Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 48: Theme Parks & Being Dumped

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

We’re talking… chat show Rom, upsetting emails, stubbed toes and smacked bottoms, theme park problems, our worst dumping experiences, Tom’s microphone troubles, low confidence phone calls, morale-boosting mates, strange heckles and a very blocked ear. Plus a few email questions on a missing teeth quandary and an anger provoking miss-pronunciation. Apologies for Tom’s ongoing sound issues - improvements coming soon. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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keratin smooth weightless collection visit tresemme.com to learn more yo yo what you want beak or jaws feathers or? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff And a... Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men

Dressed up as a bird and a dog Wolf and Owl up in your face. Yes, we're back again. Boom, boom, boom. Rubbish, Reganathan and Tom Davis in the room, a.k.a. the Wolf and the Owl. Get your improv cannons ready. They've planned nothing, and it probably will show.

My guy looking flexy in that t-shirt nice g uh i've had a bad bad bad bad bad bad what's wrong with me uh health week this week not a lot of exercise quite a lot of eating it's bad not drinking very bad baby well last night and not across the i've been filming in we talked it's weird talking about this isn't it because we just talked about it before we started recording now you're gonna have to do this thing of pretending like on a chat show that you don't know that i'm about to say this so yeah i'm good at that yeah okay um well actually uh a bit tired because um actually been in monaco wow yeah yeah for the i didn't know you were going to monaco yeah yeah yeah it's um it's a new show new show in a well it's a new it's not a new show it's

a old show but new series uh a new ep of uh robin romesh versus uh we do f1 and um it's just really good to like um you know when you're doing these things it's good to sort of have that natural chemistry with somebody you genuinely get on because I know a lot of people say oh we're friends and uh but we actually are that's the yeah we started on the circuit together and um yeah it's just a fuzzy vibe between the two of you i like it yeah it really is and it's like sometimes i feel like um i sort of always feel like i know what he's gonna do he sets me up you know i set him up it's i like yeah it's like it just really works and like sometimes i sort of pinch myself and think god is this actually work? But yeah, look, I'm really privileged and blessed to do what I do.

And to go to somewhere as amazing as Monaco, right? Oh, God, listen, the F1 comes in. This new Romesh. Yeah, yeah, go on. It could be my favourite ever Romesh. Well, I do actually, it's funny you say that, Tom because i don't know if i can break out of it now it's funny that you say that tom because actually um off the back of last week's episode we did actually get an email i might jump in here because i was going to raise this point later yeah i think that email is up there with uh probably the most absorbent toilet paper that you can get.

It's a shit ticket, bro. And it genuinely pissed me off. I know it upset you. But I think generally, for me, you can describe what it was. But for me, everything that we do on this podcast is our friendship, right? That's how we are. We joke, we take it with a cap,

we have a laugh together and that's what we do, right? And it's a very, this is how we are within our text messages, within our relationship as you hear it. So it really generally

fucked me off that someone felt that they could, I'm sure that was the best intentions meant from this, but it felt a little bit like negging or some sort of weird gaslighting. And it really annoyed me. So I, yeah.

Well, shut up. The email, the email was from somebody saying that I'm too horrible to tom and look it's uh it sort of it didn't get to me i felt bad because i you know i love tom davis i love tom davis from the point of view so then i was just like i'm some sort of meek little that just sort of sits here going like which isn't the case? Oh, sorry.

God. Do you know what? For a moment, I thought you were actually upset on my behalf, but now... No, I was upset on both of their behalf. No, no, no. I wondered why you steamed in so front-footed,

and I thought, God, Jesus Christ, man. This is actually really touching. Like, he's stepping in because he feels... No, I meant that as well. And then he pulls back the curtain, and the true reason is revealed. He is worried about how it reflects upon his own skills.

All right. All good. But yeah, I didn't agree with any of the sentiment of Dima. Well, listen, I just want to say, I am going to try and be... I'm just going to do an episode now where... Oh, don't do that. This happened before. What do you mean? I am going to try and be I'm just going to do an episode now where I'm not I'm really nice don't do that

this happened before what do you mean this happened before where you you sort of put the glass back on it happens every now and again I'm very

I'm very self reflective I'm trying to improve I love you just the way you are I actually weirdly got in the car with Catherine after you said and Catherine was listening

to that last week's episode and it makes me like the bit that makes me laugh the most is when you said what Catherine was listening to that last week's episode and it makes me like the bit that makes me laugh the most is when you turn around to me and say what the fuck are you going on about

it's doing my whole fucking reason for being is to try and find a way that I can find an angle that you could turn around to me and say what are you fucking

going on about and then I have to explain that's our relationship if you take that out of it we're two old men sitting there just fucking not being able to talk about life anymore yeah you can't let one person and look if that person doesn't like it look uh you know that for whatever reason then you know i apologize for that but i'm not going to change your iron for for one person sentiment that they they've got the wrong end of the stick and that is what it is and

you know if it upsets you don't listen it's that simple well look that's yeah i agree listen i don't want that person to not like the podcast but they shouldn't listen if they don't like it but what i would say is yeah you know maybe i could i don't want to change how i am for one person but maybe just maybe it's an opportunity for me to reflect upon my own actions and maybe just be a bit nicer and I do want to take this opportunity to say to you Tom I'm sorry if I've ever given you any reason to

feel disrespected or whatever you know you're a fine guy. Yeah I know you think that but also I'm like one of those people with kinks I like it when you make me feel disgusting. I know but that's the problem that's the problem is that you like being abused

I feel like a dominatrix who's publishing his work and then every time I get asked to sort of like flick you on the bell end and then I get complaints about it you ask for it you're demanding it.

Flagellate me. Flagellate me. What does flagellate mean? Flagellate is like beat me. Really? The crocodile clips on my nipples, ow. Well, you know a lot about this murky world, don't you? Do you ever wonder if,

I've never tried anything like that. No. But I don't know if I've never tried anything like that. No. But... Well, the worry is that you'd enjoy it, right? That's the problem. That's the problem. The next thing you know, I'm doing this in a gimp mask. Have you ever stubbed your toe and thought,

oh, God, that felt nice? No. Then I think you'd be all right. In fact, I would say stubbing my toe is one of the most... Have you ever... It's one of the biggest hardships in my life. This is a question I never thought I'd ask you, right?

