Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 53: The Skid Mark Episode

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

Whilst Tom's still struggling with no internet at home, the boys valiantly attempt recording an episode over the phone. It might be a short show but they still manage to pack in loads of chat... making marks in the gym, pioneering the Mukbang craze, takeaway pick-ups, cool names, entertaining maths lessons, very bad time keeping and W&O remakes of Good Will Hunting and Goodfellas. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing, dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, You'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings

Red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it The death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding Every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Okay, this is This is now go-to at what is the worst episode of any podcast ever.

Yeah. So this is a wolf an hour. We're calling this the shit tip episode. Yeah. This is... I would describe this... I think actually, JT, if you could call this episode Skidmark, because that's what this is.

I did a massive piece piece just now which has been lost because i my microphone was on mute and i'm gonna try it again god i'm gonna hold on i'm gonna pretend that i've not heard this before so go on okay okay pretend this is the first i've got this guy right ron i know who goes to the gym for real and he's yeah he's got a friend right the other day it was a really hot day and they were all you've got a yeah he's got a friend right the other day it was a really hot day and they were all you've got a friend he's got a friend yeah so he's a friend by proxy in a sense right and they were chatting right the other day uh all sitting on the floor chatting and he got up from the floor and there was two butt cheek marks and then also a third mark which was his balls right

yeah and he was like oh my god like your balls have left a very definite mark on the floor and he said oh yeah because he cheated on this girl ages ago and she covered his balls in nail polish remover right and then they lost their remover yeah right yeah so he lost all of their elasticity yeah is that right yeah i mean you stumbled to the word bearing in mind we had this exact same run when you did this the first time but it is elasticity what this has taught me is that you you retain nothing no from pronunciation corrections what's good as well rom is now you've gone from, yeah, there we go. Yeah. You just went into from AirPods into normal speaker mode.

So what's really good about this is, uh, yeah, we, this, this feels like his bollocks in this episode. That's the, that's where I was getting to.

This genuinely feels, I'm going to say now, this feels, I think the most stressful podcast I've ever done. Yeah. Well, we're only two minutes in mate. So it's quite, it's quite a competition Well, we're only two minutes in mate. So it's quite,

it's quite a competition, but we're two minutes into this one. We're 17 minutes into the attempt at recording into the experience. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Um, but,

uh, just to, just to, I don't think we've done it on this version of record, but basically, um, Tom's got no internet. And,

uh, so the only time he's got internet is during office hours but the reason those hours are called office hours is because people are working so it's made it's made recording this podcast it's it's also it's worth saying that i think i feel like i've been gas lit by Sky for the last Sky television with this sort of telling me that they... That's the league of their own booking down the toilet. Yeah, carry on. No, no, no, not that side.

But actually, to be fair to Sky, it's not really Sky. It's more Open Reach. Open Reach have consistently been telling me for like three weeks that they're coming to do my internet and then no one comes. And so I get all my hopes up that they're going to turn up and be here and get it comes. And it's all I get all my hopes up that they're going to turn up and be here and get it done. And it's been three weeks. And also every time we speak to someone at Openreach, they change the reason my internet's not working. But the people moved out like three days before we moved in. They had internet. They had internet.

So I genuinely think it's like someone somewhere is just thinking let's see how long they can go without wi-fi before maybe it's do you know what i think it is i think somebody at open reach is a massive fan of parents in hell and they're just trying to find a way to sabotage this podcast i mean i made it i made it sound like we're going toe-to-toe with parents in hell i mean that's absolute also what i love is the very notion that sound like we're going toe-to-toe with parents in hell. I mean, that's absolute bullshit. Also, what I love is the very notion that, yeah, that we're such a threat. And the fact that at the moment I've got four or five different cables, three of them that don't even lead to anything.

And we're three years into this podcast and we still haven't got a grasp of how any of this works. No. I mean, the level of detail that jt had to go into in his email for us to but essentially make a phone call and record it it's breathtaking but and also let me say that this is a complete lottery that this could just still be you talking and then i've got to re-record what i'm saying over the top. Well, you're going to have to do a separate recording wild, mate. I can't.

