Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 58: Twitter Trouble & A Visible Penis

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

We’re talking… safety signage, hand washing, not being recognised, Maaate gate and a busy week on Twitter, festival comedy, Rom’s 50 Years Of Hip Hop set at Latitude, Tom’s excessive bogies and an unfortunate incident with a visible penis on a train. Then, after another update on the long-awaited Mukbang Special, we answers email questions on a sour cream controversy and a sensitive parental problem. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On April 5th, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? It's the most terrifying. 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. Only The first O-Men. Only in theaters April 5th. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them.

Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. Yeah. Yeah, what you want? now. Dine-in only until 11am. wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song

Is about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Okay Yo Hi Welcome To The

Wolf And Owl Podcast Oh nice nice It's good to be Hi guys I'm just looking down the camera

Do you know what I've noticed Is the don't touch Yeah because you moved the cameras last know what I've noticed is the don't touch yeah because you moved the cameras last time yeah yeah so now there's don't touch Tom from Spotify has decided it needs a sign

yeah it's a bit worrying isn't it that that's that's like that's basically now that's sign worthy well whenever you see a sign

it's because a twat has done the thing before yeah but when you know that you're that twat when you know you that you're that twat like you know like when you had all the signs like above a like toilet saying please wash your hands yeah that's a strange thing that must just be because obviously people have been quite out not washing their hands actually while we're on that hold on hold on that's a different thing you're talking about like the reason they said don't touch the camera is because somebody's

moved the camera yeah and when i say somebody, I mean Tom Davis, not someone here, right? Washing your hands, that's not something they're observing. They're not stood outside the toilet. Yeah, but even before... They've not had non-washing hands incidents. No, but even before COVID... This was an incident.

There was, like, those signs up. Have you... I've noticed a thing... During COVID, there was those signs up. No, no, no, even before. Yeah, I know, because you should wash your hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always wash my hands. Yeah, Because you should wash your hands. Yeah, I always wash my hands. Yeah, me too. I'm a hand washer.

I love washing my hands. Although, I posted something up about a show on Facebook or something. I'm not on Facebook anymore. I don't know what my password is. I tried to log on to it. It says... Because you're a big Facebook user. You were one of the first people I know

who changed his name to something cool when he got a little bit famous. When you say cool, my Facebook name is Sly Rangadanga Ding Dong. Yeah, but that's quite a cool name. You changed your name to pre-empt the fact that... No, it wasn't pre-empting anything. Basically, what happened was,

my other account, like the original account I had like when I was doing open mic gigs or just like started to do gigs people go can I add you on Facebook

and I go yeah and then like two years later some guy I met at the fucking chuckle hut is liking a picture of my chuckle hut is liking a picture of my kids yeah

and I just thought this has got to stop I've still got that I still have mine's mine's the original Facebook that I had when this has got to stop I've still got that I still have mine's the original Facebook that I had when I started Facebook

so everyone I've accumulated over the years is there what a weird thing to brag about you sort of lean across the table

you're feeling all like cocky about it lit a cigar no because I'm like I've got the original Facebook I haven't bothered to change a lot of somebody's corporate sellouts

you think that makes you hardcore you fucking edgelord because you've got your original Facebook but I haven't bothered to change a lot some of these corporate sellouts you think that makes you hardcore you fucking edgelord because you've got your original face mate unlike you I've kept the people over the time

I think it's quite a nice thing we've all been together there's times I look at it I don't look at it as a bad thing when I look I don't know like you know

Tim Milton I look at and I think fucking I've not seen him for years I've got all about him and then I'll go and like have a look at his life and what do you think about when

Jim Moulton likes a picture of your daughter I don't put any pictures of my daughter on anything okay fine well then it's a different situation isn't it

I'll text you a picture of her maybe yeah you do quite a lot actually yeah I'd actually ask you to stop doing that I mean she's she's beautiful

but just please there's only so many my phone's only got a certain amount of memory on WhatsApp I'd actually ask you to stop doing that. I mean, she's beautiful, but just please. There's only so many. My phone's only got a certain amount of memory. On WhatsApp, so it saves automatically. So, yeah, you were one of the first people I know who changed it up. Anyway, the point I was trying to make was, I posted up about a show on Facebook, and then somebody went, tagged somebody else in,

and went, isn't this the comedian that you saw go to the toilet and not wash his hands after? Wow. Wow. Wow. Fuck. Also, like, let's just say that you're probably one of the most recognisable people in the country, I'd say.

Like, oh. I don't know if that's true. Well, it's because I've got a lot of guess who characteristics, brown glasses, beard. No, no, but I think you're, I think, I think if you asked most people, they'd know who you were i would say that like if you were struggling for a way of me describing you in a pub

like it wouldn't be oh yeah that's the guy that you saw he didn't wash his hands after a gig that what he's doing there is he's digging you out yeah maybe on the subject of people not knowing who I am. Yeah. So I'm going to have to, so I'm going to say this. Yeah. But Lisa might ask me to cut it out. I'm going to ask her when I get home from this, right? Yeah.

Our dog trainer fancies Lisa, I'm pretty sure. Okay? Male or female? Male. Okay. Right? And he's been saying things like, what a beautiful dog. And they say they're like their owners and stuff like that. Oh, my God.

Right, and like sending... Can I say, by the way, that Lisa's a beautiful woman, but that's a bad chat line. Yeah. And that is a chat line. I would say, look, on some nights, I look across at Lisa in bed, and I do think she's got a bit of the golden doodle about her.

But, so, anyway, he's been like, he's been sort of making... Look, i'm not saying he fancies her i'm he's being flirty all right but i i by the way i'd say this right now i don't agree with that no no i mean i think it's a bit scuzzy okay on his part yeah yeah i assumed it was on his part no no no i think for him, if he knows she's married and to come into your house and do

that. He doesn't come to our house. I've never seen him. I've never met the guy. You've never seen

him? No. Have you seen pictures of him? No. This is why you should be on Facebook more.

No, but I don't. So you can hunt him down and see what he looks like. Why? So you can have an idea of what he looks like,

what you're dealing with here. I'm not dealing with anything. You're dealing with an absolute piece of shit. Okay.

Sneaking around. Look, this is definitely not how we're going to keep this in. Just start doing this. Let's just try and keep it civil if we can. Okay.

The point I'm trying to make is Lisa never tells people who she's married to. Right? Unless they ask. Unless they go, what does your husband do? is Lisa never tells people who she's married to, right? Like, unless they ask, right? Yeah, unless they go, what does your husband do, right? Yeah.

So she's been, like, going to this guy for a long, long time. And then eventually... I've got the wrong end of the stick here. I thought he picked the dogs up at your house. No, no, no, no. She goes and, like, goes to the park and meets him. Okay, cool. She sometimes doesn't take the dog.

