Wolf and Owl - S2 Ep 84: Santas & Celebrities

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

We’re talking… 100 day coughs, Christmas fairgrounds, I’m A Celebrity contestants, very boring stories, Heathrow hassles, family songs, legendary roast dinners, a Chesney Hawkes revelation, exchanging phone numbers and two Mary Poppins auditions. Plus, email questions about Cyberpunk 2077 and a potentially friendship-ending secret Santa gift. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at questrade.com. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill. Never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon. You'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff and a...

Expect killings. Red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it. The death bringing its head spinning. Just kidding. Every word in this song

is about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Uh. Yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo. This is the wolf and owl this is the wolf and owl get yourself ready because this is the wolf and owl I've just got this real tickly cough

that's really annoying me have you heard about this this hundred day cough that's is that what it is? yeah what? is that genuinely a thing?

I don't know. I mean, I saw it on social media. I'm obviously cynical about anything I see on there, but apparently there is a 100-day cough that is spreading around the country. Because I'm on, I reckon, at least day 45. Hmm. Well, you've got another 55 to go.

Quick maths. Oh, man. It's a tickly cough where you get that mucusy stuff at the back of your throat, which is... Yeah, I mean, I've had similar. Have you really? Yeah. Have you done the gym this morning?

How are you finding it, the cough with the gym in? It's not bad. Like, this morning I did weights. God, what have we become? But this morning I did weights, so I was fine. Yeah. But I've been doing a bit of running. I found that a bit trickier.

What, getting ready for the Hydrox? Well, I'm not... Are we doing Hydrox? Well, I think... Yeah, we've talked about it. So, yeah, I mean... I mean, we've talked about it here, which means probably not.

Tom, if we're saying that stuff we've talked about, I know it's definitely happening. I mean, there's a list of about 15, 20 things that we've got to do. What's your small business for this week mate uh actually you know what i went to a lovely patisserie out in colmar i just went to colmar actually yeah i want to shout out a small business tell me about this patisserie then which i can't remember its name obviously look i said we i just got back from colmar i took took my mum and dad, the cat and the little G. We went to a...

Honestly, this place is one of the most incredible places I've been in my life. It's like literally the most picturesque little French village. So you went to France? Yeah, sort of on the border of France, Switzerland and Germany. And what made you go there? Just because I needed a little bit of Christmas vibes. I needed to sort of have injections. How did you choose that place?

A little bit of a Google, mate, if I may. I leant into Google and said, listen, pal, I need somewhere to go to really start. It is good Google, isn't it? You seem to be talking about so much stuff. Shout out to Google. Shout out to Google. Sometimes I find Google, right,

I actually take it a little bit for granted. But this time I was like, this place, mate, can i just say one and you'd love this we walk around the streets right and they just play um the soundtrack to beauty and the beast like in different parts of like yeah in french it's fucking beautiful man it really is what around the town yeah yeah they play christmas songs as well but they have like a time when it's you know honestly

it's really took grace on her first Ferris wheel loved it absolutely she was blown away my dad not so much my dad sort of

freaked out halfway up which I also think might have ruined Ferris wheels forever for Grace yeah she don't want to see

don't want to see pop pop shitting himself on the Ferris wheel no no no you'd grab that in a massive panic attack. And obviously when you're on a Ferris wheel, what is quite a cheap fare, when one person starts sort of freaking out a bit,

and so he had white knuckles, he was trying to stay still, but he was shaking so much, the whole of the pod we were inside shaken. I find those kind of like, on fireworks night we went to the school had a fireworks display

the Charlie's school and they had like rides there I'm always slightly wary of those ones do you know how to work on those sorts of rides no but

there is absolutely no surprise in my system at all at the discovery that you did I was carny folk for a while

carnival folk what was that life like well it was you did? I was carnivore folk for a while. Carnival folk. What was that life like? Well, it was all right. After I was sending T-shirts at festivals, I needed another job to sort of paint my way. Didn't want to go back to building sites when it's only a bit more glamorous. So while I was at the festivals,

I met some people who sort of travelled around with rides. So I sort of got a job with them and did a few Christmas markets and it was actually really really enjoyable How safe is that stuff? Pretty safe pretty safe

I mean I never had a course on what to do with health and safety and stuff but What rides were you working?

I did the dodgems I did like the carousel was my favourite one because you can have a right laugh on the carousel Can I ask you a question

did you experience any joy seeing the people using the carousel and my favourite one because you have a right laugh on the carousel can I ask you a question did you experience any joy seeing the people using the carousel and the always every second of my life watching this you know what

I'm going to say this actually while I'm here because I was going to bring this up later I so I have an enthusiasm for life right where I

I enjoy life you enjoy life right yeah I know it doesn't come across but yes no no no you do i've not watched any environment celebrity in my fancy league group of like you know friends that were

really you know the play fancy league some friends some people that you know we're just friends of friends one of the guys last night was like i can't wait for the final i've not watched any in series because i yeah I'm sorry I'm sort of there's lines and I think there's one that's been crossed if I'm honest with you with this year's casting of it

I just can't believe what's your point with Tony Belli? oh fuck but one of the guys was like I'm so excited later to see Sam Thompson this guy's in his 30s right

Crown King and he never ever sort of talked about it see sam thompson crap this guy's in his 30s right crown king uh and he never ever sort of talked about it so i don't know much about this guy but then it sort of transpired that he's like the biggest sam thompson fan you've ever like to a point that's like you talk about arsenal or you talk about i don't know one of your favorite rappers right please don't try and name anyone no no yeah no but they're fine he's obsessed with sam thompson right and i know i was like that's a bit of a you know strange sort of like tony bello i get you know yeah yeah but to be obsessed with sam thompson when you're a guy in your 30s i find a bit weird i don't know why and he was like sam thompson reminds me a bit of

you because like you're both really enthusiastic about stuff which genuinely made me sit for like an hour and fucking look at myself because look i i there's parts of sam thompson i quite enjoy but there's a lot of it i'm like i'm not buying it well you're talking about the new king of the jungle mate yeah i don't know but if i'm honest with you yeah i mean, Baron, you know, who was sort of like coming in third place in that, it's not a race that I did. No. Yeah. I'd arguably say that, yeah,

some of the stank has been taken off that throne a little bit. It's not like the year that Harry won it. I did question time with the guy that came third, Nigel Farage. Yeah. I mean mean you're not naming him for some reason like Voldemort but

Nigel Farage you've got who I mean first of all he came third so people must like him I've not watched any of I'm a celebrity

apparently he came across I've not watched it apparently came across very well yeah when I did question time with him I just done a bit about youip on Live

at the Apollo and he'd watched it so he came up to me and he said I saw the bit that you did about Ukip on Live

at the Apollo and I was taking the piss out of Ukip but he said it's funny it's funny and then he

he and I just went toe to toe for the entire not as an exaggeration but like he was anti-immigrant obviously you know he i was talking i said i said to him that i thought that he demonized immigrants to try and

get brexit over the line and so and so it got a little bit like heated and obviously he knows his stuff more than i do you know what i mean so yeah yeah you know it's not my world i'm just operating from a place of sort of my opinion. Yeah. And then at the end of it, I don't know if I've told this story, but at the end of it, David Dimbleby goes to me,

so Romesh, can I just get this straight? You are against completely uncontrolled immigration. And I said, yes, obviously I'm against completely uncontrolled immigration. And then Nigel Farage went, thank you. Finally, somebody's got the courage to say and i thought oh what i've just said wow i mean i left question time the next morning the young ukip party or the young ukip group were using me on their posters

going even romesh ranganathan agrees with us i couldn't believe it you haven't told that story it's not at all where I thought it was going. I thought you were going to say, oh, Nigel, actually, to turn out to be all right. I can see why it's off. No, no, no. Listen, look, whatever...

