Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 6: Puppy Piss & Ruined Rugs

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

We’re talking… hair gel techniques, puppy piss and a ruined rug, Sunday lunch spills, Henry the Eighth, mortal combat with the kids, phones in the toilet, a pact to learn Spanish and the end of Neighbours. Then some email questions answered on dating a friend's ex, an expensive wedding invite, and a mystery tidy-upper. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing. Oh my gosh it feels like i haven't seen tom davis in a long time this is a wolf now back in your fucking grill yeah what the fuck you look nice man you look good i don't feel like a little night you you seem you caught me in a bad moment where i've just had a shower you can't put the you can't put the wax in the barnet just yet i wouldn't know so you just have to let it dry a bit well i'm just telling you you have to let it dry a little bit do you know i mean to get them curls looking how nice how waxy do you make your hair when you wax it nice not very not very i'll be honest with you i don't think in the however many years since i've been using wax i think i first started when i was actually i used to use gel and make it really crispy. I used to smash up, yeah, crispy gel or

Brylcreem used to be my lick. I used black and white for a little bit, but you have to use Fairy Liquid to get it out. I went for a stage of Brylcreem where I'd used to sweep all my hair back to look like Michael Corleone. Oh, God. I had a widow's teak, so it used to come out quite far.

I just used to slick my hair back. I used to literally give almost half a tub of build cream and really fucking like lacquer it back nice and then yeah well i've i've never got my hair right ever what i've seen your hair looking so nice and drippy well that's very kind of you to say but i always feel like i've either put too little or too much wax oh no no i think there's at least seven times in my life i've looked at your hair and gone he has waxed that to the mat it's nice work thank you thank you tom i'm dealing with a really what's happened boy it's it's do you know rage that you can't you can't direct anywhere yep yep so basically i walked in this morning to get ready for this

podcast and i've seen that reggie i've left i lock my office door because reggie seems to still think despite his age still seems to think this office is outside right and so last night lisa went oh you didn't lock your office reggie was in there and then he barked to let us know that the door was open i think and she's given him way too much credit there what he's barked at basically i've walked in today and there's a big fucking yellow stain right in the middle of my road and it's not puppy's piss now how old is he now it's nine months nearly 10 months yeah man that's not that you're getting into that sort of teenage piss so here's the question for you is this rug ruined am i looking at buying a new rug man um you either

have to get on your hands and knees and scrub that fucker because there's ways around it but you have to you you've got to get the best product you can to get down hands and knees and you've got to scrub the shit out of that or it is or it is another rug brother is it expensive piece of yes it's really expensive piece of kit and we got washable rugs everywhere else because you would have a dog but we didn't expect him to come into the fucking office you know he's trying you bro he's trying you you know man like on sunday right me and katherine went out with friends for a bit of lunch nice place shout out the grove why don't why don't you why don't you ever invite me out can I ask this question why don't you ever

invite me out we would invite you if you and Lisa are around you're so busy bro what do you mean if no genuinely I'd love a Sunday lunch

with you and Lisa no you didn't listen let me tell you something you're constantly on the podcast you're constantly going olive soup bro

you're like one of my favourite people in the whole world sweet sweet yeah why don't you want to see me outside this podcast you know what you see me as you know what you see me as genuinely after you log on to this soon and you just see instead of my

face is your avatar advertising revenue that's what i think you say live live show remittance that's what i think you see listen you know i if i'm honest with you sometimes i i can't stand rejection so i worry about asking you and then you and you i mean it would be a nice thing to go for you lisa the boys we go for a little bit of sunday lunch all right all right you should we should anyway um well tom i'm misdirecting my rage i know what you're doing i know what you're doing i've studied enough uh of this kind of vibe yeah today i've got an hour and a half of you someone's gonna have this rage all day long maybe for two or three days where you misdirect it misfiring you're basically you're turning into vladimir putin vladimir putin's ill so he's fucking angry like angry everyone yeah i wish i looked as good as

him on a horse though oh yeah i'd like to see a picture of eutoplus on a horse if i hired a horse would you do a picture of eutoplus on it um where where would the horse be i don't want you delivering a horse to my house we okay i mean you just go to some stables epsom downs we could go to epsom downs okay yeah yeah i'm up for that yeah i'm gonna i mean i don't know how ethically i feel about getting on a horse i'm supposed to be vegan after all man you're not eating it or you don't even have to lick your kiss it i know but do do horses like being ridden i actually think they enjoy it when they're doing a really good job of it. I've seen, yeah, I think so.

I mean, the trouble is that any animals like any of the shit we put them through. It's a wider question. Well, I try not to put animals through any shit, apart from fucking Reggie. Yeah, but look, right? You, right? You are probably the saint of all the animals. You're essentially 2022's version of Dr. Dolittle, right? Thank you.

You've got all the animals. I wouldn't mind that as a movie project, by the way. You've got the back of all these animals, right? Taking the mantle from Robert Downey Jr. Yeah. You're walking around, you're stroking their backs, and you're saying, I won't eat you, I won't ride you, I won't do anything, right?

And look what's happened. What? Your kindness has been taken as a weakness. I don't know whether a horse or something has crept up to your garden wall when you're asleep and Reggie's in the garden running around and they've gone, come here, come here, fucking teach him

a lesson. But you're the best of us, so you should be the last person Reggie's rebelling against. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to eat a fucking big steak tonight. You should just fucking rebel against it. It's getting you nowhere we were yeah

it really is we were having so anyway so you went to the we were having it was lovely um what'd you have

uh I had a little chicken uh a little chicken not a little chicken a chicken dinner but only a little bit of chicken I actually really enjoyed

I'm actually getting really into when you said little chicken I imagined you having like a little whole poussin no no no didn't we of little drumsticks and everything yeah pick it up and just drop it into your fucking jowls you can roll it around in my mouth around my tongue and just spit out a couple of bones yeah yeah the carcass just comes spitting out just wretch it out shit out of bone a week later i had a little bit of chicken vibes but um like grace we were there

for a bit longer we thought so grace was like having a little nap on me which is lovely it's one of my favorite things she's crashed out ko'd on me yeah uh some people came in they're on the table joining us and it was a little tight gap between the tables they knocked the table and they woke grace anyway i basically was like you know trying to settle a bit down and then i just noticed like a warm wet sensation all down my and i bought a new like linen shirt all over my shorts and she was like having the biggest piss i'd ever seen on me what it came out the nappy yeah basically it must be a little like little fold that was just sort of open i was happy i was drenched in piss right and she was laughing smiling she's a little angel i get it it's funny um everyone else in the restaurant's laughing because i'm covered in piss yeah katherine's like right i need to go and change grace so you wait

here i was like what do i do she stepped straight up no i was literally drenched in piss i don't want to walk through the it's a nice hotel so. So she grabbed Grace, went to get her change. I had to sit in this restaurant covered in piss for like 15 minutes with everyone laughing. So are you angling for sympathy here? Well, it's not...