But I think we're good enough friends that we... Have you ever hurt yourself and had an erection afterwards? Dear God. What the... No. Yeah, probably, actually. Probably. Really? no yeah probably actually probably really uh yeah like do you mean like physically hurt because i've been rejected by a girl and gone home and wanked no no no no no that physically hurt so you might be into that sort of right no no i don't think so. Although, you know, have you, okay, while we're on the subject,

how far have you gone down the road of kind of, um, no, during sexual intercourse? God, you've really fucking stepped into it. I really much prefer the, uh, aggressively fucking roast roast romesh rather than this fucking nuanced woke version of like you are oh god we've got to bleep that out can you bleep the name out on both of those references please jt um no what i was going to ask is have you ever got like how far have you gone down the road of like a little sort of i feel embarrassed to say a little smack on the bottom or oh yeah no no yeah i've been in that bit do you know what right i used to sort of um a friend of mine used to go out to with a girl

he used to sort of she used to get turned on by watching him in fights and he wasn't much for fire but they used to go out like they go to a restaurant or a pub and they had a whole thing where like she'd kick off a fight by being abusive to some lads and he'd have to then jump in and usually get beaten up and then they'd have sex in the car park afterwards that's um in the car park yeah yeah not in his car not in the car yeah no i know that yeah yeah yeah um i don't know that i don't know i said that they could have done it outside there's no it's no less weird to do it uh no no he and i always remember when he split up he just he was quite relieved in the end actually yeah I always remember when he split up he just he was quite relieved

in the end actually yeah sort of yeah because he just thought I mean I might die yeah do you know what I mean like for the sake of

getting a bit of sexy time he'd sort of like it was quite a weird thing whenever he'd turn up at work and he'd have a sort of like you know messed up face like a black eye and stuff

you'd know that you know although he'd been beaten up he was sort of had sex as well so it it's sort of like, I had the opposite thing happened to me where I was going out with a girl. And I sort of, I got jumped by some guy outside a pub. And he hadted me and split my eyebrow. It was pretty bad.

And I don't think she ever found me attractive again. Yes. Like it sort of had an effect, I guess like a nick or something like that. Do you know what I mean? Where she just sort of... I mean, admittedly, I did squeal when it happened. And then I sort of said, get off me, get off me. I wouldn't say that I was aggressive in my response i think i was kind of shocked and then and and then i don't

think it ever really recovered from that to be honest with you i i had a similar thing where i was at a petrol station i've been out with an ex and we've gone to um disney world of adventures and on the way back we stopped to get some petrol and some crisps. And I got out to pay. And as I was coming back, it was like these four lads. And sort of like they were milling around their car. And then they sort of said something to me and then just sprinted over and punched me. And she sort of like, her response was to see me get punched.

And then these guys sort of like sat about me a bit. I had like sort of a bag of watsits these guys sort of like set about me a bit i had that sort of so a bag of watsits and a bag of skips on me and oh my god and she drove off um and she drove off she freaked out and drove off um and left you there yeah yeah yeah if it wasn't for the like the guy who worked at the petrol station because sprinting out and with a broom just started sort of like you like it was actually a bit like saying out of all the rings he started like like wearing this broom around these lads and sort of shouting for them to get off me uh and they sort of all went off and then sort of jumped in a car their car and sort of sped off and about about five minutes later, she came back.

This is incredible behaviour by her. Yeah, I knew that it probably wasn't a long-term relationship after that. I mean, it was genuinely probably one of the most, because I'm scared of a lot of roller coasters. So we'd been at Chessington that day, and I'd bottled out, I'd held her hand back quite a lot. Oh my God. Oh my God. You got that.

Hold on. Was it just the two of you? Yeah. The two of you went to Chessington and she went on rides on her own and you waited

with the bag. Is that what happened? Yeah. Why did you go to Chessington? She wanted to go. I said no, I don't mean like roller coast and stuff and she had her. Why did you go to Chessington? She wanted to go. I said, no, I don't really like rollercoaster and stuff. And she had her heart set on it.

Why did you go to Chessington World of Adventures if you just wanted to go to Chessington World of Snacks? No, I just... I've been in the arcades for a bit. Oh, my God. She went with her teenage son. Jesus Christ. I went on

like the bubble works and stuff and the vampire oh my god and I bet

you wanted a fucking pat on the head for that as well do you know what I was slightly scared

when the water first started coming down I know I looked a bit nervous for the first half of it

but once I sort of got to hold it onto the side of it like that right sort of like got to know Professor Bubble I'll hold it onto the side of it like that white knuckling once I got used to

once I got used to Professor Bubble and like what the narrative arc was of it I actually started to enjoy it some kids just love hearing that can I go again

could we go again I think I've had it two or three times yeah it was not on the bubble works he didn't go on the bubble works two or three times yeah

so yeah that and the lazy the river thing you know the log flume I quite enjoyed oh the log flume you did oh okay it was like things

I didn't go on the pirate's galleon thing I went on the vampire oh my god the pirate's galleon I can't act I had a dream because I had a dream

as a kid that like you're on one of those and it just and I think it's not even that like because I don't know how often they're actually sort actually doing renovation works on them,

and then the Pirates' Galley would just fly up, and it would come unattached to the nub of it, and it'd just go flying into the air, and then come down, and everyone would be crushed. That's what you're frightened of happening? Yeah. And you were so frightened of that happening, you sent your girlfriend on there on her own?

Well, no, she wanted to go. I explained why I didn't want to go I said look I'm really worried about if everything here this feels like the one that's been here

the longest no one ever seems to care about it I think this hasn't been renovated it's extremely dangerous I'm worried that people if you go on it

you're going to die but you go on it I'll be back you go on it you go for it I don't want to die but I don't mind watching you be crushed to

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Earn an entry with every roll. Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply, Canada only, no purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Life's a trip. Make the most of it at best western you're a big roller coaster now don't you you're a big oh right no you like you like

right as you i do like him i do like him i look can i tell you something i i used to i went through i've gone through phases in my life so when i was much younger i was like proper into them not into them but i liked going on them like i'd go on all of them yeah i mean as i got as i got into my 30s i started to like develop a little bit of fear about it yeah i think it's because i stopped going on them because when when we went with the kids when they were small, they were not tall enough to go on anything. So we'd go on all the little rides. And then what happens is you start building up in your head what it's like to go on a... Do you know what I mean?

It's almost like you fall out of a thing. I've never liked roller coasters. Yeah, but the reason I'm telling you this is that you just need to go on one. Do you know what I mean? Man, every time I've been on a roller coaster, I've had an awful experience. I think you need to change your frame of mind. I think you need to sort of see it as these things are incredibly safe. Just go on. I mean, listen, there is a certain amount of privilege in going on a roller coaster. You know what I mean? Our lives are so chilled

out and calm that we have to make rides specifically designed to make us feel something. But do you know things like there's other things that, you know, I enjoy, I enjoy the snacks at Chessington World

and the food. Yeah. I wouldn't say that what sits and skips are exclusive to Chessington. No, that was on the way out when we stopped for Chessington. Oh my God.

