Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 82: Hotel Snobs & Rom’s HYROX

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

We’re talking… Christmas shopping, hotel rejections and snobbish staff, Rom’s HYROX challenge (shout out to Chrissy!), Jill Scott smashing it on ALOTO, excessive swearing, great gigs and shaky warm-up shows, miss-pronouncing place names, missing out on a roast, a rescued phone and some lacklustre anecdotes. Plus, the Wolf & Owl at the Wonka premiere! For questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing The murder like they rolled in With a gang of crows Fuck the censorship

Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn The sun to the moon You'll see nothing All you hear is a huff A puff and a

Expect killings Red spilling And flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning, just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Okay, welcome to the Wolf and Al, we are in your town, welcome to the Wolf and Al, we are going to get down, I regret every one of those.

How are you? Mate, feel good, bruv. Feel good. Although, my brother. You're looking very dope. They've really upgraded your room for this. Well, I actually. Is that a four poster?

It's not a four poster, but it's got like a curtain that goes right the way around it. Very swaggy, bruv. Very swaggy bro very swaggy i got like last night i got like a i got room service and i had that experience where you know when you have an out-of-body thing where you just sort of you i sort of had a top-down shot of myself in my head just sat on my own with my laptop on the table sort of watching below deck eating a burger and drinking a glass of wine on my own it feels i mean don't get me wrong it's that life you know i'm not complaining but i did feel i would say i would say swaggy look my vibe what were you wearing my vibe last night was divorcee

i would say well what were you wearing were you wearing like a pair of hurry pants do you know do you know what it's not actually that's not actually that far off what I was going for. I'm not complaining, it was lovely. But there's something about sitting in a hotel, I've said this so many times, but sitting in a hotel on your own eating room service is... While we're on the matter of hotels, I'm going to fly in two-footed on one, and I will name and show. So me, Catherine and Grace went into London on Sunday. Before you go into this, please tell me it's like a chain.

You're not about to go in two-footed on some little Airbnb or something? Oh, no, no, no, no. This piece of crud can take it. Okay, fine. So we went to an amazing charity event on sunday morning went to hamley's to little g to hamley's which is insane uh it's good what's good about that is you get to sort of like post on instagram they just have a charity but you also get all grace's christmas presents for free didn't you so that's what it's all about they i can assure you they

were free we we're like we're like kind of that's the time where we're like we're not going to spend a lot of money on her because she doesn't you know she's two she's nine you know and then she's picking up stuff and in your head

you're going oh do you want this and then literally five seconds later she's picking up something and I was like if we go through that model that every time she picks something up

and touches it she wants it she'll want the whole shop but I will say number one I think she's going to be a little petrolhead she's obsessed with cars

you've never seen a kid so upset she's so afraid listen you don't know what kids I've seen I've seen some petrolhead kids so don't I might have

out of your three who's the biggest petrolhead actually to be honest none of them are none of them are particular really yeah not really no

great she's all about the fucking four wheels baby yeah yeah so we have a lovely day we go around beautiful charity shout out uh well by the way first of all let me just say well done for doing that man it's a good thing to do as busy

as you are to go and do that it's good well done and then um so then i'm like oh you know what we'll go to we'll pop to the lang because me and katherine used to go there back in the day and we stayed there like for a job i was doing and it's nice it's the end of the christmas lights top of regent street we'll pop in have a cup of coffee um a bit of cake uh it'd be nice to sort of sit with g so we go in there right i have never been talked to the number one the woman look me catherine me and catherine up and down yeah like two diary dog poos had just been swept into the hotel like the look she gave me i was like hey and you know me i'm very polite how are you doing you're right um and i could see behind her a relatively empty uh sort of tea rooms or whatever it called in a hotel yeah

i said hey how are you doing you alright any chance of any chance of just grabbing a coffee and a bit of cake and I'm not joking Ron she looked at me from the top of my head slowly

it was like something a pretty woman slowly down to my shoes then she did the same to Catherine and then went I don't think so I don't think

there's any room honestly Ron right I was like oh oh, okay. It looks quite empty in there. And she went, are you staying with us? And I was like, no, no, no. We just popped in for a coffee and a bit of cake.

And she went, of course, yes. And then she just walked over to a colleague, leaving me and Catherine and Grace standing there. By this time, I'm like, this is pretty embarrassing. This absolutely ticks all my boxes for fucking rage, by the way, this sort of thing. Yeah, mate, mate. I was like, yeah, I was simmering at this point.

But then I was like, you know what? Maybe they've got a big group coming in. I'd benefit the doubt. She goes over. She starts whispering to her colleague. Her and her colleague both look over. Her colleague does a sort of smirky laugh like she said something and sort of walks off and she comes back and she went no no there's no room for you and i was so i reckon i reckon

she's gone over there and gone these guys want to come in i know we're empty but look at them that's what i think happened i don't want to say there's an inciting way i'm just saying that's probably no but you know that feeling of like no you know like we've walked the whole way there in the rain i say yeah both me katherine going i'll be really nice going in there have a little coffee in quite happy memories is there a dress code there no there's people walking around the tracksuit okay fine do you mean it's like this is this is like midday it's like yeah yeah and you know like so when i got the bath to break through that's when they put me into this place right Do you know what I mean? It's like, this is like midday. It's like, you know, like, so when I got

the BAFTA breakthrough, that's when they put me into this place, right? No, but I hate dropping stuff like this. It doesn't sound like you hate it.