Do you feel like you're the victim in this story? Who's the victim then? There's no victim. What I would say is Grace has accidentally pissed on you and Catherine's immediately gone to change her. Yeah, are you so are you moaning that katherine's gone to change your child no i'm saying that what should have happened is we should she said you wait here like i had to be there so i waited for 15 minutes instead of like going right you go and

get changed i'll change grace yeah why why did katherine want you to stay at the table i don't know whether she was worried we'd lose the table we're not used to those classy kinds of joints we're used to a place where you leave the table, there's a good chance when you come back 15 minutes later, there's a whole other family sitting there. Yeah. I mean, you're describing Burger King. There are restaurants between the Graves and Burger King, aren't there?

On a Sunday for lunch, bro. Have you ever been in a Toby Carvery? Yeah, I've been in a Toby Carvery. You fucking leave a Toby Carvery table for, I reckon, five minutes and over with no bag. When you're not leaving fucking valuables on the Toby Carvery table, you come back, it's gone. The table's gone. And if you have left out the valuables, they're gone as well. So you stayed there covered in piss.

Yep. What was your mood like at this stage? Well, I had to be jovial. But inside I was absolutely like, oh, my God, this is disgusting. And then, you know, it was just like the smell was quite, you know. That's what I mean about Reggie. Like, Grace is going, you know, her wee smell, because she's having more to eat and more to drink now.

Yeah. There's more, you know. It's like Reggie. Reggie's piss. When dogs first piss, you can't even smell it. It's essentially just water coming out of their willies yeah or fannies all right christ almighty but now he's probably there's a lot more to his you know because he's having more well the good the good thing about reggie's piss now is at least

has been worried about him pissing on the grass and ruining it so she bought these rocks that you put in their water bowl that's supposed to make that piss. Mate, do you know what you should be doing? You should be training him to go to an area where, like having a little piss alley or something, a shit alley that he goes down. That's not a bad idea.

This dog's completely untrained, by the way. Really? It is completely untrained. It's like having a wild animal in the house. Well, that's what he is, essentially, but you need to you need to make i will tell you now do you like your lawn yeah well i mean do i like my lawn yes i mean i don't slightly nervous about saying yes i like it what do you mean like it do you want patches of piss all over it yes i do yeah of course i don't then get entrained start basically when he needs a wee

is it too late to train him Tom no no no you can train him what you need to do is this right you need to notice the telltale signs

of when he needs a wee right yeah and when he's near my office door put a lead on him walk him outside walk him down a little like

where you've got some stones or you've got like something that's not grass essentially right and go go weewees go weewees Reg go wee-wees, go wee-wees, Reggie. Go wee-wees, mate. Go wee-wees. Right?

And then when he does his piss, you give him a biscuit and then stroke his head and go, good boy. Good boy, Reggie. Why are you laughing? Is this real advice? Yeah, it's real advice, man. Yeah, yeah, but why do you keep giggling?

Because I kind of want Lisa to film you doing that. I don't know if you've got that voice in your locker. I've got that voice. Try it. Wee-wees, Reggie. Wee-wees. No, you've got to be

really lovely to him. Come on, mate. I am being lovely. Come on, mate. Go on, wee-wees. Go and have a wee-wees. You sound sarcastic. Come on, mate.

Hello, baby. Come on, wee-wees. Come on, good boy. Good boy. Have a wee-wees. Have a wee-we sound sarcastic come on mate hello baby come on wee wee come on good boy good boy have a wee wee have a wee wee how's that yeah then you've just got to stroke his jowls

a little bit and just like let him know that he's a winner if he pisses on the on some hard floor yeah I need to do that I just

I'm lazy yeah but all you've got to do is probably two weeks of solid that and then he'll literally sprint as quickly as he can to that hard floor

and piss there afterwards and it's a beautiful thing bro and you'll feel so much rewarded when he's pissing in a different place you think so

well yeah because it's like fucking you've taught him something in the circle of life you've become the man that he looks up to and goes oh actually it's Romesh

who taught me how to do this. Yeah, but he doesn't like me. He likes Lisa. Well, get Lisa to do it then. Okay. Yeah. I think it's a family meeting time. Oh, God, I keep looking at this rug, man.

Fuck! Is it? I mean, but also you've got to think it is just a material object. Yes, it's expensive. I've said this to you before. Sometimes we're not allowed to have nice things you know sort of yeah i think you're right yeah i actually think you're right like i'm sure there's a bit of religious scripture in the bible or something that says thou shouldn't thou thou shall not worry about material things when

you've got a dog yeah i'm sure most people in history Henry VIII all his carpets were covered in piss because he was one of the first people in history to have dogs in the house is that true yeah

is that really true you've just made this why why why can't I have a real conversation with you he was

he was he was like go back into history Henry VIII was one of the like dogs used to live outside which you know what I think has happened is he's talking about dogs and he wanted to make a history fact and Henry VIII is one of the dogs used to live outside. Which you know what I think has happened is he's talking about dogs

and he wanted to make history fact and Henry VIII is the only person that popped into your head. That's what I think happened. No, no, no.

I swear that's something along those lines. Name another king for me. Henry VII. oh god but anyway apart from the piss trench was the lunch nice

it was beautiful man you know what we had we had three lovely days together which was beautiful it was nice to just chill out with my two girls and just have a

lovely day lovely couple of days and yeah took Grace swimming which was amazing lovely yeah actually you know what

a moment of real kindness we went to the outside pool. It was a lovely day. And we had Grace in the pool. And then this other family that were there had a baby about the same age as Grace, had this little floating device that you put the babies in, and they can just sort of sit in and they float in. Mm-hmm.

And they just came over and said, do you want to borrow this for a bit while you're in the pool? So it was like, yeah, yeah, it'd be lovely. Dented it to us. Had a real nice chat to them after but you know when you just think that's a really sweet sweet gesture that's really nice yeah do you know what's really good when grace is a bit older they do these underwater torpedo things have you seen those no oh my god they're incredible it's just like a rubber rocket and you you throw it underwater and it just shoots i don't know how it i don't know what the science is, but it rockets forward,

and kids absolutely love it. How old is she? How old for that? Well, she'd be fine now. It's not like, I mean, I don't know how much enjoyment she's going to get out of it, but it's amazing. Literally, if we went on holiday with just that rocket, the kids would have a great few weeks.

