Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 72: No Ideas & Insta Strategies

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

After worrying they’ve absolutely nothing to talk about on this week’s pod, Rom and Tom pull 50 minutes of chat out the bag! We’re talking… bedroom presenting, Apollo shows, the greatness of Denise van Outen, illnesses and tour show tickets, making friends with actors, Instagram strategies, TikTok obsessions, a Wolf & Owl FPL update, film stars and billionaires, the Beckham documentary, buying a football club and Tom learning to drive (again). For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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today something is coming Kong Godzilla they can feel it fight together and teaming up or face extinction

Godzilla Kong The New Empire now playing only in theaters yo Godzilla Kong The New Empire Now playing only in theaters Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men

Dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome one and all to the little rollercoaster we call the Wolf on Out Full disclosure, me and Tom have been talking before we started recording And we've both agreed we have nothing No material. I hope you enjoy. This is a no material special. This is no prep, as always, but this time, no inspiration either.

We're in deep shit, guys. We're through the looking glass. Come jump in the deep shit puddle with us. I think I'm quite overdressed. I need to say two things before, two things we need to start off with. Go on, go on, go on. One. Yeah.

I've been getting some comments about me being in bed. Yeah. For these. And full disclosure, I'm in bed. You're like Big Breakfast at that sort of interview section when they were in bed, didn't they? Oh, yeah, yeah. Where you sort of get more personal.

I feel like I'm looser on this. Oh, the swans just walked in. Hello, Lisa. Hello. You know what I've noticed? Since you've been doing it in the bed, Lisa's a lot more sort of in and out of the bedroom isn't she well it's her bedroom so it kind of makes sense no no i would argue that it's quite annoying to have your husband go by

the way the whole of the bedroom is now going to be recorded for the next hour from fucking seven you could be like it was because paul yates did it originally didn't she and then someone else took over denise van outen oh denise van outen yeah yeah yeah have you ever worked in this now no but um i can tell you that my when i first did live at the apollo yeah i can tell you i don't know why i'm saying that like an exclusive thing it's not even it's barely a story what i'm about to say but um when i first did live at the apollo my brother came yeah and denise van outen was there and the the reaction i should i mean denise is married and was married at the time so this is slightly true really really fucking toss your brother under

yeah literally if i've got no material i will build a bus to throw you under. But there's something about Denise Van Atten. I'm not saying this in a, like, he fancied it, but he probably did. He just couldn't believe Denise Van Atten was... That was back when, like, loads of celebrities turned up to live. Yeah, in mine, there was no celebrity at all. Not even you, Bob, coming to my Apollo. Well, you didn't invite me.

And you kind of made it very clear that these are the sort of things that you don't want to feel any pressure from. So I you didn't invite me. And you kind of made it very clear that these are the sort of things that you don't want to feel any pressure from. So I thought I'd do this. I thought, let me just wait for Tom to... No, just say, oh, okay, look, this is very much that fight. Lisa said to me, oh, so, Ron, you know how excited you are

about Tom doing Apollo? I said, yeah. She goes, it's almost like you're doing Apollo, you're so excited. I said, yeah, because he's like, genuinely, I consider you to be a brother, you're family. Do you know what I he's like genuinely like you're you're i consider you to be a brother your family do you know what i mean and so you doing live with the apollo was a big thing for me and she said to me like every morning she'd go to me have you got has he texted

you yet say come i said no but obviously i don't want to put it on him i said i've kept the date free um and i've look yes i know they want me to host have i got news for you but my my brother is doing live at the Apollo, so I've got to be there. And then a couple of days before the record, she said to me, has he texted you? I said, Lisa, I know he's going to text me, but he's just getting himself in that place.

And then I saw the Instagram post of you doing it, and I thought, oh, okay, I guess I wasn't invited to that. I thought you'd be like... Yeah, I'm the prick, I'm the prick. You know what's happened here you casually tossed your brother under the

bus and I reversed the bus to hit you and you deflected it with your tank you've actually carnaged me there Denise Van Allen

has got that I think it's that appeal of the sort of she'd be in the late 90s wouldn't she as a massive celebrity

because she was like one of the biggest names in the country I was going to say in the late 90s when she was a massive celebrity because she was like one of the biggest names in the country right I was going to say in the world yeah I think Denise Van Aten should still be one of the biggest I think she's brilliant

I mean like she's fucking brilliant like every time you see her on anything or when you see her interviewed or whatever she's quality man you know what

I'd actually like to see her giving like sort of like on Channel 5 or something a good chat show where she's you know that sort of banter oh pray manna from god do you know what i cannot she's gonna be fucking buzzing when this goes out jesus honestly tom you really are one of the most sorry denise i don't

know if you've heard the news one of tv's favorite sons declared that you're worthy of a chat show on Channel 5 Channel 5 is banging at the moment man I've actually got to say shout out Channel 5 I actually think they're doing some good stuff

they're doing some good dramas I'm not insulting Channel 5 it's just that you sort of thinking about what level of work you might give what you've got to remember

in that moment I'm fucking throwing this because by the way that wasn't planned out you mentioned Denise Van Aten I've got to quickly think what time slots are going on what channels right well i see it you didn't give a time slot but yeah yeah no but uh channel four has got steps back lunch right denise she's friends french are you about to tell me that your brain went through all of these calculations before you did it that's how it works right okay go on talk me

through it tell me through this is so step back lunch right that's how it works mate I'm like okay go on talk me through it talk me through it this is so Steph's Pack Lunch right that's on brilliant Steph's Pack Lunch ITV have got This Morning and they've got Lorraine

they've got Loose Women they've got a plethora of these sorts of shows BBC Two plethora do you know what I asked you to say it again because I thought

you'd said plethora but you'd said plethora so congratulations egg on my face BBC 2 don't make this kind of stuff right and BBC 1

you're up against the news mate so you've got no chance and also BBC's a bit more serious Denise isn't going to be fucking leathering it on the BBC

so Channel 5's a really and also I think Channel 5 she gets a bit you know she can really sort of make it real Denise thing she can really sort of make it a real Denise thing she can really fucking

own it herself it's a treasured name as well Denise as well isn't it it's a lovely name that we don't hear as much yeah it's like sort of

a name that's lost to the sound of times like Gary yeah actually two names that are in my show King Gary that's still streaming

on iPlayer yeah oh my is it still streaming on iPlayer I think so you're in it what do you mean is it still streaming on iPlayer? I think so. You're in it. What do you mean, is it still streaming on iPlayer?