Anyway, so she goes to the park and meets him. She sometimes doesn't take the dog. Anyway, so she goes to meet him, and he said, what does your husband do? And she said, he's a comedian. And he goes, oh right, what sort of stuff does he do? She goes, he does all sorts of stuff. And then he goes, who is he? I've heard of him. She goes, you might have done it, it's Romesh Ranganathan. And she said, without missing a beat,

I've got no idea who that is. Now, one of two things has happened there. One, he's telling the truth. Okay? Which is... Can I just say, and I'm no lawyer or solicitor, I need to say that before I start what I'm about to say. Let me just tell you this.

You don't need to say that. Okay start what I'm about to say. Let me just say this. You don't need to say that. Okay? Nobody's listening to this going, there's probably formal legal advice Tom's about to dispense. No. Right. If, when you say someone's name, however remote,

if you were to turn around and just say one of your friend's names from Crawley, anyone. Rahul Patel. Okay, Rahul Patel. Did I meet him at Crawley when he came? No. Okay. I don't know. Yeah, I don't think I know him. Ohley when he came no okay I don't know yeah I don't think I know him

oh you did you did no no no but what I'm saying is that what I just did you'd have a bit of consideration yeah you think about it you wouldn't go straight

yeah especially when you're saying someone from television yeah Romesh Ranganathan right he'd go Romesh Ranganathan number one

I'd arguably say you know what's he watching if he's not seen you at all or even heard of you? No, because you've been on...

I expect this on Twitter. No, no, but you've been on a lot of good TV shows. Right. No, there's no slight.

I'd say that you're, I'd say that, I would say that you've made something for everyone. Okay. I don't, I mean that with genuine, like,

utmost respect because you know, like, but if he's into sport, he's going to have seen League of Their Own. If he's a bit of a brain box he's probably going to like

Weakest Link if he likes travel he'd have seen the travel shows that you do Mr Ventures and if he likes something shit he'll have watched Judge Romesh

it makes sense am I in the shit one? sorry King Gary but if he likes satire and ok alright let's just please

let's just stop. My point being, right, he's immediately without a beat, I've never heard of him. He's been very dismissive then. Well, anyway, I don't think we should discuss it any longer, just in case Lisa tells me that we're not allowed to keep any of this in. Right. But,

listen, I have had a couple of days, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the way you're moving, but even the stuff you've had a couple of days mate yeah yeah yeah yeah I like the way you're moving like the yeah but even the stuff you've had going on which is pretty big

yeah the dog walker's taking premiere I know I know yeah so wow yeah it's because you know

I don't want my marriage to end yeah no no not like that anyway I want it to be my choice creepy dog walker yeah oh god we'll never get this in

anyway right yeah you've had a terrible time so I did a I did a thing yeah like this

same mate to a mate campaign yeah which I thought was brilliant I was there the night it happened yeah

so the idea is and I just want to clear this up the idea is if you see one of your mates being toxic to a woman right just call them out on it that is as simple as that not suggesting that that is going to stop

women being attacked not suggesting that's going to bring an end to sexual violence against women it's just literally let's try and do a little bit to change the culture amongst male friendship groups whatever right that's it that's the be all and end all. I'm not suggesting you're going to stop a rapist because you go, mate. None of that, right? So anyway, I did that. This Sadiq Khan campaign, it gets released.

So the clip came out ages ago. Then this thing comes out. I got a latitude, right? Which is unbelievable. Great festival. I had so much fun. Loads of fun. Lots of laughter. What's going on with you? I fun loads of fun lots of laughter

what's going on with you I was just saying lots of laughter yeah there was lots of laughter yeah no no it looked good why describe it like

I went and supervised a kids birthday party because it felt like when I saw it online you don't post enough of these things by the way you're having an amazing time at Latitude

I thought you'd post more like you're just doing something crazy well when I do post stuff like that it's just like fodder for you isn't it it's true ricardi rom now that whole thing emerged because you absolutely rinse the out i mean you know one of my happiest moments of this week we're talking about you you went on heart radio you did this really cute little dance when you got into the studio and i could i know who it was probably ashley ro Ashley Roberts, Amanda Holden,

Jamie Thixton. Jamie Thixton. Right. Good bunch of eggs, all having a bit of a laugh. And you really owned it. I thought, fucking go on, son. It was really lovely to watch. I can't tell what you're doing now.

Do I be? I can't tell what you're doing. No, I'm being honest. No, because, yeah, but the tone of your voice, I know you're taking the piss. No, I'm not. But I can't figure out how. Mate, I watched that and thought,

that's exactly the role I know I want to see more of so that's my point at latitude you're having a good time post more of it what are you doing you're so suspicious yeah i am suspicious it's a very cute thing i don't know what's going on with you man i'm in a really happy mood i'm in a happy place yeah and i know that's all i'm encouraging you to do more. Okay. There were some nice moves. So I had a great time at Latitude. Yeah. I am currently off Twitter, right? Right. So I get a text message quite, I don't know, midway through the weekend from somebody going,

I can't remember who it was, going, I hope you're okay. I've seen what's been happening on Twitter. So I'm like, what the fuck? All right. So I then look on Twitter. So you've still got your account open? No, I haven't. I couldn't tell you how to access it,

but you can still see what the mentions are or whatever. Right. So I open it up, and Lawrence Fox has put the clip up, and he's gone, you're not a comedian, mate. Right? Sort of doing like a... Anyway, that has unleashed...

It's so funny, man, because I was totally unaware of unaware of i was just having a nice time of latitude and when somebody goes are you okay and i look i open twitter and it's like opening the gates to hell do you know what i mean that's twitter in a nutshell right it's it's awful it's such a vile place anyway every now and again i look so it's it's so mad because i'm not on twitter or because all the people that are having to go are so like bad just say like genuinely like because you you're not on twitter like so you but your at is still there your account still but i'm not yeah yeah but your account i couldn't tweet even if i wanted to yeah yeah i've done it what my password is like whatever i'm out so anyway i see that and i see all these like comments and um and it's stuff like um you're

supposed to be a comedian why are you doing this right which is fine i accept that as a criticism right whatever i'm just all i'm trying to do all i was doing was doing like 30 seconds at the end of a thing but fine if people think that's like you know i don't expect everyone to like me and nor should anybody expect everyone to like them it's a it's a very unhealthy thing to want. Yeah, I know. Trust me, it's absolutely killer. I've seen it at close quarters and it's actually disgusting. Some of the things it leads you to do

and some of the 180s it leads you to do on your own belief system. It's quite appalling to watch happen. Yeah, but it... Anyway, so then I get people going, like, I know that racism still exists, right? I would say over the last 48 hours, mate, I've been called the P word so many times on Twitter, right?

It's just that in itself, right? This is my big thing with Twitter as a whole, is that how has that become acceptable, that you can use that sort of toxic language and still have an account. You can say the most horrible things and never be held. Because as soon as you type that word into a tweet, I think you should just be out of a lifetime ban.

I think it automatically acts me. No, but don't you? I just find that insane. Yeah, but I think... In a culture that we should... Yeah, but I think you're right. But Twitter, or X as it's now being called, right, is...

