thing is what you're doing is coming from a good place you know what i would say is absolutely under no circumstances should

you mention it first regardless of how comfortable regardless of how comfortable she pretends to be about it yeah you do not notice it you do not ever notice it until she brings it up yeah and then you still haven't noticed it that would be my advice to you oh are they do you are you oh never noticed well yeah yeah that's that's how to play that i think would be my go on that um actually do you know what we've been doing this podcast for what are you two years a year i don't know how long we do it for quite a while yeah that advice i actually genuinely think that is that's you you know I like microdosing and all the sort of like cool stuff that you say

when you're trying to be trendy and hip that advice I look at you now and actually think I'm so glad that you're my best buddy that was like a really no I just think that shows what a good guy you are oh my god no I mean that man it's a really

that's the depth of you and I mean that man it's a really it's that's the depth of you and i like that man it's it's a really i i felt a little bit of pride inside myself when you said that okay well i feel proud of you every single minute of every single day tom it's all love baby it's all love it's all i wouldn't shoot the pride button over in this direction until we've got this fucking podcast over in my second uh so tom davis is about to step up for his second freestyle thought of the day tommy d do your thing keith pritchard had a horse it was the most beautiful horse in all of in all of the stables every day keith would sit astride it and he'd glide around the paddock and around the other areas where people had horses.

And quite often he would sort of shout, like, look at me, Keith Pritchard, setting aside my beautiful steed, the most beautiful steed in all the land. People with lesser horses used to stare at him almost with animosity at Keith Pritchard and his beautiful steed, thinking, man, he'd be nothing without that beautiful, beautiful horse. Time passed, and sadly, as is with pets and animals and such, Keith's horse passed before he did. And when Keith was digging an abnormally big grave to put his horse in,

he stroked his face and thought, I will never find a more beautiful horse than you. You are my treasure. So Keith decided never to have a horse again. And he'd walk around the streets just by foot. And he'd look at people with lesser horses. And he'd remember his old beautiful horse and think, I wonder how long I can go before I find another beautiful horse.

And before long, Keith decided to get another horse. He looked far and he looked wide and every horse he found, although he'd wired it for a bit, no one would really, really notice him. He'd sort of feel lesser than he had on his beautiful horse he'd give that horse away and try another horse and another horse another horse and another horse and he felt quite inferior but it's kind of what life is like in a way yeah you can pack up and put on the best shirt or the best jacket or the best pair of clothes and you can put on a big shiny hat or some designer shoes that have cost you hundreds of thousands of pounds and you can put on a big shiny hat or some designer shoes that have cost you hundreds of thousands of pounds

and you can walk into a party and you can feel like you rule the party, that you're the best thing there. But the truth of the matter is it's only a material thing. You're no different than Keith sitting on a horse that you could fall off. The truth is work on yourself. Work at being the best person you can be. Work at you being the horse that everyone marvels at everything else is just materialistic be the best version of yourself and let that be

the candor that lights your candle wow wow now what a lesson there he took two l's and trying to come up with a catchphrase try and let that be the candle that lights your candle. Somebody's got themselves a W. Congratulations, Tom Davis. Well, you know what? It all swings around about us, baby. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you run. Yeah, okay.

Don't go again. Now, to play us out, we often have people ask us about the theme tune to this podcast. And it's about the theme tune. The beat was done by Reva and the rap, the lyrics were done by a rapper called Michael Payne, who's no longer a rapper. Actually, he's a screenwriter now and a very successful one. Yeah, but I thought I would play us out with the song that first led me to pay attention to Michael Payne, the rapper. And that is the absolute banger, Blame Miss Barclay.

Oh, man, this is a tune. A song all about a teacher that inspired him. It's an absolute banger. And we're dedicating this episode to Justin, a.k.a. Michael Payne. Thank you for blessing us with the theme tune. Thank you for blessing us with this tune. Thank you to all of you for listening to The Wolf and Out.

We will see you next time. Bye-bye. Boo-boo-boo. They want to know why Mr. Payne writes in the way that he does. Some are genuinely intrigued, some are making a fuss.

They just can't seem to figure it out so they complain and they cuss. They feel the sting because he's got to be creating a buzz There's no bitch behind these bars, he doesn't bow in the showers And no impulse to keep him sweet, he's acting sour to cowards

While the flavour shuts him up, he's found a way to some shit up The end result, 316s to the power of hours This is nothing like the other stuff you're into Yes, this is an album, but it's more of a motherfucking tribute This information's vital. It explains the title. Here's a little something that I dedicate to my school teacher. She taught me English in my teens.

I didn't fancy her, but she's one of the women of my dreams. She played a part in creating the formidable machine called Michael Payne. I'd like to say this is a big conspiracy. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.