Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 69: Friday Bonus & A Sleep Story

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

It’s bonus time again! And this week we tackle email questions about which wrist to wear a watch on (WARNING: this topic is not as innocent as it may sound), going to stand-up gigs on your own, a fr...audulent boss, experimenting with ASMR and a Wolf and Owl Sleep Story. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: HELLO@KEEPITLIGHTMEDIA.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. We are all connected. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting partners Sun Life. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late,
Starting point is 00:01:07 do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Yeah. Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred
Starting point is 00:01:26 They'll grant you all last Request to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler
Starting point is 00:01:37 Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon
Starting point is 00:01:49 You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome to the bonus episode of the, well for now Your bonus year Two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog another incredible bonus episode. It's going to be so good. Wowza, wowza. Monsieur Tacharazer. Wow, that's a hell of a start.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Should we get straight into some emails, Tomo? Let's do it. I love emails. You know what I love more than emails? I love you. I love the listeners. And I just love breathing, brother. Okay, that's great. um okay so this is the
Starting point is 00:02:48 first thing you really are on a nice vibe aren't you yeah i've got a nice vibe uh once again apologies guys i'm having to record on the laptop mic because um it sounds nice man your voice sounds nice there's a sort of nice reserve in the place also Also, I like that colour on you. I like that T-shirt colour on you. It's nice. Do you think so? Do you iron your T-shirts, Tom? No. How do you store them so they don't get all wrinkly?
Starting point is 00:03:12 I usually hang them up. Roll or hang. And also, yeah, but then, yeah, sometimes before a show recently, I've noticed I'm going out on stage because I've had to have my T-shirt in a bag for the first 10, 15 minutes before I start really just sweating profusely that I'm in a bit of a crinkled sort of t-shirt in a bag for the first 10-15 minutes before i start really like just sweating profusely that i'm in a bit of a crinkled sort of like yeah i really don't like a crinkled
Starting point is 00:03:30 t-shirt this t-shirt is very crinkled anyway uh yeah i agree with you listener poor start okay this is from the left wrist llama wow the left wrist llama is that an animal left wrist llama no no i think the email will clear this up okay um i'm just wondering whether you wear your watch on the wrist that you use to wipe your bum growing up i always wore watches on my right but now i'm older i find it gross to take my watch down to those depths i'm a sit down wiper so i force myself to make the switch to wearing on my left retiring my watch to paper retrieval duty, so to speak. Which side do you lean towards? Love and best wishes,
Starting point is 00:04:06 the left wrist llama. Tom? I don't know if we discussed this before. Are you a sit down wiper? I do both. I do both. For me, it's a bit like dinner. Well, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:04:19 I'll start sitting down. What a disgusting thing to say. I'll start sitting down, right? And then I'll usually progress this to sort of like you know actually it's more like you know
Starting point is 00:04:28 like a car wash like so I'll do the first bit when I'm sitting down right and then I'll sort of like always sort of like
Starting point is 00:04:36 you know like a two three sheet sort of like make sure when I'm standing up because that's the trouble is you're going to do a lot of walking and stuff
Starting point is 00:04:44 and actually sometimes you can miss a bit here and there I'll tell you because that's the trouble is you're going to do a lot of walking and stuff and actually sometimes you can miss a bit here and there I'll tell you this as well Jesus Christ this is this is this is something for you
Starting point is 00:04:56 by the way yeah I got caught out like in our house I got caught out in the worst scenario where we had people around
Starting point is 00:05:03 I can't believe I'm telling this. And I whizzed upstairs to go to the bathroom, and there was no toilet paper in the said bathroom. And we keep our toilet paper in the downstairs toilet. So I had to come downstairs. Oh, God. It was so awful.