So what happened? I just want to, just talk me through this. You went to Chessington World of Adventures. You held her bag. You told her that you would happily watch her die, but? I just want to, just talk me through this. You went to Chessington World of Adventures. You held her bag. You told her that you would happily watch her die,

but you didn't want to die. And then you thought, how do I look even sexier than how I have done today? And you bought yourself a packet of Skips and Watsits. No.

Who the fuck buys Skips and Watsits unless they're doing the weekly shop? I wouldn't do it. We pulled up at the petrol station, filled up petrol i said i'll get this oh well done mate i said do you want anything she went get me some crisps i said which ones you went surprised me so my god oh my god so what was your what was your thought process of like getting skips and what's this well I genuinely thought

that one of them would be quite a nice surprise like that is a a rogue choice isn't it it's not you know it's you know

two I'd say two of my favourite May snacks so you went you went surprise well I didn't I kept walking out with the fucking skips and what's this And, you know, two, I'd say, two of my favourite May snacks. So you went, you went, surprise. Well, no, I didn't. I kept walking out with a fucking skips and what's-its

and four guys sat about me. And she drove off. She probably told him what you'd been like at Chessington. They thought he'd probably take this to her. He's too scared to go on the Pirate's Galleon. I think it'll be all right with this guy. Do you fancy a free bag of sk some free bag and what's it? Let's pummel the shit out of this handbag holder.

Coming out still holding a handbag. Didn't have any money on me. Excuse me, lads. I'm with this guy that I just cannot get rid of. He's agreed to go to Chesnutt World Adventures despite being shit scared of every single ride. He's been going on the arcades all day. He will not leave.

We've got this stuff. I've sent him to get some crisps. I've said surprise me, because that's the sort of thing that will keep him occupied for 15 to 20 minutes. Do you mind bubbling the shit out of him when he comes out? I was going to drive off and leave him. It was a bleak, yeah.

It was sort of the beginning of the end of our relationship, really. Well, I would describe that as the end. I'm sorry. It's over. We sort of... We eased and coughed for another two. You know when you drove off and left me to die? That's strike two.

Let me tell you something. You only get a couple more of those. Can I just say, man? At that point in my life, I was amazed that she came back. I didn't look at it as a, I didn't look at the negative that she drove away as I was getting beaten up.

I looked at it as a, oh my God, she came back. Like, yeah. I was so surprised that anyway. smiling face.

I still couldn't believe it. And I think for a little while after that, she felt a little bit guilty. So she sort of hung around and sort of, yeah, sort of went out

and sort of, yeah, cheated on me quite a lot. Oh, God. Tom, this is so sad. I'm so sorry. Did they take the skips and the whatsits off you? No. I just thought I saw one. One of the... Someone was putting the boot in.

Someone had trotted the bag of skips and they popped. So was she just driving and you were nursing your eye while pouring skip powder down your gullet? Just tipping the bag into your mouth. I thought I'd domesticate her for a little while there. Copper and a watsits are actually uncrushed

if you fancy it oh mate do you know what I totally relate man that's the type of sad story that um

it's a bleak story both our lives are peppered with stories like that aren't they yeah it's a bleak story

yeah yeah I look now I look back now and think like genuinely what a pathetic it's telling

like yeah who stays with someone who drives away with you beating up on a fork or I know I know

I've stayed with girls that have done all sorts of stuff like you know even girls have said they want to split

up with me and then they've gone oh maybe you know what I mean? Like, you know, even girls have said they want to split up with me and then they've gone, oh, maybe, you know, give me a proper talk about why they want to split up with me.

What's, what the problems are with me. There's a complete character assassination. Then the next day she fair enough, she goes, oh, maybe we, maybe we go out for a bit longer.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. The bleakest dumping I ever had was on Facebook. Really? Someone dumped me

on Facebook and wrote all of the reasons why I wasn't a very good guy. What, in their status? Yeah. Back in the day when statuses

were a big thing. And was it like, did it still have is in it or was it like, Sarah is considering seven reasons why Tom Davis is unsuitable as a partner.

This is the truth, right? So she wrote a status of like, me and Tom are splitting up. These are some of the reasons why our relationship is important. Why? Why did she publicise it like that?

She was, like, she liked to sort of, like, air her, you know, her feelings and stuff. I mean,

it was an awful relationship. You know the worst thing was that other people started adding to the list. Oh my God. With other sort of, of problems that they had. It was an absolute fucking, you know when like, you feel like genuinely, yeah.

Well, this is how people actually think of me. It was a real kick in the teeth. Hmm. I sometimes fantasize about, or think about what people might say about me behind my back. Do you ever speculate on what, I mean, I know it agonizes us, but do you ever speculate? Are you right, Tom? You've got a little bit distracted. I don't think I could hate anything more than this recording setup I've got on now.

Well, what's got to talk me through it? I touched the desk. Yeah. And everything sucks. I've now got two recordings to send to JT. Great. It's such a piece of crap. Do you know, on the plus side, it always sounds like you're talking through custard,

so it's worth it. Mate, I've got these two records, and then that's, I'm done with this fucking stuff. I like listening back to the podcast and thinking, oh, Tom sounds like he's talking from inside a gas canister. This is cool. This is good. Like through a balloon.

Yeah. Like one of those gas balloons. What's the worst dumping you've had, do you think? Well, I did have, I don't know if I've told this before, but I had somebody leave a voice note on my phone saying that your girlfriend's cheating on you. Like a I had somebody leave a voice note on my phone saying that your girls, your girlfriend's cheating on you. Like a voicemail or a voicemail?

What did I say? Yeah. Sorry. Voicemail, voicemail. Like a, just a message. Like it just, it was just like this, bro, just want to let you know, you don't know me, but your girl's cheating on you repeatedly. And then, um, I went the next time I saw her,

which I think was later on that day, I went, that's a bit of a weird message. Don't know what it's about. I don't think that's something you do, but apparently somebody seems to believe that you're cheating on me. And then she went, oh, I don't know what that's all about. And then I went, okay, I thought it must have been a mistake. Oh, wow.

Went out with her for another six months. And then later on found out that she'd been, she actually had been cheating on me with one of our other flat housemates. She never told me that though. I went for dinner with him. So I don't know what you think about this. So basically they'd been like getting it on sort of in the house when I was at, whenever I was out, whatever we all live together.

And this is so sad. Yeah. And, um, and then 10 years, no, maybe eight years later, I was out for lunch. You know, like when you meet up with one of them, we weren't like good friends after that. We kind of just saw each other every now and again. And um, I met up with him and he said to me oh there's something that's been bothering me uh that i want to tell you uh we were like we were sort of seeing each other well when we're all living together and i didn't i was

in a different relationship at that point i didn't know how to i didn't know it was like it puts you in a weird place because you sort of go I don't know if if I'm supposed to feel angry about this I mean like it's a betrayal obviously yeah it's horrible man but at the same time

I split up with that girl like almost a decade previously do you know what I mean and then I also started finding myself questioning why

he was telling me now after all this you know yeah because that that's his own fucking thing he's got his own vibe there.

