Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 64: Carvery Love & Insect Apologies

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Is it a bonus episode - or a part two to last week’s show? We're not really sure but either way, we’re talking… second halves, eating on camera, Toby Carveries and very early roasts, open-mic spots, Rom’s blazer years, some hard back-peddling on Tom’s attitude to insects and deciding when to retire (or not). For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Extras, taxes, and delivery additional. Expires April 8th Yo Yo what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred

They'll grant you all last Requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf an owl-a That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler

Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Hello and welcome to a Wolf and Owl bonus episode I say bonus, the truth is that we only did half the time yesterday

We're about to do half the time again so in many ways it's not a bonus at all But it does, we've broken it up for you. It's almost a part two, part two. Yeah, part two. Yeah, the second half. The second half. So forgive me for saying bonus. Didn't they do that with one of the Lord of the Rings movies?

They should have done. I mean, you could have broken the ending of the last one into fucking five parts. Well, it was the one that, there was a big film franchise where they did two parts to an ending. Sopranos sort of did it in the last two series

didn't they they broke the series in half I mean I'm not saying she's going to be as good as Sopranos I mean actually

to be fair like the opening of this is not quite hasn't got a dramatic feeling we've got similar

life expectancies though so Sopranos made me really put on weight because they kept getting like heavy pasta dishes

out the fridge and stuff yeah also I tried as best I could to try and sort of waddle and James Galifiani

was literally one of my biggest idols when it comes to it as an actor I think he was the guy yeah he was so fucking charismatic he could just do it all

just with a fork and a bowl of pasta yeah yeah I don't know it's sort do it all just with a fork and a bowl of pasta. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, it's sort of a compliment slash offensive. No, I mean it as a compliment.

Yeah. No, no, no, I know you do. You watch some actors and they've got to do a lot of heavy lifting and they're doing it without, like he could just say exactly what he thought.

And he is the master, isn't he Tom of like of eating on camera because you never really sort of are fully aware of it whereas you know

some people would smash for a whole roast every take or whatever do you know what I mean yeah and he you know he never actually ate the food as well

well I'll tell you what really annoys me not really annoys me right because eating on camera is very difficult right it's a it's a it's a it's slippery slope when you start eating on camera because then you get somebody go um

actually can i just say you actually crunched on the you crunched on the bar as you delivered that line and then on that take you crunched it as you delivered the third part of the line so do you think you could match it up because it was you did say that you'd remember how you'd done it and and that's what you were going to do every time and you sort of haven't done that. And you go, yeah, okay, can you bring me another bar, please? I'll unwrap it on camera like I decided to do in the first take and I've got to match that every time now.

It's fucking horrendous. When I did Reluctant Landlord on Sky, why did I name the channel like I'm still promo in the show? I don't even think you can watch it. Maybe you can watch it, I don't know. I think it's still one of their playbacks thanks Tom

thank you it's still on their library but I thought it'd be funny I thought it'd be funny if he really likes breakfast cereal

and he's constantly eating it the whole time I mean that was a fucking monkey on my back for the entire shoot every time I was shooting in the flat

it was a disaster I remember that actually I remember that thinking I thought it was quite a funny little idea I thought so too until I actually had to do it and then mate my mom's

in well you you've already alluded to it but king gary that the toby carvery episode shout out toby carvery one of the best places to get carvery i reckon in england absolutely adore a bit too do you honestly think toby's is one of the best places to go? I'm not saying there isn't, but do you genuinely think Toby's? Mate, I adore a Toby Carvery. What's your attitude, John? Because Toby's is a chain. Yeah. Right.

And obviously there will be places that are better to get Carvery. No, don't disrespect Toby, but Toby's role... Toby is... He's having to roll it out across the country and it's got to be the same thing wherever you go. Whereas you go to an individual place they've got like some special thing

like there's no way what I'm saying to you is there is no way that Toby's is the best place to get a carvery it might be the most convenient it might be surprisingly

decent but it's not the best place to get a carvery is it? I'd say it's convenient yeah it's of a decent good standard

yeah and you know what I went to Toby Carvery the other day before golf and it was about 11.30 in the morning right It's a good standard. Yeah. And you know what? I went to Toby Carver the other day for golf, and it was about 11.30 in the morning, right? It's quite early, isn't it, for a roast, to go full roast? Yeah, yeah.

I was one of the first people there to get the roast that day. Well, you stood there at the buffet bit, just waiting for the meat to cool down to the correct temperature, salivating like a starving dog. I was with our mutual friend Jim. Oh, yeah. Shout out, Jim. Jim was quite shocked that I was going to Toby Carvery at 11.30.