Starting point is 00:05:23 And as I came down, one of the people around was like you're right and start chatting and i couldn't yeah and then i'm like right yeah cool so i'd launch sequence been initiated yeah mate yeah yeah yeah i'd finished the job like you've done it yeah i'd literally ran upstairs so you stood there having a chat with an unwiped arse? There was like two little, I had two sheets left on the roll that was in my bathroom. Right? So it was like some of the fire had been put out, but yeah,
Starting point is 00:05:52 there was still a blaze. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Horrible, smelly blaze. So I'm there standing and the person just wouldn't go back. It like,
Starting point is 00:06:02 he was like, he was just having a conversation with me at the bottom of my stairs. All I can think is I need to get in there and get a toilet roll yeah i can't you know and he thinks i've already done the mission yeah yeah that's that's horrific i uh i tend to only take a when i know i'm about to take a shower really yeah because your your legacy of like not shifting or pissing anywhere that's not your house has become well i don't i don't mind i'll piss anywhere but shitting i tend to only really want to do it my house which is uh tricky although i've done it for so long that my body now sort of
Starting point is 00:06:35 knows that um i mean if i'm at a hotel i probably would i would say this as well actually about shitting out i don't know if you have this situation in uh at my office um we have uh now we have like unisex toilets now right so they're like single toilets but they're all unisex so yeah i find that really unnerving like i don't mind if if you're following me into the toilet after i've dropped a cable all right but i do, but if I was to follow you in there, but I feel really bad if I come out of the bathroom and then there's a lady standing there.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Like, I feel really bad. Why is that, do you think? Well, I don't know. Because you're not trying to attract, you're not trying to attract.
Starting point is 00:07:16 It's not an attractive thing. I just feel bad. I was feeling like, you've got to go in there now. And I know how bad it's, I've just left that. Yeah. I don't have that situation because i would
Starting point is 00:07:26 never be i would never shit in an office toilet you know how bad it is to carry a shit around in your stomach really bad for you well i'm probably going to die early but i'd rather live that because you've got toxins in you and those toxins yeah but i'm not look to be clear i'm not walking i've now got to a stage now where my body is like, oh, you're out, don't have a shit. Like, I don't... Yeah, but the shit's still in you. It's like the shit's not disappearing. The shit's then...
Starting point is 00:07:50 And all those toxins... I read a thing the other day that 90% of headaches are from people who need shits. Well, I don't get headaches. First of all, I'd say you've just made that up. I've made the figure up, but a lot of headaches come from like and if you feel sluggish and you feel a little bit down that can be because you need a shit yeah okay like if you think about your stomach right it's the bins it's a refuge right
Starting point is 00:08:15 if you let those bins fucking grow all of a sudden you live in a dump hole yeah i get i get it yeah yes and i do live with the ongoing fear that shit will start coming out of my mouth where it's sort of the overflow. But thankfully, I've got a podcast to deliver that all on. But I don't ever feel like... I'm not walking around desperate. I mean, look, the truth is, it has happened. I don't want you to think that if I really needed a shit, I wouldn't take one.
Starting point is 00:08:40 I would. But it's rare. Very rare. How often? Say, a week or a month no a week no really i i would say i go months without shitting anywhere apart from the house because i will unless i'm traveling do you mean i mean i went to africa for three weeks recently i didn't think this is going to be an absolute nightmare what the other thing that happened is i went to the arctic for a travel show yeah and we were
Starting point is 00:09:06 camping out on the ice and the toilet was a toilet seat attached to a bin bag and we were staying there for i think two nights or three nights and i looked at that bin bag and i was like i'm not shitting for the next three days i used to do that every day on the scaffold yeah listen i'm gonna fire that amongst another list a load of things called things about Tom that don't surprise me so the toilet was a bin bag I've told the story
Starting point is 00:09:31 on here about the the bin bag toilet with where I lived in the flat have I it's just that it's just yeah you have yeah
Starting point is 00:09:38 just that noise no thank you yeah it's pretty grim it's pretty yeah but also in answer to your question leperous llama if anybody's pretty grim it's pretty yeah but also in answer to your question left wrist
Starting point is 00:09:47 llama if anybody's disgusted it's left wrist llama's fault for taking down this brown alley
Starting point is 00:09:53 but what I would say is I've always wore my watch on my left wrist so it's never been
Starting point is 00:09:59 I wear mine on my right so that's yeah and you're right with your right I work with
Starting point is 00:10:04 both hands. What? I work with both hands. Not simultaneously. No, not. Is it that much of a job? The two arm? No,
Starting point is 00:10:11 but I'll go with my right and then my left's got the next piece. Like, like literally like a writing kit, wax on, wax off type of vibe. Well, I'm hoping it's more wax off
Starting point is 00:10:19 than wax on. My tip to you is, is once you've used a bit of tissue just get rid of that yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:10:30 yeah thank you so much Leferis Llama for your email okay next I'm amazed that Lisa chose that email by the way
Starting point is 00:10:37 yeah not that it's a bad email but no no no but I think Lisa's got a cheeky little way about it when it
Starting point is 00:10:43 comes to stuff like this this is from the stammering yeti okay No, no, no. But I think Lisa's got a cheeky little way about it when it comes to stuff like this. This is from The Stammering Yeti. OK. OK. It says, Hello, Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat.
