Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 10: Banana Headphones & Animal Facts

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

We’re talking… disregarding plastic, totally bananas headphones, too many wires, cool sons and a disobedient daughter, our spiralling Below Deck obsession, social post trends, Tom’s busiest morning of the year, Valentines presents, tired eyes and Rom’s upcoming visit from Dr Internet. Then we answer some of your emails about the existence of pizzley bears, lions living in forests and suspicions about a new boss (with an accompanying advice song). For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting Partners Sun Life. Tickets at Cirque du Soleil.com Echo, thanks for presenting Partners Sun Life. severed and served bring your weak shit wear the wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll

see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning, just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Hey, welcome, listen guys, welcome along to the Wolf and Al. Filming on Zoom bro, back on the Zoom. Back on the Zoom, I, well two things, one I've literally just woken up i've not consumed anything before coming onto this podcast not even a water so this is no nothing like bed mouth a little bit yeah

do you brush your teeth yeah i brush my teeth yeah but you brush your teeth but you haven't had water that's insane i know well it's just I was desperate to get this podcast started do you know what I mean because I don't want these people to be without no no no my people not these people

you're going to you're going to have dry mouth at some point during this podcast I expect I will do I don't even have got a drink to to aid me

during this thing I know you like to have a big disposable plastic bottle of water every day that you just sort of you know what this is a big big news

I'm really you burn in your neighbours garden I'm disregarding the plastic bro what do you mean you're trying to go plastic i'm trying to go plastic free i've brought one of those bottles that you've refilled refillable like a metal one okay well this is this is sort of my thing is you've not gone plastic free you've bought a bottle right yeah yeah yeah yeah so yeah but but I was having plastic bottles in the house quite a lot right

right and now I'm like you know what fucking hell let's just step up and do my bit what happens you go on TikTok

and buy one of those Stanley cups yeah no Catherine's got a Stanley cup Grace has hidden a straw Grace is an agent right now where she hides

a lot of stuff like yeah she hid my beats so that's why I'm recording on her Grace is hitting the straw. Grace is an agent right now where she hides a lot of stuff. Like, yeah, she hid my beats. So that's why I'm recording on a lesser pair of headphones. Have you seen these new Dyson headphones? No. What do they do? They're 550 quid.

By the way, this is not an ad, okay? I think they sound bananas to me. So they're 550 quid. so they're fine who's the kids tv presenter i can have a rice in the house listen man man they didn't look when i when i describe them to you you will agree with me that they sound okay okay mate you've got to go something to use the word bananas okay fine fine but i i think i can back up my bananas assertions you know what your your usual bit of slang would be for they sound whack that'd be usually like what you'd say you know what happens is when you do this you put little things in my head and then i feel like i can't talk freely man it's like no no you can talk no no listen because i want to do a dope

podcast but you're just like you're harshing my vibe. Do you know what I mean? Mate, I've definitely had you use whack at least 100 times. So anyway, they're big, like chunky headphones. You open up the things on them and you put filters in, right? They come with like two sets of filters. You put the filters into the headphones. And then there's a magnetic strip that goes across your face, right?

What? Like a mouth, like a, like a, almost like the bottom half. It's like a metallic kind of ninja mask that goes across the front. And then when you switch them on, it blows air into your mouth, into your nose and mouth as you're listening to the headphones. It's like an air filter. I don't know, mate. Honestly,

I watched this long review of them because I'm a bit of a, if new headphones come out, I'll get excited. Yeah, of course. You're developing your album, of course. What's up with you?

What's going on with you today? Okay, before we started the podcast, you told me that you got up at five, you've been to the gym, you've been for a walk. And what that seems to have done is made you a sussy little bitch. No, but I didn't know you were so into headphones. I didn't say I was so into headphones. I sort of slightly get excited by headphones.

Yeah, but these aren't headphones. That's a life choice. But apparently the sound is incredible on them. you look like shredder yeah that's it that is that is thank you for finding the thing that you look like shredder yeah it's sort of a it sort of goes across here like the bottom so hold up just just just so it blood does it blow air into your mouth or over your mouth and no think it sort of blows cold air over your face. Because in the summer, that would be pretty banging, you've got to say, a hot day. I don't think I'd have the guts to wear them.

Do you know what I mean? I would. I think I'd wear them if it would cool my face down. I'm going to say now, and I don't want to by any means like, because I love Dr. Dre. I think he's amazing, right? One of my favourite rappers ever. Well, he's one of three rappers that you know of.

Right. But it was Beats, right? Do you know, number one, Grace is obsessed with my Beats and has hidden them somewhere, so I don't know where they are. What have you got on now? I don't know.

These are a Sony pair that I took from work. Okay. But do you know the thing I find really frustrating with Beats I don't know these are some Sony pair that I took from work okay but do you know the thing I find really frustrating with Beats is the on and off

system the switch okay like sometimes you think you've switched them off right on that little button

and you haven't you've just put them into standby right so many times where I've just thought I've come in

in the evening I've walked back from the station I've switched them off I think I've switched them off going come in in the evening I've walked back from the station I've switched them off I think I've switched them off going to get them the next day and the battery's dead because they've just been on all night

it's like there should there should just be an off switch and an on switch and also if they're in standby for a bit they should just automatically

switch off after a while yeah if you're not listening to anything if there's nothing playing through I totally agree it's fucking it's insane it is insane and It is insane.

And also, I will say this as well. Like, aren't they, they're a part of Apple now, aren't they? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah, probably. Like, this is one thing that's really, like, I have so many fucking wires in this house now. It's insane. Like, Apple have four different connecting wires now.

Yeah. The different things that we've got in this house so that's four different things that i'm losing all the time like i reckon i buy like on amazon i buy a charger a week at least for one of these fucking devices i've got in this house and then the earphones are a whole different fucking thing. It's like I can never find a lead to charge my beats. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. I sound obsessed.

