Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 76: Stand-Up Celebrations & Saturday Chefs

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

We’re talking… Tom at the Hackney Empire, Rom’s warm-up gigs, end of show celebrations, the acceptability of jumping into the crowd, some mischievous misreporting, the mystery of a very intimida...ting audience member and dealing with successes and criticisms. Then it’s a glowing report from Rom’s recent appearance on Saturday Kitchen, the challenges of not swearing on live TV, a minor sticky toffee pudding scandal, some serious beef with burgers and the difference between fruit and veg. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: HELLO@KEEPITLIGHTMEDIA.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:37 Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply, Canada only, no purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Yeah. Yeah, what you want? No purchase necessary, visit the Timz app for details. an owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing, it's
Starting point is 00:01:23 head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Okay, here we go again. Time for the wolf and owl. You know what I'm really trying right now is, I'm really trying to sort of find energy from somewhere. You know what I sometimes find energy from? I find energy from the end of tour shows, you know, when the audience is just really going for it and sometimes sometimes i don't know that energy you've had a fucking hard on now probably since thursday night and that got posted i've never seen you like relish i've got like you have literally had your gun cocked no you don't even know
Starting point is 00:02:06 what I'm going to say I know exactly what you're going to say no you don't because you text me and said I can't wait for the podcast and in the fucking
Starting point is 00:02:13 three odd years that we've been doing this podcast you've never once shown that kind of excitement I didn't say I couldn't wait for the podcast
Starting point is 00:02:19 all I said was listen let me be absolutely crystal clear on this I love you do you know what I mean I love the bones of you you're one of my favourite
Starting point is 00:02:28 people in the whole world and to see you doing the tour that you're doing is can I just say one thing before you before you
Starting point is 00:02:35 throw this fucking spin ball that you've got loaded drink careful because I found out a little nugget of information last night at my tour show
Starting point is 00:02:43 oh did you okay well I'm looking forward to hearing this. So, look, I love you, and you're doing a big tour, and when I see your Instagram, I get very, very excited about the joy that you experience when you're doing these tour shows. And I thought to myself, I was gutted that I wasn't able to be at the Hackney,
Starting point is 00:03:03 not that I was given an invite or anything or asked if I ever wanted to you had your own working break you were lighting up I believe Coventry and Warwick
Starting point is 00:03:11 that night yeah and why are you because I know what's coming and I have lucky enough for me
Starting point is 00:03:21 we're sharing quite a lot of the same sort of team so yeah go on go on my friend if this is a game i've actually started to get nervous about what you've got on me and look i just want to say i was delighted to see you at the end of the show
Starting point is 00:03:38 just be overcome with the emotion and and jump off the stage and run into the crowd it was a is that not a done thing can i just ask you that not a normal thing i think i what listen my my answer to that would be is the dumb thing the thing that you should do no do you mean who cares if it is the dumb thing like like basically i had to be told by flow to spend longer saying thank you at the end of shows because i sort of tend to do because i've heard at coventry on friday night you stepped into the crowd off the stage well tom tom i could let me tell you this you have turned up to this fight thinking you've got a gun but you've actually got a banana that didn't that did not happen dennis fernandez swore that you because we've been great grats was rinsing me
Starting point is 00:04:25 about this right Gratz was saying that Romesh has got an AK-47 loaded for you and he's coming at you hard that's not true
Starting point is 00:04:32 but what I would say is I really I really enjoyed you jumping off stage into the crowd I can tell you what happened at Coventry
Starting point is 00:04:43 if you want because I also know that you went into the crowd at no I also know that you went into the crowd i can tell you what happened at coventry if you want because i also know that you went into the crowd at coven no i also know that you went into crowd at cambridge okay so yeah so and coventry so basically this is now a regular thing for you when i know that cambridge it was kind of insane because of the microphone situation and i felt very there was a big release hackney i'd arguably say wasn't pre-empted i was just buzzing because it was happening it was east london I was just buzzing because it was Hackney. It was East London.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah, sure. And it was a high-pressured environment. I had a lot of friends and family there. Yeah, yeah. So I felt overwhelmed. On my second night, no, well, first, I can't remember. One of the Coventry. It was your second night in Coventry.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Yeah, okay. So second night in Coventry. Tom, you're stroking your chin like you've got something on me. You've got nothing. No, do you know what? Can I just say, I'm stroking my chin because I have an ingrown hair inside my beard. Okay, well, that's made me look a little... Which is really painful.
Starting point is 00:05:30 So I need to know how... Have you ever had that? No, I haven't. You need to go to a skin specialist or something, or a doctor or something. Otherwise, it will get worse. I'm just worried I'll have to shave off my beard to get this thing out. Well, I think they just pull it out or something, don't they? But I wouldn't do it. Yeah, no, but what if they've got to make you shave? to get this thing out. Well, I think they just pull it out or something, don't they? But I wouldn't do it.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Yeah, no, but what if they've got to make it shave, just like shave, make it shave, Jesus Christ. Anyway,
Starting point is 00:05:51 what I can tell you is I did not go into the crowd at commentary. I can tell you... It was quite a small stage. This is what Dennis is. So this is Dennis's recollection.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Okay, so I'd like to hear, because I'll be honest with you, I didn't go into the crowd, so I'm looking forward to taking this up with Dennis when I next see him.
Starting point is 00:06:05 So Dennis is a sound guy for both of us. All right, go on. Well, he's a sound, he's not just a sound guy, he's a sound guy, right? He's a very sweet, sweet man. Well, I actually described him as the sound guy, and you're the one that went,
Starting point is 00:06:18 he's not a sound guy, so. No, no. He's not just the sound guy, he's a sound guy. Is that what you're saying? He's a sound, as in he's a guy that sounds okay fine
Starting point is 00:06:25 yeah he's a very sweet sweet soul right he Graz basically said I've never seen Robert so excited about you getting
Starting point is 00:06:34 okay this is there's a lot of misreporting going on here this is absolute bollocks but anyway go on anyhow then he
Starting point is 00:06:43 then he said oh why why why and I said oh because i got into the stage uh come to the stage at hackney and sort of um spent some time with the audience and then dennis said oh romesh did that on friday in commentary no that's um he stepped down to get a photo no i didn't step down at no point did i leave the stage until i was at side of stage to go back right what happened was and by the way i don't think there's anything wrong with doing that okay can i just say this i don't think there's anything can i just ask is it not a normal thing well how normal is it who cares what normal is no no because i have done it probably four or five times like at certain gigs i felt
Starting point is 00:07:17 like i would describe it if i'm being honest with you i would describe it as a safety risk what as in yeah i mean i've been a little bit worried about the covid thing well it's covid it's also you know just because people come to your shows it doesn't mean that they're not they're not going to like grab you off or yeah talking about that can i just while we're actually talking about that on i think it must mean wednesday night i did uh the amazing abc comedy shout out james grit Get on and shout out the team there, Tim and James. Always a lovely gig. Is this the one that you crowd surfed at?
