Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 52: New Homes & Big Bugs

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

We’re talking… welcome returns, stalkers and Stans, Tom’s new home and its broken broadband, becoming Prime Minister, combating memory loss, grazed knees, insect superpowers, house names, a huge hornet and horrible hotel rooms. Then, after a film-star coffee revelation, we answer email questions about a childish boyfriend and some baby name suggestions. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing. They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning. Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog oh my goodness the wolf went out of the back and we're not doing best of it's gonna be fucking worst of

hello how are you um did you did you like taking the sort of the claps for did you listen to any of the best ofs yeah i listened to listened to the, I listened to see, well, I listened to the edits when JT sent them through because I wanted to see what he, uh, deigned to be the best of. And it seemed to be mostly your anecdotes really.

So, um, that was, uh, yeah, I didn't really listen to them, but, um,

I, yeah, cause I sort of, I like to sort of let it be out there in ether and just sort of, I did, I did have the, uh, honor of listening to your intros though. Did in ether and just sort of I did I did have the uh honor

of listening to your intros though did you like that yeah I did like it I sort of it's uh one opportunity that you've got to get the better of me when I'm not actually there to respond I saw you know what I was really surprised is that you didn't think oh bloody I'll get him back for that and do the one for the second well unfortunately I can't i don't think i can say where i was but um i was doing misadventures and where i was i wasn't able to record unfortunately so uh apologies to um to you if you didn't enjoy i i can tell you now that we've already had an email saying couldn't be bothered with the best of episodes but we thought it's better to put something out rather than to be fair i've got a lot of people loving the best of us and i think people understand look aside you being away it's all it's worth me saying as well my wi-fi dilemma i don't know how long this

is going to go on i might never have one so so for full for full clarity because the listeners won't have heard of it despite the fact that i I've heard it fucking nonstop. So you've moved into a new house, and you didn't anticipate that you'd require Wi-Fi in the new place, or you're trying to go fully off the grid? No, no, no. Firstly, we've moved. I should say that. Congratulations.

I don't think we've talked about this on the podcast for a number of reasons. I want to be closer to London. Also, I started getting a bit of a weird stalker. Me and Catherine had this weird fellow. Well, well done for telling me you've moved on the podcast. That'll keep him away. Do you want to read out your full address? You're so happy with yourself, Ben. I'm nearly as happy with myself as you were

when you called me a square. You literally leaned into the microphone. I'm just, happy with myself as you were when you called me a square. You literally leaned into the microphone. I'm just, do you know what? I was about to harmonise and just smash through the best bit of rap. I was getting off of the stool like Westlife in a key change. But it's because I'm just happy to see you. I'm just happy to see you,

mate. Anyway, so. I've got to say, I've missed you. I've really missed you, man. And thanks for texting me while I was away.

You did it. That wasn't sarcasm. That wasn't sarcasm. That wasn't sarcasm. Thanks for keeping in touch. I know it wasn't because I know I missed you. I've really missed you. And thanks for texting me while I was away. You did it. That wasn't sarcasm. That wasn't sarcasm. That wasn't sarcasm. Thanks for keeping in touch. I know it wasn't because I know I text you. I knew that I did my due diligence

and someone who adores you. Where I was, I didn't realise until quite late on it was costing me £1.50 a text. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So my normal... Do you know then, that's why, yeah, your normal texts, they're actually longer, your texts. Like, you're actually getting your money's worth. Well, it's just my normal habit is to send one message. I don't know if this is... I know I saw something about how this is a millennial trait

or a Gen X trait or whatever, but I send long messages in the form of, like, 12 short messages, if that makes sense. I don't really monologue. But if it's £1.50 a text, you know, that's not the way to go. Yeah, you've got to do one long one. Yeah, yeah.

So that's why I changed mine. Because what I noticed you've done in the scale of our friendship is you used to send longer ones. Then you went through a space of sending very short ones. Now what you do is you'll send a short one followed by a bit of a longer one, by another short one.

You're sort of a bit like a text tease. Who's the weirdo here? Is the weirdo that's changing the text habits or the weirdo that seems to be keeping some sort of tally chart? I'm just saying, you've got like a stripper, sort of in a way. Like the Chippendales, you're taking off your tie and then everyone thinks you're going to take off your shirt, sort of, in a way. Like, you know, like the Chippendales. Like, you're taking off your tie, and then everyone thinks you're going to take off your shirt, but you take off your hat. And everyone thinks, oh, he's going to take off his trousers, but you take off a shoe.

You know what I mean? I don't think the analogy holds up. But anyway, it was nice to hear from you. Anyway, we've digressed already. You had a stalker. So tell me how you knew you had a stalker. Because he was turning up at the house and he was just very, very creepy behaviour, very weird.

What was he doing? Was he dropping off letters every morning? I don't know how much I'm going to because we're sort of considered... That might have been the postman. Is it an ongoing court case? Weirdly, the postman once, at that old address, did write, um, Hey King Gary on a letter.

Oh no. Yeah. It was just weird, right? I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I did have at my old home address is, um, it's not happened, thank God at my new one. And if it does, I'll start to get incredibly worried. It's very hard for us to stalk you because you've got a moat now aren't you be careful man in glass house the stones you throw might cause you some damage of your own um i uh i um i i got unsolicited mail to my house really some like people had found out my address yeah it's fucking bizarre that's that see yeah that's creepy and it was like it was all nice stuff like it was always like long letters but that's what sort of i just

thought i've got myself a stand you know i mean i was a bit i found myself a bit worried about it and then i never replied to any of them oh sorry for staying in that rap well yeah i mean he drove off a bridge and killed himself so yeah it's difficult to not feel so no but i think eminem could have been a little bit kinder to him at times. How do you mean? Well, he could have just... Have you listened to the song? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's horrible, some of the stuff he does, but it feels like if he just sort of signed an autograph and sort of said something nice about him... I'm surprised you're taking this side of the argument, bearing in mind that, you know, you often find yourself busy as you come out of tour shows i mean you've got a throng of people waiting for autographs and photographs i don't have a throng i have uh i'd say what's a small run a throng a three i have a three a

three yeah i think it's good yeah i have a three i've sometimes a three is sometimes a throng uh it just depends on how the show's done sometimes I have a thrum um yeah uh yeah we've done all the vowels

now I think but if if there's a little gaggle of people waiting I'll do pictures and I'll chat and yeah last thing I want

is a stand on my hands so sure so so this person so basically you've you've gone into a story that you can't

go into more details yeah yeah so so you know that wasn't I wasn't going to go into more details yeah yeah so so no that wasn't i wasn't going to get into that but i have so i shouldn't have digressed but i did digress because that's within my nature so we moved um so basically we knew we were moving we said when we were moving to open reach and open reach went around the house five days before we moved in and there obviously was no one there um to sort of do whatever they do and then now turn around and said we can't go back and basically uh

a line is blocked or something your line is blocked yeah i don't know how it works bro i'm like it you know what it feels like there's just one bullshit sort of excuse after another bullshit excuse that they've got just levels of bullshit and i'm just yeah and then sky what is that what does that actually mean though are you are you like are you going to be able to have internet well i hope so it is now it was originally saying it would be like last week then it was saying talk next week and now it's saying sort of the 11th or 12th of july i mean i've got to be honest with you. My biggest concern is for off the curb because you're currently in their office doing a podcast from our agents off the curb.