You're absolutely right. It's such a little nano rant you just delivered there. By the way, if you find that annoying, imagine having three boys also use Apple products that are constantly on the look for chargers. If you leave a charger for 20 seconds anywhere, like unmanned in this house it will disappear and then i go into the boys bedrooms and they're like

fucking it's like a little apple hub in their rooms i mean you can't leave anything unattended yeah they're just constantly grabbing up charges that it's uh grace is just in in a habit of hiding things man it's insane like literally just and and i see it like when yesterday i tried to get a sweet message to you launch the phone yeah i i mean the decision to still send that to me you kept you kept i mean one of the things let's talk about grace for a second right because we had a little conversation yesterday when i was on my way to the show and you were saying and you you were doing an audio message and you're going oh grace why don't you say hello to uncle rom you love uncle rom didn't you she refused and then

you did it again why don't you say who's your favorite who's your favorite who was it it's uncle rom so you gave her the name she still didn't even agree right and then as if that wasn't embarrassing enough you then set up a video and he said right right here she is do you want to say hello to on girl she just smashed the phone out of your hand like some sort of rebellion then you picked it up and said do we love him and she's like no like just refuse that then he sent a follow-up message to say despite all of the you know despite all of the evidence to the contrary

in the last three interactions we've had she does really like and then you said this is by the way almost insulting how fucking patronising you've been

she always laughs when she sees you on TV as if she does so first of all you set it up I didn't say Grace loved me you kept insisting

I mean getting her on the phone and there's no evidence from that girl. Can I just say, if she FaceTimed you, she would lose her mind. Tom, I met her. Right? I came to meet you at Christmas. She couldn't have been more underwhelmed.

Right? All of this build up. She's my daughter. She's playing it a little bit cool, man. She's not going to give you all the sass. Oh, I'd say with your boys, playing a little bit cool man she's not going to give you all the sass oh I'd say with your boys they played it quite cool

so cool I was like I've got to say I'm a bit thirsty around your three I'll say that I know that it's happening I know that it's

I want to be cool Tom I know that it's happening you know and do you know what out of the boys I think Charlie sort of does a little thing with his eyebrows with me

he's like okay Theo's very sweet Theo now is it Theo by the way is I think Charlie sort of does a little thing with his eyebrows with me. He's like, okay, Theo's very sweet. Theo, by the way, is, I think Theo's going to be like, oh, too smooth when he gets older. Yeah. He's got a very cool way though. He's got a very fucking cool way. The thing that I find

slightly upsetting about it is I find myself being thirsty around my own son. Do you know what I mean? Because he's just got this sort of, I'm not that impressed with you vibe. And then I start. Yeah, Charlie and Theo are very cool. Alex almost pitied me. I could see that.

He looked proud of going for it. Yeah, that feels. He's really sweet, Alex. Yeah, he is. I texted Theo yesterday going, do you want to hang out? Oh man, he was upstairs. Oh God.

So tragic. By the way, that was maybe my favourite ever around wait anyone's ever answered I've called you yesterday and you watch your blow deck right you're nearly up to date work but the way this is I don't know if this is a sad indication of our lives and we actually both need to lean on each other to have some sort of more social interaction with real human beings right or real actual people because I had a 15-minute conversation with you about different people on below deck right but like i i was talking about them like like there were people we both know i know i know i

know you were like all right carl is a dickhead carl's a dickhead and I went I told you mate I told you about him yeah why wouldn't you have listened to me like we nearly fell out about it yeah yeah we did because because in the previous series

Carl had been quite funny I mean he was stupid I don't think you I've never liked him I can spot him as a I thought yeah but

I'm talking about he's a vicious troublemaker yeah but the difference is I don't have a latent homophobia whereas like you're sort of you're carrying I would say now

I was telling you now like literally my problem with him by the way is just how mean he is to other people quite a lot of

them are mean actually throughout that cast I watched that and think I would not have survived a minute

I would not have survived it's bizarre isn't it because like what I find interesting about below deck is like these people have taken an unusual path of going and becoming yachties right and i don't know what the barriers to entry that are i don't know if like if you're broke you can get into although none of that they seem to come from quite humble backgrounds most of the

ones that are doing like deck you know deckhand and stuff like that but if you are that way wired where you want to travel and see the world why then do you become so like mean girls about it when you're on the I don't understand it feels like a contradiction to me

do you know what I mean but then also some of it is how people play up to TV right I guess so I've just finished this thing called

The Trust right which is really interesting that's the other thing you're raving on to me about it is something for you

I think it was it is something for you and Lisa you will love this sweet Lise right this is my thing

in that right it's just I don't want to ruin you but people go in with that reality

TV head on if we're mean and we're nasty we'll get more air time but then I look at it and think well Captain Sandy

is an absolute queen she's amazing I adore Captain Sandy what you're not a fan no I'm a massive I adore Captain Sandy. Yeah. What? What?

You're not a fan? No, I'm a massive fan of Captain Sandy but, you know, like, there have been some management things that I've disagreed with on her.

Wow. Mate, I think she is doing her best with quite a roguish crowd. No, that is, that's fair. That's fair. I think that,

look, so, yeah, she's had to have words with Kyle. I think she made a big wrinkle with Natalia because I think Natalia was an amazing member of staff. Well, this is the thing about, I think Captain Stanley is brilliant.

I think she's slightly a victim of the fact that it's difficult to get staff because Kyle's behavior, I mean, God, we can really get in deep into this now, but Kyle's behavior on this latest series is he should have been fired instantly. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Like, his bullying led to Natalia leaving, basically. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And, like, listen, I don't think she's perfect. I think she made a lot of mistakes, and I actually think she could be accused of some of her behaviour being a bit poisonous. But Kyle should have gone. But he couldn't because Sandy was...

Do you know what I think? She couldn't get someone else in, basically. Do you know what I think has happened as well? I think there's been quite a few people who've been on that show and I think they get five minutes of fame, right? Kyle or whatever, Hanno, all the people over the years that we've watched.