Starting point is 00:07:52 You ****. I've pulled the C-bomb out. We're six minutes in. He's fucking dropped the C-bomb on me. Anyway, go on. You love it, don't you? You love it. No, so it was an amazing group, lovely people lovely people yeah one guy wrong yeah there's one guy he was in about third row and he was screwing me out for the heart like
Starting point is 00:08:14 the anger in this guy's eyes like from the moment i started yeah also up until the interval at the end of what i said to james there's a guy in the audience who genuinely looks like he could be a security risk and he's quite a small room at ABC isn't it so you're going to be you can't chew that out can you no
Starting point is 00:08:30 so as a stand you get back up stage and you know you've got to give everyone else a show but I got to the point probably about half way
Starting point is 00:08:38 through the second half that I didn't want to make a conversation with him because he looked genuinely was there any part of you that wanted to engage because no he looked like he was threatened any part of you that wanted to engage?
Starting point is 00:08:46 No, he looked like he was threatened. The way he was looking was not just like, you know, sometimes people look down. His look looked like genuinely he was waiting for me to say something so he could either physically get involved or just angrily fucking fire off. And the person he was with, the woman he was with, seemed to be having a great time. Right. He was just so angry, right? Anyway, the gig finishes. I said to be having a great time right he was just so angry
Starting point is 00:09:05 right anyway the gig finishes i said james girl that guy there's something he's like he's he's a bit of a worry like the physical intimidation as he walks out right and you know i know people yeah yeah yeah and everyone has told us all this there's that really annoying thing they go you're a big bloke and And I'm like, yeah, but I don't want to fight someone. I have no intention to. I really like, I've literally turned up
Starting point is 00:09:30 to hopefully have a good gig and enjoy a gig. I would say it's an unreasonable expectation for you to do a show. Somebody's like getting a bit aggy and then you're then required to lay into them after. I think regardless of your size,
Starting point is 00:09:39 that feels unreasonable. Yeah. So I then go downstairs. I wait for a few minutes. I go, James leaves. I wait for a little bit longer because i think i just don't want to get involved this guy the way he left the way he stared at me was just very aggressive anyhow i come downstairs i go out the side door of the
Starting point is 00:09:55 tour field he comes walking back in shouting something at his wife that he's clearly aggressive and he comes storming back and pushes past me he Are you serious? And he sort of goes back to the bar. Yeah. And I then come out and I'm sort of standing there. I'm like, this is just, you know, I don't know if you've ever been in that situation. There's a sort of sick feeling, like this feels just horrible. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:15 This guy's clearly aggressive. It's happened to me before. And so I've ordered a taxi. And the taxi turns up. And I go to get in this taxi, but it's the wrong taxi. It's for three lads very nice lads who also in the audience, made a bit of a joke
Starting point is 00:10:29 then I'm standing out there looking for where my taxi is, trying to find it, he comes back out, he's got himself a drink he didn't get, the woman he was with a drink and he just stood there staring and he's staring the drink in and the woman he was with turned around and said, oh Tom, I think your taxi might be over there there's a taxi over there with hazards on so I said, oh thank you, and he shouted staring then he's sort of staring the drink in and the woman who's turned around said oh tom i
Starting point is 00:10:45 think your taxi might be over there there's a taxi over there with hazards on so i said oh thank you and he shouted he can find his own fucking taxi right and i'm like this is horrible like there's a part of me now wants to step in and see if she's okay so i was like thank you very much you know cheers for coming tonight and he was just staring like he holding his glass like he was squeezing it so hard like the glass would break and i literally got into the fucking taxi half of me just thinking you know they're clearly they're both you can see they both have wedding rings on you know whatever but i got into the taxi with a feeling of absolute like as i walked to the taxi i was like is he just going to come up by me and like do something it was just such
Starting point is 00:11:25 a threat you know when you're just there like that's an insane situation for a guy like that to sort of be like why even come to a comedy night if someone you clearly despise like it was genuinely like and i could see the people around him it could feel like him literally just staring there was like i'd say two people either side of them as a couple just looking at him every now and again and looking at his demeanor it's just fucking horrible man um so you didn't ever find out what his problem was no i was just like yeah i had no idea like and like you i mean you're affable yeah if if you sort of get reading like someone might not be enjoying it,
Starting point is 00:12:09 I usually never converse because I think that's not really fair. But in a situation such as this, or if someone looks like you might have upset them for a joke, I'll try and have a bit of chat in a room that size. Obviously in a theatre. But in that situation, I genuinely thought that this guy has come. This guy looked like, felt to me, he's come here for a fight or an argument with me he looked like he was he literally brought a ticket to see if at some point he could somehow pick a hole and just go at me what do you reckon it might be if he was to speculate about reasons why he was so angered
Starting point is 00:12:39 by you what do you think there might be well i don't know maybe one of the things i've summed up on this podcast maybe he hates improvisationation maybe eight sort of thoughts that close up a series of kind of distracted ideas and tries to put together some sort of moral or maybe he's just really into flies if i wanted to what i genuinely think's happened there is his wife has brought tickets, or his girlfriend's brought a ticket, his wife, I think, when the wedding rings on, and she's asked him to come along, said it'll be fun, and he clearly just is not into it. Yeah, but that's not really saying that, though, is it?
Starting point is 00:13:15 But it's saying that from the moment I got on stage, he was doing that for this. Is it possible? Is it possible? Is it possible? And obviously, is it possible that she possible and obviously is it possible that she said she found you
Starting point is 00:13:26 attractive or something because I don't know because you're obviously you're an attractive man but like if she's gone if she's been going on
Starting point is 00:13:34 about you too much I'm just sort of because I'm just trying to think like your show I've seen your show it's not offensive do you know what I mean
Starting point is 00:13:42 like so so you know it's not like you're an edgelord and you've said something that's like upset him in that regard so i'm trying to think like maybe i don't know i'm trying to i'm trying to think of the most likely explanation the most likely explanation is maybe this guy's like threatened it might not even be fancy it might be just that she's really into you like as a comic or whatever do you know what i mean and so he's
Starting point is 00:14:05 turned up and it's like he doesn't just say to a guy with a friend because i can't stand the fella yeah i don't know it just seems a bit weird to me i've had people confront me about things i've said on stage loads of time no yeah but this is not that no this was this for the moment i walked on stage he was like annoyed like he like he his biggest hope would be that james gill would have walked up and gone sorry everyone tom davis isn't able to make it like something horrible's happened to him and then he'd have laughed probably and sort of brought everyone in the crowd drinks felt like the sort of well let's see if you are if you are listening uh either of you i i i'd go as a pun and there's a betting man I think there's a pretty fucking high chance
Starting point is 00:14:45 he doesn't listen to this there's a good chance that she does there's a good chance that she does though right yeah but I'd also be interested for the people who are sitting around him
Starting point is 00:14:52 like because I just found you know like you know if you go to a dinner party and you get someone who acts like that someone who's so aggressive it's such a
Starting point is 00:15:01 you know it's such a strange thing isn't it to sort of bring that energy to a place yeah like if any it's not when you know it's such a strange thing isn't it to sort of bring that energy to a place yeah but I
Starting point is 00:15:08 it's not when you go and watch football you have someone near you who displays that kind of aggression yeah it just ruins everything yeah but I feel like
Starting point is 00:15:15 I remember once like this is quite a dark story so but I remember once getting into an argument with my brother just after my dad
Starting point is 00:15:22 had passed away and like I got into an argument on the phone. Me and my brother fell out because, well, I don't want to get into it, but we had a bit of an argument, a bit of a falling out, right, on the phone. And I actually had a full-on argument with him
Starting point is 00:15:38 and I was in the foyer of the whole theatre waiting to go into Panto. Do you know what I mean? But you were in Panto. No, I was going to watch it. And then, like, I sort of looked around and I sort of...