Yeah. And I mean, I'm assuming after you do this podcast, you're going to have the fucking mother of all wanks in their toilets, eh? Bear in mind, you haven't had internet for how long now? Yeah, but we've talked about this. I'm not a pornography guy, so. Well, you are actually because you're quite dismissive about it. I'm not a pornography guy, so. Well, you are, actually,

because you're quite dismissive about it. I've actually, I actually listened back to a little bit of that because I wanted to see how much of a mug I came across there. And you really did put the boot in on me there. No, no, no. I genuinely thought you were making some valid points,

but you were a bit of a square the way you talked about them. And I think some things about you is you are a little bit, I don't know, it's sort of like, it felt like you were just saying, oh, yeah, you know, you were sort of saying something sort of like it felt like you were just saying oh yeah you know you

you're sort of saying something sort of to be cool and diplomatic at a table yeah and sort of i do sometimes think that you've got sort of like a little bit of a sort of like vibe that one day you might be sort of mayor of london or prime minister um it's not in my uh it's not my it's not in my ambitions to become Mayor of London or Prime Minister if that happens something's gone wrong yeah and I mean that both for myself

personally and for the country I actually genuinely think you're doing a really good job, I think people like you I don't know many people I've got a bit of a bugbear about this it is people thinking that anybody can run the country because they talk eloquently about one thing or something like that it's like do you remember when um they said that oprah should be president yeah after she did some speech people said about and the rock yeah i mean what the fuck are you what are you talking about then you have to what are you

talking about so sorry based on the rock sort of talking about? But then you have to also... What are you talking about? So, sorry, based on The Rock sort of talking about motivation and how you can achieve your dreams, that means he understands micro and macroeconomic policy, does it? Yeah, but also we're talking about a world where Donald Trump has been president and he has no idea of those. I'd probably put money on the fact Boris Johnson's not... If the bar is, can I be better than Boris Trump?

Here we go. Do you know what? They're so similar in their outlooks and their discriminatory policies, you might as well combine the two and call them Boris Trump. That's probably what we'll get next. Yeah, but wouldn't you think that that's all you've got? The bar is so low that you just have to come in now and just go...

It's a bit like, you know, when someone's shit wins a world title in boxing. I think, oh, it's going to be easier to win that back now because so-and-so's not got it. Yeah, no. But I mean, look, regardless of what you said, whether it was an insult or a compliment or something. No, I mean, it's great.

What bigger compliment? I think you could run this country. What bigger compliment? In fact, do you know what? I think we've already had this conversation. I basically just said deja vu. By the way, that's not a first time that Tom and I have engaged in a conversation

and actually listened to the other's anecdote, responded to it as if we were here for the first time, despite the fact it's an earlier episode. It happens so many fucking times. But I think we settled on you saying that I could possibly become the mayor of Crawley. Yeah, no, I think we talked about you becoming the mayor of Crawley.

I don't think we ever opened it up until, I can't remember. Do you know what, I think my memory is generally failing quite badly at times. Mine is. Mine definitely is.

And I've started doing, I've started doing things to try and combat it. Like, for example, I've started trying to do Sudokus. Oh really?

I've also started learning, I've downloaded the Babble app so that I can start learning French. Oh wow. All these things that are supposed to slow the decline of your brain i've started doing it does that actually work well i don't know because my memory's not really improved but i certainly have picked up a bit of french are you how much french you speak you know or can you

like i'm not speaking french at all you go to a house party of french people and actually i'll drive no i couldn't because very unlikely i'd be invited but if if i was if i was at a house party i could ask where the tobacco store is and if they know where the nearest library is yeah but i mean would you understand what they said back to you i don't know it depends what they say if they like if they just say basically where it is then yeah if they uh use an analogy of the philosophy of Nietzsche in order to explain where the tobacconist is, then no. Do you know, I feel a little bit dizzy and drunk just seeing you again. Why?

What do you mean? I feel like that as well. I'm quite excited about seeing you. Yeah, I feel really giddy. I feel like, do you know what I feel a little bit like? You've gone on a first date with someone, you're not sure if it's gone alright, they've agreed to a second date, you can't quite believe your luck, and then they've actually fucking turned up i feel like i've got something in my throat yeah this is a big spot you know talking about getting older i had an awful

experience um last week i was motopring like walking through London And I got just just outside Selfridges I don't you've seen outside so which is me, but they look like they've got a bit of the curb that lowers and It is like a lay-by. In fact, what happens is the curb is actually Heightened it's not a normal curb. So I Jogged across this road to miss the car as the car was coming towards me i sort of crossed um i jaywalked if you want and i thought this kerb was low but it was high something are you worried that somebody are you worried that somebody from selfridges is in the office with you why are you talking so quietly all of a sudden what's going on because i'm a bit

embarrassed anyway okay i then literally i tripped on the, right? Hit the deck, went down to my knees, hit the deck. Like both my knees. You fell to your knees? Yeah, both my knees were really badly scraped and cut up now, right? And I went, ah, like that. I tried to get up really, really quickly in the hope that no one had seen, which there's a giant that's fallen in the middle of the street. So I then tried to get up, and as I got up,

I got cramp in my right leg and my hamstring. So I fell, again, even harder this time, but this time I fell on both my elbows, my knees, and sort of fell over onto my rib. I just sort of like... But it's now, because people have had the first screech, which we're looking, now they saw everyone sort of like but it's now because people have had the first screech we're looking now they saw everyone sort of stared over and um like this lovely couple came over and this old lady came over to help me up because i was sort of just lying like i was trying to get up and my head

you know when you got cramp and you're just completely deliberate deliberated from uh debilitated yes from from the cramp i was just it was i'd say i saw people you know in selfridges where you've got like the big windows looking out yeah and you it was some so people are buying i don't know like whatever some fucking mulberry handbag or whatever they're all now looking out this window with this the lady so one person that concerned everyone else is laughing um quite a few people people were laughing? Mate, there was a group of workmen across the road who were pissing

themselves it was so indignifying it was like, this is no joke Rob I wandered to the street as I looked up there was like, you know when you see school kids all like going through sort of like London and they're obviously going for all like going through sort of like london and

they're obviously going for a day out sort of whatever to see them one of the museums or say they were coming towards their teacher and one of the teachers was sort of saying i heard a sound i hope he's all right sort of thing because i was still trying to get to my feet at this point and i had my big old rucksack one that was quite heavy. And so all these kids are walking past just sort of looking like, either sort of giggling to themselves or sort of looking quite sad for me. It was genuinely one of the, yeah, I felt really pathetic. What colour trousers did you have? I had shorts on.

That's why my knees are fucked, man. My knees are just scabbed up, man. I've got like, I've been, because it's hot weather, it's been like 30 degrees, I've been gigging. So been the first thing people not a heckle it's people like what's up to your knees like they're massive big fucking scabs across them yeah well that's really it's a really sad story can i can i um can i can i get your take on something that i did that was not as embarrassing as that, but I did experience some embarrassment. So basically where I've been doing misadventures, all of the rooms

that we've been staying in, it's like, cause of the part of the world we're in, it's pretty much guaranteed. You are going to have other creatures in the rooms that you're staying in. Right. So it's not, it's not unheard of to be in the shower and then suddenly discover there's a frog stood. Frogs would be dangerous, by the way, those frogs in that place. You've got to be really careful. Anything can lick their backs, right? Well, no, some of them have got poison on their tongues as well, I think. Okay, fine.

