Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 76: Stand-Up Celebrations & Saturday Chefs
Episode Date: October 25, 2023We’re talking… Tom at the Hackney Empire, Rom’s warm-up gigs, end of show celebrations, the acceptability of jumping into the crowd, some mischievous misreporting, the mystery of a very intimida...ting audience member and dealing with successes and criticisms. Then it’s a glowing report from Rom’s recent appearance on Saturday Kitchen, the challenges of not swearing on live TV, a minor sticky toffee pudding scandal, some serious beef with burgers and the difference between fruit and veg. For questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: HELLO@KEEPITLIGHTMEDIA.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Yeah. Yeah, what you want? No purchase necessary, visit the Timz app for details. an owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows
Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing
They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll
see nothing All you hear's a huff, a puff and a
Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing, it's
head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog.
Okay, here we go again. Time for the wolf and owl.
You know what I'm really trying right now is, I'm really trying to sort of find energy
from somewhere.
You know what I sometimes find energy from? I find energy from the end of tour shows,
you know, when the audience is just really going for it and sometimes sometimes i don't know that energy you've had a fucking hard
on now probably since thursday night and that got posted i've never seen you like relish
i've got like you have literally had your gun cocked no you don't even know
what I'm going to say
I know exactly
what you're going to say
no you don't
because you text me
and said
I can't wait for the podcast
and in the fucking
three odd years
that we've been doing
this podcast
you've never once
shown that kind of
excitement
I didn't say I couldn't
wait for the podcast
all I said was
listen
let me be absolutely
crystal clear on this
I love you
do you know what I mean
I love the bones of you
you're one of my favourite
people in the whole world
and to see you
doing the tour
that you're doing
is
can I just say one thing
before you
before you
throw this
fucking spin ball
that you've got loaded
drink careful
because I found out
a little nugget
of information last night
at my tour show
oh did you
okay well I'm looking forward to hearing this.
So, look, I love you, and you're doing a big tour,
and when I see your Instagram,
I get very, very excited about the joy that you experience
when you're doing these tour shows.
And I thought to myself,
I was gutted that I wasn't able to be at the Hackney,
not that I was given an invite or anything
or asked if I ever
wanted to
you had your own
working break
you were lighting up
I believe Coventry
and Warwick
that night
yeah
and
why are you
because I know
what's coming
and I have
lucky enough for me
we're sharing
quite a lot
of the same
sort of
team
so yeah
go on go on my friend if this is a game i've actually started to get nervous about what
you've got on me and look i just want to say i was delighted to see you at the end of the show
just be overcome with the emotion and and jump off the stage and run into the crowd it was a
is that not a done thing can i just ask you that not a normal thing i think i what listen my my answer to that would be
is the dumb thing the thing that you should do no do you mean who cares if it is the dumb thing
like like basically i had to be told by flow to spend longer saying thank you at the end of shows
because i sort of tend to do because i've heard at coventry on friday night you stepped into the crowd off the stage well tom tom i could let me
tell you this you have turned up to this fight thinking you've got a gun but you've actually
got a banana that didn't that did not happen dennis fernandez swore that you because we've
been great grats was rinsing me
about this right
Gratz was saying
that Romesh has got
an AK-47
loaded for you
and he's coming
at you hard
that's not true
but what I would say
is
I really
I really enjoyed
you jumping off stage
into the crowd
I can tell you
what happened at Coventry
if you want
because I also know
that you went into the crowd at no I also know that you went into the crowd i can tell you what happened at coventry if you want because i also know that you went into the crowd at coven no i also know that you went into crowd at cambridge
okay so yeah so and coventry so basically this is now a regular thing for you
when i know that cambridge it was kind of insane because of the microphone situation and i felt
very there was a big release hackney i'd arguably say wasn't pre-empted i was just buzzing because
it was happening it was east london I was just buzzing because it was Hackney.
It was East London.
Yeah, sure.
And it was a high-pressured environment.
I had a lot of friends and family there.
Yeah, yeah.
So I felt overwhelmed.
On my second night, no, well, first, I can't remember.
One of the Coventry.
It was your second night in Coventry.
Yeah, okay.
So second night in Coventry.
Tom, you're stroking your chin like you've got something on me.
You've got nothing.
No, do you know what?
Can I just say, I'm stroking my chin because I have an ingrown hair inside my beard.
Okay, well, that's made me look a little...
Which is really painful.
So I need to know how...
Have you ever had that?
No, I haven't.
You need to go to a skin specialist or something, or a doctor or something.
Otherwise, it will get worse.
I'm just worried I'll have to shave off my beard to get this thing out.
Well, I think they just pull it out or something, don't they?
But I wouldn't do it. Yeah, no, but what if they've got to make you shave? to get this thing out. Well, I think they just pull it out or something, don't they? But I wouldn't do it.
Yeah,
no,
but what if they've got
to make it shave,
just like shave,
make it shave,
Jesus Christ.
Anyway,
what I can tell you
is I did not go into
the crowd at commentary.
I can tell you...
It was quite a small stage.
This is what Dennis is.
So this is Dennis's
recollection.
Okay,
so I'd like to hear,
because I'll be honest with you,
I didn't go into the crowd,
so I'm looking forward
to taking this up
with Dennis
when I next see him.
So Dennis is a sound guy for both of us.
All right, go on.
Well, he's a sound,
he's not just a sound guy,
he's a sound guy, right?
He's a very sweet, sweet man.
Well, I actually described him as the sound guy,
and you're the one that went,
he's not a sound guy, so.
No, no.
He's not just the sound guy,
he's a sound guy.
Is that what you're saying?
He's a sound,
as in he's a guy that sounds
okay fine
yeah
he's a very sweet sweet soul
right
he
Graz basically said
I've never seen
Robert so excited
about you getting
okay
this is
there's a lot of
misreporting going on here
this is absolute bollocks
but anyway go on
anyhow
then he
then he said
oh why why why and I said oh because i got into the
stage uh come to the stage at hackney and sort of um spent some time with the audience and then
dennis said oh romesh did that on friday in commentary no that's um he stepped down to get
a photo no i didn't step down at no point did i leave the stage until i was at side of stage to
go back right what happened was and by the way i don't think there's anything wrong with doing that okay can i just say this i don't think
there's anything can i just ask is it not a normal thing well how normal is it who cares what
normal is no no because i have done it probably four or five times like at certain gigs i felt
like i would describe it if i'm being honest with you i would describe it as a safety risk
what as in yeah i mean i've been a little bit worried about the covid thing well it's covid it's also you know just because people come to your shows it doesn't mean that
they're not they're not going to like grab you off or yeah talking about that can i just while
we're actually talking about that on i think it must mean wednesday night i did uh the amazing
abc comedy shout out james grit Get on and shout out the team there,
Tim and James.
Always a lovely gig.
Is this the one that you crowd surfed at?
You ****.
I've pulled the C-bomb out.
We're six minutes in.
