Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 8: Big Brags & Embarrassing Photos

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

We’re talking… big bragging, gigging at Hooters, keeping tour shows fresh, dealing with embarrassing photos, beer-drinking sweet spots and Tom Hanks vs Matthew McConaughey. Plus, we answer some great emails on tips to keep the neighbours happy, how to get a partner to help out with housework and a very strange twist on Tom’s arse-pebble idea. For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca.

Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. Yum. A&W's Classic Breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. CERC, bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing

They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the the death bringing it's head spinning just kidding, every word in this song is about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog

oh my goodness hello guess who's back, it's the wolf and out and we're on attack oh I've got Tom Davis and Romesh too and we're going to deliver a podcast for you. Here we go.

Podcast time. I want to remember the place. Did you write that before or did you? No. How tragic. Even if I had written that before. I still like the fact that I... Hold on, hold on, hold on. What are you doing?

I'm just closing down because I've got emails coming up in my top corner. Oh, okay. I like the fact that even right after doing this podcast for nearly two years, we still introduce it like it's a surprise that we've got coming up this way it is a surprise as fucking inconsistent as it is it is i've got a swear less i've got a swear less yes we we put an instagram clip up it was a minute long i said fucking six times what did you yeah yeah I looked in the reviews and someone said about my swearing.

So, do you know, actually, back, I mean, doing stand-up again, I'm really worried about how much I swear on stage. I'm really worried. Yeah. I just did a special. I just did a special. Yeah. Thank you to everybody that came out for the special, guys,

at the Hawthorne Crawley. It was a hell of a time. I'm sounding like I'm being sarcastic. It was a hell of a time. Was it vibey? Proper vibey, man. Yeah. I knew it was going to be exciting to do it in Crawley.

And the Hawthors never had like a special, you know, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. It was a cool thing to do in your hometown. And it was wicked, man. They delivered. The audiences delivered. Wait, sorry. A couple of people tried to join in, despite that.

What are you doing? What's going on now? Nothing, nothing. my quick timer just disappeared go on, go on, go on and then what are you fiddling with now I've got three lids it's part of my ADHD I always fiddle with stuff

is that prescribed to you what are these three lids no, but like to fiddle with something I didn't go to the doctor is the idea is the idea that you start with three lids and you work down to two and then one and eventually you don't need a lid well i just play with my fingers um so were people trying to join in and get stuck in then well a couple of people were and then i

had to say to them look okay there's no way the production are gonna be bothered to get release forms to to get you in this thing so just shut the fuck up basically i said it in a nice way no i said it in a nice way but yeah um anyway the reason i mentioned it is not just i've become conscious god i'm all over the place here but i've become conscious recently that i and you can tell me honestly if i do do this steer the conversation onto myself too much i'm not talking about on the podcast because obviously we have to talk about oh we'd like to be terrible for it go on let's just do you want to just do you want to just do that i think that's harsh on me no no you know you're you're i think you're a guy who you always chat about other people

you're you listen to other people i who you always chat about other people. You listen to other people. I think you concern yourself with other people's problems. You're a good man. Who's made this accusation? Nobody. I've been on the phone the last few times I've been on the phone or chatting to people. I've caught myself listening to something they say,

and then I've gone, oh, that reminds me. I've become like the band camp girl from american pie just so that reminds me this one time at the at the glee i did this thing and it's barely got anything to do what we're talking about why don't you be in the moment and listen to what they're saying instead of looking for something you know when you're in a conversation yeah it often happens with blokes and you can tell it's just a group of blokes waiting for a story to finish so that they can do their one that they've been waiting to drop that's pretty much why i got into stand-up yeah because nobody you're not having to listen to anybody else you can just tell your own stories like on a building site that's pretty much what a whole day was and it was always it would always

regress to sort of someone talking about fighting yeah fighting or some sort of like lewd story about a woman that they've met or a deal that they've got I mean we fall into that trap a couple of times here where James had to edit it out because you and me just started talking about different times we fucking laid the smackdown on somebody so he's squared up to me and I've gone like it's obviously like going for this

like the knockout with the right hand. And I'm just like, obviously, I ain't going to let you do that, mate. So I just swept back. I've pulled my arm back about half a mile. And I've just laid this geezer straight out. Straight out, bro. And then one of my mates just stood there going like, I didn't know you had that in you.

And I just said to him, I guess you didn't know me as well as you thought you did. And then we just walked away. And then everyone in the pub picked me up onto their shoulders and walked me around the high street and just shouting, Tyson, Tyson. Now you know me,

Tyson's not my name. My name's Kevin. And the next day I'm in Sainsbury's and there's some geezer just comes up to me and goes, oh, it's the king of Wetherspoons. I go, what mate? I'm in Sainsbury's, and there's some geezer. He just comes up to me and goes, Oh, it's the King of Weatherspoons. I go, What, mate? I'm in Sainsbury's, right? I'm just buying exotic food, though. I'm just picking out some tortillas, right?

A little bit of guacamole, just to go on. And this geezer went, Are you Kevin, that everyone's calling Tyson, that weighed those 18 blokes in last night? I said, To hold old your nose there was 15 of them and i hospitalized each one isn't it weird like that sort of world of just i that was just literally all everyone spoke about when i was a young man yeah same same man it's mad and sometimes i'll be out with my friends i met all your friends by the way there's a couple

i straight away could pick out and go, yeah, that's that guy in this group. There's a couple of them that like, they will start reminiscing about fights. Yeah. I mean, and then you've got to go,

guys, we're in our 40s. Yeah. You've been retired longer than you've been in the game. I need to, I need to stop talking about this. Anyway, how did your stand-up go, Maju?

Good, bro. Shout-out. Nottingham and Birmingham. Two great cities. You did the Glees, right? Yeah, I did the Glees. Birmingham. Wicked.

I'll shout-out. We did a podcast subsequently after Birmingham. We talked about Foodgate, Buffetgate. Nottingham. Can I just say, Nottingham, by the way, food-wise, you finish a gig at like, I got out there at like 10.30, nothing was open on a Thursday. Nothing. It was a poor show.

I normally go Subway, but Glee's a little bit out of town, isn't it? Yeah. Or is it? Yeah. No, no, no. Isn't there a Hooters near there? Yeah, I'm not going to Hooters. Hooters near that yeah I'm not going to Hooters Hooters is Hooters is the place that

me and you were both in that's the sad point of our life is when me and you were touring around in our fucking 60s like we're playing Hooters just like flow going to us it turns out years and years the audience has gradually been dwindled

and now it's boiled down to that sort of audience that go to Hooters. Truck drivers. You meet 40 blokes. I tell one of your fighting stories, Ramesh. So what happens outside the punch bowl? Do that one. Just people throwing out requests for old stories you've done because none of the new gear is any good.

