Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 47: Palace Appointments & Due Diligence

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

We’re talking… being earnest, a W&O fantasy football league, breakfast energy drinks, meeting King Charles, due diligence (or a lack of), royal performances, palace toilets, too much choice in shops, size 12 trainers, pre-gig eating and 3D printed burgers. Then some email questions on relatives copying the things that you like and the acceptability of spitting. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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i can see it in your eyes because you've gone big about the last couple of weeks you've gone really big into it and then suffered like like a marathon runner who sprints off the finish line or the start line sorry yeah and then you know that guy this year in the marathon who sprinted and he led for like, I think he led the marathon for three minutes. Yeah, what was his name, Arsenal? Oh, wowzers. I'm sorry. Topical, Rob's in the house.

I'm sorry. I just, you know, Mock the Week's gone. I'm just trying to figure out a fucking way and outlet for this stuff, man. Do you know what I mean? I actually really suffered badly from the whole arsenal man city thing why well i was gigging in manchester on saturday night at the museum of football i did a corporate shout out actually amazing um i don't know if you have you seen man v fat which is a five-a-side league i saw saw a post about it from a friend of mine that was involved.

That was my first awareness. It's genuinely incredible the work they do. There's guys, overweight guys, guys who are struggling with their mental health, who get together, play five-a-side, and try to lose weight. Some of them, like there's a couple of guys here who've lost like 10 stone each.

Okay, this is really far too earnest for me to go in two-footed on, so thanks for that. I feel like I'm talking to someone in the front row of a gig that works for the NHS or something. It's impossible. Mate, mate, mate, mate. It's okay to be earnest. It's okay to be humble.

It's okay to put your arm around someone and say, well done, well done. Oh, God. Okay. I mean, yes, it is okay to do all those things I don't want to sound like I don't think that but you know this is a difficult you know if you start off by saying something noble

you'd be doing it really just fuck me for the podcast I'm running on fumes as it is mate do you know what I mean so it was just to say it was an incredible evening but afterwards there was a lot of Man City fans celebrating Manchester. And some of them were getting...

It was quite raucous, considering... They're the best team by a long way, Man City. If it was Arsenal who won it, that would have been a bit of a shock. And you'd expect every Arsenal fan in England to be going absolutely wild, because it was completely like the underdog story. City winning is like the school bully beating the wimpiest kid in the year. Yeah. It was crazy, man.

The only thing I think about that is, well, I think Man City can be, Man City or one other, it won't be Arsenal, but I don't, well, it might be Arsenal, but I don't, well, it might be Arsenal, but I think Newcastle are looking like, I know this isn't a football podcast, but Newcastle are on the up. Man United are probably going to be better next season. But Man City are going to be

there or thereabouts for the foreseeable future, aren't they? And so, yeah. And so, it'll just get to a point where they'll start calming down. Like, you know, like, I don't know.

Mate, they've won it five times in, what, six years? Five years or whatever. If I'm honest with you, yeah, that's why I'm all about FPL now. I'm really not, like... Okay. I mean, I can't... I would accept that if that was some sort of alternative league where there was less money and, like, you know, it was some sort of, like, worthy thing where they'd set it up

and they're putting money into local communities and stuff like that. But that's the way you talked about it. But what it actually is, is it's a fantasy league based on the same players in the same game. So, you know, don't start pretending that you're off grid now. I'll tell you what, man. Listen, I'm out of it.

Do you know what? I'm out of the Premier League, man. What I like doing is setting up an imaginary team made up of the same players and seeing how they compete. If we're going to talk about league wins and, you know, we'll leave football here. I've got to shout out Ian Sterling. He has done an incredible job in our league.

Russell Howard. Please, Tom, shut the fuck up. Russell Howard has been in top of the league. You're having a go at Man City fans celebrating their team winning the league. And then you're taking time out of our podcast to congratulate people that have fucking done well in your fantasy league.

What are you doing? A lot of people are asking if there's going to be a Wolfenhaer Fantasy League next year. No, there isn't. What? Don't just say it

like that. At least confer with me off the pod. Well, ask me off the pod then. Do you know what I mean?

Listen, if you're happy to do the admin on it. I'll do the admin on it. You've got to show some due diligence. At least get Theo,

Alex or Charlie to run the team for you. Do me a favour. Before we logged onto the podcast, use the word due diligence. That's obviously Theo, Alex or Charlie to run the team for you. Do me a favour. Before we logged on to the podcast, you used the word due diligence. That's obviously become your phrase of the day. I don't know what you're doing. But I've never heard you say due diligence before. You know what?

I've now heard you say it twice in the last 10 minutes. Can I break down why it's my new thing, right? Okay, go on. Obviously, we had all the dicks ringing last week about you being at the BAFTAs, right? No, no, no. We didn't have the dicks ringing. week about you being at the BAFTAs, right? No, no, no, no. We didn't have the dicks ringing. You instigated that, all right? Well, yeah, I instigated it

because it was a big thing that happened to you. Right. Big thing happened to me this... I went to Buckingham Palace week after week. Oh, my God. Yes, of course you did, man. And can I just say, first of all,

congratulations on sort of that turnaround, because I know you've always been, you've always been a complete Republican, anti-royalist, fuck the royal family. I'd never accept an OBE. I'd never accept an MBE. And then the second you got an invite,

you fucking put your whistle on and you're headed down there with a big old grin. All I've ever said about the royal family is I wish I'd been consulted a bit more with the Covenant because I think I'd have done Charles who I call Charles now because you know I've been to his ass because he can't hear you

yeah let me just say amazing cut days shout out to Prince's Trust incredible work they do genuinely amazing I mean dear God I feel like I'm talking

to fucking Bob Geldof on this podcast no right it was amazing meeting Charles. You know who I absolutely buzzed off meeting? Camilla? No, she wasn't there. She was off. I think she was in the kitchen knocking up sandwiches.

Are you drinking Prime? Are you drinking Prime? Oh my god. Oh, who? Don't you fucking dare. Don't you? You come at me. You come at me. What do you mean I come at you?

About royal families and stuff. And then you're sitting there supping back on a prime. What is it? Quarter past seven in the morning. In my defence. Hold on. In my defence.

There's no defence. And the way you lifted the can, it was... I'm surprised you haven't got like a diamond fucking bracelet on. You've basically become Logan or Jake Paul. Listen, okay.

It's an energy drink. It's the only one I've got in the house. I've only got prime, as you know. I don't even drink tap water. It's always prime. How many cans of prime have you got in your house? 20, maybe. I don't know.

What? But hold on. You are living swaggy. i'm not living swaggy how many times you drinking a day for no this is like the first one i've had in a while like let me can i just fucking out i don't know this is you you're talking about your charity work and now i'm going to absolutely fucking smash the pieces here wait look if I'm Bob Geldof in this fucking situation, you're Mick Hutnell. Wow. Wow.