Look, this is my personal view, right? Is... Look, I don't want to get political on the podcast, but, you know, whether you agree with Brexit or not is up to you. I don't want to talk about that, really. But I did feel, and I still feel, that, you know whether you agree with brexit or not is up to you i don't want to talk about that really but i did feel and i still feel that you know he's very good at sort of talking about you know what direct what you can directly quote him on but the fact of the matter is he's sort of

like allowed this kind of uh anti-immigration sentiment to sort of build up and i remember like going on the look i don't want to get political i'm sort of reluctant to get into this but you can't undo that by being a good bloke in my opinion you know what i mean like you can't you can't if you you can't whatever you know let's you know there might be people listening to this that agree with nigel farage and fine if that's the case but if somebody has done something like that let's hypothesise that he has demonised immigration I don't care how funny you are when you're

doing a bush tucker trial do you know what I mean or whatever I don't know if he did any but like the point is is like I felt the same thing about Matt Hancock to be honest with you do you know what I mean and again you know it's whatever your views are on Matt Hancock or whatever but like I don't know man this. This whole thing about...

It slightly depresses me how fickle people can be. If somebody comes across well in that situation, suddenly they're a good bloke, do you know what I mean? But also, my problem with it, and, like, again, like not killing Twix, I don't think this is the place, but my problem with it, all right, is that all of a sudden we're in a place where we're casting politicians

into these shows where they become these wacky sort of you know in the same breath that we're casting someone like who i think is brilliant by josie gibson or sam thompson or you know people who are you know retired sportsmen right and these people have you know an ethos of coming into there and being like, this is what I'm about. This is, like Sam Thompson, that is his ballpark,

right? For me, in the same way that, if I go to my accountant in the morning, right? And I bowl in, and I go,

like, where am I with my tax bills? And he went, oh, sorry, I'm not really on top of it. I was out last night fucking partying.

I was in town and I was on the fucking bugle and I was having a right fucking laugh. I don't mind that from my mate who's a scaffolder, but from my fucking accountant, I need you to be straight, fella. I was having the right fucking laugh I don't mind that from my mate who's a scaffolder but from my fucking accountant I need you to be

straight fella I need you to be fucking on this and we require that and what's happened I think over time over the last and this is across

the whole board by the way this isn't we've come to a place where politicians seem now they've got to be characters they've got to be like

these almost like funny silly people so there's almost a bit we can identify with them as annoying Now that they've got to have these sort of, they've got to be characters. They've got to be like these almost like funny, silly people. So there's almost a bit we can identify with them as a naughty. And they need to, for me, I don't want fucking people going into the jungle. I don't want people fucking going to big brother.

I don't want any of that shit. That's my, that's why that's not me going like, that's just across the board with it all I think we need to get back to a place where politicians are being politicians

and we're not going to go oh you know he feels I'd love to go and snag deal with him no no no but what I would say what I would say

by the way we'll stop with the this feels like obviously I don't want anyone to get upset if we're talking about politics but

I do feel to play devil's advocate on that, politicians, they're on TV more than they've ever been ever. Do you know what I mean? And also they're under more scrutiny than they've ever been. So like you see more of them. Do you know what I mean? Like I just feel like they've got a like, you can get done as a politician at any moment,

do you know what I mean, for something you say or whatever yeah i mean i don't know what i feel for them that but the scrutiny for me and i don't want to get like fucking this isn't i don't know enough about politics so i never really get involved in it i'm not learning enough but then just like concentrate on your politics do you know what i mean concentrate on what you're there to do that that for me is like the thing that i find insane now it's like you know you wouldn't have seen Neil Kinnock or Margaret Thatcher going on fucking bullseye

that would have been an insane thing I wouldn't have minded it though to be honest with you I'd love to see what Neil Kinnock would have done with the power though you wouldn't have seen like

JFK going to Survivor it would have been a fucking mad situation I mean it was invented then but unless you know it's oh god let's see where this thought's going it would have been a fucking mad situation. I mean, it was invented then, but... No. Unless you, you know... It's...

Oh, God. Let's see where this thought's going. No, no, no, no, no. I'm really good at this. Actually, but while we're talking about that, on the flip of that, have you seen the... Have you seen the video of Mark Lamy that's trending? What?

Where he's talking about that apple oh my god I've shared that with everyone I don't know why I didn't share it with you actually Mark Lohan talking

about how brave it is to throw an apple into a bin I mean there's a guy that's what I expect from a politician yeah that kind of beige

yeah so basically for people that haven't heard it it's sort of him going I've always liked challenges when I was a kid I used to eat an apple in front of the tv you're putting on uh aftershave for this

podcast yeah i wanted to smell nice a little bit of sauvage i'll just sit right there uh he said uh i used to like sit in front of the tv and i'll finish the apple and i throw the core into the bin and he goes sometimes it'd hit the wall i'd leave a stain on there and he goes but sometimes it'd go in and like I know that my dad would be really impressed but my mum would be really angry that I'd put a stain on the wall but the next night

I'd be eating that apple and I'd just go for it again because it was that kind of daring it was that kind of fearlessness that sort of I always had about me I can't believe he said it out loud it's fucking incredible

but I like that was what I required from a politician, that kind of boring story. But then I go, okay, he feels like he's going to be across the fucking national debt because he's that bored. That's his most interesting story.

Do you know what? When he told that story, I almost felt sick about celebrating his goal in 1998. Why? Just because I'm just like, is that what we're dealing with here? Have you seen the other clip of him when it was like some Michael Owen soccer training thing?

No. And they got this 13-year-old goalkeeper, like trainee goalkeeper, to sort of face off against Michael Owen. Yeah. I mean, Michael Owen celebrated every goal against a 13-year-old kid. It was unreal. Do you know my favourite Michael Owen video? Have you seen Michael Owen?

Is it the Dubai Tourist video? It's genius. I genuinely think that's maybe the greatest comedy video ever made. I mean, if he's a comedy character, it's one of the most incredible creations of all time. It's so funny. I would love the idea that Mike Myers got so good at football after

playing Austin Powers that he actually created Michael Allen. He's just committed to this character. Yeah. I'm going to turn over Arsenal in the FA Cup final. And people will be devastated, but once I do the Dubai video, it'll all become apparent why I've done it.

I would say now that whoever had to share a room with him, like, is it England or Liverpool or whatever, they deserve, like, an NBA or something. Just listen to a combination of boring stories and an Apple core hitter who do you think

that was that's got to be a squad player for England like that's not going to be one of your big dogs

is it that would be like sort of an arm swing or whatever turn around and go

I reckon they might have taken shifts or whatever just like I've got two questions for you and I reckon a couple of people said no.