The Carvery itself didn't start at 12. And so I went in and got a coffee and chilled and waited until 12. Sorry, sorry, please. So you went to Toby Carvery and got coffee to wait for it to be ready for carvery time yeah yeah why because i was i was really excited to have you know do you not so we were driving past and then me me and jim started talking about toby carvery right and jim said in his scottish action hey there's a good to Toby Carvery just up here. And I said, oh, wow, yeah, yeah.

And as he drove on a bit, I went, I still, I can't get Toby Carvery's out of my mind yet. He went, I think it's too early for the Carvery, isn't it? And I said,

I'm already doing his action. So Jim said to you, Jim, who basically, just for clarity, Jim, great bloke, friend of both of ours, but paid driver in this context. So, yeah, great bloke, friend of both of us, but paid driver in this context. So yeah,

who is basically part of his job is to take you wherever you want to go. Right. And so you've got, who was taking me between two jobs. Yeah. So yeah, three jobs in the end, actually.

All right, mate. We've all done open spots. So, so 1130 in the morning, an open mic. So we don't want to put you on too late on because that's when the crowd are really sort of expecting you know sort of our big acts to come on so um

we have got a spot for you you got you reckon you can do a tight 10 minutes at 11 30 you would get a really really cool little crowd that's sort of like you know the brunch crowd yeah i when i first started um like you know when you start doing that so i don't know when i say open spots i don't know if everyone knows what we mean but like when you start off doing stand-up you're doing open spots which essentially sometimes that means you're doing like a spot on an unpaid gig everybody's like very new but a lot of the time when you start moving on from that you're doing open spots at a paid comedy club but they're having a look at you basically and then they see you a few times inside like a football trial isn't it yeah but like so for the first part of comedy you're running

at a loss because you're going to these gigs you're not getting paid uh you try and blag a free dinner if they if they're doing food at the venue and then you head off right so um when it once i was doing an open spot for, I don't want to name the club or the people involved because if I name either of them, well, it's not a great story. So anyway, I'm on my way to the club. I get a phone call and I'm very new at this point.

You know, you sort of like turning again. Hi, I'm the open spot for this evening. Just really grateful. Can I just say thank you so much for the opportunity of letting me, I've heard so many great things about this club. I mean, all the best people play here.

So for me to be able to, you know. Good, you didn't say all that. Well, I mean, obviously I'm adding some stank on it, you know, for the. I used to try and be quite funny on the calls

and then never really get some of those gigs. Or I'd just try and have a bit of banter with them. Yeah, my thing with that is I was. That's probably why you went up the trajectory quicker than me first of all it's actually because I didn't have loads of acting work on Tom like you did

I wasn't having to fit in gigs in between doing Alan Partridge so that's the difference between you and me you're so happy with that genuinely if i could shut up your face you hit that joke yeah yeah and your face looked like someone who just opened his christmas present and it's exactly what he wanted yeah and he didn't think he was gonna get it that yeah that only really happens when you're a kid by the way that so it's a great feeling when it does so but um yeah anyway so on the way to the

gig i'm on the train they phone me up and they go um very polite guy says we've had a problem one of the actors had to pull out because he's got an audition uh or he's got to do a self-tape or something yeah um and he said is it possible for you to do 15 instead of 10 and then he said to me and then he said to me it'll it'll uh what's it what is it what is that was it something like we'll look very favorably upon you for for doing us this uh this solid of doing 15 instead of 10 bearing in mind i'm on pay i mean listen 15 minutes of work isn't the biggest thing in the world but um i went yeah of course yeah no of course i yeah of course i'd love to do 15 something like that anyway i turn up at the club and were you you wearing your blazer? Is this in the blazer years?

Yeah. It's a shameful part of my history, I've got to say. I mean, the fact that I... You used to say at the start of open markets, Mike's in a blazer, a pair of jeans, a pair of really smart sort of shoes. No, I didn't. It was actually worse than that because i'd wear a blazer i'd wear some sort of top underneath jeans and then my trainers had matched the color of the top underneath the blazer so i really thought it was a flex oh god anyway so i turned up at the gig and the hose the compare goes to me oh hi you know you're romesh i said yeah and a lot of the time depending on where you're going they sort of talk to you a bit like shit i kind of enjoyed it it's sort of part of the

making your way up but then the ones that were really polite i remembered forever but so like you go i went in he goes so you're romesh yeah i go yeah i go yeah um i got a phone call saying can i do 15 instead of 10 and then he goes can i just stop you and i said yeah he goes he's very kind of you to say you could do 15 my question to you is can you do 15 and and i went yeah i think okay it's just let me just tell you something about this club they're very very smart crowd right and if you if you do 10 and then you start scratching around for the other five they'll find you out and you're going to look silly so i'll ask ask you again, do you think you've got 15 minutes? Right?