That is grim, though, bro. But then I'd not been in touch with her. This is how sad I am. I reflected on it later on. And I thought, no, I do want to talk about this with her. I hadn't spoken to her for ages. I text her to say, I've seen da-da-da.

He's told me what's happened. I'd really like an opportunity to talk about it why would you get in touch with a person that sent you that oh yeah

yeah hi Rom I know you're not spending for ages but I would love to thrash that out with you yeah yeah let's reconnect

did she message back at all never replies understandably I mean like yes that's pretty grim also just a shout

out to the sort of like sort of almost superhero who just sort of like messaged you to sort of say yeah what's going on but listen all's well that ends well she chooses the emails for us every week now so it all worked out in the end but um but yeah it's it's weird like i i don't know that's i mean now i think i'm different but like there is a period during which I don't think I would have broken up with a girl if she'd killed a member of my family. I don't think there's anything a woman could have done to me at that stage that would lead me to... Do you know what?

That is my line in the sand now. I am gone. Isn't it weird though? I used to sort of not be able to get my head around the fact that someone would go out. You can't believe it. Sometimes I would actually tell the person, what the fuck am I thinking?

I'd tell the person. Sometimes I'd wake up and I'd think, I can't believe I'm with you. Oh my God. I mean, that is something. If I said that and I think, I can't believe I'm with you. Oh, my God. I mean, that is something. If I said that to Lisa now, the mother of my children, love of my life, if I said to her, sometimes I wake up and I can't believe, she goes, what the fuck is wrong with you?

What are you talking about? You grow, right? But certainly through all of my late teens and 20s, I would just be like absolutely sort of bedazzled by the fact that someone would go, yeah, yeah, I'll fucking walk around with him for a bit. It sort of killed nearly all of my relationships because I just couldn't get my head around the fact that. Same. And also the other thing is, and I know we've talked about this before, if I could say anything to my 20-something year old self

or whatever, or even my late teenager, I'd just go, stop being so fucking thirsty. It's so unattractive. Why do you keep going on about how lucky you are? Why do you keep going on about you'd do anything? Why do you keep asking if there's anything you could do differently that would make her happy? What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? I was, like, yeah. I probably actually, probably fucking if I could go back a year ago, tell me that. For every relationship. Oh, my God. For every relationship I'm in. I've got friendships I feel like that about.

Yeah, man. I had, just now when we were away in Monaco, relationship that i'm in i've got friendships i feel like that about yeah man i i i had uh just now when we're away in monaco i had a thing where and i messaged you about it i do want to take this opportunity to to you do this for me every time i do it but i want to thank you for being such a good mate because like when you're away when you're away from home your head goes funny i mean like you and i love rob to bits but i went through a phase of like just um i managed to convince myself that i was just being shit on the show and not shit i was just like i had like a couple of days just going it was in social

situations we went for like dinner and then the next day i was just like in fact that night i went to i went into my room the hotel room and was like, why were you talking about yourself so much? Why did you say that? Why did you tell that story? They can't tell you that you're being annoying because you're the presenter. You fucking idiot. Just, just talk to myself like that. And then like I phoned Lisa.

I hadn't spoken to Lisa all day. I was looking forward to talking to her. She basically got a phone call from SADSAC. And then I couldn't bring myself to tell her that, because it's so pathetic. Romesh, you sound a bit down. It's because I'm worried about the stuff I said at the dinner tonight.

I just feel like I wasn't being very funny. And I think maybe they might be saying now, Romesh was a bit boring, and I'm worried about that. I know you've been looking after the children and running them back and forth to clubs,

but on this TV show I'm doing in Monaco, I'm worried that people don't like me as much as I want them to. I mean, what the fuck? So I ended up just like, I just, I just, I just ended up, I ended up being sad on the phone call.

And then just like like she's going okay well you're obviously not in the mood to chat I'll let you get on with it and then I put the phone down and obviously you know what happens

I can't even talk to my wife properly on the phone I can't get anything right oh my god mate it's so I've been there man it's so

I sometimes feel that those after work drinks or dinner are like the worst things especially like if you've had

if you've had a really good day where you've been like you know you're smashing it you've been really funny and then you go out and you sort of

go in there with any sort of sense of sort of confidence it'll get ripped away. Yeah. Do you know, sometimes I'm a bit like a knockout football team in the later stages of the game.

If I'm ahead, I just think I'm going to stop playing. I'd rather fall completely silent than undermine the good work I've put in today. Do you know what I mean? So, like, you know, we'll have a good day's filming, then we go to dinner. Romesh, is there a reason that you've become an elective mute for the last two hours? Yeah, no, just, you know, just a bit tired. And why did you say you were tired, you fucking stupid prick?

It's just like that. It's horrible. Horrible, man. And then I reached out to you and messaged you just saying I was feeling it a bit and um you were very nice so thank you for that anytime baby uh i mean mainly our conversations about that confirmed that we both as completely up as each other actually but it is still reassuring to know that somebody else is going through it it's nice to know there's another loser in the ranks yeah you sort of go oh i'm friends with that loser. One of my very best friends is a loser like me. That's cool.

That's good to know. What I really, really need now is just another loser to make me feel better about myself. I hope he's had a fucking day a bit like this. What's good about our text messages is they never end because we're both asserces each other. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What are you up to?

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Is that good? I'm just about to go and die in Sudbury. Actually, to be fair, Sudbury was incredible. I will say it's actually Swindon. I geeked on Swindon on Saturday night. Lovely crowd, shout out to the crowd. One weird heckler.

Have you ever had this, right? I had a heckler, and he was a heckler. He was shouting something through the corner. Like, number one, the show, it was insanely hot. It was essentially

our Swindon Arts Centre, which is almost like a greenhouse. Yeah. It's like 46 degrees within the room. Yeah, I saw you pacing about it. So, did you just wear

a T-shirt at the gig? I had a T-shirt and a pair of trousers, but I was wet with sweat. And you know that thing where you start thinking about the audience, how hot they're going to be? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah but I was wet with sweat and you know that thing when you start thinking about the audience how hot they're going to be

as well it was so hot and it's like well cold is better for comedy yeah but that hot and then you're thinking people are going to need a drink

I've been rattling on now for fucking 45 minutes 50 minutes and you think do any of these people just stay in here now just because they've just been polite how many of them

just want to get up and go and get some fresh air? Anyhow, there's this fucking guy for some reason who just get... He was with his wife and he kept on just shouting. He kept on shouting out. He'd done it a couple of times.

I was trying to just get him on the show. What did he shout out? So this is it. I turned to him and asked, what is it you're shouting out? He went, you've been watching maths. And I said... Oh, God.