They love it, man. Even now they're loving it? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I had a great few weeks. They love it, man. Well, even now they're loving it. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I had a great hang with Charlie. So on Sunday, Alex and Lisa were out for the day. Theo went out with his mates.

And Charlie and I just basically spent the day together all day Sunday. Played video games, watched Netflix, had a swim. It was just… What game were you playing with Charlie at the moment? I had a bit of an awkward situation, actually. It was naive of me. We played Mortal Kombat. Have you played that game?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he likes beat-em-ups, and he's got quite a few. He's got Injustice, which is like the DC and Marvel one. Yeah. No, it's not Marvel and DC. It's just DC. And it's really good.

Mortal Kombat. I was playing with Charlie and. Is it the old version that we'd have had as kids? Or is it like, is they, if they. A lot of the characters are the same, but the graphics are obviously incredible.

Yeah. And the moves, a lot of the moves are the same. It's got the fatality. Finish him. Oh yeah. I love that shit. But what it is

also is breathtakingly violent like more violent than any film I've ever seen I think possibly with the exception of the boys which is I would describe the violence in Mortal Kombat as up there with the boys there's a bit where Charlie is playing as the Joker I don't know why

the Joker's in it but he is and there's a bit where he does a special move and he pulls out a boxing glove on a like on a sort of a spring sort of thing yeah and he shoots it straight into your dick right now that that's fine that's quite funny as a as a cartoon thing on one of them he'd hurt me so much that the boxing glove smashed me in the dick and then it closes up on your crotch and your trousers split and you just see your penis get completely obliterated. What? Mate, it's...

You actually see your penis? Yes. Yeah. Fuck off. Really? Mate, I'm serious. I couldn't believe it. And then I paused it and I said to Charlie,

I don't know if we should play this game, mate. This is like... He's like fucking on crack now. Oh, mate. He was like, what are you talking about, Dad? Don't worry about it. It's fine. I'm not going to have nightmares.

And I thought, okay, well, you've introduced nightmares. You've already preempted nightmares. Yeah, it was insane. And then I basically, I told him not to tell Lisa that we'd be playing the game. Whoa. Oh, man. Secret afternoons.

Oh, brother. You know, the worst thing is, though. Yeah afternoons. Oh, brother. You know, the worst thing is, though. Yeah, go on. If those nightmares come a-knocking, it's going to be Lisa going to him in the night when he's sobbing and it's like, you know, what was it about? And he's like, you know,

oh, I had this dream of smashing daddy's dick or whatever. Yeah, daddy's dick just turned into a chutney by a boxing glove. And she was like, why have you got that? And he's like, oh, when you were with me the other day, the other Sunday, me and Daddy played

Mortal Kombat. Because when you said Mortal, because look, when we were kids, it was violent, right? But the graphics were so shit, you had to, actually almost pretty worse

because you had to imagine the shit, right, that was going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? But now it's, oh man. It's like,

it's insane. And there's like, Robocop's in it, Rambo's in it, the Terminator's in it. Rambo's in it. Rambo's in it, man. It's like, it's insane. And there's like Robocop's in it, Rambo's in it, The Terminator's in it. Rambo's in it. Rambo's in it, yeah. I mean, they've spent a lot of money on rights.

I know. And Robocop, you can choose between the old 90s, is it 90s or 80s? The old Robocop. 80s, yeah. Or the new one. Did you watch the new Robocop, the later Robocop? Yeah, I like the old ones. Charlie also started doing this thing where every now and again,

if he's hot, I don't know why he does this, but if he's hot, he'll get into our bed in the middle of the night, which is fine. Except for the fact that every now and again, his heel grinds my dick like he's trying to put out a cigarette. It's insane. I will wake up to him trying to put out my dick. It's insane. I will wake up to him trying to put out my dick. It's crazy.

This is what Lisa's been doing since Charlie was born. I half suspect that Lisa's been putting him up to it. Do me a favour, stub your dad's cock out. Is it, it's like, we have Grace in the bed with us in the mornings, but it's like, it's a worry, isn't it, the heat with kids? Yeah. Well, Charlie's probably too old now to worry, you know, with babies, literally. Well, that is a worry with babies. The other thing about kids is

is that if they don't sleep during the night, you know you're going to have a shit day with them the next day. Do you know what I mean? So it's like... Is it cooler in yours and Lisa's room? No, not really. But I just think he wakes up

and he thinks, I want to go hang out with mum and dad. So he just walks in. I don't mind it. Lisa's kind of against it because he needs to go back to his own bed. But I think there is going to come a time when he's not going to want to do that anymore. Well, you don't want it. Lisa's kind of against it because she's sort of like, he needs to go back to his own bed. But I think there is going to come a time when he's not going to want to do that anymore.

Well, you don't want him to be 14 getting in a bed with you. No. They smell a certain way by that stage, don't they? Him stepping over his crispy socks in his bedroom to come and clamber into our bed. I don't think I want that. And their feet start to stink as well. And you can smell their balls and stuff at that age.

I'm just nervous because of his I've got my GCSEs I'd love that I'd love a version of him like a fucking kid who's still getting into sort of like I've got a big job interview tomorrow getting in front of the task force what's the matter son it's just physics A level tomorrow

come on in you know when you've got a baby and they're trying to go to sleep yeah and the sounds they make and the things that like grace will just do loads of that like and then she'll cry for a bit i'd love the idea of having a sort of an adult who hadn't grown out of that and then having like a one-night stand with someone just going you know see you in the morning sweetheart

see you in the morning just tossing and turning trying to get comfortable do you fart in front of Catherine yeah I think there's a much cherished moment of any relationship

you think so I think that's when you know you're in love. And has Catherine seen you taking a shit? No. Jesus Christ. Well, well, well. We're married. We're not cellmates.

No, but some people do that, don't they? No, no, no. I don't agree with that. I agree with fighting. I think fighting's cool, but I think there's some stuff you just have to just... You have to have some that, don't they? No, no, no. I don't agree with that. I agree with fighting. I think fighting's cool, but I think there's some stuff you just have to just... You have to have some mistake, don't you? You have to maintain some sort of remnants of...

