Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 13: The Wolf In An Aquarium

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

We’re talking… sleep problems, a toddler in a china shop, chasing after your children, friendship advice for school kids, Tom’s behind the scenes adventures at the London Aquarium, blood test updates, giving off ‘dad-vibes’, a solution to Rom’s rubbish internet and rookie mistakes when making lasagne. Plus, a tricky email question about a partners bad breath. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Tim's 60th anniversary and Roll Up to Win is back! Roll your way into prizes like coffee, donuts, and even $60 Tim's gift cards! Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply, Canada only, no purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Today... Something is coming. Kong, Godzilla, they can feel it. Fight together.

We're teaming up! Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong The New Empire. Now playing only in theaters. Yo. Yo what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or

feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Then podcast the body parts. Get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog okay welcome once again yo it's the wolf and al 7am good night because i'm just gonna jump in here actually and say my energy,

number one, I'm trying to be quiet because I'm right below Grace's bedroom. And although Grace for the last two weeks has sort of found it quite a cool thing to wake me up at 3am for a conversation and a feed, I now will get in trouble if I wake her up after sitting here so she's waking up at 3am

because she knows you're probably hungry what sort of stuff is she giving you like a bag of what's it it's a cookie that's why I can't

get back to sleep I don't know what's going on she was sleeping okay now she's sort of gone into this weird world

where it's almost like she sleep gets up just to check in have a bit of a chat sort of as much as she can talk and then go right

and then she literally goes back to sleep and then I like if I wake up in the night man I can't go back to sleep I'm done like

I don't know if it's age or what I just lay in bed like a worried anxious mess can you go back to sleep if you wake up well I've not been sleeping very well for the last few nights actually if it's age or what. I just lay in bed like a worried, anxious mess. Can you get enough sleep if you wake up? Well, I've not been sleeping very well for the last few nights, actually. But it's been more that I can't get to sleep.

So I sort of... I think this is like a bit of a problem for a lot of people. But I sit on the sofa after, like, whatever, and watch a bit of TV, and I start to feel super, super tired. And then I come up to bed and then just lay there till 2am. I don't even think I'm that worried about anything. It's not even worry.

I can't start thinking about anything. Do you know what I mean? So if I start thinking about like anything at all, a bit of work, a script I've been working on or anything, I'm just off. Do you know what I mean? And that's like a big roll of the dice. If I up to take a piss which is uh you know it happens at 45 years old if I get up in the middle of the night I have to try and if my brain starts clicking onto anything I might

as well I might as well get up do you know what I mean like it's uh yeah and then I started looking into it and my sleep hygiene's really bad. Apparently you're not supposed to look at your phone for two hours before you go to bed. I find that impossible. Who can do that? That's insane. Yeah, well.

That's genuinely insane. So what, you go to bed at 10, so you're not looking at your phone from 8 o'clock? What if the football's on? What if you get a text? I know this is probably not a healthy thing to say I'm sleeping, I'm working up until I go to bed in my head

there's no downside if you text or get an email about work or any sort of stuff we're doing I get an email and I think I'm fucking working bro I'm not working physically but I'll be reading the email and going okay I'll get a check of that maybe that is actually now I'd say say out loud that is probably quite unhealthy

but yeah i mean i i you know you you need to um i don't know i feel like i need to be quite happy you've got headphones on um what you need to do grace grace uh what you need to do she's already got issues with you so if you wake her up she'll she's oh yeah okay yeah she doesn't like me I think she thinks you're so I think you're quite thirsty around her what

I'm thirsty around her she's very cool in a way mate I feel I'm thirsty around her yeah I get you being thirsty around her I've seen you around

my kids but I don't think that I'm am I thirsty yeah that's the sad of it dark of being thirsty around your own kids and other people's kids yeah I should actually that I'm am I thirsty yeah that's the sad of it dark of being thirsty around your own kids

and other people's kids yeah I should actually acknowledge I'm not thirsty around everyone's kids some kids I'm thinking of a shit about it's kids stuff

you're not thirsty around kids in general I think it's important to say that yeah but you you know you want your mates

kids to like you don't you I think I'm going to love it. We're at a time in our lives now, I think we want most kids that you come into, you interact with, to think that you're actually, oh, he's the cool dad.

Yeah. Yeah. But then Grace will do stuff in public, like punch me in the face or pull my glasses off and throw them across the coffee to sort of like signal that, I know he's big but he's a fucking loser mate

so he actually treats every shot we go in a bit like I'll say this as well man, we went into anthropology the other day, have you been in there? no, well I made the mistake of me, Catherine and Grace went Saturday shopping in Cambridge, very nice town

and I gave Grace some ice cream, which got hopped up on sugar, right? We then go into anthropology, which I don't know if you know, it's basically very plush furnishings and it's a nice shop, do you know what I mean? Full of glass and fucking crockery. It sounds like a great shop to take a kid into.