The whole thing is free speech, right? Yeah, but that's not free speech. This is... Look, this is my problem with, you know, just when we have discussions and someone will say to you, say, oh, you know, what do you do? Or they'll ask you about being a comedian in a stand-up

and say, oh, you can't say anything anymore. Yeah can you say yeah i know but if the stuff you're saying is homophobic or sexist or racist or pushing any of those but you shouldn't have been saying that anyway that's not what free speech is yeah for that that's that's toxic speech that's that's that's a different thing that's the problem problem that I have with, you know, with him posting that tweet. He knew what the Pandora's box it was going to be. Yeah, but I mean, I agree. He probably did know, but he can't be held responsible.

You know, like, he doesn't know what people are going to say. I mean, he's got an idea, but you can't make him responsible for everything that everyone's saying off the back of it. That's individual up to an individual. The thing that's really mad is that people are like sending me pictures of like first of all they're saying to me do you think this is the worst thing that happens to women obviously not you can talk about one issue without you saying it's the most important the other thing that people are doing they've been sending me pictures of women being mistreated in muslim countries and going why don't you sort this out first let me just get this

cleared up for anybody that's under any i'm not not Muslim. Okay. I've never claimed to be, I've never suggested I was okay. I've never even joked about being Muslim on stage. What I'm assuming is you've seen a brown guy with a beard and he thought he must be Muslim. But you know what the mad thing is about it? Genuinely, which was quite good. I felt totally, I didn't feel upset about it at all. It's really weird. Like, yeah, because I don't know if it's because I'm not on Twitter. It's either because I'm not on Twitter or because the things are so mad. And the other thing is, I do still, I strongly believe in what I say.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I do think it's the right thing to do, the right thing to say. So then if you stand by that, you know, any criticism, it doesn't matter. I disagree with you. Do you know what I mean? I think it's the right thing to say. So then if you stand by that, you know, any criticism, it doesn't, I disagree with you. Do you know what I mean? I think it's the right thing to do. But on top of that, because they're so extreme,

I don't know, there's something about it, when it's so extreme like that, you just go, I don't respect, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't care what your opinion is. Do you know what I mean? And so like, they've all got patriot or proud Brit or stop Islam

from taking over the country or whatever. There's one where it, like, they've all got patriot or proud Brit or stop Islam from taking over the country or whatever. There's one where it's like London's become a shithole, we all know why or whatever, and all this, like, crap. So, like, it's actually quite funny. Like, I've actually got to the point where during the weekend I was, like, looking at stuff and, like, reading stuff out to Lisa. The one thing I did think that I did actually think was funny, even though it's deeply insulting to me,

was... I read this one out to Lisa, because I did think it was funny. A bit rich of Romesh... A bit rich of Romesh to be asking people to treat women better when you look so much like a sex offender. Anyway, listen... so anyway listen

thank you to everyone that's got in touch I guess yeah but also that's the one thing I think because I don't go on Twitter I find Twitter like

I find it an awful place I find it's like a pub that if you were to go in a pub where it was that aggressive and people spoke that way because I made you aware of this didn't I yeah yeah because you didn't even know anything about it I don't pub where it was that aggressive and people spoke that way. Because I made you aware of this, didn't I? Yeah, yeah.

Because you didn't even know anything about it. I don't go on it. I might now and again post something about football, but I've seldom gone on there myself because of that. I think it's essentially just a load of different people shouting aggressively. Yeah. And it's best to avoid that for your mental health. But when you message me and you're like, something's happened,

and then you end up going, all right, I'll go in. The one thing I took away from it, number one, was the amount of people. It's positives and negatives. There was awful things. And there's abhorrent things that have been said that, as a friend of yours, who I adore you, I found really upsetting. And also I find it upsetting that this is the problem it is and the problem that we have.

And it's just every time you think you've got a hold of it, and things me and you have spoken about before on this podcast and in life it sort of brings up but actually the positives there was far more people being supportive that is true actually and can i just say if anybody is like a load of comics came out in defense of me but like i would also say there's loads of just people that just went what are you talking about like this is obviously just like a you know it's a positive thing

how can you have a problem with it if anybody did that that's listening thank you very much like it's really great you don't feel like you have to do that because you know

it doesn't matter at the end of the day but what I found really weird is like Lisa like it's so weird outside of Twitter nobody was aware of it

right so I sort of looked at it and said I said to Lisa this is a bit mad isn't it and she's like what of looked at it and said i said to lisa is a bit mad isn't it and she's like what you're talking about and then i had to explain that i had to explain the whole setup who lawrence fox is why he would have done this what that means in terms of his follow like all of that shit do you mean and then i thought why am i doing this but then

it became like a hobby over the weekend i just like i want to see the i was excited to see the worst shit that was being posted up i got blamed for Rotherham at one point. Rotherham? Yeah, the grooming gangs in Rotherham, apparently. Something to do with me. I mean, it's fucking mad. But anyway, thank you to everyone who got in touch. I'll try and sort it out as soon as I possibly can.

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Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. But Latitude, man, Latitude was... Because the hip-hop thing looked amazing, right? It was... Okay, this is the thing, and I think you'll relate to this. Okay. So I did the stand-up set. Thanks to everyone who came to watch the stand-up set.

It was like... I wasn't nervous about it, but I was like... Yeah, it's like obviously you're doing a comedy tent in Latitude. How do you find... Because I had to do one the other week in Newport, outdoor, like a comedy festival outdoor. It's a whole different dynamic. Let's be absolutely crystal clear, right?

I loved Latitude. They really looked after me. And I had a really great time. And I had a great weekend. But it's not supposed to be, comedy's not supposed to be done in an open tent. It's really difficult. It makes it more difficult.

And also it's like the number of people, your timing changes, and also, like, it was, like, a bit windy when I was there. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, there's all these, like, different things that are kind of, like, messing with you. So you don't really, what I've noticed is,

like, I've done Redding, I've done Leeds, I've done Latitude a few times. You don't really have any idea how it's going. Do you know what I mean? Like, you kind of just do your thing and hope for the best and then I'm sort of relying on whatever

the reaction is of the people that I meet up with after the gig I've got no I've got no idea I could have eaten shit I could be

fucking supposed to be carried out on everyone's I've got no idea do you know what I mean it's that insane thing of having to try and pay right to the back of the field

like the tender field it's like yeah rather than, and because if you get too consumed, because it's so, almost so vast and so many people, unlike a theatre where it's easy, you almost, and it was, one idea, one idea was in, it was light.