Yeah, also it's just... I don't want to see anyone take a shit. No. I don't want to think about it. Do you ever sometimes think about... Not until you've mentioned it. No, but sometimes if somebody's been quite hoity-toity or someone's a bit above their station or whatever in a work thing,

I just sort of think to myself, you have to take a shit. And then I imagine them sort of, I say, oh, gosh, why am I saying this out loud? Do you know what I mean? You know, like imagining people, you know, like... Your house is like this fucking... You know, like imagining people naked to make yourself less nervous and you're probably speaking although we have we have previously said not to announce that advice

so what do you do you like you'll say if you're being bossed around you're sort of like i think it came from i think it came from like i think the the saying originated from the queen because you know like somebody i think somebody in a pub somewhere said well the queen has to take a shit like everyone else yeah yeah and so now i always think of that as a bit of a leveler so if somebody's being a bit kind of i don't know you know when somebody's being a bit above their station or a bit arrogant or a bit kind of high high high minded is that the word i'm looking for um i just sort of like to i don't go into don't go into detail. I don't close my eyes for a couple of minutes and really visualize it vividly. You just angrily in your head say,

you've got to fucking take a shit. I don't think you're so fucking good. You fucking shit. You shit, mate. It's a fucking, yeah, I don't even mean, man. I get it, bro. Do you ever, sorry, I'm in a bit of a random mood today but do you ever speaking of shitting one of the things that i find uh you know like pissing and shitting yeah

we haven't been very busy lives now yeah and you do i do wonder if somebody's developing a way for us to not have to kind of stop to piss and shit i mean i mean just like a nappy well no i don't mean a nappy i mean like i don't know what i mean i mean just like a nappy well no i don't mean a nappy i mean like i don't know what i mean really you know like some sort of pill that you take that means that you reabsorb the nutrients or something or like or like it delays it so that you only shit one kind of tiny dark pellet once a week or something like that no no no that's never gonna happen mate why i'm just saying that that's definitely not like it's like fucking that is essentially like you think about,

that's like, imagine like not taking your bins out and only putting one can of Coke out a day. Your fucking rubbish would build up. Yeah, I know. I'll tell you what, mate, that would,

that could happen. And then people will be rushing to try it. And then actually everyone's, I think everyone would be getting like, you know, Violet from Willy Wonka when she just blew up into the big blueberry yeah i think it would just sit inside you and also there is something meditative about taking a shit isn't that i have you i think taking a shit is akin to meditation yeah i mean it's sort

of it's sort of a rephrasing of what i said but yeah go on yeah yeah but i'm just saying that with that moment when you when your butt touches the pan right your your butt touches the pan, right? Your butt touches the pan? Or the seat, right? Yeah, right, okay. And there's a moment... I thought you were a raw dog in it for a minute there, just some arse on porcelain. And then you just sit there and you just think,

this moment here is just about me. It's the only time you can be selfish and just... Do you take your phone? Yeah, I'm pretty bad for that. Yeah, that is bad. Because here's an experiment for you. Go and have a you take your phone? Yeah, I'm pretty bad for that. That is bad. Because here's an experiment for you. Go and have a shit without your phone. It'll feel like it's taking nine hours.

Really? It's insane. Because when you've got your phone, you're just, obviously, I don't need to explain what you do with your phone, but time passes quickly, doesn't it? Yeah, of course. But if you actually leave your phone and decide to just sort of throw yourself into the moment yeah but it feels like a very long time but let me say something right i actually think genuinely if you take your

phone it relaxes you more do you think so yeah i think it's and also if you haven't got your phone you end up rushing through it i see my phone as an as an ongoing source of anxiety to be honest with you so i don't really do you really yeah i'm addicted to something that makes me feel worse every time yeah no no i'm i'm i'm you know what the nicest thing of this when we went i went away with katherine and grace's for three days i'm scared i didn't look at anything really yeah so what so what how did that make you how did that mental state i loved it yeah i've actually to be fair in the, in the last sort of two, three months, I've cut down my use of my phone quite significantly. Yeah.

It's good. It's a weird thing because, like, I know that every time I look at my phone, one, it takes me out of the room, which is a negative, right? And two, I'll scroll onto something or I'll look at something and I'll think, I mean, look, I'm going to mention, i'll look at something and i think i mean look i'm gonna mention sometimes i look at tiktok and i do get cheered up because i think tiktok so funny some of it is so funny uh some of it is a depressing indictment of where we are in life and society but some of it is really funny so i do feel slightly cheered up but it takes you out

the room and then you scroll on something you'll inevitably see a work email or something like you're connected and i think that's a negative do you mean so but the point i'm trying to make that i've just realized i was trying to make halfway through talking is that it's an example of being addicted to something that makes you feel worse like even with smoking i know that smoking makes your clothes stink and whatever and there's long-term health effects but you feel better after having a cigarette i don't feel better after using my phone do you mean so it's like this weird thing where you're addicted to something that makes you feel worse it's the same thing as like you'll have noticed you commented on it i've been vaping right these vapes have got nicotine in right when i vape it makes me anxious right and then if i haven't baked for a bit my anxiety drops but yet i still

keep vaping like it doesn't make any sense. It's the same thing with alcohol. It's like, I've started drinking again. I, like, here and there. And then I realised on,

when I was away with, uh, the other week, I realised I had a few drinks. Great. Enjoyed it. Next day, I felt like utter shit.

I felt like a terrible dad. I felt like a fucking awful, I just felt like shit. I just was like, you know, and it's like, not to say, like, oh, yeah, I'm not, not going to I felt like a fucking awful, I just felt like shit. I just was like, you know, and it's like, not to say,

oh yeah, I'm not, not going to drink, but it's just, you make the, you deal with the devil on it, right? The trouble with the phone is that,

you know, when you look at stuff, you're constantly waiting for something shit, you know, like a text to come or whatever. And also sometimes it's just, there's nothing there for you. Sometimes you look at your phone, hoping you've got a text,

a reply from someone who's text, or you've got a reply from someone you've texted or you've got something on Instagram and there's nothing there. It's just a hollow fucking… One of my lowest points is scrolling through Instagram and then it's saying you're all caught up. Yeah, that's the worst, man. When you've caught up with all the people you follow. I follow nearly 2,000 people.

It's bad, isn't it? Oh, mate, it's a real low of like and also you just look outside i think what else could i have been doing i could be i could have learned spanish yeah in the time i've done this well i don't yeah you could have done not the whole and i'm saying if you commonly not in just the time it takes to look at two thousands people i can find an egg or fucking you know that do you know that do you know that learning another language is also good for your mental health? Is it?

Did you know that? Yeah. I am going to learn Spanish. I'm going to learn... Mate, why don't we try and learn Spanish? Why don't we start learning Spanish today? Let's do it. What sort of time commitment are we talking about?

Half an hour a day? Yeah, half an hour a day. Half an hour a day trying to learn Spanish. How are you going to do it? Well, I'm thinking of, well, looking at an app on my phone. Yeah, no, but I think that's not that bad an idea rosetta stone is good really yeah it's like they show like it's like a simulation of by the way we're not being sponsored by rosetta stone it's not enough years it's like they they try and

simulate how you learn language as a child so they'll show you pictures and then say the word oh wow in the same way that a parent would to you and then so you go for a thing and at the end of it it'll give you a sentence and then suddenly you've internalised these words I want to do it I want to do it

let's do half an hour of Rosetta Stone every day from now and then we'll try and do a section of the podcast in Spanish that would be amazing you know what

you know what would be really sick what if we did a gig in Spanish we'd have to get five minutes that's not going to that's not you wouldn. We have to get five minutes. That's not going to... That's not...