He's fucking dropped the C-bomb on me.
Anyway, go on.
You love it, don't you?
You love it.
No, so it was an amazing group, lovely people lovely people yeah one guy wrong yeah there's one guy he was in about third row and he was screwing me out for the heart like
the anger in this guy's eyes like from the moment i started yeah also up until the interval at the
end of what i said to james there's a guy in the audience who genuinely looks like he could be a security risk
and he's quite a small room
at ABC isn't it
so you're going to be
you can't chew that out
can you
no
so
as a stand
you get back up stage
and you know
you've got to give everyone
else a show
but I got to the point
probably about half way
through the second half
that I didn't want to
make a conversation with him
because he looked
genuinely
was there any part of you
that wanted to engage
because no he looked like he was threatened any part of you that wanted to engage?
No, he looked like he was threatened.
The way he was looking was not just like, you know,
sometimes people look down.
His look looked like genuinely he was waiting for me to say something so he could either physically get involved or just angrily fucking fire off.
And the person he was with, the woman he was with,
seemed to be having a great time.
Right.
He was just so angry, right? Anyway, the gig finishes. I said to be having a great time right he was just so angry
right anyway the gig finishes i said james girl that guy there's something he's like he's he's a
bit of a worry like the physical intimidation as he walks out right and you know i know people
yeah yeah yeah and everyone has told us all this there's that really annoying thing they go you're
a big bloke and And I'm like,
yeah, but I don't want to fight someone.
I have no intention to.
I really like,
I've literally turned up
to hopefully have a good gig
and enjoy a gig.
I would say it's an unreasonable expectation
for you to do a show.
Somebody's like getting a bit aggy
and then you're then required
to lay into them after.
I think regardless of your size,
that feels unreasonable.
Yeah.
So I then go downstairs.
I wait for a few minutes.
I go,
James leaves. I wait for a little
bit longer because i think i just don't want to get involved this guy the way he left the way he
stared at me was just very aggressive anyhow i come downstairs i go out the side door of the
tour field he comes walking back in shouting something at his wife that he's clearly aggressive
and he comes storming back and pushes past me he Are you serious? And he sort of goes back to the bar.
Yeah.
And I then come out and I'm sort of standing there.
I'm like, this is just, you know,
I don't know if you've ever been in that situation.
There's a sort of sick feeling, like this feels just horrible.
Yeah.
This guy's clearly aggressive.
It's happened to me before.
And so I've ordered a taxi.
And the taxi turns up.
And I go to get in this taxi, but it's the wrong taxi.
It's for three lads
very nice lads who
also in the audience, made a bit of a joke
then I'm standing out there
looking for where my taxi is, trying to
find it, he comes back out, he's got himself a drink
he didn't get, the woman he was with a drink
and he just stood there
staring and he's staring the drink in
and the woman he was with turned around
and said, oh Tom, I think your taxi might be over there there's a taxi over there with hazards on so I said, oh thank you, and he shouted staring then he's sort of staring the drink in and the woman who's turned around said oh tom i
think your taxi might be over there there's a taxi over there with hazards on so i said oh thank you
and he shouted he can find his own fucking taxi right and i'm like this is horrible like there's
a part of me now wants to step in and see if she's okay so i was like thank you very much you know
cheers for coming tonight and he was just staring like he holding his glass like he was squeezing it so
hard like the glass would break and i literally got into the fucking taxi half of me just thinking
you know they're clearly they're both you can see they both have wedding rings on you know whatever
but i got into the taxi with a feeling of absolute like as i walked to the taxi i was like is he just
going to come up by me and like do something it was just such
a threat you know when you're just there like that's an insane situation for a guy like that
to sort of be like why even come to a comedy night if someone you clearly despise like it was
genuinely like and i could see the people around him it could feel like him literally just staring
there was like i'd say two people either side of them as a couple just
looking at him every now and again and looking at his demeanor it's just fucking horrible man
um so you didn't ever find out what his problem was no i was just like yeah i had no idea like
and like you i mean you're affable yeah if if you sort of get reading like someone might not
be enjoying it,
I usually never converse because I think that's not really fair.
But in a situation such as this,
or if someone looks like you might have upset them for a joke,
I'll try and have a bit of chat in a room that size.
Obviously in a theatre.
But in that situation, I genuinely thought that this guy has come.
This guy looked like, felt to me, he's come here for a fight or an argument with me he looked like he was he literally brought a ticket to see if at some point he could somehow pick a hole and just go at me
what do you reckon it might be if he was to speculate about reasons why he was so angered
by you what do you think there might be well i don't know maybe one of the things i've summed
up on this podcast maybe he hates improvisationation maybe eight sort of thoughts that close up a series of kind of distracted ideas and
tries to put together some sort of moral or maybe he's just really into flies if i wanted to what i
genuinely think's happened there is his wife has brought tickets, or his girlfriend's brought a ticket,
his wife, I think, when the wedding rings on,
and she's asked him to come along, said it'll be fun,
and he clearly just is not into it.
Yeah, but that's not really saying that, though, is it?
But it's saying that from the moment I got on stage,
he was doing that for this.
Is it possible?
Is it possible?
Is it possible?
And obviously, is it possible that she possible and obviously is it possible
that she said
she found you
attractive or something
because
I don't know
because you're
obviously you're
an attractive man
but like if she's gone
if she's been going on
about you too much
I'm just sort of
because I'm just
trying to think like
your show
I've seen your show
it's not offensive
do you know what I mean
like so
so you know
it's not like you're
an edgelord
and you've said something that's like upset him in that regard so i'm trying to think like maybe
i don't know i'm trying to i'm trying to think of the most likely explanation the most likely
explanation is maybe this guy's like threatened it might not even be fancy it might be just that
she's really into you like as a comic or whatever do you know what i mean and so he's
turned up and it's like he doesn't just say to a guy with a friend because i can't stand the fella
yeah i don't know it just seems a bit weird to me i've had people confront me about things i've
said on stage loads of time no yeah but this is not that no this was this for the moment i walked
on stage he was like annoyed like he like he his biggest hope would be that james gill would have
walked up and gone sorry everyone tom davis isn't able to make it like something horrible's happened
to him and then he'd have laughed probably and sort of brought everyone in the crowd drinks
felt like the sort of well let's see if you are if you are listening uh either of you i i i'd go as
a pun and there's a betting man I think there's a pretty fucking high chance
he doesn't listen to this
there's a good chance
that she does
there's a good chance
that she does though right
yeah but I'd also be interested
for the people who are
sitting around him
like because
I just found
you know like
you know if you go to a dinner party
and you get someone
who acts like that
someone who's so aggressive
it's such a
you know
it's such a strange thing
isn't it
to sort of
bring that energy to a place yeah like if any it's not when you know it's such a strange thing isn't it to sort of bring that energy
to a place
yeah
but I
it's not when you go
and watch football
you have someone near you
who displays
that kind of aggression
yeah
it just ruins everything
yeah but I feel like
I remember once
like
this is quite a dark story
so
but I remember once
getting into an argument
with my brother
just after my dad
had passed away
and like
I got into an argument on the phone.