Someone like Kate has done very well out of it. Fucking, it's insane. This is so... I feel like this is literally, I'm a statistician. I'm not Stato of Below Deck. Well, you've not given a single stat, but anyway, go on. But I think they struggle then to get work after the show. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

Within the yachty world. Maybe. I mean, I don't know. But I do think that we're... I always think you can't judge somebody by their appearance on reality TV because it's heightened and whatever. But at the same time, I do find myself falling victim to going, this person's bang out of order.

Do you know what I mean? Oh, mate, I can lose a night's sleep over it. I'll lose a night's sleep, yeah. Over what? Someone being really horrible to someone or something happening within the show that I just don't agree with. You know, one of the saddest things for me

is watching Captain Lee go from this guy know, one of my saddest things, it's like, for me, it's watching Captain Lee, you know, go from this guy that I sort of looked at as going, actually, he's one of my probably top five to ten heroes of my life, to now I look at him and go, just, you know, hang up the, hang up the wheel or whatever they say. I don't know what they say, but hang up the board shorts or whatever. Like, and I think now he has retired. And bless him. Because actually he was a credit to the sea.

And actually he cared about the ocean. And I respect that. Did you see the one where... I can't remember the name. You started off in the worst way because I've seen them all. Okay. So the guy that gets... The rope goes around his ankle and he gets pulled off the boat.

Oh God. Yeah. And then he captured me. What I would say as well, by the way, and he gets pulled off the boat. Oh, God. Yeah. And then he captured me. What I would say as well, by the way, and this is having watched it all, that was actually a bad time. There's so many times

where it'll go, like they'll show a trailer for the next episode or they'll be like, you know, coming up and they'll show something that looks terrifying

and it's like someone just looking over and saying, oh, fucking hell, man, fuck, fuck, like that. Or something really big happens happens and someone's just dropped a cup overboard oh mate and they'll cut a conversation they'll go i'm telling you now pack your shit and then it goes to the break then after the break she goes i'm telling you now if this happens another three or four times i'll be saying pack your shit and he's got such a fucking mug yeah but i still get like the

pack your shit and he's gone such a fucking mug yeah but I still get like the Americanism of it I still go oh my god fucking this this is good

it's so I've sometimes I've sometimes honestly this is so sad there have been times when they've done like a throw forward like that

and I've looked at Lisa and I've gone it's going to be a good one it's so pathetic the worst bit is when you go like

we had this the other day with Trust we were like oh my god this next episode is going to be amazing and literally set up for another half hour 40 minutes just watching it thinking the bit that they've shown that's going to be amazing is right at the end of this episode and now we've committed so we're gonna have to watch this for an hour and then what will happen at the end i mean I will say reality TV have got that on lock better than any other television Is there any part of you that thinks that that sort of

by the way this is not me complaining about TV I'm just having an intellectual discussion about this but like is there any part of you that like we've below deck and I don't know the trust but like any kind of reality show Traitors is amazing

Yeah Traitors is amazing yeah Traitors right that is is there an argument that that type of TV and by the way I make I'm involved in TV

like this as well right so this doesn't just apply to reality TV is there an argument that that kind of TV is bad for you and what I mean by that is

right if you watch I don't know if you watch a I don't know, if you watch a drama, you're watching like quality acting, quality writing, there's something you take away from it. If you're watching a documentary, sort of educational or whatever, you hear about a story.

Reality TV and also a lot of the TV, you know, like League of Their Own, I guess, could fall into this bracket. I'm not criticising, I'm just having this it's sort of like takeaway, isn't it'm just having this, it's sort of like, takeaway, isn't it? Yeah,

it's sort of enjoyable, it's enjoyable while you're, consuming it, but there's no, you don't get anything, do you know what I mean? Like, it's just sort of,

I sometimes like, say for example, like, so as writers, and people who make stuff, I look at it, and think some of the characters, and some of the things,

this is pathetic, because I probably have less social interaction, than I did and also like i'm very untraveled i've not traveled i genuinely like i look at stuff like that and think fucking hell that's amazing looking place and sometimes i watch that and i'm like why are you not like more invested in where you are like you just literally just go out go oh i love this I love this part of the world. It's amazing. And I just got absolutely fucking smashed. You don't go, Oh my God, I did a bit of sightseeing on my day off.

And I just think that, but yeah, I know what you're saying. I think that, but I think you can't get kind of, but it's, but it's interesting as well that, and we tried this with the curse quite a lot.

It's like how, like, cause me and you have written sitcom, right? And you, and like you have a beginning, middle of end of an episode right

with the curse ideally the curse and action team we tried more to end on like those big moments so people would box it

yeah people would box it a bit more with the curse that probably worked with action team no one watched it so

so I don't think many people even started it so no but I'm just having I'm not

criticising I love watching it but I just mean like okay the truth is this is more of a personal thing

I'm thinking back to how many hours I've poured into Blowdead I could have been doing something constructive we had this

conversation this morning we were like we saw friends the other day and they were chatting to us about all these

films that they'd seen they were like oh we've seen this we've seen this and me and

Catherine were sort of laughing looking at each other as we left we were like we've not watched any

of these films like these incredible things that people have seen even stuff

that dates back a couple of years but if you ask me about any reality TV I'm pretty like oh yeah i've seen that i'll fucking yeah oh god do i know toby from fucking are you the one yeah i remember toby yeah he was very lucky to have even stayed in the mix that he was just you know yeah see yourself buying a home one day?

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Listen. As a chorus of fresh voices moves you taking you to greater heights add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure michigan keep it fresh at michigan.org I wonder if you and I should try and watch something. We should go to the cinema and watch something together. I know we've got a hangout date next week, which I'm really looking forward to. We should film that for content. Okay.

I think let's break the habit of a lifetime and announce something after we've actually done it. You know what? We're the opposite of reality TV, by the way. Because we always have the best intentions of filming this kind of stuff and we never do any of it, do we? No.