No, I mean, is it still? I didn't know if it was still available. I didn't mean it like, oh, my God, I can't believe they're still sharing that old tat. I mean, what I meant was. Well, they've got that old shit still on there. Yeah. I think once you're in with, once you've got a programme that's made on the BBC,

that's it, it's up there forever. All your stuff's on there, mate. Yeah, I know. I need to ask you a question. Are you going to the gym today? No, I don't know. Okay. We didn't go to the gym together this morning.

Did you go on your own? No, I didn't. I've got a cough. I'm so sorry, listeners. You've got a cough as well, James. Yeah. I've been very ill. Yeah, yeah.

There's been rumours sort of like fluttering around that you've had a bit of a bug. Yeah, I've been very ill. Yeah, yeah. There's been rumours sort of like fluttering around that you've had a bit of a bug. Yeah, I've had something. What do you think it is? I don't know. I suggested out loud that it might be the vid,

but I don't think it is. Have you done a test? No, but I've recovered incredibly quickly, so I don't think it is. Oh, I've left with this tickly cough, I don't feel. Whereas when I had COVID, I felt absolutely... Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah it's coming back though with the vengeance COVID this like yeah we should give a trigger warning for that people get kind of anxious about stuff like that you

can't just say it's coming back all right yeah okay okay I have got to try again sorry yeah okay um yeah by all accounts like it's not not anything massive it's nothing to be scared of but there has been a few cases of COVID, allegedly. Well, there's definitely been a few cases. You don't have to allegedly there. I thought you had to say allegedly if you didn't have any hardcore copy proof. No, allegedly is... Oh, so you don't have any proof? Well, no, I do.

I've got quite a lot of people who've messaged me saying, I can't make a gig tonight because I've got COVID. So it's not allegedly, is it? I mean, I've noticed a few empty seats and people have messaged before like a sellout room so now i've got code i've got code i've not been able to make it tonight okay i've got this quick thing as well karen talking do you want to put your dick back away no no this is this is i'm gonna make a bit i'm i get quite a lot of people who are saying that they can't make it through covid and like that's an awful thing but then people are then sort of saying they're trying to get me on like on instagram it's an awful thing but then people are then sort of saying oh they're

trying to get me on like on instagram it's impossible for me to sell people's tickets if they don't at me in a post like do you get that oh i say yeah yeah well they just go can you let people know yeah re yeah you're trying to repost or whatever yeah but you can't repost and they say at you and it's a picture so if you have got tickets to sell you want to sell them on make a color or do you listen actually it's worth saying actually and it's a picture. So if you have got tickets to sell and you want to sell them on Make It Colour, or do you shoot... Actually, it's worth saying, actually, because it's a shame for those tickets to go to waste. If anybody does, if anybody can't make one of

Tom's sell-out shows, because they are sold out, if you could, just ask him in the post for offering tickets for one of his sell-out shows, because the tickets are very hard to come by. Not all of them are. Bournemouth is an absolute fucking killer for me at the moment.

By the way, I spoke to Flo about this. About your... Because I found it very entertaining, your Stockport... Southport, Southport, Southport. Southport. What the fuck is wrong with me? Your Southport thing.

And I've got to say, it's one of the funniest series i've seen on instagram to be honest um i really enjoyed it um however i was being to flow our mutual agent and she said to me um anybody would think that tom's having the worst tour of his life the way that he's posting about it because you sort of seem to go in on that one more than you have done on any of the other shows that you've done. Do you know what I mean? Bearing in mind that they are all sold out, aren't they?

Well, no, but apart from Bournemouth is really struggling. I'm not sure if there's something like... I'm not sure if like, you know, we filmed King Gary down in Bournemouth. I'm not sure if something happened that sort of someone was... Was there a big old carbon footprint? Yeah, yeah. When Leonardo DiCaprio filmed the beach and just left it in absolute state.

Is that what happened? I think there was a bit of control it wasn't just leonardo that was the leonardo's not well i'm sorry let me just uh what i named grip three that then you'll recognize what i'm talking about no obviously it's a leonardo caprio movie isn't it i know when sometimes you ever got material you start just tossing people under the bus and it's fine for your brother but you can't leonardo you can't put a whole other beach of production on Leonardo DiCaprio hey mate by the way he really likes the fucking global he really likes the world and stuff and how it is

what? he likes the world and how it is? no he loves nature and shit Leonardo. How do you know that? you're not going to allegedly that no? no no no I've seen him talk about it he did like an amazing speech one of the big awards ceremonies like the oscars or one of the other ones and he came up and he said he just was like oh yeah guys let's do better with recycling and try and be better at being you know good to

the earth and you know trees and stuff it was like that's not it it wasn't it. He was a bit more concise than that. But if you Google... Greta Thunberg, watch out. But if you Google Leonardo DiCaprio-like Earth or environment, it's quite a compelling speech. Okay. When he got the Oscar for that film that he did about the bear. Oh, no, no, he didn't get it for that. He got the Oscar, didn't he, for something?