Starting point is 00:10:57 I've been lucky enough to meet Tom in a lift before his Chester warm-up gig. Really decent fella. Some prick and his wife got all giddy meeting Tom and knocked my drink all over my shirt. Anyway, just a quick question to ask if you think it's okay to attend stand-up on your own. That's a rollercoaster, that. Many thanks to Stammering Yeti. Do you... I remember this chap. Yeah, he didn't... I don't think the knock-off of... I don't think they knocked the drink down him when it was in the lift, But I certainly remember this chap was very lovely and then two other people got in and they were very drunk
Starting point is 00:11:29 and they were very loud and sort of took over the whole lift really. And I sort of felt a little bit for him as we departed the said lift. And also I think it's a lovely thing to stand... I think it's a nice thing to stand... I think stand-up is actually an art form that you could set go on your own. I think it's a lovely thing to stand up. I think it's a nice thing to stand up. I think stand-up is actually an art form that you could set go on your own. I think it's quite nice. I think there's a feeling in the room,
Starting point is 00:11:50 hopefully, that people come together and laugh at a mutual thing. I think it's... Yeah, I don't think there's anyone we go to watch stand-up on your own. What do you think? I used to go quite a lot.
Starting point is 00:12:00 I didn't do it at all. Listen, since I've become a comedian, I do loads of shit on my own that I didn't do before. So I used to find it mortifying to go to eat a meal on your own. I used to go quite a lot. Listen, since I became a comedian, I do loads of shit on my own that I didn't do before. So I used to find it mortifying to go to eat a meal on your own. I used to find it mortifying to go to the cinema on your own, go to a gig on your own. I would do all of those things now.
Starting point is 00:12:14 I've just got no problem. I always go, when I do those things, I always end up meeting people, like friends, sort of like, you know, a stranger becomes a friend. I've never... No, I don't do that. You really don't? No.
Starting point is 00:12:26 You might have like a little chat with somebody. I'm not going to spend an evening with a stranger that's i'd say for quite a big proportion of my facebook friends are people that i've met when i've been on my own somewhere it just sets all my anxiety off when you talk like this yeah that was that was a big td that sort of like i i just don't i just don't i can't like even when i'm with friends like even when i'm with you he's one of my favorite people in the world sometimes there's a thought that occurs to me it's like maybe tom's getting fed up with me now maybe never ever ever ever well that's very kind of you to say you are one of those people i would have tattooed upon my body just because sometimes when i'm not near
Starting point is 00:13:03 you or around you i actually miss your energy yeah that's very nice i've never i i think i could literally drink you in every day and i'd never get bored of you well i find you about you i feel the same about you but the fact of the matter is is my inner paranoia whenever i'm with anybody lisa the kids you anyone anybody that i love even people that i love i think to myself oh have i outstayed my welcome here in this so the idea the idea of being with a stranger and being worried about not reading the cues to make an exit it terrifies me i i like this is the difference between me and you though right yeah is i don't think you've ever done that because that runs through your head. I think I've done that on multiple occasions.
