Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 50: Best Bits Vol. 1

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

While Rom and Tom take a well earned break, here’s the first of two Best Bits compilations - featuring some of our favourite stories and funniest moments from the past two and half years of the pod. Enjoy! For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's gonna love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it, she complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind.

Deals so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. On April 5th. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's the girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start out evil things of evil. It's all.

No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? It's the most terrifying. 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real, it's not real, it's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. Only theaters April 5th. Yo, hello friends. It's me, Tom Davis, a.k.a. The Wolf. It's with a heavy heart and mass apologies, I have to tell you that for the next two weeks, myself and The Owl, aka Romesh Ranganathan, won't be able to record a Wolf and Owl podcast. This is due to me moving house and being bereft of any Wi-Fi, so I'd have awful quality.

And Romesh is in Africa making his hit tv show so it's a massive massive apology from us both yeah we really mean that you're so so sorry sorry everyone um much love to you all uh so what we've done is we've cobbled together two highlight reels these are the best of uh wolf and al up to now. Stories, conversations, and Romesh telling me I've got words wrong. I do more than that, and I love you, mate.

And I love you too, Romesh. God bless you all, and enjoy this lesson. Yeah. Yeah, what do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Yeah. in the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon

you'll see nothing all your ears are huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Okay, Tom, we had an email saying that they want you to, somebody wants you to do the movie intro. Oh, really? For the podcast. Wow. Yeah.

It's big. Yeah. So I was wondering if you could do that. They came to talk on a podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, make yourself comfortable. Swagger up your pace if you're on a walk, because it's time for the Wolf and Al Podcast. Featuring the man mountain, handsome, good looking, Mr. Tom Davis and Ramesh.

Very good. Really good. What I like about this podcast is when good and early, you do something that you're really pleased with. You're absolutely fucking delighted he almost he almost he almost sat back like he just watched his kids score a goal at footy no but what i like is i sat back and chilled your face right your face got so close to the while you're waiting to what introduction i'll give you so close to the camera it looked like a face looking into a spoon that's how close that's how close you got you're

like oh no you were so first of all i was about to rinse you because when you said podcast for the first time you weren't sure with the american accent whether to go cast or cast and so there's a bit of indecision there and then you just absolutely fucking volleyed it in didn't you it was like a really bad first touch oh by the way i need to say one thing before we go any further i've had a couple of people message me about the squeak my squeaky chair um and i do need to get some wd-40 on it but i haven't done it this week so uh there will be a little bit of people have messaged you about it yeah yeah there's one guy who says i love the podcast but i do find that your squeaky chair and i know it's you because it squeaks when you make

a really important point um well i i find it hard you because it squeaks when you make a really important point. Well, I find it hard to believe it squeaks at all then. You get to say anything of any substance across fucking nine episodes, man. You hear it now. I tell you what, it's when I'm laughing. Yeah. Yeah. Really squeaking.

Like a mouse having some sort of attack. Yeah, really squeaking. Like a mouse having some sort of attack. I remember at school being, I think it was when we first started secondary school and Ninja Turtles were still sort of, I mean, we're a similar age, right? Ninja Turtles, I'm a bit younger, but Ninja Turtles were still a thing.

And I remember sort of saying to a guy that I've been friends with at junior school about like, oh yeah, come round. So before we carry on this because you throw little things like this unchallenged and people believe them so how old are you 41 right so i'm 42 okay i thought you were like 46 I swear that someone told me you were 46 are you shitting me

I swear I've thought all this time that's why I've made the jokes about it I've always thought you were 46 obviously not always 46 I thought when we first met you were like 38 but now I think yeah so hold on all this time you've been talking to a man that you think is 46 years old for this last

yeah i didn't know you were only a year older hold on hold on do you know this changes the fucking whole dynamic of our relationship yeah but for me a little bit more because i've looked at you as a senior fucking figure who'd have been leaving secondary school when i joined like now i look at him and think, well actually all this stuff he's saying, he's only one year more experienced in life than I am. Tom, Tom, Tom, this is fucking, this is blowing my mind there. Did you

really think I was 46 years old? I swear I thought you were 46. I've even told people you're 46. Are you genuinely fucking with me? Are you only 42? What? First of all, 42 is old, right? Secondly, I just can't.

Honestly, mate, I don't know how to fucking deal with this. So all this time you're talking to me, all this time we've been mates, I've been under the impression that you see me as like a mate on your level, but now you see me as some sort of what? Fucking uncle or something no I'm not an uncle

I've got other friends who are sort of your old age you're 46 like what the age you used to be it's not my age you've got to get that

out of your fucking head it's not my age I can't believe this I think this will make us closer the fact that there's only a year in between us because I've been sort of like yeah so references

that I've been talking about like you know that you talk about so sometimes you've been sort of like, yeah, so references that I've been talking about, like, you know, that you talk about. So sometimes you've been referencing stuff and you're going, this old fart won't understand what I'm talking about. Mate, if I'm honest with you, I've genuinely thought, fucking hell, it's mad that in four years it'll be one of his 50th. It's so, how mad? Mate, I'm just, I'm fucking spinning out here. I'm spinning out. This has put a different complexion on every single interaction we've ever had.

It's more worse for me than you. How is it worse for you? Sorry, how are you the victim in fucking assuming that I'm four years older than I actually am and fucking telling people? For all I know, you might still be saying that to me because you go, actually, do you know what? Rom says he's 42, but I think he's better as a 46-year-old.

So that's what I'm sticking with. No, I would... Look, if I'm honest with you, sometimes I've told people, say, oh, Rom says he's 46, but I think he handles himself more than the 35-year-old. But, like, I genuinely...

Now I'm like, oh, fuck it, there's a year between us. I don't want to drop the person here. I'll tell you off air who told me you're 46. Wow. I'm just mad. All this time. I don't know if I can continue doing this record.

Oh, my God. You feel that not sideways by it? Yeah. Like, I just, I think when somebody's a bit older than you, you think about them in a different way. I've thought of us like, like, I consider you like a, you know, like you're a brother. We're on a level. We're the same age and now it just sort of you like an older brother yeah i don't want you to think of me like an older brother i don't like that you'd be my

brother like when i started school you were just about leaving and sort of taught me the ropes like i just i can't i can't i can't i don't know what i don't know how to feel now listen don't worry about it don't think about it too much. You actually, you've come out of this better than I have. I've got to get my head around so much stuff. How? I look at it now. You, you, you, you've, all this time when I've gone.

You're like Ben from Stun. You've gone five years back. Okay. First of all, it's four. All right. Secondly, your perception of how old I am isn't the general barometer. Unless you've told everyone. Right. Okay. your perception of how old I am isn't the general barometer that, unless you've told everyone, right?