Yeah. But I think if he was to hear this, he'd be quite upset about it. He'd also probably quite like you as well, I think. In today's economy, saving money is like

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I think like that about Vince Vaughn all the time. Really? Yeah. How come, like, why Vince Vaughn? I actually think you and Vince Vaughn would be like quite a little buddy act. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Well, it's because I like him in all his films. There's a bit in that, what's the film with Richard Iowardi, is it The Watch or something? Oh, yeah, yeah. About the neighbourhood watch. Yeah, it's a good film, actually. Underrated. Have you that, what's the film with Richard Iowardi, is it The Watch or something? Oh yeah, yeah. It's a good film actually, underrated. Have you seen the bit with the Russian dolls? I haven't seen it for ages, but yeah, yeah, go on.

Fucking hell. It's just, they've said to Vince Vaughn, you know, it's obviously clearly unscripted. I mean, it might have been scripted to do that, but it was unscripted by what he was going to say. They've obviously gone can you walk in and interact with those russian dolls i don't i think i feel like i've told you this before can you interact those russian dolls like you've never seen russian

dolls before and it was just it's magic i need to realize it was tom davis s you know i can imagine uh you and vince vaughn going out for like going to to a diner in America and you loving Vince Vaughn so much, you won't even sit opposite him in a booth. You'll sit right next to him, even though the other side of the booth is free. And he's just sitting there giddy. That's the problem is like, obviously that's just a fantasy because if I actually hung out with Vince Vaughn,

I'd be so thirsty and pathetic and like laughing at everything he said. And then just desperately hoping that I'd say something that would make him laugh. It'd just be really tragic. You know, I sometimes have this weird thing where you imagine scenarios. One of them, I went through a phase of thinking, imagine if you went on a big Hollywood star's stag do, or like 50th or 60th birthday, because that's the generation will be creepy.

Now we were going out of like 20 miles for their birthday. And who you might have to share a room with. Like, are you going to share the room with the rock or are you going to share the room with Robert Downey Jr? So I have this weird thing. Like this is something I was thinking about the scenario of like, you know,

going out and it's fucking Matthew McConaughey's a stag do right. And ending up like having to share a room with fucking Vin Diesel I find Vin Diesel I feel so sorry for Vin Diesel all the time

why? I don't know he's been in part of one of the most successful movie franchises in all time I don't know if it's enough for Vin

I look for Vin and I actually think he would you know what I think he'd just be quite I think he'd be having it a think he's loving it like a bit like us he'd be a bit inferior to the other guys i always look at it i don't know do you watch his instagram no i don't i watch his instagram sometimes i just what sort of stuff does he

do on instagram he's like he does this he's got quite a croaky voice and then he's like he's just trying to sort of quite be funny and try and be sort of like or quite deep and it feels like you know when you watch the rock right and you watch the rocks instagram arguably the best person ever on instagram right everything he does is so concise have you heard about the controversy about the rock whoa whoa no what well i'll talk to you about it well i'm wearing one of his hats at the moment so well you're not going to get cancelled for wearing one of his hats it's not that bad but then when you watch vin Vin's just seem a little bit like mishapped and like

he's trying to be really good and they've really badly shot like you know for a man who's sort of got 100 million followers and is like in one

of the biggest franchises he feels he feels like one of my mates from back home trying to get the hang of Instagram so there's a there's an ask

you can ask you a question about Instagram go on do you have any kind of strategy to your Instagram whatsoever no no I mean I know that currently your strategy is to talk about how you've smashed the fuck ask you a question about instagram go do you have any kind of strategy to your instagram whatsoever

no no i mean i know that currently your strategy is to talk about how you've smashed the fuck out of every show but um do you decide with it yeah well earnest uh cocky arrogant um whatever you know there's we can interchange words into it mate you love a selfie with a celebrity on fucking Instagram me I love a selfie with a celebrity are you

fucking you're peddling your that's about on the same level as accusing me of being a white woman listen

I've got nothing wrong with it actually well I know I was just wondering because basically what happened just then is I'm slightly tired and three things I wanted to say

popped into my head at the same time and so it took me a second to process which one I was going to say but no I was just wondering if you thought I need to post every day

or whatever no no I think I don't know I don't know how the algorithm works there's a school of thought you need to post every day or whatever. No, I don't. I think, I don't know. I don't know how the algorithm works. There's, there's a school of thought you need to do that, right?

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know if that's true. I don't, I post when I feel like. Well, well, I,

well, I actually, I actually saw, by the way, I didn't seek this out before you start going. Yes, you, you're such a little turnip.

No, I, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not being a little turnip no I no I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not being a little turnip I

literally just came up I didn't seek this out it just fell in my lap a little fucking hell you're I didn't seek it out I want to be absolutely crystal clear

I did not seek this out because it's slightly embarrassing okay okay so I I was scrolling through TikTok and there was an interview with the head of Instagram, the guy that, the CEO or whatever.

And he was talking about... Oh, hold on. Let me just put, interview with Instagram to make you more Instagram family. Oh, well, that's just popped out. That's weird. How do I get 100 million followers? I'm looking at Instagram with some tips.

Sorry, go on. Are you enjoying yourself? Yeah, go on. I think what's happened is I gave you a couple of body blows early on and now you're just like, you're like a little wounded boxer looking for a fucking opening. Trying to unload. I'll tell you what, mate, you let your guard down there, didn't you?

Let me write it. Yeah, I really did. I really did. But anyway, he said that the grid is, you should be thinking more about posting on stories than the grid. The grid is like, people don't interact with the grid as much as they do with stories now, apparently. That's what the talk on the street is, yeah,

from the head of Instagram. I mean, listen, I'm speaking to somebody who's taken absolutely no action as a result of of hearing that but i was surprised do you because you're quite a big story poster now aren't you getting more into your stories i'll tell you the reason i uh i post on stories do you know what i know do you i know that you have found a tip right it's because you do that thing where you pop a new post on your grid and then you'll put a picture up of the new post on your grid on your stories and go, new post, get on it.