So I went, yeah, yeah. Although then a little bit of self-doubt creeps in. I mean, obviously, because now you're thinking there's a lot riding on me, fucking pulling out. Even though I was doing 20s and half and that was regularly for some reason it started to like. So I go to him, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I can do it.

If you just give me a chance, just i i think i think i can do it so i think if you just give me a chance let just let me show you what i can do anyway we start the gig he goes on one of the shittest acts i've ever seen like genuine like i was like thinking this guy must be like he's talking really big here and like he went on it's It was fucking so bad, mate. Absolutely fucking died. So bad. Like, absolutely took the pressure off. I mean, I had an average 15, do you know what I mean? If anything, he was right. I was scratching around for the last five.

But it was so funny, man. Like, some of the experiences you have when you're starting out of, like, the way... I remember, like, coming into an open spot, somebody goes, oh, you're one of these newfangled actors trying to move their way through the circuit quickly, aren't you? All right, well, let's see how you get on tonight shall we just stuff like that yeah all of that man it's so crazy i found it also uh i used to i used to adore was the at the actual open mic nights yeah oh the madness of the yeah but the low level and also just the characters you'd meet people have been doing it

for 15 years and you go how long have you been there 15 years i've never had a paid gig and you'd be like what you've never had a paid gig in 15 and then like the sort of cold fear would just run through you and think oh is this going to be me am i going to be like a few years in and i've lit or 15 years in i've never been paid and i'm still trying to crack away and sometimes you respect those people a little bit more i do because i feel like because there are some acts that are doing that that you watch them and you go i genuinely think you probably could be doing it do you mean you could at least be like an act get on the circuit do you mean and then and then like you sort of, I remember coming out of a gig once, and it was, like, a really ropey kind of open spot gig,

and I was with a mate, and he said it was really fun, wasn't it? I said, yeah, it was fun. I said, but if I'm still doing these gigs in three years, I will have a look at myself in terms of, do I think I'm going to progress? And he was really disappointed in me, and he was just sort of like, well, aren't you enjoying doing comedy? I said, yeah, I am, I am. But, like, it's not just that I wanted to get paid. It's, like, you want to feel like you're getting better at it. Do you know what I mean? in me and he was just sort of like well aren't you enjoying doing comedy i said yeah i am i am but

like it's not just it's not just that i wanted to get paid it's like you want to feel like you're getting better at it do you mean and then like oh yeah i know that stand-up comedy you know i disagree with there's a lot of me that disagrees with awards for comedy shows and stuff like because i sort of think like it's not a race do you mean it's not like you can't quantify who's the best at stand-up comedy it doesn't make any sense do you mean it's like i race. Do you know what I mean? It's not like you can't quantify who's the best at standup comedy. It doesn't make any sense. Do you know what I mean? It's like,

I mean, all of those awards for like creative stuff, I find a little bit dodgy to be honest with you, but it wasn't even that. It's just like your validation is like, are you progressing? Are you making your way up? Do you know what I mean?

And so, but then he made me feel a bit, he made me feel a bit mercenary about the whole thing, to be honest with you. Yeah. feel a bit mercenary about the whole thing to be honest with you yeah hello darlings this is lisa vanderpump will you join me in france for a new reality show meet my hand-selected staff as they work live and play at chateau rosabelle their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes.

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The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. and its official partners, Air Canada and Mastercard. Anyway, digressing back to the Toby Carvery. Yes, all right. Jesus, is that what we started talking about? Fucking hell. Yeah, so at 12 o'clock, the bell rings,

which means that you can get your Carvery, right? I've got to say, the staff in this place are incredible, and I've never been to a Toby Carvery and come across anyone who's less than gracious and beautiful and amazing in their selves

so is there okay before you carry on with this story it's obviously not been officially announced is there something going on with you and Toby Carvery

no no have you got some sort it's been officially announced like like I'm fucking like it's Harry and Meghan I'm just waiting to be... Like it's Harry and Meghan.