Okay. Thirdly, all these times that I've said stuff to you, like, you know, like how self-conscious you are about appearance. Do I look all right? Do you know what? You're looking quite young for your age.

Actually, the truth is you could mean I'm looking two years older than I actually am. Do you get how fucking huge this is? Yeah, man, it's met, mate. All these things that we've

talked about i didn't realize that it was just like literally i mean how what when's your birthday 27th of march so you're literally like so you're 42 this you're 43 this year yeah i'm 42 in april on april the 27th oh fucking hell like nearly exactly a year older there's a year and a month older than me it's insane insane. I just can't. You've just been sitting here, every, all of these, why has this never come up before? How do we not know?

How come I know how old you are? You don't know how old I am? Literally, I don't know. I took it that also, like guys of your like fake age, right, sort of don't like talking about the fact they're over 45.

It's a massive thing. Yeah, but I wouldn't know. I'm not over 45, Tom. Yeah, but that's what I mean. I didn't want to mention the fact I'm over 46. Right, right, listen. Right, listen.

Tell me the name now. We'll bleep it out, right? Who is it? What a piece of shit. I swear. That's because that's how he is. Yeah, I know, yeah. It's mad, isn't it?

I swear he said at some point he was the same age as you. Oh, God, I feel sick. No wonder you're right with me being called out. The whole of the cast of King Gary think that you're 46. Why? First of all, if you find out my age, why would you go around and tell everyone? Well, you know you have that conversation

about how old everyone is. Do you? We just haven't had that conversation together. How dry has the chat got on the King Gary set that you'll start discussing how old everyone is? I think, no,

I was like, da-da-da-da-da-da, and someone was like, oh, how old's Romesh? I'm like, 46, 47, sort of, this year. At one point, when we were talking

about having COVID vaccines, they were like, when's Romesh going to get his? Like one of the oldest statesmen on the show. It's... No, They were like, when's Romesh going to get his? Like one of the oldest statesmen on the show. No, it's like, I do feel bad now because I feel like

we've gained something special though. I feel like we've really lost something there today. Yeah, but look, this is the difference. You are half empty, I'm half full. I look at it, right,

and I think, wow, like, you know, I've been looking at this guy in such a different way. And it is, age is so important. You've been put a few years back in school now. You were the older kids and now you're in my year again. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, because all kids love to be the kids that are held back. So what happens, I've been held back four years and then I rock up to class. And you're like, aren't you four years old enough? Shouldn't you be leaving now? And I go, no. I'm in your year now. Oh, man. For just $4.99, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh-sliced deli. But the fresh slicing doesn't stop at beautiful Black Forest ham.

We're talking tantalizing turkey, perfectly piled pepperoni, sensationally sliced salami, so you can lunch legendary, dinner deliciously, breakfast brilliantly. We're talking friggin' fresh slicing, and I'm yelling, yes way!

Get a 6-inch Black Forest ham for only $4.99. Only at Subway. brilliantly we're talking friggin fresh slicing and i'm yelling yes way get a six inch black forest ham for only $4.99 only at subway price and participation may vary extras taxes and delivery additional expires april 8th this episode is brought to you by tresemme wants silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement the tresemme keratin smooth weightless collection is your simple solution this new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. Navigating adulting isn't always easy.

You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal, probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's got to be KD. When you got to do you, it's got to be KD.

Shop now. Man, let me just say, by the way, I would give anything for that right now. What? Not to lick ice cream. You can ice cream out my bum quest. No, no, just ice cream out my bum quest no no just ice cream on my own bunker but i've got literally the worst butt bone i've had to reach for the pebble bro what the hell are you talking about do you not have a you do you have a curry pebble or like

spicy food pebble a spicy food pebble oh mate oh i'm about to blow your mind brother what listen so in the last few days, well, I'd say in the last week, right, I've sort of, you know, frequently had a couple of beers here and there, you know, just relaxed into sort of fatherhood a bit more. I was getting very uptight, and I got myself into quite a sort of place of just being quite straightly like,

this is all I'm doing, and actually sort of like needed to go. So for you so you feel like you were too focused on fatherhood yeah okay i just don't think i focused at all on myself i was just literally just focused like 100 so i thought like that you know i went to uh spain which i'll get into in a bit but so yeah i went out with some uh some power some old some new the other day and uh i did that thing you know and we went to a uh went to like a new mexican place near a friend of mine and uh i just like went all in on spice like tried to big dick how hot did you go literally the spiciest spiciest thing that

they could they could put on stuff yeah like this sauce was just what is the what's that really really spicy chili called naga it's like ghost pepper they use it to make mace apparently that's what someone in there told me they use it to make the spray that is mace do you know what that sounds like I mean that might be true but it sounds like the sort of thing you say to a twat that comes in and wants like a

challenging meal oh yeah they use it they make before you give it cocky benji cocky Benji, cocky Benji, Ben Green. I don't know what else to come out. Cocky Benji, he's going to love that. That's why they call it pepper spray, mate.

Yeah, that's not spice though, is it? Yeah, but that's what he said. The spice, the heat in this is the same thing that you use for making mace. I'm going to look it up now. Have a little look. What's in mace i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna look it up now have a little look what's in maze it's very easily googled uh okay so i mean you are actually right bang again there's gonna come a time when you're gonna have to stop questioning me for my my brains yeah okay

fine i'll accept that so i have that on it right as soon as the first morsel hold on before you carry on apologies i apologize for questioning okay okay okay brother it's fine as soon as the first morsel touches my tongue i know that i'm in too deep right but there's some people there who are and i've basically given it i'm saying i really like spicy food i love like i love a bit of heat but I literally it was so fucking much but then I felt I had to eat it

I had to follow through was there any part of you that was enjoying it or was it just pure pure endurance I like spicy food this was just too much this was like

this was a sort of do you know what this was this was put on the menu for dickheads who wanted to find their place within a fucking social group to champion themselves. And that's it.

Talk me through the conversation over the waiter. How did it go? Well, basically, I was like, how spicy is this, man? And he turned around and he was like, oh, this is, that's, they use this to make mace. So I was like, yeah, let me give that a try. I sort of had a little laugh at him about it as well. And he said, can you handle it?

And I'm like, yeah, I think so. Just sort of joking. Yeah. Because this is the first time, obviously, I've met him. I didn't want to come like, you know. He brings it over. And he was like, everyone sort of was watching, by the way. Everyone in the restaurant or everyone else?