Starting point is 00:15:48 I'd not raised my voice, but you could tell I was having a heated conversation. Like, when you're so, like, passionate about something and you're in the moment. And that's... By the way, that is me
Starting point is 00:15:58 who, I've got to be honest with you, I was about to say, I can't think of the... That might be the last time I raised my... Do you know what I mean? I just don't get angry and annoyed. So what I'm saying is on the scale of people who get like who lose their temper I would consider myself pretty low on that list but if you're like totally
Starting point is 00:16:15 highly charged like that I imagine he just sort of felt vindicated he didn't give a shit there was something that triggered him or whatever and he's just like yeah he just felt justified in his anger or something I mean like you see it so many times down the pub don't you I mean like the number of times
Starting point is 00:16:28 I've seen somebody get so angry as if like their family have been assaulted or something and it's like somebody's barred
Starting point is 00:16:36 like accidentally bumped them when they're walking past I mean people you just don't know what flicks people's switches do you know what I mean I think with him
Starting point is 00:16:43 at first I was like maybe he's just had a shit day and he didn't really want to come to stand-up. But then his demeanour outside, I was like, oh no, this is about me. He was waiting for me to do something or say something that he could react to it. Is there any part of you that's intrigued to know
Starting point is 00:17:01 what it was that you were so annoyed about? Yeah, kind of. But also, if I'm going to speak honestly, it actually, like, there was a part of me and actually, in what you said about the safety risks, realised quite how foolish it is to then jump into a crowd of people because, in a sense...
Starting point is 00:17:19 Well, look, I'm not... No, no, but in a sense, it is like, when I think about it logically, on Wednesday, I have someone who turns up to a sense it is like when I think about it logically on Wednesday I have someone who turns up to a gig clearly doesn't want to be there clearly he's quite aggressive towards me
Starting point is 00:17:30 and on Thursday I jump into the crowd because I was genuinely buzzing I was like very excited and you learnt your lesson from Wednesday you'd seen a really aggressive guy
Starting point is 00:17:36 and you thought you know the very next night I'm going to jump into the crowd fair play well done you know the fact is
Starting point is 00:17:43 that sometimes in life right you look at things and you go, oh, okay, no, I'm an actual idiot. Like, I'm an actual, like, God or life sent me, like, a lesson on Wednesday and said, hey, here's a lesson. Like, not all that glimmers is gold.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Like, some of the people in this fucking audience aren't going to like you. And on Thursday, I decided to, in front of a bigger audience, so if you actually, like... The probability is much higher that somebody that doesn to like you and on Thursday I decided to in front of a bigger audience so if you actually like the probability
Starting point is 00:18:07 is much higher that somebody that doesn't like you is in that crowd yeah there's going to be four or five
Starting point is 00:18:11 and you know what this is actually one for you as I walked off from Hackney after jumps in the crowd one guy did
Starting point is 00:18:18 call me a wanker so what what are you talking about he made the wanker sign but I don't
Starting point is 00:18:22 then know because I've got material about wanking so I don't know whether he was... Well, that is a pretty generous interpretation of what happened there, mate. I like to think of the good in people.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Somebody was calling me a fucking wanker, and I assume it's a callback to something I said in the set. I remember in 2011, I did a bit about being racially abused. Somebody dropped the pee bomb on me the other day. I assume they're like a really hardcore fan. They must have known that early stuff. Do you know what I mean? Better play to it.
Starting point is 00:18:56 I actually said thank you. I said thanks, man, for following my early stuff. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working. We'll see you next time. from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's got to be KD. When you got to do you, it's got to be KD. Shop now. Want visibly glowing skin in 14 days?
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Starting point is 00:20:06 Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong. The new empire. Now playing only in theaters.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Would you ever jump in the crowd? Do you think you'd actually go into the crowd? Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I was only pseudo taking the piss there. Because the thing is, I don't think it's a bad thing. Look, I don't think it's a bad thing to do in terms of I didn't judge you for it. I feel like you're doing, like, listen, Matt, you're doing your first proper tour and you're smashing it
Starting point is 00:20:43 and the show's wicked and you went and did hackney empire like you you just went into the crowd like a night by the way the other thing i would say is we've had emails in from people that were there that night and other nights you've been on tour and they're like it was an amazing show and they really loved you doing that so you know i'm not i'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't do that. Would I ever do it? I personally wouldn't, but not because I've got a rule against it. It's just against my instinct. Do you know what I mean? I basically, as soon as a show's finished, on these warm-ups,
Starting point is 00:21:17 I've had to force myself to stay out and say thank you to the crowd because most of the time I do my last joke and then literally I almost run off stage. Do you know what I mean? I had a similar thing with that. I was doing that all through the warm-ups. It wasn't until... Because this is the first tour,
Starting point is 00:21:34 so you're picking up stuff from... Gratz will talk to me about something on Flow Wheel. I was saying to her, it wasn't really until i think towards the end of the work in progress i would i literally was going thank you very much for coming to hear about walk off yeah and then it was like if people flow said you know grats sort of remark that actually you need to sort of stand out for a little longer just to sort of almost applaud the audience i mean and sort of i had no idea that that's what something you did so i think like
Starting point is 00:22:06 and then since then i've sort of acted on instinct a bit more and i think like certain ones like cambridge or hackney uh where you sort of you know i found the commentary quite a weird one because the stage was so low like i ended up sort of talking to audience members before i went on backstage and ended up doing 40 minutes of chat at the end of the after the show which is nice my god you know there's venue staff that are waiting to get home right well no it's all the venue staff
Starting point is 00:22:33 the people having a chat and getting pictures but also I felt bad because of old Jim and the weather was pretty bad as well yeah but it doesn't look it doesn't matter these people are there to service your ongoing march towards your ego. So, you know, fuck them, man. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:22:51 I had a weird one. I don't know whether I should talk about this on here, actually. Because this is the sort of energy that we're bringing in. We're not bringing this energy. No, no, no. We're not bringing it, but while we're talking about things
Starting point is 00:23:06 that have ruffled my feathers or things that have happened I've been dealing with that thing I've talked about it off air with you with someone who turned around and has been quite critical
Starting point is 00:23:14 about it behind my back from the industry I'm not going to say any name but I think I've had that no but I think that's played a part in my are you serious
Starting point is 00:23:21 yeah man it's a horrible thing to hear from one of your peers like I don't think it's a horrible thing to hear from one of your peers like I don't think that's a nice thing to hear about yourself no look man
Starting point is 00:23:32 I don't I think like maybe it isn't but what I would say to you is look I mean I don't want I don't want the people listening to this