I'm just waiting to be watching the TV and then I hear, thick, delicious gravy. Meat more tender than you've ever tried in your life. You've had carvery. Have you visited Toby? Something like that. I've not been asked if I want to do an advert but yeah if they came to me it's one of the only brands out there that i probably i wanted to be associated with i think

they bring a lot of joy to a lot of people okay fine and sometimes ramesh a little bit actually like your friend outside that comedy club that's enough sure so you do you but you i'm sure your age will be pushing back on the fee though for all of your noble chatting about how much you want to be associated with it. Well, yeah,

I'm sure we'll be out of the concert hall arrangement. If there is anybody affiliated with Toby Carvery, is it Toby's

Carvery or Toby Carvery? Toby Carvery. He got rid of the S in about 1982. Jesus Christ. Okay, so if

there's anybody affiliated with Toby Carvery, can you get in touch tom's really up for doing an advert he'll appear in it i love you he'll he'll do the voice over whatever you need he'll he'll even be in his underwear just being slavid and gravy if that's what the concept is for the advert which is how i spent a sunday afternoon anyway yeah um so you went to toby carvey they're all beautiful and lovely, yeah? Yeah. Sat there, had my Carvery, watched some people,

had a little chat with a couple of people, got back in the car with Jim, ate a little bit too much and sort of subsequently was a bit lethargic on the golf course. Yeah. You can realise now why a lot of footballers and sports people don't have a big Carvery before a big sporting event yeah sure it's not subjective

to playing incredibly well i've come to the recent realization that i'd rather be hungry than overly full for a gig or a record or anything like that i just do you know um yeah go on do you know what i've started having before a gig now i have a big lunch on the I have a big lunch. On the tour, I have a big lunch. And then before, I have a Huel. Stephen Bartlett's Huel. First of all, it's not Stephen Bartlett's Huel, okay? Yeah, he's one of the big guys. He's always promoting it. I know he's always promoting it,

but I don't want to feel like I'm drinking. No disrespect to Stephen Bartlett, but Huel is in and of itself above and beyond. I mean, I'm a regular Hueler. They call them Hueligans, don't they? We're Hueligans. Oh really? Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. That's what the nickname is for the... Are you joking? No. Is that what you guys call yourselves? It's not what we got. No, it's what the company came up with. I didn't come up with that. You know when you make an order...

This is why I love Toby Carvery because there's none of this fucking... It's like, we go to Toby Carvery, we enjoy Carvery, we're not becoming like a pack, like the hooligans, like sprinting around town laughing about it. I feel like you've embellished it a little bit, to be honest with you. What's the selection of meats at a Toby Carvery?

Gammon, turkey and beef. You should take the boys. I've taken the boys before they love it they absolutely love it um well wouldn't you yeah do they do nice vegan they do actually i i was surprised because because sometimes with those sort of things you think they don't need to give a about vegans and vegetarians really i mean like if you're talking about purely on a business model i can't imagine anybody's going there going specifically for the veggie option i you know unless you did well i i yeah but none of the rest of the family do you know that one of the toby carvery one of the fat one of the founding fathers of toby carvery is no what we don't leave anyone behind basically there's no person who'd come in and not had a set of a satisfactory meal right

so i think i can go there. It's like playing in front of a home crowd for me. They go, Tom Davies, of course he does. Yeah, of course he does.

He loves the meat sweats on the golf course, yeah. Yeah. Hold up. Romesh Ranganathan came in and enjoyed a vegan flan. That's the fucking news we want to hear.

Oh, he enjoyed one of our vegan wellingtons. I think they might have done a vegan Wellington, actually. Maybe they did. I can't remember. But anyway, they're good options. They're good options. They do a selection of gravy, don't they?

Yeah, yeah. Mate, it's a wonderful, honestly. I'd say now, if you've never been to a Toby Carvery and you've sort of snobbily walked past and sort of like jeered or laughed at them, go in. Have a Carvery and let us know what you think. Please.

Yeah, please do, yeah. All right, should we do some emails? Because this is supposed to be an email special. And you're off to meet the Hooligans. Are you meeting the Hooligans after this? No, I'm off to do League after this. You and the Hooligans hanging out in your Arsenal box. So, first thing I want to say is say is tom you've upset quite a few

people why um well i'll read you one of the emails uh dear wolf and this is one of a number of emails we've received on this topic but i've just picked this one okay dear wolf al swan and cat i'm a massive fan of the podcast i've listened since the beginning it never fails to make me laugh and the advice you give is always thoughtful and heartfelt however i was really disappointed to hear the wolf's comments on insects on the last episode many people probably have the same opinion that they're annoying and pointless but i hope i can convince you they're in fact amazing creatures who deserve our respect insects are the most important animals in the world and the most successful animals that have ever lived on earth they've been around a long long time or probably still be after humans are long gone if humans disappeared overnight the world and the most successful animals that have ever lived on Earth. They've been around a long, long time or probably still be

after humans are long gone. If humans disappeared overnight, the world would carry on as normal. Arguably would improve. I've added that. If insects disappeared,

all life on Earth would collapse. I don't want to be too dramatic, but insects are so important and do so many vital things that keep the world going. The obvious one

is pollination. It's not just bees that do the pollinating. Moths, flies, and even wasps are all pollinators. I didn't know that. I didn't know that those guys were. Right, okay.