Yeah, carry on. I said to Catherine, this is a real bad move. And Catherine went, I just want to look around. Saying a ball in a great shop to take a kid into yeah carry on I said to Catherine this is a real bad move and Catherine went I just want to look around saying a ball in a china shop

is one thing a toddler in a shop at one point she realised that I was chasing her everywhere

and kept picking her up and trying to get her outside it's like you're in a pub fight trying to get your mate out

of Wetherspoons who was kicking off so what she did she realised if she ran into the window display

I wouldn't be able to get in there because I was too big there's pictures she ran into the

window display so then I was trying to get into the window display to get her out because the shop

woman was like oh sorry she can't be in there and I could just hear Grace

laughing as she's trying to pull the mannequins over I'm like this is insane so in the end I had to crawl into she can't be in there and then I could just hear Grace laughing as she's trying to pull the mannequins over I'm like this is insane

so in the end I had to crawl into the window display go and get my daughter and now people walking past the window are seeing me

standing there struggling with a fucking two year old who's absolutely having no time of her life for her it's like a big game people are walking past

staring I got sent a few pictures in DMs on Instagram of game people are walking past staring I got sent a few pictures in DMs on Instagram of people who are walking past because he became part of the window display

anthropology yeah and I'm also picking a mannequin no for a lot of people who are walking past it's Tom Davison

the window display in anthropology looking like I'm actually doing the displays I'm picking up a couple of the mannequins that have been tossed over

or they're just thinking it's a weird way to announce the new series of King Garo. Maybe he's going to all the anthropologies. I've never been in an anthropology great store. Probably won't go in there again with my two year old daughter.

I used to have a thing with Alex, our second kid. He's completely fearless right like whenever you take him to like so well mannered

he's such a real credit to you that kid that's very sweet of you to say but he he he just it's it's worrying as a parent

to have a kid that's that fearless do you know what I mean like whenever you take him to like the tree you know the tree top like zip lines and stuff like him to, like, the tree, you know, the treetop, like, zip lines and stuff like that, he doesn't, there's no hesitation in him whatsoever.

Almost jumping on it before they give him the harness. Mate, he's just like, he whips through it quickly. He's always, you know, he's just like climbing anything like that. He's the most like Lisa out of the two of you, isn't he? In a lot of ways. A hundred percent. The least like me.

You know, like, you know, I think I've said this before my mum and dad once took me to a park and I saw the climbing frame and started crying because I knew what that meant

for my afternoon Theo's so cool he's not you yeah but Theo's you know Theo's slightly more aware of like you know the dangers of gravity

and height and stuff like that in a way that Alex isn't Charlie's just super cheeky and fun Charlie's like yeah cheeky and fun. Charlie's like, you know.

I don't know, I suppose they've all got... The way you're describing it is like we're a gang of friends and you're trying to make me jealous or something. I'm the lamest one. No, I'm not. I'd say they've all got

lovely bits of you. They're all caring boys. They've all got a really sweet care inside. I'd say to anyone and I'd like to go into all of their schools and say, oh, hi, I'm Tom Davis. I'd say to anyone, and I'd like to go into all of their schools and say, oh, hi, I'm Tom Davis.

I don't know, you probably all know who Romesh is. I do a podcast with him. We're really close friends. Anyway, I'm here today to say, Romesh is the best friend I could ever have in the world. I adore the man. He's genuine. And so I'd say that if any of you are looking for a best friend

who'll be there for you throughout your whole life, look at one of the Ragged Aethon boys because they're a credit to this civilization. What is this project? No, no, I'm just going, look, I'm going to the school to say, look, fucking hell, get in with Theo, get in with Charlie, get in with Alex.

They're lovely boys. You think what their popularity needs is you turning up and giving them an endorsement like you're Superman. I'm just saying. So the other kids go, well, actually, I was looking for another best friend. Oh, no, yeah. Or I'm already best friends, but yeah. giving them an endorsement like you're superman i'm just saying so the other kids go what's looking for another best friend oh no yeah well i'm already best friends but yeah oh because you know it's

like friendship at that age is turbulent my friend you know listen you're a rocket ship yeah sure but what you've just said is i really like your kids so you know they're socially really good but what they could do with is me coming in and telling kids to be friends with them no what i want to do is just say to every kid there it's really a good thing to look at it and just go, look, you know what like, pick your best friends wisely, which is actually just the lesson

for all of us in life. Yeah, it is, yeah I don't, yeah, yeah it's good but, um, Alec Maybe if I had a t-shirt on that said pick your best friends wisely and I've got a picture of you on the back that's a great idea

that's a great idea and then the school you could sort of go around all the schools sort of giving little talks and teach because that's a warning

of you know what could happen if you don't sort of take social cues and kind of behave in the way that society expects I think it might be the biggest lie of my life

is walking around a succession of secondary schools with a t-shirt saying pick your best friend wisely in big red letters I don't think

yeah it's a new stranger danger but when I was we went to a farm park or something like that and they had like a soft play there

and Alex would just always run off into the soft play and like just be and just go on stuff that he wasn't supposed to for his height and stuff he just didn't like didn't care yeah and i remember once chasing him through a thing like through like a little obstacle course in a soft play thing and i actually managed to get myself stuck in a tube oh wow like lisa was down having a coffee in the main sort of cafe bit alex found it absolutely hilarious and i was sort of i was sort of dealing with the fact that i think i might now live in the tube at fisher's

farm park it was horrendous you know were you sweating off really sweating and the sweat didn't provide any sort of uh additional kind of lube and then i was just sort of basically you know you do that thing where you sort of start catastrophizing where you go i'm gonna have to be cut out of this this is mad they're gonna have to shut down the other parents help you no because no other parents have gone into that bit you're not like that bit is way too small for adults to go into also yeah but there'll be other kids sprinting out they're going mom dad there's a man who's like a sweaty man in the tube. There's a sweaty man in the tube. Yeah. What I would say is there was a bottleneck at my rear end.

Oh, God. How did you get out? Did you have to just squeeze it? I was just really desperate, almost crying, sort of pulling my weight, like really, really. Where was Alex? Was Alex off? Alex was longer.

