Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 80: Double Illness & A Christmas Lunch

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

We’re talking… tattoos and hair-do’s, meeting 50 Cent, an ill Tom and a very run-down Rom, sad hotels, a round of golf with Jim, a Ranganathan and Davis family Christmas lunch, burgers followed by curry and the wonders of echinacea. Then we answer some email questions about recording live stand-up shows and advice on muffling farts - plus a very surreal debate about moody hippos and smiling giraffes. Trigger warning - this episode contains an excessive amount of bleeping. Enjoy! For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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On April 5th... You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth... Bad things will start to happen. Evil things of evil. It's all... No, no, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. Only theaters April 5th. Yo. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws?

Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last request Yeah. shows have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and a expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome once again, Rungo, tell your friend. It's the Wolf and Owl inside the place, up inside your face. You know, first thing, first thing that just jumps to my attention, this might be the first episode we've done in many moons where neither of us is wearing a cap.

That's a good point. Well, I'm in a bit of a funk actually because I'm having to have like I'm having to have Jonathan hair for avoidance and yeah

you know it's not it doesn't look that I know it doesn't I know it doesn't look that different but it's different enough for me to

it's like I'm walking I feel like I'm walking around with one bollock hanging out do you know what I mean it's not quite you should have had

like a probably like nice French crock yeah all pushed downock hanging out. Do you know what I mean? It's not quite. You should have had like a, probably like nice French crop. Yeah. Like all pushed down. I mean, do you know the other thing I've done is like, I've had all my tattoos covered up.

They're starting to come through now. Oh wow. Yeah, I really. Do you feel like yourself? Or do you feel like, you know, when you leave the set, you feel still like a bit Jonathan?

Well, you know what? Like full disclosure, if I can be absolutely honest with you, I sort of try and think of myself as like quite a cool guy and then after they've

covered the tattoos up I mean see in some of the flexy dance moves from you at 50 Cent I think it's fair to say

you are a cool guy there's a lot of fucking here we go the old fucking there was a lot of flex there man I fucking loved it

I loved seeing you it was nice seeing you enjoying yourself I smiled do you know how I know that you're not telling the truth because you lent in like a fucking

I mean it I saw a video of you and you're doing this you're doing this I know but when you're doing this you're having a good time what's going on there

what's going on there that was the door getting slammed shut because I was making so much noise you lent in there like an incel fucking

with a conspiracy thing i uh i i am i thought that um no not that i think i'm you know like you like to try and think that you are making some inroads into sort of being credible and then i realized that once no one wants to think there'll be this no and uh and once you cover up my tattoo, I realise that my tattoos and my haircut are in place of an actual personality or any kind of edge. Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on.

You've got enough edge. You've got enough cut, man. You've got enough paper. You've got enough to give a very fine paper cut. Yeah, thanks, mate. Thank you. I've had a tough few days, mate. Well, listen, 50 Cent was...

Look, let's start things off by saying, first of all, sorry that the podcast is late. I've had a tough few days well listen 50 Cent was look let's start things off by saying first of all sorry that the podcast is late that's the first thing that we need to apologize

yeah I mean there's a number of reasons for that I'm going to jump in well I think we've both did you say you've been I like that expression

I've not heard it before you're in a bit of a funk yeah in a bit of a funk I like it I like it so yeah I'm also in a funk

so let's we'll come on to the funks but apologies it's late Yeah. And a bit of a funk. I like it. I like it. Yeah. So yeah, I'm also in a funk. So let's, we'll come on to the funks, but apologies that it's late, but yeah, we'll funk up later. Oh Christ. Okay.

So, well, I mean, if your intention was to anesthetize me from ever fucking saying that again, well done, you've done it. But I, I had the delight

of going to see 50 Cent with Lisa, Theo, my oldest son, my brother and his wife. And there was something about going to a gig with your son and your wife. And obviously, like, my brother and his wife are there, and it was lovely to have them there. But the generational thing of, like, going to a gig with your son and you're all into that music is fucking great, man. He was throwing his hands up the whole night.

He loved it. It was very nice. I met 50 Cent beforehand to do an interview for the Radio 2 show. Nice guy? Really a very nice guy, very nice guy. What I would say is I slightly embarrassed myself with the thirst. That surprises me because you are not a thirsty person when it comes to those situations.

I think you're a pretty cool guy when it comes to those situations. Well, it's just like it's somebody that I grew up listening to their music. Do you know what I mean? And so every now and again you kind of get starstruck, don't you? And that happened to me in the 50 Cent interview. And then the gig was great. and then since then i've been staying in luton for avoidance um which is setting it's set in horsham so it makes sense that we'd film in luton so why are you filming it i guess because i guess because horsham's 10 minutes away

from my house and that would be far too convenient i mean it does seem insane that you're filming all the way like where you are well listen and it's your production company yeah I know well listen guys get in touch with Ben Green my

my business partner but anyway last so I I come to this hotel and it's like it's fine

I would say for I think I can see some mould from here just above your head. It looks like some rather gross-looking stain. Just sort of...

No, that's a light. Oh, okay. But I sort of felt a bit sad about the fact that I was going to be spending the week here. I mean, last night I got ill, like really ill. Basically, I came back from filming. And basically, we filmed on Saturday, then I went straight to BO2, interviewed 50 Cent came back from filming. And, like, basically, we filmed on Saturday. Then I went straight to B02, interviewed 50 Cent, did the gig.

And then on Sunday, I did another gig. Not, I mean, I didn't do another gig. I did a gig. Yeah. At Winchester for Paul McCaffrey. Yeah. It was great. It was lovely.

It was very, very good fun. Paul's an absolute saint. Just quickly. Mate, and what a fucking... One of my favourite comedians ever. And what, yeah, what a great comic.

Anyway, and then afterwards, I went to the, came to the hotel, and, you know, Luton is, well,

I'm not going to talk about Luton, but then the next night, I started to feel, I think it was like exhaustion, you know, like just a bit of like cumulative knackeredness. And so then last night, I came back from filming,

I sat in the hotel room. I'm not good when I'm away as it is yeah but I came and sat on the bed and I don't know if you've ever done this have you ever done this where you just um you just sit scrolling on your phone and like doing nothing you're not you're not even looking for it you just sit there like I sat there for an hour yeah just like scrolling through shit it was pathetic it's because you're a bit lost in that moment and you're looking you're looking for a connection of any kind and so then what happened and then what happened is i i started to just feel like i needed to go to bed to sort of press end on the day right and um i started like feeling really ill i started getting the shivers

and i woke up in the middle of the night and i i the the level of sorriness i felt for myself was it was tragic i sort of woke up and i said oh i almost look for you it was really sad i actually feel sad hearing this it's really sad yeah i mean i hadn't put the blinds down i turned the lights off but then there was like a load of lights coming in from some other... Probably the airport in Luton, I'd imagine. Yeah, well, it is an airport hotel, so that probably shows up. You're joking. Why have they put you in there?