Although I did enjoy your dog shit video the other day. Did you? Thank you. That actually, by the way, I was trying to copy, because what i've noticed right it's not only like there's really there's people out there who i really rate who are doing those videos right good friends of both of ours i mean you've talked at length about this all of a sudden you beckett catherine loads of other people are now doing these people who and i'm like okay I'll do one I was going to do

quite a motivational one and I've got I mean literally and also I will say a lot of people message me about I'm not throwing out a pair of trainers

but I think everyone will agree once you start trodding dog shit the pair of trainers you're wearing will always be that it's a fucking nightmare

getting dog shit out it's like when somebody breaks into your car or whatever yeah exactly you'll never feel the same and I would say as well

if you have a dog and you're letting it shit on a pavement and you're clearing it up I think there's got to be tougher laws on that it's like disgusting yeah I mean

we've had this conversation before do you remember this email about the DNA in the dog poo yeah I know yeah but we're still nowhere close

I mean to be fair at the moment it's the fucking least worry that we've got in this country fair at the moment it's the fucking least worry that we've got in this country but I still think if that was my daughter

treading in it it's disgusting yeah anyway I didn't throw the pair of trainers out I've kept them no

I have cleaned them I've done my best job what you're learning from doing social media is that whatever it doesn't matter how innocuous the view is that you put up on or it doesn't matter how innocuous the view is

that you put up on or it doesn't matter how tame the joke is that you put up I put that video up and also I this is pathetic

I was looking at TikTok to think didn't they when they messaged you about trends like what is the trend of today and the trend of

that day was a picture okay Tom Tom let me just they don't they don't message you yeah they do I think on my

like a notification there saying TikTok trends. Okay, that's not a message. That is because you're getting your notifications pinged to your phone from TikTok, right? That's not TikTok going, oh, Jesus Christ, we've got some trends. Tom Davis hasn't jumped on it yet. Do you want to DM him?

Just let him know what's going on. That's not what's happening. We can see by my followers and by my reach on TikTok that TikTok doesn't know who I am yet. But anyway, that came up. I was like, oh, this is quite interesting. I would argue that watching your videos gives a really accurate insight into who you are,

to be honest with you. So I was like, it said, like, put pictures I really care about. And they put this travis sort of song over the top and uh and i thought i'd do it from so i actually did it in quite a sweet way i thought like two pictures no you didn't no you didn't pictures top some no you didn't first of all you chose i think you chose two pictures, one of which was, both of which I'm pretty sure I've told you stories about hating. What?

So there's one from the Wonka premiere where I got dropped off at the wrong thing. You look, by the way, you look fucking really handsome in that picture. I don't. I look like a fucking alien. And then the other one. What?

You look so fucking. Right, and the other one, but you can't make the other one you look cool as fuck. The other one, I told, no, I don't. I told you about that photo shoot where I didn't want to do the comedian

scratching the back of your head pose. And then they asked me to do it and said they probably wouldn't use it. And then they used it. And then you used it in the fucking TikTok. Yeah, but they look cool together because it's like, once you've been serious... Oh, what, that?

Yeah, once you've been serious and sexy and quite smouldering, the other ones you'd cut loose and go, yeah, I might have an itchy head, but I'm still fucking... The first one is after I'd just fallen over on the red carpet because I hadn't done my shoelaces yet. Right, everyone who's listening to this, please, I beg you to go to this TikTok,

follow, subscribe. But I would argue, I'd say that I think you look really cool. I think you look cool in both. So what initially I thought was... That's horrible. That is a horrible photo. Right, that's... And that one...

I think you look quite cool in both. Hold on, Rob, I've got the door. Just two seconds. Two seconds. Yeah, all right, mate. All right. All right. Tom is doing some sort of

delivery driver he seems quite anxious I've just noticed he's wearing shorts as well as he got up I think it's something he's excited about I'm going to try and ask him

about it when he gets back to his his podcast position he's got quite a lot of gonna try and ask him about it when he gets back to his podcast position. He's got quite a lot of clothes hanging up on the banister there. He's also got a huge picture of himself leant against the wall. So a lot of stuff I'm noticing now

that I've not noticed before. FedEx, mate. Fucking exciting. Yeah, what was that? What was that? You're getting delivered. You seem very anxious about it. Well, actually, I thought it was Catherine's Valentine's present,

but actually it was my new weights. Mate, I've... We've seen a waiter Valentine's present because I'm trying to sort of, you know, look better. Mate, I've just ordered 40 kgs baby are you on 40 kgs yeah well I'm not

I'm on 35s but this is 40s now oh my god you're a beast mate I'm very excited to get used to that the guy I feel really bad though

because the guy bringing them in is probably about 60 yeah I can tell from his voice yeah oh could you hear him? I could hear everything, yeah.

I could hear your thirsty little chat about where you wanted him to place it and all that stuff. You seem very anxious about the whole thing. Yeah, I get quite anxious about it. So you know he's put them right in the middle of the doorstep and I know that Catherine's about to go out and she'll open the door and fall over them now. Which isn't

a very good thing you asked the 60 year old man to put 40 kilo weights right around the side of the house

no no I asked him to put them on the side no I said can you put the next one here

you asked him to move them to the side no I just said put the next one on the side of it don't put

it in the middle of the doorstep so you're worried about the 60 year old man but you're asking

him to place it specifically if I'm honest with you he should have a driver's mate I

don't know what's happened there should be two of them if they've got heavy heavy things i mean i'm lifting those one-handed so yeah but you're a weightlifter i'm not a weightlifter but i'm fucking well you're on 40 kilos i'd say you're you're moving into the realm of well i've not i've not used them yet so it's uh what are you lifting you've got to be on i've seen you lift 25 well you're on 25 days 25s yeah 25s i'm not on 30s no are you lifting you've got to be on I've seen you lift 25s I'm nowhere near that what are you on 25 days yeah 25s

yeah 25s I'm not on 30s no are you how do you feel when you're is that what you're benching or

no I well I I oh god this is so we've got to we really have got into some niche chats on this

but 26s dumbbells okay cool incline press okay I'm not on 40s well let's see how they roll.