No, no, but to give you some context. You've been there another time and that happened to me when you got BAFTA breakthrough. No,

no, no, but that was quite a big moment in my life and it was a very special memory for me and Catherine and we were like, oh yeah,

it'll be really nice and I genuinely I will go as far as saying it ruined my do you know that thing of just feeling

utterly like just the one person when she looked at me like I was a piece of crap was quite okay cool she obviously thinks I'm a piece of dung

but then first walk over to her colleague and have a joke about it. To have your dungness confirmed. Yeah, yeah. And then almost thinking that in the staff room, she'd have walked in and someone would have gone, oh, my God, Ellie, Ellie, tell them about those people that came in earlier who wanted some coffee and cake.

Oh, God, they were disgusting. They were vileile all three of them they were such a disgusting family so i'm going to say it now the langham yeah can go and fuck itself yeah fuck you langham i think it's genuinely like i would say i want my choice a number of holiday inns travel lodges customer service lovely the Langham that is

I'd say I'll go as far as to say this Ron and I've talked about it before it's the worst customer service I'm even getting annoyed now talking about it well it's bad

I'm not going to lie to you but based on what you've just told me that's bad I mean they've just taken a look at you and yeah it's annoying that

because what it does is it sort of confirms it's basically one of those it does is it sort of confirms it's basically one of those examples of your inner voice being confirmed by someone else oh yeah yeah yeah of course it is it's like literally going quite an important week in my life thinking oh you know what maybe i've leveled up and then going oh no you haven't you're still a piece of crap ellie from the langham or whatever name is still thinks you're an absolute dung bee you should go back

after the film comes out and go I'll never go back there the only time I'll go back there is if I've got serious stomach

infections and I'll go and use their tour and I might just use their lounge as well I had a really sad moment

I think I was feeling really down on myself a while ago and I had like really sad moment. I think I was feeling really down on myself. It was like a while ago. And I had like an hour to kill. And I sat in the Langham and drank a cocktail on my own in the bar. Wow.

The thing. How did they treat you? Did they treat you well? It's difficult. They recognised me. Do you know what I mean? I feel like you can't. It's obviously if they.

The worst thing is they might have recognised me and go, oh my God, it's that chav comedian. But like when they recognise you,'t it's obviously if they the worst thing is they might have recognized me and go oh my god it's that chav comedian but like when they recognize you obviously it's nice but then you can't i can't tell you that that was good customer because do you know what i mean like it's like i don't know if that based on what you've just said they're not like that uh to everybody and i was i was dressed pretty uh shabbily but the woman on the door recognized me but um but yeah but I mean... I mean, there's every chance that Ellie recognised me and just literally loathes all my work.

Yeah. She might be quite a highbrow comedy fan. Yeah, she might think improv is awful. She's watched Murdering Successful and she's just, like, really furious about it. I think it was fair to say Ellie's probably quite a big... Maybe she went over to him and just went, I just think write something

you know and then I thought well maybe he's bothered to pull his finger out for the podcast but if you listen to that fucking

piece of shit two idiots just click record and see what happens but by all accounts he's shitting all over things on the big screen

now as well so that's cinema done he's basically fucked all over things on the big screen now as well. So that's cinema done. He's basically fucked every medium of entertainment. We just need him to do Strictly Come Dancing and he'll complete. Just waiting for him to move into ballet and then I can stop watching that as well.

Fucking hell. Well, I'm sorry you had that experience, bro. I had a very opposite experience. Mate, mate, can I just say, right? Mate, when I saw the pictures from you on Sunday, I felt this incredible sense of pride. Genuinely, that was an amazing thing, brother. You're very nice about that.

I mean, look, I'll tell you the story. I haven't talked about it very much going into it, but like months ago, I think I mentioned it. Which I respect massively. Oh, right. I need to say that. Well, Chrissy Harper,

who is a guy that I occasionally go to for PT, he said to me ages ago, do you want to do high rocks? And I was like, yeah, all right. And he said to me, you're going to have to train hard because it's really,

really difficult. I said, yeah, yeah, fine. And then I just did it. I didn't. I mean,

I trained, I went to the gym, but I didn't. You're supposed to do specific training for that event, do you know what I mean? Because you have to do like a sled pull, sled push. You basically do eight challenges, and in between each of those challenges, you run a kilometre.

That's what high rocks is, right? That's the format of it. And so, Chris said to me, let's do it as a pair. So, anyway, last week, the weekend rolls around. When you do it as a pair, is it a tactic, or like the weekend rolls around. When you do it as a pair, is it a tactic or is it you both do exactly the same thing? So you, all of you do the running.

So you, both of you do all of the running and then what happens is you decide between yourselves how you're going to break. And then like, if one of you is knackered, you just go,

right, I'm in. So you're just trying to help each other out. Do you know what I mean? So, so that's the idea of it. But, um,

Christie's obviously a machine. I'd gone into it with very little training, specific training. Like, one of the challenges is you've got to do burpee broad jumps for, like, I don't know how many metres it is. I reckon I've done six burpees. Before that day, I'd done six burpees in my entire life.

Burpees aren't messing around, by the way. Burpees are an absolute... Yeah, they're horrible fuckers, man. So, anyway, I turned up there, and I've got to be honest with you, I felt like there can't be anybody that's prepared for this less than me. Do you know what I mean? Apart from, like, going to the gym and stuff.

But, I mean, I literally had done nothing. But I do want to... Look, I didn't smash it. We got a decent time, but I just want to shout out... What was the time, by the way? What was the time? We did it in one hour, 19. That's really good.