Are all the cars staying there? Is everyone staying in the same place? No, it's very much a King Gary Series 2 situation. Everybody else seems to be not here. I'm the only one staying here. What? Where's everyone else then? I don't know. I mean, I can to be not here. I'm the only one staying here. What? Where's everyone else then? I don't know. I mean, I can't listen. I mean, they've got Airbnbs and stuff like that. What? They've got Airbnb? I mean, don't get me started on Airbnbs because it's a weird

thing because that's going to come out in this special that we did record. But Airbnbs can go fuck themselves. I hate Airbnbs. Yeah, well, let's not go back to that. Well, God forbid we tell a story twice on this podcast. Anyway, I put the blind down on the window, obviously. Jesus Christ, I'm fucking ill. And I actually said out loud, that's better, Ramesh. Oh, my God.

Like you're an old person, like a sort of dithering old. Like a, yeah, like a, there we go. That's it, mate. Now you can sleep, gentle, sweet boy. Now you can sleep. You lay your head down. Now it's nice and dark, isn't it? So you're not going to have any of the lightest distractions

in your little eyeball. It'll only be the shivers to wake you up now, boy. When you wake up in the morning, you'll feel all refreshed and ready for another day doing your acting malarkey. Did you get back to sleep all right? I did, actually. Sort of.

I didn't have great sleep. And then I woke up feeling really pathetic. And then, like, Lisa texted me to say, how are you? And I just, oh, so sad. Just unloaded this kind of list of moans and you do sort of think to yourself i am staying in a hotel that's perfectly nice it's not going to say but you sent me a picture of this hotel and i've got to say like i'm not snob by any means but that is yeah that i mean like the one you stayed in but we were staying in last time that you

sort of showed off about I thought that looks quite bleak it's a bit like an old people's home first of all I wasn't showing off about it

I said it was it was a nice hotel it was just a bit sort of old fashioned decor that's what I said this place don't act like I was

fucking like DJ Khaled fucking flexing about this hotel that I was in this one when you sent me a picture I nearly I felt genuinely quite depressed just looking at the picture. Yeah, well, imagine spending a week here.

You're going to move out now, right? I think so. I think I'm going to go somewhere else because, well, the locations are changing and I could have stayed here, but I've decided to move somewhere else. But I also, there's certain hotel rooms that make me feel like a divorcee. This sort of hotel room, I'd imagine that if things went wrong with the Swan, I'd sort of end up here and I'd occasionally sort of phone her and go,

do you think we might get to a point where we can talk about things again? And she'd go, can we give it another couple of nights? And then you go, okay. Then I'd wander down to reception. Fair cartridge. Yeah, is it possible to get another couple of nights and then you go okay then i wander down to reception and then i say to them yeah is it is it possible to get another couple of nights booked in and they go yeah then i get back in the lift i come back up to the room then i realize i've left the key inside the room then i come back downstairs and i go would it be possible to get another a key cut because um the key here you have to put it in the light slot to activate the electrics in the

yeah which i've never understood the logic of by the way no it's not a pet peeve but you know what you can use one of your credit cards in there if you need to yeah i'd much do you know i'd much rather leave a credit card in here than the hotel room key you're absolutely right that's such a smart move just no because you you remember your credit cards in there when you're being when you're rushing about because you're always late for stuff you always are me sprinting about. What the fuck? Listen, if we're going to talk about punctuality, the number of times I get a text from you going, you ready?

And I say, yes, then I log onto the Zoom. I send you the link. And I'm sat here like a fucking twat on a Zoom meeting for 10 minutes. Right. Do you know what the reason is, right?

It's because I can't do nothingness. Right? So if I go, you're ready. And you're like, yeah, give me five minutes, mate.

In those five minutes, I'll try and squeeze in a little job or something, a poo or whatever. Right? So if I go, you're ready, and you're like, yeah, give me five minutes, mate. In those five minutes, I'll try and squeeze in a little job or something, a poo, or whatever. Right? And then sometimes that overflies into a seven minute spell.

So in that, then there's a two minute hangover. If you expect me as one of your best friends in the world, and I would say, the strangers listening to this, to believe that you've ever done a seven minute poo in your life,

that hasn't, hasn't followed a night on the curry are you joking wait can i just say no can i just say is that this is a good segue i've been in pieces man what do you mean for two days well so sunday um i'll go and play golf in the morning which is amazing with our friend Jim very beautiful morning spent with great company for lunch I have a burger

you played a round of golf with Jim yeah you sorry you and Jim went for a round of golf no the four of us

me Jim my mate Tommy and my other mate Jim went and played golf what the fuck is going on because I thought you know what It was me, Jim, my mate Tommy, and my other mate, Trent, went and played golf. What the fuck is going on? Because I thought, you know what?

Are we friends? Are we friends? Just answer the question. Are we friends? We are. But you don't play golf. If you played golf, it would be amazing. I'm going to tell you what happened here.

I said, you should start golf. You went, oh, fuck anyone. Actually, I was like, all right. You went and brought all the stuff. You got really into it for about a week and then you gave up you'd love golf golf would love you it'd be a beautiful thing just to see you on a really crisp cold morning you know dressed up all fucking scurried up in your you know you know one of your vapes or a cigarette on the go vegan sausage row on your end that would be beautiful but you don't so i can't say do you want to come and walk around for fucking five hours with me jim and the others it just wouldn't work with it but you'd feel left out even if i was a bloody you know you

might sort of just like clean the clubs or sort of like chase chase people like the balls or whatever do you mean so so jim jim, so Jim that drives me to work most days, right? Yeah. You, so Jim, the guy that I see all the time, because he does all of my work driving.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jim, him, the guy that I consider to be close to, and you, who I consider to be one of my very best,

you two went to golf together. Like, like on the fucking Jim, I know Jim quite well. And I was like, in passing to Jim. Oh, yeah, I play at the Grove every now and again, great golf course. Jim says, Oh, I love that. It's my it's my favorite course in the country, right? I'd love to be I'd love to play again. And it just so happened that I had a voucher to

play on the Sunday and I was like you know what two people just were like oh it's too cold to play and it you know winter golf is a very difficult pick you know and I was like you know what Jim is a lovely man sweet sweet guy loves the course good company and also I'll tell you what about Jim and you can say this as well he's not going to back out because it's raining because I'm going to have out because it's raining. No. Because I'm going to have to pay for this thing, right? I have to pay for it, Ron.

