Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 45: Sharp Suits & Backwards Caps

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

It’s a very special show this week as Rom and Tom are together in the same room! We’re talking… Eeyore energy, dodging rounds at the pub, wonderful weddings, wearing suits on stage, very bad cap decisions, awkward photo shoots, visible bum cracks, portmanteaus and BAFTA outfits. Plus, email questions about a partner’s snooze alarm tactics and sharing uneven incomes. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List- https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong The New Empire.

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Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing, it's head spinning Welcome to The Wolf and Al.

Welcome, welcome. This is a very exciting episode of The Wolf and Al. Romesh, would you say twice or thrice reasons why? Why did you say why? I don't know. I mean mean everything he said was wrong anyway what in what sense well twice or thrice yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's two or three but twice is like twice and then twice yeah but nobody gets twice reasons yeah no right is it twice or thrice reasons no because you have two or three no twice or thrice reasons? No, because you have two or three. No, twice or thrice. Yeah, but I'm saying...

What is thrice? Is thrice German for three? No. What is German for three? Dry, I think. Dry? I'm guessing. I don't know.

I don't speak German. I'm trying to think. Undertwaar in French. Oh, God. Undertwaar in French, isn't it? Uno, dos, tres. No, no, it's not. It's undertrois.

What? Undertrois? Undertrois. Undertrois? Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois.

Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois.

Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois.

Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois.

Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois.

Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois.

Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Undertrois. Umertrois.

Umertrois. Um That's how I work with most of my language. Anyway, we're very excited to be here because for a number of reasons, thrice reasons. Reason number one, we're together in the room. Which is so exciting. It's so exciting. To actually be able to reach out and just touch you and look at you and just like, oh, you're so nice. Oh. Okay.

I've just spilt over, a lovely lady has just brought in a really nice cup of coffee and i've just knocked over the whole coffee no no no we'll carry on regardless um i can warm my hands by it so so the good news is the reason that we're together is we're in a recording booth because we're doing some we're working here all day. Tom has already ruined the space. No, well, I didn't know. I always have coffee to my right, not my left. Your reaction, by the way, to spilling an entire cup of coffee was so understated. Bearing in mind that you'd fall off your chair if you saw a balloon.

No. You spilt an entire cup of coffee. I feel quite sedated. And you went like this an entire cup of coffee. I feel quite sedated. And you went like this. You went like this. Oh. Yeah, but I feel quite sedated. I thought you'd spilt

a little bit. I thought you'd knocked and then I looked at the entire cup. What I'm realising there is the whole of today, this booth is going to reek of coffee, isn't it?

Yeah. It's a strong bit. It's quite a nice smell, though, isn't it? I can't smell it yet. Can't you? No. Do you know what?

I feel very serene and sedate okay sensual not as sensual as i thought this morning with being so close to you yeah but i feel almost you know like when you uh when you watch like a nature documentary and you sort of like see a hibernating bear yeah he's just coming out of hibernation yeah and he's like oh i don't know if i can be bothered like chasing bees and finding honey and stuff. Yeah. It's like, that's how I feel today.

You're just basing that on Winnie the Pooh, right? Yeah. It's a nightmare, isn't it, when you come out of hibernation and this really annoying tiger

comes up to you, just won't shut his mouth. Try and go and get yourself cheered up. Eeyore bounces over. Mate, I don't want to hear your last story. I get quite,

I would say my energy, I've got an Eeyore energy. You are, you've got, do you think like with the other animals, like when Winnie was, because the others like donkeys and tigers don't hibernate, do they? No, I don't believe so. So do you reckon like- They also don't live in the same habitat. Yeah, I know, but in Winnie, like Pooh Woods or whatever it's called, they did, right? Yeah.

Is that what it's called? Pooh Woods, yeah. It's called Pooh Woods? Yeah, I think so. What kind of a narcissist is this fucking bear? Well, he's the king of the... I mean, to be fair, actually, out of all the bears in... Actually, a lot of bears, actually, in...

Oh, my God. It's like we've done MDMA and then started doing... Oh, my God. Even Paddington's quite chill, isn't he? Paddington? Yeah. Yeah, Paddington's very chill, yeah. If you came here as an alien and you just watched cartoons,

you'd actually think the bears were pretty, you know, they seem like a pretty sort of like-minded, sort of chilled bunch of people. Yeah, I do think there's too much talking animal stuff. If you're educating it, like, you know, it's just sort of normal now, isn't it? Yeah. Animals talk.

What is your favourite talking animal? I'm a big fan of tigger oh really yeah he has got amazing he's like the joe rogan of um the woods i mean what man he's just always up and he's always got some sort of like he just feels like he's always got loads of ice baths and yeah yeah talking about how difficult it is to fight the other animals how they probably rip you limb from limb he's got quite a lot of motivation sort of looks off into the middle distance for a moment or so. It's quite disturbing.

Is that how you read? Yeah, kind of. But like sort of just with a little... Like he's done a... He's double dropped. Yeah. That podcast is deep, isn't it? We've done however many episodes.

Do we get deep on this podcast, do you think? I mean, so far, I don't think we've said anything of substance. No. To be fair, we've done 300 episodes like that, though. And also, we are now in day two. We spent the whole of Bank Holiday Monday together. Yeah, what do you think about that for our relationship? This is probably the most, because we're working all day today.

We've got three days. Thrice days. Yeah, thrice days. Thrice days. Ten-hour days. Now in a room. I don't know why they're all in a row. Sorry, I just tried to figure out why I was saying bye. I'm so sorry. But, so we've got thrice days. Thrice 10 hour days. Now in a room. I don't know why they're all in a row. Sorry, I just tried to figure out why I was saying bye.

I'm so sorry. But, so we've got thrice days. Thrice days. And also last night we gigged together. We did, yeah. It's actually from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed, we're together at the moment. Which is really, do you know what, I really,

it was actually quite interesting as well, because we popped out for a sort of quick drink after. Basically, I know what's going to happen now. What? I know what you're doing now. No, we popped out. I know what you're doing now. We popped out for a quick drink after. Basically, I know what's going to happen now. I know what you're doing now. No. I know what you're doing now. We popped out for a quick drink after, which is really nice, right?

Yeah. I thought, strange in a sense. Why? Well, you're one of the first people I've been out with for a long time who didn't think they had to buy a round. This is so, I knew this was what was going to happen. I did try and buy a round. Look, I've been around a lot of people who've tried to slink out of buying rounds, right?

What I noticed was every time it looked like people's points were sort of like getting sort of low on the ground, you started quite a big story. Yeah. Really? Is that what happened? What happened is we met the ground. Yeah. You started quite a big story. Yeah. And then sort of... Really? Is that what happened?