I don't know where he'd gone. And I'll be honest with you, his safety was of very little concern to me by this stage. I was just like, I've got to get out of here, man. This could be the end of me. Imagine if being in the tube

and it was so tight, the only way to get out was all your clothes got pulled off. Just Romesh emerges naked from the soft play at Fisher's Farm Park. I don't know if it's Fisher's Farm Park. I'm just trying to... But yeah, it was bad.

It was bad. Sweating profusely. That sort of chasing around after your kids is the most indignifying thing of parenting, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I find it really, really like it. Did you manage to convince Catherine to leave anthropology? Isn't it anthropology with an IE at the end?

Have I just made that up? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, no, we... Yeah uh yeah and i left with me and grace just chilled we went for a walk on the block did you throw a little straw no no i was just like no i came because you had said you had said we shouldn't go into anthropology and then sort of yeah cat had insisted hadn't you and then it had gone wrong if i'm honest you, they both take very little notice of me. So, yeah, Catherine was, Catherine Tork came out and said there's some lovely stuff in there. Yeah, there is, yeah.

And we haven't brought anything, but it's cost us like 500 quid in breakages because there's such lovely stuff in there. It's so fucking expensive. But, yeah, we did. We had a nice weekend, actually. We took her there and then we took her to the aquarium

on Saturday Sunday Sunday was like the aquarium was incredible I loved just watching her little face at the aquarium

she loves penguins she's all about the penguin life I always feel like the penguins no but I always feel like the penguins

look quite sad at those places you know what's even more sad than how the penguins we because it was my niece's birthday

we booked so we could go to a we could go to do the behind the scenes of the um like the sea life thing right of the aquarium behind the scenes yeah like it was behind the scenes tour um so me being me and this is where i probably need to look at how i'm raising you know when, when I'm around kids, maybe it's the thirsty thing, maybe it's just, essentially,

I haven't grown it myself. We went to Pizza Express and I was speculating on what behind the scenes tour was, which would be like, you know, maybe we'd be able to get to see a polar bear, which, you know,

everyone assured me that there wasn't a polar bear in there, but, you know, wish there wasn't. So, you were thinking that they had a polar bear at this place,

but were keeping it behind the scenes. No, no, no, I thought he was there, but I thought behind the scenes that you'd be able to see him. Yeah, so like,

I was like, you know, my niece is obsessed with turtles, sea turtles. Yeah, she's 15. She's, she's just turned seven,

but, and my niece loves, you know, so I'm like, oh, you know, you might be able to get to feed the turtles, and,

yeah, she's really excited. you know. But, like oh you know you might be able to get to feed the turtles and you know she's really excited you know but can I just say something it's an incredibly fucking dangerous game you're playing there by the way

yeah I know but this is where I'm learning how to be a parent stroke uncle making these speculative promises about what you might be able to I do this in real life you'll be able to ride

the polar bear probably do you know what I mean get inside his mouth they've got all sorts of stuff you could probably take a turtle home I imagine you've probably got

some spares they're always reproducing my brother-in-law was very much I sort of said oh yeah it'd be quite funny it'd be quite cool

if there's a whale there because Grace likes the whale and the snail or the snail and the whale and my brother-in-law was very intelligent listen can I just tell you

something Tom if your child likes the whale and the snail yeah find a snail of the two things that you're choosing to get your kid access to

yeah but snails are everywhere this should have been like and Tony had to sort of and then my nephew got very excited about seeing a whale and then he had to sort of jeez

he was very much fighting you've given your you've given your brother-in-law a problem now well everyone's basically saying it's going to be a bit the way I've built

the behind the scenes up was nothing will anyway we excitedly waited to go behind the scenes which was we had to wait for an extra 40 minutes

to go and do the tour because the guy doing it was having a late lunch break because it was a Sunday and he'd been ready so he was going to go and get his roast dinner and then he does that tell you does that give you all of that information yeah and was having a late lunch break because it was a Sunday and he'd been really serious going to go and get his roast dinner.

Did they give you all of that information? Yeah, they genuinely... They said, you're going to have to wait an extra 40 minutes because the guy that does this is going to get a roast dinner. They said those words to you. Well, you know what? Basically, I went to someone

because we'd been waiting 15 minutes and everyone was... You need to be very punctual. You need to be there at 10 to 3. So we were there at 10 to 3. Five past three I go and say to someone what's going on

they say oh sorry I actually bleeped his name out JT actually he didn't have he missed his lunch though so he's gone to grab some food and I said roast dinner it was Sunday

and they said I don't know but I said probably roast dinner because it's Sunday and they said yeah they weren't sure so then in the end they radioed someone else

who came along and she was very sweet she came and got us at half three but we had to wait for like 40 minutes And they said, yeah, they weren't sure. So in the end, they radioed someone else who came along. She was very sweet. She came and got us at half three. But we had to wait for like 40 minutes. Right. So you went over there. The guy's gone to get his lunch, right?