You won't be able to get five minutes of material? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Should we do it? Why don't we do it? Because we've got...

We can't officially announce, but we've got plans for a couple of live shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of them will be up north just to give you a heads up. So we could do a five-second section of that just

in spanish yeah let's do it yeah so is rosetta stone an app or is that uh i think i don't know if you can get it on your phone i know it's a laptop app i want to get that shit man i'm excited i'm very excited okay i need rosetta stone i don't know what excited is in spanish tengo mucho uh I don't know what excited is in Spanish. Tengo mucho... I don't know. Hello, darlings. A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11am. Hello darlings, this is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards,

and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo.

Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. Just to bring the atmosphere down, you know, I got quite morose about something, quite sad about something this week. I didn't realise that, well, I sort of had heard rumours

that Neighbours was finishing. That's not rumours. That's news from about three months ago. Yeah, I know. I sort of, I don't know. I've had a lot going on. I hadn't internalised it. I watched the trailer.

For the last episode? Yeah. Fuck me. Didn't Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan come back? And Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie was in Neighbours? Yeah. Was she?

I didn't know that. Mate, I was absolutely crushed. Do you know when you're a kid and there's certain things, like you're emotionally so much... You're not as developed, yeah. Yeah. And you're sort of supercharged, I would say. So there are certain songs

that i listened to back in the day when i was a kid or heard in the background when something monumental was happening that to this day trigger something in me and i'll give you examples uh jackson five ben yeah gets me every time yeah ben the two of us need no more Ben, the two of us need look no more. We both found what we were looking for. Yes, if I hear that song now, I'm done. Yeah. I just called to say I love you, Stevie Wonder. That was playing when I was getting ready for school one day,

and that fucks me up every time I hear it. I just can't. Do I have to do every one? No, no, no, no, no, no. But one of them, the reason I'm mentioning this convoluted story, am I hyper today? I like it, I like it. I went to the gym this morning.

Okay. One of the ones that gets me, Jason and Kylie, Especially For You. Man, mate. Oh, my God. Mate. Especially for you. I want to tell you how I've been feeling that way too. Oh, mate, it's fucking...

Honestly, right, when I read the news, you know, like, it feels a bit like I used to live on Ramsey Street. Yeah. And the buildings are still there, and the people have moved on, like, Miss Mangle's dead, and, like, you know, Harold and... I can't even remember his wife's name now. Madge.

Madge Bishop have gone. Yeah. Yeah. And other people have moved on and the house is still standing, but. Bouncer. Oh man. Do you know,

you know, I had this fucking throwback of like, remembering like there was an episode where Scott and Charlene and Mike, and I can't remember his girlfriend's name now, but they all went on a boat to sea on a boat. And the boat ran out of petrol. And Guy Pearce, who played Mike, amazing actor, Guy Pearce. Incredible actor.

Basically, he's like, I'm going to have to swim back to shore. I'm going to have to swim back. And they were like, you can't. It's too far. And he was like, no, I'm going to do it. It's the only way I can save everyone. So he jumps off the boat into jumps off the boat, sorry, into the sea and he starts swimming

and then it cuts out into, and it was on a Friday, right? Yeah. I swear that's probably my first memory of actual, real anxiety. I don't know how I got,

I remember me and my sister being, my sister sort of forgetting about it about two hours later and just moving on to something else. I remember like, literally spending all Saturday and Sunday just thinking just thinking fuck he was my favorite character you know it sort of what happened by the way he made it to shore you know okay but they really fuck it i mean that was when it was you know drama at its best man they really held it out nice they

needed they needed to i mean what i would say is even when you describe that the theme tune needs to be a little a little less upbeat, doesn't it? Yeah. You've got somebody swimming to shore. They might drown. Yeah. Or sharks. Or sharks.

How does that song go? Everybody needs good neighbours. With a little bit of understanding. We can find a perfect way. Neighbours. To be there for one another that's when good neighbours become good friends do you know what my favourite friendship on there was

was Miss Mangle and was it Brett? the boy who used to sort of like Mrs Mangle oh god right should we do some emails my dear? yeah mate let's do it bye bye to sort of like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mrs. Bangle. Oh, God. Right, should we do some emails, my dear? Yeah, mate. Let's do it, bubba. Once again, thanks to The Swan

for selecting the emails this week. Still a lot of people emailing in about the arse pebble, by the way. Really? I don't know if you saw we got a message. Somebody got a present of some Wolf and Al merch and a couple of arse pebbles. Oh, no, I haven't seen that one yet. Have a present of some Wolf and Al merch and a couple of arse pebbles I haven't seen that one yet

have a look for the photo what I would say is those arse pebbles are so thick where are the pictures before we get into this do you remember when you came on to Romantic Getaway do you remember the first AD Matt Bell I think you worked on Murdering Successful yeah great guy

so he's asked me a favour. I wouldn't normally do this, but Matt Bell's a really nice guy. He's a lovely man, very talented. So I'm asking you and I'm asking the listeners. Matt Bell has done something which I always respect when somebody goes out on this. He's bought a coffee van. Wow.

So he's invested in this new little business and he would like suggestions for a name for the coffee van. Oh, nice. So, I don't know, what should we offer as a prize for the one that makes it? Maybe a free bit of merch, a free T-shirt. Yeah. Hoodie, maybe? Yeah, I've got a hoodie.

Well, let's see what Matt's willing to stump up for, because this is not coming out of my pocket. Maybe this is quite a good thing that we do. What do you mean? Maybe every week on this i know that we don't like format but we should shout out small business that's a great idea small business hold on hold on i think they i think they might do this on parenting our podcast great fucking of course they've got their first it's going to be about parenting

but fuck it let's do it come on it's not like we're original anyway so if you've got if you've got if you've got a small business you want shouting out uh send us a name send us uh the reason why it should be what it is i'll tell you to make it a bit different is maybe just do a small voice note recording like where you're giving your own advert to your business and we'll play them on here um what how do you think our paying advertisers will feel about that, Tom? Yeah, but they're big bucks, aren't they? Oh, speaking of which, I'm not being paid for this, but in interest of complete disclosure, full disclosure,

they did send me some free. So there is a high- a high protein healthy breakfast cereal company called surreal right and they do like cinnamon peanut butter blah blah right and they've got like 15 grams of protein per bowl or whatever the reason i mentioned them is that they sent me some cereal and i said i liked it and they said they love the podcast so much that they're willing to give a discount to anybody that listens to the podcast so much that they're willing to give a discount to anybody that listens to the podcast. So if you go to the Surreal website...