Starting point is 00:23:40 to have a frustrated experience we can't obviously we're not going to say what exactly happened but let's just put it this way. I'm trying to think of it. Tom, word got to Tom
Starting point is 00:23:48 that somebody in the industry is criticising his abilities, right? Is that, that's a fair way of putting it, right? Yeah, I think it's a fair way And you found that upsetting. But what I would say, what I would say to you
Starting point is 00:23:58 is if you were to email in and go, like, dear Al, I know that the wolf has sort of gone on, like off the back of Wonka has sort of gone off to Hollywood and left you behind, but Al, I know that the wolf has sort of gone on, like, off the back of Wonka, has sort of gone off to Hollywood and left you behind,
Starting point is 00:24:08 but I did still want to send you an email. Basically, like, somebody from the industry sort of criticised me and, like, I found it very, very tricky to, you know, I'm on my debut stand-up tour, film's about to come out with Timothy Fischalme, and I feel like things are going well. Nevertheless, you know, the reaper concussions
Starting point is 00:24:28 of somebody criticising me like that. The reaper concussions. Listen to you, you're loving this. The reaper concussions. You have literally, you have got me like Conor McGregor on a... Well, wait, wait, because you're going to like the response. The reaper concussionsrums of what's happened is I've been
Starting point is 00:24:46 rattling around my old peanut and I've often found myself midway through a show reminiscing and reflecting
Starting point is 00:24:53 upon the pedestal that I've put these criticisms on. Do you know what I mean? And so, I'm just wondering
Starting point is 00:24:59 what you'd do about that. And I would say, this is what I would say, dear Anonymous, whoever you may be this is who catherine and grace are well really loved king garrett the murder successful um now i would say
Starting point is 00:25:16 look what i would say to you is is that it's up to you how you respond to that that level of criticism the fact of the matter is is that you are smashing it on your tour you're like smashing it in the acting game you've got your own production company you've got a beautiful family it's almost an insult to all of those blessings that you have to allow something like that to disrupt that and actually the truth of the matter is is most of the time when you're being criticized like that it's by somebody that wants something that you have do you mean and so it's it's you know it's jealousy it's insecurity on their part or whatever and whenever you rationalize a criticism like that it becomes so much easier to deal with. The reason that you feel like that, Anonymous, is because you are doing stand-up for the first time,
Starting point is 00:26:11 you're selling out big rooms, you've worked hard on the show, but you have a lot of self-doubt and you're crippled with imposter syndrome. And so there's part of you, there is a small part of you that doesn't believe you deserve this. And then when you heard that criticism, that criticism went and found that insecurity shook hands with it and said should we wreak havoc in this guy's head for a bit and that's exactly what's happened so it's totally up to you to just disregard that you are a fucking brilliant stand-up we've got loads of emails from people
Starting point is 00:26:40 more than i'd actually like from people saying how much they've enjoyed your shows right i've seen your show it's fucking great you're selling out big rooms you know bournemouth is a blip but you're selling out big rooms bournemouth is yeah bournemouth is uh yeah that's that's that's what's keeping me up at night yeah yeah no but you're you're set you sold out hackney you know you like a few years ago the idea that you would you know sell out Hackney, you know, a few years ago, the idea that you would, you know, sell out Hackney as a stand-up seemed outside of your, you're not even achieving your dreams. You're achieving things that you don't even dream about. So, do you know what I mean? What I would say to you is, do not allow that to be,
Starting point is 00:27:19 that is almost, you're doing yourself a disservice and doing that person a favour by allowing that to live inside your head. That would be my advice. Thank you so much for your email. Keep in touch. By the way, we're doing a live show at the Apollo on the 2nd of November. Still probably haven't got enough emails in
Starting point is 00:27:36 to fill the second half of that show. If only you'd bought a ticket and put Apollo in the title, we could have dealt with it then. No, we've got a few. We've probably got enough, actually. But we'd love few. We probably got enough, actually, to Venezuela. But we'd love more. We'd love more. Well, I meant everything I said.
Starting point is 00:27:48 Can I just say thank you? You're very, yeah. You've warmed my cockles and warmed my hands. Listen, the only reason I do this podcast is to warm your cockles, mate. Just now, I said to Lisa, I've got to get on that laptop because there's some cold cockles
Starting point is 00:28:03 that need my hands on them. How's you been, my G, g my brother i've been very good i've been doing warm-ups i've been enjoying it it's it's it's like you know i feel like i'm behind you in this whole process because like you've kind of got this thing that isn't ready yet and then you're putting it out on display that's that's the mad thing about stand-up driven it's sort of like you're getting people to taste it you take you're getting people to taste the cake that's only been the oven for seven minutes do you know what i mean and so like you always feel like i always feel a bit nervous going out but the crowds have been wicked and i'm enjoying the whole process i did saturday kitchen yesterday and uh have you done that for all of course there's not been a for all no no i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:28:41 be going on it right okay so yeah so i went on saturday i'm gonna be going on it i've never of course i've never watched saturday's kit so their kitchen well is this sort of thing that makes me wonder why they don't rush to book you to be honest with me mate no they have asked me to go on it and no it's just like a saturday it's you know it's just not in my remit of things to well what i would say is if you don't like working i'm pretty talking my way out of doing it now well what i would say is if you don't like working on saturdays in a kitchen then yeah i would say that it does what it says on the tin how much work did you have to do none more or less than sunday brunch less okay who else was on there with you uh helen mcginn was a wine expert and there were the two chefs from fallow uh he's all chefs apart from me oh nice yeah oh
Starting point is 00:29:25 well so you can you're like the big big name on it well i'm the only name on it the chefs are celebrities in their own right and they actually yeah yeah and they actually are able to do the thing you're the only exterior correct person from the culinary world correct correct yeah so you're sort of almost like the sort of i don't know the new kid at school like the cool kid that's cool yeah i i yeah well i wouldn't say cool kid i'm the new kid at school so yeah so or like fons yeah so you'd be like fons when he goes what's his name richie what was she cunningham the boy yeah you're which actually really in real life you are more richie cunningham than than Fonz, but in this situation, you've become Fonz. Yeah, I would say you're more Fonz, actually.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Do you know what I mean? No, no, no. I think we all know that. I'm Potsy. He wears an outdated jacket and hangs out with girls that are a lot younger than him. I'm Potsy. Out of everyone, I'm Potsy.
Starting point is 00:30:18 You're Richie Cunningham. I don't mind, but listen, I've got a bit of Richie Cunningham about me. I don't mind saying that. But anyway... I like Richie Cunningham. He always had, like like a nice little aura. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:26 So anyway, Saturday Kitchen. Also, can I just say, by the way, Richie Cunningham, there's no way after they all turned like 22 or 23 he was ever seeing any of the rest of them. Like when he got back from university, he would like, he'd drop Pops in mouth to mouth. No doubt in my mind. Oh, do you mean in the world of the show?