Don't start getting, just wait. There wouldn't have been any figs without wasps, for example. What's more, plants have evolved. Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. Can I just say something, right? I felt guilty after the pollination thing. Then bringing figs into the thing, like it's a massive thing that figs worry you. Well, 8% of the world population have figs.

Well, okay, first of all, I'm not going to accept a made-up number from you. Second of all, they've not said this is the big thing. This is not the thing their argument hinges on. No, no, no, I get what the big thing is, but then settle with the big thing. Because, you know, the big thing, I felt very, very remorseful, and I felt very like... Itorseful and i felt very like you almost jumped in and started getting into one no no point

well proven when he said i didn't know about the pollination this is i'm going to just say this now insects because i got a lot of stick off my mum my mum genuinely this is never really ever fly thing yeah and then listen to the episode was just disappointed with me in general as a human being and and she went in two-footed on me and she's like i can't believe that you didn't know this this and this right can i just say something i well i'll do apology after this uh email well because it feels bad cutting into it but there is remorse here sorry i digressed carry on my friend sure it's not digress it. But there is remorse here. Sorry, I digressed. Carry on, my friend.

Sure. It's not digressed, it's more interrupt. But what's more, plants have evolved to make chemicals in response to insects eating them, such as caffeine. So without insects, we wouldn't have tea or coffee. There are loads more reasons why insects are incredible and fascinating animals, but they wouldn't all fit in an email. The more fast we need insects,

I hope I've convinced you that we do. They do so much for us in the world that we need to recognize their importance and honor them for their sweet sweet souls that they are tom uh was it who's written this this is from the elephant hawk moth well um so the elephant hawk moth can i just say you are genuinely like i i i've i've been picked up on this in person, my, by my family, by a few people on the tube the other day. Like there's a couple of things that my,

my comments quite clearly, uh, were idiotic. I, I, I didn't know quite how much flies, moths, and wasps were doing to fuck it.

Like how much graft they were putting in. Can I just say, right? For the people that told me that, this is amazing, they're doing amazing work, but they need better hype people because the bees are picking up a lot of the, no, but the bees are getting a lot of the gravitas for it

and then they've got, which happens in life, don't get me wrong, right? Yeah, it's like, Robert's just a TV show, he gets all the applause for it, but what about the lowly runner type thing, do you know what I mean? It's like... Wow, wow.

I think what we need to do is just have a massive conversation. Look, maybe it starts here, about all the work that they're doing. And then, yeah, I genuinely felt bad, because I think now that wasp who stung me... And, Blake, can I say this as well, by the way? On the day that this podcast came out, I was attacked three times by three different wasps on my walk back to the station that evening.

Do you feel like they sensed something in the air? Yeah, or like basically sort of like subliminally, like for humans to annoy me. They knew you were an enemy. Yeah, I'm a fucking massive prick. Yeah. Yeah. But then, and also,

having spoke to a few people, I'm like, oh, maybe I do deserve this. But the original attack from the wasp that started all this, I was just an innocent bystander. Yeah. But now maybe I've become an enemy to them. And I want to say now,

and I'll hold my hands up and say I regret some of the things I said about insects. It's clear that they're doing a lot of graft the bee may i say by the way look i like the bee as you've not have you know i've never had a problem with the bee um this is mental what's happening now this the bee has taken a lot of credit for other people's work all right a lot of credit how do you think let me just stop you there how has the B taken credit for it because everyone

just talks about the B's that's not the B's fault is it but no it isn't but me and you have both worked

in this industry where people get a lot of acclaim and other people and you're very you're brilliant at that and I try to be as much as going

look it's a team game you tell people how many people do but the B I don't necessarily think I mean look it feels a lot of the time that the bee is is the sort of superstar the other ones are just sort of picking up a lot of the fucking heavy lifting all right yeah okay so you've gone from inside all insects just going in two fitted on the bay all right well it feels like it feels like you've really learned a lesson i love the bee yeah i've like if i could shrink myself down to insect size and go for a couple of pints and like hang out fly around with it like the bee

would be my first port of call what i'm saying now is i'm opening it up to go actually you know what if someone said to me oh you've got a day where you could be like as big as an insect and you can hang around with them i before i'd probably just spent the whole day shadowing the bee and seeing what he's up to now what i'm saying to you is i'll probably go oh look greg it's been great hanging out with your mate we've had a right fun morning pollinating flying about and stuff but uh i'm gonna go and hang out with the lonely fly i'm gonna have a little bit of a chat with the moth i'm gonna knock about with the beetle do you know what i mean what i'm going to go and hang out with the lonely fly. I'm going to have a little bit of a chat with the moth. I'm going to knock about with a beetle. Do you know what I mean?