What do you mean? Yeah, what made it first sight? And he was like, yeah, you've been watching maths and I said oh god what do you mean yeah what made it first sight and he was like yeah you've been watching maths and I said yeah it's over now it's finished but I watched it

yeah have you watched it and he went no and I went okay cool what an insane question that's like literally

walking out to someone and going do you like football mate who do you support I support Arsenal who do you support I don't like football. It's a mad thing.

And then I said like... Or like, what's your favourite cheese? Yeah, I don't like cheese. Cheddar. And then you go, what's your favourite cheese? And they go,

I don't like cheese. Or if they go like, what's your favourite cartoon? And you go Flintstones. And then you go, what's your favourite cartoon? And they go, I don't like cartoons.

Something like that. It's literally, yeah. Exactly like that. Or like, what's your favourite curry? And then you go, you go Jalfrezi. And then you go, what's your favourite curry and the guy don't like cartoons something like that he's literally exactly like that or like what's your favourite curry and then you go you go Jalfrezi

and then you go what's your favourite curry and the guy don't like curry I like the babs yeah and his wife was next to him oh is that

sorry I said something to him and then he went she wants to know and his wife looked like she was going to cry with embarrassment

oh no and then i sort of took them i literally did what you've just done to me to him on stage and then he sort of got a little bit ziggy he got a little bit you know uh which made the show and then quite a lot of the audience were quite not aggressive with him but called him a twat and whatever uh and then you try and calm that down and all i can think of is this is adding like 10 minutes to the fucking show and I kind of want to finish the show

as a basis that otherwise it's completely pointless coming to a work in progress but it was undoubtedly the hottest room I've ever been in and then I left

just thinking well that was shit for everyone like it was a shit show I sometimes I'm going to hold my hands up here

I very rarely do crowd work very rarely because I used to do crowd work very rarely. Right. Because I used to do it every show top first 15 minutes. I talked to the crowd and I used to enjoy it, but I once got spoken to when I was at a gig in America, but the guy didn't know who I was and I just started like, and I hated it and then I thought I'm never going to do that.

Unless somebody speaks to me. If somebody heckles, then I'll talk to them, but generally I don't talk to the crowd but the other night I was doing new material and Shout out the two crowds at stone. I did four gigs. It's to shout the two Gigs in crowds and stony the two get crowds in new more than they were all brilliant. I was about to finish up I said I got one I was doing brand new material. I'd like written it that day in the day before and crowds in stony the two crowds in new modern they were all brilliant i was about to finish up i said i got one i was doing brand new material i'd like written it that day and the day before and so i was really like scratching around to try and find the funny in it like i you know it

wasn't written at all i mean i was just trying to figure it out and um i i was about to do a bit and then this guy just shouted out something just before i was about to do the punchline i guess do you mean and so it kind of killed that bit i over i would describe my reaction as uh disproportionate to what he'd done well i just it was so stupid the audience were laughing at first but i did feel like i went to i just went well that was that was good wasn't it you know i've just told you i'm doing new material. Not sure about it. Just trying to find my way through it. And you decide, like a fucking moron, to just shout out and ruin the end bit.

And then I went, well, I did have another bit, but this fucking twat ruined it, so I'll see you next time. That's how I did it. That's how I ended my set. Wow. They were laughing, but the guy didn't do any like don't get me wrong

he was just trying to be he wasn't being horrible do you know what I mean and I I wasn't I wasn't actually being horrible to him I wasn't genuinely pissed off but like

I as I walked off I thought that's probably that's probably a bad way it's hard doesn't it when you're like

I've noticed there's sometimes not heckles they're just people shouting stuff out right yeah and and also i need to say like for the last two weeks i've been deaf in one i've literally like had a my whole ears fucked what i can't hear it i've been deaf in one it like i still am it's i've basically had like so from the camp i was in canterbury me me and Gratz went to Canterbury. And on stage at Canterbury, I started feeling like I had no balance. I started feeling literally like I was, my head just went completely. I felt I was just going to like collapse, like fall over.

And I came off and said to Gratz, something's going on with my head. Like my, that it, and then literally couldn't hear anything from, still now I can't, from my left ear. Have you been to the doctor? Yeah, yeah. So I went to the subreddit the night after and it was getting worse and worse.

So on the Monday I went to the hospital, or the doctor, sorry. And they said, we like, you basically just got such a buildup of like wax and stuff in your ear. Oh Lord. Um,

um, so then I went and had like microsuction, which is incredible. How did that, did you feel like you got a superpower after that? Oh my God, no. So my right ear, beautiful. My left ear, they still can't clear,

like they've cleared it, but they still can't work out what's wrong because I can't hear anything from it. So I've had like two bouts of them trying to do microsuction but something's happened to my erostructure. But so my drum, can you talk me through microstructure? Please? What was that before? Never? No. Oh, my God, treat yourself. Really? Generally one of the best What do they do? Well, number one, the

person who's doing it to me shout out Faye. Incredible. She was amazing. So she she's actually is that all you had to say to get the discount? No, she was a little bit discovered. She was amazing. So she she's actually Is that all you had to say to get the discount? No, she was no, no, I didn't get discovered. She is deaf in one ear. Okay, she loves to hear and she's given her whole life to becoming like an ear, mouth and nose doctor, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's very dedicated to the whole world of ears. She's obsessed with them. But she was like right and

she was trying her utmost to get my ears sorted uh for this week weekend's gigs or for the foreseeable future at the moment i'm on quite strong antibiotics to clear out what is like an inner ear i think it's called an ear canal infection so how do you feel about this uh gift that you've been given on top of all the work that you've been doing? I mean, it must have felt amazing, right? You must have just felt, do you know what? I just keep winning. I thought, you know what? What can make my whole life...

How can I become more irritable and have less sleep? Oh, yeah, an ear infection, which has been brutal. Yeah. It's not much fun. And now I'm on the strongest end of the bikes boy I've ever had and we're about to go on Holiday and I'll still be on them. So I'll be able to drink Yeah, I had a similar thing when I was in Monaco. I've got really bad toothache. I had it for pretty much the whole time Yeah, drink through it. No. Well, I wasn't drinking to get through it

But I mean I was like it it's a weird thing where like when you said you did gigs One of the things I found is every conversation I had, this thing was, it was all I could think about. Do you know what I mean? So you feel like you're 50% in the chat. Do you know what I mean? Because you're kind of dealing with this, like, agony. Mate, even now, it's like that ear, like, it's just, that's gone.