You know, it's a nice thing to do for people. I can end up, which has happened before, when I'm the only one who turns out because three of my mates go, oh, it's raining, I'm not coming. So then I'm cashing holes. So I've just basically got to go and play fucking 18 holes a night. So I knew Jim would never let me down. I know that Jim's a good man. so that was my reasoning there okay and he said anyway it was thoroughly good company and by the way actually while we're standing here and saying that

this week i turned to gaffer and i said i think i actually romeo she's got a point and i sometimes feel bad about so what did i do i text you i said right week between christmas over christmas i want us all to get together families the rank and athens davis those is as a group i've even gone but that's done we're going to do that together and then on top of that i invite you to another very special occasion which can't we talk about and it was the first person i said to catherine i turned to catherine and went you know i really want to invite and she went wrong that Romesh. That is true. What I would say is, that is true, some of that. 90% of what you just said is bollocks. No, it's true.

No, no, because you said, the way you've just made it out is like, you've gone, right, Romesh, what are you doing over Christmas? Let me get booked up. What actually happened was, you said, you sent me a very functional text going, are you about over the Christmas period? And then I said, yeah, I said, yeah, during the gooch, we will have some days free.

And then you went, oh, we should meet up. That's what you said. Yeah, but then I was going to surprise you when I saw have you booked for? Well, it's done for the... When were you going to tell me about this? Why is this information being delivered to me on the... Well, it's not a surprise. You're telling me now. This is it.

This is a surprise, isn't it? Yes. But why do you deliver that information? Because you... Why do you deliver that information such an attacking way? You go all funky about poor old Jim. And then, like, now I've gone, what I was going to do is at the end go then like now I've gone right this is a big

what I was going to do is at the end go oh by the way it's a big surprise we're going to film it it's going to be the Ranganathans and the Davies

breaking bread. So it's a work thing now. It's a work thing now. It's not a work thing I jest. I jest. Yeah. I jest.

I'm not going to film our kids aren't going to film. But you have told everyone on the podcast we're going to be here's my question to you do you socialise anywhere that isn't

do you socialise anywhere that isn't do you socialise anywhere that isn't **** I know but do you know what I know they do nice vegan food are you trying to get

papped is that what's happening there no no listen listen I've got a little source for you have a listen to

the wolf if you want to know where to get some decent photos of the wolf for now the wolf in his natural habitat

the owl in the habitat that he's not normally feeling welcome in. Head over... I don't even know how we're going to bleep our way out of this without getting fucking... Well, no, no, no. JT, can you bleep out the date? You know what I'll do as well, Ron?

Last time I was there, I started chatting to the chef. And I tried it, just for you, tried a little bit of the vegan Wellington. It was incredible. I went back to him. I I tried it just for you, tried a little bit of the vegan Wellington. It was incredible. I went back to him. I said, this vegan Wellington is amazing. I cannot wait to bring my best friend in for him to taste this. And he went, oh, is he a vegan?

I went, he's probably one of the most well-known vegans in the world. Then I gave him a wink and he went, who is it? And I was like, I can't tell you. And he was like, most well-known vegan. He starts racking his brains. He can't think of who it is. I went, it's from a shrink in England. And he was like, most well on a vegan. He starts racking his brains. He can't think of who it is. I went, it's Romesh Ranganathan. And he went, oh, right. Yeah. He, he was Spanish. So he did. I showed him a picture of you. Then he knew who you were and he got very excited.

How much of that story is true? All of it. That's true. I was literally at Romesh Ranganathan. He went, and I went, this guy? And he went, oh yes., I know this guy. I know this guy. Very funny guy, man. Very funny guy. He's coming here. And I went, I can make sure you get a lot of vegan welling because this guy loves his vegan food. Exciting, man, for everyone. I'd like to think that it's going to be a good one. I don't even know if any of this, I don't even know if you've booked. It's true. Mate, I'm'm gonna tell you now i want this

to become a christmas tradition the ranginathans and the davises you know it'll be like you know it's fucking a few years time to be theo's wedding theo's gonna you know be like don't tell the bride these be you and theo sitting there theo's fiance grace will be like grace will be like fucking eight or whatever and i'm sure she'll be like bloody i was so fucking excited remember when like we first came here i was mad and like the guy will come up and go oh mr rangin more of your vegan uh more of your vegan wellington sir and they'll have an extra one cooked for you because they know how much you like it may be beautiful that's what tradition is all about sometimes i think you know man the world has forgotten traditions. Let's start a new one.

So, excited. I don't understand the tradition. We go on the and then we meet again there for Theo's wedding. I don't know. Every year we go there and then in like 10 years time,

whatever, Theo turns around and says, I'm getting married. I'm not going to tell Theo to organise his wedding day to coincide with this fucking new tradition that we've come up with? Oh, congratulations,

by the way, it has to be. What I'm saying is Theo, right? Theo, you don't know how much it means to Theo. It doesn't mean anything to him. It doesn't mean anything to his dad, because he's not been told about it. It's a lot now on the podcast. It doesn't mean anything to his dad, because he's not been told about it until now on the podcast.

What I'm saying is this, yeah. You hear Alex and Charlie in their bedrooms, right, chatting away, and Alex is like, you know what, like, you know, when they're sort of like quietly, you know, and they're going to sleep, it's like, oh, you know, I love Christmas Day and I love Boxing Day. But it gives me chills. It's so exciting.

It's like our thing. It's our thing right and you think those two fucking love the davidson reagan heathens when they come together um and you know lisa enjoys it she's always laughing and joking about it right and the beat think i don't have to think i was into it so for 10 years you never chat to her about it and then the day that he says i've done i'm getting married to Kelly. You're like, oh, wow, that's amazing. Fucking hell, that's incredible. And then he just sort of taps you on the leg and goes, I'm going to do it on a...

And I'm going to do it on a... And you're like, fuck it, I'll come here. First person you call, obviously me. We make sure we can get it booked. We book out the whole place. Just amazing. Very exciting. Kelly's family love it. They then joined into the before you know it it's fucking their family a part of

the whole big the tradition as well and then you know 30 years time theo's there with his kids fucking hell man this started just you know eight people with a dream it's a bit like christmas that's how christmas began yeah okay okay it sounds very it sounds wonderful but it's just what i'm saying is just send somebody a text i mean i can't i can't yeah how long ago did you put when i text you okay katherine said i should have texted you but i said i wanted to do it on the podcast and i've got to say it now thinking about it i probably should have just told you about it

so you like i did with the other thing i messaged you about right but katherine said just talk to ron and tell him because if we book it and he can't make it i said he's around all christmas he told me this is horrible this is horrible because it's such a nice thing now i mean were you planning on delivering the information to me in the way that you did, which was sort of as a slam?

No, no, no. I was planning on doing it because it's a big moment. Okay, can we do it properly? Can we do it properly, please? This is how I would have done it.