Maybe you also send in your co-host who also likes loads of protein. It would be nice. Yeah, sure. I don't think you need any more backing up, do you? But anyway, so it's S-U-R-R-E-A-L. If you put the code in wolf, they always choose wolf for some reason

because owl doesn't fucking matter. You get five quid off. So there you um actually let me just say talking about ours have you noticed that most hotels now have this um uh little little you know like the do not disturb sign yeah it's written uh going to bed for the hour now really yeah which which could be another segment of the show yeah that's do we want to introduce a format? No, not really. We're barely able to meet the commitments of having a format-free podcast. I noticed on our Apple review somebody commented on how many weeks we've missed.

What, they've actually specifically said? Okay, do you know what? Think about if you can say the word before you throw yourself into it. No, they didn't specifically. Well, maybe they said maybe they said three weeks we've missed three weeks or something in the last however long yeah but that's three weeks like we do this every week we don't have a break it's every week we do it like sometimes fucking shit gets in the way tom tom tom yeah tom i know we've missed a few

weeks should we not pretend that this is a hardship? Oh, I'd love to, mate. Should we do the listeners the honour of explaining to them that this probably has the least effort put into any podcast on the interweb? Okay, this is from the Axolotl. Axolotl? The Axolotl. Can you Google that, please? Axolotl?

What does it look like? Axolotl. Oh, my God. What is it? What does it look like? A weird-looking little thing. Yeah, what is it? Like, is it look like? Axolotl. Oh, my God. What is it? What does it look like? A weird-looking little thing. Yeah, what is it? Is it a lizard?

It's a pyromorphic salamander. Oh, cool. I've got it in my head now. What does it look like? Oh, I like those. They're quite famous, aren't they? It looks like a little mini dragon is how I'd describe it. They're quite cute little things, it goes.

Okay. So this is from the Axolotl. Hi, love the pod and all the things you guys do you guys make me realize i'm normal would like to stay anonymous please just call me the axolotl i'm a 47 year old divorcee i've been single three years oh this sounds like me in three years time uh and would really like to meet someone special i had a date today after this girl slid into my dms yes my g we move in similar social circles and we got on really well and I'd like to take things further with her. Trouble is, she's the ex-wife of one of my really good friends.

They're split five years ago. It's acrimonious and I'm scared it'll upset him and I'll lose his friendship. Do I not go there or tell him and see what he says? I value his friendship more than any potential romantic connection. So we'd call things off if it would damage my friendship with him. Thanks in advance for your wisdom. Tommy D.

My guy. My guy. My guy. Well, romance is a sea that's a tough navigation, my friend. Listen, personally speaking, I think it's probably best to steer clear. I mean, you sort of answered the question yourself, saying that you would rather sort of his friendship rather than any potential romantic situation. And I think that sort of says everything you need to know,

if I'm honest with you, because it's a difficult one, man. I think although he might say he's fine with it, you know, and he's cool with it, you know, deep down it might sort of, it might not be, it might be a hard thing for him to discuss or for him to sort of feel feel over and i think before he goes too far down that road it's probably a good good thing to um yeah to sort of just just think well you know what i've got two very strong friendships from this couple and uh leave it at that and sort

of um you know look as well we've talked about this a lot on here and I think it's but I think once you get to the sort of age that we're all in and this sort of you know it can be difficult but I think it's yeah

the less sort of hassle and the less sort of any sort of animosity that can come with it is you don't want that man so yeah I sort of wish you well

but I'd probably just sort of I'd probably leave leave it as just a friendship Romanski Axolotl I find myself completely and strongly agreeing with Tom but I do want to qualify that I don't know the circumstances of your divorce obviously

but I know that you've been single for three years and what I would say is when you're in your 40s and you split up with somebody you've not been in the dating game for a long time and your that your self-worth drops because when you're when you're in a marriage you sort of you don't take it for granted but you sort of go that's a person that's with me and then that gets taken away from you and i imagine please forgive me for putting this on you but i imagine

this person's got in touch and you got excited because you've been single for three years and you think holy shit this is an opportunity there might not be another opportunity the truth is based on your email i know that you know and i think tom picked up on it as well you know that this is not the right thing to do if it's acrimonious i i think there's a danger that even mentioning it to your mate could be an issue so uh i think it's it's it's well left alone to be honest with you and i think you know have faith in yourself that you're going to find someone else i think i know it might not feel like that uh but i think you should so that would be my advice to you mate good luck good luck good luck good luck high five Do you. You're an amazing person.

Okay, next email. This is from the anxious turtle. All turtles are anxious, right? Pardon? All turtles are anxious. Well, I'd say they're cautious. Are they anxious? I mean, it's possible that their caution leads to a dropped anxiety.

No, I don't think I've ever seen a turtle, apart from the ninja turtles. It's probably number four on the worst things I've ever seen. I think, yeah, apart from the ninja turtles, I've never seen a turtle in It's probably number four on the worst things I've ever seen. I think, yeah, I think that apart from the ninja turtles, I've never seen a turtle in my life that I've not looked at and thought, fucking hell, I want to swap places with them. It doesn't mean they're anxious, does it? No, but they are. I would describe yourself and myself as more anxious

than your average turtle. Yeah, I guess. Well, I don't know, but I've looked in life. I'd love to have a little shell. I could just sort of, when things get too much, you just sort of... Well, you sort of, you wear a big hoodie sometimes that you do that, don't you?

Well, actually, I know you're sort of joking. No, no, no, I've seen you do it. Yeah, I do too. Oh, rubbish has tucked himself away into his little hoodie there because he's got too much for him. He's a little bit overwhelmed. His hoodie shell. Yeah.

All you see is a vape just poking out. Well, for now, please be kind. I'm dyslexic, so I know this is going to have a million grammar mistakes and possibly not even make sense, but I'm desperate to hear your sweet advice. My oldest friend, who I've grown up with and I have fond memories with,

asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I felt honoured and extremely special until she told me I was one of ten and then it kind of took the whole meaning away. Anyway, that's not the problem. My friend is getting married in Italy. This is something I didn't know until I agreed to be a bridesmaid, but due to COVID,

this wedding was pushed back three times, obviously no fault of anyone's. Uh, now everything seems to be getting back to normal. The wedding is fast approaching. She has booked a beautiful wedding venue, uh, and is doing a three day event,

including a movie night, a barbecue and then the wedding itself. I simply cannot afford to go. Having looked up flights, accommodation, taxis and spending money, it's costing over 2000 pounds. I did explain this to my friend who took the news, accommodation, taxis and spending money, it's costing over £2,000. I did explain this to my friend who took the news badly.