I worry that I'll never get hearing back, you know? Because I've got to wait and go back to someone now when I get back from holiday to see what's wrong with it I need a really really yeah

but I will say this actually I need to shout out Crawley because I went and gigged at the Horth on the Friday on Friday it was gone great venue

where I recorded my Netflix special if anybody wants to I'll just say I've played there I supported you there a couple of times always a lovely crowd. So I have to say, I've played there, I've supported you there, a couple of times, always a lovely crowd,

I would say the whore of this, I think up there, is my favourite gigs I've ever done. Really? Mate, I would say the crowd there, were absolutely like, so fucking up for it,

so, like, don't get me wrong as well, Swindon was, shout out Swindon, most places I've been, I won't say the two places, that we've discussed before,

that are absolute, but, yeah, mention in dispatches, Swindon. Most places I've been, I won't say the two places that we've discussed before. They're absolute. But, yeah, mention in dispatches to Crawley, man. They're a fucking great crowd. Really fun. Lorraine looks after me. She's a love.

I love Lorraine. She's a diamond, right? She's the best. I will say that, actually, about Swindon as well. There was no one backstage at Swindon. There was no one.

You didn't see it? So you turned up and you didn't see anybody no no there's people milling about but i said i'm saying i can get some water before the show and no one goes none so no water no nothing it was uh yeah but i was at a crowd were amazing it was a lovely crowd headed down west the vibe but I hope I get my hearing back in my left ear if there's any other people out there who are miracle workers

with ears shout out yeah yeah shout out and your tooth do you find it by the way Invisalign right

how fucking I know it's like incredible I find it I've started to find it it's like it's like I'm in a relationship I don't want to be in anymore

with Invisalign. I leave them all over the place and fucking forget to put them in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you do that much or did you stick very rigidly to it? No, I'm all over the shop with it. It's a problem. Like, because I'm just so scatty.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm just so all over the shop. So it's like, and then I'd lose them and then I'd go them and then I'd go okay I've got to go to the next week's one now

because I don't know where the hell those are and then I'd put them down somewhere better find them and then I'd put them in a drawer

with the previous week's ones and I'd go fucking hell which ones am I supposed to put in now like absolute any possible issue that you can have

with using them I managed to locate them like a god damn homing pigeon it's why did I goddamn homing pigeon. Why did I say homing pigeon? Anyway. I had them the other day.

I did a gig, and I thought I'd put them somewhere safe, so I put them in my baseball cap. Great shot. Really good place. Really good place. Well done. Then I had an absolute anxiety panic attack that I couldn't find them because I'd just put them in that morning. They were a new set for that week.

A massive panic attack. Not cheap, find them because I'd just put them in that morning. They were a new set for that week. A massive panic attack. Not cheap, by the way. No. And then got home, was sort of like really just pissed off thinking, right, I'm going to have to order another. I don't know what I'm even going to have to shop. Head's really itchy. You can't figure out why.

No. And then I genuinely pulled off my baseball cap and it was sitting in the top of it. You pulled off your cap and the two Invisalign were sitting on top of your head? Yeah. It was ridiculous. Oh, my God. Did Catherine say that? No, no.

She was in bed with me. Thank God. You're the first person I've told about that. Yeah. That is a fucking ick and a half, isn't it? Yeah. Just your husband going, can't afford more Invisalign.

You take your hat off to scratch your head and they're sitting on top of your bunt. Like Paddington with a marmalade sandwich. Marmalade. Marmalade. Marmalade. Marmalade. Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes.

Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? Shhh. Shhh. Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly.

Must be legal drinking age. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca Order up for Rebelsys. Christ, Tom, we haven't done emails. Should we do?

Wow, let's do it, baby. Okay, we've talked for way too long. Oh, just before we get into emails, something happened to me that I was really happy with. It's only a small thing, but I really liked it i was in a hotel in uh monaco and um i went to basically i went to the gym at the hotel yeah and i left my room key in the room so i came back so i went to reception to get a new key and i was sort of stood back from reception as two people being served. And this woman just kind of walked in front of me as if I wasn't there and went to

get served like straight after this, but like proper, like just didn't give a shit. And then, um, the member of staff stopped her and said, excuse me, that gentleman was waiting. And then served me. And it felt unbelievable. And I said to him, I didn't want to make a big deal of it in front of this woman, but he took the more difficult option.

Do you know what I mean? Because the easier option would be just serve this woman and it's not my problem. But I just, I don't know how to explain it. It made me feel, I just felt so great. I could have hugged him Do you mean it was a beautiful moment between was a really beautiful moment. He really respected you okay, it's Why don't this and why?

No, no, I don't think there was no stank I'm saying that the guy obviously respected and like saw. He sort of respected you and felt sorry for you. It was quite a nice moment. Okay, there we go. All right, I was wondering where it was. If you look just a little bit, just scratch beneath the surface, you will find the treasure of Tom saying what he really means. So thank you so much.

By the way, I'm too horrible to him, guys. That's what we got the email about. Okay. The first email that we're going to do is from Miss Menopause. She's done it like pause as in P-A-W-S. Yeah, I'll get that. Okay. Menopause, yeah.

Yeah, Menopause. Miss Menopause, yeah. Yeah, menopause. M-s-menopause. She's having a pause break from there. Oh, maybe. Or she's going through the menopause. I don't know. I'm not ready anymore. Hello, wild things.

Firstly, thanks for the show. It's been my bedtime story for the last few months. Actually, while we're on this, when I was in Monaco, I was doing a piece to camera. I walked past this yacht. Guy comes out, and he said to me, can I just say to you and Tom, when we're, when we finished the day's work and we're sorting the yacht out and preparing it for the next day, we always have the Wolf and Owl on and it's seen us through many a night.

So shout out to Jake. I can't remember the name of the boat, but anyway, uh, firstly, thanks for the show, it's been my bedtime story for the last few months not gonna lie there's been some really strange dreams along the way so i need your wisdom i'm a 40 something woman who's been single for a while i like my single life and the freedom and independence it gives me much of the disbelief of most society friends and family however i'm not immune to male charms at times i've recently got to know a really interesting warm kind man who I'm enjoying connecting with in friendship. I know that he wants more, and part of me is open to this.

However, due to a long and wild past, he's been very poorly and has subsequently lost nearly all his teeth, and has chosen not to invest in dentures, etc. So although I am drawn to him, I'm really struggling with the thought of kissing him. I know this sounds shallow, and honestly, I'm not a woman who's hung up on physical appearances. As a sapiophile I love what goes on in people's minds. Is that how you pronounce it? Sapiophile? Why are you asking me?

I don't even know what a sapiophile is. Sapiophile is I think it's somebody, isn't somebody who's sapiosexual attracted to intellect? Let me have a look. Let me look this up. Well, on the basis that me and you don't know what it is and have to Google it, it would be someone who wouldn't be interested remotely in a mere year. No, I think if you have to Google sapiophile, the sapiophile is very quickly lost interest.