Yeah, really? Exciting. I really have opened myself up. It was a punchy first round, but now I'm just fucking against the ropes this is really bad no but you this could be the first episode of this

where I actually have to quit actually going okay well look mate I see you like quite a lot of like influence like the Kardashians

all do that you know so it's yeah do you know what I found what I find remarkable yeah to be honest with you

is that you can sit there and and talk about how I post on Instagram it's the the fucking lack of self-awareness

that you have no but you're more scientific with it listen I'm not I'm not scientific like no you're not raw

you're not raw what you are is if you want to get shared on Tom's Instagram stories, just compliment him. That's all you've got to do. Just say something remotely nice about Tom Davies. You'll get a little quote, a little quote post there.

Sometimes he'll do the same one more than once. No, but it's nice to spread positivity in the world. Yeah. no but it's nice to spread positivity in the world yeah yeah and it'll be stuff that like

he's not even supposed to be promoting at the moment so it'll be like somebody will go went back to one of the old episodes of King Gary

love this scene shit you know what I mean just anything absolutely anything King Gary still is a high player a pair of joggers he wore on Soccer AM or something he'll fucking repaste I'll tell you what though just anything absolutely anything Kingo you just say he likes a pair of joggers

he wore on Soccer AM or something he'll fucking repost that I'll tell you what though you do I find it very nice and I try to compliment people as much

as I can I find it very very nice what do you find I try and compliment people as best I can as well yeah so for me

it's very much a two way street I live it no I agree with you actually and in fact i'm gonna say this i'm telling you genuinely you have made me rethink how i am on social media oh wow really there you go i said it well because i do i do actually think that there is it's not an earnestness there's an honesty to what you do and like you are just really happy on instagram and like sometimes you do and like you are just really happy on Instagram

and like sometimes you'll post like about feeling good or you're feeling rough or whatever and I actually think to myself as a fan of yours as well as your friend

I love you sir I actually sort of find myself wanting to see those kind of posts and so I sort of thought about yeah you've sort of made me change

how I post a little bit so but also I think it's fair to say that I think your social media is really good. You don't use X now, do you? We really are pathetic.

Do you use that? Have you been using X? No. In fact, I have deleted X from my thing and I don't remember what my password is, so I'd have to unlock it or whatever. I unlocked Facebook for the first time the other day in two years wow and uh I've got to say not much has happened in there I mean I you know what I found Facebook actually I used to be I

think there was a time that people were very harsh about Facebook actually sometimes I find Facebook quite it's like going into a pub that you sort of used to frequent quite a lot and thinking oh god I'm not going to go back in there but actually actually, when you go back in, you go, oh, it's nice to bump into a couple of friendly faces. Yeah. Yeah, and a couple of cold beers. How often are you on Facebook? Twice, three times a week, maybe.

I've got, yeah. Facebook's one that I think you can easily get. You can slip into a place. Sucked into. Yeah. So, yeah. I don't off the curb deal

with a lot of my Facebook stuff now oh my god fucking hell what's happened to you no I'm just saying honestly because I don't use my personal Facebook

but I also don't really understand how far I understand Instagram like I can I like Instagram for what Instagram is Instagram's my favourite bar

X not so much I'll probably just talk about football in the next because that's about all I really want to get into. Hold on, X. Hold on, you're talking about X. You mean Twitter, right? Yeah, Twitter.

Sorry. I was talking about, so Twitter, I've not been on Twitter. But Twitter is X. Yeah, sorry, I just realised what we're talking about here. So Twitter, I was not on, in like 21 or something, I just posted I'm never coming back here again. Yeah. It was a quite big moment.

I mean, do you know when this Lawrence Fox stuff kicked off and I was trending and I was getting loads of like shit. I just thought these people think I don't want them to be added in any of this. And then I just thought, why am I still on X? There's no point.

I don't look at it. And I'm never going to X again. What's it called now? When you tweet. Yeah. X it and i'm never gonna x again what's it called now when you tweet yeah yeah x again i think i'm never gonna x again so i've just deleted the account there is no roma schrangenathan on really yeah because i used to think like and then it does all those weird warnings when you delete him and it goes if you don't come back to this in 30 days it's going to be permanently deleted and i i didn't do that so it's gone you had like nearly a million followers it's something like that yeah wow fucking hell but based on my

interactions over the last few years i'd say of the i think it was like 800 000 700 000 of them didn't like me yeah but yeah but i think that's the thing about x or twitter is like i have the fpl community there that i quite enjoy so I just sort of sit in a corner with them and just Oh can we talk about listen I know this is not a football thing

but two things I want to say first of all I am almost embarrassed how happy I was that Arsenal beat Man City yesterday Oh yeah I'm not overstating

I don't think Arsenal are in the title race at the moment I don't What you don't? I just feel like, look, mate, I feel like we're not at where we should be. Yeah, but if you're in the title race, who is?

No, but what I mean is, look, I just feel like if we get top four this season, I'll be delighted, is where I'm at. I think it's a Leicester type year this year. I think City will come better after Christmas, but I think there's, without Rodri, I mean,

they were lucky to have, I mean, obviously it's not a football podcast, I'll leave this for a football podcast, but I think that it's wide open for someone else. I think it'll be you, Liverpool. I think even Tottenham might.

I think Tottenham are looking very good. I mean, Ange Ball is, Ange Bosticola is. Can I just say, by the way, Ange Ball is... Ange Bosticocco is... Can I just say, by the way, Ange is an absolute credit to this. Just the way he openly talks about mental health and the way that he is...

Mate, I really like him. It sticks in my throat. Oh, mate, but he is... But I do like him. He's such a breath of fresh air. Nothing against Arteta, nothing against Pep. But the way he talks about the game

and the way he talks about things, he's just, yeah, he's kind of what the Premier League needed, I think. Where are you in the FPL? Where are you in our Wolf and Al League? Okay, let's have a look here because I've not actually looked. Have you not done changes at all or anything?