What I'm saying to you, mate, is my eyes have been opened. And sometimes it takes more than one species to keep an eye. It's a really positive, lovely message. And by the way, I'm sure the fly that you're hanging out with will have been delighted to hear you describe it as lowly. Just turning up to meet up with a fly like you're

doing it a fucking favour but the fly's not got a life of its own if he might have you be shrunk down

turn up anyway I think I think that's I think that's suitably sorted that out so yeah we're also

getting most of the emails that are getting the word mango by the way, just so you know, it's a mango thing. It's really what we didn't realize when we did that is that the episode automatically rolls on on Takeshi's car. So you will automatically you will always see that you don't have to it's actually more difficult to not see us saying that than it is if you care. So that was bad. Okay, do you want to do another email yes sir yeah we're in for time how many how many more do you want to do let's do two more okay uh bear with me one second is that one of the boys bedrooms you're in no

uh who is it what's this what's it saying the door behind you well the good the bad i said i behind you oh the good the bad the good the bad and the ugly oh they're film posters do you like them I'll get it it's for your cinema isn't it I don't have a cinema

I'm trying to find this email your home cinema I don You're a home cinema? No, I don't have a home cinema. All right, here we go. You're basically at a home cinema. I'm in a pram park. I've got fucking two prams in my office now. Well, you're a father, aren't you?

Yeah, I know, yeah, but I don't know why they're getting parked in here now. I've done something, but before we get into this other email, can I ask you a question? You're what? You're 44, right? 44, yeah. I'm 45. How old do you feel?

Depends. Two mornings ago, I must have felt about 66. I was so stiff and achy. I got up five times in the night for a urinate. You got up five times for a urinate? Yeahinate to urinate you got up five times for a urinate yeah for piss yeah i mean this is what i was this was asking question because i mentally don't i don't feel like an adult i mean it's not i don't feel like an adult i don't feel like i'm a man in his 40s can i just say just before we've just had a three and a half minute

conversation about living with insects i think it's fair to say neither of us are actual grown-ups mentally no that's true however i went to the gym before i came to do this podcast right and i lifted two weights to return them to the thing right and now my back feels a bit funny and it's not it wasn't i wasn't even doing an exercise and this happened to me a few times this is happening to me more and more frequently and now i'm having to get up and carrying the weights back no not just specifically that what i mean is you do genuinely all joking aside that's one time when people get injured loads is it because when you're lifting you're lifting with uh decent form yeah form but also yeah intent yeah right and then when you

just you basically I've done that before I did it a few weeks ago I was picking up the weight that I'd been bench pressing and picked it up so lethargically

that it yanked my shoulder out it just fucked my shoulder for about a week well this is I am now of an age I've got to accept it

and Lisa's finding it very funny and sort of going to me old man Romesh has got another niggle but I'm constantly carrying some sort of like little tweak

or something do you know what I mean like yeah but this is yeah how am I me and Catherine Catherine we went for breakfast

yesterday morning and she absolutely roasted me about all the different ailments that I was moaning about physically and mentally I'm starting to find it quite difficult I'm having to different ailments that I was moaning about physically and mentally I'm starting to find it

quite difficult I'm having to accept the fact that I am I'm of an age now I mean I've sort of been in denial but I am I'm old

is it you have to accept it you were both yeah yeah you're older than me so you're a year I know that

when are you planning on retiring never what do you mean never I'll keep on going till you planning on retiring? Never. What do you mean, never? I'll keep on going. Until you die? Yeah, I think so, probably, yeah. All right.

Okay. What about you? Are you thinking of retiring? You won't retire. I can tell you now, you will not retire. Why are you saying that? I just know you. I'm thinking about, genuinely...

You love the game. I do, but I'm thinking that I don't want to I don't want people to have Too much. I don't want to do too much I mean there's an argument. I've already that ship has already sailed. But anyway gone No, but by retiring what we talking about? I'm doing disappearing. I mean like I'm talking about completely stopping That's it. You're done. And then I can tell you now look i adore you you know that you'd retire right and i reckon within two years you'd be making your big comeback because you couldn't handle it that's exactly what flo said to me but um i think i'm thinking i don't know

where i'm i'm not i i i might just surprise you on one of these when i've decided i'm going to do it we're doing the world for now one day and you do your final thoughts and then at the end of it I'll go, okay, well the song I'm choosing is My Way. Guys, thank you so much for everything. Oh my God.

