Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 55: Summer Fetes & Death

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

We’re talking… vegan fish & chips, finger-licking eating, Mukbang poll results, bare-feet podding, getting caught short on trains, noisy fruit, enjoying summer fetes, contemplating death and working out what heaven’s like. Then we answer some email questions on how to deal with a bullying manager at work, disappointment with dating apps and the possibility of a W&O fantasy football league. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Only theaters April 5th. Yo. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last request Yeah. shows have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog

oh my gosh. The Bitty Bad Boys, the Bitty Bad Boys are back in the room. Yes, Romesh Ranganathan, Tom Davis. You're listening to the Wolf and Owl podcast.

Wolf and Owl, Wolf and Owl, Wolf and Owl, Wolf and Owl. Have you finished your Invisalign now? I don't want to talk about it. Your teeth are banging boy

do they yeah they're pretty good they've still got a crooked ting going on there I can't wait for one to look like that I got vegan fish and chips today I've just finished eating them

vegan fish and chips how does vegan fish and chips work I don't know I've had I've had vegan I've gone to vegan fish and chips place for these banana leaf...

No, banana blossom. Banana blossom. Banana blossom? What was that idea in my hand there? But this wasn't banana blossom. It's some sort of fish simulation. Do you think... How far away do you think it is that we'll just stop eating animals entirely?

Well, I'd love that. Yeah, but it's got to be happening soon, right? No, I don't think so. When you say stop eating animals entirely, do you mean nobody on earth eats animals? Is that what you're asking me? The way I see things happening, mate, they are coming up with such...

I had an amazing Beyond Meat burger the other day. I know it's probably old hat to sort of like a maverick vegan like you but it was thoroughly delicious yeah i mean listen you're you're exactly the sort of person that has a decent veggie burger and thinks that means that humanity is going to stop eating mate very soon that is absolutely because because because you've discovered beyond me oh my god i'm getting a little fucking phone call now. Are you getting phone calls on your laptop? Yeah.

It just came up with like a phone call. Oh, wow. I find that quite invasive, actually. Well, it's on your laptop. What you need to do is, because what you've done is collaborated all of your Appleware, so everything comes up at the same time. I bet it went off your watch, your phone, yeah it is yeah you got be careful that way it's not good for your headspace how often do you have to do not disturb on on your on

your watch and phone and stuff I don't you never have it on no and I've noticed you have it and then what can I ask you a question? When you have Do Not Disturb, so when I text you when you've got Do Not Disturb, which seems to be from about 10 past 8 in the evening with you, then it says- It's actually 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock you have Do Not Disturb? Yeah, through to the morning. Well, I'll send you a text and then it will go something like Tom's got do not disturb. And then it says notify anyway.

And I always notify anyway. I mean, so you're a guy at the bar who like, Oh, excuse me, please. Oh, hello.

Hello. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. Um, the implication there being that of the two of us, I'm the thirstier texter, which we both know is not the case.

Oh, I know the thirstier texter, which we both know is not the case. Oh, mate. Oh, I know who the thirstier texter is. This is a well-travelled path within this relationship. I'm the thirstiest texter going. I am Mr. Thirsty when it comes to texting. If I like you. If I don't, yeah, you see the other side. I've eaten three doughnuts what vegan once yeah what's going on when you're eating it it seems like you're just you're

spiraling out of you're spiraling into a whole new world well i um i came up to glasgow with the intention of eating healthily i did manage it for about three days. Wow. And I've gone off the rails quite badly. Last night I had a massive curry. I drank. And then this morning... Actually, this morning wasn't that bad, but then they brought in doughnuts because we're getting to the end of the series.

How much longer have you got left filming? Two days. Wow. So, yeah, so they brought in doughnuts. And then part of the problem is if you're one of the only vegans on campus they'll like they'll feel like they have to it's very nice but they sort of over cater for you so basically i bought a whole box of 12 vegan donuts that's what they did on

the other job that we did they brought in so many i know you're not talking about king gary because the vegan provision on that production was a fucking joke. Yeah, but we only had you there. Yeah, I know that. I'm fully aware of that because you're all tucking into hot... Like, when the fucking late-night snacks came out when we were filming late into the night,

everybody's tucking into hot dogs and burgers and then I get told about one hummus and vegetable sandwich that's fucking knocking about the back of a box like it was there from a previous shoot. No, it was there from a previous shoot that was definitely previous day when you weren't there yeah that was oh yeah you might find there's a crust on the hummus ron but that's actually actually adds to it no on the on the voiceover job we did recently oh mate that was like next yeah that was next level no i've got to say though they did just

bring in uh, sweet donuts, vegan donuts. They didn't actually cater for someone who isn't vegan. Well, I guess they were really rolling the dice on those vegan donuts being good enough to satisfy the non-vegan palate. You know what? It was a better one because they were thoroughly delicious. And you know what, actually, I found even more delicious than eating them?

It was watching you enjoy them. As you know, I'm very self-conscious about eating, so tread carefully. No, because you do this cute thing when you eat a sugary snack, right? You take a bite, take another bite, and you put it on your plate and delicately lick your fingers

and then sort of like take another bite. It's really cute. Yeah, whereas I would love to comment on your bites but you just inhale the whole fucking thing so do you need do you need a dish or anything

nah I'll be alright this ain't going to touch the ground don't worry about that I do have a problem with inhaling food there's nothing it's not a problem

careful you need to enjoy it or you just push it into your mouth yeah but you do enjoy it it more you just push it into your mouth I find that you do enjoy it don't you yeah sometimes

I think I should do it when I see you like delicately delicately sort of like you know really enjoying

every single little morsel of it like you know the lips of the fingers I don't this licking the fingers thing

you're making it out like I do it a lot I don't do it a lot right this is you that's delicious can you do less noises for the podcast You're making it out like I do it a lot. I don't do it a lot. This is you.

Can you do less noises for the podcast? Is that alright so that people really get what you're doing? Yummy. And also, if anyone wants, because you know what's going live, mate, the mukbang episode is definitely happening okay so so I didn't know

there was actually a poll on this so talk to me about it what did you do because I didn't see a poll I just saw the clip go up so what happened so I've put up

a poll it's 73% of people saying yes it's 27% saying no there's sort of basically three quarters

do you know what I'm going to say to you now, there's actually a worse ratio than I thought it was going to be. If anything, I think that's evidence that

the mukbang shouldn't happen. Really? Mate, I think that the 73% of people that want it to happen, Antonio, by the way, shout out

Antonio, more than up for sneaking some food into the studio report that we've got coming up. She was being sarcastic. Full disclosure, she

was being sarcastic. She disclosure, she was being sarcastic. She was taking the piss out. She was taking the piss. Basically, we've got a wolf in our WhatsApp group, and Tony's on the WhatsApp group. She listened to the episode and she said sarcastically,

I'll put on a balaclava and bring in a load of food. I actually didn't take it sarcastically. I thought that she was really eager. That's sort of like a little bit of excitement that she's really going to look forward to. Why would she look forward to that, bringing in food? Mate, that could be a really cool thing to do. We've talked about it.