There's no doubt. No, let me tell you what happened. They sent me the prime because I bumped into KSI. I told this story a while ago. I bumped into KSI at some radio station and I told him that my kids are into prime

and then every now and again my kids are into prime and then they they every now and again they send me some prime like so and and i am running on fumes at the moment i came back from a gig late last night i'm doing this i mean my life is not hard by the way let me just clarify that i'm not complaining and then i'm doing the audio book for my children's book that's coming out in july and then i've got four gigs tonight. So I'm just sort of, do you know, do you ever have that thing where you, you wake up in a little bit of a panic about what your day's got?

Yeah. That's what you should be doing as well. Have a hearty breakfast, my baby. Do you reckon? Have a hearty breakfast. The only thing I, okay, this is disgusting,

but the only thing I slightly worry about having a hearty breakfast. Yeah. Because you know, when your day is that, that full on, because I'm basically, as soon as I finish here, jump in the car,

go to the podcast, go to the audio book, and then I go straight from the audio book to do the gigs. And it's like four gigs that I'm just like running between.

I don't know where the shit time is in that. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's a tricky one. At lunch, when you get to the audio book, have a poo then,

that's what I was doing when we were doing I don't want it to be my first act arriving at the studio. Well, yeah, but mate, get it out audio book, have a poo then. That's what I was doing when we were doing... I don't want it to be my first act arriving at the studio. Well, yeah, but mate, get it out of you because you'll be better.

Or just have that edge to the book. But then if you need a poo, you're going to have to need a poo for the whole of the read because then you get that sort of like edge of your seat fucking vibe to it. Guys, guys out there,

if you ever happen to listen to the audio book of Little Muffin Drops the Mic, you will hear an urgency in the read. And you'll know that's because Tom Davis gave me a poo strategy before I went in to do that. Anyway, Tom, we have digressed massively because you're talking about your charity work

and the stuff that you're involved with Charlie. And then you got distracted by my mind. So Charles was amazing to me, right? Incredible. You know who absolutely buzzed my mind? And this is where due diligence came from. Bugsy Malone. Oh, I love Bugsy Malone, man.

I can't even tell you. Number one, the day before we were doing the awards, incredible young people. When he came up and did his award, right? I'd done mine about two people before and i'd egged it massively i sort of got a few words wrong on the order queue another thing that happened to me recently all accused by the way can go and themselves they're the worst things ever it's a tricky it's a tricky proposition i'm not i won't deny that but anyway yeah and when you're dyslexic

it makes it even harder right yeah so the nerves i had and then I sat down and I was just like oh man it was awful and then Bugsy Malone came on and he kind of freestyled what he was going to say and he spoke from the heart

which spoke in that yeah I can't you know Bugsy Malone and he's just so fucking cool everything was just he didn't

he was just himself anyway after we met Charles and stuff I went over to bugsy malone and i was a bit thirsty but i had a chat in the palace he's everything about him i thought i looked good but he did look good you looked unbelievable my god though bugsy looks incredible

and he by the way shout out he's an amazing lovely man but he said to me he went um the child's not much about yeah and i was like yeah and he went he did his due diligence on every person in this room that i respect and when he said due diligence i've used it every day since in any circumstance okay i mean listen due diligence is important i mean i uh i uh i love due diligence and i think it's it's uh something else no but you know what they're not you know an england shirt with due diligence, and I think it's something I'll say. Honestly, do that in an England shirt with due diligence number one on the back. That's a great shirt. You've got the shoulders through it.

Or just due diligence done. One of the things, when I did the last book, every time you do a book, or when you do anything, as you know, you've been doing it for the curse, which, can I just take this opportunity to say, is a fucking masterpiece, man. Thank so thank you bro i'm so proud of you for making that show man and your performance in it and everything i just i it's just i can't believe my friend is responsible for that that i like it's just amazing man so if you haven't watched the curse please do watch it it's it's tom's tom tom. So if you haven't watched The Curse, please do watch it. It's Tom and James created,

with the people just enough and boys created that show. It's amazing writing. The performance, your performance in it is, it's so good, man. I just, you're so fucking talented, man. I'm so proud of you. But anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about. What the fuck?

You were talking about press. You were talking about the press. Yeah, sorry. I had your dick so far into my mouth that I forgot what I was talking about. It was a nice moment. Yeah, it was really. But like whenever you do a show or whatever, you have to do a day of just like nonstop promo for it.

So it's like with the radio ones, they'll put you in front of a laptop or you go to do a day of like of just like non-stop promo for it so it's like with the radio ones they'll put you in front of a laptop or you go to a studio and then you just like interview interview interview so i did it for my last book was the last time i had one like a mega intense one and so it was a whole it was a day of just like i think it's like a whole like nine to five of doing radio interviews right and um the difference between people that actually had any awareness of what the book was and people that had just been told 36 before you're coming on he's got a book coming out but it's i don't expect people to have read the book obviously i don't it's too that's too much of an expectation for people that are

interviewing loads of people yeah but some people go i remember like one i won't know who it is but i'd been told they were desperate for me to come on and chat about it and then honestly the opening thing was so you're you're you're um it says here you're doing a you've done a book you've done a book so what's the um what's yeah what yeah what is uh what is this yeah What's the book about? Is it fiction? It's as good as it gets. Yeah, and so what is it? Is it your first work of fiction? Actually, it's a memoir. Oh, wow.

Okay. Okay. And it's about your life because before being a comedian, you were a surveyor. It's exactly like that. But, you know, like, so anyway, the point I'm trying to make is King Charles, obviously, he's got a lot on. He's got plants to talk to.

He's got people to have a go at for not putting the stuff on his table in the right position. So, you know, for him to have done his due diligence, that is, yeah. It was like genuinely he said hello Tom hello Tom and I was like

you know you alright and I said because actually weirdly hello Tom hello Tom and I said

I'd done the scaffolding on Buckingham Palace which is a true story about 30-40 years ago I'd done that and he said no doubt you had been

nurturing and watering that little story in your mind, ready to drop the bomb. You know, I'm going to live with you, because you know me. I tried the material out

on nearly everyone in the way in there. Of course you did. Of course you did. I'm pretty sure I heard at least three people going, my God, is that big guy said about

fucking the scaffolding, the scaffolding. Why is he telling everyone? Could we keep the scaffolding man away from me as I moved on to talk to somebody else he said that isn't the end of the story I'll come and catch up with you later Chas

his big calloused hands were sweating he said he was quite cool he just said early did a good job it's still standing it was a very amazing moment I've got to say but my favourite moment

I phoned my dad after and my dad said to me that's funny I just met King Charles I've been in the palace and my dad went how big is he

is he bigger than me same question to say do you reckon I could take him in a row it was pretty much what he was insinuating he went what are the sandwiches like

I went oh just cucumber he went just cucumber well did he have any sausage rolls pasties I was like

no just cucumber sandwiches your dad's such a legend do you know I did their Christmas party yeah

the Prince's Trust no it was Charles and Camilla's staff Christmas party at Clarence House. What? Yeah. When did you do this?