Okay, fine. It's like, I'd have wrapped up the show and gone, you know, da-da-da-da-da, and you'd have gone, oh,

and to play us out today, we have got a scrimmage pit or whatever, and I would have turned around and gone, to play us out today we have got a screw dress pit or whatever and all the time i'm only going yo ron before you say that i've got one thing to say you know we've been talking about socializing with our families get ready we're doing it man and i've done it like that well it's actually quite sweet yeah what a shame it's panned out as it has done. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I was a little bit worried that we wouldn't have any material,

and actually this way, it's meant we've got 10 minutes of... Well, we've got 10 minutes of stuff that we can't... We're probably going to have to bleep out both the date and the location, which are the two key parts of the story. Yeah, I mean, that's... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is... That's... Yeah, if you could do that, JT. I mean, if you're arranging a private meeting with a friend, I would say telling them on the podcast, it's a weird move. Yeah. It's a little bit like when you said you were coming to the Reading show.

Yeah, that was bad. Live on the podcast. Yeah. That was a similar thing. You love Taco Bell after a night out, but the new Cantina Chicken menu from Taco Bell hits different during the day. With slow-roasted chicken and fresh veggies, it's something late-night you and daytime you can agree on. Hit up your local Taco Bell restaurant or TacoBell.ca today

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Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Nah. It's like Coca-Cola, with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. So anyway, Rob, so I played golf with Jim, which was lovely. It was a nice time. Shout out, Jim. Shout out, Jim. Absolute legend of the game.

And thank you for being an absolute gentleman around the course you really were a wonderful company um and then uh i then go to meet some friends with katherine uh all the kids i have some food i have a burger burger's a little bit too rare than i'd usually like but i was very hungry so i wolfed it back how how good is this place is this a sort of place where you can ask for your burger to be done a certain way you know what i should have i should have asked for it i should have taken a bite and gone excuse me can i have this a little bit better done but what happened is i was so hungry i was like i was going to wolf this down right yeah

i've had the burger you know it was delicious apart from that chips uh a proper arousal afterwards right but then i've spent five hours in the freezing cold. I get home. You know, play with Grace, put Grace to bed, start watching TV. But then I'm really hungry again. And also I'm still not warm from being outside for ages. So I decide to order quite a big curry. Catherine's disgusted by this.

Says that she can't. I can't have a curry. You ordered a curry after the burger and the profiteroles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That evening. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I can't have a curry. You ordered a curry after the burger and the profiteroles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That evening, okay. Yeah, yeah. I can relate to this. Yeah.

I think the curry, I wolfed down the curry. Too much curry, I'd argue, say for one person, used a curry house I've not used before because it was open on a Sunday. Fast forward to yesterday, I'm in bits. Like stomach cramps you wouldn't believe. And it's like a whodunit now. Is it the rare burger is it the curry house i've never used before or is it the two of them have just combined in my

stomach and gone let's fuck this guy up it's like you know yeah the tag team yesterday was absolute hell on earth it was a busy day you know when you're busy and all that you can think of is between meeting to me and it's like i hope there's a functioning toilet there yeah and I will say this right in my office incredible love it and all the all the all the toilets are unisex toilets which I get right but I have a real problem with me going to the toilet and then a woman that I don't really know or a woman that I work with following me into the toilet after I've been I find that really I find I have a lot of anxiety about that because I'm like if it's a guy I'm like sorry bro I give that a miss I

Find for women. I'm like that. I don't know if unless kind of crass I mean, maybe I'm wrong but telling us all don't go no stints Feels like oh, yeah, you're that guy on the floor and I look like that person I had to do a lot of work myself Not to look like the person that when someone opens a toilet door and it stinks of shit in an office goes that's probably the big guy yeah how are you feeling now?

I still feel rough now I'm a bit like you I've got cold shivers stomach cramps we just had a day in London with Grace which was lovely but it was you know that feeling when you're like literally your body's aching you're hot and sweaty yeah you're cold at the same time yeah i mean maybe it could

just be a bug also katherine did say i spent five i had a bit of a cold anyway i didn't want to spend five hours outside playing golf which wasn't a great idea because katherine also very upset about that she's upset about you going to play golf? For five hours, yeah. She thinks it's insane that that's a hobby. And all of her friends agreed. Me and my friend Tommy turned up to see them after the golf, and they were like, how do you have a hobby that takes five hours? It's half a working day.

There's nothing that you could – it's insane, actually. I'm going to say this. I mean, don't you never 18 holes is bullshit man 18 holes is insane I like 9 holes you don't have to play 18 holes I do

no no you don't but we we played 18 holes because we were like I want to do it but I wish we'd just played 9

9 would have been beautiful could have had a couple of pints chilled I wouldn't have been as hungry I probably wouldn't have had the curry wouldn't be in the situation this feels like penance for had a couple of pints chilled I would have been as hungry I probably wouldn't have

had the curry wouldn't be in the situation this feels like penance for being a bit of a dickhead and selfish in my demeanour and my way you sound very

you sound a bit sorry for yourself today what are you putting into your mouth now what's going on echinacea echinacea yeah

what does echinacea do are you joking echinacea does everything mate echinacea do are you joking echinacea does everything mate echinacea is incredible mate if echinacea was a person to be superman echinacea is immense what are the actual effect can you quantify for me it basically helps your immune system it's got zinc vitamin c echinacea tablets they're amazing and it genuinely i'm back on them now but you don't think like when you're gigging a lot you i seem to pick up every i mean jumping into the crowd

always proceeds to how often are you jumping out of how many i have done it for a while because i got quite ill after sort of cuddling sort of a few people last time i did it so now i'm worried about passing you on like a cold across the people and also yeah yeah that's passing you know so i'm just like actually maybe it's more of a thing that i do in the summer you know though i am doing two big shows this weekend so i'm excited for them it could happen where are you southend and sweet sweet brighton um somebody messaged in i'm trying to find the email, but I can't find it, so I'm not going to waste your time.

But somebody messaged in to say one of their friends came to your Bournemouth show. Yeah. And said it was the best stand-up show they'd ever been to. Oh, really? Wow, that's a surprise. I was waiting for you to say, oh, you never made a stand-up before.

That's, well... Wow, wow, wow, wow. Is that what you think of me? No, I don't. You know I'm joking, I'm sweet. I've got to be careful, because I know I can see what mood you're in. There's a lot of me that just wants to be... What mood? No, because I can see you're feeling vulnerable. And also I know that this nice...