A person who is attracted... I mean, well done, Romesh, for repeating exactly what Tom said, by the way. It's like I'm becoming dumber as this goes on a person who is attracted whether it be sexually romantically or otherwise to intelligence

or intelligent people rather than to the physical appearance there you go nice what's going on there what are you doing no I thought someone

was at the door okay someone's at the door as in at your front door no I thought someone was no no no we have got we're having a takeaway tonight so i'm going to take away tonight what are you getting oh good we're used to about takeaways what are you getting i'm going to get a curry well nepalese yeah but

curry right yeah yeah chicken a power bit of paneer um i got curry i'm to get curry yeah what are you going to have I'll probably get some chana masala vegetable gel fraise maybe what are you doing I think yeah you've touched the table no no no

just as you said that I really want caffeine to get me a vegetable biryani because they do it really nice ok Tom why did you react like you just realised that you'd left Grace in the car? That was the level

of response that got. You looked horrified. Jesus. Okay. Do you want to do the text now? I don't want your mind to be distracted from the podcast. Do you want to carry on text now? I don't want your mind to be distracted from the podcast. Yeah, I'm just going to do it. Do you want to carry on with the email and I'll just text?

The email's finished, Tom. We're waiting for your advice. So can you read the text as you type it in, please? Can you get me a vegetable biryani? I might actually kill it today and spell that, Barry. Arnie. I don't know how to spell it right. All right, cool. Okay, that's done. Okay, advice.

Sorry about that. No, it's good to have you back in the room. Number one, you seem like a very, very sweet, sweet soul and a noble and wonderful person. Do you know what? I'll tell you what. Why don't we just record you saying that once and we can just add it to every bit? I think it's probably easier to say than it is.

Sorry to digress. Whilst in Swindon, someone had a Schneid Sweet Sweet Soul. What? What? It wasn't official merch. He sort of tried to pretend it was, but it wasn't. How did you know it wasn't?

Because I know it's not one of their lines. Oh my God. Do you know what you just said out loud yeah are you aware of what of the words that just came out your mouth yeah that's right if you're not or you're adding that you know what you're selling right yeah i don't know yeah yeah i know i know the the designs we've got and this wasn't one of them yeah yeah i don't think we are in any position to be describing what our merch is as lines. Yeah? Anyhow. You can barely describe it as merch.

Anyhow, well, listen. I think what I would call it is an online cash grab. Right, he comes up to me and he says, hey, look at this. And he had like a sweet sweet soul it's a sweet sweet soul on it I said oh is that one of ours

is that official and he went yeah and then he was with sort of friends so I didn't have the heart to say no it's not so I just went

oh nice one man cheers thank you but I kind of wanted to sort of interrogate him and see where he got it does it bother you well it does because he could have

got one of the official ones they're quite reasonably priced and you can see all the prices on our fucking website. Yeah, I don't... Do we actually do a Sweet Sweet Salve, or do we? Yeah, we've got a sort of... A platform like one, I think, yeah. Yeah, I'm not...

I need to familiarise myself with our lines again. Anyway, Tom, what... Right. So, anyway... Could you just revise it to our Sapier file, please? To this Sapier file. You seem like a glorious human being a sweet sweet soul um and actually you know what uh although um it's amazing that you're attracted this person's

personality and uh their intellect i i can sort of reason why sort of the no teeth thing might be a bit of a sort of cross the bear so to speak and i think it's probably it's quite a difficult situation because to sort of broach that is is quite could really hurt someone's feelings um it depends how deep a sort of friendship you've got or how much whether you've discussed sort of further feelings and and also i suppose i'm going to turn to someone saying oh i actually would be up for sort of being romantically entwined with you

if you were to sort of get some dentures could be quite a kicking a well kicking a tick my god mind of a pun I don't know

whether that was accidental or deliberate it was accidental it's still awful I was not leaning up for fucking that oh my god or kicking a gun

right but I do think that if there's a future for your relationship and I think if you were to if they were to know

that there was that chance for you to do it and the only thing in the sort of standing in the way of you becoming romantic together

is the teeth situation I suppose it is worth having that conversation together and being as sensitive as you possibly can can be i suppose if the person in question is intellectual enough and sort of both uh emotionally and uh you know clever cleverly um i i think hopefully they have

a bit of understanding and realise that you're coming from a more positive place and you're not just being mean and actually it could be good for them and for their confidence as well I wish you well I hope that this champion of life becomes toothed again,

and your relationship flourishes from now. I'm sending you love, I'm sending you commitment, and I'm sending you a big hug. Yo, keep doing you, yo. Oh, God. I would say, it's a complicated one, this, I think. First of all, Miss Menopause, I would say,

please absolve yourself of feeling guilty about this. I actually think it's, you know, you react how you react. And, you know, people find different people attractive. And if this is a thing that's your, that's a sticking point for you, you shouldn't feel bad about that.

I understand why you do, because we don't like to feel that that would be a thing for us. But, yeah, I get it. I understand why you do, because we don't like to feel that that would be a thing for us. But yeah, I get it. I understand. But if you were in a relationship with somebody who lost their teeth, and you said to me, I don't find my other half attractive anymore. It's a difficult one, isn't it? Because you're supposed to like just, I just think it's a complicated one. Having said all of that, I agree with Tom. I think that you, it might be something that you want to talk about. And I'll tell you for why. He might decide that he doesn't want to do anything about it.

And you might never kiss him. You know, it might just become too much of a stumbling block. Or you grow to like him enough that it stops being an issue for you. Or you split up or whatever. You know, I might just become too much of a stumbling block or you grow to like him enough that it stops being an issue for you or, uh, you split up or whatever, you know, I don't know. You end up with someone else, but I still think it's worth saying because it's honest and it's useful for him to know that that is a sticking point for you. And like Tom said, if you frame it and couch it in a supportive and nice way, then I think that's fine. and couch it in a supportive and nice way, then I think that's fine. The reason I'm sort of stumbling all around this is that I don't know how I'd feel if you said

the person that you're with is overweight and that's a stumbling, you know, it's a difficult one, isn't it? If you're saying to somebody, I'm struggling with the thought of being physically attracted, because you've got specific about it, it makes it slightly kind of more complicated.

But listen, we, the truth is, have we got time for me to meander through my ill thought out projections on this? Probably not. So in summary, I would say, why don't you just have a little chat? And I think you should be fine. Good luck to you. Thank you so much for a wonderful, and I would say intriguing and challenging email to offer advice on. And we're not averse to a challenge. What is happening to me today? I don't know. You've become,

you're sort of really swaggering from sort of like personality to personality. I know. I don't know what the fuck is going on. From one moment to the next. I feel like I'm a radio and like we keep changing stations. What's going on, man? It's very hard to negotiate with that a lot

because at one moment you're quite sincere and then you're quite wacky. It's a meander through your little mind, I guess. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah.