This is before he was king. This is like, it was a few years ago. Well, yeah, he's only become king this year, like in the last fucking two months. So I just got an email going, Prince Charles and Camilla would like you to do their staff Christmas do. So I went along to do stand-up. Did you meet him?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were like sat in these two kind of throne-like chairs at the front of the room and then all their staff were the audience of the gig.

And so I turned up there and they're like magicians and shit like that. And it's pretty... Mulhern? Mulhern wasn't there, no. Malsapity. But I...

One of the things that happened was first of all, none of the staff would laugh at the joke, any of my jokes, until Charles and Camilla sort of started laughing. So there was like a half a second delay. Because they were very nervous about booking me because I don't know who'd asked for it to be me.

But I know that the person... Camilla, I reckon. I reckon Camilla would be a big Romesh fan. Yeah, I think so. She's got that about her, hasn't she? I think she's definitely got... She likes the owl. Yeah, I think so. She's got that about her, hasn't she? I think she's definitely got it. She likes the owl. Yeah, she's got an owlish quality about her, hasn't she?

Anyway, I did the gig and they were really nervous. They kept reiterating to me to not do anything too offensive or whatever. So I wasn't a prick. I listened to the brief and I delivered a a royal suitable set at the uh the thing and then i got taken to a room next door and then i got to meet them afterwards and charles didn't talk to me that much he just said we very much enjoyed what you what you did and then um he moved on and then um but camilla said to me uh charles and i very much enjoy how little you feel the need to be politically correct i was like oh and i didn't think i don't think i do not feel

the need what i love because camilla is clearly a massive fan of yours i think camilla's got a little bit of a naughty crush you're in you're basing that on the no because she thinks you're naughty and a bit bad. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share. To each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo.

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Only at Subway. Price and participation may vary. Extras, taxes and delivery additional. Expires April 8th. Were you nervous the entire... Was it one of these things where you're nervous the entire time you're there,

basically? Or was it... No, no. I was nervous for the awards ceremony. Actually going into Buckingham Palace was an amazing thing.

What is it like inside there? Amazing gaff. Incredible place. Did you take a shit there? I mean, it's a little bit like a national no no no two weeks I had there

okay I just is it sit down toilet or is there urinals no no they've got lovely sit down toilets but they're those

nice wooden seats so your arse has touched the seat of the toilet I imagine yeah but these were very much I think like staff toilets

I don't think Charles is using them unless he's getting home from the cinema and he's got to run in quickly. It's the first time it's ever occurred to me that Charles might take a shit, you know. Oh, mate, I bet he does.

Yeah, of course he does. I'm not... I don't think he's Kim Jong-un. I'm not debating whether he has to take a shit or not. I'm just saying, like... What I think Charles is, What I love about him, I think he's very down to earth. And I think he's got a good soul.

I'm all about that vibe, man. How do you know that? Mate, I'm very good at... I can look in his eyes. And when I talk to him, I insist on looking in his eyes. And I could feel that from him. A very fucking good energy.

And I watched him in that room. At one point, I just sort of stood on my own... Not out of choice choice it's because a lot of people they didn't really want to talk to me and uh a lot of people are like yeah i've heard the scaffolding story mate um and i watched him with other people and whether he was chatting to ryland or bugsy or uh holly willoughby or you know one of these young Whichever one of the famous people he was talking to, he was like... Also, no, I'd say that the young people that were there

and the volunteers from Prince's Trust, he actually gave them more time than anyone. I think he's a good guy. I think he's a good egg. Not for respect for someone who makes time for others. I think that's an important thing. Well, that's his job, isn't it? I mean... No, he's... He's not Well, that's his job, isn't it? I mean...

No, he's... Yeah, he's not... But I'm just saying, I'm not... Listen. Look, my job, your job to an extent,

is to... But it's a bit like saying, I really appreciate Rom taking the time to deliver 90 minutes of stand-up that night. Yeah, I do. When I see you do stand-up,

I go, I appreciate it. What I'm saying is, that's my job. I appreciate you do stand up I appreciate it no no no here's the difference right and this is a point of modern society there's getting up and doing 90 minutes of stand up because you've got to do it

because it's your job and being okay at it and there's someone who gets up for 90 minutes and absolutely does their absolute best to give everyone in that room a memorable evening that they can go home from and let everyone in there's enjoyed it you've enjoyed it and you've given something to everyone who's brought a ticket there's charles who for me is i think when he when he worked that room and i can

only speak for the you know but he seemed like he loved being there and he talked to everyone it didn't feel like so there's a matter of someone taking the time like if you walk in and a shop assistant says oh what are you after today and you there's a matter of someone taking the time. Like if you walk in and a shop assistant says, oh, what are you after today? And you're like, a pair of trousers. And they help you find the best pair of trousers for you. Sorry, you walk into a shop and they say, how can I help you?

And you say, I'd like a pair of trousers. You do that, do you? Yeah. Like you're in an episode of Mr. Ben. You just go, I would like a pair of trousers. I would like your very best trousers, please. No, I walk in and I say, oh, hello, sir.

And I'll say, oh, hi, I'm after a pair of chinos. Or I'm after a pair of cargo pants. I don't think I've ever... What? I've never done that. What do you do when you go in there? Well, you know, they have stuff on display, don't think I've ever done that. What? I've never done that. What do you do when you go in there? Well, you know, they have stuff on display, don't they?

You know, I'd understand that if you're walking into a shop where it's just a person behind the counter and there's nothing at it. Which I think would be good, by the way. I think actually sometimes with shops, it would be better to have everything in a room where you can't see it. Yeah.

So that you just walk in and then there's like a changing room and some members of staff at the back and you say, and they're like, Oh, hello, what are you after? I was like, Oh,

you know, I'd love a jumper. What sort of jumper after you? Well, red one with a sort of figurine on the front. Yeah. And then, you know,

they go out the back and they go, Oh, we haven't got anyone, but we've got a blue one with a tortoise. And you go, Oh, I'll try that on please. And then instead,

cause I actually sometimes go in shops and get absolutely befuzzled by all of the different things there and sometimes don't buy anything because it's just so much well first of all what i would say is you must get such a massive hard-on when you go into argos and secondly uh what i would say is i do agree with that choice thing sometimes because i do believe that for some products, there's too much choice. And actually, it delays you. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, if you go in and buy mayonnaise,

not that I would because it's morally reprehensible because it's got eggs in it, but if you were buying mayonnaise, there's about 30... You know, it's impossible to choose. You know, mayonnaise is mayonnaise. What you're saying is you think it would be better if there was like one

sort of almost like one type of mayonnaise or like two yeah I mean but yeah my other thing is and I don't know if you get this as a bigger guy

I'll go into a shop and there's loads of different stuff and I'll go oh my god I really like this I really like that so we only go up to a large or an extra large we haven't got that in your size

so my hopes get up. Whereas I didn't actually have a day in Nighttown. I really wanted a new pair of trainers. Can I just talk, just before you get into this thing about Nighttown, I find Nighttown quite intimidating. Yes. As a shopping experience. I think Nighttown's arguably the worst shop in the world.