I'd say everyone in a selection of tables that sort of were like seeds throughout our table. I'm like that. I'm looking around and I'm like, whoa, this is one of the biggest gigs I've ever played. That doesn't surprise me. My social standing within this restaurant, if I'm ever going to come back relies on this

but as soon as the first morsel touches my tongue i'm like wow i've fucking overshot here this is so fucking hot like not like like you know sometimes you get it and like you'll eat something spicy like you know like a really really fucking nice chili or a nice fucking curry or whatever or sort of a bit i get it yeah but it but you have a bit of respite where something else just takes away from the heat. Yeah, if you're smart about it, you have something else that can kind of cut through that. This was just like the chef had basically drizzled everything in this fucking heat, right? Right. So I couldn't even turn to my chips for respite.

I couldn't even go look. Because they were covered in spice as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't even lean on them to go, yo yo please just help me out for a second here i'm fucking stuck in a fucking place where everything's on fire right basically i'm eating it away and everyone's then talking i didn't sort of draw back from the conversation so much because all i can all my head could focus on is number one i didn't want to sweat too much you know which is the more you're concentrating not sweating i'm perspiring.

I'm fucking drenched. Right. But also I just like, I had to battle through it. I wanted the moment where I could almost go, I don't need to be involved in the conversation too much, but if I can get through this fucking food right in front of me, right.

Someone will notice and go, Oh my God, Tom's finished that. And everyone will just go fucking hell. Like we knew we got you going quiet so you so you so you think dip out the conversation so that loses you a bit of social points but then what'll happen is at some point you will redress the balance because they'll see that you finished this meal that you've ordered and then all of a sudden you're

fucking you're eating a big old fucking pile of an ice cream sundae and you're king again do you know what i mean? Yeah. And everyone's like, you know, they're carrying you up in a chair like a C3PO. Other tables are high-fiving. Someone's taking my T-shirt off and they're drinking it, fucking wringing it out in a fucking gutter outside.

Like The Other Man vs Food or something. Yeah. One of my favourite shows. I couldn't get through it. I couldn't get... I made a... Look, it felt a bit like you know when you see

a boxing match right you went to watch Fury versus Dillian White right yeah you know with Dillian White there was a moment in that fight and I loved Dillian

but you went fucking hell you bit enough more you could chew it mate yeah that's how I felt against this food I got in there

I was in the ring with this food and halfway through I was like I can't finish this I never should have ordered it I never should have was in the ring with this food, and halfway through I was like, I can't finish this. I never should have ordered it. I never should have stepped in the ring with this food. So then I'm back out of the conversation,

but also I've got a dish in front of me I can't finish. And then everyone starts to say, oh, they're going to try it. No one can handle it. When they tried it, did they all think it was really hard? Everyone was like, yeah. Everyone was like, no one can handle it. Yeah, because nobody minds trying that dish. It's fine to have that dish. Yeah's fine yeah but also i'm trying to try other people's food because i'm still hungry well somebody else somebody else has ordered something normal and then put that

ordered that for the center of the table just so you could all have a go at the really hottest stuff not make their whole meal composed well yeah and also that you can't order more food can you because then you're seen as being great the thing is so for me i think the rookie error that you made there yeah is like i like spicy food and i also i'm going to be honest with you i would i i relate to wanting to try the hottest thing you never do that when you're on a big social with people that you don't you maybe don't especially in your company it's such a rookie error if i'm trying something really mega hot either i do that in a takeaway yeah and that comes to my safety of my own home yeah or when i'm with when i'm with lisa or somebody i or my brother or somebody so then if i have to go i need to go home immediately this is an emergency

situation they get it do you mean what you don't want to do and it's happened to me in the past where you've like we've had it sometimes we've had a curry before going out on a night out it used to happen to me going out with the teachers or whatever, it's like I would like eat a hot curry really hot and then I was sort of heading over to the pub and I think oh fuck

I am basically nursing a cauldron full of lava here that is absolutely no way because in my head right, you're going all in on a game of poker, right? Because if it works for you, the spicy food,

you're known as, oh yeah, you know Big Tom, the spicy food guy. Fucking, he nailed this fucking... I don't know if that prize

is quite as valued as you seem to think it is. I don't... In fact, I've got to be honest with you, I don't think I've ever heard anybody talk about somebody sort of in hushed tones because they've got to be honest with you, I don't think I've ever heard anybody talk about somebody

sort of in hushed tones because they've eaten particularly hot food. No, no, but I think it's something that, yeah, but it's like, you know, like, if you're then going out again with everyone, right? Yeah. Someone puts their arm around someone and goes, oh, you know, he's coming out tonight. Remember that guy I told you about with that big fuck here, who ate the mace?

Oh, fuck, he's coming out tonight. Oh, sweet, boy. You know what I mean? Yeah's coming out tonight oh sweet boy you know what i mean like the feeling that you know yeah but but then what happens is you become known as the guy that eats really hot food and then every time you come out yeah they order you like really spicy chilies or far or whatever well this is the thing right so we then go out everyone's like oh let's have another drink and stuff i go along straight away i'm like oh it's code shit right now like my stuff this stuff this literally it's gone straight to my stomach there's literally so i have to chip off early so now i'm the guy who dipped out the

conversation the guy who didn't finish the spicy food and i've left the fucking night early how did you announce that what did you say oh no i just said no i need to get back because uh my wife needs a hand with the baby so i was just well thank you little grace yeah thank you thank you my darling girl my darling angel um i get back and honestly fire came out of my butt and this is where the pebble comes in all right i can't believe you don't know about this no i don't know about this right This is going to change your life, right? What you need to do, and this is actually almost the best thing in the world for you because you live near Brighton,

so you could go to Brighton Beach. You need to go down to the beach, right? Find a really smooth, sort of round but sort of long pebble, right? Yeah. Okay. It has to be smooth. It has to be nice and smooth,

like the sea's done its work on it, right? You then get home, put that in the freezer, right? Then whenever you have a really fucking butt burn, when you've got like a ring of fire, you literally get it out of the freezer and you put the pebble on your butt hop. I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Have you never heard of that? I've never heard. I've heard of putting bog roll in the freezer. No, no, no, no. A pebble. no no no pebble you put a pebble man it's an old scaffolding trick loads of people do is it yeah really yeah the pebble honestly man you probably like what i'd say like if you're gonna go and do it go down to fucking uh the beach right right like with the kids i could make it fun for the kids

don't you go oh right everyone's gonna find 10 pebbles ok we've got to find kids listen we need to find a pebble that's comfortable for daddy's arsehole ok nothing too big or you might need a big one I don't know how do you position it you position it between your arse cheek

so edge on if you get the right shape one you can get a little flat round one you can get, like, a little flat round one. You can get a longer one, whatever you need. Do you know, put it at your actual butt, right? But you rest it between your arse cheeks, so the coolness separates your bum cheeks from chafing and rubbing. And then you take that pebble that's been resting

between your curry-riddled arse cheeks, and you put that back in your freezer where you keep food, do you? No, I fucking wash it and sterilise it thoroughly. Let me tell you something. I don't care if you put it in the fucking fires of Mordor, okay? That cannot go back in your freezer. No, then you put it in one of those Ziploc bags, like a plastic bag, you wrap it in there. It doesn't literally, like, that hygiene is paramount to me even if you want to bleach it

that's fine but let me tell you there'll come a time in your life when your butthole is burning and you need a cold pebble can people email in place if you've heard of this pebble thing i've just googled it as tom's been talking i can't find anything but this is what this you know what's great about it let me just just say something, right? It's one of those folklore things that has passed from generation to generation within the building sites and the scaffolding, right? It was told to me like that. It's maybe not even made it to the internet.