Question one. Yeah. Steve Gerrard's having him. Steve Gerrard's like, mate, I play with him every fucking week. Someone else can love the bird. Yeah. Question one. Do you want to come to the World Cup?

Question two. In order to do that, are you willing to room with Michael Owen? And I reckon a couple of players said no. I reckon that's the reason why we didn't do as well as we could have done should have been just something

that bad yeah let's just go I can't do it anymore do you know what actually I'm going to retire from England I'm going to retire

from international football actually if that's that's why Beckham got sent off Beckham knew that he was literally going into the fucking semi-finals

he was only going to have to share with Michael Owen so that's why he kicked Simone that's literally what happened there literally like I'm just sitting in a fucking room with him

imagine just like and going I might order an apple from room service Michael listen I haven't got an apple just shut the fuck up no I don't want to show you your second film ever I'm thinking about buying property your second film ever. I'm thinking about buying property

out there in Dubai. But his daughter's got a bit of sass about her. Do you know what I mean? When she was in Love Island I thought, oh, she's, yeah. I actually want to say this.

One of my favourite ever football interviews before I knew what Michael, you know, remember he got injured in the World Cup I think it was in 2000 maybe

or 2000 and he did his knee he did this beautiful interview about calling home and he was out of the World Cup and he was speaking

to his wife and he was really upset and then his daughter I think or son came on the phone and said

daddy we're trying to watch Peppa Pig and he said which you which is in itself, he actually is a bit like Daddy Pig in a lot of ways. Oh, my God. And he goes, you know, that made me think, you know, things bigger than football. And I actually thought, that's a really sweet interview.

I wouldn't say that Peppa Pig's bigger than football. No, but children. No, I know. I don't know, it's something else as it is we've banned it in my still carpet ban on pepper pig yeah no it makes sense yeah whenever we see pepper pig and grace looks interested i just literally just try and get sort of into sort of oh by the way my uh how much is right remember last time i flew uh i came back from Spain and I had to hold a debacle with the flight landing. Flight back from Switzerland. I got on the plane. It's the same

stewardess as the debacle where the plane nearly landed and didn't and took back off, do you remember? She's so stewardess. It was an exaggeration, mate. Even she said to me, I hope it's a bit more of a calm flight this time. Literally an hour of just solid turbulence. Even she said to me, I hope it's a bit more of a calm flight this time. Yeah.

Literally an hour of just solid turbulence. And she just looked at me, it's either me or you. Well, it's not me. Well, I think it's more likely you than her, isn't it? She's a host, too. Yeah, I suppose. Yeah.

It's probably our energies combined. Yeah. There's something about you two. By the way, we landed in here have you ever heathrow is insane right so you landed so when you've got a baby you can't go through the automatic passport things i just stand for like an hour and 20 minutes because there's one person on the desk flights from all around the world arriving around 20 minutes we had to queue because you can't take babies through there whenever whenever i uh land

at heathrow and something like that happens which has happened to me quite a few times that that sort of you you land and then you don't get free to get your bags till two hours later or whatever there's happened to me a few times i i never i mean obviously i'm annoyed for myself i do sometimes wonder what that feels like to be arriving in england for the first time to see what it's got to offer and your first experience is being stood in a fucking kit. I mean, talk about reinforcing a stereotype. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

All we need is to throw in some apologies. You've got the full British experience. Well, there was no apologies. There was no shit to give them from the staff at Heathrow. There was actually a lady in front of me who was from Newark, which is New Jersey, I believe. And she was there with ever there to girls she was a lot she's own flying over to her husband who worked in banking and this

poor woman I now know that she had to fucking endure a series of questions from you about her background she was record what could be worse than a fucking two hour queue oh well I love oh dude you are a bit of a

nightmare isn't it there we go oh god that big guy he keeps on looking over he's going to start a conversation oh he sent over

his little girl so his child plays with mine it was like fucking nine o'clock at night it was very very yeah and

yeah there was a lot of chat going on I've got to say it's one of my favourite things about a situation like that

is that you see everyone like that trench spirit everyone getting in together and having a bit of a laugh do you know what I mean

that's what I do like about the Brits are like are we going to get through this we'll say this actually I mean you've got to talk to an American but yes the point still stands yeah That's what I do like about the Brits. Are we going to get through this? We'll say this, actually.

I mean, you've got to talk to an American, but yes, the point still stands. Yeah. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share. To each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo.

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Fight together. By teaming up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong, The New Empire, now playing only in theaters the queuing system in France was beautiful some of the queuing really really why why was it better how did that what did they do just everything was just so fucking fine I mean I think that I think it's one of the things we're bringing out over here but some of the queuing over there was really

like sometimes what do you mean? What do you mean? Just really fucking organised. And everyone respected the queuing system. Yeah, but everybody respected the queuing system at Heathrow. Why did you prefer the French one? Just because, I don't know. I think there's a bit more of an ambience.

Probably because it was like colourful and there's lights everywhere. What you're saying is you don't mind a queue if they're playing Beauty and the Beast in the background is essentially what you're saying. Mate, I'd arguably say everything's a little bit better if they they're playing Beauty and the Beast in the background is essentially what I'm saying mate I'd arguably say everything's a little bit better if they're playing fucking Beauty and the Beast how much do you love

Beauty and the Beast I take it or leave it to be honest with you what yeah I suppose you got with the boys the boys love musicals though

the boys yeah they do they do yeah it's a good musical do I agree with the message what I was thinking by the way for the Raga Davis collab the big Christmas Christmas hook up It's a good musical. Do I agree with the message? I was thinking, by the way, for the Raga Davis...

Collab. The big Christmas, yeah. Christmas circle, yeah. It'd be quite fun. I might speak to the venue that we're going to and see if we can get some sort of sing-along. They've got a piano there and I know that your boys love singing.

So I was thinking, and Grace is like, well, she doesn't sing well, she garbles along, but she does that, you know. But I think Lisa's going to love the sing-along. She will will Lisa will I reckon you get

a couple of gin and tonics in Lisa she's not just singing along she's at the piano listen you get you get five

gin and tonics and half a gram of MDMA into Lisa she's still not going to sing mate for the MDMA she fucking

shuts her up but I give her enough wine I guarantee Lisa's not she'll be dancing on the piano mate I promise you I promise you fucking shuts her up but I give her enough wine I guarantee Lisa's not she'll be dancing on the piano mate

I promise you I promise you who would sing who would sing quicker you or Lisa between me and Lisa oh listen

I would be so reluctant to sing but I reckon I'd sing before Lisa would really I genuinely believe that yeah I think I would

before yeah so what would probably happen is it'd be me and the three boys I'd go oh yeah Theo cover what would probably happen is it'd be me and the three boys. I'd go, Oi, Theo, look over there, that piano, that guy.

Let me just get... Probably start me and Theo singing a Shallows, right? From The Star Is Born. Right? He could do the Lady Gaga bit. Happy for him to do that. I'll be Bradley Cooper.

I don't know how comfortable I feel about this diversity. So you're being Bradley Cooper to Theo's Lady Gaga? Yeah. Yeah. Feels a bit weird, doesn't it? No, it'd be great.