What happened is, we met your agent. Yeah. And then you, who asked me about Misadventures, and then when I answered the question about Misadventures, oh, bloody hell, we won't stop going on about it.

And then you just started doing this whole bit about what a narcissist I am. No, no, no. They asked you about one place, and then it was like sitting next to Michael Palin for about three hours. As you regaled stories. It was like fucking Francis Fogg coming back from his air balloon trip around the world. They are calling me Rajesh Palin.

Here's a question for you. Who paid for your shake? To be fair, it was a lovely shake. It was a lovely shake, but you didn't... Let me tell you what happened, right? Oh, wow. Because you've absolutely fucking walked into this right okay okay you ordered i ordered milk not a milkshake whatever it's a reply meal replacement shake

yeah but it's a meal replacement shake how many calories you were saying to me earlier before well first of all it's a meal replacement shake that you're having immediately after a meal so it's it's got the calories of a meal. Yeah. How many calories in it? I looked, it's like 580 or something.

That's not too bad. I thought it was going to be more than that. Well, it's bad on top of 1200, which is what you put away this morning. Three croissants

and a full fry up. You've done your day already, mate. I know, yeah. I need to definitely... In fact, you've spilt and ruined the only zero calorie thing you've got available to you. I should have spilt this really... I mean, to... In fact, you've spilt and ruined the only zero calorie thing you've got available to you.

I should have spilt this really... I mean, to be fair, if I'd spilt that, you'd need a shovel to get that off the table. Anyway, the point is, you did like a tactic in the shop. Because we went in... It was not a tactic. We went in, we ordered the shakes,

and then you asked for... How do you pronounce this? Turmeric. Is it turmeric pronounce this? Turmeric. Is it turmeric or turmeric? Turmeric, man. Definitely turmeric. How do you know it's definitely turmeric? Because I've been in, like, queues and heard people order them before. Okay.

And I actually was in Waitrose not so long ago and heard someone say, oh, have you any turmeric? Okay. Jesus, that's one of the most middle-class stories I've heard in my life. I was just lurking about the spices. Yeah, I do that sometimes just to get the pronunciation. So it'll spin an hour or two in there, you get to know what... Sorry, mate, what did you say? Coriander. Yeah. So I've always said Rosemary.

Anyway, we ordered the shake, ordered the... And you just walked away. It was like you thought it was free. No, I'll tell you what it was. It was like, hopefully he'll get the hint now and put his hand in his pocket. What, you didn't even say thank you. No, that was bad on my part.

It was bad. You know, in all fairness... Do you know what? It was like I was your butler in that shop. No, what happened, let's be fair, was we were actually having quite a fun chat. And I've got to say, and I do... I'm slightly embarrassed about this

because i actually thought this is quite sort of party rom like you know like obviously you've been sort of like the night before i'd seen you manspanning in this sort of pub sort of like yeah you took your jacket off and you started regaling stories right can i just can i just stop you just before you carry on i'm happy for you to carry on this bit just on the last episode we had an extended chat about getting the fear after you've been on an evening right and getting paranoid about your behavior and what do you do the very next episode you devote you've spent last night i imagine you didn't go to sleep at the hotel been working on this routine getting all of the bits together so that you can absolutely destroy me now. No, I actually,

by the way, can I just say, it was one of my favourite evenings. You were so, you were an amazing raccoon tour. This is such, this is such. I actually, on the walk home, you know like in life, right,

there's moments where you just go, actually just cherish this moment. You know, even though there was a little bit of rain, the air was moist. There was a lot of rain actually. We didn't acknowledge how much we were getting pissed off I was absolutely soaking wet

this morning yeah but I think we were drunk yeah I looked across at you there was water like running off you and then I thought

holy shit what's going on and I saw you but I thought this you know in a film this would be the moment that everyone goes oh that was lovely

a bit like a Damon and sort of like Ben Affleck I'm just an owl standing in front of a wolf yeah asking him to do a podcast and that little moment i really enjoyed i did think like and i enjoyed listening to your stories as well i thought it was really don't bother don't bother don't bother don't bother don't i don't need that now this is as bad as what you're doing before no i, I really enjoyed it. And I think everyone in the pub enjoyed it. What you did was, let's... First of all, I wasn't talking...

Was I talking that loud? Tom, you sat down and you went, this is wrong. And you pretended to have a cigar. And then you went... Now let me tell you about Haiti. I thought it was weird you took your shoes off in a fact. So let's be clear.

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owners get a thousand dollar bonus for details visit your local ford store or ford.ca but we we have had like so we went to we did a gig by the way thank you to everybody that came to the gig last night yes it was fun right it was a really fun gig yeah it's always hard isn't it doing new stuff it is always hard and also there was like i think a bank holiday vibe from me and you i i'm not gonna lie i'm not i feel absolutely drained i feel like i'm on my very last well you went to a wedding at the weekend yeah shout out laura checkley yeah uh and claire beautiful wedding yeah sorry i couldn't make it guys but um i try not to turn up to weddings I've not been invited to. It was quite a few people asked where you were. Did they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine Laura didn't. No, no. She knew exactly where I was. Uninvited. There was a real, yeah, there was a nice, it was a lovely, beautiful, beautiful day. Yeah. How do you feel about weddings? Are you a wedding fan?

Am I a wedding fan? I don't know I've got mixed feelings about it yeah I think the compulsion to go really big on it

and it to be like this massive thing I slightly I'm not that comfortable with but what I'd say with Laura's was beautiful

was it was all under one roof which was great like Toys R Us yeah yeah from room to room it was actually

like a little you don't remember you know the Bedford in Ballym yeah Donal room to room it was actually like a little talk you don't remember you know the bedford in balaam yeah donald cabaret yeah he's in there so it just went from room to room to it was in there yeah that's wicked it was incredible it was really i'd love it if i'd had a gig like no just wondered actually you know who was having a gig there chris kent do you know chris oh yeah i know chris yeah i like chris he's pretty he's you should watch his stuff he's really absolutely amazing he turned up and I fanboyed him a bit. Did you? What did he say?

He walked in. Actually, this is a weird thing. So there was also running, there's a pub, the Bedford, which was just people just having beers.