Starting point is 00:30:43 Yeah. Like he'd be turning up, you know. the world of the show yeah like they'd be turning up you know his sort of sister was sort of you know bless her she was going out with fonzie's cousin joni joni what was the cousin's name yeah i can't remember oh fucking hell anyway slick or something yeah i mean anyway my point being my point being that we don't fact check anything when we're giving out advice but when it comes to figuring out the characters and fucking happy days we have to pause the podcast and figure it out anyway i stayed i did a show somewhere oh haze the night before yeah and when i stayed in a hotel which i always uh look forward to more i don't know what it is i always look
Starting point is 00:31:21 forward to going to hotel because i like the idea of staying in a hotel. It's just like cool to me still. And then I'm always disappointed. Although, I wasn't disappointed by the hotel. The hotel was nice. They had like a little like, I know this sounds, they had a little like tablet by the bed. You could control the curtains, the temperature, you could set the lighting levels to different things.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Who paid for this, Saturday Kitchen or you? I don't know is the honest truth oh wow that sounds like a nice hotel well actually I think maybe
Starting point is 00:31:51 Saturday Kitchen paid for me to have a standard room but Jim our friend Jim asked for them knows the people there and asked them
Starting point is 00:31:59 to look after me so I think that's why I got that room nice anyway was it a duvet or like sort of a blanket sheet no it's a duvet is that bad no no no it's nice it's nice to do this it was good yeah um anyway i sort of didn't sleep very well yeah i find that every time i go to
Starting point is 00:32:19 a hotel every time i'm away from home it doesn't matter it's not an indictment of the hotel or whatever it's just i cannotment of the hotel or whatever it's just I cannot I can't I don't know what it is what time did you start on Saturday Kitchen what time did you start
Starting point is 00:32:30 not that early I was getting picked up at like 8 o'clock so it's not like monstrous but I wouldn't I'd say I didn't get to sleep till 3 probably I was just sort of
Starting point is 00:32:38 lying awake and then I tried that Stephen Fry lavender story you know I've talked about this I didn't say I put it on with the family and sat down
Starting point is 00:32:47 and spent a Saturday night in front of it. I said, literally, that story is designed to put you to sleep. That's why I put it on. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:32:53 I've just, I don't know, I'm sort of, I like Stephen Fry. They call it Blue Gold. I like Stephen Fry. And as you wend your way through the hills,
Starting point is 00:33:04 the smell hits you before the sight is beheld by your eyes. How many times have you listened to that? Have you ever got to the end of it? That's the first. I got to the end of it the other night. Yeah. I got to the end of the Matthew McConaughey one. That means that that one's not going to work for me anymore.
Starting point is 00:33:20 And that's exactly what I realised. And the other thing is, I panicked. Because getting to the end of something that I've been told that you never get to the end of, it freaked me out a bit. That gave me an adrenaline spike. Anyway, I went to Saturday Kitchen. And two things, well, three things, actually. Three points of discussion.
Starting point is 00:33:38 One, I find live TV quite frightening. Yeah, of course. I've realised. Well, me and you are both swearers. Exactly. Well, that's the other thing. That brings me on to point two. quite frightening yeah of course I realised well me and you are both swearers so that exactly well that's the other thing it brings me on to point two which is
Starting point is 00:33:50 I was told a number of times and I don't know if they've come to see me live or listen to this podcast but they were very clear to reiterate to me
Starting point is 00:33:57 on Saturday Kitchen that I shouldn't swear can we just remind well because this is I noticed last night in Norwich, I swore so much more than I did the first two nights. Like, my swearing was literally...
Starting point is 00:34:13 Every other word felt like I was swearing. And I tried to stop it, but I couldn't. It was like just pouring out of me. I don't know if it was because I was tired. I actually think your swearing's got better. I think... I say better. I don't mind swearing's got better. I think, I say better, I don't mind swearing,
Starting point is 00:34:25 I think it's fucking great. No, I like swearing. If you went back to your early episodes, the early episodes of this, I reckon you used to swear more than you do now. I'm pretty sure. I think it's because I'm not allowed to swear in the house now. Sometimes when you're tired,
Starting point is 00:34:37 you throw the F-bomb in as a bit of punctuation, but I do that as well. So, you know, like when you fucking, so I'm fucking like, fucking, looking at this fucking geezer, and he's'm fucking like fucking looking at his fucking
Starting point is 00:34:45 gauge when he's fucking like you know fucking looking back at me so I'm you know I don't know what the fucking else going on so I'm fucking just thinking like what the fuck's this geezer's fucking problem so I don't even go like the woman or man who ever come up to you and sort of say that what much can you just remember no swearing so just and no No, a couple of people said it to me. By the way, it sounds like I'm complaining about Saturday Kitchen. I had a great time. And I would thoroughly recommend it to you.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Because, like, that food, heaven or hell, was amazing. Every bit of food I tried on there was incredible. Yeah, I know. It does look awful. I just need to get it sorted. And they do have a proper chat with you. So I was a bit nervous because in my head whenever i when i know i'm pretty good at not swearing i mean i have to do loads of
Starting point is 00:35:31 shows where i don't swear but this is live do you know what i mean so you it sort of adds a little bit of a dimension yeah and then the show went fine it was lovely matt's head was really nice and then the end of it i got my food heaven which is a sticky toffee pudding which was they they passed it over to me and uh it was just to me and there's one set of cutlery this vegan sticky toffee pudding and i started eating it and i did say i'm pretty sure i said does anybody else want a bit of this right and they said no it's for you helen. Helen McGinn said it's for you, right? So I was like, cool. I ate it. Later on that day...
Starting point is 00:36:07 Just quickly, does everyone understand quietly what you're eating? Well, to be honest with you, that's so near the end of the show, they're kind of doing the wrap-up admin. Okay, cool. It's not like I would say that BBC One did not devote any amount of time to just a close-up of me eating. You're quite a passionate eater aren't you
Starting point is 00:36:25 I know you're not I know I know you're not going to go at me about how I eat I fucking know no no I've got a bit scruffy
Starting point is 00:36:33 that's like you that's like you coming at me for being a very tall white guy no but I've eaten with you and you are quite
Starting point is 00:36:41 mmm mmm this is lovely this is so really nice this is such bullshit this is really nice this is so sweet what is this toffee sauce did you say this topic you are quite a conversational eater first of all listen i'm not even going to get into conversational as a word second of all right why do you do this like because basically everything we talked about it has been based in
Starting point is 00:37:05 truth and then suddenly you look at you fucking prick you are loving it yeah no but you do i've done you do that before no i don't you you have never i don't even think you've ever heard me fucking in the middle of you look at me now and tell me you've heard me in the middle of me in something going oh isn't this good have you ever heard have you heard me say that ever no you do say this is delicious this is delicious I say it like that this is delicious
Starting point is 00:37:30 this is delicious do I I've definitely heard you I've eaten with you a number of times and you have remarked or you sort of do that if I was to do that
Starting point is 00:37:38 and you go to me yeah it is and a fucking whole barge you would tumble out you'd have chopped no but you are no I think it's really sweet because you're one of those people barge you would tumble out of your chops. No, but you are... No, I think it's really sweet because you're one of those people...
Starting point is 00:37:50 I'm not a conversional eater, whatever you describe it as, okay? You turn around and go, oh my God, you've got... You have to try this broccoli. It's delicious. Oh my God. People don't know that you're making shit up, bruv.
Starting point is 00:38:08 Bruv, listen to me. That was so aggressive. Bruv, people don't know that you're making shit up, bruv. People don't fucking understand that you're making up, you fucking... So, hold up. So you're sitting there quietly eating your sticky toffee, but... Yeah, so I finished... In defence...