She can tell people forever that she was the person who just snuck the food in. It's like being in, I don't know, Frost vs. Nixon or whatever. Okay. Well, I think she's being sarcastic. Maybe do a poll. What, I think she's being sarcastic. I get, maybe do a poll. What,

do a poll on a, so do you think the WhatsApp you haven't seen is Antonia being sarcastic or not? Is that what you're asking?

Yeah, we could do a one person poll to Antonia. Do you ever get really hot but you can feel the heat just

coming from your feet? What? Have you got underfloor heating?? What? I've got socks on. Have you got underfloor heating? Yeah, but I've got it off at the moment because it would be insane to have it on now, wouldn't it? Not necessarily. I feel so hot.

What are you doing right now under the table? It's just disgusting what I'm having to look at now. What are you doing? I'm pulling my socks off. Put the old towel in. There we go. Oh, God. That's horrible.

I don't want to know that you've got bare feet now for some reason. Because the whole time I'm talking to you, I think of your little fucking posable toes gripping the desk legs or whatever. I don't want to think about that. Mate, how mad that you just said, I'm literally, my toes are gripping onto the chair. I hate that shit. Like a pterodactyl just viewing the world behind him ready to take flight.

Oh, God. I hate that shit. I hate it. I was at dinner the other night with a couple of people from production. And they did something which I then did. I copied them, basically. They don't know I copied them. They've been talking about me

behind my back after this. They, in the middle of their meal, stopped eating to sort of talk for a bit. What? Yeah. So like… What, purposely? Or was it a conversation? No, by accident.

No, like they were like eating. And then we were getting into conversation, and they sat back from the plate and started chatting. Well, hold up well hold up hold up one before you ferociously jumped on me then which is like all the year and then by the way all your eyes rolled um nasty little cat uh my point was this. Was the conversation piece that started so interesting that it brought a halt to the meal? Or was it... I mean, the conversation was interesting.

Whether it was interesting... I don't think I've ever been involved in a conversation that's interesting enough for me to stop eating mid-meal, but that's what happened. Well, obviously you do. Just to lick your fingers is after a little pause, right? Well, in contrast to you, that will finish your meal while the first person is completing their first sentence

of their conversation. But what did they do then? So you copied them because obviously you couldn't be eating. Well, because I'm very paranoid about finishing my food before everybody else does. It's a problem. What, really? Yeah, I don't like sitting there with an empty plate Because I'm very paranoid about finishing my food before everybody else does. It's a problem. What? Really?

Yeah, I don't like sitting there with an empty plate and everyone else is still eating because it just makes me feel like a greedy little fuck. Do you know what I mean? No. I look at food a bit like a race. If I see someone else is eating quickly, I'm a little bit like, you know...

So tell me, how many meals, just on average, rough estimate, how many of your meals a day are you eating in prison? No, I look at it like, if you've got someone else who's eating quick, it's a bit like, you know, the cars in the F1 that you follow around. Yeah. Like that one, the pace car. That's how I look at it. If you've got a really quick eater, you try and keep up pace with him.

Yeah, but why? Why? I don't know. I just think with food, it's just got to go in quick. Yeah, why? I think that's pretty much the opposite of accepted wisdom now. I don't know. I just think with food, it's just got to go in quick. Yeah, why? I think that's pretty much the opposite of accepted wisdom now. Oh, yeah, but I enjoy eating quickly.

It's not... I guess I'm enjoying the food enough to sort of push it into my face. When it comes to meal time, do you snack between meals? Try not to, but I don't. I'm trying not to. I'm just hitting my... So I'm really hungry when I get to a meal. do. I'm trying not to. I'm just, I'm hitting my, so I'm really hungry when I get to a meal. Well, I'm trying to, I'm trying to step up my,

God, I can't believe I'm about to say this out loud. I'm trying to drink more water. Mate, it's all life's about. H2O is so important for you, bro. Oh, God, I don't want, okay. What, how much are you drinking a day? Yes.

You should have one of these with you all the times a single use plastic bottle I don't think I should or like get one of those

sort of like cool ones that you can get under with like a picture of Homer Simpson on or something

yeah I do have I do have one of those but I've left it at weakest link but um I uh

my problem is it makes me want to piss off yeah but it makes me want to piss off i find it i find it incredibly inconvenient to be honest with you yeah but at our age we i urinate so much at the moment i actually thought i was gonna wet myself today you ever do that thing i came for the train station right and i was i was sort of quite looking forward like i needed a wee and then i thought you know what i don't want to go here i'm going to try and get to the office my office is about 1.3 miles away yeah so what is 1.3 miles away exactly yeah about 1.3 isn't a thing is it

so i start walking as i'm sort of setting up my way, I start realizing that actually I shouldn't have taken the expedition on and I probably should have gone when I had the chance. And then the rest, you know that walk that you do and like the praying you don't bump into anyone you know because I started getting a real scuttle on because my bladder felt absolutely like it was going to explode. Yeah. I got to the office.

There's a guy called Jonathan there who's very, very sweet, but he's also very chatty. So I usually love a chat, as you know. I get there and he went, oh, hello, Tom. How are you doing? All right. You know, nice weekend. I went, Jonathan, mate, I'm so, so sorry.

I'm dying for a piss. Should have gone to the station, but I didn didn't and then I just ran to the toilet I once was so desperate for a shit I sat on a toilet without is it Victoria and

I was on the train three bridges to Victoria takes about 45 minutes and I developed a fear of shitting on a train after an incident

that I don't want to discuss on the podcast what really? yeah you can't say that and then just it's disgusting it that I don't want to discuss on the podcast. What, really? Yeah. You can't say that and then just... It's disgusting. I don't want to talk about it. Look, you can't come off the back of saying to people

that you're drinking more water and then flirt with probably the story of all stories. I've never heard this tale. It's not the story of all stories. It's just a bit embarrassing. I actually, basically, basically I was sat on a train. Right.

And I really needed to go, I had a bad stomach. Right. And I went into a, I went into a toilet and I went and found like a, like a sort of, you know, there's like some that are big and basically announced to the carriage that you're going in. Yeah. And then,

and then if you want, yeah. And then if you wander up, there's like sort of more old fashioned ones that have kind of got just like, I love those ones. I absolutely adore those with the sliding doors. Yeah. So I went into,

I went into one of those and I was in there for a long time. Right. Right. Just sort of dealing with the was in there for a long time. Right. Right. Just sort of dealing with the situation that my stomach presented me with. Okay. And it was horrific. And I reckon, rough estimate, four stations. Right.

