Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 70: Crawley Gigs & Neglected Elbows

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

We’re talking… revealing T-shirts, self-deprecating texts, panic attacks, Rom’s mum at Tom’s Crawley gig, neglecting your elbows, thanking inanimate objects, Mathew McConaughey (again!), deodorants and aftershave, three recycling questions, the phenomena of Harry Styles and our old friend Married At First Sight. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Fixing that. You reach a destination. And then it's on to the next. And when life is moving at the speed of well life enterprise is right there with you around the corner and around the globe we'll keep you moving forward enterprise for lives in drive yeah yeah what you want beak or jaws feathers or fur sharp teeth or feet with claws whatever's preferred they'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves then podcast the body parts

get severed and served bring your weak shit wear the wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff And a...

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song Is about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog recordings in progress and that brings us to the beginning of a brand new fresh episode freshly baked just taken out the um can you smell that oh that is that smells like that is the indescribable freshly baked smell of another wolf and owl episode. The beautiful stench of the wolf and owl. Yes, I was about to exactly say freshly baked as in bread and not freshly baked as in the turd we're about to lay out of direction free chat.

How are you? Very well, mate. Very well. Yeah, good, good, good. I'm wearing this top's a bit booby well it's um you know i imagine that you're going through the same issue as i am which is you've lost a bit of weight yeah and you're trying to figure out what t-shirt size now fits you and when i say fits you what i mean is you know you will have been uh i mean imagine you're of the same school as me uh which is when you're feeling a bit bigger you buy the biggest smock like t-shirt you possibly can hope to the disguise but what you discover is any kind of wind or if you're walking forward in any way the t-shirt sort of pushes against your body and if anything kind of accentuates

the curves that you were trying to mask with the last large t-shirt and then and then what and then what happens is well look the other thing that happens is you lose a bit of weight and then you go way too far the other way and you buy a t-shirt it's a bit snugger and then you go to reach to pick up something and you see a little overhang stomach kind of tucking out the bottom. Or your butt comes out the back because it's a bit too short. I struggle with the length is something that I really struggle with.

Yeah. With a t-shirt. But also, you know that thing where, like, you know when you watch some people and they've got pecs? I find it really hard to distinguish between pecs

and moobs sometimes. Well, I think the general rule is, if it's on someone else, it's probably pecs. If it's on you and me, it's moobs. That would be my kind of general rule. When I look, like, but also, do you ever put on a T-shirt and think, that looks good, that feels, like today, I genuinely looked at this one in the mirror

and thought, oh, this looks all right. And then I'm now in a situation where i'm like leaning forward because if i lean back it feels that i'm sort of you know i'm giving you a bit of a display there's a sort of bit of a raunchy it's like a sort of more yeah hold on sorry lean back a second let me just have a look at this okay i mean first of all you would never sit like that when you're sitting back like i'm about to give you a fucking lap dance that's such a weird way of sitting isn't it like that is the only time you'd sit like that yeah i don't even know why your chair's like that by the way you look like a fine figure of a man so you got nothing to worry about um this chair is insane still so squeaky i thought i'd done

the squeak dealt with the squeakiness, but it still squeaks so much. Yeah, it's as much of a feature of our podcast episodes as we are, actually. I had a thing where... And by the way, we did get an email. I'm not going to read it out, but we did get an email about us being, again,

this is like a broken record, about us being too harsh on ourselves. So the reason I mention it is that whenever I start to go into this, I start to get nervous that this isn't self-deprecation. This is self-flagellation. Yeah, but also that is just us. I don't think it's a fair representation. Just to clarify, it isn't a matter that 90% of our conversations,

whether text or phone calls, are self-deprecating. It's incredible that this friendship feels as uplifting as it does bearing in mind that we're constantly just getting in touch to put the boot in on ourselves whether that's professionally or privately or physically or whatever i mean i don't i can't think of the last time i texted you and it wasn't fucking hell feeling you know what what i love about the friendship is this when you do text me such things or i text you such things, the other one lifts up the other one.

And it's a nice... Well, look, I want to give you a shout-out now. You can stop doing the hand thing. I get it. So I want to give you a shout-out now because I'm doing previews at the moment and I'm not worried about it, but let's just say I'm in the phase where you have to...

Every tour... And you're on your first tour now, but you will have gone through this now, but every tour has this phase of like, it can be like a month or a couple of months where you just think this show ain't going to happen, man. This ain't coming together. Like, you know, you're working at it and you realise that it really does hinge on the next few months

as to how good the show is. Anyway anyway i'm going through that at the moment which essentially looks like uh me moaning to my friends and wife about the fact that i need to pull the tour or whatever i mean exaggerating slightly you've been amazing man so thank you so much you know to to get some support from somebody uh saying that the show will be fun from somebody that hasn't seen the show and has no idea how much of a crisis it's in I'm going to come and watch the preview

but also don't watch the preview why are you coming to watch the preview but I also it's the sacrifice that you gave me right I will say as well

by the way that doesn't end I kicked in crawly on Saturday right yeah and I had a very mild panic attack before going on stage

is that genuinely yeah yeah man like yeah i i was you know what it was right i got a like a massive amount of facebook and messages which always signals there from people you know like you know on my facebook my personal account rather than my public one and instagram of people that i've grown up with or i'd known or i'd worked with who had brought tickets to come and see the show yeah and all instantly the feeling of absolute terror of like I don't know like people who went gone to school with and and the feeling of judgment or feeling of like the pressure of that literally kicked me into I'd say the first 10 minutes of that crawly gig felt like the first time I'd ever done stand-up.

