Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 56: Two Streets, One Name

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

It’s a slightly shaky start to the show but the Wolf and Owl are back in the studio together! We’re talking… street name confusion and late arrivals, heavy tipping, alpha vibes, dour demeanours and being wanton, an Educating Rita remake, Sunday Brunch, one-line texting, Weetabix wars and some parental discipline roll-play. Plus, we offer advice to a listener on whether to buy a motorbike or not. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing

dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome. Wow. Why do I say welcome? Hold on, let me try again, because this is actually a special occasion, isn't it? This feels really like Bells and Whistles kind of vibes. Yeah.

We're face-to-face on The Wolf of Now. In? In the Spotify studio. It feels very serious all of a sudden. I'll tell you why it's serious, Tom, because we're supposed to start 40 minutes ago. You're right so so full disclosure i was here at 10 to 12 because we do start 12 um jt was here at 5 to 12 yeah and then i text you just before jt arrived saying how far away are you um and you said about five minutes G, and you rocked up two minutes ago absolutely fucking furious. Right, I'm going to clear a few things up here

because I'm kind of coming into this one hot and seething. Hot as in enraged through my soul, but also hot sweaty arse way back because I've been running around London. On the text that we got sent, right, there was a link that you could click, and it said Robert Street, right? Which is where we are.

Yeah, but there's two... I didn't know there was more than one... I thought the rules were of a town that you only... The town of London, yeah. Yeah, of course. London town. Yeah. The town of London only has one of each street name.

Is that what you believe? Yeah. That's what you believe? I genuinely thought that was the case. Okay. The town of London only has one of each street name. Is that what you believe? Yeah. That's what you believe? I genuinely thought that was the case. Okay. It's insane otherwise. Like, genuinely, that's like... I don't even know what all this is for,

if we have, like, multiply named other streets. Like, there's so many different things you could call streets. So I thought, oh, there's only one Robert Street. So I ended up in the middle of quite a rough housing estate, trying to call you. Your phone was off. Well, it's because I was downstairs in the studio. Yeah, well, you're not great.

Because emergency-wise, I was like, I need to call Rom. JT didn't answer, obviously, also because he was here. Yeah. So I called Flo. She sort of told me that I'd got the wrong place. And then I'm hustling in a black cab trying to get across london i mean what was why where are you where are you and also by the way you've got two robert streets both in west london right they're not it's not

even like one's in east and one's in north and they're not and the thing is i can imagine how frustrating it is because we all got the same information and none of us made it here on time so no it's obviously there's a problem there. Do you know what I mean? Right. Which bit of the address did you look at? I looked at like, basically we got sent,

the email that we got sent, to which you replied by the... By the way, you are flexing harder in your texting now. I'm not flexing harder. You look so good right now. Right, listen. You...

Let me get this right. I need to get this up because basically the email to which you replied great stuff exciting right has

the full address it's the Adelphi building the best entrance is whatever does it say at the top of it right yeah and it's also got a photograph of the area

right I was looking at the WhatsApp message we got sent which has the same information but there's a little bit that's underlined that says Robert Street And it's also got a photograph of the area. Well, I was looking at the WhatsApp message we got sent, which has the same information, but there's a little bit that's underlined that says Robert Street. Right. So I just clicked on that. Yeah, but when they underline something,

they don't mean that's the only thing you should pay attention to and ignore everything else in the email. That's all I ever do. Well, you're half an hour late, aren't you? So maybe you should change your activities. Yeah, maybe now I'll have a look at them, mate. But up until now, I thought if something's underlined, by word, by God, that's the thing that's the most important.

No, listen, underline means the most important. Underline doesn't mean that's the only thing you should fucking read. Right, if I was to send you a letter, right, and it was to say, oh, Romesh,

really, really enjoyed the podcast today. I thought you looked amazing in your grey T-shirt and your green combat. Lovely chatting to you about life. Also, I love you, and that was underlined. What have I done there? What do you mean, what have you done there?

I've underlined the most important bit of the whole email. But then if somebody then said to me, did they comment on your outfit? No. No, they didn't. They just said, I love you. It's a weird email. That's what you did. Okay, right.

Here we go. Right. No. Right. Okay. That maybe wasn't a good example. Here's one for you. did. Okay, right, here we go. Right, no, right. Okay, that maybe wasn't a good example. Here's one for you. Right, okay.

You're sent into, like, in the war, right? Yeah. And they're going, oh, the army must come out of the trenches and run towards the enemy, start shooting bullets and stuff, right? This action... You used to be in the military, didn't you? This action has to take place underlined

at 4.35 yeah so then somebody goes what did the MMO say it just said 4.35 what do you mean well they underlined that bit

I ignored everything else what point is we're supposed to have attacked I know but what am I supposed to do they underlined at 4.35 what point is this I've got no idea

what I'm supposed to do at that time that's the only bit of information in there in my mind's eye Robert's shoot was the most important bit of information it was yes

the most important bit not the only bit by the way this is even number 20 it doesn't even need a number Tom everybody else involved in this record

has made it here on time right I will say this now okay I there's not many times I ever dip my toe into politics

right I will say it now. There's not many times I ever dip my toe into politics, right? I will say it now. I am seriously thinking about writing to the Mayor of London and saying we need just one lucky chance. What are you going to say? Dear Mayor of London, just so you know, I had no idea there was more than one street with the same name. It made me half an hour late for a podcast record.

Can you change it? Underlined. No, I'll be underlining. It made me half an hour late. And then he'll reply be underlining it made me half an hour late and then he'll reply tom what were you half an hour late for i've got i've got i don't i'm not really sure the context like this could be called sebastian avenue right it's not an avenue though is it well what's the difference between avenue and street and avenue sort of to me implies kind of like narrower i don't know is that an actual thing i don't know what okay it

could be called sebastian street okay or clement street right even if you're running out of names you just call it i don't know gray gray street or you don't think there's a gray street in london no what i'm saying is if there isn't by god mate call it this one we're in a real situation here we're not in a real situation tom everybody else Everybody else turned up all right. Yeah, but how many people in the world's population, I'd love to get one of our polls on this, how many people have had this problem in society?