I've messed up slightly with the invitation, but also I know how happy you are right i know that you cherish moments like that and i know like and do you know what i said to katherine one thing i can't fucking wait for is to see the outfit romesh wears it will be sick because it will be your christmas clothes it'll be the first time you wear them out yeah i mean i i mean i need to double check they're actually free on the but yeah it does sound good um by the way i will rechange the date because now i realize i've i've i've taken a big punt here but i will say this as well it is so many bleeps on this yeah but can i say um it's a family thing as well

it has to be the rangonathans and davis it's got to be something that they can all yeah you can't are you i can't i haven't been serious, I'm dead serious. You're being very strange. No, but you're being very strange. Because I'm excited, I'm genuinely excited about it. I can't tell you how excited, like, you know, I know for a fact at one point I asked for two more whiskies. I said, get me a, you know, nicest sort of whiskey that, you know, isn't too trumpy. And he'll come out and he'll put one in front of you, one in front of me

and I'll be like, sir, happy **** you're a **** good guy. Chimp, slop, and I'm with the day. Oh my god. You know West Ham playing Arsenal over the Christmas coach?

Yeah, I know. We should go to that. That would be good. Where is it? Arsenal or West Ham? What is this podcast is this is this is arsenal is this pocket have we really got that devoid of content now that we're just making our private social arrangements on the podcast oh god this is really i wondered when the low point would be like some people talk about things jump in the shark we've literally just dropped dead into the shark's mouth this sweet email uh i need it for my ego no don't worry about it no no no i get it no I found it I've actually found it okay does this mean we're going into emails now

we can go to yeah yeah yeah let's do it let's go back back to how it used to be that's quite exciting okay fine so this

this is called Tom's Bournemouth gig wow and it's from well he's not given an animal name James to the wolf owl wonderful swan and cat oh

it's always got a bit of a crush on the old swan by the sound of things firstly i'm a listener since the very start thank you both for continuing to spread joy and laughter through weekly episodes of constant two-footed tackles on each other well do i think that we're both committing two-footed tackles on each other uh it really is the absolute highlight of my week. Big Tom D, I sadly couldn't attend your Bournemouth gig, not because of the Bournemouth fireworks, but due to my youngest being poorly.

Thankfully, she's much better now. My question is whether your gig has been recorded and whether it would be released to view. I loved Rom's latest tour on Netflix and will appreciate it won't hit Netflix. I wondered when and where I can catch it. my mate said it was the best stand-up he'd ever been to and I'm devastated I missed out on it second part to my question is when your shows being recorded you have to tone down or

conversely up the tempos you know it's being filmed wishing you all the very best keep doing you guys you sweet sweet souls Tom first of all that's nice isn't that very nice yeah very sweet i sort of needed to that's just really no moments that are very nice to hear because you you worry don't you that it's not good enough and then it's not as no but then somebody quotes something from an email and then later on in the podcast you demand to hear the whole thing in full no that's very sweet. Very nice. I think we are. I think we're recording for the gig, which I'm sort of 50-50 on.

But yeah, that's what we're filming. Because I've really... What a way to deliver an exclusive announcement, by the way. You think you're doing it. I know. I am doing it. And it will be amazing. Actually, I don't know if I'm going to announce that.

I don't know if I'm going to say that. Well, you've just said, what's going on here? What is going on here? Cut that bit, JT. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what you should do. What you should carry on doing is private stuff you announce on the podcast, public stuff that sort of tickets for... Just text me personally. Don't bother

announcing that on here. What the fuck is going on? Right. You're more secretive about your filming of your special than you are about us meeting up over Christmas. It's so fucking bad when you say it out loud oh god

yeah okay and I don't know if you tone things down I think I'll be doing it it's not like what did you well you do have experience of filming Stan

because you did Live at the Apollo so what did you do for that yeah Live at the Apollo is slightly different because it's for the BBC right so you have to tone stuff down because you're only allowed a certain amount of swear words and whereas this I'm not there's not, but I'm probably slightly different because it's for the BBC, right, so you have to tone stuff down because you're only allowed a certain amount

of swear words and whereas this, I'm not, there's not a channel, I'm not, I'm filming it for myself, not for myself so I can sit

and watch it, hopefully, we could, well, you know, wherever we put it out, wherever it goes out, it's not,

I'm not, we're funding it ourselves so it's not something we've got a backer for so I don't think there's a world where I've got to go, oh,

I can't say this or I can't say that I think it was just a show will be the show I mean you know what did you do in Netflix do you get notes Netflix Netflix are very very relaxed about that sort of thing I mean like I I think on that show there's a few things that today, cause it was dropping on the dropping. Oh God. Because it was like on an international platform. There's certain references that I made that wouldn't make any sense to American audience.

So for example, there's a bit on it where I talk about, um, I talk about a TV presenter talking about Marks and Spencer's bringing out this LGBT sandwich and complaining about it. Yeah. So I don't name the presenter on the show because I can't remember why I don't know. Because the Americans will know him, but there is some reason. But anyway, it was Piers Morgan. Wow. So I sort of just, because he was doing it on Good Morning Britain I think so I kind of

couldn't be bothered not couldn't be bothered like people wouldn't understand what the you know I didn't want to have to contextualise that so I just sort of generalised it a bit

and then the other thing that I the only two things that Netflix came back to me about was one that I made a joke about Prince Andrew

that they were a little bit worried about and then the other thing was is that we made a load of jokes if you watch the behind the scenes on that netflix thing you do like this road to crawley and we talk about my dad being a bit of a a cheat or whatever like we sort of do this bit when we go back to my old house and estate yeah and uh and sort of talk about my dad and his behavior and then they just

said your dad would have rights to sue you based on what you're saying. But I mean we didn't say anything that wasn't true. I mean admittedly we were joking about it and also he's been dead for nearly a decade. So, well over a decade. I will say by the way that behind the scenes you did is one of my favourite.

It's like, it's one of my favourite things you've ever done. I genuinely think it's so fucking funny. If you haven't watched it, you should go and watch it. All your family are hilarious in it. And I just love that version of you. It's so fucking self-deprecating. It's genius. It's very, very funny.

No, I know because I'm normally, honestly, I'm so far from self-deprecating normally. You're right. I had to switch into that character for the behind the scenes. No, usually you're quite pumped and full of yourself't you yeah yeah yeah as you call yourself big chomper i'm going to be honest for a lot of this podcast i've been sort of wallowing in the regret of saying that i considered myself to be quite a cool guy it is i mean that isn't true that was

what i mean is that true is that playing on your mind more than saying you're in a bit of a funk there's nothing wrong with saying you're in a bit of a funk you've never said it man before someone cool that you're working who's said that

or someone edgy that you're working or someone sort of mate no but saying you're in a funk is like it's not

I'm not even it's not even an edgy thing to say yeah but I've never heard you say it like we've we've used it I've never heard you I've never heard you say it. I've never heard you say Echinacea's like the Superman of fucking vomit. Look, I'm shocked by the way that I've never put my arm around you and said, you need to get in with Echinacea because it's fucking amazing.