Right. You know, like, when you're stuttering over lines. I literally had, like, cotton mouth for the first... Line stutter is one of the worst things, and it can affect you as... I mean, I'm starting to get it now, weirdly, as I'm talking about it i feel like i'm cursing myself but um it can affect you at any moment it's like it can be

like maybe one of the venue staff says something that makes you think they don't like you and then suddenly you're in you're in your head about it or somebody beforehand says oh i saw the show or i've heard a friend of mine came to watch you, and yeah, they said it was good. Even that's supposed to be a compliment, but with the brains that we've got, you manage to go, okay, so they sort of said it was good,

they sort of threw that comment away, this isn't good, and I'm about to go on stage in 20 minutes. I mean, the fragility of it, it's actually embarrassing, the level of narcissism. I don't know what anybody can say to me to put me in a good frame. I just, it's actually embarrassing the level of narcissism like i don't know what anybody can say to me to put me in a good frame i just it's awful man it's like this the anxiety is so like

it's an insane thing of like the actual feeling of like and the relief of getting it done it felt like you know like i can imagine when people come down from a mountain and they've climbed it and then they like i just and then everyone was just texting saying do you want to come to the pub come meet in the pub like loads of these people that i've sort of not seen for years or went to is it called the charcoal burner crawley oh my god yeah is that where they're inviting you that's that's a yeah that's where they all went after the gig the charcoal burner yeah okay well that gives me an insight to the sort of people that come to watch you mate what's wrong with the job i didn't go but what's wrong with it there's nothing wrong with it it's fine you're having the same reaction your mum's reaction to the fact because your mum

came to watch my show yeah listen i'd love to talk to you about this um what happened so because i didn't even i didn't even know that my mum was coming to watch it. I didn't know she was coming. Right. She brought a ticket. Well, that's more than she does for my fucking show. So she,

okay, so go, what happened? So, so Dinesh was supporting me, sweet, sweet Dinesh. Um,

yeah. And, uh, he told me he had a couple of people in that, um, uh, sort of watching the show, which made me even more tense.

Um, cause I thought I, if I let down both my friends and his friends, it's going to be a real dire situation. And I should say, Dinesh absolutely fucking smashed his opening, the opening of the show, for me to then sort of come on

and sort of real, like, nose dive the plane. It was like, you know, like in a plane, like the second pilot was sort of doing really well and then I took over the wheel and fucking everyone literally sort of drove us right through like turbulation and um anyhow um i mean there's about eight things that you got wrong there but i can't remember to pick them all up but anyway carry on anyway after the show dinner said i've got a surprise for you my mum's here um that's not the i wouldn't say it's the most incredible surprise don't get me wrong I love my mum

but listen and I love your parents mainly because they brought you into the world but if you said to me surprise my mum and dad are here after a show I don't know no but Dennis was very excited the fact that she was there yeah so she came backstage

we had a little gossip in the chat she's very very funny your mum I've got to say So she came backstage. We had a little gossip in the chat. She's very, very funny, your mum. I've got to say, I very much enjoy her company. That's what social media is saying, yeah. So what did she say to you? Firstly, she was actually very complimentary about yourself and me. When we were picking ourselves up, she said we both looked,

we're looking well. She showed me some of the exercises you've been doing um what in my dressing room which is quite it was quite a strange thing she showed you some of the exercises i've been yeah like this weird sort of yogary sort of like no no stretchy stuff no no no no no yeah fine i'm not denying that she showed you that what What that is, is we've obviously got a family WhatsApp group, and my mum goes on TikTok and YouTube or whatever. Yeah. And then whenever she finds a yoga thing or a thing where you've got a...

She just sends these really weird remedies. So she'll send me this video of an Indian guy saying that you need to rub turmeric into your nuts or something, and that'll enable you to maintain fine erections for the is this sort of stuff she sends oh you know you've got to gargle with onion water every morning because that'll clear is that i think i'm just this i don't i've just made it up but it's the sort of thing that she sends and then she for some reason you've got to be really careful by the way when you're peddling stuff like this what do you mean well genuinely i'm intrigued by onion water now so tom i've literally

i've just made it yeah but you you've got to say you've got to say put a disclaimer at the top of it because next thing you know me and you are going out for like a chat and whatever we're going to like catching up and then i sort of lean over to you and say something like tell you a secret whisper it into your ear and you say you're fucking all your breath stinks of onions i don't well i've been twigging my mouth out of onion water every morning. Well, I'm struggling to find a difference from when I normally make that appearance here.

Yeah, so, um... So anyway, the point i'm trying to make is she sends loads of those kind of remedies and um she assumes that we're doing them but we're not oh well so so when she showed you these exercises that would be exercises that she sent us and assumed that we've now made them part of our daily ritual alongside onion water and turmeric nuts yeah well she was she'll be upset i think because she was really excited she was really really actually very complimentary about you let's say about dinner she kept on saying because i brought because it was dinner she was at crawley and it was dinner she was a home crowd so i said i got a dentist to come on the stage at the end of the show um yeah uh which is a lovely moment for both of us we embraced uh

yeah i mean what i would do is remind you the fact that these people just come out for an evening it's not as monumental for them as it is for you so what i would say is try not to make it about yourself too much no i feel like you were you were skirting on the edges off there no no no when i saw that when i saw that photo in my head it was just like you at the end of the show going, well, that's the show. It's been a hell of a ride. And honestly, Crawley, first 10 minutes, I had some real proper cotton mouth going on.

But you know what? The love and the support of the good people of Crawley Town really carried me through that show. Do you know what? I'm going to jump in here. Can I take this opportunity? Did you have someone in at the show? Sorry.

Because that isn't far away from what I said at the end. And then, listen. So I get very humbled at the end of a show. I feel like. Yeah, yeah. So look, can I just say in this moment, look, I didn't know if I was going to go on tour. I'm an actor by trade.