It was a good time, but what I would say is, Chrissie Harper, like, he was such a a great training buddy because all the way through the run i kept wanting to stop and he's going mate he goes you're doing really well you like just keep going keep going if you stop you're not going to like he was constantly just giving me like he was like fucking having an angel on your shoulder do you know what i mean and then when we were doing the when we were doing the challenges like he did look i'm holding my hands up here chrissy did more than me on the challenges right there's no there's no that's to be expected yeah chrissy had to do an edinburgh show i reckon you'd be picking up a lot of the slack do you know what i mean but like but he's if you and

chrissy did a sitcom i guarantee you'd be the lead chrissy's not gonna be getting all the big talking bits give yourself give yourself a break here but what i would would say is every single time it's going, right, you're good. Do you want to carry on? Should I step in? Like, it was just wicked, man. But the thing that I enjoyed about it, I also hated about it,

is like, and I'm not going to go on and on and on about it, but it was like a fun thing to do. Midway through, and you must have had as a train station, the darkness that went on in my head

in terms of whether I, I thought I was going to drop dead. I of whether I thought I was going to drop dead. I mean, I thought I was going to throw up. At one point, he goes to me, we're halfway. And he's trying to be encouraging. And all I was thinking was, I can't believe we're only halfway through this. It's like, it was, but the reason I mentioned it is, one, it was a fun thing to do. And I just want to give Chrissie a shout out.

Because you and I know, both of us are similar. We don't have that mental kind of want to achieve, want to do. And I just want to give Christy like a shout out because you and I know both of us are similar. We don't have that mental kind of want to achieve, want to do that sort of shit. And he, whenever I get to a point where I think my, um, mental health is strong, someone like Ellie comes along and absolutely crushes it.

Exactly. I mean, I'm glad I didn't go to Langham's after to celebrate, but, um, but, um, what I love is you put yourself through like one of the biggest ordeals like

fitness ordeals like mentally come out of it stronger i popped for a coffee and got absolutely destroyed that's that's life mate that's life if i if i'd have gone to langham straight afterwards all of the good work of high rocks would have been undone by rejection at a fucking tea shop but anyway i was expecting everyone to be like absolute alpha wankers do you know what I mean but the truth of it is it was all

I had the opposite experience to Langham's I was expecting like you know being the last bloke to be picked in PE I was expecting to get absolutely hammered

by everybody I was hoping to not get recognised I wore a Wolf and Al cap and pulled it really low down over my face so I didn't get clocked but what actually happened

was people just shouted I love that you're repping the the merch you have to you have to bro we've got to get these numbers up somehow as i lean back yeah yeah yeah promoting it on the on our podcast that's the way to do it i'm promoting it on a virgin media i saw that i saw that yeah it was on virgin radio but Yeah, I mean, in essence, wearing a cap on radio might not be the purpose that we're after. But listen, listen, you decide to focus on your big visual stuff on audio formats. That's fine. I've accepted that about you. But anyway, it was fun, man.

But a lot of people were saying you need to get Big Tom D to do this. Wow, man. I don't know if they're like that. I'm not going to lie. lie scares the shit out of me bro I reckon I reckon you do it we do it and you just there's no target time

we just do it you'd have to go with two you'd have to go with Chrissie and another we'd have to do it as a four wouldn't we yeah that's a good shot actually so we get someone else in

I'd get Stan I'd have to get Stan yeah yeah we should do it mate this is it it's a plan alright you would do it mate it'll be like genuine but what i like that when i because i saw you did it also tom grennan shout out tom grennan yeah i mean his i would say his photos look slightly more impressive than mine i don't actually think that's true i love tom grennan

but tom grennan is rips as fucking tom grennan a machine, right? You are the everyman. You're the everyman. Mate, I reckon that Tom Grendon's done it. Seeing Tom Grendon do it, wow. But it's not so shocked me that Tom Grendon's gone

and levelled up and completed Hydrox. You doing it is the everyman doing it. I mean, it's taken me a year's training to get to everyman.

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So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Do you know what the insane thing is, right? Yeah. I've been watching Ligga to Own this year. I think it's been fantastic.

Shout out to Jill Scott, by the way. I think she's fucking incredible. Mate, she has been. By the way, can I just take this opportunity to talk about, because I don't want to get into like, neggy shit, but when Jill Scott was announced, the amount of fucking twats she has been by the way can I just take this opportunity to talk about because I don't want to get into like

Negi shit but when Jill Scott was announced the amount of fucking twats that are just talking about women's football and all this shit

and blah blah and I'd done the series by this point and I knew how good she'd been on the series so I was just like wait till you watch it

but then I realised you can't if people have made if you get twats like that but she's been amazing she's so funny man I think she is just naturally

she's built for TV she's just yeah and she's so what I love about it is she actually brought back a bit of the competition of the show as well she's just very competitive

and she's up for she's up for like smashing that but um what I'd say is so I was on TikTok uh some of the clips

of Munster's spots getting picked with Adele singing in the background and Marty Pello who's actually really up in his game by the way Marty Pello's really

fucking only TikTok at the moment shout out Marty yeah I mean you've sent me a couple of his videos actually I thought I was wondering

if you were just saying it for the podcast but I can confirm to people that Tom is actually really into Marty Pello because he's sending me clips for me to look at. Instead of just general communication, I'm getting clips of Mighty Pello on TikTok from Tom.

But sometimes I think TikTok's a good way of just saying how you're feeling about someone. So I said you're a Mighty Pello, I love someone. Yeah. But there was a clip of you probably about three or four years, probably pre-COVID, hosting League of Their Own. Yeah. And the difference of you physically is

incredible. Like, you know, I'm not going to sort of be negative about it because I know it's been a struggle to get where you are. But like, genuinely,

you need to pat yourself on the back, man, to look at that guy and then look at someone who's just completed Hydrox, which people train for a long time and it's

a big fitness. When Stan, I spoke to Stan and Stan went, fucking Rom did Hydrox. It's it's amazing stan was up like that's an incredible thing you know so to go from there today you need to celebrate that yeah sometimes people don't do that enough in life and you need to know that's an incredible thing that's very sweet of you but um i uh the next day um i had to really, really think carefully about whether I really wanted that shit or not.