But anyway, so you'd see a frog or like often you'd see a massive cockroach. I had a thing when I was in, when I did Misadventures in Sahara. Because I'm trying to be, one of my things, I'm trying to be less of a kind of a, I guess less of a wuss when it comes to insect stuff. And I'm also trying to stop looking like I'm frightened of insects in front of the kids, because I don't want them to.

You want to pass that fear along. Yeah, it's, unless you're in Australia or somewhere like that, it's an irrational fear. Do you know what I mean? If you come across an insect in this country, you haven't really got a legitimate reason to fear it. Do you think insects in this country, they must have a Stewart's Inquiry.

They must be like, well, they've got no superpowers. They've got nothing. They're just... But they don't need them, do they? What do you mean they don't need them? Like you just said, right? You go to Australia, other places,

you show them a little bit of... Animals that have got yeah but animals that have got venom and stuff like that it's not so they can look hard in a Weathersprings car park well mate

give us some look if you see a fly come in your room you're like well it's annoying it's a little annoying prick but it's not fucking dangerous

or a bumblebee or wasp that's pretty much right you can't the amount the disrespect that insects and bugs

get in this country nothing they get they've got no fucking no say in anything and actually Right? You can't, the amount, the disrespect that insects and bugs get in this country, nothing. They get, they've got no fucking, no say in anything. They're, and actually,

you know what, we've done, we, you know, I often sometimes feel bad if I accidentally tread on something, you know, because my feet are so big. But I think,

bloody hell, he's actually more important than we give him, or she, they, than we give them credit for, you know? I actually used,

I went through a phase when I was a kid where, I've got to apologise by the way, I've got a bit, I've brought a bit of a, him or she day that we give them credit for you know i actually used i went for a phase when i was a kid where i've got to apologize by the way i've got a bit i've brought a bit of a god i sound out such a wanker traveler i've got a cough that i developed late on in the trip so if i'm coughing i'm sorry but anyway when i was a kid and i don't know if this is to do with my the fact that i'm vegan now whatever but if i ever accidentally killed an insect, I'd get really upset. Really? Yeah, like I'd need like half an hour to sort of get over it.

That's quite sweet, though, isn't it? Even to the point if I accidentally stepped on an ant. An ant? Yeah. See, I think ants are fair game. But again, you go abroad, mate, some of the ants are some of the most terrifying things you'll ever see in some countries. You've got to be really careful of ants.

Anyway, oh yeah, this is the thing that happens. when i was in morocco in the sahara i we were we were doing desert camping right so they're quite like nice tents they're done like you know like a bedouin tent with like all rugs and stuff like that it's pretty bougie anyway i went into my tent and there was like a massive do you sleep naked or do you wear sleep naked? Or do you wear pyjamas? No, I don't wear pyjamas. Boxer shorts. I sleep in my pants. I just, for some reason,

had this fucking thing of you just getting into this really, really nice, big, comfy bed and just being like, rolling around to sort of like, completely naked. I don't really like the idea of my genitals making contact with sheets that

don't belong to me to be honest with you no it'd be quite disrespectful yeah yeah yeah but also i actually think it's probably one of the greatest things like a homage that you felt so relaxed in this bed you took off all your clothes i know but it like basically what i get nervous about is whatever i'm doing in a hotel room or whatever i'm doing in a in a place that means that you know and i would consider myself above average in terms of being ick about doing rank things in a room right in terms of my what do you mean with something i mean well just yeah i didn't think that our generation were using the word ick well i'm not using it in that context i'm using it in the original context you know what i mean so i don't know i don't know if you want a step ladder to climb

clamber down off your high horse so anyway the point is um i always think if i'm in a hotel room if i'm doing this that means that everybody else in this room before this has done this. So if I was to, if I was to get naked and get in the sheets, then I know immediately my brain goes loads and loads of other people's genitals have touched these sheets. And then I'm, I'm in a bad place mentally. So for some reason, if I don't, if I don't do that, if I do, if I don't do that, it allows me to labour under the belief that nobody else has done it either. Do you know what I mean?

Does that make sense? I mean, it doesn't make sense logically. No, it doesn't make sense logically, but I do see where you're coming from. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching.

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Hit up your local Taco Bell restaurant or TacoBell.ca today and try our new Cantina Chicken menu. Taco Bell, not just late night. Offer available at participating Taco Bell locations or TacoBell.ca So anyway, I went into this Bedouin tent. Everyone said goodnight. I walked into my tent and there was an insect. I would say, what's the best way to describe it? It's about the size of, I'd say half the size of a dessert plate of like a little sauce right yeah and it looked like half beetle half cockroach do you know i mean it looked like a cut and shut it was fucking enormous right it was so big

that when it walked i i heard the footsteps like loudly right so so i went into the tent and i saw this thing and i thought well i don't i can't deal with this right i can't get rid of it because it's massive yeah and the size of it i don't even know if i've got the strength to lift it right so i'm not so i think so let's talk to myself like it's wandered in. I'm going to be grown up about this. Hopefully it'll wander out. Right. So I just got ready for bed. You're a better man than me straight away. So I kind of wandered around, got ready for bed.

I lay in bed and I thought, I'm just going to go to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning, this thing will be gone. Right. I'm not, this, imagine this Tom, right? Imagine this. I close my eyes. I hear a noise. I open my eyes. I hear a noise. I open my eyes.

The thing is on the bed and is running towards my face. Right? I screamed. I screamed. I jumped out of the bed. Thank God you weren't naked. Yeah. I slept outside.

What? It makes no logical sense. You let the fuck have your room? Yeah. I guess this must be... I i'm sorry i thought i had a reservation why don't you get one of the managers or one of the people then say because everybody else had gone to everyone else had gone to bed and also i don't really want to go and get the managers like that i don't want that to be the story of our week yeah but i mean like so how did you explain the fact that you were just like what did you say did you put because it's really like everyone should know it's really cold in the sahara at night right

yeah i took a blanket with me and slept on the sand i slept outside i set up a bed i slept outside and then i got up early enough to go back into my tent so that that happened do you know what right the thing that angers me the most is at the start of this story, you said, this isn't as embarrassing as what happened to you about falling down. This is far more embarrassing. Like, the bug, by the way, will definitely have gone to all the other bugs. He will be like a legend amongst all the bug community now. He's probably, like, globally known. He's like, oh, yeah, I basically just walked into this room, right?

This fucking idiot come and he stripped down to his pants, too scared to sleep naked. globally known he's like oh yeah i basically just walked into this room right this fucking idiot coming he stripped down to his pants too scared to sleep naked right i'll just fucking iron him up i let him get into bed get him let him get all comfy and then i'll fucking sneak in there i'll just fucking tear him and he just leaks out of bed he's sobbing he fucking falls around the place and he slept outside that night and i slept in his big cozy bed do you know what can i tell you something i'm glad those workmen laughed at you i really am really talking about bad sleep as well last night in the new house there there was a... Yeah. You know, like when a fire alarm or a carbon monoxide alarm starts losing batteries?