Oi, Tom, what about that time when you ate potpourri? Do that one. Oh, don't, guys. Can't even remember it now because obviously, yeah. Just fucking busting it out like Coldplay being requested yellow. That's the only drama. When you're in a band, you just bring out songs like and then just play them for the rest of your life like chisney hawk still earns a decent little bit of money

he doesn't get that one and only shit yeah yeah i wonder if like you know obviously when you do stand-up you're doing the same gear across the tour and then you get bored of it and write new shit or sometimes you write new shit during the tour but like i always i don't know why i've managed to get myself into a mindset where i feel like i'm saying it for the first time every time i say it can you do that i never used to be able to but now i do yeah should i tell you that it's not a secret i think this is what i do i deliberately engage with the material as little this is so boring isn't it but i deliberately engage with the show as little as possible so

when i started i used to like read it over read it over or think about it and blah blah and then what would happen is you get to a point where you were just reciting it whereas now i almost do the opposite i almost try and forget it really they're just yeah yeah because in the last like like going back and gigging loads i've at first i was so like when me with me to those gigs, I was meticulously looking over everything time and time. And then just having done more recently, I'm just a bit like,

well, actually like I know what it is. And actually it's quite nice opening yourself up just as finding other little bits. Yeah. And, and it just, it just makes you,

it just puts you in the room a bit more. Cause you get guys, right. Who can do the same. I haven't gigged now as well. I've been back gigging with different comics and you see them watch some people and they just do the same thing right and there's a skill to that like boom boom boom like literally like and having watched you yourself a lot you're not kind of that guy you you're i guess a bit more like myself i'm always open just to if you find something else in the

moment just a bit looser yeah yeah but like watching i'm like how the fuck can you do it yeah i think it depends on the comic because like you and me are like i don't mean this in a bad way all over the shop yeah do you mean in terms of like you're talking around it and you know sometimes a bit will be just different from one day to the next or whatever. But like those guys, they've written it with metronome precision. So they, so they, it's a different way of doing it.

It's not, it's not, I don't think it's bad. I don't think it's like a bad way of doing it, but my worry with that is number one, like how my head works is never, like, I don't think I've ever in all the acting work I've done and everything, I don't think I've ever delivered the same line exactly the same way twice.

No, I know it's absolutely infuriating on King Gary. I don't even know what my fucking cue is. But it's like when I watch you, right? I've seen you try out new stuff. I've seen you when you've got a bit, but there's something that's really electric about watching yourself. And then you go in, oh, if that bit doesn't land, it always lands.

You're like a bit like, actually, you know what, I've got enough freedom in what I'm doing to fuck about enough to make it land here. It's a phrase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My thing is sometimes when I watch people who are like really well-oiled,

and like I say, some of my favourite comedians are those people, but then if that bit doesn't land and that doesn't, like, how do you just literally just march on to the next bit and the next bit and the next bit? Yeah, well, I mean, I think it depends, bro. Like, you know, sometimes when you're having a tough one in the room, I know you shouldn't say this, but sometimes it is just the room.

You know what I mean? And so sometimes you go, this room is gettable but it's hard yeah right so you've got to put a shift in basically and sometimes the room is hard and it's not gettable and then if that's the case you just got to do the best you can and and recalibrate what your expectations are i hope this isn't boring for people that don't do comedy but anyway no that's that's kind of my approach but um it's exciting man like you're going to be when are you going on tour uh we like to even talk about it i think i mean yeah i mean flo might shout me after but i think uh looking at autumn next year i think

we're doing a small like work in progress tour oh my god early stand-up comedy in this country does not know what's about to come running through like a goddamn juggernaut. Oh my days. It's going to be so sick. I'm so excited for you, man. I'm so excited for you. I always feel like you're Apollo Creed and I'm Rocky. I'm learning so much from you. Apollo dies quite early on in the series, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully, I mean, hopefully you lift to see me lift the title. Yeah, I reckon I've got 10 years and then I'm gone. I'm quite comfortable with that. I'll tell you what, mate, I reckon you've added at least another 10 years on how healthy and sweet you look now. You look fucking so good, bro.

You put a picture up on there. That sandbags picture of you, you look so good, bro. Thank you very much for saying that. I actually, you've reminded me that I need to issue an apology to our listeners because I took – we did League of Their Own and Aaron Ramsdale was on, right? Who I love. Yeah, yeah.

Took a photo with him afterwards and then I saw the photo and I didn't want to put it up because I didn't like how I looked. And then eventually I thought, but I've got a photo with Aaron Ramsdale and I love him. And I think people like that photo. So I put it up on Instagram and then I put, I nearly wasn't going to put up this photo because I hate everything about how I look in the photo. And just to qualify what I've got a problem with, I just think I look, I've got a funny face on. I'm tired after the show the rucksack

is pulling my t-shirt over my body a little bit so it's it's sort of being a you can sort of see the silhouette of homer simpson's head sort of in my top half so i just didn't like it and then loads of people you know what i was slightly embarrassed it's very sweet but loads of people want you look great you look great i don't know what you're talking about. And then I became aware of the fact that it looked like I was fishing for that. But my instinct always on those sort of things is to be honest, and that was my honest feeling. I did exactly the same thing this week.

I've done exactly the same. So I played the golf tournament we talked about. The big tourney. Put a lovely video together. Like, literally put a lovely video together like literally he's put a great video

together of me hitting a few good shots that I hit all I could look at is I'm in a really tight

t-shirt and I look like a fucking big old pair of titties like it's I literally just looked at

that right and then I put up excuse the moves or whatever but I'm not doing that

fishing for golf genuinely all I could see in that video wasn't like the fact I was probably excuse the moves or whatever and like but that i'm not doing that fishing forgot like genuinely all i could see in that video wasn't like the fact i was probably playing like looking like i was playing the best golf i'd ever played all i could think was why did no one fucking tell me that i had like essentially like i look like i look like i was i was peacocking if I wanted to show off the fact I had big tits. That's what I look like. I've gone,

actually, let's go down two sizes so I can really get my moves in. That's what I look like. But no one told me. But the thing is, is that you look great. Do you know what I mean? You always look great.

But the thing is, is that, you know, I felt exactly the same. I felt like I looked like I was fishing. And a few people messaged me to say, like, quite firmly, you need to stop talking yourself down. And I do get that.

And obviously we both are guilty of that. But at the same time, that is kind of how I felt. Do you know what I mean? So you kind of… But you know now you look really good, right? Well, look, I'm happy that what I've done has made a difference. I was aiming to lose weight, and I've lost a bit of weight, right? Yeah.