I'll basically start singing and go, tell me something, girl. But I'll say, tell me something, boy, because obviously it's Theo. And then Theo stands up from the table and no one's expecting him to come in and he can do the Lady Gaga. That would be amazing.

That would be amazing. Yeah. That'll be scorched into my memory forever. and he can do the lady go that would be amazing that would be amazing you could yeah yeah that would be scorched into my memory forever and you know what you could do with Charlie and Alex you could sing Father and Son

it's that time to make a change just relax and take it easy yeah it's not gonna it's not gonna happen you could be sitting

on the piano and start singing that and they can all the time. Oh, mate, this would be lovely. Have you had three coffees this morning? I've had two. And some Lemsip.

You've had two. I can tell. You're absolutely off your tits on chat today. I've had two and a Lemsip. I genuinely think this could be the Wolf podcast. I just literally set this to record and let you chunter on for an hour chunter i wish i'd use that word that sounds a very nice your first time word do you know do you know um so we were talking about your mate being enthusiastic about sam thompson yeah can i i've got i want to talk to you about two things the first thing is this right at the weekend

the boys were in a show right this sort of musical show they were doing mary poppins right and um so we're going to watch it and they were doing two or three of them yeah so so they had like a two hour gap before they were doing a couple of shows we went to watch the first one and they had a bit of time so we went off to get lisa and i went off to get a roast right and i hunted for a place that had a decent vegan roast dinner because you remember roast gate last time where they'd run out yeah so i found this place i booked it didn't know what it was going to be like read some good reviews turned up there it was amazing right like they tucked us away in a little booth the roast potatoes i'm not just saying this mate what's this place called i'm just going to shout

it out now so that i don't forget it's called the old house in copthorne right well sounds nice right the roast potatoes maybe top five roast potatoes I've ever had in my life right they gave us extra roast potatoes on the side did you ask or did they just

bring them over no they just brought them over they just saw you wolf them down they've seen you really fucking go possibly

possibly what I would say is at one point when I was eating the extra roast potatoes Lisa said you don't have to finish everything

which was yeah but also you know what as i've said before like that for a chef is that's like better tip when he gets an empty plate and he's like he's eating what sorry he's eating the extra potatoes yeah listen i'm sure there's some level of satisfaction whether that's better than a tip is up for debate. So I had the roast and it was a veggie Wellington. Delicious, right? And then I had an apple crumble. What have you got there?

Carrots? Sprouts? Parsnips. Carrots. Mushroom gravy. Cabbage. Shredded cabbage, Nat. You don't seem to be ducking out

of the old roast dinner at the moment. I feel sorry for you. It's the alternative. Feels like it doesn't get much life, the alternative. ducking out of the old roast dinner at the moment, and I feel sorry for him, in my ear, is the old turnip. Feels like it doesn't get much like the old turnip. Yeah, well, what I find is, if you don't think of vegetables as sentient beings, it sort of helps you with all of that.

No, but you've got to think... I know what you're about to say. Imagine you're down at a pub, right? And there's a Yorkshire pudding, roast potato, bit of chicken. They're all knocking about, having a nice time. You look across the other side of the pub, fucking turnip sitting on his own.

You say, what's going on with it? Why is a turnip on his own? They say, do you know what? It used to be a laugh, but we've decided that we don't want to hang out with a turnip anymore. So do you know what? You find yourself heading over to the turnip. You put your arm around.

You go, what's going on, big fella? He says, I used to be a big deal you know on the old roast dinner game yeah and now they don't seem to be knocking

about him anymore and so do you know what I put my arm around him I said do you know what turnip you're welcome

in my roast dinner anytime you like when you said that which I by the way actually found beautiful

yeah because that pretty much is exactly what I was going to say. Do you not feel sorry for the turnip? No. Like, to be honest with you,

no, I do not feel sorry for it. Also, I will say, I adore, do I feel sorry for people whose livelihoods are tied up in growing turnips?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, because that's going to be quite annoying that the turnip's gone out of fashion. But what do you think's

happened there? Well, you know, vegetables come in and out of fashion, I guess. I can't believe I'm saying these words out loud. But, you know, some people get into it. You know, there was a time

when sun-dried tomatoes were king, weren't they? Yeah. Absolute fucking king. Yeah, but also, you know, but they're a fad. The turnip felt like it had, like, fucking infrastructure.

Felt like it was a part of our everyday life. Yeah, well, it's dying, isn't it? Sadly, like television. Well, I would say, like, I would say as well, like, swede. Swede feels like it's dying isn't it sadly like television well I would say like I would say as well like Swede Swede feels like

it's on its last legs yeah I think there was Swede in the rest of it who's just you know you probably think he's got two or three

more fights left in him if that do you know what do you know what do you know the sad thing is I know what's

happened there is the reason that you've used the boxer analogy is because people get hit in the Swede that's where your

brain's gone do you know what I mean anyway the boxing analogy is because people get hit in the Swede. That's where your brain's gone. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, after the roast dinner, I had an apple crumble. The apple crumble, Tom, this will blow your mind.

The crumble had Lotus Biscoff in it. Oh, wow. And this is, the reason I'm telling you this story is one, this place is great. Two, I buzzed off the roast dinner. Like, I finished the meal.

I sat back. I was loving life. Handshake for the staff? Yeah. Really? Oh, my God, I'd love to have seen that. A reassuring hand on the shoulder. Thank you.

It wasn't a hand on the shoulder. No, it wasn't a hand on the shoulder. Did you ask to speak to the chef no I haven't made it stay I just said

the guy said to me how was it I said to him that was unreal oh wow did you take your cap off very unlikely

did you take your cap off I was wearing a cap actually but I didn't take it off no I actually think that would have

meant the world if you take the cap off and someone would go, fucking, it was him. And you'd go on, thank you so much. That was delicious. Why are you such a horrible, horrible man? I'm not just saying.

That's a thing that would be quite cute. You know, I think at the end of a film, I'm telling you a story about being enthusiastic and having a nice experience about something, and you've always got to, like, just put a little fucking shank in, haven't you? No, I'm just saying. It would be the cute thing.

Like, you know, like when they reveal Batman is actually Bruce Wayne. Mm. Right, just imagine. Here's a question for you. Yeah. Full roast dinner. Yeah.