And, you know, I've scrambled this show together. And I just thought to myself i hope i hope that this is good enough for the good people of the uk to enjoy it you know it's nice like tonight to make me really glad that i've gone through that process do you know that's often not often i feel the creeping of shame flow through my blood but that's how i like that's essentially while While I'm over here, I think it's worth taking the opportunity

to bring out one of your very own sons because Dinesh... Has someone told you that I said that? No, I'm just imagining what you would have said at the end.

I essentially at the end said, look, it would be admissible of me not to bring on one of my favourite people and also one of your favourite sons, ladies and gentlemen, Dinesh Nathan. And your brother awkwardly came on

and then we embraced for a hug. And then your mum's joke was, Dinesh looked like a little boy in your arms. Okay. Well, it's sort of insulting to both of you, that. I would have gone for sort of the rabbit in Lenny's arms at the end of my segment. But look, we've all got our own jokes to make, haven't we?

Your mum was horrified, though, and terrified for me when I said that I might go to the charcoal burner. She said not to go there. Did she? Yeah, she said don't go to the charcoal burner. There's nothing wrong with the charcoal burner. It's just, yeah, it's fine. Look, I would say that that would have probably been my reaction to

90 of the pubs you could have mentioned in crawling to be honest with you so let's be clear when it comes to shipping internationally can i provide trade documents electronically the answer is fedex okay but what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments Thank you. questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx, where now meets next. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share to each other i am future i wait in the world of echo

discover the extraordinary with echo the spectacular new show by cirque du soleil opens may 8th under the big top at toronto lakeshore boulevard west tickets at cirque du soleil.com the world is yours to create echo thanks it's presenting partners sun life and its official partners air canada and mastercard where is good in crawley though i don't know i mean look basically all of crawley's bars are kind of named in the way that you would sort of it's crawley's very south london i don't know if that's... Yeah. That sort of... Even though it isn't in South London, it's got a South London vibe.

So, for example... Intrigue and sort of... For example, yeah, everyone goes to the Jubilee Oak. Do you know what I mean? It's a pub in town. And then afterwards, a lot of people go to Octopus Bar.

Octopus Bar? Yeah. Which is the one that you go to that you fall over and get drunk in and stuff? That's Medusa's. First of all, that's not what I do there. I happen to have fallen over three times in there, but that's not...

That isn't what I do there. But I have fallen over. By the way, I fell over, I think, 18 months ago. My elbow's still not right. You might have tennis elbow. Well, I don't... I really don't want to be the guy that's got tennis elbow from falling over in Medusa's.

No, but that could be what it is. If your elbow's got tennis elbow from falling over a Medusa's. No, but that could be what it is. If your elbow is still bad, you need to get it looked at. Cause you know what? If that was too late, it might be just something I live with now. Yeah.

But if that was other bits of your body, the elbows out of all your body, one of the bits, you just don't fucking show it enough respect. No one does. And it's actually one of the most important bits of your body. I feel like, honestly, you're like a fucking shock jock.

Do you know what I mean? I can't figure out if you're angling for a job on Talk Sport or GB News, but you just say the stuff that I know you don't believe. No, no, mate. The elbow is one of the most, what is it you said? One of the most disrespected or ignored parts of the body. The elbow genuinely is, mate.

When you look mate the elbow when you look at the elbow how often do you talk about your elbow how often do i talk about any of my body parts very rarely i bet i know at least 10 times i can tell you i've heard you talking about your knees or your legs right or your arms looking sick right oh my god but your elbows i've never ever said the words my arms are looking sick or anything like that so i just want to i just got slightly nervous that people are going to think that's actually real right but your elbows are literally doing all the heavy lifting right and you never ever turn around and go you know nice one today mate like give your elbows a little like people always go pat on the

back no one ever goes i go pat on the back. No one ever goes, oh, pat on the elbow. The elbows are really... When people say... When people say pat on the back, that is a pat to congratulate the person. It's not to congratulate the spine itself for doing a good day's work.

Yeah, but this is the trouble with it. When somebody says give yourself a pat on the back, they're not going, give yourself a pat on the back. He's held you up really well today, hasn't he? Yeah, but you know what? Actually, at the end of the day it would be nice to actually just almost

have a little check in with all of your body elbows, back legs, knees feet you know sort of core have you run out

neck you're actually you're actually not that I mean that's what you do when you meditate isn't it you know when you do this headspace up they don't go

thank your body. Yeah, but I think you should be more thankful of it. I said this the other week, and it still blows my mind, that your skin is fucking breathing all the time, mate. Right? Tom, everybody knows this. Why are you saying this is like a theory that you're putting forward? I'm saying it's insane, right?

And actually, your body's doing all this work and actually yeah you do you know what the other day you get served the coffee and you go oh thanks mate cheers yeah right you never but your body's keeping you alive and doing all this fucking amazing work yeah your body is you it's not you i mean listen i don't want to get involved in a chat about the the spirit or whatever it's far too early in the morning for that but i'm thanking the person for bringing me a coffee because that's a person yeah yeah but your body is doing so much do you thank your air fryer no i mean sometimes no sometimes i will turn around and go oh like i'm so glad we got this nice one mate nice one mate you say to the air i'll say that to an animal object in the same way i get annoyed with an animal objects right yeah do you know what i

realized i was trying to enter into a logical conversation for a moment i forgot i was talking to tom davis so you thank you you thank your air fryer i'll go that's blinding nice one mate like that in the same way to your air fryer out loud yeah okay that's one that's all right like in the same way nice one mate to your air fryer yeah i'm not in's one that's one mate like in the same way nice one mate to your air fryer yeah i'm not in front of katherine but if i'm on my own and i'm cooking thank god by the way right but in the same way that last night my tv i couldn't get onto the wi-fi of my titan on my tv just fucking i couldn't get onto any channels and any of the smart tv apps i was like why are you fucking doing this to me do you know what it's actually been a bit of an

eye-opener this for me uh because i only ever negatively talk to an animal objects and maybe that's partly why they always go wrong for me i i think i i i i'm always very quick to criticize when they go like i would say this sometimes when we try to log on to this podcast and my laptop's playing up i'll go this fucking laptop. Yeah. Can't believe. But, today, it was as smooth as a baby's bottom. Have I thanked the laptop? No.