And quite a few times I'd go out into the bar there because it was such a big queue at the wedding just to get a beer. And I was obviously in my suit and then the coronation was on. So I'd go into the sort of bar

and sort of order a drink and these people would come up and go, I think it's amazing, and then the coronation was on. So I go into the sort of bar and sort of order a drink, and these people come up and go, I think it's amazing, mate. I think it's amazing. Respect your show and Charles. And they thought that I had worn a suit to go to the pub and watch the coronation. And I didn't want to spoil it for them and say,

and I was like, oh, you know, obviously it's a big, big day. But I looked insane. They thought you'd put on a suit to watch the television. Yeah, to go down to the pub. I'd just gone, right, see you later, love. I'd gone down on my own. Like I'd put on a football kit to go and watch the football. I was dressed like I was there.

Or I hadn't been invited like you were to the wedding, to the coronation. But I'd sort of just decided to sort of nonetheless enjoy the day it'd be like you sitting watching tv in your wedding suit sometimes i do that but chris kent walked in and i was like wow it's chris kent and i've been watching a lot of his stuff on instagram and i think he's hilarious i was sort of went up and he was asking if i was at the gig if i was performing but i was just, really excited to see him. Yeah. Sort of gave him a bit of a hug.

How did you feel about him thinking that you were going to be wearing that suit to be on stage? You're wearing a whole three-piece suit to Saturday night at the Banana Cabaret. To do ten minutes in the middle. Even your tour poster, you're not wearing a suit yeah I'm changing it up I wore a suit once man on stage

this is interesting I was chatting to someone just the other day about this what is the what's the score because a mate

of mine went yeah if you wear a suit you've got to be really really funny that's such bollocks

it was like coloured boots for football yeah what is the score with suits are they should you wear them or should you not I mean look I could talk like coloured boots for football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the score with suits though? Are they, should you wear them or should you not?

I mean, look, I could talk about this for ages by the way about what to wear. I mean, we're going to be sort of, we've been together

for 24 hours. Yeah, okay. It's good to talk about something new, isn't it? Take the top off a bottle of new conversation topics. But,

so, I think what you, is, I've thought about it a lot right and now i don't think about it very much at all but it's like what you've got what you wear on stage it depends what your attitude is right if you're doing a tour show or you're doing a comedy night people have come out yeah right they've come out and when people come out they get dressed up yeah and it's like good to make some sort of, I think there's an argument is good to make some sort of concession to having had made an effort to deliver this show. Right. So, or to do this standup or whatever, you know, like people have their characters, don't they? Some people are like, they're deliberately shabby. So that's what they're going to look like. So,

but you are still making, that is still making an effort. You are in character. Wearing a suit, the thing about wearing a suit is, there is nothing distracting about what you're wearing then. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's like, you know,

we should never ever, I don't think, wear a t-shirt with like a slogan on it. No. Or anything like that. I'd say that that, or even like any kind of like picture. A wacky t-shirt.

Yeah, anything like that. Unless it's a Wolf and Ale one-shot. Yeah, obviously. If it's like specifically party rom, I think that's a good thing to wear on stage. You should wear a party rom t-shirt for your next tour. Can you imagine?

That would be the fucking saddest. Imagine my tour poster. Tour's called party rom. Just me with a t-shirt on, double thumbs up. No, no, the thumbs should be in the belt loops. Oh, that's a great shout. With one of those beer hats. Yeah, and then just my iPhone in a holster.

One of those beer hats with two cans of lager. But so it's like a thing where like, but if you decide to wear a suit and that's your thing, it just, you don't have to decide anymore. Do you know what I mean? It's just like a non-distracting smart thing you've got dressed up to come on stage. So I used to wear like a,

most of, all of my stand-up, I used to wear, on stage. So I used to wear like a, for most of, all of my stand-up, I used to wear, do you remember, I used to wear a blazer shirt. Yeah, blazer. Did you have ripped jeans as well? No, I did not have ripped jeans.

I didn't enjoy the, the way that you enjoyed asking that question because you thought I did. I swear, I've got a memory of you in a blazer, ripped jeans

and like Chelsea boots. Although, no. There's another one of your imagined memories of me you know those boots that everyone had it from all i remember you used to used to gig in like full gimp suit right and you just had the ball gag like propped up on your forehead did you quickly though did you ever go did you ever do that fashion thing you remember everyone had those all saint boots no that's sort of I could never get away from wearing them. I went through a phase of just always wearing Converse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never wore Converse.

I mean, yeah, they're not that comfortable to be honest with you. No, I just don't like... Because they look quite small, don't you, on your feet? They always look terrible on me. Yeah. So I went through a phase of wearing a blazer and shirt. Yeah. And now I look back on it. I look back on, like, when I did Live at the Apollo, occasionally

you see it come up on YouTube, and I hate what I was wearing. Yeah. But I think that's always, is that always the case? Yeah. I can't imagine looking back at a thing from a few years ago and thinking, I looked absolutely amazing. I can't even imagine. Michelle DeSwart sent me a picture of one of our flyers from the brighton fringe in 2012 and i went for a really tragic stage of thinking i was cool and relaxed if i wore a baseball cap back to front on stage

please please please tell me this isn't true it's true it was backwards yeah so no so i go on with it forwards oh my god oh my god so it's not even natural it's like a affectation and then i'd start talking as i started talking i'd get like oh god i'd turn it backwards like this is where the fun starts type of thing i look like a really listen let me tell you something right and i mean this I honestly mean this. If that had been my first experience of seeing you, we wouldn't be friends now. No, no.

There's no way I would have been able to overcome that initial impression. Between 2012 and 2014, I'm surprised I made any friends or kept the ones I had in my life anyway. Like, for some reason, I thought it was actually a cool, edgy thing to look like a frat boy. Like, sort of like a jock. No, but it's one thing to wear it, to go on stage with it backwards. To turn it round, to go, the comedy starts. Like, your cap's a clock and it's comedy time.

I don't know what the fuck you're doing. It was, honestly, I look back now, yeah. I'm like, what was I, but the cap back to front as well. Because even then, I'm what, like, 2012, so I'm like, what was I? But the cap back to front as well, because even then I'm like 2012, so I'm like 33. Yeah, but you, as we know, you've got a magic power that in any position looks good on you. I'd argue, I'd say that was my kryptonite, the fitted base. No, I think that's the closest you've come to sort of testing your powers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and failing, I'd say. If you walked on stage and you had your hat on backwards, I'd go, weird look, but fair play to I'd say. If you walked on stage and you had your hat on backwards, I'd go, weird look, but fair play to the geezer. If you walked on stage with it forwards, and went, hello, I'm Tom Davis,

hold on, let's get this set started, and you twisted your hat to the back, I'd probably walk out. The thing is, you never saw me at that time, and you're joking,

but essentially, that's what I used to do. I used to walk on with my hat and go, hello, ladies and gentlemen. Sometimes I'd just stand there and soak them in. Yeah. There's like eight people there.