And this is what a big secret is. But I will tell you now, this will change your life. Catherine, does Catherine have a pebble? No, no, no, no. She doesn't really like spicy food. Oh, okay. But she doesn't have one just on the off chance? No, we don't have matching his and hers pebbles

getting mixed up now and again. That'd be disgusting. Are you not slightly nervous that one day, let's say little Gracie has a play date or whatever, somebody's come round, and then Catherine says to whoever, the mum or the dad that's come round for the play date.

Should we just do, I'll do some lunch if you want. Open the drawer. Oh, what's that there? We've got turkey Twizzlers. We've got some chicken nuggets here. We've got little mini pizzas. Oh, what's that?

Oh, that? Oh, that's Tom's arse pebble. Sorry, what? Oh, yeah. Tom, when Tom has a hot curry, he takes out the Ziploc bag. Can I just ask, why have you kept the Ziploc bag

against an open bag of smiley faces? No, they'll be fine, though. Honestly, he's bleached it. He's bleached it after he took out a sweaty arse crack. Number one, I keep it in the garage freezer. So that's a lot more it's a higher look it's well i'm showing you it's a taller free it's a chest freezer right

taller one no not the chest the other one right yeah it sits on a shelf with other stuff that you know like we use for picnics and such okay you know it doesn't go toe-to-toe with any sort of food items okay but let Let me just say, man, I implore you to try at least once. You know what? I'm going to tell you now, listening to you talk about it, it makes sense. It makes sense. So fucking nice. What I don't understand is why is that better than an ice cube?

Because the ice cube will melt and then you get fucking a wet old bum. And then you just sort of clean up your bum, don't you? No, but the pebble, number one, keeps the cold. Fucking stone keeps cold for ages. Does it retain the cold? Mate, that's why all fucking foreign houses are built out of stone, mate. You go into any foreign house, like, let me tell you that,

and I've just, like, it's 40 degrees outside, you're like, oh, my God, how can I ever get out of this? You walk inside a nice old stone house, you're like, oh, bloody hell, I might need a jacket to come in here. That's the beauty of stone. That's why it's stone, I'd say. I don't know what's happening this week in between, but I don't know if you've taken, like, smart pills or something,

but everything you're saying sounds really compelling and, like, scientifically, like, sound to me, man. You know what? I think it is. I think it's made me farther. I know now that I need to pass down knowledge to Grace that she needs. Do you know what? This is the first time it's actually occurred to me

that there is a vessel that's going to be receiving this knowledge from you. That poor girl is going to be... Sorry, sorry, what's this stone in your freezer?

That's my arse pebble, silly. Actually, sorry, that's not my arse, but that's my dad's one when he stays over. Yeah, it's alright if we... Dad's asked if we can keep his second pebble round silly. Actually, sorry, that's not my arse, but that's my dad's one when he stays over. Yeah. Dad's arse if he can keep his second pebble around here for when he does come round.

His London pebble for when he goes. That's amazing, man. Is that really genuinely a thing? Yeah, man. Honestly, it would change your life, brother. It would change your life. What did Catherine say about it when you first told her about it?

For a while, I kept it quiet. I was ashamed about it. And then I think the fact it stopped me from moaning, it stopped me from crying. Can you walk around and have a normal day? I'm going to keep it in there all day. So how long do you keep it in there for? I'd say it depends on the degrees of the burn, the fire,

within charge yourself. I'd say 10, 15 minutes, sit on the sofa, really just let the pebble do its work. And then what difference does that make? Let me say, by the way, like you have to, I can't say enough because I know people have not spent the time to get a really nice, smooth pebble and they've paid the consequences.

They've paid the piper on that one. Well, it's very delicate tissue around there, isn't it? Yeah, and uh so what did you what did you exactly do that you're pretending to pass off on a friend of yours no no no no it's a friend of mine did do that he got quite harshly sort of like i think there was even like a little what they call like a little work or a c what they call that no you're talking shit now no but you know, like the remnants are saying, there's a little bit of harshness there. So when you put it in, it's just sort of like, yeah. What do you mean, put it in?

Because when you're doing that hand gesture, you're doing a ring. Yeah, the ring's there, the pebble's here. So are you lodging it into the anus? No, no, no, no. Look, the anus is literally in the pebble. Don't even come into contact. They're side by side.

Like your anus would almost say to the pebble, thanks coming mate but he wouldn't he wouldn't open the door to him you know i'm saying that you'd be out there that you work outside it feels like you want it right like but it's the anus that we're like this the anus that's yeah but according i don't know i think it's more the but i'd want i'd be honest with you i'd want the stone so look by all means by all means like if you could get it like a Labrador's, like a little nose, like butting up to you, like you can get it actually touching your ring and you can, you know, but when you sit down, that's where, you know, because the last thing you want to do is A&E it. You don't have to go and say A&E with a pebble at your butt.

No. That's. No, you're absolutely right. No, I'm not suggesting insertion. No, no, no. I'm just saying like. Because also. I just want it. I just just saying like... Because also...

Let me just say... Let me say, because that's where you probably need a little bit of grip around the pebble. You don't want a smooth pebble trying to get that out because you'll have no purchase on it. Oh my God, can you imagine?

Just the more you pull it, the further it's going. Oh my God! Just the stress of it is sucking it in more and more. Literally, your fingers get more and more sweaty. Just later having to go out to find a pair of pliers. I went smooth, Lisa, but I went ten smooth.

He said you wanted no friction, but friction's the very thing I need right now. You could get... The best pebble would be one that had, like, sort of a smooth... I'd say three-quarters smooth, and a quarter that's quite harsh, and you could just... best pebble would be one that had like sort of a smooth I'd say three quarters smooth and a quarter that's quite harsh and you could just

that would be great yeah do you know what if you were so inclined not a bad little business to start setting up yeah where you like

you get a pebble you get a rough pebble smooth an end of it you can have it as like a little pebble you know what we could do is we could start selling them we could get someone like

one of our friends like from the podcast go down to the beach find like a little. You know what we could do is we could start selling them. We could get someone like one of the, one of our friends like from, from the podcast, go down to the beach, find like a thousand pebbles. All right. Like you could sand paper, like a quarter of it.