So you could see. Yeah, it was light when I did it. Yeah, you see so many different faces. Yeah. I saw a couple, like, what's the worst is I did, a few years ago I did Latitude, and like I didn't really have any kind of profile at all. And I can't remember who it was,

but somebody big was on before me. Yeah. And then, I won't name the people involved, but somebody big was on before me, and the compere didn't come on stage to introduce me on. So that comic came off and he went, please welcome Rob Strang-Nathan. I walked on stage to the south to the tent emptying because they'd never fucking heard of me right so i walk

onto the stage after this like absolute ripper uh by whoever was on before me and i walk on and i literally start doing like start introducing myself as the tent fucking empties wow mate in terms of like your self-esteem or you're just kind of your ability to look part of comedy is to look comfortable do you know the worst one like you talk about other you know when someone says something you just yeah you know you get a bit of a recollection i can't remember no no festival somewhere near bristol and there was like a comedy tent there and there was a lot of people of our sort of general

you know pretty sure Josh was there for some reason I think it was me and Brett Goldstein were sort of going on me and then Brett and there was a comic called

I'll say his name can we bleep it out and whoever was on before I think it might have been Rasheen maybe smashing it it's absolutely killing it and i was

like this this crowd are amazing this is going to be incredible and he went on and his material i i've done gigs with you with him and he did some fucking obscure stuff and stuff that's very questionable and i'm standing there and watching because i'm going on after him and the whole fucking tent is gone i reckon there's four people from what was i'm sure it was rachine had smashed it and it was like pumped and you're like i fucking can't wait to go on oh no and you see him go and that that feeling of then having to sort of get it back and hopefully people are going to come a few people might must have back in but you know it's going to take an hour or so before people come back in and you're not going to be that person it was awful so anyway

so anyway i digress so i did the comedy set yeah and when we did hip-hop save my festival so it's me and martin too smooth we're doing 50 years of hip-hop um like from 10 30 to midnight or whatever close out the festival or whatever yeah in the comedy tent and um i don't know whether this is cool or pathetic right but basically it went off right like the crowd whoever was at Hip Hop Save My Festival

you were unbelievable right it was just like they were like singing along like hands up in the air like it properly was amazing

are you do you sing along when you're on stage I just do like a bit of like I get the crowd hyped up I sort of talk them through the set, set up what we're playing next and all that.

It's very easy what I do. Martin does the actual work. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so Lisa and the kids were with me. The two younger ones couldn't stay up till that time. They started to flake out about 7, 8 o'clock. So Lisa took them back to the hotel. Theo stayed, right?

Wow. What a moment. So a couple of things. One, that is the closest I've ever felt to being a rapper, right?

Yeah. Because the crowd are going off, you're like, you know, it was just amazing. But the thing that I will take away

is Theo had his hands in the air and was bopping the whole way through the set, man. That's actually generally giving me goosebumps.

Mate, it was, it felt incredible. Do you know what I mean? Like, he had such a great time, and then I walked off, and I was expecting to go, that was really embarrassing,

but he just goes, like he was saying, I had such a good time. That's cool. It was great, man. It was wicked. Martin is, like, probably one of the coolest people I've ever met.

Yeah, he is, yeah. I met him at Heathrow weirdly out of the out of the blues he was going away and I was with my daughter and wife and you know when someone

is just so fucking just like and by the way like incredibly lovely yeah like incredible yeah he's not a standoffish

no no no no just a really not but you know when you look at someone and you're like wow you've just got it all together

yeah yeah he just I had to walk away from him thinking why do i feel like somehow again i feel like this is a dig at me no it's not it's a dig at me as well right you just sort of nodded to me and went yeah as if to say have a look at yourself i'm looking at myself when i looked at martin i was like like everything you're like you are just a gentleman you know an absolute legend of a man from what i can you man from the short meeting we've had and the interaction we've had online. Looks very cool.

Dresses very cool. Seems a very decent human to everyone around. I looked at myself. Do you know what I'd say to you, though? You're half of those things as well. Half of them? Some of them are so unattainable. I don't know why I'm worrying about the rest.

I was going to say he's brown. But it's, you know when you meet someone, I had a weird one, so I've had a weird week on the basis of, I don't know what it is, what was that? It's my watch,

Hugo Chegwin's just finished an indoor run. Why are you getting a notification that Hugo Chegwin's finished an indoor run? Because I've done 0.3, yeah. Because I, now to say to him, Slade, I'm trying to keep him at it. I'm sort of being like, not a personal trainer, but I'm messaging him whenever he's done.

So he'll do something. So I'll just say, Slade that, mate. That's what I mean about me and you interacting on watches. Sorry, what? So he'll do a run, so I get a notification. You get a notification when he does a run? I used to get him with Beckett, but he doesn't do anything on his watch now. But, yeah. So you can do a notification so I can see when he's done.

Yeah, so I've seen that Hugo's done a run. And then you said Slade? I said Slade, yeah. Based on what? Well, because he did an indoor run of, yeah, 0.32 miles. 0.32 miles? Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, he might have just been running up and down the stairs. Maybe he might have just really needed his shit. But, yeah, I like to keep him pumped up. Right. Be there for him. Right, okay. Little shoulder to lean on. Anyhow, I digress.

Yeah, anyway, go on. Is this your new catchphrase, I digress? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to work on it. Let's see if it sticks. So, I don't know what it is recently. I've noticed, like like every fucking time i seem to look in the mirror and like nearly every time i go into chat to katherine katherine will

go you have a bogey in your nose every time that i fucking seem to leave a conversation and look in a mirror like a lift mirror yeah i have bogeys in my nose it's like i've turned like i've got to an age or something's happened within my fucking physical makeup that I'm producing an insane amount of boogies Jesus Christ man

what what I'm so right now I don't I don't know I'm very worried about this right so your ear canals

right they get rid of you have wax and stuff and they self cleanse and you can't fuck around with the chemistry of your ears right you can't fuck around with the chemistry of your ears, right?

You don't want to, so earlier, you said you're not a lawyer, but you're happy to just carry on without declaring you're not a doctor on this bullshit.

No, that's, I've been told that by a doctor. Okay, fine. So what happens, you've got earbuds in your ears, don't interfere with your ear canals, right? Can I just ask a question?

What are earbuds for then, those cotton buds? What are they actually for? Well, I think they're for like getting rid of like sort of little bits of makeup. They're like a sort of detail brush. And you can do also, it's wedging them into your ear canals.

You can clean round with them. But let's be absolutely clear on this, okay? The cotton bud companies do not want this advice about not sticking your ears to go out. Because they know that's what so many people do. Because it feels so good. Yeah. It's like somebody

issuing a warning, oh Nutella, whatever you do, don't put it on toast. Yeah, exactly. And it's like crack. You've got to be very careful,

right? Very careful at doing it. But if you worry about the equilibrium of your ears, I don't know if my nose is what I've done

because you know when you go to a Turkish barber, right? Yeah. And they put the wax up your nose. I don't know if my nose is what I've done. Because you know when you go to a Turkish barber, right? Yeah. And they put the wax up your nose. Just so you know, anybody listening, I've let equium go, all right? Before we start getting emails in. I've just let it go for the flowing of the story.

You know when they put the wax up your nose and then they pull out the nose hairs? Yeah, I told you you shouldn't do that. Yeah, I know, yeah. You told me a while ago. I've still... You've still continued to do it, obviously. Yeah, no, no. But now do that. Yeah, I know, yeah. You told me a while ago. I've still, I had... You've still continued to do it, obviously. Yeah, no, no.