And then I'd just... You'd soak in eight people. And then I'd go, Anton Davis, let's get this started. And then turn it around. Are you being serious? I think it was something like that. How can you, this person sitting opposite me,

be that guy? Yeah, because I'm like that. How can you be, how can you, this person sitting opposite me, be that guy? Yeah, because I'm like Michelle Pfeiffer from, Dangerous Minds. Grease 2. Grease 2? What does she do in Grease 2?

Oh no, not her, you know, the one she goes out with, I think his name is Michael. Yeah. Oh yeah. Cool rider.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he was a bit nerdy and then all of a sudden he sort of like found it, somehow found how to be remotely less nerdy

and less geeky. Is that what's happened? Yeah, yeah. Look, I look back at that and think, how do I earn a living how to be remotely less nerdy and less geeky is that what's happened yeah yeah i no look i look back at that and think how do i earn a living from the same trade that that used to be my shtick that genuinely how there's there's a reason why now i go oh actually i'm a pretty okay stand up to that was my opening bit yeah look if it makes you feel any better i can tell you two stories related to that okay uh one uh when i was with before i was with flo yeah i was doing an edinburgh show and um we

had to do photos for the flyer and i took some clothes and um went to the photo shoot and we took i don't know four or five hundred photos and then my agents asked for a meeting all right and so i went in and they were like i sort of walked in as like sort of hush tones and i walked in sat down and they said so um your photo shoot? I said, yeah. And they said, we've had a look at the photos. And basically, well, let's have, should we show you? And they showed me the photos and they said, Romesh, it's difficult to say this,

but because of what you're wearing, none of these photos are usable. And then they started showing me photos of other comedians. Looking cool. Yeah. And going like, they started showing me photos of other comedians looking cool yeah and going like they started telling me I need like a capsule wardrobe and shit like that

what's a capsule wardrobe it's where you've got like I think by the way I'm about to explain it's where you've got like some central pieces and then you rotate them

you know like you've got your core look thing and then you sort of rotate around and then so that was bad right

but look i'd say i don't agree with the capsule in my defense i was completely broke i mean i had no money yeah so like but but having said all of that you can still dress well you know you can dress well if you've not got a lot yeah do you mean it's just you've got to be a bit creative with it unfortunately i wasn't do you mean yeah i went for the i went for quantity over quality so i had loads of options but all of those options were shit yeah that was the story of my life back then you're supposed to go you're supposed to buy a couple of things that are really nice right that's what you're supposed to do in the opposite i look back at some of my old shoots that i did back in the day

like when you had no money and you're trying so bad and i got talked into doing some really weird pictures like what? like there's one of me that this photographer sort of thing was like oh let's make them a bit crazy and stuff

there's one that I'm sort of doing like a sort of lion roar and I'm on the ground sort of like with my hand up like I'm sort of coming towards the camera like David Brent

is that photo in circulation? I can show you it I'd love to see it can we put it on Instagram? yeah yeah we can put it on he got me to do about three or four of these and i thought i'd turn up in a flat cap and a sort

of crew net jumper thinking oh this is quite a cool look and then the photos suggest that yeah it's it's a more sexual show than a guy who walks on stage and turns his back their cap back to front um i had a thing where um i went to a photo shoot and there was a union jack and it was about me sort of i think the whole premise of it was about me being a an asian british comedian right and he said um i thought a cool photo would be if you made a turban out of this union jack fucking hell jesus christ i understand the symbolism of it uh he said what do you think i said well i'm not sick i've never had such a big move i've never worn a turban that's a massive thing for him to sort of go all right love no i've got that robin shrang and aphelon fellow coming in for a photo shoot are you gonna do the union jack thing tony's a massive thing for him to sort of go, all right, love, no, no, I've got that Romesh Ranganathan fella

coming in for a photo shoot. Are you going to do the Union Jack thing, Tony? Yeah, we're going to get him to wear a turban. If he can't do the turban, we're going to get him to wear it like a nappy, like Mowgli from Jungle Book. Actually, I've got to say, shout out to Rob Beckett, because Rob has basically taught me that if you're not comfortable with having a certain photo,

you just say no and people are totally fine with it. Do you know what I mean? Whereas before, when I first did photo shoots, I was so nervous and obviously hate having my photo taken. Whatever they would suggest, I would do. If they said, oh, do you want to just, can you strip off completely naked, tangerine in one hand and thumb up your ass?

Yeah, mate. I would do it. I'd go, what's the creative behind this that's what I love about Beckett one of the many things I love about Beckett he's always had that vibe to him hasn't he

yeah he's always had that well he's just like he just said to me it's not about being rude it's just no no no not doing things

you feel uncomfortable with weirdly just you mentioned like naked and stuff I went out for a meal for lunch in Edinburgh last week obviously I was gigging up there

I didn't just go up to Edinburgh for lunch and I was sitting with Tony and we were having our food and there was a guy your driver Tony

yeah driver's stroke friend we're pals and there was a guy on the table right in my eye line I showed you this picture yesterday

and his t-shirt got caught on the top of the chair and it was quite there was the doors and windows this place were open so there's quite a lot of air in there he's pretty much his whole bum and his back were hanging out through the whole of my middle yeah i've seen the photo i think it's i would say rough estimate three inches of crack yeah on show i'd say yes yeah and quite and quite unkempt sort of...

Arse, is that what you're saying? Yeah, arse and back. His arse was hairy, isn't it? Really hairy, yeah. So what are you saying? If you are going to put it in a window display, shave it, please. Yeah, yeah, like,

I genuinely was like, I didn't know whether to go and say something to sort of like, protect his dignity by saying, your bum and your back are out. Or, number one, maybe he liked it because he was hot, he had a hot back and he was just, like, having it out. protect his dignity by saying your bum and your back are out or number one

maybe he liked it because he was hot he had a hot back and he was just having it out to the window yeah I mean if his back was sweaty

and he'd had to jog there maybe he'd like I mean I don't think that was the case but it was out for the whole meal have you ever had your like an ass crack

hanging out have I yeah you know it's out right that's well it's interesting I have a paranoia about it if I sit in a chair Have you ever had your like an ass crack hanging out? Have I? Yeah. Yeah. You know it's out, right? Well, it's interesting you say that. I have a paranoia about it.

If I sit in a chair with an open back, I'm done. I can't relax because I worry so much about me being the person with my butt back out. I know. And then also like when it's happened, when I've sat in a chair and realised my ass is out, I just think, what do I do now? We've got to burn this chair. Yeah. Like it just can't be reused.

Do you do a thing where you stand up and pull your jeans up and then sort of sit back down really carefully, keeping that sort of jeans up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy, though, I'm like, he must have known. But I don't know if you... And people were walking past pointing at his bum. I don't know if you do know.