But you still, you know, the truth is, you know when you read all these things and people go, losing weight won't make you happy? That is true. Because you just find a new thing to agonise about. Yeah, of course. So I guess what I'm saying is, there's something that needs to happen in your head head isn't there you know like

when I used to watch when I used to watch Gok Wan I used to get so frustrated also can I just shout out I've given him some shit on this podcast before yeah you have

please go back to doing clothes and stuff well what's wrong well because he's doing cooking and he's doing oh sorry I thought you were about to do an apology

but you had to give him more shit no no no no no I apologise he's a fucking G when he's talking about that sort of stuff when he's talking about that sort of stuff. When he's talking about

what to wear for your body type and all that. It just feels like he's walked away from that vibe. It's like he's a footballer who's just decided to play

the new position. He's diversifying. Why are you trying to put him in a box, bro? I'm not. I'm just saying he's the best at doing that. He was better in

Trinny and Suzanne for definite. Oh my God. Why have you put the boot in on them now? But you know when he used to, at the end, go, he just showed them naked again.

And I just thought, hold on a minute. What are you doing? What a cop-out. And then now I realise actually he's right. You've got to fix something, haven't you? Yeah, of course. I mean, my aim is not to look in a mirror naked and be happy. But also, just to quickly say, right,

it should be about being healthy. just to quickly say, right, it should be about being healthy and, like, I look at, like,

when I, even when I, like, even when I lost a lot of weight, I don't think I was particularly healthy, like, when Grace was first born. You have lost weight,

haven't you? Yeah, yeah, but when Grace was first born, I lost a shit ton of weight, but I don't know quite how healthy I was with that. I wasn't eating particularly well.

At the moment, I'm eating better. I'm, my balance of life now, because I'm having a bit more of, like, ever getting out having a night at night out here and there my balance of life is better at one point i was too consumed with not drinking not going out not doing anything just fucking staying in and yeah one of the things i didn't realize and one of the things that's the difference with the how by the way i'm fully aware that next week i'll probably be i'll probably put it back all on so i'm not saying that i've i've cracked it but i would say

the difference i've had this time is realizing there's no such thing as like forbidden foods like like you you know like as long as you're watching how much you're taking in generally yeah you can have four or five beers but you could still be on a low calorie diet and have a night out do you mean it's like i didn't realize that before before i was like i'm not going to drink i'm not going to eat anything enjoyable i'm just going to fuck it and like and that's why you that's why i ended up like like falling off or whatever whereas now like yesterday i'd like i thought we had too many beers but i had a few beers but it wasn't seven i did have seven actually how did you know that i'm just good at i can see in your eyes.

Can we... Look, I don't want to advocate alcohol consumption, okay? But, like, I went away, as you know, went away to Jersey and drank a lot of gin and tonic. Yeah, yeah. Because gin and tonics are low alcohol, right? Not low alcohol, sorry. Low calories.

Low calorie, right? So I thought that's the safest... Not safest option. That's the best option because I intend to be drinking quite a few of them and i got pissed like i'm talking about embarrassingly pissed like i think we talked about this falling over in the hotel bedroom at the end of the night piss yeah beer that's about four to five percent the speed the the pace at which you get drunk i think is perfect. I think it's absolutely perfect. Do you know what I mean?

Mate, lovely ice-cold beer on a hot day. It's the thing of beauty, man. It's delightful. My thing is I just don't have the willpower to... Once that first amber nectar sort of touches my lips, then I really struggle to go right in. That's where my problem is. I will go...

The problem with getting drunk is you get to a sweet spot and then you go past it and and i've i'm yet to manage to figure out how to stay in that sweet spot i can't do it really i think probably what you need to do is you the alcohol hasn't fully kicked in yet so what you need to do is slow down a little bit to just keep yourself at that level but what i do is i hit a sweet spot for about i would say 30 35 minutes and then beyond that i'm not listening to what anybody says and i think i'm the most charming person in the pub it's embarrassing you are charming drunk but then you you do what i do you get really charming and really sweet and then something derails you and then you just get really quiet i mean i'll be i'll be in the conversation just texting you even though we're

in the same room just was that okay what i said? I always think he's a bit like Forrest Gump with the running how do you mean? well he he didn't have to run the whole of America yeah I think he bit off more

than he could chew well he chewed it though didn't he didn't he do it? yeah he chewed it but I just think there's probably a point where he went

actually I'll probably run far enough here I don't need to run all over America I've got also I always think with that film actually that could have been

the sequel wouldn't they just rush through that bit what kind of a sequel? him running across America all over America. Also, I was thinking about that film. Actually, that could have been the sequel. Wouldn't they just rush through that bit? What kind of sequel? Him running across America. Who the fuck wants to watch a film about a guy running across America? What are you talking about? The different wacky characters he met.

I was like, this is some of the most interesting stuff in his life. Did I tell you? I wouldn't go to watch that. If I heard the sequel was Forrest Gump on a run, no thank you. Did I ever tell you about what my dad said? I am out. No, go on. We sequel was Forrest Gump on a run, no thank you. Did I ever tell you about what my dad said about Forrest Gump? No, go on.

We were watching Forrest Gump and he went, about halfway through, three quarters of the way through, he went, I can't watch this fucking shit. And I went, what's wrong? And he went, well, he's a bloody liar. I've never heard of him. I've never heard murdered this fella if she'd done all this amazing stuff you'd have murdered me

wouldn't you but oh dear I like the thought that he was real but he's just there but I think the run could have been interesting

like a little bit like throw a little romantic edge to it yeah like this this woman keeps driving ahead to spots to see him and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah and then they kiss on like the sort of i don't know like what's the big mountain bit called near las vegas i don't want to give away my ignorance here by guessing grand canyon if if he gets to the grand

canyon she's there and he's like oh my god i didn't think you'd be here she's like i've always loved you kind of thing yeah i mean obviously yeah, I didn't think you'd be here. She's like, I've always loved you kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be really sweet. It'd be really sweet. Yeah.

Yeah. You should, you should knock it up. Picture Tom, see what he says. Forrest Gump, The Running Years. Tom Hanks is a great guy,

right? Oh yeah, he's amazing. He's a really good guy. There must be something, there must be something wrong with him. No,

I just think he's a really decent human being. I think actually he's the sweetest of sorts. No, I think he is. You can't be. What's your thoughts on Mahogany? Mahogany? What's your thoughts on him? What's my thoughts on him? What's happened with him?

I don't know, just in general. I find him quite inspirational. No, I like him. I've been listening to his book. I find him quite inspirational. No, I like him. I've been listening to his book. But it's great. Okay. So you're a big fan. Go on, talk me through this.

No, no, no. I like you. No, I'm just saying, if I was in a situation like Captain Phillips and I could save Tom Hanks or Matthew McConaughey, I'd definitely save Tom Hanks. Interesting. It's a very convoluted way of insulting somebody.