She didn't seem to understand my situation and felt very let down by myself as in her words, I've had three years to save up for this wedding. I haven't been in the luxury of being able to save in the last three years. Things have been tough. I was furloughed for two years and then both myself and my boyfriend had to find new jobs. We're both renting and twice we had to move out

and find cheaper accommodation and not even mention the cost of living. It's been hard. I feel like the world's worst jobs. We're both renting and twice we had to move out and find cheaper accommodation and not even mention the cost of living. It's been hard. I feel like the world's worst friend. We haven't spoken since I explained I won't be able to afford to come. I would like some advice on what you think I should do now. I'm feeling really low about it.

It's causing me a lot of anxiety. I feel like a shit person and deep down I know that my friend won't speak to me ever again if I don't go to her wedding. P.S. I really do love you both in a non-creepy way from the Anxious Turtle. Tom Davis. Yo, Anxious Turtle, I'm going to,

number one, don't ever, ever, ever apologize for dyslexia ever shout out the dyslexia crew because i'm one of you yeah and don't ever apologize for anything when it comes to this situation with your friend let me just say that i think so people put you know when someone's getting married i think people or if it's a 40th or whatever people put so much fucking pressure on those around them uh to come and i think that they people can lose any sight of they become quite selfish and it all essentially becomes quite about them i think that happens to most people sort of who put so much pressure on one day let me just say weddings are just one day they're just a you know this fucking three-day event thing's insane but a wedding is

is primarily about the two people getting back when i look back at my wedding i think i had so many people there who i don't even talk to now or you know i sort of just i've sort of drifted away from or whatever essentially it was about me katherine and our families our parents whatever being there um i think if she can't your friend can't understand the situation you're in. Me and Catherine have had this situation. Catherine had this with a really close friend of hers. When we were in a really, really dire financial situation and we had to move back into my parents

and it was a really, really tough time for us. A friend of ours was getting married and literally did exactly the same thing. Catherine said, look, I can't afford to come. You know, that's it. We won't be able to come to the wedding. I'm really, really tough time for us. A friend of ours was getting married and literally did exactly the same thing. Catherine said, look, I can't afford to come. You know, that's it. We won't be able to come to the wedding. I'm really, really sorry. And her friend from there blanked her. And at first,

Catherine was really upset about this and life goes on. And now that that person sort of once or twice tried to get back into Catherine's life. But we, Catherine sort of looked at it as being, you know what,

it's, they couldn't understand where she was or we were at that time. So it's difficult, but you have to ask yourself if that person is responding in the way that they are and saying they're never going to talk to you again or that they haven't shown any glimmer of understanding when you've been quite honest and quite sort of, you've gone to them and said, look, you're in this financial situation if they can't understand that at all

then you know primarily fuck them they're just not really good friend at all are they um i i i find myself completely agreeing with tom i i don't um i don't know what this person's like but what i would say to you is if somebody decides to get married abroad, that's wonderful for them. But what you have to accept is some people aren't going to be able to do that. I mean, I mean, I mean,

essentially she's asking you to give her 2000 pounds, which is like, you know, imagine asking your friend to front up to a grand. It's like a big ask. And so, you know, you weren't,

you've been really honest and you've been upfront and you've said it and you've done all the right things. And actually she should have either found a way to help you or just gone don't worry about it i'm really sorry the wedding's in italy and you're not going to be there you know maybe they could do something back home that you could be a part of i mean if you're a good friend i just don't i know it's easier said than done but you need to absolve yourself completely of any guilt for this people are struggling do you know i mean if you're a good friend i just don't i know it's easier said than done but you need to absolve yourself completely of any guilt for this people are struggling do you know i mean and so if your friend doesn't understand this and i think you need to give her a bit of slack she's caught like tom said she's caught up in the moment of her

wedding and to her that's the most important thing in the world and look whether that's rightly or wrongly i didn't have that attitude to attitude towards my wedding and neither did Lisa. You know, I think what Tom said is right. It's about two people celebrating them getting together or being together and all of the other stuff is just bullshit. Do you know what I mean? But they've decided to go to Italy. You can't afford to go.

She's going to have to fucking lump it. So it becomes like a popularity contest then. Yeah, it's just bullshit. It's just bullshit. To give another example, we went to Cyprus for a friend's wedding, like a friend of Courtney Catherine's. They got married in Cyprus, Ron.

This woman, well, both of them, turned into such bride and grooms-illers. They were atrocious to people. There was meant to be 150 people going. Six people turned up, me and Catherine, two of them, genuinely. There was so much wasted food because they'd been so and even then we spent

i think 1500 quid going out and going to the wedding so we got them a small wedding present they didn't speak to us for about a year and a half because we didn't get them a present they thought that they were yeah it's nice it's when does it end you know so if i'm going to be honest with you um anxious turtle um yeah you do you you sound like she's lucky to have you as a friend if i'm honest with you she's lucky she's got someone in her life who cares that much and as like you're going through a lot of mental anxiety yourself and putting yourself through essentially a situation which you know is never it's probably never going to be reciprocated when you're not you're you're listen anxious you're not a shit person And if your friend doesn't speak to you ever again,

I think that's probably for the best. Because if that's something they're willing to not talk to you about, then like Tom said, fuck them. You don't need conditional friendship. It's just shit. My brother got married in Cyprus. And Lisa and I could not afford to go. Could not afford to go in the slightest.

And I was like readying myself. This looks quite bad on us. I was readying myself to tell my brother I couldn't go. And I'm going to be honest, I think he would have understood because he knew how much we were struggling at that time. But then my mum and dad, they basically gave us the money to go. Well, the truth is, I'm going to be absolutely honest, they didn't. When Theo was born, they gave us the money to go well the truth is i'm going to be absolutely honest they didn't when theo was born they gave us some money so welcome to the world present to theo and we used it to so that i could go to my brother's wedding but but first of all what i

would say to clarify that we paid theo back we he's got the money the second thing i would say is it was so hard man because all of my friends were fucking loaded and i turned up to this wedding and we booked this hotel that had all inclusive like not all inclusive it was breakfast included we were stuffing our bags with food at breakfast because we couldn't afford to go out because they were having dinners every night and we just about had enough money to cover the hotel flights and dinners in the evening and even then we had to be super frugal like we were fucking ordering salads and shit like that and then i had to be that guy to go should we split it according to what we've

actually got guys i just think that would be better and fairer um it was it was absolutely horrendous like just lisa walking around with a carrier with a handbag full of three kilos of halloumi that we'd fucking cleared from the the cypress including that just fucking literally just walk out of a fucking breakfast with 30 croissants it was so bad man but anyway the point is you've not done anything wrong i'm telling you now i hope you take this response as absolution for any guilt you might be feeling you're totally in the right she's totally in the wrong and i can only hope that in years to come, months to come, days to come,

she realises that she's out of order. So good luck with it. High five. Thanks, Giselle. Keep doing you. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping.