Apple crumble with vegan ice cream right yeah finished eating that about half past five yeah was hungry again later on that evening

is that okay I think yeah because I think I always have a tea cheese and biscuit well you'd have cheese but some sort of I actually had a bowl

of breakfast cereal you can't have breakfast cereal at that time it's fucking lethal so much sugar there's so much sugar I'm not having fucking fruit loops

what did you have I had some like I don't want to say it did have sugar in it what was it it was surreal you know the oh yeah

I think it's this yeah they've got Biscoffay flavour right Biscoffay yeah you little snake how am I a little snake yeah they've got a Biscoffay flavour right Biscoffay yeah you little snake

how am I a little snake I just repeated it back to you what you said Biscoff is it Biscoff Biscoff yeah yeah they've got

a Biscoff flavour I think some people think we've gone peak Biscoff and it's time to retire it for a bit really it's become

well it's become big hasn't it that's really what's happened to the turning now it's like a turning hasn't it? That's really what's happened to the Turnip. Now it's like a turning point for the Biscoff. Is it going to become

part of the regular canon? But even then, there was a time that I'd say, arguably, when I'm looking at my restaurant, a Turnip's going to be

there smiling to itself. The Biscoff can think, oh, it's a part of that fucking day-to-day and it can just go, mate. Do it. Well, this is going to blow your mind mate the karamak is no more yeah i did know that it's not it doesn't blow my mind but yeah but i mean when's the last

time you had a caramel uh actually i had one the other day when i did the heart radio which i think yeah yeah yeah but yeah it's part of a fucking feature while you're promoting one car i'm talking about in real life no No, no, but for ages. Genuinely, this is no joke, right? They bring out this caramac. I have a little bite of it. I think, fucking, that's a joyous fit. Almost like, you know,

if I'd been in The Simpsons, it would have been like Homer and he'd go back in time and he'd remember his first bite of it as a little kid, do you know what I mean? Like, and I had this bite of it and I was like, God, I've really missed the caramac. No, that's the last one

in England you didn't eat the last caramac in England that's what Fexton said right well I don't want to cast suspicions on Jamie Fexton

but I think it's highly unlikely you ate the last also did we talk about you having a fight with Jamie did we talk about you having a fight with Jamie Fexton

like a boxing match did we why did you mention it no no no but quite a few people mentioned it in the comments and dms

we talked about me having a fight with Jamie Thigston right whether we could arrange

you having a boxing fight with Jamie Thigston maybe we did it does ring a bell but it does

sound like sort of near the bottom of the barrel where we normally hover when we're doing

this podcast I would say this I don't know what it's at a time having been in Thigston's

presence I'm not too sure that would be a fight. Like, if we were going to put you in for a celebrity boxing, I'd probably avoid Thixton. Well, do you reckon he's got something about him? Yeah, he's quite, he's taller than I thought, and yeah, he's got a little bit of a vibe. Here's something that's going to blow your mind, Tom.

Yes, sir. I did some filming over the weekend. Yeah. Do you know who's a fan of the podcast? do you know who listens to the Wolf and Owl? this is going to blow your mind do you know who regularly listens to the podcast

and could quote bits to me from it? Chesney Hawks what? the one and only? yes the one and only Chesney Hawks oh my god yeah

that's insane I know I was on a show I can't say I know the show I know the show because I saw Jim in the evening and he told me

there were some there were other guests on the show at one point somebody said what is that podcast and Chesney Hawks described it

how did he describe it he said it was a load of shit no he didn't describe it that was an exaggeration he just said there are periods in that podcast where there is nothing being said it's just they've cracked each other up and they're just laughing for 30 seconds he didn't say whether the thing that we'd said was funny or not he just said that we'd cracked each other up so that's nice isn't it let me tell you right uh chisney hawks uh i saw him uh at a festival once called glaston budget which was like really really nice sweet festival uh and he did one and only i'll tell you now

the chills that i got through my body were insane you've do you know are you aware listen i know that we've said stories before that have been on this podcast. I've never experienced using the exact same words. The exact same words. I reckon we could just snip that and drop it into there. It's exactly the same words. You said you got chills

down your body. He was incredible. He was incredible. So that was nice. Here's another phenomenon. This is slightly darker. Did you shake his hand when he said that, by the way?

No. What? No. I said thank you and hand when he said that, by the way? No. What? No. I said thank you and we exchanged numbers. We're probably going to hang out. What? Yeah.

Number one, it took me about four or five gigs to fucking get your number off you. Are you giving out free of an easy when it's fucking Chesney Orks? Do you find it nerve-wracking asking somebody for a number i'm not talking about you know like when you've seen somebody a few times yeah there's some people that i've worked with quite a lot that i've never got their phone number and they've got mine yeah yeah yeah i find it i find there's a

world where you feel like that could be that would be the thing that busts the friendship that would be the thing yeah yeah I totally agree I totally agree and yeah I find also once you have the fucking number

what do you fucking do with it I know I know mate it's a dilemma it's a little bit like having a superpower but not knowing when to use it because that's got to be a moment

as a superhero right for like Superman or fucking Pete Parker when Pete's looking at it right he's like fucking hell can i be this guy all the time no actually i'll use it sparingly i'll use it when i can i'll use it just for good right that's a bit like when you get someone's number and you're like fucking i'll get this person's number i'll say this actually i've been put on a whatsapp a very

extensive whatsapp group which, you know, I'm in some respects glad to be a part of, in other respects... What is it? It's meant... Well, I mean, it's quite dark when I sort of talk... I've openly talked about my pet friend who's passed away. My friend passed away last week. And someone created a group for us all to sort of like,

you know, for funeral arrangements and stuff. Yeah. And, yeah, for information, whatever, and just to sort of have an open chat about how everyone's feeling about it, which is great. But also then you are, I've had about 15 people

who I sort of maybe haven't seen for 20 odd years. I sort of make, one of them was a bit of a bully to me who've reached out like away from the group going, hey man, how are you? Any chance of getting a bully to me who've reached out like away from the group going, hey man, how are you? Any chance of getting some tickets to Chelmsford?

It's like, it's an insane thing of like, I haven't, I think if you, Has that really happened? I swear, man. If you now look

at my fucking WhatsApp, this is, you know, you look at it, my WhatsApp picture now is just a black screen. So, Yeah.

A lot of people I know have done that. Because otherwise it's just people, people look through and they're, you know, and now I feel like I can't comment on things that are just about the group, like just about like people sharing pictures and I kind of want to be a part of that. But I'm like, last time I shared a picture,

like a thing because his mum's on the group, I literally got five or six people just messaging. Hey man, how are you? You know, saying to my wife about we should come to one of your gigs

and Chelsea, you know, what is this? Do you know what I mean? Where are the boundaries? And then I don't want to be that dickhead. So I can tell you, I've got,

like you probably, I get people's numbers and I'm like, I don't know, when will I use this? And you also don't know what their text etiquette's like. Do you probably, I get people's numbers and I'm like, I don't know, when will I use this? And you also don't know what their text etiquette's like. Do you know what I mean? Are they somebody that texts every 10 minutes like yourself?

Or are they somebody that sort of, you know, you send a text message, it might be a few days between texts. Difficult to know. I'll send a text and you'll be very kind. If I haven't got a response after fucking about five minutes, I'm sending another text because my anxiety my worry is and but but i gotta tell you i find it incredibly endearing hello swan is this one i'm gonna say hello yeah the swans just walked in the room do you want to say hello get ready for the hour she must be buzzing she can't hear you what about what i wish tom wants to know are you buzzing about the Ranga Davis Christmas get-together?

Oh yeah, I'm really excited. Here's a question for you, Lisa. Tom said that he wants to organise some sort of sing-along. Oh, okay. And he was wondering if you'd be up for getting involved. Yeah, what song? Oh, what? What did she say? What song?

Oh, wow. Tell her about my Shallows idea with Theo. So what's this song, what's it from? Shallows from The Star Is Born. You know The Star Is Born, Tom wants to do a duet with Theo where he does the Bradley Cooper bit and Theo does the Lady Gaga bit. The Shallows, Shallows. I'll tell Theo, he can practice. What the fuck is going on? What is going on? I told you, the Swan is in...

Have you two spoken about this beforehand? No. No. No. I feel like I don't know... Well, I know you, Tom. You, Lisa. I don't know what's going on with you. I told you.