Starting point is 00:38:23 Not in defence. In defence of what i'm about to say the criticism i got i did eat the entire thing and i think most people just sort of have a little bit and then leave i'm sorry i'm not i'm not going to jump against you there i think if someone's made you food and it's your food heaven then it's yeah but i know on cookery shows they don't tend to finish it do they i always do whenever i've on Sunday brunch, I'll finish other people's food as well. Yeah, Tom, listen. I love both of us, right?
Starting point is 00:38:50 I love you and I love myself. I would not say that we are exemplar human beings. Do you know what I mean? If somebody was looking at... Can we look at occasionally what's normal behaviour for people in this country? I don't think anybody is thinking, let's get Tom and Rom in the fucking room. We are what's known, Tom, as in the fucking room. We are what's
Starting point is 00:39:06 known, Tom, as outliers. We are freaks. We are people that distort the data. We are people that if a mathematician was trying to
Starting point is 00:39:16 analyze, he'd go, what the fuck are these two dots over here? That's Tom Davis and Romesh Ranganath. Okay, let's disregard them.
Starting point is 00:39:24 Anyway, go on anyway what were you going to say on your Sunday brunch sorry I'm not really hyper today I like it
Starting point is 00:39:29 I like this energy on Sunday brunch it used to be that you'd all stand around and
Starting point is 00:39:34 they'd give that big plate and you'd all be able to take something off it right
Starting point is 00:39:37 and now they do it so they give you individual plates and you all sit there and they pass it
Starting point is 00:39:41 around and the time that that's happened like the new version every time that they do it and I see people leaving a bit of food I'll always tell me and say you're not finishing there hmm and I'll say no no so it's a plus over all of it everybody's meals all the way if this food left I think it's offensive specter I'll scream to my plate me yeah
Starting point is 00:40:00 yeah I do want us come out in defense of saturday kitchen now because i noticed a couple of people saying uh that um that they didn't do vegan dishes for me but they did like every single dish they made they did a vegan version and i'm not talking about a vegan version where they just leave out the meat i'm talking about they adapted the recipe to completely change it around for me like the guys from fallow did like they did um deep fried chicken wings who are fallow by the way fallow with this restaurant that's sort of um it's this new it's this restaurant that's like everybody's going to everyone's going to it's like it's like everybody's talking about they're like and they do like when x-factor used to have
Starting point is 00:40:40 like a core band and i sort of everyone's talking about them in a moment. I'm sure there'll be absolutely buzzing for that analogy, but yeah, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Who's that?
Starting point is 00:40:50 Who are the opera singers from Britain's Got Talent or X Factor? Who won? You're talking about Paul Potts? No, not Paul Potts. The, the, the group.
Starting point is 00:40:58 Gee, something. Oh, Il Divo, is it? Il Divo. So yeah, I don't know why,
Starting point is 00:41:02 that's all I think of when you're talking about the forum boys. Okay, fine. Well, I mean, it hadn't been insulting up to that point but even now you've gone in two-footed now. So anyway, they made these deep-fried chicken wings and they made these like, they made a honey-free mushroom version for me and they deliberately sourced the mushroom that tasted the most like chicken they could find. and they fried it in a way that it would taste like as close to the actual thing as possible they used agave syrup instead of honey like they were proper on it do you mean that's nice and um every single one of the chefs on there absolutely smashed it and they chose vegan wines for me because some wines are filtered through fish bladder for some reason like it was like yeah it was great man it was like, yeah, it was great, man. It was, like, really good. Anyway, I loved it.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Saturday Kitchen, big thumbs up. Double thumbs up from Romesh, right? As an experience. I've got to say that this is, I've never seen you be this passionate about anything. You've not been this passionate about any of the holidays you've been on. Wasn't I pretty passionate about Greece?
Starting point is 00:42:02 I mean, was I not? You weren't as passionate about Greece as you have been about Saturday Kitchen. Okay. I don't think, I might say, I might say, I might say at least the next summer
Starting point is 00:42:11 we might do Saturday Kitchen. Take the voice. Because I don't think that there's ever in this whole podcast history been a time when you've gone a double thumbs up from Romesh. That's the first time that's ever been a reward.
Starting point is 00:42:24 I would say, I would say it's the sort of thing that makes you want to sort of jump off the stage into the crowd. You know? That's how excited I was about it. Touché. Touché. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze.
Starting point is 00:42:46 And it felt a little like... life's a trip make the most of it at best western hello darlings this is lisa vanderpump will you join me in france for a new reality show meet my hand-selected staff as they work live and play at chateateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+.
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Starting point is 00:44:09 Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. Anyway, I got home and I got more than one message from people suggesting that I was greedy and selfish for eating that sticky toffee pudding to myself did you respond to them? no but I did do a video that I posted on Instagram today now I slightly there's part of me that slightly regrets
Starting point is 00:44:37 the video to be honest we can't regret that much because you posted it to your stories and then you posted it to your main to regret straight after so you it to your stories and then you posted it to your main grid straight after so uh you uh i caught it on the stories and i caught on the main grid did you did you uh was that while you were uploading the montage of different photos from different tour shows that you put up
Starting point is 00:44:57 to call music this is probably my favorite game of chess we've for a while it's like you keep punching me but just before you do you get your testicles out you know i think i've put all my pawns my rooks and my castle is all out they've all been taken off the chessboard now and my queen and king are just sitting there going oh fuck we're done here we're absolutely done um no but like the reason i don't regret it loads of people came out and like said because i just went was that a bad thing i did but i wasn't genuinely upset about it i was just in i was interested in what people's opinion was do you mean because i didn't know if i'd like if that was a bad etiquette and but loads of people being very sweet but they were being too not they weren't being too
Starting point is 00:45:45 sweet they were being perfect but i started to feel guilty that i thought people thought i was upset i wasn't really upset about it i just thought it was i just was surprised i didn't i took it it was it was yeah the general question that you're asking okay great great great great good well if that's the general impression then that's perfect i didn't want people to think that i was gutted i mean because as you know saturday kitchen had nothing but a great time it's a double thumbs up from me do you know what i really want to go and uh double thumbs up i was going to call it saturday kitchen you should yeah i think it would be just genuinely just to sort of yeah because then obviously we've got something else to talk about on here if i was to go on there you go fucking actually you're you're right it was amazing like you know it's sort of yeah like if you were to have gone to
Starting point is 00:46:29 an amazing theme park and then recommend it later on that day and obviously i'm loathe to throw businesses under the bus uh so i'm not going to name this particular but i'm going to i'm going to talk about the phenomenon that i find quite irritating. Places charging gourmet burger prices and then delivering what is essentially something you get at a fucking family barbecue. Have you ever come across this? Yeah, yeah. It's unbelievable. I paid, I think, 12 quid for a plant-based burger at the weekend, right?
Starting point is 00:47:04 Right. And genuinely, this is how bad it looked. One of the kids started laughing when I opened the box. One of your kids? Yeah, yeah. Not in a horrible, but they were just like, what the hell? You've absolutely been turned over here.
Starting point is 00:47:21 It was genuinely like a tragic looking a tragic looking um patty right that looked like it'd been burnt single slice of lettuce single slice of tomato dry bun no sauce i paid like 30 can i just say also i don't think tomatoes have got any place within a burger okay no no i mean i agree with with you. But if you take away the tomato, there's very few elements left in this fucking thing. Yeah, no, no. I'm just saying, like, so when you...