Wow. I jib your feet. You think Nighttown you do my oxford street night you think oxford street nighttown is the worst shop in the world i think i would i would agree with you if kingdom of sweets wasn't two doors

down from that shop right kingdom of sweets you can go in right and you can get the sweets you want yeah and you know and you know you're supporting an underground criminal

network. What? Is that what it is? Well, that's the rumour about Chitty Bang Bang. I hope I don't get fucking...

Am I going to get turned over for this? What? You don't like Chitty Bang Bang with the kid catcher? Is it like that? No.

No, but apparently it's a front, isn't it? I don't know if I'm... I'll be careful throwing that about if I was you. Well, I didn't realise you were going to fucking interrogate me further. It was just supposed to be a throwaway joke. Well, yeah, but you're always lurking around that bit of London.

Yeah, I'm always around there. Next time I go in there to buy some fucking... Well, you be careful because your boys have got sweet teeth, obviously, with that fucking prime you're fucking filling them up with. First of all, how dare you... Listen, I don't mind you having a go... How dare you suggest that I don't parent my children properly, you fucking animal.

Anyway, go on, go on. It's a night tale. I've seen you walking around fucking Oxford Street like you're fucking God of the World with big bags of sweets to take home. Here we go, here we go. Look at this. Okay, right.

National Crime Agency is urged to crack down on American candy shops. Oh, they're not a criminal. This is totally... National Crime Agency is urged to crack down on American candy shops as it emerges there are 29 stores on Oxford Street and they own £9 million in unpaid business rates.

So it's not quite what I thought. But anyway... Well, yeah, it's hardly Gangs of New York, is it? it well how could it be it's in london oh yeah gangs of london anyway right yeah night night town you go in there size 12 for me is not an abnormal size trainer no for you it's not because it's your size no no but it's it's the biggest trainer of you know i went in to night town so nighttown for me should have every kind of trainer that they're selling in every size probably up to a 13 from a one yeah right i reckon i must have tried picked out at least 12 trainers and none of them had a size 12 it was

jenny got to the point where i felt like i felt literally so night down didn't have 12 in anything no and did they did they say to you, we're out of stock? Or did they say, we just don't... Well, no, if I'm honest with you, Salesman was very much in keeping with the whole of the store.

It's like, I was actually... An inconvenience. Yeah, an inconvenience to him being in there trying to buy something. He kept on sighing and then walking over,

I saw him walking over to, might be because I was telling the scaffold story, trying to run that bar before I went to the Palace. Nice. He kept on goinghing and then walking over. I saw him walking over to, it might be because I was telling the scaffold story, trying to run that bar from it to the palace. Nice. He kept on going back to his colleagues and I could see him whispering and they all looked over and then he came back and went, sorry, mate, we haven't got that in a 12 either.

And I was like, what about this one or that one? And then I said to him, can you just tell me what you have in a 12? And he went, the system doesn't work like that. I thought, if the system did, it would save everyone here, e.g. the two of us, a lot of time.

You could just say, I've got this, this and this and I'd go, I like that one or I don't like that one. You didn't say all of this, did you?

I mean, this is insane. Yeah, of course I said it. You explained it in this level of detail. Yeah, because he needed

to be explained to him. I found it very frustrating. Well, I'm size 11 and... By the way, you're making me feel like you're size 12. You're poking fun at size 12. You're a size off me.

I didn't poke fun. I could squeeze in your trainers. How did I poke fun at your size 12? When did I poke fun? Give me the direct quote where I took the piss out of you. Well, I took the piss out of you. Size 12 isn't a regular size. You mean, no, it's not an irregular size because it's your size.

No, but you said it's not an abnormal size for me. Does that make sense? Of course not. It's not an abnormal size for you because it's your size. You had your sniper rifle ready. No, I didn't. You're not one into the chamber.

No, let me tell you something, right? I was merely making a comment on the way that you phrased that. I don't think there's anything on i don't think there's anything bad i'm gonna tell you now you lent back you took a sip of prime you licked your lips and you fucking came flying in two feet there we go and this is what happens now you say you're like fucking donald trump in this podcast you insistently say things that are fundamentally untrue and people start to fucking believe you anyway

the point I was trying to make if I'm here who are you Joe Biden are you Barack Obama

Bill Clinton I wish I was Barack Obama except for the drone stuff but I whenever I've stopped

doing it as much now but when i went through my phase of like trying to get hold of like limited edition trainers off resellers as soon as you tell them you're a size 11 they're out of the game they're just like i just don't get we don't have any call for 11s if you're if you're a size 8 or a size 9 yeah your life is fucking made it's the same it's the same as if you're fucking medium or large in clothes it must be a fucking absolute cakewalk yeah so listen I feel for you and it's really annoying because

what you've done is I imagine what anybody does is you scour and scour and eventually you find the pair of trainers that you think do you know what these are the ones man I feel good about this in my mind's eye I can see what outfits these would go with Eventually you find the pair of trainers that you think, do you know what? These are the ones, man. I feel good about this. In my mind's eye, I can see what outfits these would go with.

I'm going to walk up there. I'm going to get myself a pair of these. And then they go, we haven't got them. And that's bad enough. When it happens twice in a row, which it has done to me, you just feel devastated. I don't know why. You feel devastated.

Do you know the thing that frustrates me is that they go, yeah, you can probably get them online. And I'm like, don't you see? Don't you see that everything will go online and what you're doing here

for a job won't be a thing? And that's the heartbreaking thing. Well, you say that. I enjoy going in the shop. I enjoy chatting to someone. But I think there'll be a point where, and I think they already do this. Okay. Because I think there'll be a point where and i think they already do this okay because

i think there's a thing where they just have the store to have the store they don't give a shit if they actually sell anything to you it's just it's just the experience and then you go and buy it online because yeah but me and katherine went out the other day shopping and we had an amazing time just being out actually shopping seeing clothes buying a few bits mainly for isn't it amazing that you're talking about that like it's an experience? So you walk into the shop and the stuff is there in front of you. You can actually look and touch it and sort of interact with it. And then you can buy it.