Me and my brother fell out because,
well, I don't want to get into it,
but we had a bit of an argument,
a bit of a falling out, right, on the phone.
And I actually had a full-on argument with him
and I was in the foyer of the whole theatre
waiting to go into Panto.
Do you know what I mean?
But you were in Panto.
No, I was going to watch it.
And then, like,
I sort of looked around
and I sort of...
I'd not raised my voice,
but you could tell I was
having a heated conversation.
Like, when you're so, like,
passionate about something
and you're in the moment.
And that's...
By the way, that is me
who, I've got to be honest with you,
I was about to say,
I can't think of the...
That might be the last time
I raised my...
Do you know what I mean?
I just don't get angry and annoyed. So what I'm saying is on the scale of people who get like
who lose their temper I would consider myself pretty low on that list but if you're like totally
highly charged like that I imagine he just sort of felt vindicated he didn't give a shit there
was something that triggered him or whatever and he's just like yeah he just felt justified in his
anger or something I mean like you see it
so many times
down the pub
don't you
I mean like
the number of times
I've seen somebody
get so angry
as if like
their family
have been
assaulted or something
and it's like
somebody's barred
like accidentally
bumped them
when they're walking past
I mean people
you just don't know
what flicks people's switches
do you know what I mean
I think with him
at first I was like
maybe he's just had a shit day
and he didn't really want to come to stand-up.
But then his demeanour outside, I was like,
oh no, this is about me.
He was waiting for me to do something
or say something that he could react to it.
Is there any part of you that's intrigued to know
what it was that you were so annoyed about?
Yeah, kind of.
But also, if I'm going to speak honestly,
it actually, like, there was a part of me
and actually, in what you said about the safety risks,
realised quite how foolish it is
to then jump into a crowd of people
because, in a sense...
Well, look, I'm not...
No, no, but in a sense, it is like,
when I think about it logically,
on Wednesday, I have someone who turns up to a sense it is like when I think about it logically on Wednesday I have someone
who turns up to a gig
clearly doesn't want to be there
clearly he's
quite aggressive towards me
and on Thursday
I jump into the crowd
because I was genuinely buzzing
I was like
very excited
and you learnt your lesson
from Wednesday
you'd seen a really aggressive guy
and you thought
you know
the very next night
I'm going to jump into the crowd
fair play
well done
you know
the fact is
that sometimes in life
right
you look at things and you go,
oh, okay, no, I'm an actual idiot.
Like, I'm an actual, like,
God or life sent me, like, a lesson on Wednesday
and said, hey, here's a lesson.
Like, not all that glimmers is gold.
Like, some of the people in this fucking audience
aren't going to like you.
And on Thursday, I decided to,
in front of a bigger audience, so if you actually, like... The probability is much higher that somebody that doesn to like you and on Thursday I decided to in front of a
bigger audience
so if you actually
like
the probability
is much higher
that somebody
that doesn't like
you is in that
crowd
yeah
there's going to
be four or five
and you know what
this is actually
one for you
as I walked off
from Hackney
after jumps
in the crowd
one guy did
call me a wanker
so
what
what are you
talking about
he made the
wanker sign
but I don't
then know
because I've
got material
about wanking
so I don't know whether he was...
Well, that is a pretty generous interpretation
of what happened there, mate.
I like to think of the good in people.
Somebody was calling me a fucking wanker,
and I assume it's a callback to something I said in the set.
I remember in 2011, I did a bit about being racially abused.
Somebody dropped the pee bomb on me the other day.
I assume they're like a really hardcore fan.
They must have known that early stuff.
Do you know what I mean?
Better play to it.
I actually said thank you.
I said thanks, man, for following my early stuff.
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Would you ever jump in the crowd?
Do you think you'd actually go into the crowd?
Look, I'm going to be honest with you.
I was only pseudo taking the piss there.
Because the thing is, I don't think it's a bad thing.
Look, I don't think it's a bad thing to do in terms of I didn't judge you for it.
I feel like you're doing, like, listen, Matt,
you're doing your first proper tour and you're smashing it
and the show's wicked
and you went and did hackney empire like you you just went into the crowd like a night by the way
the other thing i would say is we've had emails in from people that were there that night and other
nights you've been on tour and they're like it was an amazing show and they really loved you doing
that so you know i'm not i'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't do that. Would I ever do it?
I personally wouldn't, but not because I've got a rule against it.
It's just against my instinct.
Do you know what I mean? I basically, as soon as a show's finished, on these warm-ups,
I've had to force myself to stay out and say thank you to the crowd
because most of the time I do my last joke
and then literally I almost run off stage.
Do you know what I mean?
I had a similar thing with that.
I was doing that all through the warm-ups.
It wasn't until...
Because this is the first tour,
so you're picking up stuff from...
Gratz will talk to me about something on Flow Wheel.
I was saying to her,
it wasn't really until i think
towards the end of the work in progress i would i literally was going thank you very much for
coming to hear about walk off yeah and then it was like if people flow said you know grats sort of
remark that actually you need to sort of stand out for a little longer just to sort of almost
applaud the audience i mean and sort of i had no idea that that's what something you did so i think like
and then since then i've sort of acted on instinct a bit more and i think like certain ones like
cambridge or hackney uh where you sort of you know i found the commentary quite a weird one because
the stage was so low like i ended up sort of talking to audience members before i went on
backstage and ended up doing 40 minutes of chat at the end of the
after the show which is nice
my god
you know there's venue staff that are waiting to get home
right well no it's all the venue staff
the people having a chat and getting pictures
but also
I felt bad because of old Jim and the weather was
pretty bad as well yeah but it doesn't look it doesn't matter
these people are there to service your ongoing
march towards your ego.
So, you know,
fuck them, man. Do you know what I mean?
I had a weird one. I don't know whether I should
talk about this on here, actually.
Because this is
the sort of energy that we're bringing in.
We're not bringing this energy.
No, no, no. We're not bringing
it, but while we're
talking about things
that have ruffled my feathers
or things that have happened
I've been dealing
with that thing
I've talked about it
off air with you
with someone who turned around
and has been quite critical
about it behind my back
from the industry
I'm not going to say
any name
but I think I've had that
no but I think that's
played a part in my
are you serious
yeah man
it's a horrible thing to hear
from one of your peers like I don't think it's a horrible thing to hear from one of your peers
like
I don't think that's a nice thing
to hear about yourself
no
look man
I don't
I think like
maybe it isn't
but what I would say to you is
look I mean
I don't want
I don't want the people
listening to this
to have a frustrated experience
we can't
obviously we're not going to say
what exactly happened
but let's just put it this way.
I'm trying to think of it.
Tom,
word got to Tom
that somebody in the industry
is criticising his abilities, right?