Starting point is 00:13:47 I could tell you at least five occasions with people that we mutually know where I've definitely outstayed my welcome. Really? Yeah. One of them was... How do you know? Because one of them was a mutual friend of both.
Starting point is 00:14:01 Some we both adore. You want to say the name or we can be... No, no, no. I won't say the name just in case. But been through quite a sort of bad sort of point in their relationship and split up with someone i met the i met this person bumped into them someone ended up having a coffee with them and then they met some other friends who had come around for sort of you know at the place we were in and they were clearly so i didn't realize the situation that they sort of like their relationship had come to an end and then the people who came were lovely and
Starting point is 00:14:28 supportive and all of them were sitting around and at that very time i was hungry and i ordered a pizza and no one around the table for this awful could quite believe that i was ordering food because no one else had i ordered some pizza and some chips and chips. And then there was quite a deep conversation happening. What I would say is, regardless of the deep conversation, ordering food when nobody else is, is a big move. You didn't even order some edamame beans
Starting point is 00:14:57 or something like that. You ordered a fucking pizza and chips. They're two shareables. You can have some pizza. It's a mess. Anyway. How much of those things did you share well i offered them but obviously no one wanted to eat because they were sort of in quite a deep conversation that at this point was or even i i felt so sad because it was the crying any kind of clue
Starting point is 00:15:19 or genuinely wrong like you are joking right it actually got and i felt really really like this is how sad i felt because this is one of the people i adore most this person is one of my favorite people has always been incredible to me throughout my career is genuinely one of the loveliest people in the industry and i then felt oh my god this is so sad to like this has happened to this amazing person even when the pizza come out i didn't really feel like eating it but i still did but yeah yeah obviously because then i thought it's weirder if i sit here and not eat yeah you can't order a pizza and just say it in all fairness to the person because the person alongside being amazingly um lovely and someone we both adore is also probably the funny one of the funniest people we both know so actually me ordering the peach and chips became the joke
Starting point is 00:16:03 around the table one of their friends was genuinely quite disgusted about the fact that I did I would say it's difficult to look sympathetic when you've got a mouthful of pizza
Starting point is 00:16:11 yeah and also you know what's that oh man it begins with N that spicy stuff I really feel for you
Starting point is 00:16:18 and you've got a stringy bit of cheese in your beard what's that stuff that begins with N and it's like people put it on pizzas I can't pronounce it ever it begins with um and it's like people put on pizzas i can't pronounce it ever begins with n yeah it's like a sort of like paste that you put on pizzas and food now
Starting point is 00:16:32 begins with n n n n yeah i don't know what you're talking about it's like an italian sort of pizza topping not parmesan what does it begin with, I'm not that dyslexic. Okay, sorry. Yo, that's it, Parmesan. Yeah. It's like a really, really spicy fucking... Enduja? Oh, yes, Enduja.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Okay, fine. I'd never had Enduja before, right? Right, right, right. So this pizza I ordered had Endujaja on right yeah it was so spicy so then i'm sitting there sweating as well it was like genuinely why are you fucking adding shit to it no because no because i'm like sitting there and that was a moment in the context of what's going on i mean do you mean like yeah yeah just hold on hold on to that anecdote about about what they did we've got an N do jump
Starting point is 00:17:27 I've never tried it before it was on the pizza so it begins with N oh it was already on the pizza okay so and genuinely it was a moment
Starting point is 00:17:34 we could see people looking at them going has he ordered food how long is he going to be here for and then I sort of yeah it was yeah
Starting point is 00:17:42 it was just a brutal situation yeah well I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you thought well look thank you I've never seen a person And then I sort of, yeah, it was just a brutal situation. Yeah. Well, I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you thought. Well, look, thank you, Stammering Yeti. I've never seen a person say it's not. Thank you so much for your email, Stammering Yeti.