Oh, the gardeners, yeah. It's like a circus here. Yeah. Are there any moments at your house when you don't have staff? Well, the guy who drives it is not working for me full time. He's just dropped some stuff off. No, we've got a guy coming because the path's really slippery coming into the house.

No, no, I've never seen it. Although I did hear where you live is one of the top ten poshest places to live in the country. Who's told you that? I saw it on a list. Really? Yeah. And where I live in Crawley is one of the bottom 30 places

to live in the country. Yeah, but I live in a really small house within the poshest bit. And then you live in probably the biggest house. You live in a castle in Crawley. So it's very dear. I'm literally forgoing. Well, I feel like it's not really a level playing field because you've been to my house because you were invited,

whereas I don't know. I can't take pot shots at your house because i've not seen it reverse mate beep beep that up mate turn that fucking truck of destruction around you'd have been invited back if when we met at the grove you weren't three and a half hours late well that's not my fault there was a serious accident and also but by the way to suggest it while we're talking about this to suggest a treat dinner that happens to be seven minutes from your house and two hours from mine, that's also... I've never addressed that before, by the way. I'm very excited I've booked something

that's absolutely no inconvenience to me whatsoever, but does require you hitting two fucking motorways to get here. But I thought you'd get a kick out of the place. And then also I heckle you via text for how late you are as a result of me making you travel across the country to get here. I thought you'd get a kick out of being there.

Like getting out of Crawley for a couple of hours. I leave Crawley all the time. Tom, I'm not some fucking yokel that's never seen it. I'm not in the fucking Truman Show wondering if there is a life outside of Crawley all the time. Tom, I'm not some fucking yokel that's never seen it. I'm not in the fucking Truman Show. I've been wondering if there is a life outside of Crawley. But I think it's cute that you... Next time we'll go somewhere in Crawley,

or nearer to you. Beat that out. Two seconds. Let me just go and speak to the gardener quickly. Oh, for fuck's sake. What the fuck is going on? Genuinely, I've got shit to do here. I didn't get up at 5am like Tom did.

He's got all his stuff done. But this podcast is me waiting for him to deal with his fucking house staff. Now the podcast is me just watching Tom walk up and down his corridor and do various bits the big question is why did he agree to do the podcast now when he knew he had some like landscape gardening to sort out oh he's back sorry mate what the fuck is going on

I haven't seen him since like the year started so just sort of mate it's like a really nutty

time to do it this is like the busiest morning of the year because obviously Valentine's stuff's arriving

what did you get Catherine for Valentine's I've got a few little bits some clothing little bag just

I was thinking I might walk down to town with Grace today walk into town get her some balloons actually hopefully she doesn't listen to this because this is going to

go out on Valentine's actually everyone listen happy Valentine's Day were you getting this yeah happy Valentine's were you getting this sir well I don't know I thought we'd sort of

agreed to get nothing this year but um you know what you could do is um did you ever see like a seinfeld episode like do a sexy picture of you or something oh yeah i could do that um i don't think i will though i i i take it yeah because you got an apple watch haven't you yeah just do it like you don't need a professional like modeling shot or anything just do it like lying on the bed or something and just like i think my the ongoing survival of my relationship is lisa not engaging with how i look no i think that's wrong i think she's very proud of how you look you're looking great bro you look good man yeah you chose to you chose two of the worst photos of me too i am by

the way what this hair is getting out of control now don't you think mate i but like this is genuinely like i have no like fucking i i don't know like i think your hair looks incredible because you have hair like i like i could generally look like you know i can look at nearly anyone with hair and go that was fucking better than what i'm fucking dealing with at the moment which is nothing all right why don't we used to to get sad okay do you want to do some emails let's do some sweet sweet emails

I'm also I'm sorry about the interruptions today it's been a yeah that's okay it's okay

it's alright listen you need to catch up with the gardener you've not seen him for a while so I'm happy listen I've not

got anything on today so I'm happy to sit here you know what I'm slightly jealous because he's brought a jet washer with him so I'm hoping I get a doing the podcast you know what I'm slightly jealous because he's brought a jet washer with him

so I'm hoping I get a go on that later because he's doing the front yeah front of the house with that so I'm quite excited

to see him he's got his son he's got his son with him I think that's a really beautiful thing as well he's got his boy with him just the two of them

in a half bath what a way to ruin a kid's half term mate did you I used to love going to work with my dad at half term. It was like one of my favourite things. I mean, to be fair, I used to go when school was on as well

because I was terrible at school. But Easter's, yeah. So there's nothing quite like just getting in a work van and the sort of smell of the open road. Yeah, it wasn't quite the same for me. My dad didn't take me over to the office to do whatever the fuck he... I don't think I knew a single... Until my dad ran a pub,

I had no idea what he did for a living. I didn't understand his job at all. Did your mum work, though? She started working after... So she didn't work for a while, and then... When my dad when my dad went to prison

she started working what did she do? she started working at she was a cleaner for a while at the industrial estate and then

then she started working for Royal Mail that's what she did as a post a sorter and then that's what she did up until she retired recently

oh nice by the way my mum she's really she's become obsessed with me my me needing to do facial yoga really it's all she'll talk about every time i phone her i've been phoning her every day as well not every day but like i try and phone as much as possible and she's telling me that now that i've lost weight my face looks saggy no it doesn't she's like well that's what that's what my mom said it's all she talks about what i've noticed with mine is i've got fucking bags on my eyes the whole time

i've got panda eyes i'm thinking about getting uh somebody suggested a tear trough filler have you heard of that what's that that's where you get this like this stuff underneath your eyes um not i've ever had any kind of botox or anything but they just said if you were to do something get a tear trough filler. So what is it? What is it? Make him look like... Because mine just look tight. I look tight the whole time.