You're describing a shop. But to my point, the due diligence that you see from some people who actually really enjoy what they're doing. That gives me a kick. I always shake your hand and I'm like, as we're leaving, I'll just sort of make sure, like Catherine and Grace will be sort of leaving the shop and I'll make sure I skip back and say to someone, yeah, thank you for being amazing. Well, look, first of all, I wouldn't leave a shop and then go back in to do that.

I would sort of just deal with it in the initial transaction of thanking them. And I do think you're absolutely right to give credit to people to people that work in retail they go through it right they properly go through it so if somebody's giving you good service then i think it's a nice thing to sort of be grateful on the other side of that i would also say that i'm pretty tolerant of people giving you shit service because i i just feel like as long as they've got it right i don't really care if they're being friendly or or anything not because i don't value that but i just sort of think i don't know what you've gone through today do you know what i mean like yeah you know yeah you know sometimes you just sort of think i don't know how you know what's will be interesting is if you went into a store someone was quite rude to

you and a bit moody, and then you're like, oh, fair enough, they might have had a bad day. And then maybe give it two weeks, go back in and see what they're like then. And then you maybe try three times, and at the end of it you go, well, actually, they're just not very nice. So what are you doing? You're endorsing what? You become some sort of stalker for this member of staff, do you? Is that what you're advocating?

No, I'm just saying that you kind of want to build up an idea before you make a perception why are you bothering to make a perception about anybody who the fuck are you compiling a dossier on people that serve you in a shop i'm just saying it's good to get an idea before you know it isn't can i just say look fundamentally is that is not a good idea it's not a good thing to collate evidence on this person so you can have a perception about what they're like no but what a moment

what a moment of turning around and going oh thanks for this jumper by the way Ian I don't know if you remember I came in here two weeks ago and you were actually

I think you must have been going through something you were quite moody with me but today you were an absolute joy my friend so you know thank you here's my hand and he says yeah we've seen you coming into the today, you're an absolute joy, my friend. So, you know, thank you. And he says,

yeah, we've seen you coming into the shot and you're not actually allowed within 500 yards of me. So, I don't know what's happening now. I just think it's like, I think people say,

oh, that thing about, oh yeah, first impressions. I think that's important. I think actually, third, fourth impressions,

because I think one of the most rewarding parts of life is when you think oh actually you know what i made a perception about you that was completely wrong my friend and you've actually proved to be a very you know abnormally brilliant person i mean i don't know how happy anybody would be to be described as abnormally brilliant. But anyway, what I would say is I totally feel you on that trainer thing. That is annoying. It's happened to me before.

I've had it where I get really stroppy, actually. Having said all of that stuff about custom service, I do get quite stroppy. Is it Ed's Diner? I think it's closed down in Crawley, but there's Ed's Diner in Crawley. what is it ed's diner i think it's closed down in crawley but there was ed's diner in crawley and i walked in there and we i was having i think my mom was there at least from the kids and sat down and they had a veggie breakfast but i don't eat eggs obviously and so what i wanted was the veggie breakfast without the eggs right it was very simple kind of request so i said and i don't know why they did this.

I've got no idea why this would be a problem. But anyway, we ordered, everybody ordered and we left it. I went last. I said, could I get the veggie breakfast? But I'm vegan. So do you mind if I don't have the eggs? And they go, we can't do that. What? And I said, I know. I said, sorry, what?

I said, it's not our policy. We can't do it without the eggs. And I said, I sort what? I said, it's not our policy. We can't do it without the eggs. And I said, I sort of reacted like you did. But you just cook everything apart from the eggs, right? And they go, yeah, we can't. The breakfast comes as they come. We can't. I thought, if I was in the mood, I would have said, so sorry,

have you got a load of plates of pre-assembled breakfast that you're just sort of heating up and whacking it? I mean, I can't understand why... That's not... In Ed Steiner, all the Ed Steiners, they will be working, they'll plate them up as they come.

So, okay. Yeah. Thank you, Tom. Thank you for that. Anyway, I couldn't be bothered to argue. I just thought, this is not this person's fault. If that's what they think the policy is,

that's what the policy is. I'm not going to have a go at them. But I thought... Can I just say... Go on. As well, just jumping on this to's fault. If that's what they think the policy is, that's what the policy is. I'm not going to have a go at them. But I thought... Can I just say... Go on. As well, just jumping on this to this point.

I think if you call something Ed Steiner, you should have at least one member of the staff called Ed. Yeah, and that's why I always think you should have somebody

called McDonald in every... No, no, no. That's different. And somebody should always be wearing a crown in Burger King. What the fuck

are you talking about? No, when you call business by someone's first name, like Ryan's hair or, I don't know, Kelly's nails, I think you should have at least one person there with that name. So it actually makes it feel more special. Yeah, and then you get idiots like you turning up

and then you're served by somebody called Ed and you go, wow, wow, this is what an incredible honour. Well, number one, you get the fucking hilarious joke of going, how did you come up with the name, Ed? Right? But also, it's nice. Why do you want to subject that guy to hearing that a hundred times a day? You know what?

It's a special feeling when you walk in and it's Ed Steiner and you go, oh, wow, Ed. Yeah, can I get, you know, two banoffee pies and two cups of coffee, please? Right? It's like,

wow, there's fucking actually Ed's here. It's a special moment. What I would say is, a bit like meeting the king. Yeah, I'd say you and I have got a very different idea

about what a special moment is. Anyway, listen, we've got to do emails here. So, let's get... Oh, by the way, before we get into the emails, I ate a printed burger last night.

What? A printed burger. What's a printed burger? 3D printed burger I ate last night. Where was this? I was doing a gig at the Tommy Field in Kennington. Beautiful gig. James Gill's a legend. whoa, whoa. I was doing a gig at the Tommy Field in Kennington. Beautiful gig. James Gill's a legend.

Yeah, so I met up with James beforehand to have a spot of dinner pre-gig. And... At the Tommy Field? At the Tommy Field, yeah. Well, the printed burger

was at the Tommy Field. Yeah, they don't print them there. But like, but they, she said to me, oh, we've got a new vegan burger.

She's a very nice lady that runs a gaff. Yeah. She said, we've got a new vegan burger. She's a very nice lady that runs a gaff. Yeah. She said, we've got a new vegan burger here. It's 3D printed. And so I said, oh, yeah, I'll try that. And so I had it. It was insane. It was like.

I can't fathom this. Well, okay. So this conversation I'm having with you now is exactly the conversation I had with Lisa in the car on the way home. So I was on my way home and I phoned her to talk to her about the gig. And then I said to her, I've had a 3D printed burger for dinner. And she goes, what are you talking about? This is the tone she took. Hold it, mate.