I was walking past, almost exactly, it wasn't for the entire meal. I was walking past the Wagamama's recently. I don't know how to specify. It doesn't matter. But there was a guy just sat towards the window. And it was like his full ass was on display in the window. And thankfully, I wasn't having dinner opposite.

I just walked past. Well, you should have knocked on the window, maybe. And said what? And done what? Just gone. Get your jeans up, mate. I know. But then, you know what the problem

with that is? Is I think to myself, if he might discover that he's been, that that's happened, right, you know, he might go,

oh, my arse is out here. And hopefully, for his sake, he'll think that's only been the case for a minute or so, right?

If I knock on the window and go, arse crack, right, or whatever, it's like a bogey, right? Then he's like, shit, this whole time. I felt bad the window and go, arse crack, right, or whatever. It's like a bogey, right? Then he's like, shit, this hell time. I felt bad.

I'm like, I sat in that place for nearly an hour and a half, maybe two, chatting, having a laugh, talking away. Lovely ambience to the place outside the bum, right? I watched people come in and point at his bum. He was there for at least an hour that I was there, right? People were pointing at it. And I felt really bad because obviously his friends couldn't see it was out and i kind of i wish to this wish to god i just sort of like maybe whispered into his ear you know your ass is on the show yeah yeah and then but then would that be come across as me being out of order is it such a fine it's difficult like it's but if he had a bogey in his nose i go

bogey in your nose yeah yeah it's just you know and he lives in edinburgh i think so i had his accent so what difference does that make well if anyone sees me goes oh look that's the guy's bum was hanging out in the thai restaurant i mean how much do you are you remembering faces well i can't even think about what his face is like there you go yeah if i genuinely though if i saw a thousand bums lined up i'd be able to pick his out. It's amazing. As soon as you said that, I got the visual. You'd be able to pick his arse out of a line-up of a thousand bums.

Yeah, yeah. I'd be able to scroll down and go, there it is. You should pitch that as a movie idea. It's a social faux pas, isn't it? What I would say is I don't know if you do know. Because a couple of times, when I've just been around the house and joggers and stuff, Theo's gone, you know your arse crack show, right? Wow.

And I haven't, I've been totally unaware. See, Theo's a G though, isn't he? This is the difference between me, you and Theo. How do you mean? Well, Theo, I think Theo's got the confidence and also the decency to turn around to someone without even thinking about it and going, you're arse-sangin' that, mate. Yeah, but what I would say in response to that is one we're at home yeah two is his dad three he seems to enjoy telling me he's not it's not even like he's doing that concern he's like

dad yeah you know your crack kills yeah yeah i i worry so much about it if i go out i don't think i can't enjoy a meal if i'm sitting in an open-back chair and even the thought of someone walking past and going, oh my God, look at that hairy old ass crack. Here's a question for you. Yeah. Where do you wear your trousers on your body? I try to get them just above my hips.

Where we wear them is part of the problem. Yeah. I mean, the low ride is sort of like, with thong has gone from my world now. With a red thong. I remember that. It's the early days, right? Backwards cap.

Low ride jeans. Yeah, drop them a little bit. Sort of essentially look like... Cap goes backwards. You still look like Mel Black from All Saints. Don't work my boots. High rising tummy top singlet

yeah I think that guy's not quite as sexy as he thinks he is so what are you wearing now I'm wearing a tracksuit so they're like where are they sitting

I tried to get them at the top of my hips right but under your under your stomach right yeah I mean that's the trouble right even now and arguably I'm in better shape than I have been.

Yeah. You look great. It's still difficult to get a trouser over your tummy without it looking a bit like you've got a gunt. So, God, why did you say that? That is, men have a gunt, right? No. Don't they?

No. What is a gunt? I don't? No. Don't they? No. What is a gun? A gun is... I don't want to say what a gun is. Like, you should be able to guess just from... It's a portmanteau. Two words combined. What's a portmanteau?

That's what I... I gave you the definition as soon as I said it. Yeah, but I've never heard that before. Well, I'm trying to educate you. Portmanteau? Is that a thing? Yeah. How the fuck do you know this shit?

It's just... I don't know. Living life. Portmanteau? That's such a cool fucking thing. You've do you know this shit? It's just, I don't know, living life. Portmanteau, that's such a cool fucking thing. You've just made me doubt it now. No, I think it's probably right. I mean, it would be an insane thing to have made up. I'm not saying I made it up.

I'm saying I might have used it in the wrong context. Portmanteau, oh no. What? A word blending the sounds and combining the meanings of... Yeah, I did get it right. But it's also a large travelling bag, typically made of stiff leather and opening into... Oh, mate, I'd love to buy a portmanteau.

You should get one. I'd love... The thought of going into a hotel and sort of going, oh, your room isn't ready, and going, oh, is there somewhere I can leave my portmanteau? And then they go, what? My portmanteau. Do you mean... That's a bag, right? It's actually a portmanteau. And then they go what? My portmanteau. Do you mean? That's a bag right? It's actually a portmanteau. Sorry, how is that a portmanteau rather than a bag? It's a large leather portmanteau.

If you would stop picking holes in the portmanteau. Okay, there we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It got very defensive. Anyway, a gun is a portmanteau. Right. Okay. What between? Guts. Yeah, okay. Okay, cool, cool. Oh, yeah, so men couldn't have one.

No. Yeah. Well, they could. So I've got a gig. It's 2023, mate. I've got a gig. You've got a gig, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So the trouble with pulling your trousers up over your gig is it's you have a there's a way that the trouser looks when it goes

if you've got a six pack it's fine if not it always I don't think you can nice it well there's some trousers that are supposed to be worn

sort of just under the navel right yeah yeah yeah suit trousers high waisted trousers high waisted yeah high waisted I find that incredibly uncomfortable

and horrible what are you because you've got the BAFTAs shout out Ron hosting the BAFTAs this Sunday amazing moment for you

yeah I'm trying not to engage with it because every time it's mentioned I sort of no no no what's the suit you've got

who's dressing it a little Tom Sweeney number oh red knapsack would you or just no no

so are you going a full sort of I'm actually well I can reveal exclusively Oh wow It's an exclusive

for Wolf Analysis I'm going double breasted Always the best way to go Well I've never worn a double breasted suit before in my life Oh mate you're in for a treat

Really Mate it's the only way I'd go now Really Yeah So is that on the comeback now

I don't know I said it three times like that. Yeah, I think so. I think the confidence wearing a double-breasted suit is something

very special. The problem is sitting down an issue? No, just open the buttons. But you can't wear it open,

can you? I'd have it open. No, no, take it off when you're having a formal dinner. Yeah, afterwards, yeah.