And I'm not talking about nearby stations. Are you talking Redhill? I would say I went from Gatwick to Clapham. Fucking hell. You went through East Croydon. East Croydon's the longest stop on that line as well, bro. I know, I know, I know. Wow.

I know, yeah. To be fair, that's almost the way to do it, because probably most people thought you got off the train. Well, that's what I hoped, except... You don't please. You didn't go back to your seat. I didn't go back to your seat i didn't go back to my seat no um i went to a different seat but um that was only after i opened the door to find somebody waiting to use the toilet

how bad was it that what you had you cleaned up behind after yourself i was this is how bad it was i had cleaned up after myself not a fucking animal but it was such a horrible situation that i was contemplating emailing the train company to tell them to decommission that carriage have you ever had the one when you go into like a train or you know and it's yeah but tom hold on i haven't told you the the final detail oh god okay as i open the door and there's somebody waiting their face physically changed what did they do they like like grimaced as the as i sort of came out oh god it God, it was horrible. What did you say?

I didn't say anything. I was too embarrassed. Because in those situations, whenever you see that happen in a film, they go, oh, the guy before me was an absolute nightmare. Yeah, but that's what I do. That's what I've done that before. But I knew that I'd been there since Gatwick.

So I don't know how long they'd been waiting there for. Trust me, by the way, no one's waiting from Gatwick to Clapham to go to the toilet. I know that, but even East Croydon to Clapham is a situation, isn't it? Well, yeah, minutes, 10 minutes, 12 minutes, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, what am I saying? It was so bad that it's outlasted the 12 minutes that I was in there.

And by the way, for 12 minutes I was cleaning up. I mean, you know, none of this holds up, does it? That is so bad. I've been in the situation where i've gone in and it's someone's left a mess and i've had to then come out and go look by the way this was here before i was is that what you said yeah yeah yeah i actually had a thing on the trade today there was a guy i was on um and he ate a banana, which I think is a big move on a train, because it's quite a loud. Why? Because it's a loud type of fruit.

No, it isn't. How is it loud? Bananas. I can eat a banana now. You might have named the quietest fruit to eat. No way. No way. Well, tell me a quieter fruit than banana.

A blueberry. Fair enough. You've absolutely nailed that. Mango. Is a mango quiet? There's a sloppy sound to a banana. I could close mango quite... There's a sloppy sound to a banana. I could close my eyes. There's a sloppy sound to a mango.

I don't think a mango is as sloppy as a banana by any means. I actually think it's offensive to even say that. Well, first of all, if we're talking about the actual fruit itself, a mango is clearly sloppier than a banana. I mean, there's no debate. Yeah, but eating it. I reckon you could stealthily eat a mango. Well, you've got to peel it first.

Yeah, but you'd have mango pieces by all means. Bananas, you could never do that, could you? Because you've got to peel a banana. This is the point. So he's eating his banana, right? And then he puts the banana skin on the seat next to him. Okay, that's bad. And I sort of see the banana skin.

And then we all get to the station at the end of the line. And he gets up and I said, oh, you're not taking your banana skin with you we all get to the station at the end of the line and he gets up and I said oh you're not taking your banana skin with you oh god and he was like oh yeah sorry

I forgot I was like I was like no way did he forget it I mean he literally five minutes before we were putting into the main station

was sitting there with the banana skin there he literally is that the sort of thing that bothers you what a dirty old banana skin left on the train? Yeah, it does.

I think it's disgusting. Why was that the easier option than just picking it up yourself and putting it in the bin? Because it was his banana skin. Why should I just let him litter? How tragic would I have had to be to say, oh, good morning, mate, have a good, enjoy the rest of your week, and then as he walked off, pick up his banana skin. Well, here's a hint.

Don't talk to fucking strangers on the train. little bit of advice for you if someone's just gonna eat a banana which i arguably say is not a fruit that you can just because like an apple there's hardly anything left the core i guess yeah well well done for naming a much noisier fruit than a banana by the way i'm just saying right a banana you can't just go around I think littering like that is pretty disgusting it is disgusting I'm not denying that but I'm just saying

what would you have done in that situation I would have picked it up and put it in the bin myself really yeah there's fucking I don't even know

what it would take for me to say somebody I think you're starting off the week with a big L then though why because if he sees you again he'll probably just go,

oh, I've got a bag of crisps. And it almost sort of just hands them to you when he's finished and go, oh, you're the guy who picks up everyone's litter. I mean, it's pretty far-fetched, that scenario, isn't it? I suddenly gain a reputation. Every time I get off the train, there's just a man in a rubbish review. Oh, Romesh will take care of this. Just leave Romesh sitting next to me.

Is that what you're envisioning happening? No, just this one guy who's basically like, oh, Romesh will take care of this. Just leave it on the seat next to me. Is that what you're envisioning happening? No, just this one guy who's basically like, oh, yeah, I mean, guess who I saw on the train today, Romesh Reaganathan. Oh, he's really funny. I love his stuff. Yeah, he's cool. He does a podcast with that other guy. Right? And then he turns around and says, oh, but I left this horrible

gritty old banana skin on the seat next to me. He picked it up and walked all the way down the platform outside the station to a bin what train are you on that's not got a bin in it by the way

but you're not allowed bins on platforms still yeah but on the train there's bins isn't there yeah I mean I didn't see any

okay fine anyway I mean this is the level of detail we're getting into here I'm barely fucking interested I can't imagine what it's like listening to this

I think it really is called out for those in person ones the point is is that it would take a lot for me to talk to a stranger in that sort of a situation because I just don't know it's like one I'm sort of not good with confrontation two I'd get frightened that they're going to say well actually I've got banana skin blindness and it's a thing where when i put the banana it's like a condition i've got

and i've just plucked up the courage to be able to leave my house and live with it and now you just highlighted it to me in front of everyone so thanks you know like some awful mario carl wouldn't they yeah very good very good nice work i'm actually a bit ashamed of that one yeah well listen you don't need to be ashamed Let's see what the public think when this goes up. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill.

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to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the big top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. How have you been generally though, Gus? Good, man. I feel pretty alright.