Yeah. It does that. It starts going off. Yeah, it does that. It was doing that every 30 seconds. I couldn't find it. I found it this morning. It was in the loft.

But it was doing it all night long, every 30 seconds. 30 seconds later. It was insane. What did it do 30 seconds 30 seconds later it was insane what did it do 30 seconds after that okay and then did it make any other noises

later on no I was thinking this battery's literally clinging on for you know it put in a good odds

do you know what I mean I was like at some point this battery's going to die was there any part of you that was worried that there was carbon monoxide in your building? Of course, I googled it, and in my building?

My house? Yeah, in your... Well, you've upgraded, haven't you? I mean, I know that you like to sort of play man of the people, but... I know that you've named it. What's it called? Davis House? It has got a name, I'm not going to say it on here, because you absolutely

convinced me. I can't say the the name because people will find it but i will tell you off there what it is that's that's that is that is when you know you've stepped up a level isn't it when katherine saw the name that she was really excited and i was like i in my right mind can't give this a name of where we live because i will get rinsed by people so yeah it's um yeah um yeah i mean i'm ripping you my house got a name too yeah but you you must have named that house yourself yeah we did yeah yeah yeah we didn't we inherited them can you just name any house what you want you could change your name if you wanted to yeah really yeah do you have to what Do you have to go to the local council offices or just change it?

That I don't know, but I do... I think we went through... Because obviously, not obviously, but our house didn't exist before we moved in. And so when we got the address set up, it wasn't an address. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it wasn't on any postal route or anything like that. I mean, it was on a postal route Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it wasn't on any postal route or anything like that. I mean, it was on a postal route, but it didn't,

it didn't, that address didn't exist. So we had to do a bit of admin sort of that. But I don't think it's difficult to like, because your house is numbered, theoretically. Yeah, we've got a number as well. Yeah, yeah. So you can have whatever name you want. I might look at renaming it.

I don't know, Catherine loves the new name. I don't know what we've got anyway. i think grace will like it when she gets older as well uh anyway tell me if you think this is pathetic because this is the whole point of this insect story that's telling you so it's a little something one is it more pathetic no that was that was a digression that was like the um the bug one uh the the big one well i'm gonna i'm it involves a bug i'm gonna leave it up to you to tell you whether it's more pathetic. I would argue that it's up there. Okay. So the room that I'm in, it's got like, it's basically like a, I would describe it as kind of like,

it sounds like I was slumming it. I wasn't really. It's like a nice little lodge thing. But you're essentially staying in a hut. Yeah. Right? So insects can get in and out of their own kind of free will, I guess is the best way of saying it.

So there's loads of windows around the thing. There's about 10 windows around this little hut, and in order to avoid getting woken up at 5 a.m., you've got to close all the curtains, right? So we're in the bar after wrap, having a couple of drinks with the crew, amazing team, and then I say goodnight and I head off to my room, and all of the rooms are scattered over the site, right? A few of the guys stayed up for drinks afterwards after I went to bed. I went into the room and I'm closing the curtains and I go to close one of the curtains

and there is what I believe to be a hornet. Imagine like a wasp that's done a lot of creatine and steroids and it's like and it's like really fucking reckons itself right got rid of the yellow stripes all black all right so just imagine a massive like wasp all black just looking absolutely pumped and it's sat yeah like ripped like it's looked like it was fucking where you were they will be fucking like that yeah so it sat on the uh curtain right i'm walking around i'm closing the curtains just sort of muttering to myself exactly would know that you go to the curtains as well so it's not it's fucking yeah bulk and brains yeah it's probably had a word with this other cut and shut creature from morocco morocco

fuck so absolutely anyway i go to the curtain i see the thing and i go yeesh out loud and jump backwards right okay that happened yeah luckily nobody can hear i'm on my own i then think to myself okay this is a rerun of morocco here right i need to be a big boy about this there's a mosquito net over the whole thing right over the beds so i i undo the mosquito net and create myself kind of a fortress mosquito net fortress and i stand inside it thinking right i'm safe here this thing is not gonna it's not gonna get inside the mosquito net and then i started like fast forwarding to what might happen in the morning well like i wake up it's no longer on the curtain i've got no idea where

it is and it's just been it's on a stakeout it's been waiting for me to come out the mosquito net and then fucking attacks me so i text the group i text the group something really pathetic like does anybody know if they have more if they have hornets in this country because i think there's one in my room to give you an idea of how pathetic this was received, I get a message back from the director saying, are you being serious? Do they all know about what happened

in Morocco? No. That's why I wasn't that embarrassed about it because I've not told anybody that story until now on the podcast. So they go, nobody here knows, right? Because they haven't got the person from the country. It's just like British film crew, right right because they haven't got like the person from the country that's just like british film crew right so they don't know so i'm just like what do i do what do i do i end up leaving the room i go back to the bar right they go are you okay

and then i just went oh god this is embarrassing. This is more embarrassing actually because I've announced it now. To a group of people I'm going to be working with for the next two weeks, I go back to the table and I say, I can't sleep in that room tonight. There's a hornet in there. The table falls silent as they sort of process what's happening. the room the the table falls silent right as they sort of process what's happening right that the host of a travel show the premise of which is to go to places that you might not normally go to and brave the traveling experience is scared because a hornet's in his room right so this is it gets even worse i love the idea i love you so I love the idea. I love you,

sir. I love the idea that the Hornet wasn't even a threat. The Hornet was just chilling on the curtains. It was doing nothing. It wasn't even moving. Your idea was you gave the Hornet so much fucking swag that the Hornet, in your head, the Hornet's going to go,

I'm going to play the long game of Stinger in the morning. That's true, mate. That's what I'd convinced myself was going to happen. I'd convinced myself this thing was going, yeah, you go to bed. You go to bed, mate. I can wait you out.

Just smoke you. Smoke you to smith like that. Come on, mate. No, no, no, no, no. Crack on, crack on. You're all right, mate. Do you know what? I'll tell you what, bruv.

Enjoy your last night. Yeah? Tuck in. Tuck in to a few hours of sleep. Not even do that. Not even do that. Pretend like he hasn't even seen you. Like that. Yeah. Like, over like over his shoulder at you he doesn't even know i've seen him anyway he's so relaxed he's gonna get a big sting on the bum in the morning

yeah that's what i was worried about i was more worried actually that i was gonna step on it gonna sting me right in the foot anyway i um i went back to the table and i said i can't sleep in that room there's a hornet in there and i did contemplate sleeping outside again we couldn't sleep yeah then uh the medic uh this guy called ben shout out ben he's a really nice guy he said oh god this is so embarrassing he said what room are you and I told him he took my key off me and he went to sort it out oh my god for me

oh my god so I sat with the rest of the group at the bar I didn't even go with him because I didn't want to see it again essentially it's like sort of

you split ups with someone you've dumped them via text, and you've got your best mate to go pick some things up that you need from your house. That's basically what happened. So you just sat there. Yeah.