It really, I mean, if I was still scaffolding or working on science, I'd be calling talk radio about this. Yeah, and then they go, have you done the psych check on this guy because he sounds like

an absolute fucking idiot I don't think we should put him straight through to the studio so you turn up here's a text that I got from you this morning

how you close this was at 5 to 12 yeah about 5 G bro I've clicked on the link I'm on a housing estate How are you close? This was at five to 12. Yeah. About five G bro. I've clicked on the link. I'm on a housing.

Went to the wrong Robert street. Then I get a text from flow saying he's in a black cab. How far are you? About 10 minutes. Okay. Honestly, livid. Who are you livid with myself?

And also like the town planner of London, the road. Like I've got to say, I'm going to go back to it and I don't want to throw this person under a bus, but whoever was in charge of naming roads, it's like they literally come out with, like, I don't know, 150 names

and went, I'll just use them again. What, like, should we replicate them sort of in different areas? No, no, no. We've got Robert Street in West London. That's... fuck it. Are you under the impression that one person is responsible

for naming all the streets in the entirety of London? How many people does it need? That's probably the mistake. There's so many people doing it. Like, it doesn't seem like there's been anyone sitting down and going, well, where's the road map? Even the, I'll tell you what, the cab driver on the way over, he went, it's insane, mate.

Did he, really? Well, there we go. That's a, now, what I don't mind, I don't mind having a discussion with you. What I do mind is if you just make up shit. There's no way the cab driver said to you, it's insane, mate. What was he talking about? I got into the car.

Did you say, this is how I read an email? That's insane, mate. I'll do exactly the thing, mate. Okay, fine. I put my hand up. One cab driver, because he hasn't got his light on,

he's shaking his head. And I went, no, the one behind you, right? So another cab was behind me. Why are you going into this level of detail? Behind him. He turned up. He pulled over. Yeah. I said, no, the one behind you, right? So another cab was behind me. Why are you going into this level of data? Behind him. He turned up. He pulled over.

I said, mate, Robert Street, as quick as you can. And he said, there's Robert Street there. I went, the other Robert Street. There's another Robert Street. He went, the one with the Adelphi building. I said, I need to go to the Adelphi building. I get in the cab. I close the door.

And he went, oh, so you went to the wrong Robert Street. I went, I didn't know there was more than one Robert Street in London. Do you know what, the honest truth is, I don't know if you're out of breath

because you're doing the acting thing or if you're actually out of breath because you're so into this story. No, no, no, I was out of breath. I'm doing the exact acting. Okay.

He went, get your breath. Take a minute. He went, there's a couple of Robert Streets in London right and I said

that's a fucking mad thing because obviously I've come to the wrong one yeah and he went it's insane isn't it mate yeah you know what he's trying to do

get a tip that's the other thing because the truth is if his tip wasn't dependent on how you felt about him he would have gone oh sorry mate

I didn't realise you were a complete and utter fucking twat. Can I just say as well, actually, just added, just, why now, right? Have you noticed the new, where you're paying for things on your phone, right?

The dabbers, whatever, you know, where you touch them. Apple Pay or whatever. Yeah. Everything now is a tip. What do you mean? Add gravity on every little thing. There's all, like the first thing that comes up on every,

every transaction you make now is add gravity. Add gravity? Yeah. Not gravity. Gratuity? Gratuity. oh mate so what's the downfall in the case of changing all the road names oh mate so what's the downfall

in the case of changing all the road names the guy didn't know the difference between gravity and gratuity seems like a pretty

sound chap let's get him in for a meeting that's one that's a bugbear well it's good to have you here how have you been? good

how do you feel about us doing it face to face? I love it I already feel the energy I mean obviously I'm late but yeah the energy's nice it's nice to be in the same place

room as you you look good wearing the Apple watch oh wow that's a nice strap that's a nice strap. That's a really nice Apple strap. Yeah.

I don't know if I like being face-to-face with you. I like it. No, you look good. It's like, I've got to say, right, alpha-wise, you certainly have, like, alpha'd up a lot. What do you mean? You've got an alpha, like, vibe about you. I think, like, I wouldn't say that you're like when we first

started the podcast who was you know in Lion King who is like the bird character who used to sort of was trying to get oh

I can't remember Simba and all that yeah you had that sort of vibe to you in a way alright now like you've got a

Simba vibe like the man who would be or the cub who would be king who are you in this story uh i don't know i think my part varies sometimes i'm at scar i think a little bit of scar in me sometimes i'm a mixture of the two wallies that he meets in the in the oh i do think you've got definitely you've got Timon and Pumbaa yeah yeah Timber yeah I've got that sort of liking about

but what's nice is your sort of journey for me is watching your journey from Zazu Zazu yeah

from Zazu going oh god oh god I've got to keep this whole bloody thing together to like

I am the young king it's like it's quite a cool this is like no it's like it's quite an elongated absolute slam there. And it's yet another example of my absolute fury at people thinking you're the nice one in this podcast.

I am the nice guy. That's an amazing compliment. If I was to say that at your bloody wedding as the best man and turn around and go, oh. If you said at the beginning of this, I thought it was Zazu. No, I'd say life is a funny way, friends, of moving on

and people evolve. I'm sure you'll remember Romesh when he was a bit more like Zazu from our favourite story of The Lion King. Why do you keep saying it like Yazoo? What do I... It's... Zazu? Zazu. Zazu. Zazu. Zazu. Zazu.

Zazu. Let's not do this again. It's just like... And then everyone would laugh a little bit. But I'm sure now you can see in his eyes and within his soul that what we have on our hands here is the cub who would be king. Romesh has become a Simba.

You would say that at a wedding in front of friends and family, would you? That terrible, terrible speech. I think it's a nice thing to say about someone. If you said that about me, I'd probably fucking be teared up. I'd stand up, give you a hug, and just say, bloody hell, that's why he's the best man, mate.