Do you know what I mean? It was... At one point, I thought I was going to break the back of the toilet because I was leaning on it so heavily as I lowered myself onto the... Yeah. How many squats were you doing there? Totally. Well, you've got to put this sandbag on your back

and then sort of do walking lunges. And then if your knee doesn't touch the floor, they don't count it. The most embarrassing thing, bro, was the wall ball. You have to do like, I think it's 100 wall balls. You have to squat and then go into the thing. And my squats kept not being low enough. And if your squats aren't low enough,

they get out of box and your ass has to touch the box, otherwise they don't count it. And the guy just kept shouting, no rep, no rep. It was the last thing that we had to do. Oh, my God. It was the last thing. And all I heard in my ear was, no rep, no rep. Okay, get the box. He's not going low enough.

And I was just looking at Chrissie, just thinking, this guy has fucking carried me on his back through this thing and I can't throw a ball up at the target you know what Chrissie was thinking is like this guy

everyone's written off is just about to complete hydrox and I've done it with him and that's an incredible journey for him yeah I mean I think if anything

doing it with me is more of a challenge than doing it solo I think I'm essentially the equivalent of a massive weighted vest

doing it yeah what do you think will be your next fitness challenge you'll do I don't know I don't

when I left when I got home I left pretty much straight after and then I said to Lisa I actually announced my retirement

at High Rocks but then the next day I was like I wonder if I should do that again and now obviously you and me are

doing it we're doing it yeah we'll do it together and it's going to listen I'm sure it's going to happen like all

of the other items that we promote on here which reminds me which small business should we shout out this week

I know do you know what we haven't got time for that we should do the nickname stuff I know that's

right we abandoned that as well and we've already got emails to do either so yeah absolutely ripping it well what else has been grinding in your life jim well i'll be filming a avoidance and um i uh oh actually okay forget avoidance for a second on sunday i had a very chilled out weekend after doing high rocks right so i just

thought i'm just going to chill out eat whatever I want drink whatever I want you know have a nice one so we went to by the way they're very nice there

so I'm not going to name them because they were very nice but this thing disappointed me I I don't know how upsetting you find this I went to the I looked

I wanted to go to a pub for dinner right for like an early dinner with the boys and Lisa obviously and so we booked this place actually by coincidence i looked i wanted to go to a pub for dinner right for like an early dinner with the boys and uh and lisa obviously and so we booked this place actually by coincidence it's the place where we went after we got married you know we had a very i told you a really small wedding and we just went down to the pub so this is the pub that we went to on our wedding day and um i went down

there and i looked at the menu in advance do you ever look at the menu online before you go to a place and sort of decide what you're going to... Yeah, it's always... Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I do it a week before. Yeah, so they have... Well, I was doing it on the day, but I... Yeah, I like really to pre-patch it.

I'll tell you what I've been doing. I've been looking at the menu for when you and I meet up in the... I won't mention the date and the venue because that's obviously... Yeah, it's very exciting, right? ...a few ready for people. Very excited.

The boys are very excited. They... Their love for you in proportion to how many times I've actually had direct contact with you I find actually almost disturbing. But anyway... Yeah, I mean, it's not...

I think they look at me probably like a sort of guardian angel in some ways. Well, do you know what? The respect they have for you, I can tell they don't listen to the podcast because if they knew how many times you gave me a fucking

shoo-in on here yeah but it'd be weird if Alex or Charlie listened to the podcast with the level of by the way I got berated recently for swearing

like last week I didn't think we swore that much but someone basically sent me a really angry message about the level of swearing

from both of us yeah I mean you clearly didn't get the message so itaring from both of us yeah I mean you were cleaning the message so it's probably more of me we do swear

often and I've actually on stage I swear incredibly man I'm really trying to sort of ease up on it

but once it gets into your muscle memory it's slightly tricky what I would say is I swear loads more than you do loads more definitely definitely 100 there's no doubt about it in my mind i mean we go through phases and i'd say there's probably

been episodes where you saw more than i have but generally i reckon if you take a an average and i'm not asking anybody to do that but i think it would be incredible if someone wants to go through to give you an idea of how much i swear i did did Jeff Norcott's podcast, What Most People Think. And he does a cuss count on that podcast. Right. And he ended up giving me a trophy because I'd sworn the most on that year. And then he ended up telling me, basically he retired

the trophy with me because he said nobody's going to beat that. But basically, I was like, I was like messy. I was messy for the cuss count on that podcast.

I'm never going to speak. Have you seen Robbie Williams' documentary where he does the big swearing? No, I haven't. What is that documentary like? Because I've heard it's slightly frustrating

to watch. I've enjoyed it if I'm honest. I think, yeah. is that documentary like? Because I've heard it's slightly frustrating to watch. I've enjoyed it, if I'm honest. I think it's hard because I enjoyed the Beckham one, but they don't really go into any... It's very positive, isn't it, the Beckham one? It's his production company. Whereas Robbie does seem to sort of lift the cloak. And to be fair, he talks a lot about his mental health,

a lot about imposter syndrome. He talks talks a lot about his mental health a lot about sort of imposter syndrome he talks about a lot of those sorts of things so i actually sort of quite respect that in in in a world where it feels a lot of these celebrities and these people are making these exposés and they say oh we're going to do this yeah this is behind the scenes this has never been seen before you know one of this has been seen before we saw this and it's lovely to take a look down but you don't really know what's going on behind the curtain whereas I feel like the Robbie Williams one he does lift that a bit

and he's actually quite he actually feels like he calls himself that a bit and I actually find that quite I think that's pretty good I think it's a pretty stable thing to do but he does a sweary thing