Starting point is 00:18:00 The verdict from Tom and myself is it's absolutely more than okay to do that on your own. Yeah. And there are a lot of single tickets to many of my venues coming up. I mean, that is a big bugbear, isn't it? When people go, I want to come to your show, but there's only single tickets left. And you sort of think,
Starting point is 00:18:16 it's quite annoying, isn't it? I wish they were grouped together somehow. But anyway. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze, and it felt a little like... Come on, kids. Back to the hotel room. Good night, kids. Good night, Mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:18:58 I can't be out of ink. Not now. Mega tank. Why do I do this to myself? Ah, what's that printer that comes with 30 times the ink? Megatank. Yes, it's a Canon megaphone. Megatank.
Starting point is 00:19:10 It's a Canon printer. It comes with like two grand worth of ink. Prints me over 7,700 color pages. Megatank. Mega what? Listen to the voice in your head and get a Canon Megatank printer so you don't have to think about ink for a long, long time. Visit canon.ca slash MegaTank
Starting point is 00:19:26 for details. For just $4.99, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh-sliced deli. But the fresh slicing doesn't stop at beautiful Black Forest ham. We're talking tantalizing turkey, perfectly piled pepperoni, sensationally sliced salami,
Starting point is 00:19:42 so you can lunch legendary, dinner deliciously, breakfast brilliantly. We're talking frigging fresh slicing and I'm yelling yes way. Get a six-inch Black Forest ham for only $4.99. Only at Subway. Price and participation may vary.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Extras, taxes and delivery additional. Expires April 8th. Okay, next email. Hi, Wolf and Al. This is from The Robin. Okay. Batman's... I was listening to this week's...
Starting point is 00:20:09 Actually, it's the first Robin, I think. Yeah, it's Batman. Yeah, I think it might be. I think it might be, yeah. Have we had Batman? We haven't had a Batman. No, not Batman. No.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Hi, Wolf and Al. I was listening to this week's episode, thoroughly enjoyed as always, and heard the Spotify advert that you guys have recorded for 7up, the one that we got some shit for, for being... In fact, I got a message on Instagram
Starting point is 00:20:31 saying, your ad reads are so terrible, I'd rather listen to a crying baby. Wow. Jesus. Which I thought was quite harsh. Not that I don't like the sound of a crying baby, but I wouldn't choose to listen to it if I didn't have to.
Starting point is 00:20:47 I mean, I certainly wouldn't... I want to know what's going on with, like, the ad reads. Saying that they're just dead was the word that they used. Dead ad reads. Yeah, but then wouldn't we try to put a bit of energy in them? Some people get annoyed with that. Yeah, I mean, look, I'll be honest with you, I thought we were doing it in the style to which people knew us for.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I mean, you know, like, that's kind of, I thought it was all right, but obviously it's really upset this one person. Well, you know what? Next time we get an advert, we'll really fucking throw some sparkle on it for you. Yeah, for you, yeah. I don't really want to reward that kind of criticism, but yeah, okay, we could do, I suppose.
Starting point is 00:21:20 I was just interested in this week's episode. I just wondered if anyone else has noticed Tom's ASMR-ish tones in the advert. It's a real contrast to his usual voice. Perhaps if he ever needed to explore another avenue of work, he could consider being an ASMRist, artist. Do you know what ASMR is? Yeah, I think I've seen it.
Starting point is 00:21:37 Is it when people make sounds with things? Yeah, where they're like, I'm going to brush my teeth now, and then they get really close to the microphone. See, this is the problem, right? I've gone into a place when we're doing those adverts
Starting point is 00:21:49 of trying to be like an advert guy. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, but that's the whole point. Maybe I should just be more myself, but then, you know.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Maybe. Yeah, it's, people are making some serious money from that ASMR, ASMR, right? Yeah. Yeah, they are, yeah. My question to get some serious money from that ASMR, ASMR, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Yeah, they are, yeah. My question to you both, do either of you enjoy ASMR or something similar? I discovered it around 10 years ago
Starting point is 00:22:11 and there's only little known weird corner of YouTube. Quickly became unable to fall asleep without it, but it's a shame to tell you one. I'm happy it's a
Starting point is 00:22:17 less weird thing to talk about now. Thank you for all you do. From the Robin, so in answer to your question, I did do ASMR about eight years ago, seven years ago.