And you said, roast dinner. And they've gone, I don't know. I had talked to you on Sunday. Which was weird, because I hadn't had a roast dinner. I hadn't had a pizza. Yeah. And then you've reported that back to me by the way

you wouldn't have given me any of this detail had I not questioned it the way you reported that back to me was oh well we had to

delay the thing because those guys who want to go get a roast dinner that's how you reported that to me yeah and you gave his

name as well by the way after just before making we've obviously we'll beep it out but before making up a basically a false story you've speculated on that

well no no no I went over to them and said about the roast dinner thing I didn't know but look it's still up in the air whether we had a roast dinner

could have had a pizza could have had a McDonald's there's a lot of food options down there on the South Bank I think if you're going on a lunch break from work you're not having a roast dinner what are you talking about well yeah there's no Toby Carver options down there on the South Bank I think if you're going on a lunch break from work you're not having a roast dinner

what are you talking about well yeah there's no Toby Carvery's in central London is there no and as we all know that's the only place you can get a roast

in central London no no that's the only place you can get a quick efficient really good roast right yes exactly

that's what I'm saying you're looking at two hours minimum otherwise aren't you well yeah for some roast dinners I'd say an hour and a half you can have three courses

three courses yeah I don't think I've ever had a three well yeah for some of us I'd say an hour and a half you could have three courses three courses yeah I don't think I've ever had a three course if you're going to have a prawn cocktail

or I don't know like an aubergine like aubergine jamboree or whatever for a start and then like

for my course you have your own studio but still sticky toffee pudding or some apple crumble

yeah you do an hour and a half I don't think you'd be pushed to get that all in in an hour I think you may just find the only word

that ruins the word jamboree there are we going to have a jamboree that sounds fun that sounds fun what type of jamboree is it oh it's an aubergine jamboree

okay that either sounds really horrible or incredibly disgusting and dirty so either way I'm going to say no to the aubergine jamboree.

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Visit Tresemme.com to learn more anyhow i digress yeah i didn't so then the lady says behind the scenes tour it was like it was a fair indication of how it things work behind the scenes but it's very i'd say that the kids were too young and we were really we've been waiting for a long time and we've been in the aquarium for two and a half hours before this anyway uh and it was like literally like oh here's this this is the pump room and i was like oh do we get to go in the pump room they're like oh no it's quite dangerous in there for children so you can just stand and look in through the window um and then it was just like oh these are the waders that they'll wear uh when they go into the like feed the penguins i was like oh do we get to go into the, like, feed the penguins. I was like, oh, do we get to put those on if we go to the penguins?

And they're like, you can't go in to see the penguins. And then, yeah. And then she said, this is the worst bit. She went, oh, there's a big surprise. There's a surprise animal backstage and the tour behind the scenes that no one else can see apart from the people who come on the tour. So I'm like, oh, wow, this is going to be really cool. It's going to be like, yeah, a whale or whatever.

Like, yeah, some sort of ninja shark or something like that. There's like some turtles, which my niece was really excited about. She likes turtles. But I was like, come on, man. Like, you know, it's like literally going, oh God, like, you know, you'll never guess. Like if you come to this massive act,

like fucking comedy night, there's a secret, like, if, you know, if you come to this massive act, like, fucking comedy night, there's a secret act that is just going to, fucking, like, blow your mind if you pay an extra 40 quid

for a ticket. And then sort of going out the back of it just being like, someone's, I don't know, I don't want to be offensive to anyone, but someone's just like, I did think,

as you started telling that, I thought, I wonder where he's going with this, because he's going to have to say a name at some point, and he's really painted himself into a corner here. What I would say is telling that, I thought, I wonder where he's going with this, because he's going to have to say a name at some point, and he's really painted himself into a corner here. What I would say is, essentially, you know, I don't know. I mean, you've asked for a behind-the-scenes tour.

No, no, no. Is there something you could buy when you buy a ticket? Yeah, yeah. So you bought a behind-the-scenes tour. I didn't just phone them up and talk, and I can't be behind the scenes. But what I would say to you is... Tom Davis.

Oh, no, I'm rubbish, mate. What I would say to you is, if behind the scenes was that exciting they would make it scenes so first of all

it is going to be less interesting than in front of the scenes we spent 20 minutes of it in the

kitchen watching people fill up buckets of food which is quite interesting for the first

bucket but then you're like this is insane yeah and she was like oh this is shark's dinner I was like oh this is shark's dinner I was like

alright okay this is the dolphins and then you couldn't really see what was even going in the buckets because there's a red line and you were just sort of

yeah and you know I don't know if you when people are being watched working like you know people just do that weird thing

when they just feel quite awkward about you know making a mistake and so yeah it just was... If I was to summarise the story, it would be that you told your niece, you know, your niece was really excited about Turtles. You said, I hope we see some turtles on this behind-the-scenes tour.

And then for the behind-the-scenes tour, you were taken behind the scenes and shown some turtles. And for some reason, you're really angry about it no no no the turtles we got shown were really oh no she

had a great time she enjoyed it she saw these turtles she'd never seen before I say for me

I didn't get to yeah like I didn't do any of the cool shit my argument would be it's not about you no no yeah

I mean why did you go on the behind the scenes tour were the kids taking you no I thought that it would be like really like sort of like sexy why did you go on the behind the scenes tour? Did, were the kids taking you? No,

I, I thought that it would be like, really like, sort of like, sexy. Look, it's like the same, I guess,

as us. People think behind the scenes as a stand-up comedian is going to be exciting. Oh, the disappointment in the dressing room. where I spent probably about 25 minutes on a toilet, just anxiously pacing the room after that. And then another five minutes on a toilet, unable to eat,

and absolutely fucking terrified of that going on stage, until I got on stage. So I guess it's, yeah, the same thing. It's not like a, there's not like a vibe is there. It's not like sort of, you know, we've got music playing, you know, we're dancing. Yeah, I mean, what I would say is,