She goes, what are you talking about? I said, I had a 3D printed burger. She goes, that doesn't exist. That doesn't exist, is what she said. That's the first thing. I've just told her that I've had it. She goes, it doesn't exist yeah but she might have

been thinking you were being like silly or for she okay okay listen I'd like to think she knows enough about me to know that I wouldn't fucking say that as banter

so so so I said I had it so hold on they print it with food what do you mean

they print it with food so it's printed with like so they've got a big printer and they print it with food no no no mean they print it with food so it's printed with like so they've got a big printer and they print it no no no no not in the not in the not at the tommy field they don't they buy them in hold on let me have a look um creates meat substitutes from plant-based ingredients using a version of 3d printing it calls additive manufacturing so it's like 3d just the burger they print the bun as well just no no no the burger it's just the burger that's printed wow that's still pretty cool oh my god it sounds quite when you read into it it's actually quite disgusting in a process known as multi-material food printing

designed for alternative meat the printer lays down blood fat and protein simultaneously according to the digital structure mimicking that of an animal meat my god anyway what i would say is i've not eaten a real burger in years but i i will tell you this now it tasted like meat to me well but um sort of want to go and gig at uh tommy field just have one of those well i believe that you can just go and eat there without doing a gig there you can yeah i know but if i'm going there i feel like i should do this I love it it's the best gig in London by a long long stretch I ate the burger

quite close to the gig though which I'd yeah I mean I was eating it as the audience were coming in so it's probably bad this episode is brought to you

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The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture. Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you, taking you to greater heights. Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. I've noticed now because you know Gr most, he does the Wolf and Out, he does all of your tour manager. Yeah, he's incredible. Graz is a G.

So Graz has got my eating before gigs in a better place than it was. I wasn't eating, I was having lunch and not eating and getting quite faint before a gig. So Graz has got my eating schedule into a place. What do you mean he's got your eating? I mean, this is something that he's not had to do. By the way, Graz has got my eating schedule into place what do you mean he's got your I mean this is something that he's not had to do by the way

Grazio Grazio Abella tour manager extraordinaire one of the best in the game right I think the best in the game

tour manager for most of the so many massive comedians right and now you know

he must be thinking this is my fucking legacy I'm taking him in the wolf and owl on their fucking tour but I don't think with all the people he's worked with he's ever had to do an eating schedule for somebody's tour manager so what is he having to do for you he just makes sure i've had a like a chicken sub or a uh and a bag of crisps at around six o'clock.

Oh my God. It sounds... It sounds what it is. Pathetic. But I find it very caring and it makes me really happy that I have him in my life. Yeah?

Not caring enough... You know what? It makes me feel that someone's looking out for me. Okay. And I think that's a nice thing in life. It is a lovely thing in life. Really nice. Yeah. Sometimes it's nice to have someone in your corner yeah and i'd like to say this opportunity

grats has now become a friend of mine i'd like to say to grats on behalf of tom thank you so much and i'm so sorry uh because it's it's my fault that you two got involved with each other so um right let's let's do some emails oh my god uh once again thank you to the swan for selecting the emails she did it late last night when i remembered to tell her that we were doing the podcast today uh this is from the testy eurasian links wow to wolf al swan and cat in your recent baft of the future episode the im imitating... By the way, big shout out to JT for the episode naming. He's amazing. We can't claim any responsibility for most of what's good about this podcast, actually,

is the truth. Is JT. Yeah. Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat. In your recent Baft of the Future episode, the imitating iguana wrote in to tell you that they have found themselves imitating the owl. My mother, the dizzy red squirrel,

has taken to modelling herself on the wolf. For about a year now, she's been replying to any news or mildly interesting WhatsApp message with wowsers. She drops... I like that that's my legacy. She drops a do you into conversation whenever she can. Has taken to talking about the tuvi in the same way she might keep me up to date with my cousins.

Oh, can you say cousin, please? Cousin. Cousin, yeah. I'm quite glad you think... I say cousin. Cousin, like there's a Z in it. Yeah. This is you trying to be cool on America, right?

Do you know what? You've become incredibly predictable now. I knew you... Well, yeah, we're best friends, but of course I'm going to fucking... But it's not... I reckon you could go out to anyone. If you've been on a bus

and you turn to the conductor and go, I'll just take it out the road. I'm going to go and see my cousin. He'd turn around and go, why are you trying to be American? That's not what you said, though, is it? You said you're trying to be cool. Well, yeah.

In his head, he said, yeah, he doesn't know you well enough to know. I'm hoping that somebody goes, have you seen Ron recently?

Yeah, Matt. That guy's a fucking legend. Have you heard the way he says cousin? It's Matt. You've got ways.

When you say certain words that do say certain things, either the prime comes up or the vape comes up.

Oh, God. Why do you do this? Why do you... You've you do this why do you you're not a nice you're not a nice person you know i am a nice person but look when you go back and watch this watch it right when you say things certain things the vape will come up and if you're feeling extra sugary or like you're actually extra cool you'll take a sip So you've got all this sweetness that's rolling around in your mouth. You've got cherry coat vape followed by a fucking hit of prime. Oh, God. Anyway, let's carry on with this email.

You absolutely turned me on. Basically, I'm on the floor in the fetal position and you're giving me an absolute fucking shoo-in. No, no, I'm just saying, there's a lot of times, at times at the moment, with this vaping and the prime, you're like a 14-year-old boy

who's just got a new paper around and you're absolutely fucking caco. Anyway, let's carry on with the email. Go on, Wolfram. I'm quite glad she thinks the wolf is doing a bit with the arse pebble or she'd be filling the freezer

as you speak. Can I just say something? The wolf is not doing a bit. No, that's does have an ass pepper or a number of ass pebbles i can actually show you i've got in the bag now i've got um shout out friends of mine tommy and abby got me a little last pebble back very nice god it's actually got a following this thing i'm obviously to blame for all this having induced her to the podcast have your parents taken on anything you've introduced into the point where it's pretty much on anything you've introduced them to the point where it's pretty much become their thing, not yours?

If the swan selects this message, the dizzy red squirrel is obviously going to hear it and watching her trying to work out if it applies to her will be endlessly entertaining. Do you? The taste of Eurasian links. Tom, I sort of fumbled that read, but do you understand the question? Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad has a mild obsession with Romesh. He thinks Romesh is absolutely hilarious. And my mum.

Well, my mum and dad, they sort of have taken my friendship with Romesh to sort of almost feel that Romesh is now part of our family. Yeah. So if Romesh... I am part of that family, aren't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they've never...