No. And actually, maybe, you know the same way that people talk to plants? I mean, I know plants are alive, it's slightly different. But you're charging them up with a positive energy.

Maybe I need to be... But that's the other thing about life. I can't even be bothered to finish a sentence. If you bring your positivity, right, I've been listening to a lot, and sometimes I think he's be bothered to finish a sentence. If you bring your positivity, right? I've been listening a lot, and sometimes I think he's a bit of a helmet, but Matthew McConaughey,

and he actually says some great stuff. My fucking God. What? We need to give this guy an animal name. He appears on this podcast so much. Matthew McConaughey. You didn't even need to say the name. I know that's who you're listening to.

So what did Matthew McConaughey say? He says about being more thankful and he also says, which I find very interesting, is how to get back. At the moment, Grace is intrigued by everything. Grace will see flowers and just lose her mind. Do you know what I mean? Everything

is new and it's the first experience of stuff. I'm so envious of that. It's wonder in everything she sees right where we don't have that like now it's like even like with you right you sort of like go through life you know

I don't know you have like a butter bean casserole you won't think the butter beans are like every bite of this is incredible you might say oh that was a nice meal but you won't go Christ like someone planted these butter beans and they

got themselves out of the dirt to get here into this meal with this stew and everything's fucking amazing so you

honestly you think my main staple diet is butter bean stew is that what you're saying what I'm saying is when you have I don't know

butter bean stew or like I don't know an aubergine casserole right it is do you know what I can't even tell you

the last time I had a stew or a casserole really yeah this is the trouble right is if I was a vegan I'd live off stews and casseroles

that's all I'd eat well God help Catherine but what no but seriously what do you not have them oh actually by the way my mum's uh my

mum uh called me every day yeah and said she uh she was going to make a rubbish uh dinner um so we turn up at her house and she made this amazing lentil pie and she kept all she said through the whole thing it's like oh she started to sort of like talk about situations in which she would be able to make you this pie so you're not the only member of the family that is offensive to me then why why is a romesh dinner a lentil pie lentil and sweet potato pie it's very nice because it's vegan right is it vegan yeah it was vegan yeah vegan pastry everything they had vegan pastry yeah like i can't tell you like Catherine would quantify this right

or qualify it right through that it got to the point my dad said I don't know when Romesh will ever come around here like

my mum was my mum was actually just like well you could take him the pie or if Romesh and Lisa came around to your sort of house and said there's a bone contention

there chill out but she was like I could come around with the pie drop it off and then I was like well yeah but Lisa came round to your house and said, there's a bone contention there, chill out. But she was like, I could come round with the pie, drop it off. And then I was like, well, yeah, but it'd be weird if you dropped it off. And I know what rubbish she's like. Why is she not staying? Don't you let your mum stay for tea? And then I was like, all right, cool, right.

Yeah, you'd have to come round. I mean, the idea that I would describe it as tea. By the way, I just want to do something. Lisa? Yeah. Hello, how are you? I'm good, how are you are you yeah i'm just doing that to prove to people that listen to the podcast that she does respond to me on occasion oh really we've got a few we've got a few emails about uh lisa gate where i was i don't know if you remember it was exact same location sorry can you hear that she's deodorizing herself what deodorant she is what deodorant is Tom's asking it's sure 72 hour which roughly chimes in with how frequently she washes so do you know that

there's a real lot of people now we go back to the body and how incredible is a lot of people are saying no to the agentant and using lemons. Serious? I think I've heard this. So you get half a lemon and you squeeze it into your armpit? Yeah. And it stops. Did you do that?

No, I mean, I like the smell of deodorant, but actually deodorant and aftershave is really bad for you. How is aftershave bad for you? Because it's a chemical that's going into your skin. Right. And when it goes into your skin, it actually is a toxin. It's the same as wearing all these clothes we wear. I mean, is there fucking anything we can do now? Like, I mean, what the fuck?

Genuinely, there is evidence to suggest that everything we do is bad for us. You're probably going to, there's probably an article somewhere about how wearing T-shirts is bad. It is, mate. It is really bad for you. Oh, my God. Like, genuinely. So what do we do what are we doing now are we just are we just moving back to we're moving back to caveman times are we we just walk around butt naked with no idea i don't think i don't think we'll go back to being butt naked because i don't think that's

ethical now like i don't think you can start peddling that fantasy right but i will say this do you know how difficult it is to have a conversation with you sometimes? I'm obviously just deliberately kind of exaggerating the situation. You've taken it literally like a fucking terrible comedy audience member. I've gone to you, or we're going to end up to caveman's house,

walk around, but no. Well, listen, mate, to be honest with you, I think it's very unlikely we'll get back to it. I know, I know. I'm using it as an extreme example. No, look, I realise that you might have been, like, fantasising and going a little bit, like, deeper than you usually would.

My point is this, Ramesh, right? We will have to, at some point, like, organic cottons and organic, like, at the moment. I'm probably worse than you on wearing, like, a really synthetic top. And that plastic and stuff that's in this is going into my body. How is it going into your body?