yeah he does a sweary thing on stage where he shouts out he says let's get as many people in one room to shout the word fuck together which yeah which that could be a part of your tour for everything on stage where he shouts at he says let's get as many people in one room to shout the word fuck together which yeah

which that could be a part of your tour if you're looking for material well it's funny you say that because I was wondering if there's any part of you that regretted announcing it on the pod

because that's straight out of the Thomas the Thomas Davis book of show tricks isn't it I mean I might try that in Croydon but I mean I'm not

going to beat him there he had 80,000 people so yeah I mean I'd have to I think ifdon but I mean I'm not going to beat him there he had 80,000 people so yeah I mean I'd have to I think if I got everyone on every fucking date of my tour to shout that out I still wouldn't come close to

when are you doing Croydon? Friday this Friday this Friday? yeah oh man I want to try and come to that Milton Keynes Thursday boy

have you done any more jumping into the crowd? that's a yes no I was very close to Guildford actually Guildford

Guildford was popping I've got to say Guildford like just to put it into context

Guildford on my Walmart tour and I text you this was as close to going I don't think

I think this is the biggest mistake of my life going back and doing stand up I think this is awful like genuinely of my life going back and doing stand-up. I think this is awful. Genuinely, it was absolutely soul-crushing. To the point where I got into the car with Tony.

You'll have this with the boys, but you're a kid and someone upsets you at school, but you don't want to cry in front of them, but you feel tears. You just don't want to let them out, so you hold them back. That's how I felt after my warm-up in Guildilford it was genuinely soul destroying crushing i remember getting the text how do i know that that same guy was going to be posting the sort of shitty post now about his tour i wouldn't have been as sympathetic to this but yeah man wednesday friday we're an an absolute joy Guildford brought out and Guildford was amazing

it was popping I was very excited your brother by the way it was yeah incredible got that crowd nice and warm

very nice and warm so taped that crowd up nice for me and yeah Jesus fucking Christ you've gone from somebody who wasn't sure

about being able to stand up to fucking talking like one of your the fucking vets of all time yeah but that's a part of my disease that's my

it's unbelievable the transformation you've gone you've gone from not being sure if you should ever do stand up to being somebody that's just like

looking at everyone else going oh they're on tour I don't know why they bother big Tom D's in town mate mate mate I've got that vibe you know what in somebody that's just like looking at everyone else going oh they're on tour I don't know why they bother big Tom D's in town mate mate mate I've got that vibe you know what

I'm genuinely enjoying it it's been I'm getting to like I'm approaching squeaky bum time now because my tour starts mid January

it's just like oh man I hope this is going to be alright I mean the warm ups where's your first date first one's Lincoln yeah so yeah I'm excited alright I mean the warm ups where's your first date first one's Lincoln yeah so

yeah I'm excited I mean like the warm ups have started to like it's like the same I mean I don't want to bore people with the process of writing stand up

but you get you have a phase where the warm ups are horrible because you're sort of trying so much new shit and then just before I started filming Avoidance

it started to click and you start to feel like the show's like going to be what it's going to be. But the run-up into that, it's so funny. It's so funny because when you were doing your warm-ups, you were having the same experience as me. And I know what the process is. You get really low.

Not low, but you're just like, fuck, man. Is this show ever going to come together? It's soul-destroying. Yeah, and you work and work and work. And you get to a point where you go, okay's coming together every time it happens and i know it's going to happen every time right i know that's the process right but regardless of that you had to deal with texts from me afterwards going fucking hell man even though i know i've been through it so many times yeah but i've done the same i didn't say mate but you were getting it from me and probably thinking

why does he do this it's very rare it's very rare that I have to pick up a guy about his tour that's going to be in a movie

later that year do you know what I mean that is but no but also if I'm going to be completely candid and as amazing

as Guildford was on Wednesday like Friday night at Guildford I felt genuinely, mentally and physically, I know I text you about this, but I felt absolutely ruined. I felt very low going into that and the crowd, and even after it I felt like, I don't, do you, I know you do because it's a ridiculous thing for me to ask this, but I came off stage and Gratz, I should shout out Gratz, because Gratz has been genuinely incredible for me across the tour,

and came out and was like, and he was like, that was great. And I was like, no, I felt like I was seconds off all the time. I felt my mouth was trying to catch up with my brain all the time. I couldn't quite, and I felt really, and I always think if I've not smashed it enough, I feel really bad on the audience of being there. I feel like, was that good enough for me?

Was I, you know, and I get quite low about that, even now. Like, if I don't think, like... Even now being one of the greats? No, you know what I mean. You know what I'm saying? Like, if I don't think it's good enough I can get quite down

about that yeah it's natural it's natural so but I'm buzzing to see what you're doing out there boy

you've been also man you're doing you're doing fucking O2 oh no it's like insane you sold out one night in the O2 already right

yeah the second night yeah but they are you coming to that can you come yeah yeah Oh, no. It's insane. You sold out one night in the O2 already, right? Yeah, the second night. Yeah. But are you coming to that? That's fucking sick. Can you come? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, I'm in fucking Scotland.

Oh. It's the same as you. No, no, because I went through your dates with Grazia, because I said I would need to see Rom in an arena. And I was like, it'd be good. I'd love, you know, and he was like, oh, it'd be good if me and Rom could come to your show, the small room in the O2, which is, yeah. Yeah, well, I'd love, you know, and he was like, oh, it'd be good if me and Ron could come to your show, the small room, you know, too,

which is, yeah. Yeah, well, I've already seen you. No, but I will come to your show, clearly, but, well. Well, you said that. I might come to Lincoln. The same way that I will come to your house. It's a similar kind of thing. Mate, you're coming to my house, that's done.