You do look very cool, though. I'll say that much. Thanks very much. I don't feel very cool. Party Rom was out last night. We should have said this. Party Rom was out last night. You were at full force. Monaco got absolutely Oh my God. I imagine they're probably still talking

about it now. Did anyone get any videos of you sprinting around and being silly? No. How wacky did you go i didn't go wacky but i did oh god i did go into an extended chat about my thoughts on pornography which is probably ill-advised oh my god who are you with they're like the production team oh what are you doing on nights out now that you're sitting talking about pornos

Jesus do you know what I love you to death here we go this is normally the precursor for you to give me an absolute fucking shooing I expected you to sort of go oh fucking hell I got smashed

and then I was doing a caterpillar or a worm for a fucking dance that's what you expected of go oh fucking hell i got like smashed and and then i was doing like a caterpillar through or the worm for a fucking that's what you expected that's what you expected no but that was the embarrassment not that you sat there well look look i early one right when you said about like feeling a bit like sad sack i arguably say that's a better feeling than sitting there and sort of chatting about your thoughts on pornography. Oh, God. The whole group of people's going,

that's so nice of you. Look at those, you're... Okay, pornos. What's everyone making of them? Where's everyone sitting on the old porno debate? I wish that was further away from how it actually went. Oh, fuck if it wasn't, was it?

Roll your sleeves up so everyone can see your tattoos. Oh, God. Listen, I know you'll look at me and think, oh, he's a tough nut. He's an old bastard. But I've got empathy. Now let's chat about pornos. God, I think I did use the word empathy. What got you onto the subject of pornography?

I'm fascinated by it. And so, really, it's something I probably should... Is this because you opened your phone and there was, like, you porn? No. Have you ever been with somebody that's happened? Yeah, twice. One of them very famous. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them very famous. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Should we do one more email? No, but I'm sort of quite interested about your fascination with porn. In what sense are you fascinated? I mean, obviously,

this is probably an episode in itself. Yeah. Well, look, maybe we should do this email. We're about to record another episode. Yeah, okay. Why don't we do something that other podcasts do and tease to the next episode? Join us. You can join us next week when I'm going to be giving Tom a little bit of an insight into my thoughts on pornography. Is it just for wanking or is there something deeper beneath? Join us on the Wolf and Owl on Wednesday, probably drops about 7am. And we will see if you agree or not.

As always, email in at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. And we'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Anyway, Tom. Go. Do we want to, we've got time to do this email. We're an hour in now. Have we got time to do this email? We're an hour in now. What do you want to do? Well, I mean...

Shall we just do a quick... Shall I find a quick one? Shall I find a quick one? Find a quick one. Find a quick one. Here we go. This is from... Well, he's just put his...

I'm going to leave this anonymous because it's quite an aggressive email, I'd say. It's called... That's the way it went, Dick. It's called Advert Frustration. it's called advert frustration uh and he says i swear to fuck man how can somebody physically pronounce advertisement as advertisement it's sort of like i don't know what advertisement as advertisement start the podcast thinking how great

can't wait to get into this then bang what the fuck how's he gone and done that the ad is for better help so maybe i should see why that's annoyed me though to pause my saturday shite to email this sorry so how can you say the word please advertisement advertisement is that not how how are you supposed to say it advertisement is that what you're saying advertisement advertisement i would say you're so fucking angry i don't know man it's not really about it i don't know fucking idiot oh my god oh my god like generally go fuck yourself oh my god there's so like look you know what i hate about human beings like this right oh my right it's this fucking absolute piece of crap it's like like his shit now spills over to me and that shit will go why does he need to feel the need to get

so annoyed because that then passes along doesn't it what's a stupid reason to to email in that's a listener i hope to god goes and listens to another podcast. Because seriously, that kind of negativity, that's the problem we have in humanity. It now spills along. It spills to me, that will spill along. And it's the worst. It's the worst part of what we all do. It's this negative energy. Why he felt the need to go, like, whether I pronounce something, you pronounce it,

he knows he's pronounced it. And feel that, that's how he starts his day, is a neg. It's just a waste of fucking, what a waste of both our time and his time. Well, you'll be, I imagine, sitting at home, you'll be asking yourself, should they have done another email? Well,

we made the decision to do a quick one and there you go. There's the results there. A really horrible, horrible end to the podcast episode this week.

Tom, do you want to take us out on that? Do you know what? I was coming to the end of this episode and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This absolute toe punt is going to make me ruin my sway.

I imagine the motto is going to be, the moral is going to be about forgiveness or something like that, or not getting too wound up. I've got no forgiveness for this. Okay, go on then. This crud loud. Crud loud? Yeah. Okay, go on. It's my new insult. Okay, go on then. Just cruddle out. Cruddle out? Yeah.

Okay, go on. It's my new insult. Okay, here we go. You have a choice in life. You have a choice to which of household appliances you may be. When it comes to problems and other people's worries, are you going to be a hoover?

Are you going to suck up someone else's problem, let it sit inside you for a little while, sort of make you a little bit more filthy and dirty and worried, before you empty yourself out of it? Are you going to be an oven? Are you going to expand and heat up the problem? Or maybe you can cool off the problem like a refrigerator. Or maybe you just let it sit in you like a rubbish bin.

The truth is this, there's many different ways of holding and hanging on to different people's problems. For me, I like to be a simple, earnest and humble dustpan and brush. I like to pick it up, sit with it for a while. And if I can, help someone out. Always try your best to let someone give you their problem and let them take the weight off. You take the weight for a little bit

and then maybe you pass it on to a big tip full of problems. Very much like me and Romesh here. That's what life's all about. Sharing problems, baby. Sharing the load. Thank you. This could have be better if it wasn't for that twat that fucking just wrote in that email. Get ready, here's another advertisement. Thank you so much, Tom. And thank you, Anon, for your email.

I hope we should name him. No, we can't. Well, I'll tell you what, his name's Jamie. JT can decide whether he wants to bleep out or not. Bro, here you go. I have done something delightful.

I, at the last minute, found out that somebody I know had two spare tickets to see Beyonce tomorrow night, and I have surprised Lisa and said, had two spare tickets to see Beyonce tomorrow night and I have surprised Lisa and so tomorrow we are going to see wow say unfortunately at the Spurs stadium but we are going to see Beyonce so for that reason I'm choosing a Beyonce tune this is Countdown by Beyonce JT please can you take us out with a little bit of that? We'll see you guys. Well, we're about to record another episode, but we'll see you guys next week.

And hopefully, look, if you listen to this episode and you thought, Jesus Christ, that was shit, I've got good news for you. The next one's going to have exactly the same tone because we're recording it right now. Peace out, guys. Love y'all. Love ya! If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com.

That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.