But now I've had a break from having it done. Right. I'm not sure if I've ruined something within my nasal canals, right, that now I'm getting an unholy amount of bogeys. Yeah, or it's just

the hair's growing back. So, yeah, but the hair's growing back and what? And then bogeys... Well, bogeys are like a rock climb, aren't they? You're providing them lots of points of...

Yeah, no, but what do I do about the hairs in my nose now? Is this seriously happening? What are you talking about? I can trim them. I've got a nose trimmer I bought the other day. I'm going to be the best nose trimmer on Amazon. I did at least four or five hours of research, right? Okay?

What is it? It's a Manscaped one, right? Okay. First of all, what I can tell you is you didn't do four or five hours of research. You barely did 40 seconds, right? Because whenever you go on social media, Manscaped's fucking all over it. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

Now, what I also know is your nutsack's probably bald as the day you were born as well. I always get my pubic hair down. Hold on. Okay. Let's talk about this. Yeah. Do you go clean shaven? No, no, no.

I leave a little bit there. I don't get it. Clean shave, what? clean shaven? No, no, no. I leave a little bit there. I don't get it. Clean shave, what, like wet shave? No, I'm just saying clean, did I say wet shave?

Yeah, you go to Turkish barber and after they do your nose. Do you know this is a mad thing, right? The other day, this is a terrible thing. I was on the train,

right? Yeah. And again, I actually had a weird message about the banana story. Someone was picking holes in that. Yeah. Why don't we stick to one digression at a time?

Okay, right. So I'm sitting there, minding my own business, listening to a podcast. I look down and the guy opposite me has shorts on and I can see off his shorts. Right. And see his penis, right? Right. And... Tom.

Okay. How was he sat? Like that he's meant spread like that and he's got like shorts that sort of length okay right and is his penis poking out the bottom of the leg no no if you looked like if you looked there we go that's what i was trying to get at if you looked right right i'm not looking like that i'm not first, I'm not even paying any attention. But you are looking in that area? Yeah, no, I'm just looking down. Because I often, you know, I was listening to podcasts,

sort of imagining I was sort of taking it in, and then I look like that, and then I see his penis. Okay. Right? His penis? Yeah. His actual penis? Yeah, sort of like the head.

So is he wearing underwear? No, that's what I mean. Okay. So whether he's been to play, like, tennis or... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, tennis is like wearing a kilt, isn't it? Don't wear I mean. Okay. So whether he's been to play tennis or... Yeah. Yeah, tennis is like wearing a kilt, isn't it? Don't wear anything underneath. As we all know.

What the fuck are you talking about? Well, have you ever been to the gym and forgot your pants? No. Right. He's had a workout in his pants, right? In his pants. And he's gone... And then he's gone to get changed into his office... His office shorts. Yeah. Right then he's gone to get changed into his office you know into his office shorts

yeah right yeah he's gone to get changed and his pants are wet from the workout right this is how I'm trying

to piece it together yeah again we're going to go back I'm not a lawyer I'm not a detective right okay right

by the way congrats to the detective that gets this case right so we need to find out there's a guy on a train his dick's showing

no you're the man for the job so he's basically right right so we just to find out there's a guy on a train his dick's showing no you're the man for the job so he's basically right he's probably had a workout his pants were wet after the workout

because he's been quite strenuous yeah right he's then put them in his bag and he didn't bring a replacement pair that's yeah

I understand what the what the fuck is going on I understand what you mean. That's all I can think of in this circumstance. So I'm looking like that. Do you know what? Can I just, just before you carry on.

The times that you make a decision to explain something and the times that you make a decision to not explain something are completely opposite to what they should be, by the way. So many times you say something with no detail, just fucking carry on. And then stuff that's so blatantly obvious, you decide to go into an insane amount of detail on.

Why are you explaining how you might forget your pants? I was going to say he's left his house in a rush that morning oh mate yeah so he's sitting there like this

right and then once that's in my head that that's there yeah I can't stop like looking down every time sort of

I keep making eye contact and then I think he catches me looking down yeah and he gives me this really weird look right

like you know sort of like sort of like quite sort of distasteful like it's all what you do sort of thing and then I look quite embarrassed

yeah and at the next sort of stop I just get up and just walk off a bit is that the end of the story? yeah yeah I get up and walk off I get up and walk off

because I was so embarrassed do you know that you spent longer in that story explaining how someone might forget their pants than there's actually content in the fucking story? No, no, but it's a weird thing of his penis hanging out. Yeah. And me not saying... Yeah, but do you know how I would tell that story?

I would sit opposite someone and go on the train and say I could see his penis right out of shorts. That's the end. It just makes me think about the bogeys. Right. What do you mean? With social embarrassment,

isn't it? He was less embarrassed about his willy hanging out. He didn't know. He didn't know. Listen, if I was sat and my dick was hanging out

and I knew and you looked, I wouldn't aggressively look back at you like, what are you looking at? I know what you're looking at. My penis is hanging out of my shorts. So you think he didn't know he just thought I was looking down? Obviously. Who the fuck, what kind of fucking lunatic is going, do you know what?

I'm just going to, I i'm gonna make sure my shorts are riding up so that you can actually see my genitals and if anyone looks i'm really gonna give them i'm gonna give them an absolute sting in my head he knew what i was looking at and he was like this isn't for you type thing oh my god i was he gave me such a vicious look he was so angry I was genuinely thinking

I'm not going to fight this guy what do you think is the more likely outcome of this what do you think is the more likely explanation one a man puts on his shorts

isn't aware that his dick is visible he sits on a train and a man with earphones in is just staring intently at his crotch. Right? Do you think that's more likely?

Or do you think he's gone, right, time to get the dick on display, have the shorts riding up, but I hope somebody that I don't want to look doesn't look, because I'm going to give them what for? Not verbally. It was a very insane situation to be in.

Right. And I know that's what I'm talking about with the bogeys. It's not, that is not an insane situation. This is what happens, right? Right.

You're sat opposite somebody, their dick's showing, you go, oh, that's weird. And then you just look away. What you don't do is go into a role play imagining the set of circumstances

that led to this situation happening and then get caught looking which is what you do do you ever think about what's happened to this guy if I saw listen let me tell you

if I saw somebody's dick in their shorts if I decided that I'm going to have a little wander down imagination lane to try and figure out what happened

I would change where my gaze is. It was just a funny predicament to be in. Yeah, it was funny. Yeah. So anyway, what are you going to do about your bogeys? To be fair,

I'm thinking I didn't have any. Even now, I'm worried about it. You don't have any now? Do you think it's partly because you're taller? Yeah, but that doesn't mean I should get more. No, but what I mean is... Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But no, I can tell you in the last, I reckon, month, my bogey distribution has gone up by at least 80%.

Right. Like, this is really bad. Like, the other day, I could feel a bogey, and Catherine, I thought, was in the bathroom. She'd come out of the bathroom quite quietly, and I picked my nose. I heard her, like, come into the living room, and I rolled the bogey up and put it in my pocket.