Yeah, I've been doing changes every week. So tell me where you are in Wolf and Al Wunderbar please I am in I'm 2831th well well where are you

I am 2110th what how many how many points did you get this week because I had a bad week this week 46

fuck how many did you get last week last week I got hold on let me just see last week I had a bad week this week 46. how many did you get last week last week i got older let me just say last week i had a nightmare i nearly got 49 last week okay do you know who i know i had a bad week this week this is how bad my weakness was this week i got lower than the average across the country what was the average 44 wow what did you get

37 can I just say this is I love FPL I'm really into it I get but I get so annoyed like

with certain players who don't seem to like I put Hoyland in my team from Man United right

and I just like I I'm never going to meet Hoyland right never going to see him but I

that's not true you might meet him the dislike and anger that I have for him at the moment the way he's playing it's not even his fault because he's just not scoring

I put him in the team but that's my fault not his but I was literally watching the games watching results come in how do you how can you be angry

with him because he's not scored for me, mate. Mate, I'm 2,800, you're 2,100. I'm behind you. Yeah, fine. What do you mean you're behind me? By the way, Lisa's absolutely smashing it.

Yeah, but maybe that's it. Maybe, like, I'm thinking too much about it, where Lisa's just going for hot guys. She said Olly Watkins playing up front for her the entire season. And what a fucking sign. This is the fucking tragic thing. I had Olly Watkins on my team. I took him out for Hoyland.

The day that he scored against Chelsea. And then he gets a hat-trick. Hoyland's done nothing, the little twerp. He's just so... Yeah, I understand you being annoyed about that. No, but I'm annoyed at myself for being annoyed. Yeah, but you can't be annoyed at him. No, but I do get annoyed when I'm sitting there

and he's not scoring. He's trying his hardest. I don't think he is. If there's one thing I could do right now, it would be literally get a car to Manchester or a train, bowl up there, go to his training ground and say, listen, mate, I'm not even a Man United

fan, but this is Man United, you've got to put in a shift here, son. You've really

got to try hard. You're talking about that, that's an impossible thing to do. Why don't you get yourself

a train to know? What have you got on? Well, I've got a writing meeting, but,

I mean, and then I'm going away, so, so, at the moment it's, Oh God,

you're going away? Yeah, I'm having a little break. I'm going to miss

you. Yeah, I'm going a little break I'm gonna miss you yeah I'm gonna miss you well we still text like every day with our fucking yeah anxious text Catherine will love that

um can I are you wearing new glasses today these are these are a little pair of Edwina Finlay which has become my favourite

make of glasses Finlay really nice yeah thank you anyway do you want to hear about The Rock yeah go on sorry sorry go back to The about The Rock yeah go on sorry go back to The Rock

The Rock and Oprah Winfrey what posted a video what a while ago about setting up a charity appeal

what for Hawaii yeah because you know there was the fire there yeah and

they set up this thing I can't remember what it's called they gave it like a like a catchy name or whatever to work on to be memorable. And so it's The Rock. The video is The Rock and Oprah Winfrey going, just stood in like going, you know, we were wondering, what can we do?

What can we possibly do? So we've set up a fund, and the money goes straight to the people of Hawaii. This is how you donate. Anyway, the backlash they got was unreal man well it's because what they're saying is a billionaire and a millionaire telling other people to put their hands in there yeah okay hawaii yeah and so like so i thought they were both billionaires i put him he's definitely a billionaire i don't think the rocks are billionaires

he's got to be in the mix. You know, Colin McGregor's a billionaire now. That doesn't surprise me. Colin, that does surprise me. I don't know why I've just said that. Yeah, Colin McGregor's a billionaire. The Rock worth. You don't put that in there.

Don't Google it, mate, because... Because what? It says on there that I'm worth fucking two million, you're worth about 12. I know that you've got a cut of quid in your back pocket, but I know you haven't got 12 million knocking about yeah do you do you know that no i'm joking the way you move there you said that you rubbed your foot around your fucking silk sheets fucking picked your cigar up no i just felt like being a prick there

um Dwayne Johnson's net worth stands at 820 million dollars this Hawaii appeal he might be closer to a billionaire now yeah well done well done Dwayne he did get himself a Black Adam sequel

so he thought how do I tip this over the top yeah I guess it I think The rock quite openly donated quite a lot of money out of his own there, right? I think he did, yeah. I mean, look, the truth is that

I think that they were a victim of how difficult everyone's finding life at the moment. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I remember like when I did

Comic Relief a couple of years ago or whenever it was, it was more than a couple of years ago, it was 2019 I think but I got loads of shit not me personally but everybody that hosted that got loads of shit because people were saying why are people on TV telling people

who are struggling to raise money and I do sort of understand that sentiment to be honest with you so you know, fair enough Actually while we're moving on a little bit actually, because, yeah.

While we're changing subject completely, you tried, you had a segue, but realised that what you were about to talk about had nothing to do with what we were talking about. How do you feel about the,

Have you dyed your beard? No. No. I've been going to a new barber and he's been really, really, And he's been what? He's been putting a sort of a cream on it

that smells a bit like ammonia and you leave it for 20 minutes and it changes the colour of it no I think he goes through and just cuts out the little the white hairs

which I actually quite cuts out the grey I quite like the white hairs because it gives you that itchiness look they're still there well you've just got you've just got a lot fewer

than you had a while ago that's the reason I'm asking I'm not I would be such an hypocrite if I was to like say about you dying your way well that's

no but that's the thing I'm saying I would have no issue with you having done it no no but I haven't the point it's the position I haven't

you haven't taken on it no because you and also not only have you got fewer greys if you don't mind me saying the rest of the beard looks darker

I think it's just the lighting in here maybe is it the light yeah what is the light? Have you got a Just For Men lamp? Have you got one of them? Mate, don't start going in there.