This is what I mean. I tell you your body breathes right and you're like, oh, everyone knows that. Everyone knows that. But what you don't know is your body's sucking in all the stuff that's on your body. Tom, Tom, I'm talking to somebody who two weeks ago didn't know that maggots became flies.

So don't start fucking coming on here like you're fucking Stephen Hawking's cocks. And you know all this shit, yeah? My point is this, right? Everything you put on your body is going into your body. Right. So you've got...

I mean, I buy that for aftershave and deodorant, obviously, because you're spraying it directly onto your pores. What I'm saying is I've got... I mean, I buy that for aftershave and deodorant, obviously, because you're spraying it directly onto your pores. I'm just... What I'm saying is I've got a slight disconnect from believing that my T-shirt is gradually entering my body. Yeah, mate. That's the point I'm trying to make.

The toxins and the pores from it are going into your body. The pores from my T-shirt are going into my body? Yeah. No, no, no. The pores of your body are sucking in the toxins. They're sucking in the toxins? Yeah, like your body is basically like, you know like a big stinky old coke head, right?

Who's just sitting there just doing line after line. That's what your pores are like. And what's it snorting in? Synthetics. Okay. Look, I'm not going to get across like I'm some kind of mad hippie, but it is like we have to start looking at stuff like that. Hmm.

What are you like with your recycling well recycling i've sort of read is largely pointless isn't it i mean i still do it but this is the other thing that blows my mind right is is it pointless is it because otherwise it's such a fucking hassle to like well look full disclaimer because people get very passionate about this as i discovered when i talked about the environment in my last tour show but my understanding is unless you really rinse it and sort it properly it's unlikely to make it into the recycling cycle uh and only a small percentage of what you recycle actually goes back into it by the way this is based on i've not done any reading recently okay i'm just telling you i'm not saying that you shouldn't recycle can it be absolutely crystal clear i'm not saying you shouldn't recycle

because even the percentage that does get recycled is a good thing it's a positive thing but i'm pretty sure i read somewhere that 20 years of recycling can be undone by one long haul flight so what you're sort of fucked. Yeah. In terms of the impact on the world. That is insane. I mean, I may have just made this up, but I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere. It might not be 20. It's a surprising number. Because I

rinse for recycling, right? So I'm pretty, I try to be pretty bang on that. Yeah, I remember that night we went out and you had the t-shirt on. I rinsed for recycling with the love heart. And I tried to stay, have you got a food recycling bin?

Yes. Right. So, we're both in the same recycling sphere, right? Yeah. But,

if it's all for nothing, it's such a drag. Well, I didn't say, hold on, hold on, let me just, this is the danger

of talking about these things. I didn't say it was all for nothing. you like i said it can be undone by a long haul flight but you can you can carbon offset your flight yeah but someone told me once it all goes on a big i'm trying i'm trying to think if there are two people that have talked on a public platform about the environment knowing less than us i'm struggling i'm struggling now to think about what who that might be. Yeah, but you know what? The thing about it...

If there's a podcast being run by two well-trained animals, then yeah, maybe. That's essentially what this one is. I seldom say this one. There's some part of me that would like an ozone expert or a global warmist expert to come on here and just say, look, this is what's going on here. Because I actually think it's really, really confusing.

And this is the trouble actually with life that I've realised of late, is that there's so much information, it's hard to know what to know or believe. Yeah, sure. You can quote me on that. This really is fucking GB News, this. Okay, Tom, listen, we're doing a podcast,

so these questions can be answered. So ask your three questions, and I'm sure someone will answer them for you. Okay. So go for it. Recycling, how seriously do I need to take it? I'm going all in. I mean, that's quite a vague question, but yeah, okay.

Yeah, I'm going all in. I'm washing at the moment. I'm rinsing. I'm putting in my food waste, right? that enough or is it too much okay how seriously do you take the recycle okay that's question number one next question please uh can we undo the bad work of the world of recycling or the world before recycling with if everyone gets on board with recycling globally or just England or, you know, but how many people basically have to recycle for us to go,

Oh, actually, you know what? We're turning this round. It's like a bit like, you know, like Superman when he goes around the world and like flies backwards. I hated that. I hated that ending.

What? Yeah. That's one of the greatest endings to a film ever. Is it? He reverses time by making the earth spin backwards. You like that ending? Uh, for someone who's such a nerd

when it comes to like back to the future I actually think that's almost a better way of doing it genuinely what the fuck are you talking about

what are you talking about they go in a car right and they go back to the future yeah but they don't do that by reversing

the earth's spin mate couldn't you do you know what's harder mate I'll tell you now I bet it's harder to build a fucking...

to reverse your spin than build a time machine. Yeah, I'm sure. Listen, Tom, I'm not disputing the difficulty of doing it, okay? It looks pretty hard, even for Superman to do that, right? My point is what I think would happen,

you know, and listen listen we have to suspend our disbelief for all of these things you know a DeLorean goes back in time I was willing to do that for Back to the Future right the problem is is whether your suspension of disbelief can overcome your just general instincts and my general instinct is

if you flew if Superman flew around the earth backwards and reversed the spin of the Earth, rather than time reversing and the water going back into it, what I suspect would happen would be fucking carnage. I think Superman returned to the Earth to find millions dead as a direct result of his actions

is what I actually think would happen. That would be a lot worse end to the film it'd be a very dark ending yeah i think henry cab will be probably very good at nailing that ending but i i actually i actually remember thinking that as a child that's my problem you know like you often watch children's films and then you grow up and i know you're going to do a nerdy voice where everyone i'm at a party or something watching superman i know what you're going to do i can write the sketch for you if you like we're at a party everyone something, watching Superman. I know what you're going to do. I can write the sketch for you, if you like. We're at a party.