While Ben, shout out Ben, never met him, sounds like an absolute G. Mate, he's quality. Went to get everything. So what, did you speak at this time? How was everyone towards you at this point? Well, I filmed all of the misadventures with these guys so you know sometimes when you're with a crew with a team and they're a bit nervous about offending you yeah i knew that wouldn't be an issue because

i i've known these guys for like i guess seven years is how long i've been misadventures um and i said to one of the producers, is that pathetic? And he said, I'm going to be honest with you. It is slightly pathetic. Oh my God. And I went, okay. And then I tried to move the conversation on because I just wanted it. I didn't want to be talking about this anymore.

So we started having a chat about something else. Anyway, the medic comes back and he said, is this it? And he pulls out a coaster with a glass and the thing in it. And I screamed. Fucking hell. And then I said, that's it. That's it. Look how big it is.

Do you see? Do you see? And what was clear is that nobody else thought. How big was it? As big as the top of your thumb like that no big like

this so as big as like oh wow to be fair it's like what's a matchbox

big matchbox and a half I'd say in terms of size wow see okay okay

I'm actually gonna release sort of chokehold a little here because actually that's fucking massive I don't know I think I'd be pretty

terrified from that I mean you're talking you're actually almost slipping away from being an insect into being quite a small bird with a stick yeah I'll make you write Tom on that i'll make you right on that um anyway then ben being as nice as he is said to me out loud okay well let me go get rid of this and just so you know rom in case you're worried i've done a full sweep of the room to make sure there's no other insects in there did you sleep well that night and you know that the saddest thing about it, Tom, is I felt so reassured.

That's nice, though. I felt I had a wonderful night's sleep. I've broken your balls a bit with the first one, actually. You know what? I think, actually, I can see that it's a big fear. So, yeah. Yeah, but then I sent somebody else to go and sort it out. Yeah, but then, do you know what I mean?

There might be a time, Rom, this is what friendship, this is what kinship's all about when Ben needs someone to do something that you're already good at and you'll step forward maybe you'll need a speech written

or some I don't know maybe somebody puts a gun to his head and says do 20 minutes at the comedy store yeah or he's like how am I going to do

this sum if I only had a friend who's an old maths teacher and he'll call you and you'll go oh yeah fucking hell yeah I'll do that sum

and that'll be it and you know what i mean favor returned and actually that in a way that's the nicest way that humanity can work is that yeah yeah that's right um actually weirdly talking about um i've got two two quick things number one um remember the king gary uh fiasco in newcastle hotels when i was totally stitched up yeah in a way in a roundabout way the manganatans got their own back um your brother was uh on tour i was touring with your brother came on tour the other day um we went to arguably i'd say the shittest hotel i've ever been to. Migrats and Dinesh. And this place was...

And to give full context, I've heard you... I would say in the years that I've known you, I've heard you give that description to roughly 60% of the hotels you've stayed at. Well, I'm going to say now, the other two people in this story, one's your brother, the other one you know very well. I would say now, if you want any more evidence

this place was the pits of all who booked this hotel so it was booked throughout the tour company right um okay so we turn up actually outside we're all like oh actually it's kind of cool this place right we check in we all go to our rooms i go'd go to my room. It was essentially just a shed with this bed, with a spotlight outside, like just shining into fucking my room that was on the whole night. So it was like my room was like bright fucking sun like the whole day.

The toilet was disgusting. It was honestly the shit. Anyhow, I text Grax. I'm like, these rooms are disgusting, bro. And he's like, yeah, they're horrible. They're awful. Then I text your brother. I don't get anything from your brother that night right at fucking 10 o'clock the next

day i get a text from Dinesh and he turns around he goes what do you mean that it's lovely here and i'm like oh ha ha ha fucking i was like i've hardly slept i hardly slept even did grats then Dinesh sends me a picture of his room. His room was unbelievable. Like, genuinely, you'd think he was, like, you'd think he was in another county. Like, the bathroom was incredible. Like, the whole place was just... And he went, oh, I just literally got in last night,

put my head on the pillow, just fell asleep, and I just woke up. I was at breakfast at 6am because I couldn't fucking sleep. Like, I don't know what happened anyhow. I just thought revenge comes in strange ways. Well, I mean, it's bittersweet for me because on the one hand, you had a shit night's sleep and that makes me feel really happy.

My brother had a nice room and that also makes me feel happy and there will have been some sort of rage in you that is sort of angry that the main turn didn't get the nice room and obviously it was upgraded, but it went to the wrong person, as has happened to me in the past. But on the other hand, the idea that you think I give a shiny shit about Dinesh having a nice night's sleep. I'll just say that Dinesh is the sort of person, unlike me and you,

who that sort of, it feels like double sixes. That sort of thing happens to him. Yeah, he rolls. Yeah, he always wins that game. He runs decent dice decent dice but this is the next thing and this is very exciting right okay i'm currently on a job at the moment filming and uh shout out do i know about this job yeah yeah yeah um i think i can talk about it's called thousand blows amazing uh for disney anyhow um uh chat the makeup team on that. Did you say project, by the way? Yeah.

How do you say it? Project. Project. Do you know who says project? Who? People who are filming for Disney. Well, I'm sorry that I've joined the ranks of the Disneyphobes,

but that is... Or Disneyphiles. I'm a Disneyphile. Yeah, it's certainly not Disneyphobe. I'm a Disneyphobe. But that is, or Disneyphise. I'm a Disneyphile. Yeah, it's certainly not Disneyphobe. Anyway, go on. Anyway, shout out to the makeup team, fans of the podcast, Sian, Cheryl, a number of other names. Anyhow, Cheryl. Well done.

Well done for starting to name the names without knowing all of them, mate. That's made that really good. Right. Some would argue worse than naming none of them. Right. The other day, Claire, the other day,

I started chatting to Cheryl. Yeah. And she brings up, do you remember a long, long time ago on this podcast, I had a bit of a rant about George Clooney. Yes, the Nespresso.

Yeah. So, he, basically, she was filming with him and on this set in his trailer he had two nespresso machines and he made everyone nespresso's and she said like it was incredible because quite a few people on that shoot listeners of this podcast she was like, I've been really buzzing to tell you that actually he is an espresso user. Did anybody tell him?

I hope not, because that would mean that he probably just started doing that to cover his tracks. I hope that actually, you know what? No, I'm not suggesting he found out before. The idea that George Clooney becomes aware of being mentioned on the Wolf and Owl podcast, the chances of that seem remote.

But what I mean is, if one of the make-up girls had listened to the podcast and then saw that George Clooney was using espresso pods, might have said to him, oh, do you know that Tom Davis absolutely **** you off on his podcast? No, no, no, no, no, no. I like to think that, you know what?

I hold my hands up I got him wrong and actually George is the kind of guy that we should all this is it's amazing this is unbelievable for two reasons one that it turns out that John Clooney George Clooney uses Nespresso pods

and two that you actually had the courage to come on here and admit it to us I admitted it because you know what actually I think it's a good life lesson i think it's i for if i'm honest with you since that rant i've not been able to sit and watch a george clooney movie even i actually saw him not so long ago at the prince's trust and he was very kind to me there was still this sort of weird relationship between us yeah yeah. That he was completely unaware of. Yeah, obviously. We don't know that, but yeah.