Yeah, it gets rid of all of that. Do you want to do it? Should we go together? What is it? Like injections or something? Yeah, I think so, yeah. It sounds quite painful, to be honest with you. I don't mind the pain if it does that.

What I don't want it to do is sort of like... I don't want to end up with bloat face. You know, where it all puffs out too much. Like filler. to do is sort of like I don't want to end up with like bloat face you know where you sort of like it all puffs out too much like filler oh for fuck's sake have you paused

oh no oh my gosh hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello

yeah you paused I swear this fucking internet i swear to god man yeah i've not had to connect to my phone it's unbearable um well to be fair we've done 37 minutes obviously seven of that's me interacting with different people who've arrived at the house um don't what happens with you sometimes you're listening and you go quite still like a sort of praying mantis um so yeah i'm still in the room i was doing that to be enough but anyway let's try and do emails yeah wrap this up because i've got no idea by the way

what i can tell you is tomorrow this will from tomorrow this will no longer be a problem i've got not only have i got the internet guy coming i've got specialists coming in wow i'm talking about I'm talking about guys that said there is no internet problem they cannot sell doctor internet basically

doctor wifi doctor internet is coming tomorrow it's going to take six hours they're going to completely reinstall my internet

and it's going to apparently it's going to be so rapid I'm going to be able to run a business I don't want to jump on the bonus it'll be so quick look I'm going to be able to run a business. I don't want to jump on that bonus. It'll be so quick.

You'll be hearing me before I hear myself. That's how quick my internet will be. It's going to be crazy. Or more likely, they'll encounter a problem they've never encountered before and I just have to keep running it off my phone. But, you know, let's see what happens. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice.

Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola. on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah. It's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors.

Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2.

See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or

Ford.ca. Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? smooth taste great value bush lager enjoy responsibly must be legal drinking age okay this email is from the non-binary badger who says, Greetings, Wolf and Al. I love your work. Just heard the wolf asking if polar bears are aware that other bears exist. And I had to email him to blow his mind and let him know about piddly bears. This is what happens when polar bears migrate due to global warming and end up mating with grizzly bears, creating the Pizzly Bear.

Oh, wow. Wow, that's incredible. How do you feel about that? Yeah. And, like, again, I was right, you were wrong. Because you were sort of saying that. Correct. And this isn't even in the email.

I'm just going to further support you here. There is a bee that lives in the Arctic. It's called the Arctic Bumblebee. Somebody's emailed into this. Wow. It's a fucking hell, man. And you've been to the Arctic. Yeah.

This is the thing. I adore you, but I do find it a little bit frustrating that you've been out there and you didn't know any of these things. Well, first of all, I'm sorry I didn't see some sort of pissly bear when I was out there. I was out there for four days. And where I was in the Arctic, there wouldn't have been any bees where I was, because I was right,

I was right on the edge of the frozen ocean. Yeah, I remember I watched it, and it was incredible, because you nearly got eaten by a polar bear. You didn't watch it. I did, you nearly got eaten by a polar bear.

There was a moment, it was really full on with the polar bear, it was actually quite terrifying, and I knew that you were alive, because I knew it wasn't live. I knew it wasn't like watching a live stream of it, but still. Yeah, but still at the time, I went, fucking hell, I hope he makes out, and I knew that you were live because I knew it wasn't live. I knew it wasn't like watching a live stream of it. But still, yeah.

Yeah, but still at the time, I went, fucking hell, I hope he makes out, oh, he has made it because we did a podcast this morning

and this was like six months ago. But yeah, it was actually really well, I mean, talking about reality TV and stuff, that was very fucking real and scary. Yeah,

but, it must have been a beautiful moment when the Pizzleys, we could call it Pizzleys the Pizzleys we could call them Pizzleys mum and dad met like the grizzly bear and the polar bear

yeah I love interracial stuff like that I see myself as the grizzly to Lisa's polar and the three little three little Pizzleys

are on half term at the moment it's quite a beautiful thing though just to sort of I wonder like sort of like yeah

the polar's just walking through the woods sort of like unawares and then for the first's just walking through the woods, sort of like unawares, and then for the first time, both of them just clap their eyes at each other and we're like, what the fuck are you doing, man? What the hell are you?

I mean, if you were there, you'd have gone, fucking hell, this is bananas. Do you know what? I've got no comeback to that. It was actually a very good callback. That's one of those ones I'd have to stand back and applaud your work. Okay, this is from Dan, who says,

Wolf and Al, I'm a British zookeeper living and working in Australia. Happy to help with any more questions. My career is covered working with animals ranging from big cats, wild dogs, butterflies, monkeys, koalas, crocodiles, rhinos, pigs, and much more. Now, this is a bit of contradictory information here. So this is, again, another support for you. Lions can be found in forests.

This is the thing about it. No, this is the thing, though. It's like I listen to a lot of the sort of like it's sort of like pompous sort of oh like you know sort of like

why are you holding your nipples when you do that that's like you have braces on oh right oh I'm the commander of the battalion I've been all over the world and I'm like

fucking hell so I listen in awe because you're probably you are the I think of the two of us that represent the empire it would be you yeah but you're like the Francis are the of the two of us that represent the empire it would be you yeah but yeah but you're like the francis drake of the two of us right okay

no but i look at it and think fucking hell like you're the most traveled person i'll ever know in my life right you've been around the world literally around the world quite a few times right whereas i haven't i listen to you talk about these things and I'm like fucking hell so I take a lot of value from the things you say but well yeah

I did have an inkling that I'd seen a lion in a forest on some sort of documentary or something just lurking about and having a laugh so

yeah fucking hell wow well Lisa's actually been some really good emails this week yeah yeah

because they're backing you up and also by the way can I just commend you on how gracious you're being in this as well really modest

humble guy I would hate to think what would happen if you actually started to sort of if this started to happen on a regular basis what would you

what you'd become mate you gave me an absolute shootout I've never had anything so stupid a lion in a forest oh for fuck's sake

no no all I did no what I did was I said the reason they didn't call Lion King King of the

Jungle is because lions don't exist there is what I thought yeah and it

turns out they can be found in forests fair enough because like you know and then

you know in retrospect actually what we should have done is I mean look we have got Google here but what's nice

is we're integrating conversation with other people like experts of the field yeah i mean it'd be interesting to have jt play back what you actually said well yeah all people could just go back to that episode but if you want to hear playback to stuff we've said before just listen to a new episode we're constantly telling stories that we've already told hundreds of times but that's a good thank you so so much. Yeah, but yeah, I was wrong, as you were,

about saber-toothed tigers existing, right, so. Yeah, I know, yeah, but it's half a dozen of one and twelve of the other, right?