I know you dye your beard and hair. I don't. I don't. What are you talking about? Mate. Mate. You've got that jet black. The reason I haven't changed.

Hold on. You've got a messy. I've just noticed how big that fade is now as well. What do you mean? If you go around the whole side, like a bowl cut kind of fade, or around to the back. It's not a bowl cut fade. What the you mean? Have you got that, have you gone round the whole side like a bowl cut kind of fade all round to the back? It's not a bowl cut fade. What the fuck

is a bowl cut fade? Have you got the line that goes all the way round like Edison from Man City? I've not got a line. That's what it looks like. Okay,

I thought that went like you had a hard fade. Oh, you're talking about, oh, I know, you're talking about that? Yeah. No, that's just, that's just bedhead.

That's not, I've not had a line. Your quiff is exceptional today. No, it's bad. That's just literally not had a live show. Your quiff is exceptional today. No, it's bad. That's just literally, I've just got out of bed and this is how my hair is. Yeah, I don't want to,

we've talked about this so many times, but every time I see someone with bedhead complain about it, I'm like, I would just fantasize about having bedhead. Sometimes I get up and just sort of hope

that hair's growing in the night. I think you'd look worse with hair. I don't know. I still can't get over the fact I want hair. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils.

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FedEx, where now meets next. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings.

Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. flavors yeah try new coca-cola spiced today actually this is so many things now actually said no material and we've actually got like first day right first point i was gonna make right is how do you feel about that so what do you think about it too because you looked into the two-pack killing right yeah and now there's someone for it yeah i I don't think I can talk about until the

what? Well, yeah. Fucking it's like you're fucking part of the case that you've helped find him. I'm not part of the

case. I'm not saying it because I'm part of the, I'm not saying I'm sub Judas or whatever. I'm just saying that because the documentary

hasn't come out yet, but I don't even think it's been announced yet, but I did a documentary about the killing of Tupac. Did I talk about talk about this i think yeah yeah i think we've talked anyway what i would say is the guy that um has been arrested uh was somebody that we talked about on the documentary so you think you could have been a part of him getting arrested well i'm listen it could be a coincidence but what I would say is I went out to America to investigate

the T-Pack documentary now they've made an arrest that is fucking mad to think

that like you maybe ruffled some feathers over there is it a coincidence almost certainly

but you don't know because no one's looking into that everyone's sort of forgotten about that case all of a sudden

you're out there this sort of wise guy from Crawley it's just sort of ruffling a few you know there's a there, this sort of wise guy from Crawley, who's just sort of ruffering a few... There's a guy, he says he's from England,

asking some questions about Tupac Shakur. I thought that case was closed. You're a bit like Kevin Costner in JFK. Yeah. You've got that vibe.

Actually, while we're talking about film stars, I love Kevin, I really like, there's a lot of about film stars I love I really like it's a lot of Kevin Costner's work I really admire

no but you know he's got please don't tell me you're about to go in on Yellowstone because no I like Yellowstone I very much enjoy

Yellowstone but this but Kevin Costner every five years like you'll see a trailer come out going the event of the year the movie

of the century this is how the West was won. Kevin Costner is Barney Cobb or some other name. And then it's just like this, look at the sort of planes of America as they fucking, and him on a horse and it's sort of like a cinematic event over two nights, four hours each film, eight hours in total.

Kevin Costner is the man who found America, or whatever, right? And it's just like, you've done this film. Dancers Rule of Wolves was that fucking movie. You've been trying to recreate that

ever since. Chill out, Kev. We get it, mate. Oh my God. You've really gone in on one of the most talented actors of a generation. Well,

while we're talking about controversies, mate, and I'm not going to say anything, or I shouldn't say anything because I don't know how much true it is kevin isn't fucking kevin's got some pretty fucking like how that shit went down after dancers revolves allegedly it's pretty fucking bleak if i'm honest with you i don't know if you've heard that stuff but it's not very nice google it no i don't i don't listen i'm not in wonka so i'm not in i'm not part of hollywood

like you are so i i'm not party to this sort of stuff. You've just sat there and gone, oh yeah, the rockin' fuckin' Oprah really kicked it off. Based on what I saw on TikTok. Fuck it, and also, can I just say, well, Rhett, I adore you with all my heart, right? You've mentioned TikTok about 20 times. The dizzy kid.

Fuckin' hopped up on fuckin' ice lollies and fuckin' Fanta. Oh, fuck, have you seen this Lisa on TikTok get off TikTok for a second it's legit like I like

you've literally become one of those people you're so right man you get all of your evidence from TikTok you're so right he's shaking on the back of a bus

oh god you're right fucking nosebleed have you seen this it's on TikTok. It must be true. Well, I mean, what I said is true because I'm reporting to you exactly what I saw on TikTok.

Yeah, no, yeah, but I'm just saying it. Speaking of things we've seen, have you seen the Beckham documentary? I've seen the first episode. Yeah. Okay. I would urge everyone to watch that documentary two things i would say about it one they skirt over the infidelity thing pretty

madly i would say do you mean like so i've not got that far yet the way they talk about it is like um they talk about what the newspapers were reporting they don't ever get to he's never asked directly, did you do it? Yeah. In the documentary, right? Which fine,

you know, if that annoys you, if that's what you're watching it for, then you're going to be slightly disappointed. But the thing that I found, oh man, you know, the 98,

the kick, man, on Simeone. And then the fallout from that, and then watching it and then watching what he went through and then he goes on

to win the treble with Man United mate it gave me goosebumps man it was just it gives me goosebumps now and like you know like oh my god

when he put up that goal against Greece the free kick yeah oh mate they do that beautifully in that

and I remember being in like a pub watching that and just like even now just at that moment and watching sort of and like whilst you know and and i'll you know i quite i remember after 98 being at west ham and actually west ham was one of the places where he got a lot a lot of sticks there's always been a bit of a weird thing with david becker west ham because he's from east l bit of a weird thing with David Beckham when I stand, because he's from East London and whatever. And I remember actually sort of, but the way I remember it as well, there was a section of the crowd that were really on him, and it was pretty barbaric.