Thanks, mate. Actually, just off the back of what we've just been talking about, we got an email in from somebody that actually this is you're going to love this

right I'm not going to read it in detail because it's quite a long email but the long and the short of it is this somebody that worked on King Gary

doing the COVID test right came to our house came to our respective houses yeah do you remember I did a COVID test live on the podcast

yeah so that guy emailed in yeah and he came to our house, came to our respective houses. Yeah. Do you remember I did a COVID test live on the podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that guy emailed in. Yeah. And he's, it's actually made me reflect on my own. Really? What I'm like as a person. Oh, God.

Right, okay. So there's a knock on the door. Yeah. We're in the middle of doing the podcast. Yeah. I go out to the front door. Yeah. I open, I don't know, I'm going into this level of detail. I open the door,

take the COVID test, I come inside, I do the test on the podcast, give it back to him. He's emailed in to say that my interaction with him on the doorstep was actually quite disappointing.

Oh, really? Yeah, like he said, I was sort of, he didn't say I was rude, but he said I was like very functional, kind of quite straight face. He's wearing a hip hop t-shirt. He was hoping I was going to comment on it. And I was just like, and then he said he was like very functional kind of quite straight face he's wearing a hip-hop t-shirt he was hoping I was going to comment on it and I was just like and then he said he listened to the

podcast and I was all like laughing and joking the podcast so he's he's seen me kind of be a prick not a prick he didn't say prick I don't want to like put too much stank on it yeah but he's seen me be a bit like perfunctory at the door just like, whoa, whoa. Just like a bit like, you know, just functional. Transactional. Yeah, transactional. There you go. Well done. That's such a well done.

Well, you said gravity instead of gratuity. So I feel like you need a pat on the head. Because vocab-wise, your self-esteem's low. Forgive me for trying to lift you up. Obviously, I'm the prick. Okay, carry on, my friend. Carry on. And then he said that he came to give you up obviously i'm the prick okay carry on my friend carry on and then he said that he came to give you a kv test a week later and you were absolute sunlight and joy

as is my way yeah but it's made me think that the way i come across is like i don't think you have that can i just say somebody's emailed in to say specifically that tom so i think i'll probably do no can i just actually add something to something something to make you feel better about stuff? Yeah. I had an outlandish amount of messages from people who saw you yesterday when you were out gigging saying how sexy and hot you looked.

Like, if anything, you've got to be careful because now you're becoming sexy, you might become more sort of wanton in your way. Wanton? That means like, yeah, sort of like, yeah,

sort of like, what do you think? Is that what wanton means? I think so, yeah. Let's look this up. I think wanton is, hold on, let me look this up.

Wanton definition. Sexually unrestrained Or having many casual sexual relationships I always thought it was like Sort of snubbish Well I hope you've not been using that freely I've always thought that

I hope you've not said to Catherine God you're looking a bit wanton today No but I've always thought it means... Yeah, well, it doesn't. Okay, well, yeah, so now you're getting hotter and people are commenting on that.

You might become more... I'm not getting hotter. You are. You look incredible. And people are genuinely... Look, I think, like, take that on the chin, that email,

but also take this... Can I just say to that guy, I'm sorry about that, man. Yeah. But, like, the thing is is that I am... I'm not good in those situations. Do you know what I mean?

In what sense? Like, I just sort of... Like, he didn't say I was rude, but he said, like, you were just... Yeah, like we said, transactional. I need to be a bit better. I mean, I actually think I need to be more like you. Wow.

That's an amazing thing to say. The way you accepted that was disgusting, by the way. No. You responded to that. No, in a way, you know what we could do here? Have you ever seen, what's the film with Michael Caine when he's a teacher? And he's got the girl who's from a rough background, but she's actually quite clever. No, I do.

I can't remember the name of it okay it's like educating rita or something like that is it educating me i think it's called educating right in a way right you are the bookish teacher right yeah and i'm like sort of like the rough diamond you're teaching me words why every time you give an example of me it's always bookish yeah it is just in the last ten minutes you compared me to Zazu and now I'm the bookish teacher in Educating Reader

and you're Reader are you yeah I'm like I'm like this rough diamond who comes into you right and you're like

this is much more about how you see yourself than it is how you see me I don't know what it is but there's something there so you start teaching me words and elocution and stuff and in the meantime what you start teaching me words and elocution and

stuff yeah and in the meantime what you learn from me is how to be more sort of like relaxed and full of fun and sort of you know we probably if it was like we were making the film we go to the fair one day and you're like i'm not gonna bloody go on a big wheel and i'll go bloody oh it's gonna be the funnest moment of your life live a little and then we get on the big wheel and have an absolute stormer and then at the end of the movie I've learnt

words and you're like in class having a laugh with everyone yeah listen I don't know

how quickly we'll get funding for that great pitch though we often talked about what film we might do together and it's good to have

a list of things we definitely would never ever ever do. That feels like that would be the sort of eighth movie. I don't know what visually that would look like. You come in and I'm your teacher. Obviously, it would be like I couldn't play a kid now. Right.

It would probably be like an adult training centre or something. Right. And I'm like... I mean, I haven't written the whole film. No. Because I'm having to spitball now. Yeah. But I'd say that I'd probably come in.

Also in the class, there'd be another array of characters some of them are funny and some of them are quite serious but I'm the one who gets your eye right, gets my eye you've got a bit of a spark about it yeah, you're like oh yes and there'll be a scene when you go home and you'd be sitting there and you'd probably say to your

flatmate oh bloody hell, you know what, there was a kid in class today who was really, really inspired, he really lit a fire inside of me and your flatmate

would be like, oh. That feels quite on the nose for the dialogue, doesn't it? But I think something like that could be quite interesting. I mean, look, we were just fucking about, that could be quite interesting I mean look

we were just fucking about it could be an amazing film about life yeah so which Educating Rita has done already and I think there was

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Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. You did a festival gig last night, didn't you? Yeah, in Newport. It was a lot of fun, actually. Talk me through your day. What happened? Why were you doing a festival gig, by the way? I just need the money. So, Catherine went out with some friends and family. She went out to the theatre matinee. So I had Grace.