Oh, my God. And she had seen it happen. Tom, I wouldn't have even told me that in a private conversation. Do you think that bit's worth deleting? I think it's in. I felt disgusting at the time, but at the moment I'm in a situation where I feel like so many... Whether there's a doctor out there or someone who can help

It does feel actually you raise a good point if there is somebody can explain why? Tom's bogey Appearances have gone up We'd love to know First I thought maybe hay fever. Yeah, but then it's not that clement the weather. It's not that hot So hay fever is not that high it. It's it's I think it's not that clement the weather it's not that hot so hay fever's not that high it's I think it's actually starting to have an impact on my

like my confidence it doesn't seem to be you've talked about it openly on a podcast no I'm talking to you if anything you've used it for content no but if I'm in a conversation

with someone in real life right and someone's this is someone's standing there right I'm constantly doing this yeah

rubbing my nose I do that it's such a worry sometimes I tell you when it does happen is if somebody's looking really intently at me

as I'm talking to them yeah I think what I'm saying isn't that interesting so I must have something on my face or my nose

I get extremely paranoid if I meet members of the public because say for example if somebody recognises you and you've got a bogey in your nose

yeah you've got yourself a story yeah but then yeah you're the other guy that not for the face but someone turns around and just yeah exactly isn't that the guy that yeah he didn't wash his hands and had bogeys in his nose yeah well hopefully it would be very unlucky for me to have that happen with the same person you know the thing i've done going back to washing hands thing because we've digressed a little bit from there it's the amount of times you're in a bathroom now and you watch a guy have a wee

or not watch them actually I don't know so you follow that guy off the train no someone goes to the toilet

and then they go to wash their hands and they literally just run the water for like a second sprinkle their hands under it

and then just walk off without using a proper washing them it's completely pointless yes it is pointless

I find that really infuriating. Yeah. Do you say anything? No, just sort of like... Okay. I went to watch the boys in a show recently. Right.

At the Horth in Crawley. Yeah. Loved the Horth, by the way. Amazing. I don't know if I should say this now. Maybe we should blank out there. What, the Horth? Well, it's just because I'm about to issue a complaint.

No, it's not a complaint. About the Horth? Yeah. Okay. Not about the staff. I love the horse? Well, it's just because I'm about to issue a complaint. No, it's not a complaint. About the horse? Yeah. Okay. Not about the staff, I love the staff.

Staff are amazing, I've got to say. In the interval I went to the toilet. Right.

I think this is, yeah, keep this in, because I think a lot of people would do a lot of good for people, I think.

First of all, I know you might be the wrong person to ask this. Right, okay, okay. Is it urinal

or urinal? Urinal. Urinal, okay. The urinals in the men's toilets, on the ground floor at the whole theatre, are so close together, it's incredible. Are you using urinals still?

What do you mean, am I using urinals? I never use them. Have we had this discussion? I think we have, JT and Kato, but I find them so awkward. Yeah, they are awkward. No, but they're not awkward when they're evenly spaced out.

No, I find them awkward then. i think we have talked about this because a guy at a bar asked me for a selfie while i was taking a piss yeah yeah and i thought that encouraged you to start using cubicles yeah but sometimes like is cubicles a premium aren't they yeah but i'll wait for a premium i find i find a urinal these days so awkward. Right. When someone, I've had people take pictures of me going for a piss without asking.

Yeah. If they asked, what would you say? Well, I'd probably say after I finish urinating. Right, okay. You know. And then I'd happily have a picture. But no, I find them, yeah. I'm all,

I love, I think of toilet, that space, when you go into a little cubicle, and you have a wee, or if you fancy a poo, you'll have a poo as well. Right? It's a real sort of like, that's a treasured little moment of a night out. It's almost like a small meditation moment.

Yeah, sure. I don't want to be in the hustle and bustle of it all. No. That's my private time. No, I get you. Take a breath. Have a wee. Yeah, all right.

Now, listen, I think we should do some emails. Let's do it. Before we get into that, thanks once again to The Swan for selecting... Oh, actually, I'm going to just raise something. Go on. Bad news, everyone. Okay, this is exactly what I wanted to talk about.

Yeah, bad news, everyone. So the Mukbang episode that we're very, very excited about, there's been a little spoiler put on that at the moment because we're very very excited about there's been a little spoiler put on that at the moment because we're not allowed food

in the studio we completely didn't pre-empt this so we're not allowed to do the mukbang but we need to

be face to face so we're going to try and work out a way of doing that Tom from Spotify said that we

could have dry food in here he didn't say that. He said we... I had to have a cookie before the show started. Yeah, you said... No, okay, there we go. Here's the problem here, right?

We arrived, right? JT is here. Yeah. The other side of some sort of two-way mirror. I don't know what's going on here. JT was mortified, by the way. No, he wasn't. He didn't care at all.

He's been very looking forward to the mukbang I don't think he has he's got to edit it so I don't think he's looking forward to it right so JT

asked Tom from Spotify Tom asked what is the mukbang episode from when we recorded last time JT explained it to him and weirdly

in these lovely, lovely studios, they don't want us to bring in a shit ton of food. He said to me, be careful. We're not allowed wet food. Tom, I was there for the conversation. He said, you'll have a cookie. You're not allowed a pot noodle. No, no, no.

Yeah, he did say that. But he was talking very specifically about you had a cookie with you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you said, so I can't eat this now. So we're devastated to pass this news on. This is totally as I thought it was going to go. That we would not be allowed to eat a shit ton of food in a recording studio. So what we might have to do is maybe before one of these,

we meet JT in a park park or a restaurant and do it there like a picnic kind of version no i don't think so no if we have if we sneak a couple of mics into a restaurant that could be okay fine yeah okay so it will come it will happen uh probably in september somewhere yeah it will happen just like the nicknames feature and the shouting out small businesses. Two features at two format points that we're very, very proud of that we've managed to continue for as long as we have done. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution.

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It's made with pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The answer is FedEx. Okay. But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about?

FedEx. Oh. But let's say that... FedEx. What a... FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx. Where? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx, where now meets next.

Okay. This is from... Oh, this is from your number one fan. Who's number one? It's both of us. Oh, okay. Cool, cool. I see you looking at that little

divide and conquer fucking shark eyes and he or she they say dear Wolf, Owl and Swan listening to your two streets

one name episode reminded me of my one similar yet different conundrum I was sent shopping for a few items a couple of weeks ago the usual

bread, milk, cheese etc I was also asked to get some sour cream or at least that's what I thought I had I stumbled into my local shop that rhymes with Schmorrisons a couple of weeks ago, the usual, bread, milk, cheese, etc. I was also asked to get some sour cream. Or at least that's what I thought I had. I stumbled into my local shop that rhymes with Schmorrisons, grabbed the bits I needed along with sour cream and walked back home feeling confident and content

that I'd been a good boy and got all the stuff from the list. A couple of hours later, when my partner got home, she opened the fridge and I heard my name called, Why did you get sour cream? Because that's what you asked for, I replied. I then proceeded to get the piss taken out of me for buying sour cream and not soured cream. What?