Yeah, take it off. Are you three-piece or two-piece? Two-piece. Is that better or worse? I don't know. I think you're going to look amazing. What colour? Black?

Dark blue. Dark blue? Buttons? Yeah, there'll be buttons, yeah. No, what colour? Blue. Oh, no. Well, well, well.

I don't want to give any more details away. Shit, speaking of which, I haven't got shoes. Anyway, I'll figure it out. Oh, no, no, you should definitely get shoes. Don't wear trainers. Yeah, I think I should wear shoes. I'm not going to give any more details away shit speaking of which I haven't got shoes anyway I'll figure it out oh no no you should definitely get shoes don't wear trainers I'm not going to wear trainers no

you know we should wear what's hot on when you said don't wear trainers do you mean for the BAFTAs or you hate suits you hate suit with trainers I don't think it's a good I do it all the time

do you yeah I'm not a fan of it I love trainers I'm not doing it for you no but I love trainers but I just think it's a time and a place

yeah there is I wouldn't wear a pair of, like, brogues with a tracksuit. No, but it doesn't, because it doesn't work that way. You know what you should wear? I saw this really nice shiny pair of black locs the other day that would look really nice on you. And I can get a half-price discount for you if you want. How come? I know the guy who's working on the markets,

and he works with locs. Oh, cool. Good to know, good to know. Really good to know. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is I've recently bought a pair of trousers that require

to be worn higher right I'm conscious and aware of them the entire time I'm wearing it does the back go in your bum at all a little bit yeah

what I would say is much less chance of arse crack display yeah but then you've got the other problem that sometimes

it looks like your arse is eating the trousers yeah trousers. Yeah, but then you've got the other problem that sometimes it looks like your ass is eating the trousers. Yeah. I've had that. And when you've got as flat an ass as I have. Your ass isn't, I think it's got less flat. It's more subtle. I reckon I've done, rough estimate, 10,000 squats in the last year to try and deal with

the complete absence of ass. I had a little glimpse like yesterday. What? No, you got up and went to the toilet. Right. And you followed me in and then you sort of looked over the top of the cubicle. Yeah, and what did you see? I saw someone who'd done 10,000 squats

and his arse looked flat. It looked like you'd had a little bit of a bum lift. Really? Thanks. Yeah, it looks nice. Yeah. It's a decent looking cherry. Oh my God. thanks yeah it looks nice yeah it's a decent looking cherry oh my god we all have the power

to shape the world we're connected to the world we share to each other I am future I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil.

Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo, thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection

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is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit tresemme.com to learn more. Are we doing emails today? Yes, we are. Would you like me to do some? Yeah, let's do some. I feel my energy today is very, very, very...

Yeah, we're both very vibey. Okay, I'm done. I think I'm going down with a cold. Grace has got a cold. She's also got a cold and an obsession with sticking her fingers in my mouth after she's put them in her nose. Oh, God, really'm done. I think I'm going down with a cold. Grace has got a cold, and she's also got a cold and an obsession with sticking her fingers in my mouth after she's put them in her nose. Oh, God, really? Yeah.

Is that specifically what's happening? I think, yeah. Every time. Yeah, I think she's just trying her luck with things. She feels now that sort of, you know, like she'll do something and then she's at an age where I'll go, don't do that thing.

Yeah. And she'll just smile and do it, or she'll just wave at me laugh and then do it and it feels like that is that the start where they're like you shouldn't start this early no but okay well that's good in that sense that she's really sort of like progressing and thinking i'm an absolute mug and that she can just walk no no mate that kids do that to you all the time that's that's like normal it's just like everyone else in the world just walking all over me. Oh, my God, why are you doing this? Okay.

Thanks once again to The Swan for selecting the emails. Shout out to The Swan. This is... Oh. They've not signed it off, but I'm going to... We'll just keep it. Oh, no, Guinea Pig. Hi, Wolf, Owl and Swan.

Guinea Pig here. First email, I'm only on episode 56. I'm not sure you still do emails. Oh my God. That's quite, that's a stab in the dark, isn't it? It's the one singular format point we've managed to keep up with. That's a stab in the dark and shout out to, I mean, it's going to be amazing in, what, 250 odd episodes

when she comes to her or he comes to his. If you really think this person's going to make it all that way. Not sure if you still do emails, but couldn't wait to write in. I need advice on my boyfriend, the alligator. He's a bricklayer and I'm a cleaner. He gets up early for work. He gets up at 5.30 to start at 7. Every morning, he snoozes his alarm for at least an hour.

So I have an hour of constant alarms. Any advice on how I can stop this happening? Love the pod about the spelling and grammar i'm dyslexic no good at writing laughing face emoji thank you guinea pig for your email shout out to guinea pig do you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna share a bit of advice here for everyone that's the whole point with snoozing gone it's the worst thing you can do correct it's terrible absolutely because basically what happens is you wake up and when when your alarm goes off the theory of an alarm is it wakes you up you're awake you get out of bed and you start your day once you start hitting snoozes and it's usually a 10 minute snooze you'll then go into a sleep cycle again when you put your head back down you'll

close your eyes and every sleep cycle when it starts should last for a minimum of three hours so what happens is you then do another 10 minutes so you start going to a deeper sleep within that 10 minutes like the first bit of sleep and then you wake up again and then you'll hit snooze and you wake up again and then and actually what's happening it will make you throughout the day more and more and more groggy because you're never actually getting that hold on you don't if you can go to sleep for less than three hours if you want, can't you? Yeah, but like, the deepest part of your sleep is the first bit of sleep.

Right. And if you interrupt that, you're constantly interrupting it, and then that's making you, that's why you start feeling groggier and groggier, whereas if you get up, as soon as you're along,

you know, wake up, have a coffee, have some water, whatever you're going to do, and start your day. And that's the best way of having it. I think snoozing, by the way, whatever you're going to do, and start your day. And that's the best way of having it. I think snoozing, by the way, is the most selfish behavior.

What? I think when people are like, yeah, I can't like, I never snooze. I never have done. Yeah. I'm an anti-snooze kind of guy. No, it's good, yeah. It's good for you to be so judgmental about it

when other people choose to do that. I always think like with snoozing, I just don't think you feel any better. It's a false economy. You like, you hit the thing. You just, I just don't think you feel any better. It's a false economy. You like, you hit the thing. You, you,

you don't feel better for having done it. And the other thing I've noticed, I've realized, it's taken me such a long time to realize, is if you wake up, like whatever, your alarm goes off and you go, do you know what?