By the way, Grace, so she's having full-on tantrums quite a lot of the time. Started walking. But yesterday, do you know what she insisted on doing? What? She watched all of the F1. What? We were watching you on Sunday brunch. Well, let watched all of the F1. What? I don't, we were watching you

on Sunday brunch. We've got, yeah. Well, let's talk about that actually. Let's talk about that. Me and Grace sat down to watch you on Sunday brunch.

Sure. Not that all I did was watch TV, but it was on in the room. No, but, so I am arriving, I text you

and I go, on my way to do Sunday brunch, right? And then you go, I'm going to watch, I'm going to watch that. Okay. Fine.

That makes me. I mean, you did actually text me and say, you're not going to watch the'm gonna watch that okay fine that makes i mean you did actually text me and say you're not gonna watch the whole thing are you i said i'm gonna try to no you didn't say i'm gonna try to you said i'm gonna watch the whole thing yeah then while i'm in the studio sort of drinking uh drinking from the sunday by the way can i say you came across really well. Thank you. So basically what happened was, my interview is quite late on in the show. So how it works is,

you kind of watch everyone else get interviewed and you're sort of, this hummus is nice. The later on you're on the show, the better. I don't think that's true, actually. I think it's the opposite. Really? I've always been late on, so that's great.

Because people tend to change a channel, don't they? As the show goes on. I think it's the opposite. Really? I've always been late on, so that's great. Well, I just, because like, people tend to change a channel, don't they? As the show goes on. I've always, they've always told me, and this might be them sort of like, Yeah,

I imagine Flo's told them to tell you this, but so what have they told you? That they tune in later. Right. And that's the better place to be to push stuff. That might be one I want to watch King Gary or The Curse. So you text me, and you said, well, I don't need to read the text out. But essentially what you did was you gave me a blow-by-blow commentary

of how everything was going down, how the interviews were. Every single time I looked at my phone, there was a new text from you sort of telling me what you thought about the writing. By the way, can I just say something? I don't know if you've got this yet. I've sort of become obsessed with with since we've had the text stuff of texting you quite a lot just one line texts just i've not noticed it yeah no no i've tried to do that why just because i sort of like think it look i sometimes think of it it's like we're

in a couple we're a relationship it's nice to keep things, an energy between us. Oh, my God, you do. So I just think that, you know. Do you know what the sad thing is? I was trying to give an example, but everything you've said is either so inappropriate or being dickish about somebody else. I can't read any of these out on the podcast. Let me see. Oh, God.

Every single one of these is unreadable let me have a look oh god honestly mate you need to start sending some stuff

that isn't poisonous oh god honestly there's nothing here I can read Oh, God. Honestly, there's nothing here I can read. That's the genius. Let me see if I can find... Oh, this one, yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Next line, bro.

That's a single text, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next text, can be a slog. Anyway, I can't read the next bit. Anyway, there's so many that sit to see embarrassing. Why are you doing that? No, because it keeps the spice in, because then you get the little dots, right?

So you're like, bloody hell, what's he going to say next? No, I don't do that. Anyway, so we're getting a blow-by-blow account of what Tom thinks of Sunday brunch. I go on and do my interview quite late on in the show. I come off, I wonder what Tom said about that, and then I receive a text message, I would say half an hour after that,

going, how was the interview? I went out. So now we discover you didn't even go out. You changed channels with the F1. No, no no no so this is what happened ok I was watching

Sunday brunch and then Catherine's gone out I took Grace out for a walk she wanted I had to get out of the house you must know that

toddlers there's a time when you're like right let's get us both out of the house because otherwise we might not have the house left

she was like in destruction mode she then has a nap how do you how do you respond to Grace having a tantrum she then has a nap how do you how do you respond to grace having a tantrum i try and reason with her okay give me can you give me an example of how that uh so she's like throwing stuff around throwing her feces at the wall or whatever what do you do so sort of leave it sort of just trying to like just have a little bit of a gentle laugh

sometimes i'll sing to her because it's what tom tom you're not giving me what i want here okay what do you want i need you to actually tell me what you do. Yeah, so I'll go, Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I... And sometimes she'll just stare at me with rage in her eyes still. So then I sometimes have to tickle her feet, or I'll turn it into a game. So I'll pretend I'm sleeping,

and then she just jumps on me and wrestles me. I used to tell Lisa that I was pretending I was sleeping with the kids as well. Did you sleep on watch? When they were really like babies, I did. There's no, yeah. But as soon as they're mobile, you can't. Because you leave them unattended for 20 seconds, they could kill themselves. Or just smash up something.

Yeah. And literally at the moment like she nothing we've brought her she wants she wants anything that's sort of like yeah she shouldn't have

and then and I'm slightly worried now she's got a little bit obsessed with her her little screen her little tablet thing

right because you give it to her every now and again and now she'll sit there and she like this morning she wanted me and Catherine

were all having breakfast the three of us and she was sitting there and she, like this morning, she wanted, me and Catherine were all having breakfast the three of us and she was sitting there and she wanted to watch Peter Rabbit and I was like, you can't watch it.

Why? Because we're eating together and I don't want it to become a thing that every mealtime she's got a screen and the absolute, like the riot

that she, Weetabix, I mean Weetabix by the way can fuck itself. Why? Because it, mate, a kid throws Weetabix, you Weetabix by the way can fuck itself why? because it mate

a kid throws Weetabix you might as well it's like they can't make a cereal that isn't suitable for throwing okay that's not their fault they haven't got to make it

like it's cement once it's got milk on you could literally build a house with Weetabix fair credit to it take my hat off well done my friend but

it is an absolute nightmare and it's one of the it's probably her favourite cereal at the moment I'm trying to get her into other stuff yeah to it. Yeah. Take my hat off. Well done, my friend. But it is an absolute nightmare. And it's one of the, it's probably her favourite cereal at the moment. Right. I'm trying to get her into other stuff. Yeah. So Grace's favourite cereal can go fuck itself. Is that what you're saying?