Everyone's having a good time. They're enjoying the end of Superman. Then I go, actually, I don't think that flying backwards around the Earth would reverse time like that. So they go, shut up, Romesh, you fucking nerd. No, I don't think that's very good. I'm just trying to point out the scientific disparities in the movie.

Aliens would be dead, though. Don't you understand, John and Ryan? You know, Catherine can't watch any films like Superman or Back to the Future. Anything that's got that area of disbelief or fantasy, she can't do. Yeah, I know a lot of people like that. I know a lot of people that they just can't

even engage with anything to do with Avengers or anything like that because it's too fucking bananas yeah but like if there's any

sort of idea like we started you know that rom-com that was on Amazon and the guys repeat the same day over and over

again I can't remember what it's called it's a good film Andy Samberg yeah yeah something Ireland is it or something like that yeah. She was the opening five. Something Island, is it?

Yeah, she was like the first five minutes of it and then just went, no, this is bullshit, and then she got off and walked out. Well, Lisa was a bit like that with Game of Thrones. We started watching Game of Thrones, she was into it, and then as soon as Dragon started turning, I was just going, what the fucking hell's going on here? I actually, for a while, thought Game of Thrones

was set on a real story, but then, like, at the olden days, and then realised it wasn't. Like the first series. At what point did then realised it wasn't like the first series at what point did you realise it wasn't I don't know actually probably about series 2 series 2 or 3

it wasn't when you sort of heard about a series that was based on the fictional books no I didn't ever read that but I just started watching it

ringing the alarm bells no I started watching it and you thought you were watching what a historical documentary so you were watching it thinking you were learning all history by the way

in all films, is fucking greatly exaggerated or fucked about. No one's doing it for real because it would be so boring. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the case. Although, I don't know if Dunkirk was that far from reality, was it? Well, Dunkirk was, yeah, but that was a very short... Like, you couldn't do Dunkirk as a series like that for that long. No, maybe not.

I'm sure you could if you focused on... If it was just on Harry Styles' character. What's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favourite McMuffin? Getting a small premium roast coffee and your favourite McMuffin for only $4 plus tax for a limited time only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin at participating McDonald's in Canada. Prices exclude

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I find the phenomenon of Harry Styles amazing. And what I mean by that is, I'm very cynical about talent shows, as are most people, I think. Do you know what I mean? Like X Factor or whatever, Britain's Got Talent or whatever. I'm cynical about the process and what happens and how these people are treated and how it's decided who we end up, you know, getting into or whatever, or who becomes popular. And Harry Styles essentially is this kid, right? It was this kid who came

on just wanted to be in a boy band and that happened with one direction and now he is making whatever you think of his music it's proper art like you know the way he dresses the music he's making his acting's amazing and you sort of think this guy's like he came through the point i'm trying to make is in a really terrible way he came through a system that i thought was the least likely to find somebody like that. Do you know what I mean? I just thought it'd be those shows just find people who are desperate to nothing against them. You know, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be famous,

but people that wanted to become famous and they just want to like have loads of people screaming. But this guy actually is making proper stuff, right? I mean, like, I think that was great, right?

Yeah. I quite like that. I like, no, I think no horrors. And I spoil it. It was, I mean like I think they're all quite sweet his last album was great right yeah I quite like I like Niall I think Niall Horan's a nice boy he seems to be one of these guys that everybody's got nothing but good

things to say about yeah you know who I actually really love from the X Factor Stacey Solomon yeah everyone loves her don't they I think she's an

absolute credit to this country Stacey Solomon I love that show that she does. Sort your life out. I've never watched it, actually. I didn't mean to say that

in this dismissive way as I did there. I've never watched it because I've never come across it, but I would have no problem with watching it. Oh, my God. Why am I talking like

I'm the authority and who's all right and who's not? Can I just say, Stacey, in case you're worried, I would 100% watch it. Why are you doing my voice? I'm not doing your voice. No, look, you basically went, I would 100% watch it. Why are you doing my voice?

I'm not doing your voice. No, look, you basically went, I'm not sure, you're too high-brow to watch Sort Your Life Out. No, that's not, that's exactly the point I'm trying to make. That's not what I'm saying. Because you kick off your slippers

and sort of delve into Panorama with your knife and fork. Sort Your Life Out. I didn't watch Panorama last night. What was it about? It was about Abercrombie and Fitch oh you're fucking joking yeah

also who wears that shit Abercrombie and Fitch it just always reminds me of that summer girl song is it I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch I don't know I think it's at the end of that summer girl song, is it? I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch. It just was like that. I don't know. I think it's at the end of Bad Neighbours.

He's working there. Zac Efron. There's a documentary about Abercrombie and Fitch, isn't there? Well, there's a new one now saying what a bunch of perverts they were. Yeah. Didn't they like only... Well, that's what this documentary on Netflix was about. So basically, Panorama for like two or three weeks

have basically been saying like this big exclusive and Netflix have already done that thing. Hold on. Is it this thing about them only like giving more shifts to like attractive stuff? No, no, no. Yeah, but also this is,

this is, I only watch Yerrington in five minutes and I watch Married at First Sight because I can't watch. I can imagine though, just honestly, this is too dark for me. I need something to cleanse the old mental palate.

Do you mind if we put something light and fluffy on? The thing is, sometimes you actually, you throw a little stick in it. Essentially, that's exactly what I said to Catherine. I was like,

I can't watch this before bed. I'll watch this tomorrow. I can't watch it. I'll watch this tomorrow at four or five o'clock. Married at first sight, by the way. What?