Starting point is 00:22:29 I did a show in America, which you won't have seen because it flopped horribly. What was it called? It was called Just Another Immigrant. I thought it was really good, that one. It's one of my favourite shows you've done. Well, listen, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't often say this,
Starting point is 00:22:43 but I thought it was a really good show. Yeah, it's one of my favorite things. What channel? What channel? It was on Sky over here. It was on Sky over here, but it was on Showtime in the US,
Starting point is 00:22:53 in the United States of America. And in answer to your question, was that my big break in the States? Well, I'm sitting in London now doing this podcast, so there you go. That's that question answered.
Starting point is 00:23:05 But yeah, I did an ASMR. We had a go at ASMR with an ASMRtist. It's me and my uncle Rags. And we sort of like, we pretended to be doctors. And like we're examining the person watching him, sort of like, hello, I'm Dr. Romesh. I'm going to examine you now. I don't know why we insisted on whispering, but I think you've got to be quiet because you're quite close to the mic. And then we're like, I'm going to examine you now. I don't know why we insisted on whispering, but I think you've got to be quiet because you're quite close to the mic.
Starting point is 00:23:27 And then we're like, I'm going to get my stethoscope. So it's like you're commentating on what you're doing? Yeah, and then we'd pick up instruments and stuff, and apparently the sound of us picking up the instruments was going to be nice or whatever. So hold on, is it a sexual thing or is it like a... That's what I thought, but no, it's not. It's just people like the noises, but it's not. I don't think it a sexual thing or is it like a, that's what I thought, but no, it's not. It's just people like the noises,
Starting point is 00:23:45 but it's not, I don't think it is. Cause there's a guy on, on Instagram who, um, I won't name, but, and he sort of tries every, like he's tried everything.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Like he's one of those people who sort of like can't pick, you can't pick what his thing is. You know, one day he's doing cameos, the next day he's doing fucking songs that you, whatever. Um, and,
Starting point is 00:24:03 uh, he's tried that and he's certainly very cumbersome when he's doing it he'll like be eating something or something yeah he'll assume yeah eating is a is a thing yeah yeah he was eating a really hot jacket potato the other day and he was like that as he was doing it so i mean it's you it's weird because you're sounding quite disparaging about it but at the same time you seem to be really familiar with all of his work. I'm slightly obsessive, but yeah, yeah. But yeah, there's like, I've never really got into it, I've got to say.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Right. It's one of the few things where YouTube hasn't. I think with your voice, you could do it. Really? Yeah. Is there a lot of, you know what I got a message from the other day that actually meant a lot? Someone was saying about doing like the calm app and doing
Starting point is 00:24:46 like sleep stories I was thinking yeah I think it'd be lovely that you want to just do just do like you want just like a quick just give me
Starting point is 00:24:53 like I listen to the Matthew McConaughey one uh wander on calm all the time yeah well it's been about three episodes since you've mentioned
Starting point is 00:25:00 him so good yeah tell me how was it I listen to it all the time I've never got to the end of the story because his voice is so silky. Yeah, I don't know if I've talked about this,
Starting point is 00:25:08 but there's Stephen Fry does this, there's this YouTube story about him doing a story about lavender. And you never make it to the end of that story. Yeah. I'd certainly have Matthew McConaughey rather than Stephen Fry. No, sure.