I feel pretty okay. I feel nice weekend, little chilled vibes, went to a nice I've done three summer fates in three weekends. Why? I quite enjoy the summer fates. I'm starting to think about, two of them

I've got because they're local to me one we've had to travel for because my sister you travelled for a summer fate? it was my niece's she was very excited that I was going okay okay

well that's actually quite sweet and you've made me look an absolute prick there so well done but I quite enjoy the summer fate I enjoy the sort of razzmatazz and the sort of low levelness of it I enjoy like people

getting really excited about a tombola or naming a tiger or something like that how much do you engage with a summer fate what do you mean in what sense

well a fate is like they've got loads of stalls right yeah I always did work on the stall but I was like

I chatted to people that were there I played the tombola so you play the stuff oh yeah of course yeah yeah Yeah. I always did work on the stall, but I was like, I'd chat to people that were there. I played the trombone. Yeah, but what I mean is like, if you go, so you play the stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah.

What about you when you're at one? I couldn't even tell you the last time I went to a summer fight. You're joking. Why? I don't know. Oh, man, you're missing out on a real, I think there's something really

quite blessed and sort of lovely about a summer fight. You think so yeah it's i'd say 97 of the people they are really enjoying themselves right i have been to him in the past when the kids were into it i used to go and and then we'd like spend 10 quid on trying to kick a ball into a hole and for a stuffed toy that's worth 50 pips there is quite a whole tat there and stuff I've got to say Tom Bowler was a bit

sag looking this year but yeah I brought 15 tickets didn't even get close to winning really yeah

I just think this is something I think it's something quite sweet and sort of like it's one of the things I'm probably one of my top five

things that I'm proudest of about this country what is Summer Fates that's one of the top five things I think if I think one of the top five things i think if i think one of the things that we should do is actually sort of publicize quite how lovely they

are uh all right let's do it now tom talk to me talk me through a summer fate and why it's good a summer fate i think it enhances a local area it will show you all the best people that you could have it shows you that yeah you might have had a bottle of pinot grigio in the back of your fridge for six to eight months and never even thought of it but if you stick that on a table with some old leeks deodorant in a package and some other bits of crud it actually becomes a tombola that you have a queue of up to 15 to 20 people all day long trying to win the old shit that you don't want anymore yeah you can turn a goal into maybe something bigger than the biggest football game of all time let me tell you this time i was watching a mass of people trying to

get past what was a pretty incredible young goalkeeper and a five-side goal and the moment that a kid scored the whole place just went crazy yeah it's a place where dads can have a ice cold glass of fosters and mums can sit back on a ice cold glass of pimps it's a cherished moment where a woman who maybe for no fault of her own has lost her lost a place in society, but then hustles together some Rice Krispie squares and some cupcakes, and all of a sudden there's the bell of the ball and carried a loft on people's shoulders

throughout the village stroke township. It's a happy place, and there's no sadness there. And for maybe just one afternoon, your troubles just get well down a drain and a river runs through it okay you're not doing your closing bit you know that right yeah that's my ode to summer fades it's a really nice side which i think we all heard uh you yourself lose interest in about midway through there yeah but i'm just saying i'd love to see you go to one okay

well why don't we go to one together we can make it I'll make it another one of our things that um we never end up doing mate I'm gonna rattle through these things of ours I think that we're both getting you know

our father time is catching up on both of us and these little when do you think when do you think when do you think we'll bring this podcast to an end like in your do you have a life plan well as my life or the podcast's life?

Well, I assume that the podcast and your life are sort of intertwined. Yeah, I think I'll keep on doing this until I'm weasley sitting in an old people's home. You'll probably sort of fly up in quite a snazzy one, I'd imagine. Do you ever think about when you might die? Well, yeah, I do actually quite a lot. I do, yeah. Yeah, I do too. I mean, listen, I do actually quite a lot. I do, yeah. Yeah, I do too. I mean, listen, I know this is supposed to be a light-hearted podcast, but...

How often, how many times a week does it worry you, roughly? It doesn't worry me. It doesn't ever worry me. Really? No. It doesn't ever worry me. Are you joking? No.

What? It doesn't, I think about it, but it doesn't worry me. I'm not worried about dying. That is probably the bravest thing you've doesn't worry me i'm not worried about dying are you that is probably the bravest thing you've ever said are you genuinely not worried about dying i'm worried but yeah for other people for the other people but also for me no i don't i'm not worried about that this is that is that a morbid thing to say no i think about death a lot i think about i do too i do too okay let's get into this so yeah and how often how often do you think you're thinking about like do you think

about it every day at least twice a day at least yeah i think i think about i think i do as well in my quiet moments i think you know it will certainly always sort of run through my mind and i feel this sort of cold sadness i I think as well, it's just... I think more about, yeah, Grace, Catherine, my parents. Yeah, I do worry about that. I've got to be honest with you. The main thing that I worry about is not so much Lisa because she'll remarry within six months,

but what I do worry about is I worry about the children because, like, you know, they're too young for that to happen. But I occasionally have really mad thoughts. I'm actually almost scared to say this, but I'm going to tell you now. I occasionally have irrational thoughts that really do take hold, right? Right, okay. So I'm going to tell you this now. I never told you this.

There was a strong part of me that thought I was going to die on this travel show that I went on recently. You know, when I was away for a few weeks. Yeah, I just sort of, like, I got it into my head that something was going to happen. I don't know why, man. Did that play a part of that whole trip? No.

I don't want to make you think I was thinking it the whole time, but there was part of me that every now and again, is this the maddest thing that I've ever said? I'm actually slightly embarrassed for saying it out loud, but there's part of me that thought, we did a couple of bits where he climbed up somewhere and I thought oh this might be

like when you know a soap character or a character in a film is going to die and then you're like oh shit is this when he's

going to die oh no it's not yeah yeah yeah that's crazy like I've had I've had times

when I've genuinely worried oh this is it this is the thing that's going to kill me. Well, you've already talked about one of them. I'm worried about it with my weight. That's one of the reasons I started losing weight, big time.

Yeah. But yeah, I do... Anyway, the point is, I realised that was a bit like... What happened was, I think things like that, I'm easily suggestible, right? So once I have a thought like that, it's not that difficult for it to hook. Do you know what I mean?