Yeah, that's true. Well, we don't know that. Listen, I'm waiting for you. Mate, mate, I wanted to say, by the way. Mate, mate, mate. Mid-December, Texas. I've thrown out all stops, friendship-wise. There's a big night happening tonight,

which I'm very fucking buzzing for with you, right? Which we can talk about even on the next podcast or later this week, right? I'm very excited. It makes my whole year knowing you'll be there. At some point, I can just touch you and feel you, have a cocktail with you, right? And then you'll come to my house,

and I'm taking you out for food. These are two big... It's very exciting. If you want, I've become Arsenal to your Man City within the friendship of social arrangements. What does that mean? Well, Arsenal have overtaken Man City.

They're top of the league. Oh, I see. So what you're saying, are you saying you've overtaken me? Is that what you're saying? I've jumped up, yeah, yeah. How? Neither of those things have happened yet.

Well, mate, when they did, they are happening, mate. Don't you worry about that. Even if I've got to come to your house myself and drag you out of bed. It's booked. It's done. It's happening. Boom!

Yeah, JT, can you bleep out the date again, please? Oh! We'll see you next time. to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Craft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice.

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Yeah, I would definitely go. I mean, I'd like to see. Are you in Manchester, I mean, as well? Yeah. I don't know which venue I'm doing. I don't know when I'm doing it, sorry. But yeah, I'd like to see, are you doing Manchester Arena as well? Yeah. I think, I don't know which venue I'm doing. I don't know when I'm doing it, sorry,

but yeah, I'm doing Manchester, yeah. I might have to get to that or something. Why are you going to Manchester? I don't mean that as a slight against Manchester. Manchester's great, but what I mean is. yeah.

Mate, I can't even, like, they will be incredible. Listen, I don't want to jinx it, but I fucking love Manchester audiences. Manchester,

mate, yeah. I mean, I've done Manchester audiences Manchester mate yeah I mean I've done Manchester I've become like sort of Mr Salford by the way I got a lot kicking about

about how you pronounce it yeah yeah that's actually been quite an interesting thing on this tour is like quite

number one quite how many times on stage I mispronounce words so anyone who's in the audience can quite you know go oh this isn't

put on he's clearly fucking you know uneducated and he's an absolute fucking fool but also how hard it is to pronounce a lot of fucking towns names that you go to yeah yeah do you ever have the one where you're not not because you've done so many shows but sometimes like for example when we did a warwick art center yeah can you tell me where that gig is no no because i thought it was in coventry well i said it was in coventry on stage i said hello good evening coventry as i announced myself on that's the one when you came um you went into the crowd after no i didn't go into the crowd after you stepped off the stage no there's a picture there's not a picture of me stepping off stage i can tell you that for nothing i may have walked to the edge of the stage for a photo with somebody,

but I didn't walk off the stage. Will you ever step off stage, you think? Will I ever? I love it. It's one of my favourite bits of the show. Well, it's making other people look bad. What you're doing is you're making me look bad. What?

No, but that's the thing. Mate, look. Mate, look. I'm Robbie Williams. You're Gary Barlow. All right? Oh, God. No, but you

that might be one of the best things you've ever said that's why I'm so upset oh my god a million love songs later Gary coming in the crowd I'm alright here behind the piano

I'm more of an artist I'm more of an artist yeah god that's such a good shout except for like our relative issues towards tax you're absolutely right

um holy shit um but yeah I don't think I will I find I find I've said this before

I don't want to go on and on and on but I find the anything apart from doing stand up on stage I find very very difficult do you know what I mean

like in terms of like even staying to say thank you very much for coming to the show I find stage i find very very difficult do you mean like in terms of like even staying to say thank you very much for coming to the show i find all of that very very hard i've also i've also i've almost had to train myself as much as i've had to do the stand-up to do that bit at the end yeah but i think that yeah but whereas i saw a video of you and you sort of like you in the middle you did a bow to the left is like i thought i was like i'm about five minutes away from going back to people's houses for a drink. I watched a video.

I didn't ask for your tour show. I thought, I didn't know Tom was in Hamilton. Oh, no, that's just how he sort of greets the audience at the end of his tour show. Not as a show. No, no, no. I'll make sure. Anyway, sorry, we're talking about this bloody pub

aren't we ages ago sorry sorry so anyway I looked at the menu and they had a vegan roast

right and they had a a vegan ginger pudding with dairy free custard right oof so I thought

that's it that's me right I'm gonna have a I'm gonna me. Right. I'm gonna have a I'm gonna have a little drink. I'm gonna have a vegan roast and a pudding. And then I turn up there and the kids all ordered and I thought I don't even need to look at the menu. I know what I'm having. And I said I will have the vegan roast and she said we don't have any. And I yeah and I I don't I think it showed I think my face dropped she like look she looked

she the waitress actually saw the sadness in my face because i'd readied myself to have that roast and i was so gutted anyway i had a burger it's fine um very first of all problems isn't it yeah but that's a big difference bro yeah it is, it is a big difference. Is it Sunday? Yeah, I know. I was excited. Why have they not got that? What, they've run out of it? Apparently.

But I think it's one of them where, like, when they do the vegan ones, they probably only order in two, don't they? Especially in Crawley. I can't imagine there's shitloads of vegans. Yeah, I bet Lee in the kitchen was just like, I'm not fucking even bothering doing any vegan roasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the worst thing is, is that they had roasts for the non-vegans. So as I was sat there eating my burger, I saw roast after roast going past my table. Did they not just like rustled you together with some vegetables and some potatoes? I did discuss that with Lisa,

but then I just... One, they didn't seem open to that as a possibility. And two, I just thought if somebody walks past and just sees me in the trimmings it's just a bit yeah that's yeah oh you know you could have i just imagine i imagine it because like you listen i know you but you the tom not knowing tom davis you know the tom davis i don't know would walk past and go uh i think there's something missing there, mate. Then pat your wife on the back as you walk past.