Someone I genuinely respect has been quite a cool sort of fella. You've suddenly become ultimately cheesy. You're essentially going out the way that I'd expect... to go out. JT, can you bleep that name, please? JT.

I can't see it, man. I can't see it man I can't see it I think I genuinely think I think you'll be like prior or anyone who does it till the end

I think I'll probably keep gigging you know yeah but that's what I mean yeah but like no I won't be doing a show like rock up at a club and do 20 or something like that

I can imagine doing that forever oh my god what what just the way you said that I can imagine doing that forever oh my god what what just the way you said that I'll probably just like pop up just rock up at a club

just bust out 20 just to show I'm still keeping my fingers in like you're not retiring you're doing your big fucking I am you're going to go on

you know whatever and you're not Lee Evans in it where Lee Evans has completely disappeared that's my plan though. But that's the plan.

But the problem is, is that I really love doing stand-up. I think you like it too much. I think you love it too much. Yeah, maybe. I'm going to tell you, I love,

I love the stand-up. I like the acting. So you're just going to keep going, keep going, keep going. I don't, yeah, obviously I'd,

you know touch with probably not through 90 fucking doing of mine at some point slow down yeah but you know i i think it would be strange to sort of i've you know i we both only came into this late yeah that's true as much as we seem like we've been around for a bit we were only both what 10 like 13 14 years ago when we started um all right well i'm gonna go for oh look what what i can tell you is i will go for another year probably i mean the tools happen yeah yeah and then we start i'll start i'll start interviewing today all right so what about animals 8th of september i reckon 8th of july next year start having a look around

maybe there's a replacement maybe there's a wombat or something that needs to get involved. No, I'm only joking. Wolf of the wombat. Because that would be like you losing Screech from Saved by the Bell. You'd be fucked. What?

No. But anyway, I'm not planning on doing it. I was just wondering if you had a plan. That's all. No, no, no Order up for Damien Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today

Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit

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Okay, this is from The wavering wallaby uh i need your help if possible please keep me anonymous for background i moved to australia around seven years ago on my own it's been amazing getting out of my comfort zone at a young age but it's been hard on and off being safe all right from family and friends particularly during covid when borders were shut i got into a relationship about a year and a half ago with my girlfriend also from the uk and i love her a lot we live together and have a dog however i've recently got back from a trip from england to see my family although it was amazing i'm now seriously considering moving back to that side of the world particularly because my siblings are starting to have babies i want to be part of their kids lives i brought this up with my girlfriend said i'm struggling with homeless

homesickness and would she ever consider moving there? Her answer was pretty cold. The answer was a firm no. She'd hate it, would feel trapped and then change the conversation. I was a bit upset that that was it, that my feelings weren't even considered in this conversation. Now I'm really struggling to know what to do.

Do I wait and see if she ever changes her mind? Do I go back to England on my own, which might be a bit hasty? Do I approach the conversation again? Even though she's made her views clear, any help would be much appreciated. Love, The Wavering Wallaby. Tommy appreciated. Love, The Wavering Wallaby. Tommy D.

Yo, The Wavering Wallaby. I think in a situation like this, I think it's probably because I think you've asked a question as to whether she'd want to go back rather than actually sort of say maybe all of your reasons and the different things that you, different reasoning on why you want to go. actually sort of say maybe all of your reasons and the different things that you different reason reasoning and why you want to go uh so actually i think having an honest conversation about exactly

how you're feeling about missing family and and sort of you know nieces and nephews being born and yeah i don't think that's an unreasonable thing to to sort of feel or to ask about. But then to sort of take her feelings into account, you've got to think about the fact that for her, is there bigger reasons that she doesn't want to go back? You know, some people go somewhere like Australia for a new life and you start in an excited sort of way. Other people go there because they just simply want to get away. And I think it's worth just sort of having that chat with her

and being quite open and letting her be open as to why she's so against going back there I think it's a very difficult situation as well because I think I certainly have friends who moved over to Australia and some are still

there and some came back because life was moving on without them or things didn't just quite work out. And I think it's a really brave thing you've done to go over there. But also I think sometimes you don't want to then get into this next stage of a relationship with someone when you're going to start having that little bit of resentment as to you want to go back and she wants to stay and

then that's that's not just quite a small thing within the hub of a relationship it's a pretty massive thing i actually think that that'll just get bigger bit and bigger and actually it will sort of start spreading a bit of animosity and hard feelings if you're sort of staying there not against your will but you there's nothing else you want to do i wouldn't make any hasty decisions i'd discuss it. You've got a life with her. It sounds like a brilliant life as well. And I'd just work out the best way