So I just thought of it when I was going away. I don't know why. And then a couple of times during that trip, I thought, oh, maybe I will. It's mad, isn't it? I'm making it sound like I was really freaked out during the trip I wasn't

but like you know a couple of times I thought oh maybe this maybe this will be the moment but I find it mad that you're not like I know it's like and it's probably quite a good way to be

but I I fear it quite a lot I fear death in general I fear like that as a thing you know I think it's such a sort of like,

it's such a final thing. It's, you know what, it's one of the things that when I chat to, you know, when you talk to people religious, who really, you know,

and I was sort of in and out of sort of being brought up as a Catholic or whatever, but I actually find it really sort of, when I talk to anyone who believes that there's an afterlife, I sort of always think and I'd love to think that that was I sort of just think if nothing else for religion that's a pretty cool thing that you believe even if it's not true that you can go into your sort of scariest moments and you're sort of the last beats of your life and think well actually this isn't it and you have that much faith I actually find that pretty pretty pretty incredible well i

actually like because the thing is is that um i think the reason i don't worry about it is like even if so i think god this is so is this too should we be talking anyway it doesn't matter we talk about whatever don't we so either to me either of those options is fine right so what i mean is if there is an afterlife that's great right that'd be amazing if there isn't an afterlife that's also fine isn't it because you just you just won't be conscious of anything do you know i mean like but why would like you you you weren't in a horrible space before you were born were you no but my thing is a bit like right what's more exciting than looking forward to a holiday right like all year round you're going oh right yeah we're going to go to portugal this summer so if you if you

spend your whole life thinking at the end it isn't just the end yeah you are there's essentially a lovely big holiday at the end of it and you're just going to go sort of spend eternity even if it's not true but if you're like if you could look at the the people your loved ones as you as you leave this mortal coil and just give them a little nod and we can go on what's somewhere better i think it's reassuring for them i think it's reassuring for you and i think there's just a nicer so whilst there's a lot of stuff with religion and and whatever that i don't necessarily agree with or you know i i i find that sort of the comfort in that quite nice um yeah do you believe in an afterlife i don't know i'm doing this question i don't know i mean

one of my pro problems is is like i don't understand how heaven like i can't even successfully figure out how to cater a dinner party that meets everybody's requirements i mean like what what what is the food what is what music are they playing do you mean like even you and i wouldn't agree yeah but it's the same as earth right you're gonna have different it's not like you know me and you could both go out to heaven and like you know i've known like 4 000 years i'm bowling about, I'm out with Gabriel and some others, and I come out of a bar... You really think Gabriel's going to knock about with you?

I don't know, I'm a bit of a cat. Is that the social circles you think you're going to be knocking about? Yeah, after 4,000 years, I'd like to sort of like work my way up a little bit, so I sort of... Gabriel's not one of the big names either, right? I think you'd like it if you pronounce his name correctly there well probably valid like you know we'll be there i could imagine you knocking about with gabrielle and gabrielle actually because you like her stuff

don't you i do actually i'm a big fan i could we i come out of a bar and then you're there and you're chatting to a couple of other people i'm like oh fucking hell man i haven't seen you so tell me what the tell me what the bar's like well it's like probably made out of clouds and stuff okay what what what drinks are they serving uh i'd imagine some sort of like ice lager sort of thing everything's sort of you know and sort of i mean it depends i mean in your mind i think heaven's whatever you want it to be in some sense right okay so so are we are we saying that like whatever drink you want that bar will serve yeah i think it's like literally it's all your heart desires right okay and then and then what happens like what music are they playing in this bar well i think probably let's just say it's a tuesday so it's probably i don't

know like frank's and archer's doing a little turn and then tupac's like oh so it's all live before it's all live performance? Yeah, because, mate, it would be awful if it was at live performances. You've got all the greats are up there. Like, all the best singers. Yeah, sure, sure. But, like, I don't... Okay, but if there was a Tupac and Frank Sinatra night

going on down the end of my road, I wouldn't go to that. Well, yeah, but that's why you wouldn't be in the bar. I'm coming out of the bar, and you're outside. I'm like, hello, mate. And you're like, like oh you're in there well you have been all snobby like you can be although you haven't

bloody changed you're quite bitchy aren't you for someone that thinks he's going to get straight into heaven you haven't changed a bloody bit in 4,000 years I gave you all this

so hold on what the fuck I won't have seen you for 4,000 years that's what I'm saying heaven's so big right like I haven't bumped into you yeah but hold on a minute oh no hold on a fucking minute

though if we died you're telling me by the way let's just let's just talk about what you've said has happened we're both dead right okay four thousand years you've been up there right and before you bump into me and that's by fucking accident so you're not i don't know where you're gonna be i'm like is he yeah yeah but fucking ask around like like in four listen you fancy yourself mate everyone who's ever died is up there and i'm holding about going oh has anyone seen ramesh yeah i probably would say that but i don't know who's dead first if i've died first and i'm up there i'm not gonna i don't know how long yeah four thousand years by the way in heaven years it's literally like fucking 10 years here what are you talking about what why why would why would time even be a thing

up there exactly mate it's not a thing it's like four thousand years literally just flies by because no one has jobs it's like everyone just like four thousand years flies by because nobody has jobs so you're just enjoying life right okay you can literally spend like ages just skipping and laughing do you know the number of times

I hear unemployed people saying doesn't time fly no but it's different because there's no use for money everything in heaven's free yeah right

so you could just turn around and go oh bloody hell I fancy like some asparagus and like banana leaves right that's your that's your go-to fantasy thing are you talking about me are you talking about me I'm talking about you yeah yeah Yeah, I fancy like some asparagus and like banana leaves, right?

That's your go-to fantasy thing? Are you talking about me? Are you talking about me? I'm talking about you, yeah, yeah. That's my ultimate fantasy thing. But what am I doing with banana leaves? Wrapping them around here. I don't know what you guys do with them. Right?

And then all of a sudden, you've just got like, it's just there for you. And then you can just sprint as fast as you want because, you know, you never get out of breath. So, yeah, I mean, you've got to think how many clouds there are, right? So you could just be in a whole different cloud dimension. And then you've just, like, basically ended up where I am because I'm sort of, and you're like, oh, fucking hell. Yeah.

You're like, bloody hell, I didn't know you'd be here. So come in, old Frank Sinatra and Tupac are singing tonight. Yeah, I'm not sure. You, mate, you haven't even changed. Gabriel, this is probably the best guy I know, Romesh Ranganathan. And Gabriel went, I've heard of you, young Ranganathan.

So what, is Santa Gabriel? I don't understand what's happened there. No, he's just got that same sort of voice. He's got the same voice as Santa and every creepy old man that you've ever done. And then you have a different pair of trainers for every day. It'd be amazing. Here's a question for you.