I'm not going to get up now. I'm going to get up in an hour's time. It's just pointless. Yeah. You might as well just get up. That hour, you're just, you're just wasting it. You're saying, what you're saying is you've literally as well just get up you're that hour you just you're just wasting it you're saying what you're saying is you've literally just got to get up and go i am

gonna seize the day no no what i mean is is is what i'm agreeing with you i would love to see you in a situation you know like um when you watch watch a Disney cartoon or you like, you know, sort of like a Hugh Jackman sort of movie, of you sort of leaping out of bed and you've got all those night shirts on and you're like, you know, like the end of Scrooge, like the Christmas Carol,

when Donald Duck played him, right? As you jump out and you're like, I'm going to take today to pieces. Wasn't it Scrooge McDuck that played him? Yeah, it was, yeah. Donald Duck's uncle. He only did, by the way, it was like he didn't do a lot of stuff, did he? Who it Scrooge McDuck that played him? Yeah, it was, yeah. Donald Duck's uncle. He only did, by the way,

it was like, he didn't do a lot of stuff, did he? Who, Scrooge? Scrooge, he had his own cartoon, but he was like... Yeah, DuckTales. Yeah, but he didn't, like...

Was it DuckTales? Yeah, it was DuckTales, yeah, but it felt like it was very typecast. How do you mean? Well, he played Scrooge, but also his part in DuckTales was very similar to...

Yeah, but what, so what, you're saying, like, Donald Duck had range? What did he do Goofy had range I don't think any of the Duck characters

in Disney had any range yeah but who has got range who has got range Mickey Mouse probably Mickey Mouse Mickey Mouse has played a variety of different Goofy

yeah Goofy's like the Tom Hanks of cartoons in what way he's just got a lot of range and also no he hasn't he's got loads of range

he can be funny like he can be that's the he can be funny like he can be that's the end of that you know he could be quite sad at times no he can look sad sure yeah but goofy's not he's not played any gritty roles is that what you're saying i think by the way there should be more cartoon dramas like where you get these you push these like disney characters into something like a line of duty, but with Disney characters. Yeah. I'd love to see something like that.

And then I reckon out of everyone, goofy would shine. Like in a way. Yeah. It would bring Disney as a corporation to its knees. Yeah. It wouldn't get a part in it. It's Donald Duck.

Cause he'd come in for the audition. You'd be like, I'm sorry, mate. You're brilliant. You're really, really funny. You seem like a sweet lad,

but like your voice is very, very, very like it's all over the place yeah yeah what's what's what are you laughing at

I'm just saying he's not going to get a lead role in it is he and Scrooge I'd be like you haven't got enough you know you just don't feel

there's enough he played a gnarly old boss probably somewhere which is his thing what I've realised is if you're left interrupted you will eventually talk yourself out of the idea

no I'm just saying with Disney-wise. First of all, let me just say, I don't think they should do dramatic cartoons. What? Really? Yeah. I'd like to see someone give it a try. Yeah, and the good thing about those kind of cartoons, they're really cheap so I'm sure they're going to get all of...

Have you heard this podcast? Yeah, apparently Tom Davis got this half-assed idea about us doing a dramatic cartoon. Do you want to do it? Yeah, apparently Tom Davis got this half-assed idea about us doing a dramatic... Do you want to do it? Yeah, how much is it going to cost? I don't know, like three, four million, just to do like a little taster.

No, they've got Goofy's already there. Once they've got them drawn, they're almost... They're established credentials. There is a Mickey Mouse ride at Disney, right? Right. And it's like a little fairground thing where you're going through this track.

And the visuals on that, it's like you're in a cartoon. Do you know at the end of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Oh my God, one of my favourite films. When they go into the cartoon thing. It's like that. It's incredible. There, I remember as a kid,

I used to go round to my mate's house and he lived in a flat. And there was like a sort of roof, you know where the bins are, in the flats, and someone had thrown a Roger Rabbit toy, and I'd never seen them before, on the top of this roof.

Yeah. And I used to sort of go home and plan ways of getting on that roof, and trying to get this Roger Rabbit toy. It was up there for months, and no one ever got it, and I never got up there. I tried sort of climbing up a bin,

because it was just too tall. I sort of thought about it now and again, wondering if he's still up there for months No one ever got it And I never got up there I tried sort of climbing up a bin It was just too tall Yeah I sort of thought about it now and again Wondering if he's still up there Poor bastard Yeah Anyway In answer to your query

I think you need to tell your other half Not to snooze anymore Yeah Just set the alarm later He will actually feel better for it Yeah Also he's getting up really early For seven Yeah He's got to be at work at seven I don't think that's that early is it He's got to be at work Or he leaves the house at seven No alarm later he will actually feel better for it yeah also he's getting up really early for seven

yeah he's got to be at work at seven i think that's that early is it he's got to be at work or he leaves the house at seven no well it starts at seven okay cool that's fine um but yeah he needs to stop snoozing i i often do that where i said basically you need to think more careful about when you set your alarm for yeah that's exactly that is the key what time do your alarm usually set for normally 6 yeah same or 6 to 6.25 yeah because we really have run out

of shit to talk about this is from the lesser spotted capybara I think dear sweet souls thank you both

for the entertaining work that you do, especially this podcast. It's got me through some tough times. I find myself in need of some advice. I haven't asked friends as I don't want to risk anything getting back to my wife. I've been married for 10 years with two beautiful children.

I'm very lucky to have a lovely home and stable job. We work very hard, and my wife's got a good job that pays better than mine. My issue is that I get a set amount of spending money each month, and I'm finding it hard to make it last. My wife seems to be able to go out for meals and drinks with friends whenever she feels like it and constant deliveries of clothes i don't begrudge her having a good time and she works really hard and is a great mum and general life organizer but i'm increasingly feeling like i've got the rough end of the stick when i get invited to a rare boys not

out i usually tell them i'm working as i simply can't afford to go when it's come up before she's shrugged it off that she earns more than me but she spends the same on cigarettes a month that I have for everything she probably earns around 20% more than me must have at least twice the spending money I get so I'm really struggling to get my head around it when we rarely go out together or go for a meal uh all day out as a family she'll pay as I can't afford to find it really hard to broach the subject with her but I'm getting more resentful as time goes by as I'm working harder more hours and more stressed than ever with no kind of lifestyle to speak of she's always worked out our finances she's really good at it so i've never really taken much notice should i say i want to take a more active role

in our finances as a way to see what's going on i know that if i earn more money i'd be happy to share everything as to me that's what it's all about i want to feel this way i don't want to sound negative towards her as i love her very much, but don't want this to come between us. Any advice would be much appreciated. Well, this is a sticky one, isn't it? Well, this is a sticky one. A resentment is a vile concoction of feelings that can dwindle away and set a fire of disappointment in a relationship.