Right. So that's it. We've got a little bit of purchase on it. The rest is nice and smooth. And then my face is like right on the front. And it's like, just saying like, I'm here to cool you down,

baby. And then yours is on the sort of more harsh, gritty end, just going, you know. Time to get out now. Mate, honestly, it will change your life. Yeah. I'm going to try it, man. I was really cynical initially. And when you said the pebble, immediately my mind went pebble that you stick in your arse, right?

But I thought, he can't mean that, because he wouldn't have said that in such a relaxed way if he meant a pebble that you stick in your arse. Mate, I've been doing it for years, and let me tell you, I've told a number of people about this over the years. I've quietly said to someone, like, you know, in a restaurant,

I've seen them eating something hot and spicy. You've said it while they're eating? Yeah. No, within my company. I've not walked up to a table of people I don't know and go, what have you got there, mate? Let me just tell you. I've not done that, but I've told

people in my company. And anyone I've told who's gone home and done it, revolutionised their life. So you've followed up? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. All people have come up to me and literally just gone, pint for the big man, please. or whatever he's drinking uh thank you thank you okay i'm gonna i think i might try it i don't i don't i kind of want i we're together next week all right let's go out you'll we'll get a spicy we'll go find a pebble you know yeah we don't get the pebble before get you know maybe give Theo some pocket money to go down to Brighton.

Actually, do you know what? He started going out and about with his mates a bit. I might say to him, why don't you make it as a little thing for you to do at Brighton with your mates? That'd be quite cool, though, isn't it, for them? Who could get the best pebble? Yeah. We're one of the guys back at the massive pebble.

Try and find the best pebble for my dad's arsehole if you can. But mate, honestly, anyone out there, if it helps one person with that ring of fire, then I've done my job here. Yeah, well done. That's half an hour

we've been talking about that for. Wow. Wow. Hmm. Oh, mate, one of the worst things, I mean, we should

probably stop talking about shit really, but one of the worst things is, there's something really funny about it, isn't there? But one of the worst things is when I went to see Lisa at her mum and dad's house. Oh, mate, I've got that. Had to take a shit. And then it just wouldn't go away. Do you know what I mean?

I just thought, oh, they're a different family to mine so they haven't sort of turbocharged their flush to deal with something of this this this is we'll go out on this right because this is this is probably the i don't get too embarrassed about these things but this is one that brought great shame upon me and my family okay go so years and years ago i'm probably about 17 18 i start seeing this girl i really i really really liked at the time but she lived in like a pretty um big ass um sort of in the sort of posh end of the way it was like you know proper gaff gaff um yeah and uh my dad sort of thought oh fucking hell yeah yeah he's to marry you at money type thing.

So it put a lot of pressure on me for sort of being sort of quite, yeah, just speak well, don't be rude, just mind your P's and your Q's and all that. So I go to his house. Her parents straight away I could tell were like, oh, my God, like who the fuck is this guy? And I was trying to be really, really posh and trying to anyway so we sit down and we're um having some food whatever um in the middle of the table is what i thought

was like chili or something right uh or some sort of seasoning so um i just put my eating away i take this and i sort of scrunch it up into the um dish right as i'm scrunching up into the dish into my food yeah you crumble what you think is what a dry chili or something yeah yeah um or some sort of dry sort of um seasoning um it turns out that's potpourri and like i just remember this flowery smell just sort of like i'm like oh no but i covered i didn't just do a little i went in big did people see you do this yeah yeah everyone's just staring at me like what the fuck is he doing right so i then can i just before you carry on when else have you taken something dried and crumbled it

into your food no i just let me just say this no no no no that's not my fucking fault that's not my fault that's the fucking you don't put anything on the table that can't be eaten. That's the fucking rules of life. So what? Do you melt candle wax onto your fucking plate as well, do you? No, right. Yeah, in the same way that I don't fucking eat coasters like they're a fucking biscuit.

But if you put something that looks edible on a fucking table, I'm sorry, that's... Tom, listen. I'm not trying to have a go at you. I'm just trying to clarify, okay? If they'd have put potpourri in a pepper mill and you'd ground it onto your food, then I'd go, fucking hell, that's mad, right?

But I guess posh people, that's how they have their potpourri, right? Yeah, but I didn't even know what potpourri was at the time. This is something in a bowl that you've taken and crumbled into your food like what? No, like it's sort of parmesan or something. I just thought, oh, that's quite a sort of,'s quite cool look the way i saw it they were upper class people right this might be a whole different world that i don't know about so you know and it's by the way potpourri is not easy to crumble as easy as you know with good reason it's not it's not a condiment

so i eat the plate of food right uh that they've given to me yeah um her mother then turns around says oh would you know would you like some more um you know the speed that you ate that dish with i'm sure so she gives me another dish of food and they all sit staring at me right so instead of just like being um you know i thought i'm gonna double down on this. So I got the potpourri again and put it more on my plate, right? So I'm eating like now two plates of potpourri. Because what? You want to show the absolute conviction that this is a thing you do? Yeah, because the way I see it, mate, if you're in, you're in.

There's no fucking, you can't be half-baked. You've got to go, I meant to do that. It was intentional. So they all sit and watch me eat this, right? We then go to the living room and we're sort of sitting around having a chat all right i don't know if it was a potpourri or the anxiety or what or just the fact i'd eaten two big plates of food and i drank quite a lot of wine but all of a sudden my stomach went from like not needing the shit to that oh fuck i need i need a shit and i need one now bearing in mind this girl was ever i adored this

girl at the time so i was like excuse me um uh might i use your lavatory please um and they were like yeah yeah yeah there's one down there's just one like if you just go out there there's one in the hall i said oh have you got one upstairs um and they were like her dad was quite firm he went you can use the one in the hall and i was like all right yeah okay um right i'm going out i might be some time to which no one's got that reference so i go into this tiny little fucking understairs fucking toilet right i could barely even fit in it i'm like a fucking daddy long legs in a small you know like when you see them in a small little glass i'm literally spilling out of it.