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It's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. Should we do one more? One more, my dear. Okay. This is from the Scottish Wildcat. Hello, you sweet souls. I need the wisdom of the wolf, owl,

and of course the beautiful swan. I have a recent dilemma with a neighbour. After I finished a long shift at work in this heat, myself and the wife decided to do some garden TLC, usual crap, cut the grass, trim the hedge, etc. After the wife threw the cover of the hedge trim, I think she was Michael Myers in Halloween. Isn't it Michael Myers?

Michael Myers in Halloween. We decided to call it there and grab ourselves a well-deserved ice-cold bottle of cider each. After I walked around to the back garden, I grabbed the garden bin, and a rat jumped out of the bin and I shat myself. Not literally, but I screamed a high-pitched note. Dogs started howling.

Anyway, after that performance, I've done none of that. Mr Rat wasn't paying rent, and I don't allow squatters in my bins. Action must be taken. I started cleaning all the bins, emptying them,ging bleaching the full shebang this is my dilemma when we finished cleaning the bins it was getting dark we totally forgot about the little mess we left outside our garden with the leaves from the hedge we went to work the next day as usual that's when we noticed the mess when we got back from work we noticed that someone had cleaned the leaves but in our bin and returned the bin to our back garden

do i find out which neighbor did the cleanup say thank you do we leave it with the youngest couple on the cul-de-sac we live in your sweet advice would be appreciated the scottish wildcat oh this is a tough one it's a tricky dilemma isn't it to close our thing out with yeah it's um number one you seem like you've got some sweet sweet souls upon your cul-de-sac sir yeah well i was actually i was all geared up for it to be someone kicking off. Yeah, I thought it was going to be you got yourself into it. I think it's a good thing to probably get

a little ring doorbell because in these situations, a ring doorbell will go down absolutely, because you'd be able to have seen who did this kind act. I'd probably just leave it, you know. I think sometimes in life it's it's someone's someone's done a very sweet sweet thing and actually if they wanted you to know who it was

they'd probably have said and actually rest assured that living where you do you've got good people around you who are there and it yeah seems like you've got a nice area so i'd just leave yeah rest assured that uh yeah kindness is out there and whether it is you know helping someone put some rubbish away or lending a small child a small baby a floating desire uh devised there is kindness amongst us in society praise those who are kind uh i i partly agree with tom here um however i think if i cleaned up your leaves and put it in the bin I probably would appreciate

would not expect necessarily there's no way you're cleaning up a neighbour's fucking leaves excuse me? you would never do that what are you talking about? I could not ever see a situation where you get home

and you see some leaves out and you go, I better fucking get those cleaned up for them. Also, you would be the first one to sort of like, you'd be hanging around the front of the house for about a month after waiting to sort of see them and go, oh, I don't know if you noticed the other day you left all those leaves out the front and then they were gone when you got back from work.

No, I was worried about them blowing all over the cul-de-sac. Well, the joke's on you there because I would never talk directly to any of my neighbours. This is what I think you should do. Depending on how feasible this is, I think you should post a little thing to each of the neighbours around your house and say

I just wanted to say, I'm not sure who house and say um just wanted to say not sure who it was but want to say thank you so much for cleaning up the mess we're so sorry it was an oversight because we had a bit of a situation but rest assured we are very grateful and then just post that around a few houses and uh i think that's job maybe with a picture of you and your wife smiling yeah by the sort of by the bin maybe just a posed picture of you by the bin just sort of smiling at how that's all been tidied up for you i think that'd be a nice thing it does make you smile when you know that some some things will happen like this and you know actually yeah the flip of it we've got a fucking we've got these little dickheads who uh

this guy who lives a few doors up from me and his kids have started fucking just cycling up and down my drive and all over my grass if like my ring doorbell gets set off and i just keep keep seeing these fucking kids just doing like handbrake turns all over do you say something about that ron or do you just let that go uh i mean you're asking what i think you should do versus what i would actually do what you should do is say something what i would actually do. What you should do is say something. What I would actually do is nothing. Yeah, that's the trouble, isn't it? Because I want to go up and say, look, man, when we had the Jubilee celebrations

and your kids were taking a piss out of everyone's garden, we kind of let that go. But my front garden isn't a play zone for your kids to sort of handbrake turn and drop shit. Yeah, I think you should probably say something. I wouldn't say it like that, if I'm being honest. If I'm honest with you guys, this fella's an absolute helmet. Oh, in that case.

There's a little part of me that hopes he listens to this podcast. Right, Tomo. Yo. It's time to sign out. Do your thing, my G. Yo, guys. How you doing? I hope you're smiling. Hope some decency's flown through your veins. It strikes me as a strange thing. I always thought as a kid that when you

grew up and old father time was sitting upon your wrist and the years would lap on by that something like bullying and people who thought they had a sense of grandeur over you would evaporate. And we'd all sort of rest upon an even keel as we got older. The truth of the matter is some people in life are just dickheads. Some people always think that they're better than you or that you owe them something. But then you have to look deep inside them and think, what's going on there? Are you actually happy? Are you actually good? Why do you feel a need to be so bad to so many in a way to make you feel good sometimes it's easy enough just to

ask them a question other times it's easier just to avoid it but sometimes just think what's actually going on there and give them a break got me thinking of darth vader wow he was quite a lonely man poor old darth all those years just going around smashing up planets and destroying people in their lives but never ever able just to sit with a friend with a diet coke and say you know what i have a son life is a complex thing remember we're all just struggling getting through. That is beautiful. Thank you so much, Tom.

Guys, thank you so much. We are going to leave you with a little snippet of a song that I've been listening to this week that made me feel all cool. It's sort of apologetic. It's Jay-Z 444. JT, could you play us out with a little bit of that?

Guys, we will see you next time. Thank you so much for listening to The Wolf for Now. We appreciate every one of you. Love you. Take care, bye-bye. Bye-bye. I apologise All for woman eyes

Took for my child to be born See through a woman's eyes Took for these natural twins To believe in miracles Took me too long for this song I don't deserve you I harass you out in Paris Please come back to Rome these natural twins that believe in miracles. Took me too long for this song. I don't deserve you. I harass you out in Paris. Please come back to Rome. You make it home.

We talked for hours when you were on tour. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.