Well, that's twelve and six, so that's not even equal. oh god okay here's the next email uh hi wolfhouse one and cat this Swan and Cat. This is from the Cautious Crow. Hello. I love the podcast. I'm working my way back to the start, but you make me laugh constantly.

It's such a happy, uplifting listen with two genuinely sweet, sweet souls. It hasn't been. It's been quite combative, actually, today, Cautious Crow. Yeah, it's been well, yeah. It's a combination of arguments and Tom chatting up his gardener. I have a new boss at work. She's very nice.

Really friendly, warm, enthusiastic, chatty and friendly. This is a nice story. I have a new boss at work she's very nice really friendly warm enthusiastic chatty and friendly this is a nice story but despite having no reason for this and her not doing or saying a thing wrong

she gives me an uncomfortable feeling down my spine uh oh taking a trust sort of like when someone walks yeah okay what are you doing

no I'm just saying I was knowing because I think I should sort of be more invested as you're reading them out so I'm sort of like this is how when I'm watching TV I sort of talk sometimes yeah that's good because normally you're should sort of be more invested as you're reading them out so I'm sort of like this is how when I'm watching TV I sort of talk sometimes

yeah that's good because normally you're just sort of looking at your phone no no no but that's what I mean I feel like you're doing a lot of heavy lifting

with emails so I'm showing you that I'm listening so like not commentating but this is like if I'm watching a drama or reality TV

I go oh this could be interesting let's just give myself a big moment so she gives me an uncomfortable feeling am I okay to continue yeah sorry go ahead okay she gives me an uncomfortable feeling down my spine sort of like when someone walks over your grave and gives you the shivers for no reason I can tell that obviously doesn't because like when they say walk over your grave it's like that's such a weird

thing to say like is a you know i know people say it but but you don't know where your grave's going to be and if you're you know such a straight it's a strange thing to say isn't it i've used it but now i think when she said it like that i'm like you know it's a strange observation to make isn't it it's like watching a dog doing a puzzle for no reason I can tell my spine says something isn't right about her and not to trust her she seems so nice and really friendly I feel like I shouldn't feel like this

but for some reason so far I just can't warm to her and I've no idea why do people ever give you a shivery uncomfortable spine and you don't know why should I just trust the

should I trust the spine or try harder to give her a chance tom well this is quite a difficult one because i've throughout my life always like i've had these feelings before right i've had these sort of like suspicions and like question things and like i fucking know that yeah and and i've gone, actually, I should probably give this person a chance here. I'm being completely unreasonable. This is a,

that's a ridiculous thing to think, blah, blah, blah. And then in the last couple of years, probably three or four times, those thoughts have come back and actually my inkling was right. And the person was a piece of shit.

And isn't it? It's like, it's such a weird thing, isn't it? And like that sort of instinct upon something or someone, you go, you know, I don't know what it is. I don't know why I feel this way. But, you know, it's there. You can't really hide from it.

So I just think, you know what? I think give them a chance, be decent, but never ever ever forget how you feel always have that in the back of your mind like

don't give yourself fully to the situation just just be yeah you know there's a great old saying

that is you know I remember hearing it a long long time ago and I think it's that's something we should all err on the side

of caution mate hmm I think it's like something we should all err on the side of caution mate hmm i think it's a great old saying but um i think that's a great old saying i i'd have that too i'm like just like on my inner arm or like sort of there and sort of like yeah i'm sure you would and and and based on how you just carried away incorrectly i thought quick and i thought hard with friendship and yeah uh and you're one of the few people hasn't let me down within that that medium so sometimes it would be good for me to look down and go oh yeah there we go you know inside of course just not of course just stop how are you spelling uh? Er, A-I-R-E, like the old Romanic way.

Yeah, but that's not the saying. The saying is er on the side of caution. So, oh, I-R-E. No. I don't even know. Hold on, let me have a look. Okay. The air on the side of caution.

Air is not a verb, is it? Actually, it could be, like when you're airing your clothes. Er, as in E-R-R. Er on the side of caution. Er is not a verb, is it? Actually, it could be, like when you're wearing your clothes. Er, as in E-R-R. Er on the side of caution. Romesh's internet is actually, it's almost like watching the end of Lord of the Rings, the third instalment,

when it's just like, oh, it's ending. Oh, jeez, he's lost his mind. Okay, I should be back now. Can you hear me? I can hear you nice oh god this is so frustrating um anyway

it's er on the side of caution E-R-R I don't know what I don't know how JT's going to edit that absolute shit show up but um

yeah I mean I think I think we're we've got our fingernails are really tight at the edge of the cliff right now and you're white

you're white frozen yeah well look cautious crow my advice to you is and i'll be honest with you it's difficult to give advice when i'm so deeply deeply upset about what's going on with my internet but um what i would say to you is um i think you i think there's a number of reasons why you feel untrustworthy it's a new bus so that makes you feel a little bit funky. Also, when somebody's really nice and friendly,

your immediate human instinct is to think there's something wrong with that person. I think you should try harder to give her a chance. That's my opinion. I think there are so many reasons to dislike people and there's so many reasons for people not to get on. Why find one that's not based in reality? I will say, you know what?