I said there's no way that you'd... So, are you going to sing at this thing? I'm not singing. Theo can sing. There you go. Wow. What would it take for you to sing? Lisa's very ill at the moment, by the way.

Yeah. Oh, God. She's got to have to take off. I'll sing if everybody sings you'll sing if everybody sings yeah but not on my own not on your own yeah no no

it'll be a group sing Tom was saying Tom was saying you might be up for singing my heart will go on okay I'll have to think about it well

I told you how mad I knew that about Lisa I'm really surprised I think that's the pressure of the podcast knowing that tens of people are listening surprised. I think that's the pressure of the podcast. No, no, no. I don't think it is.

I think she's a saint. There's no denying that. So when do you think you'll text? Do you think you'll ever text Chesney? I've already texted him. What? Did you text back? Yes.

You are so much cooler than... I'm going to give you that. I'm going to give you that. You're so much cooler than I am. Genuinely give you that. I'm going to give you that. You're so much cooler than I am. Genuinely. I text one of the other stars from Wonka and I got nothing back. It's like,

it was like a bad one night stand that I was like, oh man, the feedback's been incredible. Like, this is amazing, right? Saw they read it within a minute

nothing back near time but it's nice to know that Chesney is a decent human being it doesn't surprise me someone like Chesney Hawks I think is

is a staple for the decency within the world I just think yeah what a good cue and it's nice to know that he's nice.

Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? smooth taste great value bush lager enjoy responsibly must be legal drinking age this episode is brought to you by tresemme Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings.

Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Do you want to do some emails? Let's try, let's try. Oh, try oh here's the thing tom while we're getting into emails do you ever think where you're so oh this is so dark what i'm about to say um do you ever think where you're so happy so for example you know when i went to have the race dinner yeah and i had a really good time and then i watched my kids be like do this thing i felt

so happy and I was so delighted that I thought to myself, this can't last. Something's going to go wrong. Do you ever have that paranoia? Yeah, of course, of course, of course. Horrible, horrible. By the way, what were their parts in Mary Poppins? Well, Alex had a smaller part.

He was playing one of the bankers. Cool. You know, the guy that comes up and offers, what's his name? Michael Banks, the deal or whatever Cool. You know, the guy that comes up and offers, what's his name? Michael Banks the deal or whatever. Not Michael Banks, George Banks. That's a good part of it, yeah. Yeah, Theo played George Banks.

What? The dad, yeah. That's an amazing part. And Charlie, our youngest, played his son, Michael Banks, one of the kids. Wow, wow. That's a big part. They almost dominated the whole play.

Yeah, it was a very Ranga-heavy... Yeah, yeah. Did I ever tell you the Miltman story on here for Mary Poppins? Don't know. JT, I'm sure, will tell us in the edit, but go on. So when Paddington had just come out, and I think Murderous Six... Anyway, I got an audition to be in the new Mary Poppins.

And the part was... I had an audition to be in the new Mary Poppins. I had an audition to be in the new Mary Poppins. What was your part that you were in the film for? One of the henchmen guys, like at the insurance company. Okay, that's a bigger part of mine. I was up for a part of the milkman. Didn't even make the final cut of the movie. So I had to go and audition for it it as you had to audition for these things and the line I had was

morning Mr Banks so I went along and I was like I want to show a bit of variation just in case maybe if you can show a little bit more than just the line if you do a bit more with the line maybe there's a chance that the milkman might become a bit more of a feature in the movie

I thought it was really good we could do a bit more of a feature in the movie like I thought you know it's really good we could do like a little scene with you know George Banks and the Miltman and yeah yeah it's like pitching a spin-off film

or whatever yeah oh god don't say that that's so I go in right and the cast and director

is very lovely and they were like okay go for it and I was like morning Mr Banks and they were like oh it's sort of the opening

of the movie it kind of has to have a little bit more to it than that why have you made that decision i was like in my head uh the milkman's thinking about the fact that you know his job and his livelihood is under threat because of supermarkets coming in people aren't going to be using milkman as much you know you don't see him on the roads and they were like well yeah this is set sort of you know a bit sort of back in time when Milkman

were in their pump yeah so they gave me that note then I did a very overzealous Mr Banks and they're like well

he's obviously doing really well for himself so he's just thinking about his lovely house and his kids you're showing range there I would say

yeah arguably and I do another two times with sort of like one which is sort of somewhere between the two just thinking about his lovely house and his kids. You're showing range there, I would say. Yeah, arguably. And I do another two times with sort of like one which is sort of somewhere between the two and one that was just really, really ecstatic. And then they're like, okay, cool. Well, I think we've seen everything that we could possibly see from one line. And then I never got a call back, obviously.

And I don't know why, because it was fucking insane. But they cut the whole part of the Milton. He lost his line. It was essentially in the end. Oh, so the audition went so badly that they lost the character. Yeah, I don't think that character's even going to work. So it was just like... Well, I would say that my audition went worse than that.

What? How? So, well, it was quite a while ago. I'd not really done any acting at all at this stage. Maybe I'd done Holby City at this point. I loved that you were in Holby City. I turned up for the audition, and she said to me,

you're going to see them come through the door, and you're going to rush to the door to let them in or something. I can't remember exactly. Oh, God, I loved it so much. Right. So I said, okay. So she set the camera up.

This is the casting director. Set the camera up. It the casting director set the camera up it was in some basement in London somewhere yeah and I ran to the thing and I did the lines right

the lines how many did you have like three or four something like that oh wow okay and then she said to me not quite

not quite right you sort of ran out of frame like the camera's framed here so all of your all of your lines you delivered out of shot so she goes so just sort of ran out of frame like the camera's framed here so all of your all of your lines you delivered out of shot so she goes to just sort of try and bear that in mind so i went okay so the next version i ran up to the camera put my hand as you know did the lines and she said can i just stop you there she said you can see the lens of the camera your hand obscured the entire lens of

the camera so all i could see was sort of the palm of your hand in the thing she goes so can you try and like do it so that you're you know don't come so close to the camera but you know run up it's a a scene with a bit of energy so do it i did it the third time tom she shouted at me what wow she just went no's wrong again. Like that just shouted at me the thing. And I was like, okay. I actually said, I think this is probably, this is probably, I don't know how many people call the end of the audition themselves, but that's what I did. I said, this is probably, this is probably over, isn't it?

So anyway. Did you shake their hand? No. I had the I had the assistant to the main person and I don't mention for a part of your size

you might have had the main person anyway long story short I wasn't in Mary Poppins who got that part at the end I don't know

I've never watched it yeah I watched the beginning you know I don't mind watching stuff that I auditioned for and didn't get

what I do mind is something where I auditioned for and didn't get. What I do mind is something where I feel like I've burnt my bridges with the industry during the audition. Do you know what I mean? That, for me, becomes too difficult. I would genuinely pay to see that audition, Tate. That would, I think, arguably be better than the remake itself. It was bad, man. It was fucking bad.

Okay. This is from The Peeping Toad. Hi to the wolf, swan, and the bookish owl. Love the pod. Just a quick one to ask you. If the wolf has seen the new Cyberpunk 2077, where his idol Idris Elba is in the game and advertising it, we'd like to know Tom's thoughts on this.