I'm at the moment trying to wean her onto Shreddies. Right. Which aren't much better. If I'm honest with you, I'd love to just have Frosties. You'd love her to just have Frosties? Yeah, because Frosties, they don't stick. Right. Yeah. You're not getting Frosties on they don't stick. Right. Yeah?

You're not getting Frosties on a pair of trainers that haven't thrown a pair of trainers out. You're encouraging, you want to move Grace onto Frosties. I'm just saying that Frosties come with me. You're going in the exact opposite direction of every other parent. No, no, I'm just saying that I do not want to be in a place where Weetabix, because she's getting more and more volatile with the Weetabix. So I've got three or four tops now that's been completely ruined by Weetabix. So what are you adding to the Weetabix?

Ribena? Milk. You just wash it off, don't you? It gets stuck into the fine fabrics. Are you wearing like, what are you wearing, nylon? What are you talking about? Have you ever got Weetabix? Yes, I have.

If you're wearing that top now and you've got Weetabix on it, it's washed straight out. Yeah, sometimes it does. There's been a couple of times where I've gone, oh, man, and noticed that the Weetabix has got into the fibres. Mate, if there was ever a crime used and Weetabix was on someone's foot, crime solved. In what way?

Don't tell me further. How is the crime solved? Well, they just bloody look at the thing and go, oh, look, there's Weetabix at the scene. Yeah. Oh, there's an absolute perfect imprint of the person's foot and fingerprints in the Weetabix. Fingerprints in the Weetabix?

Yeah, because it sort of holds like a mulch shape. I mean, I've never looked into it, but I reckon you could... Wow, bro, fucking DNA's everywhere on this Weetabix. Have you done mushrooms before you come on this podcast? I haven't eaten to them eaten I don't even think you don't believe what you're saying the Weetabix thing

I do believe I'm now regressing and sort of like pushing back on the the frosties no no no no I'm still with the frosties no not every day

I'm saying mix it up a bit but Weetabix at the moment with her temper Weetabix isn't necessarily what are you trying to do to calm her temper down welcome to parenting hell the diet version by the way yeah go on moment with her temper Weetabix isn't necessarily what are you trying to do to calm her temper down welcome to parenting hell

the diet version by the way yeah go on chilling with her trying to have a joke with her yeah distracting her when she gets annoyed so this is what happened

so we get in she has a nap I was generally very regretful that I didn't watch her interview I was looking forward to it but at the time

I had to get out of the house with her so then the F1 comes on so when she comes up from her nap comes up like wakes up from a nap uh we sit down and the f1's on i think i should want to change the channel to a cartoon so i go to put bluey on shout out by the way you know i'm one of the art directors from bluey listens to this oh really sent me a lovely message just how much they enjoy the podcast so Why do I not get these messages? Probably because

I don't know. You probably do, you just don't look. I've actually narrated a Bluey story for YouTube. But I haven't got a... It was a lovely message and it really meant a lot to me. I really am a prick. I do think I must be giving off this... It's making me want to re-evaluate my whole demeanour.

I think you're just being more affable. I think I need to be more sunshiny. Yeah. Yeah. It's not all my fault. I mean, it's my face doesn't help. Yeah, but I... Like, your neutral face,

like, as you're sitting there, you just look so, like... Yeah, but then that has its own problems. Like what? Sometimes people think I'm a lot happier than I actually am. Right. And sometimes I'm actually a bit miffed off yeah and like this people would just go

yeah yeah and it might on the way on the run over here yeah when I knew I was lost bloke comes walking past me no you can carry out do boy and I was like yeah anyway I just laughed like we were having a laugh together and at the time I was felt like just holding him and crying because I was so fucking disappointed with myself so yeah then we watched F1 right

yeah she was obsessed with the cars do you not think you should be putting your foot down a bit more with her she's not even two

yeah I mean what age did you start becoming like a disciplinarian I've not become I'm still not a disciplinarian what time did Lisa sort of like start no no no well I would say Lisa a disciplinarian what sort of did Lisa sort of like start no no no

well I would say Lisa's the harshest one out of the two really yeah I'm a bit like Robin Williams character

in Mrs Doubtfire except with more cross dressing like in terms of like you know yeah you're doing the fun stuff you're playing the FIFA

you're rapping with them and stuff I'm not rapping with them and stuff. I'm not rapping with them. No, no, I know. I did do the other day for a thing. But anyway, it doesn't matter. And then like doing your, you know, dancing around and stuff. Like, I know, yeah.

Yeah, I can imagine it'd be fun to be around. I think if Lisa and I got divorced, we were already in the roles. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You know, I sort of rock up occasionally and throw a party. Lisa's actually in the house although what the kids do say is that although I'm sort of more lenient yeah I do put when I do lose it they get very upset I say lose it I never really lose my temper but so how what's the octave of

like sounds that you go up to for I don't have don't never shout so like which is good yeah Yeah. But how, like, for example, like, I'm Theo, I come home from school, not really feeling it.

I'm like, ah, and I leave my trainers on the sofa. I don't know, like, eat probably some of your favourite snacks or something

and then, you know, and I, I don't know, do something else. How long have you been working in improv? Then I turn to you and I do something else. How long have you been working in improv? Then I turn to you, and I'm like...

Your imagination is just... And I just turn around to you, and I'm like, Dad, you're such an idiot. What would be your response to that? Well, I mean, first of all, I wouldn't have a problem with him eating my snacks. Right. I mean, he wouldn't leave his trainers on

the safer but let's just see him he has done so he comes in and says dad why are you such an idiot yeah all right let's like you be him yeah okay dad why are you such an idiot why are you saying that i don't know because you just do idiotic things like what well the other day like when you were getting out of the car like you caught your jacket in it and everyone at school saw and everyone was laughing at you. Okay. I'm not sure how to respond in this role play to shit you're just making up. Well, no, that could happen.