But funk is, many times, there's many different ways you've gone, oh yeah, I've got myself in a bit of a sort of grey scenario. Oh God, I've got myself in a bit of a wall of grey scenario. Oh, God, I've got myself in a bit of a wallow. No, you're right. You know you're right. I constantly do say I find myself in a bit of a grey scenario. No, you're right. That's the go-to phrase in that situation.

Yeah. What was the other one you said? Wallow. Yeah, no, you're right. People say that much more often. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I'm in a bit of a wallow at the moment. Wallow's a great one.

That's weird. It doesn't make sense. I'm in a bit of a wallow. I'm wallowing a bit. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I'm in a bit of a wallow at the moment. Wallow's a great one. That's weird. It doesn't make sense. I'm in a bit of a wallow. I'm wallowing a bit. Yeah, yeah. We're in a bit of a wallow. Like hippos are in a wallow, aren't they? Yeah, I get that.

If there's one part when you go around a zoo and you feel absolutely fucking ashamed of yourself for being there, it's when you see the hippos. They have no... Why? They have an awful time. I've never seen a happy hippo.

Which is fucking... Well, you're brought up with champagne, bossy yog yogurts and hungry hippos they look all the time over the time of their lives go to a zoo that's like they're three years like late to the party and everyone else used to be brilliant here with the hippos like oh yeah i'll get it all right never seen a happy hippo in my life first of all i mean well I've got mixed feelings about what you just said what I would say is basing your expectations

of a hippo looking happy based on the game Hungry Hippos no but surely at some point are you saying that the hippos that you saw at the zoo

didn't look as happy as the ones on Hungry Hippos or the Shambossy Yogurt one like if you look at the fucking hippos the what yogurt the what yogurt Shamb Or the Shambossy Yoghurt one. Like, if you look at the fucking Hippo... The what yogurt? The what yogurt? Shambossy.

Shambossy? How is that spelt, Shambossy? Do you not remember the Shambossy Yoghurt? The mousse? I remember some... Isn't it Shamboys or something like that? Shambossy Yoghurt? I swear it's Shambossy.

I mean, it sounds like you're trying to say something French. Yeah, but that's well of course it's a mousse it's going to be and I think from what I remember the

Chamborsy mousse here we go that's it because it used to be at the end Chamborsy Chamborsy Hippopotamus

Hippopotamus is an amazing delicious real strawberry mousse from chambord say marvelous strawberry taste that's totally divine it's so wonderfully tasty that you've just got to dive in hippopotamus from chambordursi. Come on, dive in. That's such a good intro. Okay, well, Shambhursi, you actually got it quite spot on. Well, but if you watch that, right,

and that's what your idea of hippos are, and then you're like, fucking can't wait to go into the zoo to see a hippo because they're going to be a right laugh. You turn up and the hippos just absolutely look so down in the dumps. Then you maybe think it's something you've done or you've said because everywhere else you look around

you see hippos having the time of their lives but actually genuinely I've seen quite a few hippos now in different scenarios they've always been quite dour like sometimes

you walk past a giraffe giraffes are always fucking doing nutty stuff or monkeys do you know what I mean no they're not no they're not monkeys I'll have

but when are giraffes doing nutty stuff? What? No, no. Go to a London zoo and we saw a giraffe the other day. I swear on my life, he's just like shaking his head about.

He's like fucking, just do it. What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? No, he's just prating about a bit, right? Yeah, like he was, he basically came quite close and he sort of did this big smile

it was like quite a beautiful thing you know he had a smile like a big piece of pie i was like no he seems like i could did you go to the zoo on mdma i was with grace when is giraffe... Giraffes don't... Giraffes... Look, giraffes... Monkeys, I'll accept that there's some ways in which they present

to be like having a laugh in a way that humans might recognise. Giraffe, you've got no idea if a giraffe's happy. Mate, I'm going to tell you now... They're very sort of docile. They're very chill.

If anything, they're probably a bit edgy. That's what I'm saying. A bit edgy. They're quite edgy and a bit out there how are they edgy how are they edgy because they don't

give a fuck like I swear now if you me and you went to a party and we get invited right to a party like so

just right if you can just push your imagination a bit further you know the norm if you think right me

I don't know until you go oh one of my mates Kevin is having a party right oh little bit of news about Kevin he is actually a lion and Oh, a little bit of news about Kevin.

He is actually a lion, and he lives in London Zoo. So all the animals come to life at night. So we've been invited. I've got two VIP passes to that big party. Tom, Tom, if you're going to do this building up a world thing, all right, all the animals come to life at night. What you've done there is you've got yourself confused a toy story What you're implying there is the animals lie completely still and they're dead during the day Right. Okay. Right. So I'll explain it badly

Basis is what Kevin told me basically all the animals cut loose. They're a little apart in night. Oh, by the way, they speak English Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. yeah all right how recently have you watched madagascar just out of interest this is a completely separate question i'll be watching that one about the zoo you know with chris rocks in it and he plays a zebra yeah madagascar all right yeah um chris loves that movie so look we turn up being you right first off you know i'll literally grab you by the back as you sort of go oh fucking hell it's good here let's get a drink I'll grab you

and go fucking don't go over there the bears are there swerve that like they're fucking up for a row right let's just go over here I'd say to you

look at that like they're having a good laugh and I guarantee you go yeah they are and we'd be looking at the giraffes the monkeys are crazy what the fucking hell

are you talking about the monkeys are too crazy i don't know if it's like because i'm ill i'm starting to get some clarity here but like what you're saying is i've said to you giraffes don't have life and you go to me listen to this yeah as proof of your argument imagine that animals could talk imagine that i've got a friend called kevin who's a lion he invites us to a party we go to the party I say to you don't go near the bears because they're a bit grumpy and then I say look over there aren't the giraffes having a good time there you go case closed what the fuck you don't say the draft you go there and

they laugh and I go yeah they are I think we should go over there mate and it's the giraffes that you're pointing at right what I'm saying to you that is a nice fucking vibe with the giraffes they're not trying over again in your imaginary story I mean like you also say you look over

the monkeys go look they're great but I'm not getting stuck around them I'm not fucking 23 anymore I'll be out

for four days so I hang out with the fucking giraffes we're just sitting around it's not probably just the giraffes

the elephant will walk over you know it's just quite a nice vibe you know it's not probably just the giraffes the elephant will walk over you know it's just quite a nice vibe you know it's kicking off sort of around

the corner with the bears and the fucking crocodiles but the point is if you go oh this is quite not

over the right laugh someone will come over and go oh bloody hell just a quick

one don't go to the hippos because you'll lose your fucking few hours of your life there

there we go that's what I'm saying that's a different vibe different vibes that you're going to find in the in the zoo party because you'll lose your fucking few hours of your life there. There we go. That's what I'm saying. That's a different vibe. Different vibes that you're going to find in the zoo party. In this imaginary story. That's kind of how zoos work. Like, I can't go too into it because,

but that's, you know, that's how I see the fucking structure of the sort of like the fabric of the makeup of the zoo. Penguins, again. Yeah, but I could equally go to, imagine I've got a friend called Nigel. He's a fucking baboon, right? And he goes, you want to come to the party? We go to the party.