I think you thought that going behind the scenes is going to be something like The Little Mermaid, where Sebastian the crab is like doing a song everyone's dancing for anything they haven't actually got to get the real Sebastian but you could get

a fucking crab to lip sync crabs are up for a laugh if you went in there it was like you had a couple of crabs and you had like oh fucking hell this is amazing

more kids would probably go fucking hell I'm going to work here when I get older it's very rare that I can identify when the conversation goes off kilter

with you but that is the exact moment no but I actually think that's a good idea from you what do you mean if you went in and it's like

all you've got to do is get some crabs sort of walking around and then just have under the sea playing and like some sort of strobe lighting it's cool out here isn't it

yeah that is very different this is where you work and they'd that is very different this is where you work and they'd be like yeah yeah this is where we work and then you go into another pool

and sort of like the dolphins are just kicking back sort of just relaxing you know yeah this is really cool I'll tell you one thing

I did find amazing how much water do you think there is in the liters do you think there is in the big shark tank there

I mean it's I've not seen the big shark tank but I don't know 10,000 a million is in the big shark tank there? I mean, I've not seen the big shark tank, but I don't know. 10,000? A million. Okay.

That is fucking amazing, right? Yeah, it's good. It's really good. It's fucking cool. Yeah, especially the way he says it in English. That's the only thing I remember from the tour. Yeah.

That's the only thing I remember from the tour. Hmm. Okay. Would you like to do some emails Tomo oh actually quickly I want to shout out

so this obviously it was blood test gate last week right when I got my blood test oh yeah how did it go I've got something

I didn't talk about anyway go on you know what so yeah my cholesterol is higher than it probably should be and my mate

what's it called for fat the one visceral fat is visceral fat far higher than it should be yeah so I need to

but I want to shout out a few of our listeners who got so a few weeks ago we were talking about getting up for piss in the night and we were talking about different urine

and I had said to you about my talking about a different what urine urine urine okay piss I was trying to be professional as this is a segment Urine. Urine? Urine. Okay.

Piss. I was trying to be professional. As this is a segment where I'm trying to be. Urine. Yeah. Urine? Yeah. Urine.

Urine? Yeah. Okay, let's not get into this again. It's like Inception. Go on. Anyway, so. And I made a party comment about my piss looking like uh frothy champagne right okay quite a few people reached out saying your wee shouldn't look like that it could be a sign of a kidney problem i'd had a i've had a bit of a problem with my kidneys before where

i couldn't drink for like two years because my enzymes were so high okay so i wouldn't have that's why i went and had the blood tests on the referral of quite a few people on so hold on so so because of the messages you got from the podcast that's why you i was inundated with a lot of messages and i kept that to myself on the basis that i was i i'm a pipe contractor and i was actually very worried about the fact that i got quite so many messages saying look you need to probably get this looked at and i was, I don't really want to make a joke about it. And I was very touched about the amount of people who said nice messages. So, yeah. So that's one of the reasons I went to get blood tests

because I was like, I probably should have this looked at. And I have had problems with my kidney and my liver before on the basis that I'd, you know, drunk a stupid amount of alcohol from the age of about 15 to the age of 35

yeah so anyway anyhow yeah my reports came back on that kidney liver

fine I'm slightly I had to have ECGs done and like on my heart and then the doctor

good guy referred me to go and see a heart specialist which is slightly worrying um but he said that i should be doing that amount of my own age um yeah i've not done any of this so i need to do this all right mate i did it because i was like genuine fucking i that's probably i thought that's the reason i wasn't sleeping now it turns out that there is something else going on in my brain which is another anxiety that's further afield that i haven't

quite discovered yet okay fucking delving deep into shit but um but yeah so I wanted to thank all the listeners who I've got in touch about you know the colour

and the sort of uh bubbly texture of my piss uh um quite so bubbly but the tests have been done

uh thank you for getting in touch it meant a lot that's lovely and I'm trying now to cut down on I'm trying now to be healthier with the physical fat okay but the tests have been done. Thank you for getting in touch. It meant a lot. That's lovely. And I'm trying now to cut down on, I'm trying now to be healthier with the physical fat. Okay.

Is there a reason you didn't tell me about this? Well, no, no. I mean, this is a surprise to me as well, that the listeners got in touch. You didn't tell Catherine about it. And then told her, like, quite, when I got the results, I sort of gave a big sigh of relief yeah

and she was like what did you think it was and I was like well I've sort of convinced myself of these three things yeah and she was like

why don't you talk I have a bit of a problem I keep a lot of this stuff into problems in like this right sort of just yeah

try and navigate yeah probably yeah not the best way of dealing with stuff well while we're thanking listeners

can I just say thank you to everyone who got in touch about well there's a couple of things I want to talk about remember I talked about

the run where I ran out of gas yeah so I've had lots of emails suggesting what I need to do and how I need to fuel for a run

okay which is really helpful the other thing that happened to me the other day which we didn't talk about suggesting what I need to do and how I need to fuel for a run. Okay. Which is really helpful. The other thing that happened to me the other day, which we didn't talk about for some reason on the podcast, well, there's no reason why we should have done, but I twisted my ankle. I've turned my ankle on a run. I think you did it literally just after we recorded

the last podcast, though. That's why. Maybe, yeah. So anyway, so now my ankle is currently strapped uh but anyway that doesn't matter the swan didn't pick this email but i saw it um and i just want to address it uh the sub the by the way before we get into this i don't i'm just reading this out because i think this person might have a point okay but this is sort of email that'll get you wound up all right on my behalf okay so the the subject of the email is romesh is annoying me recently okay says hello wolf and out okay all right but it's just of course you're gonna pick

it out why would you mean literally you're that's like catnip to you. Oh, this is the one I'll read today. This is the one I want to read. Okay. It says, I won't give the name. Oh, Pink Panther. There you go. Hello, Wolf and I, Pink Panther here. Romesh is really starting to annoy me, and here's why. Every episode he says something like, Oh, I only ran 14 kilometres today.