So anyway, I had the burger, which was delicious, by the way. Genuinely, when she said, do you want any puddings? I said, can I have the ginger pudding? I don't know what I would have done if they didn't have the ginger pudding, but they had it. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. And also, but you've been through hydrox that day as well, right? No, the day before, the day before.

I was on a eat whatever I want flex. Mate, that's all right. Well, you've had two burgers in two days now. Mm-hmm. That's pretty cool. Pretty edgy. Yeah. As I was sat there, a woman came over and said,

can I just say hello? And I said, yeah. And then she walked off and then she came back and she said, can I just say sorry to Lisa for saying hello to your husband earlier and then Lisa went yeah that's fine and then as I walked out she grabbed me by the arm she goes can I get a photo and I said yeah then she started telling me how she doesn't like me having lost so much weight and she preferred me when I was bigger and then I said um should we just do the photo I said sure

because at least when the kids are at the door I I I sort of feel like I might have been a bit rude but at least when the kids are at the door they're ready to go and she was chatting to me for ages and then I said should we just do the photo and she went oh okay so um I feel like I agreed to do a photo with somebody who now has a bad impression of me. So I'm just sort of... Yeah, but also that weight thing is interesting because it isn't like that's done for your health, right? It's not a vanity thing. No.

If you look into it enough and choose enough of someone who's followed you, you'd realise that actually it was, you know, obviously there's an air of wanting to get in shape, but also that is a health thing. And then it's a weird thing of that, I can, I sometimes find, we were,

out the other day, and like when we were in Hamleys, there was a couple of people, and like I was there, like I'm always happy to do any photos, but if I'm with Grace, I find it, she's of an age now,

where it's quite just like, what's going on? Like at least, I suppose with the boys, you can explain, oh they know, but with her, it's like some some random person and some people can be quite aggressive when they get like you know a picture and i'm like i say i'm always trying to do one if

if i'm out with me and catherine or myself it's fine but if i'm with grace i'm always a bit like no not really it's it's quite weird thing do you know what i mean and that's my time do you mean yeah but i I think most people are pretty sound like I think the only time it gets bad is at the football

but most of the time I get messages a lot and I almost feel bad after people say I was going to get a photo but with your phone yeah which I always think

yeah it's very sweet it's never lost them for me yeah anyway that was that was like the weirdest end to a story I know it got Anyway, that was... That was like the weirdest end

to a story. I know. It got so bad. That's like, you know, like, but also, it's like,

yeah, well, so, yeah, this was like, now we're both in a position like,

actually, it's going well. I'm thinking about leaving him for a kiss. By the way, the kissing episode was incredible. I listened back to that.

It was one of the first ones I've ever listened back to. I find some of my behaviour on it the first ones I listened back to I find some of my behaviour on it quite embarrassing I would say I know what kissing is Tom

is one of the lowest points not just on this podcast but in any of my broadcasting career I would say it's it was a bad it was a bad thing for me

I think when it comes to merch we should get a picture of you like doing it like pouch a kissing pouch a pouch pouch with that well that's disgusting do you want to give me a little peck on the kissing pouch with underneath just like big blow letters king kissy yeah a lot of the a lot of the things that

people sort of latch on to uh on the podcast about me tend to be the humiliating ones like so recently the kissing one everybody found hilarious that i was so like desperate to sort of boast about my kissing prowess the other one that people seem to latch on to is the idea of you eating a full dinner out of my ass crack i don't think that's worse for me than you we go fucking nose in on a fucking that full dinner at your bar. Me presenting and sort of talking to you is, are you nearly finished? It's horrible.

Oh, you'll know when I'm nearly finished, mate. Oh, God. Oh, God, he's reaching for a spoon. Anyway, so that was it and then I've been filming avoidance which has been which has been yeah it's been good

it's been fun you enjoyed it? although I was out for dinner with the cast the other night yeah and we went to Madhu's at the Grove

that Indian restaurant oh it was lovely yeah have you been there? yeah a number of times yeah Lisa was a bit tipsy Lisa McGrillis Oh, it's lovely, yeah. Have you been there? Yeah, a number of times, yeah. Lisa was a bit tipsy, Lisa McGrillis. And she put her... As is her way.

She's very... Lisa, yeah. She's great company, Lisa McGrillis. There's this bank of, like, wooden seating that was against the... You know, we're in a booth, right? So you imagine the back of the booth. I think it's called a... Jess Knapp said it's called a banquette.

I don't think I'd ever used that word but anyway banquette, banquette anyway like the wooden fingers against the wall Lisa propped her phone up on it to sort of do a timed photo of us and then it dropped down the back of the thing

oh no and then thanks for that oh no it really sounded like you were invested in the story and then the waiter came over and Lisa said I'm really sorry my phone's invested in the story. And then the waiter came over and Lisa said, I'm really sorry, my phone's dropped down the back of there.

Is that lost forever? And he goes, no, it's not a problem. We can get it out. And she goes, are you sure? And he goes, yeah, of course. Don't worry about it. And he goes, so we paid the bill. And we got up and seven members of staff had to come out

to move all of the stuff. The difference between what he said it was going to be in terms of a hassle and how much hassle it actually was also mad to say the people from the language you go there for a bit of customers that's exactly what I was thinking so they they all got in there had to shift loads that move all the ornaments that are on top of the thing. It was really heavy. They had to shift it all out. They got the phone out.