Probably. At the Prince's Trust, did I tell you what happened between me and him at the Prince's Trust? No. So at the Prince's Trust, when I gave a award away, I then sort of made a little quip at the end of it. What did you say? I sort of, you know, the microphone was low,

and I said it was like telling him that, oh, the microphone's a bit low, and then I crouched down, sort of you know the mic it was the microphone was low and i said it was like telling him that oh the microphone's a bit low and then i crouched down sort of came low myself down said it's a bit like telling a kid a secret oh my god why did you say that why did you say well i let down i let down with my hands like that. Fucking like Prince's Breacher Trust. Anyhow, I go back to my seat and George is sitting in front of me. And he turned around and he sort of tapped me in the leg and he went, nice work, big guy.

Which I thought was pretty cool. That is pretty cool. I mean, I wouldn't have described that as what happened between me and him. But yeah. No, but then I felt bad i i said it for quite a long time after that thought i i wanted to lean forward and go hey george um i've got sort of said a few choice words about you having espressos i don't know if it's yeah at the time i didn't have this amazing information in my hands if there is there any part of you is there any part of you that

thinks that he just because he did the advert gets free because he did the advert, gets free Nespresso's and uses the free Nespresso's as a way to curry favour with crews and he doesn't actually use them himself at home? But this is the trouble, right? It's because I hadn't thought that. No, I actually thought, you know what, he loves Nespresso so much. Now you put that into my head. It's like...

Well, I mean, I don't... Listen, I think that's probably the most likely... What, you think that he's like getting free Nespresso, so he's just trying to use them up on people? Yeah. No, I don't think he's trying to use them up, but I just think like, if you like, say for example. By the way, I explained it.

He was like very lovely and coming up with like, you know, nice white shirt. Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure. Coming up going. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah, sure. But that, you've made it feel like, again,

it's like I basically have got to a place where I'm like, oh, me and George are on an even keel. If we meet again, it's not going to be awkward. I can, you know. But now you've put that into my head. If he goes... No, but I'm just... What I'm saying is it makes sense, doesn't it?

If you... He's probably... As a result of doing the advert, they've probably said you can have as many free Nespresso's as you want. and on top of that they probably said to him they probably encourage him to use them on film sets because it's a form of advertising so they send him a load of you're basically saying what i said in the start i've tried to pull myself away from is that actually he probably doesn't even like espresso no i'm not saying no look i think it's

i'm not saying he probably doesn't like Nespresso. What I'm saying is, there's a good chance that he doesn't actually use Nespresso at home. Do I think you're right to go into your rant, having watched your Guinness rugby advert? No, I don't. So, I don't agree with you.

I don't agree with you on that point. You prick. Let's not fucking get started on fucking cheesy adverts your twitter one was probably

oh god that is I mean talk about being in a glass house that is the fucking

worst Jesus Christ that was bad the fucking segway man I mean I did two of them I know yeah I very much enjoyed them

it really made your bacardi fucking sponsorship absolutely quite credible listen listen to this though man so imagine the fear right so basically when i agreed to do that twitter ad they sent me so i did so we should say this is pre-musk right this is pretty musky 100 this is like 2017 right i'm in l.a filming just another immigrant and i get a i get an email from flo via twitter saying that twitter have asked if you can do this online advert they want to do right so they sent me a clip of chance the rapper doing a twitter advert right And it's him after a gig and he like does a tweet about how the crowd were and it goes massive, right? So I think to myself, well, that sounds quite cool.

That's like quite a cool bit of promo. Like, you know, it's quite a cool thing. They've obviously chosen me like in a different arena. You know, I do comedy. It's probably going to be something similar, kind of walking off stage after a gig or something. And then I say like, hey, man, the crowd is wild tonight. And then that goes viral.

And then it goes Twitter. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, cut to, I turn up to the first day at the advertising thing. And they tell me that I've got to learn how to ride a Segway. Right? Because one of the adverts is a guy on a jog and I ride up alongside him on a Segway with a Twitter jacket on, which I still own by the way, with a Twitter jacket on that I say, and I say to him, Hey man, why don't you follow them? And then every

person that he follows on Twitter joins us on the run. And that's the first advert. The second advert is as a guy in a house i saw this one it's kind of kind of a hostage situation and i turn up with a megaphone and convince him like a negotiator to join twitter i mean it was so bad anyway i do the adverts and you know full disclosure i got paid handsomely for doing those ads right yeah i think they asked me to do loads of improv and i do loads of improv and they're all laughing their tits off going oh my god this is so good we can't wait to stick that all in the advert everything you're coming

out of is so funny none of that makes the ad right none no not a single improvised line makes the final advert right on top of that i'm about to fly out of la i'm just thinking well that's going to be fucking awful right like so but that's going online so whatever i've done an advert i'm never going to do an advert again i don't think and i haven't done one since you live and you learn right the advert as i'm about to leave la i get a phone call from one of the guys at twitter and he goes romesh you've got great news you're heading back to the uk i said yeah and he goes well look out because we've just got a deal to show the Twitter advert

before every showing of The Last Jedi in UK cinemas The Last Jedi The Last Jedi this advert is going out before a Star Wars movie right anyway it comes out

I'm shitting it is going out before a Star Wars movie, right? Anyway, it comes out, right? I'm shitting it, right? I'm shitting it because I've never done anything like that before. Absolutely fucking horrified that this thing's coming out. Not that I don't think it was a bad advert. Listen, everybody there was great. The advert was good. It was great to work with everybody on there

and I was treated really well. But it's still, as you've said, as you haven't even alluded to, you've said, nail on head, a proper cheesy commercial. Yeah. I get a tweet the day the advert comes out saying, bearing in mind I'm worried about this. It's quite ironic that I'd done an advert for Twitter

and I got this tweet. It said, has anybody seen the new Twitter advert featuring Romesh Ranga? At least we can say we were there when his career ended well in all fairness they were wrong because it was actually you you've gone from strength to strength since yeah you have actually grown from that moment sure um i think you've become i would say i i got the most negative feedback from anything i've ever done from that from that like like that's the

first and only time my friends have ever said to me i thought what you did was that was awful my friends have never said that you know the interesting thing in a roundabout way and this is what we call in the business a callback is in this situation you were the uh the half and half bug from the orally historical story in what way tom well everyone thought the bug was going to get stabbed by a human but actually the bug ends up prevailing and actually getting his own tent and living happily ever after in that tent so you know why everyone thought that's going to be the end of the bug when the human finds him and treads on him the bug actually showed its inner strength and will and actually learned from its mistakes and became a super bug so yours is yeah and i guess and in a

way in in another callback that's very reminiscent of the analogy you made about uh the chippendales and that it also doesn't work work we all have the power to shape the world we're connected to the world we share to each other i am future i wait in the world of echo discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo, thanks to its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard.

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Visit Kenora.com to learn more. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Good night kids. Good night mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Okay, listen, we've been going for 50 minutes mate. We've been so excited to see each other.

Wow. We haven't even got to any emails. Should we try and do a couple? Let's try and do two. Okay. This is from, let me just, I'm just going to randomly. Okay. This is a long one.