Yeah. Because I watched that Coco. Did you watch that film? The Disney film? No, no, I haven't seen it yet. So all of the people in heaven, they are... Was that the one about the singer? Yeah. You know that? Oh, that one a singer yeah you know that remember me

i love that song um anyway whenever they're whenever they go to heaven they are the age that they die at if that makes sense so there's one woman one woman that dies much older, and then she's knocking about with her grandmother, but her grandmother died when she was much younger. So the grandmother's like a 20-year-old, and the great-granddaughter's like 90 or something. Oh yeah, I think I remember that. And that got me thinking, if you could pick an age that you'd be in heaven for eternity, what would it be? Maybe 30, 31. I think that's what i'd go

for a little bit of a white thing you know what you why you've been talking about you know one of the things i've said have you ever seen a film i think it's called carousel oklahoma it's like an old musical it's called carousel or oklahoma it's called carousel oklahoma oh yeah it's called carousel right yeah so this is a really beautiful piece, and it's about this. Sometimes I – this is carrying on that dark vein. I remember watching that as a film as a kid, becoming like, you know, it's like you're slightly obsessed with it. And sometimes I think that basically the ghost of the dad comes back and he watches

with an angel and he watches sort of his kid growing up and his wife sort of moved on with a new bloke and he sort of goes back to make sure they're happy and it's sort of it's quite sad and quite morbid but also quite happy in a way i think that's the one thing i once i i pass i'd like to just be able to pop back and just make sure that Catherine and Grace are doing okay. That's the only thing I'd say. No, I'd just do it once. Just say, you know. How long are you giving Catherine

before you sort of feel all right about her getting with someone else? To be fair, I think as long as she's happy. I think that's... Yeah, as long as it's a good person for her and a good father, whatever, for Grace, then yeah. That's all you can hope for, isn't it? Okay, I strongly suspect we're going to have to put

a trigger warning on this podcast. Anyway, we've gone down this road. It's my fault. I hold myself almost completely responsible for what's happened there. Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know.

Mom's gonna love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it, she complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind. Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. It's Tim's 60th anniversary and Roll Up to Win is back.

Win big with a daily $10,000 jackpot sponsored by Tim's Financial. Earn an entry with every roll. Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply. Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement?

The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with a Tresemme keratin smooth weightless collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. Should we do some emails? Yeah, let's do it baby. www.patreon.com to learn more. for a bit of advice for context i've just graduated my undergraduate and about to start my master's what is an undergraduate by the way that's just a regular degree okay so before you've graduated you're an undergraduate well so that means you can just go to university without graduating and

still be an undergraduate no no no no while you're studying the course you're an undergraduate right and then you graduate okay cool okay yeah alright for context I've just graduated my undergraduate and about to start my masters my undergraduate degree

is funded but because of COVID I lived at home and commuted until my final year because I wanted to experience the city a bit I mean

people that were at uni during COVID man dear lord that's cool when I moved out when I moved out for my final year I said to my job

which is based where my parents live that I was moving out to experience uni and really have enjoyed working there, but will be moving home soon and would love to come back if they had any opportunity. When I left, I was doing some supervising. I think I got offered this role because I helped so much through COVID, doing food deliveries, looking after my boss's child, even picking up my boss on nights out, and just being willing to help with whatever's needed. I've come back and the supervisor role was no longer available. I was totally fine with it, being quite relieved, to be honest, because there's a lot of pressure for a 20-year-old student to run a restaurant service at the weekends. Anyway, they've filled the role with a middle-aged woman who's an absolute

bully. The person treats all the other girls like shit while flirting with the boys non-stop. It's unbearable. I think she works for Lisa. Constantly swearing at us and telling us we're lazy if she catches us stopping for one second while she sits and does her make-up, takes 20 fag breaks a day. It's hard to... Yeah to yeah this is her it's hard to explain without making this email too long i genuinely think my boss doesn't see this side to her anyway i brought this up to my boss

who brushed it under the rug it came to a breaking point when she shouted at me and my young sister for doing nothing we were taking a drinks order i tried to calmly tell her that but she walked away so i found her and said it's okay i said we were taking a drinks order we weren't doing nothing in a harsh tone like the one she is with me she then got me and said you can't speak to me and shout at me like that in front of customers i told her i didn't shout at her i spoke to her she spoke to me all day and i fucking had enough of it and customers will not have heard i walked away and clocked out my shift four hours after i was due to finish i told my boss in the heat that i'd had enough i wouldn't be back i only had another week left there because i'd already

handed in my notice because of that manager anyway I haven't texted since the problem is this uh I hate conflict I know I'm a good person this woman isn't a good person I've seen it time and time again but I'm upset that I've not finished my shift and I'm being made to fill in the wrong but I can't keep seeing this woman bully me and other females they're actually quite like my boss but I'm disappointed they're not doing anything about this bully my sister all quit now four girls have quit in the past month because of this woman. Just sad that three years working somewhere have come to this kind of an end. The anxiety it's caused is unreal.

I feel like I can't attend this place as a customer. Sorry for the length of this. I'd really appreciate this podcast and all of your advice. Tommy D. So, I mean, sadly, I think in life you have people and you have places that for a short time or maybe for a longer time can be very, very important. And then through no reason of your own or, you know, through whatever, however the stars align, they can change and things shift quite significantly um i think that sometimes that's really sad and sometimes i think it's like sort of quite numbing to think of somewhere you've enjoyed being and and sort of had such good times and cherished memories can sort of become somewhere that becomes sort of so negative

but i think it's also worth saying that that's kind of just sort of i kind of think it's the thing that sort of makes up the tapestry of life I sometimes look back at sort of pubs I've drunk in and people I've drunk with and people have been around and sort of there's times where I fondly remember those places and but then I just sort of remember why I stopped going there or why I stopped talking to that person and not that always clouds every memory but there's usually just just a reason why you've sort of had to trot on and sort of move on to the next place so whilst it you know there's some part of you because you seem like a sort of decent person that probably wants some

sort of decent ending i think you've done a really really brave thing anyway by actually calling out this person and her behavior because she sounds like an unreasonable and not very nice human being and I think actually she'll probably go through life a lot of life feeling being that person because probably underneath it all she's not very happy herself and sort of gone some kind of happiness from making those around her feel quite small so you're never probably ever going to get any sort of closure there and i think for your boss you know maybe five ten four thousand years in the future you might bump into them and uh you could um you can have a chat with them and and be honest and and sort of say how felt. But they're probably blind to it.

And, you know, if I'm honest, the trade in which they work in is a very difficult one at the moment. So if he's got a lot of temporary staff, he's probably trying to hang on to the sort of, you know, he's probably sort of blinded by, you know, someone who's sort of shown him a bit of, you know, not law test and all that, but, you know, but being there for him.

So I wouldn't judge them too harshly on that. Yeah, I think your future's a bright one, and I think you could look back at the happy times and cherish those memories. But yeah, sometimes in life it's time to just move on. Thank you very much for your email, Anxious Antelope, and I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time i'm sorry that your work situation has ended the way it has um what i would say to you is this

if you carry on feeling upset about how this has ended the only person is damaging is you then i think that like i've been in situations uh in fact you know i've been in situations recently where i feel like i've been hard done by or I feel like somebody's sort of been a bit harsh. And I actually think that your desire to get closure on this in the way that you find satisfying will eat you up. And so actually what I think you need to do, and I know this is quite a difficult piece of advice, but this is not your responsibility. You've walked away from it. Congratulations. You no longer ever have to go back there ever again.