You walk over, you go, oh, thanks. That food looks quite nice. I say, stay away from that, Tom. That's a beaver. And then I go over and I go, look at the hippos over there. And you go, yeah. And you go, oh, they're having a fucking great old time. I fancy having a wallow with the hippos.

They really seem like they've got a chilled out vibe but are willing to chat to you. There you go. It just shows you. Hippos are nice creatures. If you went, look, I'm having a hippo over there and I've got any money the monkeys have put out, like MDMA or some shit, in their fucking wallow.

And you'd be like oh yeah mate you're right there we'll show you how to do it what I'm saying Char is right I'll tell you what I'll pay for this myself

you go to 10 zoos if you can get a picture of one smiling hippo I'll fucking I'll go fair enough you might be right if you can get

if you can get a picture of one smiling giraffe I'll give you some mate I probably got one on my phone if I went through it like genuinely have you ever

never seen a giraffe eating a big leaf literally the look in its eyes is beautiful genuinely it's like the same as when

it's like Mrs. has given that to a car oh god I feel like it's 2am at a nightclub or something I'll tell you now

right I'll tell you what we should put this as a poll, right? Anyone who's been to a zoo, and you have to have been to a zoo to answer this, tell us, have you seen more happy giraffes or more happy hippos? But don't just say happy hippos, because fucking it, right?

Like, you feel, oh, yeah, happy hippos, because it's a fucking... The media have got a hold of it. Can we have a third option? Can we have a third option? Also let me know if you think it's fucking impossible to determine whether giraffes or hippos are happy in any way, shape or form.

Pete, can I just say, by the way, sometimes you haven't got a smile with your mouth, you smile with your eyes. Right? So a giraffe smiled at you with its eyes? Is that what you're saying? No, he had a big smile. No, because a while ago you were telling me

it was like a piece of pie. Now you're telling me it smiled with its eyes. I'm going to try and find his picture. You read out the next email, I'm going to find this picture. Okay. Oh no, I can't be out of ink. Not now. Megatank. Why do I do this to myself? Ah, what's that printer that comes with

30 times the ink? Megatank. Yes, it's a Canon megaphone? Megatank. It's a Canon that printer that comes with 30 times the ink? Megatank. Yes, it's a Canon megaphone. Megatank. It's a Canon printer. It comes with like two grand worth of ink. Prints me over 7,700 color pages. Megatank. Mega what?

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Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack. Only at Kudo. Conditions apply. a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at CUDO! Conditions apply. Okay, you ready for this email? Yeah, go for it, bro. Go for it.

Right, sorry. Okay, this is from the Afghan... So you've not found the photo. No, no, no. I want to get it. I'll get it and try

and get it. Can I make you feel a little bit better? Go on, man. Well, I've been to a number of places where hippos occur in the wild. Right. And they don't look any different to how they are.

So it's not the fact they've just been, they're always just moving? No, that is just how they present. Right, I'm going to show you this, right? And you tell me that that's not a smile. You tell me that's not a smile. You tell me that's not a smile. Say it again. Well, there's loads of them.

Yeah, but you've Googled smiling giraffe. No, I haven't. Yes, you have. Yes, you have. That is, look at that big smile. He's having the time of his life. Okay, well, tell me that's not a smiling hippo. That doesn't look, he's having the time of his life okay well tell me that's not a smiling hippo that doesn't look

he's grimacing look at that how's that the same as that he's smiling he's smiling he just uses his teeth all joking aside this is this guy

that's a bit like you when you're happy look at this guy yeah okay I'll give you that one slightly yeah alright

okay you ready for this email? I mean, what an absolute shambles that was, by the way, that whole section of this podcast. Okay, this is from the Afghan Hound and Pheasant. Cool. Dear Wolf, Owl, and Beautiful Swamp, what the fucking hell's going on? It's funny, actually, it's a bit of a theme with the emails

that Lisa's picking at the moment. The other day I phoned my friend and mentioned I had a tummy ache after holding in gas at work all day. I can feel that pain. She then notified me that after a recent intimate wax, she had some grave concerns that the lack of hair down there would fail to muffle the sound of any discreet farts at work. But she had, in her own words, a genius idea.

She went to the loo and she stuffed her bum crack with tissue paper, creating some artificial creating some artificial soundproofing in case a cheeky squeaker should erupt at an awkward moment i said there's no way this would eliminate sounds but she swears blind it does have you ever waxed your buttocks and find that when you hairless the sound of any trouser trumpets were hugely amplified have you tried the fart muffling tissue technique yourself and did you find it effective any expert advice gratefully received love the afghan fat hound pheasant right i'm going to tell you number one i've never waxed the inside of my butt i've waxed my ass that's and that's uh it brings its own uh pain and uh because you get it gets very itchy the i will say now right so you you know what they're talking about here

with the muffling of the farts? A friend of mine, bleep his name, but... Fucking hell. Okay. When we were probably about 14, 15, right, we were all out on a bike ride. It was a hot summer's day.

A bit like Stand By Me kind of vibes. All sort of like just fucking out, just riding out bikes. And he was doing that, you know the thing when you ride really quickly and you stand up, right? I always remember,

we had a green pair of Adidas shorts on and there was just a really fucking big, clear, sweaty ass mark running through his ass cheeks. And I remember sort of, you know, a bit of banit with the boys and everyone. And then I had a similar thing.

The next time we were riding out, he sort of stood up, and he had no, you know, same green shorts, no sweaty arse mark. If anything, it was a hotter day. I said to him, fucking hell, you'd never sweat your arse mark today. And he said, I've wedged my arse full of toilet paper to sort of soak up the sweat. Jesus Christ. Right. said i've wedged my ass for the toilet paper to sort of soak up the sweat and uh jesus christ right from that day i actually sort of used that as a sort of and also whilst doing that then you'd fart and you go fucking hell that's completely like the smell of that the fact is it

holds on to the smell and it also muffles the sound. So two in two. Sorry, but... Sorry, yeah, okay. This is all a great plan. If, at the end of the day, you don't have to pull out a wedge of disgusting toilet tissue from your arse crack that's been up there all day... You don't live in there all day.

You fucking... You change it up for the day. You're not fucking heathen. You give it an hour or so, and then you just flop off, fucking change it up for the day. You're not fucking heathen. You give it an hour or so, and then you just flop off, fucking change it up. You're changing a half moon of toilet tissue every hour, are you? No, not every...