No, it's not. I would save Tom Hanks over you. I would save Tom Hanks over some members of my family. Yeah, yeah. Mate, I would probably say, I don't know, between you and Matthew McConaughey, I would be like, that would be a difficult situation. Okay, fine.

So then what would you do? Would you ask us to pitch you sort of reasons why we want you to save us? Well, no, I'd just say, Matthew, would you be around to do a podcast once pitch you sort of reasons why we want you to show up? Well, no, I'd just say, Matthew, would you be around to do a podcast once a week? I'll be honest with you, if it was me and Matthew McConaughey,

I would tell you to save Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, but... I would say... My problem with Matthew McConaughey, right, is he's so fucking handsome and he's so fucking cool. He was never not... Why is that bad?

Well, he's just never not going to be a superstar. Like, in anything he'd done, if Matthew McConaughey had played American football, baseball, soccer, whatever he'd have done, right, he'd have been a superstar. If he'd decided to do a country music... Like, he's just got that thing. But Tom Hanks has done it despite...

Like, Tom Hanks has just got that... He's very normal, Tom Hanks, and he's still got to that fucking level. OK, but Matthew McConaughey was doing loads of shit films, right? And then one day... Some of those films are actually better than people give them credit for. Sure, sure. But let's say, let's just, for the purposes of

simplification, he had a run of kind of like, what would you describe them as? Sort of low-rent films, right? Yeah, but they were still quite... They were still money... They're were still money they're still enjoyable they're still enjoyable how to lose a guy in 10 days

great film not great film good film I think it's a really good film it's not yeah okay we've already

you've gone down a level so you agree with me it's a good film yeah yeah but like there's a part of me

that thinks that's a part of his mad genius well it's made him look like the comeback kid, hasn't it? Also. Because people talk about how he saved his career. He did have a consistent Hollywood career. So his early phase, right, his early phase,

where he was supposedly phoning in and coasting, is way beyond anything I will ever achieve in my career. That's the thing. That's what I'm saying, though. Yeah. So why do you hate him him I don't hate him I find him you just think the cars

are too you think the cars are too heavily stacked in his favour is that what you're saying yeah I just think when I look at certain people I go

fucking hell man that's incredible that you've got like Tom Hanks to be the best actor but when you look at Tom Hanks if I brought Tom Hanks to the pub

and you had no idea who he was and I just brought him in and I said this is my mate Hanks he's like I imagine he'd love that by the way he's a plumber and he just stood there and chatted to us you'd go fucking hell

he's a nice fella like me and the Swan have got some fucking problems indoors with the fucking plumbing is he around? Like me and the Swan have got some fucking problems indoors with the fucking plumbing. Is he all right to come around and do it? I'll be like, yeah, yeah. And Hanksie will come around. You'll enjoy his company, right?

Yeah. And then Lisa would say, a bit of a situation. Hanksie laid some pipe down in some places that maybe you shouldn't have done. And then I'd have a chat with Hanks about it, and I'd be like, do you know what? Fair play to the fella. He's a nice player.

I think she's better off with him. By the way, I think you beat Tom Hanks in a fight. I don't think I would. I'm really... My fight mentality is pretty bad. Yeah, but then to stretch on the other side, I walk in with Matthew McConaughey, right? Walk into the barbecue.

I'd hate him. Yeah, exactly. Right? And if I went... on the other side. I walk in with Matthew McConaughey, right? Walk into the pub and get there. I'd hate him. Yeah, exactly. Right? And if I went, oh, this is Matthew McConaughey, he's a plumber, you'd go,

fucking hell, he's not a plumber. There's no way. Yeah. He's just, he's got everything. Imagine the number of jobs Matthew McConaughey would be getting action on.

I think he'd earn more money out of being a plumber than he would, like, just because everyone would, he'd be back to back to back yeah he'd be doing people just just people would be deliberately blocking their toilet so that matthew mcconaughey come around yeah yeah just fucking just in a pair of like stonewashed denim jeans yeah can you wear that tight t-shirt again when you come and he would always wear that tight t-shirt and also and like he's probably got my favorite ever oscar winning speech which one was that at the end of it when he just turns around he says about chasing yourself that's the person he looks up to of course it is who else is he going to look up to it's not

anyone on the universe making mcconnell he's going to look at and go oh he's better than me so himself for somebody that doesn't like him you really have bigged him up for the i don't like him i'm just saying the odds are all stacked in his favour you said you'd want him to die if you were on a boat with him and Tom Hanks yeah but fucking hell Tom Hanks for me is like just

I think Tom Hanks is everything well do you know in defence of Matthew McConaughey there's a good chance he's probably got his best film ahead of him

I'd argue that Tom Hanks hasn't really well I tell you what if we can sit in years to come and I can go Woody from Toy Story

big Rotor of Addition you know what I mean bang and splash yeah yeah all done Matthew McConaughey is

I don't think he's I don't know I think he's got his best two films in his locker already you reckon did you watch Interstellar is that Matthew McConaughey isn't that Matt Damon

no Interstellar I don't know do you know who's best film Wolf of Wall Street never watched it you've never watched Wolf of Wall Street never watched it you've never watched Wolf of Wall Street

no you are fucking joking what are you doing what a terrible joke that would be by the way um uh Interstellar

hold on Inter I don't think anything about Interstellar is going to be as interesting as the fact you've not watched Wolf of Wall Street 2014

Matthew McConaughey Anne Hathaway yeah Michael Caine about Interstellar is going to be as interesting as the fact you've not watched Wolf of Wall Street. 2014, Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Michael Caine. Oh yeah, Michael Caine's in it. Right, right. That's probably

one of his worst films, Interstellar, right? The ending was fucking insane. I mean, Jesus. How have you not watched Wolf of

Wall Street? You sit with your feet up and fucking picking your toe and I was talking about fucking Marvel films and giving it all the

big fucking Barry Norman about all these geeky fucking Star Wars you've not even watched War for Wall Street I've literally I feel embarrassed

sometimes when we're talking and you were talking about films I actually know I shouldn't probably fucking throw my fucking big stupid face

into this fucking argument and you've not even watched War for Wall Street it's like it's insane it's like saying I've never seen The Godfather I don't think it's quite like saying you've never seen The Godfather it's like it's insane it's like saying I've never seen The Godfather

I don't think it's quite like saying you've never seen The Godfather it's not far away is Wolf of Wall Street really that good mate it's an

exceptional okay look I'll tell you that I'll tell you this I'll tell you this I'm going to watch it today at least you'll be furious because it's supposed to be

packing for the holiday but I am going to I'm going to say to her no why don't you just put it on your iPad and watch it on the flight turn it off alright I'll do that chill to her no why don't you just put it on your iPad and watch it on the flight turn it off

alright alright I'll do that chill pal I'll tell you what Theo would love it Theo would love Wolf of Wall Street mate

how old is he now 40 12 oh actually maybe he's a bit young yeah my god that kid man

he's got himself the freshest haircut I'm so jealous really he looks unreal what's he like oh god people talk about

being envious of your sons, because they've got their youth ahead of them and all that. He came back with his haircut. He's got it all curly on the top and faded around the sides and back. He just looks like a little bad man ting. Yeah, good for him, man. Really, for the holiday? I'd love to look like that.