Is that,
that's a fair way of putting it, right?
Yeah, I think it's a fair way
And you found that upsetting.
But what I would say,
what I would say to you
is if you were to email in
and go,
like,
dear Al,
I know that the wolf
has sort of gone on, like off the back of Wonka has sort of gone off to Hollywood and left you behind, but Al, I know that the wolf has sort of gone on,
like, off the back of Wonka,
has sort of gone off to Hollywood and left you behind,
but I did still want to send you an email.
Basically, like, somebody from the industry
sort of criticised me and, like,
I found it very, very tricky to, you know,
I'm on my debut stand-up tour,
film's about to come out with Timothy Fischalme,
and I feel like things are going well.
Nevertheless, you know, the reaper concussions
of somebody criticising me like that.
The reaper concussions.
Listen to you, you're loving this.
The reaper concussions.
You have literally, you have got me like Conor McGregor on a...
Well, wait, wait, because you're going to like the response.
The reaper concussionsrums of what's happened
is I've been
rattling around
my old peanut
and I've often
found myself
midway through
a show
reminiscing
and reflecting
upon the
pedestal that
I've put these
criticisms on.
Do you know
what I mean?
And so,
I'm just wondering
what you'd do
about that.
And I would say,
this is what I
would say,
dear Anonymous,
whoever you may be this is who
catherine and grace are well really loved king garrett the murder successful um now i would say
look what i would say to you is is that it's up to you how you respond to that that level of criticism the fact of the matter is is that you
are smashing it on your tour you're like smashing it in the acting game you've got your own production
company you've got a beautiful family it's almost an insult to all of those blessings that you have
to allow something like that to disrupt that and actually the truth of the matter is is most of
the time when you're being criticized like that it's by somebody that wants something that you
have do you mean and so it's it's you know it's jealousy it's insecurity on their part or whatever
and whenever you rationalize a criticism like that it becomes so much easier to deal with. The reason that you feel like that, Anonymous,
is because you are doing stand-up for the first time,
you're selling out big rooms, you've worked hard on the show,
but you have a lot of self-doubt and you're crippled with imposter syndrome.
And so there's part of you, there is a small part of you
that doesn't believe you deserve this.
And then when you heard that criticism,
that criticism went and found that insecurity shook hands with it and said should we wreak havoc in
this guy's head for a bit and that's exactly what's happened so it's totally up to you to just
disregard that you are a fucking brilliant stand-up we've got loads of emails from people
more than i'd actually like from people saying how much they've enjoyed your shows right i've seen your show it's fucking great you're selling out big rooms you know
bournemouth is a blip but you're selling out big rooms bournemouth is yeah bournemouth is uh yeah
that's that's that's what's keeping me up at night yeah yeah no but you're you're set you sold out
hackney you know you like a few years ago the idea that you would you know sell out Hackney, you know, a few years ago, the idea that you would, you know, sell out Hackney as a stand-up
seemed outside of your, you're not even achieving your dreams.
You're achieving things that you don't even dream about.
So, do you know what I mean?
What I would say to you is, do not allow that to be,
that is almost, you're doing yourself a disservice
and doing that person a favour by allowing that to live inside your head.
That would be my advice.
Thank you so much for your email.
Keep in touch.
By the way, we're doing a live show
at the Apollo on the 2nd of November.
Still probably haven't got enough emails in
to fill the second half of that show.
If only you'd bought a ticket and put Apollo in the title,
we could have dealt with it then.
No, we've got a few.
We've probably got enough, actually. But we'd love few. We probably got enough, actually, to Venezuela.
But we'd love more.
We'd love more.
Well, I meant everything I said.
Can I just say thank you?
You're very, yeah.
You've warmed my cockles and warmed my hands.
Listen, the only reason I do this podcast
is to warm your cockles, mate.
Just now, I said to Lisa,
I've got to get on that laptop
because there's some cold cockles
that need my hands on them.
How's you been, my G, g my brother i've been very good i've been doing warm-ups i've been enjoying it it's it's it's like you know i feel like i'm behind you in this whole process
because like you've kind of got this thing that isn't ready yet and then you're putting it out
on display that's that's the mad thing about stand-up driven it's sort of like you're getting
people to taste it you take you're getting people to taste the cake that's only been the oven for
seven minutes do you know what i mean and so like you always feel like i always feel a bit nervous
going out but the crowds have been wicked and i'm enjoying the whole process i did saturday kitchen
yesterday and uh have you done that for all of course there's not been a for all no no i'm gonna
be going on it right okay so yeah so i went on saturday i'm gonna be going on it i've never of course i've never watched saturday's kit so their kitchen
well is this sort of thing that makes me wonder why they don't rush to book you to be honest with
me mate no they have asked me to go on it and no it's just like a saturday it's you know it's just
not in my remit of things to well what i would say is if you don't like working i'm pretty talking my
way out of doing it now well what i would say is if you don't like working on saturdays in a kitchen then yeah
i would say that it does what it says on the tin how much work did you have to do none more or less
than sunday brunch less okay who else was on there with you uh helen mcginn was a wine expert and
there were the two chefs from fallow uh he's all chefs apart from me oh nice yeah oh
well so you can you're like the big big name on it well i'm the only name on it
the chefs are celebrities in their own right and they actually yeah yeah and they actually are
able to do the thing you're the only exterior correct person from the culinary world correct
correct yeah so you're sort of almost like the sort of i don't know the new kid at school like the cool kid that's cool yeah i i
yeah well i wouldn't say cool kid i'm the new kid at school so yeah so or like fons yeah so you'd be
like fons when he goes what's his name richie what was she cunningham the boy yeah you're
which actually really in real life you are more richie cunningham than than Fonz, but in this situation, you've become Fonz.
Yeah, I would say you're more Fonz, actually.
Do you know what I mean?
No, no, no.
I think we all know that.
I'm Potsy.
He wears an outdated jacket and hangs out with girls
that are a lot younger than him.
I'm Potsy.
Out of everyone, I'm Potsy.
You're Richie Cunningham.
I don't mind, but listen,
I've got a bit of Richie Cunningham about me.
I don't mind saying that.
But anyway...
I like Richie Cunningham.
He always had, like like a nice little aura.
Yeah.
So anyway, Saturday Kitchen.
Also, can I just say, by the way,
Richie Cunningham, there's no way after they all turned like 22 or 23
he was ever seeing any of the rest of them.
Like when he got back from university,
he would like, he'd drop Pops in mouth to mouth.
No doubt in my mind.
Oh, do you mean in the world of the show?
Yeah.
Like he'd be turning up, you know. the world of the show yeah like they'd be turning
up you know his sort of sister was sort of you know bless her she was going out with fonzie's
cousin joni joni what was the cousin's name yeah i can't remember oh fucking hell anyway slick or
something yeah i mean anyway my point being my point being that we don't fact check anything
when we're giving out advice but when it comes to figuring out the characters and fucking happy days we have to pause the podcast
and figure it out anyway i stayed i did a show somewhere oh haze the night before yeah and when
i stayed in a hotel which i always uh look forward to more i don't know what it is i always look
forward to going to hotel because i like the idea of staying in a hotel. It's just like cool to me still.