Starting point is 00:25:21 I wasn't saying it was better. I'm just sort of saying it was another thing. So, yeah. so Sleep Story would be like, um, Ginny put herself into a place where she couldn't relax. She was at work and she was scared. Scared
Starting point is 00:25:36 of maybe the night's sleep that she was worried about. This is so... Where is this going? about this is so where's this guy okay I'll be trying to get along because I went in Virginia I couldn't even so I Trevor's favorite thing was his old tennis racket Michael everywhere he went he'd take Michael the tennis racket see Michael was more than a tennis racket Michael was also a spaghetti sieve
Starting point is 00:26:11 and also a guitar Tom, Tom, Tom, this is awful it's awful your voice is fine but now I'm thinking what the fuck is this guy's life he's got to have no intrigue in it all right really the matthew mcconaughey one's really interesting no but you've got to like you're trying to relax people now i'm going oh why is he using his tennis racket for that
Starting point is 00:26:37 why is the tennis racket called michael okay well so he's got no interesting bits in? Not no interesting bits, but the detail's got to be relaxing. Okay, okay. And you've got to go into the nearest amount of detail. So if you're doing that, you go, his tennis racket was called Michael. He called it Michael. Oh, right. After a friend of his that he met at a party many years ago.
Starting point is 00:27:00 They'd hit it off. They didn't know each other when they first arrived at the bar. Wow, your voice is good too. Maybe we should do like a... Maybe we should do like a Wolfenau sleep story special, like we could release five of them. I think that's a great idea. I think that's a great idea. We should do that.
Starting point is 00:27:13 So it could be something like, Mervyn Stutter was a silly old sod, cheeky and vibrant, yet careful and carefree. He wore his hair in a comb-over because he'd started balding years before, and although his dank, greasy hair fell across his one ear, and people often laughed at him,
Starting point is 00:27:33 he enjoyed the style, and matched with his big, thick horn-rimmed glasses, it gave him an identification of being a... It gave him a name. It gave... It gave him a learned... It gave him a name. Yeah. of being a gay for my name because okay for the learning in my name yeah give a learned appearance which Mervyn liked this is good this is that's really good set with a tweed jacket with big gold buttons the Mervyn had sewn on himself
Starting point is 00:27:59 they found from a button shop at an old flea market several years before we actually been looking for a new belt and some shoelaces. Mervyn often wore... And then you go like, there were suede patches on the elbow. The elbows had become worn away. Somebody else would have thrown away the jacket. But Mervyn enjoyed it so much, he wanted to preserve its lifespan. We should definitely do this.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Yeah, yeah. Mervyn often wore a tie but he couldn't do a tie up so it was in a half knot and swaggered somewhere around his nipples.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Yeah, there you go. That's good. That's good shit. I mean, I would say the word nipples is slightly arousing but...
Starting point is 00:28:37 Oh, you've got to be... You can't be arousing at all? I don't think so. Yeah, okay. As soon as you hear the word nipples I think, you know, it's go time.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Yeah, yeah. Even Mervyn Stutter's nipples. Yeah,, yeah. Even Mervyn Stutter's nipples. Yeah, any nipples. Mervyn Stutter's nipples were covered in hair. Okay. Shall we do one more email? Let's do one more. Right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Okay. This is from The Worried Walrus. Okay. And it says, Dear Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat, I've been in my job for 10 years and I love it. I'm 35 and at a really good point in my life. So he's 25 when he started his job.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Yeah, well done. Quick maths. I have two great kids, a wife I love very much, and I'm doing pretty well in work. However, in recent weeks, it's brought to my attention that my boss has been committing fraud. He's been paying a number of his staff overtime hours without them actually doing the overtime.