What is soured cream? This is then quite often brought up as a recurring joke, which I actually quite enjoy and does make me chuckle. My question is this, what the fuck even is soured cream? It's stored with milk, whipped and double cream, etc. But what is it? Do I warm it up and put it with apple crumble

or do I dip crisps in it? Why name something that is so similar to another name but is a completely different food item someone must have made this mistake

before am I just a standard bloke who can undertake complex technical tasks like fixing a car or fitting new lights I mean I can't do either of those things

can you no but doesn't know the simple difference between food items love both your shit looking forward to seeing Tom next year in Plymouth

hashtag green army ok I've never heard of sour cream ok now listen I'm not convinced there is a difference here Love both your shit. Looking forward to seeing Tom next year in Plymouth. Hashtag Green Army. Okay. I've never heard of sour cream. Okay, now listen. I'm not convinced there is a difference here. I think you might be a victim of an injustice. I'm going to look this up. Sour cream.

I've never, I didn't even... I've never heard of sour cream. I'd assume sour cream is sour cream, right? Yeah. Sour cream versus soured cream. Also, what I would say is, I don't really think that's grounds to take the piss out of someone, is it?

No, no. And also, if they are the same thing, he's brought exactly the... He's brought what was needed. Sour cream, open bracket, sometimes known as soured cream in British English. Wow. Wow.

Well, well, well. See, that's... He's actually taken a real batter in. As far as him, though, he seems like there's a bit of banter around it. I sometimes think in a relationship it's good to have that sort of piss-taking stuff. I enjoy that. Catherine takes a piss out of me about a load of different things. Does she?

Yeah. Mispronounce solutions of words, weirdly. We have a bantery relationship between us. It's one of my favourite things about our relationship, that we take the mick out of each other. Yeah. And I actually think that maybe it's worth him just keeping, you know, knowing it and having it in his back pocket,

but also it's something that he clearly gets a chuckle out of. And maybe just as a real sort of like, sort of zinger, buy some sour cream and some sour cream, put them in a bowl and see if she can taste the difference. Well, she wouldn't taste the difference,

she'd mix them together. No, that's what I mean. No, no, put them in two different bowls. Oh, okay, fine. And go like, oh yeah, I'll put some dips out.

This actually isn't a bad shower. And then she'll just dip one in and go, did you like the soured cream? And she'll say,

yeah, it was lovely was lovely okay it's actually sour cream yeah it feels like a lot of trouble to go to to deliver that line doesn't it yeah but it could be then it all turns around right and then he becomes the other taker so he's turning around to her going uh fucking i remember when you thought sour cream and sour cream were different. It could be a... Yeah, it's not a bad shout. Yeah. Number one fan... Just Lisa, she's quite...

Mate, I get absolutely rinsed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely rinsed, mate. It's a madness. Do you know what I mean? Just for stuff like just being negligent with the kids, do you know what I mean? You know, just little shit like that, do you know what I mean mean like seeing other women behind their back like just stuff like that it's

constant piss tape piss tape piss tape just hell stop roasting me the mac daddy of cool bowling about the house in your leather jacket and a pair of boxer shorts hair all bril-crimed back I don't even know why that was funny but it was good hope that helps

God bless you this is from the troubled turtle always worries me these ones why? I just know that something horrible's happened This is from The Troubled Turtle. Oof. Always worries me, these ones. Why? I just know that something horrible's happened. The Troubled Turtle. Hey team, hope you're all well.

I'm after some advice for you, let me set the scene. For the past 12 years, my father was bravely battling dementia, which is such a cruel disease, taking more and more of him as the years went on, and my amazing mother tirelessly and selflessly looked after him at home till the very end. She showed such kindness and compassion, she is my hero. So for those those 12 years and more i've gone to my mom's to help do odd jobs around the house help with dad and hang out with her every nearly every single sunday and sometimes popped in during the week sadly dad died this february which was heartbreaking but at least he's no longer suffering now that's this might sound selfish but i thought that now that he has

passed i could start not going to my mom's every weekend, as at 39, I wanted to start doing something at the weekends with my other half, all for me. But I feel so guilty leaving mum, as she's now so lonely. I finally went away for a week to Scotland, where I listened to your podcast on my trip. Felt like I was just in the car with my mates, and made the 10-hour solo journey bearable. She made such a big deal of how much she missed me,

I even said to her, take it down a notch. I was away for one week, and she went on to say how she hates it when I go away. Am I an arsehole for wanting to finally have some time for me and how should i tell her that with that without breaking her heart this woman is my hero but i don't want to go around there every weekend as i feel like i'm just letting life pass me by any help or advice is greatly appreciated love you guys um so my friend um number one uh my condolences um because dementia is an awful, awful disease. It's terrible.

And, yeah, it's awful. I think when it comes to sort of the situation with your mum, I think something like this requires sort of real gentle handling because as much as you see her as being your hero and you can almost put people up in a sort of, elevate their position. Pedestal. Yeah, I was going to say pedestal,

but I've been told, I've been saying that wrong. Yeah, Flo told you that, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you keep saying to me, you're going to mention Tom that you keep saying pedestal. I thought it was a pedestal, you know, like a pedal bin. Is that what you thought until Flo said to you? Yeah.

You thought it was a pedestal? Yeah. What's a pedestal? I Yeah. You thought it was a pedal stool? Yeah. What's a pedal stool? I don't know, what's a pedestal? Pedestal's like a plinth, isn't it? Like a platform.

Oh yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, but what does a pedal stool look like? I thought it was a stool with... With pedals on it?

Yeah. Like a bicycle? No, but you didn't really go anywhere, just had like a stool with pedals. Like, you know, those big ones,

like a penny farthing. Yeah, a penny stall with, like, you know, those big ones, like Penny Farthing. That's sort of a really good. Yeah, Penny Farthing goes somewhere though. No, but I thought it was like, probably in the really olden days, right? The best stall to have, a bit like probably an old Peloton, right? It was like this really big stall

and it had pedals on. And everyone's like, you know, Billy down the road's got a pedal stall. That's, yeah. I never thought it was cool. I didn't, well, a pedestal doesn That's, yeah. I never thought it was quite... A pedestal doesn't make any sense. No, pedestals are... A pedestal doesn't make any sense.

No, but so many old things I don't get, old bits of language or whatever, I'd never heard of a pedestal. I've never been near one, right? But you've been near a pedestal, have you? No, I just thought... How many pedestals... No, I'd love to know. Tell me your stories about pedestals that you've seen. a pedal stall have you how many pedal stores no i'd love to know tell me

your stories about pedal stores that you've seen i thought they were obsolete now i thought they're saying that doesn't isn't around anymore i thought like oh hell like back in the yeah they just people started using bikes and they actually went places like a pedal store was just like so pedal so that's what you thought a pedal stall yeah was a stool with pedals on it but it didn't go anywhere? Yeah. For what? For exercise?