Could be his first holiday romance this year. Yeah, it could be, I suppose. He really hates me talking about anything like that. be his first holiday romance this year um yeah it could be i suppose he really he really hates me talking about anything like that oh really yeah if i ask him any questions yeah you've got a cool dad it man you got a cool dad it what do you mean how does that mean what does that mean we'll put your sunglasses on right what in the house when i'm talking to him about it go into his room just i think i i think he i think it's... Break out the old leather jacket. You know when somebody tried to manage a football

team, a Premier League football team, and they walk in on the first day and the team know that this guy has never even played at Sunday League level. That's what I think Theo would feel about me trying to advise him about relationships with women and stuff like that. What the fuck

have you got to tell me about relationships? Bear in mind, I see evidence every day that mum's settled. You just hear him at the end of the bed and he's just thinking like, allow it, mate. Fucking shake your big fat mouth. Yeah, so

no, basically, just play it cool. you gotta be a gentleman if they text you text straight back as soon as possible you need to let them know you're available whenever they need you you know whatever they make sure the first thing you do is just buy them loads of presents so they know that you're financially stable and then sometimes sometimes they'll want to see other guys and and some people would say to you no that's a deal breaker what i would say is let them fly and then when they see when they see what a wonderful and generous spirit you are they'll come back and sometimes it will take them five or six guys to discover that obviously so you sit back and you play the long game once

you've got three young sons and you know obviously, obviously you're boring the life out of their mother. Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course,

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Thanks for the invite. It's just not... It's just... It's only me, Grace, and Catherine. There's no one else. Oh, fine. There's just three of us. But the whole of my fucking...

This room stinks of smoke still. Yeah. I've got a house issue. And this is quite a... You're going to rip it out of me for this. Go, go, go. I basically... When we moved into the house,

I asked for a lit wall at the back of the at the back of the office yeah i put in my trainers and shit and they gave me to activate and deactivate that light uh a remote um which i have now lost oh you're joking and the light is on and this room that i'm sitting in now is currently i would say rough estimate 45 45 degrees. I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm actually contemplating smashing it. What am I going to do, man? I have to break it.

You're going to have to break the light. You know what to do is get... Who's the worst footballer out of your three sons? Who's the worst? You don't need to say. Just get one of them to come in, give them a football and then just let them kick at some point

they'll hit the light with the ball I mean that feels like quite a long thing to wait for or just say that Reggie did it what am I saying

do you want to come and play do you want to come and play football in my office yeah yeah just no no

just have a mate if you have a football in your office just sitting in the middle of the room there's no no one who can resist

just kicking it that's just like that's just the laws of average right so just let them out yeah just basically get yeah put the ball there they'll come in one of them will kick it smash it's a light you can then just be like empowered and be like what the fuck oh fuck's sake then you order another like or you could just call the company you put it in and see if they've got a replacement uh tom yeah sorry i'm slightly distracted because I was about to say, should we do some emails? We've literally just had an email come in.

Wow. And I got excited because I'm going to start with this email. It's literally just hot off the press. What happens? Hot off the press. Oh, wow, wow, wow. And it's about you. Oh, no.

This is from the Sad Koala. It says, hi, Wolf and Al. You'll see why I kind of got distracted in a sec. and it's about you it's about you oh no this is from the sad koala it says hi wolf and al you'll see why I kind of got distracted in a sec hi wolf and al not a question but more of a massive

thank you especially to the wolf I came to see you at the Birmingham Glee Club a few weeks ago and it was the same day that myself and my boyfriend broke up

was meant to go with him and I nearly didn't attend I had a panic attack in TK Maxx just before the gig started but I pulled myself together because I wanted to see the wolf live for a while now i laughed the whole time and it cheered me up no end and i just wanted to say thank you so much amazing to hear oh wow that's so nice isn't that lovely that's a lovely email that's a very thank you sad koala

you've really you started off this email section beautifully and i hope that one day you write in and it's from the happy koala and you yeah you know it makes me sad to think of you being sad mate so i hope everything fixes up yeah me too um actually just to shout out as well like it is quite a i i was because i it's a weird thing right me and you just cobbled together an hour every every week of this podcast where we just i would say i would say cobbling together is an exaggeration of what goes into this podcast no but like and we enjoy doing it i love doing it it's one of my favorite things to do but i i it like the people who came to nottingham and birmingham and and mentioned and talked about this podcast is generally, I find it very

lovely and there was a gentleman who came to the show in Nottingham and sort of spoke to me about some of the issues he's had and the things he's been through and what the podcast meant to him and I genuinely like, it's lovely to hear that stuff, so it's like mad

that people, yeah. it's really lovely although i did get a text message from ed gamble the other day really so what well you know he listens to the podcast yeah so he said he texts me let me have a look at this i'm going to read it to exactly right it's not long oh here we go uh just listening to the, just heard about the arse pebble. You lost a listener today. I hope not. I love it. So there you go. Yeah, Seaweedgate has slipped into their podcast as well. I don't think they knew about seaweed either.

They didn't know about seaweed being crispy cabbage? No, I don't think so. That's the wrong translation from from the Twitter feed of people anyway sorry

I forgot to say thank you Sad Koala for your email thank you to the people at BigDot and also Ed Gamble

I hope you're back and I hope you're listening yeah and at the end of the special somebody shouted out go on meow oh wow so you know

which was annoying because I'm you know I'm taping a thing but anyway I hope they know if that's recorded yeah yeah let's hope so this is from another koala wow kim the kim the koala two koalas she says hello swan owl and wolf firstly you do not need to keep me anonymous it's all good secondly my situation my brother is soon to be married we're having many parties and events over the course of a week one of which will be at home where parking is somewhat limited and we'll be having a marquee in the garden with many people attending my worry is the noise we'd be causing over the years we've always been relatively

peaceful neighbors and caused little trouble but this cannot be avoided at this event i've considered i've been considering visiting neighbors to let them know there'll be disruption at ours for the night and across the week i was guessing a bottle of wine or some small i'm trying to put a bit of drama yeah you're also making kim who sounds really amazing and lovely making it sound a bit annoying that voice you do it i was guessing uh a bottle of wine or some small gift may help to keep neighbours relatively happy, but not sure if it's over the top or if it's a standard preparation before house parties. So this is where I was hoping you could help advise.