Starting point is 00:29:27 I'm not talking a couple of hours a week. I'm talking the last two years equalling thousands of pounds. After a brief add-up of the hours, it's around 20 grand. Wow. Jesus Christ. To make it worse,
Starting point is 00:29:38 I'm a civil servant working for a government department. If this comes to light, there could be serious repercussions. Fucking hell. This is not the one to finish on, is it? No, Jesus. And also, why are we the people he's coming in touch with i know here's my dilemma my boss isn't actually a bad fella he has a wife and kids that's not the
Starting point is 00:29:52 member of staff who's committing fraud with i really don't want anyone to get hurt but i also feel i can't sit on this information any advice would be amazing love everything you do you sweet sweet souls dear god tom well firstly i need to to say that any advice we give to you, I think you might have to sort the advice of someone who might be a bit more learned than me and the one I should have spent the last 20 minutes. That's also true for all of the advice we give, really. Look, it's a very difficult thing because, as as you say these are people with kids and children
Starting point is 00:30:27 and uh families and you know you get on with these people clearly and you know enjoy them um but what i will say is this i think when it comes to something in question that you're talking about where you know they're taking these sums of money and they're going to get away they're getting away with it um as is the way when it comes to these sorts of fraudulent criminal ways number one you're at some point always going to get caught because that is the nature of fraud and someone at some point is going to and then it's you know it will pipe down to who knew and who didn't um and also what you find in these sorts of scenarios is that your boss and and the other person who's involved in this uh will become
Starting point is 00:31:13 probably more greedy the longer it goes on that they don't get caught they'll keep chance in their arm and they'll push things because that's human nature and it's very difficult to go oh actually we'll keep a lid on this just you know we'll keep it exactly you know as this because in life something will come up where one of them might need more money or whatever so um it's very yeah like i i suppose there's a school of thought that you could just speak to them and say that this is a situation but then that can just that could add a red flag and that or that could that could put you in jeopardy of put you in sort of a very very awkward position with them um
Starting point is 00:31:52 yeah it's a really difficult one i'd say up there with the most difficult emails that because you seem like you're a decent person you've got a family of your own and your principal priority always has to be your family and making sure that they're going to be looked after and they're right. So, yeah, I mean, I'm genuinely at a bit of a loss of what to do here. Yeah, I mean, first of all, can I just say thanks to The Swan for selecting this email? It's one that we're deeply, deeply, as you are with all emails as i said uh underqualified
Starting point is 00:32:26 to answer um if i was in your i can only tell you what i would do if i was in your situation and that would be i would probably speak to them uh speak to your boss or speak to the member of staff depending which one you know the best and try and get this sorted out um but listen fraud's a crime so i don So I don't want to endorse not reporting a crime. And if anything, I'm loathe to give you any advice at all, to be honest with you. But look, what I would do, I would speak to the boss, if you know him, and just say, look, this is something I've become aware of. But then when I say that to you, I think, oh, God, then I think about if this was a movie
Starting point is 00:33:08 and maybe they'd find some way to frame you. I don't know. I don't know what the circumstances are. You do that. I do that quite a lot when I start thinking about things as movies. Yeah, yeah. I've watched too many movies. I think what would happen.
Starting point is 00:33:18 Or like a Netflix documentary. Yeah. So, yeah, I guess what I'm saying is don't listen to us. Yeah, like... Maybe seek some advice elsewhere would be my... I know that feels weird for a podcast that asks people to ask for advice, but this is... Look, my instincts are speak to your boss,
Starting point is 00:33:39 but my bigger instinct is speak to somebody that's actually... A bit more qualified. And also just make sure that yeah you're okay yeah cover yourself yeah big love okay well yeah good luck well listen that was a heavier end than we were anticipating yeah yeah but um guys i hope you enjoyed the bonus episode of the wolf and al remember there's still a few tickets left for the Hammersmith Apollo show where oh I didn't know that okay
Starting point is 00:34:06 there's a couple left I think yeah there's a few left yeah so single seats yeah but as you know
Starting point is 00:34:11 you can go on your own to these yeah because you know what you're not on your own never on your own when you come and see the War for Now it's more than that
Starting point is 00:34:17 absolutely you're part of the pack yeah okay absolutely right Tom sort of got a bit too eggy at the end there but yes I echo the sentiments take care of
Starting point is 00:34:25 yourselves guys just shout out so I'm coming to the event on my own and I need some friendship and what we'll try and do is maybe
Starting point is 00:34:31 sort of like have this sort of club that get together and it's more than that it's more than just being on your own because you have new friends
Starting point is 00:34:37 none of that will happen none of that will happen but you will have a good time hopefully okay take care guys see you soon thank you
Starting point is 00:34:46 bye bye if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com
Starting point is 00:35:00 that's wolfalpod at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you mainly because we don't have any content ideas thank you

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.