I will say this has to be really... Actually, while I'm saying this, and this is going to our friend there, I don't do this anymore. This is so horrible. I don't do this anymore, because I don't suffer as much as I used to. But also also if you

sometimes use certain toilet papers the itching can be unbearable and last for days a cheaper toilet paper can sometimes really sort of like ruin you it can be quite uh have you never used that a sign that you haven't you haven't cleaned properly mate there's no problem with not cleaning properly when you're wedging a fucking, you know, a big old... So... Have you never... Have you never done that? I mean, look, it's not like you just get your hand full of it

and just stuff it up there. You roll it up all nice. So what do you do? You roll it up all nice. Yeah. You know, treat yourself. Yeah, get it up there. Have you never done that?

No. What do you do about having a sweaty bum, Craig? Well, I just live with it. I mean, it doesn't seem to... I wouldn't say it's afflicted me massively, but I certainly wouldn't form some sort of EDAM wedge out of toilet tissue and cram it up there to avoid it happening.

Mate, I... It's just the idea of removing it. It feels so disgusting to me. Well, no, if you leave a little ridge right at the top, you know, leave if you leave like a little sort of like ridge right at the top you know like you know like say you get a drink

and they'll have the little yoghurt top yeah the lid that you peel it's got a little bit so if you've got something like that

essentially you're sort of describing an arse tampon yeah I mean yeah if I'm honest with you and I you know

I haven't got time in my schedule it strikes me that this is another group of people that are using this. Fucking someone should go and drag instead with it. Because I tell you, I reckon Peter Jones has often probably got quite sweaty. I see that sort of bloke who suffers a bit. And I think you can probably go,

I don't know, actually, there's something for me. And see how it goes. And you could actually probably get sort of like personalised. It fucking is very much like the Pebble. I think because it's in people's bumsums everyone's a bit snobby about it but actually if for example if everyone else did it that you're like that you knew if all your mates were doing it like you weren't you go fucking i need to do that because everyone seems to be fucking yeah do you know what it's actually it's actually it's actually a good point you know yeah if you yeah if you think about life so it just takes one but it's like having a tea like a tea bag i bet every the first person had

a tea bag right talking about the drink and was putting it in their cup of tea bag instead of going for the rigmarole of tea leaves and kettles and all those stupid things that you have a nice restaurant so you pour over the hot water over yeah i prefer that too what have a nice restaurant so you pour over the hot water over yeah I prefer that tea what I prefer that tea

when it's like loose leaf or whatever really I hate tea anyway yeah I really can't be having tea what I don't

I just don't like tea like it reminds me of any tea you don't like any tea no I don't like green tea I like mint tea turmeric tea ok so you do like

I don't like ok alright fine so that's three teas straight off the bat that you do like. No, I don't like... What you're saying is you don't like English breakfast. No, I can't stand it. It reminds me of, like...

It's like PTSD for me. Why? I'd years have had to make it for fucking people of building science. Getting it thrown on you if it wasn't fucking... Like, getting to the bottom of a scaffold and having it chopped on your head

because it wasn't fucking strong enough or milky enough. Then having to walk around the rest of the day just stinking of tea. I mean, look, it's a sad story. I wouldn't say that's tea's fault. No, no. In terms...

No. Yeah. It's fucking tea's... Sadly, tea's the fucking victim of it. It's synonymous for me with a lot of hard days. Okay, so... Tom, that brings us to the end of the podcast. synonymous for me with a lot of hard days okay so Tom that brings us to the end of the podcast

I think it's been an alright one I would say that I was I couldn't tell you what I think of my performance on this because I've been so ill I've done this with deep heat

because my stomach cramps were so bad coming into this I've lathered deep heat on my stomach which is burning quite a lot at the moment but actually I've not had a stomach cramp since we started actually but now I've lathered deep heat on my stomach, which is burning quite a lot at the moment.

But actually, I've not had a stomach cramp since we started. Actually, but now I've said it, now I feel a stomach cramp coming on, which is quite interesting. Maybe you're just distracted. Yeah. Do you think you've got it within you to take us out? Of course. Well, I mean, look, the big ending was going to be

the big fucking Christmas jamboree. But let me try this. Victory. What is victory? Is it crossing the line first? Alas, is it scoring a goal in a final between two teams? 22 men collecting a cup. Victory.

Is it swimming the fastest? Hitting the golf ball further than most? Is it catching the biggest car? See what I'm doing here? I'm talking about winners. But victories aren't always in sport. Nay, they're not always the people who win the biggest prize. Though sometimes victories are the small parts of the day. Sometimes victories are the guy who gets up and decides he's going to get on with his day without feeling too blue. Or the woman who decides that she's going to tell someone that they're really annoying her or they don't want to see that person anymore.

Victories can come in very many shapes or sizes. The truth about victories is sometimes we don't always get a medal for the things that we do when we win. But life's not really about winning. Life's about proving. Proving that although some days you might be better than the rest, and sometimes you might come in last, the truth of the matter is you've got to get your head down and grind. And as long as you're a good person, doing the right thing, try and always do the best by those around you that's the biggest victory of all being a decent solid human being go do you

that was beautiful really really nice i've got really big stomach also i should say i've had a snotty nose and now my fucking beard is just damp it's not so oh jesus yeah i i yeah i'm really doing a good yeah i'm you know times like this i'm so happy i'm married i think when winter comes yeah well i had to do i've had to do i've had to do an on-screen kiss for avoidance oh we didn't talk about that yeah and uh well we can talk about that next time what i would say is it makes you become very aware of all of your potential kind of yeah yeah how many times did you brush your teeth this morning uh many many and i was armed with smints um by the way smints i think uh we'll do this it's a whole nother podcast but i'm not having smiths oh my god okay well uh make sure you tune in to the wolf and Owl next time when you hear about on screen kissing and smints

JT can you play us out with a little bit of an absolute classic before JT plays you out I've got one thing to say this Christmas the Ranganathans

oh man I fucked it up this Christmas the Ranganathans the Davises, a Christmas jamboree for the ages, my friend. I'll see you... Why are you giving the location and the date?

Oh, yeah, beat that out. Sorry, JT. Oh, and don't worry about presents. Mine's going to be there. And he's called Romesh. Wow. That's so lovely, man. Well, I look forward to seeing you yeah uh jt could you play us out with an old school classic encore by cheryl lynn oh and i absolutely love it

uh we'll see you next time guys thank you very much bye-bye If you don't wanna see it tonight Wanna see it tonight I'm not taking that love But I'll give it all my heart So you sure can make me feel good again Hey, you're so good Good luck, so easy And I'm gone Your love, your love

Good luck, Jesus, and I'm gone If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.