I'm watching the Australian one, but I'm really early on in it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I'm like so far behind. Mate, the English one at the moment, I don't know where to stand on it, if I'm honest. Why? Go on, tell me. You know what?

The trouble is, like, going actually almost back to the X Factor, right, and Harry Styles, and probably with Stacey and people like Leona, where it actually felt like it was probably a little bit more of, obviously it was always a reality show, but there was probably a little bit more obviously it was always a reality show but there was probably a little bit of essence

and then it fell into a place where it was just about you know it's Jed Wood and it was like it was never really about musical acts it was like people who could sort of get the most tweets or social media engagement whatever and it feels now, Married at First Sight I question now when I watch it all the time I'm like how many people are actually here for the process now?

And how many people are here for just fame? Well, I actually became friends with, or I got to know a couple of the guys from Apprentice from when I did. And, you know, I don't think I've talked about this, but I was involved in,

I think what many people believe to be the worst ever series of Apprentice you'll find where Jack D was hosting and jack d is obviously a comedy god and i will not hear a word said against me so you as you and jack d together well this is the point i'm about to make i like i really loved that show i used to you know i used to really be into it and like i wanted to be an apprentice you're fired because i love i watched i don't watch it as much now but i did used to watch it all the time anyway they made the decision to have jack d hosting and me as the comic regular and jack d hosting great me as the comic regular was just bad for a number of reasons number one i would not describe mine and jack d's

energies as worlds apart no uh two if you've got the choice between booking a different comic every week and having the same comic that is similar to the host every week, I think I know which option I'd rather choose, and I was fucking on it, doing it. So I remember just like I was doing the series, and every week it went out. I'd have people just going, why the fuck is Romesh on this? I mean, it was so demoralizing, man.

When it came to the end of the series, I felt like fucking old Yella, just been taken out the back, fucking dealt with. What series was that? Who won it? I can't even tell you, it's like PTSD for me now. Anyway, so we've digressed slightly. So you- Yeah, so anyway, sorry, sorry.

So I got to know a couple of the apprentice candidates PTSD for me now. But anyway, so we've digressed slightly. So you... Yeah, so anyway, sorry, sorry. So I got to know a couple of the Apprentice candidates and like kept in touch with them. And there are some people on the Apprentice that are just doing it because it's a TV...

They're not really doing it to get their business proposed. I mean, they might be, but that is a secondary concern to just starting a TV. That frustrates me. Well, it's inevitable, isn't it, I guess. The Apprentice is, like, massive.

So you are going to do that. And, yeah, I assume that's also the case for Married at First Sight. You know, you can't... The idea that these people are just doing... You know, think to yourself this. How many of those people would be doing that if it wasn't televised? I would argue that number is close to zero yeah but there is people who've made it through and i've actually and i check

in on them now and again i sort of love how do you check in and that by the way that's that must be incredibly reassuring for them to know so what do you do i look on their instagram and just make sure that they're still together you know one of the one of the worst things i do not one of the worst things but a bad habit i've got, I'm married at first sight, is I often Google to see what's ended up happening to these people, which is bad. I never do that until the end. Yeah.

Like in the Australian one. I'm watching the Australian one, I've discovered something that's really fucking rocked my world in terms of... Is it about Harrison? No, it's not about Harrison, but now I'm going to have to Google that. No, no, no, but he's a douchebag. I mean, we talked about him loosely well look we've been guilty

of criticising people who've been heavily edited what I would say is so far what I've watched of Harrison I can't imagine wanting to hang out with the guy is what I would say there's actually a worse person than Harrison I can't remember his name who comes who sort of like sort of gets him the trouble

is with it is so I watch it now and like there's gets him the trouble is with it is I so I watch it now and like there's times where I'm looking at it going I'll be really but a lot of the men

in this thing are absolute pricks like it's really hard to find you know it's seldom do you see like just what feels like like early on series

of both the Australian and English ones there's more people I'll probably go for a pint of him it feels like the air of sort of like misogynistic sort of like

living or sort of like almost like you know like negging which you sort of thought I thought that was just everyone had done with that and it was like

oh fuck it's still very much a thing and it that's when I watch that show it's sort of like yeah it's almost more uncomfortable than watching i don't know other stuff i don't like i just find the fame thing i find like people

obsessed with fame yeah like even if you're not just even if you're on there for for fame at least while you're making the show appear that you're fucking trying you know it's people who kick off arguments for no reason and they know that they're going to get a little bit more TV time. Yeah. But we don't know how much that's been prodded by producers. Yeah. I mean, that's in itself.

Yeah. That's it. Yeah. It's such a difficult thing, isn't it? I mean, you know, I'd hate to think that you and I've been guilty of doing stuff that we

weren't proud of because producers encouraged us to do so. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, mate, every time I ever did legal road trip and i was forced to wear like fucking any lycra was that i knew that i that would be the punchline to most of the jokes me and rob kate did the ballet episode and then we came out of the um the dressing room and by the

way that production team were amazing i love them but it was so funny where i just felt so humiliated I love them but it was so funny where I just felt so humiliated because I just looked funny in the costume I'd not done anything yeah

I when we did League of the Running we did the bike challenge with me John Barnes Freddie and Jamie

and they were lovely I adore the people who work on that but I knew that the funniest thing would be me in fucking a cycling outfit

because I weighed 23 stone at the time yeah I've probably got the skinniest legs within the world funniest thing would be me in fucking a cycling outfit because i weighed 23 stone at a time yeah i've probably got the skinniest legs within the world of showbiz and also the biggest gut yeah our legs our legs are not doing the rest of our silhouette any favors are they let's be honest but we look great we look great my mum said that we look great this isn't me being down this for myself one of the of the things I'll get, whenever I do a picture of me in shorts,