And as that was happening, Lisa was like going, I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry. And he goes, not a problem, not a problem, not a problem. And the way they were doing it was so casual, but they were being very casual and nice while doing a really ball-achy thing. And then Lisa goes, oh, it must happen all the time the way you sort of say it. He goes, no, it's never happened before.

Wow. But they were so good they were so good that's that's a hell of a thing that's that warms my heart I will say I've been there

a number of times and they are incredible that place for customer service when you take little Grace they really make a fuss of her

she loves it do you know something sometimes I think back to that Apple review that we got that says it's two men just moaning about their privileged lives. And then I reflect on what we've talked about today. And we talked about you not getting decent service at Langhams

and the great service I got at Madhu's Indian restaurant at The Grove. And I just think to myself, we really are a fucking couple of pieces of shit, aren't we? Yeah, but also, yeah. I mean, look, I digress. It's been a hell of a journey. You don't digress. You didn't say anything.

You can't say I digress at the beginning of a sentence. But you can only talk about what you... I mean, it would be fucking very fucking awful if we were just pretending to be people we're not. That's who we are. That's where we live. Yeah, we're the sort of people. We're the sort of people that try and go... Look, I would say, I'd arguably say my story is very much like this is,

like this is, I'm still being very much judged as a piece of crud within this world. Yours is, you know, you've been to the, you know, I can't remember what it's called. I'm trying to figure out why you were judged like a piece of crud within this world. Yours is, you know, you've been to the, you know, I can't remember which club. I'm trying to figure out why you were judged like a piece of crud. Because by your own admission, you weren't wearing anything any worse than anybody else was in there. No, I was dressed pretty well.

Yeah, because you were doing well. I mean, I would say that, yeah, yeah. I'd say that I didn't usually turn up to many places sort of looking that scuzzy. I sort of, yeah, I'd say that my outfit was pretty presentable. Yeah. I don't usually turn up to many places looking that scuzzy. I'd say that my outfit was pretty presentable. Yeah. You haven't looked at the outfit now, have you? Okay, cool.

What are you wearing tonight? So tonight is the premiere of Wonka. Romesh is coming. Oh, you're allowed to say that, eh? Yeah, Romesh is coming. Very excited that he's going to be there. Buzzing that he's coming here to support me. I've got a look, bro. I've got a bit of a look.

Oh, wow. we should talk about your suit look as well Gresham Blake shout him out the Gresham Blake your suit is oh the Peaky Blinders thing yeah yeah

you look very cool in that bro you look very cool yeah what would you do if I turned up what would you do if I turned up tonight in that suit

you'd look amazing I'd actually I'd probably just walk up and I know you'd probably be a bit shy you'd be sort of like scooting around the back and i go hey everyone he's here and i'll just pull you in front of it like everyone and then everyone would go like that it's like uh what do i have to wear tonight well yeah so nice i could sort of yeah well that sort of shirt

trousers shoes just just don't wear one of the costumes from Avoidance. Don't raid the costume truck. I've spoken to the costume department. They've got something nice for me. It's something that Jennifer Moore did with dinner. So I think you're going to like it. I know you'll turn up trippy, sir. It's a camel number.

I'd say, yeah, dress to impress. That would be my thing. Okay. Dress to impress. Yeah be my thing okay dressed to impress yeah slick your hair all back like Al Pacino and the Godfather 1

no that's not a bad shout it's not a bad shout well look I would say like the end of an 80s pop record this podcast has sort of

petered out a bit towards the end I actually think rather than an ending we should just fade it to silence and just not even say goodbye

just keep talking yeah just fade out to silence and just not even say goodbye just keep talking yeah just fade that like an old shitty sitcom gradually lower the volume yeah like a bit of morning TV like this morning

when they just sort of chat around this morning we're at last well look we're gonna well look we

oh god god I think you know what I think we've run our course yeah we have no but what I was about to say

I was about to debate time of death five to nine yeah have you got have you got have you got

anything to do with it yeah yo cherish the day but also smile at the night remember

night and day just the moon and sun tag-teaming in and out of what makes what we know as the 24 hours. Neither one taking any more responsibility than the other. Both silent watch people just making sure we're okay. And that's an interesting thing to think about. Sometimes they're there silently just keeping an eye. And there's people like that too. I'm not talking about weird creepy people who stand at the end of your garden just

observing your house and just watching what you're up to with your family i'm talking about friends from a distance i guess this thing about social media and such it's easy to kick it and punch it and say that it's no good but sometimes just sometimes people can check in sometimes when you're a bit of a low and you're feeling a bit alone people might send a sweet sweet message or a decent comment and you realize you're not really actually on your own although you can feel a million miles away on a raft just floating you realize that there's another boat out there just saying hey come aboard there's a warm drink and a kind smart. And I guess that's what I'm saying.

At this time of year, it's easy to feel very, very alone. And for some people, it's hard to reach out. So do that for them. Be the bigger person, the better person. And say, hey, buddy, how's things? How are you doing, friend? Really, really, really nice. Thank you.

And can I say, for our song, I'm going to go for another 80s classic. I'm going for King of Wishful Thinking by Go West. Oh, one of my favourites. One of my favourite songs ever. Oh, great, great. I'm glad. On this special day, I'm glad that we can play out with one of your favourites. Oh, my God, I'm losing the ability to talk. Guys, thank you so On this special day, I'm glad that we can play out with one of your folks. Oh my God,

I'm losing the ability to talk. Guys, thank you so much for listening to, I would say, one of the episodes that's going to get filed in the all-time classics folder. We'll see you next time. Take care of yourselves.

Big love. Love you. Big love. Bye, bye, bye. I'll get over you I know I will I'll pretend my ship's not sinking. And I'll tell myself I'm over you. Cause I'm the king I wish for, baby.

I'm the king I wish for, baby. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.