If he feels Idris has betrayed him after Tom's big fallout with the game, The Peeping Toad. Tom, are you aware of this first of all? Cyberpunk almost just, I've not played on a console since. Really? Really? Yeah. I had to have a long, I mean look,

we talked about my FIFA, the addiction to FIFA, that, I had to wean myself off FIFA. That was pretty hard. I got so obsessed with FIFA for quite a long time. I had to wean myself off FIFA. That was pretty hard. I got so obsessed with FIFA for quite a long time. I had to

stop playing it. And subsequently, I just got rid of my console. I was like,

you know. After Cyberpunk? Yeah, I'll probably get another one in the new graphic after it comes out.

But Cyberpunk, I was like, this just feels like the arse has fallen out of gaming. This is so bad. And if I'm going to, can I just feels like the arse has fallen out of gaming this is so bad and if I'm going to can I just say

by the way I noticed now that George Carini has distanced himself from Nespresso he's not doing the adverts as much isn't David Beckham now

Beckham stepped into the void Beckham by the way I'd say arguably a better ambassador because I can imagine he probably does stream Nespresso I imagine he probably does

yeah but I would say it to you it's the same he's thinking about it in his documentary I think there's a bit when he's actually making himself

a whole barista coffee he's going for the big bar I think he is yeah the other thing I'd say about David Beckham

is why does he need to endorse an Espresso I mean why does George Clooney endorse an Espresso I would say that

David Beckham one of his fucking ranges is DBI wear and he doesn't even fucking wear glasses which I find insane of Indulgent and Espresso I mean why does George Kleenex have Indulgent and Espresso also I would say that David Beckham one of his fucking ranges is DBI wear and he doesn't even fucking wear glasses which is what I find insane and I love David Beckham

not taking anything away from him and he also he was also an ambassador for Qatar and he doesn't even hate gays as far as I know well yeah

I mean yeah arguably that's probably more of a bigger bugbear than the whole glasses thing but anywho listen I adore Idris as you

well know I'm like a dragon that's back into his cave at the moment and I will be coming back out for Grand Theft Auto we should do like a fucking Grand Theft Auto day me and you like where we play Grand Theft Auto we could get all of our

all of our friends and companies from here all the people companions that we know all meet up on Grand Theft Auto that'd be fucking nuts

yeah okay that would be sick are you a Grand Theft Auto authoritarian do you play Grand Theft Auto am I a Grand Theft Autitarian

yeah I am actually I mean the last one I played in depth to be honest was San, was San Andreas. Yeah, San Andreas was the best one. Oh, my God. The fighting techniques on that were so good.

They sort of lost that a bit, the hand-to-hand combat. I dropped out of it after San Andreas. And that was a while ago. What about Red Dead? Never played Red Dead. Completed it, mate. So, what? No, just saying.

Regretting it as soon as I said it. Yeah, you should have done. There's nothing wrong with completing... There is nothing wrong with completing Red Dead. There is something wrong with it, is bragging and then doing sort of a grin like that with more pride than I've ever seen you display in your life. So,

how long did it take to complete it? Probably about a week, I reckon. Ten days. Were you playing it full time? No, no, no, no. Not full, full time.

I'd say that, yeah, I was probably playing semi-full time. Did you go back to it after you'd completed it? No, no, no. I was done, man. I don't play it online really.

Look, I don't know enough about the online gaming side of things. I like to complete the

game as it is the game and then just say thank you, thank you for the memories. Apparently God of War is the

thing to play right? What is that? What's that? That's it. I think it's on all consoles, I don't know.

It's this graphic thought, I think it comes out next year Grace will be three she'll be in nursery school yeah whatever

yeah so I'll have a bit more time yeah it's nice for cat it's nice to give cat a break as well as yeah um arguably make

myself less sexy by sort of like slipping into this office and going just gonna have a couple of hours in Vice City uh yeah you didn't try and have sex with cat after you completed Red Dead did you into this office and going just going to have a couple of hours in Vice City yeah

you didn't try and have sex with Cat after you completed Red Dead did you sort of dressed as a cowboy yeah time for another

ride my darling well he did an impression of Woody from Toy Story there's been a beat the guy from Red Dead this is from the Tinsel Tortoise

and it says hi Wolf and I'll try and keep it short so I don't have to bore you however I'm having a secret Santa dilemma

I've already purchased a nice flavoured tea gift set as who I'm buying for loves tea I need to get an additional gift to go for this

so I thought I'd go for a more comedic angle I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I found a simple mug which you could

drink your tea from that said in big bold words I like it up the bum to my I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I found a simple mug, which you could drink your tea from, that said in big bold words, I like it up the bum. To my shock, to my shock, my wife to be in seven days was horrified,

exclaiming that I cannot buy such a product for a woman I don't know that well. Wiping the tears of laughter from my face while being met with pure disgust, I'm now not only questioning my secret Santa gift, but also my bride-to-be choice. Help. Tom, you laughed straight away. I found it funny. No, I know that. I understand how laughter works, just like I understand kissing.

My question is, do you think it's an appropriate gift to give for somebody, a woman? We've just had our Christmas party, right? And we had... I find Secret Santa an insane thing, by the way. I find it... Why?

I'm just not a fan of it. I'm like... It's a nice cost-effective way of doing things, isn't it? It's not a cost-effective way of doing things. You buy something decent, everyone's fucking showing off about it. Let me tell you, it's a secret until we're in. You have a price limit.

No, you don't. That's also bullshit. What? Why is that bullshit? I'm working, living in fucking London, mate. It's insane. Like, they set a price limit of £15. I'm like, what fucking London mate it's insane like they set a price limit of 15 pounds

I'm like what the fuck can you buy for 15 pounds yeah you're supposed to be a bit imaginative and get something like alright here we go just quickly

imaginative right I have three full time jobs essentially I'm a father of a toddler and a husband they're my fucking

priorities I haven't got time to fucking walk around the shops like trying to find something for £15 which is funny and gimmicky and also, like, generally

shout out to the Titsville Tours because that's a fucking great gift. I love it. Up the bum is a mug to see around the office. That'll bring joy into everyone's life whenever they see it. Shout out to you. There's no shops like that where I work. My office is in very... Tom, Tom, I'm not accepting. I'm not accepting. I'm sorry tom tom i i'm not accepting i'm not

accepting i'm sorry tom i'm not accepting you saying you've not got time to have a look around for a secret santa give me you just tell me you completed red dead you you just told me that you're going to buy a console so you can fucking smash for a grand theft auto no my point being i don't the point is you don't want to you don't want to now that's a different thing you don't want to I didn't know the person that well I don't

okay fine so now we get to the problem like I literally you don't give a fuck about people you work with I know them enough to chat to them a little bit I don't know them

what makes them tick okay in the end I just went to like fucking white company and just brought them some bits from there okay so why are you getting so aggy about this

because I just find it and let me just say this right I was like when I walked past I said how was your secret Santa and they said

it was amazing I said oh nice one good I'm glad you liked it and they said oh it was at you I was like yeah I was like I'm not fucking like

and the person who brought my gift which was a lovely gift which actually was very well thought out of I've got to say that right so some people do bother

and it's actually quite yeah well the person who brought mine actually was a really really sweet gift right okay it's really well thought out of. I've got to say that. Right, so some people do bother and it's actually quite... Yeah, well, the person who brought mine actually was a really, really sweet gift, right? Okay. It's really well thought out, very kind, right? Then, even they came up. Everyone was doing it,

apart from people who brought cruddy stuff or ended up with shit stuff. And they were like, oh, who's your secret? I don't care. You brought me something crap. And also, I'm saying this in 2012. If it's 15 quid we should have

all just pulled together money and given it to a charity genuinely i think like what i don't need in my house is any more tap that i'm not going to fucking i mean look again my gift was lovely i will use it but jesus christ you're all over the fucking shop here mate we've done fucking 250 episodes of this your problem is that. Your problem with Secret Santa is what you buy shit, but what you got bought for you is good. No, what I bought was lovely, by the way, but I'm telling you,

I wasn't in the £15 ballpark yet. It was a little bit more, because I've won. So you decided to be fucking like Michael Scott. Everyone did. Dick swinging. It was impossible to buy for £15.