And there was no fucking, this is why I put toilet paper down now if I go out to someone else's house. It was like, it was carnage. I'm not going to get into too much detail,

but my stomach was just, yeah, loud. And that's despite the potpourri, which you thought would have made it more fragrant at least. So I'm in there,

it's just coming out of me and coming out, and I'm in there probably for about seven minutes of me and coming out and I'm in there probably for about seven minutes eight minutes and can you and I assume it the best possible outcome

well the best possible action they can take is to burn this bathroom down and start again oh mate yeah yeah or burn the house it was horrible

and also the fact that I'm right next to the living room at this point where everyone's sitting so I know everyone can hear so in this tiny little bathroom right I've sort of

seven eight minutes between five and ten minutes so it wasn't as long as ten it wasn't as short as five no i understand i understand the term i just wanted to clarify he said it's seven minutes and then he said between five and ten minutes he said not as long as ten as short as five anyway then there's a knock on the door and it's this girl that uh that i was seeing at times she's like are you okay in there and i was like yeah yeah and i jumped up off the toilet sort of for some reason and as i jumped up there's like a little light bulb above me right and smashed the light bulb my head just hit the light bulb so that whole of this understairs toilet i just plunged into absolute darkness like pitch black right i could feel my head had been cut

right but at this point i hadn't wiped my ass right and i there's now there's now shattered glass everywhere there's shattered glass everywhere i've cut my head so i know that my head's bleeding quite badly right yeah i also know that somewhere behind me is a fucking toilet that's just fucking stacked full of shit somewhere is the toilet roll and also i need to then to wash my hands and also the fact if we could use it without being too fucking graphic i know this isn't a clean drop there's quite a post-mortem to be done on the toilet right so i sort of like clean myself up and then I'm like, you know, I go to get the sink,

I turn on the fucking tap. You know those tiny little sinks you get? So as soon as I turn on the fucking tap, it just fucking spills out. It shoots out water all over my fucking crotch. This is pitch black now, right?

Yeah, it's pitch black. Did you switch the torch on on your phone or anything? Mate, this is fucking, I'm a kid. I'm 18. We don't have fucking torches on phones.

Okay, fine, fine, fine. Don't get aggressive with me. Listen, I'm not, I'm a kid. I'm 18. We don't have fucking torches on phones. Okay, fine, fine, fine. All right, all right. Don't get aggressive with me. Listen, I'm not... I wasn't there, mate, okay? Yeah, this is literally... You obviously not got closure on this. No, no, because still to this day... Right.

So then I... Basically, I just stand there. I stood in the dark. By now, I can hear them all out there because they've heard a smash glass. So you've brought the... You've brought the... Your shitting has brought the family out of the room. Well, because they've heard a smash glass so you've brought the you've brought the your shitting has brought the family out of the room well because they've had a smashing glass they've

heard the toilet seat being knocked down and they've had water go over there i'm not gonna lie i've sworn a couple of times yeah i've used my potty mouth um and i sort of like her dad was like look you come out come out here now what are you doing in there and i was trying to tell him what happened he did not say that. Yes, because, mate, honestly, by now, this is 12 to 13 minutes. Not as short as 10, but not as long as 15. Right?

I open the door, and their faces are just disgusted. I've got blood in my head. The fucking toilet's just, the smell's horrible. And his mum was, sorry, her mum was like, are you okay? Oh my God, come with us and sort of sit down and all that. And I was just like, yep, no, no, no. And her face was like, oh my God, this is disgusting.

I'm never going to speak to this guy again. Her dad was just like, her dad had to go and stop from after me. And he just made such a big deal out of going oh for oh for crying yeah okay okay right let me have we got any more light bulbs have we got any more light bulbs i need to change the light bulb in here and then his wife turned it off for the switch then it was all this pandemonium uh whilst i was just sort of sitting there with a fucking bit of kitchen roll on my head um yeah and then uh basically left the house i sort of made my excuses and left i had to walk home

uh and then um yeah that girl never spoke to me she actually turned up at one of my gigs uh years later she was like oh my god my parents still talk about that my dad's at my wedding this is the bit worst bit my dad at the wedding told that story and go you know said any anyone she got with after that was always going to be better oh my god that was that now all right so now i'll go for a shit in someone's house i'm like nothing will be as bad as that yeah and and and as you were leaving did you say to him i actually consider it a great honor i tried to shake his hand as I left because my dad said mind your manners I was like I think that horse is bolted but um I turned around and said thank you so much for having me and offered my hand and he just sort of looked me up and down and it was like um yeah yeah safe walk home safe

I said see you soon and he just didn't even respond he just closed the door oh god like and now there's not many understairs toilets and if i was ever like if i was at your house or someone else's house and they said i'll use your understood toilet i said look naturally i'm too big for it so can i just go upstairs so let's be clear when it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The answer is FedEx. Okay, but what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx.

Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh, but let's say that... FedEx. What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping.

FedEx, where now meets next. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment.

That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush. Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. Right, should we do some emails, my G?

Let's do it, my baby. Okay. Bear with me. I just want to choose the correct first one. Is the swan still busting? He's hard. She is, yeah. You know what the swan's like.

She don't fuck about, mate. Actually, this sort of thematically links in with what we've been talking about. I can't believe I said thematically there. What a cock. Hello to the wolf and owl. This is from Anonymous. First, just want to say big love to you. Do you mind if I sort of want to put some stank on this?

Yeah, put some stank, man. You look like you've got some stank in you. Yeah. Hello to the wolf and owl. First of all, just want to say big love to you guys for the pod. My boyfriend introduced it to me a couple of months back. I can honestly say, listen, you both really help to feel a little less anxious about life.

So can I thank you enough for that? And of course, thank you to the Swan for picking my email and taking the time to read it. I am currently 20 years old and studying at university, but I've really been struggling to enjoy a night out. I've been very much loving going to bed at 11 p.m. and casual drinking to 4 a.m. doesn't really do it for me.

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy it on occasion, but it often just leaves me wishing I stayed at home. The issue is all my friends are big party people. So I do just feel like I'm missing out and being a massive party people. How do I get my mojo back? Or do I just learn to accept it's not who I am at the moment? Big love, Anonymous, Tom Davis.

Yo, Anonymous. Number Davis. Yo, Anonymous. Number one, I love your vibe. You know, if there's one superpower that I have within my brain is the fact that I can listen to Ramesh, do an email, and decide automatically that you are an incredible human being. And you know what? Let that incredibleization just... Oh, mate.

Oh, mate. Let that incredibleization just. Oh, mate. Oh, mate. Let that incredibleization just fucking flow through you. Right. Listen, I'm going to be fucking real here. Break it down. Some real talk.

Yeah. JT, hit some like, just sort of like really sort of dramatic tones. You ain't got to do anything you don't want to do, sister. Preach. Preach to me.