Would it be courteous of gifting our neighbours? Should I just pop over and explain what's happening and leave it at that? Thank you for continuously keeping a smile on my face when I hear the pods. Keep well and sending all my love. Yo, the koala, my girl. Let me just say this straight off you sound like an incredible neighbor uh you sound like the sort of person that is the foundation of any great street uh across the world across the globe um and i think you've got the right inclination i think letting neighbors know is the most important thing i think it's that little rattle on the door don Don't go around, don't fly that shit.

Don't fly that shit. Pop round, little rattle on the door, little knock. And you know what? A nice bottle of wine or if they've got kids, some sweets. Or maybe you've got a four-pack of Carling or something. Just drop it around, a little gift for all your closest neighbours. maybe you've got like i don't know like a four pack of carling or something just dropping around a little gift for all your closest neighbors and um yeah i think that's just a sweet sweet idea that you could be doing so uh yeah and i think it's also i mean i i think i mean it depends

because obviously it's your brother's wedding so you've got to be careful but i think sometimes saying look pop your head in put your put your head in yeah yeah have a little you know if you're fancy little nose meet some you some I could imagine your friends are amazing people family are amazing so yeah just sort of not have an open house

but yeah I think integrating the neighbours into your world is quite a sweet thing yeah I agree I agree Kim the Koala it's wonderful

that you've even thought about this that shows that you're a nice person so I would totally agree with tom um i think a bottle of wine's a nice idea and then also you know in a selfish way if they accept the wine it means they can't really complain after that you know you've got the wine and then you then you know you can really fucking cut loose yeah 3 a.m drum and bass turn it up have yourselves a party do you know what i mean we've got neighbors who have parties quite regularly

and they always inform people. So, yeah, I think it's a... How do they do it? They'll either knock on the door or put... If you don't answer, they'll put a little thing for the door. And do you get aggrieved by that or are you totally cool with it? I'm pretty cool with it. I think people...

I think if you take a piss, then... How regularly are they having parties? Oh, no, no, every couple of months. Oh, OK. Yeah, I think... Oh,. Oh yeah. I think, Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean,

that means, that means rough estimate. They've had more parties over the last two years than I've been to in my life. Probably. Do you get invited to make the parties and shit? No, I don't get invited to shit, bro.

Oh man. It's because, well, people tell me it's because I always say no. Yeah. I've got that vibe. I keep seeing that stuff happening. Yeah.

How come you weren't at the King Gary reunion thing last week? Little joke. Okay. The zinger. That's your opening. I can't believe you've given away talk material. I feel like it's getting hotter and hotter in this room to the point where I'm barely going to be conscious.

You're wearing a grey t-shirt as well. You're going to have some back sweat on that. Yeah, boy. What kind of shorts or pants are you wearing? I've got some blue toweling shorts is what I would describe. Oh, man, so you're going to get that arse sweat. And I've got white, sort of

thick white socks on as well. You're going to have really bad arse sweat. And I've got white, sort of thick white socks on. You're going to have really bad arse sweat. I was sat in the pub yesterday. Yeah. And I had a long walk over there. And I sat down. Oh God, this is disgusting.

I felt like the bead, the dribble down the back. That's the worst. Down the back of your arse crack? It was sort of started at the back. Oh man. And it sort of worked its way down it was a bit like you know when Jeff Goldblum's

doing that demonstration of chaos theory in Jurassic Park it was a bit like that down my spine in fact I think that scene would have been better if he'd done it like that if he'd have gone hold on let me just lift up my shirt

so can you see do you think the next strip is going to go down my ass crack as well do you know that's the thing i worry so about in the summer more than anything else is that fucking line between your ass cheeks and a pair of like nice sort of like the pair of nice shorts and you've just got a fucking sweat line yeah like yeah i was doing leg press at the gym the other day and like you know where it like comes down on top of you and your sort of knees are by your ears or whatever, however high you get it.

And my T-shirt rode up and my tracksuit bottoms were slightly lower than I wanted them to be. And so I would say for five out of the ten reps that I did, my naked ass was making sense. So you didn't have any underpants on? No, I did, but you know where they've come down and I sort of dragged them of put the tracksuit bottoms

saying we're going to leave this arse and you're coming with us come on you never leave a man behind did you have that big sweaty literally like a moon landing arse yeah it was like a sweat peach

did you clean it off yeah of course I fucking did It was like a sweat peach. Did you clean it off? Yeah, of course I fucking did. Even after I'd cleaned it off, I thought to myself, I need to tell them they need to replace that equipment. You just take the cover off the chair. Just so you know,

there's about three, four things over there that you need to burn now. And that's going to happen every time I come to the gym. Okay, another email. Please keep me anonymous. It's from the Angry Hedgehog. Housework! You are sweet, sweet souls. I should be able to give a half-decent male perspective on this issue.

My husband does nothing around the house i clean dust hoover scrub the toilets water the garden do the laundry i won't bore you with the rest but it's a long list uh we both work full time if i get spare time i usually do a few chores first then relax a bit watch some tv if he gets spare time he does nothing except watch TV or play on his Xbox. Ditto when he takes days off work. He considers it his time. So he does bugger all except lay on the sofa. I've raised this with him. He apologises, makes a half-arsed effort for a few days, seemingly expecting a fucking medal. That is absolute

classic men, that is, by the way. Yeah, that's all of us. Then reverts back to his normal lazy behaviour. Is my hubby just a total twat can he change I'd appreciate your advice love the pod angry hedgehog Tom Davis illuminate

and elucidate please I think this sadly I don't mean to I think a lot of men are culpable of this I certainly have been at times I have been there's a time when I'd just play on FIFA or I'd fucking find something else to do

rather than doing jobs around the house, even working out or golf or whatever. But if I'm honest, sort of me and Catherine had quite a big chat about it, mostly as well, I think, because Grace, with Grace being brought up, we both work for ourselves, but Catherine works from home, I'd be out working. So I don't know, that was sort of,

it was a bit of a bone of contention. But I think it's important to, you know, I don't know, it's really hard, but I think you should have like your jobs and their jobs, like whatever they may be, like cleaning up after him. If one of you cooks, you don't want to clean up. That's,

that's, that should just be the simplest of things. Like that should, that should just be law of the house. Right. If someone cooks, someone cleans up it, you know,

but then if you, you, you break down, these are the, this is what needs doing every week. This is what you're doing. This is what I'm doing. And that's like going to be down to people's schedules in life but i just think men are idiots right men can see correct

men will walk past stuff and just not think about it whereas women and like i don't mean to gentrify like and this isn't but but like not gentle for whatever i don't mean to be generalized generalize but yeah but that is pretty much in my experience how it is and it's like you i think for me katherine's always been like right no you she'll bring bring it up to the point where now i will like i'm better trained i think than i was you know but it's like just now like i don't know if you ever had the thing where you just like the bottom of your fridge just gets fucking water in it it's not a fucking swimming but like so katherine's like she's been saying to me for a couple of like about a week can you sort this out and i've been like oh yeah i'll do it i'll do it and then realize actually i just this morning was like i'm gonna

fucking do it now i'm waiting to do the podcast and watch a youtube video uh do you ever watch those youtube you're watching those youtube videos fucking 70. Is that a new website where you can watch videos on pretty much anything? Is that what you're talking about? It's got a search engine thing, hasn't it? And you can like, look for videos.