Starting point is 00:47:49 I paid £3.50 for that slice of tomato. Me and Catherine were away last week. We were out with friends. I ordered a burger. I took a bite from this burger and my teeth weren't sharp. I crunched through the fucking meat, the lettuce, the cheese, the bacon with no problem.
Starting point is 00:48:07 The bun, complete decimated, right? The tomato, I just didn't have enough Wetherall to get through the tomato. So what happened is, as I pulled my sort of mouth, the burger away from my mouth... You didn't have enough what, sorry? Wetherall. You didn't have enough Wetherall? Isn't that a thing? It's like an old sort of, older day Charles Dickens sort of word. Well, Matt Weatherall was someone I went to school with. No, yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Maybe that's what he was named after. Weatherall was like, I didn't have enough sort of spirit, I suppose, or something like that. Wherewithal. Oh, that's it. People, what? I don't want to get started on this,
Starting point is 00:48:39 because we haven't done it. But wherewithal, Weatherall is a much better fucking word than wherewithal. Okay, fine. Well, do you know what? Use it. I respect you. Right.
Starting point is 00:48:48 And I pulled the burger out, but the tomato, I hadn't broken the skin, I hadn't broken the flesh, so the tomato just basically just flapped down and sort of slapped me on the chin, and so it was just hanging out of my mouth. And we talk about sort of getting annoyed with things.
Starting point is 00:49:03 I was like, why do people fucking put these in burgers I still to this day like there's tomato ketchup the tomato's fucking he doesn't need fucking you don't need two tomatoes
Starting point is 00:49:13 mixing it up do you know what I mean yeah I would say that tomato ketchup doesn't taste anything like tomatoes yeah but I think it tastes better
Starting point is 00:49:18 than actual tomatoes do in a burger yeah but it doesn't taste more tomatoey does it I mean like arguably I've never ever had a burger and gone oh there's not enough tomatoey doesn't it i mean like arguably i've never ever
Starting point is 00:49:25 had a burger and gone oh there's not enough tomato in this never in my whole life and also if you've got burger sauce that's doing all your fucking heavy lifting anyway i think tomatoes are the most overrated by the way of all of the and it would i was gonna say vegetables but i know they're a fruit masquerading as a vegetable if If I was in a vegetable drawer, by the way, with a fucking tomato, right, they deal with this big thing, tomatoes,
Starting point is 00:49:48 well, we're not a fucking vegetable, we're a fruit, right? That really pisses me off, because there's no... No, no, no, no. Can I just stop you?
Starting point is 00:49:55 First of all, tomatoes aren't saying that. Secondly, they're not saying we're neither a vegetable nor a fruit. They're a fruit. Yeah, they're a fruit,
Starting point is 00:50:03 but then you never... If I was to order a fruit platter and there was a tomato. They're fruits. Yeah, they're a fruit, but then you never... If I was to order a fruit platter and there was a tomato in it, I'd say, can I send that back? I'm really sorry, I don't want that on there. Because that's a savoury item, right? Right. It's got no place masquerading as a bit of fruit, right?
Starting point is 00:50:19 It's not masquerading, Tom. It's not an undercover agent, okay? It's just, it's got seeds in it, so it's classified as a fruit. That's it. Is that what that means? What? Is what the what means?
Starting point is 00:50:30 If someone's got seeds in, that's means it's a fruit. Are you winding me up now? I thought fruit was for dessert and vegetable was for... You thought that's how they're classified? Generally, yeah. Please tell me you're fucking joking. I'm not, I swear. You are joking swear you are joking
Starting point is 00:50:45 I genuinely thought that's what it was you thought that's how they decide what's fruits and vegetables yeah I thought if something was sweet then it would be like that's a fruit and if something was savoury it was a vegetable like yeah yeah I mean that is
Starting point is 00:51:00 to be fair you said two different things there right because like whether something's sweet or savoury doesn't determine whether it's in a dessert or not. Yeah, I know, but, like... I mean, I present to you the humble example of the carrot cake. Don't even get me started on carrot cake, mate. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:51:16 Carrot cake's fucking disgusting. No, it isn't. Someone got me a carrot cake for my birthday once. I was like, absolutely... I had to pretend I liked it, and it was absolutely heartbreaking. Carrot cake's delicious. Carrot cake is not delicious. Carrot cake is delicious, mate.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Banana cake is delicious. Avocado cake's delicious. I cannot go through you naming every cake you find delicious, mate. We're trying to wrap this up now. Beetroot and chocolate cake is incredible, right? Carrot cake, I just can't stand it it's it's a fucking imposter it's up there with tomato being a fruit i didn't do you ever how do
Starting point is 00:51:52 you distinguish just as a question how do you tom davis distinguish between opinion and fact because what you're you're saying carrot cake is a fraud and imposter or whatever right yeah but that's because you don't like it right yeah yeah but it's the same thing with bloody tomatoes
Starting point is 00:52:10 I didn't know that I mean I'm I'm laying into you here I actually got into a bit of shit on Saturday Kitchen did I mention I was on Saturday Kitchen Jesus Christ
Starting point is 00:52:17 when I was I'll tell you what Lisa's got to be sitting there thinking fucking hell at the moment looks like Romesh might be running off for Saturday Kitchen
Starting point is 00:52:23 I genuinely I've known you for a long long time I don't think I've ever heard you talk this passionately about anything not even Arsenal I wonder if it's
Starting point is 00:52:34 because it's the only thing that's sort of happened this weekend for me I'd arguably say right I've listened to a lot of your hip hop shows Hip Hop Saved My Life
Starting point is 00:52:41 your hip hop show off the radio both brilliant things you're very knowledgeable I don't think I've ever heard you being that passionate about any songs as you have been
Starting point is 00:52:48 about Saturday Kitchen today I'd say whatever's happened there today has completely it's a new you you know what
Starting point is 00:53:00 Saturday Kitchen is your wonderful life that's your parents the angel the reason I was? Saturday Kitchen is your wonderful life. That's your Clarence the Angel. The reason I was mentioning Saturday Kitchen again, because it was a fun time, but the reason I was mentioning it again is because I said that sweet potato was my food hell. Really?
Starting point is 00:53:17 Yeah, and I got some blowback from that. And actually, I did exactly what I was criticising you for. Before you decided to give me the shoo-in of my life there i was actually stepping in to to sort of back you up because i described sweet potato as a fraud on the show so all of this shit i just gave you about opinion and fact or whatever i did exactly what i'm having a go at you about doing so i can i just take my this opportunity to apologize i do like it when i find out something not like that i did about the seeds because I had no idea
Starting point is 00:53:46 that was a thing. Well, the thing that slightly confused me about that is that I don't know what a banana is because a banana doesn't have seeds in it, right? Well, I can't think of
Starting point is 00:53:56 those little ones that run through it, no? Yeah, but are they seeds? It was an avocado then. Avocado's got a big old seed in it, hasn't it? No, it's a pit. It's not a seed, is it? Well, it's the same then. Avocado's got a big old seed in it, hasn't it? No, it's a pit.