Okay. Well, I've always thought Secret Santa, I mean, I'm really surprised you've been so grinchy about it I've always thought Secret Santa's a lot I adore Christmas I'm just saying now

that the whole Secret Santa thing like shout out Santa he's doing a fucking sterling job he's smashing life right by the way actually while we're on Santa Claus I know that we're drawing to an end

obviously it's the first year we're taking grace to different places right yeah and you know there's various people playing the part of Santa Claus right

you know giving the big man his due I will say this but the real Santa exists but they just these guys' representation just in case there's kids listening right

my problem God help anybody by the way if you're letting your kids listen to this they need to be taken away from you anyway go on my problem right with these people playing Santa in the stores is by the way, if you're letting your kids listen to this, they need to be taken away from you. Anyway, go on.

My problem, right, with these people playing Santa in the stores is there's, shout out to all the ones who get it perfectly right. I've seen two so far this year who literally navigate in what is a really difficult line.

Because otherwise, you fall into a place where you get the guys who don't care and their heart's not in it. And it's like, I don't really want this to be the indication

of what Santa's actually like for my little girl who's just starting to build like like a fucking like a police profile on who this person is right that's one side of it then you get a side of it where people are too into it and you're like hey fucking steady on pal i can chill out for a second here mate you take you're getting too into this what do you mean too into it well it becomes a little bit I don't want to use

it becomes a little bit I don't think yeah I don't want to use that why what are they

doing what are they doing well I was in the other day right and there was a guy there

actually going to beat that because I don't want him to get in trouble he was so over oh hello

oh hello Santa's here. Oh, right. Here we go. Let's get a picture. Oh, what's your name?

Do you want to come over here and get a picture? And he's all cuddly and sort of like, you know, sort of tingling under the chin sort of vibes. It was all a little bit,

hey, hey, hey. That sounds like just a dedicated Santa. That's not what Santa's about though, is it? He's not a special agent. What do you mean?

Well, he's not fucking like that, is he? You don't know. But that's so enthusiastic, isn't it? What would you rather? Just like, yeah, what do you want? No, it? He's not a special agent. What do you mean? Well, he's not fucking like that, is he? But that's so enthusiastic, isn't it? What would you rather? What do you want? No, no, that's what I'm saying. It's a fine line, because that's also not acceptable. What do you want? What I'm saying is, Santa Claus,

by the way, isn't that fucking gregarious. I know how I play Santa. Right? I think he's quite serious in what he's doing. Mate, you fucking pressure Santa's under me and you fucking work

in a pressured environment he's got to do all of his work in one night right he hasn't got time for tingling chins and fucking running about being silly

he's fucking up against it he might be like that in the summer so what do you want it what do you want it to be some fucking overstressed guy that hasn't really got time for this

I don't know why I've turned up to the shop no no no overstressed is good I'd say like hello mate yeah good to meet you

yeah up against it so yeah how are you you well good have a great year why would you want a Santa to be like most dads because

I think you've got to get a clear perspective of who he is he's friendly he's there to do his job right he's not by the way he is not a

fucking butler's blue coat or whatever he's not one of them you know and that's the trouble you get like I don't want to I would say

I'm happy to have my kids have a nice experience and forgo a little bit of realism about the working they'll go oh that's a bit creepy I don't think that is creepy

I'm going to send you a picture right I'll get this picture imagine I've got an idea of what he looks like is it a red and white suit is it with a beard

no when you see this picture you're gonna fucking you are gonna if you think that this guy has any plate right that is the fucking creepiest thing i've ever seen in my life that that guy should not be fucking anywhere like that is not that's not fair I was not expecting that that's not that's not what I want that's not what I want

from Santa Claus no he's wearing his own beard fair enough I fucking respect that but that is grim yeah and may I say

may I say he his personality and the way he played Santa was very indicative of what that picture way he played Santa was very indicative of what that picture represents he was it was literally everything

so okay fine I take it back that does look quite creepy yeah if Alex is sitting on his fucking knee you're running in

and you're fucking yeah you're getting involved if Alex is sitting on his knee I'd be saying to him you're 12, mate. Okay, Tom. Do you want to take us out, my G?

Yo, people, friends, just a quick check-in with each and every one of you. Remember, in life, we don't always choose the battles that we fight, nor do we choose the wars that we take part in. Each and every day, all we can do is struggle through the best we can with the things that are in front of us. Give a good account of yourself. Make sure that people know that, yes, you're involved in the game game but you haven't got to be a leader in the game be recognized something that really reflected on me this week is it's okay to be a bit different

it's okay to be a little bit crazy it's okay to have a little bit of sway about you there's nothing worse than just being beige have a little bit of decision of every day just to walk into and go what can i do today that will set me apart what can i do to change the way that people perceive me i'm not saying it's got to be anything massive but just try every now and again to lend yourself a little bit more character than you had the day before and try and grow as a person try and listen to to people. Try and find out about people. And the best way of doing that is getting in touch with people.

Don't spend a long time thinking about someone you've not seen for ages and you miss. Because you know, the truth is, they might not be at the end of that phone one day.

And that's a pretty heartbreaking thing. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy one another, love one another, and always keep doing you. That's gentlemen, enjoy one another, love one another, and always keep doing you. That's beautiful, Tom. Really, really

lovely. JT, I heard this song called Pac-Man, which is all the background production is taken from the Pac-Man game. It's just a really great song. So can you play us out of Pac-Man by Fizzler and Steps? Guys, it's been an absolute pleasure.

Take care of yourselves. I would say mid-s. Guys, it's been an absolute pleasure. Take care of yourselves. I would say mid-tier this episode, if I was to be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say it's very much an Everton

version of the podcast. Yes, yeah, yeah. Not on a good day. Okay, take care of yourselves, guys. We'll see you soon. Big love.

Peace out. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We say I'm good friends with crime. And my right hand man is banned. Also I'm out whoo with swine. Wow, what a line. This is fast, there's undies where. Like right over there, just look over there, don't stare. I've got bad bros drinks that are fake. They just talk behind my back, think I'm fine with that. But I'll burn that bridge today.

Get cool like Asghar, do like Asghar, pray. Thank you for EJ, yay. Yay! If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas.

Thank you.