Like a Peloton? Yeah, like an old-school exercise bike. Okay, fine. Actually, it's not as illogical as I thought it was. Yeah. And then they were the best thing to have in the olden days, and people went, fucking hell, yeah. Mate, he deserves to be up on that pedal stool that he's brought. And then, obviously, it's not his pedestal,

and yeah, photo of him the other day. Anyway, carry on. So I digress slightly. But look, so I think as much as you can put your mum up on a pedestal, the actual truth is that she's a human being and she's been through an awful ordeal and she's been through really tough times. And I think when people

go through things like this I speak especially even my own mum uh you know has been through some you know something like this with friends with a friend of hers recently and their sister and I think actually sort of sometimes talking about that or being open about it about what they've lost and actually what they've been through is harder than maybe our generation find that. And actually sort of having an open conversation with her, number one, about where she's at with things and how she feels. It's really easy. And I'm culpable of this, of spending time with people and actually spending lots of time with people, but never really asking sometimes how they are and where they're at. And just doing nice things without actually sort of touching base and

making sure they're all right and I think it's really one of the best things is to sort of have that conversation see how your mum's feeling and then set sort of parameters really of like when you're going to go around there I think right now she probably does need you to be around as much as you can be but if that's too much for your weekends then maybe look at a weekday of an evening you'll pop around but also instead of just going around to the house maybe try saying well let's go out for some dinner or let's go to the cinema or try and do something else with her that's just going to sort of break the sort of cycle that you're in. And I think, you know, it's really, as difficult as you're finding it,

I can't even imagine, like, how tough that is for you, but also for your mum, what she's gone through. And, you know, the caring, looking after someone that she's done, it's just sort of let this massive void in her life. And I guess that's, there's a part of you that's got to sort of feel that for a little while. And, you know, let you be her hero

just for a little while. That was beautiful. Lovely. Thank you. Cheers. Well, listen, I'm really sorry, Trouble Turtle, that you're going through this.

I would say that I've experienced sort of two sides of this where the swan's father had a similar thing and I can empathise with you that it's an incredibly cruel thing to watch happen. Equally, the parent left behind is a difficult one to be. My dad passed away like 10 years ago now and um my mum was like her their whole social thing was together and my mum and dad you know my mum lent on my dad a lot for like going out and stuff like that and you know what she got up to and and he also did lots of stuff for her and so when she

when he passed away you know my mum wasn't as independent as she otherwise might have been. My mum's a fiercely independent woman, but in this instance, she was like, you know, she was suffering from loss or whatever. And I think what I would say to you is this. First of all, you are absolutely not an arsehole for wanting to have some time for you, okay, by any stretch at all. It's totally normal. You've done, you know, you've really been dutiful uh sorting this out and and looking after your mum but the fact of the matter is is that you want to be able to have some spare time to to be with your other half and but the difficulty is your mum's got used

to you being around all the time so the truth is what you've got to do is you kind of have a conversation not it doesn't have to be a frank conversation doesn't have to be as frank as you have been in the email of just like readjusting what her expectations are of in terms of how much you're going to go around there and and helping her both doing that and also helping her to become a bit more independent and find things that she can do for herself and stuff to occupy her time so it might be that you like by the way i'm not this is not prescriptive what i'm So it might be that you like, by the way, I'm not, this is not prescriptive what I'm saying. It might be that you halve the number of visits. So like you're going over there two weekends and two weekends you aren't, and then that can come down

or you go, I'll come see you once a month. It's up to you to come to a decision about how you're going to do that. Um, but I think it's worth saying, you know, what I would say is your mom is going to miss you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. So, you know, it's worth saying you know what i would say is your mom is going to miss you but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it so you know it's actually helpful for her in the long run to kind of gain a bit of independence she's obviously grieving and it's difficult but this you know you need to move to a happy kind of equilibrium or equum so i think i did that to sort of comment, I did that for you, Tommy, you didn't even register. No, it's nice, it's nice, it's a nice bit of, no, no, I'm lost in your words.

Oh, okay. Sometimes I look at you and actually feel very proud of you, I'm a friend sometimes. I mean that. I think you've got so protected, like, I mean it from the moment. I feel like my ribs are exposed. So the point I'm trying to make is, I think it's a combination of deciding with your mom,

what that level is going to be and also helping your mom get an independent, a bit more of an independent lifestyle. My mom, uh, you know, initially she's finding it very difficult. Now she's up to all sorts. I mean that in a completely appropriate way. Uh, so listen, I know it's difficult, but can I just say that the main message I want you to take from this is you absolutely are not an arsehole, okay? If anything, you've done amazingly well in terms of support you're giving. I wish you the very best of luck. Okay, Tommy D.

Yeah. It's about that time. Well. Could you do us the honour of taking us out? Timmy Croft lived by the beach. And each summer he would watch as revellers from the morning through to the night jumped around and frolicked and laughed in the surf, or made sandcastles, or sprinted around and played cricket and swam.

In the evenings, he'd watch as people lit big bonfires and toasted marshmallows. But Timmy was always anxious of the beach because he didn't like the feeling of sand upon his feet or in his arse crack or in his bollocks. He... All right, go on I'm actually laughing at your sort of

your giggle off the back of the anyway I don't want to interrupt so Timmy often just watched other people have fun and it made him feel quite sad that outside of his window just across the way there was all this laughter and it made him feel quite sad that outside of his window,

just across the way, there was all this laughter. And one day, Timmy opened his front door, and he took a walk down the rocky lane, and he stared at the sand. He thought, maybe I can do it. Maybe I can step onto it. And as he touched the sand, he recalled back, he simply couldn't be a part of any world that sand sat on.

And as he turned around, an old man came up to him and said, are you not going on the beach here, young boy? And he said, no, I can't stand the sand. And the old man said, but what about if you look that way? And he pointed at some fields and a big park and some other stuff that was going on. And Timothy said, oh, wow, I never even noticed that. I was so intent on looking out at the beach and the fun that people were having there,

I never looked out my other windows at the other side of the house. And the old man said, sometimes you can be so focused upon what you can't have, you forget about what you can. And that's a great message for life. Sometimes it's very easy to stare at other things, worrying about not being a part of it or not being able to join in. But all the time, forgetting there's a whole world

that you can be a part of and enjoy thank you that's really nice really really nice I didn't actually know where it was going so it's a beach

on one side and fields and woods on the other is it yeah yeah yeah that's Timmy's life okay well listen I hope you enjoyed the episode

to play us out okay have you seen Deadpool 2 no I actually got asked to audition with Deadpool 3 yeah me too did you yeah anyway enjoyed the episode to play us out okay have you seen Deadpool 2 no no I actually got asked to audition with Deadpool 3

yeah me too yeah did you yeah anyway I was watching Deadpool 2 last night and there's a bit

where he meets his other half yeah and they play over the top of that scene an unplugged version

of Take On Me by Aha oh my god and it's absolutely beautiful. So, JT, could you play us out with the unplugged from the Deadpool 2 soundtrack version of Take On Me? And we will see you next time. See you soon.

On this little thing we call... The Wolf and Owl Podcast. Oh, shit, yeah, it's the Wolf and Owl Podcast. Bye. Take on me. Take me home. I'll be gone in a day or two. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all,

please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.