You ain't got to go anywhere you don't want to go, yo. you ain't gotta go anywhere you don't want to go yo louder for the people at the back you just need to do you yo listen the truth of the matter is i spent a lot of time and a lot of nights out with people doing things out till four or five in the morning then i had to be there because maybe i'll miss out on saying that that there'll be an incredible moment of this night that everyone would talk about and we'd go down in folklore. And the truth of the matter is, the only nights

that ever seemed to happen was maybe the nights I wasn't there because everyone there fucking talks about stuff and sort of throws stuff up in this fucking acclaim that just seems more crazy than it ever was. Look, I've never been in my fucking life, really, I don't think,

to a party that's gone on after midnight that's anything but a load of fucking people talking about how amazing they are or talking about fucking really stuff that should be talked about. There's mental health issues that should be discussed over a coffee and a croissant

at 10am on a Saturday morning when you're not fucking hanging and you're not fucking... Oh, that's true for your hair. Yeah, break this down, break this down. Snap another little bit off, yeah, because there's another bit coming at you, girl. Yeah?

There's going to be times in your life that the party surf is going to be there and you're ready for the fucking wave, y'all, and you just want to be fucking riding those to the beach. And that's going to be times that you need that little part of your personality. That might might come back that might be something that you're 20 years old 25 26 27 that might be you that might even be you at 30 i don't know for me it came it fluctuated at times i like i say i spent most of my 20s like in pubs searching for something that i never ever ever

found i spent a long time time like going to the pub every night of the week because I was scared I was gonna miss something. Every night? Every night, yo. And if I didn't go, I remember missing one, I genuinely can remember not going to this pub one night and coming to the pub and saying,

everyone's like, oh you should have been there last night. You should have been there last night. And like no one could really put their finger on why I should have been there. But for the rest one could really put their finger on why I should have been there but for the rest of the fucking about five years after

that I made God sure that I was there every night just in case the thing that I'd missed that no one really knew what

it was ever happened again like genuinely don't fucking feel that you have to be anyone that you're not

enjoy fucking early nights you know because there'll be times and you know what pick those those nights you go out and get the shit out of it pick them pick them, you know, because there'll be times, and you know what, pick those nights you go out, and you get the shit out of it, pick them,

pick them hard, you know, because you've got something about you, you've realised this at a very young age, and at 20, yo, I was still digging on fucking beaches, looking for a treasure,

that I thought was under the sand, but was in the sky, yo, keep it real, and yo, I've never said this more honestly than I'm going to say it right now. Just be you.

I tried to do like a supportive kind of hype man role. I feel like it was distracting. It was nice. You know what you felt like? What, go on. You felt like my mate Eggie Steve who was like,

no, no, I mean this in the most impossible way but he was what he was one of the guys who'd always be out at like that time yeah oh really like he'd be the kind of guy you'd find with no top on just a pair of jeans and no shoes on like well that sounds exactly like me as you know yeah but i just literally told you i had to be seeing my wife for three months before i allowed her to see the top half of my body yeah right yeah we're on drop a little bit of knowledge on this this this yeah okay so listen uh first of all anonymous let me tell you this uh there is absolutely nothing you have to do let me tell you that all right if you

like having if you like going to bed at 11 you like you know relaxing with a box set or whatever just having a nice quiet night that's absolutely fine there is nothing wrong with you the pressure you know the the social pressure of when you go to university you've got to be fucking on it all the time that's fine for people that want to do that but you don't have to do that you don't have to be that's not how you have to enjoy your life and if your friends are like big party people you know if they're proper friends of yours you know they can have a night in with you you can do something a bit different mix it up they'll actually probably be grateful for that to be honest with you it is nice when you have quiet

nights it makes you appreciate the big nights a bit more so actually you're you're providing a very decent service for your friends um so so I would say to you, Anonymous, you do not have to change at all. If that's what you want to do, you do that. Okay? And do not, I want you to not spend a single second more judging yourself. I've got a feeling that Big Night Rob's coming out of the shadows there.

Okay. That sounded, that's a horrible nickname. That is a horrible nickname. Big Night Rum. Four Head Rum. Yo! Guys, who wants to come back to mine? Theo.

Listen, honestly, I'll put some chips in the oven and we'll put some tunes on. Theo, what's your dad do now? Oh, my dad's a Big Night Rum. The only thing I'd say to you, Anonymous, in all in all seriousness which is kind of tom's made it slightly difficult for me to to segue into this sort of bit of advice is sometimes you can psychologically get yourself into a situation where you feel like you don't want to go out and

i've had this where i've sort of thought i don't want to go out and then i've gone out and it's been great and i'm a i'm a real bad flake in terms of like cancelling on people. I am one of the worst people in the game for sort of as the night arrives, as the night gets closer, just going, I can't do it, guys. Because when it comes to it, I just think, oh, fuck, you know, it feels like a big effort and stuff. And on the occasions where I've just got to I've got to do this, this is bad. I've had a good time. So if the reason that you're wanting to go to bed early is because you want to go to bed earlier that's absolutely fine but is there a thing is it possible that there's a psychological barrier putting up to going out and you know just go and give it a go

and see if you like it but if you don't you don't i think to judge yourself yeah i think basically that's the same advice as just a year yeah sure yeah if that's uh i mean should we should we do 100 emails and you can just say just to you at the end of each one we get we can get through these much quicker i'm doing this thing where i'm trying to cater the advice to each individual problem but i cater y'all but also i i always fucking just like people to know they're already amazing they've already got the ingredients all they need is the seasoning. Sure. But seasoning is ingredients. You prick.

Late night rum. Oh, big night rum. Big night rum's coming out again. I'd love to go on a snag do where I didn't know you. Who's going? Yeah, Cheesy Steve's going. Eggie, Big Dog, Big Night Rom.

No, listen, look, I know all those people are coming, but you've got, tell me what I want to hear. Tell me,

tell me who's coming. Who are you talking about? You know who I'm talking about. Is he coming? Big Night Rom? Yeah. You bet your fucking arse Big Night Rom's coming. You know when fucking arse Big Night Rom's coming.