And then I'm always disappointed.
Although, I wasn't disappointed by the hotel.
The hotel was nice.
They had like a little like, I know this sounds,
they had a little like tablet by the bed.
You could control the curtains, the temperature,
you could set the lighting levels to different things.
Who paid for this, Saturday Kitchen or you?
I don't know
is the honest truth
oh wow
that sounds like
a nice hotel
well actually
I think maybe
Saturday Kitchen
paid for me to have
a standard room
but Jim
our friend Jim
asked for them
knows the people there
and asked them
to look after me
so I think that's
why I got that room
nice
anyway
was it a duvet or like
sort of a blanket sheet no it's a duvet is that bad no no no it's nice it's nice to do this it
was good yeah um anyway i sort of didn't sleep very well yeah i find that every time i go to
a hotel every time i'm away from home it doesn't matter it's not an indictment of the hotel or
whatever it's just i cannotment of the hotel or whatever
it's just I cannot
I can't
I don't know what it is
what time did you start
on Saturday Kitchen
what time did you start
not that early
I was getting picked up
at like 8 o'clock
so it's not like monstrous
but I wouldn't
I'd say I didn't get
to sleep till 3 probably
I was just sort of
lying awake
and then I tried that
Stephen Fry lavender story
you know
I've talked about this
I didn't say I put it on
with the family
and sat down
and spent a Saturday night
in front of it.
I said,
literally,
that story is designed
to put you to sleep.
That's why I put it on.
Yeah,
I've just,
I don't know,
I'm sort of,
I like Stephen Fry.
They call it Blue Gold.
I like Stephen Fry.
And as you wend your way
through the hills,
the smell hits you before the sight is beheld by your eyes.
How many times have you listened to that?
Have you ever got to the end of it?
That's the first.
I got to the end of it the other night.
Yeah.
I got to the end of the Matthew McConaughey one.
That means that that one's not going to work for me anymore.
And that's exactly what I realised.
And the other thing is, I panicked.
Because getting to the end of something that I've been told
that you never get to the end of, it freaked me out a bit.
That gave me an adrenaline spike.
Anyway, I went to Saturday Kitchen.
And two things, well, three things, actually.
Three points of discussion.
One, I find live TV quite frightening.
Yeah, of course.
I've realised.
Well, me and you are both swearers.
Exactly. Well, that's the other thing. That brings me on to point two. quite frightening yeah of course I realised well me and you are both swearers so that exactly
well that's the other thing
it brings me on to point two
which is
I was told
a number of times
and I don't know
if they've come to see me live
or listen to this podcast
but
they were very clear
to reiterate to me
on Saturday Kitchen
that I shouldn't swear
can we just remind
well because this is
I noticed last night
in Norwich,
I swore so much more than I did the first two nights.
Like, my swearing was literally...
Every other word felt like I was swearing.
And I tried to stop it, but I couldn't.
It was like just pouring out of me.
I don't know if it was because I was tired.
I actually think your swearing's got better.
I think...
I say better. I don't mind swearing's got better. I think, I say better,
I don't mind swearing,
I think it's fucking great.
No, I like swearing.
If you went back to your early episodes,
the early episodes of this,
I reckon you used to swear more than you do now.
I'm pretty sure.
I think it's because I'm not allowed to swear in the house now.
Sometimes when you're tired,
you throw the F-bomb in as a bit of punctuation,
but I do that as well.
So,
you know,
like when you fucking,
so I'm fucking like,
fucking,
looking at this fucking geezer, and he's'm fucking like fucking looking at his fucking
gauge when he's fucking like you know fucking looking back at me so I'm you
know I don't know what the fucking else going on so I'm fucking just thinking
like what the fuck's this geezer's fucking problem so I don't even go like
the woman or man who ever come up to you and sort of say that what much can you
just remember no swearing so just and no No, a couple of people said it to me.
By the way, it sounds like I'm complaining about Saturday Kitchen.
I had a great time.
And I would thoroughly recommend it to you.
Because, like, that food, heaven or hell, was amazing.
Every bit of food I tried on there was incredible.
Yeah, I know.
It does look awful.
I just need to get it sorted.
And they do have a proper chat with you.
So I was a bit nervous because in my head
whenever i when i know i'm pretty good at not swearing i mean i have to do loads of
shows where i don't swear but this is live do you know what i mean so you it sort of adds a
little bit of a dimension yeah and then the show went fine it was lovely matt's head was really
nice and then the end of it i got my food heaven which is a sticky toffee pudding which was
they they passed it over to me and uh it was just to me and there's one set of cutlery this vegan
sticky toffee pudding and i started eating it and i did say i'm pretty sure i said does anybody else
want a bit of this right and they said no it's for you helen. Helen McGinn said it's for you, right? So I was like, cool.
I ate it.
Later on that day...
Just quickly, does everyone understand quietly what you're eating?
Well, to be honest with you, that's so near the end of the show,
they're kind of doing the wrap-up admin.
Okay, cool.
It's not like I would say that BBC One did not devote any amount of time
to just a close-up of me eating.
You're quite a passionate eater
aren't you
I know you're not
I know
I know you're not
going to go at me
about how I eat
I fucking know
no no
I've got a bit scruffy
that's like you
that's like you
coming at me
for being a very tall
white guy
no but
I've eaten with you
and you are quite
mmm
mmm
this is lovely
this is so
really nice this is such bullshit this is really nice this is so sweet what is this toffee sauce
did you say this topic you are quite a conversational eater first of all listen i'm not
even going to get into conversational as a word second of all right why do you do this like because
basically everything we talked about it has been based in
truth and then suddenly you look at you fucking prick you are loving it yeah no but you do i've
done you do that before no i don't you you have never i don't even think you've ever heard me
fucking in the middle of you look at me now and tell me you've heard me in the middle of me in
something going oh isn't this good have you ever heard have you heard me say that ever no you do say
this is delicious
this is delicious
I say it like that
this is delicious
this is delicious
do I
I've definitely heard you
I've eaten with you
a number of times
and you have remarked
or you sort of do that
if I was to do that
and you go to me
yeah it is
and a fucking whole barge
you would tumble out
you'd have chopped
no but you are no I think it's really sweet because you're one of those people barge you would tumble out of your chops.
No, but you are... No, I think it's really sweet
because you're one of those people...
I'm not a conversional eater,
whatever you describe it as, okay?
You turn around and go,
oh my God, you've got...
You have to try this broccoli.
It's delicious.
Oh my God.
People don't know that you're making shit up, bruv.
Bruv, listen to me.
That was so aggressive.
Bruv, people don't know that you're making shit up, bruv.
People don't fucking understand that you're making up, you fucking...
So, hold up.