Wild track of a podcast. Just trying to remember everything I've said. I mean, to be fair, I'll just insert a couple of jokes to these last bits. Yeah. I'll tell you what, it's a mad thing because it's such a

first world problem. But having no internet is literally killing me at the moment. Yeah, I can understand that. I mean, I find it very difficult. No, you can't do anything. And like where I live is there's no 4G or 3G. So what have you been doing for like takeaways and stuff like that? Have you had to be phoning up like old school?

Yeah, phoning up or walking to them. Taking that long slog. You know, like the end of The Hulk, where he's just sort of walking with his stick and a hanky over it. A knapsack. Yeah, I feel a little bit like, if you're going to get a takeaway, it feels

like Oates, I think his name was, in The Antarctic. I'm going out, I might his name was, in the Antarctic. I'm going out. I might be some time. I actually did have that. Oh, sorry. Let's just, before we get into this,

this is going to be a very short episode. This is us just saying hello, by the way, because we can't do it. Yes, this is a short one, and we are going to try and do a lot. Because also, added to the mix, Rom is also filming this week. So he's filming during office hours. So I'm now going to have to basically be, I think I'm going to have to stay late in the office one night. This is so pathetic.

Well, waiting for Rom to get home. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm going to be filming and I'm just getting texts from a nervous wife. Are you done yet? How long do you think you're going to be? Oh, and I'll just be sitting in my office on my own with my laptop, just with a takeaway for one.

And I'll really enjoy it because I can order it on the internet. I haven't got to walk out and get it. Like Deliveroo will be a real treat. Oh, God, this is so pathetic. You know what? This is exciting, though. I've just thought of, well, this is so pathetic. You know what? This is exciting, though. I've just thought of, well, not just thought, I've been thinking about saying, I think, right,

number one, I think you've created a craze. Have you heard of mukbanging? I have heard of mukbanging, yeah. I haven't created a craze. You're saying I've created a craze? Well, no, yeah, but you did the eating episode, and this has now gone mad, isn't it, mukbanging? Hold on, what eating episode?

The episode, the infamous episode where you ate a sandwich for the whole of the podcast. Oh, God. Right? Yeah. And now muckbanging is a thing. Yeah, but that's... And essentially what you were doing... Muckbanging isn't eating a sandwich during a podcast, is it?

That's not what muckbanging is. Muckbanging's having a meal during a podcast and filming it. Is it? is that what mukbang yeah i thought mukbang was just eating a shitload of food let me know but mukbang yeah i'm looking this up hold on are you still there yeah i'm here i'm here oh my god that's it oh you're right mukbang is a live stream video where viewers watch the host eat. Right. And that's essentially what you were doing.

So I think we should announce, Ron, because we're going to do quite a few of these now in person, hopefully. I mean, this could be another promise that we become Sky TV. Tom, we're currently, I think, when two people are struggling to record a phone call, what they shouldn't be doing is promising that they're going to be face- face. We have arranged to be face to face. We also arranged to do an hour every week without fail. We've done two best of episodes in the last two weeks, and this is a phone call. So I wonder if we should be telling people that we're going

to do stuff when we haven't actually thought it out. I think we have to sort of incite some excitement. So I think if we could try together to do, we'll do a live podcast, but then we'll also do a mukbang episode. What? So we get a load of food to the studio. We haven't actually checked with the studio

if they're all right with us taking food in. I imagine most studios have ever been to have said no food or drink allowed in, but okay. Yeah, but if it's a mukbang special, I'm sure that they'll be into it. No, you're right. If you say, no, this is where we do eat, they eat they go oh yeah well that don't worry about the rules then

uh if you're doing a wanking episode you can also do that in the studio if you like you call the episode whatever you want as long as you call as long as you say that's what the episode is you can do whatever you like in this if i'm honest with you i thought that's what mukbanging was mukbang sounds like Yeah, yeah, but I've got to say when someone said to me about muck banging and they made a joke about the sandwich

episode, they said, oh, Womish is one of the first persons I've ever heard muck banging So many things went through my head, and I was like, oh right yeah, of course, and then I thought, actually, what am I agreeing that romesh has done like what is bug bugging so i had to sort of clarify what it was before jt can you do me a favor can you ed can you beep out what i said there as a punchline for that joke because i actually i feel like it probably you feel great i feel really great yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i. I like the fact that you became Chubby Brown.