Yeah, but it didn't happen. Okay, fine. Well, look, mate, I'm sorry that you think that. I mean, that doesn't make me an idiot, does it? Because my jacket got caught. I didn't do it deliberately. Then your trousers fell down.

I don't know. Like, this work... Right, okay. Dad, why are you such an idiot? What do you mean? The other day, you wore different socks when you dropped me off at school. How does that make me an idiot?

I was in a rush to get you to school. Yeah, you were in a rush, but then everyone was going around saying Theo's dad wears odd socks. Okay, that's not the, in terms of slams

that's not the worst thing I've ever heard. I mean, I'm trying really hard to sort of find something. Okay, Theo, the teacher calls the house

Okay, fine. and goes, hi, is that Mr Ranganathan? Yes it is, yeah. I hope you're wearing matching socks today. Anyway, that's not what I meant. What does that mean? The other day, a lot of the kids were saying you

were wearing. Anyhow, there's an incident at school today. Okay, what happened? Theo pushed one of the teachers down the stairs. Wow. We're not sure. Right, okay. We're not sure. Right, okay. We're not sure if it was on purpose, it was an accident, there was a couple of them involved. But yeah, now we've sort of had a little chat with Theo. When did this happen? It happened at lunchtime.

How come you've waited till the end of the day to call me to tell me about it? Well, the teacher was being very, very quiet about it. We knew something was up. Are they all right? Yeah, yeah, they've twisted their ankle and they've got a bit of a bruised knee. Do you know what... I mean, look, first of all, can I just apologise for...

That's fine, yeah. We'll be having a serious word with Theo. Well, yeah, I mean... What steps will the school be taking? Well, you know what? The teacher is a bit annoying at times, and we realise that. What is this role play?

But we actually, because you used to be a teacher, we want to think, well what would you do in this situation? What would I do if I was pushed down the stairs? Is that what you're asking? Yes, or like what would you do if you were the head teacher? It feels a bit weird for you to sorry, are you asking me to tell you what the school

should do? Well we're just in a bit of a conundrum at the moment because Theo's a very popular student and we don't want to make this a bigger problem than it needs to be but obviously he needs to be disciplined so maybe at home you could discipline him and then at school we can just sort of like you know give him a couple of weeks off and pretend he's been suspended okay so from what I'm gathering from this is what you'd like me to do is you'd like me to administer the punishment for what happened at school and you're going to give him a holiday well yeah i mean don't call it a holiday that can only stay between the two of us um even say to your wife that he's been suspended but yeah it will be like

a yeah two weeks off we won't go on his uh graduation sorry can i just stop this what are we trying to prove here this we're going to go to the bit where you're going to shout at the why don't we just get to that okay why have Why have we got to do the whole phone call? Okay, Theo. Why can't you just go, Theo comes home, he's pushed the teacher down the stairs. What are you going to say to him? Well, I wanted to get some background.

Well, okay, now Theo comes home. You all right, Dad? Well, not really, mate, to be honest with you. What made you push a teacher down the stairs? Oh, he's such an idiot. Well, we said that about me this morning. So what happened? He walked past and he sort of was just giving me some weird looks.

Like what? He just looked down his nose at me. And I was like, I'm not having that. Because my mates were saying that he looked down his nose at me. So I just gave him a little gentle shove. And then he over it. Theo, you can't push a teacher. Why not?

Why not? Why not? Why do you think? I don't know. It's physical violence, isn't it? Yeah, maybe it's stupid of me. Maybe I just want to be seen. Are we in a remake of Saved by the Bell? Why is Theo behaving like that? Actually, what he just said there

was weirder than the pushing the teacher down the stairs thing for me. In terms of out-of-character things. But there was a little shout there. There's no shout. Yeah, it was like, Theo, you can't do that there. There's no shout. Yeah, it was like, Theo, you can't do that. So that's your limit. That's your highest. Yeah.

But I mean, I'll try and talk him around. Yeah. It's quite nice, actually, your parenting. You're a good dad, actually. I can see it. The way that interaction happened. Like in every sort of variable, you were, you know. Yeah, it's interesting.

Yeah. Dad-wise. Yeah. I actually think that some people will learn a bit from that yeah what i would say to you is as an audition for educating tom whatever it is we're pitching you're out Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes.

Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis?

My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. doctor or visit rebelses.ca

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Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo, thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. Right, should we do some emails? Let's do it. Thanks once again to The Swan. Oh, is she back on the case?

She is, yeah. Okay. I've got the worst acid reflux. This is a very long one. Okay, okay. So maybe we need to... Okay, this is from The Quiet German Shepherd. And they say,

Dear Wolf and Al, I'd like to start by saying how much I genuinely enjoy listening to the two of you, not only because your podcast is the highlight of my podcast week, but more importantly, it's something my son and I both listen to, and we have a good laugh together. By the way, he's 17,

and was the one who introduced me to you lovely lads. This email is twofold. Number one, I'm turning 40 next month, and while I don't mind getting old, I'm a little uncertain about what life is going to be like. I'm married to my gorgeous wife. I'm punching, by the what life is going to be like. I'm married to my gorgeous wife. I'm punching, by the way. And my kids are 17 and 15, so they aren't little kids

anymore, which means they have their own lives and don't seem to want to spend time with us parents. So I'm finding myself looking ahead to having a bit more free time. Here's my dilemma. This is taking a left turn. I really want a motorbike, but I don't have many friends and I don't want to impose on others who I know have bikes who already do their own thing. Should I just go for it and hope that it works out as it's quite a commitment of time and money

or put the time and money into something else? Just for clarity, I'm not complaining about having no mates. My wife and kids are awesome and they're all I've ever needed. This is part two. Okay. Do you want to tackle it?