But there was a lot of people who weren't really up for that. But it's sort of, I'm waiting for you to have a fucking go. No? I'm waiting for a jab, run off a cut. But yeah, what he did for the game and what he's done for the game, if you said I can go no I went for a jab run off a cut but yeah what he did for the game and what he's done you know there's a madness

I think as well and I could be completely wrong here but what he's done with Inter Miami which is incredible for the American game and bringing Messi there

and turning around that league and the money he's made I don't think it's out of the question that David Beckham at some point buys Man United

wow you look at you reckon you look at and the money he's made, I don't think it's out of the question that David Beckham at some point buys Man United. Wow. You reckon? You look at the money that... You've got to be a multi-billionaire, haven't you, to buy Man United? He'll be part of a consortium, I reckon. Look what he's done. Would you ever buy a football club?

If I was going to do it, I'd do it with you. I can only do it with you. There's a part of me that thinks I'd love me and you to be the Channel 5 version of Ryan Reynolds and the other fella. Oh, I'd love that. I would love that. And then our team end up taking on Wrexham.

That'd be incredible. Who do you want to go in on? Who are you trying to organise a takeover of Crawley Town? I'd come in on Crawley Town for you. Look, because I don't think me and you have got the money because we're quite a long way behind those two, right? Yeah. We'd either have to go smaller or ask if we can sort of have a portion of Crawley Town. Like, if we could, you know,

I don't know, I'll put our names to Crawley Town. Because I actually think me and you could do some good there. Like what? Well, firstly, I'll probably turn to Jamie and say, do you want to, you know, come in as a sort of sporting director? That's a great shout.

Reddits could come in, couldn't they? Yeah. Get Micah in. Yeah, Micah would be quite a mute. I've got to say with Micah, I think with Micah actually, there would be an element of him coming in actually, I think would be a really, really good

sort of warming part of addressing him. Everyone seems like all the players love him, don't they? See the Duke Bellingham interview. We've talked a lot about football. Apologies, guys, if you don't know. By the way, can I just say, if there's anyone out there at the moment

who if you want someone To look at And think You know That's a young man Who I genuinely think Is fucking incredible It's Jude Bellingham

He literally He is He's everything That a footballer should be And a little bit more On top Yeah He's actually everything

That a young man Should be He's fucking Very inspiring I think Jude Bellingham Yeah He's obviously been brought up Very well Yeah Duke Bellingham. Yeah, he's obviously been brought up very well.

Yeah. Yeah, it's quite cool to watch. He's very humble. So, listen, I hope you've enjoyed this football special of the year for now.

You know, the other thing is, recently, alongside... By the way, I need to do an apology before we... Oh, okay. Right, well, this is

before you fucking do your get on your knees because you've watched Hang on TikTok and offended someone. Oh, my God. You know what I've been thinking a lot for the last two weeks is driving again like getting back it like trying to do my driving test wow um so i've talked about it before but i don't know it's really been a driver lesson i don't

know whether it's because i'm just like i need another mountain to climb i need a fucking i need to sort of go toe-to-toe. You know, like a rusty old boxer getting back into the ring. Yeah, because you've mastered stand-up now. You've mastered comedy acting. No, no, no. Are you looking for the next thing?

Not very much. That's my work, plethora of my work, right? Yeah. It's a shame that you said plethora again there. I don't even know if I used the word right there no you didn't I heard someone say plethora yesterday and when I hear a new word that I like I try and get in as much as I can

like when you buy a pair of trainers and you just want to wear them out before they fucking you know you want to really enjoy that new chain of feel anyway I've just been thinking a lot about and you know like say for example golf which I haven't mastered by any sort of I just feel like there's something,

I don't want to leave this mortal coil knowing that I never went back to driving. Okay. So let's try and make that happen. Well, what I've been looking for and I can't find it. I need a driving instructor somewhere in the London area. Right.

Who's got a car big enough. Very hard to come by. You have to drive an instructor in the London area. This is what you've done there. Right. TikTok is TikTok. What you've done there, right, TikTok, is TikTok, what you've done there, right, is because you're so used to seeing things in such small doses,

you've gone 230 before I've finished what I'm going to... You're literally like, I'm going to have this now. I'm going to have this. TikTok. All right, go on. I need someone with a bigger car, with a longer wheelbase. Because what I'm seeing is a lot of Micros and stuff, and I'm too big for them. OK.

I need someone with a longer... You're absolutely crushed I'm too big for them. Okay. I need something for my phone. You're absolutely crushed by that, aren't you? Yeah, absolutely. You know what would be my dream is you giving me driving lessons. I think you'd be a good driver in this. I'm up for doing that. You put on new TikToks. I'm genuinely this far away from changing your name on my phone to TikTok.

I'm generally this far away from changing your name on my phone to TikTok. Well, it's actually, you're going to say that I shouldn't be an instructor because what I'm about to tell you is I was doing a charity gig for Sarcoma and in memory of Phil Gerrard the other night. sarcoma and in memory of phil gerrard the other night and as i pulled up i smashed my wheel into the curb of the car park right and so like damaged it like the Lamborghini what have you got to be like this anyway i parked up i was absolutely good i sort of looked at the cars like it was like i was just so pissed off I sort of looked at the car. I was like, it was like, I was just so pissed off at myself. Anyway, I left the car park and I was walking to,

I actually was going to Gresham Blake where I took that photo. Have you seen the photo I posted of you and me? Yeah, yeah. I feel a bit like Laura Checkley might have been down a little bit dirty in that picture. Yeah, I almost didn't post it for the exact reason. But anyway.