Tom, do you want to give the email the credit of your full attention rather than looking at your phone? What's going on? I'm on it, baby. I'm on it. Okay. This is from The Most Frustrated Fox. And she says, hi, both of you sweet souls.

Brackets also, Lisa. I found your podcast in February and have listened to every episode. And if today, June the 26th, finally caught up. I now have to wait every week for an episode, which is already too long a wait for me. You both are fantastic as a mental health nurse in the NHS. I want to credit the awareness you're raising for men's mental health. There is no better advice than to encourage people to talk and raise awareness for people to speak out and not feel ashamed. So thank you and keep up the good work. Well, thank you so much, Frustrated Fox. I've had many problems along the way, but I thought that there's no point emailing because I'm so far behind. It took me

weeks to hear the advice, but I finally have one have one my question is how do i stop my boyfriend being so annoying for some context i've been with my partner for five years we have a little boy he was two but we're still not married she's put five exclamation marks after that by the way just for full context he's always been a child and wound me up but it feels like it's just getting worse and worse for some examples he'll put his finger in my mouth when i yawn he'll call me in the room when he's on xbox with his friends to ask me some stupid questions constantly fart in bed leave my car seat back when he's been driving with no consideration to put it back for me leave shoes lying in the hallway for me to trip over when i go for a wee in the night despite me telling him to move them because i'll trip over

start driving the car start driving the car away when i try to get in and generally any childish thing you think of to piss me off don't get me wrong i do all at times laugh and there's always been the way but my worry is he's now getting our son involved and it's becoming a joke between them and now i fear with him growing up it'll only get worse do i just continue to laugh and go along with it as i don't know if this is normal with our house of boys if not do you have any advice with how to get him to stop and grow up also how to make it clear if he wants to continue his behavior then it's about time he thought about putting a ring on it as i've dropped enough hints i'd like us all to have the same

family name which i've said to him enough times this year i had my 30th birthday i thought he might have done but i'm still waiting any advice would be appreciated thank you so much the frustrated fox p.s uh again please keep up what you're doing there's no better medicine than laughter and never underestimate how important your weekly podcast might be for some people out there thank you so much frustrated listen i know i've said this before i need to get a new chair man this is insane you are sort of like i can't do it i cannot deal with it you're all over the place i'm all over the fucking shop, mate. Okay, go on, Si. Frustrated fox.

Shout out. Number one, there's elements of this guy that remind me somewhat of myself in my relationship. And whilst I would say that at some point, I don't know how old he is, or at some point you know you naturally I think as a man I think there comes a time when actually you sort of you will naturally sort of

stop doing as many of those things I will say this I do think actually kind of I think sometimes when stuff gets serious more serious and more sort of structured actually sometimes i think certainly me and katherine talks about i sort of sometimes miss those times when i was a bit more like that than i am now when you know sometimes you're you're

moving you're trying to be a dad you're trying to be a good husband you're working and you you constantly feel actually sort of a bit of a release and actually just being silly and urban and laugh together sort of sometimes feels like oh actually that might be the thing that we're we're missing slightly and I think enjoying it that said I think it's by you know the sort of tone and you yeah you yourself will be quite jovial about it but I think that you seem like a pretty incredible person that sort of loves him very much. And I do think he kind of has to sort of get to a point now when he makes that commitment. I think marriage isn't everything.

I think it's an amazing thing to have the same name. I think it's an incredible day. I think it's a beautiful thing to do. But I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on it and I think you guys you do seem like you have a fun and a great relationship I will just and also just to sort of clarify as well I think it is worth saying to him if there's stuff that's overstepping the mark I think it's always good to say that this this is fun this feels that makes me a little bit uncomfortable and i don't really want these things my son doing these things or thinking this kind of behavior towards his mother is tolerable i think there's

got to be a line set between this is what you joke about as a couple and this is what the boundaries are for your son to joke around with his mum or yeah and also it might you don't want to get in a situation when where you feel like you're the disciplinarian and your husband's sort of this wacky fun guy who is you know doing sort of pranks and stuff so yeah it's it's um it's a difficult one but i will say this enjoy yeah enjoy i think that the fun side of your relationship. I think it's a thing, I think, that it's really easy to not put emphasis on laughter within a relationship. And actually, I think that's one of the most important things of all, is enjoying and being silly and messing around.

And there's a lot of times when you're a couple that life is serious and life is, you know, I look at the last three or four years of my relationship, there's been so many different, really quite tough, hard times that have really set us to go, oh, wow, that's really hard. This is a really difficult thing we're going through. You know, the surrogacy which I've talked about here or different parts of our life.

And actually sometimes you just think, oh, actually, just to get back to sort of making sure that we're having that fun again and being silly together is kind of, that's an important thing to try and find so yeah that's that's my tuppence worth um frustrated fox tom's once again dispensed some great advice um the things that you've described your other half doing are i feel like it can fall into two categories one is pranks and the other is him just being a bit inconsiderate and it sounds like both of those things are winding you up I sort of um and I'm now I'm speaking as somebody who I'm speaking while the other person on this podcast who's a dear dear friend of mine and I love very much is uh has a track record of pranking people quite

aggressively um I often feel like it's not fun if you're the target of the prank in these situations and it feels like you don't feel like it is fun for you so i think it's just i think you just need a quiet word really i mean i think the fact of the matter is it's kind of treading the line arguably flirting with on the edges of bullying really not deliberately i don't i'm not suggesting that your other half is trying to bully you but that is the effect that is the effect so um and it isn't fun do you know i mean if you feel like your son and your other half are conspiring to make you look like a mug or laugh at your expense it isn't fun and i don't think

you're being i don't think you're being boring by kind of picking that up so you know i would say something with regards to being married look obviously tom and i are both married but i just don't think it's that i don't i don't know how important i think it is and i've got to be honest with you i don't know yeah i just don't know how big a deal it is like having the same name is okay i guess guess, but, um, not okay. I mean, it's nice, but I, I, I don't, I'm sort of becoming increasingly, I don't know about, I don't know if it's that important, but it sounds like, but that doesn't matter what I think. And it doesn't matter what Tom thinks. The point is it's important to you. And so, um, I think dropping hints is one thing. I think you might be in a situation where he doesn't see

getting married as being important, in which case you need to have a chat. So, as is the case with all of these things, I think you need to have a little conversation and try and get that sorted out. And hopefully you can move forward. What I would say is

some of the language that you've used here worries me slightly. For example, you've said, what do I do about the fact that he's so annoying? And you've quite easily listed a load of things that you find irritating. And you've said, don't get me wrong, I do at times laugh.

There's always been our way. I just hope that you're happy. Do you know what I mean? It sounds like you're getting really fucking annoyed by it so um you know what i would say is um you need to get one fix before you think about the other by which i mean um i would seriously consider like getting this sorted out because i think it's actually making you more unhappy than you let on um and then you can talk about you know getting married so uh good luck to you frustrated fox And thank you so much for your kind words. They are very much appreciated.

Lovely words in the end, Rob. Thank you so much. I really enjoyed that. Okay. One more. Yep. Uh,

and I think you're going to like this one, Tom. Okay. You're going to like this one. Hi, Wolf, Al, Swan and Cat.