Yeah, I really did. Literally. But I went to a Chinese, I went to get Chinese takeover, as you know, because we had a phone call. But bizarrely, we actually had a dress rehearsal of this very episode. I can't believe this podcast.

We rehearsed for this. We did a little phone call to test it out. We did a phone call. We're recording a phone call. And for some reason, we decided to try out how a phone call would work. But anyway. What I love is, yeah, here you go. Well, anyway, so that was the night that I'd got Chinese takeaway.

And I had a very awkward thing where I ordered it to pick up because I had to go around my mum's on the way so I just thought I'll just go get it rather than wait for delivery and um it was 20 minutes it was another 20 minutes in the restaurant after I got no I'm not complaining obviously they have to prepare the food but I arrived 20 minutes too early why are you doing that that's essentially what i've got to do and i've got to do it because i have no wi-fi or 3g yeah but it's just because i was heading out anyway and so i thought it would be quicker because whenever they deliver it did you have an ice cold beer there no i didn't have anything i basically let me take me to what

happened i went into the restaurant i think it's going to be a few minutes, and I sat down and there was just one family who were eating by the door. And I was sort of sat so close, but there's nowhere else for me to go. So I was just sat hearing all of their conversation. I mean, I sort of went outside for a bit, but I find that wait for the takeaway. I've not done it very often because obviously we're in a Deliveroo era now, aren't we? Or Uber Eats or Just Eat, whatever you want to call it. But I found it incredibly,

I just found it terribly awkward. Terribly awkward. You know, one of the best bits of television that I've seen around that is there's an episode of Bluey where that happens. Bluey? As in the Aussie dog? Yeah.

There's an episode of Bluey where his dad goes and he gets a Chinese takeaway and they've got to wait outside and he's trying to keep the kids busy while he's waiting for it. It's genuinely one of the best scripted representations of having to do it. Because to be fair, right, if you go for an Indian, it's fine because they always give you a beer or a cold drink and you can chill, right? Yeah.

But when it comes to any other takeaway that you've got to wait for, I always notice it's slightly, yeah, that you're not looked after in the same way. How much Bluey have you watched, Tom? Loads. I love Bluey. I think Bluey's incredible.

But you still think Bluey's a boy? No, I know that Bluey's a girl, and so has Bingo. I don't know what... But Bluey feels like a boy's name. Well, because it's blue? No, because I used to... I went to school with a boy called Bluey.

Right, okay, fine. You went to school with a boy called Bluey? His name was Blue Halifax. His name was Blue Halifax? Yeah, genuinely. Yeah. That is the fucking coolest name I think I've ever heard it was a cool name he wasn't a very cool kid but yeah his name was blue Halifax blue Halifax okay um anyway I don't know what he's doing now I've not heard from him for years well just on the basis at school and yeah yeah yeah mean, he wasn't really in my mingle of friends,

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Ice Lavender Cream Oat Matcha Tea Latte includes dairy. I went out in Crawley on saturday night right hit me and i bumped into a few people i knew from back in the day mostly people i used to teach right and the universal feedback seems to be that i wasn't a very good teacher in fact i bumped into somebody and they said you used to teach your maths and then i went my default answer is sorry sort of like a little right and i said was i any good as a teacher there's a bit thirsty wasn't it a thirsty thing to say and he said it felt like you're practicing your comedy wow uh in the lessons so did you used to do little bits of stand-up no little sort of singers no i mean i tried to be I didn't try to be, I was like, I was trying to make maths entertaining. So I probably was a bit jokey.