I think that the truth of the matter is when it comes to something like this is really um having that open discussion about it i think like in any in any scenario in any relationship if you start feeling this way uh in any yeah it's just basically having quite an open and frank discussion about you how you're feeling. And I think being open, because it's clearly making you quite down, making you quite upset. I think being transparent with that is a really, really powerful thing with a relationship. And I think as well, it's like finding ways of,

I suppose, being in control of sort of some of your money. And I mean in in my relationship you're like i go out and work katherine uh you know looks after grace she does her own stuff but for me our money is our money it's like if katherine wants something or needs something that's her money as much as mine there's no like there's no god there's no gate to like oh yeah i you know this is what you can get and there's no you know no gate to like oh yeah i you know this is what you can get and there's no you know no more i think that once you sort of marry someone i think everything you you have you share right and i think that's and yeah i say otherwise i think that resentment

sort of creeps in and it sort of feels like you're probably in a place where this has been sort of a bit of an issue for a while so yeah have a chat chat sit down be open about how you feel and and sort of say that it's yeah it's becoming quite a sort of taxing thought upon you so uh good luck my g good luck really good advice how do you think uh this being in this booth is affecting how you're talking because uh uh let me just tell you how you just did that whole answer you've become like really fucking late night radio well I'm aware that like just during that bit

number one I've got a very late night radio energy today but we've been joined by more people in the with relationships

the booth next door it can be really tricky I've basically become like Vanessa Phelps often you can get yourself into a

financial situation and in my marriage we try and split things 50-50 and it's trying not to be a financial situation and in my marriage um we try and split things 50 50 and it's uh trying not to be a financial gatekeeper anyway we're asking the roast what's been the most what's been the most difficult journey you've had into work um let us know we'd love to hear from you um we'll get you straight into the studio, have a little chat. Hopefully while away those wee early morning hours as we wind our way to the new morning. I'm passing this on to Anton Ferdinand.

Anyway, listen, I've got a couple of questions about this email. First of all, why has your wife got twice the money as you if you earn 20% less than her? I mean, basic maths doesn't work there, does it? Equally, it just needs sorting out, man. Do you know what I mean? Oh, this is great advice. It does.

Listen. By the way, I'll take being a fucking late night radio person over your call. It just needs sorting out, man. No, but I'm saying it needs emergency sorting out it's like it's written in this is urgent advice this is urgent what i'm saying to you is you need to talk to her about this today you've got real tiktok wired to your advice today huh that's a real tiktok yeah listen take life grab it scruff of the neck time okay smash it you're a star everyone's an individual.

Do your thing. You deserve everything you want in life. Think about what you want to be. You can be it. I promise. No, I just think that, like, I think it's, like, it needs urgent... I don't think that's a small thing.

That's a massive thing. Because, like, what's the point? If you're not enjoying... life all right what's the fucking point he's working his ass off and he's not getting decent wedge for it i mean like i mean i i would i would say if you don't want to be that confrontational about it i would just say i'd like i'd like to be more involved in working out the finances yeah but the truth of it is i sort of feel like she probably knows if she's getting loads of clothes and stuff and going out all the time and spending

your basically the equivalent of your monthly allowance on cigarettes alone there is something she's smoking as well well that's another problem um i think you need to have a chat right now as soon as you hear this as soon as you hear this you need to go and have a conversation because I think I agree I think it's yeah I love that you've become the more passionate one

in this relationship well I just think it needs sorting out yeah okay listen we need to we need to wrap this thing up Tom yeah could you do but first of all Okay, listen, we need to wrap this thing up. Tom?

Yeah? Could you do it? But first of all, I would say this hasn't been a gold standard episode. No, I think this has been a very relaxed fare. Yeah. I think, yeah. It's partly because of the room, isn't it? It's the room.

I felt I knocked coffee over within the first 35 seconds of the thing. Yeah, and I just genuinely feel my energy at the moment, full stop, is very slow. Yeah, but, you know... I feel like Eeyore. The truth of the matter is, it's been great to do an episode where we're both together in the... In a room.

And smooth, smooth sounds here on Wolf and Owl. Okay, here we go. Charlie Buffon was the youngest of all the kings yep charlie buffon was the youngest of all the king's children's oh god charlie boothron was the youngest of all the king children. When they'd go out and play, he'd often be left out because he was the youngest and didn't have things in common with his older brothers and sisters. He used to look at his dad sitting there ruling over the kingdom with his big cloak and his massive shiny crown.

Anyhow, one daylie was out in the gardens and he started to talk to mr bruster who was the gardener mr bruster showed him how to plant plants and grow trees and mow the lawn and look after some of the livestock cows sheep and pigs and charlie found this really interesting interesting um he enjoyed it actually immensely and went to his father and said, actually, Dad, instead of a king ruling over the country, I'd actually rather be a gardener or a farmer. And his dad said, don't be so preposterous. Preposterous.

You are son and you are my heir. You shall be a king one day. Anyhow, as the king passed away and the crown was moved to brother to brother, to sister to sister, young Charlie kept on working as a farmer and a stable hand. And before you knew it, he had a thousand farms and all of the adverbs loved him.

And wherever he went, thousand farms and horses would neigh loudly and cows would moo and he'd stroke them and one day and his brother said um oh the stresses of being a king are abundant trying to help people out and trying to run the kingdom. And he had big bags under his eyes. And Charlie said... Jesus Christ. Charlie said to him, I don't feel any stress. The animals are my way of life, my brother. And actually, sometimes, not all kings wear a crown

so yeah the moral the moral of the story is this um don't look for amazing things when beautiful things are right in front of you wow yeah that was, the energy there was really... It was a hell of a journey, that. Yeah, yeah. So that very, very simple... Very, very concise lesson to be learned from that. Very twisty, meandering story.

Yeah. By the way, a thousand farms sounds incredibly stressful. Yeah, it does. Well, stressful, but he took it all in his path uh okay look thank you so much for listening to the wall for now uh the song we're going to play out with uh jack harlow uh who is a rapper that i was introduced to by my son that's how i keep my finger on the pulse uh it's got a new album out called jack man and there's a song on it that i really like called it can't Be. That's what we're playing out with.

Lovely. I hope you've enjoyed this little sojourn into the world of The Wolf and Owl as we bid you a good day, wish you all the best. Whatever you're doing, do it well. God bless. Good night. God bless you. Take care of yourselves from both me, The Owl. And moi, The Wolf.

Good night If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.