That is a gift. So I would suggest that you don't ever go back there. If people are leaving that workplace, they deserve it. And that is good because hopefully either, well, look, hopefully that will change their behavior, ideally. So I know this isn't amazing advice, but what I would say is, is that this is no longer your problem. And you need to release yourself completely from feeling any kind of connection with that place at all. And I would like just practice that, you you know think about just try not to give a shit anymore this is not your thing you've walked away that's it you feel like an injustice has been

done but you've got your revenge you've got your closure by leaving they've lost you and they've lost other people as well so that's what they deserve so um i guess i'm suggesting that you let it go as difficult or as easy as that might be. That's what you've got to do, in my opinion. I wish you the very best of luck, Anxious Antelope. And if it makes you feel any better, I'm feeling slightly anxious about the quality of the advice I've just given you there. So good luck. Take care of yourself. That was beautiful advice from a beautiful human being.

Thank you. Okay. Okay. This email, our email address is riddled with just fucking crap. So for every actual email from a listener there is, there's four job things and adverts and shit like that. What have you been signing up to then? I've not been signing up to anything.

I don't understand. I only log on to the fuck's going on. What have you been signing up to then? I've not been signing up to anything. I don't understand. I only log on to this to see the emails. That's crazy. Yeah, thank you for your accusatory tone straight away, by the way. I know it's difficult, you know, all of the weight that you bear of the email admin. You don't even know the fucking login, do you? No.

No. No. Okay. No, but I thought Lisa was doing doing it she didn't do it this week i did it i can't be away and tell her to do the emails it's mad i was just had this idea of her just sitting there with a really lovely hot cup of tea and a sort of three hobnobs and sort of like giggling and sort of like reading or emotionally reading them and just thinking here's the thing about lisa She doesn't really eat biscuits.

Really? Yeah. I'm actually thinking about it. When we came round to your house that time, I ate nearly all the biscuits. Well, yeah. I mean, that was, I would say that she didn't eat biscuits that day because of a lack of opportunity rather than she didn't want any.

Alex and me were going head to head on who could eat the most. Yeah, you were. Yeah. I mean, it's like a fucking tornado gone through the snack cupboard after you'd come around this is from the empty goldfish bowl hi Romesh and Tom, big listener of the podcast keeps me company at home while working and always helps

to cheer me up, make me laugh, your two's friendship and the way you view the world makes me so happy here's my issue I was in a long marriage but it didn't work out as the other half was really toxic i've been single for a long time and started looking about a year ago i've had several matches these never work out and nearly always because the person meets someone better and or doesn't see a future i don't like the wording for that anyway the exhaustion of going through all the apps to find anyone normal and not wanting to send a picture of their dick I never asked for is overwhelming

I have a good job and wonderful kids but I can't help but feel empty all the time I just want to find someone who actually wants me and that loves me it's not that I need a relationship to define me it's just that I want to be someone's person after the most recent dumping for someone I really liked who instead connected with someone else so backed out I feel totally empty

how can I ever start to believe someone will want me when all that happens when i open up and start to feel something i get rejected people say the right one will come along honestly i'm starting to think that maybe some people are just meant to be left on their own i'm nearly 40 and i would say i'm below average looks i'm funny i can hold a conversation without anybody really holds their attention so long do you think i should give up looking now just focus on something else uh sorry to unload this sack of emotions on you the empty goldfish bowl uh tommy the empty goldfish bowl um i find this so heartbreaking so sad actually sort of um like i thought yeah like it's such a difficult thing when you're when you feel the way you do and and you've come out of

quite a toxic relationship and you've come out and i think you know as someone i've been through you know past relationships where you when you carry those scars you know onwards into sort of more healthy relationships sometimes and they can be so difficult um i think it's worth saying that actually I'm not thoroughly, I know I've got friends who've met people on these apps and seem to be very happy, but I think it's worth sort of saying, I think sometimes it's just not for everyone. I think they feel that sometimes actually it's almost like a sort of fast food way of dating and giving up on relationships and giving

up on people and also spread that in which i don't think it's necessarily a healthy thing when you're trying to find the right person sort of like you know seeing more than one person and i'm not saying that you know you sort of meet someone that's it you've got to commit but i just think if if you were having sort of a conversation with someone and you're quite enjoying their their company and they're enjoying yours and all of a sudden they've gone off with someone else i think that's just that's a douche bag move on their part so um i you seem like you're a very sweet decent person and you've got a lot to give and it feels that life's maybe thrown you a few tough shots. And I don't think it's worth giving up on love or finding someone that you can settle down with

and see out your days. I just think that maybe when the time's right, that person comes along. I think I've said on here before, when I met Catherine, a long-term relationship was the last thing I was looking for at that time and vice versa. Neither of us were looking at that time we but you know we bumped into each other and that's that's how

everything progressed and started and I think maybe just uh taking a break from from that and and maybe just getting out and it's not for everyone like you know but joining some sort of you know maybe a club or somewhere that you can actually get out and chat to people. And, you know, if you, if you're someone who has a joke and has a laugh, let's people see you sort of shine and be yourself.

And, and yeah, but I do wish you well. And I genuinely like, you know, listening to your email, there's, I found quite,

quite sad, actually, just like I say, because you, you seem like you've got a lot to give. So I wish you well and all the best. Great advice, Tommy D. Actually, what you said there, I've actually read a little bit about,

that since people have been getting on Hinge and, like, whatever, actually what happens is they have a more disposable attitude towards relationships. So, like, when they meet people, they're giving people less of a chance because these apps are making them feel like there's an infinite number of people out there that they can link up with. So yeah, what you're saying makes sense. Empty goldfish bowl, people are not leaving you for people that are better.

If that's what they choose to do, that's what they choose to do. But I strongly believe that if you break up with someone, it's because, you know, it wasn't meant to be. You know, like that is, whenever you break up, that is a good thing, really, because you're not supposed to be with that person. It's a positive thing, even if it doesn't feel it at the time. And the other thing I would say is every single person that's in a long-term relationship has been in relationships that have failed.

And the hard thing about being in a relationship is you have to hope that this relationship works when every single one you've been in before has broken up. And that is the roll of the dice that we all have to do. And you may feel it's happened to you more than the average person, and that might be true. But the fact of the matter is that doesn't mean you should give up i do agree with tom in that when you start thinking that no there is nobody for you and how do you find somebody you then start to place too much uh

importance on that and the fact of the matter is you know even if you were somebody wasn't supposed to be with anyone that is also okay. But the fact of the matter is, is that I think if you continue to live with your life and, you know, you look for these opportunities where you can, I think that it will come good. Do you know what I mean? And, you know, we all have to make our decisions about who we end up being with.