I will get at least 30 to 50 people message, what about leg day? And I'm like, it's not about leg day. Number one, nobody of my size has big legs. It's like, look at Titan Fury. It's an insane thing to even fucking think of. It's not that my legs are fucking skinny. It's the top half of me so fucking i look

like a big lollipop yeah and look you know it's uh it's it's uh it's difficult to feel to be to talk about yourself positively when you're on social media and every single time you post yeah but also the thought of like like i actually genuinely dm someone about about this because I put up a picture and he went what about leg day and I messaged him and said I'm at the moment trying to get the rest of my body down to match my legs rather than to get my legs as fat as the rest of my body that's where I'm at

right now it's not my legs my legs are actually in proportion to how the rest of me was at that time and look I've lost weight but was so grossly overweight that it was only a matter of time before my legs started trying to catch up with mine. And that would have been the end.

Yeah. Well, look, we wanted to be less negative about ourselves, but we spent the last two minutes going too fitted in on ourselves. And those feet are attached to legs that are arguably too skinny for our bodies. But what are you going to do? Tom? Yeah. those feet are attached to legs that are arguably too skinny for our bodies uh but what are you gonna do tom yeah it's about that time budgie can you do us the honor of taking us out yo strawberries bananas raspberries and blueberries the sweetness of fruit should always be savored

but care a little thought care a little thought for a piece of broccoli or some cauliflower. Although not full of the same flavour or the same sweetness or the same delicious nourishment, it's actually better for you. And that's the thing about life. Sometimes the people that you hang around with, the places that you go that feel the sweetest or almost the best, that they're the most enjoyable people to be around, can actually be a little bit toxic for you. sweetest or almost the best they're the most enjoyable people to be around can

actually be a little bit toxic for you they're okay in a way the sugar for your soul that you don't need sometimes it's best to lean upon the people that aren't always the sweetest or aren't always the most jazzy or most fun in fact sometimes that they can come across they're not much fun at all, but they're always there. They're always there for reassurance or a kind word. The point of life is sometimes with friends and family and loved ones, it's very much like the point of what you put into your body when it comes to digestive stuff. Make sure that you have a healthy diet of everything. Make sure you have people that make you smile, people that make make you laugh but also people that lend support i like to think that everyone should have a friend who's a little like a walking stick yeah it might look like an accessory that you've got just to make yourself

look like an older statesman but in fact a lot of the time they're holding you up and telling you, hey, buddy, you got this. Love you guys. That's really nice. Really, really lovely stuff. I'm going to select a song that I actually, every now and again, I send recommendations to the Swan of stuff that I like. Because she's not a massive hip hop fan.

But you're basically sort of pushing her into being one no i'm not saying that it's just occasionally if i like find something i like i say tell me what you think of this and sometimes she says she doesn't like it right which is fair enough but this is a this is off an album called horse by an artist called prof and there's a song on it that's kind of got it's got the piano sample from the Succession theme tune in it. Oh, wow. It's Prof with Kevin Gates. Kevin Gates, oh God. It's Prof with Kevin Gates,

and the song's called Devil's Gate. That's why I got confused. So, JT, can you play a little bit of that out for us? Guys, you've been amazing, and by amazing, I mean silent listeners. But still, thank you for supporting us. Also, quickly, there's tickets available still for the Hammersmith show in the gallery. That's not fucking sold out yet. No, there's a few left in the Hammersmith show. Oh, you're joking. That's not fucking sold out yet.

No, there's a few left in the gallery. How do you know that? I was told. Oh, my. Not you were told, you fucking little rat. You asked. 100% you asked. Because, listen, I'm on the same show as you.

I have no information about how the tickets are sold, right? So let's not pretend that we're getting a regular fucking update on it. You've clearly asked. I'm intrigued. Right. So, yeah, there's a few left in the gallery. Okay, so apparently there's a few left in the gallery, which is something I wish I didn't know, but now I do.

So, please, can you sell this fucking show out? Otherwise, what's the fucking point of doing this? Thanks, people. Love you all. Also, by the way, while we're here, I'm in Southport tomorrow night, which is Thursday. Oh, my God. Tickets for that are absolutely fucking stinking at the moment i'm losing a shit ton of money by coming to southport it's arguably the worst decision of my whole life um so if you are

in southport um and you fact just yeah along. Yeah, please do pop along. I've seen the show a few times now. It's really good. But listen, full disclosure, I would have said that anyway. But I do mean it. I really hope that people of Southport can see it for its ridges. Yeah, honestly, it's genuinely, in many ways, Tom wrote the show for Southport.

So it'd be a shame for the people of Southport to not come out and see it. I'd assume that there's no one in Southport who listens to this podcast. What I'm hoping is someone from Manchester, Liverpool or surrounding areas travels. But then I've also got shows in Manchester and Liverpool. So you're sort of hoping they don't travel, actually.

That's the irony of it. There's an argument that you've programmed tour dates too close to each other. But listen, that's something... Tom, I'm doing the programming here. That's something for Tom to discuss with his agent. We'll see you next time. Thank you very much.

Bye-bye. JT, you'll probably have to edit all of that out. Bye. Bye. Blind men want to see my vision And the common men and women want to ask permission

I'm driven, I'm getting down to business I ain't expect you to understand my ambition Well, that's a sick opinion, bro Thanks I'ma get to swimming, though Chase I need a woman that can lift up a car Help me with an alibi when I get home from the

bar. Double heart bastard, climbing out the casket. If you got to know I'm doing great, fantastic. Eight straight jackets. Hey, that's classy. Skate right past it. Thanks for asking. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.