Wah, wah. Or I eat loads, loads of lettuce. Wah, wah. We get it. You've never said that, have you? I don't think I've ever said that. I've always, loads of lettuce. Wow, wow. We get it. You've never said that, have you? I don't think I've ever said that. I've always said wow, wow. I agree with the 14K,

because you do show off about your length of your run sometimes, but you've never ever, in all of our relationship, ever showed off about eating lettuce. I mean, I fucking wish you had, because that would give us a whole episode. Yeah, listen. I know better than to open myself up to that kind of abuse

give it a rest no shade but it's quite annoying how you play this Dan okay well thank you Pink Panther for that I'm going to take that under advisement

because you know I think you might have a point you do look by the way you posted a picture the other day of you on stage

and you look fucking incredible bro that's very kind of you to say but somebody actually messaged me on instagram saying really liked the dad vibe that you brought to your show though which i i don't the dad vibe yeah said the way you were dressed is a real dad vibe no no i think they've been complimentary i think you've read that i think they're saying that you dress well for a dad I think that's probably what it is yeah maybe dad vibe though

yeah but I think you're a cool dad okay well that's very kind of you I've seen you posted pictures of you picking up the boys you've got

your sunglasses you've got your Ray-Bans on fucking your turtleneck fucking no it's not a shirt over the top of it

are you the Pink Panther no I'm not anyway shirt over the top of it are you the pink panther no I'm not but anyway thanks no I just think the people thanks for being here

no but I yeah but I think you should be proud of mate I genuinely think look and I

yeah the whole point of this is yeah some people get in a rut some people don't but I think mate fucking

it's not so long ago that you couldn't you wouldn't have been able to probably walk five kilometres and now you're fucking pissing a run of fucking it's not so long ago that you couldn't you wouldn't have been able to probably walk five kilometres and now you're fucking pissing a run of 14 it's fucking amazing bro

I think you're kind of out of your life but yeah you make a good point yeah oh no this thing's so my internet connection

is like can you hear me yeah okay by the way can I just say officially I think people are obviously fed up with my internet.

By the way, that's another thing. Thank you so much to people that have made suggestions. I think I've found a solution. Go on. I'm getting my internet completely rewired and sorted out. I'm going to get fibre. Wow. This might be the last time that we have janky.

If anything, my internet is going gonna be too fast after this well i don't know i've had false stunts before i'm very confident about this wow yeah wow i think it's gonna be crystal clear i reckon my internet's gonna be so fast and so strong you'll be able to hot spot off me from where you are wow i'll be able to run the whole thing you're this confident about anything my big. Pink Panther's going to be fuming. Yeah, you're going to be absolutely

devastated when I talk about my MPS, MBPS upload and download speeds and lack of ping. Fuck you, Pink Panther. No, I'm joking, Pink Panther.

It's actually a legitimate email. See yourself buying a home one day? Do future you a favor. Open a Questrade first home savings account and help that future come faster. The FHSA is a tax-free account where all your investment gains are yours to keep and put towards your first home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online.

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Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The answer is FedEx. Okay.

But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh. But let's say that...

FedEx. What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for say that... FedEx. What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx, where now meets next. Okay, this is from the hot dog. Thank you once again to the swan for...

Oh, can I just... Have you ever made a lasagna? Yeah. Okay. Of course I have. All right. you once again to the swan for oh can i just have you ever made a lasagna yeah okay all right but like do you i made a lasagna on sunday right yeah the pressure i felt to ratio the sauces correctly i found that incredibly stressful i know exactly you've gone too thick in on the bottom once correct correct and then it's by the time you like but by the top

of it I had to get a knife out and fucking just like yeah and an absolute shocker rookie mistake mate you should have called me

I fucking told you that straight away what would you have said I should have called you how would that phone call have gone just play it out let's play it out go

alright alright mate oh hello I'm certainly Aquarian you alright yeah hey mate I've got a bit of a thing I should have called you. How would that phone call have gone? Just play it out. Let's play it out. All right. Hello, mate. Oh, hello. I'm certainly Aquarian. You all right? Yeah, hey, mate. I've got a bit of a thing, and I thought you might have to help me out.

Have you made a lasagna before? Oh, by the way, it's my niece's birthday. Thanks for asking. That's why I'm here. Sorry, I should always open a phone call with, is it your niece's birthday today? I'm so sorry for my negligence. Listen, I'm making a lasagna. Have you made a lasagna before

yeah yeah yeah loads of times yeah well mate can i just say uh first lesson sauce wise just be on that man if you don't want like too little sauce when as you sort of go up through the layers oh it's amazing that you were able to guess what the what the question was going to be yeah no no i've done lasagnas before mate uh so no we're here for the what the question was going to be yeah no no i've done the science before mate uh so no we're here for the behind the scenes tour uh i've been waiting for 15 sorry mate i'm just yeah i'm going behind the scenes of the aquarium very excited yeah very excited um so yeah yeah be careful with the sources mate is it a vegan one you're doing yes oh okay yeah yeah why do you sound so sad when i said that well no it's just nothing better than a nice meat in a sandwich.

But what meat are you using? I'm using a veggie... What vegetables are you using? Veggie mints I'm using. Oh, actually, no, that should be okay. Here's my advice. Throw a couple of stockpots in. Okay.