And, you know, I do agree that these apps kind of make commitment uh more difficult or they certainly make people feel less likely to commit um but don't let that put you off you know the fact of the matter is is that there is somebody out there for you um and don't lose hope of that and if you want to be in a relationship eventually at some point you will be um but what i would love to stress is that being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all of life do you know what i mean so um look i wish you the very best of luck um do not allow empirical evidence you know these relationships where these people these fucking people have moved on or whatever fuck

them do you know what i mean that don't let that that the very least you can do for yourself is not allow that to affect your self-esteem and i know that's difficult but you absolutely shouldn't allow that those people have decided to do whatever they've decided to do they weren't right for you there is somebody right for you and you will find that person so best of luck with that i i mean it from the bottom of my heart i really feel for you because that it sounded like you're in a bad place and i hope you get out of that very, very quickly. Okay, let's do a very quick one. This is just like a thing that I want to ask your opinion on very quickly.

Dear Wolf and Al, alongside many people, I love the podcast. Thank you for making Wednesdays the highlight of my week. I come forth with one request. Can we please get a fantasy Premier League for the 23-24 season? We'd love to be able to compete in the same league as you guys and other Wolfenau fanatics. Tom Davis, do you want this to be another unkept promise? I would love a Wolfenau special league.

But, I mean, do you think... The thing is, Roy, I play very, very seriously. Robesh, you dip your toe in, don't you? You're not a... Well, I chose an initial team and then I just left it. Yeah, that's why. Yeah. But I think I'd love to do that,

but I'm not going to just do it and then Romesh is bottom and, you know, I think he's got to show a little bit of due diligence if we're to do one. But I think it would be fun. Okay, let's do it. Are you definitely up for it? I'm in. I'm in. Wow in wow okay so this is it um wow i'm actually quite excited um yeah yeah yeah it's a weird reaction from you there that was um uh so yeah there should be a war for now special league um

uh there'll be a prize for the winner of the league no no this what I don't know like you know a night out with me and you no absolutely not

I honestly think I actually think nobody benefits from that prize okay okay because what'll happen is both you and I

will have an evening with a stranger and that stranger will leave thinking less of us than they did before they came in we'll think about

a prize right I agree with you there probably should be a prize for the league okay should we do a prize for top five depending on how

people take part if there are only five people in the league that's fucking insane I don't know how many but maybe then we could do there could be like

a spin off war for now once a month how about that's fucking insane but I don't know how many but maybe then we could do there could be like a spin-off war for now once a month how about how about we just try and manage this league alright

before we start talking about fucking spin-offs we can barely do the bloody podcast yeah but it's very exciting so yeah yeah it's really exciting tom is actually genuinely excited

and well that and the mukbang uh episode yeah let's talk about um we need mukbang suggestions of what you think we should eat bearing in mind that i'm vegan but do get in touch uh we're going to eat a lot of food on the mukbang episode so it'll be a 10 minute long one probably actually no probably longer because you eat quite slowly. Don't you? I, I don't eat slowly, but I don't know how long it'd be, but anyway,

listen, we're going to do, we probably, Tom and I need to discuss this separately. I'm not convinced by the mukbang episode, but let's see. Uh, but we are going to do a premier league.

Tom's going to, Tom's going to, um, you're going to administrate that, aren't you? Yeah. I'll run it. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Great. Uh, hopeful grasshopper. Thank you so much for your email. Uh, Tom, it's about that Yeah, I'll run it, yeah. Yeah, okay, great. Hopeful Grasshopper, thank you so much for your email. Tom,

it's about that time, my G, do me the honour of taking us out. Hmm. A parrot sat on the pirate's shoulder and he gazed

across the sea. Day after day and night after night being surrounded by booze hounds quashing, coughing back rum and talking of stealing treasures sometimes became tiresome.

But everyone rejoiced and loved him. He was the only parrot stroke bird who lived on the ship. Then one day they pulled up on a desert island and the parrot flew off the pirate captain's shoulder and into the jungle as he flew around he had some squawking that sounded familiar familiar almost like squawking that he heard when he squawked himself and he flew down and indeed sitting there was a little gaggle of other parrots he sat with them and said, Hey, how are you all doing? And they were like,

Hey man, how are you? And he was sort of telling them about his life on the pirate ships, how incredible it was. Trouble is, the longer he sat there, the more he actually missed the pirate captain and the trunks and the weirdos that he'd become surrounded with. Sitting around with all the other parrots he just realized sitting there he was just another parrot. He flew back and went to the moorings where the pirate ship had sat and it wasn't there anymore.

They'd left without him. Sadly the parrot just sucked it up and then he flew back to all the other parrots. And week after week and month after month and year after year, he sat with the parrots and his life became more tiresome. Until one day he heard a familiar sound. It was old Captain Jack, his parrot captain. Jesus fucking Christ, yeah. And he flew up to him

and he said squawk squawk squawk which meant in parrot language hey do you remember me lucky enough the parrot was fluent in parrot language and he strikes his parrot friend and said where did you go what happened he said when we landed here many years ago

I flew off because I thought I might be able to find a better world where people understood me more but actually everything that I had in life and the life that I was leading on that boat was as good as any life that I could have wished for I've missed you old friend

and the parrot said I've also missed you too and he took him back on the boat and everyone rejoiced and as they drove away and rum was cracked and laughter was roared, the parrot looked back at the forest and the jungle and thought, you know what? All that glistens is not gold. Oh, hold up.

That doesn't make much sense. The grass is always greener on the other side. And he smiled to himself and thought, you know what? I'll never leave this shoulder again. Yeah. That's really nice, man. It's an old never leave the shoulder again. Yeah, so. That's really nice, man. It's an old proverb, really. Yeah, it's an old proverb.

You get the meaning of it. Well, I'm not sure that you do, if I'm being honest. It's quite a nice tale, though. It's a nice tale, yeah. Yeah. It was nice to discover how it was going, as you did. Well, listen, thank you so much for listening to the podcast

thank you Hopeful Grasshopper for giving us the idea of setting up a Premier League we will see you next time I listened to a song recently that I really liked and I forgot how good it was

JT can you play us out with a little bit of Teddy Picker by the Arctic Monkeys guys take care of yourselves much love and rejoice bye bye friends picker by the Arctic Monkeys. Guys, take care of yourselves. Much love

and rejoice. Bye-bye, friends. Yeah, okay, good. Thank you. Thank God. All right, bye-bye. Take care. Bye-bye. Don't be surprised when you get bent over. They told you, but you were dying for it.

So I had to grab it and it wasn't what it seemed the kids all dream of making it whatever that means if you have a problem

opinion feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.