So you're sitting there quietly eating your sticky toffee, but...
Yeah, so I finished...
In defence...
Not in defence.
In defence of what i'm about to say
the criticism i got i did eat the entire thing and i think most people just sort of have a little bit
and then leave i'm sorry i'm not i'm not going to jump against you there i think if someone's made
you food and it's your food heaven then it's yeah but i know on cookery shows they don't tend to
finish it do they i always do whenever i've on Sunday brunch, I'll finish other people's food as well.
Yeah, Tom, listen.
I love both of us, right?
I love you and I love myself.
I would not say that we are exemplar human beings.
Do you know what I mean?
If somebody was looking at...
Can we look at occasionally what's normal behaviour for people in this country?
I don't think anybody is thinking,
let's get Tom and Rom in the fucking room.
We are what's known, Tom, as in the fucking room. We are what's
known, Tom, as
outliers.
We are freaks.
We are people that
distort the data.
We are people that
if a mathematician
was trying to
analyze, he'd go,
what the fuck are
these two dots
over here?
That's Tom Davis
and Romesh Ranganath.
Okay, let's
disregard them.
Anyway, go on anyway what were you
going to say
on your
Sunday brunch
sorry
I'm not really
hyper today
I like it
I like this
energy
on Sunday
brunch
it used to
be that you'd
all stand
around and
they'd give
that big
plate and
you'd all
be able to
take something
off it
right
and now
they do it
so they give
you individual
plates and
you all sit
there and
they pass it
around
and the time
that that's
happened
like the new version every time that they do it and I see people leaving
a bit of food I'll always tell me and say you're not finishing there hmm and
I'll say no no so it's a plus over all of it everybody's meals all the way if
this food left I think it's offensive specter I'll scream to my plate me yeah
yeah I do want us come out in defense of saturday kitchen now because i noticed a couple
of people saying uh that um that they didn't do vegan dishes for me but they did like every single
dish they made they did a vegan version and i'm not talking about a vegan version where they just
leave out the meat i'm talking about they adapted the recipe to completely change it around for me
like the guys from fallow did like they did um deep
fried chicken wings who are fallow by the way fallow with this restaurant that's sort of um
it's this new it's this restaurant that's like everybody's going to everyone's going to it's
like it's like everybody's talking about they're like and they do like when x-factor used to have
like a core band and i sort of everyone's talking about them in a moment. I'm sure there'll be absolutely buzzing for that analogy,
but yeah,
something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Who's that?
Who are the opera singers from Britain's Got Talent or X Factor?
Who won?
You're talking about Paul Potts?
No,
not Paul Potts.
The,
the,
the group.
Gee,
something.
Oh,
Il Divo,
is it?
Il Divo.
So yeah,
I don't know why,
that's all I think of when you're talking about the forum boys.
Okay, fine. Well, I mean, it hadn't been insulting up to that point but even now you've gone in two-footed now.
So anyway, they made these deep-fried chicken wings and they made these like, they made a honey-free mushroom version for me
and they deliberately sourced the mushroom that tasted the most like chicken they could find. and they fried it in a way that it would taste like as close to the actual
thing as possible they used agave syrup instead of honey like they were proper on it do you mean
that's nice and um every single one of the chefs on there absolutely smashed it and they chose
vegan wines for me because some wines are filtered through fish bladder for some reason
like it was like yeah it was great man it was like, yeah, it was great, man. It was, like, really good. Anyway, I loved it.
Saturday Kitchen, big thumbs up.
Double thumbs up from Romesh, right?
As an experience.
I've got to say that this is,
I've never seen you be this passionate about anything.
You've not been this passionate about any of the holidays
you've been on.
Wasn't I pretty passionate about Greece?
I mean, was I not?
You weren't as passionate about Greece
as you have been about Saturday Kitchen.
Okay.
I don't think,
I might say,
I might say,
I might say at least the next summer
we might do Saturday Kitchen.
Take the voice.
Because I don't think that there's ever
in this whole podcast history
been a time when you've gone
a double thumbs up from Romesh.
That's the first time
that's ever been a reward.
I would say,
I would say it's the sort of thing
that makes you want to sort of jump off the stage into the crowd.
You know?
That's how excited I was about it.
Touché.
Touché.
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Anyway, I got home and I got more than one message from people
suggesting that I was greedy and selfish
for eating that sticky toffee pudding to myself
did you respond to them?
no but I did do a video that I posted on Instagram today
now I slightly
there's part of me that slightly regrets
the video to be honest
we can't regret that much because you posted it to your stories
and then you posted it to your main
to regret straight after
so
you it to your stories and then you posted it to your main grid straight after so uh
you uh i caught it on the stories and i caught on the main grid did you did you uh was that
while you were uploading the montage of different photos from different tour shows that you put up
to call music this is probably my favorite game of chess we've for a while it's like you keep punching me but just before you do you get your testicles out
you know i think i've put all my pawns my rooks and my castle is all out they've all
been taken off the chessboard now and my queen and king are just sitting there going oh fuck
we're done here we're absolutely done um no but like
the reason i don't regret it loads of people came out and like said because i just went was that a
bad thing i did but i wasn't genuinely upset about it i was just in i was interested in what people's
opinion was do you mean because i didn't know if i'd like if that was a bad etiquette and but loads
of people being very sweet but they were being too not they weren't being too
sweet they were being perfect but i started to feel guilty that i thought people thought i was
upset i wasn't really upset about it i just thought it was i just was surprised i didn't
i took it it was it was yeah the general question that you're asking okay great great great great
good well if that's the general impression then that's perfect i didn't want people to think that
i was gutted i mean because as you know saturday kitchen had nothing but a great time it's a double thumbs up from me do you know what i really want to go
and uh double thumbs up i was going to call it saturday kitchen you should yeah i think it would
be just genuinely just to sort of yeah because then obviously we've got something else to talk
about on here if i was to go on there you go fucking actually you're you're right it was amazing like you know it's sort of yeah like if you were to have gone to
an amazing theme park and then recommend it later on that day and obviously i'm loathe to throw
businesses under the bus uh so i'm not going to name this particular but i'm going to i'm going
to talk about the phenomenon that i find quite irritating. Places charging gourmet burger prices
and then delivering what is essentially something you get at a fucking family barbecue.
Have you ever come across this?
Yeah, yeah.
It's unbelievable.
I paid, I think, 12 quid for a plant-based burger at the weekend, right?
Right.
And genuinely, this is how bad it looked.
One of the kids started laughing when I opened the box.
One of your kids?
Yeah, yeah.
Not in a horrible, but they were just like,
what the hell?
You've absolutely been turned over here.
It was genuinely like a tragic looking a tragic looking
um patty right that looked like it'd been burnt single slice of lettuce single slice of tomato
dry bun no sauce i paid like 30 can i just say also i don't think tomatoes have got any place
within a burger okay no no i mean i agree with with you. But if you take away the tomato,
there's very few elements left in this fucking thing.