But also Lisa taught at the same school as me. And a lot of kids, well, I say kids, they're all in their late 20s, early 30s now. God, I'm so old. But they'd say to me, oh, you taught me and Miss Maynard taught me that's lisa's maiden name yeah and um they'd go yeah you felt like you're practicing your comedy uh and then i go what was uh miss maynard like they go she was brilliant oh wow yeah lisa lisa's

name is still sort of like etched in the echelon to that score and sort of like well i feel like she was a more respected member of staff than i was it's the truth were you respected by your peers no i don't think so i don't get that vibe i was incredibly disorganized as a teacher um which is a lot about me on the basis that you are the more organized out of us i know i mean god knows what you'd have been like i've got no idea yeah i mean i could barely get all good i could barely get organized good i could barely get organized to be a laborer and to be a laborer you all you have to do is make sure that you turn up you haven't got to take any equipment you haven't got to practice anything you literally

have to just turn up and i still struggled with that well if it makes you feel any better one day i remember at school i was walking to a third lesson and i bumped into a group of kids who were absolutely buzzing because um i was supposed to be choosing second lesson and I bumped into a group of kids who were absolutely buzzing because I was supposed to be teaching them second lesson and hadn't turned up. I thought I had a free period.

That'd be my ideal teacher. They didn't tell anybody. Why would you? So they just sat there in the classroom for an hour. Just pissing about. Yeah. I mean,

you know who would have been amazing in that situation? Who? Blue Halifax. Why? He just, that's the sort of place where he would have been amazing in that situation who Blue Halifax why he'd just that's the sort of place where he'd have thrived

one way or another like there's no teacher and I think he'd have been quite he'd have been well imagine if a kid had got injured during that lesson oh Jesus

that would have been it for me do you know what I mean yeah they'd have asked where you were what would you have been doing at that time I was just I was sat in my office,

just, yeah, muk-banging the shouts and chicken. You had your own office? Yeah, I was head of sixth form. You were head of sixth form? Yeah. And you forgot to go to lessons? How fucking bad was this school?

It wasn't that bad, but like, basically... What do you mean it wasn't that bad? Like, if you're head of sixth form, that's like almost, that's the, you're essentially, right you're essentially the head of Top Gun school.

They're the people who are just about to go from the academy out into the real world. And you're the last beacon of hope that they have. Well, in my defense, once I became head of sixth form, I had much fewer lessons because I had other stuff to do. Like sleeping and chilling? Yeah, and sort of muck-banging in my office. Also, I suppose there's an element of they made you sixth form because of your humour. If you were practising your zingers and your one-liners, like your joke earlier about muck-banging, which is quite frankly wincing,

you couldn't really be doing that with second years could you or third years no no you're absolutely right yeah so but i mean anyway look it was bad i love the idea of like we'll put romesh with we'll put uh romesh with the six ones because he likes a bit of blue do you know once once i was, I had to, because I was quite like a laid back teacher. Once I was teaching my year 11s and I was like helping a kid out and one of the girls in the class smacked me on the ass. What? Yeah, like spanked me. Are you joking?

No. So you had no respect? Did you just call them like did you ever call them like my kids my babies no I did not

I was not my gang no I was not I was not a drama teacher the way you said my year 11 yeah yeah oh right

I see no that but did you have like a did you ever have like a what's the Matt Damon film where he's like the really clever fella

Good Will Hunting yeah did you ever have like a little Will Hunting in your class where he's like the really clever fella Good Will Hunting yeah did you ever have like a little Will Hunting in your class there were loads of clever kids actually Lisa Lisa told Erin Doherty

who's gone on to be in like a load of BBC dramas and stuff I think she was in The Crown Erin Doherty yeah I think Erin I'm doing

I'm filming with Erin at the moment are you yeah she's in Thousand Blows with me are you serious she's incredible yeah

oh that's amazing that's amazing I didn't know yeah yeah she's in thousand blows with me are you serious she's incredible yeah yeah that's amazing that's amazing i didn't know yeah yeah she's a she's lovely yeah yeah she's from crawley yeah yeah you know how mad this is but i said that uh she said she's from crawley and i said oh yeah like romesh is like the boss there and he sort of says he's the king of crawley and she was like does he and she said i didn't even know he was from Crawley I said no that's his stick that he says he's like the main man of Crawley okay I don't know how much of that conversation is true but I find all

of it upsetting well no that's how you sort of represent yourself there's some there's some guy actually not talking about king of Crawley but like there is some basically I don't know how much I'm allowed to talk about this. There's a conversation I just had with Lisa, but there's some guy that said to one of Lisa's friends