that you can make this work for both of you. But as always, I think having that sort of honest, deep conversation between the two of you is the way forward. And listening rather than just sort of saying how, you know, and making sure that when you tell it how you feel,

you speak openly and from the heart. And that's always the best advice for any problem, I think. Very, very good advice. I would say to you, there are two issues here. One issue is that you're thinking about moving back to the uk the other issue is how your other half handled your bringing this up and what you want to not do is conflate the two things so the fact that she kind of reacted to you in a way that you didn't feel was like particularly uh considerate it the danger of that is it then might make this an issue

for you and you start convincing yourself that you want to move back to the uk more than you actually do because it becomes like a hot topic or like a thing that you really become obsessed with because you're sort of annoyed with the way that she she handled it we obviously we don't know from you how full-on you presented the argument or the you know the issue but what I would say is I think Tom's absolutely right. You want to sort of bring it up again and kind of say exactly why you feel the way that you do. But before you have that conversation,

I would get it right in your head exactly how you do feel about it. Because it's one thing going back and enjoying the trip. You know, I've got like, you know, my dad had a lot of brothers and a sister. And so I've got cousins like all over the world and who we keep in regular contact with. And I go and see them every like, however long I haven't seen for a long, long time,

but you know, I've got family in Canada and Australia and blah, blah. Whenever I go and visit them, I come back feeling like I want to stay over there. Um, and that feeling does it's because you, you know,

you love seeing them and you miss them or whatever. There's a lot of shouting going on inside. I have to go out there and lay the smack down on these people. But, and then, but then,

but then you, those, you realise actually in the grand scheme of things it's nice to go and see them but actually you like your life where it is. So,

you know, I would say that you need to kind of make sure you know how you feel because if you're going to make this a big thing there's going to be an ongoing discussion with your girlfriend who it seems like it would not does not want to do that at all for you to make that a thing you have to be 100 sure how you feel about it and not allow that to be accelerated by the fact that she reacted in a way that you weren't that happy with. So basically I'm giving you the same advice as Tom, but just, you know, my two key things were be absolutely crystal clear about how you feel about it.

And then once you're sure about that, then go in and have another chat and see where you go from there. And then, the honest truth is, you don't have to make the difficult decision of, you know, let's just hypothesise that you really do want to move back to the UK. You've got to make a decision about whether you give that up because your relationship's more important or that you're so determined to go back to the UK

that that's something that the relationship is secondary to. But, yeah, it's a tricky one. But good luck to you, Wavering Wallaby. We wish you the very, very best. Peace. All right, Tom. I know we were going to do two, but we then got digressed. So do you want to take us out?

And then we're recording another one in a couple of days so we can get to the ones that we missed out this time. All right, go for it. Yeah, okay. Peace, war, friendship, enemies. What does it already mean? I guess in the end, the truth is, it's one person's inability to listen to others,

or look harshly or non-favorably on something they don't understand. I myself have been caught up in a tornado of self-doubt and anger against a group of bugs and insects that maybe I held ill will to for longer than I even care to remember. But it's then the friends, the people, may I say, the gentle earwigs who've had my ear this week, who've opened my eyes to a world that I didn't understand and if I'm going to be completely honest at times feared. But now that fear has changed. It's changed

to almost a cause of wonder. I can tell you now friends next time I walk past a blackberry bush or some dandelions or daffodils and I see a wasp nipping in for a tuck, instead of running as fast as I can or getting ready to batten him down, I'll give him a silent gaze and maybe a sort of smarmy smile and think, go on friend, go about your business. For you are helping us all in your own cheeky way. Insect bugs, if you can hear me, and no doubt you can somehow. Thank you.

Really, really nice, Tom. Really nice. Thank you so much for that. Guys, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. JT, could you play us out with a song I've been listening to a lot? It's called My Lover by Notes I can't stop listening to it that's my earworm of the week

guys we will see you next time take care of yourselves I think you know honest opinion this episode was what what would you say seven

six five and a half seven to seven out of ten it's pretty sick yeah six out of ten thank you guys we'll see you for another

hopefully six out of ten who knows it could'll see you for another hopefully six out of ten who knows it could be on it could be the beginning of a massive decline now as I head towards retirement much love to you speak soon

bye bye peace peace peace peace peace peace peace peace

peace peace peace peace peace peace My lover, never be a fool to you. My lover, my lover, everything I do for you. My lover, my lover, never be a fool to you. My lover, my lover. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all,

please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.