Yeah, no, no.
I'm just saying,
like, so when you...
I paid £3.50 for that slice of tomato.
Me and Catherine were away last week.
We were out with friends.
I ordered a burger.
I took a bite from this burger
and my teeth weren't sharp.
I crunched through the fucking meat,
the lettuce, the cheese, the bacon with no problem.
The bun, complete decimated, right? The tomato, I just didn't have enough Wetherall to get through the tomato.
So what happened is, as I pulled my sort of mouth, the burger away from my mouth...
You didn't have enough what, sorry?
Wetherall.
You didn't have enough Wetherall?
Isn't that a thing? It's like an old sort of, older day Charles Dickens sort of word.
Well, Matt Weatherall was someone I went to school with.
No, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe that's what he was named after.
Weatherall was like,
I didn't have enough sort of spirit, I suppose,
or something like that.
Wherewithal.
Oh, that's it.
People, what?
I don't want to get started on this,
because we haven't done it.
But wherewithal,
Weatherall is a much better fucking word than wherewithal.
Okay, fine.
Well, do you know what?
Use it.
I respect you.
Right.
And I pulled the burger out,
but the tomato,
I hadn't broken the skin,
I hadn't broken the flesh,
so the tomato just basically just flapped down
and sort of slapped me on the chin,
and so it was just hanging out of my mouth.
And we talk about sort of getting annoyed with things.
I was like,
why do people fucking put these in
burgers
I still to this day
like there's tomato ketchup
the tomato's fucking
he doesn't need fucking
you don't need two tomatoes
mixing it up
do you know what I mean
yeah I would say
that tomato ketchup
doesn't taste anything
like tomatoes
yeah but I think
it tastes better
than actual tomatoes
do in a burger
yeah but it doesn't
taste more tomatoey
does it
I mean like
arguably
I've never ever had a burger and gone oh there's not enough tomatoey doesn't it i mean like arguably i've never ever
had a burger and gone oh there's not enough tomato in this never in my whole life and also
if you've got burger sauce that's doing all your fucking heavy lifting anyway i think tomatoes are
the most overrated by the way of all of the and it would i was gonna say vegetables but i know
they're a fruit masquerading as a vegetable if If I was in a vegetable drawer, by the way,
with a fucking tomato,
right,
they deal with this big thing,
tomatoes,
well,
we're not a fucking vegetable,
we're a fruit,
right?
That really pisses me off,
because there's no...
No, no, no, no.
Can I just stop you?
First of all,
tomatoes aren't saying that.
Secondly,
they're not saying
we're neither a vegetable
nor a fruit.
They're a fruit.
Yeah, they're a fruit,
but then you never... If I was to order a fruit platter and there was a tomato. They're fruits. Yeah, they're a fruit, but then you never...
If I was to order a fruit platter
and there was a tomato in it,
I'd say, can I send that back?
I'm really sorry, I don't want that on there.
Because that's a savoury item, right?
Right.
It's got no place masquerading as a bit of fruit, right?
It's not masquerading, Tom.
It's not an undercover agent, okay?
It's just, it's got seeds in it,
so it's classified as a fruit.
That's it.
Is that what that means?
What?
Is what the what means?
If someone's got seeds in, that's means it's a fruit.
Are you winding me up now?
I thought fruit was for dessert and vegetable was for...
You thought that's how they're classified?
Generally, yeah.
Please tell me you're fucking joking.
I'm not, I swear.
You are joking swear you are joking
I genuinely thought that's what it was
you thought that's how they decide what's fruits and vegetables
yeah I thought if something was sweet
then it would be like that's a fruit
and if something was savoury
it was a vegetable
like yeah
yeah I mean that is
to be fair you said two different things there
right
because like whether something's sweet or savoury
doesn't determine whether it's in a dessert or not.
Yeah, I know, but, like...
I mean, I present to you the humble example of the carrot cake.
Don't even get me started on carrot cake, mate.
What do you mean?
Carrot cake's fucking disgusting.
No, it isn't.
Someone got me a carrot cake for my birthday once.
I was like, absolutely...
I had to pretend I liked it, and it was absolutely heartbreaking.
Carrot cake's delicious.
Carrot cake is not delicious.
Carrot cake is delicious, mate.
Banana cake is delicious.
Avocado cake's delicious.
I cannot go through you
naming every cake you find delicious, mate.
We're trying to wrap this up now.
Beetroot and chocolate cake is incredible, right?
Carrot cake, I just can't stand it
it's it's a fucking imposter it's up there with tomato being a fruit i didn't do you ever how do
you distinguish just as a question how do you tom davis distinguish between opinion and fact
because what you're you're saying carrot cake is a fraud and imposter or whatever right
yeah
but that's because
you don't like it right
yeah yeah
but it's the same thing
with bloody tomatoes
I didn't know that
I mean I'm
I'm laying into you here
I actually got into a bit of shit
on Saturday Kitchen
did I mention
I was on Saturday Kitchen
Jesus Christ
when I was
I'll tell you what
Lisa's got to be sitting there
thinking fucking hell
at the moment
looks like Romesh
might be running off
for Saturday Kitchen
I genuinely
I've known you
for a long long time
I don't think I've ever
heard you talk this
passionately about anything
not even Arsenal
I wonder if it's
because it's the only thing
that's sort of happened
this weekend for me
I'd arguably say
right
I've listened to a lot
of your hip hop shows
Hip Hop Saved My Life
your hip hop show
off the radio
both brilliant things
you're very knowledgeable
I don't think I've ever
heard you being that
passionate about any
songs as you have been
about Saturday Kitchen
today
I'd say
whatever's happened
there today
has completely
it's a new you
you know what
Saturday Kitchen
is your wonderful life
that's your parents the angel the reason I was? Saturday Kitchen is your wonderful life.
That's your Clarence the Angel.
The reason I was mentioning Saturday Kitchen again,
because it was a fun time,
but the reason I was mentioning it again is because I said that sweet potato was my food hell.
Really?
Yeah, and I got some blowback from that.
And actually, I did exactly what I was criticising you for.
Before you decided to give me the shoo-in of my life there i was actually stepping in to to sort
of back you up because i described sweet potato as a fraud on the show so all of this shit i just
gave you about opinion and fact or whatever i did exactly what i'm having a go at you about doing so
i can i just take my this opportunity to apologize i do like it when i find out something not like
that i did about the seeds
because I had no idea
that was a thing.
Well, the thing that
slightly confused me about that
is that I don't know
what a banana is
because a banana
doesn't have seeds in it, right?
Well, I can't think of
those little ones
that run through it, no?
Yeah, but are they seeds?
It was an avocado then.
Avocado's got a
big old seed in it,
hasn't it?
No, it's a pit. It's not a seed, is it? Well, it's the same then. Avocado's got a big old seed in it, hasn't it? No, it's a pit.
It's not a seed, is it?
Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
An avocado stone.