that he didn't know that Lisa was friends with her and said to one of Lisa's friends that he regularly goes out drinking with me. And I don't know him. Oh, my God, that's true that i get that catherine hates that when someone someone will turn around and pretend they they'll go oh yeah yeah yeah i know tom really well or sort of yeah yeah yeah and yeah yeah that's one of the reasons we moved away wow so no one could say that anymore no i just yeah um i'd have loved to see you like i'd love to make the remake of Good Will Hunting

with you in a Robin Williams role. Do you know what? It'd be good to take a classic film like that and make it a flop version of it, which is what it would undoubtedly be. You know what? It would be amazing. Daniel Radcliffe as the Matt Damon part.

Yeah. The online backlash would be fucking ferocious, wouldn't it? I would love to watch that movie literally literally and then you just go from sort of movie to movie remaking classics and absolutely yeah destroying them have you seen uh romish and robert shaggy nathan and tom davis are doing good fellas no it's really good apparently yeah rob be, Rob Beckett and Josh Willicombe are both in it.

Josh Willicombe's Joe Pesci. Yeah, you know the opening shot where they walk through the restaurant? Yeah, they did that in 27 shots because they kept fucking up the action. Yes, it's all their comedian. Am I funny to you? Am I funny to you am I am I am I funny am I funny to you

how the fuck sorry sorry how the fuck am I funny how the fuck am I funny it's really weird

that they cast Daryl O'Brien as um uh Big Paul oh god Sarah Pascoe's in the Lorraine Bracco role

no no no Robert she's incredible as Robert De Niro Tom's Ray Liotta Liotta what was his name Ray Liotta Ray Liotta

yeah I love that one yeah right we should probably wrap this up now because yeah this is it

so look we as far as we can say there should be a full length episode that comes out on Friday

yes yeah and then and then we genuinely have booked a studio because basically what happened was is when we were doing we're doing another job together we're And then, and then we genuinely have booked a studio because basically what happened was is when we were doing,

we're doing another job together, we're in a studio. And so we took the opportunity to do a face-to-face podcast and the feedback we got was that it's better. So we're going to try and do some more

face-to-face ones. It's not always possible, but we have got loads of books in. And we will endeavor as hard as we can to do a mukbang episode that will just be a mukbang special. Well, I think we need to clear it with the studio first.

So let's not... You're such a nerd. For a man who didn't use to tee at Turn Up to lessons that he was teaching... No, no, first of all, that happened once. Okay. Right.

But I think if the worst comes to worst, we'll sneak the food in. Okay. Yeah. That can be a job for maybe sort of Antonio or someone. Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Let's call one of the girls from off the curb and say, could you smuggle food into the studio for us?

Oh, girls, we found an incredibly demeaning thing for you to do, if that's cool with you. Yeah, but also it's a cool mission that they could say for years that they did yeah what got taken away for tom and yeah oh yeah that's a story if they turn around and go that story that story that story you know that story well that story follows the question who are the biggest pricks you've ever worked with on that note thank you so much for tuning in for this 20 minute i still don't know if this is recorded or not so i'm hoping it has otherwise this is just a phone conversation

between two people yeah um well listen i think we should do a little song go on uh jt can you stick on a little bit of because this podcast has been so bad I think we should put a really good song on so JT can you play a little bit of Mad Villain accordion please and guys thank you so much for listening I hope you're not angry about this

but we will be doing a full length episode later on in the week so look out for that oh my ear pods falling out so I can't hear what you're saying. thank you everyone. All right. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Living off borrowed time, the clock tick faster. That'll be the hour they knock the slick blaster. Dick Dastley and Muttley with sick laughter. A gunfight and they come to cut the mix master. I see E. Cole. Nice to be old.

Y2G, Steve twice to three fold. He sold scrolls low and B-hole Know who's the illest ever, like the greatest story told Keep your glory gold and glitter For half-half of his niggas will take him out the picture The other half is rich and it don't mean shit to Feeling a mixture between both with a twist of liquor

Chase it with more beer, taste it like truth or dare When he at the mic, it's like the place get like, oh yeah. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.