Let's tackle this bit and then we'll come back to part two. Okay, go on then. Two parts later. Yeah. Two bits of advice are after. Okay, so firstly I'd say with this, I think go for the motorbike.

I think it's actually, I was talking about this the other day with someone about my latest obsession, which is golf. And I was actually gigging with Sean Walsh and I was saying how bad I am at golf I'd played golf that day at a tournament

I turned up and I played really really badly I mean embarrassingly badly awfully and Sean was just said why do you even bother and I sort of said

I guess to sort of make friends and he just him and me it was me him and John Richardson and Sean and John sort of started laughing and he just you know him and me it was me him and John Richardson and Sean and John sort of started laughing

and we had a bit of a joke about it and then Sean was you know really though to make friends I was like yeah kind of like I don't drink as much

as I did I sort of I've hit 40 I've moved to a new area I don't have you've hit 44 years ago yeah yeah yeah

all 44 I don't have and the friends that i'd sort of had in my earlier life and are in a different place than i am now in like sort of how they you know how what the things that they want to do and you know a lot of them are sort of living like they're still in their 20s and that's not my vibe so i guess i was sort of now like oh actually yeah like how how else could I have a hobby? And I'm coming like this guy with his motorbike.

I was coming into it with nothing and not really knowing anyone. Now I've got a number of golf buddies. And I think my thing is with him is just actually, number one, I think make sure you spend enough time with your wife and make sure the two of you have now enjoyed that time together as a couple. But I think for you on your own, I think find think find something number one you can just enjoy doing on your own i don't i think like trying to attach this idea that you're going to make your best friends from it like with golf genuinely i can go to a driving range of mine or play around in my own night i

actually find that quite enjoyable but actually the friends that have sort of met subsequently is great so i think actually just finding something like you can go out on the bike on your own and have some you time and actually sort of start enjoying that a little bit. And I think from that, if you make it enough of a hobby and you make it something that you enjoy, I think that you'll gradually start to build

sort of friendships from that. So yeah, that would be my advice. Great advice, Tom. Thank you, sir. I'm sort of slightly disappointed that you've um started making golf friends how does that work the social around golf well you just turn up you play golf you chat for four hours when you're going around you have great conversations you you get a reading of a human being when you're playing golf with them what makes them tick um

and then uh yeah afterwards you might have a couple of beers or a bacon sandwich. Did you ever watch the sequel to The Matrix? I never even saw the first Matrix. You've never watched The Matrix? Okay, fine. I was about to. I mean, who cares? But in the second Matrix, he walks up to somebody

and he says, we've got a fight or something. He says, why? And he says, you don't really know someone something. He says, why? And he says, you don't really know someone. You don't really truly know someone until you fight them. When you said that thing about golf, that kind of reminded me of that. I'll take that credit. Which character says that?

I can't remember, but I remember thinking it was one of the worst bits of dialogue I'd ever heard. It sort of feels like a Lawrence Fishburne line he'd carry. It wasn't Lawrence Fishburne. It was like some new character he met. Anyway. What? It's not like Keanu Reeves or Lawrence Fishburne line he'd carry that over it wasn't Lawrence Fishburne it was like some new character he met anyway what what well no it's not like Keanu Reeves

or Lawrence Fishburne it's one of the eggheads it's a conversation between Keanu there are no eggheads in Matrix Matrix The Matrix

anyway what's the social around motorbikes what happens mate are you joking like they have an amazing social life like you get

obviously the top level of sort of biking clubs but they the amount of times they have biking clubs but as soon as you get a motorbike can you just rock up to a biking club i think you just yeah you can i think you get your confidence if you've ever seen greece too you get your confidence so you can do a couple of tricks and sort of like skid up and stuff uh and get a cool jacket and then i think basically a lot of them i see are always lurking around you know like those burger stalls that you see in lay-bys. And then you just turn up on a Sunday morning on your bike and everyone goes, oh, who's this new face?

And you sort of go up and go, just a burger and a cup of tea, please. And then sort of... I can't... First of all, let me just stop you there. Just assuming that what you said there was all accurate. Right. Just imagine what it would be like see like this biker gang or group whatever club and then you pull up at the same van and say oh god i mean i can't the anxiety i would have about doing that well you wouldn't just i'd get off the bike i'd take a big deep breath and

say you're a competent rider you know you enjoy biking let's meet some like-minded friends. So, and someone would hopefully, when you get up to there and you're waiting, you're like, oh, brown sauce, please,

on that. Someone would go, hey, cool bike. And you go, yeah, I've just got her actually. I think if somebody says

cool bike, that's a red flag for me. Well, the bike, if you, if you brought a bike and you want to be like, well,

okay, you're whizzing about in your supercar, right? What? And you, you like pull into a lay-by,

other like-minded people, I don't know, at McDonald's, isn't it, usually like people with cool cars hanging around

outside, right? So, you get out of your car, you're like, yo, how you doing,

you all right? You like, you press a button, your doors close, and someone goes, sure, wow, bro,

cool set of wheels. You take that as like, okay, now I'm in. And you go a button, your doors close and someone goes, sure, wow bro cool set of wheels you take that as like, ok now I'm in and you go, thanks, which one's your ride? oh god, this is so disgusting it's making me feel sick I'm just saying nice set of wheels which one's your ride?