I think my dad's... Has my dad met you? Yeah, met your dad. Yeah. Like, he my dad met you yeah met your dad yeah like he will basically i'll talk about romesh like he's like if he's there in in dad a pub or something or they're out they'll almost be like oh tom and romesh are doing really really well like with brothers um my dad's yeah is sort of very proud that he has a tenacious link with Romesh. I mean, this is insane. When my uncle passed away, my uncle had met Romesh on set and a lot of talk at the funeral

was that was one of his favourite days ever, was generally me coming to set and meeting Romesh on the set of King Cary. He was really proud. And there was a picture of me, Romesh, and my uncle in the little book thing you get before the funeral it was like an insane thing

like you looked around this room and my uncle's a really popular man and there was people just looking and thinking why the fuck is there a picture not just about it's acceptable that Tom's in a picture

because like it's his nephew what's that picture of like like he was a sort of friend to the stars so like and if you looked Because it's his nephew. What's that picture of? Like he was a sort of friend to the stars. So, like, and if you look through the pictures, arguably, he had pictures with a lot of his family and people around him in that.

And I'd say that in the picture with me and Romesh, or certainly Romesh, he looks happier in that picture than he did on his wedding day. So I think, yeah, i think it's uh yeah that would probably be the one that uh my family have sort of taken on yeah yeah my mum will if i speak to my mom on the phone she will always say without any doubt she'll say yeah how's grace how's katherine they're all right how's ron it's ron mesh all right that's so lovely that's really lovely tell your mum I said thank you oh actually I'll tell her later um now

I'm checking in what do you mean what do you mean a 3D burger I uh she doesn't shit because she's a vegetarian so

yeah my dad um my dad God rest his soul my dad um he really got into my trainers.

So when I was at school, I was into trainers. He'd have loved this episode. Yeah. When I was at school, I was into Jordans when I was a kid. And he used to put them on and come to pick me up from school just to sort of warm me up. I love that, man. Do you love that?

I found it really, really annoying. That's cool, though. What size of shoe was he? Was he 11 or 12? Same as me, 11, yeah. Oh, wow, man. But the other thing he did was he would sort of occasionally rummage through my wardrobe

and sort of wear clothes of mine just as and when he his fancy and I bought a pair of um Armani jeans right and that and I really had saved up a long time to get these jeans like you know you know so much so did you ever do that thing where you sort of think well the only thing that shows you these are Armani is a little badge on the back so i'm embarrassed to say that i used to god i used to tuck that bit of my shirt into the thing so that the badger shirt so the opposite of a french tuck yeah dutch tuck so pathetic i've already caught on that look didn't i no it didn't rightly so rightly so um

but i remember once uh the jeans were faded. Do you remember when that was a big thing of like, they were distressed or whatever. And my dad was going through my wardrobe. He was doing the gardening one day. He found these jeans, just assumed that they were destroyed and needed a pair of shorts to do the gardening. So cut the legs off the jeans and wore them as a pair of shorts to do, to mow the lawn in. Right. Um,

now it's two issues that one, he hadn't spotted that these are jeans that I saved up for, for fucking ages to buy. Right. And just cut them up without checking with me or anything. Secondly, he cut them so short. I just basically walked out the back garden to see my dad wearing a pair of armani daisy jukes as he mowed the lawn just fucking

just doing a cake walk around the back garden it was absolutely horrifying anyway anyway did he did he did he invest in a new pair for you no he didn't

he had to re-save my dad was like he was my dad was like an absolute legend but stuff like that he would just sort of go you know

it's just one of those things isn't it what can I do I remember saving up for ages because I'd seen this pair of like similar thing

like Versace like the sort of distressed jeans in a window of a shop in Sutton and I used to go past I was like I'm gonna get them and I remember similar to what we've talked about I went in they didn't have those ones in my size and then there was a guy who used to work in the shop called Slick he was quite a cool character obviously with a name like that and he would went through, like, he basically tried to bring every pair of trousers out. Yeah.

Like, of this Versace that would potentially fit me. And nothing did apart from one pair that were pleather. And I brought the pleather pair and started wearing them out. And the stick that I got from my mates, like this must have been 1998, 1999. That is quite a big move from you there. You must have been slightly nervous when you turned up because stuff like that, when you go for a slightly different look.

But you've got to own that moment as well, right? You can't just turn around and go, oh, these are the only ones that he had in the fucking 42 waist. You've just got to go, yeah, no, no, that's what i was after you have to make a choice then i think every you know because toxic male friendship groups can be toxic there's no denying that right and so because also beckham had worn a pair of which i didn't know at the

time but he's not i'd say that's not helpful no No, because everyone just was like, well, you're going to wear an X, it's so wrong. Yeah. But you've got a choice there. You either keep wearing them and front it out and eventually get to a point where they just go, that's a pair of trousers that Tom wears. Or you do what most likely I would do, which is never, ever wear them again.

Well, I did something like the first thing, but I mind-shimpsoned it. Right. So, when you have something like a pleather trouser, it's like a suit that's a bit outlandish.

Yeah. Like Jonathan Ross busts a nice suit, right? Yeah. But he'll only wear it once. Yeah. Like,

if you wear a pair of pleather trousers, that's a sort of New Year's Eve look, isn't it? Yeah. You can't then wear it down to sort of the pub

after football on the Sunday and then on Wednesday you wear it out and then Thursday and in the end, you know like my sister when she's got that Chanel suit

and she starts cutting it into different designs. Yeah. It sort of became, I'd try and wear the pleather trousers with nearly everything I had. All like,

you know, someday I'd wear a shirt or a t-shirt. Actually, I respect this. I respect this as a move. Yeah, but it sort of became,

it showed me how much I wore and that actually it was like, when I wore like just a pair of five or one, someone would go, where's your pleather trousers? Like my pleather trousers had become a bigger character

in the fucking friendship group than I was now. Hmm. Well, it's a sad story, but listen, I respect you for sticking with it, man.

It's one of the reasons why I love you. Okay. This is from the disgusted Daegu. Hi, Wolf, Owl and Swan. My question is about my boyfriend and his habit of... Oh, no. My question is about my boyfriend and his habit of spitting in the street which he sees as socially acceptable and which i find myself repulsive and every other way my

boyfriend is polite well-mannered and always keen to make a good impression i'm concerned that his tendency to spit in public can come across as rude and that my family and friends eventually see him perform his disgusting habit and after and alter their opinion of him as a person my boyfriend has lots of amazing qualities and is an awesome partner, but I feel like this one habit is really letting him down. So my question is that either of you guys spitters or do you agree that spitting is disgusting? How do I let him know that he needs to keep his saliva to himself?