I don't know if you remember, but at the London gig in January, I'd asked for help with naming my unborn child, to which your suggestions whittled down to Tomesh. Sadly, my husband wasn't on board with the idea. The thought crossed my mind to use it as a bonus middle name when I went to register the birth. Wow, I can't even believe that you went that far to even thinking about that. If you remember, I have a two-year-old son named Cozy. We were looking for something similarly unusual,

but nothing ridiculous like Buddy Bear. No offence, Jamie Oliver. For context, Cozy's name is inspired by Cozy Power, a famous drummer who played for Black Sabbath and many others. We finally, after almost a month of him being born, decided on Zappa, inspired by Frank Zappa, another musician you may have heard of. Cool name.

Cozy and Zappa. Very cool names. Needless to say, the names of our children get a mixed reaction i don't see why they're great uh with us usually having to repeat the name at least once for them to make sure they heard right or they get a great response usually for many men above the age of 50 who clock where the inspiration came from we've had the comments of won't they get bullied when they're older god that is always a consideration and we always say names are getting more unusual when my kids are old it would be the norm to have a whole mixed bag of names did you have any unusual naming suggestions when naming your kids tom uh we were

kind of settled on on grace very quickly grace was sort of yeah grace margo was was what we we Yeah. I wasn't, I had a really mad one for, oh, I, if it had been a boy, I was really fighting hard for Dalton Davis. That was what I wanted. Dalton Davis. Dalton Davis.

Yeah. Which Catherine wasn't having. My dad wanted to call me Jeremiah. That was, that was what he was going to call me after a cowboy character called Jeremiah Johnson yeah but yeah

not really we were sort of it was quite nice yeah but we were it was always yeah we sort of settled on that

as a sort of pair quite quickly and you know it's weird she sort of how a name suits someone as silly as it sounds

you just go yeah there's not been a moment I've gone I wish we we called her this or that i mean she's got so many nicknames i call her a million different things anyway um well the thing that we have with our three boys is that um first of all thank you for your email and thank you for being such a great part of the london show it was a proper, we know. But everybody asks if we've named our kids after Arsenal players, because we've got Theo, Alex and Charlie. Some people think it's Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

and Charlie George. But that isn't the case. I did, when I was younger, want to give my kids cool names. Like, I thought about giving my kids... Like, I always think about rapper names, do you know what I mean? Like Jackknife or lightning or fuckstick or something like that do you know what i mean yeah they've been all right with the gladiators being rebooted yeah yeah absolutely what a set of names those new gladiators have got

by the way um steered clear of the shadows um of the past which is good um but the uh i did also when i was a kid insist i think i've told this story because i like transformers insist on being called jazz when i was a kid for a two-week period yeah how seriously was your name jonathan by the way when you were younger who called you jonathan nobody oh basically it was like my mom and dad just thought it would help me growing up in england so they gave me the name jonathan but they wanted my name to be Romesh. So that's what they called me, but they just thought it'd make it easier.

I don't know why. I mean, I get, I understand it to a certain degree, but it was kind of like helping me to assimilate into British culture type thing. I can't imagine you being called John Boy, like if you turned up now. You can imagine, but you can't. No, I can't.

I can't imagine you being it. Romesh just suits you so well, but you know, John Boy, Ranganathan. No, I mean, I don't, I can't i can't imagine you've been in it almost just suits you so well but you know john boy rang a nathan no i mean i don't i can't imagine even my name was jonathan that anyone would call me john boy to be honest with you i mean it's it it's like going um i can't i can't imagine your name being dan you know everybody calling you derrick when you turn up it's not the same name um but i did have one like so the problem was on the school registers it always used to say jonathan so you know when they do the register for the first time so they'll go through the

names and they'll go like if you want to be called anything else let me know like that's your only opportunity and every single time i had a new teacher i'd have to go actually could you call me romash that's what everyone calls me and then when i was at primary school like that happened with an english teacher and he said jonathan i said actually it's could you call me romesh that's what everyone calls me and he goes why i said well that's just you know i told the story that i've just told you and he said jonathan's a perfectly good name what's going on here james de frond has just arrived. James De Frond has arrived? Five minutes. I'm nearly done. Yeah. It's for Frommage.

James has been in the pub waiting so he's hammered. He's flown out. I'll be at the pub, yeah. Sorry, go on. Has this podcast interrupted your summer all day that you're on it? No, it's not. Go, go, go. Anyway, he said to me me Jonathan's a perfectly good name

And that's what I'm going to call you And so for the rest of the academic year that's what he called me He was the only one who called you Jonathan I've got to be honest I found it pretty annoying But I was too scared to sort of Yeah well he was a grown man and you were a little boy right Yeah what do you mean by that No no because you were a little boy

Oh right yeah You said it in a really said it in a really um okay what um okay listen that's all we've got time for uh because tom's mate's turned up so um i hope you enjoyed that bumper episode certainly didn't uh reflect that we've not been talking to each other for two weeks did it i mean it wasn't like we were swimming in great anecdotes, but anyway, there you go. Um, that's the episode Tom for the first time in two weeks, could you take us out? The lizard and hen were two unlikely friends,

but they traveled each and everywhere together and often talked and drank quite a lot. Then one day the hen was taken back to the farm and the lizard was living in the desert. And they for quite some time didn't see each other. The lizard missed the hen so greatly while he was walking around the desert. He was sort of talking to vultures and other sort of characters and amphibians that lived in the desert. But no one touched his butt quite as much as the hen. The hen was on the farm with the horses and sheep and cows and none of them touched his buns as much as the lizard. Then one day the hen decided when he saw other birds and stuff flying,

he thought, you know what, I'm going to fly now and I'm going to fly to the desert and I'm going to catch up with that old lizard friend of mine. So he flied and he flied and he took some stops in France and Spain and other countries that are on the way to the desert. When he landed, it took him quite some time because deserts are big and lizards are good at hiding. Eventually he found the lizard and they thought it might be awkward. But the lizard ran up to the hen and said, God, I've missed you. And the hen said, I've missed you too that's why i floated all this flew flew flew all this way they laughed and they joked and they rolled in the sand and then the hen picked the lizard up and took him back to the farm and they hung out the farm for a bit point in the story is this people in your life

can be different there's no two people the same but actually some of the greatest friendships come from two people bonding over silliness or just the smallest of things and cherish the friendships that you do have don't be running out looking for different ones because the greatest friendships

are those that are set in stone and that come from the heart and a reflection I could have made this story about Wolfram, but the lizard and hen seemed wild. Really, really beautiful, Tom. I thought it was fucking obvious before

you said Wolfram. I was following it all the way along and I thought he was clearly talking about our friendship. And then you made that sinister threat of not looking for other friends, which was a bit weird. Oh, God. But anyhow, that's it. All right, guys.

Well, listen, thank you so much for listening. We're going to play you out with a song that became weirdly, do you know when you're away and stuff and then you get an earworm, a random earworm? Well, this happened on the trip that I've just been on. And's a bit of a random one but it is a banger uh we're gonna play you out with a little bit of billy ocean caribbean queen see you next time guys take care of yourselves buh-bye Now we're sharing the same dream And our hearts, they're beating one No more love on the run I love you, I need you Can't give you up

Now we're sharing the same dream And our hearts, they're beating one No more love on the run If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.

Thank you.