So if you wanted to learn how to do the gambling, you can watch something about poker. If you wanted to learn how to do something about cleaning. But I ended up

watching a video about how to clean, like, why would this happen? And then, actually, I've sorted it out. But I ended up watching a video about how to clean, like, why would this happen? And then, actually, I've sorted it out. But then I watched about 10 videos from this one person who'd, for some reason, made a video about how to clean fridges. And then, yeah, but his stuff was all so different.

There was no, like, oh, this is how you clean fridges. Oh, yeah, this is what happens if your freezer gets, like, over-freezed or whatever they call it needs to frost him it was just like it was so sporadic but he had the number one video to watch about like if you get a pond in the back yeah you gotta yeah you gotta go for the specialist in that situation i have figured out how to do so much stuff from youtube yeah it's incredible yeah it's it's an it's um it's an amazing website. It really is. Whatever you need.

Are you working on that now? Do you do stuff? Well, it's very difficult for me. I do very little, if anything. Really? Yeah. Do you empty the bins? Do you take the bins out? As we were reading this email and you were answering,

I thought, how honest am I going to be about what I do? I think you need to be as honest as possible. Do you do the bins? Occasionally. Not very often. Right. Do you clean the kitchen? Do I clean the kitchen?

No. I mean, I do. If I do clean up after myself, I would say that. But do I clean the kitchen? No, but if the whole family's eating, would you go and clean the sides, fill the dishwasher, wash the pans? Yeah, I do do that a bit, yeah. Yeah, so you know you've been hard on yourself.

No, I don't do enough. I don't do anywhere near enough. And this is what I think, angry hedgehog. I think your husband is a default do-nothing-er. That's his natural state. And he's not going to change i i don't think he's going to change uh so you well he's not going to change without incentive is what i mean so what i think is what i think you need to do is i think you need to make it clear how much

it's pissing you off because based on your email it's pissing you off. Because based on your email, it's pissing you off quite a lot. And I don't know if it's pissing you off enough to maybe, like, I mean, you've said, is my hubby a total twat? I don't know how much this is pushing you towards thinking, fucking hell, I don't know if I, I mean, I'm being very extreme here. I don't even know if I want to be in this, if it's going to carry on like this. But I think you need to make it absolutely clear. Because basically, at the moment, you've got a situation where you're telling him to do some stuff he does it for a bit

and then he stops doing it and there there is no there's no consequences of that so there is no reason for him to behave differently and i listen i mean there is a reason to be a considerate husband i get that but that's not working so you need to try something else and what i suggest you do is sit down have a talk with them and say it is incredibly stressful for me having to do everything you are being selfish uh if you care about my feelings at all you will start doing stuff and i don't just mean for a few days i mean can we talk about what is your responsibility and like i think what tom said was right about allocating certain things.

So you do this, I do this, you do this. And then you've got the responsibility because if it's like an arbitrary thing of like, can you do more? He's got no idea what that is.

Do you know what I mean? Like he's got no idea what that is. You need to make, you do it like you do with kids. We do it with our kids. Men are fucking kids. Men, if you let men fucking behave

like fucking children, and this is speaking as well, like, like, and like fucking children and this is as well like like and like you what you said as well is it's an incentive and this is fucking how pathetic we are as a fucking group of people i'm not saying it's right i'm not saying no no no i'm not saying it's right or good but i'm just saying that some men are just like that yeah but also i think a lot like i can talk to you about me and you fucking pals I've got, if you let men procrastinate and just fucking sit around scratching their bollocks watching football and playing on the Xbox, they'll fucking do that. But what you need to do is like, and it's fucking, it's a shitter for you because you don't want to become like the nag, but you kind of just got to go, look, if you want to watch the Xbox, make sure you do this, this and this. Yeah.

I'll go, look, if you want to watch the Xbox, make sure you do this, this and this. Yeah. You want to find a way of doing it where you don't feel like a nag. And by the way, I'm not saying you're a nag, but it's tiring to have to keep telling people stuff. And it's tiring, it's annoying, and he'll start to resent you for it, unrightfully.

But he will. So what you've got to do is you've got to make a fundamental change to how things are working in your house. Some of this will come down to the thing of you being seen within your relationship. It's like not about about some of the things that we've found i've found out is through therapy or whatever so it's not necessarily it's about the fact you're doing all this stuff around the house and he probably doesn't notice and he takes it for he'll take he'll be taking it for granted he's not turning around and saying even like you even if he's not

doing the shit he should be you're you're doing all this amazing stuff and you're you're keeping the house running and he's not turning around going oh you know what the the kitchen looks nice oh thanks for doing that or yeah oh it has the house feels nice and clean he's so it's a deeper thing isn't even just the the him doing it or him not doing it it's the fact that you're doing these things and you're not getting any sort of praise or any sort of like he's not seeing how instrumental you are to that so yeah he kind of needs to fix up and look he does so i shout out and look sharp and major because he's a lucky man yo he's a lucky very lucky man good luck luck. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural

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Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if rebelses is right for me rebelses ask your doctor or visit rebelses.ca order up for rebelses should we do one more let's do it uh dear swan cat wolf oh god you know i've just realized what the swan chooses these emails. Oh yeah, wow. That last one. Wow. Is my hubby just a total twat? Mate,

what are you like on holiday? Are you more like... Imagine if I'd not picked up on that and then she listens to this and she's like, I cannot believe how fucking

nailed on that email was. When you're on holiday, do you do more stuff then? Yeah, there we go. I need to sort myself out. This has been a wake-up call for me, which I assume is what the Swan was hoping for all along. Okay, this is from The Worm.