what the fuck are we in a 1993 fucking computer game I'm just saying right you have to get he'll have to learn the shepherd German shepherd would have to learn

the lingo right cool bike yeah she's great man listen thank you you wouldn't have said that if you saw me

on the roundabout when I nearly dropped a juice something like that okay the quiet German shepherdepherds uh while tom chuckles himself at being because he's so proud of that little riff um i don't know like one of the things that mistakes that men in their 40s make is they like go all in on a hobby and without

really knowing if this is going to be a thing that's for them like listen i don't think there's anything wrong with getting a motorbike can you rent them i mean like what i mean is like i wonder if you should do that like just like see if you like that whole thing man because like a lot of the time with stuff like that you're looking at it from an outsider's point of view you don't know all the shit that's like crap about it or you don't even know if it's if it's definitely for you if there's a way that you could borrow a bike or rent one or something like that and just dip your toe in you know pull up in a lay-by on a on a hired bike and sort of yeah i'm gonna tell you now mate you gotta be careful with that why if he pulls up into a

lay-by right and he's i'll get a burger brown sauce on that hey cool set of wheels what's your obsession with the brown sauce dialogue i don't know i just figured like he has brown sauce on that. Hey, cool set of wheels. What's your obsession with the brown sauce dialogue? I don't know. I just figure he has brown sauce and he's baking rum. That's his thing. Yeah. And then someone says... Oh, it's brown sauce shepherds turned up again. Cool set of wheels. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which one's your ride? Right? And then one of the other people in the box, because there's always going to be someone who doesn't like a new face, who's threatened by him turning up and everyone else liking his bike and someone nudges him and goes,

it's rented. How do they know that? Well, it might have like a little sign or something. They don't want to make you put a sign on it, are they? No, but when you rent a car, there's ways of knowing it's a rented car. Oh, right, okay. On the like number plate or something.

Well, borrow one then. Yeah, but then he's got to find, he hasn't got any friends. If he had a friend who had a bike, he'd be halfway there wouldn't he yeah that's true he can't just go

and knock hello mate saw you out on your bike the other day I'm not suggesting he knocks around random doors I'm just saying

that all I'm saying is a bike is a big investment I mean if he buys a motorbike and then suddenly discovers he doesn't

like it what's he doing I think it's probably worth going on holiday so he's just away with his wife

and just having a day out on a bike. It's not a bad show. Yeah. And just seeing how he enjoys it. I've got a feeling he's going to absolutely adore it. Yeah. Listen, I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that. I just think, just see if you're going to really like it.

Okay, do you want to hear the second bit? Yeah. I don't know if we're going to have to wrap this up because we would have had longer, but obviously we lost 35 to 40 minutes with you going to the wrong street. This is what I'm more fussed about. My son Logan is also coming to a new stage. Oh, what a cool name.

Yeah. Amazing name. He's coming to a new stage in his life. He's turning 18 soon. Left school with college starting in August and he's just passed his driving test with zero faults. So I'd love it if you could tell him how,

oh, you could tell him how much we're really proud of him and love the young man he's sending in and look forward to seeing where this new chapter in his life takes him. He truly is one of life's sweet, sweet souls. That's quite a much easier one to deal with. Tom, do you want to give Logan a big up? Yo, Logan.

Every time... Sorry. What happened there? I got quite emotional, actually, because it was a beautiful thing that his dad's done there. Okay. Yo, Logan. Every now and again in life, you're tapped on the shoulder,

not by a physical being but sometimes just by a message that's just out there in ether about a young man who's not just finding their way but they're smashing through life at a rate of knots, almost like a tide that won't be held. Logan, you're incredible. Logan, you're amazing. Logan, I'd like nothing more than your 18th birthday to sit with me, you, Ramesh and your father and take the top off a couple of pints of suds. Why would you take the top off a pint? Logan, it doesn't matter what life throws at you by the sound of things

you've got this you've owned it logan i look forward to meeting you um logan just want to say congratulations on passing your driving test with no faults. It's quite an achievement. But remember, the learning starts now, Logan. Wow. You've not mastered the roads yet.

If anything, you've only just started. Wow. So good luck. Just for clarity, neither Tom nor I will be meeting you unless it happens by accident. Come to a gig,

something like that, maybe. Yeah, come to a gig, but we're not going for a pint with logan on his 18th birthday imagine that that's just something that's the story of legends and then his dad turns up on a bike it's no it's a legendary story about two 40 year old men that get arrested for inviting an 18 year old we're just chatting to logan and then you hear and i'll go you are bloody kidding me and we look out the window his dad's there on a bike

and then you just go fuck it and then you just sprint out and you ride on the back of it around that around about something

anyway quiet German Sheba thank you for your email I reckon rough count I'm just estimating seven absolute body punches from you to me on this podcast episode.

No, no, I think I've enjoyed it. It's been fun. Okay, Tom. Do you want to take us out of this thing? Yeah. As the sun settles on most days, it's a time not just for you to lay your head on the pillow

and think of the day that it's been, but you to contemplate the life and the lifeblood that you've led down. Sometimes it's worth contemplating these hourly rather than evenly. Evenly? Evenly? Yeah, in the evening. The point is this. Contemplation's good. But when it's doing it, it's quite easy to turn that into a self-repellent way of disliking yourself.

I certainly find that sometimes I can be very hard on myself. And sometimes actually in the world where you're trying to look for someone to put a reassuring arm around you and say, hey, you're okay, you've got this. That person's not going to come if you're not saying it out loud, if you're just sitting there in the darkness thinking to yourself.

And in those moments, the only friend you've got is yourself. So be the best friend to yourself you can. Put your arm around your own shoulder. And if you really need it, give your loved one a nudge and say hey i just need to talk and that's what life's really about that's really really beautiful it sort of combines sort of poignancy with being completely contradictory so thank you so much for that.

JT, can you take us out with... I've been listening to your J-Hus album. I really like it. I know, Tom, you like Burner Boy. I love a bit of Burner Boy. So I decided to suggest a tune that combines both those people. Masculine. J-Hus featuring Burner Boy. Guys, we will see you next time

for another studio-recorded episode of the hulf and hole Cause toxic as it should rain, I don't know any other way Toxic as it should rain, don't know any other way My nigga, how many times do I have to remind you, dog? Stepped in the place, now they're climbing walls Cause my brother's first name is Bala, last name is Klava They pop a lava, science, my dad, juju, kalaba My fist get them and control the poop, la-da Toxic as it should rain, don't know any other way Science, my dad, choo-choo, calabash. My face, get them on control, they put blood on. Topsic and city red.

Don't know any other way. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.