But when you say be careful with the sauce, what do you mean? Well, basically what people do is, it's a bit like being a boxer. You're going too fast in on the fucking first three or four rounds, gets to the fucking sixth round, you've got nothing left in your tank. Yeah. And there's nothing worse than that, because people will judge you and assign you on the top three layers, and if they're dry as fuck, you're fucked.

Yeah. Well, look, thank you for the tips, man. I hope you enjoy it. Yeah, man, no problem. By the way, I've heard they've got like a polar bear behind the scenes there that you can have a dance with. What? I've told you.

They've got a polar... Believe that my nephew's name, but yeah. Yeah. All right, see you later. Bye-bye. I think that went well. Definitely worth the time of setting up that role. Yeah, I enjoyed that, yeah.

Okay, this is quite a tricky one. We'll just do this one. Okay. This is from The Hot Dog. Please keep me anonymous, but you can call me the hot dog my wife has bad breath oh wow it's a very touchy subject as a lover very much and i don't want to hurt her feelings and give her a complex to stress about we've been together for six and a bit years married for two i noticed it pretty early on in our relationship i don't know i've slipped into conversation a few times about how having breakfast helps with the morning breath.

She never used to have breakfast. I wouldn't say that would be my first tip. And about how incorporating brushing her tongue every morning is good for her, but to no avail. I've been as brash as just handing her a packet of gum once or twice and saying, have one. Jeez. Wow.

I know that sounds awful. It's not the worst breath I've ever smelt. Sweet. You should have made that part of your wedding vows. I once had my work colleague breathing near me and can only describe it as he brushed his teeth with shit and rinsed his mouth out with petrol. Wow, fuck.

Jesus. Wow. It can get a little overpowering on occasions. Any advice on how I can get her to improve on this would be very welcome. Thanks for the podcast. I always look forward to listening every week big fan of both your work

Tom this is a real conundrum this is a tough one I think actually there's few things you can offend someone more than saying that they've got bad breath yeah as me and you have mentioned

it's a constant worry of mine the bad breath thing same I've got one I've got a friend beep his name again JTF yeah but you know

the cameraman yeah every time I say we'll be chatting you know having a laugh and he'll always bring out some

mints and give me a mint and I don't know whether he's just being really caring because he's probably just about the loveliest man I've ever known in my life or the fact my breath stinks and he's like i enjoy chatting tom but it's intolerable the smell i have no so that i kind of that

conversation with me and we're just pretty fucking good buds do you know what i mean but i think the fact is are you chuckling the fact you said good buds? Yeah, but then your face afterwards was like, what? Look, I think the fact of the matter is, man, I think there's no way of saying, telling your wife this and it not being really, really upsetting and quite offensive. And I think it's such, when it comes to hygiene and things i mean you've really got to navigate that quite carefully um like i don't know whether there's a way of

like kittens some i don't know whether you don't really want to speak to one of someone else and say oh you know if you smell kelly's breath yeah i know it stinks but yeah i love her still yeah you don't want to go down that route see if anyone else like to sort of ask your other friends and family members if they've noticed it smells um but also obviously on your part if it's bothering you quite a lot you don't want that to have an impact on your relationship and your relationship starts deteriorating and then realize you know two years down the line that if you just had that conversation a little bit earlier i don't know you know and it does feel like you've been hinting at it and she's not i think if i'm gonna be honest that's why i think bad breath is almost like if you've got bo i think like you clock you've got bo and you fucking buy a strong stronger deodorant i think you've never got any sense you've got bad

breath right no it's like you know when you hear of people if you go into someone's house and they live near like sewage works and it stinks you go I fucking know it stinks in here and I go

oh you've kind of got used to the smell I don't really smell it anymore yeah or if you're like someone you know has a flatness or a train track and you go

those trains must be annoying I've just got used to it if your breath smells all the time and you're essentially like you know you're right your nose and your mouth

couldn't be closer together than any other part of your body you're like fucking you just get used to the smell I guess so for her it's like she probably

has got no idea you could make it funny I guess and just say oh should we both lick the back of our hands and smell it and see what it

smells like I remember we used to do that at school see if your breast smelled. Yeah, I still use that as a test, actually. Does it work? Yeah, it does. But you have to leave it a bit,

not straight away. You have to leave it a little bit. Yeah, but now I'm worried my hand stinks. Well, you can wash your hand, can't you? It's not outside the realms of possibility. You can sort that situation out. I wash my hand before we start the podcast with some lavender soap

because it makes me chill before we do it but now my hand doesn't swell if that's an indication of what my breath smells like I'd never fucking leave the house because at the moment instead of sniffing the back of my hand it's like I'm sniffing the bottom of my foot

and I've just played a game of football done a marathon and walked through a fucking pissy puddle genuinely that's another thing to keep me up at night now but if I... Also, Catherine will tell me if my breath smells, by the way. Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say, actually,

in response to this. Catherine does, if I... Go on, what, Catherine? If we're having a chat and I say, have you eaten garlic? And I'll go, no, all your breath smells are garlic. Yeah. I'll run up and brush my teeth straight away.

Yeah, at least it's very... I always try and have some airwaves. Yeah, at least you'll go, you know, your breast smells a bit, or I hate you, or I'm not as attracted to you as I used to be, or I feel like this marriage is an empty shell, stuff like that. It's just very upfront, do you know what I mean? But listen, I've got... If your breast smelt, I'd tell you, and vice versa.