You know when you hear about someone like that as well it always turns out to be like a real kind of vanilla to them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know. They did one crazy thing

in like 1999 and it's like... Yeah, like shat in someone's shoe or something. After a party in 1997 and then forever, forever their nose fucking... Honestly, there's no telling

what he's going to do. I'll tell you what he will do for definite tell that story about shitting in that shoe from two years ago

he won't tell it he'll just stare over and he knows someone else is telling it actually but the thing is though

Tom I was out I was out till four but my energy was very similar to this I didn't suddenly I didn't become different

mate I saw a couple of videos you on it that you you re-put out on Instagram of you dancing around and looking very... It made me happy, man, watching you look. You looked at one

with yourself. In a way, you know what you look like. Okay, here we go. No, this is a fucking nice thing, yeah? I said here we go. The truth of the matter is, we never saw the after party to Cinderella's marriage you look like

that's how I could imagine Cinderella was what does that mean she'd have really enjoyed it because she was fucking just this is the thing she'd been waiting for she'd been like

fucking working for her three sisters and the fucking oh do you mean after the wedding after the wedding yeah oh right yeah yeah no yeah yeah so Prince Charming

was like do you want to go to bed now and she's like nah I've got one more thing to do and then she fucking basically put on a I've got one more thing to do. And then she fucking basically put on a club night for people that had listened to her podcast. Yeah, okay. I thought the explanation was going to be

slightly less literal than that, but all right. um okay tom roman the graceful swan would love to stay anonymous where possible team i'm a serbing army officer wow wow big shout out yeah to the forces yeah bro uh although who although having my own demons speak with many soldiers and friends who suffer their own the key is actually getting people talking and with humor better understand the predicament and that life's a gift a pretty sweet ride so do you and take it to the max nice one uh on a more jovial note how do you think you would both get on in either military training or an exercise operations you're both robust men amongst men i'd love to bring you down and let you experience some training shooting and general shenanigans who do you think of the two of you as the biggest minerals

i think you pull off the camo look and we can set you both up as a couple of sweet sweet soldiers keep up the great work chaps the ox well you know what wow he has called himself and he owns that name to be fair um i think we've both done for television shows up we've both done this miniature done military stuff right like yo look number one we've done military stuff in the boundaries of television uh and you know it being sort of made easier for two slightly overweight fucking people comedians um i i don't know i do you know actually what i think rom romesh has got a lot of um although he sort of knocks himself a lot of time i i think you you've got is it with a rule i think you you stick with something i don't think you'd ever quit you know is that right that's theall? I think you stick with something. I don't think you'd ever quit.

You know, is that the right word? Right, witherall? Witherall? Yeah. Is that a type of varnish? No, witherall is, witherall, let me have a look at that. Do you mean wherewithal? Yes, yes.

That's exactly what I meant, right? But I do think like, I think if me and you went to do like a soldier thing with these actual squaddies and, you know, maybe that is something we should do at some point i mean it was the shooting and fucking like the the shenanigans sound like fun it's fucking hard isn't it though i i shout out dan schreiber uh i want to uh listen to the show and uh owner of an amazing podcast himself but uh me and him many years ago i had to do a fucking army training thing for a pilot that we did. And they put us through the fucking paces. And let me tell you, it was fucking so fucking...

Like, the respect you have for them, but also it's quite emasculating when you're, you know, in the midst of... Yeah, I mean, I know that you did the one for League of Their Own recently. And you've done it twice, haven't you? Yeah, I did Marines training for League of Their Own recently. You've done it twice, haven't you? Yeah, I did Marines training for League of Their Own and then for Road Trip we did the SAS survival thing with Foxy and Ardo Cain.

And I don't find, and by the way, this is me, I've got nothing but respect and admiration for people that can do it. I don't have the ability nor the inclination. And so my, I know you said that I've got the weather all to never get, I just would give up so easily. I just don't have any steel about me at all. I've often said that, you know, you know when they say,

oh, this person only survived because of their absolute dedication and, you know and their will to survive and blah, blah, blah. I imagine when they find my corpse, they'll say something like, do you know what, if only you'd put a bit of effort in and shown a bit of grit, you could have made out of this quite easily. I don't know, I think

back against the wall, I think you'd surprise yourself. I think you'd surprise everyone in your platoon, but also... In my what? Right. You'd also, you'd surprise yourself. Right.

Look, I would say now, right. In my mind, me and you, if like we're behind enemy lines, right. And I'm with like,

you know, you know, the ox, uh, and Darren, and I don't know, you know, Foxy or some others.

Right. And we're behind enemy lines and like you're sort of a bit behind us right and we get caught in a like

in a big sort of like crossfire shootout right I know for a fact that at the opportune time like we're like

you know and I'm like Ox we're down we're fucking down man we've got no way out of this fucking thing

and then Foxy's like is that how you talk yeah yeah when I'm in the army I would and then the uh the ox is like we need something we need something right and then you like out of nowhere i can just imagine like you guys i'm here i'm here and then you'd be like and then like we're like fucking hell the owl's here like that he's fucking here like we'd all start celebrating you and you'd be like there's a foxhole just over yonder we can make it and we'd all we'd be like yo thanks the owl and like thank you owl and like that we'd all run to the foxhole

right and then you'd be like, last in shooting. We'd be like, we thought you'd gone home. We thought you'd left us. You'd be like, I'd never leave my platoon, my friends, my kin.

And we'd all grab you and hug you and shake your hand. And then we'd just all run to freedom it's amazing isn't it even in a story where I'm supposedly the biggest hero of it you've managed to make me look like a fucking

nuclear level prick and also when you first and also when you first did my voice in that story you so wanted to get it humiliating that you took a deep breath in so that you could know that.

Don't think I didn't notice that. And that was the fucking nicest it sounded throughout that whole story. I'm just saying, right, that I think you would come back and save your platoon. That's right. Oh, God. Tom.

Yo. It's about that time, brother. Can you please, in your own inimitable style, take us out? Listen, life is a roller coaster. It's going to be full of ups and downs. Sometimes you're at the top of the roller coaster looking down upon the earth and you might look next to you and see an annoying co-worker or a friend that you've never been honest with maybe that's the time to tell them

what other people are thinking maybe that's the time for true honesty when you know that not only the roller coaster is going to go down but also this person's feelings are also going to go down. Because as soon as the roller coaster bottoms out, it's only going to go back up again. And hopefully that will pick their spirits up. And that's how to look at life. Sometimes you're going to feel up. Sometimes you're going to feel down.

Don't revel in the lows and don't look always to the highs. Try and get a plateau of serenity that is the middle ground. And that is my lesson for today. That's really good. Any part of you regret going with the roller coaster thing? Yeah, almost instantly. I completely regretted using the roller coaster. Very much like an actual roller coaster.

Once you're breaking down a situation when you're on a roller coaster, there's no way off it, really. You've got to go with the roller coaster once you're in a once you're breaking down a situation when you're on a roller coaster there's no way off it really you've got to go with the roller coaster

sure yeah analogy so what a beautiful and for those of you that don't know Tom is a

massive Ronan Keating fan so that's kind of where that's yeah that's come from I love my Irish boy bands

Tom Davis yeah been a pleasure it's been an absolute dream I've been the owl I've been the wharf baby see you next time bye bye yeah Tom Davis. It's been a pleasure. Thank you Nathan. It's been an absolute dream. I've been the owl. I've been the wolf baby.

See you next time. Bye bye. Yeah.