Thanks for selecting my email. Love the pod. The disgusted Dago. Tom Davis. Well, I personally think this is, I think he's been, sadly, he's basically been led on by, I think he's been sadly he's basically been led on by

I think the crazy football Premier League football with the snot and the spitting it seems the only sport where it's socially acceptable

to spit all the time is football you don't see basketball players spitting on the court do you no and they exert themselves

in similar ways I think it's a very good point Tom yeah American footballers I can't remember it seems like well not just Premier League but footballers seem to

find it I've never seen a boxer who arguably in those three minutes is knocking themselves out spitting on the floor they'll spit into a cup and they'll

you know so I think I think that makes I think it's a disgusting thing when you see someone spitting in the street I think it's just or you know what's really bad when you walk past you see a fresh bit of gob that someone's done on the speech sometimes there's no getting around it right if you if you

if you've got a cold you got some phlegm but even then pull yourself off the big street and just down a little side alley or into a crux and have a little like gob up then but I just yeah I think it should be I think if that is a problem that he has if he has an undue amount of phlegm he should just have a little

like just get like you know what the babies have because actually that's in a sense what he is a big baby is he should have like

a little beaker that he carries around with a lid on it like a spit beaker yeah and then if someone goes what's that it's my spit beaker and says someone says oh that's disgusting that's really gross and then he'll go oh she is a bit um maybe i shouldn't carry it or maybe you shouldn't just spit everywhere i think it's it's you know it's akin to litter bugs isn't it yeah i i i um

i'm inclined to agree i think it's absolutely rank i think it's so so disgusting and i've had like i remember i as i read this email i had this vivid memory of like me taking the kids down to the shops our local shops and this guy sort of as we're walking past sort of spitting sort of across my path i don't know if he's doing it to be sort of hard or whatever it's just rank and I think you need to tell your boyfriend to stop it's not okay it's horrible and I want you to imagine if you imagine everybody did that regularly

do you know what I mean what the fuck's going on, it's horrible yeah the streets will be listened in spit it's just untenable as a situation and he needs to stop you don't need to do it

it's rank so please on behalf of you Dago I would implore your boyfriend stop please stop spitting in the street

actually as well it's you know and may I shout you out Ron because I was there the night that that incredible bit of stand up

that you've put out and it's on your Instagram I was there that night I think it was an amazing message oh cheers and I think it was a brilliant uh observation but also um incredibly delivered but i actually think that aside as side you he'll be doing this with his friends yeah i actually think again it should be something that they're turning around and going mate why do you that's

disgusting yeah yeah they need to do that someone's's what I'm saying now. Because you'd hope that, you know, when you do something as gross as that, that someone says something. Yeah. So listen, Dago, good luck with that. I hope it all works out. But, you know, in our opinion, and, you know, we're not the ultimate authority,

but he needs to stop. Right, Tomo. Yeah. Do you want to do the good thing? Let's do it, baby. Bowser was a dog, like any regular dog. He lived on a sweet, sweet street with other dogs who lived two doors down, three doors down, four doors down.

And most days his owner would take him for a walk and he'd be left for his lead. And in the park, he'd run with the other dogs. And he'd chat to them and they'd chat to him. But a lot the park he'd run with the other dogs and he'd chat to them and they'd chat to him but a lot of times he wouldn't have much in common with them apart from save the fact that they were dogs then one day he was playing in his garden he sort of like slowed down and sort of sat in a shade and took a rest from the sun and a lonely cat came in and he said to the cat oh hello how are you are you okay like what are

you doing in my garden the cat was like i always just go from garden to garden my owner actually lives like six miles away but um i only go there like twice a week and the dog says well don't you worry about being fed or don't you worry about being cleaned or don't you worry about somewhere to sleep the cat's like no i'll find. The dog says, what are you interested in? And the cat says, oh, chasing bumblebees. And the dog's like, shit, I like chasing bumblebees. And a friendship is born and a friendship's blossomed. Anyhow, the dog invites the cat one day to sort of stay and have some tea with him.

And as they're sitting in the garden eating tea together, his owner comes out and goes, shoo, shoo, shoo. Get away, get, get, get. And the cat runs off. And the dog is quite sad about this. So the next day the dog sits and waits and the cat comes back and the dog and the cat start chatting and the owner comes running out again and says, shoo, get out, get out, get bad cat, bad cat. This happens three or four times and after a while the cat just thinks, well, you know what? I can't be bothered to go and see that dog

as much as I like him. It just feels that, you know, we're not supposed to be together. So the dog waits most days for the cat to turn up. He never does again. And from there the dog sort of takes a bit of a nosedive. He starts to He stops eating. He starts not wanting to go out for a walk.

And he starts to feel quite sad and morose. And his owners are like, oh, what happened to him? I can't remember his name from the start of the story now. What's happened to him? He used to be such a lovely dog. And then they start realising, actually, the cat that used to pop by used to feel his spirit full of sweetness and kindness. And actually, him and the cat that used to pop by used to feel his spirit full of sweetness and kindness and actually when the cat had a lot of in common

and the owner goes out one night and sort of drives around the neighborhood looking for the cat and she finds him just sitting under a lamppost doing what cats will do and she puts him in the car and she takes him back and opens the gate and the dog's sitting there all sad and the cat cat runs in and the dog goes crazy the cat goes crazy they smile and then she makes some spaghetti a bit like lady and the tramp and they sit and they chat the moral of the story is this friendships can be built in strange ways sometimes you can come from different neighborhoods you can be different space species from different worlds but there'll be a talking point or something that will enlighten inside of you.

A bit like me and Prince Charles, King Charles, or me and Pugsy Malone. Friendship is a really, really sacred thing. Check in, don't judge, and always remember this. Friends can come in all shapes and sizes. Treasure each and every one of them.

What did you say? Treasure? Yeah, I got really excited at the end Chercher each and every one of them. What did you say? Chercher? Yeah, I got really excited at the end. Chercher each and every one of them. It's an ode to friendship. Friends can come in every shape and size. Chercher every one of them. I think that's great advice. Chercher your friends.

And, you know, Chercher every moment you have with them. These moments should be Cherchered. I think that's great advice. Shursh your friends. And, you know, shursh every moment you have with them. You know? These moments should be shurshed. Thank you so much, Tom. That was beautiful. And I totally agree with the sentiment.

I was listening to a playlist the other day and I discovered a song I haven't listened to for a long time. We're going to play us out. Hopefully, JT, if you can find it. Well, you will be able to find it. It's Chris Calico with Orangutan. Guys, take care of yourselves. We love you very much.

Peace out. Never ran the city of cancer, bitchy But I been around her a minute and then I did it on a man I been all around the planet and then I'm gonna show him How you make a novelty pop when he can chop and he's as hot as you can possibly stand But wait! Number one trap, pick up, speed up, beat up Niggas get their ass kicked when I see them, weed them Get them in the plastic when I weed them, key them Sick of white quack shit, cryin' freedom, freedom Dicking them ass potatoes at night, baby, sick of the past saving

Baby, sippin' on gas and it paid its delight I might be givin' a bath to my label, finger to my cable TV cali baby And I'm ready to fight in a rangatang. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us

at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.