I almost didn't post it for the exact reason. But anyway. Anyway, I bumped into somebody who recognized me. Yeah. And they said, can I get a photo? And it was like literally like I think 90 seconds after I just done that to the car. And then as we're doing the photo, she goes, are you going to smile or what? Wow. And I went, oh, I photo, she goes, are you going to smile or what? Wow.

And I went, oh, I don't really do that. Which I do. I do smile. I don't know why I said that. But I just wanted to apologize to whoever that was because you caught me in a very bad moment. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I remember walking away from that thinking, that person definitely thinks I'm a prick.

Well, here's one for you, actually, someone who doesn't think you're a prick. There was, outside my gig in Bromley last night, two people came up to have a chat, get a picture. And whilst talking to them, they said that actually, remember in your, I think it's in your stand-up special, where you had the bit about you being at a theme park. I think it was at Chessington, maybe, or Thorpe Park,

I can't remember. Yeah. And some people coming off the ride, and one of them saying, oh, that's Ron, which rang an eighth then. you've been at a theme park it was at chesington maybe your thought park i remember yeah and some people coming off the ride and one of them saying oh that's wrong with frank and athens yeah and then the other person saying no it's not that's not yes and they walked off that was those people oh really yeah they said it was yeah and they actually sent their love and they said look you know i hope they didn't because they're massive fans and they are need saying that they really they adore you and they said like how and they need saying that they really they adore you

and they said like how and I said do you know what you wouldn't be upset if you met him because he is actually you know what

if anything when you meet him for me he he twinkles out a little bit brighter when you're around him so what is it

what has happened here you've sort of beaten me to the ground and then I'm sort of in the fetal position what's happened is you went in early blood pouring out my eye sockets and then you've just come over with

a little sort of like hot towel or whatever what went in what what's happened here is you went in very early you will do this just sort of nursing my bones no but i said to them and they were like they're very excited to see your new tour so get yourself tickets he's going to be able he's smashing I mean to be fair you've sold out the O2

twice now so that's pretty good listen and you thought you were going to have to do a fucking beggy post well there's some

beggy posts coming mate don't worry about that as the tour gets closer and the reality of playing do you know what I know I've got a week away with the family

and after most of that time is anxiously thinking about how I post to fucking try and get more than fucking a handful of people at Bournemouth. I've over fucking

egged Bournemouth, by the way. That's too big a venue for me. What room are you doing? I'm doing a pavilion. I'm doing a pavilion. It's a great room. Oh, yeah.

I bet it's a great room if it's actually buzzing. At the moment, it's like turning around and going, fucking, oh, the Hacienda's amazing. Turn up the Hacienda, and we saw that. Good, now it's a great movie it's actually buzzing at the moment it's like turning around and going oh the Hacienda's amazing turn up the Hacienda and go

we saw that good now it's closed you're going to be fine mate okay Tommy yeah it's about that time it's been quite a rollercoaster this episode

I've enjoyed it man I've enjoyed it so Tom could you do us the honors of taking us out please brother okay sometimes in life it's hard to think about anything apart from the position you're in the way you stand the way you sit up against the way that you walk or maybe the way that you grunt the thing is that walking although it seems easy at times and something that actually this is an awful one i've started this off so in such a way what's going on what's going on with you what's going on with you i've started this off in a really

why did you ask on i know okay do you want to start again okay let me go let me go okay i had one in my head earlier i never think of them i never prior think of these and then i had one in my head earlier and i thought that'd be quite funny and i can't remember laugh me what it's about okay let me try this cows and sheep horses and ducks farm animals hey silly old farm animals but you know what strikes me most about the farm is that although these things are different creatures, different beasts from different ways, almost definitely the ancestors or sorry, the predecessors or whatever of dinosaurs, animals somehow manage to live around each other in a very happy and sweet way. Just the other day I was at a farm and I noticed a horse just walking past a cow and giving him a casual nod.

A sheep just laughing as a duck told a joke. And I thought, you know what? That's what life is really about. It's about looking towards and looking around and thinking, hey, I've never talked to that person ever before. And maybe they've got a piece of conversation or a piece of knowledge that would make my life shine a little bit brighter. I think the thing that makes the world go round

and makes it shine that bit brighter and the sun seem more resonable is always looking for different vibes, always looking for different friends. Because you know what? As many as you've got on Facebook and upon your phone will never be enough.

Look forward, look round, look up, look down, but always know that round the corner is a friend you've never met. That is really... Yeah, what I need to start doing, I think, is when I think of these, that's one that I genuinely think,

I sometimes say those ones out loud, and think, well, that's one for the sting reel. Arguably, if I could go back in time, I'd probably have just gone, look, this is the end of the pod. What's about to follow is the meanderings of a man who's just quite close to a fucking breakdown because he's absolutely exhausted and i'm coming off the back of talking about bournemouth so come out now i mean if you really want to sit through that triple

sit through it but yeah thank you if you're if you're here now thank you thank you so much for sticking around all right we owe you a pint we owe you a drink yeah uh well listen we uh a friend of the podcast murkidge dave has got a new song uh he's actually got it's a double single it's violence in me uh and never sing ollie ollie ollie again uh so jt can you play us out with violence in me uh by murkidge dave for absolutely love when your when your rap tune comes out, are we going to play it out on this? I don't think so. Oh, man, I can't wait.

When's it out? Next week? I think it's out next week. I think it's out next week. Yeah, maybe. I'm buzzing for it. Well, I'll announce it at some point. Okay, take care of yourselves, guys.

Bye-bye, love you. Bye-bye, bye-bye. I believe in God and his prophet But I still need a wad in my pocket Yeah, I got a lot of violence in me And I don't know what's going to stop it See you guys, bye bye love you. game use my brain how can i boss case on the m like gucci main real g's get fat and i move to spain set myself up for any future pain look around you now and see who remain if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.