Take my advice back, go with Romesh's because that is beautiful advice from a beautiful man. I would say err on the side of love and understanding. Wow. Wow. Wow. Hello, Mr. Richard Curtis. Thank you for popping by.

Err on the side of love that could be like that could be a nice title for a romcom yeah or like sort of like a romance track on your album yeah yeah yeah her on the side of love sent from heaven above

like eight doves Coming from above I err on the side of love Okay. Have you got better lyrics than that? Just quickly. You must have something. You've got some better bars than that guy.

I don't think I have, actually. Shall I try and do something? Okay. Sometimes you feel you should err on the side of caution but actually in truth you should give them a portion of love and maybe understanding oh i'm out i'm done i can't think of the next one that was awful that was bad yo yo yo yo let me try again don't do the shoulder thing. Go, go, go, go, go. Thank you for your email, Cautious Crow. I'm going to try and give you a flow.

Sometimes difficult how life goes. You have a boss. You don't trust her, though. But what I would say, in reality, is that you should give, on a technicality, a little bit of love, understanding and sharing. And maybe, you know, if you showed a little caring, she would understand your point of view. of understanding and sharing. And maybe, you know, if you showed a little caring,

she would understand your point of view. And maybe the two of you could get together, form a friendship, and understand that this shouldn't end shit. Oh, fucking hell, I can't do it. Yeah, it couldn't end shit. And then I'd just cut in and go, You got a hair on the cushion, hair on the cushion, hair on the cushion of love. Are you saying hair?

Hair. Oh. You've got a hair on the cushion, hair on the cushion, hair on the cushion of love. Wow. I know what you're saying. You've got a new boss. You're trying to show off. You're trying to floss.

But the truth of the matter is you should be better, you should understand, you should get together, you should be friends with her, you should show not to err on the side of caution, give her some love, you need to know when push comes to shove, you might have to lean on each other, you might be sisters, you might be brothers. Please, could you heed my warning? Err on the side of caution, no mourning. Oh, fuck. I fucked it again. But anyway... Err on the caution, err on the caution, err on the caution of love. Wow, man, I feel like that could be a track that we release. I'm really disappointed in my freestyle skills, to be honest with you. Yeah, I mean, you've not had a drink yet, to be fair.

Yeah, I'm completely dehydrated. Yeah. And I'm shaking by my own. It'd be awful to see your piss right now. Oh, it'd be like fucking marmalade. Yeah. That's the truth of it. Like dark, dark, dark.

My urine's been really bubbly recently. I don't know why. It's like champagne coming out of me. It's supposed to be the colour of champagne. It's the colour, but it's also consistency. You crack open a bottle, it's like the top of the... And you've got that, ooh, like the glass.

Hold it to the side a bit more. There's bubbles. I don't know. I can't think of the last time I drank champagne. I know you and Catherine do a bottle every night. I don't really like champagne or the champagne

kind of guy I sort of like the idea of it but the taste of it I always feel like yeah it's like French kissing a dog

that sort of dryness you know they've got a dry sort of scaly tongue oh god uh right okay Tom can you take us out? Yo, people, friends.

Sometimes it feels like you should finish on a freestyling rap stroke rock song that took you and one of your best friends, if not your best friend in the whole world, have combined and done together. But sometimes the ending can be less of a full stop, more of a comma or one of those things with the two dots going above each other. I think it's called a colon. And that's what life is. Sometimes you think it's going to be the big end, the big moment of your life. You know, you tell someone how you feel and a rock

song, maybe some Whitesnake plays in the background, or you shout at someone across the office because they've infiltrated your computer and hacked your Facebook. And you think, oh, that'll be the end and everyone will go home. But everyone stays in the office and they've infiltrated your computer and hacked your Facebook and you think oh that'll be the end and everyone will go home but everyone stays in the office and you feel a level of shame. The truth is sometimes you've got to find the moments to pick your moment. Sometimes you don't even need a moment. Sometimes it's just worth thinking about what you're about to say or do. Thinking about in a week or a year or maybe 10 years time what the implications be of that big moment. Life isn't really about big moments. Reality TV and films would argue and suggest otherwise. But life is all I think, if you can get it right, it's about consideration. It's about taking your time,

taking a breath or even five breaths and thinking, you know what, if I shout this out, or if I say this, or I do that, is that how I want people to remember me by? And that is maybe the most important lesson of them all. How do you want to be remembered? And why? Err on the caution, friend. Err on the caution of love. It's err on the side of caution.

But I do think that that final thought was very much in keeping with how this episode's gone it was very much thematically we've been very consistent I'm really sorry guys I feel like I've let you down today I say let you down my

I don't think you can take it but I think your internet has really pulled your pants down the last couple of weeks it really has pulled my pants down and I do think as well being dehydrated has not helped you. Do you think that's made me worse?

I don't think it's made you worse, but I worry about what you're doing to your body when you're having a big glass of water when you wake up. I'm going to overhydrate for the next one. Yeah. Song to play us out is a song by the Free Nationals featuring Chronix. It's called Eternal Light.

It's absolutely beautiful, and it's probably going to be the best thing about this episode. Guys, take care of yourselves. Tom, thank you. You've got yourself a brand new manager, but now the question is, how are you going to manage her? You've got a feeling going down your spine. You think it'll be good.

Will it be fine? You're not sure. You don't trust her feels like you're gonna combust her but you've got to show a little bit of love because the truth is it comes from above please could you be nice to your new boss please could you be nice to your new boss please could you be nice to your new boss please be nice to your boss. You gotta err on the cushion, err on the cushion, err on the cushion of love. We're out. Bye.

Good vibration, yeah. That's the positive vibes and we creating yeah The sounds that make you feel right we keep it blazing yeah Forever shining this light we keep it blazing yeah Boy, forever shining this light If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you.

Mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.