Starting point is 00:54:06 It's not a seed, is it? Well, it's the same thing, isn't it? An avocado stone. So, botanically speaking, a banana, I'm just going to look this up now, a banana is both a berry and a fruit. Here's the deal. The banana flower contains one ovary,
Starting point is 00:54:21 which grows into a single banana. The banana also has somewhat soft skin, juicy flesh, and many tiny seeds. Does it? Yeah, that's a little bit, so run through the middle of it. All right. So there you go.
Starting point is 00:54:34 It is, I find, like, all of this sort of stuff, right, that's clearly someone's job from back in the day, isn't it? Who's had to go through everything. Like, whose job was that like well you don't have to classify this for some reason don't know yeah but it's like you think like if someone's sat there for ages right with all of these new things because you've got to think at this point right that's me and you we're sitting like i don't know probably at that time in a sort of hut somewhere someone's coming coming in going, oh, bloody, we've found something else.
Starting point is 00:55:05 Tell us what this is. And me and you are looking at it going, fucking hell, what is this? Like, generations of people are going to take our word for it. You know, is this a fruit? Is it a vegetable? Is it a berry? It's like, those decisions were made back there. If I'm honest with you, some of them very foolish and stupidly so.
Starting point is 00:55:21 Okay, all right. Which ones do you disagree with in particular? So tomato you don't like as a fruit anything else that pops into your head i think banana would be absolutely disgusting if it was like called a berry i think that would be i don't think why would that how would that change it is first of all it is being called a berry and you don't find it disgusting so no i love bananas i don't want to go against bananas what i'm saying is if if you're having a big night out right and you've got your raspberry there and you've got your blueberry there
Starting point is 00:55:47 your blackberry in this example the fruit fruits are guests are like this yeah the fruit fruit all going out you're not out with a load of fruit yeah yeah and they're all going out right and then fucking all of a sudden a banana turned up the banana i don't think i'd have much of a conversation to have with any of the other berries and the berries have struggled to have a conversation with a banana i don't think they'd have the same sort of fucking look at life at all it's essentially like if you had a pack of lions sitting around their jungle an elephant to turn up the elephant would be like fucking what am i going to tell you i're right an elephant is as different to a lion as a banana is to a raspberry you're correct
Starting point is 00:56:25 it's a great analogy I mean I sometimes wonder if actually you believe what you're saying no I do I genuinely believe
Starting point is 00:56:38 that with all of my heart I look at it and I think actually if I was ever to look at that situation
Starting point is 00:56:44 and go fuck it I feel sorry for that banana I'll go and make a conversation but yeah so you're a person
Starting point is 00:56:50 in this eh I don't know I'm like another being you're another being what are you I don't know just like probably like a pineapple maybe
Starting point is 00:56:59 or just go in the back what the fuck business have you got going I've been talking to a fucking banana at a party full of berries you prick well no I'm walking past and I see him there
Starting point is 00:57:06 none of them know what it's like to have a skin peeled off your back I'd be like oh yeah mate bloody hell and then what would happen bloody hell yeah it's a pain in the ass isn't it when you have your skin peeled off to someone to eat these little fellas I've just thrown them in your mouth I don't want to get into this
Starting point is 00:57:27 because I feel like I feel like you and I are skinning up our ninth joint at a fucking bus stop or something but so a banana gets peeled
Starting point is 00:57:35 and eaten then comes back to fucking tell the tale at a party with some berries is it no this is probably been eaten it's like fucking
Starting point is 00:57:42 Doctor Who so okay so let's assume they've's been eaten he's like fucking Doctor Who so okay so let's assume they've not been eaten right right let's assume they've not been eaten
Starting point is 00:57:50 how the fuck would either of them be able to comment on what it's like to have your skin peeled off your back and eat it yeah but obviously
Starting point is 00:57:55 because he's sat in the fruit basket where they're all in the fridge so he's watched other bananas like his cousins his mates been eaten
Starting point is 00:58:02 do you know what I mean you don't keep bananas in the fridge do you no that's what I mean so that's that's another thing you keep the berries in the fridge the berries in the fridge bananas not he's got brilliant what's going on here oh it's that stupid big yellow berry over there don't fucking call me that mate god you've got no idea what it's like to have the skin get peeled off your back you just get thrown straight into someone's mouth lucky old you it's indignifying okay uh at this point i'll go to you right mate i think you've had too much time to go home i'm gonna get you let's get you and get some toast inside you and put you to bed yeah
Starting point is 00:58:41 it's 3 a.m i need to get home mate i can't I can't I can't keep doing this man this is fucking mental I can't keep sitting there every night talking this shit with you yeah neither of we've both got cars
Starting point is 00:58:53 neither of us need the bathroom you're gonna start having to buy your own marijuana at some point yeah right Tommy Tommy D take us out this this, please.
Starting point is 00:59:07 Yo, let me shout. Sometimes it's easy to look at inanimate objects and realise where they get their strength from, their structure from. If you look at a house or some flats, you think, oh, the footings there must be strong. It's still standing. Or you'll see the scaffold round a beautiful old church and think,
Starting point is 00:59:26 oh, they're doing all the heavy lifting. Of course, sometimes those things can happen with human life as well. You'll see someone with a broken leg carrying themselves across the street on some crutches. Or an old man walking past a newsagent with a paper stuffed under his arm, putting his weight upon a walking stick. And it's easy there.
Starting point is 00:59:45 It's easy, friends, to see who's holding those things up. But actually, sometimes in life, it's not about the physical act. It's more about what's holding things up inside. And by that, I mean it's a walking stick that can just be a kind word or the crutches that can actually just be an arm around the shoulder. Or in fact, the footings that can actually just be an arm around the shoulder or in fact the footings
Starting point is 01:00:07 that are just from being raised well and being treated with all the dignity and integrity that you require the truth about life is little things their efforts go a long way so when you're faced with two different choices that to be nasty or mean or bad spirit or that to be decent or is not towards decent and it's the person you're dealing with is a helmet and then just walk away ladies and gentlemen thanks for listening good night good morning good afternoon and god bless uh thank you so much for listening to the podcast God bless you thank you remember to please if you are
Starting point is 01:00:47 coming to the Apollo show please do send us emails if you have any questions and we hope to see you there that's going to be like what next week when this goes out
Starting point is 01:00:55 yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and to play us out I came across this classic after not hearing it for a while,
Starting point is 01:01:05 even though I love this band. Me, Myself and I by De La Salle is what's playing us. Oh, it's a banging tune. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Guys, take care of yourselves. Hey, Rob, can I just say something? Thank you for your lovely words earlier.
Starting point is 01:01:16 I know that it's been a battle of beautiful words today, but what you said earlier, it meant a lot. And you are a true friend. And I find myself very lucky to be sailing beneath your sail well it would have meant a lot more
Starting point is 01:01:28 if you didn't do your end of show wrap up voice when you said all of that but thank you so much Tom you're very welcome love you mate take care guys
Starting point is 01:01:37 peace out bye bye bye bye mirror mirror on the wall tell me mirror what is wrong can it be
Starting point is 01:01:44 my daylight clothes or is it just my daylight socks? What I do ain't make-believe, people say I sit and try But when it comes to being daylight, it's just me, myself and I It's just me, myself and I It's just me, myself and I It's just me, myself and I. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.
Starting point is 01:02:34 Thank you.

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