So, botanically speaking, a banana,
I'm just going to look this up now,
a banana is both a berry and a fruit.
Here's the deal.
The banana flower contains one ovary,
which grows into a single banana.
The banana also has somewhat soft skin, juicy flesh,
and many tiny seeds.
Does it?
Yeah, that's a little bit,
so run through the middle of it.
All right.
So there you go.
It is, I find, like, all of this sort of stuff, right,
that's clearly someone's job from back in the day, isn't it?
Who's had to go through everything.
Like, whose job was that like
well you don't have to classify this for some reason don't know yeah but it's like you think
like if someone's sat there for ages right with all of these new things because you've got to
think at this point right that's me and you we're sitting like i don't know probably at that time
in a sort of hut somewhere someone's coming coming in going, oh, bloody, we've found something else.
Tell us what this is.
And me and you are looking at it going, fucking hell, what is this?
Like, generations of people are going to take our word for it.
You know, is this a fruit?
Is it a vegetable?
Is it a berry?
It's like, those decisions were made back there.
If I'm honest with you, some of them very foolish and stupidly so.
Okay, all right.
Which ones do you disagree with in particular?
So tomato you
don't like as a fruit anything else that pops into your head i think banana would be absolutely
disgusting if it was like called a berry i think that would be i don't think why would that how
would that change it is first of all it is being called a berry and you don't find it disgusting
so no i love bananas i don't want to go against bananas what i'm saying is if if you're having a
big night out right and you've got your raspberry there and you've got your blueberry there
your blackberry in this example the fruit fruits are guests are like this yeah the fruit fruit all
going out you're not out with a load of fruit yeah yeah and they're all going out right and
then fucking all of a sudden a banana turned up the banana i don't think i'd have much of a
conversation to have with any of the other berries and the berries have struggled to have a conversation with a banana
i don't think they'd have the same sort of fucking look at life at all it's essentially
like if you had a pack of lions sitting around their jungle an elephant to turn up the elephant
would be like fucking what am i going to tell you i're right an elephant is as different to a lion as a banana is to a raspberry
you're correct
it's a great analogy
I mean
I sometimes wonder
if actually
you believe
what you're saying
no I do
I genuinely believe
that
with all of my heart
I look at it
and I think
actually
if I was ever
to look at that
situation
and go
fuck it
I feel sorry
for that banana
I'll go and make
a conversation
but yeah
so you're a person
in this eh
I don't know
I'm like another being
you're another being
what are you
I don't know
just like probably
like a pineapple maybe
or just go in the back
what the fuck business
have you got going
I've been talking to
a fucking banana
at a party full of berries
you prick
well no I'm walking past and I see him there
none of them know what it's like to have a skin peeled off your back
I'd be like oh yeah mate bloody hell
and then what would happen
bloody hell yeah
it's a pain in the ass isn't it
when you have your skin peeled off to someone to eat
these little fellas I've just thrown them in your mouth
I don't want to get into this
because I feel like
I feel like you and I
are skinning up
our ninth joint
at a fucking bus stop
or something
but so
a banana gets peeled
and eaten
then comes back
to fucking tell the tale
at a party with some berries
is it
no this is
probably been eaten
it's like fucking
Doctor Who
so okay
so let's assume they've's been eaten he's like fucking Doctor Who so okay so let's assume
they've not been eaten
right
right
let's assume
they've not been eaten
how the fuck
would either of them
be able to comment
on what it's like
to have your skin
peeled off your back
and eat it
yeah but obviously
because he's sat
in the fruit basket
where they're all
in the fridge
so he's watched
other bananas
like his cousins
his mates been eaten
do you know what I mean
you don't keep bananas
in the fridge do you no that's what I mean so that's that's another thing you keep the berries in the fridge
the berries in the fridge bananas not he's got brilliant what's going on here oh it's that stupid
big yellow berry over there don't fucking call me that mate god you've got no idea what it's like
to have the skin get peeled off your back you just get thrown straight into someone's mouth
lucky old you it's indignifying okay uh at this point i'll go to you right mate i think you've had too much time to go
home i'm gonna get you let's get you and get some toast inside you and put you to bed yeah
it's 3 a.m i need to get home mate i can't I can't I can't keep doing this man
this is fucking mental
I can't keep sitting there
every night
talking this shit with you
yeah
neither of
we've both got cars
neither of us need the bathroom
you're gonna start having to
buy your own marijuana
at some point
yeah
right Tommy
Tommy D
take us out this this, please.
Yo, let me shout.
Sometimes it's easy to look at inanimate objects
and realise where they get their strength from,
their structure from.
If you look at a house or some flats,
you think, oh, the footings there must be strong.
It's still standing.
Or you'll see the scaffold round a beautiful old church and think,
oh, they're doing all the heavy lifting.
Of course, sometimes those things can happen with human life as well.
You'll see someone with a broken leg
carrying themselves across the street on some crutches.
Or an old man walking past a newsagent
with a paper stuffed under his arm,
putting his weight upon a walking stick.
And it's easy there.
It's easy, friends, to see who's holding those things up.
But actually, sometimes in life,
it's not about the physical act.
It's more about what's holding things up inside.
And by that, I mean it's a walking stick
that can just be a kind word
or the crutches that can actually just be
an arm around the shoulder. Or in fact, the footings that can actually just be an arm around the shoulder or in fact the footings
that are just from being raised well and being treated with all the dignity and integrity that
you require the truth about life is little things their efforts go a long way so when you're faced
with two different choices that to be nasty or mean or bad spirit or that
to be decent or is not towards decent and it's the person you're dealing with is a helmet and then
just walk away ladies and gentlemen thanks for listening good night good morning good afternoon
and god bless uh thank you so much for listening to the podcast God bless you thank you
remember to
please if you are
coming to the Apollo show
please do send us
emails if you have
any questions
and we hope to see you there
that's going to be like
what next week
when this goes out
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
and to play us out
I came across this classic
after not hearing it for a while,
even though I love this band.
Me, Myself and I by De La Salle is what's playing us.
Oh, it's a banging tune.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
Guys, take care of yourselves.
Hey, Rob, can I just say something?
Thank you for your lovely words earlier.
I know that it's been a battle of beautiful words today,
but what you said earlier, it meant a lot.
And you are a true friend.
And I find myself very lucky to be sailing
beneath your sail
well
it would have meant
a lot more
if you didn't do
your end of show
wrap up voice
when you said all of that
but thank you so much Tom
you're very welcome
love you mate
take care guys
peace out
bye bye
bye bye
mirror mirror
on the wall
tell me mirror
what is wrong
can it be
my daylight clothes or is it just my daylight socks?
What I do ain't make-believe, people say I sit and try
But when it comes to being daylight, it's just me, myself and I
It's just me, myself and I
It's just me, myself and I It's just me, myself and I. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com.
That's wolfalpod at gmail.com.
We'd love to hear from you,
mainly because we don't have any content ideas.
Thank you.