Wow. By the way, at this point, I'm barely conscious, cat well by the way at this point i'm barely conscious just so you know not because of the email but i really am descending into a fucking funk here this is bad do you smell seven seven beers yesterday i'm sitting here in a room that's volcanic and gradually shutting down so it's possible that during your closing speech you're closing uh i can't even think of the fucking, you're closing comments. I'll,

I'll completely fall asleep. Um, okay. This one cat wolf and owl. Thanks for putting me last. I'm a huge fan of the pod and almost crashed my car at the recent Mark Mike section of the podcast. Great listening. Oh my God. That was,

uh, the mark, the Mike, the Mike. We should put that up as a video by JT. Yeah, that's not, um, you've not got his email address no?

you prick is this how you're exclusively communicating with him? I know you're listening yeah he's already furious that we've told three stories that we've told before on the podcast probably at this stage this poor bastard

having to remember stuff that we don't fucking remember. He's incredible, that guy. Even though it's us that said it. Yeah, I know. He's unbelievable. Yeah, JT's like that. He's the best in the game.

He's the engine room in this podcast. Yeah, he is. Oh, you know how it goes this far to say about him? He's a busquets or he's the guy in the team. He's more important

than anyone else in this podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easily. Easily. Yeah. Easily.

We'd be fucked without him. Yeah, we shouldn't have said any of this, actually, because... Yeah, I just think there should be... I'd say there should be... He's going to ask for more money. A JT day. I might even get a tattoo of his name on mine. Yeah, that's a great idea.

We're 58 minutes in. Let's make this JT day. JT, I hope you enjoy the last two minutes of this that are dedicated to you. My plight is an embarrassing one, so I'd like to stay anonymous for reasons you'll shortly understand. After hearing the Pebble story,

which initially disgusted me, I came round to this great idea after such an eloquent explanation from the wolf it got me thinking. My wife has recently suffered a bout of thrush, which in turn has become a firing... Why are we laughing at that? I think it's because he's put it in the email.

I'm not laughing at thrush. It's a horrible thing, thrush. My wife has recently suffered a bout of thrush, which in turn has become a fire and itchy affair for me and the unmentionables and made sleeping difficult. Listening to the Pebbles story, I took the Wolf's logic and decided a cooling aid was the way to go now now balancing a pebble on my helmet wouldn't work so i came up with an alternative I cut a circle out of a leather patch that was in the pocket of a recently bought jacket meant for minor repairs. I cut a straight slit to the centre and formed a cone similar to the palm leaf conical hats worn as traditional Vietnamese dress.

And I put it in the freezer imagine imagine my relief and gratitude to the wolf upon wearing the invention that night he had a vietnamese themed cock upon wearing the invention that night in bed when my wife was working late when the heat is sufficiently cooled i removed the garment and placed on my bedside table when my when i woke from a much needed night's sleep the yeast infected cowhide had gone and to my display to my dismay i only turned up two days later i only turned up two days later when I found it on the head of my nine-year-old daughter's Barbie. Jesus Christ!

I immediately removed it and told my daughter I'd fashioned another hat but she told me why she was upset and my wife confronted me and told me to return it I didn't and I made a bike helmet out of a toothpaste pump for barbie but my wife now will not stop asking what it is and why I'd made it

do I let her know what the fuck I'd been up to or do I keep rebuffing her question thanks in advance the worm oh my god wow the worm oh my god wow um the worm um number one bro i would say that um you sound like an incredible like in the ingenuity on you to make these like to make a bike yeah it'd be very very very matter of fact about doing some

incredible things yeah like to make a bike helmet out of a toothpaste that's incredible I genuinely I'm going to be hitting you up for advice about yeah different headwear

for barbies obviously none that my dick and penises yeah I think it's probably best I think it was something you and your wife

have both suffered with the thrush situation I think it's probably best that you sit down you have a chat and you tell her exactly what happened. I mean, I'm guessing your wife will see the funny side of it.

Yeah. I'm thinking that, yeah, I mean, you saved Barbie. Did you wash, I'm sort of like, did you wash Barbie's head? You wash her hair? Yeah, that needs a proper, I would say that needs a shave and a restitch. Yeah, I'd have actually probably gone out and brought a whole new Barbie if I'm'm yeah rather than sort of yeah but yeah i think it's honesty is paramount here

but like wow i feel so like it's an incredible thing when you start i've started off the pebbles and now people are using it for other body parts um i mean at the moment i'd love to just get a massive pebble and that you could just hold in your arms in your room there, and then you'd feel nice and cool all over. The Worm, thank you for sharing a wonderful story. It's a great email, one of the best we've had in a while. Ever. You do need to tell your wife what happened.

And you can blame Tom if you want, because I'd come up with this idea of the arse pebble. You thought you'd try and make a Vietnamese cock hat as a result of listening to Tom's advice and that's why you got rid of it and I think she'll

understand and then maybe get some more leather and make yourself and maybe label them yeah you know one Barbie also just get a drawer to put your

if you if you're sticking your dick in there just put it away just put it just put your yeast cock hat away yeah yeah yeah good luck Just put it away. Just put your yeast cock hat away. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Good luck.

Okay, Tom, do us the honour of taking us out. A king sat on his amazing throne, chilling the day away. And a jester came through and made him laugh a little bit, and his main knight came forward and said, oh, I killed a dragon for you, and he celebrated them both with mountains of gold, and then someone made him a lovely, lovely cape that he wore, and he strolled around town in the cape.

All the while, never thinking about every day when he sat on the throne it was clean and it stood and bared his weight anyway one day he sat on his throne and there was a pin that stuck on his bum and also it was quite smelly and dirty and some of the fat and residue from his last night's dinner was in it and the king shouted out for christ's sake why is my chair dirty and someone says oh matthew the chair cleaner um he's not coming like he's been actually like he's got gonorrhea he's he's not gonna be for a few days and the king said um what? What the hell? Like, what are we supposed to do now? And basically everyone was like, we don't know. Like, Matthew's like, we never thought this would happen.

The moral of the story. Oh, my God. The moral of the story is, in life, you will always notice the big moments, the grand gestures, the people who score the goals or the people who fly the air balloons. But what you won't notice is the people who keep the clean sheets or make the wicker baskets notice everyone no one is too small or no gesture too small to say thank you thank you for being there every day because life is all built up from simple gestures that make your heart beat that little bit kinder oh that was really lovely really nice i would say very abrupt ending opposite of lord of the rings i would say

yeah yeah i kind of yeah yeah i sort of knew what i wanted to say but also i was then conscious of the fact that you slumped back into a chair and i wasn't sure if you were still alive oh yeah um it was a great one. Another great one. Guys, thank you so much for listening to The Wolf for now. We appreciate every one of you. We're going to play for you now a little segment of a song that's been cheering me up this week, and it's by Post Malone, and it's called I Like You.

I love Post Malone. Bracket's a happier song, close bracket. Take care. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. guys bye guys my guys we went up out of france and we woke up in japan i like you oh girl i know you only like it fancy so i pull up in that made back candy

yeah your boyfriend i never understand me because i'm about to pull this girl like a hammer If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com Thank you.