Well, you wouldn't say it like that. You'd say something like, do you ever notice people's breast smell sometimes? And that's how I'd know that my breath stinks. How would you tell me if my breath smelled? I'd probably just go, your breath's a bit pongy today, mate. That's my favourite way of doing it.

I think you've got a... I think if Lisa had bad breath, I would just tell her. But the problem you've got is the thing that makes me slightly nervous is that you've said that she's had it as long as you've known her i would not tell her that no no so i i i would say something like the last couple of days the last few days i've just noticed that your breath's a bit stinky you might want to do something about it because it could be a sign of a dental issue. You know, that's the other thing.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh, you can make it fun. I'll both go to the dentist together. Go to the dentist to laugh. I need to go back there. Actually, I've got to pick up some more of this. Yeah, actually, Lisa and I, I've got a day off

and we're doing a spa day. But actually, now that you've said it, I probably should swap that out for a day at the dentist. You're right. That is a fun thing to do together. But I would just say to her i would just have the conversation with her but do not tell her it's been that that's been the way since you first noticed because all she'll do is she'll think about all the other occasions she's talked to people and not realize that her it was horrible you're going to give her something really horrendous so you just say and I would couch it

a little bit and go you know it's probably something only I notice because I'm close to you you know you need to deliver

that information but also be as diplomatic as you possibly can would be my advice and also give her a kiss after that's a great idea like just to show her

that you still love her and then don't gag immediately afterwards undermine it horribly can I just say on this matter this is a weird one so you know I do. Like just to show that you still love her. Yeah, and then don't gag immediately afterwards. It'll undermine it horribly. Can I just say, on this matter, this is a weird one.

So you know when we were in Ireland, it was me, your brother, Martin, TM, and the driver. We were driving through Ireland.

We were in the car. I mean, you've done, I shall know if you've done that. Did you do like Kalani and Mayo and like all that sort of stuff?

No. And you weren't on your tour? No. Just about four hours in the car. Yeah. Someone farted in the car. So it's quite a long drive. So there's four of us in the car.

Then someone had farted in the car. I didn't raise it. It was a terribly fucking vicious fart. It was a very, yeah. I didn't want to say anything just in terribly fucking vicious fart. It was a very, yeah. I didn't want to say anything just in case I took the blame. It wasn't me.

But then I'm looking at the other three people in the car thinking, is someone else going to say anything? Is someone going to apologise? No one did. And this happened like three or four times in this journey where these very pungent

sort of, sort of eggy farts were done. To this day, the only person I think it wasn't is your brother I just think your brother

would have probably made a joke out of it as is his right but I think yeah you know when you're just like

someone should just no one cracked a window because I guess what would you have done if you'd have felt it I'd have put in number one my farts were quite loud

wouldn't have really been any hiding it'd have been like inciting a war with a fucking big bomb so I'd have had to go oh fucking hell

I don't think I've ever heard you fart yeah I'm not a big farter it surprises people but when I do fart you know I do ok it's good to know

yeah but they're loud don't you remember no no no I don't want this to go too long. Don't you remember that day when we were on King Gary? Oh, my God. And I joined you as a band.

Oh, my God. I do know about that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, Jesus Christ. And I tried to sort of... I can't believe I've forgotten that. Not only did you fart and basically hotbox us with your own emissions,

but then when someone else came in you pinned it on me and said it was because of my vegetarianism that's one of my favorite days ever yeah it's great for me as well it's cool to know and also knowing that i wasn't going to be back on set for a while so you'd have a few days to really really fucking ram that rumour home. Anyway. Okay, Tomo, it's about that time. Good luck, hot dog. Could you do us the honour of taking us out?

Yeah, let us know how it goes as well, Hot Dog. I guess that brings me into what I'm thinking about at the moment. It's new boundaries, but old news. Maybe new news and old boundaries. Truth about the life is sometimes the headlines are all the same, but the stories slightly change. I guess the thing is, it's navigating the story so you can make it as palatable as it can be for other people around you. Sometimes it's easy just to go with the facts, but sometimes just for people's feelings and to be a little bit caring,

it's nice just to sprinkle just a little fairy dust, just to make it more enjoyable for those around you. That could be anything. Tell a loved one they've got bad breath or a sweet niece that there's not going to be any polar bears at an aquarium. sweet niece that there's not going to be any polar bears at an aquarium thinking about life is it's actually quite boring facts and how things turn out well hell for a lot of the time they can be quite mundane and there's nothing wrong at all about spicing it up just the other day i made some mints and if i hadn't put some chili in it a little bit of butter in a stock cube it'd have been a pretty unfavourable meal and life's the same with so many stories so sometimes don't feel bad about putting in a stock pot

or a little bit of chilli just to make that story a little bit more spicy that's great I mean I do think you do add a lot of stock to your stories a lot of chilli and by that I mean

distortion of the facts and sort of just basic misinterpretation could JT you take us out with the classic Paul Simon, Call Me Al oh my god what a song, yeah great right guys thank you so much

for listening to the podcast, we will see you soon just quickly just on that that have you been listening to Magic with Gratz and all the other gigs no it's one of my favourite gigs to do yeah I saw that

on Instagram yeah you did a little story Magic FM taking us home or whatever yeah yeah always do it

Gratz or Martin I like to sing along with the boys on the way home yeah Gratz isn't as keen okay guys take care.

We'll see you next time. Bye bye. Dogs in the moonlight. Far away. My well, they do. Mr. Beer.

Beer. Get these months away from me. You know, I don't find this stuff. I'm using it more. If you be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal. I can call you Betty, and Betty when you call me, you can call me out.

If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.